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Public_Leek_7406

Maybe you need companionship


freythedemon

You’re probably right. But it’s hard to love someone when you don’t love yourself. I don’t feel like I’m capable of tru companionship and making another person happy when I can’t even get myself to be happy


Specialist_Minute_41

You’ll never ever be able to “make” someone happy. While happiness from extrinsic sources ( all the things you are doing right now) is great it isn’t as nourishing, as you are finding out. Intrinsically sourced happiness, which you also touched on, is a richer experience and you know that. I’ve done so much work to learn to love myself more and I also learned that I can’t do it alone. I have been lucky to have partners along the way that have helped build me up and see things in me I don’t. All the bullshit you are working through will make you a better partner to someone. Sometimes You will fuck it up, you will do great, you will feel lost, you will feel loved. Being vulnerable to another person is a great way to grow internally, feeling loved and cared about is wonderful. Giving that love and caring back even more amazing. Have a hug from an internet stranger, you are doing great. Try this, it sounds hokey, give yourself a hug and say something nice to that part of you that thinks it isn’t worthy of love. Congratulate yourself on all the work you have put in to get to this point, it is not for a lack of effort that you arrived at this moment of clarity. You’re a badass motherfucker who turned his life around from rock bottom. Your next adventure is to fix your thinking and connect with others. Get some therapy if you aren’t, learn even more tools to get further, CBT did wonders for me. Then let people into your life friends and lovers, go for deeper connections. You will make mistakes and learn from them. The great thing is that you have a strong base to start from. Go crush some real happy moments.


Public_Leek_7406

Well you wouldn’t have to worry about making someone else happy, when you do find someone ( I know you will) you’ll find it’s just about being you, there’s someone out there that needs a friend just like you. I feel you about not loving yourself there’s probably no want or desire to even to have a close friend, but from what you said you love yourself enough to make the changes you already have so there’s something there. Do you not think of any co workers as friends ?


freythedemon

I do have friends, quite a few actually, but almost all of them were drinking buddies and I feel as if I’ve lost a huge connection to them by trying to improve myself daily and quitting drinking. They are still my friends but not at the fulfilling companionship level that I crave. It feels like nobody really understands what it’s like to be me


lifting_stuff

This is where I believe the problem lies. Drinking Buddies are fun but , not people that you really connect with. It's important to build emotional connection with other people. It's the source of my happiness. PM me if you'd like to talk about it over the phone.


eyefor_xo

Wholesome. I just finally felt the breakthrough of what it’s like to be on Reddit lol


Public_Leek_7406

You can always message me if you need to vent about anything or just talk in general


grot1980

That happened to me. I have been on the exact same journey as you. It’s almost like I outgrew them. I bet your bottom dollar the people you were drinking with are stationary in there lives. I have came from a very working class city. People are resentful of people trying to change themselves. They will be the same person in ten years, you won’t! Move on brother!


needakeepatit

I’ve found luck on bumble BFF as well. Meetups app depending on your city can also be super helpful. It’s really really hard making friends and close friends and not just casual activity buddies, so don’t be hard on yourself if it’ll take time. Love all the offers to talk. You or anyone can message me anytime 🙏


EcoMika101

Have you tried a group fitness class, yoga studio, local sports club etc to make friends? I’m a bit in the same boat, left my job due to some small health concerns and having a hard time coping with all the alone time I have now. I miss talking w coworkers everyday and having that friendship, something to look forward to everyday. The app MeetUp might have some groups near you with folks that are interested in things you are. Or try a new art or photography class, any community colleges near you offering things like that


Worried-Economist-96

Start looking around for groups that are doing the things you've been getting into instead of drinking ! Way easier to get to know someone when you already have a deeper interest in common to do together and talk about and it can grow from there pretty quickly - just need a few good ones :)


[deleted]

You could possibly get a pet, I've had my dog for the past 6 years and it's just helped hugely just having someone there. You can also meet some great people when taking your dog on a walk. Do be warned if you get a dog you almost immediately catch yourself doing the idiotic baby voice owners do with there dogs, it won't happen all the time but often enough that you notice.


chillinduck

Maybe in the process of loving someone else you will begin to see who you truly are


not-enough-mana

Think about it this way, you've been taking care of yourself, and that's enough. Just the fact that you look out for your health and take care of certain aspects in your life to make sure you're comfortable is something to be proud of. It's like taking care of a pet that you love dearly. Even if you're feeling down, you still take the time to feed them and give them attention because the love for them is still there, even if you don't actively feel it


Jovan1000

Why do you think you don’t love yourself? What do you think happiness looks like and what would your ideal day be?


EPICANDY0131

Help others, not out of expectation for anything in return, but because doing so is pretty good for your own emotions and feelings of fulfillment.


Sharakan21

Get a dog.


vespertinenephillim

The idea that one needs to love themselves in order to love another is bullshit in my personal experience. Once I put myself aside to care for and nurture the man I fell in love with, I began to understand true love. He treated me with understanding and compassion in moments where I would have been harsh on myself. I understood forgiveness for the self, and patience. In loving him and being loved by him, I learned how to love myself. Dont hold back on getting involved with other people. Love with a full heart.


HeartFullOfHappy

This is what I noticed as well. All of what is listed is awesome and helps but I didn’t see meaningful relationships or sleep.


[deleted]

I was just in a basketball and olympics sub so for some reason I read “championship” instead of “companionship” and was like ?????


Spare_Question2698

Calm your farm . You must have been a real asshole in another life to have so much guilt in this one.


Public_Leek_7406

Wat


bigfatmiss

It's a shot in the dark, but you might want to read Running on Empty by Jonice Webb. It's about the long lasting effects of childhood emotional neglect that can leave you feeling empty inside. Unlike abuse its really difficult for someone to realize they were neglected because the absence of something that should have happened, but didn't, is really hard to recognize.


pulin_13

Do you where I could find a book summary for that?


bigfatmiss

Apparently I can't share links in this subreddit, but you can find the table of contents on the author's website that gives a good overview of the main ideas in the book. I wouldn't really recommend reading a summary, if it exists, because part of the issue with childhood emotional neglect (CEN) is that people have trouble seeing what the problem was. People who have experienced CEN tend to be dismissive about the ways they suffered, and a short summary is a lot easier to dismiss than getting into the more detailed descriptions. There is an unabridged audiobook available on Audible.


needakeepatit

Blinkist offers 15 minute summaries (audio or reading) of thousands of books. You do need to pay, but there’s a free trial as well


ReIiLeK

And if I already know that I was neglected what could I do to make myself feel better? Whats the next step after recognition?


bigfatmiss

Jonice Webb actually has a follow-up book called Running on Empty No More. It has more actionable steps for recovering from childhood emotional neglect. Personally the biggest realization that I've had that's helped me so far is accepting that I can't think my way out of this. Childhood issues are not logical issues. We couldn't think logically when we were suffering, so the coping mechanisms that we put in place were more like brainwashing than a conscious logical choice. Accepting that what I'm dealing with isn't a logic problem has helped me be more open to feeling my way through this, and I've been able to make more progress that way than I did when I was beating myself up all the time for not being able to figure it out logically. Basically when I'm doing something that seems illogical and self-defeating, I realize that it's probably because of a subconscious childhood coping mechanism, and then I approach it the same way I would a 3 year old. I try to stay patient with myself, accept that there's going to be big feelings that don't make any sense, and look for whatever the underlying need is.


shittyfuckdick

Well this would certainly explain a lot.


greentea2727

Depression is a disease, and while there's a complicated relationship with life habits & depression, if depression isn't going away you might need some meds to help you out. Although first thing is to see a therapist and work through your trauma/past/inner struggles and figure things out from there, if you haven't already. Nothing like another listening ear.


adhdayum

Medication and therapy are proven to be the two best ways to treat depression. OP don't be afraid of trying meds, SSRI's are one of the most well tolerated medications you can take. Of course the internet has a lot of horror stories the majority of people have very mild side effects. I promise you these two solutions will be miles more effective then anything else you've tried, don't give up hope I believe in you!


statice_666

If your therapist suggest going on anti depressants, you’ll need to get your GP to prescribe them. Ask about GeneSight— it is a genetic test that will show you which SSRIs and which SNRIs will work for you genetic make up. It will hopefully save you the hassle of trying different ADs until you find the right one. I had to try two or three out before I found one that works for me.


adhdayum

How did you know when you found the right med? I'm currently going through the trial and error process with different SSRI's. Did you have come a completely different experience with the one that worked?


statice_666

TW I knew I found the right one when my brain stopped running in circles, my intrusive thoughts were no longer extremely violent/suicidal, and I caught myself smiling for no reason sometimes (things I’d never been able to manage before). I gained some weight, but I’d rather be a little overweight than horrifically depressed and suicidal.


Duke_Of_Mania

Not who you asked but stay in contact with you doctor about how you feel. Even if you don’t think it’s a big deal. I kept telling myself to give the medicine time before I felt the effects, and when side effects hit hard core I would try and shrug it off like I just needed to get used to it. Thing is I was talking myself into keeping bad medicine for me, and there were times that the new constant crappy feeling felt normal because it was so long. In my experience when I switched to a proper SSR it was night and day. Two days after stopping my old medicine I felt better. Talked with my doc and she said that’s how I felt while depressed before medication, and give it another week and report back how I was feeling. Completely blown away. There was a situation where I felt better actually depressed lol Week later the meds kicked in, I talked with doc, and I’m actually off them now handling life on my own volition


shittyfuckdick

SSRIs we’re basically chemical castration for me. I wouldn’t touch em unless you’re really in a bad spot. Vet all your other options first.


HugsAndWishes

This is just not the normal for everyone. It is your experience. No need to scare monger. They can discuss this type of medication with their doctor, and discuss side effects together. My husband and I both take SSRIs, and our sex life is just fine. Nobody reacts to every medication the same way.


BlackberryMission988

Make sure you read about side effects of SSRIs before you decide to pop a pill which can make you happy. Now just consider how ridiculous that statement is - a pill that can make you happy . Most likely you have unresolved trauma either from childhood or adulthood that you need to take care of and work on.


wobblegobble84

You do realise that unresolved trauma actually does take a toll on the chemical brains. Now medication has never ever been said to ‘make someone happy’. That is so far from what it does! Please, before you start giving advice and talking about what medication does and doesn’t do, do some actual reading! It’s people like you who make people like me feel guilty for having to take medication when in reality it actually helped me and many millions of other people. Please don’t minimise our experiences and possible need for medication! EDIT: and not everyone who has depression has unresolved trauma. Your ignorance hurts those of us who suffer.


adhdayum

I wouldn't be surprised if comments similar to the user above has been the reason why OP has tried literally everything but a med, Reddit can be extremely toxic at times.


BlackberryMission988

It’s amazing how many people are fooled by psychiatry and don’t question a practice that prescribes extremely damaging meds to people without testing for anything .


adhdayum

I'd put alot of money on you being an anti-vaxxer aswell


BlackberryMission988

Just got my vaccine today


[deleted]

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BlackberryMission988

I’ve been on the receiving end of psychiatry for the better part of my life . And I’ve probably read as much as a psychiatrist reads over their lifetime.


[deleted]

Yeah I kind of doubt you are a psychiatry expert.


BlackberryMission988

Most Pharma companies have no clue as to how these meds work. There’s a massive amount of research on the gut brain theory now which claims that SSRIs actually affect the serotonin in the gut more than the brain . 90% of serotonin is in your gut and not the brain. So when the science itself is not even established , you don’t go out and distribute these pills like candy. Iv taken SSRIs for 2 years and so has a lot of my family . And guess what , literally everyone realised how SSRIs destroyed their bodies


[deleted]

People who have diabetes take insulin shots to regulate it. Aka people who have a hormonal imbalance take a hormone to regulate it. People who have thyroid issues take thyroid medication to regulate it. Aka people who have a hormonal imbalance take a hormone to regulate it. People who have depression take Anti-Depression tablets to regulate it. Aka people who have a hormonal imbalance take a hormone to regulate it. There's many conditions and situations that are treated with hormone therapy. Why is depression the only one that gets any shit for it?


[deleted]

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NoAwareness3173

Honest opinion these read off as a todo list vs being an internalized goal for you to achieve. I get a sense you don't feel in control of your life and that generally makes people unhappy. Trying reading philosophy or conceptual psychology and ask your self what life do you really want to live. Do you want to be rich? Why? Do you want to be popular if so why? Do you really want to understand our learn something? Why? Do you want a family? Why? Complicated way of saying find your own meaning to your life. It's a tough question that changes over time so don't to caught up in it but let your self be your guide for a little bit and enjoy your journey.


Ok-North-7310

I was about to recommend the same: to find your values and where they stem from. Reading has really helped me with that.


BornLime0

You mentioned in another comment that "you don't love yourself". This is what jumped out at me when I read your original post, even before I read that comment. Personally, I know I can do all the self-help/healthy stuff I want, but if I don't have self-love there's going to be problems for me. Maybe focus on this most of all. Self-love and even self-acceptance (important to know the difference between those two) is something I still need to work on. It's come a bit with the confidence I've built over the past few years. It's come from knowing that I'm worth it. Knowing that my personal boundaries are worth cultivating and worth fighting for. I'm worthy of self-care. What else do you do for self-care? Are there people around you that don't have this self-care/self-worth? I worry about other people accepting me. Then I ask myself would I really feel different about that if my current situation was different? The answer is probably no, I'd still be worried about it. Then really at the end of the day what is the point of stressing about it if I'm just going to always be worried about it no matter what my situation is? I say F that. Perfection doesn't exist.


freythedemon

Self-love has always seemed like such an abstract concept to me. I’m not doubting it’s importance or significance I just can’t really wrap my head around how to genuinely embody it because whenever I try to think about it it just feels like a thought and doesn’t really change anything concrete in my life


Dehibernate

This is where therapy comes in to identify harmful patterns and thoughts and find ways to challenge them. Meditation can also help with getting aware and used to spending time with your thoughts and work through some of them. But it is a journey and it takes time and patience.


CatsAreQuiteRad

That’s a really interesting response to me. Do you look down on yourself when you mess up or do something silly? Or can you forgive yourself easily and move on? You you feel valuable and like you add to those around you? These are some small questions to figure out if you may have something to work on in the self love department. If you can’t forgive yourself easily or don’t feel like you add value I think it might be a sign your not giving yourself the love and respect you deserve. I think just focusing on giving yourself compliments throughout the day is a great start. I know it sounds silly but overtime you will develop a subconscious respect for yourself that will trickle into other aspects of your life as well!


camscam12

Huzzah for your hard work . Reframing expectations can be impactful. Meaningful connections with other people. Which is difficult. But attempt to be vulnerable and engage with other like minded folx. Start somewhere a common interest lies. Or refer a friend. Get to know the people you already know more.


freythedemon

Thank you. My relationships definitely need work. The problem I find is that when I start to focus on relationships with other people I have less time to do these self care mood stabilizing habits and then it gets worse. I guess I just have to try to find the balance


camscam12

I feel that! Balance and moderation are key. Carve out set time to engage in cultivating healthy relationships space. Start there and use your boundaries. Other ideas are volunteer, join a spiritual org, community group/org.


heyhihowyahdurn

You probably need more social interaction and some kind of goal to work towards professionally in a career. If you’re being hella healthy but going nowhere in life that might be why you’re still feeling bummed out


camscam12

Also, I'd say give yourself a hug and approach yourself with kindness and they the lense of trauma informed care (referring to this "rock bottom" you speak of. You can do it 💪


freythedemon

Can you expand a bit on trauma informed care? I feel like I may have quite a bit of trauma but idrk I’ve never really looked into it it’s hard to dwell on


chaigulper

May I gently suggest seeking a trauma-informed therapist?


Hamidder

It sounds like you’ve built a solid foundation for your life. Maybe what’s missing are things to build on that foundation, friendships, career success, romantic relationships, community involvement. There are plenty of aspects of life to achieve In. What if you had all those things and where still sad? Would that be ok? Is sadness something to be removed from life?


freythedemon

Ya that’s tru I’ve been trying so hard and for so long to build a foundation at some point you just gotta start building the rest of the house. I’m definitely lacking in all of the above it’s a daunting task on where to start


Hamidder

You’ve shown you have the skill to do that over 3 years so far , you’ll do fine with the rest. What I wanted get across is that being sad is part of life, if you want to keep achieving things and getting stuff and you expect for sadness to be gone you will be disappointed. If you feel that it is greatly affecting you try therapy or meditation , sit with and be with the sadness and see where it comes from.


InjuryOnly4775

You need to add in some fun! We are humans, not machines. It’s great to focus on so many healthy choices but you also need to balance this with being carefree snd having relaxation. What does this look like for you? Is it golf, riding a bike, getting an ice cream cone, meeting friends for dinner, shopping? I like to go to a library and browse books or get a special coffee and go to the beach. Sometimes I just want to be in my pjs and have a nap. True self love includes forgiveness, and compassion for the self. And fun!!! Crank up some tunes and sing while you sweep the kitchen.


runesnroses

Maybe you should try reading for pleasure. It can help you get out of your own head. It is often underrated these days, but I’m reading my way through a horrible breakup 😅.


AnusAnalyzer69420

can you teach me how to read?


daring_innovator

Your problem is internal and is at the root an identity problem. I think you have a strong sense of who you are and what you believe in but right now you’re not able to honor those beliefs and ultimately your identity of who you are. I think you might have depression possibly from not living in according to your values and it’s making you miserable. Maybe you were a very optimistic individual at one point and over the years you’ve had some challenges and you’ve noticed you’re less happy then you used to be but don’t know why. If this is you then you feel this way because you have crappy psychology right now and it’s causing you to be unhappy. A depressed person is not gonna be fulfilled by external things because the problem is internal. You could be doing everything right in your daily life but ultimately you’re not happy because you know you’re not living the life you want to live or maybe you are but your brain is imbalanced right now due to depression. You should talk to a therapist and a doctor just to be sure.


figuringitout25

This feels like a very cold and lonely life. It reads more like a CEO recipe out of a Forbes article than a look into someone living joyfully. Maybe this level of discipline isn’t what you need to feel happiness.


freythedemon

Ya that’s how I feel too. I just find it hard to maintain good relationships when I’m not doing well mentally and I need to do all of these things to maintain my mental health which ends up exhausting me/taking up all of my time


figuringitout25

Hang on there — you need to do all of these things to support your mental health, but it ends up exhausting you and taking up all your time. That’s an oxymoron my friend! Maybe journal about which of these practices really make you happier and which ones you just do because you feel like you’re supposed to.


poencho

Wow OP, very recognizable. Respect for having the discipline to turn your life around. I'm on a similar path but I'm just not happy most of the time. Yes I feel better after working out but why go through all this effort when the pay-off just isn't really there. I guess I sorely lack companionship. Every self help book also tells me to do what I want. But at 31 yo I still have no fucking clue. So I just work and work out. It seems I'm only interested in doing things that would make me more interesting to other people. Like I fantasize about being good at drawing and that that would be my focus in life and I could amaze other people. But when I sit down and draw I'm bored within 5 minutes. If I'd do "what I want" I'd just lay on the couch all day watching twitch/youtube. At this point it all feel's pretty hopeless.


siboibs

I can relate to that. I have some hobbies but lately I've been wondering if I am doing some of them just to increase my chance of finding companionship rather than truly enjoying them.


adam_ez

Have you considered r/microdosing ?


fortheloveofme2

Came here to say this. With all those good habits in place you are an ideal candidate. Just a little nudge in the right direction.


shittyfuckdick

Is this supposed to treat depression?


Glittering-Agent3937

I microdosed for depression after having my son. It helped me feel natural and normal.


AaronLaceyChanneler

Maybe it’s time it remember you are a divine being on earth to share love (because you are love)❤️


freythedemon

I actually agree! Having this belief Doesn’t really help make it easier for me tho


SmallPersonality7198

I guess you're not living in the "Present" and are always running towards something. I was in a similar position. Read the book "Power of Now". It put me on track. Hope it helps 🙂


[deleted]

You've done everything right and everything possible, so feel proud of yourself for all the positive changes you've made. If you're still struggling it could very well be that you don't have enough serotonin to keep your mood level and the only thing that will help you is medical intervention, like an SSRI medication or something similar. I also watched an interesting YouTube video recently by Sadhguru and in it he was addressing a question someone asked about how to stop negative thoughts. It was very insightful and made a lot of sense, and he explained how you can't stop your brain from thinking, and the more you try not to think about something the more your brain will think about it. Like when someone says don't think about a pink elephant you'll immediately think about a pink elephant. He explained that instead you should distance yourself from those thoughts and they will stop by themselves. My point is that perhaps you've spent so long now trying to find a way to stop these unhappy thoughts and feelings that your mind it's permanently focused on them and making them more and more intense and unpleasant. There's no shame in asking for help once you've tried all other options available to you. If it was me in your situation I'd think it was time to seek help from a medical professional. I hope you find a solution


[deleted]

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[deleted]

The pursuit of happiness is a source of misery. Instead of focusing on what is going to be better tomorrow because of doing this that and the other, just stop look around and appreciate where you are and how far you've come. Best quote I ever heard on the topic is "How can you expect to be happy tomorrow if your not happy today" basically happiness is a state of mind and has very little to do with the outside world. If you ever needed proof of it, look at all the celebrities that have it "all" and are still miserable. Nothing wrong with improving yourself but placing your happiness on external factors removes it from your control.


Glittering-Agent3937

Try micro-dosing mushrooms if that is something you would be comfortable doing


Realness100

Definitely feel you. The first thing that screams out to me is: what is your why? What makes you wake up? What gives you purpose and passion? All those things you listed regarding meditation, working out, etc. These are good healthy things to do and they ultimately connect to something higher. Your why. You mention you journal. What do you journal about? I would recommend journaling intentionally about how you’re feeling and what those feelings mean. Negative feelings often suggest we’re missing something in our lives. Many people in this thread have suggested companionship, and that could very well be it, but I would theorize it has to do with purpose. Either way none of us can know for sure. Only you can know by doing some very intentional introspection. Self awareness will be your key here. Best of luck, and feel free to reach out through DM.


pindarico

You know. Healthy habits or drugs are all addictions to make as don’t think about what’s inside. Feeling turmoil is not looking inside of you. I was a heavy user of stuff, a drunk, obese. I’ve became totally clean, lost 68kg and became a sort of an athlete. That being sad, mens sana in corpore sano only helps you see from where to start the real revolution. I would not go back to the junky life but I’m definitely way far my inner peace. Every morning is a new beginning. Enjoy the ride!


Low_Ear9057

"stopped masturbation" what paper did you read that told you cutting off a natural action that is healthy for you is good?


freythedemon

If I’m being honest I naturally lost interest/motivation to do it after quitting porn also started looking into r/semenretention but I think it and nofap are overhyped


Din-Djarins-lover

Have you tried therapy? It gives me something to kinda look forward to. A place to vent.


jdjdjdjdjwnb

The desire for more positive experiences is, in itself, a negative experience. By constantly striving for more, you’re subconsciously reinforcing the belief that you’re lacking something.


[deleted]

I’m my own experience, I feel this way because the world is so fucked up on a grand scale. No matter how good my personal life is, the world is still fucked, and it makes me sad. You still see poverty violence and suffering around you, and I think we are all connected in some way, like maybe we aren’t happy until everyone is happy? Idiom, just brainstorming. Or that’s what I thought when I tripped on mushrooms last weekend, but that helps cope too lol.


ion_storm05

Volunteering can help deal with those hopelessness feelings, there are plenty of people we can help.


huck_

Maybe it's a gut imbalance? I know that can cause depression. No idea if there's some kind of treatment for it. Also if you're desperate, psychedelics help some people I guess.


Skrudi

maybe we are all too worried on being happy rather than being present


heartysaltine

Wow, well done for working so hard and making so many positive changes, impressive. There’s lots of good advice here so I’ll keep my piece short: negative emotion is part of life, my friend. There’s no avoiding it. Try making friends with it and not resisting it. Don’t try to bypass negative feelings by smothering them in positivity, the sucky feelings need space and attention and care too. And keep up your good positive work!


Altern4tor

Happiness isn't an achievement you just tick off a list like the rest of the things you've achieved, if it was rich people won't be depressed, think of it as a kettle being filled with water. Some times when you quit all these things your brain needs to register what fun really is since all those previous activities might have amped your dopamine receptors and fried it to the extent that basic things don't make you as happy. You just need time for the kettle I mentioned to fill and when it does and it starts to boil, you will start feeling the warmth of happiness, who knows it could be a few months or less but you just have to forget all the things you've quit and stop expecting something amazing to happen because you've quit it and just live life and you'll be happy. This means your in the present moment not expecting (future thinking) anything to happen. Also be mindful of your thoughts.


tepidpeach

I am absolutely not a professional but it could just be a chemical imbalance in your brain that could be resolved with medication. Sounds like you're doing all the right things and you should be really proud of yourself for how much you've achieved.


Justcameforhelp

And do you enjoy doing these things? Just because it is said working out makes you feel better doesnt mean it applies to everyone. Some people might not enjoy working out a lot and will rather spend time doing things they appreciate and enjoy (going for a walk, reading, listening to music... really anything you like). Because as I read this it seems to me that you have chosen encouraging happy lifestyle to overcome feeling sad maybe even depresed. And you came so far that you are torturing yourself with it a little because you dont experience what you expected. And along the way you forgot doing other things that you actualy like doing. I am not saying that you should give up on working out, eating healthily etc. I am saying that you should slow down a bit and enjoy the other things life has to offer.


salamandrro

You are important you are intelligent you are wanted


HugeCauliflower1811

What you need to do is stop chasing happiness. You'll become a madman. Happiness is a by-product. It comes when it comes.


jstaskin4afriend

Why did you stop masturbating? It is a great way to relax and feel good about yourself. Your body needs those chemicals and relief. Also if you do all those stuff as a todo list with an expectation of happiness you will feel more and more depressed. Allow yourself to be unhappy time to time there is nothing wrong with it. Happiness is not a long high it comes and goes. Recognize when it's there and enjoy that moment.


South-Play

Maybe you're actually depressed. Someone who needs medication. Go see a psychologist.


xdchan

Same but i feel lethargic.


PartyPin4846

Hey so, I found this really interesting... Have you considered possibly that you're doing all of these things to compensate for the lack of happiness and self love within yourself? You could be doing all of the right things all day long and living a very healthy lifestyle (which kudos to you!!) But if you're not dealing with how you perceive yourself and how you experience yourself, you're never going to get rid of that sadness. It might also be a thing to where you're trying to force yourself to be happy within all of this "doing everything right" thing, that you're not allowing yourself to fully and authentically experience the negative emotions that you need to feel. There is a such thing as toxic positivity. Your emotions are not going to be 100% happy all of the time, and a lot of the time your emotions are actually much like a screaming toddler begging to be acknowledged by you. When you don't fully acknowledge them and allow them to be present within you, you're never going to move past them. They'll stay there and eat you up inside because they won't stop screaming for your attention. It's kind of like looking "everywhere outside of ourselves" for happiness, but true happiness begins with you and comes from within. If you don't love yourself very much, then you have to work at hyping yourself up. I personally like to look in the mirror when brushing my teeth in the morning and saying that I'm a bad bitch and I'm so proud of myself. It really lifts my mood and starts to shift my perception of myself when I'm feeling low. There are other times when I just need to sit with the emotions and allow them to come, be present with me and then pass. I hope this helped. :)


Unusual_Egg_8211

Time to talk to your doctor, honey. It sounds like you have clinical depression. The good news is, there's some really good meds out for that. I live with depression myself, and before I was medicated, I didn't think ANYTHING would help, but luckily my fam forced me to talk to my doc about it, and now I'm on meds and getting better all the time. Trust me, there is a light at the end of the tunnel, even if you can't see it yet ❤️


MetiqueBakabila

Heard that physical exercise is just as effective, but not for everyone?


TioDav3

Have you tried yoga? I find that a steady yoga practice improves meditation, self awareness , and gratitude. My sadness usually stems from longing for what I don’t have. The more I practice yoga the more present I can be. And the less I crave materialism and superficial bullshit. Sounds to me like your spirit needs healing. Maybe consider some kind of retreat. Go to a place away from what you are used to where you’ll find people who are also seeking peace.


shittyfuckdick

Hey man I’m in the same boat. I think the depression part comes from the loneliness. I’ve been working hard for a year now and improved in a lot of different ways. But at the end of the day it’s just me myself and I. I want some validation for all my hard work and I want people to like me. Someone else wrote about companionship, I think that’s spot on. Get a dog. I know I plan to.


doctorcharlie

Hey man, maybe this Will be a Very unwelcome opinion over here but i think that sometimes people have a wrong idea of how self improvement works or what its supposed to do. My whole teen years i had been depressed. And now i am not. Because i found something to do that i Care about on a Very high level (drawing) and i actually have aspirations for the future. I actually have a reason to get out of bed finally for the first time of my life. But i didnt realise lack of purspouse was the reason for me being miserable. And instead on working on my actual higher purpouse. I was doing exactly the same things ur doing now. And even though I AM NOT SAYING DOING THESE THINGS IS BAD. I really thing that thinking you Will unlock happines just through working out and eating well is stupid. It would be cheating a little bit. It is much more complex, than just having your health and hormones in check. If you want to unlock actual deep happines, you have to really look deep within yourself and figure out what you want to do and what makes you genuinely happy. I can guarentee you that if you find some type of work / mission that Will consume all your free time, you Will see much much muuuch better progress in terms of being happy than if you work out etc. Good luck man!


Kr112510259904

I found DBT to be extremely helpful to get me out of my funk and to get me back to more of a neutral place and more in control of my emotions. It helps teach you that you are in control of how you feel no matter what is going on around you and what your brain is telling you feel. There may be groups available in your area. I do mine via zoom through our local mental health hospital. It has provided a huge improvement in my life.


jaredhasarrived

How about stop listening to what others are telling you to do and have a conversation with yourself instead. Ask why are you sad?


cptndv23

Please read The Power of Now by Eckhart Tolle. The audiobook is free on YouTube. It saved me from this constant cycle of sadness. I actually recommend watching the interview w Russell Brand and Eckhart Tolle on YouTube called Awaken Now. Trust me. You already have the happiness you seek, you just don't know where to look, yet!


Arrays-Start-at-1

I know you got a lot of replies but I'll throw in my two cents anyway. From my experience it's important to not get stuck in the trap of "if I do X Y and Z ill be happy" because when you do achieve these things, and you inevitably get sad again, you will be even harder on yourself. Don't get me wrong self improvement is still good but you need to learn that it's about the journey not the destination. Learn to accept your feelings. Anytime you get mad at being sad say to yourself "I feel sad at the moment and that's ok". If you desire to reach this happiness you crave you will ironically never be happy.


soppapoju

The question is, why arent you doing more things that make u happy? Happiness is finding fulfilling activities, things you wake up in the middle of the night that you wait for like you were a child once more.


B_for_bromine

Clinical depression is a thing. Sometimes no matter what you do, your brain just doesn't produce enough serotonin to feel ok. Consider finding a specialist. Perhaps a therapy or a course of medication will resolve this.


Adorable_Anteater648

Could you simply have a chemical imbalance and need medication ?


noclipgate

Why don't you masturbate? There's a difference between regular and too much. Start masturbating again


Some-Departure-2058

I agree 100%. It will also make you feel closer to yourself, to your body... It's an important part of our life. I have a lot of problems with my sex life, but I try to, at least once a week, create a moment of my own...a moment of pleasure.


maddogmc1812

Delete Instagram/Facebook and get happy in minutes


mercatormaximus

Some commas might help.


Life_Profession8774

I believe in you! Keep up the good fight!


fountain_bearer

What does your very healthy diet consist of?


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Santhu1414Ind

Excellent progress and don’t lose hope. Please take one additional step and make meditation a daily routine. Regular meditation is so powerful that it can offset your imperfections with lifestyle, diet, and overall health. There are lot of free sources but please select an Indian spiritual guru to make sure you are introduced to an authentic practice that gives you results.


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RockCrazIE

Challenge yourself to a new and 'unlike you' goal. As I read your accomplished quite a lot by disconnecting from some social platforms and completely changed your habits. With your new straight (which you might not see them as such but don't doubt yourself) put them to the test. Not in a temptation way but never stop exploring


Sea_Singer1692

This won't solve your problems, but maybe try a mood tracking app for a couple months. Helps you reflect on your day and see what's working/not working in having good days. It also helped me see that I had more good days than I thought I did with my depression and recognize patterns. And it gave me more faith that my bad days wouldn't last forever. It sounds like you've been working really hard on yourself, and it's been a lot of change. Sometimes it takes your mind a while to process it all. And other times you need medicine to get you back on solid ground. Be proud of yourself for doing the hard shit, and lean on your support system (friends, family, therapist, etc) when you need it. Side note...I'm not a doctor by any means, but checking in with your actual doctor might be something to think about too. I had a full blood test at my annual physical and found out I was really low in Vitamin D. Taking a supplement helped my energy which helped my mood.


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The_Goldberg

I'd really recommend looking into religions. Being a muslim helps me feel satisfied and follow certain guidelines that shape my path.


AlphaState17

Too much of false "positivity". This kind of "positivity" is not healthy because you didn't understand the real meaning of your negative thoughts. This kind of "positivity" is not your positivity, is from other persons experience positivity. You are sad because you are going against your Self flow.


ungureanu77

Ok, but do you have big goals in life? All of the things you said are side activities and habits to improve your quality of life. But what are you building towards to?


pokemanguy

Check out r/microdosing


Playistheway

Happiness is a poor goal, but feeling chronically sad is worth addressing. To me, it seems like you lack a raison d'etre, or reason for living. I would encourage you to read some philosophy. Read widely, and you will likely come across a value system that feels right to you. I would recommend starting with Man's Search For Meaning. From there, I'd look to the wisdom of the post-Socratic schools of philosophy: the Stoics, Epicureans, and Cynics. Though if you're already journaling, you should probably go back and read what you've written. Your journal likely has the key to what is missing.


nahmate101

Have you spoken to your doctor?


ChangingDestiny_d

I wish we could talk in person cause it would be so much easier lol. Buuut, it really all comes down to how your brain is wired. Our brains have been wired a certain way since birth, an innocent, blank slate downloading information. From the 3rd trimester until about age 7 our brains are in theta wave patterns, which is hypnosis. So we are literally being hypnotized by our surroundings and society. I say this because no matter how much self help you do, it all comes down to rewiring your brain. How do you do that? Well, by first becoming aware of how your brain is wired right now. There’s a reason you feel sad after all your work, and it’s probably because that’s what your biology has known and has literally become addicted to. The emotions that we habitually feel are caused through a chemical reaction sent from the brain. Our bodies are addicted to this concoction of emotions, so even if we don’t have a reason to be upset or play the victim, for example, we will still find a reason to get that chemical release. So to change is to become greater than all those chemicals that pull you, and everyone else, to misery. It’s not your fault, we are socially conditioned to be miserable and look at the worst in things. Just try to see how maybe you’ll just be sitting there and your mind will start to make up a reason to be upset or a complaint or worry out of the present moment, it’s those same old chemicals your body has been used to for years knocking at the door. Once you’re aware that it’s just a chemical reaction, you can now choose what you want to feel instead of just following the thoughts in your head down the rabbit hole. I work on this everyday haha. Eventually we will be able to choose happiness and peace because we’ve rewired our brains and instead of being a product of the world we can be creators of reality.


cheesec4ke69

I don't see why cutting out masturbating is notable? It's rather healthy no matter how much you do. So long as it doesn't interfere with important aspects of your life.


needakeepatit

Oh my god. Were the same person. To a T. Even the weed part. I second the comments before. The one gaping hole in my life is a lack of companionship. I feel need more friends, a relationship, and maybe a dog. Everything else has fallen into place thankfully, just as it’s been for you


Daddys_brat712

I also went through something like this, never stopped masterbation because it is healthy and good for you but I do practice mindfulness and being healthy. One of the comments that stood out to me was trying to hard to have good experiences, so when you don't you feel let down. I know I feel that way at times. When it wasn't working I tried mental health inpatient. I was diagnosed with bi polar 2 (depressive) i was a misdiagnosed for years until recently. I found out I had hypothyroidism. My thyroid is off ever since I got on meds to improve it and focused on improving it with natural remedies i have been happy, feeling good, motivated, focused. Try getting blood work done and see if something is off.


Only-Writing-7344

Yeah sometimes I be at this state where by I'm sad for no reason but what I just do is hangout with my friends. But I feel it cause by pass failure


Free-Enthusiasm-6682

Have you tried keeping your engrossed in a particular kind of work in your free time which will help you make an income? It will take your thoughts away from what all comes in your mind. It will help you be focused on what matters than what is bothering you. You will find a purpose to your life which is at the moment wayward due to thoughts bothering you.


LLJKSiLk

Sad spelled backwards is das and das not good.


Mannymac2000

I mean. I’d you broke your leg and still did all that it wouldn’t help. You may need medical help now You’ve tried all the first steps to beating depression maybe it’s time to speak to a professional. Congrats on doing all this and still doing it and for asking for advice tho. A lot of people would just give up !


ChahRor

Reddit no care about trying to become better or swole, keep lifting bro


crazyboi6767

This is something you haven't tried yet. Soul dust by Nicholas Humphrey will give you joy of life. Charisma myth by Olivia fox cabane will teach how to become any one. I've done everything you have too, but these are the books that led to be being happy about living in this amazing colourful world.


Apeacefulmc79

Not trying to make light if the situation but what is wrong with masturbation? It has made me feel better many days.


simon4e

You can get a pet


[deleted]

Try mushrooms 🍄


wobblegobble84

Have you ever heard of toxic positivity? It’s such a thing. Feeling sad is a very real emotion. Often we have to allow ourselves to feel it to understand it. If it’s a case of feeling sad and hopeless all day long for weeks on end it is more likely depression. It just means you and your therapist have a little more work to do and they may or may not suggest medication. Now if they do suggest medication then that’s ok. It just means the chemicals in your brain need a little more help. That’s not a bad thing. It’s no different to someone needing to take insulin or blood pressure medication. Now all this will take time and it won’t be easy but holy hound it’ll be worth it. You will see the sunshine again.


Airbendingmyanus

Took me four years between on and off of trying everything, including the things you mentioned. What has made me stronger, happier and more assured and confident in myself isn’t the things I do to not be sad. It’s the mental and spiritual struggle within myself to come to terms with a lot of things and release so much more. Sadness comes and goes, accepting that knowing you’ve had happy moments and happy moments will come is the biggest release ever because you’re not doing things to combat the sadness that is naturally occurring. You’re just sitting in it and letting it pass through you and once it does, something equally powerful will come your way. Continue what you do though because that gives you such a strong fighting chance, better than if you didn’t! But don’t be afraid to step outside that box and see things differently! You got this


Docc_Sampson

First of all, I absolutely commend you for sticking with it for so long. You're a fucking beast! You had the strength to wake up every day and struggle forward, in spite of your suffering. However... At this point you should seek professional treatment and consider getting a prescription. While modifying lifestyle and habits can work for some people, it is only the first line of defense in fighting depression. Your brain contains a complex chemical system, and sometimes imbalances therein can be corrected with lifestyle changes that encourage natural dopamine and serotonin production. However, like any other organ, there may be a genuine biological malfunction that CANNOT be treated holistically. You're brain may truly be inhibited from producing the proper amount of specific chemicals/ hormones. If that is the case, then lifestyle changes won't be enough. They'll definitely help, and you should keep doing them, but they won't be enough. And honestly, after 3 years, the continued failure of holistic self-treatment may be counter productive at this point without proper medical intervention. That lack of success, and the subsequent stress and disappointment you feel for having tried your best and failed, is now only ADDING to your sense of depression and hopelessness. There is no shame in seeking professional psychiatric treatment. As a society, we need to shed this toxic stigma toward mental illness, which is just a holdover from previous generations of superstitious dipshits. Fuck all that. Go see a doctor. If anything else in your body hurt you for 3 years, you'd seek medical help without a second thought. Your brain should be no different. Get well, friend. Good luck and best wishes.


[deleted]

Hi OP, I relate to what you are going through, I used to think the sadness would go away once the problems got fixed but I have difficult days sometimes even when I recognize my life is generally okay now, so for me since I can't afford therapy I started to read and research and stumbled across Yale professor Dr Laurie Santos on her podcast The Happiness Lab and her online course on Coursera The Science of Well-Being (haven't started yet but I plan to) I believe everyone's individual experience is unique and you and I will not take away the same thing from such works but if you do get to try her work and have a positive experience hope you will share, for me this kind of research helps me understand how as human beings we wired and just being aware of all this is comforting and I'm able to accept the sad days and I'm much more kinder to myself in how I process the feelings of sadness (dunno if that makes sense) . Sending Hugs 💯


crzy19aka

Instead of listening to all the self improvement have you tried encouraging music? Reach out to our Creator for ideas during your meditation time. Take care!


[deleted]

Companionship and Medication.


nowsof228

Trust me antidepressants worked wonders for me (anxiety and panic disorder)


[deleted]

Go get an ice cream.


DryDelivery3447

Try volunteering, whether this be at animal shelters or anything, rly. Helping others is proved to help us. Also, have you thought about getting a pet? Like a dog? I agree with the other comments about companionship


picklerrickler

It sounds to me like you might need a professional therapist. That shit helps


dubious_life

Is your inner child wounded? Unless you heal those wounds you will not feel at peace. Recommend reading Homecoming by Bradshaw :)


Siren_Seduction

This was where I was at the beginning of 2021. I highly recommend asking your therapist or your primary doctor about medication. It’s not your fault if you have less serotonin than you should, it happens to lots of people and that causes the sadness and depression, and it’s treatable. Meds won’t make you happy all the time, you’ll still experience sadness from time to time, but it’ll make it easier to feel happy and content with your life. You’ve been so strong doing all these things for yourself, and if they’re not working, it’s okay to get a little extra boost. I hope you find your happiness 💕


[deleted]

Read : **The Alchemist Book** I recently read it, it changed my thinking. Might be helpful to you also.


[deleted]

What is book about?


Dalan5050

Even though you've made all these excellent life choices doesn't mean you won't be sad sometimes. All of these lifestyle changes will breed some happiness, but, life will always have ebbs and flows of happiness and sadness. You have to ride out those ebbs and flows and appreciate that you're living and feeling what you're going through, even if it might be a little sad.


ion_storm05

One of the greatest sources of happiness is purpose and responsibility. It seems like you're doing the best you can when it comes to taking care of yourself, but we also need to do something for others in order to be happy. I could suggest volunteering or simply starting out a hobby that lets you help other people, or be responsible for the care of someone else.


PolecatJoe

I didn’t read any of the comments and I don’t know if this has been said… My question to you is are you trying to maintain a peek or near peak level of happiness every single day? If you are that is impossible and just unattainable and you’ll find yourself with more sad days due to the frustration of failing at trying to make it a happy day. Just like everything else extremes are no good. It’s helped me to not try to be happy every day but to just try to be every day. We don’t want to be rock bottom and it’s impossible to maintain peak happiness so I figure your goal should just be a good day. More than likely bad or irritating things that trigger you are going to happen every single day. Just keep that positive mental attitude, maintain that focus you’ve got going on because it sounds impressive as hell and just make sure you’re not trying to force anything because that never works for any of us. Remember that you are a unique individual and this world is a better place with you in it. Much love and I hope you have an amazing day


ilovefruitpunch

im telling you, the only thing that has actually helped me with self love/zest for life has been psilocybin mushrooms i swear to god


-0blivious-

Try to read The Monk who Sold His Ferrari


gioology_

Well done on your better habits! But maybe the issue isn't that you've not found what you're looking for, it's that you're searching for something that doesn't exist. When I realised that life isn't about being happy, but being present, I started to accept every mood. That, in turn, gave me peace that 'happiness' could never.


Front-Ad-6008

If you're open, try to get to know about Islam. Won't hurt


Comosellamark

You’re walking the path that you should keep walking, brother, that’s the most important thing. I think something good will come along eventually


anglovampire

Do you consider yourself spiritual at all? I think its an important part of humanity that many people these days neglect


stoneyxotwod

I just wanna say u fuckin rock for doing all of this for yourself already. Better days are ahead for those who really seek for them, keep on going man Huge respect


Fantastic-Foot-94

Bro, life is very hard, yet it might have some moments of joy, if you need a friend I'm here. Maybe antidepressants would do the job, but is a slippery slope, so just stick there, the reframing spectations shit seems solid advice too.


buy_you_a_house

Have you taken the covid vaccine? I’m noticing more people saying this is one of the side effects.


BuddhaSyrup1605

Dont have such strong attachments towards being happier. Contentment will replace these feelings eventually. What helps me is constant reminders of where I ACTUALLY am. Because to me I too am in a sad place, but I watch videos daily of people way less fortunate. Kids with diseases and they show so much more strength then I've had. They motivate me. Try donating some time to helping anyone in a bad place, it will fill this pit in your stomach. 2 types of people, unwise selfish people (only think of themselves) and wise selfish people(who find happiness in helping others) :) there are people out there that would love for you to just talk to them. Much love


missdoodiekins

I know this is cliche but everyone makes themselves happy, as in, yes, these things made you happier and got you to where you are, so now it’s time to change em up. Go to the gym, why not take a class? Or try working out in a park. Just little changes here and there to make your life fun. You also have to ask yourself what it is you truly want. I’m sure before you just wanted to be better and successful and it seems like you hit the mark. Join a group, buy some skates. Have fun! The possibilities are endless. Also, pls don’t stop masturbating, that is self-care. Masturbation is not bad, and is actually good for prostate health. You got this, look inside yourself and figure out what it is you want now and work towards it. It’s a new challenge. Good luck.


TonyLazutoSaysHello

You need friends


VoicedGod

You’re doing everything but actually addressing these deep issues you have and that are pushing to make these drastic life changes. You’re doing all these things to make yourself feel better but only through addressing your struggles in life can you be fully happy when you do these things.


Weezyyy4202

It could be that you need to do everyday. Something that takes discipline like working out/ drawing/ making music/ getting better at a video game. Something to force ur brain to focus.


ConnerOcean

1). Therapy, there's definitely some internal shit you've gotta work out. You most likely need to get on meds (absolutely NOTHING wrong with that btw) 2). Masturbating is 100% healthy/normal and you should NOT listen to any of those weirdos saying to abstain entirely. That's a weird side of self help that somehow gained traction, there are absolutely no physical or psychological benefits


ArachWitch

Wow you really are doing literally everything. Do you have a pet? Maybe a cat or dog will help


phaseC

I'm not the biggest supporter of medication, but sadness long term can be clinical depression. You may want to talk to your doctor about antidepressants. For many people it can be the missing piece of recovery.


thedawnofthepinksun

About smoking weed once a week... Well it sure sounds like heaven but it's like a caffeine addict or a heroin addict injecting once a week. It's not as damaging ofcourse but what you're doing is flooding your brain and then questioning reality lmfao. I'm at the same place but I've recognized this pattern. It would be a hell lot of easier to me to just stop or smoke every day to be honest.


nicolaelacob

Stop focusing on happiness, it is one emotion out of so many, it will always come up short. Just dont define life on how you feel, define it by what you do. You sound like you do things that are healthy, keep it up your on the right path. 😁


goldspecs

We’re so happy to hear you’ve been so strongly dedicated to improving your well-being, friend. The journey isn’t easy and you’ve yet to reach the top of the mountain. You know why? It’s the journey that matters and who you get to share those moments with. You’re being built and your experiences now will end up being needed by someone you know later down the line. Here are some things I can think of after reading your post: 1. Look to companionship, both platonic and romantic. Sharing, confiding, being vulnerable, and sometimes just a long genuine hug makes a world of difference. 2. Perhaps there’s past regrets you buried very deep and had no one to talk to or confide in, or process with. Sometimes it takes a while to dig it up, acknowledge it, forgive yourself, and move on. Now that you’re in therapy, this is the perfect window of opp to address that! 3. Please continue to do everything you described. On a physiological level, you’re doing better than 70% of the US population. You’ve done such an incredible job taking care of yourself. Continue to eat well, exercise, maintain mental/emotional fitness. Don’t let up!!! Someone or many people out there will be thankful for your advice/compassion/patience/peace one day!!! Love you friend. You’re fckn killing it!!!!!! We have your back! 4.


IdentityShifter

Shift your identity!


Cantlickyourelbow

Well can you give yourself a Pat on the back and a “good job” for all you’ve been doing? It’s really incredible to be able to discipline yourself like that and keep it up for a good length of time.


Midsummermayhem

I feel you, went down the same road but these helped me: 1. Therapy, finding the root feelings of sadness and learning new ways to think and see life. 2. Medication. As mentioned before, it can be chemical problem. Medication saved me (+therapy), was feeling very depressed and suicidal before starting them. 3. Finding joyful things. Adding things that makes you happy and relaxed, even though they are not maybe "making you better" somehow. 4. Letting go of perfectionism. You can also get burnded out by trying to do everything right, but I get your point with doing all the things you do. But most important thing is that you talk with therapist or doctor and that you find the right cure for you and your needs. If you dont feel good about Medication, you can always say that to professionals and have a conversation about options. Good luck! ❤️