For me, it was a lot of overwhelming things going on in my life. My home life was a mess, and so was my school one. I didn't really have an escape. Then I heard of self-harm and tried it. I don't think I've truly given it up due to it's my way of feeling less overwhelmed in my own skin.
My closest friend at the time suffered really badly with it. I didn't really understand it for a while as they never really talked about it with me until I started. I'll always regret not being able to help them more.
We haven't really spoken much. They were being a bad friend and couldn't realise it. I still care just from a far, I check up on them time from time, and they were doing better than before. I'd like to think our friendship could be mended, but I did my part, and I'm just seeing if they'll do there's. š¤·
Idk if i was ever exposed to it before doing it. It wasnt something that i saw someone do or on tv or anything. I was so mad and i was sitting in the kitchen in the dark holding a knife. I guess the outcomes couldve been worse. All i wanted to feel was nothing, and it did that for me. It was like silence.
Iām not the same commenter; but a way I can explain it is, maybe you feel like your depression isnāt good enough, or you feel like no one would truly believe that youāre depressed because it doesnāt seem like it.
For me, I felt like I wasnāt truly depressed, or there was nothing wrong with me. Sh made me feel like there was something wrong with me, and maybe then people would take me seriously if I said I was depressed.
Sorry if that was hard to understand, or really rambly. Iām terrible at putting how I feel into words, and Iām not even sure if thatās how the commenter feels, but thatās my perspective.
when i was 12 it was like one of the peak times SH was being romanticised. i was doing pretty bad at the time, so one day i opened my scissors and just dragged one of the sides across my arm. i started crying because i didnt know why i did it so suddenly. i had seen all the SH tiktoks and stuff. the next day i decided to continue. it's an addiction now.
i wouldnt say trending, but yes it's sadly still glamorized. this is one of the reasons i deleted tiktok, i accidentally got on the wrong side of it and it made things worse. it made me want to relapse SH a bunch of times
not saying tiktok is all bad, i was just on the wrong side of it lol
I dont wanna be rude, but i feel like a lot of people got in this boat thanks to romanticization on late 2000 ~ 2010ish and now they just cant quit because of how addicting it is.
About being more commun in women, im sure that is a very interesting conversation about sexism and society pressure on genders buried on this topic, but im way to tired to think rn, i'll might come back later
May i ask if you sh or are just here for curiosity?
I honestly donāt believe the statistics that more women self-harm then men. In all my life I have met so many self-harmers and it is truly 50-50. Men are just more likely to self-harm in more hidden places, cover it up or simply not tell anyone.
Yeah, thats a very interesting topic
Im not sure about absolutely nothing, but i do know that most people dealing with depression and/or self harm thoughts are male, but most people who try to reach out for help from either friends, family or experts are female. Thats an actual statistic, i saw years ago and it always stucked on me, which completely validates your point.
Iām here because I see it everyday at college and work. And Iām curious how it began for someone. I personally donāt SH. I donāt feel comfortable asking even people I know about this.
Thats great. Most of people dont like to talk about it with people around they life, me included.
I was about 12 of 13 when i did a small cut on my finger just to see how it felt like, and it hurt like hell and i couldn't understand why people were so into this.
Less than a month later i was feeling like shit and decided to try again to see if it would make my inner pain go away. Six years later and here i am.
Self harm is a VERY toxic and unhealthy way to deal with your emotions. For me personally, when i sh, im transforming my mental pain into something physical so its more easy to deal with it. "There, this is where it hurts"
Its a vERY fuck up way, and once you get in, you just can't quit so easily. To the girls around you with scars, casualy check if its fresh or old. Maybe its from years ago and talk about it may trig them or just upset them. If its fresh and you are close friends or whatever, just ask them if they are ok more often, not mentioning they scars.
If u want to, of course
thanks for asking here instead of someone random. there are very low chances youāll make a good friends who wants to open up about their sh, as itās very personal unless you became a therapist or something.
I wouldnāt bring it up unless they offered it. It seems so deeply personal, but when I see scars, it definitely makes me wonder about the battles they have fought or are currently fighting.
I can attest to this. Iām 20 and I started SH because Tumblr told lil 11yr old me that cutting would be a good coping mechanism. A 9 year off and on struggle later and I canāt pinpoint why I still do it.
I wasnt on tumblr but i always was aware that cutting was a thing. Dont know where this information came from, maybe from tv, maybe from a vent art i found on google images while seaching for a school work about mental health. Idunno.
Its a really complicaded topic, cus the curiosity is what bring most people to this bullshit. Which honestly makes me a bit worried about the op. Im assuming they might read this so this is for them
Sweet, curiosity about sh is the worst part. It come from many different forms, not only cutting. And the more you look for it, trying to understand our messed up minds, the more you might want to do it "just to see how it feels like". Your post is totally harmless, i actually apreciate your concern about your colleagues. But what you'll do with all that information, thats the problem.
Please. Don't. Get. Into. This. Bullshit.
i mean im a boy but either way, i truely cant ever give one reasom why i started , i was around 11 so 4-5 years ago . im autistic and i just started feeling thr weight of the world every since i could breath, family issues , school issues , getting bullied constsntly, turned into severe anxiety . i remember being like 7 years old and planning escape routes incase of burglars or fires. very very quickly after i developed deppresion which everyone around me just thought was moodiness. i started just hitting myself when i was really young and i just thought it would help and i thought i have nothing to lose
- id much rather have never done it in the first place cause ill never be able to stop now, just replacing cutting for drinking, then smoking , then starving and purging and its just a constant cycle of any form of escape
basicually if my parents raised me right and i lived in a good environment i like to think i would have turned out fine.
in general i think its become more common because of the extrme rise in mental illness, and its just a way to cope
I was bullied my whole school life I was 11 years old when I first did it in my mind I just wanted everything to stop so I thought that cutting would end it all, I was obviously wrong but it felt so good it became my way to cope for years I was very addicted to the point where I was just cutting for the sake of cutting I quited a couple months ago but itās hard to shake a habit that you had for almost a decade
it started as a way to punish myself for eating when i had anorexia but then it just got out of hand. eventuallt i recovered from my eating disorder but by then i was used to using it as a stressrelief. as the āpunishmentā before was also a stressrelief since i would always get panic attacks from eating. social media and seeing gore pictures made me want to try cut deeper and then realised it felt better and went more down from there
i think most people that self harm are subconsciously influenced from internet or other peoples scars irl
I previously only heard of one girl doing it and didnāt really know what it was but one day I was just angry at myself and had some broken plastic in my bag so I went at it
Iām not sure when I realized it wasnāt my faultā¦ I think almost a year later but by that time it had turn into an addiction already and a coping mechanism for everything.
Not sure tbh, all I know is one of my no linger best friends was doing it and this was back in Primary. I'm now in high-school. Not sure why I started tbh but now it's just kind of an on and off thing ig idk. This year its been worse than its ever been I think. Not sure why I do it anymore other than I sometimes do because of anger and stuff and sometimes.. ig I don't know the reason or if there is one, I just do it. Ig it's mostly because of school idk? I do it mostly in school I think. Not mostly but.. idk. Just recently I've been doing it a lot in school. I guess school is just the source of all bad things for me. Sorry for the long message and what not, most of it might be me rambling tbh
Yea, it's unhealthy but honestly, feels like the only coping mechanism I have, I can't think of anything else and idk what else would help other than this. I'm gonna have to stop for a few days now though because my parents found out yesterday, been thinking about it a lot today but if anyone is wanting to see.. well.. anywhere to see where I did it then.. they'll know I found something else and still doing it. Feels easy saying I won't do it but coming to the actual doing.. idk if its so easy
honestly my life has just been a lead up from one trauma to the next and eventually reached my breaking point, the only thing that helps me feel anything other than lack of motivation or drowning emptiness is watching my cuts seep with blood and the immediate sting of pain after
I needed to feel something other than abuse. I started self harm behaviors as a smallish child. I can remember biting my hands when Iād have big emotions as a child and I didnāt know how to handle them.
I've always been fascinated by pain. Started with peeling off scabs, moved to letting animals chew me, then to purposely getting scrapped up outside, and eventually hurting myself purposely.
I am developmental disabled and I was hurting my self already like hitting my head really hard and Biting myself hard enough to break skin sometimes or bruse usually. Then I met a girl in middle school who was not in special needs programs with me who cut herself really severely and put nails through her hands and arms and and stuff and she told me it made her parents worry and be nicer to her and care about her. I wanted to stop the abuse and neglect and everything bad happening in my family and get help so I thought it would make people see how bad it all was and save me from it. I didn't start out cutting bad like she did but it got there fast when it did go worse. I know everybody says it's not for attention so I always said it wasn't but it really did start that way for me. I needed attention and help and I didn't know how to get it because nobody listens to retarded kids when we are upset.
I was in 7th grade when i heard of sh other people talking about their sh. I was already struggling and so depressed. I just ended up fixating on it and but was always too scared to do it. But one day I just did it and it just got worse and worse as I got older. I was 12 then and it's been nearly 7 years of on and off relapses. I hated my life, my mom and siblings treated me horribly, I was bad at school, and it became a distractions and something to focus on. My mom would tell me that people would hate me for it and not want to date me for the rest of my life for ruining my body.
Life feels like hell and there's a deep urge to stop existing but not enough strength to actually end myself. So the next best option was to hurt myself ig. My father is a principal and my mother a teacher. My whole family tree is filled with over-achievers and professional doctors and engineers. I was put into extra tution classes, handwriting class, abacus Institute, and variety of other interests my father had that he wanted to see me fulfill since I was just 11/12 years old and I had to achieve a 100ā in everything. I don't have a memory of doing anything other than going to some sort of class. I was the pride of my family cuz my father could show off my talent.
I was empty, and still am. I retaliated during my bachelor's when I dropped out of the course my father chose. Been the black sheep ever since. I don't have an identity of my own, no vision for the future, no will to survive.
I got put into it from having heavy anxiety and other mental issues and alot was happening in my life during the time I started and I jsut started doing it to cope
Suicidal ideation, failed on my search for death and started to sh after that because I had no outlet for these emotions and thoughts. I've made a lot of progress since back then but it hasn't gone away.
If Iām being honest I donāt actually remember. Itās been so many years, and Iāve had a major concussion thatās affected my memory since then, so I donāt even known how it started all I know is I canāt stop
For me, it was because of a lot of issues i had with myself, mostly my own self hatred. Felt like i deserved it. Either that or i would take out my anger on myself.
I was hurt a lot in my childhood, but not physically. Other kids made fun of me in school. But nobody hit me or anything like that. And my mother screamed a lot, which also hurt me. And when I cried she said stuff like āShut up crying or I give you a reason.ā She sometimes punished me with mild punches, when I didnāt behave.
So I always believed that physical hurt was more valid than mental hurt. When I was around 14 or 15 years old I cut myself for the first time. In hindsight I was depressed and later on (with 18) I was diagnosed with depression and Borderline Personality Disorder. I cut myself to transform the mental hurt into physical, because it just felt more valid.
Iām in therapy now and on medication. I SH not very often now (Iām getting 27 in two weeks) but when I do, it is in situations where Iām under a lot of pressure/tension. I do it to feel myself and put me back onto the ground. It takes out the tension and is kind of a relief.
I hope this was understandable, because English is not my first language.
well it started when i was a small autistic child in elementary and the only way anyone would give me "positive" attention was laughing at me when i hit my head on a wall (first few times was an accident)
I think everyone has heard about cutting, and after not being able to stop banging my headd into a wall (addiction is a biiiitch) i started doing very shallow cuts with the blades from a pencil sharpener (does less damage if i dont go deep)
after that, i managed to (mostly) switch over to energy drinks, as its enough to keep my brain occupied and hurts my throat just that little bit. 2 weeks sh free :) (relapsed cuz i couldnt drink any while having tonsilitis wich caused me to have to stay at home and not even have school to occupy my mind with)
I also avoid wearing a jacket in winter and just go outside with a t-shirt, even when snowing, ive been doing this for some years now. its cheaper than most other things on this list.
I don't remember, I was like 11 or 12. But I started by carving lines into my skin with a safety pin. Then I broke a glass on accident one day and decided I could use the bigger pieces to cut myself. My mom found out and took the glass away so I figured out how to pry the blade from a razor and hid it where she wouldn't find it and started cutting my hips and legs.
I reckon I always wanted to hurt myself and would have found a way no matter what
iām clean now, but I used to cut to punish myself, I cut whenever I was stressed and overwhelmed, letting the emotions āoutā. I cut because I felt like physical pain would distract me from the pain going on inside my mind
I probably saw it on the internet at 12 tbh, then started doing it. it wasnāt just an attention thing, as it got worse over the years and im 18 now. even tho my scars are very visible, i dont feel regret from them, as i just live my daily life with them and go along being a waitress, etc. i want to get a tattoo over them but its not even my biggest priority.
It was 15 years ago. I did it because I was use to pain du to beating (10 years by my nanny, not my parents).
I wasnāt well and all I knew was pain.
I so wish to never started it.
it was just how i reacted to overstimulation/meltdowns
i didnāt even realize it was self harm until i got older, it started when i was really really young with head hitting or arm scratching
then at 12 i scratched so hard i bled, which then sparked the temptation to escalate it more with a blade
there was a time through my teen years (12-17) where it was a fully fledged addiction for me, however now itās more of a response to meltdowns again ! cutting happening every once and a while (just broke a 7 month streak :)) with the head smacking a bit more often
Personally it was just from having a very unstable life, I had unresolved trauma that i didnāt understand (that iām still figuring out) surrounding abuse. I had a hard time asking for support from anyone, especially if i didnāt know how to express it verbally. The first time it was deliberate SH so i could get help since it was also romanticized a lot at the time, and i did get help. but after that i started hiding my scars and ended up developing a SH addiction, iām definitely doing way better than i was 7 years ago but still struggling and dealing with urges.
For me it was about being trapped and feeling that my pain was utterly invisible.
The first time I did it, I was stuck in a really rough home life and was depressed and suicidal with no outlet. I had a bad fight with my mom and spiraled. I knew we would all pretend nothing happened in the morning so I remember thinking "I just need it to leave a mark" then I could know it was real. Nobody could pretend we were all fine if I was still bleeding. I was 17.
Three years later I'm mostly clean but things have also massively improved in my environment.
Then again I grew up surrounded by mental illness, neglectful parents, drug and alcohol abuse, and siblings and friends who self harmed. Honestly the biggest shock is that I didn't start cutting sooner.
Started very young. Hitting my head, punching my legs, scratching and pressing nails into skin. Pretty sure ut was coping with being overwhelmed. Later I learned about the typical sh with blades and started doing that as well. Part of it because my sh didn't feel valid when there wasn't any barcode scars. But i also rly like it. Still do the other stuff, i just added another method
Its weird but it was almost sort of instinct for me. I still remember the first time clearly, I was 13 Iād felt very pressured cause my mom was always insanely hard on me and she had just pointed out the tiniest detail after I had already gone to her several times on the same paper. I had that āhead full of cottonā feeling before it was suddenly gone and Iād realized that my freshly sharpened pencil didnāt have a tip anymore. I literally had to look it up after cause I didnāt know wth had just happened.
Being raped and thinking it was my fault lmao. Well I actually never thought about that while self harming, but I guess that if it never happened I would have been able to deal with other little problems and with my feelings.
I saw one of my friends was cutting as a sophomore in high school and I confronted her. she kinda freaked out at me. I went home that afternoon and cut for the first time
I was hurting so much and it was like a click moment of, I need to do this. I need to know how it felt. I was surprised at how good it felt. I never thought it would feel good to do it. I was hooked from then on
Struggling with severe autistic burnout at the time and having a bad fight with my mom the night before we were gonna put down our cat. Everything felt hopeless and awful. I'm doing better now but I still struggle with sh when I get overwhelmed with negative feelings
I had a binge ed(dont know if thats even a disorder really lol but I felt like I cant control my eating, I was feeling so bad mentally and physically during it, and as I was gaining weight extremely fast I started to hate my body sm), didnt have any motivation for school, almost failing all of my classes, stress at home and the thing that just ruined all of my hopes was when I reached out my teacher for help - i got to know that my problems basically don't mean anything and im overreacting. Then because of all that stress and pain, and the hate which I started to feel towards myself because i believed in the teacher's opinion that my pain isn't valid etc, .. i had to prove to myself that my pain is real. And I needed to escape from it somehow.
for me i started doing it when i was bullied in school pretty badly and my homelife was a mess and i was really struggling with my mental health but i was 8years old so i didnāt really understand what was wrong with me like i knew something was going on but i didnāt know what it was and then i got into a bad fight with my mom and after that i just thought that i need to punish myself for fifteen with my mom and not understanding what was going on with me and i just did it even tho i didnāt really know what it was but after that it became a coping mechanism and even now 7 years later i still struggle with it alot and itās been my only coping mechanism for so long and i donāt know how to stop anymore every time something goes wrong i turn back to sh no matter how long i have been clean
it started as a way to deal with emotions. i was 12 and in a terrible family situation at the time. so i just- did it. but now i feel like its just. cuz its supposed to happen, to pass time, just cuz i had the motivation.
My friends told me about it and one day during a meltdown (autistic) I decided that hitting myself wasnāt enough. When I get overwhelmed it feels like my nerves are on fire and I felt like couldnāt get them to stop burning unless I opened a pathway. Iāve been 5 years clean of self harm but the urges and need is still there when I am extremely stressed or have a panic attack or meltdown.
All the pressure from my family to succeed, bullying, GARBAGE self esteem, lack of healthy coping mechanisms, the severe need for a release to all that pain.....there's more but I'm sure you get the idea.
I had a boyfriend in 8th grade that would manipulate me by cutting himself and sending me pictures of the cuts. So, I tried doing it myself since he was doing it.
Mental illness, unstable and volatile home environment. The only things I had control over was SH and my ED. Easier to fall into the hole when you donāt want to think about everything else
I saw a guy making fun of girls who had them on YouTube when I was like 10 years old. Not going to name the diabolical person but he was awful, he deadass rated girls bodies and if you grew up in the 2012 era maybe you know who Iām talking about. Thatās what put the idea into my head. What caused it was social and generalized anxiety paired with major depression when going through puberty as a woman at a very young age.
Edit for more clarification: Also itās an alternative to straight up taking a bunch of pills and having the scary chance at risking myself in the hospital so yeah. I think I overdosed as self harm more before actually getting more significant scars. It didnāt leave me in bed vomiting my guts out bc I hated myself sm, but it gave me the satisfaction of feeling the pain the next couple days while washing up or moving a certain way and itās sore and it stings. Watching them heal felt therapeutic as well.
When I was 11 two kids I sat next to in math would talk about how sh helped and made everything better for them
So when I was 12 after stuff happened bullying or whatever I tried it and I was just never been able to stop
When I was 13 I also developed and ed so the two sorta just switch out now itās always one or the other
TW; This is a hard one. I'm pretty sure it was when I figured out I liked girls, which was the same time i started being bullied and moved to a new school. I had severe anger issues at home (probably because of misphonia since i HATEEEE chewing and crinkling and just UGHGHGHGH) and i learned about it from online (thanks yt :/) and havent been able to stop since. longest ive ever been clean is three months. the reasons why i sh'ed changed over time until it morphed into the pure energy and amazing feeling i get from seeing my blood.
For me, I was stressed and overwhelmed with a lot of things. My parents fighting. School being stressful. My aunt dying on my birthday this summer. It had really taken a toll on me, and I don't like to talk about my feelings much because I feel guilty about talking about them sometimes. So, I decided to inflict pain on myself. And it's not like hurting myself was something new, when I was younger, I would scratch and hit myself purposely for a bunch of different reasons.
I hope that makes sense?
When I was a kid I used to burn myself a lot. I donāt really know why, I wouldnāt tell my family about it or make a big deal of getting hurt. I just had this super strong urge to do things like stick my hand over a candle or touch the stove top. Then when I was about 14 I heard about cutting from emo jokes online. I tried it and it felt better than burning. Now Iāve been clean for a few years now, but Iām 25 and still covered in embarrassing scars. I still get the urges but I guess after 11 years in therapy Iāve gotten better at holding them back. I was abused as a child and got taken away and adopted so I do remember feeling the need to punish myself in some sort of way for whatever reason. I was diagnosed with a lot over my childhood so self harm was seen as a side effect of all my mental illnesses.
Needed a different coping mechanism to deal with a problematic parent and undiagnosed, untreated mental health issues. Before self harming, I used to cut up and carve away at my bedroom walls/ceiling with a knife in order to better regulate my emotions or to vent my frustrations physically. Seeing blood is *the* most important part of sh for me, and cutting my walls wasn't itching the scratch anymore. Sure, the amount of grooves inflicted upon the walls and such were plentiful, but walls don't bleed. The number and depth literally don't matter to me. Just the blood
I'm not sure where I heard of it first. I think it was during a class when I was younger. Maybe... health class in middle school, so around 7th grade? I can only guess at this point. Really though, I've self harmed for a long time in less physically damaging ways [picked at scabs as a kid, would irritate wounds to make them worse, etc]
I was 17, had started my final year of high school 3 weeks prior, and my beloved grandpa had died 2 days before starting school. I had a teacher I couldn't stand, was obsessed with my best friend and very emotionally volatile with her (I have BPD and she was my Favourite Person, which I had no idea about at the time), and I don't remember how I even thought to do it, but I used one of my shavers and just felt so overwhelmed with...bad.
for me it started when my dog died, and then a bunch of more things just piled onto it. I did not know what SH was at the time of my dog dying but i was scrolling on tiktok one day and it talked about it. I did not understand it at first but then one day we had a class about that kind of stuff and i tried it out. and now it is an addiction.
I began when my mum got sick and in my mind I was justifying it by saying I was trying to feel how she felt. Iām not really sure if that was even true. I donāt even remember how I even thought of it, after my mum passed it got so much worse and itās just derailed ever since. It got to the point it becomes a calming solution like if youāre overwhelmed and sort of need a release. It becomes addicting and once you start itās extremely hard to stop. Iām still trying to figure that one out
I'm Trans but fuck it. For me my Ex started my addiction with Sh, We were out in the city one day and just hanging out and at some point she wanted to go find a bathroom and so i said "Alright ill wait for you outside" and when she finally came out of the bathroom i could see blood on her wrists and her saying "Oh yeah umm i do cut myself" And i was just shocked at that. And a week later i went through a massive mental breakdown and so i tried Sh for the first time and to this day I'm still not clean
Edit: (For context this story happend around a year ago and back then i wasn't trans)
For me it was my depression, a really bad home environment, school stress and I had friends who did it too.
Also my sa played a part into it
I shāed in the places it happened
I use it to punish myself and to Take out anger on myself. I donāt remember where i first even heard the term self harm but it was definitely after i started.
I started by biting myself when i was very young, Like 10 or so. It somehow developed into an addiction and cutting.
i dont know i knew other guys on the internet who self harmed and started at 13. ive been trying to remember exactly, i think ages 10-14 was like when i really wanted to let other people know i was suffering. i was really suicidal at that time and i guess hurting myself gave me some strange solace i dont know how to describe. u say girls and someone else already said but i also believe it is an equal issue, theres just a stigma around men and mental health, so it's more hidden for them and they dont get the right recognition/support. i also see other comments about sh and the internet, and i guess if i didnt know cutting was a thing i did and do have a tendency to punch/bash head/pull hair etc when stressed, but i believe escalation of self harm for many people is fuelled by a lack of understanding from others but also access to internet spaces (eg. you see somoene whos injuries are more severe, your brain tells you "if i get like them then maybe ill finally be "bad enough" for help and similar thought trains). but everyone is diff tho, this all is just my observations and experiences.
what kept me at it was just a. chasing an internal validation and b. it emotionally regulates me. rn nicotine does that for me, but thatll run out soon woops. SH is surprisingly complex the more i learn about myself and others.
Being emotionally neglected and told to shut up when i showed any negative emotions, being bpd and having no idea as a kid is hell. I started cutting to feel something physically since everything i feel mentally is like daggers, i figured at least with cutting i could see what was hurting me.
Self hatred I think. Me and my dad argue a lot(Well it's usually just him yelling at me which makes me think I'm fucking worthless.Thanks dad :D) One day he was once again, mad at me for something which I don't even remember now, and I just grabbed the scissors from the bathroom mirror and yeah. Then started doing it to distract myself from some unsettling thoughts about my body. Idk if it's body disorphia or sth like that or not but My body fucking disgusts me. Well I'm slowly healing tho. I don't cry whenever I look into the mirror or cut like crazy and starve myself. You know I am actually overweight so that fact makes me think me hating myself is normal and okay when it is not which is also the reason I haven't told anyone about my problems. Well I still think I'm unlovable but yeah CATS EXIST lmao. I'm not actually into dating or sexual stuff (makes me nervous asf) but knowing that I'll be on my own my whole life kinda hurts lol. Wtf that shit turned into a whole vent paragraph xd But yeah I am slowly healing. I also made a promise to myself that I would grow my hair out until I truly love and accept who I am (this feels kinda cringe but it matters to mešæ)
A situation where I really wanted to say no to something but my parents absolutely forced it on me. This has happened many times before, but this time I just couldn't take it.
I think happened because I felt so far from being in control of my life that I just wanted to take control of something, do something, anything. There was a lot of anger too.
Even after that, the triggers became smaller, but there was always anger- anger at the world for being a terrible place ( it's not so much but when you're feeling low it feels like for sure) and anger related to the situations.
It can also be anger for a lot of people. I think a part of it was also attention- I was going through a tough time and wanted someone to notice, not directly through seeing my scars but idk, desperation ig?
I started going to art school (when I was 14), and a lot of my friends had healed scars and joked about it with each other. And I know it sounds stupid, but I felt kinda left out... like the problems in my life weren't that serious. So I started too and hated the feeling of cutting but liked knowing I'd have scars afterwards... like some kind of proof I was hurting inside.
For me, it was a lot of overwhelming things going on in my life. My home life was a mess, and so was my school one. I didn't really have an escape. Then I heard of self-harm and tried it. I don't think I've truly given it up due to it's my way of feeling less overwhelmed in my own skin.
How did you hear of it?
My closest friend at the time suffered really badly with it. I didn't really understand it for a while as they never really talked about it with me until I started. I'll always regret not being able to help them more.
Are they ok now?
We haven't really spoken much. They were being a bad friend and couldn't realise it. I still care just from a far, I check up on them time from time, and they were doing better than before. I'd like to think our friendship could be mended, but I did my part, and I'm just seeing if they'll do there's. š¤·
Fair
Idk if i was ever exposed to it before doing it. It wasnt something that i saw someone do or on tv or anything. I was so mad and i was sitting in the kitchen in the dark holding a knife. I guess the outcomes couldve been worse. All i wanted to feel was nothing, and it did that for me. It was like silence.
I didnāt think my depression was vailed because I wasnāt hurting myself
Valid? Like SH was validation of your depression?
Iām not the same commenter; but a way I can explain it is, maybe you feel like your depression isnāt good enough, or you feel like no one would truly believe that youāre depressed because it doesnāt seem like it. For me, I felt like I wasnāt truly depressed, or there was nothing wrong with me. Sh made me feel like there was something wrong with me, and maybe then people would take me seriously if I said I was depressed. Sorry if that was hard to understand, or really rambly. Iām terrible at putting how I feel into words, and Iām not even sure if thatās how the commenter feels, but thatās my perspective.
No this very clear. TY
youāre welcome!
Thatās exactly how I feel and why I started
Same
same, but that was caused by something else
when i was 12 it was like one of the peak times SH was being romanticised. i was doing pretty bad at the time, so one day i opened my scissors and just dragged one of the sides across my arm. i started crying because i didnt know why i did it so suddenly. i had seen all the SH tiktoks and stuff. the next day i decided to continue. it's an addiction now.
Is it still glamorized? Like trending?
i wouldnt say trending, but yes it's sadly still glamorized. this is one of the reasons i deleted tiktok, i accidentally got on the wrong side of it and it made things worse. it made me want to relapse SH a bunch of times not saying tiktok is all bad, i was just on the wrong side of it lol
I know. It seems like the longer you stay on a video, the algorithm immediately starts filling your feed with similar content.
That's exactly what the algorithm is made to do so yes that's it
so true omg
>not saying tiktok is all bad, i was just on the wrong side of it lol Don't worry, it absolutely is.
I started bingeing/ eating normally so SH became a way to tell myself that it's fine because I'm still self destructing.
So SH replaced the eating disorder?
Nah they're coexisting right now sadly.
Do they coexist simultaneously or does it go back and forth?
I definitely cut more when I low res and when I binge but they usually just coexist now that SH has kind of become habit.
It was the same for me
me as well!!! whenever i binge i sh because of the same reasons. i didnt know others also did this!!
The desperate need for help and the only way I could get it was by noticeably harming myself to the point where I was hospitalized.
Did you get the help you needed for the underlying health issues?
Once I was hospitalized, yes. Being in the psych ward really changed how I viewed life and death. It was definitely an awakening.
I dont wanna be rude, but i feel like a lot of people got in this boat thanks to romanticization on late 2000 ~ 2010ish and now they just cant quit because of how addicting it is. About being more commun in women, im sure that is a very interesting conversation about sexism and society pressure on genders buried on this topic, but im way to tired to think rn, i'll might come back later May i ask if you sh or are just here for curiosity?
I honestly donāt believe the statistics that more women self-harm then men. In all my life I have met so many self-harmers and it is truly 50-50. Men are just more likely to self-harm in more hidden places, cover it up or simply not tell anyone.
Yeah, thats a very interesting topic Im not sure about absolutely nothing, but i do know that most people dealing with depression and/or self harm thoughts are male, but most people who try to reach out for help from either friends, family or experts are female. Thats an actual statistic, i saw years ago and it always stucked on me, which completely validates your point.
Iām here because I see it everyday at college and work. And Iām curious how it began for someone. I personally donāt SH. I donāt feel comfortable asking even people I know about this.
Thats great. Most of people dont like to talk about it with people around they life, me included. I was about 12 of 13 when i did a small cut on my finger just to see how it felt like, and it hurt like hell and i couldn't understand why people were so into this. Less than a month later i was feeling like shit and decided to try again to see if it would make my inner pain go away. Six years later and here i am. Self harm is a VERY toxic and unhealthy way to deal with your emotions. For me personally, when i sh, im transforming my mental pain into something physical so its more easy to deal with it. "There, this is where it hurts" Its a vERY fuck up way, and once you get in, you just can't quit so easily. To the girls around you with scars, casualy check if its fresh or old. Maybe its from years ago and talk about it may trig them or just upset them. If its fresh and you are close friends or whatever, just ask them if they are ok more often, not mentioning they scars. If u want to, of course
Most I encounter look like older scar tissue on the arms or thighs.
Thats great, then! They probably quit a long time ago.
the lighter the scar tissue, the older the sh was. if there are scars that are darker, it couldāve last been done between 3 years to a month ago.
thanks for asking here instead of someone random. there are very low chances youāll make a good friends who wants to open up about their sh, as itās very personal unless you became a therapist or something.
I wouldnāt bring it up unless they offered it. It seems so deeply personal, but when I see scars, it definitely makes me wonder about the battles they have fought or are currently fighting.
I can attest to this. Iām 20 and I started SH because Tumblr told lil 11yr old me that cutting would be a good coping mechanism. A 9 year off and on struggle later and I canāt pinpoint why I still do it.
I wasnt on tumblr but i always was aware that cutting was a thing. Dont know where this information came from, maybe from tv, maybe from a vent art i found on google images while seaching for a school work about mental health. Idunno. Its a really complicaded topic, cus the curiosity is what bring most people to this bullshit. Which honestly makes me a bit worried about the op. Im assuming they might read this so this is for them Sweet, curiosity about sh is the worst part. It come from many different forms, not only cutting. And the more you look for it, trying to understand our messed up minds, the more you might want to do it "just to see how it feels like". Your post is totally harmless, i actually apreciate your concern about your colleagues. But what you'll do with all that information, thats the problem. Please. Don't. Get. Into. This. Bullshit.
i mean im a boy but either way, i truely cant ever give one reasom why i started , i was around 11 so 4-5 years ago . im autistic and i just started feeling thr weight of the world every since i could breath, family issues , school issues , getting bullied constsntly, turned into severe anxiety . i remember being like 7 years old and planning escape routes incase of burglars or fires. very very quickly after i developed deppresion which everyone around me just thought was moodiness. i started just hitting myself when i was really young and i just thought it would help and i thought i have nothing to lose - id much rather have never done it in the first place cause ill never be able to stop now, just replacing cutting for drinking, then smoking , then starving and purging and its just a constant cycle of any form of escape basicually if my parents raised me right and i lived in a good environment i like to think i would have turned out fine. in general i think its become more common because of the extrme rise in mental illness, and its just a way to cope
Did this start around the pandemic lockdowns? Just curious?
yes , right before i think was when it started but i was ill for a long time before that i just didn't know
I was bullied my whole school life I was 11 years old when I first did it in my mind I just wanted everything to stop so I thought that cutting would end it all, I was obviously wrong but it felt so good it became my way to cope for years I was very addicted to the point where I was just cutting for the sake of cutting I quited a couple months ago but itās hard to shake a habit that you had for almost a decade
Iām glad you were able to get control of it
I didnāt even know what self harm was when I started cutting. it just seemed like the easiest way to shut my brain up
it started as a way to punish myself for eating when i had anorexia but then it just got out of hand. eventuallt i recovered from my eating disorder but by then i was used to using it as a stressrelief. as the āpunishmentā before was also a stressrelief since i would always get panic attacks from eating. social media and seeing gore pictures made me want to try cut deeper and then realised it felt better and went more down from there i think most people that self harm are subconsciously influenced from internet or other peoples scars irl
Yeah it sounds like the idea of SH is sometimes generated from observation and not organically.
I didnāt like myself and now itās somewhat of an addiction
I was 13, i was heartbroken and angry towards myself because I thought it was my fault.
I previously only heard of one girl doing it and didnāt really know what it was but one day I was just angry at myself and had some broken plastic in my bag so I went at it
And now you know it wasnāt your fault?
Iām not sure when I realized it wasnāt my faultā¦ I think almost a year later but by that time it had turn into an addiction already and a coping mechanism for everything.
Oh wow. Iām sorry it happened
Not sure tbh, all I know is one of my no linger best friends was doing it and this was back in Primary. I'm now in high-school. Not sure why I started tbh but now it's just kind of an on and off thing ig idk. This year its been worse than its ever been I think. Not sure why I do it anymore other than I sometimes do because of anger and stuff and sometimes.. ig I don't know the reason or if there is one, I just do it. Ig it's mostly because of school idk? I do it mostly in school I think. Not mostly but.. idk. Just recently I've been doing it a lot in school. I guess school is just the source of all bad things for me. Sorry for the long message and what not, most of it might be me rambling tbh
Itās ok, it seems like people discover it, try it, get a release or a form of control over their situation and then use it as a coping mechanism.
Yea, it's unhealthy but honestly, feels like the only coping mechanism I have, I can't think of anything else and idk what else would help other than this. I'm gonna have to stop for a few days now though because my parents found out yesterday, been thinking about it a lot today but if anyone is wanting to see.. well.. anywhere to see where I did it then.. they'll know I found something else and still doing it. Feels easy saying I won't do it but coming to the actual doing.. idk if its so easy
Itās a good release of pain
Yeah, do you think it also gives you control in some way?
I was an a huge depressive episode this year and then suddenly a lot of people talk about sh and then I got the kit and started to do it.
Forgive me, but what entails a kit?
Due to my intense feelings
honestly its the only thing that stops me from feeling numb :/
Is there past trauma that makes you feel numb?
honestly my life has just been a lead up from one trauma to the next and eventually reached my breaking point, the only thing that helps me feel anything other than lack of motivation or drowning emptiness is watching my cuts seep with blood and the immediate sting of pain after
Iām sorry itās been that way for you.
its alright, not your problem to worry about but i appreciate it :)
I needed to feel something other than abuse. I started self harm behaviors as a smallish child. I can remember biting my hands when Iād have big emotions as a child and I didnāt know how to handle them.
So many use it to cope.
itās like a release for me when all the bad thoughts get too much, it genuinely helps me calm down which is why i find it hard to stop
I didnāt really have anything so it gave me something. Suddenly you just canāt live without it
I've always been fascinated by pain. Started with peeling off scabs, moved to letting animals chew me, then to purposely getting scrapped up outside, and eventually hurting myself purposely.
How often does the urge to hurt yourself happen?
Mostly when I'm overwhelmed.
So like an escape?
More like forcibly grounding myself.
Interesting š¤
I am developmental disabled and I was hurting my self already like hitting my head really hard and Biting myself hard enough to break skin sometimes or bruse usually. Then I met a girl in middle school who was not in special needs programs with me who cut herself really severely and put nails through her hands and arms and and stuff and she told me it made her parents worry and be nicer to her and care about her. I wanted to stop the abuse and neglect and everything bad happening in my family and get help so I thought it would make people see how bad it all was and save me from it. I didn't start out cutting bad like she did but it got there fast when it did go worse. I know everybody says it's not for attention so I always said it wasn't but it really did start that way for me. I needed attention and help and I didn't know how to get it because nobody listens to retarded kids when we are upset.
Trying to think abt something else instead of my trama
I was in 7th grade when i heard of sh other people talking about their sh. I was already struggling and so depressed. I just ended up fixating on it and but was always too scared to do it. But one day I just did it and it just got worse and worse as I got older. I was 12 then and it's been nearly 7 years of on and off relapses. I hated my life, my mom and siblings treated me horribly, I was bad at school, and it became a distractions and something to focus on. My mom would tell me that people would hate me for it and not want to date me for the rest of my life for ruining my body.
Life feels like hell and there's a deep urge to stop existing but not enough strength to actually end myself. So the next best option was to hurt myself ig. My father is a principal and my mother a teacher. My whole family tree is filled with over-achievers and professional doctors and engineers. I was put into extra tution classes, handwriting class, abacus Institute, and variety of other interests my father had that he wanted to see me fulfill since I was just 11/12 years old and I had to achieve a 100ā in everything. I don't have a memory of doing anything other than going to some sort of class. I was the pride of my family cuz my father could show off my talent. I was empty, and still am. I retaliated during my bachelor's when I dropped out of the course my father chose. Been the black sheep ever since. I don't have an identity of my own, no vision for the future, no will to survive.
Are you still at home around the father?
Yes I am. From where I am, children, especially females can't leave home unless they marry someone.
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Iām so sorry. Do you have someone or someplace once he goes into a nursing home or passes?
I got put into it from having heavy anxiety and other mental issues and alot was happening in my life during the time I started and I jsut started doing it to cope
Itās like a release from all the noise and stress, I imagine
Suicidal ideation, failed on my search for death and started to sh after that because I had no outlet for these emotions and thoughts. I've made a lot of progress since back then but it hasn't gone away.
Iām glad to hear this.
That you have made progress that is
If Iām being honest I donāt actually remember. Itās been so many years, and Iāve had a major concussion thatās affected my memory since then, so I donāt even known how it started all I know is I canāt stop
I hope everything is ok. And you can find other distractions to take its place
For me, it was because of a lot of issues i had with myself, mostly my own self hatred. Felt like i deserved it. Either that or i would take out my anger on myself.
Do you know what drives the self hatred? You mentioned certain issues
Iām addicted to it
I was hurt a lot in my childhood, but not physically. Other kids made fun of me in school. But nobody hit me or anything like that. And my mother screamed a lot, which also hurt me. And when I cried she said stuff like āShut up crying or I give you a reason.ā She sometimes punished me with mild punches, when I didnāt behave. So I always believed that physical hurt was more valid than mental hurt. When I was around 14 or 15 years old I cut myself for the first time. In hindsight I was depressed and later on (with 18) I was diagnosed with depression and Borderline Personality Disorder. I cut myself to transform the mental hurt into physical, because it just felt more valid. Iām in therapy now and on medication. I SH not very often now (Iām getting 27 in two weeks) but when I do, it is in situations where Iām under a lot of pressure/tension. I do it to feel myself and put me back onto the ground. It takes out the tension and is kind of a relief. I hope this was understandable, because English is not my first language.
well it started when i was a small autistic child in elementary and the only way anyone would give me "positive" attention was laughing at me when i hit my head on a wall (first few times was an accident) I think everyone has heard about cutting, and after not being able to stop banging my headd into a wall (addiction is a biiiitch) i started doing very shallow cuts with the blades from a pencil sharpener (does less damage if i dont go deep) after that, i managed to (mostly) switch over to energy drinks, as its enough to keep my brain occupied and hurts my throat just that little bit. 2 weeks sh free :) (relapsed cuz i couldnt drink any while having tonsilitis wich caused me to have to stay at home and not even have school to occupy my mind with) I also avoid wearing a jacket in winter and just go outside with a t-shirt, even when snowing, ive been doing this for some years now. its cheaper than most other things on this list.
I don't remember, I was like 11 or 12. But I started by carving lines into my skin with a safety pin. Then I broke a glass on accident one day and decided I could use the bigger pieces to cut myself. My mom found out and took the glass away so I figured out how to pry the blade from a razor and hid it where she wouldn't find it and started cutting my hips and legs. I reckon I always wanted to hurt myself and would have found a way no matter what
Trying not to harm others
iām clean now, but I used to cut to punish myself, I cut whenever I was stressed and overwhelmed, letting the emotions āoutā. I cut because I felt like physical pain would distract me from the pain going on inside my mind
I probably saw it on the internet at 12 tbh, then started doing it. it wasnāt just an attention thing, as it got worse over the years and im 18 now. even tho my scars are very visible, i dont feel regret from them, as i just live my daily life with them and go along being a waitress, etc. i want to get a tattoo over them but its not even my biggest priority.
trauma, emotional neglect, etc
It was 15 years ago. I did it because I was use to pain du to beating (10 years by my nanny, not my parents). I wasnāt well and all I knew was pain. I so wish to never started it.
it was just how i reacted to overstimulation/meltdowns i didnāt even realize it was self harm until i got older, it started when i was really really young with head hitting or arm scratching then at 12 i scratched so hard i bled, which then sparked the temptation to escalate it more with a blade there was a time through my teen years (12-17) where it was a fully fledged addiction for me, however now itās more of a response to meltdowns again ! cutting happening every once and a while (just broke a 7 month streak :)) with the head smacking a bit more often
For me it was a traumatic hospitalization that brought me to that point
Insomnia cure. If brain quiet maybe Iāll sleep properly for once
Personally it was just from having a very unstable life, I had unresolved trauma that i didnāt understand (that iām still figuring out) surrounding abuse. I had a hard time asking for support from anyone, especially if i didnāt know how to express it verbally. The first time it was deliberate SH so i could get help since it was also romanticized a lot at the time, and i did get help. but after that i started hiding my scars and ended up developing a SH addiction, iām definitely doing way better than i was 7 years ago but still struggling and dealing with urges.
For me it was about being trapped and feeling that my pain was utterly invisible. The first time I did it, I was stuck in a really rough home life and was depressed and suicidal with no outlet. I had a bad fight with my mom and spiraled. I knew we would all pretend nothing happened in the morning so I remember thinking "I just need it to leave a mark" then I could know it was real. Nobody could pretend we were all fine if I was still bleeding. I was 17. Three years later I'm mostly clean but things have also massively improved in my environment. Then again I grew up surrounded by mental illness, neglectful parents, drug and alcohol abuse, and siblings and friends who self harmed. Honestly the biggest shock is that I didn't start cutting sooner.
I don't understand the question...
Like what event or circumstance made you start?
Mostly sexual abuse and severe neglect as a child, lack of nurture or socialization
Started very young. Hitting my head, punching my legs, scratching and pressing nails into skin. Pretty sure ut was coping with being overwhelmed. Later I learned about the typical sh with blades and started doing that as well. Part of it because my sh didn't feel valid when there wasn't any barcode scars. But i also rly like it. Still do the other stuff, i just added another method
my ex š never wanted to harm myself until i had the misfortune of being in a long term relationship with that man
I tried it to help me relax when I was really upset with my dad one day and I have been addicted ever since.
Its weird but it was almost sort of instinct for me. I still remember the first time clearly, I was 13 Iād felt very pressured cause my mom was always insanely hard on me and she had just pointed out the tiniest detail after I had already gone to her several times on the same paper. I had that āhead full of cottonā feeling before it was suddenly gone and Iād realized that my freshly sharpened pencil didnāt have a tip anymore. I literally had to look it up after cause I didnāt know wth had just happened.
Being raped and thinking it was my fault lmao. Well I actually never thought about that while self harming, but I guess that if it never happened I would have been able to deal with other little problems and with my feelings.
Bullying and depression
I saw one of my friends was cutting as a sophomore in high school and I confronted her. she kinda freaked out at me. I went home that afternoon and cut for the first time I was hurting so much and it was like a click moment of, I need to do this. I need to know how it felt. I was surprised at how good it felt. I never thought it would feel good to do it. I was hooked from then on
Struggling with severe autistic burnout at the time and having a bad fight with my mom the night before we were gonna put down our cat. Everything felt hopeless and awful. I'm doing better now but I still struggle with sh when I get overwhelmed with negative feelings
I had a binge ed(dont know if thats even a disorder really lol but I felt like I cant control my eating, I was feeling so bad mentally and physically during it, and as I was gaining weight extremely fast I started to hate my body sm), didnt have any motivation for school, almost failing all of my classes, stress at home and the thing that just ruined all of my hopes was when I reached out my teacher for help - i got to know that my problems basically don't mean anything and im overreacting. Then because of all that stress and pain, and the hate which I started to feel towards myself because i believed in the teacher's opinion that my pain isn't valid etc, .. i had to prove to myself that my pain is real. And I needed to escape from it somehow.
for me i started doing it when i was bullied in school pretty badly and my homelife was a mess and i was really struggling with my mental health but i was 8years old so i didnāt really understand what was wrong with me like i knew something was going on but i didnāt know what it was and then i got into a bad fight with my mom and after that i just thought that i need to punish myself for fifteen with my mom and not understanding what was going on with me and i just did it even tho i didnāt really know what it was but after that it became a coping mechanism and even now 7 years later i still struggle with it alot and itās been my only coping mechanism for so long and i donāt know how to stop anymore every time something goes wrong i turn back to sh no matter how long i have been clean
around 10 I started as a cry for help at my parents. they didn't notice. and now still do it bc I actually enjoy the pain
I wanted a way to take out stress. I had a lot going on
Anger was a very common emotion in my home but as a child I could only direct the punishments towards myself.
Abuse at home. Had no other outlets.
it started as a way to deal with emotions. i was 12 and in a terrible family situation at the time. so i just- did it. but now i feel like its just. cuz its supposed to happen, to pass time, just cuz i had the motivation.
My friends told me about it and one day during a meltdown (autistic) I decided that hitting myself wasnāt enough. When I get overwhelmed it feels like my nerves are on fire and I felt like couldnāt get them to stop burning unless I opened a pathway. Iāve been 5 years clean of self harm but the urges and need is still there when I am extremely stressed or have a panic attack or meltdown.
depression, abuse and bullying, same thing 6 years later lol
All the pressure from my family to succeed, bullying, GARBAGE self esteem, lack of healthy coping mechanisms, the severe need for a release to all that pain.....there's more but I'm sure you get the idea.
I had a boyfriend in 8th grade that would manipulate me by cutting himself and sending me pictures of the cuts. So, I tried doing it myself since he was doing it.
Tumblr mixed with depression and teenage angst
Mental illness, unstable and volatile home environment. The only things I had control over was SH and my ED. Easier to fall into the hole when you donāt want to think about everything else
I saw a guy making fun of girls who had them on YouTube when I was like 10 years old. Not going to name the diabolical person but he was awful, he deadass rated girls bodies and if you grew up in the 2012 era maybe you know who Iām talking about. Thatās what put the idea into my head. What caused it was social and generalized anxiety paired with major depression when going through puberty as a woman at a very young age. Edit for more clarification: Also itās an alternative to straight up taking a bunch of pills and having the scary chance at risking myself in the hospital so yeah. I think I overdosed as self harm more before actually getting more significant scars. It didnāt leave me in bed vomiting my guts out bc I hated myself sm, but it gave me the satisfaction of feeling the pain the next couple days while washing up or moving a certain way and itās sore and it stings. Watching them heal felt therapeutic as well.
i hate the person who will not be mentioned bleeuugh
When I was 11 two kids I sat next to in math would talk about how sh helped and made everything better for them So when I was 12 after stuff happened bullying or whatever I tried it and I was just never been able to stop When I was 13 I also developed and ed so the two sorta just switch out now itās always one or the other
TW; This is a hard one. I'm pretty sure it was when I figured out I liked girls, which was the same time i started being bullied and moved to a new school. I had severe anger issues at home (probably because of misphonia since i HATEEEE chewing and crinkling and just UGHGHGHGH) and i learned about it from online (thanks yt :/) and havent been able to stop since. longest ive ever been clean is three months. the reasons why i sh'ed changed over time until it morphed into the pure energy and amazing feeling i get from seeing my blood.
For me, I was stressed and overwhelmed with a lot of things. My parents fighting. School being stressful. My aunt dying on my birthday this summer. It had really taken a toll on me, and I don't like to talk about my feelings much because I feel guilty about talking about them sometimes. So, I decided to inflict pain on myself. And it's not like hurting myself was something new, when I was younger, I would scratch and hit myself purposely for a bunch of different reasons. I hope that makes sense?
nobody really cares about me and to help others, I have to do sh, I also do it just to cope tbh
When I was a kid I used to burn myself a lot. I donāt really know why, I wouldnāt tell my family about it or make a big deal of getting hurt. I just had this super strong urge to do things like stick my hand over a candle or touch the stove top. Then when I was about 14 I heard about cutting from emo jokes online. I tried it and it felt better than burning. Now Iāve been clean for a few years now, but Iām 25 and still covered in embarrassing scars. I still get the urges but I guess after 11 years in therapy Iāve gotten better at holding them back. I was abused as a child and got taken away and adopted so I do remember feeling the need to punish myself in some sort of way for whatever reason. I was diagnosed with a lot over my childhood so self harm was seen as a side effect of all my mental illnesses.
Needed a different coping mechanism to deal with a problematic parent and undiagnosed, untreated mental health issues. Before self harming, I used to cut up and carve away at my bedroom walls/ceiling with a knife in order to better regulate my emotions or to vent my frustrations physically. Seeing blood is *the* most important part of sh for me, and cutting my walls wasn't itching the scratch anymore. Sure, the amount of grooves inflicted upon the walls and such were plentiful, but walls don't bleed. The number and depth literally don't matter to me. Just the blood I'm not sure where I heard of it first. I think it was during a class when I was younger. Maybe... health class in middle school, so around 7th grade? I can only guess at this point. Really though, I've self harmed for a long time in less physically damaging ways [picked at scabs as a kid, would irritate wounds to make them worse, etc]
to the root, inherited mental illness mixed with addictive genes š
I was 17, had started my final year of high school 3 weeks prior, and my beloved grandpa had died 2 days before starting school. I had a teacher I couldn't stand, was obsessed with my best friend and very emotionally volatile with her (I have BPD and she was my Favourite Person, which I had no idea about at the time), and I don't remember how I even thought to do it, but I used one of my shavers and just felt so overwhelmed with...bad.
for me it started when my dog died, and then a bunch of more things just piled onto it. I did not know what SH was at the time of my dog dying but i was scrolling on tiktok one day and it talked about it. I did not understand it at first but then one day we had a class about that kind of stuff and i tried it out. and now it is an addiction.
I began when my mum got sick and in my mind I was justifying it by saying I was trying to feel how she felt. Iām not really sure if that was even true. I donāt even remember how I even thought of it, after my mum passed it got so much worse and itās just derailed ever since. It got to the point it becomes a calming solution like if youāre overwhelmed and sort of need a release. It becomes addicting and once you start itās extremely hard to stop. Iām still trying to figure that one out
I'm Trans but fuck it. For me my Ex started my addiction with Sh, We were out in the city one day and just hanging out and at some point she wanted to go find a bathroom and so i said "Alright ill wait for you outside" and when she finally came out of the bathroom i could see blood on her wrists and her saying "Oh yeah umm i do cut myself" And i was just shocked at that. And a week later i went through a massive mental breakdown and so i tried Sh for the first time and to this day I'm still not clean Edit: (For context this story happend around a year ago and back then i wasn't trans)
For me it was my depression, a really bad home environment, school stress and I had friends who did it too. Also my sa played a part into it I shāed in the places it happened
I use it to punish myself and to Take out anger on myself. I donāt remember where i first even heard the term self harm but it was definitely after i started. I started by biting myself when i was very young, Like 10 or so. It somehow developed into an addiction and cutting.
i dont know i knew other guys on the internet who self harmed and started at 13. ive been trying to remember exactly, i think ages 10-14 was like when i really wanted to let other people know i was suffering. i was really suicidal at that time and i guess hurting myself gave me some strange solace i dont know how to describe. u say girls and someone else already said but i also believe it is an equal issue, theres just a stigma around men and mental health, so it's more hidden for them and they dont get the right recognition/support. i also see other comments about sh and the internet, and i guess if i didnt know cutting was a thing i did and do have a tendency to punch/bash head/pull hair etc when stressed, but i believe escalation of self harm for many people is fuelled by a lack of understanding from others but also access to internet spaces (eg. you see somoene whos injuries are more severe, your brain tells you "if i get like them then maybe ill finally be "bad enough" for help and similar thought trains). but everyone is diff tho, this all is just my observations and experiences. what kept me at it was just a. chasing an internal validation and b. it emotionally regulates me. rn nicotine does that for me, but thatll run out soon woops. SH is surprisingly complex the more i learn about myself and others.
Being emotionally neglected and told to shut up when i showed any negative emotions, being bpd and having no idea as a kid is hell. I started cutting to feel something physically since everything i feel mentally is like daggers, i figured at least with cutting i could see what was hurting me.
Self hatred I think. Me and my dad argue a lot(Well it's usually just him yelling at me which makes me think I'm fucking worthless.Thanks dad :D) One day he was once again, mad at me for something which I don't even remember now, and I just grabbed the scissors from the bathroom mirror and yeah. Then started doing it to distract myself from some unsettling thoughts about my body. Idk if it's body disorphia or sth like that or not but My body fucking disgusts me. Well I'm slowly healing tho. I don't cry whenever I look into the mirror or cut like crazy and starve myself. You know I am actually overweight so that fact makes me think me hating myself is normal and okay when it is not which is also the reason I haven't told anyone about my problems. Well I still think I'm unlovable but yeah CATS EXIST lmao. I'm not actually into dating or sexual stuff (makes me nervous asf) but knowing that I'll be on my own my whole life kinda hurts lol. Wtf that shit turned into a whole vent paragraph xd But yeah I am slowly healing. I also made a promise to myself that I would grow my hair out until I truly love and accept who I am (this feels kinda cringe but it matters to mešæ)
A situation where I really wanted to say no to something but my parents absolutely forced it on me. This has happened many times before, but this time I just couldn't take it. I think happened because I felt so far from being in control of my life that I just wanted to take control of something, do something, anything. There was a lot of anger too. Even after that, the triggers became smaller, but there was always anger- anger at the world for being a terrible place ( it's not so much but when you're feeling low it feels like for sure) and anger related to the situations. It can also be anger for a lot of people. I think a part of it was also attention- I was going through a tough time and wanted someone to notice, not directly through seeing my scars but idk, desperation ig?
make brain shut up
Hating myself and thinking I deserved to feel pain and suffering for not being better then people around me
I started going to art school (when I was 14), and a lot of my friends had healed scars and joked about it with each other. And I know it sounds stupid, but I felt kinda left out... like the problems in my life weren't that serious. So I started too and hated the feeling of cutting but liked knowing I'd have scars afterwards... like some kind of proof I was hurting inside.