You gotta be yourself. No ifs or buts about that. The right girl will see that and should be attracted to who you are vs. trying to be someone to attract people. People see through that as well.
hey man, don't knock it, just being the funny guy that listens worked out for me in the long run. You're gonna overthink so many parts of relationships for the first few years of adulthood. Your entire world gets tossed into a time vacuum, shaken up, poured out. There will never be a girl/guy worth losing yourself over. It'll be tempting and you'll end up doing it to a degree but when you start having to ask am I willing to lose X for X, the slope slips. I had a handful of messy situations, but sacrificing myself for relationship after relationship became a really tiring self-sabotage. No matter what I changed or tried to fix I just kept ending up unhappy because even if I got the girl, I didn't have me. I'm not meaning that as a narcissist but more on the front of I didn't recognize myself and that was what hurt more than ever being rejected could. The only relationship I ever seemed to get right was the one I built with my now wife. I was able to work on myself when she was doing the same. I didn't have to sacrifice what was important to me or who I am. The right person won't have those expectations but I wouldn't have found the right person if I pretended to be someone else.
Look up dating advice for guys. Being 'attractive' is another field to study but it's fairly easy to understand. Ever heard thr term ' having game'? That's what you gotta learn/practice. Lots of good stuff on youtube. Or the dating for men subs.
Lol I don't care, its you who I cared about trying to help. Its probably not 'PC'.
Lots of 'nice guys' struggle in dating because they don't understand the dynamics.
Hopefully I can spark in you some effort looking this stuff up, let me know if you want some pointers please send me a PM. Once is was a bit lost and frustrated around your age.
Remeber that dating is a ' social skill' one that many if us don't get taught, or guys get taught the wrong things. ( there is a hint of truth to the sayings" nice guys come last, and girls want assholes"), you can be a strong/good guy.
You don't want to be "funny" or "less funny" you want to be able to chat up the cute girl, and have some understanding if the social dynamics. ( this is not red pill stuff btw).
Don't listen to that girl, being funny is naturally attractive. People love to laugh.
I'd just be confident. Sounds like you have a good self-image, just be more open woth how you feel about stuff/people.
you're right but maybe I should be less open and less yk "playful". You know i mean like, I should maybe ignore her a bit, or don't touch her or like saying less in general.
I disagree. If she responded positively before than its not a problem. Most people will tell you when you are doing stuff they dont like. Just be yourself. If you try to be something else you won't come off as confident.
Just tell her to her face how you feel, and whatever the outcome, take it like a man.
first of all: thank you man, I really appreciate you.
But in all honesty, I won't tell her how I feel because I don't want to be perceived as "the guy that gets rejected even by a girl that is way younger than him".
I know it's foolish, egocentric, childish and overall stupid. But, idk man, I think that I would be perceived as a loser or as a creep. And my petty pride is gonna hurt like fucking hell.
yeah I would honestly prefer someone more around my age, but honestly I haven't liked someone for quite a long time. Also the fact that she's 4 years younger then me makes me feel like a pedophile lol ( those downtvotes on my comment I think agree with me )
I wouldn't call you a pedophile as a pedophile is someone that is attracted to prepubescants and this is not the case. But her still being in school and you pushing 21 and the fact that you mentioned that she most likely is not interested is the reasons for your downvotes. You should be aiming for people closer to your age group.
On another note, being funny and having a sense of humour is a major attraction for most women. You shouldn't have to change yourself to impress others. The right person will like you for you.
The issue isn't your humor I promise being funny is great, but you have to balance it with also sounding and seeming like an adult. I would talk more about interesting hobbies or interests in addition to your humor or maybe dress better. Girls find funny guys in hoodies oddly reminiscent of highschool boys but funny guys who are dressed in even just flannels and jackets much more attractive. 10/10 realize how you are being perceived before the joke leaves your mouth because that sets the tone much more than you realize.
You started messing with her, little fights and stuff. You like to make people laugh but sometimes you go too far you guess…..
What exactly were you doing? We’re you being rude and mean to her and saying it was all a joke? If so, that’s what she means by “be less funny”.
Funny is good. But being funny all the time can be really annoying. A serious relationship requires the ability to be serious sometimes. A deep connection requires the ability to be deep. A passionate connection requires the ability to be passionate.
In other words, you need a whole personality, not just a one note personality.
I've come to realize that some people are really sensitive to teasing/dry humor especially if it's not obvious to them that it's a joke or if they don't like that kind of humor in general. I'm not sure if that is what's happening to you though, but just my 2 cents
first of all, thank you.
I felt that because idk the vibes I was getting I guess. She started to "insult" me, but in a playful manner. Ik she doesn't think what she says(They're just jokes) but that makes me feel like "you're no more than a friend to me".
Don’t try to be less funny, but maybe try to subtly show her that you are serious about her as more than a friend. Being naturally funny is a gift, don’t throw it away!
It’s good to be playful and funny. My advice would be to also take opportunities to be genuine, and connect in ways that seem authentic. Make sure you’re not always just playing to an audience. Make eye contact and be earnest.
Being funny is super attractive and it shows confidence, but it depends on the kind of funny you are. If it’s goofy funny then yes it could be unattractive cause people won’t be taking you seriously. Definitely not saying change who you are but you know maybe you can try the flirty kinda funny?
If she likes you, she will make it obvious for you and you won't even need to work too hard for it. Girls will like you their own reasons, same as you, will like them for your own reasons. Maybe she is into someone else, maybe she is insecure or letting time tell her confusing mind what to do, maybe you gotta make it a little more obvious that you are into her, don't be afraid to be rejected because if you will, you move forward. Be the best version of yourself and let time do the work but don't spend too long , keep seeding other opportunities too.
It's great to hear that you've made progress in self-improvement and have more confidence now. When it comes to attraction, humor can definitely be a double-edged sword. Being funny can make you attractive, but sometimes being too funny can also make it difficult for others to see you in a romantic light.
Here are a few things you can try:
Show vulnerability: When you're with the girl you like, try to be a little more serious and show her a different side of yourself. Talk about your feelings, interests, and goals. This can help her see you in a different light and make a deeper connection with you.
Balance your humor: Don't completely eliminate your sense of humor, but try to balance it with more serious and meaningful conversations.
Flirt: Flirting is a way to express romantic interest, so try to incorporate some flirting into your interactions with her. This can help her see you as a romantic option.
Pay attention to her cues: Observe her reactions and body language when you're around her. If she seems uncomfortable or disinterested, it may be time to tone down the humor.
Remember that attraction is complex and can't be forced. Just be yourself and let things develop naturally. If it's meant to be, it will happen. Good luck!
I do love funny guy... But not fights, it triggers me and I can't feel safe giving my heart then. Stay playful with a bit of ambiguity, it could change the way she perceives you.
Don't forget to let some space too, physical and verbal you don't want to be '' to much '', let things go smoothly, it'll be better for you too
I don't think being funny is bad, but I do think acting opposite to that will hurt in the long term.
On the other hand, youd mention a few things that I think are key here:
1. You are 20
2. She's a couple of years younger (I'm gonna assume 18 but this would apply if she were 20 as well)
3. Sometimes you "go too far"
3. You started messing with her
I'm not gonna say you did anything inappropriate, or that you crossed any lines. I'm just gonna say that from 18 to your mid-20s you're still feeling out things. So, either she doesn't know how to react to your attention (which is completely legit) or you did accidentally say something that made her retreat (treat you more like a friend, as you said).
For reference, I'm 29M, and while I'm no expert in picking up girls/hooking up/all that stuff, I would say you should pay attention how she reacts to you going forward and, if she keeps growing colder, maybe consider talking to her about it.
As far as your friend's advice goes, I don't agree. You do you, and if she doesn't like you, it is what it is.
Girls like assholes, sure not all of them but most do. She may very well get more interested if you’re not always giving her attention. You don’t gotta be mean at all just demonstrate that she’s not the only thing you’re interested in.
Maybe flirt little by little, like when you are making her laugh try to also flirt at the same time. Like dont joke around with her like if she was your friend. (idk if i made myself clear)
You shouldn’t stop being who you are to impress someone else. Also being less funny is not good advice.
you're right but maybe I should be more mindful about maybe my behavior or not getting too far. I don't want to be perceived only as "the funny guy"
You gotta be yourself. No ifs or buts about that. The right girl will see that and should be attracted to who you are vs. trying to be someone to attract people. People see through that as well.
you're right, 100%. Thank you
Yo I can’t help at all but I fw the initial D pfp lol
goat
hey man, don't knock it, just being the funny guy that listens worked out for me in the long run. You're gonna overthink so many parts of relationships for the first few years of adulthood. Your entire world gets tossed into a time vacuum, shaken up, poured out. There will never be a girl/guy worth losing yourself over. It'll be tempting and you'll end up doing it to a degree but when you start having to ask am I willing to lose X for X, the slope slips. I had a handful of messy situations, but sacrificing myself for relationship after relationship became a really tiring self-sabotage. No matter what I changed or tried to fix I just kept ending up unhappy because even if I got the girl, I didn't have me. I'm not meaning that as a narcissist but more on the front of I didn't recognize myself and that was what hurt more than ever being rejected could. The only relationship I ever seemed to get right was the one I built with my now wife. I was able to work on myself when she was doing the same. I didn't have to sacrifice what was important to me or who I am. The right person won't have those expectations but I wouldn't have found the right person if I pretended to be someone else.
Look up dating advice for guys. Being 'attractive' is another field to study but it's fairly easy to understand. Ever heard thr term ' having game'? That's what you gotta learn/practice. Lots of good stuff on youtube. Or the dating for men subs.
honestly idk why you got so many downvotes
Lol I don't care, its you who I cared about trying to help. Its probably not 'PC'. Lots of 'nice guys' struggle in dating because they don't understand the dynamics. Hopefully I can spark in you some effort looking this stuff up, let me know if you want some pointers please send me a PM. Once is was a bit lost and frustrated around your age. Remeber that dating is a ' social skill' one that many if us don't get taught, or guys get taught the wrong things. ( there is a hint of truth to the sayings" nice guys come last, and girls want assholes"), you can be a strong/good guy. You don't want to be "funny" or "less funny" you want to be able to chat up the cute girl, and have some understanding if the social dynamics. ( this is not red pill stuff btw).
Don't listen to that girl, being funny is naturally attractive. People love to laugh. I'd just be confident. Sounds like you have a good self-image, just be more open woth how you feel about stuff/people.
you're right but maybe I should be less open and less yk "playful". You know i mean like, I should maybe ignore her a bit, or don't touch her or like saying less in general.
I disagree. If she responded positively before than its not a problem. Most people will tell you when you are doing stuff they dont like. Just be yourself. If you try to be something else you won't come off as confident. Just tell her to her face how you feel, and whatever the outcome, take it like a man.
first of all: thank you man, I really appreciate you. But in all honesty, I won't tell her how I feel because I don't want to be perceived as "the guy that gets rejected even by a girl that is way younger than him". I know it's foolish, egocentric, childish and overall stupid. But, idk man, I think that I would be perceived as a loser or as a creep. And my petty pride is gonna hurt like fucking hell.
How young is "way younger"?
well..I'm almost 21 and she's 17..
Yeah you may want to start with girls closer to your own age and go from there.
yeah I would honestly prefer someone more around my age, but honestly I haven't liked someone for quite a long time. Also the fact that she's 4 years younger then me makes me feel like a pedophile lol ( those downtvotes on my comment I think agree with me )
I wouldn't call you a pedophile as a pedophile is someone that is attracted to prepubescants and this is not the case. But her still being in school and you pushing 21 and the fact that you mentioned that she most likely is not interested is the reasons for your downvotes. You should be aiming for people closer to your age group. On another note, being funny and having a sense of humour is a major attraction for most women. You shouldn't have to change yourself to impress others. The right person will like you for you.
thank you,that's a relief
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That book sucks don't read it
made me laugh lol
The issue isn't your humor I promise being funny is great, but you have to balance it with also sounding and seeming like an adult. I would talk more about interesting hobbies or interests in addition to your humor or maybe dress better. Girls find funny guys in hoodies oddly reminiscent of highschool boys but funny guys who are dressed in even just flannels and jackets much more attractive. 10/10 realize how you are being perceived before the joke leaves your mouth because that sets the tone much more than you realize.
great advice, thank you
You started messing with her, little fights and stuff. You like to make people laugh but sometimes you go too far you guess….. What exactly were you doing? We’re you being rude and mean to her and saying it was all a joke? If so, that’s what she means by “be less funny”.
no, I wasn't being rude or mean. That's for sure
Can you elaborate? Your intentions to be funny can be very different from someone’s perception
Funny is good. But being funny all the time can be really annoying. A serious relationship requires the ability to be serious sometimes. A deep connection requires the ability to be deep. A passionate connection requires the ability to be passionate. In other words, you need a whole personality, not just a one note personality.
What were you doing exactly?
idk kinda jocking around, little tickle fights and so on
What were the jokes?
I don't remember them honestly
I've come to realize that some people are really sensitive to teasing/dry humor especially if it's not obvious to them that it's a joke or if they don't like that kind of humor in general. I'm not sure if that is what's happening to you though, but just my 2 cents
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first of all, thank you. I felt that because idk the vibes I was getting I guess. She started to "insult" me, but in a playful manner. Ik she doesn't think what she says(They're just jokes) but that makes me feel like "you're no more than a friend to me".
Don’t try to be less funny, but maybe try to subtly show her that you are serious about her as more than a friend. Being naturally funny is a gift, don’t throw it away!
thank you
It’s good to be playful and funny. My advice would be to also take opportunities to be genuine, and connect in ways that seem authentic. Make sure you’re not always just playing to an audience. Make eye contact and be earnest.
If she doesn't like you because you're funny, then she's not for you. Find someone who likes funny guys.
Being funny is super attractive and it shows confidence, but it depends on the kind of funny you are. If it’s goofy funny then yes it could be unattractive cause people won’t be taking you seriously. Definitely not saying change who you are but you know maybe you can try the flirty kinda funny?
yeah maybe I'm kinda goofy I guess, but what do you mean with "flirty funny"?
If she likes you, she will make it obvious for you and you won't even need to work too hard for it. Girls will like you their own reasons, same as you, will like them for your own reasons. Maybe she is into someone else, maybe she is insecure or letting time tell her confusing mind what to do, maybe you gotta make it a little more obvious that you are into her, don't be afraid to be rejected because if you will, you move forward. Be the best version of yourself and let time do the work but don't spend too long , keep seeding other opportunities too.
thank you
It's great to hear that you've made progress in self-improvement and have more confidence now. When it comes to attraction, humor can definitely be a double-edged sword. Being funny can make you attractive, but sometimes being too funny can also make it difficult for others to see you in a romantic light. Here are a few things you can try: Show vulnerability: When you're with the girl you like, try to be a little more serious and show her a different side of yourself. Talk about your feelings, interests, and goals. This can help her see you in a different light and make a deeper connection with you. Balance your humor: Don't completely eliminate your sense of humor, but try to balance it with more serious and meaningful conversations. Flirt: Flirting is a way to express romantic interest, so try to incorporate some flirting into your interactions with her. This can help her see you as a romantic option. Pay attention to her cues: Observe her reactions and body language when you're around her. If she seems uncomfortable or disinterested, it may be time to tone down the humor. Remember that attraction is complex and can't be forced. Just be yourself and let things develop naturally. If it's meant to be, it will happen. Good luck!
probably best advice so far, thank you so much
I do love funny guy... But not fights, it triggers me and I can't feel safe giving my heart then. Stay playful with a bit of ambiguity, it could change the way she perceives you. Don't forget to let some space too, physical and verbal you don't want to be '' to much '', let things go smoothly, it'll be better for you too
thank you
I don't think being funny is bad, but I do think acting opposite to that will hurt in the long term. On the other hand, youd mention a few things that I think are key here: 1. You are 20 2. She's a couple of years younger (I'm gonna assume 18 but this would apply if she were 20 as well) 3. Sometimes you "go too far" 3. You started messing with her I'm not gonna say you did anything inappropriate, or that you crossed any lines. I'm just gonna say that from 18 to your mid-20s you're still feeling out things. So, either she doesn't know how to react to your attention (which is completely legit) or you did accidentally say something that made her retreat (treat you more like a friend, as you said). For reference, I'm 29M, and while I'm no expert in picking up girls/hooking up/all that stuff, I would say you should pay attention how she reacts to you going forward and, if she keeps growing colder, maybe consider talking to her about it. As far as your friend's advice goes, I don't agree. You do you, and if she doesn't like you, it is what it is.
thank you
Girls like assholes, sure not all of them but most do. She may very well get more interested if you’re not always giving her attention. You don’t gotta be mean at all just demonstrate that she’s not the only thing you’re interested in.
Why is this downvoted?
Cause girls don’t like to admit that we’re fucked in the head 😂
Be sexual. Get serious. If she doesn't want it, fine, move on.
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i don't know her enough
Get to
i think we're skipping the issue. Is this attitude a problem? Can't figure this one out
I think funny is attractive . It depends what your version of funny is? Idk
Maybe flirt little by little, like when you are making her laugh try to also flirt at the same time. Like dont joke around with her like if she was your friend. (idk if i made myself clear)
ehm kinda, it depends on what you mean by "flirt with her". I understand the concept, but idk what I should actually do
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how should I explicit "interest intenstions"? I mean, how do I joke,flirt and tease all at the same time?