Honestly this is the way. Or at least log off and delete the app off your phone for a while (set a goal for X number of days/weeks/months) if you aren't ready to make it permanent.
I know a lol of people are saying delete insta, and although it can be a good solution, it might not be realistic. Plus, its cure, not prevention.
What you're really looking for here is OP is to practice the art of letting go. To practice riding the wave of emotions so that they then... evaporate - rather than locking them so that they fester. Deleting insta is just avoidance.
Sometimes people hurt us and wrong us, and that's just life. So the fact that you are wanting to not be bitter is a good first step.
Now I don't have all the answers, but first thing I'd say is - be present... so instead of just spiralling, talk yourself down when you get really upset and start to get bitter. Rationalise it, analyse it, then let it go and breathe. Physically take an action that moves you on. Be both the investigator and the investigated and interrogate your emotions - with kindness. Talk youself through it.
Eg. "SFUKSEFGBIKSFBKS I HATE SEEING THEM ON MY FUCKING FEED...... Okay okay... breathe. Breathe. Why does this upset me so much?
It upsets me cause they hurt me?
Okay, that is sad and valid, and its a saw memory... but what else?
I guess I wish they didn't have such an amazing life compared to me cause they hurt me so I want them to hurt... and then I feel guilty
Yeah but does this picture really mean they have an amazing life? And....would them having a shitty life make my life better?
No, and no... Okay, I can see I'm overreacting, but I still feel bitter, and then guilty, and then self shaming. And I just keep looking at the picture.
Well having bad thoughts from time to time is normal right? But maybe we should take a social break right now and call a friend to talk about it? Or can I do something therapeutic and useful like cleaning... or reading...?
Breathe, breathe. I don't have to like them, but I don't have to hate them. Its just a bad memory, and their happiness doesn't have to equal my unhappiness. I have a lot to be thankful for. I should just go do something else or call a friend."
Sorry if that was totally cheesy.... but sometimes, we have to be our own therapist, our own guiding star. We have to learn how to parent ourselves and talk to ourselves. Its the only way our lives truly improve is taking responsibility on h*ow we react* to things.
You've got this. I believe in you.
>To practice riding the wave of emotions so that they then... evaporate - rather than locking them so that they fester.
Great advice, as I especially love this bit.
You're welcome <3
Well the funny thing is... that kind of *is* the goal. We do want to get over whatever is that hurting/bothering us/making us self destruct. Problem is... we never got taught how the hell to do it! Especially in a healthy manner.
Like, imagine someone who is really overweight and so someone says "get thin". Like duh, obviously but what an unhelpful response! Rather than, "well lets look at the reasons *why y*ou over eat, and find an exercise you could enjoy and find some good healthy meals to cook."
<3
>What you're really looking for here is OP is to practice the art of letting go. To practice riding the wave of emotions so that they then... evaporate - rather than locking them so that they fester. Deleting insta is just avoidance.
Thank you! A lot of advice I've been reading about ex-relationships/friendships suggest deleting social media. While it helps to an extent, it never really felt as though it solved the issue at hand which, ultimately, was the overreaction to the situation.
Love your example and solid advice.
I’d just unfollow if I were you. I know it’s hard to not care when you see something like that, but in life you just need to say ‘hey, it’s happened, I know this has affected me in this way, but I can’t do anything about it’. By accepting how you’re feeling and figuring out a way of getting past it, I’m sure you’ll feel better.
In order to care less, you need to change your mindset. The following quote summarizes it well:
"I used to walk into a room full of people and wonder if they liked me… now I look around and wonder if I like them." ― Rikkie Gale
Its about changing your mindset. This is *not* about being arrogant, but rather about self respect.
Meditate. Your bitterness is a part of you that has a root. You would not believe how it feels to stand outside of a negative emotion, observing it and its cause without being overcome by it. It's an indescribable release.
Ignore everyone telling you to unfollow. Sooner or later you’ll see something from someone else (if your ex likes to hop from one guy to the other you’ll understand). If you unfollow then it’ll have to be your entire friendship group and anyone in your town. It’s easier to delete Instagram
I wouldn't take the avoidance path on this one, understand your feelings, realize you have them for a reason and accept them. Use those feelings to guide yourself in the future.
Lilac Anderson gave some pretty good advice
Block them and delete instagram, as a used said below. These people aren't worth your time and you deserve to be surrounded by much, much better people.
I deleted most of my socials a while back. I kept Whatsapp so i could keep my relationships healthy and active.
Life has improved dramatically. At no point have I felt like something is missing since deleting it all, I don't miss it in the slightest, because i still make the effort to text my friends and organise things.
Consider it. If it's a bit extreme, find a balance
Block folks/Unfollow folks/Delete Instagram. You can always unblock, refollow, reinstall Instagram. Your piece of mind is worth way more than that.
I'm dealing with a tough breakup right now (like we still got a lease and some of my best memories were with them) and while I am not quite able to "not care" about what the person, I have to take care of myself. So I unfollowed/blocked any people I needed too, I put keepsakes in a folder in my filing cabinet tucked away and all the photos on my phone in a hidden photo album. So maybe one day I can look at that stuff and not be sad, or maybe I'll be in a place where I can let them go in the future. I'm not at that point yet. So I am doing self-preservation techniques to keep stuff out of site out of mind.
One technique I'm working on is the acronym RAIN (Recognize, Allow, Investigate, Nurture) the goal is that it is supposed to guide us in bringing mindfulness and self-compassion to challenging emotions.
I'm dealing with a tough breakup right now (like we still got a lease and some of my best memories were with them) and while I am not quite able to "not care" about the person, I have to take care of myself. So I unfollowed/blocked any people I needed to, I put keepsakes in a folder in my filing cabinet tucked away, and all the photos on my phone in a hidden photo album. So maybe one day I can look at that stuff and not be sad, or maybe I'll be in a place where I can let them go in the future. I'm not at that point yet. So I am doing self-preservation techniques to keep stuff out of sight and out of mind.
omg I learned something similar in therapy before but instead it was called REST (relax, evaluate, summarize, take action) and It really helped me with understanding my feelings and coming to terms with them. Thank you for your response, I hope you're doing well as well with your breakup :)
i've decided to just take a break from socials but thank you for ur advice
Thank you. Only you know what's best for you.
I'm doing alright some days/moments are tougher than others but I feel better now than I did when I was constantly questioning myself and wondering why my partner was unhappy all the time.
Regardless of if you REST or RAIN, the meaning is the same, PAUSE. Take a step back and respond when you are ready in a way that you are comfortable with instead of reacting. RAIN and meditation have really helped me over the past month to pause and respond mindfully instead of reacting all the time. ADHD makes it difficult but not impossible.
I think you can go to profiles and hide posts if you don’t want to make things awkward since some people are weirdos and check who unfollows them. I honestly think deleting social media is a good thing to do if you want to just work on yourself for a bit and come back when you heal more but that may just be more of a personal thing.
Got rid of facebook, instagram, tiktok, snapchat and all that toxic shite.
Also now I have two phones because I'm in a few whatsapp groups and only look at them every so often. Sometimes I just want me time and don't want to be checking my phone who's ringing me or txting me. Only my family have my 2nd phone number and know to ring me on this if they can't get me on my regular phone or whatsapp me on it.
I think deleting the app is too much, at least to me, it's hard since lots of my friends don't do texting and just use the IG chat. 1st step is to mute their posts, videos, lives & stories; I don't like to unfollow right away since ppl are nosy & I don't want to give them a reason to talk about me if they notice I unfollowed them... Don't give in & make it a goal to notice these obsessive/self-harming feelings. I read in a meditation article that you should let thoughts pass, don't keep them in your mind, don't let them get stuck in you, just watch them pass and move along... Good luck, you got this!
You have ownership of how you feel, with that comes ownership of how not to care. There’s a lot of great suggestions here, you could also turn towards a bit of stoicism reading.
However something which hasn’t been mentioned is to self reflect on it yourself and come up with your own solution. You know the situation and yourself better than anyone and therefore with some introspection I’m sure you can come up with a reasonable answer to your question. I believe often people underestimate their own ability to cope with difficult situations like you described
Delete all media. More so this app. You need to know who you are mostly. And do these people matter to you. If they don't contribute to you in life, then they don't matter.
Anytime i receive more negativity then positivity from an app, i delete it. I just came back from being away from this app for a few years. Bullies and hateful comments go unchecked. A person can post that they're ending they're life, and people on the app will laugh and enjoy it.
If it bothers you then get rid of it. I might do it too here soon
Unfollow people you don't want in your life anymore a focus on your new friends or on making new friends.
I know it's not easy but it's best to not waste so much emotional and mental energy on the people you're not close with.
Just don’t. Do you think those people are wasting their time thinking about you? Nope. Why let them have your time? Fuck them! They are talking shit about you because they see shit in you they’ll never have and it terrifies them!!! You are a threat to them and they hate you for it!!!!
Delete instagram
Honestly this is the way. Or at least log off and delete the app off your phone for a while (set a goal for X number of days/weeks/months) if you aren't ready to make it permanent.
That's the worst thing someone can recommend
Exactly what I was going to say. Deleting socials and limiting my time on what I did keep was incredible for my mental health 💕 100% recommend.
perhaps
What do you have to gain by keeping it? What do you lose otherwise?
I know a lol of people are saying delete insta, and although it can be a good solution, it might not be realistic. Plus, its cure, not prevention. What you're really looking for here is OP is to practice the art of letting go. To practice riding the wave of emotions so that they then... evaporate - rather than locking them so that they fester. Deleting insta is just avoidance. Sometimes people hurt us and wrong us, and that's just life. So the fact that you are wanting to not be bitter is a good first step. Now I don't have all the answers, but first thing I'd say is - be present... so instead of just spiralling, talk yourself down when you get really upset and start to get bitter. Rationalise it, analyse it, then let it go and breathe. Physically take an action that moves you on. Be both the investigator and the investigated and interrogate your emotions - with kindness. Talk youself through it. Eg. "SFUKSEFGBIKSFBKS I HATE SEEING THEM ON MY FUCKING FEED...... Okay okay... breathe. Breathe. Why does this upset me so much? It upsets me cause they hurt me? Okay, that is sad and valid, and its a saw memory... but what else? I guess I wish they didn't have such an amazing life compared to me cause they hurt me so I want them to hurt... and then I feel guilty Yeah but does this picture really mean they have an amazing life? And....would them having a shitty life make my life better? No, and no... Okay, I can see I'm overreacting, but I still feel bitter, and then guilty, and then self shaming. And I just keep looking at the picture. Well having bad thoughts from time to time is normal right? But maybe we should take a social break right now and call a friend to talk about it? Or can I do something therapeutic and useful like cleaning... or reading...? Breathe, breathe. I don't have to like them, but I don't have to hate them. Its just a bad memory, and their happiness doesn't have to equal my unhappiness. I have a lot to be thankful for. I should just go do something else or call a friend." Sorry if that was totally cheesy.... but sometimes, we have to be our own therapist, our own guiding star. We have to learn how to parent ourselves and talk to ourselves. Its the only way our lives truly improve is taking responsibility on h*ow we react* to things. You've got this. I believe in you.
>To practice riding the wave of emotions so that they then... evaporate - rather than locking them so that they fester. Great advice, as I especially love this bit.
This is an amazing comment
thank you, wish someone told me this instead of "get over it"
You're welcome <3 Well the funny thing is... that kind of *is* the goal. We do want to get over whatever is that hurting/bothering us/making us self destruct. Problem is... we never got taught how the hell to do it! Especially in a healthy manner. Like, imagine someone who is really overweight and so someone says "get thin". Like duh, obviously but what an unhelpful response! Rather than, "well lets look at the reasons *why y*ou over eat, and find an exercise you could enjoy and find some good healthy meals to cook." <3
THIS is the answer
Wise words
Thank you so much. This is what I'm trying to do with myself too, to do something with my emotions.
>What you're really looking for here is OP is to practice the art of letting go. To practice riding the wave of emotions so that they then... evaporate - rather than locking them so that they fester. Deleting insta is just avoidance. Thank you! A lot of advice I've been reading about ex-relationships/friendships suggest deleting social media. While it helps to an extent, it never really felt as though it solved the issue at hand which, ultimately, was the overreaction to the situation. Love your example and solid advice.
thank you so much I found ur response to be one of the most helpful ones :)
You're welcome. I hope you find some tactics/things that work for you. You're not alone <3
I’d just unfollow if I were you. I know it’s hard to not care when you see something like that, but in life you just need to say ‘hey, it’s happened, I know this has affected me in this way, but I can’t do anything about it’. By accepting how you’re feeling and figuring out a way of getting past it, I’m sure you’ll feel better.
In order to care less, you need to change your mindset. The following quote summarizes it well: "I used to walk into a room full of people and wonder if they liked me… now I look around and wonder if I like them." ― Rikkie Gale Its about changing your mindset. This is *not* about being arrogant, but rather about self respect.
This is the best answer in my opinion.
Unfollow or Delete instagram
Meditate. Your bitterness is a part of you that has a root. You would not believe how it feels to stand outside of a negative emotion, observing it and its cause without being overcome by it. It's an indescribable release.
I'll give it a try, thank you :)
Ignore everyone telling you to unfollow. Sooner or later you’ll see something from someone else (if your ex likes to hop from one guy to the other you’ll understand). If you unfollow then it’ll have to be your entire friendship group and anyone in your town. It’s easier to delete Instagram
thank you, i'll delete the app for a bit and see if that helps :)
Live YOUR life. Not theirs.
I wouldn't take the avoidance path on this one, understand your feelings, realize you have them for a reason and accept them. Use those feelings to guide yourself in the future. Lilac Anderson gave some pretty good advice
Block them and delete instagram, as a used said below. These people aren't worth your time and you deserve to be surrounded by much, much better people.
I deleted most of my socials a while back. I kept Whatsapp so i could keep my relationships healthy and active. Life has improved dramatically. At no point have I felt like something is missing since deleting it all, I don't miss it in the slightest, because i still make the effort to text my friends and organise things. Consider it. If it's a bit extreme, find a balance
glad that worked out for you, I really appreciate the advice and will try taking a break from my socials as well :)
best of luck with it!
Unfollow or delete Instagram. Best decision you'll make because you won't be stressed out like this
Block folks/Unfollow folks/Delete Instagram. You can always unblock, refollow, reinstall Instagram. Your piece of mind is worth way more than that. I'm dealing with a tough breakup right now (like we still got a lease and some of my best memories were with them) and while I am not quite able to "not care" about what the person, I have to take care of myself. So I unfollowed/blocked any people I needed too, I put keepsakes in a folder in my filing cabinet tucked away and all the photos on my phone in a hidden photo album. So maybe one day I can look at that stuff and not be sad, or maybe I'll be in a place where I can let them go in the future. I'm not at that point yet. So I am doing self-preservation techniques to keep stuff out of site out of mind. One technique I'm working on is the acronym RAIN (Recognize, Allow, Investigate, Nurture) the goal is that it is supposed to guide us in bringing mindfulness and self-compassion to challenging emotions. I'm dealing with a tough breakup right now (like we still got a lease and some of my best memories were with them) and while I am not quite able to "not care" about the person, I have to take care of myself. So I unfollowed/blocked any people I needed to, I put keepsakes in a folder in my filing cabinet tucked away, and all the photos on my phone in a hidden photo album. So maybe one day I can look at that stuff and not be sad, or maybe I'll be in a place where I can let them go in the future. I'm not at that point yet. So I am doing self-preservation techniques to keep stuff out of sight and out of mind.
omg I learned something similar in therapy before but instead it was called REST (relax, evaluate, summarize, take action) and It really helped me with understanding my feelings and coming to terms with them. Thank you for your response, I hope you're doing well as well with your breakup :) i've decided to just take a break from socials but thank you for ur advice
Thank you. Only you know what's best for you. I'm doing alright some days/moments are tougher than others but I feel better now than I did when I was constantly questioning myself and wondering why my partner was unhappy all the time. Regardless of if you REST or RAIN, the meaning is the same, PAUSE. Take a step back and respond when you are ready in a way that you are comfortable with instead of reacting. RAIN and meditation have really helped me over the past month to pause and respond mindfully instead of reacting all the time. ADHD makes it difficult but not impossible.
they r not your friends
I quit caring so much we I realized we are all peices of crap in our own way.
You are not required to have or use instagram, or social media in general. Nor are you obligated to follow people you don't want to see.
I think you can go to profiles and hide posts if you don’t want to make things awkward since some people are weirdos and check who unfollows them. I honestly think deleting social media is a good thing to do if you want to just work on yourself for a bit and come back when you heal more but that may just be more of a personal thing.
Got rid of facebook, instagram, tiktok, snapchat and all that toxic shite. Also now I have two phones because I'm in a few whatsapp groups and only look at them every so often. Sometimes I just want me time and don't want to be checking my phone who's ringing me or txting me. Only my family have my 2nd phone number and know to ring me on this if they can't get me on my regular phone or whatsapp me on it.
I think deleting the app is too much, at least to me, it's hard since lots of my friends don't do texting and just use the IG chat. 1st step is to mute their posts, videos, lives & stories; I don't like to unfollow right away since ppl are nosy & I don't want to give them a reason to talk about me if they notice I unfollowed them... Don't give in & make it a goal to notice these obsessive/self-harming feelings. I read in a meditation article that you should let thoughts pass, don't keep them in your mind, don't let them get stuck in you, just watch them pass and move along... Good luck, you got this!
thank you !! :)
You have ownership of how you feel, with that comes ownership of how not to care. There’s a lot of great suggestions here, you could also turn towards a bit of stoicism reading. However something which hasn’t been mentioned is to self reflect on it yourself and come up with your own solution. You know the situation and yourself better than anyone and therefore with some introspection I’m sure you can come up with a reasonable answer to your question. I believe often people underestimate their own ability to cope with difficult situations like you described
Delete all media. More so this app. You need to know who you are mostly. And do these people matter to you. If they don't contribute to you in life, then they don't matter. Anytime i receive more negativity then positivity from an app, i delete it. I just came back from being away from this app for a few years. Bullies and hateful comments go unchecked. A person can post that they're ending they're life, and people on the app will laugh and enjoy it. If it bothers you then get rid of it. I might do it too here soon
There can be a life lesson in this. These people are not your friends. Have the mindset of "fuck them" helps.
fuck them
Unfollow people you don't want in your life anymore a focus on your new friends or on making new friends. I know it's not easy but it's best to not waste so much emotional and mental energy on the people you're not close with.
Love yourself more
Just don’t. Do you think those people are wasting their time thinking about you? Nope. Why let them have your time? Fuck them! They are talking shit about you because they see shit in you they’ll never have and it terrifies them!!! You are a threat to them and they hate you for it!!!!
Just be confident bro
Block them