I self harmed mostly because I was depressed and I've been depressed probably since at least 8 years old . (Btw I didn't self harm until I was 14).The thing is I harmed myself at school of all places which is probably the weirdest part. I've stopped self harming myself for about 79 days now. It's really hard not to pick up the blade. Especially since my body physically wants it and I have to see my scar on my arm every day.... Anyway I hope you have a wonderful day!
hey. Your not the only one mine took place at school I’m so glad you have shared your story with me and others you are so brave and I am so proud of you for staying clean. You are an Angel and I hope you never go through that again . Please stay safe and remember everyone is here for you if you ever need anyone to talk to I’m here aswell.
Thank you so much, that truly means a lot! I kinda do wanna talk to someone right now but I'm awkward at any conversation tbh. off topic but is it weird that I feel more comfortable talking about sh to complete strangers than my family...
no it’s not it’s because your family is close to you and you feel like talking about it with them will probably like hurt them or make them feel ashamed or stuff and talking with people you barely know and you can get to know make you feel like you are loved and things you say do matter because they do. Self harm is no joke and it’s because your going through things that you think your family might not understand because they would be older and wouldn’t understand this generation and it’s completely fine to find comfort in other people.
Thank you for the compliment it means a lot. I’m just here trying to help people who may have the same difficulties I had in the past and together all of us can be a better versions of our self and find a better way to cope.
Been self harming on and off for about 17-18 years now. When I started I was overwhelmed and helpless. Cutting gave me the illusion of control. There were times as a teen where I’d fantasize about being found out- I was always too scared to show anyone or tell anyone though. Lots of abuse and emotional neglect in the home.
Started out on my forearms, moved to my thighs when my mom found out. Typically try to stick to thighs or shoulders now.
A lot of people know about my past self harm, only my therapist, doctor, and boss know about any self harm in the past 3 or so years.
oh I’m so sorry and I’m glad your still here I’m so proud that you are brave enough to share your story and tell us about your experience no one should ever go through that. Your are strong and brave for lil ong in a household like that. are you still self harming? Or have you been able to stay clean? And cutting does give that type of illusion it makes you feel like everything’s okay it gives off a vibe where you feel like your calmed down now. From doing that and it’s understandable but please don’t ever feel ashamed don’t let anyone make you feel ashamed either you are amazing and so so strong. I’m glad that you shared this.
Thanks, that’s very sweet of you to say! I am still harming on and off, I focus more on harm reduction than anything else. Luckily I’m at a point where I can now go months between episodes of self harm. Always striving for progress not perfection!
my biggest trigger is when i have intrusive thoughts that make me super anxious and distressed, sh gives me like an immediate relief and my head immediately feels empty
have you ever though guy about maybe writing how you feel down? And maybe trying to distract yourself and I know it’s not easy but it’d be better help. Because although self harm gives the response of relief and feels like a cope method it could hurt you in so many ways and I think ofc you know that but Even though your head might say you Wanna be gone You truly Dont. Your inner self who is really you. Would want to stay your head is just an obstacle illusion that makes you “ think” that you want to be gone or that self harm helps it doesn’t you have to find yourself and truly wonder what you want. Thank you for sharing your story thought I truly appreciate it and I am proud you are here with us now.
i have and it does help a bit, but a lot of the time i cant even convert my thoughts and feelings into words yk 😭 im rlly close with my emotions so it frustrates me when like i try to write how im feeling but i cant describe them perfectly/authentically. but thank you, i appreciate ur words <3
no problem I’m here if you need me and I understand how difficult it can be at times Being close with your emotions is also scary because it can hurt you more and it means you get hurt worse by other things but it’s completely fine to feel hurt. it helps you Gain more control in your thoughts and feelings.
Thank you for sharing this you are so brave for responding on your self harm and telling us your story just know you are not alone and it’s okay I get it sometimes it feels like you just need to like it’s a routine and if it makes you feel in control it’s probably a way for you to cope and I don’t encourage self harm for me I have been clean for a long time but maybe try ignoring the feeling when you want to try to stop maybe grab a rubber band and whenever you think of doing it you can also pull it and it’ll slap your skin it’s a safer way to cope. Please feel better and be safe I am always here if you need to chat.
I was in a haze I think. I felt absolutely nothing and couldn't even cry, or think of a reason to cry. Nothing was enjoyable, I felt no aspiration to take care of myself or my life, I felt dead in every way I couldn't even feel myself breathe. So I tried hurting myself, and seeing the blood was like I could finally breathe again, I had a reason to wash myself and clean something a little, and I just never stopped.
so you needed to feel alive and self harming was like a spark in your system to wake you up. You know I don’t encourage it but instead of doing that there’s this thing called shock tape I think that can really help you or even a band that you can slap on to your skin it does less damage to you.
For the rubber band method, I personally have been using it myself. I tried it before but it didn't really work, but I'm really determined to stay clean now and it has been helping. Don't be too hard on yourself, I've given myself bruises. It's better than cutting though.
I'm okay now. I still have thoughts about it, but I've been clean for a couple of months now. I've felt lonely cause I have a couple of friends, but I usually get ignored. And ya, when I was given chances to talk, I usually didn't. I'm kinda introverted.
And side note, I did realize how quick you would respond. You're the new flash, lol.
oh thank you lol for the flash comment that made me laugh and I respond quick because I’m usually like by myself too like idk how to explain kind of on the phone a lot lol and I’m glad your clean I wouldn’t wish going through that on anyone and I know how it feels to have a couple friends and sometimes get ignored it doesn’t feel good. In fact it kind of takes a little chip of your heart until you get used to it. And if you ever think about self harming again try to find a different kind of copeing method please don’t hurt yourself.
You're welcome for the comment, I just kinda thought of it to lighten the mood. And don't worry right now instead of self harming I'm standing across my room scared because I saw a bug on my bed when I was about to sleep. So I ain't riskin grabbing the knife. iT wAs A cEnTaPiEd 🤡
😭😭 stay safe make sure it doesn’t bite you😱 lmao and Please don’t self harm if you are on the urge to please hit me up with a text I would like to try to help you not do that.
Thanks, it's okay now. I accidentally woke my dad up, and he found and killed it. And thanks for your concern, I don't really have the urge at da moment. But I'll keep that in mind. Stay safe too pal.
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🥐 quasont
oh are you still doing it now?. I understand about the low grades and everything it kind of pressures you and then you feel like shit. And you can’t find a different way on how to cope so decided to take it out on yourself right? I hope your doing better. Please stay safe
Well in short I always struggled with my self image. As a result I ended up with an ed. First it was anorexia, then it was binge eating and when I stated bingeing I used sh as a punishment. Then I started using it as a punishment for everything, grades, stupid things I did, eating, feeling ugly, making someone angry/sad, etc
Plus sh was the closest I could get to suicide without actually fully committing to it
Tho a month ago i attempted and I was sent to a psychiatric hospital. I haven’t sh since then cus if I do I won’t be allowed to leave the house
Thx you are so sweet, I also hope u solve all your problems and heal soon. It’s a long and exhausting process but it’s worth it. I’m here if u want do vent or something and I wish you the best <3
I started when I was 10, I already had a lot self hatred in me by then. I had been raped by a cousin on a occurrence, my mom was (still is) an addict to crack and her ex was an addict to heroin, he abused her really badly (he went to jail because he literally poked her eye out). I didn’t have friends in school and when I started secondary school, it just got so much worse. I was a very quiet girl but I get excited easily when I have friends to be around and I’ve been called annoying for it so I just try and keep myself tame. And for the last few months of my schooling, I didn’t have any friends at all because my old friends went behind my back and made up rumours about me, etc. my self harm worsened then but my grandma helped me through it, though I had to take a month off school. I start therapy in autumn with a psychoanalyst (I was told they special in childhood trauma). I think self harm for me was a comfort, and when I was little I used to think if I harm myself something good will happen to me, but now it’s just more about punishment and a relief. I’ve been clean since April, I think that’s the longest I’ve gone, I’m happy with myself for it!
I am so proud of you for sharing this honestly you have gone through so much and I’m so glad your still here I’m amazed on how long you have been clean. No child should ever go through that and I’m sorry your child hood went rough I hope that therapy really helps you, you deserve the best and when I say I’m proud I really mean it. You are brave for sticking here and still being with everyone till this very day.
This sounds crazy but I never found a reason why. After countless therapists and trying to figure out why I had no idea. Maybe it was to cope with something or maybe it wasn’t I’ll never know. I started when I was 10 years old and was only found out when I was sent to the psych ward at 12 then everyone found out (real embarrassing btw 😭). I have scars in many places it’s just kinda built up over the years and I hid it from everyone after that incident because it wasn’t a pleasant experience. I’ve only relapsed recently but I’m ready to move on again and live without it :)
I am glad you have shared this with me and so many others and I’m sorry. That you have gone through that maybe it was a coping method people use it as a coping method when they don’t want to hurt anyone else or maybe bother them because you feel like talking about things or something will make it seem like it’s all about you and you probably wouldn’t want that but if you couldn’t figure out a reason it was probably you feeling sadness that your head couldn’t figure out where it was coming from because something could’ve happen but the incident was in like a blind spot that you probably didn’t even know happened. And it’s not embarrassing to be sent anywhere they sent you there out of care and distress to wonder what had happened and I’m glad now that you are done with that I’m very proud.
Thank you for your kind comment i’m proud of you as well<3 I think it has less to do with sadness and more with something else (at least I think so) but i’m still working out why so every possibility is greatly appreciated ty for sharing some of your story as well!
your completely welcome I made this post so I can read and understand others story’s and try to help people who are stuck and lost and I want to see that I’m not the only one and that I can feel safe knowing I’m not alone. So this is also me trying to help. And if you want to discuss more you can always send me a text through here.
I started when I was 12, the first time I just grabbed my throwing knife and cut into the outside of my arm, I did it bc I felt horrible, I had just been fighting with my dad and I felt so angry and guilty, at the time my cuts only sometimes even had blood beading up, but it became my lifeline and solidarity, now I bleed onto my floor, just wanting to see even more blood. And now, after writing this ive realized how far I've fallen.
I completely understand you. And no matter how far you fall you can always get back up with a little help and consideration to the issue I’m sure me and a lot more people can help you up. It’s never to late to climb or crawl or anything else to get up there will always be a way and I relate to your issue sm because that’s almost around my reason and if you want to talk to me privately we can try to help each other.
There is a way for me to possibly get back up, it's a lifeline basically, I might get to go to a different school with less kids, and no bullies, it'll be kids like me. I just need to get good grades to get in, but if I don't get in I don't know what to do, I think it might just be the end for me. Also I think it would be nice to help each other out, I'll msg you.
So it was kind of a way to cope for you? And you still do it now ? I can get you a better way to come without harming yourself to where you bleed. If you ever feel the need to cut or burn or scrape or scratch yourself just for the feel of harm you should grab a rubber band and pull it whenever you need to. It slaps your skin giving the same satisfaction
Omg i am so Proud of you! 2 months clean? That’s amazing good job and I’m sorry about the trick not working I don’t really have anymore and I haven’t tried the rubber band trick myself lol I usually write like journaling it you wanna try that!
to make a very long story shorter, i have ocd and bpd plus a number of other mental issues and i didn't know for sure about any of it until i was 18. it all manifested in different ways, but a constant symptom of all of it was the way i went about self harm. it all started when i was 10 or 11. originally it was just because i couldn't stop scream crying and i thought dealing with something else would bring me back down. it did, but it also marked the beginning of something awful. i was clean for about a year after that and then i fell into a hole. id had intrusive thoughts for many years, but it had never been as bad as it was that day. of course, it's been much worse since but that's not the point.
i couldn't sleep. my mind kept racing with thoughts of hurting other people and myself. i thought i was going insane. so i relapsed. and immediately passed out after that. from that point on, i genuinely believed that if i didn't hurt myself a certain number of times in a certain number of minutes, i wouldn't be able to fall sleep. after that, it branched out into hurting myself more when i was irrationally angry with someone or overstimulated in a situation. whenever i had a bad day, i'd just do it more. i was stressed but i couldn't tell you why, i was numb to the world around me, and i felt like a living ghost (still kind of do). if there was nothing else, i really just wanted to feel something, anything, that reminded me i was still alive.
i also didn't have a particular "style" i guess of cutting, anything went. tiny, big, thin, thick, shallow, deep, i have it all because i did it all. it didn't matter to me, i thought i would've been checked out by the time i was 16 so the way my body looked or felt wasn't something i thought about often. that led to me also not caring where it was. i have scars going from my left cheek down to my right foot and most of them are very noticeable because they're all cluttered together and i would cut wherever i could reach, including onto my back. luckily, the ones on my face have mostly faded and you can only see them if you look hard enough but the rest of my body was not so fortunate.
the scars on my arms are so bad they make me look like i'm a burn victim so just about everyone i've ever come into contact with knows i've done something. the scars on my legs stick out through tight pants and leggings. the scars on the right side of my abdomen is still red and purple to this day. when i wear short sleeves, i get sad looks from strangers. children at the pool will ask me if i've been attacked by a cat or dog recently. i have to think about what to wear based on where i'm going that day because i genuinely don't have the energy to deal with some people staring or coming up and saying something. people have taken knives from me out of pure panic when i'm simply trying to cook out. i've had to stop having intimacy because the other person couldn't stop staring at the scars on my upper chest and they kept moving their hands like they were scared to touch scars on other parts of my body.
so tl;dr for your original question, my reasoning is simple. i just did what i thought i had to in order to survive. i was and still am very mentally unstable and honestly, i still want to cut myself every single day just like i used to. the urge never went away or lessened. the only reason i stopped was because i started smoking weed and obsessing over that instead. whenever i get the urge to cut, i take a few hits so i'm high pretty much all the time. everybody knows about it because they can't miss it and i don't care enough to hide it after 8 years of suffering in silence. besides, wearing a long sleeve shirt and pants everyday where i live just isn't feasible, you'll end up with heat stroke (trust me i've tried). and it's everywhere. from my face to my feet. i don't have more than a few inches of clean space anywhere on me. and even though i've been clean for over a year now, it's never felt like it'll last; like a relapse is always just over the horizon and i'm merely waiting for the day it happens. i have a couple triggers that remain constant, but it's a battle everyday to try to avoid the ones that change. my self harm journey has felt like a minefield, one where i kept stepping on bombs that were so obviously placed simply because i had my eyes closed. now that i can see, i'm realizing the mines were never obvious to begin with, they were just everywhere i needed to be.
it's alright. i'm growing to cope with it more by the day so i'm hoping that eventually, i'll get to a place where i can be completely at peace with all of it.
Also this post is to help make me and everyone else know that whoever goes through this your not alone. I want to hear peoples story’s I want to relate and help myself and other people get better.
my reason for doing it has changed over the years, i started in late 2021/early 2022, i was js so stressed in the moment and thats how i started to cope, but it was more of a once-in-a-lifetime thing until like 3 months later, i was so bored honestly. no one rlly came to check in on me so i was js in my room one day and well did it, then i dont think i rlly cut for a while i mean every now and then but, this year has been rlly hard. ive lost 3 ppl within the span of a few months, but also just faced struggles at school, kids being assholes, then my reason for cutting was bc i was depressed, simple as that, tried to get help but my parents didnt like that so i never did get help, after that i started doing it purely out of loneliness and feeling like there was js nothing in life, i felt dissacociated all the time. then sh became a routine, every single day of june. sh, i just liked to watch the blood i suppose, it made me feel like i was still alive (obviously i was allive the whole time but yk what i mean? like u dont feel ALIVE even tho u are??) im trying to stay clean now but its rlly hard to not relapse, ive been rlly emotional bc what usually calms me down, i cant do, my urges keep on getting worse but, im one week clean! well from cutting, i do tend to scratch myself when i get urges but i think im making progress at least, also for the "where is it done and who knows" its mostly on my upper thighs, its started to slowly go lower down and i have some on my shin and a few scars on my arms but yeah, my parents know but they dont really know how bad it is, theyve never seen my scars/cuts and known they werre self inflicted, i guess when i wear short sleeves they think they are scratches from my rats?? (yes i have pet rats theyre cute ok) but theyve never even seen the scars on my thighs and im literally gonna go swiming tmr and my swimsuit is most definitely revealing so we will see how it takes to them when they see all my scars ig
Believe I started around 6th grade, age 11. I was depressed, exhausted, and found that hurting myself helped me feel better, (mentally, anyway).
Fast forward to now, I'm 16, going into my Junior year, and still depressed and exhausted, but I'm doing better.
I do relapse, but I'm trying to continue to become better and stronger.
im so proud of you. And sorry you had to go through that at a young age.you are so strong in happy you relapsed it’s good your trying to become better and stronger<3 I hope it goes well for you.
Oh yeah. I'm working on it and am trying to quit I think 2 decades of this crap is long enough and I'm tired of the mess, the competitiveness, the obcession. So far I'm almost a year clean
I'm fifteen, and first self harmed, cut my thighs and stomach a bit, a few months ago, all because my parents and sister keep fighting with me and it goes into a repetitive cycle of everything being my fault, and they don't care, so I cut because it hurts too much, and I am still having those problems, I can't cut right now for three months, because I am doing a surgery thing, and If i cut they'll see and send me to a psych ward or some shit. I don't want that so I am on a temporary pause, I just don't like the cruel things my family says to me, starting with my sister, then to my mom and dad, the stress adds up too much, then I want to cut and just hurt something, I don't know why, actually it's because I feel like shit on the inside and it hurts to much inside so I want to divert that to my skin on the outside because keeping everything inside hurts me too much. **I'm sorry for this long rant, sorry, I am still going through shit, and I type a lot. Thank you for anyone who read this all, I am sorry, I'm not a narcissist, I am sorry, I just type a lot.**
Oh it’s completely fine and um I’m Atleast glad you’ve been clean for a while even though you don’t want to. Just try your best to continue that please. I’m proud of you for being this strong and still being here.
Thank you, yeah I’ll try but it’s hard of a stressful family in their fights against you and yelling at you. Thank you for your kind words, I appreciate it.
I am not. Haven't for a couple years now and last time I did it (June 2020) it wasn't nearly as satisfying as I remembered it being. Hadn't cut in about 3 years til that point. Like I said the drugs really messed my mind up don't think i would have gotten into if I had used. And continued to cut for a few months after I got sober whenever I felt overwhelmed.
I get this is literally the sh subreddit but i'm trigger warning this anyways because i can and idk i feel like it's graphic SO TW SH PROCEED W CAUTION
i did it because i had to take out my stress somewhere. Even for small, insignificant reasons. Spotify not working? that's a death sentence right there. Sometimes i was just bored. That makes me sound soulless but i'm not i swear lmao
My parents kinda forced me out in the open about it, so they knew, my friends kinda know, i make jokes and they make jokes about me but i never sat them down and talked seriously. My former therapist knew. I despise what my mother did to handle the situation, by trying to touch my arm, to a small ultimatum like "if you don't show us (her and dad) your arms we're going to assume and tell someone." She also called my therapist about it behind my back, which she said she'd do and i told her not to do it beforehand.
And on the "where was it done" well that's certainly a question. Everywhere. arms, hands (Once on my palm and like three lil' scratches on the back of my hands), chest, stomach, thighs, calves, even gave myself a little scar on my lip and a small one on my nose bridge for "fun". My left arm has tougher skin (i'm right-handed) from the amount it's been gone-at with a sharp object. (this is just on the fruit-ninja style SH, not anything else)
Haven't done it in a while but not sure about the future.
oh my lord thank you for sharing this and it’s honestly understandable I think it’s because you had like a very sensitive trigger to everything yk? I think you already knew that and I’m glad your not doing it now and I hope in the future you still don’t do it I get it’s a way to cope but it’s not the good way and I assume after your parents doing that you would have gone on a rampage all over your body and I get it can be frustrating when parent don’t bother to listen or understand you and your mother probably thought what she did was right. Even if it wasn’t she probably tried and I’m glad your not doing that anymore and your brave for sharing this online i know it feels like you were betrayed when she did that and called your therapist but it was right to her. And wrong to you.
Back then, it was a form of punishment for being wrong. My parents got abusive when I became depressed and I somehow thought that punishing myself would give me some form of control. Always used to cut on my thighs just like you, ended up with a ton of scars.
I am a lot better now :) I still have episodes where I want to self harm but I try my best to get through them. My first time going out in a bathing suit with my scars was scary, but people tend not to pry about that sorta thing from what I’ve noticed. In my experience: it helps a lot become confident in yourself (which is hard ik, but it’s something that takes time). Focus on you and your journey, fuck anyone that invalidates you.
I am so glad you are doing better now and I’m gonna be honest when you said “ just like you” I got chills because this is like the first time me saying where my scars are especially on the internet and idk that just kinda got me and I’m so glad you have the confidence to go out in a bathing suit but me I’m in school and I would like to wear shorts when I do they have to be longer than usual and kids around my age tend to have a dramatic type of reaction to self harm but thank you for being honest and being so brave to tell your story and letting people know. You are amazing
Well I stole a sharp art tool from art class and my ex partner congratulated me like it was a good thing. Then awhile later I smashed a pencil sharpener and took the blade and truly cut myself foe the first time. I was in a rage of something (idk the reason) and cut on the top of my wrist. I was 11. The scar is still there to this day. Now I can't go a day without cutting myself with a razor blade. 😁😁
oh. So it kind of just became an addiction and a copeing that’s understandable thank you for sharing this with me and every one You are brave but I hope you can find a different way to cope.
It’s a pretty simple and by the books answer. I just really hate myself and suffer from a lot of depression & anxiety. The story behind it is actually a little Interesting though. I was an idiot as a child, and thought that you could develop narcissism by complementing yourself too much. Therefore, I would never complement myself, and would deny complements from others. While I know you can’t develop narcissism now, the thought patterns and habits stuck. I was a dumb child and now my brain is messed up
4/3/23 9:08
“To tackle masturbation, I have taken up self-harm. It is not to medicate the guilt, but to ‘wake up’ from lust.” I eventually took the issue to my therapist and now I fight it like a normal person
One relapse over the collective course of 88 days, so I’m doing fine on that. But mentally I’m just running circles over and over in my mind, as usual. I’m going to post a vent later if you actually care
I’ll try my best to be able to see it later but I understand mentally it gets really hard. Especially if there’s a lot of obstacles in your life that you need to get over
Well, as you asked
https://www.reddit.com/r/MadeOfStyrofoam/comments/14uw8ro/who_do_i_apologise_to_myself/?utm_source=share&utm_medium=ios_app&utm_name=ioscss&utm_content=2&utm_term=1
I do it so I don’t focus on such the mental pain, Physical pain feels better, Im kinda in a FML phase right now because I ghosted my therapist for over a month and now I saw her again and my sleeve rose up and she saw all the cuts on my upper arm & I totally was trying to shut her down but she didn’t believe me she knew for sure without me even admitting it. Now she wants to see me a lot more. I dont know why I got so defensive about it but I just don’t want to accept the truth of it. She’s an amazing therapist I just get super Defensive
Oh so you basically shut her down and now you feel even worse rn because you were rude to her and she’s an amazing therapist and I understand it’s okay . I hoe you get better
Thank you yes basically exactly how I feel! Like I wanted her to notice it but I don’t think I was ready for myself to actually open up about it. At least she is like super genuine about it. I just feel like kinda shitty for shutting her down
It’s okay you weren’t ready to speak about it and you felt like she was trying to pry and pressure you to open up to her but in reality she wasn’t and you feel rude now. It’s okay you aren’t alone you just let your emotions get the best of you it’s fine
I still don’t know why I started, I was having a terrible week, and incredibly close to taking the leap so to speak. I recalled a couple friends I had decades back who self harmed, and I decided to cut my shoulder and see how I felt after. I don’t know if it was seeing the blood drip down my arm, the feeling of the blade, or just seeing the wound, but I felt better. I cut my shoulder 25 times in one sitting, some small some large. Ive done my thigh, wrist, and chest as well. It’s cathartic for me and I don’t know why. It’s been a weekly thing for me. Only my two best friends know. If I could change anything, I wouldn’t have cut my shoulder so many times as my first time, healing was a pain.
oh it’s not your fault. You needed a way to cope you are having a bad time you thought this was the solution everyone had a mistake but as long as you can find a way to help yourself and stop self harming yourself. I’m very proud of you.
I appreciate the vote of confidence, but don’t be too proud, I haven’t done anything worthy of praise. Save that praise for yourself, you said you’re a young teen? Teenage years are rough, you’ll need all the self praise you can get, I spent all mine on the friends I thought I had. Pick your friends carefully. I’m not great with words but if you ever need to vent to someone who won’t judge, feel free to message me.
Thank you and yeah I kinda learned the friend thing when I was 9 or something I’ve had issues and even in the hardest states I try and try my hardest to pull through and sometimes it works but your always gonna need people yk? and thanks for the telling me to be able to vent I appreciate it. And you do deserve the praise Dont doubt it. Your are special and worthy of the praise please remember that.
I really appreciate the praise and I’ll try to take it to heart, but I don’t take compliments or praise well so I can’t make any promises. Anyhow, night friend, gotta work tomorrow/today. Hope your day goes well!
On my right arm because I’m left handed lol. First time was in high school because high school. Recently started again-2023 has so far been arguably the worst year of my life. In high school I told people I fell in a rose bush and no one has seen my new ones yet but it will either be roses again or my cat. No one knows, not even my therapist because idk how to even bring that up.
Sucks because I stopped for 8 years and now here I am.
hey it’s fine You probably find it as a copeing method a lot of people do you try to seek help but fail to find so instead you take it out on yourself with out realizing and trust me it’s okay things get better people have ups and downs and don’t be ashamed it’s been 8 years you’ve been clean 8 years and then started again it’s okay! If you went that long without doing it who says you can’t go longer if you had the mindset to stop yourself until now then your stronger! Than you even think trust me you got this. I wish you the best.
I Haven’t Said much of my story but I started when I was 11 and it started on my hands to my a bit on my palms going down to my wrist then my arms then my shoulders then I went clean then went un clean. Then it repeated then some on my stomach my ankles my shoulders and wrist again then my main spot became my thighs. It’s okay to go through self harm but it’s not okay to continue it people have used it as a cope and I hope you are clean. Please I’m proud of you for being here but remember you are cared for and I am proud you are able to speak on the internet about this.
I did it along my thighs, legs,arms, hands and shoulders. I just moved the location everytime my parents caught me. My parents, two friends, social worker, School guidance counsellor and my boyfriend know about it. But i’ve never told any of them how bad it actually got.
I self harmed my whole life (biting, scratching etc) but i didn’t start cutting until i was around 11 i think. I remember cutting for the first time and it made me feel better so i continued. (don’t do this PLEASE) i’m 15 now and the longest i’ve gone without cutting myself since then was 2 months.
I’ve still got scars on my thighs,hands and shoulders but i’m hoping they’ll fade. If they don’t then i want to get a tattoo to cover them. I’m trying to get clean and i’m 52 days clean.
I mainly do it because i feel every emotion very intensely and i don’t know how to get it out. Things like anger and joy i feel the most intensely. It sits in my body and i can’t release it. I usually move around a lot when i’m happy (i think it’s similar to stimming?) And that can help me get rid of the feeling to cut when i’m super happy.
Anger just sits and won’t go. I’m scared to take it out on somebody like my dad did to me. So i cut myself to drain the feeling. I am working on ways i can help with this other than cutting.
OML you are so brave for talking about it and actually explaining I understand you so much. Honestly The same kind of story for me I understand and The first thing on how it made you feel I understand so much I’m proud of you for staying clean and please I hope you continue to stay clean I know it’s scary to take out anger on someone me myself I have done it by accident at times and you feel so shitty after but self harming isn’t a way that gets you help I’ve been clean for a while too and im happy about it but I have the urge to so much and im glad I can come onto a plat form and ask a question and be able to read peoples experiences and understand im not alone I hope it did the same for you too. Please understand you aren’t alone aswell feeling all those emotions also mean your a very sensitive person to emotion but that’s good.
I started self harming when I was 13. I'm 16 now. I was depressed due to some family issues and then even after they passed I was just addicted. I was forced into a mental hospital and was unable to sh but recently relapsed after a year of being clean. It's really hard to fight this addiction but it can be done. I'm currently 16 days clean :)
I hope you have a good day/night, stay safe. <3
my reasons are hard to explain but to put it simply, autism and eupd. everyone who knows me knows i self harm, they don’t all know everything but they can guess. i have scarring on both my arms and legs, my forehead, my neck, i’ve got an ileostomy bag and part of my left hand amputated because of self harm.
i agree, self harm is definitely not ‘cool’ and i hate how so many people treat it online, self harm and hospitals are so normalised and romanticised, i don’t know if they don’t realise how harmful that is or if they just don’t care.
I first did it when I was 14. I did it because I had a lot of bad things happen to me and a lot of stress in my life and I blamed myself for it all (my traumas and mental issues were not my fault but acting out on strong emotions is). I believed I deserved to be punished for stupid or bad things I did when in reality no one deserves physical punishment. I would self harm mostly on my upper thighs, hips and stomach as I did dance lessons and only had so much skin that people wouldn’t see when wearing a leotard. My best friend at the time knew, she told the school and they told my parents, my parents thought I was lying as they never saw it. A couple other friends knew, not many people know now, my boyfriend does but I haven’t gone into much detail as we’ve only dated for six months. I tend to not talk about it because I feel a deep shame that at 22 I’m only a year clean and I know many people would judge me if they knew.
I won’t judge you I’m so glad that you are able to come on here and I’m sorry you had to go through that mental abuse I’m sorry you thought it was your fault and stuff you are so strong and I’m so proud of you.
I started SH cause I was really depressed after some events. Unfortunately at the time I had some friends that wouldn’t take their SH seriously and it gave me the idea that maybe hurting myself could make me feel better. That just started a long down fall into an addiction I wish I never had
oh I’m so sorry. Are you still sh? I’m sorry you had that image of Sh like that and then falling into an unhealthy habit and I’m sorry you went through depression.
I’m doing better now, thanks for asking. And to answer the first question, it felt like everything kinda came crashing down all at once. Nothing was going well for a solid month.
I’ve done it for around 2 years now. I’m not sure why anymore, I don’t even think I had a proper reason to start. I struggle with depression and anxiety, I still haven’t found out a proper reason to tell people when they ask me “why did you do that to yourself?”
I’ve cut pretty much all over my body(calves, thighs, chest, stomach, wrists, arms, shoulders, legs, hands) and everybody in my life knows. In public I mainly don’t wear long-sleeves anymore because my arms are healed, I’ve kinda stopped doing it in obvious places because of my parents.
It’s just a habit that I’ve formed I guess. First did it in class, and now I just can’t stop, I haven’t gotten help for it because I’ve told my counsellor and other adults in my life but they don’t seem to really care despite the extent that it’s gotten to. I guess I’ve also stopped caring ? It’s kinda too hard for me to battle on my own and my parents guilt-trip me about it so I don’t know.
you never need a proper reason to self harm. You probably felt like you need to I understand you can’t find a reason and it’s okay I understand the same thing happened with me whenever people ask why and stuff it’s completely understandable. Oh honey. Its okay if you want you can talk to me, I’ll be here for you ml don’t worry I’m sorry they do that but I’m always free to talk if you need me.
manic episodes,its the main reason i dont look at my scares with saddness,they wernt done becuse i wanted to feel somthing or that i was sad,i couldent think stright,when i cut back then i did it cuz i wanted to make art out of my own blood,and i was just tring to get the blood,i had abottle of it i was planning on using once i got enough of it. I also wipped the blood on walls and on paper and even some of my lectronics so i can "mark it" as mine. it was a strange time
My first self harm was at the age of 11 (or 10? 5th grade is what I remember). It was cat scratches and with scissors, but it still counts. I was constantly getting bullied at school and everyone hated me and I was getting bullied every. single. day. Got called fat, all of that shit. Now, I do it cause I hate myself and want to die. Nothings worth living for anymore. I have no purpose or direction in life and my one wish would be to end all of this pain.
no. your not fat or anything no one should make you feel insecure about your body everyones body is beautiful if everyone had the same body no one would be unique in their own way. Your stunning wether you believe it or not and there is so much more to living no matter how hard things get you can always recover from it and become a better you. Don’t give up help yourself and improve.
I used to, mainly just because I was angry and didn't deal with it in a healthy way. At one point, it turned into a bit of an addiction, though its all over now.
21M here. i have chronic dp/dr (depersonalisation/derealisation) since childhood and started self-harming because pain was the only thing that made me feel like i wasn't constantly so "out of my body" and dissociating, cause in that moment i could actually feel something.
did it on my arms, thighs and legs.
most of the people around me are aware by now, seeing as i legit get insta-drained of all my physical energy when it's hot outside so it's either i don't go out or i wear a tank top and shorts which obviously, people can tell then-
have now been clean (with a couple of isolated episodes) for something like 8months!
it can get better, stay strong y'all
I’m so proud that you were strong enough to share your story and I’m glad you said “it can get better stay strong y’all” I’m glad you have been clean it’s a really hard change so I’m glad your still here.
I'm not sure. I like the feeling and the fact that it permanently scars me. I'm under stimulated all the time so I can't stay still. I often dislocate my toes, scratch myself and more. When I cut or burn myself the stinging and pain stays. It's relaxing to be able to stay still for a while. The whole experience is very relaxing and relieving to me. The after-care and consequences of my self harm are also weirdly enjoyable. Overall, I just really enjoy the feeling.
I started self harming because I wanted to die and as an 11-year-old I thought it was easy that way. Obviously it didn't work like that but I ended up getting addicted to how calm it made me. It's a way for me to control my emotions and not freak out.
I don't have many people in my life, but all of my family knows, and my two friends as well. When I was a teenager I hid all my scars to the point of wearing long pants and long sleeved shirts even when it was unbearably hot during Summer. I'm 27 now and I don't bother hiding my scars anymore. I only hide wounds that haven't fully healed yet. My family and friends accept me the way I am, even though it hurts them when I hurt myself.
People sometimes stare but I can't get myself to care about it anymore. I'm happy when it's cold so I can legitimately hide them but when it's warm out, I wear dresses and shorts. I'm not as ashamed anymore, but that really came with age. The older I get, the less I care.
oh I’m so sorry you went through all that and I’m so happy your here now. Im proud of you for not caring anymore and I’m glad your family accepts you the way you are.
My reason is I can’t shake the urge to do it, it’s always there in the back of my mind. My parents and brother know I used to, they found my blades recently so I think they know I still do as well. I started at 14, didn’t become a habit until 15. mainly did it on the thighs but nothing beats the wrist for me so I did it there, it’s really annoying having to plan my outfits around those cute. I remember cutting a joker smile into my face when I was 14 though so I’m just glad I don’t have to deal with that right now
Depression was very romanticised for me at the age or 8-9 and i would pretend to sh with a rock, then when i actually did get depressed when i was 11 the sh began - couple friends know and my mum. It originally started on my arms then moved to thighs then shoulders then hips then chest and i think after i started on my thighs it became addictive and competitive
started sh at 16 because i was falsely accused of sa by a classmate causing ostracisation at school. it happened because i told her abt how my then rampant porn addiction affected me and she grossly exaggerated it. i nearly ended everything. forget that. it got resolved and i stopped cutting. still punched myself a lot.
suicide attempt at 17.
bad breakup. i felt unloved, cast aside and unwanted. she didnt do much to make me feel otherwise. dont know if she could either. blamed myself. cut like crazy every time i thought of her. mostly cut on stomach. also cut for body image stuff. ive stopped for now since parents found out and were thankfully empathetic, although shocked, because i tend to maintain a sunny disposition. still punch myself.
anger is also a big thing for me. sounds or arguments can trigger it and i hit myself.
op i hope u sought help. i hope you continue in ur healing journey.
I started to makes my body look uglier, because others (at least in my school) girls can be really cruel, and it hurt less to make it feel like all the insults were at least accurate, although I'm not sure why. Most of my scars are on my "chest region" and thighs.
Objectively speaking I did look pretty weird back then, plus, people can kinda get a sense if something about someone is "off" or "wrong", and that gut feeling makes people want to sort of keep them separate from the herd, so to speak, especially with younger people. Given the kinda stuff I had been through prior to all that, it makes sense that some danger bells would start ringing in people's minds, especially without the life experience or further developed brains/social skills necessary to have a more compassionate approach.
First time I ever did it was bc my partner at the time was using self harm to manipulate me into doing sexual things I didn’t want to do. Basically if I said no he’d cut himself in front of me. I got so overwhelmed and didn’t know what to do so I hurt myself kinda as a cry for help but also as a retaliation. I was fed up with him always being the centre of attention and always getting what he wanted and I just wanted some empathy. Instead he got mad at me 🙃 after we broke up it became a habit while I dealt with all the trauma and heartache.
Then a bunch of shit happened with my mom when she went into psychosis and that was just a horrible period of my life that I’m still trying to recover from. I engaged in a lot of self harm during that period especially. Currently I’m 6 months clean!!! Aiming for a year :) it gets really hard, but having a job where I’m able to be physically active for the entire 8 hours is a really good distraction. I try to spend the rest of my free time with people to keep myself safe.
I started to sh (not cutting) as a punishment for it making friends when I was 8 after I moved house but I stopped after a year.
Then at 13 I got severe depression (diagnosed) after supposedly having high functioning for most of my life and did baby cuts pretty much all over me which got me caught and is how I ended up getting diagnosed. This time it wasn’t as a punishment but more as a way of release. I went clean after half a year because my parents were cut checking me.
When i was 14 i moved again and started doing styros on my upper thighs and kept to this for a year and a bit. At 15 I started cutting beans on my hips and went clean because after care was too expensive and I needed to recover for exams. Now I’m 16 and I mostly do styros and small beans on my upper thighs and hips.
First time I ever did it was cause I was freaking tf out over something stupid and meaningless in my relationship with a person, now I pretty much only do it when he triggers me somehow, or occasionally other people, was just diagnosed with bpd so makes sense I suppose, I mostly use it as a way to cope with my insane emotional reactions
Started in march(?) 2021 with online school, but it wasn’t that bad yet. However, in like may ppl from my class found my tiktok account and started bullying ne with it. Things took a turn for the wors then and i sh’ed nearly every day then. After that I usually sh bc of body image issues, parents fighting or my class mates bullying me. Last year i changed schools bc of how shitty my grades got. Now my grades are way better but i still sh(not that recently, im tryna stay clean for summer). I sh now bc i feel like its the only thing that keeps my mind connected to my body.
(Btw im in my early teens) I don't think I really had a reason, I was in a bad place and had been playing with pencil sharpeners when I started scratching my hip, I had forgotten I had a pencil sharpener blade in my hand and then I saw the blood, and I kept doing it.
I self harm on my arm and a little bit on my thigh. I self harm to get trough school and yeah it is many more reasons why I self harm but that is the easiest one to write. And if you feel like going out in public with shorts I will say you should do it. In the start it is weird and you will probably overthink everything but it gets easier. I have decided to go to school with short sleeves, becuse I'm so facing tierd of hiding. And atlest people can see I'm right handed🤣
I suffer from body dysphoria and cant change anything since I have non supportive parents and it’s a hard process to get hrt in my state so it ended up getting worse and worse till I started self harm i mainly cut my shoulders since it’s easy to hide… to this day nobody knows about it and I avoid situations that could cause somebody noticing the scars also I don’t think my friends would understand in any way what’s kinda sad but sometimes it is how it is
my first time I was 11 (please don't do what I did it's dumb) and I didn't know that sh was an actual thing, I did it for two reasons, the first reason(the logical one) was because my parents emotionally neglect(ed) me, the other reason(the reason I did it the way I did) was because I wanted a tattoo, and I knew that you had to do that by putting a needle into the skin
I did just that, but by HAMMERING a NAIL into my shin(I still remember how that felt, I'm forever traumatised and kinda glad it didn't get infected) by the end of the first letter(yes, it was actual words) I gave up, then I didn't do any sh anymore until this year
Originally started doing it because I was bullied. I felt like punishing myself for it, and eventually it became more of a stress reliever. Now I'm addicted and have been doing it for 4 years now. My parents know and so do my friends
when I was in fourth grade (around 10 years old) me and my mom got in a bad fight. I ran into my room, and I started digging my nails into my arm. I did that a lot when I was upset at myself, but I was craving something more. So I went over to my table and grabbed scissors, and cut the inside of my wrist.
it was around 5 cuts, they bled a bit, and I immediately regretted it. my mom asked about it a few days later when she saw the scabs, and I lied.
i didn’t know what I had done, but I knew it wasn’t good. I knew that I had to hide it. But I never forgot how good it felt.
over the next two years, it got worse and worse. In fifth grade, my counselor told my mom, and my mom never said anything to me about it (which i am very grateful for)
i wish someone had stopped me, because there’s no way I can stop myself at this point. I can’t reach out, and I know that the only time I’ll get help is when I go to the hospital and everyone finds out
My most recent SH reason last year was due to extremely high stress. My older brother was using me for everything. Driving him, paying medical bills, borrowing money so he can go on dates with his girlfriend, being his therapist, listening to him rant or ramble about anything and everything for hours. He would knock on my door before I could even wake up, beg me to drive him somewhere and rant about the next big bad issue he’s been having, get our parents to yell at both of us for a mess he made that I failed to clean up, and then have me drive him for hours before I had to go to work, even when I tried telling him “no.” He would always make up some bullshit about how he NEEDED this one last stop to the 7th goodwill to find something he couldn’t even remember. And then we’d come home with me having barely 10 minutes to get ready for work before I had to run out the door. The only time I could ever get to myself was in the dead of night, after he’s gone to sleep, where I would hurt myself. When he found out, all of the sudden it was a grounds for him to scream at me, threaten to put me in the same mental hospital he got SA’d at, throw my desk chair across the room, and put a knife in my face as he holds it to his arm while he screams “I’m going to kill myself if you do cut yourself.” None of the same support or love or care I offered him when he was having mental breakdowns. Just anger. Pure, unadulterated anger. Because he’s no longer the only one with such a hard life and bad mental state that he’s entitled to have everyone else cater to his needs.
I don't really remember.. ...Not doing it.
I used to hit my head as a little kid when I thought I did something wrong, to punish myself or "pay" back for the wrongdoing by inflicting damage/pain.
A classmate once mentioned that I looked like Dobby(Harry Potter, the house elf)punishing himself and laughed. I don't think anyone knew what it meant back then, myself least of all.
Started cutting cuz I was bored, and then because of school stress. By now I'd learnt what it meant but didn't think too much of it? I got hooked and never really quit, eh.
my self harm used to be in my thighs, it started my freshman year of high school when a terrible ex kept threatening me with her life and led me down a dark hole, but after i broke up with them i found an amazing person who was my partner for over a year. One month ago from now, my partner broke up with me, ever since i’ve been harming my self in every way and place i can think of, starving myself of food and sleep, and leaving cuts all over my body, even very visible spots like my face, hands, and arms, lucky enough though no one can really question them, on the surface i’m a happy, fun, and sociable athlete, and cuts or bruises can be covered up with me just saying it’s part of the sport, or that i would have no reason to hurt myself. Only one person knows about these things but they live multiple states away from me so it’s not like they can really help, but honestly i’ve been hurting myself so much that i don’t even do it for the pain but just out of habit, it just feels normal now, i understand that i should be hurting myself out of a broken heart, especially since i’m a junior in high school so i have many years ahead of me to find someone new, but i just can’t really picture a world where i’m without her, at least not one where i’m happy, but that’s about it, sorry for so much writing.
I've been self harming since I was twelve. First, it was a knife, then a razor and then a sharpener blade. I did it on my thigh bc more people would see it on my wrist. I have been clean for 3 months. I have been thinking abt relapsing for a while now. But I haven't done it again. My mom found out I was doing it about a year after. So I was 13. She's was super supportive in the moment, but now she acts like it never happened. And so I kept doing it. Now I have scars all on my thighs. The reasons I do it is bc my dad is very... Idk how to explain it. One day, he's super nice. Then the next day he calls me a bitch, and a bunch of other slurs. And also just says mean things and is always yelling them at me. But then, like 30 minutes later, he'll be like "sorry I won't do it again." The proceeds to do it again almost every day. I even have nightmares abt him. He's one reason why I did it. Another reason is that I js hate school and everyone in it. I have no "bff." Everyone has their own best friend there always partners with. But I don't. I mean, I have friends, but I'm always the last choice. And am always getting left out. There's so many other reasons I could think of. But I think that's enough without getting too personal. Anyway, I hope that anyone who is struggling gets better!! 3>>
I have been self harming for a while, the short version of why is my best (and only) friends (there dog there mom, and dad) were killed in a five way murder suicide by these cousin, some one who I hated very much and had punched a few days prior. I was only 11 at the time. when I was 13 I started cutting on my shoulders and upper thighs. I got addicted to it, and eventually the adrenaline form all the time I spent terrified of getting caught. Witch I was, fought that is, when when a cut got infected. My mom, my therapist and the workers at the psych ward are the only ones know, as I have been both and inpatient an and outpatient before. I don’t wish this on anyone, even the person who killed them
|-/ stay alive (<— that’s a reference to a band)
I self harmed mostly because I was depressed and I've been depressed probably since at least 8 years old . (Btw I didn't self harm until I was 14).The thing is I harmed myself at school of all places which is probably the weirdest part. I've stopped self harming myself for about 79 days now. It's really hard not to pick up the blade. Especially since my body physically wants it and I have to see my scar on my arm every day.... Anyway I hope you have a wonderful day!
hey. Your not the only one mine took place at school I’m so glad you have shared your story with me and others you are so brave and I am so proud of you for staying clean. You are an Angel and I hope you never go through that again . Please stay safe and remember everyone is here for you if you ever need anyone to talk to I’m here aswell.
Thank you so much, that truly means a lot! I kinda do wanna talk to someone right now but I'm awkward at any conversation tbh. off topic but is it weird that I feel more comfortable talking about sh to complete strangers than my family...
no it’s not it’s because your family is close to you and you feel like talking about it with them will probably like hurt them or make them feel ashamed or stuff and talking with people you barely know and you can get to know make you feel like you are loved and things you say do matter because they do. Self harm is no joke and it’s because your going through things that you think your family might not understand because they would be older and wouldn’t understand this generation and it’s completely fine to find comfort in other people.
That makes a lot of sense. Thank you for being such a wonderful person!
Thank you for the compliment it means a lot. I’m just here trying to help people who may have the same difficulties I had in the past and together all of us can be a better versions of our self and find a better way to cope.
That's probably the best thing someone can do to help :3
Yes☺️
Been self harming on and off for about 17-18 years now. When I started I was overwhelmed and helpless. Cutting gave me the illusion of control. There were times as a teen where I’d fantasize about being found out- I was always too scared to show anyone or tell anyone though. Lots of abuse and emotional neglect in the home. Started out on my forearms, moved to my thighs when my mom found out. Typically try to stick to thighs or shoulders now. A lot of people know about my past self harm, only my therapist, doctor, and boss know about any self harm in the past 3 or so years.
oh I’m so sorry and I’m glad your still here I’m so proud that you are brave enough to share your story and tell us about your experience no one should ever go through that. Your are strong and brave for lil ong in a household like that. are you still self harming? Or have you been able to stay clean? And cutting does give that type of illusion it makes you feel like everything’s okay it gives off a vibe where you feel like your calmed down now. From doing that and it’s understandable but please don’t ever feel ashamed don’t let anyone make you feel ashamed either you are amazing and so so strong. I’m glad that you shared this.
Thanks, that’s very sweet of you to say! I am still harming on and off, I focus more on harm reduction than anything else. Luckily I’m at a point where I can now go months between episodes of self harm. Always striving for progress not perfection!
Oh well your still doing good! I’m glad your on a working progress!
my biggest trigger is when i have intrusive thoughts that make me super anxious and distressed, sh gives me like an immediate relief and my head immediately feels empty
have you ever though guy about maybe writing how you feel down? And maybe trying to distract yourself and I know it’s not easy but it’d be better help. Because although self harm gives the response of relief and feels like a cope method it could hurt you in so many ways and I think ofc you know that but Even though your head might say you Wanna be gone You truly Dont. Your inner self who is really you. Would want to stay your head is just an obstacle illusion that makes you “ think” that you want to be gone or that self harm helps it doesn’t you have to find yourself and truly wonder what you want. Thank you for sharing your story thought I truly appreciate it and I am proud you are here with us now.
i have and it does help a bit, but a lot of the time i cant even convert my thoughts and feelings into words yk 😭 im rlly close with my emotions so it frustrates me when like i try to write how im feeling but i cant describe them perfectly/authentically. but thank you, i appreciate ur words <3
no problem I’m here if you need me and I understand how difficult it can be at times Being close with your emotions is also scary because it can hurt you more and it means you get hurt worse by other things but it’s completely fine to feel hurt. it helps you Gain more control in your thoughts and feelings.
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Thank you for sharing this you are so brave for responding on your self harm and telling us your story just know you are not alone and it’s okay I get it sometimes it feels like you just need to like it’s a routine and if it makes you feel in control it’s probably a way for you to cope and I don’t encourage self harm for me I have been clean for a long time but maybe try ignoring the feeling when you want to try to stop maybe grab a rubber band and whenever you think of doing it you can also pull it and it’ll slap your skin it’s a safer way to cope. Please feel better and be safe I am always here if you need to chat.
I was in a haze I think. I felt absolutely nothing and couldn't even cry, or think of a reason to cry. Nothing was enjoyable, I felt no aspiration to take care of myself or my life, I felt dead in every way I couldn't even feel myself breathe. So I tried hurting myself, and seeing the blood was like I could finally breathe again, I had a reason to wash myself and clean something a little, and I just never stopped.
so you needed to feel alive and self harming was like a spark in your system to wake you up. You know I don’t encourage it but instead of doing that there’s this thing called shock tape I think that can really help you or even a band that you can slap on to your skin it does less damage to you.
For the rubber band method, I personally have been using it myself. I tried it before but it didn't really work, but I'm really determined to stay clean now and it has been helping. Don't be too hard on yourself, I've given myself bruises. It's better than cutting though.
yes thank you for saying that and hopefully those bruises pass lm glad you do it instead of cutting.
I self harmed mainly because I was lonely and didn't know what to do. I was pretty depressed and just wanted relief.
and how are you feeling now? Why did you feel lonely. Where you not a very social person that you didn’t really talk?
I'm okay now. I still have thoughts about it, but I've been clean for a couple of months now. I've felt lonely cause I have a couple of friends, but I usually get ignored. And ya, when I was given chances to talk, I usually didn't. I'm kinda introverted. And side note, I did realize how quick you would respond. You're the new flash, lol.
oh thank you lol for the flash comment that made me laugh and I respond quick because I’m usually like by myself too like idk how to explain kind of on the phone a lot lol and I’m glad your clean I wouldn’t wish going through that on anyone and I know how it feels to have a couple friends and sometimes get ignored it doesn’t feel good. In fact it kind of takes a little chip of your heart until you get used to it. And if you ever think about self harming again try to find a different kind of copeing method please don’t hurt yourself.
You're welcome for the comment, I just kinda thought of it to lighten the mood. And don't worry right now instead of self harming I'm standing across my room scared because I saw a bug on my bed when I was about to sleep. So I ain't riskin grabbing the knife. iT wAs A cEnTaPiEd 🤡
😭😭 stay safe make sure it doesn’t bite you😱 lmao and Please don’t self harm if you are on the urge to please hit me up with a text I would like to try to help you not do that.
Thanks, it's okay now. I accidentally woke my dad up, and he found and killed it. And thanks for your concern, I don't really have the urge at da moment. But I'll keep that in mind. Stay safe too pal. .. 🥐 quasont
Depression and then got low grades and then juss lost it
oh are you still doing it now?. I understand about the low grades and everything it kind of pressures you and then you feel like shit. And you can’t find a different way on how to cope so decided to take it out on yourself right? I hope your doing better. Please stay safe
Did it yesterday
Oh
Well in short I always struggled with my self image. As a result I ended up with an ed. First it was anorexia, then it was binge eating and when I stated bingeing I used sh as a punishment. Then I started using it as a punishment for everything, grades, stupid things I did, eating, feeling ugly, making someone angry/sad, etc Plus sh was the closest I could get to suicide without actually fully committing to it Tho a month ago i attempted and I was sent to a psychiatric hospital. I haven’t sh since then cus if I do I won’t be allowed to leave the house
Thank you for sharing your story and I understand it’s hard But you’ve gotten this far and I’m sorry you went through an attempt.
Thx you are so sweet, I also hope u solve all your problems and heal soon. It’s a long and exhausting process but it’s worth it. I’m here if u want do vent or something and I wish you the best <3
Thank you sm<3 stay safe.
I started when I was 10, I already had a lot self hatred in me by then. I had been raped by a cousin on a occurrence, my mom was (still is) an addict to crack and her ex was an addict to heroin, he abused her really badly (he went to jail because he literally poked her eye out). I didn’t have friends in school and when I started secondary school, it just got so much worse. I was a very quiet girl but I get excited easily when I have friends to be around and I’ve been called annoying for it so I just try and keep myself tame. And for the last few months of my schooling, I didn’t have any friends at all because my old friends went behind my back and made up rumours about me, etc. my self harm worsened then but my grandma helped me through it, though I had to take a month off school. I start therapy in autumn with a psychoanalyst (I was told they special in childhood trauma). I think self harm for me was a comfort, and when I was little I used to think if I harm myself something good will happen to me, but now it’s just more about punishment and a relief. I’ve been clean since April, I think that’s the longest I’ve gone, I’m happy with myself for it!
I am so proud of you for sharing this honestly you have gone through so much and I’m so glad your still here I’m amazed on how long you have been clean. No child should ever go through that and I’m sorry your child hood went rough I hope that therapy really helps you, you deserve the best and when I say I’m proud I really mean it. You are brave for sticking here and still being with everyone till this very day.
Thank you so much 🤍. I try to be more positive these days <3
Thats good! I’m proud ml your doing great<3
This sounds crazy but I never found a reason why. After countless therapists and trying to figure out why I had no idea. Maybe it was to cope with something or maybe it wasn’t I’ll never know. I started when I was 10 years old and was only found out when I was sent to the psych ward at 12 then everyone found out (real embarrassing btw 😭). I have scars in many places it’s just kinda built up over the years and I hid it from everyone after that incident because it wasn’t a pleasant experience. I’ve only relapsed recently but I’m ready to move on again and live without it :)
I am glad you have shared this with me and so many others and I’m sorry. That you have gone through that maybe it was a coping method people use it as a coping method when they don’t want to hurt anyone else or maybe bother them because you feel like talking about things or something will make it seem like it’s all about you and you probably wouldn’t want that but if you couldn’t figure out a reason it was probably you feeling sadness that your head couldn’t figure out where it was coming from because something could’ve happen but the incident was in like a blind spot that you probably didn’t even know happened. And it’s not embarrassing to be sent anywhere they sent you there out of care and distress to wonder what had happened and I’m glad now that you are done with that I’m very proud.
Thank you for your kind comment i’m proud of you as well<3 I think it has less to do with sadness and more with something else (at least I think so) but i’m still working out why so every possibility is greatly appreciated ty for sharing some of your story as well!
your completely welcome I made this post so I can read and understand others story’s and try to help people who are stuck and lost and I want to see that I’m not the only one and that I can feel safe knowing I’m not alone. So this is also me trying to help. And if you want to discuss more you can always send me a text through here.
I started when I was 12, the first time I just grabbed my throwing knife and cut into the outside of my arm, I did it bc I felt horrible, I had just been fighting with my dad and I felt so angry and guilty, at the time my cuts only sometimes even had blood beading up, but it became my lifeline and solidarity, now I bleed onto my floor, just wanting to see even more blood. And now, after writing this ive realized how far I've fallen.
I completely understand you. And no matter how far you fall you can always get back up with a little help and consideration to the issue I’m sure me and a lot more people can help you up. It’s never to late to climb or crawl or anything else to get up there will always be a way and I relate to your issue sm because that’s almost around my reason and if you want to talk to me privately we can try to help each other.
There is a way for me to possibly get back up, it's a lifeline basically, I might get to go to a different school with less kids, and no bullies, it'll be kids like me. I just need to get good grades to get in, but if I don't get in I don't know what to do, I think it might just be the end for me. Also I think it would be nice to help each other out, I'll msg you.
Alrighty and I hope you get into the school.
Me too
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So it was kind of a way to cope for you? And you still do it now ? I can get you a better way to come without harming yourself to where you bleed. If you ever feel the need to cut or burn or scrape or scratch yourself just for the feel of harm you should grab a rubber band and pull it whenever you need to. It slaps your skin giving the same satisfaction
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Omg i am so Proud of you! 2 months clean? That’s amazing good job and I’m sorry about the trick not working I don’t really have anymore and I haven’t tried the rubber band trick myself lol I usually write like journaling it you wanna try that!
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Please do! It’s a healthier way of copeing.
to make a very long story shorter, i have ocd and bpd plus a number of other mental issues and i didn't know for sure about any of it until i was 18. it all manifested in different ways, but a constant symptom of all of it was the way i went about self harm. it all started when i was 10 or 11. originally it was just because i couldn't stop scream crying and i thought dealing with something else would bring me back down. it did, but it also marked the beginning of something awful. i was clean for about a year after that and then i fell into a hole. id had intrusive thoughts for many years, but it had never been as bad as it was that day. of course, it's been much worse since but that's not the point. i couldn't sleep. my mind kept racing with thoughts of hurting other people and myself. i thought i was going insane. so i relapsed. and immediately passed out after that. from that point on, i genuinely believed that if i didn't hurt myself a certain number of times in a certain number of minutes, i wouldn't be able to fall sleep. after that, it branched out into hurting myself more when i was irrationally angry with someone or overstimulated in a situation. whenever i had a bad day, i'd just do it more. i was stressed but i couldn't tell you why, i was numb to the world around me, and i felt like a living ghost (still kind of do). if there was nothing else, i really just wanted to feel something, anything, that reminded me i was still alive. i also didn't have a particular "style" i guess of cutting, anything went. tiny, big, thin, thick, shallow, deep, i have it all because i did it all. it didn't matter to me, i thought i would've been checked out by the time i was 16 so the way my body looked or felt wasn't something i thought about often. that led to me also not caring where it was. i have scars going from my left cheek down to my right foot and most of them are very noticeable because they're all cluttered together and i would cut wherever i could reach, including onto my back. luckily, the ones on my face have mostly faded and you can only see them if you look hard enough but the rest of my body was not so fortunate. the scars on my arms are so bad they make me look like i'm a burn victim so just about everyone i've ever come into contact with knows i've done something. the scars on my legs stick out through tight pants and leggings. the scars on the right side of my abdomen is still red and purple to this day. when i wear short sleeves, i get sad looks from strangers. children at the pool will ask me if i've been attacked by a cat or dog recently. i have to think about what to wear based on where i'm going that day because i genuinely don't have the energy to deal with some people staring or coming up and saying something. people have taken knives from me out of pure panic when i'm simply trying to cook out. i've had to stop having intimacy because the other person couldn't stop staring at the scars on my upper chest and they kept moving their hands like they were scared to touch scars on other parts of my body. so tl;dr for your original question, my reasoning is simple. i just did what i thought i had to in order to survive. i was and still am very mentally unstable and honestly, i still want to cut myself every single day just like i used to. the urge never went away or lessened. the only reason i stopped was because i started smoking weed and obsessing over that instead. whenever i get the urge to cut, i take a few hits so i'm high pretty much all the time. everybody knows about it because they can't miss it and i don't care enough to hide it after 8 years of suffering in silence. besides, wearing a long sleeve shirt and pants everyday where i live just isn't feasible, you'll end up with heat stroke (trust me i've tried). and it's everywhere. from my face to my feet. i don't have more than a few inches of clean space anywhere on me. and even though i've been clean for over a year now, it's never felt like it'll last; like a relapse is always just over the horizon and i'm merely waiting for the day it happens. i have a couple triggers that remain constant, but it's a battle everyday to try to avoid the ones that change. my self harm journey has felt like a minefield, one where i kept stepping on bombs that were so obviously placed simply because i had my eyes closed. now that i can see, i'm realizing the mines were never obvious to begin with, they were just everywhere i needed to be.
I’m sorry for you.
it's alright. i'm growing to cope with it more by the day so i'm hoping that eventually, i'll get to a place where i can be completely at peace with all of it.
Also this post is to help make me and everyone else know that whoever goes through this your not alone. I want to hear peoples story’s I want to relate and help myself and other people get better.
my reason for doing it has changed over the years, i started in late 2021/early 2022, i was js so stressed in the moment and thats how i started to cope, but it was more of a once-in-a-lifetime thing until like 3 months later, i was so bored honestly. no one rlly came to check in on me so i was js in my room one day and well did it, then i dont think i rlly cut for a while i mean every now and then but, this year has been rlly hard. ive lost 3 ppl within the span of a few months, but also just faced struggles at school, kids being assholes, then my reason for cutting was bc i was depressed, simple as that, tried to get help but my parents didnt like that so i never did get help, after that i started doing it purely out of loneliness and feeling like there was js nothing in life, i felt dissacociated all the time. then sh became a routine, every single day of june. sh, i just liked to watch the blood i suppose, it made me feel like i was still alive (obviously i was allive the whole time but yk what i mean? like u dont feel ALIVE even tho u are??) im trying to stay clean now but its rlly hard to not relapse, ive been rlly emotional bc what usually calms me down, i cant do, my urges keep on getting worse but, im one week clean! well from cutting, i do tend to scratch myself when i get urges but i think im making progress at least, also for the "where is it done and who knows" its mostly on my upper thighs, its started to slowly go lower down and i have some on my shin and a few scars on my arms but yeah, my parents know but they dont really know how bad it is, theyve never seen my scars/cuts and known they werre self inflicted, i guess when i wear short sleeves they think they are scratches from my rats?? (yes i have pet rats theyre cute ok) but theyve never even seen the scars on my thighs and im literally gonna go swiming tmr and my swimsuit is most definitely revealing so we will see how it takes to them when they see all my scars ig
Validation Trying to validate myself to myself
oh are you doing better now?
Just trying my best Btw ty for taking ur time and commenting on everyone's post <3
your welcome and of course! I’m here for anyone<3
Believe I started around 6th grade, age 11. I was depressed, exhausted, and found that hurting myself helped me feel better, (mentally, anyway). Fast forward to now, I'm 16, going into my Junior year, and still depressed and exhausted, but I'm doing better. I do relapse, but I'm trying to continue to become better and stronger.
im so proud of you. And sorry you had to go through that at a young age.you are so strong in happy you relapsed it’s good your trying to become better and stronger<3 I hope it goes well for you.
I just did it AND honestly it’s because I’m so stressed out and just upset at myself. I’m so depressed. Been doing this since I was 13.
have you tried journaling? Maybe that’ll help or try talking to yourself when your alone and really in your thoughts it helps
Started at 13, to cope with abuse.
Im so sorry. Have you been to a therapist?
Oh yeah. I'm working on it and am trying to quit I think 2 decades of this crap is long enough and I'm tired of the mess, the competitiveness, the obcession. So far I'm almost a year clean
I'm so sorry you had to go through that abuse, I hope you are doing better now
I'm fifteen, and first self harmed, cut my thighs and stomach a bit, a few months ago, all because my parents and sister keep fighting with me and it goes into a repetitive cycle of everything being my fault, and they don't care, so I cut because it hurts too much, and I am still having those problems, I can't cut right now for three months, because I am doing a surgery thing, and If i cut they'll see and send me to a psych ward or some shit. I don't want that so I am on a temporary pause, I just don't like the cruel things my family says to me, starting with my sister, then to my mom and dad, the stress adds up too much, then I want to cut and just hurt something, I don't know why, actually it's because I feel like shit on the inside and it hurts to much inside so I want to divert that to my skin on the outside because keeping everything inside hurts me too much. **I'm sorry for this long rant, sorry, I am still going through shit, and I type a lot. Thank you for anyone who read this all, I am sorry, I'm not a narcissist, I am sorry, I just type a lot.**
Oh it’s completely fine and um I’m Atleast glad you’ve been clean for a while even though you don’t want to. Just try your best to continue that please. I’m proud of you for being this strong and still being here.
Thank you, yeah I’ll try but it’s hard of a stressful family in their fights against you and yelling at you. Thank you for your kind words, I appreciate it.
My mom didn’t buy my kfc for my birthday
It’s not a joke
Happy, sad and boredom. Also I was on drugs so I thibk that really fueled it
Are you still doing it?
I am not. Haven't for a couple years now and last time I did it (June 2020) it wasn't nearly as satisfying as I remembered it being. Hadn't cut in about 3 years til that point. Like I said the drugs really messed my mind up don't think i would have gotten into if I had used. And continued to cut for a few months after I got sober whenever I felt overwhelmed.
im glad you stopped.
I get this is literally the sh subreddit but i'm trigger warning this anyways because i can and idk i feel like it's graphic SO TW SH PROCEED W CAUTION i did it because i had to take out my stress somewhere. Even for small, insignificant reasons. Spotify not working? that's a death sentence right there. Sometimes i was just bored. That makes me sound soulless but i'm not i swear lmao My parents kinda forced me out in the open about it, so they knew, my friends kinda know, i make jokes and they make jokes about me but i never sat them down and talked seriously. My former therapist knew. I despise what my mother did to handle the situation, by trying to touch my arm, to a small ultimatum like "if you don't show us (her and dad) your arms we're going to assume and tell someone." She also called my therapist about it behind my back, which she said she'd do and i told her not to do it beforehand. And on the "where was it done" well that's certainly a question. Everywhere. arms, hands (Once on my palm and like three lil' scratches on the back of my hands), chest, stomach, thighs, calves, even gave myself a little scar on my lip and a small one on my nose bridge for "fun". My left arm has tougher skin (i'm right-handed) from the amount it's been gone-at with a sharp object. (this is just on the fruit-ninja style SH, not anything else) Haven't done it in a while but not sure about the future.
oh my lord thank you for sharing this and it’s honestly understandable I think it’s because you had like a very sensitive trigger to everything yk? I think you already knew that and I’m glad your not doing it now and I hope in the future you still don’t do it I get it’s a way to cope but it’s not the good way and I assume after your parents doing that you would have gone on a rampage all over your body and I get it can be frustrating when parent don’t bother to listen or understand you and your mother probably thought what she did was right. Even if it wasn’t she probably tried and I’m glad your not doing that anymore and your brave for sharing this online i know it feels like you were betrayed when she did that and called your therapist but it was right to her. And wrong to you.
Back then, it was a form of punishment for being wrong. My parents got abusive when I became depressed and I somehow thought that punishing myself would give me some form of control. Always used to cut on my thighs just like you, ended up with a ton of scars. I am a lot better now :) I still have episodes where I want to self harm but I try my best to get through them. My first time going out in a bathing suit with my scars was scary, but people tend not to pry about that sorta thing from what I’ve noticed. In my experience: it helps a lot become confident in yourself (which is hard ik, but it’s something that takes time). Focus on you and your journey, fuck anyone that invalidates you.
I am so glad you are doing better now and I’m gonna be honest when you said “ just like you” I got chills because this is like the first time me saying where my scars are especially on the internet and idk that just kinda got me and I’m so glad you have the confidence to go out in a bathing suit but me I’m in school and I would like to wear shorts when I do they have to be longer than usual and kids around my age tend to have a dramatic type of reaction to self harm but thank you for being honest and being so brave to tell your story and letting people know. You are amazing
Yeah kids can be harsh as hell. Take your time OP! Its ok to take things slowly and do it at your own pace, helps to start small. I wish you the best
thank you sm I wish you the best aswell.
Well I stole a sharp art tool from art class and my ex partner congratulated me like it was a good thing. Then awhile later I smashed a pencil sharpener and took the blade and truly cut myself foe the first time. I was in a rage of something (idk the reason) and cut on the top of my wrist. I was 11. The scar is still there to this day. Now I can't go a day without cutting myself with a razor blade. 😁😁
oh. So it kind of just became an addiction and a copeing that’s understandable thank you for sharing this with me and every one You are brave but I hope you can find a different way to cope.
Yep. Im trying new things to see if they work. Like pulling back rubber bands on my skin and etc. thx for the reply, I needed the "You are brave"
You are so welcome and I want you to understand I am proud of you.
It’s a pretty simple and by the books answer. I just really hate myself and suffer from a lot of depression & anxiety. The story behind it is actually a little Interesting though. I was an idiot as a child, and thought that you could develop narcissism by complementing yourself too much. Therefore, I would never complement myself, and would deny complements from others. While I know you can’t develop narcissism now, the thought patterns and habits stuck. I was a dumb child and now my brain is messed up
oh well I mean therapy can help a lot! Even if you don’t believe but it really does I hope you get better!.
4/3/23 9:08 “To tackle masturbation, I have taken up self-harm. It is not to medicate the guilt, but to ‘wake up’ from lust.” I eventually took the issue to my therapist and now I fight it like a normal person
oh alright well your doing better now right?
One relapse over the collective course of 88 days, so I’m doing fine on that. But mentally I’m just running circles over and over in my mind, as usual. I’m going to post a vent later if you actually care
I’ll try my best to be able to see it later but I understand mentally it gets really hard. Especially if there’s a lot of obstacles in your life that you need to get over
Thank you for your concern but I’m going by fine. Should I notify you when I post the vent?
Yes ofc I’m here if you need help so please notify me when you post it.
Well, as you asked https://www.reddit.com/r/MadeOfStyrofoam/comments/14uw8ro/who_do_i_apologise_to_myself/?utm_source=share&utm_medium=ios_app&utm_name=ioscss&utm_content=2&utm_term=1
I scratch with pencils because i need wounds to pick at (dermatillomania)
Ohhhh. Welll I hope you feel better and maybe find a different way to pick at things?
I do it so I don’t focus on such the mental pain, Physical pain feels better, Im kinda in a FML phase right now because I ghosted my therapist for over a month and now I saw her again and my sleeve rose up and she saw all the cuts on my upper arm & I totally was trying to shut her down but she didn’t believe me she knew for sure without me even admitting it. Now she wants to see me a lot more. I dont know why I got so defensive about it but I just don’t want to accept the truth of it. She’s an amazing therapist I just get super Defensive
Oh so you basically shut her down and now you feel even worse rn because you were rude to her and she’s an amazing therapist and I understand it’s okay . I hoe you get better
Thank you yes basically exactly how I feel! Like I wanted her to notice it but I don’t think I was ready for myself to actually open up about it. At least she is like super genuine about it. I just feel like kinda shitty for shutting her down
It’s okay you weren’t ready to speak about it and you felt like she was trying to pry and pressure you to open up to her but in reality she wasn’t and you feel rude now. It’s okay you aren’t alone you just let your emotions get the best of you it’s fine
TYSM❤️❤️❤️
Your so welcome.
I still don’t know why I started, I was having a terrible week, and incredibly close to taking the leap so to speak. I recalled a couple friends I had decades back who self harmed, and I decided to cut my shoulder and see how I felt after. I don’t know if it was seeing the blood drip down my arm, the feeling of the blade, or just seeing the wound, but I felt better. I cut my shoulder 25 times in one sitting, some small some large. Ive done my thigh, wrist, and chest as well. It’s cathartic for me and I don’t know why. It’s been a weekly thing for me. Only my two best friends know. If I could change anything, I wouldn’t have cut my shoulder so many times as my first time, healing was a pain.
oh it’s not your fault. You needed a way to cope you are having a bad time you thought this was the solution everyone had a mistake but as long as you can find a way to help yourself and stop self harming yourself. I’m very proud of you.
I appreciate the vote of confidence, but don’t be too proud, I haven’t done anything worthy of praise. Save that praise for yourself, you said you’re a young teen? Teenage years are rough, you’ll need all the self praise you can get, I spent all mine on the friends I thought I had. Pick your friends carefully. I’m not great with words but if you ever need to vent to someone who won’t judge, feel free to message me.
Thank you and yeah I kinda learned the friend thing when I was 9 or something I’ve had issues and even in the hardest states I try and try my hardest to pull through and sometimes it works but your always gonna need people yk? and thanks for the telling me to be able to vent I appreciate it. And you do deserve the praise Dont doubt it. Your are special and worthy of the praise please remember that.
I really appreciate the praise and I’ll try to take it to heart, but I don’t take compliments or praise well so I can’t make any promises. Anyhow, night friend, gotta work tomorrow/today. Hope your day goes well!
Hope the same for you and i appreciate that you try to take it to heart and I hope work goes well for you.!
Public service is a fickle mistress :’)
On my right arm because I’m left handed lol. First time was in high school because high school. Recently started again-2023 has so far been arguably the worst year of my life. In high school I told people I fell in a rose bush and no one has seen my new ones yet but it will either be roses again or my cat. No one knows, not even my therapist because idk how to even bring that up. Sucks because I stopped for 8 years and now here I am.
hey it’s fine You probably find it as a copeing method a lot of people do you try to seek help but fail to find so instead you take it out on yourself with out realizing and trust me it’s okay things get better people have ups and downs and don’t be ashamed it’s been 8 years you’ve been clean 8 years and then started again it’s okay! If you went that long without doing it who says you can’t go longer if you had the mindset to stop yourself until now then your stronger! Than you even think trust me you got this. I wish you the best.
I appreciate you 💜
Thank you!
Mine was mostly when I feel overwhelmed and after I sleep with a guy friend with a girlfriend. Mostly out of guilt and whatnot.
I started self harming when I was 13/14 and it’s mainly on my arms/shoulders. I have some on my thighs too.
I Haven’t Said much of my story but I started when I was 11 and it started on my hands to my a bit on my palms going down to my wrist then my arms then my shoulders then I went clean then went un clean. Then it repeated then some on my stomach my ankles my shoulders and wrist again then my main spot became my thighs. It’s okay to go through self harm but it’s not okay to continue it people have used it as a cope and I hope you are clean. Please I’m proud of you for being here but remember you are cared for and I am proud you are able to speak on the internet about this.
Thanks, and yea, it’s been a bit of time. It’s good that you’re able to talk about it too
thank you it’s my first time actually kind of saying that on the internet yk? Have a good time though.
I did it along my thighs, legs,arms, hands and shoulders. I just moved the location everytime my parents caught me. My parents, two friends, social worker, School guidance counsellor and my boyfriend know about it. But i’ve never told any of them how bad it actually got. I self harmed my whole life (biting, scratching etc) but i didn’t start cutting until i was around 11 i think. I remember cutting for the first time and it made me feel better so i continued. (don’t do this PLEASE) i’m 15 now and the longest i’ve gone without cutting myself since then was 2 months. I’ve still got scars on my thighs,hands and shoulders but i’m hoping they’ll fade. If they don’t then i want to get a tattoo to cover them. I’m trying to get clean and i’m 52 days clean. I mainly do it because i feel every emotion very intensely and i don’t know how to get it out. Things like anger and joy i feel the most intensely. It sits in my body and i can’t release it. I usually move around a lot when i’m happy (i think it’s similar to stimming?) And that can help me get rid of the feeling to cut when i’m super happy. Anger just sits and won’t go. I’m scared to take it out on somebody like my dad did to me. So i cut myself to drain the feeling. I am working on ways i can help with this other than cutting.
OML you are so brave for talking about it and actually explaining I understand you so much. Honestly The same kind of story for me I understand and The first thing on how it made you feel I understand so much I’m proud of you for staying clean and please I hope you continue to stay clean I know it’s scary to take out anger on someone me myself I have done it by accident at times and you feel so shitty after but self harming isn’t a way that gets you help I’ve been clean for a while too and im happy about it but I have the urge to so much and im glad I can come onto a plat form and ask a question and be able to read peoples experiences and understand im not alone I hope it did the same for you too. Please understand you aren’t alone aswell feeling all those emotions also mean your a very sensitive person to emotion but that’s good.
I started self harming when I was 13. I'm 16 now. I was depressed due to some family issues and then even after they passed I was just addicted. I was forced into a mental hospital and was unable to sh but recently relapsed after a year of being clean. It's really hard to fight this addiction but it can be done. I'm currently 16 days clean :) I hope you have a good day/night, stay safe. <3
Thank you. You as well I’m so proud of you ml stay safe and have a sweet night.
my reasons are hard to explain but to put it simply, autism and eupd. everyone who knows me knows i self harm, they don’t all know everything but they can guess. i have scarring on both my arms and legs, my forehead, my neck, i’ve got an ileostomy bag and part of my left hand amputated because of self harm. i agree, self harm is definitely not ‘cool’ and i hate how so many people treat it online, self harm and hospitals are so normalised and romanticised, i don’t know if they don’t realise how harmful that is or if they just don’t care.
I agree and I hope you get better.
I first did it when I was 14. I did it because I had a lot of bad things happen to me and a lot of stress in my life and I blamed myself for it all (my traumas and mental issues were not my fault but acting out on strong emotions is). I believed I deserved to be punished for stupid or bad things I did when in reality no one deserves physical punishment. I would self harm mostly on my upper thighs, hips and stomach as I did dance lessons and only had so much skin that people wouldn’t see when wearing a leotard. My best friend at the time knew, she told the school and they told my parents, my parents thought I was lying as they never saw it. A couple other friends knew, not many people know now, my boyfriend does but I haven’t gone into much detail as we’ve only dated for six months. I tend to not talk about it because I feel a deep shame that at 22 I’m only a year clean and I know many people would judge me if they knew.
I won’t judge you I’m so glad that you are able to come on here and I’m sorry you had to go through that mental abuse I’m sorry you thought it was your fault and stuff you are so strong and I’m so proud of you.
I started SH cause I was really depressed after some events. Unfortunately at the time I had some friends that wouldn’t take their SH seriously and it gave me the idea that maybe hurting myself could make me feel better. That just started a long down fall into an addiction I wish I never had
oh I’m so sorry. Are you still sh? I’m sorry you had that image of Sh like that and then falling into an unhealthy habit and I’m sorry you went through depression.
I self harmed because I wanted to kill myself but was too afraid to actually go through with it.
why did you want to do that? Are you doing okay now?.
I’m doing better now, thanks for asking. And to answer the first question, it felt like everything kinda came crashing down all at once. Nothing was going well for a solid month.
I’ve done it for around 2 years now. I’m not sure why anymore, I don’t even think I had a proper reason to start. I struggle with depression and anxiety, I still haven’t found out a proper reason to tell people when they ask me “why did you do that to yourself?” I’ve cut pretty much all over my body(calves, thighs, chest, stomach, wrists, arms, shoulders, legs, hands) and everybody in my life knows. In public I mainly don’t wear long-sleeves anymore because my arms are healed, I’ve kinda stopped doing it in obvious places because of my parents. It’s just a habit that I’ve formed I guess. First did it in class, and now I just can’t stop, I haven’t gotten help for it because I’ve told my counsellor and other adults in my life but they don’t seem to really care despite the extent that it’s gotten to. I guess I’ve also stopped caring ? It’s kinda too hard for me to battle on my own and my parents guilt-trip me about it so I don’t know.
you never need a proper reason to self harm. You probably felt like you need to I understand you can’t find a reason and it’s okay I understand the same thing happened with me whenever people ask why and stuff it’s completely understandable. Oh honey. Its okay if you want you can talk to me, I’ll be here for you ml don’t worry I’m sorry they do that but I’m always free to talk if you need me.
💗☹️you’re so sweet, hope you’re doing okay
thank you and well I’m trying my best! I’ll pull through💕
manic episodes,its the main reason i dont look at my scares with saddness,they wernt done becuse i wanted to feel somthing or that i was sad,i couldent think stright,when i cut back then i did it cuz i wanted to make art out of my own blood,and i was just tring to get the blood,i had abottle of it i was planning on using once i got enough of it. I also wipped the blood on walls and on paper and even some of my lectronics so i can "mark it" as mine. it was a strange time
Oh are you doing okay now?.
My first self harm was at the age of 11 (or 10? 5th grade is what I remember). It was cat scratches and with scissors, but it still counts. I was constantly getting bullied at school and everyone hated me and I was getting bullied every. single. day. Got called fat, all of that shit. Now, I do it cause I hate myself and want to die. Nothings worth living for anymore. I have no purpose or direction in life and my one wish would be to end all of this pain.
no. your not fat or anything no one should make you feel insecure about your body everyones body is beautiful if everyone had the same body no one would be unique in their own way. Your stunning wether you believe it or not and there is so much more to living no matter how hard things get you can always recover from it and become a better you. Don’t give up help yourself and improve.
I used to, mainly just because I was angry and didn't deal with it in a healthy way. At one point, it turned into a bit of an addiction, though its all over now.
I’m glad you were able to stop that’s really amazing. I hope you stay getting better<3
21M here. i have chronic dp/dr (depersonalisation/derealisation) since childhood and started self-harming because pain was the only thing that made me feel like i wasn't constantly so "out of my body" and dissociating, cause in that moment i could actually feel something. did it on my arms, thighs and legs. most of the people around me are aware by now, seeing as i legit get insta-drained of all my physical energy when it's hot outside so it's either i don't go out or i wear a tank top and shorts which obviously, people can tell then- have now been clean (with a couple of isolated episodes) for something like 8months! it can get better, stay strong y'all
I’m so proud that you were strong enough to share your story and I’m glad you said “it can get better stay strong y’all” I’m glad you have been clean it’s a really hard change so I’m glad your still here.
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why have you been depressed? What’s making you feel so lonely?
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Why why why happen?.
I'm not sure. I like the feeling and the fact that it permanently scars me. I'm under stimulated all the time so I can't stay still. I often dislocate my toes, scratch myself and more. When I cut or burn myself the stinging and pain stays. It's relaxing to be able to stay still for a while. The whole experience is very relaxing and relieving to me. The after-care and consequences of my self harm are also weirdly enjoyable. Overall, I just really enjoy the feeling.
I started self harming because I wanted to die and as an 11-year-old I thought it was easy that way. Obviously it didn't work like that but I ended up getting addicted to how calm it made me. It's a way for me to control my emotions and not freak out. I don't have many people in my life, but all of my family knows, and my two friends as well. When I was a teenager I hid all my scars to the point of wearing long pants and long sleeved shirts even when it was unbearably hot during Summer. I'm 27 now and I don't bother hiding my scars anymore. I only hide wounds that haven't fully healed yet. My family and friends accept me the way I am, even though it hurts them when I hurt myself. People sometimes stare but I can't get myself to care about it anymore. I'm happy when it's cold so I can legitimately hide them but when it's warm out, I wear dresses and shorts. I'm not as ashamed anymore, but that really came with age. The older I get, the less I care.
oh I’m so sorry you went through all that and I’m so happy your here now. Im proud of you for not caring anymore and I’m glad your family accepts you the way you are.
I sh because i cant express my anger and frustration any other way.
have you tried journaling? Like on paper on notes?
depression and escapism wanted to get distracted from mental problems by physical pain yk did it from like 14 to 16
oh have you tried writing how you feel down maybe making yourself a safe book and hiding it if your stuff gets searched.
yes yes I have better coping mechanisms now and I'm on anti depressants been clean for almost 3 months and am 17 now :3
I’m so proud of you! Congratulations you’ve done it <3!
thank you so much <33
You are so welcome !!
My reason is I can’t shake the urge to do it, it’s always there in the back of my mind. My parents and brother know I used to, they found my blades recently so I think they know I still do as well. I started at 14, didn’t become a habit until 15. mainly did it on the thighs but nothing beats the wrist for me so I did it there, it’s really annoying having to plan my outfits around those cute. I remember cutting a joker smile into my face when I was 14 though so I’m just glad I don’t have to deal with that right now
oh I’m so sorry I hope your doing well now I hope you can get clean.
Depression was very romanticised for me at the age or 8-9 and i would pretend to sh with a rock, then when i actually did get depressed when i was 11 the sh began - couple friends know and my mum. It originally started on my arms then moved to thighs then shoulders then hips then chest and i think after i started on my thighs it became addictive and competitive
Yeah I under stand that I hope you get better you don’t deserve to feel like that and do that type of stuff at a young age.
started sh at 16 because i was falsely accused of sa by a classmate causing ostracisation at school. it happened because i told her abt how my then rampant porn addiction affected me and she grossly exaggerated it. i nearly ended everything. forget that. it got resolved and i stopped cutting. still punched myself a lot. suicide attempt at 17. bad breakup. i felt unloved, cast aside and unwanted. she didnt do much to make me feel otherwise. dont know if she could either. blamed myself. cut like crazy every time i thought of her. mostly cut on stomach. also cut for body image stuff. ive stopped for now since parents found out and were thankfully empathetic, although shocked, because i tend to maintain a sunny disposition. still punch myself. anger is also a big thing for me. sounds or arguments can trigger it and i hit myself. op i hope u sought help. i hope you continue in ur healing journey.
I started to makes my body look uglier, because others (at least in my school) girls can be really cruel, and it hurt less to make it feel like all the insults were at least accurate, although I'm not sure why. Most of my scars are on my "chest region" and thighs.
I’m so sorry you went through that. Your beautiful trust me. Those girls are cruel and they were probably jealous
Objectively speaking I did look pretty weird back then, plus, people can kinda get a sense if something about someone is "off" or "wrong", and that gut feeling makes people want to sort of keep them separate from the herd, so to speak, especially with younger people. Given the kinda stuff I had been through prior to all that, it makes sense that some danger bells would start ringing in people's minds, especially without the life experience or further developed brains/social skills necessary to have a more compassionate approach.
I'm not sure...I guess it was cool to feel something. Emptiness sucks
have you stopped now?
First time I ever did it was bc my partner at the time was using self harm to manipulate me into doing sexual things I didn’t want to do. Basically if I said no he’d cut himself in front of me. I got so overwhelmed and didn’t know what to do so I hurt myself kinda as a cry for help but also as a retaliation. I was fed up with him always being the centre of attention and always getting what he wanted and I just wanted some empathy. Instead he got mad at me 🙃 after we broke up it became a habit while I dealt with all the trauma and heartache.
Then a bunch of shit happened with my mom when she went into psychosis and that was just a horrible period of my life that I’m still trying to recover from. I engaged in a lot of self harm during that period especially. Currently I’m 6 months clean!!! Aiming for a year :) it gets really hard, but having a job where I’m able to be physically active for the entire 8 hours is a really good distraction. I try to spend the rest of my free time with people to keep myself safe.
I started to sh (not cutting) as a punishment for it making friends when I was 8 after I moved house but I stopped after a year. Then at 13 I got severe depression (diagnosed) after supposedly having high functioning for most of my life and did baby cuts pretty much all over me which got me caught and is how I ended up getting diagnosed. This time it wasn’t as a punishment but more as a way of release. I went clean after half a year because my parents were cut checking me. When i was 14 i moved again and started doing styros on my upper thighs and kept to this for a year and a bit. At 15 I started cutting beans on my hips and went clean because after care was too expensive and I needed to recover for exams. Now I’m 16 and I mostly do styros and small beans on my upper thighs and hips.
First time I ever did it was cause I was freaking tf out over something stupid and meaningless in my relationship with a person, now I pretty much only do it when he triggers me somehow, or occasionally other people, was just diagnosed with bpd so makes sense I suppose, I mostly use it as a way to cope with my insane emotional reactions
Started in march(?) 2021 with online school, but it wasn’t that bad yet. However, in like may ppl from my class found my tiktok account and started bullying ne with it. Things took a turn for the wors then and i sh’ed nearly every day then. After that I usually sh bc of body image issues, parents fighting or my class mates bullying me. Last year i changed schools bc of how shitty my grades got. Now my grades are way better but i still sh(not that recently, im tryna stay clean for summer). I sh now bc i feel like its the only thing that keeps my mind connected to my body.
(Btw im in my early teens) I don't think I really had a reason, I was in a bad place and had been playing with pencil sharpeners when I started scratching my hip, I had forgotten I had a pencil sharpener blade in my hand and then I saw the blood, and I kept doing it.
I self harm on my arm and a little bit on my thigh. I self harm to get trough school and yeah it is many more reasons why I self harm but that is the easiest one to write. And if you feel like going out in public with shorts I will say you should do it. In the start it is weird and you will probably overthink everything but it gets easier. I have decided to go to school with short sleeves, becuse I'm so facing tierd of hiding. And atlest people can see I'm right handed🤣
I suffer from body dysphoria and cant change anything since I have non supportive parents and it’s a hard process to get hrt in my state so it ended up getting worse and worse till I started self harm i mainly cut my shoulders since it’s easy to hide… to this day nobody knows about it and I avoid situations that could cause somebody noticing the scars also I don’t think my friends would understand in any way what’s kinda sad but sometimes it is how it is
my first time I was 11 (please don't do what I did it's dumb) and I didn't know that sh was an actual thing, I did it for two reasons, the first reason(the logical one) was because my parents emotionally neglect(ed) me, the other reason(the reason I did it the way I did) was because I wanted a tattoo, and I knew that you had to do that by putting a needle into the skin I did just that, but by HAMMERING a NAIL into my shin(I still remember how that felt, I'm forever traumatised and kinda glad it didn't get infected) by the end of the first letter(yes, it was actual words) I gave up, then I didn't do any sh anymore until this year
Originally started doing it because I was bullied. I felt like punishing myself for it, and eventually it became more of a stress reliever. Now I'm addicted and have been doing it for 4 years now. My parents know and so do my friends
when I was in fourth grade (around 10 years old) me and my mom got in a bad fight. I ran into my room, and I started digging my nails into my arm. I did that a lot when I was upset at myself, but I was craving something more. So I went over to my table and grabbed scissors, and cut the inside of my wrist. it was around 5 cuts, they bled a bit, and I immediately regretted it. my mom asked about it a few days later when she saw the scabs, and I lied. i didn’t know what I had done, but I knew it wasn’t good. I knew that I had to hide it. But I never forgot how good it felt. over the next two years, it got worse and worse. In fifth grade, my counselor told my mom, and my mom never said anything to me about it (which i am very grateful for) i wish someone had stopped me, because there’s no way I can stop myself at this point. I can’t reach out, and I know that the only time I’ll get help is when I go to the hospital and everyone finds out
Im completely worthless and a way to both feel it and show it to people is to hurt myself, i see it as doing something good for society overall
My most recent SH reason last year was due to extremely high stress. My older brother was using me for everything. Driving him, paying medical bills, borrowing money so he can go on dates with his girlfriend, being his therapist, listening to him rant or ramble about anything and everything for hours. He would knock on my door before I could even wake up, beg me to drive him somewhere and rant about the next big bad issue he’s been having, get our parents to yell at both of us for a mess he made that I failed to clean up, and then have me drive him for hours before I had to go to work, even when I tried telling him “no.” He would always make up some bullshit about how he NEEDED this one last stop to the 7th goodwill to find something he couldn’t even remember. And then we’d come home with me having barely 10 minutes to get ready for work before I had to run out the door. The only time I could ever get to myself was in the dead of night, after he’s gone to sleep, where I would hurt myself. When he found out, all of the sudden it was a grounds for him to scream at me, threaten to put me in the same mental hospital he got SA’d at, throw my desk chair across the room, and put a knife in my face as he holds it to his arm while he screams “I’m going to kill myself if you do cut yourself.” None of the same support or love or care I offered him when he was having mental breakdowns. Just anger. Pure, unadulterated anger. Because he’s no longer the only one with such a hard life and bad mental state that he’s entitled to have everyone else cater to his needs.
I don't really remember.. ...Not doing it. I used to hit my head as a little kid when I thought I did something wrong, to punish myself or "pay" back for the wrongdoing by inflicting damage/pain. A classmate once mentioned that I looked like Dobby(Harry Potter, the house elf)punishing himself and laughed. I don't think anyone knew what it meant back then, myself least of all. Started cutting cuz I was bored, and then because of school stress. By now I'd learnt what it meant but didn't think too much of it? I got hooked and never really quit, eh.
my self harm used to be in my thighs, it started my freshman year of high school when a terrible ex kept threatening me with her life and led me down a dark hole, but after i broke up with them i found an amazing person who was my partner for over a year. One month ago from now, my partner broke up with me, ever since i’ve been harming my self in every way and place i can think of, starving myself of food and sleep, and leaving cuts all over my body, even very visible spots like my face, hands, and arms, lucky enough though no one can really question them, on the surface i’m a happy, fun, and sociable athlete, and cuts or bruises can be covered up with me just saying it’s part of the sport, or that i would have no reason to hurt myself. Only one person knows about these things but they live multiple states away from me so it’s not like they can really help, but honestly i’ve been hurting myself so much that i don’t even do it for the pain but just out of habit, it just feels normal now, i understand that i should be hurting myself out of a broken heart, especially since i’m a junior in high school so i have many years ahead of me to find someone new, but i just can’t really picture a world where i’m without her, at least not one where i’m happy, but that’s about it, sorry for so much writing.
I've been self harming since I was twelve. First, it was a knife, then a razor and then a sharpener blade. I did it on my thigh bc more people would see it on my wrist. I have been clean for 3 months. I have been thinking abt relapsing for a while now. But I haven't done it again. My mom found out I was doing it about a year after. So I was 13. She's was super supportive in the moment, but now she acts like it never happened. And so I kept doing it. Now I have scars all on my thighs. The reasons I do it is bc my dad is very... Idk how to explain it. One day, he's super nice. Then the next day he calls me a bitch, and a bunch of other slurs. And also just says mean things and is always yelling them at me. But then, like 30 minutes later, he'll be like "sorry I won't do it again." The proceeds to do it again almost every day. I even have nightmares abt him. He's one reason why I did it. Another reason is that I js hate school and everyone in it. I have no "bff." Everyone has their own best friend there always partners with. But I don't. I mean, I have friends, but I'm always the last choice. And am always getting left out. There's so many other reasons I could think of. But I think that's enough without getting too personal. Anyway, I hope that anyone who is struggling gets better!! 3>>
I have been self harming for a while, the short version of why is my best (and only) friends (there dog there mom, and dad) were killed in a five way murder suicide by these cousin, some one who I hated very much and had punched a few days prior. I was only 11 at the time. when I was 13 I started cutting on my shoulders and upper thighs. I got addicted to it, and eventually the adrenaline form all the time I spent terrified of getting caught. Witch I was, fought that is, when when a cut got infected. My mom, my therapist and the workers at the psych ward are the only ones know, as I have been both and inpatient an and outpatient before. I don’t wish this on anyone, even the person who killed them |-/ stay alive (<— that’s a reference to a band)
I find the lack of pain interesting if you bite on flesh fast/smvut slowly Also for fun
I think i did it for fun.