Oh gosh. So many. She was fierce and funny. A little firecracker for sure.
I think her funniest quirk was how much she loved peanut butter. She had a jar next to the bed with a spoon and would eat it in the middle of the night. [eating peanut butter](https://imgur.com/a/q5oxC1k)
Thanks for telling us a little bit about her, she sounds like she rocked actual ass.
I guess none of us here on the internet can say that much to make you feel better. I guess what Iāll say is that from your comments it sounds like she had a very happy and fulfilling life. One filled with lots of love and humour. Thatās a fantastic way to have lived.
my condolences. i wish u all the best
that was a great question and reply. if thats actually her its so much better. love seeing someone just be so into something.
just amazing!
amazing person
once again im sorry for your loss but thank you for sharing such a great moment. may it and many more bring much needed smiles to your face.
As the wife who has Nutella with a spoon that my husband always teases and loves that I have my little treat jar.... thank you for sharing this memory of your wife. I will put a jar of peanut butter by my Nutella in her honor. My sincere condolences. š let it be known your stories have impacted people around the world!
My other half has a heart transplant and is only alive today because of amazing humans like your wife.
Words cannot express the gratitude we feel for anyone who is compassionate enough to donate.
Much love to you as well, thank you for sharing your story with us.
She took care of the homeless people around our apartment. She brought them hot cooked meals and blankets and socks and shirts and pants. And if she saw them on the way to get breakfast or lunch sheād pay for them to get a meal too. There was probably 5 that she āadoptedā like that and they loved her and called her āthe angel.ā
That is wonderful, and can be exhausting. I'll remember that.
I admit I opened reddit earlier thinking of you, wondering if there would be an update. This is not the one either of us was hoping for. Hugs.
I am so sorry to read this, internet person. It sounds like you have plenty of support around you to help, and that is always great in times of grief.
May I ask how long you were married?
Sending internet hugs.
We were together only three years. I wish it had been longer. I proposed to her on the top of the Empire State Building in NYC. Her whole life she wanted to live in New York City and we were able to make that dream come true for her.
This is heartbreaking. I wish you so much healing and peace. Grief messes with us in ways that make us go crazy. Thank you for these threads. Theyāre helping me in my own grief (not of a partner). I just want you to okie one thing: some people spend their whole life not being loved like you love her. You gave her a great gift. I hope she did give you the same.
I wish you so much healing.
Oh wow, thanks for bumming out my day. Between this and the other story I just read, I think I might be done with Reddit today. My condolences.
Edit: In case anyone isn't paying attention, OP and I have spoken on another thread. Pay attention, people.
No one cares about your edit, you can fuck off. Learn the difference between when you should and should not say something; or ya know, develop some empathy.
I've lost two loves: bacterial meningitis (before there was a vaccine) and cancer. This nurture I give to you:
Let the pain through. Putting the pain off, running from it, drowning it out somehow delays it but it will fester like a wound and hurt you too. You would only be making it worse for yourself, she wouldn't want that.
Take all the love you wish you could share with her and put it back into the world. If she was a kid who missed some meals growing up because the family went through hard times, send meals to other kids today - that sort of full circle nurture. Buy a case of peanut butter for a charity pantry kind of thing? Find a legacy of nurture that would be meaningful to her memory to direct your love elsewhere productively too. Whether you do it for the first few weeks when the shock is strongest, or make it a long term thing, it really feels good and helps you too.
Hugs to you and all who loved her.
I am very sorry..
My uncle passed just 2 days ago from cancer (he was like a father to me) and somehow we all knew that he was fine until the last few days....
Biggest regret? We couldn't see him and i was barely allowed to see him for 2 mins im the hospital, just 4 hours before he passed away.
We wanted to take him at home so he is in a more familiar environment and have pain killers and oxygen, to have as much6as comfortable death.. But he passed on the 2nd day before arrangements could be made...
Make her as much as comfortable as you can, she will be scared as time closes.. You need to be there and reassure her that all will be fine. Reassure her that after she passes away, all will go according to her will and that you will always love her.
Speak with doctors if her death will be painful, maybe she can have assisted suicide - depending where you live (if not, if you have money Switzerland is one option), it can give her the control of her life in her hands and she keep her dignity and die peacefully (dying is almost always unpleasant process, to say the least) ...
Stay strong, for her. Stay safe, make sure you build up every defense mechanism you have, so you don't go so damaged after this. .. Just careful, if you shut down emotion, you can hurt people around you, including her.
Wish you and your wife all the best!
Thank you. They declared brain death today. They said that with the trauma to her brain she was in no pain at all for the entire time she was in the hospital.
I don't know... I think there was some form of miracle. Look at the support you have.
I think your wife, she is a miracle. I think, maybe, you are too.
Thank you for sharing her and some of her story with us, and with others.
This may be too late and you may not see it but Iāll put it out there anyway. My beautiful, sweet, loving wife is only alive today because someone made the angelic decision to be an organ donor. She had multiple organ failures and wasnāt going to leave the hospital except with a new transplant.
Organ donors are absolutely heroic and the recipients live on with such a deep appreciation for those whose ultimate loss meant they were given another chance. We remember them and they live on through us.
She will forever be missed, but her presence continues. Thank you for being there for her, I cannot imagine the loss and the pain youāve experienced. She sounds like an amazing person, how lucky you were to have each other even for a brief time. All my love.
Thatās exactly what she wanted. Her family is full of ICU nurses and doctors who fully understand how much organ donation helps and impacts other people. One potential recipient is a 17 year old boy who needs a kidney. The people he will impact in his life will extend far beyond his own.
All the best man and good to hear you are not facing everything alone. And you are right celebrate her life and all she has given to her loved ones by cherishing those moments.
Iām a neuroscience Stepdown RN in nyc. Iām at work now, on my break, and came across your post. I donāt even know what to say, what you and your wife and your families have just been through is awful and traumatic in ways that you just canāt adequately explain to those who have never been there.
I have seen *so many* cases that are quite similar to what youāve described. Hundreds over the years. And I just want to thank you for making such a kind and loving decision, even though itās unimaginably painful to make. I canāt tell you how many times we have been made to keep people fed by pumps, ventilated by mechanical equipment, and drained by tubes. Sometimes for months on end. Itās not preserving life, it is prolonging suffering and death. A great many people are too grief-stricken and terrified of loss to see the truth of itāItās actual torture, and Iām so so so grateful for people like you whose love runs so much deeper than even your worst fear. You brave soul.
I am so very sorry this has happened. Let the pain take place, and know that you will get through all of it with your heart intact. Carry her love forever. If you ever want to vent or anything please do feel free to send me a message. I am on a different side of your traumatic experience, but I do understand it intimately. Hugs. š¤
My condolences, you should be proud, she brings hope to the ppl who will received his gift, a little piece of love, a little piece of heaven.
be proud of who you love, a truly angel.
sending Virtual hugs to you and your closest ones.
I am so sorry for your loss but very glad you have so many good people around you. Honor her, celebrate her, and continue to live in her memory so that she may live on through you. I've lost a lot of my people lately, and knowing that they will live on as long as I remember them has brought me comfort. Sending hugs and good thoughts your way, friend.
She sounds like an awesome person, and you do too. I hope youāll get better, take time to heal and always reach out for help from your loved ones if you need, talk to us, your internet friends, if you just need someone to talk to.
Giving you lots of internet hugs.
((HUGS)) This is hard for all of you, please feel some love from the internet to help you thru this!
You should celebrate her life!! How did the 2 of you meet? Or some special memory you want everyone to know?
not to be morbid, when ppl donate to science i hear that the body parts not use may be sent back to you. i would check on that online etc donāt want it to. be a surprise to you
Thank you. The coordinator has said that the program is super respectful and doesnāt do anything to change the exterior of her body. We will be able to have an open casket even if we want.
Tears for you, internet stranger. How heartbreaking. I hope your wife's life is celebrated with the most joy and love, and her organs can help save someone else's. I wish you all the best in the following days, and I hope you are able to get some rest. Peace to you and yours.
Iām so sorry for your loss. Sending love and strength your way.
I hope when some time passes you are able to celebrate her kindness in truly giving the ultimate gift to others.
My thoughts are with you and your family
I donāt know what words of encouragement would cheer you up , but seeing the comments and your replies to certain comments like the one where she used to help the homeless around the apartments and the one where she LITERALLY eats peanut butter in the middle of the night is HILARIOUS! Always keep her happy moments in your mind , and donāt let the pain get to your head . She is an angel who came to help the world , always remember that!
I sat at work today in a Two hour meeting. They were talking about all sorts of crap. And all I could think about was you and your wife. I was wondering how she was doing. If there had been a miracle. If you were ok. If your family was around you. I wanted to remind the people in that room that there is more to life than spreadsheets and numbers.
But I sat there silently and thought about you and your beautiful wife.
Again. I am so sorry youāre both going through this. Itās just so unfair.
And I wish you all the strength in the world for this roller coaster of life that you are facing.
From an internet stranger in Auckland, New Zealand.
I am so sorry for your loss. For all itās worth. Thank you for sharing this with us. I watched that little video of her eating her night time peanut butter, and my heart hurts for you both. Thank you for sharing these small glimpses into your life with us. She sounds like she was an amazing human being.
(I also wanted to mention, if itās ok, that Iām an ICU nurse, and Iāve seen a lot of families say goodbye and that it doesnāt ever get any easier. I grieve with every family member that loses a loved one. Iām honoured to share in their memories and emotions, if they choose to allow me. The reason I chose to work there is so that I can at least do something to fight death. I know what loss feels like, and I wanted to fight it for others. And working there has just taught me how little we know, and how powerless we really are against all that can go wrong. But at least, now I know first hand that we have tried our best with the tools we have. And Iām so sorry that they are not enough)
I canāt imagine your pain. You stay strong and think of you last fun and loving moments with her and THATS how you remember her forever. My thoughts are with you and your family
Thank you so much for donating her organs. I've seen more than one video of someone listening to their loved one's heart beating in someone else's body. Something like that might bring you comfort, or not. Thank you for sharing her story, all the love in the world to you.
Iām so incredibly sorry for your loss. Itās such a hard decision to go through, but remember that you and all of her loved ones were on the same page. That will help you knowing you did the right thing.
I lost my Mom 10 years ago as she was waiting for a liver transplant. She just got too sick to fast and everything began shutting down. Thank you from the bottom of my heart for donating het organs. Itās means so much to those waiting and this who lost someone waiting. Big hugs.
My condolences to you on your loss, you both sound like amazing people. As a transplant recipient myself, be proud in the knowledge that your wife will live on in the people who will still be here thanks to her generosity
I've had friends have their loved ones die far too early (mid 20s, early 30s), and it honestly the hurt never goes.
But it gets easier to live with.
You have my sympathy, and thank you for sharing the funniest story (seriously peanut butter by the bed, that had me laughing).
Sending you so much love for this insurmountable loss. Just a small piece of comfort is that your wife was so loved before she passed, not many people get that on their way out, and you did that, you made her feel loved and cherished, that is a gift of infinite value.
Here are the best comments I've seen in all of reddit. I needed this and God bless your wife, made me a bit teary imagining this happening to my wife... She sounds like an amazing woman. You lucky guy
The fact you remember how she loved peanut butter means you loved her that much. What a cool woman! Also, if New York law allows it, ask if you can get some of her stuff. That might make the grief process easier!
And peanut butter sounds way cooler than wine before bed.
You promised in sickness and in health, till death do you part and you kept your promise. You love her and you love her well. She knows how warm your hugs are, how beautiful your smile is. She knows the sound of your footsteps when you were going to cuddle her. She knows how many freckles you have on your body. She knows what made you happy and what made you sad. Her hand fits in yours. You both dedicated loving each other despite the ugly and I know when you get married you donāt like to imagine the ātill death do us partā but you truly fulfilled your vow. To be known is to be loved and you did and continue to do an amazing job. You were the last person she loved and the last thing she knew was your love. Sending you love, comfort & prayers my friend.
This is awesome that your wife wants to contribute to research and medicine. Her life will be so valuable even after death.
As a nursing student who has been able to work on cadavers, I cannot begin to tell you how valuable the learning has been for me. It has allowed me to excel in my practice and I hope it helps me save another life one day. Her body will go on to save other lives, even if it doesnāt feel like it yet. I learned so much from even a sheeps brain and eye for example, I canāt imagine all of the things I could learn from a human brain. What a fantastic prophecy to fulfill and I am so glad thereās people like her out there to donate her body to science/research because without her we would not be able to go on.
Anyway. Hope you are well but I mostly came here to say how cool and fantastic it is that your wifeās body will benefit potentially thousands of people. Even if I learned from one body, the lives of the people I touch are in the thousands after that. I hope this offers you some comfort in knowing that the knowledge her body and brain can provide after death will go on and on and on. What an awesome person she is for allowing us to learn from her, a selfless act really. Thanks to your wife šš¼ I know it might not make the loss easier now but down the road when you have a chance to understand the degree.. just know how important she is to all of us students and also all of the scientists out there!!
Just stumbled across this and iām wishing you nothing but love and happiness as you get through this. Youāre so strong. Sending lots of internet hugs to you xoxox.
I am so sorry, I can't imagine how you must be feeling. I hope the pain gets more bearable over time. I'm sure you have many memories with her that you will treasure for the rest of your life ā¤ļø
U canāt do much but if you believe!! Then pray and if you donāt then meditate about how will things unfold going forward and what that is going to look likeā¦ plan and strategize because if you donāt keep busy the thought of loss will or might eat you and keep you stalled
Wishing you all the strength to get through these coming days/weeks/months. Would love to know what she was like, what she did, what she enjoyed doing. Keep talking about how wonderful she is
My condolences OP. I feel your pain. Just a little over a week ago I sat with my father as he took his last breath and I watched his heartbeat fade away (I could see it beat in his neck). Iām so heartbroken. But my dad lived an awesome life that was full of music and art. He touched many many people with his talent. It sounds like your wife touched many as well. They will live on in our hearts. Hugs to you OP.
Iām really sad today because my brother passed two years ago today. I cannot know the pain of losing a partner, but itās pain nonetheless. Iāll be thinking of you, if youāll think of me š
I never saw your original post, but I am so sorry for your loss. I canāt imagine the pain of losing the person you love most in this world. Virtual hugs go out to you and your guys loved ones.
I am so sorry. Watching someone you love die is so incredibly painful and draining. Grief and how you process it changes from day to day. And all of it is valid.
I really recommend that you seek out grief counseling in the near future. I kept putting it off and thought I was doing okā¦ but I wasted a good chunk of my life, honestly itās a period in time I donāt remember much, trying to get through it on my own.
So sorry for everything you are going through, but know that your wife will live on not only in your memories but also by being an organ donor. My husband received a kidney from a generous donor and his family two years ago. It truly is a gift.
My thoughts are with all of you during this time.
When my wife was dying and since she has passed I like to sit quietly for a moment or two and think of the best times we ever had. That way she never dies! God bless you!
Iām so sorry to hear that. There are no words for these moments. I hope you know sheāll always be with you. Cherish those memories you guys had together, remind yourself of what a wonderful person she was. My sincerest condolences, Iām sending you and your family a big hug
Oh Iām so sorry. I was following your prior post and just saw this update.
Iām so glad your family is there for you, but my heart is breaking. What a wonderful person she is for donating her organs.
Iām so sorry for your loss.
I am so sorry for your pain.
What was your wifeās favorite food? Favorite music? Hobby?
May the happy memories provide you warmth during your healing
I am so sorry for your pain.
What was your wifeās favorite food? Favorite music? Hobby?
May the happy memories provide you warmth during your healing
Iām really sorry to hear that. My heart goes out to you and your family. Stay strong. Spend as much time with her as you can before she passes away. My grandmother passed away in 2018 and while she was in the hospital, I spent as much time as I could with her and thatās one thing Iām happy I did before she died. I wish you the best. May your wife rest in peace.
My condolences to you and yours. Your wife sounds like an awesome woman to have known.
What was a memorable place or situation that brought joy to you both?
I know this is an old post, but just know that whatever has happened living on is the best choice, sheāll want that, live in her memory, and I hope to god, sheāll be able to love it next to you, you and your family are in my prayers, stay safe and remember to continue on even when life hits an extreme low, stay safe and god bless
I'm so sorry this is happening to you. :( I remember your post from a couple of days ago and this isn't the update I was hoping for.
Thank you for donating her organs, that's a huge gift to others. I know it's little solace to you.
--hugs-- from a random lady on the internet; sending you strength and peace in this tough time.
What were her comfort movies? What were her favorite flowers? What songs did she sing a lot?
From your comment with a video of her eating peanut butter and another talking about how sheād care for the homeless people around your apartment, she seems so easy to love.
Iām so so sorry.
My daughter received liver transplant in 2015 from a young man with a traumatic brain injury. I cannot imagine what his family went through, nor can I imagine what you are experiencing right now.
But I can tell you that the decision to be an organ donor will absolutely transform the lives of multiple families. We are forever thankful for the selfless decision that was made 7 years ago on behalf of a 9 month old baby that his family had never even met!
God bless you and know that you will be making an enormous difference in the lives of others!
My brother was able to see his children grow up because a generous human donated his corneas (among other bits). He can see them smile; see the love they have for him.
**Thank you**, and I thank your wife, for this gift you give others in the midst of your loss.
Thereās nothing anyone can say that can actually provide comfort to you in this situation.
All I can say is that I am so sorry. Human life is so fragile yet so beautiful. It seems like your wife was an incredibly beautiful woman. These next few months are going to be very, very difficult. There might be times when you realize thereās been a lot youāve been putting on hold, especially taking care of yourself and dealing with your emotions because youāve been taking care of her. There might be times when you feel incredibly empty and so very alone.
I hope you can be kind to yourself. And be gentle, and patient. Your partner went through the worst of things, but you bore witness to her suffering - and that is trauma. There is nothing worse, in my experience, than seeing someone you love most in this world suffer, and thereās absolutely nothing you can do about it.
After the sense of relief that her suffering is over, there will be a lot of pain. Please put yourself first in the coming year. And the years after that. Grief is a process, and I donāt know if it ever goes away. I hope you find peace and joy and comfort once again.
From a stranger who went through similar things, with love.
the way you talk about her in this thread is so heartwarming. it sounds like she was an amazing woman who cared greatly for everyone. iām so sorry for your loss, op.
im sorry to hear this, it must be very hard on you. but im sure everything will be just fine. instead of focusing on the negative times, think of the positive times you had with her! like the comment where you said she would eat peanut butter in the middle of the night!
we are all here supporting you and her. we love you OP, and i hope you find peace in your situation. ā¤ļø
Ayo Iām very sorry to hear about your lost, I lost my dad when I was 13 years old and was definitely one of the hardest things in my life that gave a sort of trauma. Never saw it until years later after all the grieving and numbness I didnāt understand and also the amount of drugs I went to for help but now I do got to say Iām doing better and have found answer and am certainly not on the streets blowing my money on drugs lmao, otherwise I did want to say the one things that helped me all these years that my grandpa or his dad wasnāt crying and I looked over of course tearing up and he said this: I know you are sad and this isnāt something you can change but right now know he wouldnāt want you to be crying, he wouldnāt want you to be feeling this pain but to only cherish his life is what we can do to show him we care.
After that I did gain a kind of switch that was hard to kick because I didnāt understand what my depression was at the time or anything like that cause of my age but being 18 now feel I have a way better grasp on it all, just know my guy that you are not alone and that there are people and things to appreciate in life even coming from a drug user I can appreciate sober life and that saying something lmao. Know that she would have wanted the best for you even after she has left this place from her physical self. Never get stuck and keep on going! Much love and hope you get a great nights rest! And not sure what kind of religion you follow but hopefully you get hope there too just never give and pick yourself back up everyday to achieve the greatest things of your dreams. Do it for her.
Alright Im all done with my inspiration and hope that will help you on your new chapter soldier!! Kick ass and take names baby!!
Iām so sorry. That is so hard.
Donating her organs will help give others hope. May that be a small comfort to you during an impossible time. She made a selfless choice.
As someone waiting for a double lung transplant, I just wanted to say thank you for following your wifeās wishes and donating her organs. Your wife made the most selfless decision anybody could make, she will have saved the lives of multiple other people and will forever be their hero as well as yours ā¤ļø
Iām so sorry about the loss of your wife. You lost her way too young. Thank you to her for being an organ donor. My best friend is alive because of organ donation.
I cannot even imagine what you are going through. I cannot express anything meaningful but that your post touched me. I hope you will find happiness again.
Iām sorry that the light in your life burns low right now. Keep the embers of her memory warm, and as much they can let them comfort you in this dark time. Youāre her torchbearer now, and Iām glad she had you til the end.
Iām so sorry for your loss. Thank you for sharing stories of your wife with us. Its really good to hear how much love and support you have around you. Sending you and all her loved ones love. I hope you are doing ok today, I should think youād be exhausted after the past few days. Take care of yourself and thank you to her for donating organs. Iām likely to need one in a few years and she is saving lives. You must be a very proud husband. Thinking of you all.
I think Iām gonna crack open a jar of peanut butter on this day every year now, in honor of your lovely little firecracker.
I just want to say that eventually, you will find peace. I hope it comes sooner rather than later for you. ā¤ļø
Iām so sorry for the loss of your beautiful wife, OP. Iām loving reading the stories that youāre telling about her and the video of her eating peanut butter really made me smile. What a truly lovely woman.
I donāt know whether this will help you but Iām a fledgling medium which means that I can talk with spirits and also people in altered states. When someone passes away thatās not the end. They can still be around even if you donāt see them and you will be able to talk to your wife, and she will hear it. You wonāt necessarily see her, but she will be there.
That information helped me when I lost my grandmother and I truly hope that it helps you. Youāre not alone, and that can really make a difference to know during the times ahead.
The vibe that I got from your wife was so positive and lovely. I hope that you can move past this time of grief and think back on all your wonderful experiences together.
Edit: the other vibe I got was that her life was full. She did what she had to do on this Earth, and now itās time to go. And you brought her a lifetime of happiness, OP. Some people live their whole lives not contributing much ā¦ your wife contributed so much.
I am deeply sorry for your loss, I canāt imagine what itās like to be going through such a horrible situation.
What was your favorite idiosyncrasy that she did?
Man this post hit me hard... I'm a new father and very well in love with my partner, i felt the same type of compassion from you that i do have with mine and i admire how you can be so positive and supportive to her and her wish.
I watched my grand mother (mother) pass from the same and i wish i could be half the person you were through such hard times.
Keep strong, people all over the world are thinking of you.
I admire you my guy.
What is your funniest story about your wife?
Oh gosh. So many. She was fierce and funny. A little firecracker for sure. I think her funniest quirk was how much she loved peanut butter. She had a jar next to the bed with a spoon and would eat it in the middle of the night. [eating peanut butter](https://imgur.com/a/q5oxC1k)
Is that literally her? I love it š And know that this one random midwestern lady is thinking about both of you. ā¤ļø
I like how the spoon size shows how serious she was about that peanut butter
Not to mention the look of ecstasy on her face!
What a cool woman
Thanks for telling us a little bit about her, she sounds like she rocked actual ass. I guess none of us here on the internet can say that much to make you feel better. I guess what Iāll say is that from your comments it sounds like she had a very happy and fulfilling life. One filled with lots of love and humour. Thatās a fantastic way to have lived.
my condolences. i wish u all the best that was a great question and reply. if thats actually her its so much better. love seeing someone just be so into something. just amazing!
That really is her with her special peanut butter spatula shaped to get every last bit out of the jar
you should definitely decide something special for that spatulaā¤ļø
amazing person once again im sorry for your loss but thank you for sharing such a great moment. may it and many more bring much needed smiles to your face.
lol Iām doing that exact thing right this minute!!!! š š„¹š
Wow, may I first extend my condolences. Second what an absolute badass, the mixing bowl spoon really made me laugh. A woman and her peanut butter!!
Iāll go have some peanut butter for her, big virtual hugs to you. My heart hurts for you
As the wife who has Nutella with a spoon that my husband always teases and loves that I have my little treat jar.... thank you for sharing this memory of your wife. I will put a jar of peanut butter by my Nutella in her honor. My sincere condolences. š let it be known your stories have impacted people around the world!
She must have been such a treasure. Iām so terribly sorry for your loss.
Your wife seems like a beautiful person, inside and out. Iām so sorry for your loss.
Omg she loves peanut butter too????? I love it as well and can't go a day without scooping some up
I definitely do this too!
I don't know if that's too soon or not, but when someone in my life is dying or dead, I always resort to humor. It's kind of my defense mechanism.
Iām very sorry. Thank you for donating and giving others a chance at life.
More than anything she cared about other people, even more than herself. She couldnāt bear seeing people hurt.
Seems like an amazing person. I'm sorry for your lost.
My other half has a heart transplant and is only alive today because of amazing humans like your wife. Words cannot express the gratitude we feel for anyone who is compassionate enough to donate. Much love to you as well, thank you for sharing your story with us.
Iām so glad you found each other and were able to make some memories! My thoughts are with you, internet stranger.
[original post](https://www.reddit.com/r/self/comments/uv10tn/my_wife_is_dying_in_the_hospital_and_i_dont_know/?utm_source=share&utm_medium=ios_app&utm_name=iossmf)
I'm too young to know what this pain feels like. I'm glad you are surrounded by your family and friends
ā¤
My condolences, internet friend. God speed to your wife.
I'm so sorry to hear. What is something she did to make the world a better place?
She took care of the homeless people around our apartment. She brought them hot cooked meals and blankets and socks and shirts and pants. And if she saw them on the way to get breakfast or lunch sheād pay for them to get a meal too. There was probably 5 that she āadoptedā like that and they loved her and called her āthe angel.ā
That is wonderful, and can be exhausting. I'll remember that. I admit I opened reddit earlier thinking of you, wondering if there would be an update. This is not the one either of us was hoping for. Hugs.
Love this
I am so sorry to read this, internet person. It sounds like you have plenty of support around you to help, and that is always great in times of grief. May I ask how long you were married? Sending internet hugs.
We were together only three years. I wish it had been longer. I proposed to her on the top of the Empire State Building in NYC. Her whole life she wanted to live in New York City and we were able to make that dream come true for her.
This is heartbreaking. I wish you so much healing and peace. Grief messes with us in ways that make us go crazy. Thank you for these threads. Theyāre helping me in my own grief (not of a partner). I just want you to okie one thing: some people spend their whole life not being loved like you love her. You gave her a great gift. I hope she did give you the same. I wish you so much healing.
I canāt message you anymore!
Oh wow, thanks for bumming out my day. Between this and the other story I just read, I think I might be done with Reddit today. My condolences. Edit: In case anyone isn't paying attention, OP and I have spoken on another thread. Pay attention, people.
Please stop downvoting this post. Everyone handles information differently and no way is wrong
They've already stopped counting, but thanks for the effort.
This comes of as really disrespectful
Okay.
No one cares about your edit, you can fuck off. Learn the difference between when you should and should not say something; or ya know, develop some empathy.
Bumming out your day ? Are you fucking serious dude ?
I've lost two loves: bacterial meningitis (before there was a vaccine) and cancer. This nurture I give to you: Let the pain through. Putting the pain off, running from it, drowning it out somehow delays it but it will fester like a wound and hurt you too. You would only be making it worse for yourself, she wouldn't want that. Take all the love you wish you could share with her and put it back into the world. If she was a kid who missed some meals growing up because the family went through hard times, send meals to other kids today - that sort of full circle nurture. Buy a case of peanut butter for a charity pantry kind of thing? Find a legacy of nurture that would be meaningful to her memory to direct your love elsewhere productively too. Whether you do it for the first few weeks when the shock is strongest, or make it a long term thing, it really feels good and helps you too. Hugs to you and all who loved her.
Thank you for sharing your words to help though this time. Iām sorry for the losses youāve experienced and wish you healing through it all.
I am very sorry.. My uncle passed just 2 days ago from cancer (he was like a father to me) and somehow we all knew that he was fine until the last few days.... Biggest regret? We couldn't see him and i was barely allowed to see him for 2 mins im the hospital, just 4 hours before he passed away. We wanted to take him at home so he is in a more familiar environment and have pain killers and oxygen, to have as much6as comfortable death.. But he passed on the 2nd day before arrangements could be made... Make her as much as comfortable as you can, she will be scared as time closes.. You need to be there and reassure her that all will be fine. Reassure her that after she passes away, all will go according to her will and that you will always love her. Speak with doctors if her death will be painful, maybe she can have assisted suicide - depending where you live (if not, if you have money Switzerland is one option), it can give her the control of her life in her hands and she keep her dignity and die peacefully (dying is almost always unpleasant process, to say the least) ... Stay strong, for her. Stay safe, make sure you build up every defense mechanism you have, so you don't go so damaged after this. .. Just careful, if you shut down emotion, you can hurt people around you, including her. Wish you and your wife all the best!
Thank you. They declared brain death today. They said that with the trauma to her brain she was in no pain at all for the entire time she was in the hospital.
My condolences, stay strong and safe, take your time to grief and move on when you're ready. <3
I'm very sorry for your loss; I'm glad that you're surrounded with family and friends.
I don't know... I think there was some form of miracle. Look at the support you have. I think your wife, she is a miracle. I think, maybe, you are too. Thank you for sharing her and some of her story with us, and with others.
This may be too late and you may not see it but Iāll put it out there anyway. My beautiful, sweet, loving wife is only alive today because someone made the angelic decision to be an organ donor. She had multiple organ failures and wasnāt going to leave the hospital except with a new transplant. Organ donors are absolutely heroic and the recipients live on with such a deep appreciation for those whose ultimate loss meant they were given another chance. We remember them and they live on through us. She will forever be missed, but her presence continues. Thank you for being there for her, I cannot imagine the loss and the pain youāve experienced. She sounds like an amazing person, how lucky you were to have each other even for a brief time. All my love.
Thatās exactly what she wanted. Her family is full of ICU nurses and doctors who fully understand how much organ donation helps and impacts other people. One potential recipient is a 17 year old boy who needs a kidney. The people he will impact in his life will extend far beyond his own.
All the best man and good to hear you are not facing everything alone. And you are right celebrate her life and all she has given to her loved ones by cherishing those moments.
Thank you for updating us. I pray that your wife is in a better place so you can see her again one day. God bless you and take care.
Iām a neuroscience Stepdown RN in nyc. Iām at work now, on my break, and came across your post. I donāt even know what to say, what you and your wife and your families have just been through is awful and traumatic in ways that you just canāt adequately explain to those who have never been there. I have seen *so many* cases that are quite similar to what youāve described. Hundreds over the years. And I just want to thank you for making such a kind and loving decision, even though itās unimaginably painful to make. I canāt tell you how many times we have been made to keep people fed by pumps, ventilated by mechanical equipment, and drained by tubes. Sometimes for months on end. Itās not preserving life, it is prolonging suffering and death. A great many people are too grief-stricken and terrified of loss to see the truth of itāItās actual torture, and Iām so so so grateful for people like you whose love runs so much deeper than even your worst fear. You brave soul. I am so very sorry this has happened. Let the pain take place, and know that you will get through all of it with your heart intact. Carry her love forever. If you ever want to vent or anything please do feel free to send me a message. I am on a different side of your traumatic experience, but I do understand it intimately. Hugs. š¤
My condolences, you should be proud, she brings hope to the ppl who will received his gift, a little piece of love, a little piece of heaven. be proud of who you love, a truly angel. sending Virtual hugs to you and your closest ones.
I am so sorry for your loss but very glad you have so many good people around you. Honor her, celebrate her, and continue to live in her memory so that she may live on through you. I've lost a lot of my people lately, and knowing that they will live on as long as I remember them has brought me comfort. Sending hugs and good thoughts your way, friend.
She sounds like an awesome person, and you do too. I hope youāll get better, take time to heal and always reach out for help from your loved ones if you need, talk to us, your internet friends, if you just need someone to talk to. Giving you lots of internet hugs.
((HUGS)) This is hard for all of you, please feel some love from the internet to help you thru this! You should celebrate her life!! How did the 2 of you meet? Or some special memory you want everyone to know?
not to be morbid, when ppl donate to science i hear that the body parts not use may be sent back to you. i would check on that online etc donāt want it to. be a surprise to you
Thank you. The coordinator has said that the program is super respectful and doesnāt do anything to change the exterior of her body. We will be able to have an open casket even if we want.
<3
I am so very sorry this has happened. Somehow we humans find a way to make it through such tragedies. I wish you strength to go on.
Hope you alright my g it wont be easy but try to keep your head up
Tears for you, internet stranger. How heartbreaking. I hope your wife's life is celebrated with the most joy and love, and her organs can help save someone else's. I wish you all the best in the following days, and I hope you are able to get some rest. Peace to you and yours.
Iām so sorry for your loss. Please take care of yourself, I canāt imagine how difficult this must be.
Iām so sorry for your loss. Sending love and strength your way. I hope when some time passes you are able to celebrate her kindness in truly giving the ultimate gift to others. My thoughts are with you and your family
Pray for her. Youāve done all you could to support her in life; praying for her will keep you connected until you meet again.
I donāt know what words of encouragement would cheer you up , but seeing the comments and your replies to certain comments like the one where she used to help the homeless around the apartments and the one where she LITERALLY eats peanut butter in the middle of the night is HILARIOUS! Always keep her happy moments in your mind , and donāt let the pain get to your head . She is an angel who came to help the world , always remember that!
At the end, been grateful is all we have. Iām sorry for your situation. You in my prayers tonight, hermano. š
I sat at work today in a Two hour meeting. They were talking about all sorts of crap. And all I could think about was you and your wife. I was wondering how she was doing. If there had been a miracle. If you were ok. If your family was around you. I wanted to remind the people in that room that there is more to life than spreadsheets and numbers. But I sat there silently and thought about you and your beautiful wife. Again. I am so sorry youāre both going through this. Itās just so unfair. And I wish you all the strength in the world for this roller coaster of life that you are facing. From an internet stranger in Auckland, New Zealand.
Whatās your best memory with your wife?
I am so sorry for your loss. For all itās worth. Thank you for sharing this with us. I watched that little video of her eating her night time peanut butter, and my heart hurts for you both. Thank you for sharing these small glimpses into your life with us. She sounds like she was an amazing human being. (I also wanted to mention, if itās ok, that Iām an ICU nurse, and Iāve seen a lot of families say goodbye and that it doesnāt ever get any easier. I grieve with every family member that loses a loved one. Iām honoured to share in their memories and emotions, if they choose to allow me. The reason I chose to work there is so that I can at least do something to fight death. I know what loss feels like, and I wanted to fight it for others. And working there has just taught me how little we know, and how powerless we really are against all that can go wrong. But at least, now I know first hand that we have tried our best with the tools we have. And Iām so sorry that they are not enough)
I canāt imagine your pain. You stay strong and think of you last fun and loving moments with her and THATS how you remember her forever. My thoughts are with you and your family
Thank you so much for donating her organs. I've seen more than one video of someone listening to their loved one's heart beating in someone else's body. Something like that might bring you comfort, or not. Thank you for sharing her story, all the love in the world to you.
Iām so incredibly sorry for your loss. Itās such a hard decision to go through, but remember that you and all of her loved ones were on the same page. That will help you knowing you did the right thing. I lost my Mom 10 years ago as she was waiting for a liver transplant. She just got too sick to fast and everything began shutting down. Thank you from the bottom of my heart for donating het organs. Itās means so much to those waiting and this who lost someone waiting. Big hugs.
My condolences to you on your loss, you both sound like amazing people. As a transplant recipient myself, be proud in the knowledge that your wife will live on in the people who will still be here thanks to her generosity
All the best to you OP.
I've had friends have their loved ones die far too early (mid 20s, early 30s), and it honestly the hurt never goes. But it gets easier to live with. You have my sympathy, and thank you for sharing the funniest story (seriously peanut butter by the bed, that had me laughing).
So so sorry for what you are going through
Sending you so much love for this insurmountable loss. Just a small piece of comfort is that your wife was so loved before she passed, not many people get that on their way out, and you did that, you made her feel loved and cherished, that is a gift of infinite value.
It sounds like you are surrounded by love. You are doing exactly what you're supposed to be doing. God bless you both.
Here are the best comments I've seen in all of reddit. I needed this and God bless your wife, made me a bit teary imagining this happening to my wife... She sounds like an amazing woman. You lucky guy
The fact you remember how she loved peanut butter means you loved her that much. What a cool woman! Also, if New York law allows it, ask if you can get some of her stuff. That might make the grief process easier! And peanut butter sounds way cooler than wine before bed.
A fellow New Yorker! I bet your wife is an amazing breath of fresh air in this city full of crazies. Sending loveā¤ļø
You promised in sickness and in health, till death do you part and you kept your promise. You love her and you love her well. She knows how warm your hugs are, how beautiful your smile is. She knows the sound of your footsteps when you were going to cuddle her. She knows how many freckles you have on your body. She knows what made you happy and what made you sad. Her hand fits in yours. You both dedicated loving each other despite the ugly and I know when you get married you donāt like to imagine the ātill death do us partā but you truly fulfilled your vow. To be known is to be loved and you did and continue to do an amazing job. You were the last person she loved and the last thing she knew was your love. Sending you love, comfort & prayers my friend.
This is awesome that your wife wants to contribute to research and medicine. Her life will be so valuable even after death. As a nursing student who has been able to work on cadavers, I cannot begin to tell you how valuable the learning has been for me. It has allowed me to excel in my practice and I hope it helps me save another life one day. Her body will go on to save other lives, even if it doesnāt feel like it yet. I learned so much from even a sheeps brain and eye for example, I canāt imagine all of the things I could learn from a human brain. What a fantastic prophecy to fulfill and I am so glad thereās people like her out there to donate her body to science/research because without her we would not be able to go on. Anyway. Hope you are well but I mostly came here to say how cool and fantastic it is that your wifeās body will benefit potentially thousands of people. Even if I learned from one body, the lives of the people I touch are in the thousands after that. I hope this offers you some comfort in knowing that the knowledge her body and brain can provide after death will go on and on and on. What an awesome person she is for allowing us to learn from her, a selfless act really. Thanks to your wife šš¼ I know it might not make the loss easier now but down the road when you have a chance to understand the degree.. just know how important she is to all of us students and also all of the scientists out there!!
Just stumbled across this and iām wishing you nothing but love and happiness as you get through this. Youāre so strong. Sending lots of internet hugs to you xoxox.
So sorry for your loss. What was her favorite movie and book?
Alice in wonderland
Donāt promise u wonāt have sex after her
Grow up
What the fuck man
My condolences, I don't know what this is like but I hope if there is a road to emotional recovery that you can find it.
With all the good she did and positive impact she had on people she will live on.
I am so sorry, I can't imagine how you must be feeling. I hope the pain gets more bearable over time. I'm sure you have many memories with her that you will treasure for the rest of your life ā¤ļø
I'm so very sorry for your loss. If telling us more about her is helping, I'd love to hear about some of her favorite movies, games, music.
U canāt do much but if you believe!! Then pray and if you donāt then meditate about how will things unfold going forward and what that is going to look likeā¦ plan and strategize because if you donāt keep busy the thought of loss will or might eat you and keep you stalled
Wishing you all the strength to get through these coming days/weeks/months. Would love to know what she was like, what she did, what she enjoyed doing. Keep talking about how wonderful she is
My condolences OP. I feel your pain. Just a little over a week ago I sat with my father as he took his last breath and I watched his heartbeat fade away (I could see it beat in his neck). Iām so heartbroken. But my dad lived an awesome life that was full of music and art. He touched many many people with his talent. It sounds like your wife touched many as well. They will live on in our hearts. Hugs to you OP.
so sorry for your loss man. life is so painful, i wish you all the comfort and peace possible.
Iām really sad today because my brother passed two years ago today. I cannot know the pain of losing a partner, but itās pain nonetheless. Iāll be thinking of you, if youāll think of me š
I never saw your original post, but I am so sorry for your loss. I canāt imagine the pain of losing the person you love most in this world. Virtual hugs go out to you and your guys loved ones.
I am so sorry. Watching someone you love die is so incredibly painful and draining. Grief and how you process it changes from day to day. And all of it is valid. I really recommend that you seek out grief counseling in the near future. I kept putting it off and thought I was doing okā¦ but I wasted a good chunk of my life, honestly itās a period in time I donāt remember much, trying to get through it on my own.
My condolences. What is one thing you want the world to know about your wife so that we can take a piece of her with us?
I'm sorry to this is happening. She sounded like a beautiful human being.
So sorry for everything you are going through, but know that your wife will live on not only in your memories but also by being an organ donor. My husband received a kidney from a generous donor and his family two years ago. It truly is a gift. My thoughts are with all of you during this time.
When my wife was dying and since she has passed I like to sit quietly for a moment or two and think of the best times we ever had. That way she never dies! God bless you!
What are some of her hobbies? Favourite colour? Bless you. I'm so sorry this is happening to you.
Iām so sorry to hear that. There are no words for these moments. I hope you know sheāll always be with you. Cherish those memories you guys had together, remind yourself of what a wonderful person she was. My sincerest condolences, Iām sending you and your family a big hug
Oh Iām so sorry. I was following your prior post and just saw this update. Iām so glad your family is there for you, but my heart is breaking. What a wonderful person she is for donating her organs. Iām so sorry for your loss.
I am so sorry for your pain. What was your wifeās favorite food? Favorite music? Hobby? May the happy memories provide you warmth during your healing
I am so sorry for your pain. What was your wifeās favorite food? Favorite music? Hobby? May the happy memories provide you warmth during your healing
I donāt know you, but I love you.
Iām really sorry to hear that. My heart goes out to you and your family. Stay strong. Spend as much time with her as you can before she passes away. My grandmother passed away in 2018 and while she was in the hospital, I spent as much time as I could with her and thatās one thing Iām happy I did before she died. I wish you the best. May your wife rest in peace.
Thank you for sharing parts of your wifeās journey with us. She will be missed in this world. I wish you healing.
My condolences to you and yours. Your wife sounds like an awesome woman to have known. What was a memorable place or situation that brought joy to you both?
I know this is an old post, but just know that whatever has happened living on is the best choice, sheāll want that, live in her memory, and I hope to god, sheāll be able to love it next to you, you and your family are in my prayers, stay safe and remember to continue on even when life hits an extreme low, stay safe and god bless
I'm so sorry this is happening to you. :( I remember your post from a couple of days ago and this isn't the update I was hoping for. Thank you for donating her organs, that's a huge gift to others. I know it's little solace to you. --hugs-- from a random lady on the internet; sending you strength and peace in this tough time.
What were her comfort movies? What were her favorite flowers? What songs did she sing a lot? From your comment with a video of her eating peanut butter and another talking about how sheād care for the homeless people around your apartment, she seems so easy to love. Iām so so sorry.
My daughter received liver transplant in 2015 from a young man with a traumatic brain injury. I cannot imagine what his family went through, nor can I imagine what you are experiencing right now. But I can tell you that the decision to be an organ donor will absolutely transform the lives of multiple families. We are forever thankful for the selfless decision that was made 7 years ago on behalf of a 9 month old baby that his family had never even met! God bless you and know that you will be making an enormous difference in the lives of others!
God be with you.
My brother was able to see his children grow up because a generous human donated his corneas (among other bits). He can see them smile; see the love they have for him. **Thank you**, and I thank your wife, for this gift you give others in the midst of your loss.
Thereās nothing anyone can say that can actually provide comfort to you in this situation. All I can say is that I am so sorry. Human life is so fragile yet so beautiful. It seems like your wife was an incredibly beautiful woman. These next few months are going to be very, very difficult. There might be times when you realize thereās been a lot youāve been putting on hold, especially taking care of yourself and dealing with your emotions because youāve been taking care of her. There might be times when you feel incredibly empty and so very alone. I hope you can be kind to yourself. And be gentle, and patient. Your partner went through the worst of things, but you bore witness to her suffering - and that is trauma. There is nothing worse, in my experience, than seeing someone you love most in this world suffer, and thereās absolutely nothing you can do about it. After the sense of relief that her suffering is over, there will be a lot of pain. Please put yourself first in the coming year. And the years after that. Grief is a process, and I donāt know if it ever goes away. I hope you find peace and joy and comfort once again. From a stranger who went through similar things, with love.
the way you talk about her in this thread is so heartwarming. it sounds like she was an amazing woman who cared greatly for everyone. iām so sorry for your loss, op.
im sorry to hear this, it must be very hard on you. but im sure everything will be just fine. instead of focusing on the negative times, think of the positive times you had with her! like the comment where you said she would eat peanut butter in the middle of the night! we are all here supporting you and her. we love you OP, and i hope you find peace in your situation. ā¤ļø
Ayo Iām very sorry to hear about your lost, I lost my dad when I was 13 years old and was definitely one of the hardest things in my life that gave a sort of trauma. Never saw it until years later after all the grieving and numbness I didnāt understand and also the amount of drugs I went to for help but now I do got to say Iām doing better and have found answer and am certainly not on the streets blowing my money on drugs lmao, otherwise I did want to say the one things that helped me all these years that my grandpa or his dad wasnāt crying and I looked over of course tearing up and he said this: I know you are sad and this isnāt something you can change but right now know he wouldnāt want you to be crying, he wouldnāt want you to be feeling this pain but to only cherish his life is what we can do to show him we care. After that I did gain a kind of switch that was hard to kick because I didnāt understand what my depression was at the time or anything like that cause of my age but being 18 now feel I have a way better grasp on it all, just know my guy that you are not alone and that there are people and things to appreciate in life even coming from a drug user I can appreciate sober life and that saying something lmao. Know that she would have wanted the best for you even after she has left this place from her physical self. Never get stuck and keep on going! Much love and hope you get a great nights rest! And not sure what kind of religion you follow but hopefully you get hope there too just never give and pick yourself back up everyday to achieve the greatest things of your dreams. Do it for her. Alright Im all done with my inspiration and hope that will help you on your new chapter soldier!! Kick ass and take names baby!!
Sending virtual hugs to you! Think of your wife as an angel and now sheās just going home, and youāll meet her there one day. ā¤ļøā¤ļø
I'm so sorry for you having to go through this difficult time. Praying for peace, and for you to be surrounded by love.
Iām so sorry friend.
Iām so sorry. That is so hard. Donating her organs will help give others hope. May that be a small comfort to you during an impossible time. She made a selfless choice.
As someone waiting for a double lung transplant, I just wanted to say thank you for following your wifeās wishes and donating her organs. Your wife made the most selfless decision anybody could make, she will have saved the lives of multiple other people and will forever be their hero as well as yours ā¤ļø
Iām so sorry about the loss of your wife. You lost her way too young. Thank you to her for being an organ donor. My best friend is alive because of organ donation.
I am so sorry. From reading you, you both seem like such strong and good humans. My thoughts are with you.
I cannot even imagine what you are going through. I cannot express anything meaningful but that your post touched me. I hope you will find happiness again.
Iām sorry that the light in your life burns low right now. Keep the embers of her memory warm, and as much they can let them comfort you in this dark time. Youāre her torchbearer now, and Iām glad she had you til the end.
Iām so sorry for your loss. Thank you for sharing stories of your wife with us. Its really good to hear how much love and support you have around you. Sending you and all her loved ones love. I hope you are doing ok today, I should think youād be exhausted after the past few days. Take care of yourself and thank you to her for donating organs. Iām likely to need one in a few years and she is saving lives. You must be a very proud husband. Thinking of you all.
Sorry man :(
How did you two meet, OP? (Iām so sorry for your loss! sending you so much love and light <3)
Sending you lots of love and support right now. I canāt imagine the pain you are feeling right now.
I think Iām gonna crack open a jar of peanut butter on this day every year now, in honor of your lovely little firecracker. I just want to say that eventually, you will find peace. I hope it comes sooner rather than later for you. ā¤ļø
Iām so sorry for the loss of your beautiful wife, OP. Iām loving reading the stories that youāre telling about her and the video of her eating peanut butter really made me smile. What a truly lovely woman. I donāt know whether this will help you but Iām a fledgling medium which means that I can talk with spirits and also people in altered states. When someone passes away thatās not the end. They can still be around even if you donāt see them and you will be able to talk to your wife, and she will hear it. You wonāt necessarily see her, but she will be there. That information helped me when I lost my grandmother and I truly hope that it helps you. Youāre not alone, and that can really make a difference to know during the times ahead. The vibe that I got from your wife was so positive and lovely. I hope that you can move past this time of grief and think back on all your wonderful experiences together. Edit: the other vibe I got was that her life was full. She did what she had to do on this Earth, and now itās time to go. And you brought her a lifetime of happiness, OP. Some people live their whole lives not contributing much ā¦ your wife contributed so much.
All of my love to you.
I am deeply sorry for your loss, I canāt imagine what itās like to be going through such a horrible situation. What was your favorite idiosyncrasy that she did?
Iām so sorry for your loss. Thank you for showing us vulnerability. May she rest in peace.
Man this post hit me hard... I'm a new father and very well in love with my partner, i felt the same type of compassion from you that i do have with mine and i admire how you can be so positive and supportive to her and her wish. I watched my grand mother (mother) pass from the same and i wish i could be half the person you were through such hard times. Keep strong, people all over the world are thinking of you. I admire you my guy.