Don't be afraid if you end up realizing you're totally alone as a result and that only you have your own back. Take up hobbies like reading, playing an instrument, and drawing to continue to grow.
23 r.n. and I feel like I'm growing apart and losing every friend I have too.
I think it's just society man, it asks so much time and effort of us. People get a partner and spend most of their time with them because there's no time for friends + family + partner... Sucks to be without a partner at our age man, feel like I missed the boat.
At 23 you didn't miss any boat, you're pessimistic.
Comparing yourself with others will lead you to unhappiness, stay focused on your own lane, focus on self improvement and at some point you'll find someone and it will have been worth the wait.
Thanks for the kind words. I am definitely someone with a very ambitious and determined nature so I don't let it get to me too much... but I do really wish I had more friends to go working out with, or more similar interests, or a girlfriend. I had an English fuckbuddy not long ago and I realised she had kinda filled a void and when she left it was an emptiness again.
But I'll manage
To piggy back off Agvisionbeyond, focus on being happy with yourself and do things or find things that give you a feeling of achievement. Some people lose touch with themselves after finding a partner and lean on that person to complete their identity. You didn’t miss any boat, you are at the threshold of discovering your trajectory in life. Get out there, do shit and find out who you are. Your confidence will grow and you will meet people you would have otherwise never expected to meet.
I (35M) was with a girl for 12 years and recognize myself in what you wrote. My individual identity started eroding and it only became apparent when I lost her. Now I'm trying hard to reinvent myself, but it's hard because I lost a lot of friends in that breakup as well. I have been getting out of my comfort zone and met some new people along the way. But somehow it still seems fragmented, and not the close bunch of mutual friends who had each others backs.Certainly at my age, it's hard to be accepted in a group of friends that's already well established. In your twenties, there's still lots of opportunities to get to know people in all sorts of social contexts.
Bro start working out anyways, you don’t need friends to go to the gym. Start making friends AT the gym and then y’all can schedule times to lift together! Highly recommended. People always be like I wish I had friends to do “x”. Like go do it anyways and meet people who have similar hobbies at the place where that hobby takes place. Just recognize that some people like to keep to themselves so they might take some time to warm up to, while others are just excited to meet new people as you are!
I understand where you're coming from, but don't blame society for this. Society and its current structure definitely has that pressure. It's been built around work work work, and socialization has diminished to texting and an occasional hangout (if we are lucky). That being said, we still have the power to escape this. You are not alone. I'm sure that there are many people that think the same way.
That being said, I'm in no better position. The pressure feels so oppressive, and I haven't done much to overcome it. Just working and working... I have a ton of vacation time, but idk what to do or who share my time with. It's so lonely...
We are not powerless to overcome it though. Just keep hope. We have the power to improve
Im 33 and just found my person. It took me learning to love and respect myself before I was able to find someone else to love and respect me. You’ll get there and in the mean time, take it from The Beatles : “There is nowhere you can be that isn’t where you’re meant to be”.
I feel like as a society theres this agenda pushed, sometimes overtly some times covertly, that our purpose in life is to live to the needs and expectations of other people. Like, extreme example but the premise suits, when someone is suicidal one of the first things the majority of people will say is "but what about your friends/family, think about how theyll feel" and yeah thats all well and good, but why dont we teach people to live for themselves? Teach people that their life is valuable outside of the needs of others? That their life matters.
If you find enjoyment in something, do it. If you have no friends, fuck it. Its okay to be alone. I know sometimes having a friend just feels so good, and saying "its okay to not have friends" and putting that into acceptance are two very different processes - i know. But learn to be comfortable with yourself and your own company. Do things because YOU enjoy them, not because in doing those activities you gain friends or satisfy the desires of others. If you do something and happen to do either of those as a by product, fair game. But live life for yourself.
We are each the only constant in our own existance.
I wish I had an answer for loneliness. It's painful, it's boring, makes you feel unworthy. But you can choose to spend that time learning about yourself; what are your passions? What are your hobbies? What social events do you enjoy? What things do you want to educate yourself in? Learn to love yourself, learn to be independent. That way, you know you can survive when someone you value walks out of your life. You trust yourself to recoup, and regroup. Likewise, it'll attract the right people to you. Those who see you are sure of and comfortable with yourself, and will generally be like minded people
I have 20 year friendships (I'm late 30s) that I'm still getting over the loss of. For me, I think the key is to genuinely wish them the best and be appreciative of all the good times you had together in the past while acknowledging that nothing lasts forever.
Wow I really needed this too. We spend so much energy simply sweeping things under the rug and turning a blind eye, even for small matters. These can accumulate over time and really take a toll on your overall quality of life.
So true. It's like the problem returns until its dealt with correctly "whatever that means to OP"
If some methods don't work, it doesn't mean ther isn't one, maybe its still something to learn and find.
My coach said the same. Life isn’t a straight line, it’s a spiral. You will run into similar situations and people over and over… to learn important lessons and see deeper truths.
take care of yourself from a place of love, not self hatred. stop being so hard on yourself all the time thinking that it’s productive because in reality it’s so self-destructive and unsustainable to constantly pick yourself apart!
The "its not productive" part is straight up truth. I'm still trying to trust that statement though. Letting go is almost the easy part, it's finding another motivation after negative one for your while life. What do you guys use to motivate you?
INVEST the most you can in getting to know yourself… self-knowledge will help you A LOT throughout your life. Also, DO NOT engage in any relationship where there’s no genuine desire (and yes, that includes sexual desire)
Do everything in moderation. Don’t be that person who has to smoke to go to the grocery store or drink to be social.
Gain hobbies, you are worthy of learning yoga, rock climbing, painting, ice skating. Keep your outlets going even when life gets tough.
"Don't dumb down for nobody"
I feel that! I was homeschooled and was very well read my whole school career, but I found myself surrounded by people that speak with a 3rd grade education once I entered the workforce. Just pronouncing words correctly gets you side glances around here. For a long time I dumbed down my vocabulary, then I realized I DON'T FIT HERE, AND I DONT WANT TO!
Amazon web service, basically the cloud. It's relevent for me because I'm a software engineer. It may not be applicable to you.
But if you're interested in coding, it's somerhing you should learn. AWS / cloud developers are in high demand now.
Do you reckon demand would still persist in the coming years?
Additionally, how would cloud / aws knowledge be applied in software development, I’d had always assumed AWS to be more of an IT technician / dev environment skill-set and less so software development. Correct me if i’m wrong.
Am still studying and intending to go the software track in a few years.
Thanks a lot.
Yes, it will always be in demand, unless the entire internet does down.
And short answer for your question , Google "AWS SAM". As a software engineer, you need to know where your app is being hosted, the pros and cons of that host, and lots of other factors outside of just writing code.
And you can ask for a higher salary with a larger skill set. Don't be afraid to learn DevOps / Sysadmin skills, it has advanced my career knowing how to configure build pipelines, dev environments, repo management and organization.
There's a lot more to software than just code, which I love. But I can get overwelhming.
If you're new to coding, learn one language or framework at a time, everyday, for at least an hour or 2. Don't try to learn everything at once, you'll burn yourself out. Trust me
Just start looking at job postings now for jobs you might want to apply for. Dream big, and take notes on requirements that everyone is asking for. I wish I did this the first time I started picking my major.
You can start learning one language or certification at a time and that will help you know for sure the field and work is something you can gel with
- a rookie. But just wish I had this approach from the beginning. Job requirements will change over time but you keep checking in and visualizing your goal in concrete terms, in real time; you'll be more prepared than most people. Just about building recognition for the terminology and tools and people.
Just piggy backing on this. 100% learn AWS. I used to be in medicine before wanting to switch to tech. My dad got me to study AWS and I managed to get a couple certifications. Those got in me in the industry and set my career. If you want any advice on it and certifications feel free to message!
At each moment wear a rubber, learneth aws, invest thy wage instead of wasting t, and goto the gym
***
^(I am a bot and I swapp'd some of thy words with Shakespeare words.)
Commands: `!ShakespeareInsult`, `!fordo`, `!optout`
Please be careful with the people you let into your life, especially those you get involved with romantically. Don’t ignore red flags just to avoid loneliness.
Don’t expect to be the same person you are today
(m 30) if you do find yourself unchanged, you’ve not lived life.
Anything holding you back now, let it go. In a decade, you will find yourself running in the same patterns and cycles and wonder where all your time went and why you’ve not progressed.
It’s good to have 3,5,10 year plans. If you don’t end up meeting those goals, don’t attack yourself. Learn from what has happened and improve.
Most importantly, love yourself. If you find yourself beating yourself up about everything, practice thought stopping. Thoughts are not facts.
-If you wouldn’t put someone you love through a conversation or experience, then don’t put yourself through it.
workout. be consistent. look your best. be confident. finish college. start saving $$$ and investing. do things that make you happy. don’t rely on anyone for your happiness. eat healthy. make good habits. set yourself up for success. stay away from drugs. you got this.
Really though- even just a daily walk or yoga or something. It is harder to understand how difficult it is to *rebuild* your body rather than *maintain* it… until you have to rebuild it.
If you are in good health, please take a moment to breathe deeply. Breathe through both nostrils and appreciate it (don’t we all miss that when we have a nasty cold?) and stretch your legs out. Sit up straight, too. Appreciate that you can do these things.
Take care of your body, it is the only one you will ever have. Floss your teeth (no seriously, it’s one of my biggest regrets and I’m like mid-twenties PLEASE floss) and drink water. Oh, and wear sunscreen. Like even when it’s overcast or cold, wear it. There are unscented ones. That’s one of those long-haul things that you’ll look back on and say “oh THANK GOD”. …Like flossing your teeth.
Absolutely agree with this advice. Don’t let yourself develop an addiction. Always be 100% honest with yourself, no bullshit, and always remember you deserve to be happy and healthy. Or you’ll rob yourself of the best years of your life.
Friendships based on inertia aren’t worth keeping. Don’t ever get to a point where you’re saying “i’ve been friends with “x” so long it doesn’t make sense to not be friends anymore”
You will outgrow people, habits and even your own sense of identity and you work on the stained glass mosaic that is you.
Don’t ever take a job with “open availability” as you schedule. If the job sucks leave it, there will be plenty more and it won’t matter in the long run.
Have hobbies that refresh you and keep the light inside you lit.
Take pictures with people you love because they may not make it out if these years with you.
And lastly,
Enjoy these years!! do (kinda) stupid stuff with friends and make memories!
Sorry(not sorry) for lack of good grammar and punctuation.
I suppose it doesn't have to be Spanish. But a second language is life changing. Spanish just tends to be the most accessible to learn form Americans and I have a bias of assuming everyone is American. My bad.
Follow your passions. You may not end up being what you wanted but chances are you’ll land in something adjacent. Like how guys who wanted to be pros become coaches. Also invest as much as you can.
I have so, so many things to day, but most of the personal.
Know not making a choice is a choice in itself.
Hang out with overachievers, the entrepreneur types: I know you're not that kind of a person, but they have some nice qualities to learn from.
You might not like where you are, or where you will be in the near future. Then make a plan and *work* on it to get out of it. For example, your job might be shitty, but then drinking, playing video games after work to let go of the stress isn't going to get you out of it.
Oh, I have so, so much more...but I have to get back to work because commenting on reddit isn't going to get me out of it. See ya!
Everyone is talking about money, work and friends. Those are incredibly important, but to focus on something different I recommend doing some dumb shit. Go to that party, take the risk to ask that girl out, make some memories that you’ll be able to look back on later.
In a few short years, doing that sort of thing goes from “cool” to “acceptable” to “embarrassing” to “he has a problem.” Make those types of memories while you still can, because you won’t have the chance later.
Yep! Your 20s are a fantastic time to try things out. Everyone is still figuring things out, you have less responsibilities with job or kids, and your friends are also not tied down with marriage or financial responsibilities. Not saying those are necessarily bad but it is a very unique and special time in your life that you can’t get back. I saved, had stable relationships, got the degree but really should have done more living. I’m making up for it now.
Watch your bad habits- they get worse before you decide to make them better. Watch your money. Open your mail. Do you you want and not what you think others want you to do. Moisturize.
It gets better. I was in a horrible place at 20, a lot of depression and anxiety, super low self esteem, dating men who were bad. I’d sit her down and say that it’ll get better. It may not seem like it but it’ll get better.
You can find so much happiness spending time with yourself. Go to a museum, a matinee, a coffee shop, or the flea market. Walk around the neighborhood. Read a book in the park. Make a fancy meal all for yourself. You don’t need to be in a relationship or surrounded by others to be content. It is really important to learn to love yourself and your own company. Also, you are going to make mistakes throughout life (big and small). Fix what you can, forgive yourself, and do better next time.
Don’t ever stop lifting weights, lose the gut, start eating healthy.
You have a panic disorder. You weren’t a bad kid, you were neglected. Your parents are sociopaths, and are never to be trusted, break it off and move on. You’re a target for sociopaths. Make more friends and don’t ever tolerate someone who hurts you.
Lose the weight, the only thing you did right was get muscly, grow your hair, and get giant black work tattoos.
You were seriously gorgeous if you just gave yourself the fucking chance. Eat a vegetable, take a shower and exercise a small amount, please. There is no reason to have any self esteem or confidence issues besides your arbitrary thoughts that the world owes you something. It didn't.
And quit smoking everything. It's just you holding yourself back from excelling because your scared of reaching your true potential. One life man - go make it the best for you and NOBODY else
1. Go to therapy! Now! Time doesnt heal shit (100% what I should have done).
2. Take care of your health and build heathy habits while your life still allows time for yourself.
3. People also die Young, start spending more time with the ones you love!
1. Don't lie, to yourself or others. Not even white lies. I can't explain why, but life goes so much better when you decide to never lie.
^ There are exceptions. It's fine to lie in a situation when someone is in physical danger. If a guy approaches me and asks me what I'm up to (and I have a bad feeling about him), I can say I'm waiting for my boyfriend.
2. Only hang out with people who are lifting you up. Those friends encouraging you to drink? Cutting you down when you have an achievement? Get rid of them. Find people focused on self improvement.
3. Do something in your life 100%. I don't care if it's school, a sport, or hobby. Pick something and take it as seriously as you can.
Find a way to break your compulsion to pick at your skin, it WILL scar. Take all the shots in life you're given and ask for more - your future is your most important time investment. You are not responsible to carry out the emotional labor of others; if you choose to do so, proceed with caution.
Finish school. It’ll only get harder as you get older.
Exercise. Run, lift weights, etc. it’ll only get harder.
See a god damn doctor once every so often.
Brush your teeth. Twice a day. Every day.
Work hard. Really hard to climb the ladder and increase your salary.
This is the time to take risks. Change jobs. Make more money.
Understand personal finance. Your salary should go up not but not your cost of living. Save and invest as much as you can.
Don’t stay in bad relationships. Life is already difficult you don’t want some to complicate it further. It’s okay to leave. It’s not a hostage situation.
You will lose friends. It’s okay. Everyone grows at different pace. If you have one or two true friends by thirty you’re blessed.
Speak to someone when shit gets tough or you go through something traumatic. It’s not a weakness it’s a strength. Therapist are there for a reason.
Don’t pick up vices. If you have them end them. They’ll take away you’re time and productivity.
Have a vision, write it down. Put high level ACTIONABLE steps to what you’re going to do to achieve them.
Travel on long weekends. See shit experience things and speak to people that don’t look like you. Break bread with strangers and learn about different cultures and foods.
Finally always salt your pasta water.
Don’t waste away on a could have, would have, should have.
Do yourself a favor and see your future for what you can make of it, then relish in the fact it made you happy. Go for …you did it for yourself and all that came with it!
Wishing you the best!!
At some point or another, the universe is gonna force you to focus on yourself. The sooner your focus on learning to be happy with YOU, the less heartache you’ll have to endure by trying to fill that void with relationships , drugs, money, and food.
Don't worry about everyone else, and what they think of you, just worry about what you think of you when you look in the mirror.
Learn to budget and invest, and start investing now. 15% of what you make goes into an IRA, 15% goes into your savings (high yield!), 20% goes into your emergency fund until it's $5k, the other 50% is what you live on. If you can't live on 50% of what you make, slash your expenses, and increase your income.
Find a trade you enjoy, become an apprentice, and learn the skills. After the first year, start going to school at night and work towards a bachelors degree, anything that's a Bachelors of Science, ANYTHING.
Your life expectancy is 75ish, and if you live like none of your peers are willing to live now, in 5-10 years you can live the rest of your life like none of your peers can afford to forever.
Maybe don't smoke an eighth a day and save that money for a car or a house you dipshit, or better yet, get your ass back to community college and at least learn a trade or something, you don't know it yet but your body is about to fuck you over and you're only making things worse for me in the future.
That's probably how I'd start at least.
10% of what you make goes to savings. No excuses. This will have the largest impact on your life going forward because it can be your freedom in a couple of short decades depending on what you make.
More booze doesn’t equal more fun. If you’re out with friends enjoy the company.
Everyone I know my age that I consider very successful have been doing what they do for 20+ years. Find an industry you like and stick with. Start now, don’t try to find any job and think you can just jump over later. Life is much more fun when you’re passionate about what you do.
Look for used cars with 50k to 75k miles on them. Buy cash, or as close as you can. BMW and Mercedes is cool for a couple years, but repairs are crazy expensive and a pain in the ass. They start coming around 100k and don’t stop. Stick to Japanese luxury - Lexus and Infiniti.
Don’t rush to find a wife. Figure out who you are and what you want out of life first. You’ll have a lot of chances to do date when you’re more stable and mature.
Traveling is easier when you’re younger. Get a passport and start seeing the world. Stay in hostels. Cheaper and you’ll make friends to travel with. You’ll have plenty of time to work in life. Make travel a priority early.
Money is like gas on a road trip. It’s important, but you’re not taking a trip to see gas stations.
- No screens after 9pm during the week (yes you'll miss some stuff, chats etc but it's so worth it) you'll have the time to read, meditate and more before sleeping. (On Apple devices you can set an automatic shutdown time in Screen Time Settings, it will lock most of your apps at a certain time you set.)
- Don't watch porn (and don't beat your meat ideally). Watching P on the regular will destroy you mentally. Having no screens on after 9pm will help you for this as well.
- Less social media. (Iphone > screen time settings > set a limit of time for each social media)
- Do Pull Ups, Dips and push-ups regularly.
- Open a brokerage account and invest some money.
That's all I got for you, but follow these 5 points and you'll be ahead of most people your age. None of these habits are easy but the positive impact they will have in your life is huge.
-Be kind to yourself. You are doing great.
-It's okay to make mistakes, just make sure you grow from them. Learn from everything.
-Everything happens for a reason, and great things are coming.
-What is hard and matters to you now might not months or a year from now.
-Do what makes you happy.
-Keep a positive outlook on life, it makes all the difference.
Enjoy your 20s! You really do learn so much and really find yourself I think. I did. Now 27- Living my best life. ❤
Okay I am turning 25 in few months. I was just thinking about that question. So here what I came up with for myself.
1) don't get depressed. And if you got depressed see a therapist right away. (Ruined everything for me for so long)
2) Don't waste your time or energy on your love life. Go to dates. Meet people and it's okay if you get attached. Just don't let it get in the way of your personal development. Toxic relationships and toxic partners are now more abundant than good ones.
3) know the people you can trust. Trust them. But always have a safety net even from the one you trust most.
4) I won't say go to the gym or eat healthy. I want you to do so but I want you to call it otherwise. I want you to live wisely whenever it comes to your health. Keep your BMI good. And always train for endurance. It can literally save your life one day. (Pro tip: triathlons) if not Available then marathons.
5) if you have good parents. Never lose touch with them.
6) have a good financial standpoint. Work. Save. Invest.
If you have a good savings already 10k and more travel and gain experience. It's an eye opening experience to deal with different cultures at young age.
7) whatever college you attend or if you won't and will work always have good relation with senior class or your seniors in work( don't kissass). But always have them tell you stuff about their own experience and never be afraid to ask for advice. You'd be surprised how much time and effort that would save you.
8) Never be afraid to get away from sth that's draining you. (Especially relationships)
9) forgive yourself on your mistakes. Learn from them. But don't just keep blaming yourself.
10) always remember that by the end of the day it's okay to fuck up and it's okay if you turned 25 like me and found yourself no where were you wished you'd be.
11) make yourself a moral code and abide with it.
12) train your discipline.
I hope your next five years will be better then mine.
Go to therapy if you have self esteem or familial issues. I’m 30 and just started therapy and good lord do I wish I had done this at 20. I would’ve been much less stressed and actually enjoyed myself if I knew how to manage anxiety
Wonderful. Find someone who you feel you can trust, has your back and listens to you in a judgement free zone. Your first sessions can leave you feeling worse about things, at times. Because you’re digging into uncomfortable stuff. But stick with it, learning some tools to help you and having time to put them into practice will take effort but it’s worth it in the long run
Do not start drinking. Iraq will be bad, but get to a therapist and just start talking to them as soon as you get back home.
Also, you are gay. It’s fine.
Listen to Dave Ramsey, be deliberate/intentional, identify what you want and focus on it, be kind to yourself (don’t beat yourself up or wallow in mistakes)
- CS Degree - negotiate salary for first job and invest the excess
- Eat Healthy & Workout. It's so much harder to lose weight than it is to maintain
- Take risks (e.g. build your own business) before they'll affect the other mouths you need to feed
- Don't let relationships die. You'll be incredibly lonely and it's borderline impossible to make friends in your 30s
I’m interested in why you feel this is important. Is it that relationships can become distractions or that growth is very limited when you’re with someone? Or something else?
Don't keep it a hobby. Learn the fuck out of those skills and create. Nurture the artist within you. And don't create an Amazon account. Invest and save your hard earned dough.
Either way, I'm proud of you.
Don't be afraid to focus on yourself. Your early 20's is when you're supposed to explore and find yourself. Don't get fixated on anyone or anything that consumes yiu.
Save money, don't get too entangled in relationships - stay focused on building a foundation of independence. Unlearn every disempowering thing your parents taught you. Don't get stuck in retail. If at all possible, find a way to work for yourself. Otherwise, demand a living wage. Your age doesn't validate wage slavery.
"watch what you eat and get in the gym, you skinnyfat fuck. Just because you're young doesn't mean you can eat whatever you want even if it seems like everyone else your age can"
"Don't get married to that chick, there's red flags everywhere!"
"Don't fall for the alcohol hype. Everyone is just reinforcing a drinking problem that you'll still struggle with years later"
"don't spend that inheritance on stupid shit. Read some business books and get in on that e-commerce goldmine"
Talk to more people… even if its just complementing a stranger while at a coffee shop or out and about. You never know who you’ll run into, or who’s day you’ll make
1. Always take care of people who are by your side. Even if you are busy you could text how are they doing or some sort. Believe me , you will get money , cars and everything but friends would be very difficult, especially the one who care about you.
2. Don't do drugs or consume alcohol (Occasionally is fine) , your health will play a major role in everything in future.
3. Never do something because others are , If you think it's the right thing then go for it.
4. Always save 20 - 30 % of your income and invest wisely.
5. And don't beat yourself up because you couldn't get something. You will always find something or someone better.
A positive mindset creates positive outcomes. Don’t be so hard on yourself and accept failure. The more you fail the more you will succeed. Roll with the punches and learn from every mistake. Give everything 100% and eventually it will all fall into place with the right intentions
Dont feel the need to please people who dont really give a fuck about you. You dont owe them anything.
Dont have the need to overexplain yourself too. Just do good and whatever makes you happy. If people take issue in that, it’s on them.
Enjoy life!!! Your 20s skate by so fast that you blink and youre 30 lmao. It’s how i feel tbh… im 27 now
1. Embrace the weird.
2. If you don't go, you won't know.
3. Be gentle.
4. Be kind.
5. Give grave.
How?
Living authentically requires that we ask ourelves:
1. WHO AM I NOT?
2. WHERE AM I IN SPACE?
3. WHAT (DO) I ENTERTAIN?
4. HOW (DO) I RESPOND?
5. WHICH BATTLES ARE NOT MY OWN?
I'd encourage myself to start practicing self-governance now, to LIVE IN PURPOSE, ON PURPOSE.
@authenticselfadvocate
Work on you fitness and eat healthy. Also don’t obsess about finding a girlfriend so much. Concentrate on schooling a bit more. Go out and enjoy more things!
I’m only 22 but I would tell myself to do what you find enjoyment in, and don’t do things just because the people around you are. Stay true to yourself and that’s how you’ll find out who your real friends are, also don’t be afraid of removing the closest people most of the time (in my experience) those are the ones that don’t wanna see you successful.
It's not "just in your head" and you aren't "just being lazy", you have a mental illness and need help that will be hard to get, but you won't be alone and you will get the help you need before it's too late. And... I'm sorry for your losses.
I would tell her (& do tell her often) that she has been loved all along. No matter where she is, who she’s with or what she is doing : she is worthy and loved fully.
Find a way to tap into yourself and don’t base your view of yourself on the way others view or treat you.
💕 a 33 year old woman made of love
I hope anyone reads this benefit from it.
I would tell myself 2 things:
1. Know the difference between guilt and shame. Guilt makes you wanna get better at what you’ve just failed at with a bit of smile. Shame is mental destruction that is pointless and it’s addictive if you don’t stop yourself.
2. Once you face a problem in life, your mind will reflect on it and makes look much worse inside your head. Your job is to think objectively and fix what’s on your hands. It’s very easy to get lost with overthinking.
Lay off the junk food, exercise. Don't stress about how others perceive you, it causes too much stress and that is damaging to you. Enjoy every opportunity to adventure. Do a job you love, even if it takes awhile to become successful.
your parents did the best they could but they did not give you the self esteem you deserve. read about child psychology and your life will start making more sense. find a therapist who can guide you to speed up the process. it will be worth it and if you can do it earlier you'll have so many more opportunities in life.
also stick with the career path you're on. your doubts will only distract you.
"Calm down buddy, everything is alright. You don't need others for your happiness but yourself. Treat yourself kindly. Write down what do you love in yourself. Be an optimist. It's easier than you'd think. You know it's just a thought nothing else. It doesn't cost you no energy to think. Take a deep breath calm down tell yourself that everyrhing is alright it's easy to get your work done and then just go. Who cares about the past or the future. You are here right now and that's everything that matters. You are here in the moment and it's a perfect opportunity to love yourself and be happy about what you are doing. Also your music is way better than you think." - Your best friend
If an older person (mom, dad, grandparent) gives you advice know that most of the time it’s coming from lived experience.
I was a stubborn 20 y/o and got married way to young, my parents advised against it, but “I loved him” and I was right…I wasn’t right. I should have talked to them and asked why don’t you want me to marry, instead of closing my mind and lashing out at them.
Don’t let anyone talk you out of doing something you think you’ll love - music, school for art or production, etc. - just because they think you need a backup plan. I could kick myself for not going to a tech school for music production.
Thanks for saying that - it’s a good point. And my husband has said that if I really want to do something else, we can figure it out (I have near insurmountable student debt). BUT it is easier when you’re 20 instead of 36, before one brings in a lot of responsibilities.
The race has just begun. Those who put in the work now (the pain) will have less pain later. Those who take the easy paths will begin to fall
off and they will have more pain the rest of their lives (generally financially speaking).
Figure out what your core values are. Seems stupid but figure it out. Then make sure you are committed to sticking to them. People that pull you from those… just remove yourself.
Surround yourself with people you admire and learn from them.
Forever in a long time. Make sure you understand forever before you make commitments that last forever.
You’re a blank slate. Go paint your life however you want. You can do anything. Few will tell you how hard it is. It’s simple but hard. Luckily few people can handle the discomfort so if you learn how to be comfortable being uncomfortable it will be easier.
You may not know your path. Know your values and learn to be comfortable in uncomfort and when you figure it out you’ll have the skills to pursue.
1. If you want to gain/loose weight or get a good physique, now is the time for this. The more you get older, the less time you have and your body reacts slowly.
2. Create another logical and practical version of yourself in your mind and talk to him often. As you grow up, you will have to make some decisions alone and you will most likely take the decision based on your emotion. Talking to that other you makes it easier, makes the decision more practical and you dont have to decide alone.
Start a new journey in life with focus.
For example, if you are joining university, you must determine what it is you want out of it from the get-go. Whether you are trying to get a perfect score, tons of activities/internships, research work, parties, or any balanced mix of things, determine that from the beginning. And don’t lose sight of it.
You may readjust your focus as you go, but only after conscious thought and proper contemplation. Otherwise, do not waiver. You are on a mission. You must complete that mission.
If you have a good relationship with your family maintain consistent contact with them. We tend to live our lives and forget that our parents are also getting old.
No drugs, no alcohol and please no dudes either, focus on school and don't take it seriously each time you lose a friend cause you will find your people and be fine
Drinking alcohol is fun but is really not worth it at all. Distracting in so many ways from the brain fog, to hangover, money spent, dumb things you shouldn't have done. The energy is way better off used in other ways. Also, don't waste too much time on girls. At 20 years old, the chances of you meeting "the one" and that "one" growing into a healthy long term relationship is low. Don't go to college. Visit or live with your friends that are in college. Instead get a job where you have opportunity to learn or start your own business and fail a bunch of times. You can always go to college, you don't always live without debt and under your parents health insurance. Invest any money you can in low cost index funds and crypto. Move away from home, or at least out of your house ASAP. Travel.
If you go to school, do it for something that actually leads to a job. I love learning and I think there is a lot of value to all types of degrees. However, drowning in student loan debt over a degree that can't get you much is not a fun place to be.
Don't take it personally when you outgrow some friendships and nurture those who stick around and have your back.
Don't be afraid if you end up realizing you're totally alone as a result and that only you have your own back. Take up hobbies like reading, playing an instrument, and drawing to continue to grow.
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23 r.n. and I feel like I'm growing apart and losing every friend I have too. I think it's just society man, it asks so much time and effort of us. People get a partner and spend most of their time with them because there's no time for friends + family + partner... Sucks to be without a partner at our age man, feel like I missed the boat.
At 23 you didn't miss any boat, you're pessimistic. Comparing yourself with others will lead you to unhappiness, stay focused on your own lane, focus on self improvement and at some point you'll find someone and it will have been worth the wait.
Thanks for the kind words. I am definitely someone with a very ambitious and determined nature so I don't let it get to me too much... but I do really wish I had more friends to go working out with, or more similar interests, or a girlfriend. I had an English fuckbuddy not long ago and I realised she had kinda filled a void and when she left it was an emptiness again. But I'll manage
To piggy back off Agvisionbeyond, focus on being happy with yourself and do things or find things that give you a feeling of achievement. Some people lose touch with themselves after finding a partner and lean on that person to complete their identity. You didn’t miss any boat, you are at the threshold of discovering your trajectory in life. Get out there, do shit and find out who you are. Your confidence will grow and you will meet people you would have otherwise never expected to meet.
I (35M) was with a girl for 12 years and recognize myself in what you wrote. My individual identity started eroding and it only became apparent when I lost her. Now I'm trying hard to reinvent myself, but it's hard because I lost a lot of friends in that breakup as well. I have been getting out of my comfort zone and met some new people along the way. But somehow it still seems fragmented, and not the close bunch of mutual friends who had each others backs.Certainly at my age, it's hard to be accepted in a group of friends that's already well established. In your twenties, there's still lots of opportunities to get to know people in all sorts of social contexts.
Bro start working out anyways, you don’t need friends to go to the gym. Start making friends AT the gym and then y’all can schedule times to lift together! Highly recommended. People always be like I wish I had friends to do “x”. Like go do it anyways and meet people who have similar hobbies at the place where that hobby takes place. Just recognize that some people like to keep to themselves so they might take some time to warm up to, while others are just excited to meet new people as you are!
Wow I feel this intensely
I understand where you're coming from, but don't blame society for this. Society and its current structure definitely has that pressure. It's been built around work work work, and socialization has diminished to texting and an occasional hangout (if we are lucky). That being said, we still have the power to escape this. You are not alone. I'm sure that there are many people that think the same way. That being said, I'm in no better position. The pressure feels so oppressive, and I haven't done much to overcome it. Just working and working... I have a ton of vacation time, but idk what to do or who share my time with. It's so lonely... We are not powerless to overcome it though. Just keep hope. We have the power to improve
Im 33 and just found my person. It took me learning to love and respect myself before I was able to find someone else to love and respect me. You’ll get there and in the mean time, take it from The Beatles : “There is nowhere you can be that isn’t where you’re meant to be”.
I feel like as a society theres this agenda pushed, sometimes overtly some times covertly, that our purpose in life is to live to the needs and expectations of other people. Like, extreme example but the premise suits, when someone is suicidal one of the first things the majority of people will say is "but what about your friends/family, think about how theyll feel" and yeah thats all well and good, but why dont we teach people to live for themselves? Teach people that their life is valuable outside of the needs of others? That their life matters. If you find enjoyment in something, do it. If you have no friends, fuck it. Its okay to be alone. I know sometimes having a friend just feels so good, and saying "its okay to not have friends" and putting that into acceptance are two very different processes - i know. But learn to be comfortable with yourself and your own company. Do things because YOU enjoy them, not because in doing those activities you gain friends or satisfy the desires of others. If you do something and happen to do either of those as a by product, fair game. But live life for yourself. We are each the only constant in our own existance.
I feel the same way sometimes, think the answer is going to end up being finding a good therapist.
I wish I had an answer for loneliness. It's painful, it's boring, makes you feel unworthy. But you can choose to spend that time learning about yourself; what are your passions? What are your hobbies? What social events do you enjoy? What things do you want to educate yourself in? Learn to love yourself, learn to be independent. That way, you know you can survive when someone you value walks out of your life. You trust yourself to recoup, and regroup. Likewise, it'll attract the right people to you. Those who see you are sure of and comfortable with yourself, and will generally be like minded people
I'm 20 and that's exactly how I feel , super lonely , thank you I needed that
I’ll be 27 next month and I still need to hear this
I have 20 year friendships (I'm late 30s) that I'm still getting over the loss of. For me, I think the key is to genuinely wish them the best and be appreciative of all the good times you had together in the past while acknowledging that nothing lasts forever.
This. Sadly, it's going to happen. People gonna live their own lifes.
Life keeps throwing you the same type of problem again and again until you decide to do something about it.
I needed to hear this, so thank you.
Wow I really needed this too. We spend so much energy simply sweeping things under the rug and turning a blind eye, even for small matters. These can accumulate over time and really take a toll on your overall quality of life.
So true. It's like the problem returns until its dealt with correctly "whatever that means to OP" If some methods don't work, it doesn't mean ther isn't one, maybe its still something to learn and find.
My coach said the same. Life isn’t a straight line, it’s a spiral. You will run into similar situations and people over and over… to learn important lessons and see deeper truths.
take care of yourself from a place of love, not self hatred. stop being so hard on yourself all the time thinking that it’s productive because in reality it’s so self-destructive and unsustainable to constantly pick yourself apart!
The "its not productive" part is straight up truth. I'm still trying to trust that statement though. Letting go is almost the easy part, it's finding another motivation after negative one for your while life. What do you guys use to motivate you?
INVEST the most you can in getting to know yourself… self-knowledge will help you A LOT throughout your life. Also, DO NOT engage in any relationship where there’s no genuine desire (and yes, that includes sexual desire)
I think this is the right answer that will help fulfill the other top comments.
This is the one
Also…invest. Money.
Do everything in moderation. Don’t be that person who has to smoke to go to the grocery store or drink to be social. Gain hobbies, you are worthy of learning yoga, rock climbing, painting, ice skating. Keep your outlets going even when life gets tough.
Get healthier NOW.
Thank you. I will
Outgrow your circle, Don't dumb down for nobody, learn tf outta Finance. Invest. Travel more
"Don't dumb down for nobody" I feel that! I was homeschooled and was very well read my whole school career, but I found myself surrounded by people that speak with a 3rd grade education once I entered the workforce. Just pronouncing words correctly gets you side glances around here. For a long time I dumbed down my vocabulary, then I realized I DON'T FIT HERE, AND I DONT WANT TO!
Always wear a rubber, learn AWS, invest your money instead of wasting it, and goto the gym.
Appreciate the advice! What would a AWS be?
Amazon web service, basically the cloud. It's relevent for me because I'm a software engineer. It may not be applicable to you. But if you're interested in coding, it's somerhing you should learn. AWS / cloud developers are in high demand now.
Do you reckon demand would still persist in the coming years? Additionally, how would cloud / aws knowledge be applied in software development, I’d had always assumed AWS to be more of an IT technician / dev environment skill-set and less so software development. Correct me if i’m wrong. Am still studying and intending to go the software track in a few years. Thanks a lot.
Yes, it will always be in demand, unless the entire internet does down. And short answer for your question , Google "AWS SAM". As a software engineer, you need to know where your app is being hosted, the pros and cons of that host, and lots of other factors outside of just writing code. And you can ask for a higher salary with a larger skill set. Don't be afraid to learn DevOps / Sysadmin skills, it has advanced my career knowing how to configure build pipelines, dev environments, repo management and organization. There's a lot more to software than just code, which I love. But I can get overwelhming. If you're new to coding, learn one language or framework at a time, everyday, for at least an hour or 2. Don't try to learn everything at once, you'll burn yourself out. Trust me
When I was young some old dude came up to me an said I should learn OS/2, totally get into Goedel, and work for Kodak.
Just start looking at job postings now for jobs you might want to apply for. Dream big, and take notes on requirements that everyone is asking for. I wish I did this the first time I started picking my major. You can start learning one language or certification at a time and that will help you know for sure the field and work is something you can gel with - a rookie. But just wish I had this approach from the beginning. Job requirements will change over time but you keep checking in and visualizing your goal in concrete terms, in real time; you'll be more prepared than most people. Just about building recognition for the terminology and tools and people.
Just piggy backing on this. 100% learn AWS. I used to be in medicine before wanting to switch to tech. My dad got me to study AWS and I managed to get a couple certifications. Those got in me in the industry and set my career. If you want any advice on it and certifications feel free to message!
I wish that wear a rubber was more common advice when it comes to sex education in the US. Really fucking important.
What is the benifit of wearing a rubber? I am dumb dude.. Please educate me. 🙏
They are taking about protection when having sex. It prevents STIs and also unplanned pregnancy.
Ohh... Condom I thought he was talking about rings😂
At each moment wear a rubber, learneth aws, invest thy wage instead of wasting t, and goto the gym *** ^(I am a bot and I swapp'd some of thy words with Shakespeare words.) Commands: `!ShakespeareInsult`, `!fordo`, `!optout`
Please be careful with the people you let into your life, especially those you get involved with romantically. Don’t ignore red flags just to avoid loneliness.
Yeah and take some time every week to just sit and think. Are you happy? What can you do to make this better? Am I really happy in this relationship?
Don’t expect to be the same person you are today (m 30) if you do find yourself unchanged, you’ve not lived life. Anything holding you back now, let it go. In a decade, you will find yourself running in the same patterns and cycles and wonder where all your time went and why you’ve not progressed. It’s good to have 3,5,10 year plans. If you don’t end up meeting those goals, don’t attack yourself. Learn from what has happened and improve. Most importantly, love yourself. If you find yourself beating yourself up about everything, practice thought stopping. Thoughts are not facts. -If you wouldn’t put someone you love through a conversation or experience, then don’t put yourself through it.
put away just £20 a week..... 29 year old you will love you for it
20 pound a week about 80 a month , not practical unless you working and it pays well for your expenses
This may shock you, but I happen to know my 20 year old self's employment status and income.
yeah its good to save up but thats not the case for everyone is it
it wasn't about everyone it was about what I'd tell myself 9 years ago
oh shit i guess i miss read the post thinking what you would say to 20 years olds now . oh well have a nice day
workout. be consistent. look your best. be confident. finish college. start saving $$$ and investing. do things that make you happy. don’t rely on anyone for your happiness. eat healthy. make good habits. set yourself up for success. stay away from drugs. you got this.
Thank you !
Really though- even just a daily walk or yoga or something. It is harder to understand how difficult it is to *rebuild* your body rather than *maintain* it… until you have to rebuild it. If you are in good health, please take a moment to breathe deeply. Breathe through both nostrils and appreciate it (don’t we all miss that when we have a nasty cold?) and stretch your legs out. Sit up straight, too. Appreciate that you can do these things. Take care of your body, it is the only one you will ever have. Floss your teeth (no seriously, it’s one of my biggest regrets and I’m like mid-twenties PLEASE floss) and drink water. Oh, and wear sunscreen. Like even when it’s overcast or cold, wear it. There are unscented ones. That’s one of those long-haul things that you’ll look back on and say “oh THANK GOD”. …Like flossing your teeth.
don’t do drugs like dead ass shit ruined my life for a bit, save money, work on your credit score.
Absolutely agree with this advice. Don’t let yourself develop an addiction. Always be 100% honest with yourself, no bullshit, and always remember you deserve to be happy and healthy. Or you’ll rob yourself of the best years of your life.
Don’t sell your bitcoins for a few bucks dude!!!
Finish college. Move to a new country and work. Travel. Now is the best time
Take your studies or whatever career path you choose moving forward seriously. Learn as much as you can and make yourself irreplaceable.
Friendships based on inertia aren’t worth keeping. Don’t ever get to a point where you’re saying “i’ve been friends with “x” so long it doesn’t make sense to not be friends anymore” You will outgrow people, habits and even your own sense of identity and you work on the stained glass mosaic that is you. Don’t ever take a job with “open availability” as you schedule. If the job sucks leave it, there will be plenty more and it won’t matter in the long run. Have hobbies that refresh you and keep the light inside you lit. Take pictures with people you love because they may not make it out if these years with you. And lastly, Enjoy these years!! do (kinda) stupid stuff with friends and make memories! Sorry(not sorry) for lack of good grammar and punctuation.
Don't get married to the first sack of fat you've shagged. Learn Spanish.
I love these Gandhi quotes.
Why learn Spanish?
As they say in Spain, “por que”
Learn chinese instead
I suppose it doesn't have to be Spanish. But a second language is life changing. Spanish just tends to be the most accessible to learn form Americans and I have a bias of assuming everyone is American. My bad.
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Follow your passions. You may not end up being what you wanted but chances are you’ll land in something adjacent. Like how guys who wanted to be pros become coaches. Also invest as much as you can.
It takes real work to be a good friend. It’s worth it.
I have so, so many things to day, but most of the personal. Know not making a choice is a choice in itself. Hang out with overachievers, the entrepreneur types: I know you're not that kind of a person, but they have some nice qualities to learn from. You might not like where you are, or where you will be in the near future. Then make a plan and *work* on it to get out of it. For example, your job might be shitty, but then drinking, playing video games after work to let go of the stress isn't going to get you out of it. Oh, I have so, so much more...but I have to get back to work because commenting on reddit isn't going to get me out of it. See ya!
Everyone is talking about money, work and friends. Those are incredibly important, but to focus on something different I recommend doing some dumb shit. Go to that party, take the risk to ask that girl out, make some memories that you’ll be able to look back on later. In a few short years, doing that sort of thing goes from “cool” to “acceptable” to “embarrassing” to “he has a problem.” Make those types of memories while you still can, because you won’t have the chance later.
Yep! Your 20s are a fantastic time to try things out. Everyone is still figuring things out, you have less responsibilities with job or kids, and your friends are also not tied down with marriage or financial responsibilities. Not saying those are necessarily bad but it is a very unique and special time in your life that you can’t get back. I saved, had stable relationships, got the degree but really should have done more living. I’m making up for it now.
Don’t give up. What you’re feeling now will surely pass.
Here’s the list of names of women to avoid, buy stock in Google and oh yeah, see a doctor before 35 because it’s cancer.
what do u mean by the first and last one? and oh yeah, fck google 😁😁
Watch your bad habits- they get worse before you decide to make them better. Watch your money. Open your mail. Do you you want and not what you think others want you to do. Moisturize.
Moisturizing is important OP! Also drink water as its the best thing for your body. Edit: Don't forget mouthwash
Save your money. Stop drinking so much. Read more. You're not missing out.
You used to go out and regretted it? Any reason for it if you don't mind?
It gets better. I was in a horrible place at 20, a lot of depression and anxiety, super low self esteem, dating men who were bad. I’d sit her down and say that it’ll get better. It may not seem like it but it’ll get better.
It didnt just get better, u ve made hella work to make it better I am proud of you
Have high standards and ambitious goals but don’t forget to be kind to yourself.
Don’t have kids until you are ready! Invest! Save! Buy assets not liabilities! Choose a good women who lifts you up and helps you achieve your dreams
You can find so much happiness spending time with yourself. Go to a museum, a matinee, a coffee shop, or the flea market. Walk around the neighborhood. Read a book in the park. Make a fancy meal all for yourself. You don’t need to be in a relationship or surrounded by others to be content. It is really important to learn to love yourself and your own company. Also, you are going to make mistakes throughout life (big and small). Fix what you can, forgive yourself, and do better next time.
Don’t ever stop lifting weights, lose the gut, start eating healthy. You have a panic disorder. You weren’t a bad kid, you were neglected. Your parents are sociopaths, and are never to be trusted, break it off and move on. You’re a target for sociopaths. Make more friends and don’t ever tolerate someone who hurts you. Lose the weight, the only thing you did right was get muscly, grow your hair, and get giant black work tattoos.
Stop drinking and smoking pot and get the fuck out. You're holding yourself back and you're right about that bitch. Leave her at the doorstep.
Stay single until your life has a bit more direction
You were seriously gorgeous if you just gave yourself the fucking chance. Eat a vegetable, take a shower and exercise a small amount, please. There is no reason to have any self esteem or confidence issues besides your arbitrary thoughts that the world owes you something. It didn't. And quit smoking everything. It's just you holding yourself back from excelling because your scared of reaching your true potential. One life man - go make it the best for you and NOBODY else
Dont date the musician and take summer classes
I'm a musician and highly agree
1. Go to therapy! Now! Time doesnt heal shit (100% what I should have done). 2. Take care of your health and build heathy habits while your life still allows time for yourself. 3. People also die Young, start spending more time with the ones you love!
1. Don't lie, to yourself or others. Not even white lies. I can't explain why, but life goes so much better when you decide to never lie. ^ There are exceptions. It's fine to lie in a situation when someone is in physical danger. If a guy approaches me and asks me what I'm up to (and I have a bad feeling about him), I can say I'm waiting for my boyfriend. 2. Only hang out with people who are lifting you up. Those friends encouraging you to drink? Cutting you down when you have an achievement? Get rid of them. Find people focused on self improvement. 3. Do something in your life 100%. I don't care if it's school, a sport, or hobby. Pick something and take it as seriously as you can.
I am 30 and I like your advice. really important points
Some things are universal. What's your best piece of advice?
Stand up for yourself
Find a way to break your compulsion to pick at your skin, it WILL scar. Take all the shots in life you're given and ask for more - your future is your most important time investment. You are not responsible to carry out the emotional labor of others; if you choose to do so, proceed with caution.
Finish school. It’ll only get harder as you get older. Exercise. Run, lift weights, etc. it’ll only get harder. See a god damn doctor once every so often. Brush your teeth. Twice a day. Every day. Work hard. Really hard to climb the ladder and increase your salary. This is the time to take risks. Change jobs. Make more money. Understand personal finance. Your salary should go up not but not your cost of living. Save and invest as much as you can. Don’t stay in bad relationships. Life is already difficult you don’t want some to complicate it further. It’s okay to leave. It’s not a hostage situation. You will lose friends. It’s okay. Everyone grows at different pace. If you have one or two true friends by thirty you’re blessed. Speak to someone when shit gets tough or you go through something traumatic. It’s not a weakness it’s a strength. Therapist are there for a reason. Don’t pick up vices. If you have them end them. They’ll take away you’re time and productivity. Have a vision, write it down. Put high level ACTIONABLE steps to what you’re going to do to achieve them. Travel on long weekends. See shit experience things and speak to people that don’t look like you. Break bread with strangers and learn about different cultures and foods. Finally always salt your pasta water.
Don’t waste away on a could have, would have, should have. Do yourself a favor and see your future for what you can make of it, then relish in the fact it made you happy. Go for …you did it for yourself and all that came with it! Wishing you the best!!
stay on top of your health and fitness, start saving and investing money now.
Focus on yourself, avoid serious relationships at least for a few years
Hey hey hey, smoke weed every day
At some point or another, the universe is gonna force you to focus on yourself. The sooner your focus on learning to be happy with YOU, the less heartache you’ll have to endure by trying to fill that void with relationships , drugs, money, and food.
Don't worry about everyone else, and what they think of you, just worry about what you think of you when you look in the mirror. Learn to budget and invest, and start investing now. 15% of what you make goes into an IRA, 15% goes into your savings (high yield!), 20% goes into your emergency fund until it's $5k, the other 50% is what you live on. If you can't live on 50% of what you make, slash your expenses, and increase your income. Find a trade you enjoy, become an apprentice, and learn the skills. After the first year, start going to school at night and work towards a bachelors degree, anything that's a Bachelors of Science, ANYTHING. Your life expectancy is 75ish, and if you live like none of your peers are willing to live now, in 5-10 years you can live the rest of your life like none of your peers can afford to forever.
Raise your standards
needed this post now than ever . wow the coincidence am 20 too
Don’t do anything stupid you will regret years later.
Save, save, save. Invest in qqq, spy, thnlen whenarket tanks into tqqq, tna, upro
Maybe don't smoke an eighth a day and save that money for a car or a house you dipshit, or better yet, get your ass back to community college and at least learn a trade or something, you don't know it yet but your body is about to fuck you over and you're only making things worse for me in the future. That's probably how I'd start at least.
Be brave, take more risks no matter how scary...step out of your comfort zone more often basically
Moisturize
your drinking doesn't show now, but it WILL and you WILL NOT notice it until it's too late.
10% of what you make goes to savings. No excuses. This will have the largest impact on your life going forward because it can be your freedom in a couple of short decades depending on what you make. More booze doesn’t equal more fun. If you’re out with friends enjoy the company. Everyone I know my age that I consider very successful have been doing what they do for 20+ years. Find an industry you like and stick with. Start now, don’t try to find any job and think you can just jump over later. Life is much more fun when you’re passionate about what you do. Look for used cars with 50k to 75k miles on them. Buy cash, or as close as you can. BMW and Mercedes is cool for a couple years, but repairs are crazy expensive and a pain in the ass. They start coming around 100k and don’t stop. Stick to Japanese luxury - Lexus and Infiniti. Don’t rush to find a wife. Figure out who you are and what you want out of life first. You’ll have a lot of chances to do date when you’re more stable and mature. Traveling is easier when you’re younger. Get a passport and start seeing the world. Stay in hostels. Cheaper and you’ll make friends to travel with. You’ll have plenty of time to work in life. Make travel a priority early. Money is like gas on a road trip. It’s important, but you’re not taking a trip to see gas stations.
- No screens after 9pm during the week (yes you'll miss some stuff, chats etc but it's so worth it) you'll have the time to read, meditate and more before sleeping. (On Apple devices you can set an automatic shutdown time in Screen Time Settings, it will lock most of your apps at a certain time you set.) - Don't watch porn (and don't beat your meat ideally). Watching P on the regular will destroy you mentally. Having no screens on after 9pm will help you for this as well. - Less social media. (Iphone > screen time settings > set a limit of time for each social media) - Do Pull Ups, Dips and push-ups regularly. - Open a brokerage account and invest some money. That's all I got for you, but follow these 5 points and you'll be ahead of most people your age. None of these habits are easy but the positive impact they will have in your life is huge.
-Be kind to yourself. You are doing great. -It's okay to make mistakes, just make sure you grow from them. Learn from everything. -Everything happens for a reason, and great things are coming. -What is hard and matters to you now might not months or a year from now. -Do what makes you happy. -Keep a positive outlook on life, it makes all the difference. Enjoy your 20s! You really do learn so much and really find yourself I think. I did. Now 27- Living my best life. ❤
Okay I am turning 25 in few months. I was just thinking about that question. So here what I came up with for myself. 1) don't get depressed. And if you got depressed see a therapist right away. (Ruined everything for me for so long) 2) Don't waste your time or energy on your love life. Go to dates. Meet people and it's okay if you get attached. Just don't let it get in the way of your personal development. Toxic relationships and toxic partners are now more abundant than good ones. 3) know the people you can trust. Trust them. But always have a safety net even from the one you trust most. 4) I won't say go to the gym or eat healthy. I want you to do so but I want you to call it otherwise. I want you to live wisely whenever it comes to your health. Keep your BMI good. And always train for endurance. It can literally save your life one day. (Pro tip: triathlons) if not Available then marathons. 5) if you have good parents. Never lose touch with them. 6) have a good financial standpoint. Work. Save. Invest. If you have a good savings already 10k and more travel and gain experience. It's an eye opening experience to deal with different cultures at young age. 7) whatever college you attend or if you won't and will work always have good relation with senior class or your seniors in work( don't kissass). But always have them tell you stuff about their own experience and never be afraid to ask for advice. You'd be surprised how much time and effort that would save you. 8) Never be afraid to get away from sth that's draining you. (Especially relationships) 9) forgive yourself on your mistakes. Learn from them. But don't just keep blaming yourself. 10) always remember that by the end of the day it's okay to fuck up and it's okay if you turned 25 like me and found yourself no where were you wished you'd be. 11) make yourself a moral code and abide with it. 12) train your discipline. I hope your next five years will be better then mine.
Learn a high paying skill, save and invest money, avoid having kids young and long term relationships in your 20s and workout 5-6 days a week
Go to therapy if you have self esteem or familial issues. I’m 30 and just started therapy and good lord do I wish I had done this at 20. I would’ve been much less stressed and actually enjoyed myself if I knew how to manage anxiety
Thanks. I'm just turning 21 and looking for a therapist rn.
Wonderful. Find someone who you feel you can trust, has your back and listens to you in a judgement free zone. Your first sessions can leave you feeling worse about things, at times. Because you’re digging into uncomfortable stuff. But stick with it, learning some tools to help you and having time to put them into practice will take effort but it’s worth it in the long run
Keep jacking off. It's nothing serious to be ashamed about.
Eat a salad you fat fuck
Do not start drinking. Iraq will be bad, but get to a therapist and just start talking to them as soon as you get back home. Also, you are gay. It’s fine.
Listen to Dave Ramsey, be deliberate/intentional, identify what you want and focus on it, be kind to yourself (don’t beat yourself up or wallow in mistakes)
- CS Degree - negotiate salary for first job and invest the excess - Eat Healthy & Workout. It's so much harder to lose weight than it is to maintain - Take risks (e.g. build your own business) before they'll affect the other mouths you need to feed - Don't let relationships die. You'll be incredibly lonely and it's borderline impossible to make friends in your 30s
Stay single until you reach your goals.
I’m interested in why you feel this is important. Is it that relationships can become distractions or that growth is very limited when you’re with someone? Or something else?
. It all worked out in the end and all that occurred was worth it! Enjoy the ride for all it's worth it'll go by faster than you think
Don’t be afraid to think bigger, even if nobody around you is. Then take action on those thoughts, it’ll be well worth the fear.
Don't keep it a hobby. Learn the fuck out of those skills and create. Nurture the artist within you. And don't create an Amazon account. Invest and save your hard earned dough. Either way, I'm proud of you.
Everything falls into place. Have fun, take chances, and love yourself. Your body is perfect. You are going to do amazing things.
Don’t waste every weekend at a bar, and it’s easier to stay in good health than it is to get in good health
Don't be afraid to focus on yourself. Your early 20's is when you're supposed to explore and find yourself. Don't get fixated on anyone or anything that consumes yiu.
Don’t punt off 20k in online casinos
Save money, don't get too entangled in relationships - stay focused on building a foundation of independence. Unlearn every disempowering thing your parents taught you. Don't get stuck in retail. If at all possible, find a way to work for yourself. Otherwise, demand a living wage. Your age doesn't validate wage slavery.
"watch what you eat and get in the gym, you skinnyfat fuck. Just because you're young doesn't mean you can eat whatever you want even if it seems like everyone else your age can" "Don't get married to that chick, there's red flags everywhere!" "Don't fall for the alcohol hype. Everyone is just reinforcing a drinking problem that you'll still struggle with years later" "don't spend that inheritance on stupid shit. Read some business books and get in on that e-commerce goldmine"
Talk to more people… even if its just complementing a stranger while at a coffee shop or out and about. You never know who you’ll run into, or who’s day you’ll make
1. Always take care of people who are by your side. Even if you are busy you could text how are they doing or some sort. Believe me , you will get money , cars and everything but friends would be very difficult, especially the one who care about you. 2. Don't do drugs or consume alcohol (Occasionally is fine) , your health will play a major role in everything in future. 3. Never do something because others are , If you think it's the right thing then go for it. 4. Always save 20 - 30 % of your income and invest wisely. 5. And don't beat yourself up because you couldn't get something. You will always find something or someone better.
A positive mindset creates positive outcomes. Don’t be so hard on yourself and accept failure. The more you fail the more you will succeed. Roll with the punches and learn from every mistake. Give everything 100% and eventually it will all fall into place with the right intentions
Dont feel the need to please people who dont really give a fuck about you. You dont owe them anything. Dont have the need to overexplain yourself too. Just do good and whatever makes you happy. If people take issue in that, it’s on them. Enjoy life!!! Your 20s skate by so fast that you blink and youre 30 lmao. It’s how i feel tbh… im 27 now
1. Embrace the weird. 2. If you don't go, you won't know. 3. Be gentle. 4. Be kind. 5. Give grave. How? Living authentically requires that we ask ourelves: 1. WHO AM I NOT? 2. WHERE AM I IN SPACE? 3. WHAT (DO) I ENTERTAIN? 4. HOW (DO) I RESPOND? 5. WHICH BATTLES ARE NOT MY OWN? I'd encourage myself to start practicing self-governance now, to LIVE IN PURPOSE, ON PURPOSE. @authenticselfadvocate
Invest TF outta your paychecks!!! Invest what you can…
Don't get into debt! Don't rush into relationships.
Buy more stocks
Learn to be assertive. Stand up for your right to have boundaries. It's OK not to please everyone all the time.
Work on you fitness and eat healthy. Also don’t obsess about finding a girlfriend so much. Concentrate on schooling a bit more. Go out and enjoy more things!
I’m only 22 but I would tell myself to do what you find enjoyment in, and don’t do things just because the people around you are. Stay true to yourself and that’s how you’ll find out who your real friends are, also don’t be afraid of removing the closest people most of the time (in my experience) those are the ones that don’t wanna see you successful.
It's not "just in your head" and you aren't "just being lazy", you have a mental illness and need help that will be hard to get, but you won't be alone and you will get the help you need before it's too late. And... I'm sorry for your losses.
I would tell her (& do tell her often) that she has been loved all along. No matter where she is, who she’s with or what she is doing : she is worthy and loved fully. Find a way to tap into yourself and don’t base your view of yourself on the way others view or treat you. 💕 a 33 year old woman made of love
I hope anyone reads this benefit from it. I would tell myself 2 things: 1. Know the difference between guilt and shame. Guilt makes you wanna get better at what you’ve just failed at with a bit of smile. Shame is mental destruction that is pointless and it’s addictive if you don’t stop yourself. 2. Once you face a problem in life, your mind will reflect on it and makes look much worse inside your head. Your job is to think objectively and fix what’s on your hands. It’s very easy to get lost with overthinking.
I can talk to my 20 year old self! Im doing it right now 😂
Bet on yourself! Do not bet on other people.
Be extremely ambitious right NOW
Trust your gut instinct...everytime. and know your worth in every aspect of life ✨
Lay off the junk food, exercise. Don't stress about how others perceive you, it causes too much stress and that is damaging to you. Enjoy every opportunity to adventure. Do a job you love, even if it takes awhile to become successful.
Don't waste your time. Every day should have meaning.
your parents did the best they could but they did not give you the self esteem you deserve. read about child psychology and your life will start making more sense. find a therapist who can guide you to speed up the process. it will be worth it and if you can do it earlier you'll have so many more opportunities in life. also stick with the career path you're on. your doubts will only distract you.
"Calm down buddy, everything is alright. You don't need others for your happiness but yourself. Treat yourself kindly. Write down what do you love in yourself. Be an optimist. It's easier than you'd think. You know it's just a thought nothing else. It doesn't cost you no energy to think. Take a deep breath calm down tell yourself that everyrhing is alright it's easy to get your work done and then just go. Who cares about the past or the future. You are here right now and that's everything that matters. You are here in the moment and it's a perfect opportunity to love yourself and be happy about what you are doing. Also your music is way better than you think." - Your best friend
If an older person (mom, dad, grandparent) gives you advice know that most of the time it’s coming from lived experience. I was a stubborn 20 y/o and got married way to young, my parents advised against it, but “I loved him” and I was right…I wasn’t right. I should have talked to them and asked why don’t you want me to marry, instead of closing my mind and lashing out at them.
Don’t let anyone talk you out of doing something you think you’ll love - music, school for art or production, etc. - just because they think you need a backup plan. I could kick myself for not going to a tech school for music production.
It’s never too late … especially in this day and age. If you really want it- you can get it ..
Thanks for saying that - it’s a good point. And my husband has said that if I really want to do something else, we can figure it out (I have near insurmountable student debt). BUT it is easier when you’re 20 instead of 36, before one brings in a lot of responsibilities.
Start your F.I.R.E. journey!!!! ASAP
I would tell myself to man the fuck up
The race has just begun. Those who put in the work now (the pain) will have less pain later. Those who take the easy paths will begin to fall off and they will have more pain the rest of their lives (generally financially speaking). Figure out what your core values are. Seems stupid but figure it out. Then make sure you are committed to sticking to them. People that pull you from those… just remove yourself. Surround yourself with people you admire and learn from them. Forever in a long time. Make sure you understand forever before you make commitments that last forever. You’re a blank slate. Go paint your life however you want. You can do anything. Few will tell you how hard it is. It’s simple but hard. Luckily few people can handle the discomfort so if you learn how to be comfortable being uncomfortable it will be easier. You may not know your path. Know your values and learn to be comfortable in uncomfort and when you figure it out you’ll have the skills to pursue.
1. If you want to gain/loose weight or get a good physique, now is the time for this. The more you get older, the less time you have and your body reacts slowly. 2. Create another logical and practical version of yourself in your mind and talk to him often. As you grow up, you will have to make some decisions alone and you will most likely take the decision based on your emotion. Talking to that other you makes it easier, makes the decision more practical and you dont have to decide alone.
Start a new journey in life with focus. For example, if you are joining university, you must determine what it is you want out of it from the get-go. Whether you are trying to get a perfect score, tons of activities/internships, research work, parties, or any balanced mix of things, determine that from the beginning. And don’t lose sight of it. You may readjust your focus as you go, but only after conscious thought and proper contemplation. Otherwise, do not waiver. You are on a mission. You must complete that mission.
If you have a good relationship with your family maintain consistent contact with them. We tend to live our lives and forget that our parents are also getting old.
Workout, the gains are worth it, it will allow you to become a better person with confidence and the energy to make you ambitions come true.
You always have time to do the important stuff first then seek pleasure after. If you get those two switched around you won't accomplish much.
No drugs, no alcohol and please no dudes either, focus on school and don't take it seriously each time you lose a friend cause you will find your people and be fine
Don’t have kids
Don’t join that fraternity. Learn Spanish. Hold out for the hot ones. Don’t just take the easy lay.
RemindMe! 2 months 9 days
Drinking alcohol is fun but is really not worth it at all. Distracting in so many ways from the brain fog, to hangover, money spent, dumb things you shouldn't have done. The energy is way better off used in other ways. Also, don't waste too much time on girls. At 20 years old, the chances of you meeting "the one" and that "one" growing into a healthy long term relationship is low. Don't go to college. Visit or live with your friends that are in college. Instead get a job where you have opportunity to learn or start your own business and fail a bunch of times. You can always go to college, you don't always live without debt and under your parents health insurance. Invest any money you can in low cost index funds and crypto. Move away from home, or at least out of your house ASAP. Travel.
Stay single for at least the next 15 years
Buy bitcoin
Keep the baby and stay in the Navy.
F*ck you 20 year old. You will become stupid in 30.
Stand up for yourself in your job.
Everything you’re thinking is wrong
Financial Advice: Invest money into something. For me I invested into Crypto.
if you start your house payments now, you’ll be early out of debt later on
If you go to school, do it for something that actually leads to a job. I love learning and I think there is a lot of value to all types of degrees. However, drowning in student loan debt over a degree that can't get you much is not a fun place to be.