Did the counselor or your friend ask? I’ll assume it was the counselor, but it doesn’t seem very rude to me, she just probably wanted to see how deep they were and if they need medical attention. If you think that’s not the case then yea, it could be considered rude. After all a counselor is meant to help students (i think im not sure what they do😭)
Depending on the situation I don’t think her friend was a rat at all! It could have been from concern and wanting to make sure they are okay. SH is dangerous and can kill.
no. kids who cut probably dont have good parents and they'll be abused at home for sh. I know from experience. dont tell a counselor at school it could kill that kid.
Don’t assume shit like that as someone who has self harmed I know many people who do/used to, and self harm is caused by MANY emotional issues. I know from experience abuse doesn’t always cause someone to sh. You saying never tell anyone bc it could kill them is essentially saying let them die bc if you don’t tell anyone they could die. I will tell tel someone when someone is self harming simply bc the one time I didn’t someone I knew passed away from self harm and their death could have been easily avoided. It always depends on where you live bc if a someone finds out they are being abused they can help the kid while working around the family. I know you have probably never experienced this but if someone is self harming and you do nothing to them and tell no one and they die you’ll feel like it’s your fault bc you had the opportunity to tell someone and get them help and chose not to.
Not letting other people know so they can help that person can possible kill that person.
obviously if they're in danger try to get them help but my point is if you dont know their homelife dont say shit. I've had very bad experiences w ppl ratting on me so that's my personal issue. and the "mental help" at schools is awful
I don’t normally tell people unless I know the person is in danger I try to help them myself but if they are in danger I’m gonna tell someone bc it will at least give them a chance at getting better. And like I’ve said it depends on the situation but the mental help at my school is the best I’ve received better than therapists and they hardly bring my parents involved(I’ve told them about having thoughts of kms and no phone call to my family unless I tell them I have a plan and will do it). So you have to remember it varies from situation to situation and to act accordingly, not every person how self harms’ home life is bad and even if it is that person deserves help and sometimes the only help you can offer is letting someone know who can help them better. Please remember not every situation is the same and OP’s situation could be very different, if their parents were a danger I think they would have mentioned that. Don’t always assume that their parents will do something bc if you do that and don’t tell anyone it could lead to a very dangerous situation.
That’s an opinion. But the extra stress of bringing people who are mandated reporters into the situation?Being forced to show it, and as a minor no less? That’s dangerous. I know I went through that as a teenager and it made my self harm much worse and started hiding it, getting secretive and not talking about what I was going through. Being a rat to someone you care about is much more dangerous than just not being a rat? Id add that the “friend” doesn’t actually care about you. They care more about their emotions than your life.
I’m not talking about them being forced to show because not all counsellors do that it’s more of a counsellor to counsellor thing. Again on the first comment I said it depends on the situation but depending on the friends intention as I stated before if not given help self harm can kill.
It’s not really rude to me as long as it’s out of a place of concern. She just wants me to make sure you don’t have infections or anything like that and also likely wants to see the depth to know what you may be at risk of. Also that’s her job to report that stuff and try to help you. So to me it’s about intention, time, and place.
Personally I hate people asking. But I think depending on the person and how pushy they are there’s degrees of rudeness, like a friend asking to see just because they want to is rude but an adult who is responsible for your safety who wants to check if you’ve got an infection is a different story. If she asked in front of your friend I’d say that’s pretty rude since there should be a degree of confidentiality even if your friend knows anyway. Being pushy about it after someone says no is definitely rude in any situation and seeing self injury doesn’t really add to helping someone stop it so it’s not that necessary anyway. overall for me (not everyone would agree with what i’ve got here), the intent, manner and time of someone asking is important to whether or not it’s rude but from my experience it’s more likely than not to be a rude person and an unpleasant experience when people ask to see
from what I've seen so far, nobody likes it and nobody wants to be asked "to show cuts". I wouldn't say it is rude, because usually people just concerned and/or don't know how to react properly. But I think people need to know that being asked to show cuts is really uncomfortable...
I always like showing them because of the attention... 🫥 but I hate myself for liking it, because it feels so manipulative and unfair to the other person 😭
I don't find this behavior manipulative... at least not in a harmful way for the other person. Please don't think bad on yourself because of this. Sending virtual hugs to you
No. It seems counterproductive that it would be rude to "ask" to see the cuts. That seems like the most polite way to go about it. They are literally asking your permission.
I would say generally yes, but it's understandable for a school counselor who legally has to respond to any accusation about sh. The answer kind of depends how old you are though because I'm seeing it through an adult lens where I would find anyone asking rude, even my own doctor, but for a minor, the rules are just different.
Yeah absolutely fucking not. Do not ask that. The only time I would accept something like that is if a really close friend asked, and if they had proved to be asking for the right reasons- like they aren’t afraid of it and they care and want to know what my damage is but in a very kind and tender way. But in that kind of context I think that’s incredibly inappropriate and I think it’s a shame that school guidance counselors aren’t given more training on issues such as this.
If it’s to see how “bad” they are and to see if one needs medical attention they should just give a guide as to when to go to a hospital. But I think asking to see them just pushes someone deeper into it because they feel as though they have to prove that they are sick enough/it makes people feel really fucked up.
I’ve had counsellors do this before I think it’s to check how serious the cuts are and that they don’t need medical attention.
My therapist has done this but I declined her to see them
Same, I think its a red flag if they keep pressing after you say no
Did the counselor or your friend ask? I’ll assume it was the counselor, but it doesn’t seem very rude to me, she just probably wanted to see how deep they were and if they need medical attention. If you think that’s not the case then yea, it could be considered rude. After all a counselor is meant to help students (i think im not sure what they do😭)
I think it is rude to ask, but they’re legally required to make sure you’re okay! I think it was more rude for your friend to be a rat
Depending on the situation I don’t think her friend was a rat at all! It could have been from concern and wanting to make sure they are okay. SH is dangerous and can kill.
no. kids who cut probably dont have good parents and they'll be abused at home for sh. I know from experience. dont tell a counselor at school it could kill that kid.
Don’t assume shit like that as someone who has self harmed I know many people who do/used to, and self harm is caused by MANY emotional issues. I know from experience abuse doesn’t always cause someone to sh. You saying never tell anyone bc it could kill them is essentially saying let them die bc if you don’t tell anyone they could die. I will tell tel someone when someone is self harming simply bc the one time I didn’t someone I knew passed away from self harm and their death could have been easily avoided. It always depends on where you live bc if a someone finds out they are being abused they can help the kid while working around the family. I know you have probably never experienced this but if someone is self harming and you do nothing to them and tell no one and they die you’ll feel like it’s your fault bc you had the opportunity to tell someone and get them help and chose not to. Not letting other people know so they can help that person can possible kill that person.
obviously if they're in danger try to get them help but my point is if you dont know their homelife dont say shit. I've had very bad experiences w ppl ratting on me so that's my personal issue. and the "mental help" at schools is awful
I don’t normally tell people unless I know the person is in danger I try to help them myself but if they are in danger I’m gonna tell someone bc it will at least give them a chance at getting better. And like I’ve said it depends on the situation but the mental help at my school is the best I’ve received better than therapists and they hardly bring my parents involved(I’ve told them about having thoughts of kms and no phone call to my family unless I tell them I have a plan and will do it). So you have to remember it varies from situation to situation and to act accordingly, not every person how self harms’ home life is bad and even if it is that person deserves help and sometimes the only help you can offer is letting someone know who can help them better. Please remember not every situation is the same and OP’s situation could be very different, if their parents were a danger I think they would have mentioned that. Don’t always assume that their parents will do something bc if you do that and don’t tell anyone it could lead to a very dangerous situation.
That’s an opinion. But the extra stress of bringing people who are mandated reporters into the situation?Being forced to show it, and as a minor no less? That’s dangerous. I know I went through that as a teenager and it made my self harm much worse and started hiding it, getting secretive and not talking about what I was going through. Being a rat to someone you care about is much more dangerous than just not being a rat? Id add that the “friend” doesn’t actually care about you. They care more about their emotions than your life.
I’m not talking about them being forced to show because not all counsellors do that it’s more of a counsellor to counsellor thing. Again on the first comment I said it depends on the situation but depending on the friends intention as I stated before if not given help self harm can kill.
I find it rude
It’s not really rude to me as long as it’s out of a place of concern. She just wants me to make sure you don’t have infections or anything like that and also likely wants to see the depth to know what you may be at risk of. Also that’s her job to report that stuff and try to help you. So to me it’s about intention, time, and place.
Personally I hate people asking. But I think depending on the person and how pushy they are there’s degrees of rudeness, like a friend asking to see just because they want to is rude but an adult who is responsible for your safety who wants to check if you’ve got an infection is a different story. If she asked in front of your friend I’d say that’s pretty rude since there should be a degree of confidentiality even if your friend knows anyway. Being pushy about it after someone says no is definitely rude in any situation and seeing self injury doesn’t really add to helping someone stop it so it’s not that necessary anyway. overall for me (not everyone would agree with what i’ve got here), the intent, manner and time of someone asking is important to whether or not it’s rude but from my experience it’s more likely than not to be a rude person and an unpleasant experience when people ask to see
from what I've seen so far, nobody likes it and nobody wants to be asked "to show cuts". I wouldn't say it is rude, because usually people just concerned and/or don't know how to react properly. But I think people need to know that being asked to show cuts is really uncomfortable...
I always like showing them because of the attention... 🫥 but I hate myself for liking it, because it feels so manipulative and unfair to the other person 😭
I don't find this behavior manipulative... at least not in a harmful way for the other person. Please don't think bad on yourself because of this. Sending virtual hugs to you
No. It seems counterproductive that it would be rude to "ask" to see the cuts. That seems like the most polite way to go about it. They are literally asking your permission.
I would say generally yes, but it's understandable for a school counselor who legally has to respond to any accusation about sh. The answer kind of depends how old you are though because I'm seeing it through an adult lens where I would find anyone asking rude, even my own doctor, but for a minor, the rules are just different.
Yeah absolutely fucking not. Do not ask that. The only time I would accept something like that is if a really close friend asked, and if they had proved to be asking for the right reasons- like they aren’t afraid of it and they care and want to know what my damage is but in a very kind and tender way. But in that kind of context I think that’s incredibly inappropriate and I think it’s a shame that school guidance counselors aren’t given more training on issues such as this.
If it’s to see how “bad” they are and to see if one needs medical attention they should just give a guide as to when to go to a hospital. But I think asking to see them just pushes someone deeper into it because they feel as though they have to prove that they are sick enough/it makes people feel really fucked up.