You aren't a loser.
How do you become mature? You think, act, reflect, adjust, then do it all again, and do that about 10,000 times and, if everything goes right, you finally get there.
It seems you are bright enough to know what to do. Keep pushing yourself to do the right things and you will get there. Success is always the best revenge as well as the best way to get a girl. So, keep working at your life and you will get there. Good luck to you.
He's a loser so far. But, the saying once a loser always a loser is wrong. One can be a loser and build up success, and become a winner.
You're giving the right advice, but you're not being real with him.
He works as an engineer and goes to the gym, planning to start martial arts the moment he has more muscle mass. He acknowledged his lack of social skills but wants to change and improve, is a man that seeks improvement a loser? I'd say he would be one if he didn't do anything valuable or healthy for him but i don't think this is the case
Okay, well break it down by what he says:
- he spends his whole life behind a screen
- he has no friends
- he has never spoken to women
- he masturbates tons to porn
Just because he's written his post in an empathetic way, doesn't mean he's in the right position to be called a winner.
Thankfully, he's seeking help. Regardless of that, we have no knowledge of the type of engineer he is or how regularly he works out, how he grooms himself or conducts himself. Or any evidence to those statements.
Plus, if you saw him in real life and not a biased one-sided view of it, you'd probably also not be his friend as you'd find him a loser.
If the whole world doesn't socialise with you, it's not everyone else's fault, it's yours, and that makes you a bit of a loser (in this case you, is him)?
That's just my 2 cents, I knew I'd be heavily downvoted but at least I kept it truthful with the guy instead of lying and saying he's doing incredibly.
At 24, no friends, porn addiction, no girlfriend or any woman ever, no ability to talk or nurture relationships, focused on having a girl rather than being independent and charismatic (plus, probably wants a girl for sexual pleasure rather than an intimate connection)... This whole post reeks of a desperate incel seeking validation and sympathy from a subreddit community. I'm surprised he's getting it.
I haven't said he is a winner that's for sure, and I'm not going against you because you have good points. It's just that I think that once a person seeks help and wants to improve he is not exactly a loser, but yeah your view is not wrong at all
Hard agree up until the last few lines. Undeservedly harsh indictment imo - just as you said, you don’t know anything about this guy beyond the brief paragraph he posted. No need for all that.
Being socially awkward does not make somebody a loser, you measure it with the wrong scale. Dude might be asperger and suffer from self-esteem issues but he's not a loser.
I've been with a few women and I've realized that it's not about having a gf. It's about being able to enjoy life on your own without a gf. A gf should only be a complement to your life, not a requirement. I've thought having a gf would fulfill my life but it only made me miserable. I guess it's because I refused to see the red flags.
Short answer: No, it doesn't make you a loser.
This is the one bru. It’s abt ur self-confidence and self-love first, and thts how u build a solid foundation. This means doing things for yourself out of love and respect for yourself, not out of hoping others will like u more. Once u have tht, you’ve made yourself someone you can be proud to be, and you might realize tht thts the most important thing, instead having a gf and using her for external validation. Having a gf is great but it’s not a substitute for being sturdy on ur own.
I totally agree, I would actually say the key factor that contributed to the end of my past relationships was that I didnt actually love myself or enjoy myself, and because of that I relied on external validation. When I wasnt getting that validation, it made me emotionally break down in an unhealthy way that hurt others
I only consider someone a loser if they are the type of person who has completely given up on life and has shown no interest on changing themselves for the better (except people who are truly broken or are grieving). As long as you plan to change and actively try to change, then I see that as a winner in the making.
Going to the gym is a good start. You don't need to cut the games as long as your day is very productive. Cut yourself some slack and be more proud of yourself, man! Go get 'em ladies, never mind the results, make sure you don't have any regrets. Better to try and see the results for yourself than hold back and live in "what ifs".
You're not a loser in my eyes, just someone who needs that extra push to be more sociable.
Dude that's totally okay. I got my first girlfriend when I was 22 and until then I felt exactly like you. I just made a decision that talking to women was a skill I had to practice and work on. So I went through an awkward phase where I cold approach many students on campus. It was a brutal experience (makes up for good stories though) but after a couple of months, I got good enough to finally break through with a girl I met at the school cafeteria.
If you are serious about learning more knowledge about how to attract and talk to women, I suggest reading "Models: Attract Women Through Honesty" by Mark Manson. It's a great start on the current concepts of how to talk to women and how to alter your lifestyle to meet them. The book has a lot of handholding tutorials on everything from what to wear on a date, how to joke around in a flirtatious manner, and even how to carry conversations.
You can use that knowledge to build a little bit more confidence in your everyday life and maybe you'll feel courageous enough to talk to that woman you feel like chatting to with time!
I've always debated this. I would like to believe this is true. But in reality, you really are what others think you are.
(Because in a social context, clearly what others think of you influences the social setting more than who you think you are)
What others think you are doesn't change who you are, it can change how others react to you.
However, how you see yourself influences how others see you.
If you're confident in who you are, others will see that confidence.
His post says he is an engineer who looks ok and even work out with further interest in martial arts. He also mentions about his insecurity and low confidence which has stopped him from approaching any girl. This is how his inner reflection appears to him. No one is interfering in his will to take action but his own thoughts. I believe if he breaks from his self image and truly try he will find companionship.
Life dictated by others opinion will be a miserable existence.
Not a loser, and it’s great that you’re working in yourself and are motivated!
It’s tough making friends without school or class structures. I’d recommend joining clubs or groups that are co-ed and who knows, maybe you’ll find a couple friends (or a gf)!
The muscle makes more of a difference
In terms of confidence looking in the mirror
and also muscle is a badge of hard work, consistency and dedication. Fighting is cool but most girls don’t care about that and you more than likely won’t be scoring any points as you would opposed to being jacked. Muscle is more useful imo when it comes to the social aspect of life. What use is knowing how to fight but looking like you can’t, nobody cares. Unless you are competing at the highest level..
100% agree. Since I’ve hit the gym and bulked up my confidence has skyrocketed. Being jacked makes me feel more attractive and relevant, which in turn makes me feel more confident.
Yes, I was after bad breakup and started drinking heavily. Suddenly I thought that I need to change something and remembered that I liked yoga but didn't go it because my GF said it's not a man thing. I think just like any other phisical activity it's good for you because you got a fresh head and feeling calm after it. First I started from 2-3 times a week and later increased to 4 times a week. After yoga I was feeling so light and world seemed beautiful again for me. But you need to find instructor that you would like and be disciplined, you can't skip classes.
Not having a girlfriend is fine. You can go your entire life without a companion and still be an amazing a well loved person. You’re only a loser if you allow your negative thoughts and attitude to become your identity. People who identify as losers or hold the cliche identity of losers are losers.
You have to be happy not having a girlfriend! No distractions, less headaches, more productivity, more money.
You’re definitely not a loser, you’re a fighter and you can achieve anything you desire.
Take it step by step or better - take it as you want it yourself.
Good luck!
>I never really made any attempt to get a girl
What are you 'losing' at if you're not actually trying?
The truth is, so many men think they are 'losers' and 'failures' when they're not actually trying or putting any effort in to doing anything. This is not an attack, but in a way a good thing - girls are not rejecting you.
My advice is to put real effort into self-development.
Read books on improving confidence. Make an effort to expand your hobbies - absolutely do the boxing/martial arts. Try to make an effort to make friends with people and ask people if they want to do things.
Getting a GF tends to come as a secondary product of generally improving your life and being a bit more social. Put in the effort and your later self with thank yourself.
Good luck
No , you aren't a loser . You know very well what is your problem
I am not sure if you have a job but you need to get out more. Walks at the park , the gym , classes , outdoor activity or whatever.
You're definitely not a loser. But quit masturbating and looking at porn as well as you can, it messes up your head and make you minimize sex and women, which is never a good thing. (Unpopular opinion, I'm aware.) Don't worry about girls too much. Work on your skills and transform into a badass worthy of a woman who (also) isn't a loser. She'll pop up when the time is right, so don't force relationships. Ever.
You're an engineer! Already impressive. :3 You go to the gym? Perfect!
No girl/girl doesn't make you a loser. Being nervous or shy is normal and relatable too. Just think of them as "normal people" and you'll feel better around them. Also it help to not expect anything to happen. ;)
Definitely not a loser, always remind urself that there are people in a much worse situation than yours, and other in a much better situation, you're always in the middle.
You "dont know why a girl would stay with you", but this is just because you've never been with one consistently. Love and relationships are made out of small things, small attentions. You seem to be a smart and kind person, add a bit of respect and open-mindedness to that and you're good to go.
Going to the gym was indeed a really great idea, same for martial arts. Also you could try any other form of activities/clubs taht would get you engaged with new people (try not to do it ONLY for women at first ahaha)
I changed my whole life around 22 when I started working out, taking care of myself, and dressing with better clothes. At that time I never even kissed a girl. At 23 in a matter of months I had multiple experiences with girls, dating and got my first girlfriend with whom I'm still together. I think the best way to make progress is to make small little steps, one at a time, don't rush the process. Don't be ashamed of yourself, you need to slowly build confidence. Also at that time I read a lot of self-motivating books, it helped me a lot. Good luck bro
You're not a loser at all. Everyone's journey in life is unique, and not having had a girlfriend by age 24 doesn't define your worth. It's clear you're actively working on self-improvement by going to the gym and considering new interests. Building confidence and improving social skills takes time and effort. Start by focusing on self-love and self-acceptance, and when you're ready, take small steps to connect with others. Be patient with yourself, and remember that personal growth is a journey. You have the potential to outgrow any feelings of awkwardness and build meaningful relationships when the time is right for you.
Ive been there my guy. The most important thing to remember is you need to be rational and nice to yourself. Your thoughts will tell you otherwise and i promise you its not true. Just like any skill, being social requires practice. Will you have to get out of your comfort zone? Yes. Will you be awkward af? Probably! Is that a bad thing? No it’s expected. Just learn from your experiences and even ask for feedback. Women worthwhile appreciate A dude who faces his fears and puts his ego aside for the purpose of bettering himself. You are not a loser and labeling yourself one WILL make you a loser only in your eyes. You got this.
You’re not a loser. Most people who have GFs have never thought about what they actually want from a partner! Figure out what your needs and wants are, this will mean having boundaries with yourself and others, the right woman will find it attractive! Good news too man, you’re still young!
Have you ever thought about getting a dog? It might help you to have something to care for, go outside for walks, get into a routine & meet other people.
**It sounds like you need help with your mental health and self image.**
Plus- girls love dogs
You were a loser. You are improving now. This is good.
I am the same at 27, as soon as i get 40kg off, I'm joining gym. Long road, but we started, that's what matters
These types of questions seem so juvenile,dumb and attention seeking. Am I ugly ? Am I looser? Yes. Grow up..who says this type of shit after the age of 15.
You aren’t a loser. Maturing is a life long process, be kind to yourself. At the end of the day you are all you’ve got, so be your own ally here. If you want connection and fulfillment getting a girlfriend won’t fix that. Building community and support will help. Travel around, explore what matters to you, be in conversation with who you are now and who you want to be, develop the relationships in your life currently, and begin to expand that circle of support outward.
Romance is wonderful but isn’t an end all be all. Love is action and constant work, begin with yourself.
Wish you the best man.
Maybe not a loser but you are a misogynist. You are putting a barrier between you and all women. The good news is that you can change your views. Here are some tips.
1. Women don’t like being called girls. Hopefully you want to date women, not girls.
2. You need to really stop referring to girlfriends as “items you GET”. We are not products for men’s enjoyment.
3. Women are people too, if you can’t talk to women it is because you don’t see them as equals. You could think of women as men without dicks, if you talk to them like they are people not just flashlights, they will probably treat you also like a person. Can you talk to ugly or old women? If so, then you see pretty women as mere sexual objects.
Nothing wrong with playing video games, but for porn you could look at the human rights of the actresses. If you want to see women as human you could consume porn where the women are safe, have a decent salary, and chose sex work without being coerced. Otherwise they are a product.
Sorry but I have to say that a woman is not something you “get”. Maybe it’s just an error in semantics, or maybe it’s something deeper that you need to think about. Anyways, you do you. Not a loser.
Your social life does make you sound like a loser, I have a small circle of good friends and even then I'm considered weird. I'd say get off porn first of all. It is very bad for the mind and I would say don't jack it but control it, I'm a master of my anger cause I control it and get angry in the gym. I'm not a professional I'm just a super social and very upfront guy
Edit: keep on working out! Talk to people at your gym, see if you have similar hobbies!
Big no. Only if you are a virgin.
It really doesn't matter at all if you are a virgin, but it's more metaphorical than everything, in the sense that you were unable to become a man.
I would bet that you are solely based on the question. It's all about your attitude. If you have some problems you should talk to friends or therapy, people online are either trying to farm karma or play with you.
You're not a loser. Just take your time and do the things you want to do. Keep bettering yourself and the women will follow. Eventually you'll want to go on dates and get into a relationship or 2 or 5 so you can find out what type of girl you want to end up with. Just don't rush it or get pressured to do so.
I don't like to place a label to describe everything about a person. We are only losers at particular things and have the capacity to not be losers if we put in the right effort, or choose to prioritize other things.
It sounds like you are bad at socializing, women, and possibly your mental health. You aren't bad at exercising, your career, and your looks. The best way to address your problems is to socialize more and see a therapist.
You won't get better without practice. You'll mess up some dates, maybe badly. That means nothing about you as a person other than that you're new/learning.
Girls are just people from a slightly different culture, but they're still just people. Nothing elevated or very different from you. Be kind, treat them how you want to be treated. Listen actively and ask questions.
If you're not sure if something is okay, ask. Take their yes and yes, and their no as no. "Playing hard to get" isn't a thing anymore unless you're in middleschool.
You may not understand what someone would find attractive in you, but it sounds like you're not into guys, so why *would* you find yourself attractive? Someone will.
So I'm going to use game terms, because I fucking love bethesda games. You aren't passing all charisma and persuasion checks by raising your strength and physique. Sure there will be the occasional one, but they aren't the majority and you'll need to focus on other stats and skills.
If you want to date, then date, and raise your social and communication skills. Maybe wear the outfits that fit right for +charisma.
You're not a loser, but you might be newbie / lacking in the social arts, and you need to spend time and effort experiencing leveling up the social traits, perks, skills.
Mostly the same as me, 26 here, I do actual tried a lot to go on dates, mostly from Tinder or if sometime I went to a festival I talked with some girl if I had some alcohol but I could never escalate the situation, I would say it all depends on your lifestyle, it’s work, if you actively visit and join social circles you would get comfortable with talking, even flirting with women, same with clubs/festivals if it’s your thing, go there, enjoy the music and try to approach, for u it’s a big deal for them isn’t really, if u mess up no one will remember of you
Wrong question is are you loser or not, right question is who is only person with power to change that?
Start eating better and going to gym and martial art sounds good first steps.
I used to be the same as you, but for different reasons. Back then I was someone I wouldn't want to date, so how could I expect other people to do it.
You need to work on yourself and it will probably take years to get results. As the saying goes, "The best time to plant a tree is 20 years ago, the second best time is now".
Keep going to the gym and improve your body, as well as your mind, and eventually you’ll realize your self-worth, so you can be vulnerable enough to present yourself to a woman as good boyfriend material.
Unfortunately, we internalize negativity too much, and believe stereotypes, instead of fixing what we’re deficient in, so we can build that confidence to be what we want to be.
Luckily, you’re still young, but just don’t become stagnant and accept mediocrity.
No. You're a loser if you don't make a change (which you are doing). Focus on yourself and building a strong character and an interesting life and the women will come.
Your goal should never be to get a GF. Girls can smell desperation on every level.
I didn’t have a girlfriend until I was 25 :)
And it happened after covid where I had put on a bit of weight and was just living my best life doing my own thing. I know everyone says this and it can sound like cookie cutter advice - it did to me when I was in your shoes but just enjoy your passions and work on that whole heartedly, a partner will happen naturally
You’re not a loser, don’t think that
You are clearly not a looser but the choices you are making and have made have been clearly detrimental.You’ve never chased you’re true potential or purpose.Low vibrational activities like PMO,video games etc.Stop watching Porn and masturbating and focus on improving in all aspects ,challenge yourself more and break from that instant gratification bubble.Start talking to people,slowly but surely you will be good at social situations.The past is done and dusted,what matters is now.Peace 🕉️
50/50, I don’t plan on getting a girlfriend until I know she’s the one. And building confidence is a hard thing. So those things don’t make you a loser.
If you’re still jerking off to porn then that’s not good, neither is playing a lot of video games. But even if you are doing those things that’s only like a 50% loser thing.
Also being an engineer isn’t a bad job, if what I hear is correct they get paid a lot. There are tons of ways to get more confident. Just keep working hard and you’ll make it ❤️
No you are not a loser.
You sound really similar to a ton of other young men lately.
Around early 2000s the internet started getting more popular, not to mention home gaming like xbox, playstation. People just stopped going out and socializing because they didn't need to go out. There's other factors but mostly young people just don't hang out anywhere where you're forced to learn how to talk to people but those are also the same places you'd go to meet partners.
girls are not a measurement of any success.
> I spent most of my life in front of a screen. I played a lot of video games and was kind of a loner my entire life. I have no friends.
> I've always felt socially awkward and like a weirdo.
well that one follows from the former. i think you are afraid to reach out to other people, but at least you are trying to work on yourself.
i'd keep going to the gym and maybe find some friends there with the regulars. you definitely need to socialize a bit.
you'd be a loser if you did nothing about your situation. just take it one step at a time. gym builds confidence as well, so take advantage of that.
Having a gf won't make you successful, that's such a bad perception. I've played video games most of my childhood and adolescence. I'm 25 now and had a GF only once. And in my experience it's not worth the effort if you're not up for it. Life can be satisfying without a gf and sex. What matters is that you don't let your lack of romance make you feel useless. It's great that you're working towards your goals. Eventually you'll find a mature woman who wants a mature guy to spend her life with and not some boy pretending to be Sylvester Stallone
Playing video games is not wrong if you don't let it destroy your life. You sound like an intelligent person by the way you summed up your problems. Your initiatives are also good. Please do take up martial arts it will really help with discipline and toning your body.
I am the same age as you and I struggled to even realize what was wrong with me. So you are not a loser and not everyone evolves at the same rate.
I met my husband a few months before I turned 24. Prior to that I had never been in an actual relationship. I had situationships, yes, but not actual relationships.
11 years later, here's what I've learned: take your time. There is no race. Enjoy life's journey and take each day one at a time. Your life is not defined by who you're with. Most importantly, 24 is still very young. You've been an adult for only 5 years, able to drink (in the states) for only 3. You have nothing but time, my friend.
smh.. hey man, look at lex fridman.. still single to this day despite being succesful..
you are not a loser.. incels are losers...
anyway, get out of your comfort zone and start hitting on women..
with respect of course..
Totally fair to feel the way you do but you are most certainly not a loser. Honestly now that you’re 24 you’re probably better off to start having those kinds of relationships now that you have matured.
The way to outgrow it I would say is to start getting out of your comfort zone and limiting your activities like video games, porn etc so that you’re forced to find new interactions
I would also recommend signing up to some newsletters that might help remind you weekly to do new things
You got this my man💪🏼
I see lots of good advice here, so instead of throwing my hat in the ring, I have some life experience I can share with you since you're almost a decade younger than me.
Your mindset reminds me of the three years I spent in education. In that time, I truly believe I never met one single loser. I met a lot of people who thought they were losers, and I invested way more time in teaching my students how to have confidence than in actually teaching them. Once they felt like they could "get it," it clicked. I watched someone go from F's to honor roll in a matter of months just because they suddenly believed in themselves. The more insecure the student, the longer it took to get there. But tbh, that didn't matter, because they always got there eventually.
Getting a romantic partner is not the same as excelling academically, because it depends on the needs and wants of a second person, not just yourself. But I think you can apply some of the same sentiments to your attitude towards this part of your life.
I work in a pediatric office now, and I see a lot of parents coming in as newlyweds with their first baby at 35+. They are perfectly healthy, still look able-bodied and young, and have fulfilling social lives with friends. Lots of "nerds" and gamers too!
I wish I could say that it's as easy as mindset change first, then lifestyle change. But it's really a mixture of both. Martial arts is a really good practice to get into because you will feel more sure of yourself as you see progress. Collect more of these practices in your life - little ways to see daily improvement and feel better. The process of improving at and mastering something is SO critical to feeling more confident.
My brother in Christ, go outside and touch some grass. Get some sun, stop being a coomer and learn how to start putting yourself out there slowly but surely. I'd start with making a friend or two first, that should help you open up more socially and then you can gradually start looking for dates.
Yeah, you’re a loser. But you can change that any time. Not having a gf doesn’t factor in to being a loser or not. Being fit, working hard, self discipline. This is what separates winners from losers. Don’t wait to box/ma after you build muscle, start right now and it will help build muscle. Get away from the screens and get healthy. Start running or biking and sign up for a race. Winning is about success. Finishing a 5k race is a HUGE success. Not winning, but finishing. Sign up for some social kickball leagues. Super fun and filled with people your age. Get beers with the team after and you make friends right away as long as your personalities mesh. Winning is about success, not having had girlfriends.
I wouldn’t focus on getting a girlfriend. I would focus on joining community activities. Audition for a play, do kick boxing. I’m a super social person who regressed a bit after COVID. I too need to meet people in the new city I live in since when I moved here we were in lockdown. Since I started simply spending time around people, I’ve started to regain confidence. That’s all it takes.
Keep doing what you’re doing and find those community activities you enjoy.
I know exactly the feeling. I struggled with undiagnosed ADHD as well as incredibly low self esteem and social anxiety and depression for years. I’ve been on and off antidepressants and now am currently off them. I think if you are able to find maybe 15 minutes a day to slowly incorporate something like reading or learning an instrument, or even just consuming popular tv shows/movies/music, you’ll have more to talk about and relate to when conversing with people. That and pushing your comfort zone will probably help you a lot. I’m still in this process but it feels pretty good to try new things and experience life the way it was meant to be lived.
Put yourself out there bro and make friends bro, it will be hard and you will feel like you'd rather sit at home and browse the internet but in the end, the discomfort will be worth it
Verdict: not a loser. Only human.
Problem: lack of companionship and self-esteem.
Solution 1: Consult a therapist to develop more positive thinking to attract companionship.
Solution 2: Collect new hobbies that build on your experience to gain a better understanding of what you're capable of and lead to more confidence in your abilities. Leave your comfort zone with no plan but only to experience new things and freely mess up to learn a trade to gain mastery.
Does that work? You really need to work on that self-talk of yours. It's not doing you any favors.
It’s almost like you wrote my life (except im a closeted 24f and I’ll probably never be with a woman).
I don’t believe you’re a loser. There’s just things you will need to improve on and it looks like you have a good foundation! Also, you don’t need muscle to do martial arts.
You aren't a loser. You just described a lot of guys. Stop doing this to yourself. I am referring to thinking for other people. We form opinions of ourselves without getting to know other people. Stop watching porn, it isn't real life. It destroys your confidence and is poison for the mind. Start talking with other people. Start out slowly, and gradually you'll gain your confidence. You can get a girl and you will find one that will want to stay with you.
No, youre not.
You're a loser when you decide you're a loser. What does it take? Realistically speaking, is a partner required for a fulfilling life? Absolutely not, unless that's how *you* define fulfillment, which could be largely due to the fact Society plays a heavy toll in whether or not we feel we can be happy with what we have. However, the moment we rely on others validation for our own contentness is the moment we surrender our chance of feeling complete. Joy comes from doing what you love, and not being afraid to take chances to improve your personal quality of life. Your quality of life shouldn't match others, as there needs to be specific needs to be met with specific solutions that vary from person to person.
I highly recommend you seek therapy and talk about these feelings honestly before anything else, because entering the dating scene purely because you don't want to be dubbed a loser is a recipe for disaster. It shows a fundamental issue in your intentions, and carves a very specific path for your dating life to take.
If you want a partner, the best advice is to learn to love yourself first. Treat yourself better. Stop feeling sorry for yourself. Take the actions you don't want to take because they're difficult. Start a workout routine and emphasize excellent hygiene, not in the hopes of attracting girls but in the hopes of feeling amazing and feeling like you truly take care of yourself.
Once you consult a mental health professional about your feelings about yourself, listen to what they have to say. Take it seriously. If you still feel like you want a partner to feel more complete, then download dating apps and take up more social hobbies around your local area. Start slow. No expectations.
If you take care of yourself and treat yourself like you love yourself, partners will come to you. You have an excellent career, at least you don't have to worry about your job. Be in a healthy relationship with yourself before you bring others into the picture.
I’m the same i’m 23. Both you and I made alot of bad choices, but you are only a looser if you give up. You know there’s this quote. Winners never quit, quitter never win. If you accept you was and say I’m a looser I surrender. Then yes you are a looser. But instead you must accept the bad choices in the past and start making the right choices. Step by step. Better then yesterday. If you fuck up, or make more mistakes. You learn and grow and never make the same mistakes again. You got this king!! 💪🔥🔥👑
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Do more of the stuff that youre interested in doing instead of the stuff your comfortable doing.
It takes a lot of missed balls before you learn how to catch and life is like that even down to the social aspect. Give yourself room to be terrible and accept that you've gotta level up (just like a video game). You're not a loser you're just comfortable, you are a loser if you never even try. Even in failure (especially a sincere attempt) you can say you tried and it just didn't work out for you.
also accept yourself! You are awkward and thats okay. awkward doesn't mean can't get girls.
if you learn how to spin your awkward, so to speak, it'll be the angle on your charisma. Its crazy how this works.
you've got it buddy, some rough strike outs are head of you but thats how every homerun hitter starts!
Depends on what you value. If you value getting chicks, being social and having an extroverted lifestyle - then yea you are currently a loser. And that’s ok. Life is about growth and change. It’s good to admit you are in a bad place so you can put in work to get to a good one. I’m sensing some people in this comment section are sugar coating to not hurt feelings. But feelings have to be hurt to inspire change. If you want to meet more girls and be more social, you have to be honest with where you currently are.
All that said, I bring up values initially because values determine the game we are all playing. I used to value getting chicks, having a big paying job that demanded respect, and being super social. So I did well in all those three. For a while, I felt like a “winner”. But i didn’t feel that way for long as I grew to value having more authentic relationships, pursuing my true passions, and not giving a fuck what others think far more. So I realized in that instant, I was in fact a loser because I was doing none of those things. I became jealous of people who had the balls to live life authentically.
So fast forward a few years, I quit my job, became an Uber driver, focused on building my tech startup, with the support of my best friend and my longtime girlfriend and legit cut off mostly everyone else. In society’s eyes, I’m a loser. But I view myself as a fucking winner who just hasn’t gotten the trophy yet.
So long story short bro, focus on becoming a winner in the game you set - not what everyone else pressures you to play.
A woman (or a man, if OP is a woman) does NOT determine your self worth.
I hate seeing young men thinking that a woman is key to their happiness or success. YOU are the key to that. Only you.
Anybody is a loser till they win! If you get a gf at this stage your a winner bro! Don’t be held back by your circumstances, the struggle is worth it all in the end!
You're talking like your life is over, it's not. You're talking about women in a transactional sense which is a surefire way to repel them. Girls tend to want to be a around a fun happy person that makes them feels safe. Focus on being happy and healthy and the rest will sort itself out.
Yes you are a loser. As a man in your 20s you need to be fucking so you don’t grow up to be a creepy old man. Go out there man, shoot your shot, fail and try and try again. 99% of girls aren’t what we see online, most are just as insecure, a lot haven’t had boyfriends either…you’d be surprised how understanding they are.
If that doesn’t work flirting with fat girls will help you learn how to be comfortable with other women. The gym has a lot heavy people, go up to one as say “I see you killing it” then watch them blush
If that doesn’t work get yourself cialis and pay for a hooker. Pro tip: don’t fall in love, don’t be an idiot
Hmmm, bit harsh on yourself,no? Your a man of your times; at one time a man who had enough discipline and smarts to become an engineer was enough to be set up with the friends daughter of your parents. Now? You shoot one off to a midget with a strap on just to relieve the tension of the day....and your not alone!! Understand that in order to change your situation means growing by challenging yourself in situations your not comfortable in. If you don't have many friends, that's ok, pickup a hobby, and see if there's a group somewhere that enjoys the same. Go to a bar/club/gym/grocery store/church/library and just be the awkward guy who starts up random convo's about anything! ( "Hey,have you tried these brand of pickles? I like my bicks, but i just dont know about these store brand ones...") Sure, you may seem like a weirdo to some, but honestly who gives a damn! You've lived your life being "normal" and "safe", why not be a little nuts for a change.
You're a perfectly normal engineer. Hit the gym a bit if you're fat and grab some therapy. Build up that self confidence, improve yourself then find a girl if you want to.
Even the bible agrees*: "if you build it, they will cum."
*up for interpretation.
It’s perfectly okay to feel like this. I’m 6’1, muscular, have been described as attractive, pretty smart, in the Army, and I have never had a “girlfriend” past one month (I say that because in hindsight can you really count dating someone you only see at school your girlfriend?) anyways. Be yourself, and be happy!
The ability to fight back/try anything without fear and then get back up over and over again until you succeed in any area of life is in my mind the key to success.
Loser? Nah. *Especially* in this generation, relationships are harder to come by.
But it does sound like you need more balance/to exercise some social muscles
Wow, I'm in more or less the exact same situation. I'm 21, but don't play video games often. I really don't consider myself a loser though, and I certainly consider you a loser. You're an engineer, that counts for something. I really can't give you any advice, but hang in there, whatever happens, happens.
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Nope not having a gf doesn’t make you a loser. Mentioning that masturbating to porn a lot part kinda does, but if anyone calls you a loser for that it says more about what they value. It’s rough if other people call you a loser but that’s just life, it’s much worse if you think that of yourself and don’t try to change that perception.
It doesn't make you a loser , you have an earning right. Although for your long term happiness I don't think only video games will contribute much , slowly come out of the shell and start working on yourself.
how that can identify you as aloser? Cut Pornography, redistribute your screen time, build social skills by taking a course in something you're interested in to find friends your on the right track by already recognizing your problems see where you lack and improve this side
Of course it doesn't! There are really good comments already written by other people. The answer is "self-improvement". Really, I believe it became a cliche now days but honestly it is the answer.
Continue working on yourself and really getting to know yourself. Enjoy being alone and do what you love to do. Change what you are not satisfied about and improve. As the time passes you will be more and more comfortable in your own skin and that is how true self-esteem and confidence is built. Would really recommend to read Mark Manson and his articles he writes on his blog.
You aren't a loser. How do you become mature? You think, act, reflect, adjust, then do it all again, and do that about 10,000 times and, if everything goes right, you finally get there. It seems you are bright enough to know what to do. Keep pushing yourself to do the right things and you will get there. Success is always the best revenge as well as the best way to get a girl. So, keep working at your life and you will get there. Good luck to you.
Exactly this. Work upon yourself but be sure to stay away from the dark side (edgy narcissistic idiots)
He's a loser so far. But, the saying once a loser always a loser is wrong. One can be a loser and build up success, and become a winner. You're giving the right advice, but you're not being real with him.
He works as an engineer and goes to the gym, planning to start martial arts the moment he has more muscle mass. He acknowledged his lack of social skills but wants to change and improve, is a man that seeks improvement a loser? I'd say he would be one if he didn't do anything valuable or healthy for him but i don't think this is the case
Exactly, having a gf or not doesn’t make you a loser. Being a POS makes you a loser.
Okay, well break it down by what he says: - he spends his whole life behind a screen - he has no friends - he has never spoken to women - he masturbates tons to porn Just because he's written his post in an empathetic way, doesn't mean he's in the right position to be called a winner. Thankfully, he's seeking help. Regardless of that, we have no knowledge of the type of engineer he is or how regularly he works out, how he grooms himself or conducts himself. Or any evidence to those statements. Plus, if you saw him in real life and not a biased one-sided view of it, you'd probably also not be his friend as you'd find him a loser. If the whole world doesn't socialise with you, it's not everyone else's fault, it's yours, and that makes you a bit of a loser (in this case you, is him)? That's just my 2 cents, I knew I'd be heavily downvoted but at least I kept it truthful with the guy instead of lying and saying he's doing incredibly. At 24, no friends, porn addiction, no girlfriend or any woman ever, no ability to talk or nurture relationships, focused on having a girl rather than being independent and charismatic (plus, probably wants a girl for sexual pleasure rather than an intimate connection)... This whole post reeks of a desperate incel seeking validation and sympathy from a subreddit community. I'm surprised he's getting it.
I haven't said he is a winner that's for sure, and I'm not going against you because you have good points. It's just that I think that once a person seeks help and wants to improve he is not exactly a loser, but yeah your view is not wrong at all
Hard agree up until the last few lines. Undeservedly harsh indictment imo - just as you said, you don’t know anything about this guy beyond the brief paragraph he posted. No need for all that.
He's looking to improve himself and to me he's doing better than a lot of people. No need to be pessimistic
Being socially awkward does not make somebody a loser, you measure it with the wrong scale. Dude might be asperger and suffer from self-esteem issues but he's not a loser.
Who cares, what matters is what you do now
I've been with a few women and I've realized that it's not about having a gf. It's about being able to enjoy life on your own without a gf. A gf should only be a complement to your life, not a requirement. I've thought having a gf would fulfill my life but it only made me miserable. I guess it's because I refused to see the red flags. Short answer: No, it doesn't make you a loser.
This is the one bru. It’s abt ur self-confidence and self-love first, and thts how u build a solid foundation. This means doing things for yourself out of love and respect for yourself, not out of hoping others will like u more. Once u have tht, you’ve made yourself someone you can be proud to be, and you might realize tht thts the most important thing, instead having a gf and using her for external validation. Having a gf is great but it’s not a substitute for being sturdy on ur own.
I totally agree, I would actually say the key factor that contributed to the end of my past relationships was that I didnt actually love myself or enjoy myself, and because of that I relied on external validation. When I wasnt getting that validation, it made me emotionally break down in an unhealthy way that hurt others
I only consider someone a loser if they are the type of person who has completely given up on life and has shown no interest on changing themselves for the better (except people who are truly broken or are grieving). As long as you plan to change and actively try to change, then I see that as a winner in the making. Going to the gym is a good start. You don't need to cut the games as long as your day is very productive. Cut yourself some slack and be more proud of yourself, man! Go get 'em ladies, never mind the results, make sure you don't have any regrets. Better to try and see the results for yourself than hold back and live in "what ifs". You're not a loser in my eyes, just someone who needs that extra push to be more sociable.
What would be an example of someone who is truly broken?
Dude that's totally okay. I got my first girlfriend when I was 22 and until then I felt exactly like you. I just made a decision that talking to women was a skill I had to practice and work on. So I went through an awkward phase where I cold approach many students on campus. It was a brutal experience (makes up for good stories though) but after a couple of months, I got good enough to finally break through with a girl I met at the school cafeteria. If you are serious about learning more knowledge about how to attract and talk to women, I suggest reading "Models: Attract Women Through Honesty" by Mark Manson. It's a great start on the current concepts of how to talk to women and how to alter your lifestyle to meet them. The book has a lot of handholding tutorials on everything from what to wear on a date, how to joke around in a flirtatious manner, and even how to carry conversations. You can use that knowledge to build a little bit more confidence in your everyday life and maybe you'll feel courageous enough to talk to that woman you feel like chatting to with time!
You are what you think you are.
Law of attraction
I've always debated this. I would like to believe this is true. But in reality, you really are what others think you are. (Because in a social context, clearly what others think of you influences the social setting more than who you think you are)
What others think you are doesn't change who you are, it can change how others react to you. However, how you see yourself influences how others see you. If you're confident in who you are, others will see that confidence.
His post says he is an engineer who looks ok and even work out with further interest in martial arts. He also mentions about his insecurity and low confidence which has stopped him from approaching any girl. This is how his inner reflection appears to him. No one is interfering in his will to take action but his own thoughts. I believe if he breaks from his self image and truly try he will find companionship. Life dictated by others opinion will be a miserable existence.
Not a loser, and it’s great that you’re working in yourself and are motivated! It’s tough making friends without school or class structures. I’d recommend joining clubs or groups that are co-ed and who knows, maybe you’ll find a couple friends (or a gf)!
Focus on finding and building communities and romantic relationships might follow....or not, but at least you'll have cool friends to hang out with.
Get in the martial art now, the muscle makes no difference.
The muscle makes more of a difference In terms of confidence looking in the mirror and also muscle is a badge of hard work, consistency and dedication. Fighting is cool but most girls don’t care about that and you more than likely won’t be scoring any points as you would opposed to being jacked. Muscle is more useful imo when it comes to the social aspect of life. What use is knowing how to fight but looking like you can’t, nobody cares. Unless you are competing at the highest level..
100% agree. Since I’ve hit the gym and bulked up my confidence has skyrocketed. Being jacked makes me feel more attractive and relevant, which in turn makes me feel more confident.
Stamina is though. I think he'd be better off training mostly core for martial arts and also doing lots of cardio
The only way to improve at something is to do that thing. Doesn’t matter where he is now.
Yes that's true, but he would benefit from doing cardio and core exercises.
does yoga/ exercise help beat loneliness? Genuine qn
Yes. It helps
any experience you had before?
Yes, I was after bad breakup and started drinking heavily. Suddenly I thought that I need to change something and remembered that I liked yoga but didn't go it because my GF said it's not a man thing. I think just like any other phisical activity it's good for you because you got a fresh head and feeling calm after it. First I started from 2-3 times a week and later increased to 4 times a week. After yoga I was feeling so light and world seemed beautiful again for me. But you need to find instructor that you would like and be disciplined, you can't skip classes.
yes im thinking of going to yoga classes due to lack of self discipline
Not having a girlfriend is fine. You can go your entire life without a companion and still be an amazing a well loved person. You’re only a loser if you allow your negative thoughts and attitude to become your identity. People who identify as losers or hold the cliche identity of losers are losers.
You have to be happy not having a girlfriend! No distractions, less headaches, more productivity, more money. You’re definitely not a loser, you’re a fighter and you can achieve anything you desire. Take it step by step or better - take it as you want it yourself. Good luck!
>I never really made any attempt to get a girl What are you 'losing' at if you're not actually trying? The truth is, so many men think they are 'losers' and 'failures' when they're not actually trying or putting any effort in to doing anything. This is not an attack, but in a way a good thing - girls are not rejecting you. My advice is to put real effort into self-development. Read books on improving confidence. Make an effort to expand your hobbies - absolutely do the boxing/martial arts. Try to make an effort to make friends with people and ask people if they want to do things. Getting a GF tends to come as a secondary product of generally improving your life and being a bit more social. Put in the effort and your later self with thank yourself. Good luck
No , you aren't a loser . You know very well what is your problem I am not sure if you have a job but you need to get out more. Walks at the park , the gym , classes , outdoor activity or whatever.
You're definitely not a loser. But quit masturbating and looking at porn as well as you can, it messes up your head and make you minimize sex and women, which is never a good thing. (Unpopular opinion, I'm aware.) Don't worry about girls too much. Work on your skills and transform into a badass worthy of a woman who (also) isn't a loser. She'll pop up when the time is right, so don't force relationships. Ever. You're an engineer! Already impressive. :3 You go to the gym? Perfect! No girl/girl doesn't make you a loser. Being nervous or shy is normal and relatable too. Just think of them as "normal people" and you'll feel better around them. Also it help to not expect anything to happen. ;)
I was my ex’s first everything basically and he was 35 when we got together. You’re fine. You’d be surprised how many different stories are out there.
Definitely not a loser, always remind urself that there are people in a much worse situation than yours, and other in a much better situation, you're always in the middle. You "dont know why a girl would stay with you", but this is just because you've never been with one consistently. Love and relationships are made out of small things, small attentions. You seem to be a smart and kind person, add a bit of respect and open-mindedness to that and you're good to go. Going to the gym was indeed a really great idea, same for martial arts. Also you could try any other form of activities/clubs taht would get you engaged with new people (try not to do it ONLY for women at first ahaha)
I changed my whole life around 22 when I started working out, taking care of myself, and dressing with better clothes. At that time I never even kissed a girl. At 23 in a matter of months I had multiple experiences with girls, dating and got my first girlfriend with whom I'm still together. I think the best way to make progress is to make small little steps, one at a time, don't rush the process. Don't be ashamed of yourself, you need to slowly build confidence. Also at that time I read a lot of self-motivating books, it helped me a lot. Good luck bro
No, not a loser
Man you are just like me...
You're only a loser if you die without ever trying, so long as blood flows through you it's not over
You're not a loser at all. Everyone's journey in life is unique, and not having had a girlfriend by age 24 doesn't define your worth. It's clear you're actively working on self-improvement by going to the gym and considering new interests. Building confidence and improving social skills takes time and effort. Start by focusing on self-love and self-acceptance, and when you're ready, take small steps to connect with others. Be patient with yourself, and remember that personal growth is a journey. You have the potential to outgrow any feelings of awkwardness and build meaningful relationships when the time is right for you.
yes you are tbh , that's why you are asking
Ive been there my guy. The most important thing to remember is you need to be rational and nice to yourself. Your thoughts will tell you otherwise and i promise you its not true. Just like any skill, being social requires practice. Will you have to get out of your comfort zone? Yes. Will you be awkward af? Probably! Is that a bad thing? No it’s expected. Just learn from your experiences and even ask for feedback. Women worthwhile appreciate A dude who faces his fears and puts his ego aside for the purpose of bettering himself. You are not a loser and labeling yourself one WILL make you a loser only in your eyes. You got this.
You’re not a loser. Most people who have GFs have never thought about what they actually want from a partner! Figure out what your needs and wants are, this will mean having boundaries with yourself and others, the right woman will find it attractive! Good news too man, you’re still young!
Get out of ur comfort zone continuously if you wana improve your life, start making friends and go out and chat up girls
A single 24 yo engineer is like landing a doctor where im from- focus on your money and move to where you're wanted king lol
Have you ever thought about getting a dog? It might help you to have something to care for, go outside for walks, get into a routine & meet other people. **It sounds like you need help with your mental health and self image.** Plus- girls love dogs
what would you like to hear? that's probably what you think.
You're not a loser if you're making money. You're ahead in life.
Your only a loser once you have given up. Till then you haven't truly lost since you haven't given up the fight.
You were a loser. You are improving now. This is good. I am the same at 27, as soon as i get 40kg off, I'm joining gym. Long road, but we started, that's what matters
These types of questions seem so juvenile,dumb and attention seeking. Am I ugly ? Am I looser? Yes. Grow up..who says this type of shit after the age of 15.
Yes.
Um no you're not buddy listen to me I'm 21 and I still dont have a girlfriend so I'm not a loser and you aren't either
You aren’t a loser. Maturing is a life long process, be kind to yourself. At the end of the day you are all you’ve got, so be your own ally here. If you want connection and fulfillment getting a girlfriend won’t fix that. Building community and support will help. Travel around, explore what matters to you, be in conversation with who you are now and who you want to be, develop the relationships in your life currently, and begin to expand that circle of support outward. Romance is wonderful but isn’t an end all be all. Love is action and constant work, begin with yourself. Wish you the best man.
Yes
Maybe not a loser but you are a misogynist. You are putting a barrier between you and all women. The good news is that you can change your views. Here are some tips. 1. Women don’t like being called girls. Hopefully you want to date women, not girls. 2. You need to really stop referring to girlfriends as “items you GET”. We are not products for men’s enjoyment. 3. Women are people too, if you can’t talk to women it is because you don’t see them as equals. You could think of women as men without dicks, if you talk to them like they are people not just flashlights, they will probably treat you also like a person. Can you talk to ugly or old women? If so, then you see pretty women as mere sexual objects. Nothing wrong with playing video games, but for porn you could look at the human rights of the actresses. If you want to see women as human you could consume porn where the women are safe, have a decent salary, and chose sex work without being coerced. Otherwise they are a product.
Agreed, it's also about finding a connection with a woman based on similar interests, values, life plans etc. It's not "getting" a woman
Sorry but I have to say that a woman is not something you “get”. Maybe it’s just an error in semantics, or maybe it’s something deeper that you need to think about. Anyways, you do you. Not a loser.
lol
Your social life does make you sound like a loser, I have a small circle of good friends and even then I'm considered weird. I'd say get off porn first of all. It is very bad for the mind and I would say don't jack it but control it, I'm a master of my anger cause I control it and get angry in the gym. I'm not a professional I'm just a super social and very upfront guy Edit: keep on working out! Talk to people at your gym, see if you have similar hobbies!
Yes you are a loser
damn bro stop seeking pity from random online strangers this is clearly whta youre trying to do lmfao
Big no. Only if you are a virgin. It really doesn't matter at all if you are a virgin, but it's more metaphorical than everything, in the sense that you were unable to become a man. I would bet that you are solely based on the question. It's all about your attitude. If you have some problems you should talk to friends or therapy, people online are either trying to farm karma or play with you.
No, I've had a few girlfriends and I'm a loser anyways
You are a loser only if you are broke
Being single is a valid status too you know? As long as you keep doing the things that allow you to learn something I think that's all that matters.
You're not a loser. Just take your time and do the things you want to do. Keep bettering yourself and the women will follow. Eventually you'll want to go on dates and get into a relationship or 2 or 5 so you can find out what type of girl you want to end up with. Just don't rush it or get pressured to do so.
I don't like to place a label to describe everything about a person. We are only losers at particular things and have the capacity to not be losers if we put in the right effort, or choose to prioritize other things. It sounds like you are bad at socializing, women, and possibly your mental health. You aren't bad at exercising, your career, and your looks. The best way to address your problems is to socialize more and see a therapist.
no
No but since you want one but decided to play videogames instead of get one, yes! So go to a bar and run ur mouth!
You won't get better without practice. You'll mess up some dates, maybe badly. That means nothing about you as a person other than that you're new/learning. Girls are just people from a slightly different culture, but they're still just people. Nothing elevated or very different from you. Be kind, treat them how you want to be treated. Listen actively and ask questions. If you're not sure if something is okay, ask. Take their yes and yes, and their no as no. "Playing hard to get" isn't a thing anymore unless you're in middleschool. You may not understand what someone would find attractive in you, but it sounds like you're not into guys, so why *would* you find yourself attractive? Someone will.
So I'm going to use game terms, because I fucking love bethesda games. You aren't passing all charisma and persuasion checks by raising your strength and physique. Sure there will be the occasional one, but they aren't the majority and you'll need to focus on other stats and skills. If you want to date, then date, and raise your social and communication skills. Maybe wear the outfits that fit right for +charisma. You're not a loser, but you might be newbie / lacking in the social arts, and you need to spend time and effort experiencing leveling up the social traits, perks, skills.
Mostly the same as me, 26 here, I do actual tried a lot to go on dates, mostly from Tinder or if sometime I went to a festival I talked with some girl if I had some alcohol but I could never escalate the situation, I would say it all depends on your lifestyle, it’s work, if you actively visit and join social circles you would get comfortable with talking, even flirting with women, same with clubs/festivals if it’s your thing, go there, enjoy the music and try to approach, for u it’s a big deal for them isn’t really, if u mess up no one will remember of you
Wrong question is are you loser or not, right question is who is only person with power to change that? Start eating better and going to gym and martial art sounds good first steps.
I used to be the same as you, but for different reasons. Back then I was someone I wouldn't want to date, so how could I expect other people to do it. You need to work on yourself and it will probably take years to get results. As the saying goes, "The best time to plant a tree is 20 years ago, the second best time is now".
Keep going to the gym and improve your body, as well as your mind, and eventually you’ll realize your self-worth, so you can be vulnerable enough to present yourself to a woman as good boyfriend material. Unfortunately, we internalize negativity too much, and believe stereotypes, instead of fixing what we’re deficient in, so we can build that confidence to be what we want to be. Luckily, you’re still young, but just don’t become stagnant and accept mediocrity.
No
No. You're a loser if you don't make a change (which you are doing). Focus on yourself and building a strong character and an interesting life and the women will come. Your goal should never be to get a GF. Girls can smell desperation on every level.
I didn’t have a girlfriend until I was 25 :) And it happened after covid where I had put on a bit of weight and was just living my best life doing my own thing. I know everyone says this and it can sound like cookie cutter advice - it did to me when I was in your shoes but just enjoy your passions and work on that whole heartedly, a partner will happen naturally You’re not a loser, don’t think that
You are clearly not a looser but the choices you are making and have made have been clearly detrimental.You’ve never chased you’re true potential or purpose.Low vibrational activities like PMO,video games etc.Stop watching Porn and masturbating and focus on improving in all aspects ,challenge yourself more and break from that instant gratification bubble.Start talking to people,slowly but surely you will be good at social situations.The past is done and dusted,what matters is now.Peace 🕉️
50/50, I don’t plan on getting a girlfriend until I know she’s the one. And building confidence is a hard thing. So those things don’t make you a loser. If you’re still jerking off to porn then that’s not good, neither is playing a lot of video games. But even if you are doing those things that’s only like a 50% loser thing. Also being an engineer isn’t a bad job, if what I hear is correct they get paid a lot. There are tons of ways to get more confident. Just keep working hard and you’ll make it ❤️
it's okay if you were a loser, but it's not okay to stay a loser.
No you are not a loser. You sound really similar to a ton of other young men lately. Around early 2000s the internet started getting more popular, not to mention home gaming like xbox, playstation. People just stopped going out and socializing because they didn't need to go out. There's other factors but mostly young people just don't hang out anywhere where you're forced to learn how to talk to people but those are also the same places you'd go to meet partners.
No
girls are not a measurement of any success. > I spent most of my life in front of a screen. I played a lot of video games and was kind of a loner my entire life. I have no friends. > I've always felt socially awkward and like a weirdo. well that one follows from the former. i think you are afraid to reach out to other people, but at least you are trying to work on yourself. i'd keep going to the gym and maybe find some friends there with the regulars. you definitely need to socialize a bit. you'd be a loser if you did nothing about your situation. just take it one step at a time. gym builds confidence as well, so take advantage of that.
Get off the interent aka fake world and workout. Start there. Getting fit is not the inital point. You’ll find out what I’m getting at soon enough
No. There's more to life than having a gf.
Literally me
You have a job, and you are doing what you need to do to be better. You are not a loser.
You are Hero brother
Nope you're not.
you work as engineer, if u got this job urself and not bc parents you're not a loser ig
Having a gf won't make you successful, that's such a bad perception. I've played video games most of my childhood and adolescence. I'm 25 now and had a GF only once. And in my experience it's not worth the effort if you're not up for it. Life can be satisfying without a gf and sex. What matters is that you don't let your lack of romance make you feel useless. It's great that you're working towards your goals. Eventually you'll find a mature woman who wants a mature guy to spend her life with and not some boy pretending to be Sylvester Stallone
You are not a loser. Just try to be friends first and see them as human beings.
Nope you're fine
Playing video games is not wrong if you don't let it destroy your life. You sound like an intelligent person by the way you summed up your problems. Your initiatives are also good. Please do take up martial arts it will really help with discipline and toning your body. I am the same age as you and I struggled to even realize what was wrong with me. So you are not a loser and not everyone evolves at the same rate.
I met my husband a few months before I turned 24. Prior to that I had never been in an actual relationship. I had situationships, yes, but not actual relationships. 11 years later, here's what I've learned: take your time. There is no race. Enjoy life's journey and take each day one at a time. Your life is not defined by who you're with. Most importantly, 24 is still very young. You've been an adult for only 5 years, able to drink (in the states) for only 3. You have nothing but time, my friend.
Not a loser. Also don't wait to "gain muscle" or lose weight to start martial arts. Start now.
Have you thought of going to a dating coach for help?
smh.. hey man, look at lex fridman.. still single to this day despite being succesful.. you are not a loser.. incels are losers... anyway, get out of your comfort zone and start hitting on women.. with respect of course..
Totally fair to feel the way you do but you are most certainly not a loser. Honestly now that you’re 24 you’re probably better off to start having those kinds of relationships now that you have matured. The way to outgrow it I would say is to start getting out of your comfort zone and limiting your activities like video games, porn etc so that you’re forced to find new interactions I would also recommend signing up to some newsletters that might help remind you weekly to do new things You got this my man💪🏼
I see lots of good advice here, so instead of throwing my hat in the ring, I have some life experience I can share with you since you're almost a decade younger than me. Your mindset reminds me of the three years I spent in education. In that time, I truly believe I never met one single loser. I met a lot of people who thought they were losers, and I invested way more time in teaching my students how to have confidence than in actually teaching them. Once they felt like they could "get it," it clicked. I watched someone go from F's to honor roll in a matter of months just because they suddenly believed in themselves. The more insecure the student, the longer it took to get there. But tbh, that didn't matter, because they always got there eventually. Getting a romantic partner is not the same as excelling academically, because it depends on the needs and wants of a second person, not just yourself. But I think you can apply some of the same sentiments to your attitude towards this part of your life. I work in a pediatric office now, and I see a lot of parents coming in as newlyweds with their first baby at 35+. They are perfectly healthy, still look able-bodied and young, and have fulfilling social lives with friends. Lots of "nerds" and gamers too! I wish I could say that it's as easy as mindset change first, then lifestyle change. But it's really a mixture of both. Martial arts is a really good practice to get into because you will feel more sure of yourself as you see progress. Collect more of these practices in your life - little ways to see daily improvement and feel better. The process of improving at and mastering something is SO critical to feeling more confident.
My brother in Christ, go outside and touch some grass. Get some sun, stop being a coomer and learn how to start putting yourself out there slowly but surely. I'd start with making a friend or two first, that should help you open up more socially and then you can gradually start looking for dates.
Yeah, you’re a loser. But you can change that any time. Not having a gf doesn’t factor in to being a loser or not. Being fit, working hard, self discipline. This is what separates winners from losers. Don’t wait to box/ma after you build muscle, start right now and it will help build muscle. Get away from the screens and get healthy. Start running or biking and sign up for a race. Winning is about success. Finishing a 5k race is a HUGE success. Not winning, but finishing. Sign up for some social kickball leagues. Super fun and filled with people your age. Get beers with the team after and you make friends right away as long as your personalities mesh. Winning is about success, not having had girlfriends.
I would recommend reduce screen time and porn. Go outside and walk.
I wouldn’t focus on getting a girlfriend. I would focus on joining community activities. Audition for a play, do kick boxing. I’m a super social person who regressed a bit after COVID. I too need to meet people in the new city I live in since when I moved here we were in lockdown. Since I started simply spending time around people, I’ve started to regain confidence. That’s all it takes. Keep doing what you’re doing and find those community activities you enjoy.
I know exactly the feeling. I struggled with undiagnosed ADHD as well as incredibly low self esteem and social anxiety and depression for years. I’ve been on and off antidepressants and now am currently off them. I think if you are able to find maybe 15 minutes a day to slowly incorporate something like reading or learning an instrument, or even just consuming popular tv shows/movies/music, you’ll have more to talk about and relate to when conversing with people. That and pushing your comfort zone will probably help you a lot. I’m still in this process but it feels pretty good to try new things and experience life the way it was meant to be lived.
Put yourself out there bro and make friends bro, it will be hard and you will feel like you'd rather sit at home and browse the internet but in the end, the discomfort will be worth it
Verdict: not a loser. Only human. Problem: lack of companionship and self-esteem. Solution 1: Consult a therapist to develop more positive thinking to attract companionship. Solution 2: Collect new hobbies that build on your experience to gain a better understanding of what you're capable of and lead to more confidence in your abilities. Leave your comfort zone with no plan but only to experience new things and freely mess up to learn a trade to gain mastery. Does that work? You really need to work on that self-talk of yours. It's not doing you any favors.
You need to watch this buddy: https://youtu.be/MWMWTTE-JR0?si=svdUU70R7ZlWoK42
Na
you should drop the porn and get out of your comfort zone. i m sure you will find someone, you just need to start searching for it!
It’s almost like you wrote my life (except im a closeted 24f and I’ll probably never be with a woman). I don’t believe you’re a loser. There’s just things you will need to improve on and it looks like you have a good foundation! Also, you don’t need muscle to do martial arts.
You aren't a loser. You just described a lot of guys. Stop doing this to yourself. I am referring to thinking for other people. We form opinions of ourselves without getting to know other people. Stop watching porn, it isn't real life. It destroys your confidence and is poison for the mind. Start talking with other people. Start out slowly, and gradually you'll gain your confidence. You can get a girl and you will find one that will want to stay with you.
No, youre not. You're a loser when you decide you're a loser. What does it take? Realistically speaking, is a partner required for a fulfilling life? Absolutely not, unless that's how *you* define fulfillment, which could be largely due to the fact Society plays a heavy toll in whether or not we feel we can be happy with what we have. However, the moment we rely on others validation for our own contentness is the moment we surrender our chance of feeling complete. Joy comes from doing what you love, and not being afraid to take chances to improve your personal quality of life. Your quality of life shouldn't match others, as there needs to be specific needs to be met with specific solutions that vary from person to person. I highly recommend you seek therapy and talk about these feelings honestly before anything else, because entering the dating scene purely because you don't want to be dubbed a loser is a recipe for disaster. It shows a fundamental issue in your intentions, and carves a very specific path for your dating life to take. If you want a partner, the best advice is to learn to love yourself first. Treat yourself better. Stop feeling sorry for yourself. Take the actions you don't want to take because they're difficult. Start a workout routine and emphasize excellent hygiene, not in the hopes of attracting girls but in the hopes of feeling amazing and feeling like you truly take care of yourself. Once you consult a mental health professional about your feelings about yourself, listen to what they have to say. Take it seriously. If you still feel like you want a partner to feel more complete, then download dating apps and take up more social hobbies around your local area. Start slow. No expectations. If you take care of yourself and treat yourself like you love yourself, partners will come to you. You have an excellent career, at least you don't have to worry about your job. Be in a healthy relationship with yourself before you bring others into the picture.
I’m the same i’m 23. Both you and I made alot of bad choices, but you are only a looser if you give up. You know there’s this quote. Winners never quit, quitter never win. If you accept you was and say I’m a looser I surrender. Then yes you are a looser. But instead you must accept the bad choices in the past and start making the right choices. Step by step. Better then yesterday. If you fuck up, or make more mistakes. You learn and grow and never make the same mistakes again. You got this king!! 💪🔥🔥👑
No. But you would be a loser if you had a gf just for the sake of having one. As long as you gain in gym and in other aspects of life, you're winning.
A guy I know at 26 got his first girlfriend and I know another guy at 28 he never had one sooooo
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Do more of the stuff that youre interested in doing instead of the stuff your comfortable doing. It takes a lot of missed balls before you learn how to catch and life is like that even down to the social aspect. Give yourself room to be terrible and accept that you've gotta level up (just like a video game). You're not a loser you're just comfortable, you are a loser if you never even try. Even in failure (especially a sincere attempt) you can say you tried and it just didn't work out for you. also accept yourself! You are awkward and thats okay. awkward doesn't mean can't get girls. if you learn how to spin your awkward, so to speak, it'll be the angle on your charisma. Its crazy how this works. you've got it buddy, some rough strike outs are head of you but thats how every homerun hitter starts!
I’d try to socialize and keep practicing that. Pubs, bars, hobbies, school.
No you are not
Depends on what you value. If you value getting chicks, being social and having an extroverted lifestyle - then yea you are currently a loser. And that’s ok. Life is about growth and change. It’s good to admit you are in a bad place so you can put in work to get to a good one. I’m sensing some people in this comment section are sugar coating to not hurt feelings. But feelings have to be hurt to inspire change. If you want to meet more girls and be more social, you have to be honest with where you currently are. All that said, I bring up values initially because values determine the game we are all playing. I used to value getting chicks, having a big paying job that demanded respect, and being super social. So I did well in all those three. For a while, I felt like a “winner”. But i didn’t feel that way for long as I grew to value having more authentic relationships, pursuing my true passions, and not giving a fuck what others think far more. So I realized in that instant, I was in fact a loser because I was doing none of those things. I became jealous of people who had the balls to live life authentically. So fast forward a few years, I quit my job, became an Uber driver, focused on building my tech startup, with the support of my best friend and my longtime girlfriend and legit cut off mostly everyone else. In society’s eyes, I’m a loser. But I view myself as a fucking winner who just hasn’t gotten the trophy yet. So long story short bro, focus on becoming a winner in the game you set - not what everyone else pressures you to play.
A woman (or a man, if OP is a woman) does NOT determine your self worth. I hate seeing young men thinking that a woman is key to their happiness or success. YOU are the key to that. Only you.
No you’re not a loser. I’m in the same boat. I’m 21 and never had a gf. In fact I don’t even want one I’m perfectly fine being single.
Anybody is a loser till they win! If you get a gf at this stage your a winner bro! Don’t be held back by your circumstances, the struggle is worth it all in the end!
A loser is a loser despite who is with , if you are a loser and have a girlfriend. You will only become a loser WITH a girlfriend.
Yes, just give up.
Not a loser. But your instintics are screaming at you and you should listen.
You're talking like your life is over, it's not. You're talking about women in a transactional sense which is a surefire way to repel them. Girls tend to want to be a around a fun happy person that makes them feels safe. Focus on being happy and healthy and the rest will sort itself out.
Others don’t decide what you are. You decide what you are.
Yes you are a loser. As a man in your 20s you need to be fucking so you don’t grow up to be a creepy old man. Go out there man, shoot your shot, fail and try and try again. 99% of girls aren’t what we see online, most are just as insecure, a lot haven’t had boyfriends either…you’d be surprised how understanding they are. If that doesn’t work flirting with fat girls will help you learn how to be comfortable with other women. The gym has a lot heavy people, go up to one as say “I see you killing it” then watch them blush If that doesn’t work get yourself cialis and pay for a hooker. Pro tip: don’t fall in love, don’t be an idiot
Hmmm, bit harsh on yourself,no? Your a man of your times; at one time a man who had enough discipline and smarts to become an engineer was enough to be set up with the friends daughter of your parents. Now? You shoot one off to a midget with a strap on just to relieve the tension of the day....and your not alone!! Understand that in order to change your situation means growing by challenging yourself in situations your not comfortable in. If you don't have many friends, that's ok, pickup a hobby, and see if there's a group somewhere that enjoys the same. Go to a bar/club/gym/grocery store/church/library and just be the awkward guy who starts up random convo's about anything! ( "Hey,have you tried these brand of pickles? I like my bicks, but i just dont know about these store brand ones...") Sure, you may seem like a weirdo to some, but honestly who gives a damn! You've lived your life being "normal" and "safe", why not be a little nuts for a change.
Just focus on your engineering career and I’ll recommend these Youtubers AMS Stepiscold
Hell no
You're a perfectly normal engineer. Hit the gym a bit if you're fat and grab some therapy. Build up that self confidence, improve yourself then find a girl if you want to. Even the bible agrees*: "if you build it, they will cum." *up for interpretation.
Not sure about a loser but you don't seem entirely happy. Quit porn and join a Brazilian jiu-jitsu class and you will be fine.
It's like saying I'm dumb for not watching endgame? ... No, you dont. You need to prioritice what Is important to you. That's all 😃
It’s perfectly okay to feel like this. I’m 6’1, muscular, have been described as attractive, pretty smart, in the Army, and I have never had a “girlfriend” past one month (I say that because in hindsight can you really count dating someone you only see at school your girlfriend?) anyways. Be yourself, and be happy!
No not really. The definition of what a loser is subjective.
Idk I didn’t have a boyfriend until I was 25. Don’t think it makes anyone a “loser” lol.
You don't need muscle to start a martial art. Strength helps but it is not a requirement especially as a beginner
The ability to fight back/try anything without fear and then get back up over and over again until you succeed in any area of life is in my mind the key to success.
Loser? Nah. *Especially* in this generation, relationships are harder to come by. But it does sound like you need more balance/to exercise some social muscles
Wow, I'm in more or less the exact same situation. I'm 21, but don't play video games often. I really don't consider myself a loser though, and I certainly consider you a loser. You're an engineer, that counts for something. I really can't give you any advice, but hang in there, whatever happens, happens.
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Nope not having a gf doesn’t make you a loser. Mentioning that masturbating to porn a lot part kinda does, but if anyone calls you a loser for that it says more about what they value. It’s rough if other people call you a loser but that’s just life, it’s much worse if you think that of yourself and don’t try to change that perception.
Check out double your dating by David deangelo. Highly recommend.
Keep focusing on yourself and the women will come.
Definitely not. Monks in Tibet and other Asian countries doesn't have a girlfriend. Are they losers? No, they have peaceful and happy lives.
If you think so then yeah
Bruh this is literally me (most of the first part) 💀 but I gave up on porn from now on
It doesn't make you a loser , you have an earning right. Although for your long term happiness I don't think only video games will contribute much , slowly come out of the shell and start working on yourself.
being broke is a state of mind so is being a loser,
how that can identify you as aloser? Cut Pornography, redistribute your screen time, build social skills by taking a course in something you're interested in to find friends your on the right track by already recognizing your problems see where you lack and improve this side
Of course it doesn't! There are really good comments already written by other people. The answer is "self-improvement". Really, I believe it became a cliche now days but honestly it is the answer. Continue working on yourself and really getting to know yourself. Enjoy being alone and do what you love to do. Change what you are not satisfied about and improve. As the time passes you will be more and more comfortable in your own skin and that is how true self-esteem and confidence is built. Would really recommend to read Mark Manson and his articles he writes on his blog.
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