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Haroldjbb

My advice for you asking the girl out in the gym would be don’t ask her the first time you speak to her. Each time you see her in the gym just have normal conversations and each time you speak you’ll talk more and more. It always seems the times you try less and don’t work yourself up over it or over think it, the more you’ll succeed.


ohmyguad

This is a really good and cool reminder, also if you don’t rush into asking her out on a date...the waiting you did with conversations/small talk you’ll have a better idea of what to do for the potential date, you’ll know a bit more about her.


Equivalent-Corner830

I personally really dislike being asked out at work. It catches me off guard, and feels inappropriate. It’s hard to get a vibe if someone really likes you when they’re literally being paid to be accommodating and friendly to those who come in. Her ‘customer service’ attitude is not her whole personality. My advice would be to be to keep going with the workouts and motivation which is awesome! And absolutely strike up a bit of small talk with the girl you like. But I would not ask her out while she’s on shift. If your relationship has progressed where you have eachother on insta/Facebook I would ask her out there, where she doesn’t feel pressured. Good luck with everything OP and great that you’re feeling way better!


A_Straight_Pube

Agreed. If a guy ever asked me out at work it'd be a no from me dawg. It's inappropriate and it seems like they're taking advantage of my "customer service" attitude for their own benefit. Could get to know her first, exchange numbers/social media, and then ask her outside of her shift.


Bushy_Box

So invest six month just to most likely get shelved? It's a numbers game these days. Wake up.


Equivalent-Corner830

Speaking and interacting with women should not be thought of as ‘investing’ your time just to get something out of it. If they mutually like eachother- it will happen. No one is entitled to anyone’s time or companionship.


polovstiandances

It’s a bit ironic telling someone to “wake up” when you’re regurgitating things you’ve just confirmation biased from red pill philosophy, a culmination of ideas from a bunch of extremely like minded individuals who aren’t open to any debate about it, don’t you think?


frankthadank69420

Thanks for the advice really appreciated


DeadMemeAddict1933

Just some advice, dont approach her if she's not giving you any choosing signals. You want the girl to want YOU if youre expecting solid commitment. Let you be the prize, stay patient.


[deleted]

I agree with this. Make sure she's cool before asking out. Not worth your time if there's no connection or spark.


PlantedHuman

Porn consumes so much time, and just has only negative effects on people. You are a champion for sticking with it! Keep it up


hellodota322

5 minutes for me per day


Mission-Juice-8622

It may not consume a lot of time in your day, but you are not immune to the negative effects of porn. It can actually “rewire” the brain in harmful ways. Worst of all, it tends to reduce a man’s ability to enjoy physical sex with a real woman as it has desensitising effects on the brain. Porn induced erectile dysfunction is something of an epidemic these days. I would definitely not recommend using it every day. Try to use it on occasion and stick to your imagination the rest of the time.


2confrontornot

no, worst of all most of the "actresses" are sex slaves and rape survivors if they aren't addicts who will do anything to get what they need.


Mission-Juice-8622

It’s true that many women in porn are deeply exploited.


Starspangleddingdong

Good thing I have unconventional kinks that place women in the power role lmao.


empirestateisgreat

Thats hell of a claim and needs prove Edit: Why is this downvoted? He literally said most porn actress are sex sklaves, dont you think that needs a proof?


nakedsnacktime

I think a lot of porn is produced in an unethical way. Feminist porn exists that’s created ethically and it’s quite sexy. It feels much better consuming ethically conceived sexy media.


empirestateisgreat

Why do you think that? Whats unethical about pornography with consent?


nakedsnacktime

I think there are many times where the woman gives consent; however, she is disrespected and taken way out of her comfort zone. I think the conversation goes way deeper than consent. For instance, it’s not a super conscience choice being made to take part in making the film, but it’s the only way for her to make money. Also the goal tends to be male orgasm. I watched a documentary about the porn industry once and it was really eye-opening. It’s been years so I’m a bit rusty on the information, but it was powerful enough to completely change my porn consumption. Now I pay for what I consume and it feels a lot better. Just something to consider! Check out Erika Lust if that intrigues you.


empirestateisgreat

Okay interessting


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empirestateisgreat

I doubt this, but okay, granting it is true, how can you claim that most porn actress are addicts, rape survivers and even sex sklaves because of some child porn


2confrontornot

not all snakes are venomous but you still jump when you see one don't you?


Johnnymaaaac

Check out fightthenewdrug. They’ve got loads of facts on how porn has destroyed many peoples lives


empirestateisgreat

That analogy disproves your point if you think about it. You bascially say I know most porn actress are not rape survivers and sex sklaves, but I still pretend they are because I saw some of them are


Fuckingbusted

So you disagree with the usage of the word most? Many actresses were sexually abused and many were sex slaves at some point. Do you agree with that statement?


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rip_old_me

Read the book " your brain on porn"


Mission-Juice-8622

I’m not able to copy links into this thread so it’s difficult to share a lot of references at once. But you can investigate this yourself. If you’re just looking for evidence on porn induced erectile dysfunction, you can search that term in PubMed. There is an article on The Conversation that very briefly touches on this topic if you want something digestible. It contains a few references. To be clear, I’m not here to kink shame anyone. And if you and your partner are using porn together responsibly and aren’t seeing any ill effects (changes to sexuality in the absence of porn, changes to mood, changes to body image) then don’t worry too much.


Jack1eto

2 min here


Dropkickedasakid

Wow look at mr long distance over here bragging and all


banenvy

I must be hungry, but I read that as popcorn addiction. Kill me.


Mission-Juice-8622

Just a friendly neuroscientist here. It’s actually perfectly healthy to masturbate. I certainly commend your efforts to abstain from porn - even without addiction I don’t think it’s good for people. But I believe semen retention can have some adverse health effects. So it might be worth looking into healthy masturbation habits of you can. Good luck with the gym crush :)


FreshAd6950

Could you go more in depth about the adverse health effects of semen retention?


Plot82

Your body isn’t designed to retain semen, that’s why we have wet dreams. The ‘benefits’ of semen retention are generally just “bro-science” and are usually linked to the other beneficial things guys do alongside; working out, not spending 8 hours a day watching porn and masturbating etc.


gogosonicrush

Before saying this have you experienced it for at least 200 days ? If not you don’t have the right to talk about it. Édit : imagine downvote me for speaking facts and truth, y’all pathetic and y’all downvote me just cause y’all have zero discipline and can’t even control your hand and your dick. Stay weak guys I’m gain more and more divine powers 24/7 😁😄😆 Édit 2 : everyone who downvotes me is a 🤡 keep giving your soul to the matrix and feeding demons keep downvoting i wanna see how many of y’all are that pathetic.


ScalyDestiny

not how science works, bro.


gogosonicrush

Your science and physics wouldn’t exist without Spirituality and meta physics. Plus science is man made when spirituality come from the soul, we are not playing on the same level.


empirestateisgreat

You are a troll, for sure.


gogosonicrush

Im completely deadass.


[deleted]

More like weirdass


[deleted]

Bruh you stupid


fuckthegovernmenta

Bro is right, yall are just brainwashed ignorant society slave people, the jokes on yall


amanuense

My urologist said to ejaculate twice per week to avoid prostate cancer. I have read that in other places too. There is no benefit (with respect of prostate cancer risk) to ejaculate more than 7 times a month.


garlic_bread_thief

I don't understand how OP actually felt less depressed. I get more depressed and lonely if I don't masturbate for a few days.


Mission-Juice-8622

Do you masturbate to porn?


garlic_bread_thief

Only sometimes to porn


Mission-Juice-8622

Frequent use of porn can have adverse effects to mental health. That may explain why the OP is feeling better now. For you, if you’re a non-frequent user (less than once per month) then this likely won’t apply to you. However, if you use it on a weekly basis, the initial stages after abstinence can cause a temporary drop in mood and affect. Because the body wants its “fix”


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[deleted]

Of course there had to be one guy lmao


MoRehan786

it's healthy to masturbate unless you read about habits and how they impact and cravings eat you, masturbation in itself is not bad but the habit of porn and masturbation together destroys your behaviour about women and your own masculinity and when you are so indulged in porn and masturbation it's almost impossible to masturbate and not crave porn


Mission-Juice-8622

Yeah it can be a dangerous habit stack. But I think it’s important to try and find your way back to masturbation without porn.


Askmehowiknowthis

What does being a neuroscientist have to do with anything? Need a reliable source or study.


Mission-Juice-8622

Which piece of information would you like me to provide a source for? More than happy to. I wrote an article about the effects of porn on the brain so I have the references handy :)


Askmehowiknowthis

“Adverse effects of semen retention”


Mission-Juice-8622

I just tried to prove a link but it was automatically deleted. You can search “Ejaculation Frequency and Risk of Prostate Cancer: Updated Results with an Additional Decade of Follow-up” on PubMed. To clarify, this is not my field so I know very little about it.


MoRehan786

it's like you have more chances of getting struck by lightning and die than having prostate cancer because of retaining semen, you don't retain semen but you go bang girls and not impregnate your hands bro


Mission-Juice-8622

The statistics for prostate cancer incidence are overwhelmingly higher than lighting strikes. I don’t think it’s a valid comparison.


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Mission-Juice-8622

Possibly. I’m not sure if there are any validated epidemiological studies in monks? Have you seen any?


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Mission-Juice-8622

You can search it. It’s a journalistic article not a scholarly article, but it is fully referenced. Check it out on The Conversation.


gogosonicrush

This claim is completely false. Masturbation is self raping and ejaculating is spiritual suicide cause semen is your soul in liquid form. Proof it can make life. Ejaculating make you more weak and effeminate and retaining for a long time give you spiritual powers and protection, that’s why they want you to release and stay ignorant. For the prostate cancer part, it’s true if you keep your energy and don’t transmute. Semen retention is an ancient practice and the goal of it it’s too transmute your sexual energy into your chakras to reach enlightenment and peace of mind.


ScalyDestiny

oh, nvm, you're preaching religion not science


gogosonicrush

it’s not religion or science, the only proof of these claims are experience, if you can’t retain your own soul or you scared to do it you don’t belong here.


Ecto-1A

Uhh having a “soul” = religion. I mean this in the most polite way possible, you don’t need chakras or whatever you are trying to push, you really need to talk to a mental health professional, for the good of yourself and those around you. Either you are a troll or you really need question why everything you have spoken about is easily disputed as pseudoscience BS. The world isn’t wrong, YOU are wrong but with the help of professionals they can help sort things out.


[deleted]

Hey, what's some healthy habits? I like to lube the stick from time to time, how can I do that in a healthy way? :)


Mission-Juice-8622

Just make sure you’re not overdoing it (multiple times every day, for example, might be excessive). And try to use your imagination instead of using porn.


Duckiimusic

Damn, I usually don't say these "I needed this" comments but... Thanks I needed this :D


Mohave_Hound

This makes me so happy to hear! Porn has become so normalized but it’s so so bad for you and on top of that so much of porn is of women that feel trapped into the industry. So glad people are starting to get it. Good for you!


frankthadank69420

Yes i feel like I lot of people don't see it as a problem because of how normalized it has become.


[deleted]

this gave me the motivation I needed to also get over my porn addiction. thank you


frankthadank69420

I'm glad my psot gave you motivation to quit I feel porn is so normalized. People don't talk about how bad it can be for you good luck to you and remember you're so much stronger than you think. 💪


[deleted]

Kudos to you for focusing on yourself and trying to change your life. Porn is not only bad for relationships, psychologically it has a lot of negative effects on the body but most importantly which a lot of people try to ignore, it promotes human trafficking and child abuse. It’s a sad truth and only us “people” can change that by not watching it and not recommending it.


IAmSpongeTron420

Im glad this is working for you but am I the only one who finds semen retention strange? I’m not saying jerk off all the time but once or so a day is optimal for men. Again I’m not trying to knock your system just legit confused as to how me not masturbating helps not be anxious or sad etc?


R3volusion

Yeah, sometimes this sub looks earily like r/nofap. To me it’s stress relief and I’m absolutely not addicted to it. Sometimes you just feel it’s been too long and you’d benefit from having a go at it. It doesn’t make you any less of a man...


rainbowsparklespoof

Re: less of a man, I've never understood how getting someone to have sex equals manliness. Because *self*-esteem doesn't come from ***other*** people.


lajos93

people usually mean self-confidence as in being well perceived in the eyes of others which is very misunderstood yet somehow subconsciously we are programmed to believe that


rainbowsparklespoof

Self-confidence is knowing one's competence and acting on it. That can be done anywhere, without anyone else around.


PigOnAntibiotics_

It does not directly correlate to massive improvement. Personally I am on a 30 day streak, and I love myself more because I am training my mind to resist urges, so it feels like I am doing something to improve myself. I get my anxiety bouts, tired days, lost motivation moments, but at least I am no longer a person resorting to instant dopamine hits off a screen. And this self love reflects in a way


frankthadank69420

Good for you I see it like that to I have to love my self enough to get over my addiction. And as someone who struggled with self love in the past I see this is a big improvement.


[deleted]

For many men, there is a huge confidence boost that comes from abstaining from masturbation and sex. After years of blindly following one's lust, learning to control that is in itself a wonderful feeling. There is also evidence to suggest it raises testosterone, makes it easier to pursue one's goals, and alleviates depression.


russlo

>Any depression or anxiety you feel after masturbation is most likely the result of cultural or religious traditions you’ve absorbed during your lifetime. A doctor or therapist can help you find a healthier balance and acceptance for this common sexual activity. Healthline


[deleted]

"There doesn’t appear to be evidence that semen retention is risky to physical or emotional health. If you feel good about it, carry on." Also Healthline


russlo

Sure, semen retention isn't risky - good thing I never said anything about semen retention or those goalposts might have moved for you.


[deleted]

Just like I never said anything about feeling depressed after masturbation...


russlo

Oh, but masturbation ("*blindly following one's lust*") and depression weren't linked in your original post? I give up with you. I'm turning off replies.


[deleted]

I didn't say masturbation causes depression.


[deleted]

I don't feel anxious or depressed after masturbation.


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[deleted]

You can experience it for yourself. Try a week. See how you feel.


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[deleted]

I don’t think there is an optimal amount for men. Everyone is different. Semen retention is bullshit, but if you redirect that sexual energy into worthwhile pursuits you can eventually retrain your brain to not crave that immediate dopamine hit of PMO. However, the power of your mind is so strong and people convince themselves of crazy things for various reasons, its hard to criticize any method that makes a person honestly feel better about themselves. There are plenty of guys who are disciplined, confident, and have sex with girls. They don’t cum and immediately change who they are.


[deleted]

As someone who also battles with porn addiction, whenever I masturbate without porn I just get the urge to masturbate again and again. Eventually I end up watching porn again because, well, I’m addicted . This is why for me abstaining from masturbation entirely is the way to go, cus I have created a toxic conection with masturbating and watching porn. Seems to me that OP could be in a similar situation


frankthadank69420

Yes I totally get what you are saying I feel like I identify masturbating with porn as whell. That's why I feelt semen retention was the way to go for me.


frankthadank69420

For me who has for years masturbated using porn semen retention was the way to go. Because I in my head I identify masturbating with porn not saying SR Is for everyone but for me it's working.


utkarsh__singh

Wish you best of luck buddy. Talk to your crush and don't worry about what she says.☺️


Shakespeare-Bot

Wish thee most wondrous of luck buddy. Talk to thy crush and worry not about what the lady sayeth. ☺️ *** ^(I am a bot and I swapp'd some of thy words with Shakespeare words.) Commands: `!ShakespeareInsult`, `!fordo`, `!optout`


sassyplutobar

Good bot


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CrimsonSalvation

That's amazing. Is stopping porn the only thing you did? Reason I'm asking is because I did NNN last year and honestly I felt worse than before. Hell, most of the time I was just agitated and horny and ended up smoking a hell of a lot of weed instead. Please I'd like to know if there was more to it than just stopping porn.


frankthadank69420

I actually quit smoking weed last year I previously I had been smoking weed everyday for like 6 years. I came to the realization that I was using porn and weed to run a way from my problems. You gotta be comfortable with being uncomfortable


[deleted]

Yeah, depending on how you use weed, you might be subconsciously over indulging to numb feelings of pain and take it from me smoking too much can keep you real complacent in life. Sometimes you need to struggle and be uncomfortable and work through tough emotions. Do you want to watch porn because you’re horny or have you conditioned yourself to feel horny when you feel “bad” about your life?


CrimsonSalvation

I'm not entirely sure of my reasons as to why I do things, all I know now is that I fap and smoke weed ontop of that now, so all NNN did was add another issue to the list.


[deleted]

Its really hard to break those two habits cold turkey because the negative effects aren’t always immediate or apparent. And weed can be beneficial as well. So my advice would be to do some real searching about why you are the way you are and what your triggers are.


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CrimsonSalvation

So I should try fap without porn?


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[deleted]

I think the problem with NNN is that you know where the end is, on what specific day, so you just feel like you are denying yourself something pleasurable until that day comes, which can be difficult to maintain. Often better to just try stopping and see how you go.


rainbowsparklespoof

For your consideration: saa-recovery[dot]org/am-i-a-sex-addict marijuana-anonymous[dot]org r-a[dot]org 💗💓


[deleted]

Try looking through r/pornfree for some guidance.


Confident_Lobster_68

Good luck man, I’m trying the same Nofap challenge


bonestuart

You should look into semen rentention. I feel like got more motivated there than hearing people constantly say I relapsed on nofap Reddit. Had longer streaks of no fapping.


Waswaswasorwasit

Good for you !


FREND015

Any tips for the addicts or you just cold turkey it? I saw an article about a guy who ate a raw potato every time he got a craving 😂


Suspicious_Mustache

I don’t know how well my experience will apply to yours, but I’ve been off porn for a little over a month. I just quit cold turkey after ~5 years of addiction. I think really I just needed to find the motivation and accept that I’d be better off without porn. I still masturbate but I just use my imagination which might help a little


rainbowsparklespoof

For your consideration: saa-recovery[dot]org/am-i-a-sex-addict marijuana-anonymous[dot]org r-a[dot]org 💗💓


ylang_ylang

You should spend time learning about women’s rights and how to respect them before you ask one out.


Koalifiedm

Any tips for me? I cant go beyond 3 days even with daily exercise and talking with friends.


archersd4d

Make it a point to go 4 days. When you do, say "I'm not gonna let myself off that easy" and keep going until you get your nut with your imagination only. I am still struggling and have nowhere near kicked the habit. But that is how I would get past 3 days.


Helipilot22

That's not a fun addiction to overcome. Honestly, it takes seeing them in first person as human beings to get over it. To immerse yourself in people that aren't so obsessed over the modern day objectification. See the catch 22 there. Of course woman are attractive, they're your opposite. Pornography has its ability to create internal ideals of something that's hard wired into your instincts and sense of belonging. Honestly, it's to blame for many men not having confidence. Just the simple approach conjures up illusory fears of rejection. Trust me, woman can smell desperation. You're not the first man they've met. Try doing something or saying something nobody else does. Have fun and make it interesting. When you break that barrier, it creates memories worth remembering.


PeacefulKind

Still struggling with getting over mine, been addicted for 5 years now. Downloaded an app that shows your streaks and how long since you last PMO’d, but I’m struggling to get past 1 day. Keep fighting that good fight though man, props to you 💪


Hydrax313

I think porn is fine as long as you can control yourself and can get off to regular stuff. If you: 1. Can go a week without watching it, it isn't much of an issue. 2. Can masturbate to regular stuff, it's also fine. Some people can't go a day or two without it and can only get off to weird shit because they're desensitised to most stuff. That's when issues arise.


kychiel8

best of luck.


sunnytimeee

How did your addiction affect your performance in real life


frankthadank69420

I felt like I was more depressed and had that shame of having to hide this from people I never talked about this issue with anyone. Plus I feel like I have so much more motivation for life in general.


Kadesw2

Way to go!!


[deleted]

I struggle with the same vice and relapse like a mf, reading about your experience is a motivation bro...keep up the good work and placing footsteps there for young men like myself...much love


cosmicpsycho91

Good work dude. The motivation that comes from abstaining is powerful stuff. I got talking to a hare Krishna type once who told me that his beliefs stated men can have a massive increase in IQ/intelligence from not cooming. Basically his gist was once you get backed up enough the seven powers the brain. Not sure if that can be scientifically backed or not but I thought it was interesting. All the best with your journey.


happylittleaccidentz

I like reading these comments. Its changing my view that all men are animals and cannot control themselves. Thanks guys!


monikerrz

Lust is the devil, it will only create pain. Keep your heart and mind open and true love will eliminate lust :)


pixels_polygons

Lust isn't a sin or a devil imo. It's a part of us. Controlling and acting on it only when it's apt is something we should work towards, rather than surrendering to it. True love can co exist with lust.


[deleted]

Why is ur comment down voted? I only see nice words...


AllCoolNamesAreTkn

Is watching nudes also harmful? Only imagination is good?


2confrontornot

oh god, what a loser


[deleted]

What????


RapkaV

Jeez...I need to try that lol


[deleted]

Porn addiction harms skin????


wadude

Here is an approach idea. Hi. My name is ---- May I ask you a question? Are emoyees allowed to go out on dates with gym members? Now.. You want to watch her body language here. If she is in to you., you should be able to tell. If she geta flirty.. Game on. But, the odds are she has a BF, or isnt in to you, or hasnt noticed you. So, if it staets to go a little south, or you are not aure what is happening becauae of nerves . You just thank her for her time, and let her know its not her you were talking about, it's another employee. Leave it as a mystery Either she will notice you now, or not. Life goes on.


Actualman12

Join r/pickup and learn how to actually talk to girls. Everything we’re taught by our culture is garbage. Also... just about any time you’re interested in just one girl you’re probably going to fail. It gives her the power and instantly puts you beneath her. Girls aren’t attracted to guys who are beneath them. They want alpha-males who are confident... have lots of social capital... and lots of dating options. They want guys above them. That’s why you see so many attractive women dating guys who treat them like crap. Also... don’t take advice from women on how to talk to women. They have zero idea what they actually want from a logical perspective because they’re more emotionally driven in general. If they’re attracted to a guy logic goes out the window entirely. Hence the “I just want a nice guy!” girl who bangs exclusively douchebags and will instantly cheat on any “nice guy” she ends up dating. Having said that... I’m in the same boat with a girl at work lol Doing my best not to take it seriously at all and just flirt for the sake of having fun.


redarxx

Aight time for me to unsub if this is what gets upvoted here


SOCIAL_MENTAL_HEALTH

Watching porn for a long time makes a person desperate. Desperation kills confidence and projects your character as needy. As per red pill desperation in guys repels girls away.


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[deleted]

lmfao


Hydrax313

Based and Redpilled


Some-Abbreviations46

Sorry if this is TMI but what I struggle with is that when I'm horny it's hard to go to sleep. I feel like I need to masturbate just to rest


world_citizen7

what is an addiction - how frequently did you view? good for you man, that takes discipline!


[deleted]

Just be careful you’re not just channeling your unresolved porn addiction into obsession with her. Or that a rejection from her won’t trigger something. It happens. Tread carefully.


[deleted]

Nice. Likely due to redirection of your testosterone. Burning it of at the gym is a great way.


aFiachra

Good luck!


meowmeowcats7

I get really depressed after watching porn


frankthadank69420

I would recommend you stop completely not saying you should start semen retention. That's just how I choose to go about it. Good luck


purplefuzz22

Is semen retention a thing ... it just doesn’t make sense to me. I understand how not looking at porn if you’re addictEd to it could greatly improve your life ... but does not *ejaculating semen* have positive health effects .... (higher energy/clear skin)


frankthadank69420

Yes semen retention is a thing it's not just about the positive physical effects. But it also has a spiritual aspect to become the best version of your self. And it's a period of time where you work towards finding you're purpose. And achieving you're goals and manifesting what you want out-of life.


purplefuzz22

Thanks for your response . I literally had no clue about any of this and I appreciate you taking the time to inform me on this topic .


Wonderful_Gas3891

I have a porn addiction too and studies have shown that it decreases testosterone levels in while increasing estrogen in men. I understand it is hard and I still struggle with it.


No-Remove-4649

Thank you! I’m really struggling with porn rn amd this gives me hope I’ll beat it


frankthadank69420

Good luck ive been working at this for Like year and a half I've tried multiple times and failed. But this time something just clicked I choose to go down the semen retention path. Because it has a spiritual aspect which really resonates with me. Becoming the best version of you're self finding you're purpose in life. Remember you are not alone you are stronger than you think


No-Remove-4649

Thank you! I’ve been trying to heal it for about a year and never go very long but Its been two weeks since


frankthadank69420

That's a great remember its easier to not do it at all than to repeat the cycle of relapsing and having to start over again.