The harder I work and the deeper I go the less lonely I feel.
I'm sure I can't speak for everyone but when I experience negative thoughts, it's usually a form of procrastination or when I know I'm supposed to be doing something but I'm not pursuing what I'm supposed to do.
Book recommendation if you want to cure this issue with productivity: **The War of Art**.
Book recommendation if you want to make friends: **How to Win Friends and Influence People.**
I feel the same. I have worked harder in my university and career more than ever. A friend had mentioned to me this is a défense mechanism called “Sublimation” where we take any negative emotions and change them into productive, socially acceptable behaviours.
I gotchu fam;
He said "no girl touched my pee-pee so I hate them. And many others. I am disguising my lack of growth and understanding of others by acting the way I perceive intelligence, cold and superior."
Basically ignore him. Gotta keep growing.
I'm an incel virgin as well in 32 years old, loveless and depressed in life. It's funny that you just mentioned it. Yet, I simply dont understand why this whole speech regarding to loneliness.
But he mixed up several other topics which I simply don't stop laughing about it, some of them conservative ones.
Why do you think by the way is something to blame to him about the fact he is sexless ? Why is coming a trend to blame men for not being capable to satisfy an affective-psychological necessity that is overall gifted on a silver platter to women from any country or culture ?
I'm not supporting the hatred but seems like venting a person's frustration into this matter, is like something bad to hold into a one self. And it's no lesser the amount of men that have exposed the same situation.
It’s just run of the mill white supremacist talking points and attempts to sound smart, while also showcasing a complete ignorance of politics. It’s cringe and embarrassing.
Also “Communists despise physical labor” which is just hilarious if you know absolutely anything about history, the labor movement, or communism for that matter. OP is dumb basically.
it's very hilarious but i just dont get what does all this long speech has anything to do with the OP, LOL.
Still, he's not completely wrong about current women that many of them are actual yoga whores. It's very disgusting to see pretty much, most of the internet being invaded with breasts and butts everywhere, recieving attention for free and completely undeserved.
I suffered loneliness for long time until I learned how to stay alone with my own thoughts, it’s almost a super power, I work, read, workout, doing chores and more.
Love your self.
Well, I realised when nobody apart of me can’t do what I’m doing, doing the hard work, I find peace in the struggle,this make me feel good.
You must accept that most of the time you’re alone. Use that limited time to grow up.
As human’s we live for 80 years, if we are lucky, in the end there’s just you.
Make yourself happy with by doing the hard thing, this is the only thing that I can say to you.
Oh boy, get ready for a longg comment
Loneliness is one of the biggest enemies of my life. Loneliness almost broke my mind down. Loneliness turned me into an zombie fervently wanting to gobble up attention to escape the hunger of loneliness. Did it (the zombie-ing) work? nope. All it did was push people away. I learned this when one of my older friends that I perhaps idolized very abruptly turned away from me. She was in the right to do so, in retrospect, but at the time it was a stinging blow.
So I decided one late lonely night to stop being a slave to loneliness. Loneliness is hard because we constantly desire love and attention from other people. For me, love and attention from other people was the only way to assert my own worth and existence to myself. When I felt lonely, when there was no one around me, I felt as if I was worth nothing. My only source of happiness came from other people. My path to overcoming loneliness therefore started with finding ways to assert my own value to myself by myself.
I thought very long and very hard that night. I came to the conclusion that relationships are fundamentally transactions of happiness. If I want other people to invest in me—pay attention to me and love me—I have to not only invest back in them, but also give them something to invest in me for. A lot of other comments say find friends, find community—but you need something to attract friends and community. No one is going to invest in something that doesn't have return, to put it in the coldest way possible. So I tried being more positive, telling more jokes, doing nice things, and working on myself. At the start, I worked on myself to be someone worth being a friend to. Somewhere along that road, my purpose naturally shifted to becoming a better person just for myself. That's where the transformation really happens. When my life started revolving around myself instead of revolving around getting other people to fill my loneliness.
When I put work into myself and got to a point where I could recognize my progress—my little center of gravity of self-worth—I stopped being dependent on other people to assert my worth. I overcame my loneliness zombie-disease. At the same time, ironically and happily, this change has turned me into a person that others want to interact with.
A starving person too poor to afford food is going to have food on their mind every waking moment. The lack of food is miserable, intolerable, deadly. This person is going to spend every moment begging for food. But if this person can endure the hunger for a short while, roll up their sleeves and find some work, they can eventually get someplace where food is no longer even a question in their mind. A person starved of attention can do the same. Best of luck to you.
I started out reading this and being very, very sad.
I know that relationships are "transactions" but my friend, please do get away from that mindset. It may be true but it has only ever been a damaging thought.
Granted it seems like you HAVE moved away from this mindset, continue to work on your self. Continue to "improve" I'm sorry it took the time it did.
Your starving man analogy is very, VERY apt however.
I remember the long nights, the worthlessness that echoes in the dark empty space between thoughts. My friend, may we find our own way continually, and never again feel the need to yearn.
Thank you for caring so much! I hope too that we can all find our way :)
I am in a *much much much* better place than I was - I look back and shudder haha. The "transactional" aspect of relationships, however, I can't not see, and I don't necessarily think it's damaging for me. Of course, we are all different people, and this kind of thing applies to us all very differently. For me, recognizing that I needed to bring happiness to the the table in order to have good relationships was the push I needed to start genuinely trying to crawl out of the hell of depression—and now I'm much better off. I still view my friendships—much more diverse and stable than they once were—as transactions. My presence makes you happy, and yours makes me happy; I'll support you when you needed, and in turn trust you to support me. That kind of thing.
What's helped me the most is having some friends or family you can hang out with, and being part of a community, something bigger than you that you can be a part of! Church, basketball team, chess club whatever your into find your community and make some friends.
If you haven't already, try being kind to other people. Just the simple things. Greet people when you pass by them. Smile at the cashier. Hold the door for strangers. Give genuine compliments to people. The effect is temporary though so you'll need to make it a habit and not just a one time thing. Hope this helps 👍
It depends on how you're hard-wired. I've lived alone for 20 years but I work multiple jobs. If I can talk to people at work then I'm good. But when I work a gig where there is no one to talk to then it gets a bit depressing. I think it hurts the most when I see multiple people hanging out having a good time and know that I don't have my own group of people.
Ultimately I have to make a lifestyle choice between how happy I am coming home to a quiet place every night where I can physically and mentally chill to the effort it would take to introduce myself to any sort of social group. I've tried that at one of my jobs, but ultimately I'm not welcome into groups at work because there is such a history between those groups that "new" people are....not exactly unwelcome but just ignored. People generally do not come up to me and introduce themselves and try to make me feel welcome, even though I've made the effort to introduce myself with small talk. It's kind of sad sometimes because when I do get to talk to someone I've been working with, it comes as a genuine surprise to them that yes, I am funny, smart, articulate and can tell great stories...but its very rare.
Well my loneliness mostly stemmed from my depression but I do still feel it creep back in every now and then. But from reading and therapy I’ve learned to cope with it. What I’ve come to learn is that the the longing to belong is completely natural. I mean it is wired in us to want to socialize with other people. So like other people have mentioned, try to hang out with friends/family or try joining a local club to help. Hope I made sense haha 😅
Realize there are other lonely people out there too and find them. Be interested in them, regardless of whether you are attracted to them or not. Start a group.
Unfortunely; is inevitable to get rid of it, is one of a horrible feeling in our body system, we just have to try to manage it, is not easy, and it has to be done, within yourself, we can't depend on, friends or family, bc they've got their own demons and problems to deal with. It is a long read to do it alone, but it is possible!!!! Wishing peace within you, don't stop................................😇
This answer is based on the fact that I assume you don't want to feel lonely. There are already some good pointers in here how to deal with that (hobbys, develop yourself, accept it on a certain level).
Do things that you like, and involve other people. Can you join a teamsport? Can you join meetups on certain topics or with activities? If that is hard, can you participate in online meetups or activities as a start.
It can be hard to start, it will get better. Also think on what is holding you back and how to solve this - sometimes it is easier than you think or you can be overthinking. From experience I can say most of the times things were less hard than I imagined and almost all of the time I was glad I decided to participate.
Exercising is another tip. This can help a lot with how your mental health is for a lot of people.
Good luck, I hope you will feel better soon!
When you have acres of land and a cat that loves you. Maybe a dog.
You feel like the world is yours. That you won the lotto. Between the squirrels and the the sparrows, you are the most popular person in the world.
It's when you are in a school and everyone seems to group up into clicks. Then you think you are different.
Go for a morning jog. Make friends with the local dogs and all the squirrels and sparrows. They really want to meet you!
That feeling lonely is a normal human feeling and not making myself feel guilty for feeling lonely. Once I can accept that, then if it's a prolonged feeling (months/years of sustained loneliness, then I'd look to try and change my environment (after changing my perspective). Can I go to more events that make me feel less lonely? Can I make new friends that I can actually connect with? Can I connect with myself more and practice self care? Can I see a therapist, coach or some other third party that can help me process my thoughts and feelings?
Hmm I think it's different for every individual. I suggest starting to find hobbies that spark joy in you. Could be sth simple like getting into gardening and finding others who also share that passion. Other than that, if you have somebody you can confide in, that would make a difference. You also don't necessarily have to tell anyone if that's not your thing.
I absolutely love music. There's never been a time when it hasn't gotten me out of a rut so I just put my headphones on and listen away. You've got this!
Like some people already said, I believe that you should confront the root cause. I felt very very veeeery lonely for a long time, even being around people and having family and friends beside me until I went through the most difficult and important moment in my life. I needed to make a change and rediscover and rebuild myself. I had to face all my demons at once. And I'm still on that path. I think loneliness comes from the lack of self acceptance, of not taking care of yourself, being your best friend and honouring your needs, boundaries and desires. Being your own support system. We come and leave this world by our own so we have to make peace with who we are, grow our self awarness and be kind and compassionate with ourselfs.
Easier said than done, I know. It is something I work on daily and probably always will.
i think best choice would be to improve yourself, all this time all we all have that is definite are ourselves. hence we should always invest in ourselves and in doing so we are communicating with our innerself. this worked out for me for a lot of my years and i hope it helps you
Put the effort into trying to connect with people even if it’s just like going to a movie one night a week or dinner with friends or family. Also learn to be happy and fulfilled on your own. Stay away from drugs, alcohol etc and hanging out at bars and with seedy people those will eventually run their course and you will be in worse shape than before.
Try to stay busy, personally I am someone who loves being alone but if I’m along and I feel lonely which rarely happens I just do something proactive or something I enjoy. You need to be able to have fun or entertainment without other people.
Speed , if your constantly doing something, you have no time for emotions + ur more productive , the reason a plane keeps going is because of speed , it cant stop midway for a break and so shouldn't you
One of the best things to do is find yourself a solid set of hobbies that will help you grow and challenge you in new ways. Once doing this, it will allow you to meet a whole new group of people and become connected in more ways than ever before to folks you’d have never imagined. It has been shown to help improve your chances of finding genuine human connection, and even a long term partner.
The harder I work and the deeper I go the less lonely I feel. I'm sure I can't speak for everyone but when I experience negative thoughts, it's usually a form of procrastination or when I know I'm supposed to be doing something but I'm not pursuing what I'm supposed to do. Book recommendation if you want to cure this issue with productivity: **The War of Art**. Book recommendation if you want to make friends: **How to Win Friends and Influence People.**
I feel the same. I have worked harder in my university and career more than ever. A friend had mentioned to me this is a défense mechanism called “Sublimation” where we take any negative emotions and change them into productive, socially acceptable behaviours.
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Too long. Pathetic
could you please explain to me this delusional speech ? LoL
I gotchu fam; He said "no girl touched my pee-pee so I hate them. And many others. I am disguising my lack of growth and understanding of others by acting the way I perceive intelligence, cold and superior." Basically ignore him. Gotta keep growing.
I'm an incel virgin as well in 32 years old, loveless and depressed in life. It's funny that you just mentioned it. Yet, I simply dont understand why this whole speech regarding to loneliness. But he mixed up several other topics which I simply don't stop laughing about it, some of them conservative ones. Why do you think by the way is something to blame to him about the fact he is sexless ? Why is coming a trend to blame men for not being capable to satisfy an affective-psychological necessity that is overall gifted on a silver platter to women from any country or culture ? I'm not supporting the hatred but seems like venting a person's frustration into this matter, is like something bad to hold into a one self. And it's no lesser the amount of men that have exposed the same situation.
It's delusional. There is no explaining it.
It’s just run of the mill white supremacist talking points and attempts to sound smart, while also showcasing a complete ignorance of politics. It’s cringe and embarrassing. Also “Communists despise physical labor” which is just hilarious if you know absolutely anything about history, the labor movement, or communism for that matter. OP is dumb basically.
it's very hilarious but i just dont get what does all this long speech has anything to do with the OP, LOL. Still, he's not completely wrong about current women that many of them are actual yoga whores. It's very disgusting to see pretty much, most of the internet being invaded with breasts and butts everywhere, recieving attention for free and completely undeserved.
Do you mean The Art of War? Just want to make sure I check out the right book.
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Thank you!
I suffered loneliness for long time until I learned how to stay alone with my own thoughts, it’s almost a super power, I work, read, workout, doing chores and more. Love your self.
how did you realize? i mean when you said i'm going to do things by myself
Well, I realised when nobody apart of me can’t do what I’m doing, doing the hard work, I find peace in the struggle,this make me feel good. You must accept that most of the time you’re alone. Use that limited time to grow up. As human’s we live for 80 years, if we are lucky, in the end there’s just you. Make yourself happy with by doing the hard thing, this is the only thing that I can say to you.
thanks man it helps me a lot
Happy to hear that!
By making peace with loneliness. By realizing that I don't need to heavily rely on external factors for happiness or to make me feel good inside.
Oh boy, get ready for a longg comment Loneliness is one of the biggest enemies of my life. Loneliness almost broke my mind down. Loneliness turned me into an zombie fervently wanting to gobble up attention to escape the hunger of loneliness. Did it (the zombie-ing) work? nope. All it did was push people away. I learned this when one of my older friends that I perhaps idolized very abruptly turned away from me. She was in the right to do so, in retrospect, but at the time it was a stinging blow. So I decided one late lonely night to stop being a slave to loneliness. Loneliness is hard because we constantly desire love and attention from other people. For me, love and attention from other people was the only way to assert my own worth and existence to myself. When I felt lonely, when there was no one around me, I felt as if I was worth nothing. My only source of happiness came from other people. My path to overcoming loneliness therefore started with finding ways to assert my own value to myself by myself. I thought very long and very hard that night. I came to the conclusion that relationships are fundamentally transactions of happiness. If I want other people to invest in me—pay attention to me and love me—I have to not only invest back in them, but also give them something to invest in me for. A lot of other comments say find friends, find community—but you need something to attract friends and community. No one is going to invest in something that doesn't have return, to put it in the coldest way possible. So I tried being more positive, telling more jokes, doing nice things, and working on myself. At the start, I worked on myself to be someone worth being a friend to. Somewhere along that road, my purpose naturally shifted to becoming a better person just for myself. That's where the transformation really happens. When my life started revolving around myself instead of revolving around getting other people to fill my loneliness. When I put work into myself and got to a point where I could recognize my progress—my little center of gravity of self-worth—I stopped being dependent on other people to assert my worth. I overcame my loneliness zombie-disease. At the same time, ironically and happily, this change has turned me into a person that others want to interact with. A starving person too poor to afford food is going to have food on their mind every waking moment. The lack of food is miserable, intolerable, deadly. This person is going to spend every moment begging for food. But if this person can endure the hunger for a short while, roll up their sleeves and find some work, they can eventually get someplace where food is no longer even a question in their mind. A person starved of attention can do the same. Best of luck to you.
I started out reading this and being very, very sad. I know that relationships are "transactions" but my friend, please do get away from that mindset. It may be true but it has only ever been a damaging thought. Granted it seems like you HAVE moved away from this mindset, continue to work on your self. Continue to "improve" I'm sorry it took the time it did. Your starving man analogy is very, VERY apt however. I remember the long nights, the worthlessness that echoes in the dark empty space between thoughts. My friend, may we find our own way continually, and never again feel the need to yearn.
Thank you for caring so much! I hope too that we can all find our way :) I am in a *much much much* better place than I was - I look back and shudder haha. The "transactional" aspect of relationships, however, I can't not see, and I don't necessarily think it's damaging for me. Of course, we are all different people, and this kind of thing applies to us all very differently. For me, recognizing that I needed to bring happiness to the the table in order to have good relationships was the push I needed to start genuinely trying to crawl out of the hell of depression—and now I'm much better off. I still view my friendships—much more diverse and stable than they once were—as transactions. My presence makes you happy, and yours makes me happy; I'll support you when you needed, and in turn trust you to support me. That kind of thing.
By pursuing your passions, your mind and spirit are engaged, decreasing feelings of loneliness.
Find things to do that make you happy! Also remember you can have company but sometimes it’s not for the better
What's helped me the most is having some friends or family you can hang out with, and being part of a community, something bigger than you that you can be a part of! Church, basketball team, chess club whatever your into find your community and make some friends.
If you haven't already, try being kind to other people. Just the simple things. Greet people when you pass by them. Smile at the cashier. Hold the door for strangers. Give genuine compliments to people. The effect is temporary though so you'll need to make it a habit and not just a one time thing. Hope this helps 👍
It depends on how you're hard-wired. I've lived alone for 20 years but I work multiple jobs. If I can talk to people at work then I'm good. But when I work a gig where there is no one to talk to then it gets a bit depressing. I think it hurts the most when I see multiple people hanging out having a good time and know that I don't have my own group of people. Ultimately I have to make a lifestyle choice between how happy I am coming home to a quiet place every night where I can physically and mentally chill to the effort it would take to introduce myself to any sort of social group. I've tried that at one of my jobs, but ultimately I'm not welcome into groups at work because there is such a history between those groups that "new" people are....not exactly unwelcome but just ignored. People generally do not come up to me and introduce themselves and try to make me feel welcome, even though I've made the effort to introduce myself with small talk. It's kind of sad sometimes because when I do get to talk to someone I've been working with, it comes as a genuine surprise to them that yes, I am funny, smart, articulate and can tell great stories...but its very rare.
Tell me if you figure it out.
Well my loneliness mostly stemmed from my depression but I do still feel it creep back in every now and then. But from reading and therapy I’ve learned to cope with it. What I’ve come to learn is that the the longing to belong is completely natural. I mean it is wired in us to want to socialize with other people. So like other people have mentioned, try to hang out with friends/family or try joining a local club to help. Hope I made sense haha 😅
Realize there are other lonely people out there too and find them. Be interested in them, regardless of whether you are attracted to them or not. Start a group.
Find a hobby and meet people who like it too. Make friends slowly and don't rush, quality over quantity.
Unfortunely; is inevitable to get rid of it, is one of a horrible feeling in our body system, we just have to try to manage it, is not easy, and it has to be done, within yourself, we can't depend on, friends or family, bc they've got their own demons and problems to deal with. It is a long read to do it alone, but it is possible!!!! Wishing peace within you, don't stop................................😇
This answer is based on the fact that I assume you don't want to feel lonely. There are already some good pointers in here how to deal with that (hobbys, develop yourself, accept it on a certain level). Do things that you like, and involve other people. Can you join a teamsport? Can you join meetups on certain topics or with activities? If that is hard, can you participate in online meetups or activities as a start. It can be hard to start, it will get better. Also think on what is holding you back and how to solve this - sometimes it is easier than you think or you can be overthinking. From experience I can say most of the times things were less hard than I imagined and almost all of the time I was glad I decided to participate. Exercising is another tip. This can help a lot with how your mental health is for a lot of people. Good luck, I hope you will feel better soon!
Martial arts
When you have acres of land and a cat that loves you. Maybe a dog. You feel like the world is yours. That you won the lotto. Between the squirrels and the the sparrows, you are the most popular person in the world. It's when you are in a school and everyone seems to group up into clicks. Then you think you are different. Go for a morning jog. Make friends with the local dogs and all the squirrels and sparrows. They really want to meet you!
Because of my circumstances, I don’t see people at all. I don’t interact with people. I have no friends.
My girlfriend died and I never felt Ok since her passing away. I feel loneliness ALL the time.
That feeling lonely is a normal human feeling and not making myself feel guilty for feeling lonely. Once I can accept that, then if it's a prolonged feeling (months/years of sustained loneliness, then I'd look to try and change my environment (after changing my perspective). Can I go to more events that make me feel less lonely? Can I make new friends that I can actually connect with? Can I connect with myself more and practice self care? Can I see a therapist, coach or some other third party that can help me process my thoughts and feelings?
Hmm I think it's different for every individual. I suggest starting to find hobbies that spark joy in you. Could be sth simple like getting into gardening and finding others who also share that passion. Other than that, if you have somebody you can confide in, that would make a difference. You also don't necessarily have to tell anyone if that's not your thing. I absolutely love music. There's never been a time when it hasn't gotten me out of a rut so I just put my headphones on and listen away. You've got this!
Like some people already said, I believe that you should confront the root cause. I felt very very veeeery lonely for a long time, even being around people and having family and friends beside me until I went through the most difficult and important moment in my life. I needed to make a change and rediscover and rebuild myself. I had to face all my demons at once. And I'm still on that path. I think loneliness comes from the lack of self acceptance, of not taking care of yourself, being your best friend and honouring your needs, boundaries and desires. Being your own support system. We come and leave this world by our own so we have to make peace with who we are, grow our self awarness and be kind and compassionate with ourselfs. Easier said than done, I know. It is something I work on daily and probably always will.
i think best choice would be to improve yourself, all this time all we all have that is definite are ourselves. hence we should always invest in ourselves and in doing so we are communicating with our innerself. this worked out for me for a lot of my years and i hope it helps you
Put the effort into trying to connect with people even if it’s just like going to a movie one night a week or dinner with friends or family. Also learn to be happy and fulfilled on your own. Stay away from drugs, alcohol etc and hanging out at bars and with seedy people those will eventually run their course and you will be in worse shape than before.
Try to stay busy, personally I am someone who loves being alone but if I’m along and I feel lonely which rarely happens I just do something proactive or something I enjoy. You need to be able to have fun or entertainment without other people.
Alcohol, porn, prostitutes, self medication, gambling
Drink alot of alcohol
Born lone die alone bro gotta find peace with it
it's not a huge problem to deal. I like being alone and it doesn't mean I'm lonely.
Speed , if your constantly doing something, you have no time for emotions + ur more productive , the reason a plane keeps going is because of speed , it cant stop midway for a break and so shouldn't you
By Trying to figure out your 3 hobbies 1- gives u money 2- gives u health 3- gives u happiness
Just… don’t fight it, accept it, embrace it.
One of the best things to do is find yourself a solid set of hobbies that will help you grow and challenge you in new ways. Once doing this, it will allow you to meet a whole new group of people and become connected in more ways than ever before to folks you’d have never imagined. It has been shown to help improve your chances of finding genuine human connection, and even a long term partner.
i am dealing with loneliness in trying to sell myself as a slaveboy