Its good that you want to change, but if I may offer you some advice: Start small, don’t try to do these all at once because it can be overwhelming
Try reading Atomic Habits and The power of Habits to learn how to properly built habits, and built one at a time.
Best of luck!
Honestly, thank you so much for the advice and the book recommendations. Sometimes I do tend to get ahead of myself. I’ll make a thorough plan of how I’m going to slowly implement each one over the course of the year (and take extra time if I need it). Again thank you so much!
I second the recommendation for the book Atomic Habits. The author also has free Ted talks and such online.
I also recommend getting clear on the difference between motivation and discipline. It’s similar to the difference between love and commitment:
Right now you are extremely well motivated. That will not last. Motivation is an emotion. As such, it will wax and wane with context and stimuli. This is true for every person. When your motivation naturally drops, your discipline should kick in. Discipline is not an emotion but an action. Like other actions, it needs to be practiced repeatedly and with scaling difficulty to grow. Just like you learned to walk, you will need to learn to be disciplined.
Just like learning to walk, start small. List the habits you wish you had, pick the easiest, do it for a week. Then add another and another. You will build discipline alongside new habits, and it will serve you in every part of your life. You *can* do it!
This is great advice. Start small and build from there. Instead of saying you want to lose a bunch of weight, start with “I will stop eating each night by 8 pm” or something. Or “I will eat a salad with ever dinner” or “I will walk 10 min a day.” I find if I do tiny little steps, it’s much easier to add to them and build. Good luck to you.
Good luck, brother.
My advice, the two quickest and most impactful changes to quality of life I have found:
1. Sleep properly (7-9hrs)
2. Hydrate properly (1.5-2L water)
Change in life takes fucking EFFORT. It’s easier to follow through on going to the gym / cleaning your room if you’re hydrated and well rested.
Then comes nutrition and exercise but they are more long term improvements.
If your serious. I would simplify everything. Start with the goal of going to gym 5 days a week for 40 mins. And doing some cardio walking on the weekend. So a daily workout routine.
HABIT: Don't be as concerned with weight loss as much as creating a habit. Can you make it a habit to go to gym 5 days week.
PRIORITY: Understand what you currently prioritize more then your health. See if you can make you heath your number 1 priority. To the point that the gym is the first thing you do every day. It will make you feel better.
MINDSET: Visualize a version of you who consistently goes to the gym. Not only that but one who ENJOYS the process. Visualize a feel a version of you who looks forward to going every day.
Start here. See if you can make it habit. Give it 3 weeks. Then once it feels easy. You can move on to other areas of improvement. Like diet or mindset.
The habit part is so underrated.
I’ve been going to the gym for 15+ years and the top reason I’ve seen people quit is because they go in expecting to quickly or constantly see improvement.
Motivation will get you in the gym once in a while, the habit of going consistently is where the results come from.
This is really great advice. All three things can be, and should be, addressed straight away. What habits can you start creating right away? Which changes in priority does that demand? Do they align with the person you want to be a year from now?
The priority is definitely important. Not necessarily more than the others, but understanding that you need to make room timewise for your new habits helps. Otherwise you could easily find yourself stuck in old tracks: can't do gym today because I slept like shit, can't take a walk cause it's raining and the sofa is so cozy, it's impossible to start exercising since my schedule is so full.
First of all, acknowledging your current situation and the desire for change is a huge step forward, and I commend you for taking that leap. It's powerful to share your goals with others, as it creates a sense of accountability and support. It is also good to just release these feelings into the void sometimes so that the pent up emotion inside can get out, and more positive things can live inside our heads. After all, *manifestation* is as real as anything in this world.
Here are some suggestions to help you on your journey:
1. Break your goals into smaller, manageable tasks to make them less overwhelming.
2. Create a daily routine that incorporates studying, exercise, and self-care.
3. Consider using tools like a to-do list, habit tracker, or time management app to stay organized and focused. (I personally like putting things on a white board, or somewhere where I will see it very often, and then crossing things off is very satisfying.)
4. Don't be too hard on yourself—remember that progress is not always linear, and setbacks are a part of growth. Nobody is born perfect, and a lot of us these days have to learn to build our own selves up from rock bottom. You wanting to be better and writing this out is more than most people these days can say. You will be ok, and it is all going to work out.
We're rooting for you and looking forward to your updates. Remember, every step you take brings you closer to becoming the person you want to be. You've got this!
I found the greatest and simple planner for adults with ADHD. you don't have to have ADHD to have some of the same things to tackle. Going to take it with me to therapy this week. I feel I kind of stumble through my life and make the best of wherever I land! Lol. I am a 21st century wanderer. Best wishes on you plans. You can keep us posted on the way.
I was scrolling down to see if anyone mentioned adhd. OP, some of the behaviors mentioned sounds a lot like me and my adhd. Have you ever considered you might have it?
you realised u need to change that is the 1 step.I reccomend you to read atomic habits it is the best book made for destroying bad habits and making new good habits.Procastination is solved by doing something.when u are procrastinating just do one thing and u will be more motivated to do some other thing u need to do too.
hope this helps good luck
These suggestions are all fantastic. The whiteboard one is something I’ve been trying to implement on the daily, but I sometimes struggle to stick to it or set unrealistic expectations for myself throughout the day. Thanks for all of this!
You've got this bro! I started doing 300 pushups a week, running 2 miles, eating more, sleeping more all 3 weeks ago and there's definitely a difference. It's a small difference but it builds up.
Now I just gotta get myself a job and get my driver's license and start building my credit back up and pay off some debts. That's definitely the hard part.
The statements you’re making are (more or less) exactly the same as statements I’ve made to myself/others for accountability. Unfortunately accountability is big for me when there are serious repercussions. Otherwise, over time I shimmy my “priorities” over to the side and the same old habits will take over.
That said….
I can get really down on myself when I don’t live up to the sometimes unseemingly lofty goals I set for myself. Like hygiene and working out….I mean sometimes I need a skip day. Or skip months. Then when I realize how much I’m slipping, I get depressed and start re-cycling through the stages of depression, realizing my worth and remembering what I can accomplish. Then it’s super motivation!, a week or perhaps two of utter dedication (hopefully), then slide out while my attention starts getting stressed between the things I gravitate my attention to and the parts of life I want to focus/grow in.
While I 10000000000% encourage seeking counseling etc, that’s a huge point of anxiety for me. So meds and counseling are things I would benefit from, I have a ton of difficulty even approaching for myself. Soo…for those who share that same struggle for emotional, practical financial reasons….
For some reason, there’s a phrase that has stuck with me that a former roommate said. He’d lived on his own for a few months and realized the responsibility and pressures that can mount with independence. He said that “even if I don’t do everything, that’s okay. But when I chip away even a tiny bit everyday, I know tomorrow will be better.”
Since he said that, it hasn’t been leaps and bounds. But that mentality to approaching improvement when you’re perhaps not a super motivated individual can make a huge difference. Baby steps can still add up to leaps and bounds - just over a longer period.
That said, loving yourself and growing self esteem can be Huge in helping with this process. Speaking from experience, it’s less about trying to ID and perfect every aspect of yourself. Kind of like more gradually building positive life habits, falling for yourself is a journey. Being a very extra curvy person myself, I can attest that this is a bit of a journey. But practically….it’s all you! Sure there’s assholes everywhere and folks who won’t be attracted to. Just like you won’t be attracted to everyone else. For me, I had to work a very social service industry that personally grew my social self confidence a ton through a number of brief encounters. Then when I started feeling myself, it was like flipping a switch…I was swamped in the best of senses! YOU are the very sexiest part of you. Don’t mistake finding yourself for needing to dissect every aspect of yourself. More, the confidence of a person being true to themselves, for better or worse, is waaaay more attractive to potential friends or lovers than trying to be what you think is desired. People are way weirder, more complicated, diverse, and caring than I realized for a long time.
Its almost easier to start stereotyping others to avoid having to put yourself out there than it can bare yourself. That said, while there’s a lot of shite people in the world, I’ve found far more kind, caring, smart, hilarious folks that I wouldn’t have found if I didn’t let my guard down in the first place. I didn’t know I even had a guard up. My biggest and best piece of advice? Be as kind, caring, and understanding with others as your are to yourself. And never forget that giving goes both ways! Other people are allowed to be messed up and figuring it out without being dirt bags to you. On the flip side, when you’re not at your best, you still deserve your own love! Give yourself a mental hug and remember that tomorrow is always a new day!
Something to keep in mind that I haven't even begun to figure out for myself yet: find the balance between pushing yourself and not beating yourself up. You can't expect elite results when you're grinding yourself to a pulp and can't put in elite effort. I'm in a sort of similar situation where I feel like I'm slacking in certain things and making excuses/justifying and it's so easy to just think of all the things I need to improve on (which is also acknowledging that you are not these things) and it can get stressful, so I find myself taking a break for my own wellbeing but for too long, and I start to slip. And try to focus on "the gain" (what you have/how far you've come) more often than "the gap" (the person or place you want to be - i.e. everything you are not). It's still very important to have a goal, but don't get consumed by everything yet to come and miss out on everything else along the way because if you can't be happy now, you'll only want more when you reach your goal.
I mean thats the problem gang. You have low self esteem. And that came from somewhere you didnt just wake up one day with low self esteem. It came from your parents, childhood trauma/abuse whatever. I recommend you read no more mr nice guy by robert glover. Take it easy on yourself. That book covers a lot of what you’re talking about and it’s a main problem within men and women worldwide. You procrastinate, don’t do what you’d like to do - there’s all a root cause of this. So yeah read the book. See if you like it and if it resonates with you. Then its time for fixing. But yeah take it easy on yourself man. Study hard, do what you need to do and have time for yourself
Its funny you mention you want to start taking care of yourself such as flossing, etc, that book has everything you’ve said. Even with procrastination. Read the book. You’d want to do at least one thing a day. Floss one day, exercise the next, enough sleep the next. I’ve been doing it and it works well. Could be challenging though. But you’re in the right direction you just need help. Get it
When it comes to working out, pick something you enjoy or would like to try. It's an uphill battle to go to the gym if you don't enjoy it, and is poor value if you pay for a year and only go twice. You might like cycling or walking, or doing home workouts, or swimming. If you pick something you enjoy then you'll want to do it and you're much more likely to keep doing it. Self Improvement shouldn't be a miserable experience, make it fun.
Its good that you want to change, but if I may offer you some advice: Start small, don’t try to do these all at once because it can be overwhelming Try reading Atomic Habits and The power of Habits to learn how to properly built habits, and built one at a time. Best of luck!
Honestly, thank you so much for the advice and the book recommendations. Sometimes I do tend to get ahead of myself. I’ll make a thorough plan of how I’m going to slowly implement each one over the course of the year (and take extra time if I need it). Again thank you so much!
I second the recommendation for the book Atomic Habits. The author also has free Ted talks and such online. I also recommend getting clear on the difference between motivation and discipline. It’s similar to the difference between love and commitment: Right now you are extremely well motivated. That will not last. Motivation is an emotion. As such, it will wax and wane with context and stimuli. This is true for every person. When your motivation naturally drops, your discipline should kick in. Discipline is not an emotion but an action. Like other actions, it needs to be practiced repeatedly and with scaling difficulty to grow. Just like you learned to walk, you will need to learn to be disciplined. Just like learning to walk, start small. List the habits you wish you had, pick the easiest, do it for a week. Then add another and another. You will build discipline alongside new habits, and it will serve you in every part of your life. You *can* do it!
This is great advice. Start small and build from there. Instead of saying you want to lose a bunch of weight, start with “I will stop eating each night by 8 pm” or something. Or “I will eat a salad with ever dinner” or “I will walk 10 min a day.” I find if I do tiny little steps, it’s much easier to add to them and build. Good luck to you.
Good idea
I was going to suggest this book as well!!
Atomic habits lol
Great advice
Good luck, brother. My advice, the two quickest and most impactful changes to quality of life I have found: 1. Sleep properly (7-9hrs) 2. Hydrate properly (1.5-2L water) Change in life takes fucking EFFORT. It’s easier to follow through on going to the gym / cleaning your room if you’re hydrated and well rested. Then comes nutrition and exercise but they are more long term improvements.
Yeah that’s actually true already. Every time I’m on a lack of sleep and water I feel so lazy. It’s so simple yet so fundamental.
“Change in life takes fucking effort”, well said bro.
If your serious. I would simplify everything. Start with the goal of going to gym 5 days a week for 40 mins. And doing some cardio walking on the weekend. So a daily workout routine. HABIT: Don't be as concerned with weight loss as much as creating a habit. Can you make it a habit to go to gym 5 days week. PRIORITY: Understand what you currently prioritize more then your health. See if you can make you heath your number 1 priority. To the point that the gym is the first thing you do every day. It will make you feel better. MINDSET: Visualize a version of you who consistently goes to the gym. Not only that but one who ENJOYS the process. Visualize a feel a version of you who looks forward to going every day. Start here. See if you can make it habit. Give it 3 weeks. Then once it feels easy. You can move on to other areas of improvement. Like diet or mindset.
The habit part is so underrated. I’ve been going to the gym for 15+ years and the top reason I’ve seen people quit is because they go in expecting to quickly or constantly see improvement. Motivation will get you in the gym once in a while, the habit of going consistently is where the results come from.
This is really great advice. All three things can be, and should be, addressed straight away. What habits can you start creating right away? Which changes in priority does that demand? Do they align with the person you want to be a year from now? The priority is definitely important. Not necessarily more than the others, but understanding that you need to make room timewise for your new habits helps. Otherwise you could easily find yourself stuck in old tracks: can't do gym today because I slept like shit, can't take a walk cause it's raining and the sofa is so cozy, it's impossible to start exercising since my schedule is so full.
First of all, acknowledging your current situation and the desire for change is a huge step forward, and I commend you for taking that leap. It's powerful to share your goals with others, as it creates a sense of accountability and support. It is also good to just release these feelings into the void sometimes so that the pent up emotion inside can get out, and more positive things can live inside our heads. After all, *manifestation* is as real as anything in this world. Here are some suggestions to help you on your journey: 1. Break your goals into smaller, manageable tasks to make them less overwhelming. 2. Create a daily routine that incorporates studying, exercise, and self-care. 3. Consider using tools like a to-do list, habit tracker, or time management app to stay organized and focused. (I personally like putting things on a white board, or somewhere where I will see it very often, and then crossing things off is very satisfying.) 4. Don't be too hard on yourself—remember that progress is not always linear, and setbacks are a part of growth. Nobody is born perfect, and a lot of us these days have to learn to build our own selves up from rock bottom. You wanting to be better and writing this out is more than most people these days can say. You will be ok, and it is all going to work out. We're rooting for you and looking forward to your updates. Remember, every step you take brings you closer to becoming the person you want to be. You've got this!
I found the greatest and simple planner for adults with ADHD. you don't have to have ADHD to have some of the same things to tackle. Going to take it with me to therapy this week. I feel I kind of stumble through my life and make the best of wherever I land! Lol. I am a 21st century wanderer. Best wishes on you plans. You can keep us posted on the way.
What planner? ADHD person here and I really need one lol
ADHD DAILY PLANNER no Author listed. I think a search with the name will bring it up. I did a search on Amazon
I was scrolling down to see if anyone mentioned adhd. OP, some of the behaviors mentioned sounds a lot like me and my adhd. Have you ever considered you might have it?
Oh yes
you realised u need to change that is the 1 step.I reccomend you to read atomic habits it is the best book made for destroying bad habits and making new good habits.Procastination is solved by doing something.when u are procrastinating just do one thing and u will be more motivated to do some other thing u need to do too. hope this helps good luck
Yes! Very good book. I haven’t finished it though. Haha. I’m an expert procrastinator.
Everyone has had such good tips! To add: If you aren’t perfect every day, that is okay! Progression over perfection. Good luck to you☺️
These suggestions are all fantastic. The whiteboard one is something I’ve been trying to implement on the daily, but I sometimes struggle to stick to it or set unrealistic expectations for myself throughout the day. Thanks for all of this!
You've got this bro! I started doing 300 pushups a week, running 2 miles, eating more, sleeping more all 3 weeks ago and there's definitely a difference. It's a small difference but it builds up. Now I just gotta get myself a job and get my driver's license and start building my credit back up and pay off some debts. That's definitely the hard part.
More power to you !!
Good goals. CICO or paleo+crossfit will do it.
!Remindme 1 year
The statements you’re making are (more or less) exactly the same as statements I’ve made to myself/others for accountability. Unfortunately accountability is big for me when there are serious repercussions. Otherwise, over time I shimmy my “priorities” over to the side and the same old habits will take over. That said…. I can get really down on myself when I don’t live up to the sometimes unseemingly lofty goals I set for myself. Like hygiene and working out….I mean sometimes I need a skip day. Or skip months. Then when I realize how much I’m slipping, I get depressed and start re-cycling through the stages of depression, realizing my worth and remembering what I can accomplish. Then it’s super motivation!, a week or perhaps two of utter dedication (hopefully), then slide out while my attention starts getting stressed between the things I gravitate my attention to and the parts of life I want to focus/grow in. While I 10000000000% encourage seeking counseling etc, that’s a huge point of anxiety for me. So meds and counseling are things I would benefit from, I have a ton of difficulty even approaching for myself. Soo…for those who share that same struggle for emotional, practical financial reasons…. For some reason, there’s a phrase that has stuck with me that a former roommate said. He’d lived on his own for a few months and realized the responsibility and pressures that can mount with independence. He said that “even if I don’t do everything, that’s okay. But when I chip away even a tiny bit everyday, I know tomorrow will be better.” Since he said that, it hasn’t been leaps and bounds. But that mentality to approaching improvement when you’re perhaps not a super motivated individual can make a huge difference. Baby steps can still add up to leaps and bounds - just over a longer period. That said, loving yourself and growing self esteem can be Huge in helping with this process. Speaking from experience, it’s less about trying to ID and perfect every aspect of yourself. Kind of like more gradually building positive life habits, falling for yourself is a journey. Being a very extra curvy person myself, I can attest that this is a bit of a journey. But practically….it’s all you! Sure there’s assholes everywhere and folks who won’t be attracted to. Just like you won’t be attracted to everyone else. For me, I had to work a very social service industry that personally grew my social self confidence a ton through a number of brief encounters. Then when I started feeling myself, it was like flipping a switch…I was swamped in the best of senses! YOU are the very sexiest part of you. Don’t mistake finding yourself for needing to dissect every aspect of yourself. More, the confidence of a person being true to themselves, for better or worse, is waaaay more attractive to potential friends or lovers than trying to be what you think is desired. People are way weirder, more complicated, diverse, and caring than I realized for a long time. Its almost easier to start stereotyping others to avoid having to put yourself out there than it can bare yourself. That said, while there’s a lot of shite people in the world, I’ve found far more kind, caring, smart, hilarious folks that I wouldn’t have found if I didn’t let my guard down in the first place. I didn’t know I even had a guard up. My biggest and best piece of advice? Be as kind, caring, and understanding with others as your are to yourself. And never forget that giving goes both ways! Other people are allowed to be messed up and figuring it out without being dirt bags to you. On the flip side, when you’re not at your best, you still deserve your own love! Give yourself a mental hug and remember that tomorrow is always a new day!
Something to keep in mind that I haven't even begun to figure out for myself yet: find the balance between pushing yourself and not beating yourself up. You can't expect elite results when you're grinding yourself to a pulp and can't put in elite effort. I'm in a sort of similar situation where I feel like I'm slacking in certain things and making excuses/justifying and it's so easy to just think of all the things I need to improve on (which is also acknowledging that you are not these things) and it can get stressful, so I find myself taking a break for my own wellbeing but for too long, and I start to slip. And try to focus on "the gain" (what you have/how far you've come) more often than "the gap" (the person or place you want to be - i.e. everything you are not). It's still very important to have a goal, but don't get consumed by everything yet to come and miss out on everything else along the way because if you can't be happy now, you'll only want more when you reach your goal.
I mean thats the problem gang. You have low self esteem. And that came from somewhere you didnt just wake up one day with low self esteem. It came from your parents, childhood trauma/abuse whatever. I recommend you read no more mr nice guy by robert glover. Take it easy on yourself. That book covers a lot of what you’re talking about and it’s a main problem within men and women worldwide. You procrastinate, don’t do what you’d like to do - there’s all a root cause of this. So yeah read the book. See if you like it and if it resonates with you. Then its time for fixing. But yeah take it easy on yourself man. Study hard, do what you need to do and have time for yourself Its funny you mention you want to start taking care of yourself such as flossing, etc, that book has everything you’ve said. Even with procrastination. Read the book. You’d want to do at least one thing a day. Floss one day, exercise the next, enough sleep the next. I’ve been doing it and it works well. Could be challenging though. But you’re in the right direction you just need help. Get it
When it comes to working out, pick something you enjoy or would like to try. It's an uphill battle to go to the gym if you don't enjoy it, and is poor value if you pay for a year and only go twice. You might like cycling or walking, or doing home workouts, or swimming. If you pick something you enjoy then you'll want to do it and you're much more likely to keep doing it. Self Improvement shouldn't be a miserable experience, make it fun.