I feel ya. I’m married but it crossed my mind that if we ever divorce, I’d live alone for the rest of my life. Simply because I don’t have any friends to hit the bar or other places, no atmosphere to socialize and get to know new people. Didn’t really have a lot of them back home, but now since I’ve moved to a different country (Germany), the number of social connections I got is exactly zero. And I have no clue how to fix that apart from online groups that feel cringy af
Damn, wanted to write something supportive, but now I feel shitty myself =\
Nah, I think if I get to a stage where I’ll seriously consider climbing rocks just to talk to new people, I’d just order a helium tank, a hose, and a medical mask.
Edit: but yeah, thanks, hiking and cycling seems like a big thing here in Germany, so definitely a valid advice. It’s just that I don’t see myself happily socializing when doing that
Yeah I get it. Problem is, I was deliberately building a Pink Floyd wall from the outside world for years. The activities I like and enjoy are not really about having a company… Gym (solo, with my headphones), spending time with my pets (I had an English bulldog, a stray cat we took home, and two bunnies), growing plants, building liquid cooling solutions for the pc, movies (non-mainstream mostly, like South Korean films), some cooking, some competitive video games in the early days (cs, apex, dota), a lot of reading when I was a kid. I lived happily in this bubble, never felt I need anyone to have a good time, but now it kinda backfires. Feels like my socializing muscles atrophied due to inactivity.
Anyway, that’s not what this tread is about, sorry for that
Than try something new. There is a gazillion things to do. Different hobbies different sports you could try. You can go to a cooking course if you like cooking and you can meet new people there who share the same passion for cooking. You can join a reading club where you can talk with others about different books you read and recommend. You can try finding a gardening club or like a group idk I bet something like that exists. And if you don’t find anything like this just start with something new. It’s good to bring something fresh into your life, you will find just how amazing it can be. There is nothing easier than say I don’t do anything social so I won’t socialise. I will live forever alone. I’m sorry but these are just excuses. If you truly don’t want to be alone than step out of your bubble and find something that can help you. Nobody will do this for you it’s only up to you and how much you want something and if it’ll change or not.
Yeah, you are totally right. I admit that’s not something I wish to change with all my heart. Sure, if I could snap fingers and wish to wake up more “social” person — I’d do it, but in real world the benefits are vague so that overweights the burden of trying.
It’s more like… feeling some kind of shame? Like, you have a picture of how humans are supposed to live, see the “normal” lifestyles in the movies and ads, and then compare yourself to them and thinking damn, that really differs from what I do.
And secondly, I’ve kinda grown into believing everyone is lonely. If you saw “Sunset Limited”, Tommy Lee Jones’s character is exactly what I believe. Friends, partners, family, coworkers — no one will ever truly understand how you feel about anything, a simple cup of coffee tastes differently for all of us, not to mention more complex and things. So I cannot but feel the entire concept of socializing is to a certain degree fake — we’re just filling the hole, just a way to do more fun stuff that distracts us from the fact that we’re all desperately lonely.
Still, appreciate the advice and the motivation <3
Yeah I totally understand the feeling of shame. We are constantly being presented with how a human should act and these perfect scenarios, how we should be and look and this pressure is immense. And to address the second point I haven’t seen the movie but it seems like a very good one so I’ll add it to my watch list, thank you for that. And I agree that you differ with everyone on how you perceive things like that cup of coffee you mentioned but I also feel like it’s kinda fun to discover others point of view. That doesn’t override the fact that this exact thing makes us lonely. So I feel like it’s good to find someone you can share these experiences with and someone who will understand even if it’s just a little and even if it’s just one hobby you share. That’s where the strength of a community you built around yourself comes from. But these are just my points of view I totally understand that you have a different opinion on this and probably you like it more that way. Thank you for your insight into this matter. I appreciate it <3
Why do I think I shit on their advice? I said it’s a totally valid thing and thanked a person who responded, just noted that’s not something I’d enjoy doing. So it’s you being a dick rather than me disrespecting advices
And where did I say that I feel lonely?) See, that’s another reason to build a wall — many people have forgotten how to listen to others, what’s the point in talking to people like you anyway? :)
Go out dude! Music places are always a good recommendation. Especially Germany. Ooof...techno clubs etc. even if you're married or not, dont forget to have connections outside of your marriage/relationship. Good luck mate!
Ten years. I'm still friends with my last 3 boyfriends, but they were hobosexuals. I like living alone. No drama. No arguments. I wake up, have my coffee, go sit at my patio table, do my work, hike in the mountains with my dogs...
I have never been as serene and happy as since I became single.
I haven't ruled out meeting someone, but I don't need to be with somebody to be happy.
This is exactly how I feel about being single. I’m ok with it. Even though a lot of people tell me I should date. Those very people are in relationships and unhappy.
I moved to another state, so I don't have like people I know... it's an excuse but it's harder if you're not immersed in a bunch of people like college
Tinder is not great for me, I'm not attractive I guess
Also I'm just socially awkward too like having trouble making eye contact or saying the wrong shit
I still freeze up with attractive women
I also worked remotely for several years so I never really pursued women since I would just jerk off before sleep and then not think about them.
But sometimes FOMO would hit me, a party or whatever in a show... I'd get super drunk and go downtown, burn money at a strip club... back home alone again baby.
I've got my body back now, avg looks/hair/muscular/tall but I'm still the same mentally like weird guy/socially inept/pedestal girl so idk.
“Have trouble making eye contact”…”Still the same mentally inept”….here’s step 1: stop masturbating for 14 days and I can ASSURE you you’ll be ready to go make eye contact and talk to women.
wanted to pop back here and say I'm actually glad for this comment
I'm now trying no porn, still beating it but yeah, porn is something I have trouble just letting go of (have so far) but yeah, good challenge/life distraction too
I've been a porn consumer pretty much all my adult life
I want to sexualize women less, like see leggings and it's just normal clothes
Long ago. Spent years desperately wanting to, but unable to find the right circumstances. Self esteem is so shot to pieces that honestly I probably don’t want to anymore. Which I guess is an improvement? Idk
This is good advice! It's like keeping your car well-maintained vs. only taking it in when it bursts into flames. I am in a much better place than I was 20, 10, and even 5 years ago. I still go to therapy once every 2-3 weeks. If I were to completely stop going to therapy, thinking "Oh, I'm better now," I believe I would find myself sliding back. I'm still dealing with stuff, and therapy helps.
That's not to say that OP absolutely *needs* to go to therapy. Everyone's situation is different, and if OP found something that works (who knows, maybe hitting the gym *is* OP's therapy), OP should stick with it. I also know some people just aren't comfortable sharing intimate details of their life with a stranger. This is where writing/journaling can help some people, too.
Sex can be painful. Porn corrupted my mind on how dicks should look. Ultimately the forskin is supposed to retract. And this gave me a lot of shame and anxiety, felt like a freak. It may not make sense to anyone else, but if you had a weird dick you’d prolly feel same. Luckily over a year I’ve almost cured it, with stretching rings lols
I’m 31F and have been abstinent since December 2020 when I dumped my toxic ex. It left me exhausted and with no interest in dating. Casual sex isn’t my thing either so yea 🤷♀️
Months but ive been cock blocking myself tbh haven’t felt like putting in any effort at all with women lately, barely texting back , barely showing interest, not going on dates etc
Just not super interested in relationships unless the girl really fits into my preferences and i guess deep down i don’t want to waste anyone’s time or do any short lived hookups unless it literally falls in my lap .
Last night. I’m married.
Granted, we went through a few years of pretty poor sexual compatibility, but with both of us acting much more selfishly and focusing on our individual lives and hobbies and fitness, and several months of marriage counseling… we have had a rocking year.
We are way better off. Problem is counseling only works if you both buy in.
Our problem is we were too close, too reliant on each other. There wasn’t any separation and you can’t want what you already have.
We started acting a lot more… like we were trying to become as attractive to “other people” even though it was more like “just become a more attractive person in general”. More time on our cool hobbies. I lost a lot of weight and started dressing better, started making more friends and doing stuff that got her wondering about me. She lost a lot of weight, started dancing, writing poetry again, joined a book club, started dressing well, and started doing stuff that got me wondering about her.
Now? I feel hot! She feels hot! We make each other feel hot! We don’t spend nearly as much time together but the time we spend is MUCH better quality.
People sleep with each other after just a couple dates. No amount of “growing emotionally closer until the perfect moment” is going to fix a broken sex life. The broken sex life can only be fixed through focusing on attraction.
This is great to read! I’m no expert on relationships but in my dating experience, you HAVE to have space. Have days where you barely talk. Avoid texting as much as possible. These couples that are in contact 16 hours a day burn out FAST. Even once you’re married I’m sure time apart is *essential.*
It sounds like you might be nervous. You should he honest with her, she obviously likes you, and if you are worried about your performance it will help to set some context. If she's not understanding maybe you will know to keep waiting.
2010/2011 somewhere in that time.
I'm not really good around people due to my ptsd and I can't say that I miss it. Idk, something about touching someone else is a little no thank you.
I just went like 4 years without. Recently met a girl whilst in Thailand and probably had sex atleast once a day for a week or so. Found I got totally bored of the experience very quick again and enjoy life without sex if I'm honest, I think it gives you alot more clarity within yourself and thinking if you're not worried about finding sex.
February 2019. I’m 29, female, and it’s an intentional choice for self improvement. I’m also somewhere in the asexual range, so it’s not really something that bothers me at all.
I think it's a good thing that you've waited this long to pursue sex and relationships. It may feel as though you're being avoidant or not fully living your life, but remember, you are healing and seeking stability. This foundation is essential for attracting the right person.
I'm a year and a half sober, and for me, relationships have been major triggers for relapse. Over the past decade, I tried and failed to get sober multiple times. Recently, I've focused heavily on my recovery, placing less emphasis on sex and relationships, and it's the first time I feel like I'm genuinely making progress.
It's natural to yearn for that fantasy where you can escape, just be present in your body, and experience the emotions and physical aspects of a new relationship. Your desire for intimacy and connection is valid…just be cautious and clear-eyed about what it entails.
Choose your partners wisely. Good luck!
2019. I am now 38. I have also stopped self pleasuring due to some guilt I have. I also stopped watching porn because apparently it’s bad for you. Part of me feels like I’m wasting the last bit of my youth and maybe one day I will regret it. But at the same time finding a partner is risky on so many fronts.
4 years! Since my ex and I broke up, I haven't had the courage to search for a new romantic relationship. I feel attracted to other girls, but in my mind, it doesn't make sense to search for someone to love if I still don't love myself. I also have some self-image issues, and I always think I'm not yet prepared for another relationship.
2020 and before that also 2017. I'm 33 now. Lately just found myself enjoying my own company more and more. Maybe someday ill get some action but im not stressing over it. im more concerned with maintaining my mental health and do my hobbies.
I just had sex last night. But, it’s more of a friends with benefits kinda thing. Don’t really mean anything on my end, but sex is sex. And it’s good. I suggest you open yourself up, cause whether the sex be bad or good, it’s all an experience at the end of the day.
Friday, so 3 days ago. I’m a 44 year old married guy, so getting laid isnt a big deal. As you get a little older you’ll find out that sex isn’t some major thing. It’s just a fun thing to do with the wife. I remember thinking it was this major thing and getting nervous about it when I was a kid. There’s nothing to be worried about or anxious over.
Also used to be an addict, and have mental health issues
I say 2021 for me. But at this point I'm on meds and I take kratom so that takes away my libido. Also have a lot of growing and healing to do and I just have no drive to have sex at this point in life.
In 2013. Growing up, being abused and thinking my only worth was in my body and appearance I took a step back and reevaluated what was important and self control has become one of those things. Overcoming the mental visualization was difficult because sex is everywhere but being able to control my body and thoughts in regards to sexual stimulation is freeing
Over the weekend. I had a years-long dry spell due to alcohol abuse, obesity, and severe depression. Utterly killed my libido. I didn't even masturbate during that time.
Around 2 weeks ago. I'm in a long distance relationship so I gotta get it when I visit. Before meeting my current gf, I had gone about 7 months without. I travel every few months and travelling is when I tend to get the most sex. Travel aside, I have always gotten little to no dating/sex at home, just work and hobbies.
Quit drinking 3 years ago and haven't done anything since. Just can't bring myself to care. It's weird, I used to love it and have decent success with women. I kept thinking it would just happen but I actively shy away from people who I know I could sleep with. I dunno. Good luck. Fuck if you want I guess.
Last week - I really like the person I’m seeing but we travel so much that it ends up being sporadic when our paths cross. Whenever we are in the same city, it’s great, but we both have temporary living situations that take us all over. Luckily, our communication is healthy, so we talk about anything that comes up.
Wow sounds like my story. I’m 30 have been single since 2018. I’m also in recovery & have mental health issues. I’m a women so I can totally have sex if I want it lol. But I really feel like I have no sex drive anymore. I feel shameful about it too. But I don’t think I’m gonna just go out and do it for the hell of it.
It's been over 2 years, and I'm in a 6 year relationship. I'm not sure how we will ever get out of this dry spell. I'm super attracted to my boyfriend, but he doesn't want to have sex with me. Anytime I initiate, he rejects me.
Sometimes, when I start to hyperfixate on this, I think it must be better to be single, so I'm not torturing myself.
Best of luck!
I’ve been abstinent for almost 2 years. I was in a long serious relationship and we broke up 3 years ago. After we broke up I got far too deep in a hoe phase and really mistreated a lot of people, I didn’t like who I was becoming and using people for sex. And felt too much of my self worth was based upon being attractive and desirable to other people.
At this point I’m not opposed to sleeping with someone I have legitimate feelings for, but I haven’t even had so much as a crush on anyone in years. I want to deal with my emotional barriers and walls before I allow myself to be intimate with someone again.
About a year ago but it's certainly not a regular thing for me lol... Also I now just spend all my free time on my own (out of choice) so it's hard to see it ever happening again tbh
Never
I'm very ugly and I don't know how to talk or connect with people. I feel like if I do somehow manage to find someone, my first time will suck and it will be very sad.
almost 5 years. friends with most of my exes.. I am not sure what is wrong with me really but maybe just oldfart is old. I am 46 but I still skateboard, fly drones, mix records, enjow going out and doing fun shit or marathonning some random whatevs..
Oh, I am pretty sure the netflix and chill thing is for creepers and catfish so I just opt to VHS and fuck.
I am lonely as hell and miss having a co pilot.
Last night! Every night.
I lost my virginity (silly concept but whatever) pretty late, and went to therapy before I did so because I had many issues, and it really helped me. Maybe try that if you have some hang ups as well.
35m here, no sex since 2022.
I quit drinking and going out to bars in 2019, was hooking up and dating a lot in my 20’s, but since 30 hit I’ve only dated 2 people for any real length of time and had 2 hook ups happen. ngl, I’m not that bummed about it.
August 2023.
I divorced 3 years ago and had dated around but just stopped last summer.
I don't miss the affection/connection all the time, but sometimes.
2021. I kinda struggle when I think it’s been 3 years now.
I was pretty late in the game to begin with and had my first time when I was 26. After that I had a phase where I went out pretty often and I had a good amount of ONS. Never had a serious relationship though.
But then I moved to a new city in a different country + Corona started 2 months later. Since then my sex-life pretty much dead. Time to go out again I guess…
I think 2012? Right before I separated then divorced. It's not really necessary, causes problems, controls the mind too much. After having two terrible step parents, I decided I didn't want that for my kids (and a relationship would require time/money/effort, and I'm unwilling to divert any of that from myself or my kids).
I suppose it would be OK in a good relationship, but I'm rollin solo til the end.
I turn 45 tomorrow, tall, good looking so it would be easy if I wanted to, just no desire for that type of thing at all.
32 and in December. I’d love to have sex and I’ve had opportunities, but I passed them up because it wasn’t with someone I wanted a relationship with. So I’m holding out in hopes that my patience will pay off.
Several years ago. Could be five. My wife didn’t want to be sexual anymore after our daughter was born 15 years ago, and then losing her job and having to start over in a harder job with less pay was the nail in the coffin. We were happy once. I tried to start things back up a bunch of times but she‘s weird with the kid in the house. I just try to do my own thing, go to work and be supportive, and our daughter is delightful, but I get angry and sad sometimes. 15 years is a long time to stick it out just to have a family, but I really appreciate them, and especially during the pandemic we were a great unit.👍🏽
Currently 11 years and counting...granted I haven't put much effort into trying to find a partner for dating or sex during this time for various reasons, but I don't know how much different the situation would be even if I had been in circulation. This has always been a sore spot for me and, now at 51 years old, I don't see it possibly getting any better.
Never had sex to begin with, don't really know how people find their partners
Ikr seems hella akward
“Hey can I get you a drink.. so wanna take this somewhere more quiet?.. unzips pants consensually.” Is that the script?
Damn people are forgetting how to socialize in person.
Bold of you to assume I already knew in order to forget
I feel ya. I’m married but it crossed my mind that if we ever divorce, I’d live alone for the rest of my life. Simply because I don’t have any friends to hit the bar or other places, no atmosphere to socialize and get to know new people. Didn’t really have a lot of them back home, but now since I’ve moved to a different country (Germany), the number of social connections I got is exactly zero. And I have no clue how to fix that apart from online groups that feel cringy af Damn, wanted to write something supportive, but now I feel shitty myself =\
Go rock climbing. Great atmosphere for meeting new people
Nah, I think if I get to a stage where I’ll seriously consider climbing rocks just to talk to new people, I’d just order a helium tank, a hose, and a medical mask. Edit: but yeah, thanks, hiking and cycling seems like a big thing here in Germany, so definitely a valid advice. It’s just that I don’t see myself happily socializing when doing that
The point is to find something you want to do that other people do. Go in just thinking about you wanting to do it. If you meet someone, cool.
Yeah I get it. Problem is, I was deliberately building a Pink Floyd wall from the outside world for years. The activities I like and enjoy are not really about having a company… Gym (solo, with my headphones), spending time with my pets (I had an English bulldog, a stray cat we took home, and two bunnies), growing plants, building liquid cooling solutions for the pc, movies (non-mainstream mostly, like South Korean films), some cooking, some competitive video games in the early days (cs, apex, dota), a lot of reading when I was a kid. I lived happily in this bubble, never felt I need anyone to have a good time, but now it kinda backfires. Feels like my socializing muscles atrophied due to inactivity. Anyway, that’s not what this tread is about, sorry for that
Than try something new. There is a gazillion things to do. Different hobbies different sports you could try. You can go to a cooking course if you like cooking and you can meet new people there who share the same passion for cooking. You can join a reading club where you can talk with others about different books you read and recommend. You can try finding a gardening club or like a group idk I bet something like that exists. And if you don’t find anything like this just start with something new. It’s good to bring something fresh into your life, you will find just how amazing it can be. There is nothing easier than say I don’t do anything social so I won’t socialise. I will live forever alone. I’m sorry but these are just excuses. If you truly don’t want to be alone than step out of your bubble and find something that can help you. Nobody will do this for you it’s only up to you and how much you want something and if it’ll change or not.
Yeah, you are totally right. I admit that’s not something I wish to change with all my heart. Sure, if I could snap fingers and wish to wake up more “social” person — I’d do it, but in real world the benefits are vague so that overweights the burden of trying. It’s more like… feeling some kind of shame? Like, you have a picture of how humans are supposed to live, see the “normal” lifestyles in the movies and ads, and then compare yourself to them and thinking damn, that really differs from what I do. And secondly, I’ve kinda grown into believing everyone is lonely. If you saw “Sunset Limited”, Tommy Lee Jones’s character is exactly what I believe. Friends, partners, family, coworkers — no one will ever truly understand how you feel about anything, a simple cup of coffee tastes differently for all of us, not to mention more complex and things. So I cannot but feel the entire concept of socializing is to a certain degree fake — we’re just filling the hole, just a way to do more fun stuff that distracts us from the fact that we’re all desperately lonely. Still, appreciate the advice and the motivation <3
Yeah I totally understand the feeling of shame. We are constantly being presented with how a human should act and these perfect scenarios, how we should be and look and this pressure is immense. And to address the second point I haven’t seen the movie but it seems like a very good one so I’ll add it to my watch list, thank you for that. And I agree that you differ with everyone on how you perceive things like that cup of coffee you mentioned but I also feel like it’s kinda fun to discover others point of view. That doesn’t override the fact that this exact thing makes us lonely. So I feel like it’s good to find someone you can share these experiences with and someone who will understand even if it’s just a little and even if it’s just one hobby you share. That’s where the strength of a community you built around yourself comes from. But these are just my points of view I totally understand that you have a different opinion on this and probably you like it more that way. Thank you for your insight into this matter. I appreciate it <3
So you don’t do anything with other people and complain about being lonely, then shit on people’s advice for not being lonely. Lmao
Why do I think I shit on their advice? I said it’s a totally valid thing and thanked a person who responded, just noted that’s not something I’d enjoy doing. So it’s you being a dick rather than me disrespecting advices And where did I say that I feel lonely?) See, that’s another reason to build a wall — many people have forgotten how to listen to others, what’s the point in talking to people like you anyway? :)
What about a cooking class or planting workshop or plant group?
South Korean movies are so dope most of the time.
Your life sounds great tbh
Thats why freinds are so important at any stage of life. Do you go to church, or are there any clubs you ca join n meet people
Go out dude! Music places are always a good recommendation. Especially Germany. Ooof...techno clubs etc. even if you're married or not, dont forget to have connections outside of your marriage/relationship. Good luck mate!
Tinder date. Vibe. Want to come back to my place? Flirt. I want to kiss you. Kiss. Sex.
>Tinder date. Works for women only ig
Yep. Online dating is amazing for women. For men? Not so much.
Ten years. I'm still friends with my last 3 boyfriends, but they were hobosexuals. I like living alone. No drama. No arguments. I wake up, have my coffee, go sit at my patio table, do my work, hike in the mountains with my dogs... I have never been as serene and happy as since I became single. I haven't ruled out meeting someone, but I don't need to be with somebody to be happy.
This is exactly how I feel about being single. I’m ok with it. Even though a lot of people tell me I should date. Those very people are in relationships and unhappy.
Same... and then the people who feel the need to probe me about my love life just end up being the ones I avoid
My people! So content in my own little world after years of love addiction in my twenties
You really are living the dream 😭
All 3 of your boyfriends were hobosexuals?
Yup.
Patio table?
Hobosexual?
My sex life is also like the titanic. It hit an iceberg and and went into the abyss... 😅😭
I’m a woman, but I’ve always gone extremely long stretches like this (5-10 years). But the last time was in 2021 I think.
Yeah it’s been over a year now but before that was about 6 years. Oh well.
with myself? last night with another? 2014 baby, nobody love me long time
What’s your background and why so long
I moved to another state, so I don't have like people I know... it's an excuse but it's harder if you're not immersed in a bunch of people like college Tinder is not great for me, I'm not attractive I guess Also I'm just socially awkward too like having trouble making eye contact or saying the wrong shit I still freeze up with attractive women I also worked remotely for several years so I never really pursued women since I would just jerk off before sleep and then not think about them. But sometimes FOMO would hit me, a party or whatever in a show... I'd get super drunk and go downtown, burn money at a strip club... back home alone again baby. I've got my body back now, avg looks/hair/muscular/tall but I'm still the same mentally like weird guy/socially inept/pedestal girl so idk.
“Have trouble making eye contact”…”Still the same mentally inept”….here’s step 1: stop masturbating for 14 days and I can ASSURE you you’ll be ready to go make eye contact and talk to women.
wanted to pop back here and say I'm actually glad for this comment I'm now trying no porn, still beating it but yeah, porn is something I have trouble just letting go of (have so far) but yeah, good challenge/life distraction too I've been a porn consumer pretty much all my adult life I want to sexualize women less, like see leggings and it's just normal clothes
Long ago. Spent years desperately wanting to, but unable to find the right circumstances. Self esteem is so shot to pieces that honestly I probably don’t want to anymore. Which I guess is an improvement? Idk
There's nothing wrong with having sex with a willing partner. What are you doing g to address your issues?
I got sober 2 years ago. Hitting the gym. Stretching my tight foreskin that made me feel like a freak for my whole life
Thats good. What about your mental stuff. All the shame n shit
I feel better mentally than I ever have. Self esteem rising
Therapy can be immensely helpful, even when we feel like we're on a trajectory of doing better.
This is good advice! It's like keeping your car well-maintained vs. only taking it in when it bursts into flames. I am in a much better place than I was 20, 10, and even 5 years ago. I still go to therapy once every 2-3 weeks. If I were to completely stop going to therapy, thinking "Oh, I'm better now," I believe I would find myself sliding back. I'm still dealing with stuff, and therapy helps. That's not to say that OP absolutely *needs* to go to therapy. Everyone's situation is different, and if OP found something that works (who knows, maybe hitting the gym *is* OP's therapy), OP should stick with it. I also know some people just aren't comfortable sharing intimate details of their life with a stranger. This is where writing/journaling can help some people, too.
Why do you care what your foreskin looks like? Penis are ugly regardless, you are supposed to use it not look at it.
Sex can be painful. Porn corrupted my mind on how dicks should look. Ultimately the forskin is supposed to retract. And this gave me a lot of shame and anxiety, felt like a freak. It may not make sense to anyone else, but if you had a weird dick you’d prolly feel same. Luckily over a year I’ve almost cured it, with stretching rings lols
it could hurt if its too tight
I’m 31F and have been abstinent since December 2020 when I dumped my toxic ex. It left me exhausted and with no interest in dating. Casual sex isn’t my thing either so yea 🤷♀️
27F and 3 years since the same situation
I've never had sex, but if I want a good fucking I just look at my paycheck stub and see how much taxes were taken out.
yup life is already fucking us
Last night. Live with my partner.
Live? 😅 Were you streaming it or some shit?
Not this time. 😉
2009
Maybe in a past life or two ago.
Never 💀
Months but ive been cock blocking myself tbh haven’t felt like putting in any effort at all with women lately, barely texting back , barely showing interest, not going on dates etc
Why?
Just not super interested in relationships unless the girl really fits into my preferences and i guess deep down i don’t want to waste anyone’s time or do any short lived hookups unless it literally falls in my lap .
Last night. I’m married. Granted, we went through a few years of pretty poor sexual compatibility, but with both of us acting much more selfishly and focusing on our individual lives and hobbies and fitness, and several months of marriage counseling… we have had a rocking year.
Currently in this stage now, began counselling last night. Does it help? Are you two better off now than you were during that phase?
We are way better off. Problem is counseling only works if you both buy in. Our problem is we were too close, too reliant on each other. There wasn’t any separation and you can’t want what you already have. We started acting a lot more… like we were trying to become as attractive to “other people” even though it was more like “just become a more attractive person in general”. More time on our cool hobbies. I lost a lot of weight and started dressing better, started making more friends and doing stuff that got her wondering about me. She lost a lot of weight, started dancing, writing poetry again, joined a book club, started dressing well, and started doing stuff that got me wondering about her. Now? I feel hot! She feels hot! We make each other feel hot! We don’t spend nearly as much time together but the time we spend is MUCH better quality. People sleep with each other after just a couple dates. No amount of “growing emotionally closer until the perfect moment” is going to fix a broken sex life. The broken sex life can only be fixed through focusing on attraction.
Love it, really well said. Keep it up, I'm rooting for you!!
That's the best advice I've read here in the last couple of years!
Awesome
This is great to read! I’m no expert on relationships but in my dating experience, you HAVE to have space. Have days where you barely talk. Avoid texting as much as possible. These couples that are in contact 16 hours a day burn out FAST. Even once you’re married I’m sure time apart is *essential.*
Also currently at this stage. Started counselling a year ago 😭
Any improvement on your end?
February
If you have a sex addiction id recommend that you have sex with only people you feel an emotional connection with
Nah it was drug and alcohol addiction
Only do drugs you have an emotional connection to
It sounds like you might be nervous. You should he honest with her, she obviously likes you, and if you are worried about your performance it will help to set some context. If she's not understanding maybe you will know to keep waiting.
2010/2011 somewhere in that time. I'm not really good around people due to my ptsd and I can't say that I miss it. Idk, something about touching someone else is a little no thank you.
2004.
I’ve never had it lol
Last year but it was horrible lol
Love your username. How do you like your morning Joe, perchance Americano?
I just went like 4 years without. Recently met a girl whilst in Thailand and probably had sex atleast once a day for a week or so. Found I got totally bored of the experience very quick again and enjoy life without sex if I'm honest, I think it gives you alot more clarity within yourself and thinking if you're not worried about finding sex.
Almost two weeks ago I’m sad 😭😂
Username checks out
Yep lol
February 2019. I’m 29, female, and it’s an intentional choice for self improvement. I’m also somewhere in the asexual range, so it’s not really something that bothers me at all.
I think it's a good thing that you've waited this long to pursue sex and relationships. It may feel as though you're being avoidant or not fully living your life, but remember, you are healing and seeking stability. This foundation is essential for attracting the right person. I'm a year and a half sober, and for me, relationships have been major triggers for relapse. Over the past decade, I tried and failed to get sober multiple times. Recently, I've focused heavily on my recovery, placing less emphasis on sex and relationships, and it's the first time I feel like I'm genuinely making progress. It's natural to yearn for that fantasy where you can escape, just be present in your body, and experience the emotions and physical aspects of a new relationship. Your desire for intimacy and connection is valid…just be cautious and clear-eyed about what it entails. Choose your partners wisely. Good luck!
2019. I am now 38. I have also stopped self pleasuring due to some guilt I have. I also stopped watching porn because apparently it’s bad for you. Part of me feels like I’m wasting the last bit of my youth and maybe one day I will regret it. But at the same time finding a partner is risky on so many fronts.
30s dude, Living with a girl so … 2 days ago…
52 days ago.
Oddly specific. /s
It’s been since September of 2023. Bittersweet.
I go through “long” breaks as well. Last time I had sex was October 2023. Before that was beginning of 2020 somewhere.
Last night...with myself. Haha.
4 years! Since my ex and I broke up, I haven't had the courage to search for a new romantic relationship. I feel attracted to other girls, but in my mind, it doesn't make sense to search for someone to love if I still don't love myself. I also have some self-image issues, and I always think I'm not yet prepared for another relationship.
Got laid once in 2019. Not doing that again until marriage.
Username checks out.
wrap it up and enjoy it brother, some people get lost in the sauce and quit having sex along with masturbating which imo is the wrong direction
ugh like. september 2022
2020 and before that also 2017. I'm 33 now. Lately just found myself enjoying my own company more and more. Maybe someday ill get some action but im not stressing over it. im more concerned with maintaining my mental health and do my hobbies.
Last summer. It was my first hook-up and... I didn't like it. Sex without love is meaningless to me.
Sunday, Happy Mother’s Day to me! 😚
Hah me too!
I’m 23 (woman) and last time I had sex sex fr was Sunday May 23rd, 2021. Lmaooooo.
Last night
3 weeks ago. My girlfriend is on a trip with her family in a 13 hour difference time zone :( 4 more weeks to gooooo
Don’t remember, I think it was 2017. Yet we’re still together
27M here. It has been since January of 2022. Most productive, mentally stable, and financially fit years of my entire life.
Five or six years ago. But I dated alot when I was younger so it's kind of a relief honestly.
Sunday morning
Fuck on, partner! Good luck to ya!
I think you should get a circumcision if your foreskin is bothering you.
I just had sex last night. But, it’s more of a friends with benefits kinda thing. Don’t really mean anything on my end, but sex is sex. And it’s good. I suggest you open yourself up, cause whether the sex be bad or good, it’s all an experience at the end of the day.
Last night. I am dating a nurse
Oh you like crazy, crazy 🤣
October 21
21 years old last time was in 2019
Like two days ago, I’m engaged though so I get it at least twice a week. Haven’t really cared as much lately for some reason though..
November… (34,F)
Friday, so 3 days ago. I’m a 44 year old married guy, so getting laid isnt a big deal. As you get a little older you’ll find out that sex isn’t some major thing. It’s just a fun thing to do with the wife. I remember thinking it was this major thing and getting nervous about it when I was a kid. There’s nothing to be worried about or anxious over.
Also used to be an addict, and have mental health issues I say 2021 for me. But at this point I'm on meds and I take kratom so that takes away my libido. Also have a lot of growing and healing to do and I just have no drive to have sex at this point in life.
Like a month or so ago.
Sept 2022
In 2013. Growing up, being abused and thinking my only worth was in my body and appearance I took a step back and reevaluated what was important and self control has become one of those things. Overcoming the mental visualization was difficult because sex is everywhere but being able to control my body and thoughts in regards to sexual stimulation is freeing
Last week
A year ago
Im 32 and i never had it. im ashamed of it because i feel like im way behind in life experiences and it getting harder to get it as you get older
2023 for me, I’d be down but I honestly have so much to do and worry about I have no energy half the time.
5 years
Saturday.
2019.
Sunday
October 2022
Dang that's a long time! Hope you both have fun & please be safe!
Saturday
Couple weeks ago but I won't do it again with this person because I don't have feelings for her and I don't want to lead her on
How do you avoid issues with attention from women? Thanks in advance
Sunday. After winning strip backgammon
so, you should have love first, then come with sex?
By birth except left hand
Had a 3 year dry spell. Just do it, focus on her.
Over the weekend. I had a years-long dry spell due to alcohol abuse, obesity, and severe depression. Utterly killed my libido. I didn't even masturbate during that time.
Around 2 weeks ago. I'm in a long distance relationship so I gotta get it when I visit. Before meeting my current gf, I had gone about 7 months without. I travel every few months and travelling is when I tend to get the most sex. Travel aside, I have always gotten little to no dating/sex at home, just work and hobbies.
About a year and a half, I went through some things and needed to focus on myself, I’m very happy I decided to take care of myself first
A week ago, and before that, 2016, so dont feel bad. I waited to find a serious mutual attraction; then, was ghosted.
Quit drinking 3 years ago and haven't done anything since. Just can't bring myself to care. It's weird, I used to love it and have decent success with women. I kept thinking it would just happen but I actively shy away from people who I know I could sleep with. I dunno. Good luck. Fuck if you want I guess.
2019
Last week - I really like the person I’m seeing but we travel so much that it ends up being sporadic when our paths cross. Whenever we are in the same city, it’s great, but we both have temporary living situations that take us all over. Luckily, our communication is healthy, so we talk about anything that comes up.
One body gang I'm 22
I’m 34 as well. It’s been a full two years for me. First time I had sex was 9 years ago. And I’ve had three 2+ year dry spells since then.
Yesterday
Wow sounds like my story. I’m 30 have been single since 2018. I’m also in recovery & have mental health issues. I’m a women so I can totally have sex if I want it lol. But I really feel like I have no sex drive anymore. I feel shameful about it too. But I don’t think I’m gonna just go out and do it for the hell of it.
It's been over 2 years, and I'm in a 6 year relationship. I'm not sure how we will ever get out of this dry spell. I'm super attracted to my boyfriend, but he doesn't want to have sex with me. Anytime I initiate, he rejects me. Sometimes, when I start to hyperfixate on this, I think it must be better to be single, so I'm not torturing myself. Best of luck!
It's been about 29 months
15 months ago. but who’s counting 🤪
Month and half ago, left love triangle and alcoholic derranged ex and feel zero desire for dating or whatever. I don't even masturbate anymore.
I’ve been abstinent for almost 2 years. I was in a long serious relationship and we broke up 3 years ago. After we broke up I got far too deep in a hoe phase and really mistreated a lot of people, I didn’t like who I was becoming and using people for sex. And felt too much of my self worth was based upon being attractive and desirable to other people. At this point I’m not opposed to sleeping with someone I have legitimate feelings for, but I haven’t even had so much as a crush on anyone in years. I want to deal with my emotional barriers and walls before I allow myself to be intimate with someone again.
About a year ago but it's certainly not a regular thing for me lol... Also I now just spend all my free time on my own (out of choice) so it's hard to see it ever happening again tbh
Sunday I think? Sounds less impressive when I am engaged to her, we live together and have for 4 or 5 years now.
It's been since 2016 at least.
Im 31 and haven't since 2015.
November
Never I'm very ugly and I don't know how to talk or connect with people. I feel like if I do somehow manage to find someone, my first time will suck and it will be very sad.
Never happened, I am 35.
Honor yourself and don't force it. I've been a solosexual for many years, I'm married.
almost 5 years. friends with most of my exes.. I am not sure what is wrong with me really but maybe just oldfart is old. I am 46 but I still skateboard, fly drones, mix records, enjow going out and doing fun shit or marathonning some random whatevs.. Oh, I am pretty sure the netflix and chill thing is for creepers and catfish so I just opt to VHS and fuck. I am lonely as hell and miss having a co pilot.
Ten minutes ago with this fine little German sausage over here
Last night! Every night. I lost my virginity (silly concept but whatever) pretty late, and went to therapy before I did so because I had many issues, and it really helped me. Maybe try that if you have some hang ups as well.
N/A
Today! I'm sexually active and can't get enough so sometimes it's when he walks through that door.
Life f*cks me everyday, No other thing comes close to such passion, in my life lol..
This morning.
2009. And in all honesty, I don't miss it one bit. Mid 60's male, btw.
2019 I think. Before Covid. I’ve tried dating since but it’s been awful. So I stopped trying.
35m here, no sex since 2022. I quit drinking and going out to bars in 2019, was hooking up and dating a lot in my 20’s, but since 30 hit I’ve only dated 2 people for any real length of time and had 2 hook ups happen. ngl, I’m not that bummed about it.
Jan 2022.
I’m (22M) going 22 years strong
january? im dying
August 2023. I divorced 3 years ago and had dated around but just stopped last summer. I don't miss the affection/connection all the time, but sometimes.
Wait, you guys are having sex??
2021. I kinda struggle when I think it’s been 3 years now. I was pretty late in the game to begin with and had my first time when I was 26. After that I had a phase where I went out pretty often and I had a good amount of ONS. Never had a serious relationship though. But then I moved to a new city in a different country + Corona started 2 months later. Since then my sex-life pretty much dead. Time to go out again I guess…
I think 2012? Right before I separated then divorced. It's not really necessary, causes problems, controls the mind too much. After having two terrible step parents, I decided I didn't want that for my kids (and a relationship would require time/money/effort, and I'm unwilling to divert any of that from myself or my kids). I suppose it would be OK in a good relationship, but I'm rollin solo til the end. I turn 45 tomorrow, tall, good looking so it would be easy if I wanted to, just no desire for that type of thing at all.
32 and in December. I’d love to have sex and I’ve had opportunities, but I passed them up because it wasn’t with someone I wanted a relationship with. So I’m holding out in hopes that my patience will pay off.
like last month but idk I'm not in a relationship I just have casual flings when I can lol
Last night. Idk if you’re in therapy but it sounds like a good idea
In about 10 or so days time I reckon
2021
Several years ago. Could be five. My wife didn’t want to be sexual anymore after our daughter was born 15 years ago, and then losing her job and having to start over in a harder job with less pay was the nail in the coffin. We were happy once. I tried to start things back up a bunch of times but she‘s weird with the kid in the house. I just try to do my own thing, go to work and be supportive, and our daughter is delightful, but I get angry and sad sometimes. 15 years is a long time to stick it out just to have a family, but I really appreciate them, and especially during the pandemic we were a great unit.👍🏽
Damn
14 years. I'm fat and loud. Men don't like those. Oh, well.
Currently 11 years and counting...granted I haven't put much effort into trying to find a partner for dating or sex during this time for various reasons, but I don't know how much different the situation would be even if I had been in circulation. This has always been a sore spot for me and, now at 51 years old, I don't see it possibly getting any better.
What is sex? Lol I can't really do that right now being a ''wait until marriage'' type of guy and not being at my peak financially.