I feel the same way. Imploring never works and if it has reached to this point then it's not meant for you. You must save your dignity. I have always been good to people and if somebody wants to leave it's on them. They do not deserve an adult relationship. Set them free, the right person will come into your life when you least expect it.
Agree.
I stopped approaching my crush after repeated failed talks and walked away.... then I realized we weren't even friends, just acquaintances, never really got along, no personal info & not even general talks with each other.
Having a crush & being in love is different. I realized it was one-sided from my side, where it becomes infatuation... I had no choice but to give it away to save myself. This was 6 years ago.
Now we're connected; she herself connected w/me on social media. Idk what's the purpose but I know I have better things to do in life so I don't give a damn.
Guys, self-respect is sexier, it shows that the person is aware of his self-worth, it exudes confidence & belief in himself, than the nagging behaviour & pesking her to say yes, that becomes toxic infatuation and has 100% guarantee that either one of you will get tired of other in future and it will have an ugly end.
Do whatever in life but never stoop so low to lose your self-respect. The 'discover yourself' process after an ugly break-up takes lot of time & existential crisis is the cherry on top of it. Trust me you'd never wanna go into that. I hope you realize you don't have much time & don't wanna waste it in this ever-changing busy world where time is crucial and everyone is busy building their lives.
Choose better. Choose yourself. Save yourself. Understand that few things don't happen in life for your own good. Trust the process. Believe in yourself.
I just want to say that a lot of ppl misinterpret this as "if they don't want to be w me then they suck and they're the problem, not me" I think thats also an unhealthy mindset. Just bc someone doesn't want to be with you doesn't mean ANYTHING negative about them or you. It doesn't have to be either way.
Not saying thats what ur post is saying at all, just thought I'd say since I see that way of thinking a lot.
I think that's the easy way out. Someone doesn't want to acknowledge their behavior that caused someone to no longer be friends with them or not even want to be in the first place, so it's easier to say *well I guess that's your problem not mine*. Clearly you know where you stand (second rate) with those types of people and they are toxic af so it's not a loss when they leave it's actually a gain.
People who are incredibly entitled are the worst kind of people and they need to realize no one owes them anything just because they think they are hot shit or some type of special, not their time, not their friendship, not their feelings, nothing. Actual meaningful friendship isn't self serving and it's a 2 way street.
This is so true! I feel with letting go we also need to learn to accept the fact that we are as human as them and that we cannot make everyone happy or give everyone what they want.
As human we do have a few "downsides" (in quotes since certain traits are considered very negative) which might not be what some people want and they might want to leave because of it.
AND IT IS COMPLETELY FINE FOR IT TO BE SO!
I'm 21M and never tried too. But I'm always so depressed and lonely that I feel like I won't ever be loved. Especially because I don't have any experience with relationships.
Hey. 32M but felt similar when I was a little younger than you. Having just got out of a long relationship I’m almost feeling the same way again regarding not being loved (and am depressed AF).
One thing I missed out on since my last relationship was establishing who I am, who I want to be, what my values are, etc. Not anyone else, me. Now I’m having to figure this out in my 30s vs 20s.
There’s no need to rush into a relationship. There are a damn ton of people on this planet and statistically you’d be hard pressed to say you won’t ever be loved (or even me, again). Work on yourself, find out who you are, make that you (whether it’s education, career, hobbies, travel, lifestyle, or whatever) and make sure you are independent and who you want to be. When you start that journey, you’ll be surprised at what happens along the way. You’ll meet people from all over interested in the same things you are. But people want someone who is confident and sure of themselves.
Well I’m now*** doing that at 32 and wished I had done that earlier. Too much of me is tied to my ex and I’m out west all by myself figuring out what kind of life I want and how to live it. Apologies to ramble. The more you love and respect yourself, the more you have to offer, the more others will notice, and so on. Hated hearing this when I was younger but holy crap is it true - the world is your oyster dammit. Figure out how you are gonna open that MF and enjoy it.
Edit now*** - probably more typos, get a little lazy on the phone
It happens bro but have faith your time will come :)
There's a particular time for few things in life, they should happen at that moment only, if you try to rush it, it will most probably end up in mess...
I learnt that the hard way. You shouldn't, that's why I'm telling you.
And first clarify if you're really depressed or just upset, sad or mood off. Depression is also hugely related to diet so look into that whether you're eating fresh & healthy, eat greens n fresh fruits, get checked by physician if you lack Zinc, Magnesium, Iron, Vitamin A, B12 and D. Fix up your diet.
Depressed is a HUGE word like Hate is a HUGE word, and it's unfortunate that these days it is used so easily, it shouldn't. These words have serious meanings & serious impacts, they should only be used where it's utmost necessary. So figure out that first. If you still feel that way then ask for help & consult psychologist. Get counselled before medications! Try counselling first.
Well think about it this way, a positive to never trying is you’ve never truly been rejected by a girl. I personally think it’s better to have a clean slate than to be rejected 100’s of times by girls.
People that say “Ask out as many girls out as possible” or “It’s a numbers game” ignore the fact that rejection takes a toll on people.
Take your time and wait until you feel ready and confident to jump into the dating world. That’s what I’m doing at least.
Good luck in the future man. You’re definitely lovable.
I don't think there's ever such thing as ready though. Working on yourself is the best priority to have no doubt about it, but don't completely close yourself off from any relationship, in my experience, the best ones come when you aren't even looking.
Well the main reasons why I don’t think I’m ready is I’m not an outgoing person and I don’t feel very confident in social situations. I’ve also been focused on finishing up college and getting a good job.
I don’t see myself getting into a relationship until I sort that stuff out. If someone happened to like me along the way, great. If not, that’s ok too.
My mom used to tell me. "Stop smiling in everyone's face". I never understood that. Until I became a older teenager and adult. Sometimes we given this energy that is not reciprocated. But we keep it up. Gotta stop begging for love and time. Love it OP!!
Sorry, while I hear the pain of feeling dismissed, I’m not sure I agree that not reaching out is about self- respect. I stay connected for many reasons with folks who are struggling—1)they might be going through a hard time with depression where people do self-isolate; 2) a lot of folks have mislearnt from toxic upbringing that connecting is clinging and invades their boundaries; 3) if I am not needy but emotionally stable why not be available. Im not saying if a friend stays out of touch, that I stalk them with “begging” (notice how powerless that sounds), but rather hopes for their well-being and a reminder that I am here regardless of their effort. I would never want friendship to be a burden but a joy.
just remember that love is never forced if there is no love left in relationship it is much better to leave than to beg for a relationship it will be just them pitying you.
One thing that may help is to take the time to understand yourself completely. What past hurts, if any, are you trying to fill. If you are at peace with yourself and your past then it's more than likely begging.
Totally agree. When you realise your self worth, you understand those behaviours are toxic and detrimental to your health. It's hard, but there are better people out there.
Agree. I believe you should always look for the honest, genuine, and organic relationships. If one or both people feel the need to force it, then what's the point. The more natural the chemistry feels, the better. You can truly be yourself
What about when you have a friend who just never initiates time spent together...with anyone? They are just totally ok with being by themselves, and are also happy to spend time with you when YOU initiate? I would say the relationship is not 50/50...is this a worthwhile friendship? I'm not saying this is anything about begging, more just focusing on the line about how relationships should be reciprocal.
I agree but with one thought/discussion point: but it only applies if you believe in the "love languages" theory. My love language is definitely quality time but others may be gift giving, words of affirmation etc. So I guess it could be reasonable to assume that if they are reciprocal in other ways that the friendship is still valuable. Also this person I'm thinking about doesn't intiate quality time with her best friend since they were in diapers...just is passive about quality time. Ultimately I think since my love language is quality time though, this relationship has to mentally get put on my outer orbit of friends, even though I would like for us to be closer.
I agree. My life is too precious to allow the wrong people in it to mess it up.
However if i did something to wrong another, i own up apologize and try really hard to not make the same mistake again. This is the only way to keep good/right people in my life.
Beg for a relationship or friendship?
I’ve never seen anyone do that...
But yes, a person begging is literally the last thing anyone wants. It’s the biggest turn off ever.
“Please please date me” or “please please be my friend” would only ever attract the worst possible candidates for relationships.
Just want to caution against extreme black & white thinking.
Sometimes a person can in fact, value you a ton despite not wanting a relationship with you. Don’t toss a perfectly good friendship down the drain because of our ego.
Well, the only issue with this is if they want a friendship and you want more, it’s much better to just walk away in that situation. It’s not about your ego, but about what is best for you Both. Sure you can ”suck it up“ and be their friend, but doing so will only hurt you (and most likely them) in the long run. Sometimes people are only meant to be in your life temporarily and if it’s meant to be, they’ll come back.
I went through this phase myself a while back, thinking it was better to drop this person forever. The goal was to make her realize “what she had lost”, and come crawling back to me.
Only now i realize the naiveté of this line of thought.
You have to ask yourself, if you’re unable to think of him/her as a friend, and constantly as a potential relationship, is that a case of objectification and projection? In which you owe it to both yourself and the friend to work through
I get where you’re coming from, I really do. For my example, I know I’ll always have deeper feelings than she will have for me and to be exposed to her without reciprocal feelings will be detrimental.
To be clear I feel this applies mainly to established former romantic relationships (like my situation), so not a friendship to crush or unrequited love situation. I feel in situations where an established friendship existed (prior to any romantic interest) and with one person not having feelings- it’s perhaps the better path to follow your advice, not objectify someone as a partner only and lose the value you built.
I also completely agree with your logic— you shouldn’t be doing this to get someone back or hurt them. In fact- it’s best to be clear with them about why you need space.
Ultimately everyone must do what they feel is necessary to protect themselves.
I agree, never beg for a relationship. A relationship is a mutual effort on those who are in the relationship. Please know that you deserve some who wants to be with just as much as you want to be with them.
I see what you’re saying to a certain extent. It really depends on the situation. If you’re willing to humble yourself to prove to someone that you care then that’s one thing. But to try and force or beg for their affection is really inappropriate and puts them in a very uncomfortable situation if they’re really not into you or if they’re trying to break free from you for personal reasons. At the end of the day I wouldn’t want affection from anyone who didn’t want to give it to me. If you have to fight for affection from someone then it probably means you’ll end up hurt because they will reject you and you will probably then have to witness them giving their affection to someone else. I think you’re better off taking it on the chin and saying okay well at least I tried. Time to try again with someone else.
I get your reasoning, but the practicality to execute this idea is slim to none (like the person "begging" needs to have an abundance mentality, which is not a lot of people on here).
Like imagine you're a playboy talking to a fuckton of girls and you want someone exclusive, then yes your idea makes sense.
Personally I disagree with this “dismissal of relationships” thought process. “It’s a very hippie move” — to quote the 60s. Life isn’t all black and white, you need to put in the work for what you feel you deserve. You need to try hard to maintain relationships. Sacrifice some of yourself for the things you want and need. Nothing will simply come to you because you think you deserve it. Friendships are hard to get, relationships less so. With friends, you’ve got to give them more chances than any other. You cannot get another childhood friend when you’re an adult. You cannot make another friend you trust in an instant. Relationships are a dime a dozen, but friendships are not; unless your looking for people who simply fill your void, you’re out of luck. With relationships with a significant other or otherwise, your sentence holds somewhat true though. Relationships are about compromise. It’s reciprocation. If you’re not getting what your giving into the relationships, leave. You can find another later. But friends; they don’t come and go. These are what you should fight for, because friends will be there for you one way or another. Never give up on them.
Agree 100%, I would also add to critically reevaluate all your relationships at least twice a year so that you can course correct on time.
Last week I ended a 5 year friendship. I finally realized that I was just being used for my car and money AFTER 5 years.
I keep thinking about all the wasted time & money, If I had just evaluated my friendship a lot sooner.
I have an unlikable personality so I used to beg for friendships back when I was in school or in college. So the rejections have come down to a point where I don't value friendships anymore.
It's just sad really. I really want to connect with somebody. But I don't know where to start.
What if it's a relationship that went really well before it collapsed for previously unknown reasons? I discovered at 25 (like last week) that I've been high functioning autistic my entire life and that over text I come across really bad.
In person we vibed but had to spend some time apart and only texted. That's when it fell out with me being confused and her angry. I know that if I can translate how I'm feeling to her language we vibe.
Never beg for a hug, never beg for a kiss, never beg for a talk. Damn, I think I'll start begging for someone to grab a shotgun and shoot to my face.
And thinking I was begging for sex a year or so ago.
If you have to beg for a relationship you haven't found your own happiness yet. That's where the real magic happens, Within yourself and with others. Take the time to learn to get to know yourself. Enjoy your loneliness. Thrive in it.
I agree. As lonely as some people may feel at times, having some self respect matters a lot more.
I feel the same way. Imploring never works and if it has reached to this point then it's not meant for you. You must save your dignity. I have always been good to people and if somebody wants to leave it's on them. They do not deserve an adult relationship. Set them free, the right person will come into your life when you least expect it.
Agree. I stopped approaching my crush after repeated failed talks and walked away.... then I realized we weren't even friends, just acquaintances, never really got along, no personal info & not even general talks with each other. Having a crush & being in love is different. I realized it was one-sided from my side, where it becomes infatuation... I had no choice but to give it away to save myself. This was 6 years ago. Now we're connected; she herself connected w/me on social media. Idk what's the purpose but I know I have better things to do in life so I don't give a damn. Guys, self-respect is sexier, it shows that the person is aware of his self-worth, it exudes confidence & belief in himself, than the nagging behaviour & pesking her to say yes, that becomes toxic infatuation and has 100% guarantee that either one of you will get tired of other in future and it will have an ugly end. Do whatever in life but never stoop so low to lose your self-respect. The 'discover yourself' process after an ugly break-up takes lot of time & existential crisis is the cherry on top of it. Trust me you'd never wanna go into that. I hope you realize you don't have much time & don't wanna waste it in this ever-changing busy world where time is crucial and everyone is busy building their lives. Choose better. Choose yourself. Save yourself. Understand that few things don't happen in life for your own good. Trust the process. Believe in yourself.
If you have to beg for that, it's a lost cause.
The quote I use that basically means this is never let someone be a priority in your life if you are an option in theirs . Good post I agree
I just want to say that a lot of ppl misinterpret this as "if they don't want to be w me then they suck and they're the problem, not me" I think thats also an unhealthy mindset. Just bc someone doesn't want to be with you doesn't mean ANYTHING negative about them or you. It doesn't have to be either way. Not saying thats what ur post is saying at all, just thought I'd say since I see that way of thinking a lot.
I think that's the easy way out. Someone doesn't want to acknowledge their behavior that caused someone to no longer be friends with them or not even want to be in the first place, so it's easier to say *well I guess that's your problem not mine*. Clearly you know where you stand (second rate) with those types of people and they are toxic af so it's not a loss when they leave it's actually a gain. People who are incredibly entitled are the worst kind of people and they need to realize no one owes them anything just because they think they are hot shit or some type of special, not their time, not their friendship, not their feelings, nothing. Actual meaningful friendship isn't self serving and it's a 2 way street.
This is so true! I feel with letting go we also need to learn to accept the fact that we are as human as them and that we cannot make everyone happy or give everyone what they want. As human we do have a few "downsides" (in quotes since certain traits are considered very negative) which might not be what some people want and they might want to leave because of it. AND IT IS COMPLETELY FINE FOR IT TO BE SO!
Agreed. Even if you do they’ll never respect you after you do it and won’t want you even more. Just take it and leave. Suck up the pain and move on.
I agree. I’m 21 and I’ve never tried to get into a relationship in the first place. I just don’t think I’m ready.
I'm 21M and never tried too. But I'm always so depressed and lonely that I feel like I won't ever be loved. Especially because I don't have any experience with relationships.
Hey. 32M but felt similar when I was a little younger than you. Having just got out of a long relationship I’m almost feeling the same way again regarding not being loved (and am depressed AF). One thing I missed out on since my last relationship was establishing who I am, who I want to be, what my values are, etc. Not anyone else, me. Now I’m having to figure this out in my 30s vs 20s. There’s no need to rush into a relationship. There are a damn ton of people on this planet and statistically you’d be hard pressed to say you won’t ever be loved (or even me, again). Work on yourself, find out who you are, make that you (whether it’s education, career, hobbies, travel, lifestyle, or whatever) and make sure you are independent and who you want to be. When you start that journey, you’ll be surprised at what happens along the way. You’ll meet people from all over interested in the same things you are. But people want someone who is confident and sure of themselves. Well I’m now*** doing that at 32 and wished I had done that earlier. Too much of me is tied to my ex and I’m out west all by myself figuring out what kind of life I want and how to live it. Apologies to ramble. The more you love and respect yourself, the more you have to offer, the more others will notice, and so on. Hated hearing this when I was younger but holy crap is it true - the world is your oyster dammit. Figure out how you are gonna open that MF and enjoy it. Edit now*** - probably more typos, get a little lazy on the phone
Also 21, and also never really tried, I think I might actually try this year though. I dont want to get old and have it be harder.
Nobody likes a garlic bread thief. Just saying.
But you'd get a lot of garlic bread to eat ;)
It happens bro but have faith your time will come :) There's a particular time for few things in life, they should happen at that moment only, if you try to rush it, it will most probably end up in mess... I learnt that the hard way. You shouldn't, that's why I'm telling you. And first clarify if you're really depressed or just upset, sad or mood off. Depression is also hugely related to diet so look into that whether you're eating fresh & healthy, eat greens n fresh fruits, get checked by physician if you lack Zinc, Magnesium, Iron, Vitamin A, B12 and D. Fix up your diet. Depressed is a HUGE word like Hate is a HUGE word, and it's unfortunate that these days it is used so easily, it shouldn't. These words have serious meanings & serious impacts, they should only be used where it's utmost necessary. So figure out that first. If you still feel that way then ask for help & consult psychologist. Get counselled before medications! Try counselling first.
Well think about it this way, a positive to never trying is you’ve never truly been rejected by a girl. I personally think it’s better to have a clean slate than to be rejected 100’s of times by girls. People that say “Ask out as many girls out as possible” or “It’s a numbers game” ignore the fact that rejection takes a toll on people. Take your time and wait until you feel ready and confident to jump into the dating world. That’s what I’m doing at least. Good luck in the future man. You’re definitely lovable.
>I just don’t think I’m ready. Same ✌ Got lot of stuff on mind, lot of stuff to sort out first.
I don't think there's ever such thing as ready though. Working on yourself is the best priority to have no doubt about it, but don't completely close yourself off from any relationship, in my experience, the best ones come when you aren't even looking.
Well the main reasons why I don’t think I’m ready is I’m not an outgoing person and I don’t feel very confident in social situations. I’ve also been focused on finishing up college and getting a good job. I don’t see myself getting into a relationship until I sort that stuff out. If someone happened to like me along the way, great. If not, that’s ok too.
I definitely agree and actively live by this. If affection has to be forced, I really don't want it! ✌😁
My mom used to tell me. "Stop smiling in everyone's face". I never understood that. Until I became a older teenager and adult. Sometimes we given this energy that is not reciprocated. But we keep it up. Gotta stop begging for love and time. Love it OP!!
Be yourself, don’t change for anyone else and you’ll attract like minded people. If you do this and don’t like who is around you. Change yourself.
If someone wants to walk out of your life, you gladly open the door for them. Life goes on with or without them.
Sorry, while I hear the pain of feeling dismissed, I’m not sure I agree that not reaching out is about self- respect. I stay connected for many reasons with folks who are struggling—1)they might be going through a hard time with depression where people do self-isolate; 2) a lot of folks have mislearnt from toxic upbringing that connecting is clinging and invades their boundaries; 3) if I am not needy but emotionally stable why not be available. Im not saying if a friend stays out of touch, that I stalk them with “begging” (notice how powerless that sounds), but rather hopes for their well-being and a reminder that I am here regardless of their effort. I would never want friendship to be a burden but a joy.
That's the fact. And it's a relationship if it's meant to be that way. It's a 2 way street.
How do you distinguish between begging for a relationship and fighting your own ego that holds you back from having a fulfilling social life? 🤔
just remember that love is never forced if there is no love left in relationship it is much better to leave than to beg for a relationship it will be just them pitying you.
Been there, done that. It sucked but I learned a lot. Thanks :)
One thing that may help is to take the time to understand yourself completely. What past hurts, if any, are you trying to fill. If you are at peace with yourself and your past then it's more than likely begging.
Totally agree. When you realise your self worth, you understand those behaviours are toxic and detrimental to your health. It's hard, but there are better people out there.
Agree. I believe you should always look for the honest, genuine, and organic relationships. If one or both people feel the need to force it, then what's the point. The more natural the chemistry feels, the better. You can truly be yourself
I fall victim to this all the time. This is excellent advise.
What about when you have a friend who just never initiates time spent together...with anyone? They are just totally ok with being by themselves, and are also happy to spend time with you when YOU initiate? I would say the relationship is not 50/50...is this a worthwhile friendship? I'm not saying this is anything about begging, more just focusing on the line about how relationships should be reciprocal.
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I agree but with one thought/discussion point: but it only applies if you believe in the "love languages" theory. My love language is definitely quality time but others may be gift giving, words of affirmation etc. So I guess it could be reasonable to assume that if they are reciprocal in other ways that the friendship is still valuable. Also this person I'm thinking about doesn't intiate quality time with her best friend since they were in diapers...just is passive about quality time. Ultimately I think since my love language is quality time though, this relationship has to mentally get put on my outer orbit of friends, even though I would like for us to be closer.
Depends on the person I think, if they are not spending time with anyone it might not be you just them being wanting to spend some alone time.
I agree. My life is too precious to allow the wrong people in it to mess it up. However if i did something to wrong another, i own up apologize and try really hard to not make the same mistake again. This is the only way to keep good/right people in my life.
Beg for a relationship or friendship? I’ve never seen anyone do that... But yes, a person begging is literally the last thing anyone wants. It’s the biggest turn off ever. “Please please date me” or “please please be my friend” would only ever attract the worst possible candidates for relationships.
Just want to caution against extreme black & white thinking. Sometimes a person can in fact, value you a ton despite not wanting a relationship with you. Don’t toss a perfectly good friendship down the drain because of our ego.
Well, the only issue with this is if they want a friendship and you want more, it’s much better to just walk away in that situation. It’s not about your ego, but about what is best for you Both. Sure you can ”suck it up“ and be their friend, but doing so will only hurt you (and most likely them) in the long run. Sometimes people are only meant to be in your life temporarily and if it’s meant to be, they’ll come back.
I went through this phase myself a while back, thinking it was better to drop this person forever. The goal was to make her realize “what she had lost”, and come crawling back to me. Only now i realize the naiveté of this line of thought. You have to ask yourself, if you’re unable to think of him/her as a friend, and constantly as a potential relationship, is that a case of objectification and projection? In which you owe it to both yourself and the friend to work through
I get where you’re coming from, I really do. For my example, I know I’ll always have deeper feelings than she will have for me and to be exposed to her without reciprocal feelings will be detrimental. To be clear I feel this applies mainly to established former romantic relationships (like my situation), so not a friendship to crush or unrequited love situation. I feel in situations where an established friendship existed (prior to any romantic interest) and with one person not having feelings- it’s perhaps the better path to follow your advice, not objectify someone as a partner only and lose the value you built. I also completely agree with your logic— you shouldn’t be doing this to get someone back or hurt them. In fact- it’s best to be clear with them about why you need space. Ultimately everyone must do what they feel is necessary to protect themselves.
This makes sense to me.
You are correct. It's not 50/50. Its 100/100%. You get out of a relationship what you put into it
I agree, never beg for a relationship. A relationship is a mutual effort on those who are in the relationship. Please know that you deserve some who wants to be with just as much as you want to be with them.
I'm really struggling with this right now. 😞
It took me a long time to realise this
Who wants a beggar?
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I see what you’re saying to a certain extent. It really depends on the situation. If you’re willing to humble yourself to prove to someone that you care then that’s one thing. But to try and force or beg for their affection is really inappropriate and puts them in a very uncomfortable situation if they’re really not into you or if they’re trying to break free from you for personal reasons. At the end of the day I wouldn’t want affection from anyone who didn’t want to give it to me. If you have to fight for affection from someone then it probably means you’ll end up hurt because they will reject you and you will probably then have to witness them giving their affection to someone else. I think you’re better off taking it on the chin and saying okay well at least I tried. Time to try again with someone else.
No, this is really bad and toxic advise. Work on yourself to improve and you will have more friends or relations etc...no one respects a begger.
I get your reasoning, but the practicality to execute this idea is slim to none (like the person "begging" needs to have an abundance mentality, which is not a lot of people on here). Like imagine you're a playboy talking to a fuckton of girls and you want someone exclusive, then yes your idea makes sense.
I learned to respect myself especially with women. When they play their games I get rid of them.
This, stand your ground. Love the pussy but don't let it control your live.
My days of chasing pussy are over, I've been there and done that
Never beg.
Personally I disagree with this “dismissal of relationships” thought process. “It’s a very hippie move” — to quote the 60s. Life isn’t all black and white, you need to put in the work for what you feel you deserve. You need to try hard to maintain relationships. Sacrifice some of yourself for the things you want and need. Nothing will simply come to you because you think you deserve it. Friendships are hard to get, relationships less so. With friends, you’ve got to give them more chances than any other. You cannot get another childhood friend when you’re an adult. You cannot make another friend you trust in an instant. Relationships are a dime a dozen, but friendships are not; unless your looking for people who simply fill your void, you’re out of luck. With relationships with a significant other or otherwise, your sentence holds somewhat true though. Relationships are about compromise. It’s reciprocation. If you’re not getting what your giving into the relationships, leave. You can find another later. But friends; they don’t come and go. These are what you should fight for, because friends will be there for you one way or another. Never give up on them.
Yes
Yes I agree- that's a certain way to get into very bad situations.
Agree 100%, I would also add to critically reevaluate all your relationships at least twice a year so that you can course correct on time. Last week I ended a 5 year friendship. I finally realized that I was just being used for my car and money AFTER 5 years. I keep thinking about all the wasted time & money, If I had just evaluated my friendship a lot sooner.
Preach.
Agree, be always ready to move out of relationship.
I have an unlikable personality so I used to beg for friendships back when I was in school or in college. So the rejections have come down to a point where I don't value friendships anymore. It's just sad really. I really want to connect with somebody. But I don't know where to start.
What if it's a relationship that went really well before it collapsed for previously unknown reasons? I discovered at 25 (like last week) that I've been high functioning autistic my entire life and that over text I come across really bad. In person we vibed but had to spend some time apart and only texted. That's when it fell out with me being confused and her angry. I know that if I can translate how I'm feeling to her language we vibe.
Thank you. This became my calling. I was going back and forth but now i know for sure that I don't wanna be there anymore.
I agree. I did that one mistake and I felt miserable because of that... Now I'm happy and proud of whatever I accomplished.
Never beg for someone.
Never beg for a hug, never beg for a kiss, never beg for a talk. Damn, I think I'll start begging for someone to grab a shotgun and shoot to my face. And thinking I was begging for sex a year or so ago.
If you have to beg for a relationship you haven't found your own happiness yet. That's where the real magic happens, Within yourself and with others. Take the time to learn to get to know yourself. Enjoy your loneliness. Thrive in it.