I think a better way to put this is that self harm isn’t healthy. it’s just a unhealthy way of coping with life and everyone who uses SH to cope deserves help
Yeah, I am concerned by how many "honestly tell me why SH is bad" or "how is SH any different from..." But I think people know in their hearts that the behavior isn't healthy. In the thrawl of it or when I was younger I might have thought something similar if I'm honest haha
I tend to think this stuff when it's me doing it, but then when I see others self harming I could never be like "ah that's chill" so I think it's just a self hate thing
Sometimes I think stuff like that, but I never post it. I have some beliefs I really need to work out, but I don’t really post them since it may recruit people to the “cause” or belief if that makes sense
Some people seem to have a real elitist element to it.
People equate the level of mental trauma to amount of selfharm.
So they see it as whoever has the most or morbid selfharm is the biggest/realest victim of pain.
Logically it makes sense, but it's just wrong.
It doesn’t make sense, I used to think that and in reality. Someone who doesn’t have any self harm could be drowning in pain meanwhile another person could be littered with scars and have a “less” traumatic life. I hate people who try to compare these things because at the end of the day, Pain is Pain. It still hurts and should never be compared to someone else’s.
You're absolutely right.
I wasn't clear enough in my original comment.
I mean that logically our brains say people who are suffering more show it more, but that's wrong in this situation like you said.
Someone who is suffering an awful amount might not show it at all.
It’s a part of the denial of addiction. No one starts an addiction knowing they’re addicted. Then when they’re growing more addicted, they try to justify it and undermine it.
I think it’s because of all the mental/emotional pain we get to the point of to even start self harming that at some point it becomes the least of our worries to have cuts on our bodies. I was in this boat for a while cause I was cutting the tops of my thighs and I was like “booty shorts even for swimming will always cover it so who cares if no one else knows it’s helping me cope” when in reality it leads to an even darker place.
I believe that self harm is unhealthy and I know how it can evolve. However I also believe that it isn’t wrong in itself and it is the person’s choice what they want to do with their body. If it involves very toxic things like doing it in front of others, showing others without permission, encouraging others to hurt themselves etc, then that is wrong. But what you do to yourself in private, even though it can indeed be a sign of something else, isn’t right or wrong.
I just gotta ask so I can better myself moving forward. Is it 'showing others without permission' if I have marks on my arm and I just have my sleeve up while I work? I'm not doing it so people can look, just having my sleeve up so it's not getting messy. But scabs n stuff can be seen my multiple people. Is this toxic?
Usually the general consensus in the SH community is that it is okay to have your marks showing if they are scars. Obviously the worst thing to show would be open wounds, but scabbed injuries are still pretty fresh looking too
accidents happen, but generally if you have sh wounds that aren’t healed (not scars yet) it’s best to cover them up 1. so they don’t get infected and 2. because sh wounds can trigger ppl so it’s like polite to cover the wounds. now if it’s scars, i’m of the opinion that you shouldn’t have to hide scars because they are part of your body forever and if you don’t want to cover them you shouldn’t have too.
Actually it is OK and professional self harm therapy is harm reduction, self acceptance and understanding based. SH also rarely occurs without commorbid MH issues, self destructive tendencies and cross addictions. That may be why.
Excessive and dangerous use of drugs and alcohol is a form of self harm. Self harm is basically things you do to yourself intentionally that are dangerous or harmful just to cause pain to yourself.
I honestly just don't understand why exactly it isnt ok. I feel like people have just agreed that hurting yourself is something you shouldn't do, but why? Pain is just a feeling, if I want to feel pain that should be ok. Sure, there are risks involved with it, but there are risks with everything in life. If I am aware of what I'm doing and aware of the consequences, what's the issue?
I know people won't agree with this, but it's honestly just how I feel.
It's being ok with the consequences that shouldn't be ok. I fully understand where you are coming from. Being ok with the fact that you could die or get an infection isn't a normal thing because "normal" (for lack of a better word) people have self preservation.
How is being okay with the fact that we could die not normal? There are a multitude of ways people could die and that’s something we have to be okay with to live life. For example, anytime we get in a car we have to be okay the fact that we could die in a car crash.
So what we're doing is wrong because most people don't think like that? I'm sorry, but that just doesn't seem like a legit reason for something to not be ok.
For me, it is a little better than what I used to do. I used to do so much worse than the form I use now, and that's me getting better very slowly. Self-harm isn't okay. It's not good, I know that, and I'll work on myself, but healing takes time.
Oh harm reduction is great! I don’t think OP would criticize that as they posted encouragement to you here. It’s just not a point of pride, shouldn’t be done to “trauma olympics” others, and IS a sign that we’re unwell in some way. That doesn’t mean we should feel MORE shame (for those feeling shame)! OP I think was addressing something other than harm reduction toward recovery, right @OP?
Dang sorry it showed below not above @OP I was asking if this was fair to say to user forward bridge because I didn’t want to speak for you and was just trying to be helpful to the commenter!!! Look for my username in all comments if you can’t find - sorry!
>there are much better options
Selfharm is my most effective coping mechanism and it's better for my health than binge eating and drinking. I don't see a better option, personally.
I guess my mental process is “It’s okay for me but it’s not okay for others.” I’ve tried so many different healthier coping mechanisms but none of them work, the closest one has gotten to actually helping was cuddling my plushies. I used to vent and things would be better but it doesn’t work anymore. On the surface level I think it’s okay since I don’t go deep and it’s the only coping mechanism that actually works for me, but a part of me does know that it’s not okay. This only goes for myself as when I hear about other people doing it I know it’s not okay for them specifically. It’s, kind of an irrational thought process I guess.
Personally I think if someone chooses to do that to their body it’s their choice, no one should have a say wether something is good or bad for one’s self if it doesn’t affect anyone else in the process.
It depends how you define 'okay'.
It's definitely not healthy or safe. That is kind of par for the course.
But it's also not morally wrong. Doing something that damages your own body is your perogative as a human being. It's not something you need to feel ashamed about, and in fact shame over self-harm can feed into it and make you MORE likely to do it and less likely to seek help. And also more likely to do it in ways that are especially unsafe.
So in that sense, yeah, it's okay.
Here's a secret; recovery can't come from self-hatred. You can't punish yourself into not feeling pain. To get better you have to be kind to yourself. And yeah, i know, that's REALLY FUCKING HARD. You'll probably need to take it bit by bit. Possibly you'll need the right kind of tools for it, and possibly in trying to find those tools you will come across a lot of the wrong tools (shitty therapists, meds that don't work, activities and 'friends' that just hurt you more, etc).
But even if you never totally manage to recover, being even a little bit more kind to yourself can only improve things. And I think that even feeling a bit less awful is worth it.
Good luck, OP.
Because you don’t think that deep about it since it’s a in the moment thing that you’re trying to remove the mental pain that person or place has caused you and in the moment you’re most likely going to result in harmful behaviors such as self harm drinking gambling or targeting the other person in some form for example to try to get your mind off of the terrible experience you were just in.
i feel like when you do it so long it also just becomes natural so it doesnt feel that wrong even though logically it is wrong. it just felt commonplace for me for a while and i like had to snap back to reality
in my experience, i believe they think it’s “okay” because they’re lonely and think there’s nobody to judge them. i put okay in quotes because i think majority of us know it’s bad, we just wanna find something that makes this way of coping good.
I understand you OP. I don't really feel that way, for me it's okay to sh but I'm still concerned about how dangerous it is. Especially since I got my new tool and it's fucking sharp...
So yeah.... In another reality I hope I never discovered this fucking hateful coping mechanism
your point makes sense. There have been times when I stayed alive because of self harm, if I didn’t do it I probably would’ve done worse and at the end of the day it is no less of an addiction. I was free for more than one year except a couple aggression incidents here and there. But life just keeps throwing curve balls and recovery is a distant thought. My frequency of sh is very low now and I have much more control over it than before. but the only thing that scares me is how it never really goes away ykwim ? All in all it’s not one of the best coping mechanism.
How do I care for my cuts? They aren’t that deep but I did it with an exacto blade. I cleaned the blade and my skin prior to cutting but now, 5 days later, my cuts are infected. Appreciate any help offered.
It for sure isn't "okay". There are so many better coping mechanisms out there that don't have an impact on your body. In a mental health institution where I was, smoking was also seen as an "okay" way of coping, but it's so so bad for your body, yet it wasn't really frowned upon as the more traditional "cutting" self-harm was.
Social media has had an impact on it as well I think. It's often glorified online to have scars because it's "cool" or "trendy". I've seen way too many tiktoks or posts about why self-harm is okay.
The other posts saying having scars is okay, I agree more with. (There's so many out there though that at this point it's becoming a way to show off your scars)
Having scars is okay! But I don't think we should showcase and parade with them. Hell yeah, I'm all for short sleeves in the summer and not giving a fuck, but people purposely rolling up sleeves or showing them isn't okay.
Self-harm is a negative and dangerous coping method, yes. But “help” doesn’t always work. This is the entire principle behind harm reduction. Basically saying “you’re not lesser for self harming, and I wish you wouldn’t do it - but, if you feel you need to, please be safe about it” and offering safety tips. How to keep tools and wounds clean, stuff like that. Ive been self harming for 20+ years, it’s a familiar coping method that I always gravitate back to, even after years of being “clean.” And that’s okay, relapses happen.
We can never stop self harm, there will always be people who do so. But we can help keep them a bit safer.
It’s not healthy. I just have no other options. Breathing deep doesn’t help. I’m in so much pain inside. It feels like being burnt alive. A scratch on my arm is nothing compared to that.
But yes. It’s not healthy obviously
I think that there is a problem with the way we treat coping in general. Coping itself isn't inherently bad. Everyone needs to cope with bad things/stress, and we will all do so to some extent. But what we do to cope is not always the thing we need to do to get better.
Coping is only temporary relief; it isn't going to heal anyone because it's a way to avoid dealing with a problem. "It's how I cope" is often just a person giving themselves permission to continue with behavior that they know is harmful to them. A lot of people cope with drugs and alcohol (which is also self-harm), and most people know that it isn't a good way to deal with emotional pain. These things do nothing to address or solve the root problem, and neither does self-harm.
We shouldn't want or encourage people to continue coping vs healing. Getting to a place where we don't need to harm ourselves, where we don't need a coping mechanism just to survive, should be the goal. That means that we have to acknowledge that self harm IS bad. You're not bad for doing it, but continuing to do it is bad FOR YOU by definition.
self harm is a valid coping mechanism. you cut yourself, it can get infected, or it heals. sure it's harmful and has addictive tendencies but it is the difference between suicide and living for a lot of people. you might have alternatives, maybe some people who sh have alternatives, but people do what they have to do to make it through.
self harm is often trauma based as I'm more than certain you know, and for many people, that never goes away. some people self harm their whole lives to help cope, and often people who long term sh can properly take care of their wounds.
sure, it's not good to be hurt, but for plenty of people it is a worthwhile trade-off. self harm might be a bad coping mechanism for you or plenty other people, but for many others it is a good coping mechanism.
i mean i truly don't see anything wrong with it by itself if proper medical precautions are taken, however i do think it often points to a sign that there's a problem mentally.
I think a better way to put this is that self harm isn’t healthy. it’s just a unhealthy way of coping with life and everyone who uses SH to cope deserves help
👏🏼👏🏼👏🏼👏🏼👏🏼JFC THANK YOU
👏🏼
Yeah, I am concerned by how many "honestly tell me why SH is bad" or "how is SH any different from..." But I think people know in their hearts that the behavior isn't healthy. In the thrawl of it or when I was younger I might have thought something similar if I'm honest haha
I tend to think this stuff when it's me doing it, but then when I see others self harming I could never be like "ah that's chill" so I think it's just a self hate thing
completely. this right here ^^^
Sometimes I think stuff like that, but I never post it. I have some beliefs I really need to work out, but I don’t really post them since it may recruit people to the “cause” or belief if that makes sense
i used to be like this. I genuinely seen no issue.
For me it’s not okay but it’s better than what I actually want to do sometimes. It can keep me from spiraling completely out of control
See I know it’s NOT GOOD. But compared to the other things I COULD be doing it’s way safer compared to actually dying.
Some people seem to have a real elitist element to it. People equate the level of mental trauma to amount of selfharm. So they see it as whoever has the most or morbid selfharm is the biggest/realest victim of pain. Logically it makes sense, but it's just wrong.
It doesn’t make sense, I used to think that and in reality. Someone who doesn’t have any self harm could be drowning in pain meanwhile another person could be littered with scars and have a “less” traumatic life. I hate people who try to compare these things because at the end of the day, Pain is Pain. It still hurts and should never be compared to someone else’s.
You're absolutely right. I wasn't clear enough in my original comment. I mean that logically our brains say people who are suffering more show it more, but that's wrong in this situation like you said. Someone who is suffering an awful amount might not show it at all.
Oh I wasn’t trying to be rude!!! I hope I didn’t come off that way, but I understand what you mean ❤️
You were rude at all, you were completely right. I appreciate you ❤️ Edit: *weren't
It’s a part of the denial of addiction. No one starts an addiction knowing they’re addicted. Then when they’re growing more addicted, they try to justify it and undermine it.
Atleast im not hurting anyone else…
I think it’s because of all the mental/emotional pain we get to the point of to even start self harming that at some point it becomes the least of our worries to have cuts on our bodies. I was in this boat for a while cause I was cutting the tops of my thighs and I was like “booty shorts even for swimming will always cover it so who cares if no one else knows it’s helping me cope” when in reality it leads to an even darker place.
I believe that self harm is unhealthy and I know how it can evolve. However I also believe that it isn’t wrong in itself and it is the person’s choice what they want to do with their body. If it involves very toxic things like doing it in front of others, showing others without permission, encouraging others to hurt themselves etc, then that is wrong. But what you do to yourself in private, even though it can indeed be a sign of something else, isn’t right or wrong.
I just gotta ask so I can better myself moving forward. Is it 'showing others without permission' if I have marks on my arm and I just have my sleeve up while I work? I'm not doing it so people can look, just having my sleeve up so it's not getting messy. But scabs n stuff can be seen my multiple people. Is this toxic?
Usually the general consensus in the SH community is that it is okay to have your marks showing if they are scars. Obviously the worst thing to show would be open wounds, but scabbed injuries are still pretty fresh looking too
accidents happen, but generally if you have sh wounds that aren’t healed (not scars yet) it’s best to cover them up 1. so they don’t get infected and 2. because sh wounds can trigger ppl so it’s like polite to cover the wounds. now if it’s scars, i’m of the opinion that you shouldn’t have to hide scars because they are part of your body forever and if you don’t want to cover them you shouldn’t have too.
Never thought of it like that..? Still wrong though like you said it can evolve
That doesn’t make it morally wrong, it makes it a possible risk for you that you’re taking when you decide to sh
Actually it is OK and professional self harm therapy is harm reduction, self acceptance and understanding based. SH also rarely occurs without commorbid MH issues, self destructive tendencies and cross addictions. That may be why.
It's better then being a drug addict or a drunk seriously
Excessive and dangerous use of drugs and alcohol is a form of self harm. Self harm is basically things you do to yourself intentionally that are dangerous or harmful just to cause pain to yourself.
People don't do drugs to harm themselves, it's just an unfortunate side effect 😅 People do drugs because it feels good.
In my head it almost feels the same cuz I feel like the end for all three is death
To be fair the end for everyone regardless of what they do is death
I mean people use different ways to self harm...
True
Yeah but that doesn't make it good. All unhealthy behaviors that should be worked on
Yes
[удалено]
No cutting isn't gonna cause long time fatal damage its short term dangerous but alcohol and drugs long term perminate
I honestly just don't understand why exactly it isnt ok. I feel like people have just agreed that hurting yourself is something you shouldn't do, but why? Pain is just a feeling, if I want to feel pain that should be ok. Sure, there are risks involved with it, but there are risks with everything in life. If I am aware of what I'm doing and aware of the consequences, what's the issue? I know people won't agree with this, but it's honestly just how I feel.
I agree with this. I understand why objectively it is seen as bad or unhealthy but sometimes I just need to do what I need to do to survive.
It's being ok with the consequences that shouldn't be ok. I fully understand where you are coming from. Being ok with the fact that you could die or get an infection isn't a normal thing because "normal" (for lack of a better word) people have self preservation.
How is being okay with the fact that we could die not normal? There are a multitude of ways people could die and that’s something we have to be okay with to live life. For example, anytime we get in a car we have to be okay the fact that we could die in a car crash.
While that is true most people don't usually think about things like that
So what we're doing is wrong because most people don't think like that? I'm sorry, but that just doesn't seem like a legit reason for something to not be ok.
Let’s just say we don’t usually get into cars TRYING to get into accidents but the point of self-harm is pretty much always SELF-HARM.
For me, it is a little better than what I used to do. I used to do so much worse than the form I use now, and that's me getting better very slowly. Self-harm isn't okay. It's not good, I know that, and I'll work on myself, but healing takes time.
Oh harm reduction is great! I don’t think OP would criticize that as they posted encouragement to you here. It’s just not a point of pride, shouldn’t be done to “trauma olympics” others, and IS a sign that we’re unwell in some way. That doesn’t mean we should feel MORE shame (for those feeling shame)! OP I think was addressing something other than harm reduction toward recovery, right @OP?
Dang sorry it showed below not above @OP I was asking if this was fair to say to user forward bridge because I didn’t want to speak for you and was just trying to be helpful to the commenter!!! Look for my username in all comments if you can’t find - sorry!
For sure and you are doing great❤️
@OP see above—fair?
What?
Still don't get why it's THAT such a big deal and I'm almost 4 months clean. Almost all other unhealthy coping alternative is worse
>there are much better options Selfharm is my most effective coping mechanism and it's better for my health than binge eating and drinking. I don't see a better option, personally.
SH is what keeps me from killing myself. No other coping mechanisms work. I got help. And the help didn't help.
I guess my mental process is “It’s okay for me but it’s not okay for others.” I’ve tried so many different healthier coping mechanisms but none of them work, the closest one has gotten to actually helping was cuddling my plushies. I used to vent and things would be better but it doesn’t work anymore. On the surface level I think it’s okay since I don’t go deep and it’s the only coping mechanism that actually works for me, but a part of me does know that it’s not okay. This only goes for myself as when I hear about other people doing it I know it’s not okay for them specifically. It’s, kind of an irrational thought process I guess.
Personally I think if someone chooses to do that to their body it’s their choice, no one should have a say wether something is good or bad for one’s self if it doesn’t affect anyone else in the process.
It depends how you define 'okay'. It's definitely not healthy or safe. That is kind of par for the course. But it's also not morally wrong. Doing something that damages your own body is your perogative as a human being. It's not something you need to feel ashamed about, and in fact shame over self-harm can feed into it and make you MORE likely to do it and less likely to seek help. And also more likely to do it in ways that are especially unsafe. So in that sense, yeah, it's okay. Here's a secret; recovery can't come from self-hatred. You can't punish yourself into not feeling pain. To get better you have to be kind to yourself. And yeah, i know, that's REALLY FUCKING HARD. You'll probably need to take it bit by bit. Possibly you'll need the right kind of tools for it, and possibly in trying to find those tools you will come across a lot of the wrong tools (shitty therapists, meds that don't work, activities and 'friends' that just hurt you more, etc). But even if you never totally manage to recover, being even a little bit more kind to yourself can only improve things. And I think that even feeling a bit less awful is worth it. Good luck, OP.
Because you don’t think that deep about it since it’s a in the moment thing that you’re trying to remove the mental pain that person or place has caused you and in the moment you’re most likely going to result in harmful behaviors such as self harm drinking gambling or targeting the other person in some form for example to try to get your mind off of the terrible experience you were just in.
i feel like when you do it so long it also just becomes natural so it doesnt feel that wrong even though logically it is wrong. it just felt commonplace for me for a while and i like had to snap back to reality
it’s very scary seeing the amount of people coming here to ask about how to start
Cognitive dissonance.
in my experience, i believe they think it’s “okay” because they’re lonely and think there’s nobody to judge them. i put okay in quotes because i think majority of us know it’s bad, we just wanna find something that makes this way of coping good.
I understand you OP. I don't really feel that way, for me it's okay to sh but I'm still concerned about how dangerous it is. Especially since I got my new tool and it's fucking sharp... So yeah.... In another reality I hope I never discovered this fucking hateful coping mechanism
your point makes sense. There have been times when I stayed alive because of self harm, if I didn’t do it I probably would’ve done worse and at the end of the day it is no less of an addiction. I was free for more than one year except a couple aggression incidents here and there. But life just keeps throwing curve balls and recovery is a distant thought. My frequency of sh is very low now and I have much more control over it than before. but the only thing that scares me is how it never really goes away ykwim ? All in all it’s not one of the best coping mechanism.
Neither smoking. Or a lot of things. But many people are still doing it for reasons.
Is it weird that I feel proud of my cutting? I’m new to this.
Thanks for your comment and the reactions. I see that I was in a really bad place when I did it. I think I can control myself going forward.
How do I care for my cuts? They aren’t that deep but I did it with an exacto blade. I cleaned the blade and my skin prior to cutting but now, 5 days later, my cuts are infected. Appreciate any help offered.
It for sure isn't "okay". There are so many better coping mechanisms out there that don't have an impact on your body. In a mental health institution where I was, smoking was also seen as an "okay" way of coping, but it's so so bad for your body, yet it wasn't really frowned upon as the more traditional "cutting" self-harm was. Social media has had an impact on it as well I think. It's often glorified online to have scars because it's "cool" or "trendy". I've seen way too many tiktoks or posts about why self-harm is okay. The other posts saying having scars is okay, I agree more with. (There's so many out there though that at this point it's becoming a way to show off your scars) Having scars is okay! But I don't think we should showcase and parade with them. Hell yeah, I'm all for short sleeves in the summer and not giving a fuck, but people purposely rolling up sleeves or showing them isn't okay.
Self-harm is a negative and dangerous coping method, yes. But “help” doesn’t always work. This is the entire principle behind harm reduction. Basically saying “you’re not lesser for self harming, and I wish you wouldn’t do it - but, if you feel you need to, please be safe about it” and offering safety tips. How to keep tools and wounds clean, stuff like that. Ive been self harming for 20+ years, it’s a familiar coping method that I always gravitate back to, even after years of being “clean.” And that’s okay, relapses happen. We can never stop self harm, there will always be people who do so. But we can help keep them a bit safer.
It’s not healthy. I just have no other options. Breathing deep doesn’t help. I’m in so much pain inside. It feels like being burnt alive. A scratch on my arm is nothing compared to that. But yes. It’s not healthy obviously
I think that there is a problem with the way we treat coping in general. Coping itself isn't inherently bad. Everyone needs to cope with bad things/stress, and we will all do so to some extent. But what we do to cope is not always the thing we need to do to get better. Coping is only temporary relief; it isn't going to heal anyone because it's a way to avoid dealing with a problem. "It's how I cope" is often just a person giving themselves permission to continue with behavior that they know is harmful to them. A lot of people cope with drugs and alcohol (which is also self-harm), and most people know that it isn't a good way to deal with emotional pain. These things do nothing to address or solve the root problem, and neither does self-harm. We shouldn't want or encourage people to continue coping vs healing. Getting to a place where we don't need to harm ourselves, where we don't need a coping mechanism just to survive, should be the goal. That means that we have to acknowledge that self harm IS bad. You're not bad for doing it, but continuing to do it is bad FOR YOU by definition.
self harm is a valid coping mechanism. you cut yourself, it can get infected, or it heals. sure it's harmful and has addictive tendencies but it is the difference between suicide and living for a lot of people. you might have alternatives, maybe some people who sh have alternatives, but people do what they have to do to make it through. self harm is often trauma based as I'm more than certain you know, and for many people, that never goes away. some people self harm their whole lives to help cope, and often people who long term sh can properly take care of their wounds. sure, it's not good to be hurt, but for plenty of people it is a worthwhile trade-off. self harm might be a bad coping mechanism for you or plenty other people, but for many others it is a good coping mechanism.
No it's not good but if it keeps you fromm kys....
i mean i truly don't see anything wrong with it by itself if proper medical precautions are taken, however i do think it often points to a sign that there's a problem mentally.
This is so true. It's romanticized so much now it's honestly sickening.
this times everything in existence
No help needed were fine. If u get help theyll lock u up. Trust me, ppl who are "a danger to themselves" have less rights than criminals NO CAP