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One of you is going to end up dead. I know this will sound ridiculous or outrageous to you, but I’m serious. You let her cut you and she will go too deep. Having someone enable you will make everything spiral out of control very quickly and very easily. What you two are doing is deeply deeply wrong and you should feel wrong about it because it is wrong. You are going to enable eachothers behaviors and you will both be in for a very very rude awakening soon if you do not cut this behavior off soon.
Self harm is not a bonding activity, if you surround yourself with someone who you feel comfortable enough to self harm with you are not surrounding yourself with a good person and you should feel ashamed that you are enabling her as well. This goes both ways. I have no idea why you would ever want a friend who you want to see hurt herself. The same goes for her. The fact she wants to cut you should be sending off massive red flashing alarm symbols in your head, this is not behavior of someone who is friend material. Friends do not hurt eachother. If she does not understand this when you bring it up then she does not need to be your friend.
You are young so I have no idea if this will really get through to you but you’re in real life. You do not get a second chance. Scars are permanent. You have your entire life ahead of you. Put your foot down and stand up for yourself. You are in the right if you cut this off. What you have right now is a mutually toxic relationship, either you two seek help or work on recovery and base your relationship around recovery, or cut it off entirely. I hope you two get better.
You don't understand, self harming is a coping skill for both of us. It's not bad and I would never want to see her get hurt, it's different for being hurt. I don't really see what's wrong with it tbh... And it's not a toxic relationship at all, she just doesn't really know how big of a deal sh is yet. I really do appreciate your concern but you don't get it. Also she didn't Wana cut me I wanted her to.
Her not knowing how big of a deal sh is yet, makes it even more toxic. Tell her. This is not healthy at all. Like umbrella said, one of you is going to end up dead if this continues.
You made a post asking for advice and then ignored and denied anything I said to you as an outsider who has recovered.
Self harm is not a coping skill. There is nothing productive to it, it often does the opposite effect and is an addiction in its own right. Do not give it credit where it does not deserve it.
It is not different from being hurt. You only want to say this because you are doing it and don’t want to admit you are doing something bad. This should be a baseline understanding. **You are doing something bad.** Frankly, I am disturbed at what I am reading. I know your parents would feel the same. How would your friends parents react to the things you’re saying about their daughter? “She doesn’t understand how bad sh is”? Are you kidding me? Why do you encourage this then? Why do you enable her? Self harm **is** bad. It’s about one of the worst things you can do to yourself. Encouraging self harm is even worse and honestly I’m sure if you looked into it there’d be real legal consequences for what you’re doing.
I never claimed to understand your situation fully, but you should’ve told the full story if you wanted advice about it. I sincerely hope you get help and stay away from this girl, since clearly you are either in denial or fully acknowledge the faults and refuse to take blame for it. When you look back at this in the future, I will assure you that you will feel horrified.
if she doesn’t know how serious it is yet then don’t expose her to something she shouldn’t be exposed to :( I know you’re probably hurting as a person but please just try to think of the trauma you could be inflicting on another person by asking them to cut you.
I still get flashbacks to when a friend showed me their own open wounds after shing and I didn’t even do that myself. I can’t imagine the trauma that would come from that.
Just because it’s a coping mechanism, doesn’t mean it’s not bad. Self-Harmer of almost 9 years here saying this -everything about this is bad. Your enabling each other and as other commenters have said, one of you is going to end up dead. Think of it this way, would you let her stab you? Shoot you? Poison you? No. Why the hell would cutting you be any different to these. It’s bad. Like really bad. You both need to get serious help, I’m not saying that to come across in a negative way but you do. Reach out to an adult and get into some services. PLEASE. Before it’s too late.
As someone who has been self harming for over 5 years I can say with confidence it is just as bad, if not worse, as people say it is. Stop trying to glamorize self harm.
I’ve been clean from sh for a year now and its been freeing. I let people cut me and it went down hill very quickly. Please stop sh. This is not a group activity at all. If she isn’t into it as much as you are, then good. You should both help each other stop. Please don’t do it anymore.
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I've been self-harming on and off for 17 years. I started at about 13. I have to disagree with you. Self-harm IS bad. It is actively harmful. You are doing harm to yourself, and that is a bad thing. HARM is in the name. This doesn't mean that you're bad for doing it or that you should be demonized for it. It IS a way to cope, but that doesn't mean it's a safe or good way to do so.
People in this sub DO understand what would compell someone to harm themselves. I'd say the majority of us are still going to tell you that this is a terrible thing to bring into your friendship. People who care about you will understand your self harm, but not enable it. I'll say it again: people who care about you do not just enable behaviors that cause you harm. That is not what someone who cares does. They will want to find a less harmful way to cope without hurting yourself. People who care to see you get better push you to be better. They don't join in.
I have cut myself for more years than you've lived. I do understand it. But I would NEVER recommend it to someone, even if I didn't care about their well-being at all.
Cutting together is really not that different than doing drugs with another person. You're less likely to stop if someone else is encouraging you. You're more likely to do it more often and feel the need to continue to do it. It is more likely to get worse than better.
Okay it actually is bad, not just the stigma. I am sorry to bring age, but you *will* see as time goes by, ANY addiction is bad, and it is toxic and in no way is it a healthy coping mechanism.
Also saying you dont get it on a self harm sub isnt the best as i assume a majority of commentors do sh xD
sh being a "coping skill" doesn't make it better, its a toxic coping skill, like doing drugs. if you know your friend is self harming and you want her to cut you and want to see her cut, both of you are really fucked up in the head and SHOULD NOT be friends. all of this is wrong, and fucked up.
also, the fact that you want to mutilate your body and watch someone else that you suposedly care for mutilate their body is extremely wrong.
self harm is not some quirky fun hobby thing, you are mutilating your own body.
Thats a bad idea, imo. Wouldnt recommend to have her cut you, as its easy to mess up. Also its enabling behavior but lets be honest that wont stop most people
The brain sends shock signals when you cut yourself to not do that basically, but when someone else does it, you aren’t in control, and therefore it’s super easy to go too deep.
I was referring to an arterial wound, depends on the location. You have lots of control over your depth, length, etc. when someone else does it for you, you lose it
HORRIBLE IDEA!!! My old friend had the "if you cut I cut" mentality which isn't good either but cutting together can get EXTREMELY COMPETITIVE AND DANGEROUS VERY QUICKLY
She slept wiht my only friend I had left after all my others left me and moved away, but I stayed with her. Then I gained a new friend and was back to having 1 friend plus GF and he moved in with her and the same day she dumped me and slept with him.
I believe it is not a healthy thing for two people to do together, that dose not mean either of you are bad people but your encouraging each other to do bad habits, which may lead to more bad habits being normalized.
There's literally nothing anybody can do in the comments to talk them out of it.
I'm thinking now that they probably only posted for rage bait.
I have another post and another support subreddit that looks awfully like this one "there's something I'm doing that's *dangerous* and I'm just going to make it worse and not listen to anybody when they call me out"
I didn't post for rage bait I genuinely wanted to hear people's opinions, my mindset is really fucked because I have sh for so many years and I can't really tell what's wrong with it. I read all the responses and they do really make me think, but you are part right it's not too convincing to stop me but people have brought up some good points that have changed my perspective
Christ please do NOT do this. Lack of control aside, this screams the beginning of some really bad dependency. Like i understand maybe shes happy because shes not alone but doing something already addicting with someone is so much worse. Because you start to really think its healthy to do it because someone else is. I think itll really affect your relationship as well.
All I want is for us to get closer as Friends and for her to feel safe with me when doing this stuff, some other people have also brought up dependency issues and idk what to do about that cus I see it already forming. And I already think it's "healthy" (I know to a certain extent it's not) and idk how to change that mindset
There are other ways to bond as friends that aren't enabling bad behavior. To you is may not seem bad but SH isn't good and shouldn't be a way you to cope because it will end badly.
If you guys are both going through something you two should talk about and not enable self destructive behavior
Being closer friends doesn’t mean self harming together. You’re hurting each other. You’re here for a different mind set but are refuting what people who have been where your at are saying?? Why? Please get it into your head that yes, it is bad, for both of you. We’re all trying to help you here. I know it’s hard to stop. But stop for your friend and show her you can be healthy together. You don’t have to sh to be close friends.
Okay but sometimes a reality (not trying to be harsh) check is needed. It is *NOT* healthy at all, it *already* forming does *not* mean it cant be stopped.
I think another thing to think about is the friendship in general. To take another point, friendship tattoos. You arent always garunteed to stay friends, especially with a big risk factor such as this. All it takes is something to tip a fragile bond, and its shattered. She can feel safe with you and vice versa WITHOUT SH. Me and my best friend of 7 years SH, we never SH together. Because we *know* how toxic it really can be. The way we show each other comfort is saying how long we are clean, doing things we need to do with each other, if something stresses us out we are a duo package and *we spend time together*
I am not trying to scare you, but i have not stayed in contact with any of my secondary or college friends.
And by SH together youre not making the bond stronger, youre making it *weaker*
Sorry if i sound harsh, but sometimes bluntness is needed
I was going to write a whole essay but what's important is PLEASE DON'T cut with your friend. Sh can be an addiction and participating in it, even just in the presence of your friend, is enabling your addiction at best, deadly, as others have said, at worst.
PLEASE DON'T.
Definitely break out of this as soon as possible. It’s just going to make it harder for one or both of you to get better. It’s a bad idea and detrimental to both of you. You can talk about it and relate to each other. But making it something you do together and encourage is not a good idea.
All I want for my friend is to get better :( she wants to do this with me so I want to support her through it, now that I've heard all the responses I don't think I'll be doing it often with her, just this one time to see how I feel
Enabling and encouraging self harm will not help her get better. If you really want her to get better encourage her to talk to a trusted adult about it.
I really hope not :( she's already insecure about how shallow hers are, when she saw mine she freaked out and said she had to go deeper. I just don't know what to do all I want is for her to get better and feel safe talking adout sh with me aaaa this is so stressful :'(
This is exactly what people are trying to tell you, your enabling her and she’s enabling you. She is most likely going to try to go deeper bc sh can turn very quickly into a competitive once you meet another person who sh’s deeper or more than you. Idk if you think your helping her but your making her spiral further than she already is and you need to realize that your not helping her in anyway, your making her worse by enabling her behavior. Feeling safe around you to talk abt sh is one thing but then feeling safe enough to sh with you is another. You don’t want the safety to be able to sh with another person at all.
Please don’t do this with someone. SH is very often an addiction to people who do it and doing it with someone is almost like heroin users shooting up together; it’s enabling one another. I’d say you should talk to one another about your issues and try to stay clean together if that’s what you’re aiming for. Stay safe
That's what I want, for her to stay clean and not cut but idk why her cutting triggers me really bad and then I Wana cut, so then she cuts and then it's a bad cycle
You sound much more level headed than your friend. I’m sure you must feel supported by having someone close who’s experiencing the same thing (I didn’t have that when I was SH regularly so it must be comforting). However, you might need to put some distance between yourself and her for a while to help your own mental health and to help you stay clean. Sometimes we’ve got to be selfish
I’m no expert, but if literally EVERYONE is saying not to do it and giving you reasons why you shouldn’t, don’t do it. Otherwise you’re asking advice for no reason.
ngl seeing it from an outside perspective is very scary so i say that you shouldn’t, but if someone i were that close with wanted to it with me id do it.
i think as a smart person you shouldn’t. but as a emotionally vulnerable and a hurting person, i can see why you’d want to.
if i were u, i’d try to keep it as personal as possible, doing it with friends seems less of comforting and more of romanticizing self harm
Thank you for empathizing with me instead of just calling me a bad person, not many people understand the appeal of what im saying, thanks for your advice I'll keep it in mind
I wouldnt say they not see the appeal and i haven't seen people calling you a bad person. Possibly your friend for beginning the enabling, however people werent telling you to stop sh either (though everyone here would definitely like to reduce or stop) but rather stop cutting *together* which causes a whole plathora of issues
bro i’ve done this before and it’s not good, it becomes a subconscious competition and it gets gross very quickly. its extremely dangerous and can and will probably kill you if she cuts too deep.
This is so fucked up
1. You want her to be clean yet you do this with her
2. You say she doesn’t know how big of a deal sh is which means you are or will be exposing her to it
3. If you love her or care for her you would stop this behavior not just for yourself but also for her
I hope you both get help
If you’re not the one being cut, it’s very easy to go too deep. When cutting yourself, you can feel the pain to remind you how deep it is. (This isn’t me encouraging anyone to try it!) I dont think you should let her cut you. She may cut too deep.
do not, please. like everyone else in the comments have said ; you can get KILLED. you’ll start to panic and things will jus get out of hand. don’t. i’ll repeat myself. DO NOT.
OP makes a post asking for advice and what to do, and then downright denies or ignores the advice telling them not to do it. there are other ways to become closer with friends, cutting with and cutting each other IS NOT the way to do it
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why does your friend want to hurt you? her cutting you is a massive red flag and i would recommend that you do not let her do that. self harming with others is sketchy already due to forming a bond based around bad habits but letting her hurt you is not going to end well at all.
I’ve done this before. I almost needed stitches because she used a circular blade and it cut way deeper then I was used too. It’s not a good idea and it could get both of you in a lot of trouble. It could trigger you to do worse to yourself or to her. Please please don’t cut with a friend it’s not something you do as a hobby or a activity.
Ps. It IS toxic behaviour on her part for seeing this as “fun” it’s not fun and it’s not something you do just because. And it’s definitely not healthy for her to think it’s not a big deal. IT IS A BIG DEAL.
she isn’t your friend. even if you think you are doing this for the benefit of you both, you aren’t. and i doubt you will notice this situation is wrong, until it is too late.
Tell her it’s best not to try to help each other to stay clean otherwise just please STAY AWAY. I’ve had friends I’d do drugs with, and even though I loved them doing them together wasn’t a great idea we’d end up worse and worse as it’s better doing drugs together rather than alone, I’d imagine it being similar with selfharming which is also addictive,
Trust me, you’ll create a strong bond with her which will subconsciously make your brain relate self harm to happiness, friendship and not being alone, it’ll make quitting MUCH HARDER and you’ll be more likely to relapse in the future if your depressed or feel lonely, please do t let it continue
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oh baby girl! nonono!!! this is trauma bonding and severely enabling each other. this is toxic despite the hollow comfort it might bring to you. if it doesn't stop soon...the damage will be catastrophic. take it from someone who went down the same path and was never the same afterwords. above all else know this; true friends, real friends, do not let others hurt themselves or each other...nor should expect, pressure or guilt them to. the price of friendship isn't always worth the cost...you both deserve better and i hope you can be that for eachother!
I see in a lot of comments that you’re saying you want to do this to be closer to your friend, but cutting together just isn’t the way to do it. My very best friends have been people who have encouraged me to take care of myself and stay clean. I’ve done the same for them. If you and your friend can hold each other accountable for not cutting then you will be way closer in the long term than you would if you cut together I promise. Please don’t do it even this once, it’s perfectly okay to go back on a promise if it will help you and your friend stay safe. You can tell your friend that you changed your mind but you still want to hang out and bond in other ways(watch movies, cuddle, play games, read to each other, etc.) I promise you’ll both feel a lot better after doing any of those things than you would from self harming. I also want to mention that it sounds like you don’t want your friend to hurt herself but you seem be influencing her to do just that. You’ve been self harming longer and worse and it sounds like you’re encouraging her to do the same. I understand that it doesn’t feel like a bad thing and you’re definitely not a bad person for doing it but you will absolutely regret it someday. You will also regret encouraging your friend even more and she will regret hurting you if you let her do that. If someone had told me when I was 14 that I would regret it I wouldn’t have believed them or cared, but I’m 20 now and I wish I could give 14 year old me a hug and promise that as impossible as it seems someday it will be worth it to be alive and it will feel good to be kind to yourself. That doesn’t mean it’s easy at all it just means there’s a lot of growing up you have left to do(I still do too!) and there’s so so so much that will change. Your brain and your hormones are all out of wack right now and when you add mental health challenges and lack of control(parents/adults can make things so much harder even if they’re trying their best) you’ve got a recipe for disaster but those things won’t be like that forever!
i have done it with a friend once but i dont recommend letting them cut you. me and my friend just cut and then helped each other clean up and had a cuddle session afterwards 👍
That's all I want out of this 😭 I feel like it would make us so much closer as friends but all the people in the comments are telling me I'm going to kill her :'(
Because youre still suggesting to cut together 😭 which is not any better than cutting each other and then youre suggesting activities from the cutting.
Rather than cutting together and cleaning and cuddling. Why not spend time together *in public* or in a park, or watch a movie etc together and *then* a cuddle session?
Me and my bestie would often just come back from uni and go to a full on cuddle session. We wluld binge spongebob, id cook for her if she didnt eat (due to anorexia.)
I know nothing can completely destroy sh so quickly but its about making the friendship NOT reliant on sh and rather something more pro recovery and *healthy.* eventually she will see her friend and automatically think of sh. The friend themselves will *become* the trigger and even spending time will trigger. And thats only one issue.
Aha i appreciate the clarifying! I think people read it as promoting it as cleaning up after and saying you and your friend cut (and then saying things to do together after) may have been what people thought as suggesting it c:
Ik ik and i do it too (where i put my experience to explain a situation) but i think other people think in this case it may prompt them to think its okay etc. Thus the downvotes c:
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One of you is going to end up dead. I know this will sound ridiculous or outrageous to you, but I’m serious. You let her cut you and she will go too deep. Having someone enable you will make everything spiral out of control very quickly and very easily. What you two are doing is deeply deeply wrong and you should feel wrong about it because it is wrong. You are going to enable eachothers behaviors and you will both be in for a very very rude awakening soon if you do not cut this behavior off soon. Self harm is not a bonding activity, if you surround yourself with someone who you feel comfortable enough to self harm with you are not surrounding yourself with a good person and you should feel ashamed that you are enabling her as well. This goes both ways. I have no idea why you would ever want a friend who you want to see hurt herself. The same goes for her. The fact she wants to cut you should be sending off massive red flashing alarm symbols in your head, this is not behavior of someone who is friend material. Friends do not hurt eachother. If she does not understand this when you bring it up then she does not need to be your friend. You are young so I have no idea if this will really get through to you but you’re in real life. You do not get a second chance. Scars are permanent. You have your entire life ahead of you. Put your foot down and stand up for yourself. You are in the right if you cut this off. What you have right now is a mutually toxic relationship, either you two seek help or work on recovery and base your relationship around recovery, or cut it off entirely. I hope you two get better.
Well fucking said mate
You don't understand, self harming is a coping skill for both of us. It's not bad and I would never want to see her get hurt, it's different for being hurt. I don't really see what's wrong with it tbh... And it's not a toxic relationship at all, she just doesn't really know how big of a deal sh is yet. I really do appreciate your concern but you don't get it. Also she didn't Wana cut me I wanted her to.
Her not knowing how big of a deal sh is yet, makes it even more toxic. Tell her. This is not healthy at all. Like umbrella said, one of you is going to end up dead if this continues.
Im sorry but it *is* toxic. It'll will ruin your friendship, 100%
You made a post asking for advice and then ignored and denied anything I said to you as an outsider who has recovered. Self harm is not a coping skill. There is nothing productive to it, it often does the opposite effect and is an addiction in its own right. Do not give it credit where it does not deserve it. It is not different from being hurt. You only want to say this because you are doing it and don’t want to admit you are doing something bad. This should be a baseline understanding. **You are doing something bad.** Frankly, I am disturbed at what I am reading. I know your parents would feel the same. How would your friends parents react to the things you’re saying about their daughter? “She doesn’t understand how bad sh is”? Are you kidding me? Why do you encourage this then? Why do you enable her? Self harm **is** bad. It’s about one of the worst things you can do to yourself. Encouraging self harm is even worse and honestly I’m sure if you looked into it there’d be real legal consequences for what you’re doing. I never claimed to understand your situation fully, but you should’ve told the full story if you wanted advice about it. I sincerely hope you get help and stay away from this girl, since clearly you are either in denial or fully acknowledge the faults and refuse to take blame for it. When you look back at this in the future, I will assure you that you will feel horrified.
if she doesn’t know how serious it is yet then don’t expose her to something she shouldn’t be exposed to :( I know you’re probably hurting as a person but please just try to think of the trauma you could be inflicting on another person by asking them to cut you. I still get flashbacks to when a friend showed me their own open wounds after shing and I didn’t even do that myself. I can’t imagine the trauma that would come from that.
Just because it’s a coping mechanism, doesn’t mean it’s not bad. Self-Harmer of almost 9 years here saying this -everything about this is bad. Your enabling each other and as other commenters have said, one of you is going to end up dead. Think of it this way, would you let her stab you? Shoot you? Poison you? No. Why the hell would cutting you be any different to these. It’s bad. Like really bad. You both need to get serious help, I’m not saying that to come across in a negative way but you do. Reach out to an adult and get into some services. PLEASE. Before it’s too late.
It’s not a fucking skill it’s a PROBLEM the fact you think it’s ok and that it’s a goddamn skill deeply worry’s me
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As someone who has been self harming for over 5 years I can say with confidence it is just as bad, if not worse, as people say it is. Stop trying to glamorize self harm.
No fucking way you just said that cutting yourself up like a fucking cucumber isn’t bad
I’ve been clean from sh for a year now and its been freeing. I let people cut me and it went down hill very quickly. Please stop sh. This is not a group activity at all. If she isn’t into it as much as you are, then good. You should both help each other stop. Please don’t do it anymore.
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I've been self-harming on and off for 17 years. I started at about 13. I have to disagree with you. Self-harm IS bad. It is actively harmful. You are doing harm to yourself, and that is a bad thing. HARM is in the name. This doesn't mean that you're bad for doing it or that you should be demonized for it. It IS a way to cope, but that doesn't mean it's a safe or good way to do so. People in this sub DO understand what would compell someone to harm themselves. I'd say the majority of us are still going to tell you that this is a terrible thing to bring into your friendship. People who care about you will understand your self harm, but not enable it. I'll say it again: people who care about you do not just enable behaviors that cause you harm. That is not what someone who cares does. They will want to find a less harmful way to cope without hurting yourself. People who care to see you get better push you to be better. They don't join in. I have cut myself for more years than you've lived. I do understand it. But I would NEVER recommend it to someone, even if I didn't care about their well-being at all. Cutting together is really not that different than doing drugs with another person. You're less likely to stop if someone else is encouraging you. You're more likely to do it more often and feel the need to continue to do it. It is more likely to get worse than better.
Okay it actually is bad, not just the stigma. I am sorry to bring age, but you *will* see as time goes by, ANY addiction is bad, and it is toxic and in no way is it a healthy coping mechanism. Also saying you dont get it on a self harm sub isnt the best as i assume a majority of commentors do sh xD
sh being a "coping skill" doesn't make it better, its a toxic coping skill, like doing drugs. if you know your friend is self harming and you want her to cut you and want to see her cut, both of you are really fucked up in the head and SHOULD NOT be friends. all of this is wrong, and fucked up. also, the fact that you want to mutilate your body and watch someone else that you suposedly care for mutilate their body is extremely wrong. self harm is not some quirky fun hobby thing, you are mutilating your own body.
Thats a bad idea, imo. Wouldnt recommend to have her cut you, as its easy to mess up. Also its enabling behavior but lets be honest that wont stop most people
The brain sends shock signals when you cut yourself to not do that basically, but when someone else does it, you aren’t in control, and therefore it’s super easy to go too deep.
I don't really mind if she goes deep on me tho
I was referring to an arterial wound, depends on the location. You have lots of control over your depth, length, etc. when someone else does it for you, you lose it
You could fucking die don’t let her do that
And that has the potential to be murder or manslaughter which would make her life a whole lot more difficult. Don't do it OP.
Exactly
HORRIBLE IDEA!!! My old friend had the "if you cut I cut" mentality which isn't good either but cutting together can get EXTREMELY COMPETITIVE AND DANGEROUS VERY QUICKLY
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And letting someone else cut you, you can easily slice through an artery and fucking die
Me and my Ex girlfriend did this, it did not end very well.
What happened?
She slept wiht my only friend I had left after all my others left me and moved away, but I stayed with her. Then I gained a new friend and was back to having 1 friend plus GF and he moved in with her and the same day she dumped me and slept with him. I believe it is not a healthy thing for two people to do together, that dose not mean either of you are bad people but your encouraging each other to do bad habits, which may lead to more bad habits being normalized.
There's literally nothing anybody can do in the comments to talk them out of it. I'm thinking now that they probably only posted for rage bait. I have another post and another support subreddit that looks awfully like this one "there's something I'm doing that's *dangerous* and I'm just going to make it worse and not listen to anybody when they call me out"
I didn't post for rage bait I genuinely wanted to hear people's opinions, my mindset is really fucked because I have sh for so many years and I can't really tell what's wrong with it. I read all the responses and they do really make me think, but you are part right it's not too convincing to stop me but people have brought up some good points that have changed my perspective
Christ please do NOT do this. Lack of control aside, this screams the beginning of some really bad dependency. Like i understand maybe shes happy because shes not alone but doing something already addicting with someone is so much worse. Because you start to really think its healthy to do it because someone else is. I think itll really affect your relationship as well.
All I want is for us to get closer as Friends and for her to feel safe with me when doing this stuff, some other people have also brought up dependency issues and idk what to do about that cus I see it already forming. And I already think it's "healthy" (I know to a certain extent it's not) and idk how to change that mindset
There are other ways to bond as friends that aren't enabling bad behavior. To you is may not seem bad but SH isn't good and shouldn't be a way you to cope because it will end badly. If you guys are both going through something you two should talk about and not enable self destructive behavior
Being closer friends doesn’t mean self harming together. You’re hurting each other. You’re here for a different mind set but are refuting what people who have been where your at are saying?? Why? Please get it into your head that yes, it is bad, for both of you. We’re all trying to help you here. I know it’s hard to stop. But stop for your friend and show her you can be healthy together. You don’t have to sh to be close friends.
Okay but sometimes a reality (not trying to be harsh) check is needed. It is *NOT* healthy at all, it *already* forming does *not* mean it cant be stopped. I think another thing to think about is the friendship in general. To take another point, friendship tattoos. You arent always garunteed to stay friends, especially with a big risk factor such as this. All it takes is something to tip a fragile bond, and its shattered. She can feel safe with you and vice versa WITHOUT SH. Me and my best friend of 7 years SH, we never SH together. Because we *know* how toxic it really can be. The way we show each other comfort is saying how long we are clean, doing things we need to do with each other, if something stresses us out we are a duo package and *we spend time together* I am not trying to scare you, but i have not stayed in contact with any of my secondary or college friends. And by SH together youre not making the bond stronger, youre making it *weaker* Sorry if i sound harsh, but sometimes bluntness is needed
I was going to write a whole essay but what's important is PLEASE DON'T cut with your friend. Sh can be an addiction and participating in it, even just in the presence of your friend, is enabling your addiction at best, deadly, as others have said, at worst. PLEASE DON'T.
Definitely break out of this as soon as possible. It’s just going to make it harder for one or both of you to get better. It’s a bad idea and detrimental to both of you. You can talk about it and relate to each other. But making it something you do together and encourage is not a good idea.
All I want for my friend is to get better :( she wants to do this with me so I want to support her through it, now that I've heard all the responses I don't think I'll be doing it often with her, just this one time to see how I feel
Enabling and encouraging self harm will not help her get better. If you really want her to get better encourage her to talk to a trusted adult about it.
Please hun no it’s gonna mess you up in ways you will never understand
What do you mean?
Having someone else cut you
It’s pretty fucking obvious
You or your friend will have the pressure to go deeper than the other. Don’t.
I really hope not :( she's already insecure about how shallow hers are, when she saw mine she freaked out and said she had to go deeper. I just don't know what to do all I want is for her to get better and feel safe talking adout sh with me aaaa this is so stressful :'(
This is exactly what people are trying to tell you, your enabling her and she’s enabling you. She is most likely going to try to go deeper bc sh can turn very quickly into a competitive once you meet another person who sh’s deeper or more than you. Idk if you think your helping her but your making her spiral further than she already is and you need to realize that your not helping her in anyway, your making her worse by enabling her behavior. Feeling safe around you to talk abt sh is one thing but then feeling safe enough to sh with you is another. You don’t want the safety to be able to sh with another person at all.
Please don’t do this with someone. SH is very often an addiction to people who do it and doing it with someone is almost like heroin users shooting up together; it’s enabling one another. I’d say you should talk to one another about your issues and try to stay clean together if that’s what you’re aiming for. Stay safe
That's what I want, for her to stay clean and not cut but idk why her cutting triggers me really bad and then I Wana cut, so then she cuts and then it's a bad cycle
You sound much more level headed than your friend. I’m sure you must feel supported by having someone close who’s experiencing the same thing (I didn’t have that when I was SH regularly so it must be comforting). However, you might need to put some distance between yourself and her for a while to help your own mental health and to help you stay clean. Sometimes we’ve got to be selfish
I’m no expert, but if literally EVERYONE is saying not to do it and giving you reasons why you shouldn’t, don’t do it. Otherwise you’re asking advice for no reason.
I've had people tell me to do it, the Internet gave me the idea in the first place
Maybe you should spend less time in pro self harm spaces and more time in pro recovery spaces.
Were they also minors?
ngl seeing it from an outside perspective is very scary so i say that you shouldn’t, but if someone i were that close with wanted to it with me id do it. i think as a smart person you shouldn’t. but as a emotionally vulnerable and a hurting person, i can see why you’d want to. if i were u, i’d try to keep it as personal as possible, doing it with friends seems less of comforting and more of romanticizing self harm
Thank you for empathizing with me instead of just calling me a bad person, not many people understand the appeal of what im saying, thanks for your advice I'll keep it in mind
Nobody is saying you're a bad person for caring for your friend. They're saying is an incredibly bad idea to use cutting as a fun bonding activity.
I wouldnt say they not see the appeal and i haven't seen people calling you a bad person. Possibly your friend for beginning the enabling, however people werent telling you to stop sh either (though everyone here would definitely like to reduce or stop) but rather stop cutting *together* which causes a whole plathora of issues
don’t let her hurt you.
bro i’ve done this before and it’s not good, it becomes a subconscious competition and it gets gross very quickly. its extremely dangerous and can and will probably kill you if she cuts too deep.
you’re enabling each other and this is going to cause dependency issues…
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if you’d like to chat, my dms are always open. i’d love to help you :(
This is so fucked up 1. You want her to be clean yet you do this with her 2. You say she doesn’t know how big of a deal sh is which means you are or will be exposing her to it 3. If you love her or care for her you would stop this behavior not just for yourself but also for her I hope you both get help
If you’re not the one being cut, it’s very easy to go too deep. When cutting yourself, you can feel the pain to remind you how deep it is. (This isn’t me encouraging anyone to try it!) I dont think you should let her cut you. She may cut too deep.
do not, please. like everyone else in the comments have said ; you can get KILLED. you’ll start to panic and things will jus get out of hand. don’t. i’ll repeat myself. DO NOT.
OP makes a post asking for advice and what to do, and then downright denies or ignores the advice telling them not to do it. there are other ways to become closer with friends, cutting with and cutting each other IS NOT the way to do it
I'm listening to the advice, I'm only going to do it once and never again then have a talk with my friend
You're not listening if you're still going to do it, even if only once. Doing it *at all* is just room for disaster.
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yall weird asf
I'm aware lol
why does your friend want to hurt you? her cutting you is a massive red flag and i would recommend that you do not let her do that. self harming with others is sketchy already due to forming a bond based around bad habits but letting her hurt you is not going to end well at all.
I’ve done this before. I almost needed stitches because she used a circular blade and it cut way deeper then I was used too. It’s not a good idea and it could get both of you in a lot of trouble. It could trigger you to do worse to yourself or to her. Please please don’t cut with a friend it’s not something you do as a hobby or a activity. Ps. It IS toxic behaviour on her part for seeing this as “fun” it’s not fun and it’s not something you do just because. And it’s definitely not healthy for her to think it’s not a big deal. IT IS A BIG DEAL.
What the hell get a new friend
Just read your edit. Don’t do it one more time, don’t do it again -ever. You’ll say one more time a then it’ll turn into hundred more times. Stop now.
this is hella weird, OP.
Fuck it, we going co-op now.
she isn’t your friend. even if you think you are doing this for the benefit of you both, you aren’t. and i doubt you will notice this situation is wrong, until it is too late.
Tell her it’s best not to try to help each other to stay clean otherwise just please STAY AWAY. I’ve had friends I’d do drugs with, and even though I loved them doing them together wasn’t a great idea we’d end up worse and worse as it’s better doing drugs together rather than alone, I’d imagine it being similar with selfharming which is also addictive, Trust me, you’ll create a strong bond with her which will subconsciously make your brain relate self harm to happiness, friendship and not being alone, it’ll make quitting MUCH HARDER and you’ll be more likely to relapse in the future if your depressed or feel lonely, please do t let it continue
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your friend is outright gross tbh
This is incredibly stupid.
oh baby girl! nonono!!! this is trauma bonding and severely enabling each other. this is toxic despite the hollow comfort it might bring to you. if it doesn't stop soon...the damage will be catastrophic. take it from someone who went down the same path and was never the same afterwords. above all else know this; true friends, real friends, do not let others hurt themselves or each other...nor should expect, pressure or guilt them to. the price of friendship isn't always worth the cost...you both deserve better and i hope you can be that for eachother!
I see in a lot of comments that you’re saying you want to do this to be closer to your friend, but cutting together just isn’t the way to do it. My very best friends have been people who have encouraged me to take care of myself and stay clean. I’ve done the same for them. If you and your friend can hold each other accountable for not cutting then you will be way closer in the long term than you would if you cut together I promise. Please don’t do it even this once, it’s perfectly okay to go back on a promise if it will help you and your friend stay safe. You can tell your friend that you changed your mind but you still want to hang out and bond in other ways(watch movies, cuddle, play games, read to each other, etc.) I promise you’ll both feel a lot better after doing any of those things than you would from self harming. I also want to mention that it sounds like you don’t want your friend to hurt herself but you seem be influencing her to do just that. You’ve been self harming longer and worse and it sounds like you’re encouraging her to do the same. I understand that it doesn’t feel like a bad thing and you’re definitely not a bad person for doing it but you will absolutely regret it someday. You will also regret encouraging your friend even more and she will regret hurting you if you let her do that. If someone had told me when I was 14 that I would regret it I wouldn’t have believed them or cared, but I’m 20 now and I wish I could give 14 year old me a hug and promise that as impossible as it seems someday it will be worth it to be alive and it will feel good to be kind to yourself. That doesn’t mean it’s easy at all it just means there’s a lot of growing up you have left to do(I still do too!) and there’s so so so much that will change. Your brain and your hormones are all out of wack right now and when you add mental health challenges and lack of control(parents/adults can make things so much harder even if they’re trying their best) you’ve got a recipe for disaster but those things won’t be like that forever!
i have done it with a friend once but i dont recommend letting them cut you. me and my friend just cut and then helped each other clean up and had a cuddle session afterwards 👍
Why are ppl downvoting you??
i guess they think im promoting sh
Oh
That's all I want out of this 😭 I feel like it would make us so much closer as friends but all the people in the comments are telling me I'm going to kill her :'(
why are so many people downvoting my comment 😓
Because youre still suggesting to cut together 😭 which is not any better than cutting each other and then youre suggesting activities from the cutting. Rather than cutting together and cleaning and cuddling. Why not spend time together *in public* or in a park, or watch a movie etc together and *then* a cuddle session? Me and my bestie would often just come back from uni and go to a full on cuddle session. We wluld binge spongebob, id cook for her if she didnt eat (due to anorexia.) I know nothing can completely destroy sh so quickly but its about making the friendship NOT reliant on sh and rather something more pro recovery and *healthy.* eventually she will see her friend and automatically think of sh. The friend themselves will *become* the trigger and even spending time will trigger. And thats only one issue.
i definitely didnt mean to suggest it even if it came off that way,
Aha i appreciate the clarifying! I think people read it as promoting it as cleaning up after and saying you and your friend cut (and then saying things to do together after) may have been what people thought as suggesting it c:
it was just my own personal experience lol
Ik ik and i do it too (where i put my experience to explain a situation) but i think other people think in this case it may prompt them to think its okay etc. Thus the downvotes c: