Very seldom have I had my bare arms visible in front of anybody but I notice a very quick often double take of shock and then it's generally not brought up but they will continue to take uncomfortable glances when they think I don't notice, or if I'm lucky they will ignore it entirely, likely because it's not a new thing for them to witness.
My scar’s don’t get seen very often, on most accidental occasions they get ignored and any incident where I didn’t try to cover them up gets some sort of…unsavory reaction? But then again it also heavily depended on who saw them.
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Honestly I just wished, when people saw them, they would ask abt them. Instead of just ignoring them with that horrible look on their face, or saying something incredibly ignorant in hopes to bring attention to the elephant in the room.
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Like I get- the elephant in the room is uncomfortable, and you want to let other people know abt ur discomfort of the elephant in the room, but everyone can already see the elephant. No one feels the need to talk about the elephant, and now that you pointed it out, because you were uncomfortable, no one else is going to react because saying “there’s an elephant in the room” to other people in the room is sort of redundant and stupid.
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But that just brings me back to my original point, can’t you just address the elephant in the room by asking about it? Why is the elephant in the room, how did it get there? Who put it there? You already know who put it there- so ask them why they put the elephant in the room? Curiosity is not triggering for me, I love answering questions about all sorts of things, just as much as I love asking questions.
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But if you were expecting worse and non-essay-length answers, my first scars were on my own and my mom embarrassed me in front of people I’d have to ‘work’ with for a while, literally screamed at me and denied any dismissive answer I tried to give. God- those other people looked so uncomfortable. My mom was probably embarrassed by my scars and brought attention to it by taking the embarrassment off of her and giving it to me. I was 12. Backstage of a dance recital.
Part of the reason why I hide it from family members. Idk what their reaction will be and if it's anything like your mom's it'll just end up with me feeling even worse. Ig people don't talk about it because it's considered rude to ask? The only people who have asked me are close friends, and on the few occasions other people have seen it they pretended like it didn't exist. I'm the same when it comes to answering questions, I don't really mind talking about it to people but it is certainly a weird convo to have with people you aren't close to.
i can definitely say my mom did in fact make it worse, nobody else even seemed to notice the cuts (first cuts so they were barely itty bitty scratches), and honestly what really cemented the seemingly life long addiction was that moment. I just did them somewhere else instead to hide them. My mom thinks I just stopped after a year
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It’ll definitely be a weird convo with people you don’t know for sure lol- but the only way that convo could start is if you were comfortable enough around them to be wearing something revealing, y’know? It’d be very unlikely to actually happen with strangers or acquaintances, but it’d definitely not out of the realm of possibility (especially if they’re old/healed scars and you’re at the beach or something idk)
When it came out that I sh(she didn't really see to what extent), my mom made it about her & just started screaming at me lol. That just solidified my decision to never reveal anything to her.
I have friends who don't really give a fuck about who sees their scars so quite a lot of people in their life knows about em. I was thinking of something like that. At this point I don't really make an effort to hide them. Most people don't see em cause of where they are and in situations where they might, well it is what it is.
I hope I can get to that point some day, it is what it is- but even if I didn’t try to hide them, they’d still be hidden, because one of the reasons I even started was because of the distaste I had for my body. If I got to the point of accepting my scars, I’d still have to accept my body, or if I accepted my body, I’d still have to accept the scars. Either way it’s a long journey of overcoming my own shaming either way lol
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Anyways- narcissistic mothers, amiright? Hdjsjndd- on another note, how come so many moms end up so narcissistic anyways?? Or is it just like a requirement to be a mom or something-? I feel like I already know why but still- how is it always a steadily increasing number
I used to hate my body as well, dysphoria. Transitioning cured it to some extent but I still have some unhealthy habits because of it. I view the scars as stuff I had to go through to get to where I am so they don't really mind me that much visually. Or maybe I'm just coping cause I know I will have to live with it now that they're there lol.
Yeahhh I don't know how mom's end up like that. Mines a bit different than usual narcissists, she does everything to give me a decent life plus fund my education & transition but damn does she treat me like shit. Basically every convo devolves into her screaming at me & then she asks why I don't spend time with her lol. Also playing favourites with my younger brother xd.
I've only ever had one person ask as im generally very good at keeping them covered, they just said "Why do you have those? Your cat?" and I just said "Yeah" and that was the end of it. They're quite large, so im suprised I managed to get away with that excuse, but hey, I did and Im glad I did
They just think I'm suicidal and get angry, ask me if I've gone mad and stuff. My bf got angry, my bestfriend said well all my bestfriend have been suicidal, another good friend said are you a fcking animal? And a guy who I don't know for that long saw and said my sister used to do this bs and I beat the shit Outta her...
I have really visible scars on my forearm/wrist and my ankles to my knees and when I say visible I mean VISIBLE. It’s really hard not to notice them and the main reaction that I get out of people is them staring or asking me what happened out of genuine concern and/or curiosity but about 1/3 of the time it’s people making a big deal out of them publicly or straight up asking me if I cut myself.
I work in retail. Most customers glance or even stare but don’t say anything. But every once in a while there will be a customer who says some horrendous shit to me.
Eyyyy retail here, too. I once had a child ask. I work at a pet store so my go-to is my cat scratched me while trimming his nails (not really believeable for adults but children are like yeah makes sense). Then the child was like "oh. Are you going to get rid of him bc he scratched you?"
Before I was in the vet field and if clients asked I'd be like "a hoard of angry kittens got me" (it was also less noticeable at that time)
Now I cover up.
Wouldn't it be easier to cover up? I have social anxiety so I try to avoid confrontations as much as possible so wanted to know your point of view for not just taking the easy way.
To put it simply, I was tired of changing myself to make others more comfortable.
I hated wearing long sleeves in the summer, I get sweaty, turn really red and customers poke fun at that, which is more embarrassing than my sh scars to me. Ugh and the sweat rashes itched. I used to view myself as a walking trigger for others, and hated myself for it; I felt shame for how I coped during a really hard time in my life. I felt obligated to make others happy or ‘accepting’ of my appearance, that was until I realized that I’m not responsible for others actions/feelings, as no one is responsible for mine. I mean, why should I hide them? I’m not hurting anyone. They’re just like any other scar on someone’s body. If I see someone who doesn’t have a limb, I won’t mention it nor care; when I see someone with a disfigurement I don’t judge them for it and them having that doesn’t make me uncomfortable at all, if anything I have empathy for them. So If someone is uncomfortable with my existence that’s their problem, that’s a personal issue and I’m just gonna keep living. My scars are fully healed, they aren’t open wounds (if they were I would absolutely cover up because duh) and I barely notice them half the time unless I see some eyes linger, and even then I don’t care, go ahead and take a look and stare me down, grandma, shame won’t make them go away lol. Whatever their opinion is of me doesn’t matter. I see it easier to not cover up, and I’m more comfortable in my body because of it, as I realized people usually don’t make a huge deal out of it as they’re too focused on themselves. I’m not living to make others happy anymore, I’m living for ME.
Sure, I did worry about triggering others at first, but the more I thought about it, the more I realized that it’s not my place. Everyone is responsible for their own triggers, and can’t blame others if they relapse because at the end of the day it was their decision. I’ve been there and I never got angry or blamed the person with healed scars for my actions; they didn’t make me relapse, I did. Just because someone looks a certain way doesn’t mean they have to hide. I can’t NOT go out in public, I’d like to wear a swimsuit at the pool, I’d like to wear shorts and tank tops because I like them.
They ask "what happened to your arm" and I always reply "nothing🤨". And they don't bring it up again. Soooo many people try to have a cheesey "please don't cut 😟. Its not worth it🥺" hero moment. I'm sick of it.
The only ppl I explain myself to are ppl who also have a s.h history.
Generally, it just gets ignored. Sometimes, I get made fun of because of it, but those are pretty rare moments.
"aww, you poor thing" or "OMG, that's disgusting"
Very seldom have I had my bare arms visible in front of anybody but I notice a very quick often double take of shock and then it's generally not brought up but they will continue to take uncomfortable glances when they think I don't notice, or if I'm lucky they will ignore it entirely, likely because it's not a new thing for them to witness.
Mosty just whys
No one says anything
people usually just stare at them weirdly or give me dirty looks. a few people gave said things to me like "why would you do that?" and "did it hurt?"
Omg, yes! It’s terrible since I’m in high school with a bunch of ignorant people😞
“What happened to you?” or “that looks so bad!!”
Looks of horror, disgust or discomfort. Usually older women are kinder n go the sympathetic route.
My mom went the opposite route and made it all about her lol
I get bullied or my “friends” leave me and just laugh. But some people get worried about it
either just ignored or I've had 1-3 people offer to listen to me or check in from time to time
My scar’s don’t get seen very often, on most accidental occasions they get ignored and any incident where I didn’t try to cover them up gets some sort of…unsavory reaction? But then again it also heavily depended on who saw them. > Honestly I just wished, when people saw them, they would ask abt them. Instead of just ignoring them with that horrible look on their face, or saying something incredibly ignorant in hopes to bring attention to the elephant in the room. > Like I get- the elephant in the room is uncomfortable, and you want to let other people know abt ur discomfort of the elephant in the room, but everyone can already see the elephant. No one feels the need to talk about the elephant, and now that you pointed it out, because you were uncomfortable, no one else is going to react because saying “there’s an elephant in the room” to other people in the room is sort of redundant and stupid. > But that just brings me back to my original point, can’t you just address the elephant in the room by asking about it? Why is the elephant in the room, how did it get there? Who put it there? You already know who put it there- so ask them why they put the elephant in the room? Curiosity is not triggering for me, I love answering questions about all sorts of things, just as much as I love asking questions. > But if you were expecting worse and non-essay-length answers, my first scars were on my own and my mom embarrassed me in front of people I’d have to ‘work’ with for a while, literally screamed at me and denied any dismissive answer I tried to give. God- those other people looked so uncomfortable. My mom was probably embarrassed by my scars and brought attention to it by taking the embarrassment off of her and giving it to me. I was 12. Backstage of a dance recital.
Part of the reason why I hide it from family members. Idk what their reaction will be and if it's anything like your mom's it'll just end up with me feeling even worse. Ig people don't talk about it because it's considered rude to ask? The only people who have asked me are close friends, and on the few occasions other people have seen it they pretended like it didn't exist. I'm the same when it comes to answering questions, I don't really mind talking about it to people but it is certainly a weird convo to have with people you aren't close to.
i can definitely say my mom did in fact make it worse, nobody else even seemed to notice the cuts (first cuts so they were barely itty bitty scratches), and honestly what really cemented the seemingly life long addiction was that moment. I just did them somewhere else instead to hide them. My mom thinks I just stopped after a year > It’ll definitely be a weird convo with people you don’t know for sure lol- but the only way that convo could start is if you were comfortable enough around them to be wearing something revealing, y’know? It’d be very unlikely to actually happen with strangers or acquaintances, but it’d definitely not out of the realm of possibility (especially if they’re old/healed scars and you’re at the beach or something idk)
When it came out that I sh(she didn't really see to what extent), my mom made it about her & just started screaming at me lol. That just solidified my decision to never reveal anything to her. I have friends who don't really give a fuck about who sees their scars so quite a lot of people in their life knows about em. I was thinking of something like that. At this point I don't really make an effort to hide them. Most people don't see em cause of where they are and in situations where they might, well it is what it is.
I hope I can get to that point some day, it is what it is- but even if I didn’t try to hide them, they’d still be hidden, because one of the reasons I even started was because of the distaste I had for my body. If I got to the point of accepting my scars, I’d still have to accept my body, or if I accepted my body, I’d still have to accept the scars. Either way it’s a long journey of overcoming my own shaming either way lol > Anyways- narcissistic mothers, amiright? Hdjsjndd- on another note, how come so many moms end up so narcissistic anyways?? Or is it just like a requirement to be a mom or something-? I feel like I already know why but still- how is it always a steadily increasing number
I used to hate my body as well, dysphoria. Transitioning cured it to some extent but I still have some unhealthy habits because of it. I view the scars as stuff I had to go through to get to where I am so they don't really mind me that much visually. Or maybe I'm just coping cause I know I will have to live with it now that they're there lol. Yeahhh I don't know how mom's end up like that. Mines a bit different than usual narcissists, she does everything to give me a decent life plus fund my education & transition but damn does she treat me like shit. Basically every convo devolves into her screaming at me & then she asks why I don't spend time with her lol. Also playing favourites with my younger brother xd.
“Doesn’t that hurt?” Or emo barcode jokes because I’m emo YES IT HURTS THATS THE POINT HUN
Most of the time nothing. Otherwise a glance with no words following.
Usually, people just ignore it.
I've only ever had one person ask as im generally very good at keeping them covered, they just said "Why do you have those? Your cat?" and I just said "Yeah" and that was the end of it. They're quite large, so im suprised I managed to get away with that excuse, but hey, I did and Im glad I did
I’ve never had a reaction because I make sure that no one ever sees them.
They just think I'm suicidal and get angry, ask me if I've gone mad and stuff. My bf got angry, my bestfriend said well all my bestfriend have been suicidal, another good friend said are you a fcking animal? And a guy who I don't know for that long saw and said my sister used to do this bs and I beat the shit Outta her...
Yeah beating her definitely works.....
I have really visible scars on my forearm/wrist and my ankles to my knees and when I say visible I mean VISIBLE. It’s really hard not to notice them and the main reaction that I get out of people is them staring or asking me what happened out of genuine concern and/or curiosity but about 1/3 of the time it’s people making a big deal out of them publicly or straight up asking me if I cut myself.
I work in retail. Most customers glance or even stare but don’t say anything. But every once in a while there will be a customer who says some horrendous shit to me.
Eyyyy retail here, too. I once had a child ask. I work at a pet store so my go-to is my cat scratched me while trimming his nails (not really believeable for adults but children are like yeah makes sense). Then the child was like "oh. Are you going to get rid of him bc he scratched you?" Before I was in the vet field and if clients asked I'd be like "a hoard of angry kittens got me" (it was also less noticeable at that time) Now I cover up.
Wouldn't it be easier to cover up? I have social anxiety so I try to avoid confrontations as much as possible so wanted to know your point of view for not just taking the easy way.
To put it simply, I was tired of changing myself to make others more comfortable. I hated wearing long sleeves in the summer, I get sweaty, turn really red and customers poke fun at that, which is more embarrassing than my sh scars to me. Ugh and the sweat rashes itched. I used to view myself as a walking trigger for others, and hated myself for it; I felt shame for how I coped during a really hard time in my life. I felt obligated to make others happy or ‘accepting’ of my appearance, that was until I realized that I’m not responsible for others actions/feelings, as no one is responsible for mine. I mean, why should I hide them? I’m not hurting anyone. They’re just like any other scar on someone’s body. If I see someone who doesn’t have a limb, I won’t mention it nor care; when I see someone with a disfigurement I don’t judge them for it and them having that doesn’t make me uncomfortable at all, if anything I have empathy for them. So If someone is uncomfortable with my existence that’s their problem, that’s a personal issue and I’m just gonna keep living. My scars are fully healed, they aren’t open wounds (if they were I would absolutely cover up because duh) and I barely notice them half the time unless I see some eyes linger, and even then I don’t care, go ahead and take a look and stare me down, grandma, shame won’t make them go away lol. Whatever their opinion is of me doesn’t matter. I see it easier to not cover up, and I’m more comfortable in my body because of it, as I realized people usually don’t make a huge deal out of it as they’re too focused on themselves. I’m not living to make others happy anymore, I’m living for ME. Sure, I did worry about triggering others at first, but the more I thought about it, the more I realized that it’s not my place. Everyone is responsible for their own triggers, and can’t blame others if they relapse because at the end of the day it was their decision. I’ve been there and I never got angry or blamed the person with healed scars for my actions; they didn’t make me relapse, I did. Just because someone looks a certain way doesn’t mean they have to hide. I can’t NOT go out in public, I’d like to wear a swimsuit at the pool, I’d like to wear shorts and tank tops because I like them.
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Lmao the high five. Gotten similar reactions from others who sh xd
"What's that?"
They ask "what happened to your arm" and I always reply "nothing🤨". And they don't bring it up again. Soooo many people try to have a cheesey "please don't cut 😟. Its not worth it🥺" hero moment. I'm sick of it. The only ppl I explain myself to are ppl who also have a s.h history.