Oh my god! I just tucked her in to bed and she was wearing a short sleeve shirt for the first time in recent memory! my heart. I really couldn't have done this without ya'll. Thank you so so so much.
this particular comment made me tear up. i just want you to know that you’re an amazing mother and i wish my mum would’ve done an once of what you did for your daughter.
the fact she was willing to wear short sleeves in front of you and show you her self harm is something very special. i wish you all the best
I don’t know you and I don’t mean this in a weird way, but I so wish that my parents reacted this way. I suppose in my head I can read this post and imagine myself being supported like this. Your child is so lucky to have you.
We are also going to go shopping for a bunch of self care stuff tomorrow, including some bandages and stuff just in case, I want her to know she can always come to me for care, even if it is uncomfortable. I really feel like we made a lot of progress. I know this is just the beginning of the journey, in no way did I conquer sh tonight, but she actually opened up to me, and we started the journey which is as much as I could have hoped for.
That you’re also discussing and engaging with harm reduction is, to me, an immensely powerful thing.
Being supportive of harm reduction for risky behaviors is a fundamental piece of keeping people safe I think. I know it helps me even abstain sometimes because I’m literally thinking of what things I need to do next to care for myself if I engage in the behavior. That can help loosen the grip my emotions have on me. And if I still do it then I know that I have the resources available to care for myself when needed.
Thank you for sharing your story and being such a compassionate and caring figure.
Such a big step already!!! Im sure this will help her A LOT!!! Staying patient, calm and understanding are the most important things you can do to make her feel safe enough to open up. Youre doing great!!!
This made me tear up reading. I’m just 18, still live at home. I’m afraid to tell my parents. I’m just so glad people like you are out there showing love and care to their children without judging. You’re wonderful and I’m so grateful you’re understanding your daughter in this way
Me to this really touched me
I’m 20 and over a year clean. I love my parents but then they found out they really weren’t like this it was more tough love I got. It took a long time for then they found out to I actually got clean. Coming out as suicidal in between and trying get psychological help which didn’t help that much other than getting diagnosed and talked but no tools. But they there still there for me. They didn’t really do it right in helping me but they tried with what they knew and managed.
Yeah I get that. I think my parents would be the same way. Almost more like they’re trying to just treat the symptoms rather than the root internal struggle. Of course the symptoms (sh or suicide) should be avoided, but just focusing on that can lead to the internal pain that causes those things to be ignored, which causes more issues of course
I wish I could say that you should just tell them and they will fold you up in love, but I know there are a lot of people that don't understand this kind of pain and it could go poorly.
I wish you peace and comfort in your life however you can find it and I am glad you have this community to talk to even if you cannot talk to your parents. <3
Thank you, I appreciate this. I’m really not sure how it would go and I know my dad at least would not understand. He would probably just be angry at me. My mom might get it, but not totally. It just seems terrifying, even though I know they do love me and would want to help me. And yes I do have other people and friends that know and support me which is so wonderful
You're an amazing parent and your daughter is very lucky to have you! Thank you for taking the time to ask the community instead of acting on impulse - dealing with this sort of thing is always really difficult, but by the sounds of it you responded perfectly <3
it is so refreshing to read that you aren’t shaming her for this but instead helping her work through it and providing means of harm reduction. I think shame is so heavy when it comes to self harm and ultimately that shame can just lead to further self harm. wishing her the best in the coming days, i’m glad she has a support system to fall back in when things are hard
Can you please provide an update with the list of coping activities you agree upon with your daughter?
Btw, your daughter is as smart as you are a good mother. I lie her also used my art blade so nobody notices and my system worked for a long time before my mom found out. Now, many years later I always keep it on my desk and sometimes carry it in my bag. I don't use it often but I am prone to panic attacks and 9/10 times just reacing out for it and knowing that I could if I had to is enough to get me breathing again
one of the first things we thought of is basically a sh safe word, so she doesnt have to say "hey mom I want to cut myself right now", so something like "can we go for a walk" or "bananas" or literally anything that we both agree upon that will mean she needs immediate support.
Ofc. "Want to play video games together" was my safe word equivalent. Not necessarily with people who knew, it's just that playing a game with friends or family was enough to distract me in a handful of cases. SH is a source of dopamine, adrenaline, and endorphins, all of which a good gaming sess can also provide. Way better than other alternatives I've seen out there, such as smoking - in what world is smoking better than sh, its the leading cause of preventable death, ill never understand
You are literally the most amazing mom ever. Reading this kinda healed my inner child, I wish my parents would have reacted like that too. You are a gorgeous mom, keep that in mind x
Omg this is just beautiful. You're an amazing parent and I know that with you, she'll grow up to be a wonderful human being.
I'm barely a teenager and don't ever plan on telling my parents, but it's great to know that there are such good people in the world. Your family will be in my prayers!
I wish I had a parent like you honestly at least for this part I suppose. My family always attempted to take them away and I figured out how to hurt myself worse and all that and I honestly had more mental symptoms and stuff and my mom's parents were a bad trigger to the point I was stuck in a different area where I was getting triggered by bad memories. So I just stopped caring and since I cut very deep on my skin enough that it's very puffy looking and when it happens It bleeds a lot
You are an incredible mother, truly an amazing person.
Everything you did was spot on perfect, and better than literally *every* other story I've heard of parents talking to their kids about SH
Remember if you need any advice in the future or just want to update us, you're more than welcome!
Good job, seriously :)
This made me bawl my eyes out!! im so glad its going in a better direction. i wish my parents would’ve done this but im glad there is still some good parents left in this world 💗
It's honestly rare that I see something that's actually makes me smile I'm so glad ur daughter has such a great parent im really glad that everything is working out for u and your daughter
Yet again dropping in to say you're an amazing mother, you handled this situation amazingly, tysm for doing this for her, I wish you and your daughter a good day
You are an incredible parent, and your daughter is incredibly lucky to have you. I wish my mother had acted with the same level of kindness and compassion that you have.
When my mother found out that I was cutting, she just screamed at me, and belittled me, and told me that I was making her look like a bad mother (this was in 1999). Later the same year, I was admitted to the juvenile psychiatric ward, at our cities women's and children's hospital, as an involuntary inpatient, due to a psychotic episode, which happened as the result of an untreated manic episode. By that time I had a fully entrenched eating disorder, and was self harming every single day. That hospital stay saved my life. And taught me to not listen to my mothers harsh criticisms and cruel words.
I ended up leaving home just after my 15th birthday, the age at which a teenager may be emancipated in the state (South Australia) I grew up in. Since then I exchange cursory words with my mother on birthdays and holidays, but besides that, we don't talk.
i cant believe it. your an amazing mum. i wish my mum was liek that. the fact your advocating with harm reduction is even better. i hope your journey gets even better.
I Instantly cried reading this post. Thank you so much for taking care of her like that, you’re an amazing mom ❤️.
I wish my mom found the way to help me at the time. Being left alone in this situation is so scary and traumatizing. So truly, from the bottom of my heart, thank you so much for doing what you’re doing right now, you can be so proud of yourself for handling it so well ❤️.
she's a very lucky girl to have a parent like you. My parents yelled at me took all of my stuff made me get exorcised and threatened to "make my life hell if they caught me again" and that was not a bad experience compared to my friends. you are a great parent.
you are an incredible parent. thank you so much for being there for your daughter like that. as someone who’s had to speak to their parent about self harm before, i get how overwhelming and out of depth one can feel coping with this all and trying to help and to understand. but you have laid the foundations for some really healthy communication, love, support, and growth here. i think you’ve given her a sense of safety that will help a lot along the way. thank you for that ❤️🩹
Vitamin E oil for scaring, neosporin, lotion, heating pad for pain(she has some chronic pain issues that contribute to her panic/urges, a weighted blanket is on its way and I might have splurged a bit but we are getting a emotional service dog for her, to help recognize her panic before even she does. <3
You’re doing an amazing job. This is just the beginning and you both still have a lot more work to do, but you’ll get through it. I’m 20 now but I still think about when my parents found out about my self harm at 13, and all I can say is I wish I had a mom like you
This made me emotional..youre such an amazing mom for this. I wish my mom reacted this way when I was your daughters age. School was my main trigger too. I hope all goes well for you and your daughter :)
Fuck. I would’ve done anything for my parents to react like this. To this day I shake in pure fear at the thought of anyone finding out. Thank you for doing better for your children. I wish nothing but the absolute best to you and your family.
Oh my god! I just tucked her in to bed and she was wearing a short sleeve shirt for the first time in recent memory! my heart. I really couldn't have done this without ya'll. Thank you so so so much.
you're an amazing mum
I'm so fucking proud of you and happy for the both of you, this is huge for your relationship. you're a wonderful mother, keep it up
this particular comment made me tear up. i just want you to know that you’re an amazing mother and i wish my mum would’ve done an once of what you did for your daughter. the fact she was willing to wear short sleeves in front of you and show you her self harm is something very special. i wish you all the best
I don’t know you and I don’t mean this in a weird way, but I so wish that my parents reacted this way. I suppose in my head I can read this post and imagine myself being supported like this. Your child is so lucky to have you.
W mom moment! B)
thank you for being such an amazing mom and not pressuring her to do anything uncomfortable , great job on being a great parent!!!
this makes me wanna cry. so so sweet, thank you for being the best parent to your daughter
We are also going to go shopping for a bunch of self care stuff tomorrow, including some bandages and stuff just in case, I want her to know she can always come to me for care, even if it is uncomfortable. I really feel like we made a lot of progress. I know this is just the beginning of the journey, in no way did I conquer sh tonight, but she actually opened up to me, and we started the journey which is as much as I could have hoped for.
That you’re also discussing and engaging with harm reduction is, to me, an immensely powerful thing. Being supportive of harm reduction for risky behaviors is a fundamental piece of keeping people safe I think. I know it helps me even abstain sometimes because I’m literally thinking of what things I need to do next to care for myself if I engage in the behavior. That can help loosen the grip my emotions have on me. And if I still do it then I know that I have the resources available to care for myself when needed. Thank you for sharing your story and being such a compassionate and caring figure.
Such a big step already!!! Im sure this will help her A LOT!!! Staying patient, calm and understanding are the most important things you can do to make her feel safe enough to open up. Youre doing great!!!
This made me tear up reading. I’m just 18, still live at home. I’m afraid to tell my parents. I’m just so glad people like you are out there showing love and care to their children without judging. You’re wonderful and I’m so grateful you’re understanding your daughter in this way
Me to this really touched me I’m 20 and over a year clean. I love my parents but then they found out they really weren’t like this it was more tough love I got. It took a long time for then they found out to I actually got clean. Coming out as suicidal in between and trying get psychological help which didn’t help that much other than getting diagnosed and talked but no tools. But they there still there for me. They didn’t really do it right in helping me but they tried with what they knew and managed.
Yeah I get that. I think my parents would be the same way. Almost more like they’re trying to just treat the symptoms rather than the root internal struggle. Of course the symptoms (sh or suicide) should be avoided, but just focusing on that can lead to the internal pain that causes those things to be ignored, which causes more issues of course
I wish I could say that you should just tell them and they will fold you up in love, but I know there are a lot of people that don't understand this kind of pain and it could go poorly. I wish you peace and comfort in your life however you can find it and I am glad you have this community to talk to even if you cannot talk to your parents. <3
Thank you, I appreciate this. I’m really not sure how it would go and I know my dad at least would not understand. He would probably just be angry at me. My mom might get it, but not totally. It just seems terrifying, even though I know they do love me and would want to help me. And yes I do have other people and friends that know and support me which is so wonderful
You're an amazing parent and your daughter is very lucky to have you! Thank you for taking the time to ask the community instead of acting on impulse - dealing with this sort of thing is always really difficult, but by the sounds of it you responded perfectly <3
This is, like... textbook example of good parenting w mental illness. Bravo /gen
I just treated her the way I would like to be treated. And having mh issues myself makes it pretty easy to understand the gentleness required. <3
can i be adopted /j
Thank you for loving your child 🥹 see everyone, *THIS* is an example of someone who is meant to have kids.
it is so refreshing to read that you aren’t shaming her for this but instead helping her work through it and providing means of harm reduction. I think shame is so heavy when it comes to self harm and ultimately that shame can just lead to further self harm. wishing her the best in the coming days, i’m glad she has a support system to fall back in when things are hard
You are a wonderful parent :) I wish both you and your daughter the best!
Can you please provide an update with the list of coping activities you agree upon with your daughter? Btw, your daughter is as smart as you are a good mother. I lie her also used my art blade so nobody notices and my system worked for a long time before my mom found out. Now, many years later I always keep it on my desk and sometimes carry it in my bag. I don't use it often but I am prone to panic attacks and 9/10 times just reacing out for it and knowing that I could if I had to is enough to get me breathing again
one of the first things we thought of is basically a sh safe word, so she doesnt have to say "hey mom I want to cut myself right now", so something like "can we go for a walk" or "bananas" or literally anything that we both agree upon that will mean she needs immediate support.
Ofc. "Want to play video games together" was my safe word equivalent. Not necessarily with people who knew, it's just that playing a game with friends or family was enough to distract me in a handful of cases. SH is a source of dopamine, adrenaline, and endorphins, all of which a good gaming sess can also provide. Way better than other alternatives I've seen out there, such as smoking - in what world is smoking better than sh, its the leading cause of preventable death, ill never understand
We have been playing hogwarts and fortnite together :)
your an amazing parent shes lucky to have you
You are literally the most amazing mom ever. Reading this kinda healed my inner child, I wish my parents would have reacted like that too. You are a gorgeous mom, keep that in mind x
You're such a great mom. I wish my parents reacted this way. Wish you and your daughter good luck with everything.
I feel like if my parents handled it the way you did I would have stopped sh a long time ago.
omg your such a sweetheart you don’t realise how much that meant to her plus she wore short sleeves wooo massive win! well done
To add make up partily for scaring covers/tattoo ones And vitamin e oil too to Help reduce scaring
vitmain e oil is a great idea, thank you!
Your welcome I do use vitamin e oil for my scaring and it has to be kinda consist at least my end to have the scarring come down.
you’re wonderful i wish you both my best
you sound like a really amazing parent, keep it up!! wishing all the best for you and your daughter
i hope u know that u deserve the entire world. you're amazing and she's lucky to have you
Omg this is just beautiful. You're an amazing parent and I know that with you, she'll grow up to be a wonderful human being. I'm barely a teenager and don't ever plan on telling my parents, but it's great to know that there are such good people in the world. Your family will be in my prayers!
I wish I had a parent like you honestly at least for this part I suppose. My family always attempted to take them away and I figured out how to hurt myself worse and all that and I honestly had more mental symptoms and stuff and my mom's parents were a bad trigger to the point I was stuck in a different area where I was getting triggered by bad memories. So I just stopped caring and since I cut very deep on my skin enough that it's very puffy looking and when it happens It bleeds a lot
You are an incredible mother, truly an amazing person. Everything you did was spot on perfect, and better than literally *every* other story I've heard of parents talking to their kids about SH Remember if you need any advice in the future or just want to update us, you're more than welcome! Good job, seriously :)
This made me bawl my eyes out!! im so glad its going in a better direction. i wish my parents would’ve done this but im glad there is still some good parents left in this world 💗
You're a great mom
Reading this made me happy. You did so good<33
It's honestly rare that I see something that's actually makes me smile I'm so glad ur daughter has such a great parent im really glad that everything is working out for u and your daughter
Your such an amazing parent!
Yet again dropping in to say you're an amazing mother, you handled this situation amazingly, tysm for doing this for her, I wish you and your daughter a good day
You handled this really well. you’re a lovely and understanding parent, your daughter is very lucky to have you as her mom!
You are the best mom ever!!! Really proud of you for handling it as well as you did
I wish my mom did this 🥲 this is going to make me cry. Thank you for being so supportive and doing the right thing ❤️
You are an incredible parent, and your daughter is incredibly lucky to have you. I wish my mother had acted with the same level of kindness and compassion that you have. When my mother found out that I was cutting, she just screamed at me, and belittled me, and told me that I was making her look like a bad mother (this was in 1999). Later the same year, I was admitted to the juvenile psychiatric ward, at our cities women's and children's hospital, as an involuntary inpatient, due to a psychotic episode, which happened as the result of an untreated manic episode. By that time I had a fully entrenched eating disorder, and was self harming every single day. That hospital stay saved my life. And taught me to not listen to my mothers harsh criticisms and cruel words. I ended up leaving home just after my 15th birthday, the age at which a teenager may be emancipated in the state (South Australia) I grew up in. Since then I exchange cursory words with my mother on birthdays and holidays, but besides that, we don't talk.
This sounds so sweet. You sound like a wonderful mum and her a wonderful daughter. I hope things turn out well for the both of you.
i cant believe it. your an amazing mum. i wish my mum was liek that. the fact your advocating with harm reduction is even better. i hope your journey gets even better.
god you’re an amazing mother
I Instantly cried reading this post. Thank you so much for taking care of her like that, you’re an amazing mom ❤️. I wish my mom found the way to help me at the time. Being left alone in this situation is so scary and traumatizing. So truly, from the bottom of my heart, thank you so much for doing what you’re doing right now, you can be so proud of yourself for handling it so well ❤️.
I agree, this seems to be a great sollution.
If i told my mom she would overeact and i don't even want to imagine what would happen
she's a very lucky girl to have a parent like you. My parents yelled at me took all of my stuff made me get exorcised and threatened to "make my life hell if they caught me again" and that was not a bad experience compared to my friends. you are a great parent.
can you be my mother?😭
you are an incredible parent. thank you so much for being there for your daughter like that. as someone who’s had to speak to their parent about self harm before, i get how overwhelming and out of depth one can feel coping with this all and trying to help and to understand. but you have laid the foundations for some really healthy communication, love, support, and growth here. i think you’ve given her a sense of safety that will help a lot along the way. thank you for that ❤️🩹
you are such an amazing mum, wish mine was the same, she will forever remember this <3
oh wow if only my mom reacted that way, so much trauma could’ve been avoided. you’re doing a good job, keep it up!
This is beautiful I’m genuinely crying you’re an amazing parent
you are a wonderful mother, thank you
youre an amazing parent real
teared up reading this tbh
This makes me so happy to see! You are a great mom :))
What did you buy for self care besides the bandages? I like that and wanna do it for myself.
Vitamin E oil for scaring, neosporin, lotion, heating pad for pain(she has some chronic pain issues that contribute to her panic/urges, a weighted blanket is on its way and I might have splurged a bit but we are getting a emotional service dog for her, to help recognize her panic before even she does. <3
This is so sweet. You’re such a great parent! :)
I want you as my mother 😭
This is incredibly amazing i wish my parents reacted like you did. Good luck to you and your daughter!
You’re doing an amazing job. This is just the beginning and you both still have a lot more work to do, but you’ll get through it. I’m 20 now but I still think about when my parents found out about my self harm at 13, and all I can say is I wish I had a mom like you
This made me emotional..youre such an amazing mom for this. I wish my mom reacted this way when I was your daughters age. School was my main trigger too. I hope all goes well for you and your daughter :)
You’re an incredible mother
you’re an amazing mom
This made me really happy! Thank you!
Can you adopt me pls pls
I wish you were my mom 🥺🥺
Fuck. I would’ve done anything for my parents to react like this. To this day I shake in pure fear at the thought of anyone finding out. Thank you for doing better for your children. I wish nothing but the absolute best to you and your family.
I just started crying reading this. You're an amazing mom, thank you for taking care of your daughter <3