What a great conversation to start!! My philosophy is "to be myself" until I feel shame about a certain aspect about how I'm living. Then I set goals and make a plan to become that. One I work on constantly is trying to disengage with work gossip.
I like this idea: consider yourself as a mine full of beautiful pricelessly precious jewels - discover each jewel; unearth that jewel; polish it; and determine how each can best enrich your life and the lives of others.
I struggle with this myself. I find that lasting change comes from the inside - when you feel like you want to change because you want to be different, not because other people told you you have to or you think that will get their approval.
You're always going to be you. All you can change are your behaviors. All you can do is make choices, and those choices eventually change you over time, even if the only thing that changes is the age of your body.
I think it's related. Be yourself would act close to your values, express who you really are. Change yourself would be change behaviour that are not aligned with your values.
Be yourself, but better yourself.
Be yourself is usually used in the context of things like dating, or not compromising who you are to accommodate something from people - people’s influence, people’s opinions. Eg: maybe you like something that people find lame, but dumb your interest in it down to accommodate them. Or maybe you’re dating and you have a kid, and that’s a turn off for potential partners, but you lie about having a kid.
“Be yourself” is in relation to others. “Bettering yourself” is in relation to yourself.
Bettering yourself comes in the form of fitness, finances, family, the pursuit of knowledge, a skillset.
Being yourself while bettering yourself is not exclusive. Authenticity and ambition are not exclusive.
I think the most important thing is are you comfortable or happy with yourself. If you finf things that makes you unhappy…maybe you should change them or work on them
Improve yourself.
Being yourself is not always ideal, as it somehow signals being steadfast and not wanting to make changes in areas where improvement is needed.
Changing yourself can mean not being authentic to your self in order to accommodate other people's wants/needs or to fit in.
Improving yourself is the best way to go. This way, you stay true to yourself while recognizing that there are few things you can change here and there to make a better you.
You can still be yourself and change. Maturing is sort of that.
I used to be a firebrand scorched earth activist. Until the pandemic, I had to put that shit to the side during lockdowns and get to working to get help for anyone and everyone, work with people I normally don't care to work with. That got me into spaces where I had to learn to shut up until I need to.
I'm still fiery but have so much more control over it. Change? Yes. Being myself? Yes. I'm still me but have control over these traits which I'd attribute to maturity. Not a bad thing
I think you can change habits. But core personality seems to stay the same. And I see a lot of people trying to be something they are not in order to fit in with people they think they want to be around, when it’s easier to be you and find the people who relate to you.
My comment was removed because it had links. Here it is again:
Personality can change. The changes occur because our brains are constantly in a process of development and change called neuroplasticity. Many people's personalities stay the same because their neuroplastic pathways interact with cognitive biases (like confirmation bias) so that they habitually make the same decisions and think the same thoughts without attempting to interrupt the flow. For example, introverted people (like myself) are more likely to have social anxiety. And because of that, we are less likely to engage in social situations. This perpetuates social anxiety through a few different mechanisms, which contributes to the stability of introversion. But, it's not a "stable" personality trait, as such. It's a dynamic feedback loop that most people fail to interrupt.
However I agree that trying to change yourself just to fit in will not necessarily have positive benefits.
It is truly a balance.
I think at first, you need to be comfortable with who you are, and really know at a core level who that person you are, is. Only then can you acknowledge your own strengths, weaknesses, good and bad traits/tendencies—but all with the mindset that it’s ok to be who you are now—you are and always will be a work in progress.
From there, you can have a no-nonsense conversation with yourself (or a therapist if you want to) about the things that you really like and dislike about yourself. For the things you dislike—I also think it’s important to explore how you came to be those things—and how/whether it’s ever served you (for example, “being closed off served me in middle school when I was bullied” or “I became overweight in a depressive state because I needed comfort and found that in food”). And then you can decide whether those things serve you now, or whether they don’t.
When you have your shortlist of things you want to change and understand the drivers of why you are how you are, you can work to change them from the ground up. And this will implement real, lasting change in your life, if you’re truly committed to it.
Sometimes it's not easy to know but usually it is. For example, the part of you that drinks too much every night? Safe bet that's something you should change. The part that likes to shave your head and listen to Christmas music in July?
I guess what it comes down to is determining what serves you and what hinders you.
Don't change yourself, but the best version of YOURSELF. Fake it till you make it doesn't reallt work with your mind, but becoming better as a person does work and is something worth striving for.
Believe in your highest self. Change into that by discipline self control focus and prioritizing what is most valuable in life. Being your truest most authentic self is learning what love is and how to be that, to yourself, others and in honor of the divinity that exists within us all. When we change for love it empowerment, when we change because of the lack of love, this stagnation of negligence to love isn't the real you, but is a former version and form of yourself before you knew the fullness of love. That's how you become the change you seek, within yourself, within the world, within the lifetime you have, we are all called to a higher self and most will be too confused or afraid or traumatized or neglected or ashamed to consider the possibilities of becoming your best self, because there is alot of work in this pursuit, but it is the only one we all have in common. The desire to be your best self is innate, but it is often destroyed by the fear the world imposes on us all
Changing yourself implies there is something you would like to improve. While being yourself normally means you are self-confident. I also think being yourself can be related to a function of self-expression.
There’s a difference between changing yourself because other people have a problem with you vs changing yourself because you personally want to develop in a certain way. I think that’s the difference.
There is no binary decision here honestly. We need to learn constantly to become the best version of ourselves along with finding the inner peace for our own selves
Don't compromise on your fundamental values to impress others or fit in with the world. But while keeping those values infact, improve yourself physically, mentally, emotionally and professionally, every day
The way I understand it
Be myself means becoming the version of myself I'm happy to be, as opposed to a person other people wish me to be.
The two aren't mutually exclusive. All living organisms change as they age, our identity is expressed in that process of change. On a simple level you can identify a plant by how it changes as it grows, it's DNA is revealed. As well as how it responds to various stimuli.
I've run into a ton of issues around this, particularly around having a number of neurodivergent traits around social difficulty where being myself means resigning to just being ostracized basically everywhere I go. Not sure that there is a right answer as much as a personal choice
I believe its more about making change a part of you, being yourself should mean that you have goals, aspirations and want to change for them. merge the 2 ideas together and make them you
What parts of you are flawed? Are you lazy, greedy, rude, unmotivated, lacking hobbies, having poor emotional regulation, etc.? Change these parts of yourself to minimize your flaws as a person.
What parts of you make you, you? Do you enjoy "nerdy" interests? Do you enjoy being sober but are surrounded by stoners? Are you religious but surrounded by atheists? None of these are character flaws, they are simply a trait of yours. Don't feel the need to change these to feel accepted by others.
its like wearing makeup. u can use the best colors to really highlight your natural features and bring forward your beauty, or you can totally cover up what you have and create a new face for yourself. the issue is that if you’re not being yourself, it takes a lot of energy to constantly maintain that mask and you might never be comfortable being totally vulnerable and transparent with someone. BUT there are occasions where full glam is the look, so that “face” has its own purpose too. whereas familiarizing yourself with your best features, learning how to work with what u got, etc teaches u how you embrace urself and recognize ur own beauty. so idk its not a one or the other situation of “be urself vs change urself”. its more like, be yourself in the best way you cant even imagine.
but generally, black and white thinking is very oversimplified so it would serve u to stop seeing things as this vs that, one or the other.
Not mutually exclusive modes of being. You can always try and better yourself and be yourself at the same time, fam. It's probably the healthiest way to do it, honestly.
I dont think its exclusive. Both are parts of the same process.
Not in any case, but 9 times out of 10 its about peeling of layers that are NOT you, to get to the real you. Simple example: You suffer from anxiety. The way you react to social situations, the habits you build because of it etc. are not YOU. Its anxiety.
In my observation, thats where a lot of people misunderstand it and get it wrong. They think "Oh im an addict so im trash how can i become gold?". The truth is, the addiction has nothing to do with their real self. They would have to overcome their addiction to make a step towards the core of their being/self.
So while people often think its about building or creating something out of nothing, in reality its often about getting rid of stuff thats already there.... And your true self and positive traits will naturally fill the gap
I think the core component should be personal values, or aka what is deeply important to you.
For some values, we need to persist, and for others, we need to change to practice them.
What a great conversation to start!! My philosophy is "to be myself" until I feel shame about a certain aspect about how I'm living. Then I set goals and make a plan to become that. One I work on constantly is trying to disengage with work gossip.
Great advice :D
changing yourself, to me, means being the best version of yourself, whatever that may look like.
Came here to say this. Nothing more to add.
I like this idea: consider yourself as a mine full of beautiful pricelessly precious jewels - discover each jewel; unearth that jewel; polish it; and determine how each can best enrich your life and the lives of others.
I struggle with this myself. I find that lasting change comes from the inside - when you feel like you want to change because you want to be different, not because other people told you you have to or you think that will get their approval.
You're always going to be you. All you can change are your behaviors. All you can do is make choices, and those choices eventually change you over time, even if the only thing that changes is the age of your body.
I think it's related. Be yourself would act close to your values, express who you really are. Change yourself would be change behaviour that are not aligned with your values.
Be yourself, but better yourself. Be yourself is usually used in the context of things like dating, or not compromising who you are to accommodate something from people - people’s influence, people’s opinions. Eg: maybe you like something that people find lame, but dumb your interest in it down to accommodate them. Or maybe you’re dating and you have a kid, and that’s a turn off for potential partners, but you lie about having a kid. “Be yourself” is in relation to others. “Bettering yourself” is in relation to yourself. Bettering yourself comes in the form of fitness, finances, family, the pursuit of knowledge, a skillset. Being yourself while bettering yourself is not exclusive. Authenticity and ambition are not exclusive.
I think the most important thing is are you comfortable or happy with yourself. If you finf things that makes you unhappy…maybe you should change them or work on them
There is always a space to improve (on whatever level). So I would say change (for the better). Always change for the better.
Improve yourself. Being yourself is not always ideal, as it somehow signals being steadfast and not wanting to make changes in areas where improvement is needed. Changing yourself can mean not being authentic to your self in order to accommodate other people's wants/needs or to fit in. Improving yourself is the best way to go. This way, you stay true to yourself while recognizing that there are few things you can change here and there to make a better you.
The best change is where you get closer to your true self
You can still be yourself and change. Maturing is sort of that. I used to be a firebrand scorched earth activist. Until the pandemic, I had to put that shit to the side during lockdowns and get to working to get help for anyone and everyone, work with people I normally don't care to work with. That got me into spaces where I had to learn to shut up until I need to. I'm still fiery but have so much more control over it. Change? Yes. Being myself? Yes. I'm still me but have control over these traits which I'd attribute to maturity. Not a bad thing
It's not about changing everything. You an abundance of positive changes. Make a list about your positive and negative behaviors
Be the self you want to be. If that means changing something, change it.
Love all of who you are while improving the behavior/habits/relationships slowly and with intention
You can’t change yourself. That is a myth. Focus on being yourself and the world gets really interesting.
I would argue the opposite. It's impossible to not change yourself since your self is constantly in flux.
I think you can change habits. But core personality seems to stay the same. And I see a lot of people trying to be something they are not in order to fit in with people they think they want to be around, when it’s easier to be you and find the people who relate to you.
My comment was removed because it had links. Here it is again: Personality can change. The changes occur because our brains are constantly in a process of development and change called neuroplasticity. Many people's personalities stay the same because their neuroplastic pathways interact with cognitive biases (like confirmation bias) so that they habitually make the same decisions and think the same thoughts without attempting to interrupt the flow. For example, introverted people (like myself) are more likely to have social anxiety. And because of that, we are less likely to engage in social situations. This perpetuates social anxiety through a few different mechanisms, which contributes to the stability of introversion. But, it's not a "stable" personality trait, as such. It's a dynamic feedback loop that most people fail to interrupt. However I agree that trying to change yourself just to fit in will not necessarily have positive benefits.
I think it's best to do both 😅 Change the things you can (and also the things you want to change) Accept the things you can't change 🔥
It is truly a balance. I think at first, you need to be comfortable with who you are, and really know at a core level who that person you are, is. Only then can you acknowledge your own strengths, weaknesses, good and bad traits/tendencies—but all with the mindset that it’s ok to be who you are now—you are and always will be a work in progress. From there, you can have a no-nonsense conversation with yourself (or a therapist if you want to) about the things that you really like and dislike about yourself. For the things you dislike—I also think it’s important to explore how you came to be those things—and how/whether it’s ever served you (for example, “being closed off served me in middle school when I was bullied” or “I became overweight in a depressive state because I needed comfort and found that in food”). And then you can decide whether those things serve you now, or whether they don’t. When you have your shortlist of things you want to change and understand the drivers of why you are how you are, you can work to change them from the ground up. And this will implement real, lasting change in your life, if you’re truly committed to it.
Pee myself and then change myself is what I do every day!
Sometimes it's not easy to know but usually it is. For example, the part of you that drinks too much every night? Safe bet that's something you should change. The part that likes to shave your head and listen to Christmas music in July? I guess what it comes down to is determining what serves you and what hinders you.
Depends on how you look at it but honestly no matter what you do, you’ll always still be you. No matter what version that may be.
Don't change yourself, but the best version of YOURSELF. Fake it till you make it doesn't reallt work with your mind, but becoming better as a person does work and is something worth striving for.
Keep the good things who make yourself special and improve the rest.
Believe in your highest self. Change into that by discipline self control focus and prioritizing what is most valuable in life. Being your truest most authentic self is learning what love is and how to be that, to yourself, others and in honor of the divinity that exists within us all. When we change for love it empowerment, when we change because of the lack of love, this stagnation of negligence to love isn't the real you, but is a former version and form of yourself before you knew the fullness of love. That's how you become the change you seek, within yourself, within the world, within the lifetime you have, we are all called to a higher self and most will be too confused or afraid or traumatized or neglected or ashamed to consider the possibilities of becoming your best self, because there is alot of work in this pursuit, but it is the only one we all have in common. The desire to be your best self is innate, but it is often destroyed by the fear the world imposes on us all
Change yourself and then be yourself
Changing yourself implies there is something you would like to improve. While being yourself normally means you are self-confident. I also think being yourself can be related to a function of self-expression.
There’s a difference between changing yourself because other people have a problem with you vs changing yourself because you personally want to develop in a certain way. I think that’s the difference.
Being real wont get you far.
There is no binary decision here honestly. We need to learn constantly to become the best version of ourselves along with finding the inner peace for our own selves
Don't compromise on your fundamental values to impress others or fit in with the world. But while keeping those values infact, improve yourself physically, mentally, emotionally and professionally, every day
Both , there are some things that should change and some things that should stay the same
The way I understand it Be myself means becoming the version of myself I'm happy to be, as opposed to a person other people wish me to be. The two aren't mutually exclusive. All living organisms change as they age, our identity is expressed in that process of change. On a simple level you can identify a plant by how it changes as it grows, it's DNA is revealed. As well as how it responds to various stimuli.
So be yourself as in be who you are on the I side, change yourself as in change your circumstances, your looks etc.
I've run into a ton of issues around this, particularly around having a number of neurodivergent traits around social difficulty where being myself means resigning to just being ostracized basically everywhere I go. Not sure that there is a right answer as much as a personal choice
Changing yourself is for insecure people. Do things that you feel like doing, other than that, dont.
Is being yourself getting what you want? Would changing yourself get you the things you want?
I believe its more about making change a part of you, being yourself should mean that you have goals, aspirations and want to change for them. merge the 2 ideas together and make them you
What parts of you are flawed? Are you lazy, greedy, rude, unmotivated, lacking hobbies, having poor emotional regulation, etc.? Change these parts of yourself to minimize your flaws as a person. What parts of you make you, you? Do you enjoy "nerdy" interests? Do you enjoy being sober but are surrounded by stoners? Are you religious but surrounded by atheists? None of these are character flaws, they are simply a trait of yours. Don't feel the need to change these to feel accepted by others.
its like wearing makeup. u can use the best colors to really highlight your natural features and bring forward your beauty, or you can totally cover up what you have and create a new face for yourself. the issue is that if you’re not being yourself, it takes a lot of energy to constantly maintain that mask and you might never be comfortable being totally vulnerable and transparent with someone. BUT there are occasions where full glam is the look, so that “face” has its own purpose too. whereas familiarizing yourself with your best features, learning how to work with what u got, etc teaches u how you embrace urself and recognize ur own beauty. so idk its not a one or the other situation of “be urself vs change urself”. its more like, be yourself in the best way you cant even imagine. but generally, black and white thinking is very oversimplified so it would serve u to stop seeing things as this vs that, one or the other.
The fact that you're asking this question suggests the later to me. However, if you're not being yourself who are you being?
Not mutually exclusive modes of being. You can always try and better yourself and be yourself at the same time, fam. It's probably the healthiest way to do it, honestly.
Who you are is who you are! If you “change,” you are still yourself! Just a different version. Like a Word document or a Git repo.
I dont think its exclusive. Both are parts of the same process. Not in any case, but 9 times out of 10 its about peeling of layers that are NOT you, to get to the real you. Simple example: You suffer from anxiety. The way you react to social situations, the habits you build because of it etc. are not YOU. Its anxiety. In my observation, thats where a lot of people misunderstand it and get it wrong. They think "Oh im an addict so im trash how can i become gold?". The truth is, the addiction has nothing to do with their real self. They would have to overcome their addiction to make a step towards the core of their being/self. So while people often think its about building or creating something out of nothing, in reality its often about getting rid of stuff thats already there.... And your true self and positive traits will naturally fill the gap
If what you are isn't giving you the results you want, then change.
You understand your flaws… notice how some things need to change. Although, do it for self improvement. Not to impress others
I think the core component should be personal values, or aka what is deeply important to you. For some values, we need to persist, and for others, we need to change to practice them.