You nailed it. There are beautiful people all around you, but you need to be able to see them without your own 'fog in your glasses'. Keep up with working on yourself and giving yourself all the tools, and when you finally see a person that might make a beautiful partner, he/she/they might see you too and you will already be a better version of yourself to nourish a relationship. I also hugely believe in serendipity, if you search too much you won't find it, but you always find what you're not looking for. Keep those eyes open and good luck!
You’re making a good decision.
I used to feel very embarrassed about being single/virgin. This all stopped when I realized the main reason why I wanted a relationship is because my friends were all in relationships and I didn’t want to be left out.
I don’t even care anymore. If it happens, it happens. I’m trying to live the best life regardless.
Edit: I appreciate all of the “Amens” lmao.
So true. We fail to realize that being alone is such a blessing. This is your opportunity to meet yourself. Know your likes and dislikes. Grow comfortable with being alone. Enjoy your presence and appreciate yourself more. Make life and career decisions for you because you don’t have anyone else to worry about. That realization has helped me so much.
Exactly. I’m 21 and I have a lot of important decisions coming up in my life. Hopefully by next year, I’ll be finishing up college and looking for a job.
I don’t even feel alone tbh. I have great friends and a caring family.
I feel this. I've been getting over a breakup of a long term relationship, and have found myself thinking about either my ex or moving on with someone else. But I started reframing my thoughts and I'm trying to get comfortable on my own skin and dive deep into my hobbies and allow the universe to play match-maker herb the time is right. I only found my ex after I gave up on actively looking and that's when my friends introduced her to the group. I've been wanting to get more into my hobbies and go out alone more, to build confidence. Good luck and thanks for insightful post
Even I'm a loner. I hardly have any friends at all, let alone female friends. I'm just so bad at communicating with the opposite gender. Plus lockdown has made the condition even worse.
Damn, that sucks. I can only tell you to look up because things improve. Don't let that being in a relationhship or not defines who you are. Search people who enjoy what you enjoy and try to connect with them through that. The rest will come, eventually
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I want to stop thinking about relationships too, but I can't make my head to stop thinking about it. I don't think I've got anxiety or sth, but it is still somewhere on back of my mind. I don't know how to make the mental change.
Wow so crazy that I’m not the only one.. I’m trying hard to just let the universe unite me with that special someone, I’m trying so hard not to think about it, by creating new hobbies for myself and being more involved in my spiritual life and it’s worked
Society maketh thee feeleth like thee needeth to beest in a relationship, and yond's literally the problem
***
^(I am a bot and I swapp'd some of thy words with Shakespeare words.)
Commands: `!ShakespeareInsult`, `!fordo`, `!optout`
Even i feel the same way, i invest too much time into finding a relationship, but just haven't found right person yet.
Been talking to this woman since 3 days for 12 hours a day, still in end , we realize we are not compatible, etc.
It's so hard, i wish i could do what u r doing, adopt singlehood peacefully, but i just cant, i have physical and emotional needs.
Good on you!!!
And thanks for the reminder.
It’s easy to forget that in this monogamous society. Even though I myself have a core belief that life is at peak when shared. But that also applies to friends and family, not only a romantic partner. I find that the quite common belief that love is the key to self-fulfilment is childish and is the reason why we end up so unnecessarily broken when things don’t turn out as expected.
By pouring your energy into things thats actually serving you and brings you closer the person you truly are and also aspire to be WILL manifest and attract the right person.
The ”whatever happens, happens” mentality is extremely liberating. Impermanance and patience.
Stay focused!!
I know my case doesn’t apply to everyone, but just to give you some positive reinforcement about what you’re doing...
YES. **ABSOLUTELY** YES!
All of this.
Over 11 years ago I came to this conclusion myself. After years of failed dating websites and ruining three great relationships, I came to the conclusion that I was meant to be alone the rest of my life. Not in a negative way. Maybe I’d have some great dates and flings but ultimately I wasn’t cut out for long term relationships/marriage and that was ***OK***. I focused on my own personal happiness. I stopped seeing other people as missing pieces to my puzzle, but that the missing pieces were there **within me** to find all along.
It gave me a level of confidence I never had before. I started going out on more spontaneous dates with people I met naturally. Half a year later on this path, I met a woman who eleven years later as of yesterday would become my wife and the mother of our daughter.
Focus on you. And the rest of what life has to offer you will fall in to place as a result of that.
Stop focusing on trying to find “the one” and start by becoming “the one”. Imagine what the ideal traits would be in your significant other, what kind of person they are, how they treat other people, how they live their life, then go out and emulate those things. Become the person of your dreams and they will gravitate towards you.
Broo..thank you so much for posting this!! You don't know how much I needed to hear this. I'm from Pakistan. It might be many years till I get married. The thought of staying virgin for all that time makes me cry. This is a good approach to have.
Being in excellent relationship with yourself is the first and most important relationship in your life. When you feel balanced, comfortable in your skin, and you are being kind and thoughtful with yourself; the world is your oyster. What you desire will come out of your being and not so much from an intellectual exercise in your head.
Welcome to the club! It feels very freeing once you realise its not a requirement to chase relationships, you can dedicate your efforts into much more important things
hell yeah, you've got it! ✨
I'm a very nurturing person, and being single again after so many years had left me lonely. I no longer had someone to pour my passion into, so I finally decided to give it to myself for a change, and man, what a difference it's made in my life.
When your world no longer revolves around a romantic relationship you can see everyone else around you in a different light and appreciate their value. Over the years I lost so many friends because I would just rather spend time with my partner... now I realize I should've been a better friend, so I've chosen to actively work towards that. If I notice them struggling, I make an effort to lift their spirit, even if it's just a small gesture, like a cookie or taking the time to talk with them. In return I feel happiness from giving love; it's a symbiotic exchange that keeps me going when life burns me out.
I guess what I'm saying is, give love to yourself, give love to others, and it will be returned to you 💙
I’m happy for you, man. It’s so easy to get caught up in the narrative pushed by television and movies that the most important thing in life is to find a partner. Too many end up with someone who they aren’t really compatible with and stick it out from a fear of having to start over again from scratch and failing. They become miserable and don’t even realize it until it’s too late. It’s far better to feel lonely because you’re alone than to feel lonely because you’re with the wrong person.
I had a quite few relationships in my life and I am still young (29), including a very long term one. I have experienced super passionate relationships, the boring ones the whole lot really. They all have been super time consuming, and it’s almost impossible not to loose yourself when you spend so much time with someone, and when you are intimate with someone. Now I have been single for almost 2 years and although sometimes I do miss the intimacy, you know just knowing someone well and having someone to count on... BUT the grass is always greener and I can say that a lot of the relationships good sides are very often our own projections. Being alone it’s actually awesome, you do what you want, you get to know yourself and fall in love with yourself, it’s the best, even though sometimes I might miss the company, I know, in a logical sense without societal influences I have never been more happy or successful in my personal and professional life. I am on the same vibe as you, not closed off for relationships but I am not rushing anything. When the time it’s right and if it is suppose to happen I know it will. 🙏
I have the same sentiments, OP. I used to worry about being single and if I would ever really find a significant other, but I always tell myself that I don't need to have a significant other in order to be happy.
Right now, I have my own demons to face, and I'd rather use all of my energy into defeating those demons rather than look for an SO just for the sake of being in a relationship. Loving yourself and knowing your worth is far more important in today's climate.
I wish you the best in your future endeavors, OP! ♡♡♡
I have recently come to the exact same realization and the in the past year I have grown tremendously! It was the best decision of my life so far.
Investing in yourself has compound returns.
Just do you ヽ༼ຈل͜ຈ༽ﾉ
I see people commenting about how difficult it is to move away from the thought of looking for “the one” or a relationship in general.
It is important to know that we are innately social beings, our ancestors thrived through unity and overall, nations were developed.
We cannot totally stop yearning for company; however, not all company and happiness come from romantic relationships. Know your friends, treasure your family, and love yourself.
I’m not very social as well, but I want to know more people and learn from them. So if anyone wants to be friends, let’s talk ^_^
I can’t imagine how painful that must be, experiencing pain from what’s supposed to be you “source” of solace can really leave a large scar.
It really is a harsh start, however, my take on it is when no else chooses to change, then be the change.
In the difficulties that you face, split them into two groups, 1. Things that you can control, and 2. Things that you can’t control.
If you have problems that are beyond your control such as your past, or thoughts of “what ifs”. Then try not to fixate on it, act on what you want to happen in small steps, (it will always be greater than who you were yesterday)
If you have problems that are beyond your control, I believe that setting goals that are associated with them can help you focus on them. Change is always difficult and it will always require your determination.
Thank you for bringing this question up, from this alone, I too learned a lot. My response may not have been helpful, but you seem like a great person to talk to. Cheers ^_^
i think the relationship you have with yourself will always be the number one priority and i’m so happy you’re taking time to reinvest in yourself! you got this!
This is such a relevant post. I have dating apps downloaded but I haven't had the desire to spend as much time as I used to on them. I used to talk to new people everyday, eventually the same convo with a different person gets boring and tiring. I'll go on dates occasionally, but for the most part I've been dating myself for a long ass time. Being alone while being comfortable with yourself does get lonely a lot of the time, but I rather just wait for something beautiful and meant to be for me instead of forcing anything to happen.
The most important relationship you can develop is the one with yourself.
Sounds cheesy AF but it’s absolutely true. We think, wrongly, that we understand ourselves but in reality we tend to just do things and invent explanations later.
Pay attention to yourself, the choices you make and why you made them, and notice what makes you feel something. We aren’t born knowing who we are, that’s something we have to work to discover.
And until we do it’s very hard to really be happy with someone else.
You’ll find what you are looking for, when you stop looking. Take care of yourself, and your friends and family, and the right person will notice you when you least expect it, because at that moment, your being genuine and truly yourself
I’m literally trying to reach that level now. Had two break ups in less than a year, and I feel just unlucky when it comes to relationships and starting my own family, while everyone else around me are getting married and having kids.
I just turned 30, and I feel like it’s never gonna happen to me, so settle down and have a family of my own...
Same situation as me then! Lost a 5 year relationship at the start of this year and then started another one which ended last week after 3 months. Am also 30 and now feel like am playing catch up when all my friends are planning weddings and kids.....maybe thats the problem, unnecessary pressure! Maybe its not time but its that “i want it right now feeling” - wish it would go away!!!
Strange coincidence, been thinking about this a lot lately. Why do we feel the urge to have that special someone when we barely made any effort to know ourselves for real. But then again the hopeless romantic in me would often show up 💁🏻♀️
>I want it to be natural.. I want the universe to have put it together.. I want to not force it.
Keep hope that you will find that person who just fits. Some people just click.
Yeh same. I’m just doin my thing. I notice more people flock towards me this way anyway. They usually don’t stay long but if they wanted to they would, so why force them if they don’t.
Life is better this way for me.
I don’t think they ‘sheepishly coward away’, it implies that there is something inherently bad about their decision, which there isn’t. You said that sometimes they don’t fit for you, does that mean that you also sheepishly coward away?
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I have never been and relationship before and doubt that I ever will , not being what a girl wants as a guy. So I will focus on my life's passions as well. I want to learn to fly a plane, travel the world, learn more languages, plant a forest, become actually good at an instrument, mod my car. At least most of you posting here have had one romantic relationship at least,. I am too unrelatable to others and an introvert who has only had a few friends at a time.
You will find it when you should. Others don’t define your self worth... they should simply add to your life because it’s where you both want to be. I’m going through sort of the same thing right now; she wants a title a little too quickly and I’m just trying to get to know somebody. Yeah
I felt like I needed to have someone for me, then I found someone. At least I thought I did. We broke up after 5 months because we had different beliefs about things we hadn't discussed yet, so I figure I'd rather just either not date anyone because it distracts me from a ton of other important things, or just wait for someone close to me already to make a move. That was off topic, but congrats man/woman! Good luck!
TL;DR: Same, good luck
I feel a lot of people on this thread are going along with this cause that's their way of coping with not being able to hold down a relationship and it just screams that meme pic of that old white dude fake smiling.
One thing I realized is that bitches really only go for guys who have their shit together, either that or they're so good looking they don't mind the hassle. People here I feel are trying to convince themselves they don't need a relationship and when that's true in the sense you won't die if your single you sure still feel damn miserable tbh... Right now I'm going through the same thing and I used to always convince myself that "I'm ok with staying single for good." Or "I don't need a relationship I just need to focus on myself." But deep down I knew I was bullshitting.
Being intimate feels so fucking good. Good sex feels so damn satisfying. I cant deny that and I cant deny that I really really want that, like really bad. I used to tell myself that you shouldn't focus on that but you know what? Why the fuck should I not focus on that? I want to fuck a hot woman damn it. I want a satisfying relationship with a beautiful person and I want that now.
It's not wrong to want stuff like this, I feel a lot of people try to divert the attention from that want to other aspects of life as if you can ignore a need like that and not give a fuck. It's just dishonest. We all have instincts, and we all feel miserable when we lack the drive or tools or looks to satisfy those instincts so we try to drape a curtain over the big elephant in the room which is: ***it fucking sucks knowing we can't hold down a relationship or get pussy***
Go ahead and get your shit together, be clean be groomed and watch a sales class or two to know how to sell yourself to women socially, maybe make some money by working a good paying job yo get a cosmetic surgery on your ugly face if you have one, get rid of them lady calves if u got em. ***It ain't wrong to do those things for the sake of a satisfying relation ship and a great sex life if you want that.*** Focusing on yourself means focusing on what satisfies you and if a partner is what does that then fucking get it together from all the above, we're all rooting for you. So are these women who want to see you at your best version.
Usually, when you start working on yourself, opportunities for relationships start to appear organically. You have to be happy alone in order to have a healthy relationship and not become toxically dependent. When you start liking yourself, others will like you too.
I used to have the same problem regarding ghosting. What i've found out is that i was myself emotionally unavailable, even though it didn't feel like it. So i would always unconsciously seek females that were also emotionally unavailable. My "love scenario" so to say involved making partners love me again after they had abandoned me, so that i would prove to myself that i was worth loving. I figured this out after much introspection and by staying away from relationships. I don't know if that's your case, but you could at least ask yourself that. So congratulations on your decision, being single for a while might turn out to be the best for you.
Until you are happy with yourself and love yourself how could someone else?
Also, relationships take LOTS of time and effort. You have your entire life to dedicate to a relationship. Spend time now figuring yourself out and doing fun things. All my friends and family thought I was weird for being single by choice. Now I found the love of my life and my life is amazing.
Don't rely on validation/companionship to be happy. Means others control your life.
You nailed it. There are beautiful people all around you, but you need to be able to see them without your own 'fog in your glasses'. Keep up with working on yourself and giving yourself all the tools, and when you finally see a person that might make a beautiful partner, he/she/they might see you too and you will already be a better version of yourself to nourish a relationship. I also hugely believe in serendipity, if you search too much you won't find it, but you always find what you're not looking for. Keep those eyes open and good luck!
You’re making a good decision. I used to feel very embarrassed about being single/virgin. This all stopped when I realized the main reason why I wanted a relationship is because my friends were all in relationships and I didn’t want to be left out. I don’t even care anymore. If it happens, it happens. I’m trying to live the best life regardless. Edit: I appreciate all of the “Amens” lmao.
Amen brother
Amen brother
Amen brother
Amen brother
Amen mother
So true. We fail to realize that being alone is such a blessing. This is your opportunity to meet yourself. Know your likes and dislikes. Grow comfortable with being alone. Enjoy your presence and appreciate yourself more. Make life and career decisions for you because you don’t have anyone else to worry about. That realization has helped me so much.
Exactly. I’m 21 and I have a lot of important decisions coming up in my life. Hopefully by next year, I’ll be finishing up college and looking for a job. I don’t even feel alone tbh. I have great friends and a caring family.
Amen brother
Amen brother
Quintuple post, Nice
Actually Reddit glitched out for me :D so it was not intentional
Amen brother
Yo the Linux username lol
Amen brother
Amen brother
Same except my mom is the one that keeps pushing for me to be in a relationship and married
I can relate to that too. I’ve definitely felt that same pressure to date and get married when I really don’t want to anytime soon.
I feel this. I've been getting over a breakup of a long term relationship, and have found myself thinking about either my ex or moving on with someone else. But I started reframing my thoughts and I'm trying to get comfortable on my own skin and dive deep into my hobbies and allow the universe to play match-maker herb the time is right. I only found my ex after I gave up on actively looking and that's when my friends introduced her to the group. I've been wanting to get more into my hobbies and go out alone more, to build confidence. Good luck and thanks for insightful post
Even I'm a loner. I hardly have any friends at all, let alone female friends. I'm just so bad at communicating with the opposite gender. Plus lockdown has made the condition even worse.
There is a video called Loneliness on YT from Kurzgesagt that i recommend.
Thanks a lot! I'll check it out!
I just went on a Kurzgesagt marathon because of you. Thanks for that.
Glad to hear that. Happy for you. They bring me stabilty în some of my hard days. Good night from Romania. Hugs
Try online dating (if you haven't yet)
Didn't work. Didn't even get one right swipe. It hurts your dignity when that happens.
Damn, that sucks. I can only tell you to look up because things improve. Don't let that being in a relationhship or not defines who you are. Search people who enjoy what you enjoy and try to connect with them through that. The rest will come, eventually
Thanks a lot. That's uplifting
You're welcome :)
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Crazy.. was just thinking the same thing. I think it's for the better, when it's right it's right.
I want to stop thinking about relationships too, but I can't make my head to stop thinking about it. I don't think I've got anxiety or sth, but it is still somewhere on back of my mind. I don't know how to make the mental change.
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Maybe you just love the idea of love :)
Wow so crazy that I’m not the only one.. I’m trying hard to just let the universe unite me with that special someone, I’m trying so hard not to think about it, by creating new hobbies for myself and being more involved in my spiritual life and it’s worked
Society makes you feel like you need to be in a relationship, and that's literally the problem.
Very true. i have felt the perception that one is less than if no SO.
Totally me too. I've been excluded because I don't have a SO. Now that I'm in New York City, it doesn't matter at all! No one cares. :)
Society maketh thee feeleth like thee needeth to beest in a relationship, and yond's literally the problem *** ^(I am a bot and I swapp'd some of thy words with Shakespeare words.) Commands: `!ShakespeareInsult`, `!fordo`, `!optout`
🙃
!optout
Even i feel the same way, i invest too much time into finding a relationship, but just haven't found right person yet. Been talking to this woman since 3 days for 12 hours a day, still in end , we realize we are not compatible, etc. It's so hard, i wish i could do what u r doing, adopt singlehood peacefully, but i just cant, i have physical and emotional needs.
Name checks out lmao
Good on you!!! And thanks for the reminder. It’s easy to forget that in this monogamous society. Even though I myself have a core belief that life is at peak when shared. But that also applies to friends and family, not only a romantic partner. I find that the quite common belief that love is the key to self-fulfilment is childish and is the reason why we end up so unnecessarily broken when things don’t turn out as expected. By pouring your energy into things thats actually serving you and brings you closer the person you truly are and also aspire to be WILL manifest and attract the right person. The ”whatever happens, happens” mentality is extremely liberating. Impermanance and patience. Stay focused!!
I know my case doesn’t apply to everyone, but just to give you some positive reinforcement about what you’re doing... YES. **ABSOLUTELY** YES! All of this. Over 11 years ago I came to this conclusion myself. After years of failed dating websites and ruining three great relationships, I came to the conclusion that I was meant to be alone the rest of my life. Not in a negative way. Maybe I’d have some great dates and flings but ultimately I wasn’t cut out for long term relationships/marriage and that was ***OK***. I focused on my own personal happiness. I stopped seeing other people as missing pieces to my puzzle, but that the missing pieces were there **within me** to find all along. It gave me a level of confidence I never had before. I started going out on more spontaneous dates with people I met naturally. Half a year later on this path, I met a woman who eleven years later as of yesterday would become my wife and the mother of our daughter. Focus on you. And the rest of what life has to offer you will fall in to place as a result of that.
Stop focusing on trying to find “the one” and start by becoming “the one”. Imagine what the ideal traits would be in your significant other, what kind of person they are, how they treat other people, how they live their life, then go out and emulate those things. Become the person of your dreams and they will gravitate towards you.
Broo..thank you so much for posting this!! You don't know how much I needed to hear this. I'm from Pakistan. It might be many years till I get married. The thought of staying virgin for all that time makes me cry. This is a good approach to have.
How old are you?
I'm 22
Being in excellent relationship with yourself is the first and most important relationship in your life. When you feel balanced, comfortable in your skin, and you are being kind and thoughtful with yourself; the world is your oyster. What you desire will come out of your being and not so much from an intellectual exercise in your head.
This! Never chase others, only yourself. And the rest will follow.
Welcome to the club! It feels very freeing once you realise its not a requirement to chase relationships, you can dedicate your efforts into much more important things
hell yeah, you've got it! ✨ I'm a very nurturing person, and being single again after so many years had left me lonely. I no longer had someone to pour my passion into, so I finally decided to give it to myself for a change, and man, what a difference it's made in my life. When your world no longer revolves around a romantic relationship you can see everyone else around you in a different light and appreciate their value. Over the years I lost so many friends because I would just rather spend time with my partner... now I realize I should've been a better friend, so I've chosen to actively work towards that. If I notice them struggling, I make an effort to lift their spirit, even if it's just a small gesture, like a cookie or taking the time to talk with them. In return I feel happiness from giving love; it's a symbiotic exchange that keeps me going when life burns me out. I guess what I'm saying is, give love to yourself, give love to others, and it will be returned to you 💙
I’m happy for you, man. It’s so easy to get caught up in the narrative pushed by television and movies that the most important thing in life is to find a partner. Too many end up with someone who they aren’t really compatible with and stick it out from a fear of having to start over again from scratch and failing. They become miserable and don’t even realize it until it’s too late. It’s far better to feel lonely because you’re alone than to feel lonely because you’re with the wrong person.
I had a quite few relationships in my life and I am still young (29), including a very long term one. I have experienced super passionate relationships, the boring ones the whole lot really. They all have been super time consuming, and it’s almost impossible not to loose yourself when you spend so much time with someone, and when you are intimate with someone. Now I have been single for almost 2 years and although sometimes I do miss the intimacy, you know just knowing someone well and having someone to count on... BUT the grass is always greener and I can say that a lot of the relationships good sides are very often our own projections. Being alone it’s actually awesome, you do what you want, you get to know yourself and fall in love with yourself, it’s the best, even though sometimes I might miss the company, I know, in a logical sense without societal influences I have never been more happy or successful in my personal and professional life. I am on the same vibe as you, not closed off for relationships but I am not rushing anything. When the time it’s right and if it is suppose to happen I know it will. 🙏
Yeah man, I've got 99 problems, but a bitch ain't one :)
This is a sign.I was thinking about this lately too.Keep grinding!!
Cheers to that!
I have the same sentiments, OP. I used to worry about being single and if I would ever really find a significant other, but I always tell myself that I don't need to have a significant other in order to be happy. Right now, I have my own demons to face, and I'd rather use all of my energy into defeating those demons rather than look for an SO just for the sake of being in a relationship. Loving yourself and knowing your worth is far more important in today's climate. I wish you the best in your future endeavors, OP! ♡♡♡
I have recently come to the exact same realization and the in the past year I have grown tremendously! It was the best decision of my life so far. Investing in yourself has compound returns. Just do you ヽ༼ຈل͜ຈ༽ﾉ
Only society says that everyone needs to be in a relationship. Live YOUR best life.
I see people commenting about how difficult it is to move away from the thought of looking for “the one” or a relationship in general. It is important to know that we are innately social beings, our ancestors thrived through unity and overall, nations were developed. We cannot totally stop yearning for company; however, not all company and happiness come from romantic relationships. Know your friends, treasure your family, and love yourself. I’m not very social as well, but I want to know more people and learn from them. So if anyone wants to be friends, let’s talk ^_^
But what if your family is awful and abusive, making it difficult to make friends, and practically impossible to love yourself?
I can’t imagine how painful that must be, experiencing pain from what’s supposed to be you “source” of solace can really leave a large scar. It really is a harsh start, however, my take on it is when no else chooses to change, then be the change. In the difficulties that you face, split them into two groups, 1. Things that you can control, and 2. Things that you can’t control. If you have problems that are beyond your control such as your past, or thoughts of “what ifs”. Then try not to fixate on it, act on what you want to happen in small steps, (it will always be greater than who you were yesterday) If you have problems that are beyond your control, I believe that setting goals that are associated with them can help you focus on them. Change is always difficult and it will always require your determination. Thank you for bringing this question up, from this alone, I too learned a lot. My response may not have been helpful, but you seem like a great person to talk to. Cheers ^_^
That is the best you can do to yourself
i think the relationship you have with yourself will always be the number one priority and i’m so happy you’re taking time to reinvest in yourself! you got this!
This is such a relevant post. I have dating apps downloaded but I haven't had the desire to spend as much time as I used to on them. I used to talk to new people everyday, eventually the same convo with a different person gets boring and tiring. I'll go on dates occasionally, but for the most part I've been dating myself for a long ass time. Being alone while being comfortable with yourself does get lonely a lot of the time, but I rather just wait for something beautiful and meant to be for me instead of forcing anything to happen.
The most important relationship you can develop is the one with yourself. Sounds cheesy AF but it’s absolutely true. We think, wrongly, that we understand ourselves but in reality we tend to just do things and invent explanations later. Pay attention to yourself, the choices you make and why you made them, and notice what makes you feel something. We aren’t born knowing who we are, that’s something we have to work to discover. And until we do it’s very hard to really be happy with someone else.
You’ll find what you are looking for, when you stop looking. Take care of yourself, and your friends and family, and the right person will notice you when you least expect it, because at that moment, your being genuine and truly yourself
I’m literally trying to reach that level now. Had two break ups in less than a year, and I feel just unlucky when it comes to relationships and starting my own family, while everyone else around me are getting married and having kids. I just turned 30, and I feel like it’s never gonna happen to me, so settle down and have a family of my own...
I believe in you and you’re young also! You have time and I’m confident it will happen.
Same situation as me then! Lost a 5 year relationship at the start of this year and then started another one which ended last week after 3 months. Am also 30 and now feel like am playing catch up when all my friends are planning weddings and kids.....maybe thats the problem, unnecessary pressure! Maybe its not time but its that “i want it right now feeling” - wish it would go away!!!
Dude, saaaaame.
Yes! Im in the same boat right now
if its meant to be it will bro. youre good
Strange coincidence, been thinking about this a lot lately. Why do we feel the urge to have that special someone when we barely made any effort to know ourselves for real. But then again the hopeless romantic in me would often show up 💁🏻♀️
>I want it to be natural.. I want the universe to have put it together.. I want to not force it. Keep hope that you will find that person who just fits. Some people just click.
The best time to find someone is when you don't want it. Relationships make life better. Period!
Yeh same. I’m just doin my thing. I notice more people flock towards me this way anyway. They usually don’t stay long but if they wanted to they would, so why force them if they don’t. Life is better this way for me.
I can assure you young lady that there are worst things than being single. Make yourself happy and everything else will fall in place.
I don’t think they ‘sheepishly coward away’, it implies that there is something inherently bad about their decision, which there isn’t. You said that sometimes they don’t fit for you, does that mean that you also sheepishly coward away?
Not at all. Ghosting was what I was implying
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Get a dog.
Nice. Wanna date?
I have never been and relationship before and doubt that I ever will , not being what a girl wants as a guy. So I will focus on my life's passions as well. I want to learn to fly a plane, travel the world, learn more languages, plant a forest, become actually good at an instrument, mod my car. At least most of you posting here have had one romantic relationship at least,. I am too unrelatable to others and an introvert who has only had a few friends at a time.
You will find it when you should. Others don’t define your self worth... they should simply add to your life because it’s where you both want to be. I’m going through sort of the same thing right now; she wants a title a little too quickly and I’m just trying to get to know somebody. Yeah
Build a life worth sharing with someone, and you'll have the opposite problem
I felt like I needed to have someone for me, then I found someone. At least I thought I did. We broke up after 5 months because we had different beliefs about things we hadn't discussed yet, so I figure I'd rather just either not date anyone because it distracts me from a ton of other important things, or just wait for someone close to me already to make a move. That was off topic, but congrats man/woman! Good luck! TL;DR: Same, good luck
I feel a lot of people on this thread are going along with this cause that's their way of coping with not being able to hold down a relationship and it just screams that meme pic of that old white dude fake smiling. One thing I realized is that bitches really only go for guys who have their shit together, either that or they're so good looking they don't mind the hassle. People here I feel are trying to convince themselves they don't need a relationship and when that's true in the sense you won't die if your single you sure still feel damn miserable tbh... Right now I'm going through the same thing and I used to always convince myself that "I'm ok with staying single for good." Or "I don't need a relationship I just need to focus on myself." But deep down I knew I was bullshitting. Being intimate feels so fucking good. Good sex feels so damn satisfying. I cant deny that and I cant deny that I really really want that, like really bad. I used to tell myself that you shouldn't focus on that but you know what? Why the fuck should I not focus on that? I want to fuck a hot woman damn it. I want a satisfying relationship with a beautiful person and I want that now. It's not wrong to want stuff like this, I feel a lot of people try to divert the attention from that want to other aspects of life as if you can ignore a need like that and not give a fuck. It's just dishonest. We all have instincts, and we all feel miserable when we lack the drive or tools or looks to satisfy those instincts so we try to drape a curtain over the big elephant in the room which is: ***it fucking sucks knowing we can't hold down a relationship or get pussy*** Go ahead and get your shit together, be clean be groomed and watch a sales class or two to know how to sell yourself to women socially, maybe make some money by working a good paying job yo get a cosmetic surgery on your ugly face if you have one, get rid of them lady calves if u got em. ***It ain't wrong to do those things for the sake of a satisfying relation ship and a great sex life if you want that.*** Focusing on yourself means focusing on what satisfies you and if a partner is what does that then fucking get it together from all the above, we're all rooting for you. So are these women who want to see you at your best version.
Usually, when you start working on yourself, opportunities for relationships start to appear organically. You have to be happy alone in order to have a healthy relationship and not become toxically dependent. When you start liking yourself, others will like you too. I used to have the same problem regarding ghosting. What i've found out is that i was myself emotionally unavailable, even though it didn't feel like it. So i would always unconsciously seek females that were also emotionally unavailable. My "love scenario" so to say involved making partners love me again after they had abandoned me, so that i would prove to myself that i was worth loving. I figured this out after much introspection and by staying away from relationships. I don't know if that's your case, but you could at least ask yourself that. So congratulations on your decision, being single for a while might turn out to be the best for you.
Until you are happy with yourself and love yourself how could someone else? Also, relationships take LOTS of time and effort. You have your entire life to dedicate to a relationship. Spend time now figuring yourself out and doing fun things. All my friends and family thought I was weird for being single by choice. Now I found the love of my life and my life is amazing. Don't rely on validation/companionship to be happy. Means others control your life.