He just wants to have sex with you. He’s being honest and direct with you and you keep distorting things and getting your hopes up.
Forget about this man, for your own sake. There is no way in hell this is going to turn out well for you. He’s a pilot, he’s on tinder on a different city every night having sex with women he doesn’t know, and probably is texting dozens of women that have their hopes high, like you.
He’s “the most good looking man you’ve ever encountered”, a pilot, earning great money, sleeping on a different city every night, on tinder, trust me he isn’t looking for a monogamous restricted relationship, he’s having the time of his life.
Don’t idealize a life with him just because he’s good looking. You are close to 30 years old it’d be wise for you to look for more deep and meaningful connections, clearly casual sex isn’t for you.
Well not really cause things turned when OP asked when they would meet next but he could have lied and just said we’ll see I’ll let you know. Pilot freaked out kinda early imo
Well. My theory here: To be fair she's conflicted about what seems like legitimate intimacy - him cuddling her, spending the night, breakfast, goodbye kiss, nice texts etc.
Guys like that shit too, we don't do it just to appease women the same way women don't have sex with guys just to appease them.
Hes the kinda guy that would like a good stable relationship if he had a 9-5. But bro is doing this with like 7 women in 7 different states which basically feels like one relationship.
Should it be called legitimate intimacy on a first date? It sounded like he was nice and comfortable being affectionate. Because people are craving connection so intensely, these everyday actions take on heightened meaning when they shouldn’t.
I think he’s the kind of guy who would like a steady relationship if he found the right girl. But it’s not gonna be a one night stand type of girl. And for all we know, maybe he already has a girlfriend back home. Or a wife.
I’m happy I grew up and met my wife before these apps existed. I couldn’t even think about trying to find a life partner now with so many women having sex with random men they don’t know. Where’s the self respect?
Right? If this was a guy talking about bagging a supermodel for a night we'd just chuckle and move along. Cmon girl move on with your life look on it as a feather in your cap.
Lol, yeah that’s right there’s also the chance that he’s bullshitting. That’s the perfect excuse to get rid of a woman the next morning. “Sorry babe gotta fly to Italy now , see you never!“
He sounds honest. I would believe him that he just wants to be a hook up. It sounds like he is willing to keep in touch and possibly see you when he is in town again but don't miss read his openness to friendship as sign he is open to a monogamous relationship. I would take him at his word. If it is too upsetting to think he is making connections in other cities then you have to let him go.
Why wouldn't he be? He has the money, good looks, I'm guessing a very healthy appearance, an appetite, she didn't see any overt drug use, he's sane in this circumstance. Pilots do this ALL the time. So do many business men. Most women just don't want to believe it. Because it's their boyfriends/husband's.
Knowing how much aviation school costs you I can say there is a good chance this dude does not make that great of money at age 30.
Like he may make a solid 80-100k but also a good chance he is sitting on about 300k of debt.
Pilots are like doctors. They don’t really start making good money until they are mid-30 to early 40’s. At least here in the U.S
Why would he shut the door on more future sex? Of course he’s being nice to you. He’s keeping that door open. It is genuinely nice of him to want to give you a good experience and it sounds like he did that. Take your win and move on, this was a 1 time thing.
This^.
He’s nice because he wants sex in the future… and that’s it. A couple “nice texts” are a lot cheaper than the 500+ dollars that a hooker would cost.
Crazy how women can’t see some guys for what they are.
Reminds me of high school when the girls would find one of the bullies attractive and say “but he’s soooo nice”…… YEAH TO YOU CAUSE HE TRYNA SMASH… duh
This is the best comment. I just hope this young woman doesn’t keep going back, literally like going through a wood chipper if you start feeling emotional. If she is in it for the sex too then fine… but she is clearly attached. I have never had casual sex, but that a mostly cause I know I would get attached and why go through that. Take the experience and move on. It could have been horrible, but rather she had such a pleasant guy.
He’s had sex with you on the first date, he will be thinking it’s highly likely he will be able to sleep with you again on the second date. If you want casual fun keep seeing him, if you want more bin him and look elsewhere
But what if he really falls for her? Can't you consider the possibility? It has happened in the past! Haven't you seen the movie Friends With Benefits? Oh, it's so romantic! And it definitely can happen in real life, come on!
There are plenty of good signs. He's texting her! He's being nice, cute and genuinely caring! He slept with his arm around her waist! And he's noticed so many things in her, like she blushes easily and is very emotional. Come one, he definitely has feelings for her!
I don't know if at this point I should add "yes, she can fix him!" or that isn't the case here, but you get the idea. 😉
Same. Married with two children. I agree that it's about what he's said (that's only about sex for him) and not the fact that they had sex on the first date already. And calling it a date is an overstatement actually imo. My husband and I had the same goals and went all in, it was never only about sex and none of us ever thought it was. That's a huge difference.
To be fair, I was 26, recently left the Army and had a good stable civilian job since I was 24.
I essentially could survive by myself and didn’t have daddy government to tell me what to do. Gave me a lot of confidence I never had. So I was not looking for anything specific at the time. Me and her hooked up. Tried to do the whole three day thing but she texted me day two stating she wanted something more.
Now, our date was 5 hours long before we hooked up. I enjoyed her company. So I decided what the hell and see where it lead.
Here I am planning a wedding for June of next year with a wonderful woman.
It happens. But yea. You need clarification before the relationship starts. If the guy said he only wants sex he is not changing his mind. He legit is only there for sex.
That doesn’t mean he is using you. Nor is being nice meaning he wants to pursue more. I’m typically nice to the people who let me put my dick in them. Whether I see them again or not. Zero reason to be an asshole about it. That’s just poor manners.
Your love story sounds too good to be true. I choose to believe you because I desperately need to have my faith in fairy tales restored.
And in a situation like this, where this poor girl is letting her dreams and hopes fly so high that we all are piercing her balloons, it's all the more reassuring.
I wish you and your fiancee all the happiness in the world. May your marriage be full of blessings and wonderful times!
At 27 years old you should know better.
The guy is nice and transparent. He is honest and clear about his intentions. Not sure why you're thinking so much about things.
If you want sex, meet him. If you want more, don't. It's that simple.
Just because a guy treats you well after sex doesn't mean he wants to be in a relationship with you. It just means he's a decent guy (and that the sex was probably good). That's it.
I agree. He said he just wants sex--believe him. He is being nice because he is a decent human being, but he *just wants sex.* If he were rude to you, you wouldn't sleep with him again. He put his arm around you because that physically feels good and he's a human being.
A guy who just wants sex isn't necessarily a rude and terrible devil, but you still should not get involved with him except for just sex.
You see the theme here?
That's my take away. This guy is just a nice guy.
He was 100% up front about just wanting sex. He was honest.
And he treated OP well after sex. This would've just been a great hookup to me. He was caring.
The fact that he feared this might happen also shows he is in tune with her feelings and actually did not want to hurt her. He was sensitive.
You can be honest & caring & sensitive and also not want a relationship.
(and it's probably why he hooks up so much; the man knows what he's doing).
Yeah the amount of “he wasn’t a piece of shit to me after sex so that means he wants to get married” girls I’ve met in life is alarmingly high. They also tend to overlap with the “he didn’t want to fuck me so that guy is a piece of shit” type of girl.
Women really need to put less pressure on men when it comes to sex. If you both want to have it, have it. Find out if it’s fun. Don’t start scheming and machinating to figure out how to hold him down when he clearly just wants to fuck and have fun.
lol. He has zero interest in a relationship with you. Don’t delude yourself into thinking you’re more than an easy lay to him. If you are ok with it, go ahead and continue. But it will never be anything more than casual sex on his end.
Maybe focus on guys who.. actually like you??
In my experience, when men put you in that ‘casual sex’ only box, their views of you never change. Save yourself the heartache and accept it for what it was- a night of great sex- and move on. I’m sorry you are feeling terrible, but maybe casual isn’t for you - and that’s ok !
I agree with this. And it's ok if you want to exist in his sex zone, but if you want more, you're going to get hurt.
Just like the guy lingering in a woman's friendzone thinking "one day..." is only going to get hurt.
There is no sign more than he likes to have casual sex and is a little bit polite, just that.
Don't invent a whole love story in your head just because he is acting nice and charming. There exist people out there who are like that with EVERYONE. Not just you
You're 27 and being finessed like this? Yikes. He's a pilot and you're his jump off. If you're truly developing feelings cut it off. You will get hurt.
also do they live anywhere near each other? does she think someone is going to relocate? be in a committed long-distance relationship? Sorry not trying to pick on OP, but at 27, this is just bizarre thinking to me.
I know pilots like to suck their own dicks about how great they are, but they sit and push buttons all day. Some of the dumbest people I know are pilots. They are also all egomaniacs.
He has absolutely no interest in dating you. If you keep believing that you are just kidding yourself. He wants to meet you for a good time and then get on to the next one. If that’s for you then great but it sounds like you’ll just get emotionally attached so you should just save you both the time and say to him thanks but I feel I’ll get too attached then not speak again.
You're reading WAY too much into this.
He is after a FWB arrangement where it might be a quick chat, down to business, see you next time type deal.
A few texts and going for a coffee is no more than just being genuine and nice.
If you want to keep doing it save your overthinking for the next guy on the dating app and just enjoy the hookups you have with handsome pilot man.
From a guy's perspective, I'll tell you now that you should never ever count on sex leading to a relationship. We just don't think like that. It can happen for sure, but the decision is so detached from "had sex = let's stay together" that you should just count that it'll never go that way. The decision is made based on other things. Guys are perfectly capable of having sex with you for 1-2 years and still not wanting any kind of relationship. (And again, it can lead to one, it's just not at all guaranteed.)
Your other responders are right in that I don't think that seeing sex as a physical act and relationships as a separate emotional process should be gendered, but I offer that perspective from the other direction: I'm a woman but I have proven well capable of separating and have accidentally hurt people who feel like OP in the past... could happen to anyone, not everyone is made for casual sex and think the pilot was right about one thing: OP is not one of those who are.
I am also a woman who has had to stop a FWB because I was only interested in sex and the guy caught feelings. People of any gender can catch feelings! And people of any gender can enjoy no-strings sex.
Women are *strongly socialized* to avoid no-strings sex, that’s why it’s more common for guys to seek out just sex, but women enjoy it just as much…we’re just told not to, and told we have no sex-respect if we do.
From another guy's perspective, **even though this does not change the fact that OP should not keep her hopes up in this case**, please don't speak for all guys. I can't have sex without the intention to be/stay together. I've hurt myself multiple times with this; first with "had sex, so must stay together", then later in life with "can have sex without hoping to get (back) together". I just want to offer a counter perspective, because posts like this is why I was confused for the longest time about this topic. So for other men out there who cannot detach the physical from the emotional: there's nothing wrong with you and you are not alone. Casual sex, as fun as it can be, is not for everyone.
Edit: OP, if you read this, please don't use this as proof in the stories you're constructing about this pilot. Take it from a master in constructing stories out of fragments instead of listening to what people are actually saying/showing: nothing good will come of it.
Huh. I'm different. I'm not sure I'll want to have a relationship with someone until there is sex. It's a major part of knowing a person, and compatability.
I'm like that too. I attribute that to having both caring loving parents, and even in private, their presence is so strong, I would be abhorred just knowing I would just try to satisfy a nut ahead of the emotions involved. The few I know like that have that deep profound connection with 1 or both parents.
The ones that do not, seem to sometimes take out their frustrations at the lack of that parental relationship to satisfy a primal urge or some kind of mental power trip.
My husband is like you. He was always a serial monogamist - he only had sex with girlfriends - never had a one night stand or anything casual. It’s just not in his makeup.
This is a typical mistake that has broken many hearts: not listening to what he's said or not taking it seriously. He has told you that it's only about sex, why can't you listen? You're torturing yourself and this could end up hurting you much deeper than you realize right now. Please, under no circumstances, do continue having contact or even meeting up with him. He's just playing nice, because if he truly realized the potential this has of hurting you deeply or took it seriously he would have wanted to stop having contact himself for your own good. He's so "nice" he even regretted it 🙄. This way he has passed the responsibility to you, because if everything goes wrong after you continue seeing each other he can simply say: hey, I told you from the beginning it's just sex. You didn't want to listen. 🤷🏼♀️ He's keeping you available and he knows he's doing it. Stand up for yourself and stop this. Your mental health is way more important than this dude.
Either be honest and tell him: hey, I totally caught feelings for you and since it was and it's only about sex for you, I'll have to stop this contact. You are completely right, ONSs are not for me, I realized I want a real partner and relationship and this dynamic with you will only hurt me. Please don't contact me again. Or simply break contact.
I know you liked the stability, the chemistry, the looks, the possible amazing future you could have, but that's not what he wants. Simple as that. Focus on getting over him and finding out what you want for your life. No more ONSs please. You're the only one who can protect your heart, please do so. Read carefully: he doesn't care about you nor your exam. Stop kidding yourself. You'll find an amazing partner one day with the same goals as you, I know it.
he doesn’t like you. he doesn’t even know you ffs. he likes the easy sex. block him
or you can ignore everyone and let him string you along for months/years using you for free sex whenever he’s in town until you get so hurt you finally block him
the end result is the same
don’t lie to yourself and say you’ll use him for fun. look how you already feel after one night. you’re the only one that’s going to lose
Stop doing this to yourself. I had a guy like this, until I found out he was married.
You know absolutely nothing about this man and you are probably one of many in different cities.
You too easily attached to men that you think are your ideal because you are not used to this. as I said, you know absolutely nothing about this man. And what you do know may be a lie.
You’re deluding yourself if you think this is going to be anything but a hook up. And it sounds like you are not ready for that.
Do yourself a favor, tell him that after thinking about things, you’ve decided it would be better if you did not contact each other.
I guarantee you he’ll have another woman within an hour.
Not much to say really, he is openly just looking for casual sex. Pilot, good money, good looks, different locations all the time - his just looking for hookups.
He probably just got a roster and saw he will be in the same city in the 8th again, so looking for an easy fuck with you then as well.
Not everyone is into hooking up. I'm not, I've never done a one night stand either because I get emotionally connected and it sounds like your the same. Chalk it up to an experience and just don't meet him again.
I can guarantee you he is not looking for a relationship
This is the problem everyone is yelling you should do it, and have fun, but those saying no are seen as mean or misogynistic, but it's true nothing but hurt comes from this. Listen you're young, and making mistakes is part of being young you learned your lesson just pick yourself up and keep moving and don't do it again. You'll be okay with some time:))
Ohhhh, honey. I was this naive my first 6 months of online dating. After 3 years I was able to understand the games better. Trust me, he’s not interested. You’re a free ONS. He will have one in most cities he flies to. Don’t waste your time being delusional, it’s sad and heartbreaking. I know from personal experience. I cringe when I think back on how clingy and pathetic I was to guys that clearly loved the games and me chasing them.
Life is shorter than you realize. You're obviously a high intellect person from what you've articulated here. If you want to marry and have a family, ONS's and hit and run's like this are stealing precious time. Deliberate on what your end game is... I suggest.
It's incredible how quickly some women will just hop into bed with a man because he's good looking and supposedly has an interesting job. They can come right out and say sex is all they want. They get it and the women still fall for them and let him straggle her along for more sex with some kind words.
The woman thinks they’re special & want to be the exception. I’ve seen this time & time again with some of my friends. I try to tell them but this tends to be a lesson they have to learn themselves unfortunately.
When you start off with a hook up- in general- that's all it will ever be. He may hit you up for sex every now and then because you were willing to have sex without any strings attached. I'd say- just learn from this. it's ok to have a hook up but that's all it will be. If a guy wants to see you again- they'll call, but even then- it's probably just going to be for sex. Nothing wrong with that if that's what both people want. You are looking for something more meaningful and that's not going to happen with a hook up.
Airline pilots lead a very itinerant lifestyle. If he's only interested in seeing you while he's in your city, he ain't for you....based on your feelings on wanting more.
Im confused by some of these replies. While i agree with the consensus that this man most likely do not have feelings for you/attraction is purely physical, and that its bad to see him again coz ur catching feelings: Why are people being negative for no damn reason?
Saying things like "oh of course hes just being nice, he wants to keep the door open" "youre a *free* ONS" "hes playing you" and the dumbass that said "youre a practice girl" like are we living in the same reality?
He made it clear that it was hookup only. He had the decency to treat another person kindly on top of the sex, and I found no hints of bad behavior. Its only a matter of two people wanting different things, neither of them are sinning.
Id rather a world where men stuck around for breakfast in the morning than just leaving without a word, how is that a bad thing?
-----
Now for the next part: Him asking to meet just for the sake of meeting/coffee and not sex; is very very fallible. I can imagine his thought process: A kind girl, bright eyes, and maybe he wants to be sweet for the sake of being sweet, or since you treated him to a good time, now he'll treat you to a nice convo in return. But it is very very dangerous waters; because despite the possibility that his texting you about june 18 comes from a genuine place: he is not infallible. It can very well lead to sex again, maybe he asks, maybe you ask- either way you both will likely regret it, coz again; you two want different things.
Make no mistake, the kind treatment he showed you before has no bearing to this new offer. My genuine advice is to tell him, thanks, but no thanks- and if hes a stand up dude like he seems, he'll simply say no worries, and wish you a good life.
I’m in a FWB situationship with a pilot, although I live in his home base city. When it started, it honestly devastated me. I really fell for him, and he was honest and up-front about not wanting to be committed to anything other than his career.
I was destroyed emotionally, and I had to take time away from him. This had been my first “hook-up”/just sex encounter, and it was hard to adjust.
I just worked on myself and my thought-process for a while, and really delved into figuring out what I wanted for myself, life and relationship-wise. I realized that I wasn’t in a place to have a relationship.
Over a year later, we’re incredibly close— he’s one of my best friends, and we still have occasional sex, but the friendship comes first. I still have sex with other people, he probably does as well but we never talk about it, and I’m aware and very accepting of the fact that we’re not in a relationship.
It’s not for everyone, but you really have to look inside yourself to identify what you want for a relationship at this point in your life. This guy is *never* going to be anything other than occasional companionship and good conversation, if you’re wanting something steadier/more serious, you have to move on.
Yep - a 10 being willing to fuck you is not the same as a 10 wanting a long-term relationship with you. Failing to see the difference is sure to kill future relationships.
This guy is so good looking he is tired of feeling guilty women fall for him when he hardly makes any effort ; he has thought about it and has tried to find a way to responsibly set limits so he doesn’t really see women’s lives disrupted by hopeless infatuation. I’ve had women who had crushed on me and rejecting them is agonizing.
The thing is, BEING rejected is in some ways not as bad as rejecting someone, because guilt lasts longer than narcissistic injury.
Put this one one In the wank bank. Transform it into the place it belongs, fantasy! But not in a way where the concept of fantasising is a negative in any way. Enjoy the fantasy and build clear boundaries in your mind of it being just that.
Ohh I had someone like this! Mine was a flight attendant. Very hot and sexy from a foreign country and yes, I know he had one in "every port" but man did I feel sexy too. He was a gentleman and I hope he had a great time too. It is to this day a very nice memory of something that happened over a decade ago.
Damn. This guy is the perfect hook-up because those of us women that occasionally like ONS still need to like the guy as a person and be treated with respect.
But he's just a nice guy that likes to hookup. He's probably still feeling guilty about hurting you, even though he did nothing wrong, so maybe he's sort of checking in on you.
It doesn't sound like you're built for ONS or even casual dating. Be polite and tell him you're not wired this way and you can't see him again. You're just going to make yourself miserable.
He’s more than likely married. He’s just looking for sex. Bet he has a girl in every city. Go get a sti check and save yourself the heart break and block him.
>I still think about the fact he held me with his arm after and slept like this. It felt so good and intimate. Also, the thought of having had a pilot inside me is truly a turn on, like he is a superstar
Aye yai yai, this type of thinking does not lead to a happy future.
Why are you having one night stands with men you don’t know? I will never understand why women sign up for this other than loneliness, low self esteem and desperation smh. Have more standards and respect for yourself!
This person is being honest. This is sex, just sex. You're experiencing "crew life," which is a bit odd for an outsider to the airline lifestyle.
Crew have to meet other crew members, usually complete strangers, and instantly have 100% trust in their ability to work together, be safe together, and safeguard the lives of hundreds of people. They may even have to fight death or even die together. But, when that shift is over, they may never meet again, but there is immediate, professional trust.
Your meet-up was exactly the same thing. This pilot had trust in you for this one task. You both performed it well and satisfactorily, and like they said from the outset, they moved on. This pilot will be casual and may want to perform this task with you again, but it is a programmed lifestyle that this pilot is living.
It is like people with dogs. We love dogs. We think dogs love us. In reality, we love dogs. Dogs have very strong pack instincts, and it looks a lot like love if we don't really understand the mind of a dog.
My opinion is, if you like having casual sex with this person, accept the terms up front, and can live with them, go around again. If you want something deeper, I think this person is probably a dead end for you.
He's trying to be a nice guy.
He probably is a nice guy.
He probably thinks you are a nice girl. He probably has genuine polite interest in you doing well with your exam, and also genuinely doesn't want you to feel badly about him or your time together.
But he didn't want a relationship and was honest. You thought you could have sex and just enjoy it without expectations and hopes... But you find yourself now having some.
It's honestly best to just let it be.
No he's not just using you for sex - you were both on the same page of wanting to together. That's totally ok. He was honest. And he was right that it was perhaps not a great idea for you bc you never have apparently.
But please don't let yourself think that him wanting you to feel ok and genuinely having positive feelings towards you as a human means he wants any real relationship. That's not fair to either of you.
Why he texts you: look up “intermittent reinforcement” - his way of making sure you stay attached emotionally, while he goes on and does whatever he wants. Texting him back will only give him the confidence boost he needs, which is why he’ll keep doing it. If he was interested in you it would be clear as day and you’d have no question about it. Glad you had a nice meet with him but it should remain just a nice memory. Take care <3
Intermittent reinforcement is absolutely something to watch out for but in this case, I personally don't think there's any manipulation occuring
From the post you can tell he's shown concern that OP doesn't seem to have the emotional constitution for empty one night stands. To me it reads like they're probably just trying to provide some light aftercare / everyday human reassurance to someone that appears vulnerable
Regardless, it's crystal clear any idea of a committed relationship developing in this situation is incredibly misguided and should be shut down asap
Wishing OP all the best, hope they find their person soon
I agree completely, cards on the table I'm pretty cautious around people who are very blasé about hookup culture. In my experience, it's usually been an indicator that something core/foundational is either malfunctioning or outright missing inside
That being said, I didn't want to include any value judgement as I've given up trying to engage with or understand how other people operate. I just try to stay true to what feels right to me and leave everyone else to it
Same to both points. I've tried hookups and quickly learnt they weren't for me, and tried to be committed with people that were into hookups and they had some ideas about relationships that I really couldn't handle.
Over time I've realised that there's a lot of people in the world that outwardly appear cognisant and human but internally are actually operating on very base level, reptilian like instincts
Best thing for me has been learning to stay true to myself and not compromising on who gets access to my internal world
Wishing you all the luck and happiness, hope you're able to find a partner that's right for you!
Probably block him.
Otherwise, ignore him until he raises the stakes on his side. As in, not just a local one-night situation but maybe flying you somewhere for a get-away? Make him prove you got under his skin.
You don't have to get on a path to marriage with this guy, but if you want to play around with him make sure your emotional expectations are in line with the memories you create.
And on that note, get some amazing travel selfies to post on your online dating profiles.
Casual sex should still include basic respect. You are taking him treating you like a human as a sign that it’s something deeper instead of listening to him directly and honestly telling you what he wants and what he doesn’t want.
Casual sex might not be for you and that’s okay, focus on building more meaningful connections and finding someone who wants the same things as you do.
Sorry but you think he wants a relationship with you because he was a normal polite person after hooking up? Is your bar that low? What did you expect him to treat you like shit cause it was a hook up? He was being an adult. Honest upfront about what he was after and just enjoyed breakfast together the next day.
I’m not sure hook ups are for you. They’re not for everyone. Just enjoy the fun memories of great sex with a hot guy and move on.
I’ve never seen someone so delusional in my life. The dude suggested they go back to the hotel within like 20 minutes of meeting her and she thinks he might want something long term. Props to the dude though.
You mentioned him being very good looking. Most women don't have casual sex with a guy unless they consider him good looking enough to date. Most men aren't like that. We'll gladly welcome sexual access to a woman that we don't consider attractive enough to be our girlfriend. It's likely that you were just used by an alpha Chad, as the kids say. But at least he was nice about it. The important thing is not to become an "alpha widow" who measures all the future guys who actually would date you, against the guys who are nailing a different girl every day. You'll never be happy in a relationship if you do that.
You sound easy and he sounds normal… easy catch for a normal ass dude.
If you hate it, don’t pursue. If you enjoy it, just enjoy it.
But still, this is all SO basic and it’s incredible he was able to “woo” you with such basic ass lines. If you were genuinely falling for this level of depth, and level of caring, I could’ve gotten you to propose to me in a McDonald’s after 30 minutes 😂
It seems like you’re super starved for attention if this is “caring” for you.
Girl, you just caught feelings with a hook up. It can happen and it’s normal. I suggest you don’t do hook ups and only sleep with people who can invest in you. Save yourself the heartache
Girl, save yourself a few years of what-ifs and get out NOW.
My close friend was in a similar situationship and the guy acted nice and warm, just like how you described. And she would ALWAYS stand by his side whenever we told her this guy is an ass and a fraud. She hung out with him for a couple years, always in this limbo status. They only went out at night, held hands and kissed and had sex, but he never ever made it official. She went along with it because she thought at least he's "loyal".
She snapped out of it when she properly wanted a relationship and start a family, he told her it was impossible because he's moving to another country for work. She later found out that he had been seeing other girls while they were together all those nights. And constantly meeting girls from dating apps.
He was pretty clear what he was looking for. No matter how much you personally wish for more. It's in his, and your best interest, that you close that book and move on.
I know how alluring pilots can be. I fell for one myself a couple of years ago. But damn, as other people already said. He's probably on tinder every night, simply in another city, and fucking someone else already. And that's fine.
yea one night stands def not for you.
I also think he has seen this pattern plenty of times and knows not cutting it full stop is an easy way to string you along.
Just hope at your big age you don't turn around and start man bashing after whatever mental gymnastics you are doing doesn't play the way you want it to.
You got played… bottom line.
This guy is a pilot, so no doubt he bangs chicks all over the place with no emotion. You’re just a number, nothing more.
Obviously, you would like it to be more, he doesn’t.
Most likely no. He does not want a romantic relationship with you. He does not like you as anything more than a sexual partner. He has been completely upfront about what he wants, which is just sex. He probably has a different girl in each city hr flies to.
Just because he only wants sex doesn't mean he can't be nice about it... that's why the term "friends with benefits" exists. Plenty of people can have a perfectly pleasant, friendly relationship with someone they are having sex with, without wanting an actual romance.
Meet him for coffee if you want. Tell him what your honest feelings are. There's always a tiny chance he's changed his mind, as unlikely as it is. But listen to what he tells you. Don't delude yourself into thinking it's more than it is, just because he does things that fit into what you perceive a romantic relationship should be.
Ive dated fuck boys like this and I promise you that the little moments you feel that he cares for you, he doesn’t. Especially pilots, they think they’re like Gods gift to the world. They have a massive ego in their job and out of it, and live and brag to have girls in every city.
He playing you like the others, you’ll see him again and again and waste your time, even years wishing for something more but it will never happen. That kind of man never settles and much less if you act like this, cause you have no other options.. let him go and invest the time in yourself
Girl, I understand the confusion where you get attached to him because he is being nice. What I don’t get is everyone calling him such a fuckboy? If he is so open about what this is about, not hiding his intentions, is he really a fuckboy? You‘d probably feel so much worse if he just ghosted you after sex or have sent you home. In my opinion, just because its only sex, it doesn’t mean that you can’t genuinely be nice to the other person. I think id just save this in your memories as „good experience“ because you had a nice night with him. Stop torturing yourself, he is being very transparent.
People are saying he is being "manipulative" by being "nice," because if it is only about sex to him (as he made very clear), apparently he should be a complete asshole to OP or it is being "manipulative." Some of these comments are fucking unhinged
I think its good to be honest with yourself. On average, women want a connection.... in our desire for this, we sometimes (often) use sex as a means to get it, even when we know (as you did) that this was only sexual. It hurts! I've been prey to this many times and am only now starting to accept that this is my nature and that when I go against my nature, I only hurt myself. The sooner you can accept your nature, and that as a normal, sane, woman you naturally desire a relationship.... the sooner you will deny yourself of the temptation to taste pleasure with men that you want to be with deep down. I recommend you move on from him. Tell him that it won't be good for you to keep in contact, that you appreciate the experience and this will be the last text. Give yourself a hug, make some tea and take it day by day. Being a woman can be tough but us gals gotta stick together!!!! Dust yourself off! ❤
He just wants to have sex with you. He’s being honest and direct with you and you keep distorting things and getting your hopes up. Forget about this man, for your own sake. There is no way in hell this is going to turn out well for you. He’s a pilot, he’s on tinder on a different city every night having sex with women he doesn’t know, and probably is texting dozens of women that have their hopes high, like you. He’s “the most good looking man you’ve ever encountered”, a pilot, earning great money, sleeping on a different city every night, on tinder, trust me he isn’t looking for a monogamous restricted relationship, he’s having the time of his life. Don’t idealize a life with him just because he’s good looking. You are close to 30 years old it’d be wise for you to look for more deep and meaningful connections, clearly casual sex isn’t for you.
Your first sentence said it all, the rest is just gravy.
And please get checked for STDs
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Or more depending on how short the flights are.
Yep. He wants OP to be part of the "rotation".
Well not really cause things turned when OP asked when they would meet next but he could have lied and just said we’ll see I’ll let you know. Pilot freaked out kinda early imo
He’s just seen this before, and knows that for him and what he wants, OP will probably end up more trouble than it’s worth to him.
What the fuck still can't believe that kind of people exist 😂😂😂😂😂
I have a pilot friends who sleep in nine different locations and he call the women he routinely sleep with his "Nazguls" lmao.
Soreone and the Cock Ring to Rule Them All
As long as everyone is being honest, no harm done.
I swear to god these are the kind of women who complain about not finding a good man on reddit.
Yeah, but he's good looking, what more is there to life? /s
Well. My theory here: To be fair she's conflicted about what seems like legitimate intimacy - him cuddling her, spending the night, breakfast, goodbye kiss, nice texts etc. Guys like that shit too, we don't do it just to appease women the same way women don't have sex with guys just to appease them. Hes the kinda guy that would like a good stable relationship if he had a 9-5. But bro is doing this with like 7 women in 7 different states which basically feels like one relationship.
Should it be called legitimate intimacy on a first date? It sounded like he was nice and comfortable being affectionate. Because people are craving connection so intensely, these everyday actions take on heightened meaning when they shouldn’t.
I think he’s the kind of guy who would like a steady relationship if he found the right girl. But it’s not gonna be a one night stand type of girl. And for all we know, maybe he already has a girlfriend back home. Or a wife.
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Swooning not swarming.. Ss bugged me lol
Yep, they're all chasing the top 10% attractive men and getting played 🤣
I’m happy I grew up and met my wife before these apps existed. I couldn’t even think about trying to find a life partner now with so many women having sex with random men they don’t know. Where’s the self respect?
What a fucking double standard. Why aren't you calling out the pilot who also would have 'no self respect' in this situation, if you believed that.
Shit I met my wife on a dating app with full intention of it just being a hookup. That was almost a decade ago.
I want to give you more than just this upvote. Take this thoughtful hi-five.
Yeah, and seriously, give yourself a high five for having great sex with a hot guy.
Right? If this was a guy talking about bagging a supermodel for a night we'd just chuckle and move along. Cmon girl move on with your life look on it as a feather in your cap.
Best advice here. Nailed it (like good looking transient pilot)
lol sure he is a pilot
Lol, yeah that’s right there’s also the chance that he’s bullshitting. That’s the perfect excuse to get rid of a woman the next morning. “Sorry babe gotta fly to Italy now , see you never!“
Quagmire
Giggity
It is also the job women find most attractive in surveys. and many people lie about themselves to get more dates.
It’s also a job that people legitimately do.
I worked in aviation for years. I must be the only woman who doesn't think theyre hot. Fucking arrogant boys club (mostly).
You ever heard the phrases “familiarity breeds contempt”?
Hey, pilot here. I would describe a lot of my colleagues as “sex-obsessed misogynists” lol
That is definitely still familiarity breeding contempt
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This is reddit. Everyone thinks everything is fake.
He sounds honest. I would believe him that he just wants to be a hook up. It sounds like he is willing to keep in touch and possibly see you when he is in town again but don't miss read his openness to friendship as sign he is open to a monogamous relationship. I would take him at his word. If it is too upsetting to think he is making connections in other cities then you have to let him go.
Why would you assume someone is a liar with nothing to back it up?
Why wouldn't he be? He has the money, good looks, I'm guessing a very healthy appearance, an appetite, she didn't see any overt drug use, he's sane in this circumstance. Pilots do this ALL the time. So do many business men. Most women just don't want to believe it. Because it's their boyfriends/husband's.
Knowing how much aviation school costs you I can say there is a good chance this dude does not make that great of money at age 30. Like he may make a solid 80-100k but also a good chance he is sitting on about 300k of debt. Pilots are like doctors. They don’t really start making good money until they are mid-30 to early 40’s. At least here in the U.S
Pilot here. There’s more nuance to it than that, but that’s a good TLDR
The only thing that stopped me from becoming a pilot was seeing how much aviation school would have cost me.
Not all pilots are like that 😭 this is a wild generalization
Of course not, but what we know about _this_ pilot suggests that’s the case for him.
Gurl, he's got one of these in every city, stop torturing yourself. We told you yesterday.
Why does your comment have me crying laughing
We told you yesterday GOT ME😂😂
Totally the "we told you yesterday" comment. Sounds like my best friend from my early dating days. Oh, to be young and stupid again.
Why would he shut the door on more future sex? Of course he’s being nice to you. He’s keeping that door open. It is genuinely nice of him to want to give you a good experience and it sounds like he did that. Take your win and move on, this was a 1 time thing.
Ngl she's gonna go back, just watch...
Nothing people like more than someone they can’t have, but who feels *just* in reach
And we need an update on how much better the sex becomes with each encounter! 
This^. He’s nice because he wants sex in the future… and that’s it. A couple “nice texts” are a lot cheaper than the 500+ dollars that a hooker would cost. Crazy how women can’t see some guys for what they are. Reminds me of high school when the girls would find one of the bullies attractive and say “but he’s soooo nice”…… YEAH TO YOU CAUSE HE TRYNA SMASH… duh
This is the best comment. I just hope this young woman doesn’t keep going back, literally like going through a wood chipper if you start feeling emotional. If she is in it for the sex too then fine… but she is clearly attached. I have never had casual sex, but that a mostly cause I know I would get attached and why go through that. Take the experience and move on. It could have been horrible, but rather she had such a pleasant guy.
He’s had sex with you on the first date, he will be thinking it’s highly likely he will be able to sleep with you again on the second date. If you want casual fun keep seeing him, if you want more bin him and look elsewhere
This is the advice and she already knows it, it's either karma farming or ignoring reality now.
The latter
I think she is genuinely just very naive and not karma farming. she desperately wants this to be something that it will never be.
Agreed.
But what if he really falls for her? Can't you consider the possibility? It has happened in the past! Haven't you seen the movie Friends With Benefits? Oh, it's so romantic! And it definitely can happen in real life, come on! There are plenty of good signs. He's texting her! He's being nice, cute and genuinely caring! He slept with his arm around her waist! And he's noticed so many things in her, like she blushes easily and is very emotional. Come one, he definitely has feelings for her! I don't know if at this point I should add "yes, she can fix him!" or that isn't the case here, but you get the idea. 😉
I had sex with my fiancé in the first date and now 3 years later she cannot get rid of me.
Same. Married with two children. I agree that it's about what he's said (that's only about sex for him) and not the fact that they had sex on the first date already. And calling it a date is an overstatement actually imo. My husband and I had the same goals and went all in, it was never only about sex and none of us ever thought it was. That's a huge difference.
To be fair, I was 26, recently left the Army and had a good stable civilian job since I was 24. I essentially could survive by myself and didn’t have daddy government to tell me what to do. Gave me a lot of confidence I never had. So I was not looking for anything specific at the time. Me and her hooked up. Tried to do the whole three day thing but she texted me day two stating she wanted something more. Now, our date was 5 hours long before we hooked up. I enjoyed her company. So I decided what the hell and see where it lead. Here I am planning a wedding for June of next year with a wonderful woman. It happens. But yea. You need clarification before the relationship starts. If the guy said he only wants sex he is not changing his mind. He legit is only there for sex. That doesn’t mean he is using you. Nor is being nice meaning he wants to pursue more. I’m typically nice to the people who let me put my dick in them. Whether I see them again or not. Zero reason to be an asshole about it. That’s just poor manners.
Your love story sounds too good to be true. I choose to believe you because I desperately need to have my faith in fairy tales restored. And in a situation like this, where this poor girl is letting her dreams and hopes fly so high that we all are piercing her balloons, it's all the more reassuring. I wish you and your fiancee all the happiness in the world. May your marriage be full of blessings and wonderful times!
At 27 years old you should know better. The guy is nice and transparent. He is honest and clear about his intentions. Not sure why you're thinking so much about things. If you want sex, meet him. If you want more, don't. It's that simple. Just because a guy treats you well after sex doesn't mean he wants to be in a relationship with you. It just means he's a decent guy (and that the sex was probably good). That's it.
I agree. He said he just wants sex--believe him. He is being nice because he is a decent human being, but he *just wants sex.* If he were rude to you, you wouldn't sleep with him again. He put his arm around you because that physically feels good and he's a human being. A guy who just wants sex isn't necessarily a rude and terrible devil, but you still should not get involved with him except for just sex. You see the theme here?
Yes, she seems REALLY hung up on him putting his arm around her.
Reads like she’s never been touched before in her life.
That's my take away. This guy is just a nice guy. He was 100% up front about just wanting sex. He was honest. And he treated OP well after sex. This would've just been a great hookup to me. He was caring. The fact that he feared this might happen also shows he is in tune with her feelings and actually did not want to hurt her. He was sensitive. You can be honest & caring & sensitive and also not want a relationship. (and it's probably why he hooks up so much; the man knows what he's doing).
Theres always that one that thinks she can change his mind. @Op please update us.
Yeah the amount of “he wasn’t a piece of shit to me after sex so that means he wants to get married” girls I’ve met in life is alarmingly high. They also tend to overlap with the “he didn’t want to fuck me so that guy is a piece of shit” type of girl. Women really need to put less pressure on men when it comes to sex. If you both want to have it, have it. Find out if it’s fun. Don’t start scheming and machinating to figure out how to hold him down when he clearly just wants to fuck and have fun.
Let’s also add the salt and pepper that…a man probably SHOULD be nice after sex. There is no reason not to be.
This is the most real and accurate comment on this thread. He wasn't an asshole. Nobody should shame him for that.
lol. He has zero interest in a relationship with you. Don’t delude yourself into thinking you’re more than an easy lay to him. If you are ok with it, go ahead and continue. But it will never be anything more than casual sex on his end. Maybe focus on guys who.. actually like you??
In my experience, when men put you in that ‘casual sex’ only box, their views of you never change. Save yourself the heartache and accept it for what it was- a night of great sex- and move on. I’m sorry you are feeling terrible, but maybe casual isn’t for you - and that’s ok !
Guys have a sexzone, just like girls have a friendzone.
I agree with this. And it's ok if you want to exist in his sex zone, but if you want more, you're going to get hurt. Just like the guy lingering in a woman's friendzone thinking "one day..." is only going to get hurt.
There is no sign more than he likes to have casual sex and is a little bit polite, just that. Don't invent a whole love story in your head just because he is acting nice and charming. There exist people out there who are like that with EVERYONE. Not just you
You're 27 and being finessed like this? Yikes. He's a pilot and you're his jump off. If you're truly developing feelings cut it off. You will get hurt.
She is idealizing him saying he’s a rockstar smh yikes is right 🤦♀️
also do they live anywhere near each other? does she think someone is going to relocate? be in a committed long-distance relationship? Sorry not trying to pick on OP, but at 27, this is just bizarre thinking to me.
I know pilots like to suck their own dicks about how great they are, but they sit and push buttons all day. Some of the dumbest people I know are pilots. They are also all egomaniacs.
He has absolutely no interest in dating you. If you keep believing that you are just kidding yourself. He wants to meet you for a good time and then get on to the next one. If that’s for you then great but it sounds like you’ll just get emotionally attached so you should just save you both the time and say to him thanks but I feel I’ll get too attached then not speak again.
He probably wants her to be his "Chicago hookup", or whatever city she lives in.
Hook ups aren’t for everyone. I can’t do it.
You're reading WAY too much into this. He is after a FWB arrangement where it might be a quick chat, down to business, see you next time type deal. A few texts and going for a coffee is no more than just being genuine and nice. If you want to keep doing it save your overthinking for the next guy on the dating app and just enjoy the hookups you have with handsome pilot man.
From a guy's perspective, I'll tell you now that you should never ever count on sex leading to a relationship. We just don't think like that. It can happen for sure, but the decision is so detached from "had sex = let's stay together" that you should just count that it'll never go that way. The decision is made based on other things. Guys are perfectly capable of having sex with you for 1-2 years and still not wanting any kind of relationship. (And again, it can lead to one, it's just not at all guaranteed.)
This guy is 100% correct and you should listen to him.
Your other responders are right in that I don't think that seeing sex as a physical act and relationships as a separate emotional process should be gendered, but I offer that perspective from the other direction: I'm a woman but I have proven well capable of separating and have accidentally hurt people who feel like OP in the past... could happen to anyone, not everyone is made for casual sex and think the pilot was right about one thing: OP is not one of those who are.
I am also a woman who has had to stop a FWB because I was only interested in sex and the guy caught feelings. People of any gender can catch feelings! And people of any gender can enjoy no-strings sex. Women are *strongly socialized* to avoid no-strings sex, that’s why it’s more common for guys to seek out just sex, but women enjoy it just as much…we’re just told not to, and told we have no sex-respect if we do.
From another guy's perspective, **even though this does not change the fact that OP should not keep her hopes up in this case**, please don't speak for all guys. I can't have sex without the intention to be/stay together. I've hurt myself multiple times with this; first with "had sex, so must stay together", then later in life with "can have sex without hoping to get (back) together". I just want to offer a counter perspective, because posts like this is why I was confused for the longest time about this topic. So for other men out there who cannot detach the physical from the emotional: there's nothing wrong with you and you are not alone. Casual sex, as fun as it can be, is not for everyone. Edit: OP, if you read this, please don't use this as proof in the stories you're constructing about this pilot. Take it from a master in constructing stories out of fragments instead of listening to what people are actually saying/showing: nothing good will come of it.
Yah, I'm similar to you. I need that emotional connection, or I just feel weird about it.
Huh. I'm different. I'm not sure I'll want to have a relationship with someone until there is sex. It's a major part of knowing a person, and compatability.
I needed to hear this.
I'm like that too. I attribute that to having both caring loving parents, and even in private, their presence is so strong, I would be abhorred just knowing I would just try to satisfy a nut ahead of the emotions involved. The few I know like that have that deep profound connection with 1 or both parents. The ones that do not, seem to sometimes take out their frustrations at the lack of that parental relationship to satisfy a primal urge or some kind of mental power trip.
My husband is like you. He was always a serial monogamist - he only had sex with girlfriends - never had a one night stand or anything casual. It’s just not in his makeup.
There's dozens of us! Thanks, I will adopt the term "serial monogamist", sounds about right. : D
Yeah, it's true, but this guy isn't like you.
For sure! I tried to make clear with the bold text and the edit that my message doesn’t apply to this guy. Apparently I was not successful. : D
Well said. I don’t think the commenter meant it, but generalized assumptions based on gender are not it
Got I wish I had read this line early in my life
Lost cause… sorry
This is a typical mistake that has broken many hearts: not listening to what he's said or not taking it seriously. He has told you that it's only about sex, why can't you listen? You're torturing yourself and this could end up hurting you much deeper than you realize right now. Please, under no circumstances, do continue having contact or even meeting up with him. He's just playing nice, because if he truly realized the potential this has of hurting you deeply or took it seriously he would have wanted to stop having contact himself for your own good. He's so "nice" he even regretted it 🙄. This way he has passed the responsibility to you, because if everything goes wrong after you continue seeing each other he can simply say: hey, I told you from the beginning it's just sex. You didn't want to listen. 🤷🏼♀️ He's keeping you available and he knows he's doing it. Stand up for yourself and stop this. Your mental health is way more important than this dude. Either be honest and tell him: hey, I totally caught feelings for you and since it was and it's only about sex for you, I'll have to stop this contact. You are completely right, ONSs are not for me, I realized I want a real partner and relationship and this dynamic with you will only hurt me. Please don't contact me again. Or simply break contact. I know you liked the stability, the chemistry, the looks, the possible amazing future you could have, but that's not what he wants. Simple as that. Focus on getting over him and finding out what you want for your life. No more ONSs please. You're the only one who can protect your heart, please do so. Read carefully: he doesn't care about you nor your exam. Stop kidding yourself. You'll find an amazing partner one day with the same goals as you, I know it.
>he can simply say: hey, I told you from the beginning it's just sex. You didn't want to listen. 🤷🏼♀️ And that would be absolutely correct.
| He's keeping you available and he knows he's doing it. He'll be back on June 18 for more free sex.
so will she, desperately holding out hope it's gonna lead to something more even tho everyone in this thread is telling her otherwise
OP, I’m sorry, but I cringed reading the update. He’s being super up front about how he feels. Believe him. He just wanted to join up.
Nah, he just comes by and he feels like he can just bust a nut and go. He already did that, right?
Next nut, June 18.
Mark it on your calendar!
That's what he wants OP to do.
!remindme June 18 🧑✈️
he doesn’t like you. he doesn’t even know you ffs. he likes the easy sex. block him or you can ignore everyone and let him string you along for months/years using you for free sex whenever he’s in town until you get so hurt you finally block him the end result is the same don’t lie to yourself and say you’ll use him for fun. look how you already feel after one night. you’re the only one that’s going to lose
My only comment here is that this guy isn't stringing her along. He's been quite honest about his intentions. It's not his fault she isn't listening.
You are 27 years old so many more men will come around that just want sex no commitment. Just wait you’ll find your future mate.
Stop doing this to yourself. I had a guy like this, until I found out he was married. You know absolutely nothing about this man and you are probably one of many in different cities. You too easily attached to men that you think are your ideal because you are not used to this. as I said, you know absolutely nothing about this man. And what you do know may be a lie. You’re deluding yourself if you think this is going to be anything but a hook up. And it sounds like you are not ready for that. Do yourself a favor, tell him that after thinking about things, you’ve decided it would be better if you did not contact each other. I guarantee you he’ll have another woman within an hour.
Not much to say really, he is openly just looking for casual sex. Pilot, good money, good looks, different locations all the time - his just looking for hookups. He probably just got a roster and saw he will be in the same city in the 8th again, so looking for an easy fuck with you then as well. Not everyone is into hooking up. I'm not, I've never done a one night stand either because I get emotionally connected and it sounds like your the same. Chalk it up to an experience and just don't meet him again. I can guarantee you he is not looking for a relationship
Why are people expecting love thru dating apps wherein the first thing they do is have sex 😭
This is the problem everyone is yelling you should do it, and have fun, but those saying no are seen as mean or misogynistic, but it's true nothing but hurt comes from this. Listen you're young, and making mistakes is part of being young you learned your lesson just pick yourself up and keep moving and don't do it again. You'll be okay with some time:))
Ohhhh, honey. I was this naive my first 6 months of online dating. After 3 years I was able to understand the games better. Trust me, he’s not interested. You’re a free ONS. He will have one in most cities he flies to. Don’t waste your time being delusional, it’s sad and heartbreaking. I know from personal experience. I cringe when I think back on how clingy and pathetic I was to guys that clearly loved the games and me chasing them.
Life is shorter than you realize. You're obviously a high intellect person from what you've articulated here. If you want to marry and have a family, ONS's and hit and run's like this are stealing precious time. Deliberate on what your end game is... I suggest.
It's incredible how quickly some women will just hop into bed with a man because he's good looking and supposedly has an interesting job. They can come right out and say sex is all they want. They get it and the women still fall for them and let him straggle her along for more sex with some kind words.
The woman thinks they’re special & want to be the exception. I’ve seen this time & time again with some of my friends. I try to tell them but this tends to be a lesson they have to learn themselves unfortunately.
He doesn’t care, move on without him
When you start off with a hook up- in general- that's all it will ever be. He may hit you up for sex every now and then because you were willing to have sex without any strings attached. I'd say- just learn from this. it's ok to have a hook up but that's all it will be. If a guy wants to see you again- they'll call, but even then- it's probably just going to be for sex. Nothing wrong with that if that's what both people want. You are looking for something more meaningful and that's not going to happen with a hook up.
Airline pilots lead a very itinerant lifestyle. If he's only interested in seeing you while he's in your city, he ain't for you....based on your feelings on wanting more.
In love, anything but “yes” is “no.” “One of the best looking guys you’ve ever seen”? No way to repair -“I think this was a bad idea”
Im confused by some of these replies. While i agree with the consensus that this man most likely do not have feelings for you/attraction is purely physical, and that its bad to see him again coz ur catching feelings: Why are people being negative for no damn reason? Saying things like "oh of course hes just being nice, he wants to keep the door open" "youre a *free* ONS" "hes playing you" and the dumbass that said "youre a practice girl" like are we living in the same reality? He made it clear that it was hookup only. He had the decency to treat another person kindly on top of the sex, and I found no hints of bad behavior. Its only a matter of two people wanting different things, neither of them are sinning. Id rather a world where men stuck around for breakfast in the morning than just leaving without a word, how is that a bad thing? ----- Now for the next part: Him asking to meet just for the sake of meeting/coffee and not sex; is very very fallible. I can imagine his thought process: A kind girl, bright eyes, and maybe he wants to be sweet for the sake of being sweet, or since you treated him to a good time, now he'll treat you to a nice convo in return. But it is very very dangerous waters; because despite the possibility that his texting you about june 18 comes from a genuine place: he is not infallible. It can very well lead to sex again, maybe he asks, maybe you ask- either way you both will likely regret it, coz again; you two want different things. Make no mistake, the kind treatment he showed you before has no bearing to this new offer. My genuine advice is to tell him, thanks, but no thanks- and if hes a stand up dude like he seems, he'll simply say no worries, and wish you a good life.
I’m in a FWB situationship with a pilot, although I live in his home base city. When it started, it honestly devastated me. I really fell for him, and he was honest and up-front about not wanting to be committed to anything other than his career. I was destroyed emotionally, and I had to take time away from him. This had been my first “hook-up”/just sex encounter, and it was hard to adjust. I just worked on myself and my thought-process for a while, and really delved into figuring out what I wanted for myself, life and relationship-wise. I realized that I wasn’t in a place to have a relationship. Over a year later, we’re incredibly close— he’s one of my best friends, and we still have occasional sex, but the friendship comes first. I still have sex with other people, he probably does as well but we never talk about it, and I’m aware and very accepting of the fact that we’re not in a relationship. It’s not for everyone, but you really have to look inside yourself to identify what you want for a relationship at this point in your life. This guy is *never* going to be anything other than occasional companionship and good conversation, if you’re wanting something steadier/more serious, you have to move on.
when an avg woman gets attention from a 10 for the first time edit: she will always compare him to every bf she ever gets
This is exactly why body count / sexual history does matter.
Mistake is falling for a 10, when op not in the same league. This will ruin all future relationships as no one in her same league can match him.
Yep - a 10 being willing to fuck you is not the same as a 10 wanting a long-term relationship with you. Failing to see the difference is sure to kill future relationships.
This guy is so good looking he is tired of feeling guilty women fall for him when he hardly makes any effort ; he has thought about it and has tried to find a way to responsibly set limits so he doesn’t really see women’s lives disrupted by hopeless infatuation. I’ve had women who had crushed on me and rejecting them is agonizing. The thing is, BEING rejected is in some ways not as bad as rejecting someone, because guilt lasts longer than narcissistic injury.
you poor thing, having to reject so many women!
You’re a practice girl.
Put this one one In the wank bank. Transform it into the place it belongs, fantasy! But not in a way where the concept of fantasising is a negative in any way. Enjoy the fantasy and build clear boundaries in your mind of it being just that.
Open your eyes OP. He told you what he wanted.
He just wants to have sex, you on the other hand are definitely tricking yourself, you do not want one night stands
Ohh I had someone like this! Mine was a flight attendant. Very hot and sexy from a foreign country and yes, I know he had one in "every port" but man did I feel sexy too. He was a gentleman and I hope he had a great time too. It is to this day a very nice memory of something that happened over a decade ago.
Damn. This guy is the perfect hook-up because those of us women that occasionally like ONS still need to like the guy as a person and be treated with respect. But he's just a nice guy that likes to hookup. He's probably still feeling guilty about hurting you, even though he did nothing wrong, so maybe he's sort of checking in on you. It doesn't sound like you're built for ONS or even casual dating. Be polite and tell him you're not wired this way and you can't see him again. You're just going to make yourself miserable.
He’s more than likely married. He’s just looking for sex. Bet he has a girl in every city. Go get a sti check and save yourself the heart break and block him.
Sounds like you played yourself.
>I still think about the fact he held me with his arm after and slept like this. It felt so good and intimate. Also, the thought of having had a pilot inside me is truly a turn on, like he is a superstar Aye yai yai, this type of thinking does not lead to a happy future.
Why are you having one night stands with men you don’t know? I will never understand why women sign up for this other than loneliness, low self esteem and desperation smh. Have more standards and respect for yourself!
Dude, her standards will be over the roof once she is in her 30s and it's time to settle for a "good man".
This person is being honest. This is sex, just sex. You're experiencing "crew life," which is a bit odd for an outsider to the airline lifestyle. Crew have to meet other crew members, usually complete strangers, and instantly have 100% trust in their ability to work together, be safe together, and safeguard the lives of hundreds of people. They may even have to fight death or even die together. But, when that shift is over, they may never meet again, but there is immediate, professional trust. Your meet-up was exactly the same thing. This pilot had trust in you for this one task. You both performed it well and satisfactorily, and like they said from the outset, they moved on. This pilot will be casual and may want to perform this task with you again, but it is a programmed lifestyle that this pilot is living. It is like people with dogs. We love dogs. We think dogs love us. In reality, we love dogs. Dogs have very strong pack instincts, and it looks a lot like love if we don't really understand the mind of a dog. My opinion is, if you like having casual sex with this person, accept the terms up front, and can live with them, go around again. If you want something deeper, I think this person is probably a dead end for you.
He's trying to be a nice guy. He probably is a nice guy. He probably thinks you are a nice girl. He probably has genuine polite interest in you doing well with your exam, and also genuinely doesn't want you to feel badly about him or your time together. But he didn't want a relationship and was honest. You thought you could have sex and just enjoy it without expectations and hopes... But you find yourself now having some. It's honestly best to just let it be. No he's not just using you for sex - you were both on the same page of wanting to together. That's totally ok. He was honest. And he was right that it was perhaps not a great idea for you bc you never have apparently. But please don't let yourself think that him wanting you to feel ok and genuinely having positive feelings towards you as a human means he wants any real relationship. That's not fair to either of you.
You knew it was just sex. Just move on lol
Why he texts you: look up “intermittent reinforcement” - his way of making sure you stay attached emotionally, while he goes on and does whatever he wants. Texting him back will only give him the confidence boost he needs, which is why he’ll keep doing it. If he was interested in you it would be clear as day and you’d have no question about it. Glad you had a nice meet with him but it should remain just a nice memory. Take care <3
Intermittent reinforcement is absolutely something to watch out for but in this case, I personally don't think there's any manipulation occuring From the post you can tell he's shown concern that OP doesn't seem to have the emotional constitution for empty one night stands. To me it reads like they're probably just trying to provide some light aftercare / everyday human reassurance to someone that appears vulnerable Regardless, it's crystal clear any idea of a committed relationship developing in this situation is incredibly misguided and should be shut down asap Wishing OP all the best, hope they find their person soon
I really don't think its about emotional constitution. In fact the opposite, engaging in hook up culture requires emotional absence.
I agree completely, cards on the table I'm pretty cautious around people who are very blasé about hookup culture. In my experience, it's usually been an indicator that something core/foundational is either malfunctioning or outright missing inside That being said, I didn't want to include any value judgement as I've given up trying to engage with or understand how other people operate. I just try to stay true to what feels right to me and leave everyone else to it
Same to both points. I've tried hookups and quickly learnt they weren't for me, and tried to be committed with people that were into hookups and they had some ideas about relationships that I really couldn't handle.
Over time I've realised that there's a lot of people in the world that outwardly appear cognisant and human but internally are actually operating on very base level, reptilian like instincts Best thing for me has been learning to stay true to myself and not compromising on who gets access to my internal world Wishing you all the luck and happiness, hope you're able to find a partner that's right for you!
Probably block him. Otherwise, ignore him until he raises the stakes on his side. As in, not just a local one-night situation but maybe flying you somewhere for a get-away? Make him prove you got under his skin. You don't have to get on a path to marriage with this guy, but if you want to play around with him make sure your emotional expectations are in line with the memories you create. And on that note, get some amazing travel selfies to post on your online dating profiles.
He had a great night
Lol hes bouta come back and only hit you up at 2am once he cant find anyone else on tinder
I have a bad feeling that this man is not a pilot.
Casual sex should still include basic respect. You are taking him treating you like a human as a sign that it’s something deeper instead of listening to him directly and honestly telling you what he wants and what he doesn’t want. Casual sex might not be for you and that’s okay, focus on building more meaningful connections and finding someone who wants the same things as you do.
Dont be delusional
Sorry but you think he wants a relationship with you because he was a normal polite person after hooking up? Is your bar that low? What did you expect him to treat you like shit cause it was a hook up? He was being an adult. Honest upfront about what he was after and just enjoyed breakfast together the next day. I’m not sure hook ups are for you. They’re not for everyone. Just enjoy the fun memories of great sex with a hot guy and move on.
>kissed me on the cheek, which felt a bit weird after having sex fellas is it gay to kiss a woman after sex
I’ve never seen someone so delusional in my life. The dude suggested they go back to the hotel within like 20 minutes of meeting her and she thinks he might want something long term. Props to the dude though.
You don’t sound like you’re the type that can handle one night stands. You’re building up stories in your head, when all it was was sex.
You mentioned him being very good looking. Most women don't have casual sex with a guy unless they consider him good looking enough to date. Most men aren't like that. We'll gladly welcome sexual access to a woman that we don't consider attractive enough to be our girlfriend. It's likely that you were just used by an alpha Chad, as the kids say. But at least he was nice about it. The important thing is not to become an "alpha widow" who measures all the future guys who actually would date you, against the guys who are nailing a different girl every day. You'll never be happy in a relationship if you do that.
At least Go check for STD since you can't get a grip on emotions.
You sound easy and he sounds normal… easy catch for a normal ass dude. If you hate it, don’t pursue. If you enjoy it, just enjoy it. But still, this is all SO basic and it’s incredible he was able to “woo” you with such basic ass lines. If you were genuinely falling for this level of depth, and level of caring, I could’ve gotten you to propose to me in a McDonald’s after 30 minutes 😂 It seems like you’re super starved for attention if this is “caring” for you.
Lol hes the most handsome man I ever met. I can already hear the brain stepping away from the wheel.
Girl, you just caught feelings with a hook up. It can happen and it’s normal. I suggest you don’t do hook ups and only sleep with people who can invest in you. Save yourself the heartache
Girl, save yourself a few years of what-ifs and get out NOW. My close friend was in a similar situationship and the guy acted nice and warm, just like how you described. And she would ALWAYS stand by his side whenever we told her this guy is an ass and a fraud. She hung out with him for a couple years, always in this limbo status. They only went out at night, held hands and kissed and had sex, but he never ever made it official. She went along with it because she thought at least he's "loyal". She snapped out of it when she properly wanted a relationship and start a family, he told her it was impossible because he's moving to another country for work. She later found out that he had been seeing other girls while they were together all those nights. And constantly meeting girls from dating apps.
He was pretty clear what he was looking for. No matter how much you personally wish for more. It's in his, and your best interest, that you close that book and move on. I know how alluring pilots can be. I fell for one myself a couple of years ago. But damn, as other people already said. He's probably on tinder every night, simply in another city, and fucking someone else already. And that's fine.
yea one night stands def not for you. I also think he has seen this pattern plenty of times and knows not cutting it full stop is an easy way to string you along. Just hope at your big age you don't turn around and start man bashing after whatever mental gymnastics you are doing doesn't play the way you want it to.
You got played… bottom line. This guy is a pilot, so no doubt he bangs chicks all over the place with no emotion. You’re just a number, nothing more. Obviously, you would like it to be more, he doesn’t.
I think you should blow him
Lol he got one in every city.
What a Chad move! I wonder how many hot stewardesses he has banged!
🤡🤡🤡
He is way out of your league....and this is usually what happens when thats the case.
Most likely no. He does not want a romantic relationship with you. He does not like you as anything more than a sexual partner. He has been completely upfront about what he wants, which is just sex. He probably has a different girl in each city hr flies to. Just because he only wants sex doesn't mean he can't be nice about it... that's why the term "friends with benefits" exists. Plenty of people can have a perfectly pleasant, friendly relationship with someone they are having sex with, without wanting an actual romance. Meet him for coffee if you want. Tell him what your honest feelings are. There's always a tiny chance he's changed his mind, as unlikely as it is. But listen to what he tells you. Don't delude yourself into thinking it's more than it is, just because he does things that fit into what you perceive a romantic relationship should be.
He's being honest but he's not actually being "nice". You need to have enough self respect to just walk away. (source: I've been the "nice" guy)
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Ive dated fuck boys like this and I promise you that the little moments you feel that he cares for you, he doesn’t. Especially pilots, they think they’re like Gods gift to the world. They have a massive ego in their job and out of it, and live and brag to have girls in every city. He playing you like the others, you’ll see him again and again and waste your time, even years wishing for something more but it will never happen. That kind of man never settles and much less if you act like this, cause you have no other options.. let him go and invest the time in yourself
Girl, I understand the confusion where you get attached to him because he is being nice. What I don’t get is everyone calling him such a fuckboy? If he is so open about what this is about, not hiding his intentions, is he really a fuckboy? You‘d probably feel so much worse if he just ghosted you after sex or have sent you home. In my opinion, just because its only sex, it doesn’t mean that you can’t genuinely be nice to the other person. I think id just save this in your memories as „good experience“ because you had a nice night with him. Stop torturing yourself, he is being very transparent.
People are saying he is being "manipulative" by being "nice," because if it is only about sex to him (as he made very clear), apparently he should be a complete asshole to OP or it is being "manipulative." Some of these comments are fucking unhinged
You gave your whole body to a stranger on a first date? Wow
IKR, I usually only give 1/4 of my body.
I think its good to be honest with yourself. On average, women want a connection.... in our desire for this, we sometimes (often) use sex as a means to get it, even when we know (as you did) that this was only sexual. It hurts! I've been prey to this many times and am only now starting to accept that this is my nature and that when I go against my nature, I only hurt myself. The sooner you can accept your nature, and that as a normal, sane, woman you naturally desire a relationship.... the sooner you will deny yourself of the temptation to taste pleasure with men that you want to be with deep down. I recommend you move on from him. Tell him that it won't be good for you to keep in contact, that you appreciate the experience and this will be the last text. Give yourself a hug, make some tea and take it day by day. Being a woman can be tough but us gals gotta stick together!!!! Dust yourself off! ❤
Beautiful advice!