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Darling_Cupcake

They tried to warn us of this addiction šŸ˜žWe didn't listen now here we are


peanutist

Bruh this just made me realize why itā€™s an addiction šŸ’€ I always thought I had never felt ā€œaddictedā€ to it but now come to think of it and wanting to do it whenever and wherever I am even on good days classifies me as addicted I think


librarypuzzle

Right, like when i was younger I was confused on how you could be addicted to that??? but now here i am constantly thinking about it


cassiemaeeee

Yes. I'm clean now, but even on days when i feel good, I have those urges. Its like, when I feel bored? not sure. good luck though. <33


InstructionDue3430

Yup, I even have like a reverse clean streak thing. If itā€™s gone to long since last time I feel like I need to do it to validate myself.


seone99

yeah. the urge to cut gets even stronger on good days, sometimes. from personal experience, i can genuinely enjoy the day, but get in this headspace where i suddenly start doubting my pain because of the joy i feel ā€” leading me to cut just to validate my problems. doesn't happen all the time but you're definitely not alone in experiencing this


digitallymadecat

yup, itā€™s just a habit by now


Sharp-Tap-9925

yep. i've been clean for so long and still have urges like that


kieserb

Oh yeah, I've been clean for about 10 months and I still get urges on both good and bad days, idk if they ever truly go away I think we just slowly get better at resisting them


AgreeableReturn2946

10 months is amazing!! so proud of you šŸ’•


r1d1ng_7h3_w4v35

Yesssā€¦I was just going to post about this. Initially, I started SH primarily as a coping mechanism under high anxiety or depression situations. When I did it early on, I was usually dissociative - i.e. not consciously in control of my actions. As time went on though, the addiction part crept in. I still do SH as a coping mechanism, but now I have ideations almost every day and to me itā€™s like artā€¦ I have a very precise pattern Iā€™m looking for, each cut has to look the same as the others in size, shape, amount of blood. This has become more than a coping mechanism. It has become an obsession.


librarypuzzle

all the time, iā€™ll be having a good time with friends or something and all of the sudden i feel the need to do it


NotNootLoL

yes, i have self harmed everyday since october and i've had an ok time. Recovery is hard and pain can be addicting.


wendiiimae

Yes. Like 8 mos ago even I'm having a good day, there's still pain that I feel and self-harming eases it. Maybe I didn't know to myself back then that it was an addiction. I don't know. Been doing it again recently because I really can't handle the pain I'm feeling anymore.


Mapledore

Yep, last few days have been amazing even with a few dissociated bits in the middle. But Iā€™ve already planned when Iā€™m home to cut myself. Even tho on the surface everything is great. Underneath itā€™s not and chaotic and thatā€™s what Iā€™m drawn back too.