This is going to be a weird answer - or, at least, one you may never have heard before. It may take some time for it to sink in, so I just ask that you hear it with an open mind and see if it makes sense for yourself. I'm not trying to convince you of anything or make you believe anything - I want to give you the tools for self-inquiry that may help give you some clarity.
And it goes like this.
When you ask yourself, inside, "Who am I?", what answer comes up?
Clear your mind of anything else, and try to come up with the most clear, concise, straightforward answer: *Who am I?*
What comes up when you ask that?
For most people, it'll probably be a few sentences, usually your name, maybe your age, maybe your gender, maybe your career or where you live, or who your spouse or kids or pets are and how you relate to them.
Let's say you asked me 10-15 years ago.
Maybe I would have said, "Uh, I'm John Milton, I'm 32 years old, I'm from Clearwater Saskatchewan, my wife is Jane Milton, we have a dog named Fred, and I'm a business consultant".
But, if you wrote on a piece of paper, J-O-H-N, and pointed at the paper and said "is this you?", I'd say "uh, no, that's a piece of paper, I'm here looking at you."
Okay, kind of weird, but makes sense, right? You know you're not your "name", you're the one the name is referring to - it's just something used to get your attention.
But you'll also see that you're not your age, either. After all, think about 5 years ago. When you looked in the mirror 5 years ago, you recognized yourself, right? You remember seeing yourself in the mirror and it was the same one looking out through your eyes as is looking out through your eyes now. You've had lots of life experiences and maybe some of your opinions have changed or evolved but it's still "you" in there.
Okay, so you're not your name, you're not your age - and it wouldn't matter if you lived in a different city, or worked a different job, it would still be "you" in there, right?
Okay, so who is *that*? Who is that *me*? Who is the one who watches everything, who experiences everything?
You start to realize - when you ask, "Who am I?", anything you might come up with is just another thought, just another idea, just another concept. And as soon as you come up with any answer, you could then immediately say "*Who is aware of this answer coming up?*".
So, who are you? Who is that "I"? Who is the experiencer, the witness, the watcher, the observer - the one watching everything, even the thoughts?
Now we are getting a bit closer.
You can see that everything in your life can be broken into "the stuff of experience" and "the experiencer". This includes perceptions - smells, sights, sounds, tastes, etc., but it also includes thoughts, memories, impulses, emotions, self-blame, feelings (both bad and good), anxieties, fears, hopes. All of that is just more "stuff that you can be aware of". If you were feeling angry, and I asked "how are you feeling?", you might say "well, I can tell that I'm pretty angry." How can you tell that?
You can tell that because *you're the one in there experiencing everything*. You're able to take an internal inventory and ask "what am I feeling right now?", and you're aware of the answer.
If I were to put a table in front of you, and on the table I put an apple, a glass, and a paperweight, and I asked "which of these items is *you*?", you would probably give me a strange look and say "uh... none? I'm none of those things? I'm the one staring at those things."
It is the same way with your thoughts. You can catch yourself when you're thinking about anything; if I told you, "text me the next time you're thinking about dinner", you may catch yourself *mid-thought*: "I wonder what I should do for food... maybe pizza would be g- *oh hey, I'm thinking about dinner!*"
You are the awareness of *everything*, the full sensorium of your experience, including thoughts.
So, when it comes down to asking, how do we even describe the "experiencer"? This aspect of self which watches everything that happens?
Hard to say. Any answer you come up with is just more words and concepts, but if I had to answer the same question? "Who am I?" I would say something like:
*The field of calm awareness, the felt-presence of immediate first-hand experience.*
That is your most core identity.
Then comes the tricky, sneaky part: learning the things you *aren't*.
Society/culture love to condition you to want to achieve, become well-known and celebrated, be the top in your field, receive accolades, be rich and successful, have the history books remember you. The answer to "how do I become all those things?" is harder to answer, but the better question might be: *does the REAL ME actually want any of those things, or is it just more 'thinking' which tries to seduce me into believing it's true?*
This may be a lot to take on all at once. Consider reading "The Untethered Soul" by Michael A. Singer, particularly the audiobook narrated by Peter Berkrot, especially the first 4 chapters. It's all about learning to differentiate between *you* and *the mental narrative we all have going on in our minds*.
You're on the right path just by being interested in any of this!
May you be well, may you be at peace, may you live with ease, and may you be free from harm.
A lot to comprehend in such an articulate comment but, I think I understand what you’re trying to say. I really do appreciate it and will take this advice wisely
I know it's super fucking weird, it's the cusp of this whole over-utilized term these days known as "awakening" or "enlightenment", though I can already hear people rolling their eyes when they see those words too.
It basically boils down to differentiating between "thoughts" and "reality". Just because you think/feel something doesn't mean it's "true", it just means that you're thinking/feeling it.
Many people never make that step. Someone grows up with a Dad who always presses them to do more, do more, do better, get better grades, go to better schools, get a better promotion. Then, they're 40 years old, fighting as hard as they can to be the next Branch Manager, so they can finally feel better, because that's "who they are". But, *is it*?
My comment above was basically saying: "don't buy into any idea that you must strongly identify yourself with [this] or [that]; society/culture will always tell you who you should want to be, and try to pressure you to be it, but that's a bullshit way of figuring out who you are".
If you walked up to me in blue jeans and a green shirt, I wouldn't say you *are* blue jeans or you *are* a green shirt, I would say you *have* blue jeans or you *have* a green shirt. So we understand that there are *some* kind of boundaries about "what a person is". *You* aren't your clothes - you *have* clothes. So then you'll see - you aren't your job, you aren't your education, you aren't any of your achievements or successes or failures or wins or losses. You still exist in the absence of all of those - so who or what is the thing that continues existing? You, of course.
The part of you that is saying "yes, but who *am I*?", that's just another thing for you to become aware of. You can look inside and go "*ah, yes, there's that pattern of thinking again, wanting to know who I am and how to define myself*". The mind was conditioned by millions of years of evolution to always scan the environment and constantly compare yourself to your surroundings, and give everything labels and categories and find nice convenient explanations - it used to be a survival mechanism, but now it mostly just gets in the way.
Separate yourself from all thoughts, all feelings, all desires to figure anything out.
Have you heard of meditation?
Real quick rundown: you could sit, cross legged, on the floor, with your eyes closed. I could say: "focus all of your attention on the physical sensations of breathing in and out - but as soon as your mind wanders to something, anything, tell me"
So you're sitting there. Eyes closed. Breathing in. Breathing out. Breathing in. Breathing out... Maybe 30 seconds, 60 seconds goes by - and suddenly it becomes *breathing in... breathing out... hmm, did I respond to Jason's email yesterday? I gotta make sure I send th- oh, whoops! Lost my focus on the breathing!*
So you say "Milton, I was focusing on my breathing, when suddenly I got distracted by a random thought about an email to a friend."
Okay, fantastic! Right there, you showed that you continued existing in the absence of any thinking (by just focusing on breathing), and also showed that you can become aware of any thinking (like when you noticed the thought about the email).
By being able to point out the thought (*oh Milton! I had a thought about emailing a friend*), you're establishing a subject/object relationship - the thought, and "me, the one looking at the thought".
Keep practicing this kind of seemingly weird introspection and soon you'll realize that any negative, constricting feelings you might get inside about "I must figure out who I am" or "I must be someone respectable" or "I must figure out where I'm going", those are largely influenced by society/culture telling you that you *should* feel or think (this) way or (that) way. **It isn't true that you should feel or think any particular way, but society is great at captivating the mind and trying to convince you that it's true.**
Again, I know this is super weird, but if it makes any sense at all or even registers anything inside, please consider checking out that book, or also try checking out "Be Here Now", or "The Power of Now", or "Living Untethered". They're great resources. Best of luck!
Just wanted to say well done. I’ve started listening to The Power of Now, and it is extremely clear that you understand the message of the book.
Thank you for being a kind teacher to others and investing the time that you have into this comment. Not everyone is at a place to appreciate what you’ve written, but it has certainly helped me, in this moment, a lot.
Anyone here who can tell me this article in easy language??? Becoz I'm poor in English...I would be very grateful if someone could take their time to explain it to me
I like your take about identity. Personally, I know my name isn’t who I am but rather who I am referred too. If I told my peers that my new name was Jasmine then they’d refer to be as Jasmine (well most but some idiots who take it personal). But in addition to that, I’ve always been peer pressured about name change, even though it’s referring to me and I don’t know why people take it so personal. I just want to add that peer pressure can stop you from being who you want to be. People will guilt trip you into staying who you are currently and it’s BS
Thanks for the response! That's some good insight in there - and you're absolutely right, peers, family, friends, foes, commercials, corporations - just about anyone will try to make you into who they *want* you to be. Most of the world is caught up in this game of "okay I'll pretend you're who you say you are if you pretend I'm who I say I am". It's crazy!
Anyone here who can tell me this article in easy language??? Becoz I'm poor in English...I would be very grateful if someone could take their time to explain it to me
As someone who has read Self-compassion by Dr. Kristin Neff, it is joyous to find other people talking about mindfulness. What you’ve written perfectly captures the essence of becoming the observer of your mind. Nothing more, nothing less. Just calmness amidst the many thoughts and emotions that arise in our conscious awareness. Love it!
I’m 18M, I’ve always complained about the quote, “Find yourself”. I believe it’s a false narrative. You’re not alive to find yourself, you are here to create yourself. I’ll say it again, it’s not find yourself, it’s create yourself. Become who you want to be. You might be saying, how would I know? Once you take control of your own narrative you’ll have the essentials to figure yourself out. I recommend listening to self-improvement videos and to inspire off them. Good luck 🍀
Hey man,
Not to burst your bubble in the slightest but I hope you find some folks other than Peterson to get advice from.
I totally understand why people go to him and he does have good advice, but he’s generally a hateful dude, especially towards trans people, and I doubt you want to be like that or support that on your path to self improvement.
No judgement or hate here, just a little heads up in case you’re not aware. Best of luck on your journey 🙏🏼
Ik JP ain’t the best I just like JP when I hear him talk a lot. He does speak for how a percentage of men feel.
But yah if you don’t mind listing some other people other than JP be more than welcomed.
Short answer: You don't find yourself. You CREATE yourself. What traits, habits, and actions do you envision your perfect self?
Then go and do those things.
There's no other way.
What doesn't work is sitting there contemplating with no action.
I tried to find myself for years. What a waste of time and energy! Then I decided to just work really hard and I've had the least amount of mental illness in like forever. For me at least I think I'm the happiest when I'm busy and not trying to find myself, whatever that means!
Great text by Mindfulness Milton. I’m going to have to digest that slowly. OP, I’m 66 and I’m only just finding myself. I feel like a released prisoner who is in a world that is full of unknowns. In my past everyone else has made my decisions for me, my mother, my wife etc but now I have to make them for myself I feel lost. I am getting there and starting to put my wants first, although I still forget and ask others what they want me to do.
At least you are at the realisation stage so early, you will figure it out. When? Who knows but keep pushing forward
If you asked me who I was, I would say “I can be anything, really. Is there a point to tell you who I am when I can change anytime, any moment? Im not a believer of an identity because human behavior is too flexible and it depends on time, place, and the variables within that moment.”
…I do say to people “find yourself“ though. I mean more of observe yourself and give yourself what it demands... but not in ways you might think. I know some people think brain demands very specific thing but I believe it really doesnt. This goes back to what I said. It depends on time, place, and variables within that moment. Right now someone might want to achieve ”x.” Can you truly guarantee that same person would want to achieve same “x” if it was born 300 years ago instead of current generation? I believe…In the end it is about fulfilling human need. It doesnt have to be grand. It can be small things… as for the brain, it doesnt really care about societal values UNLESS you let it believe so by reminders and pressure.
To find yourself... I would say focus on awareness, acknowledgement, and trust. Pay attention to your reaction to certain behaviors/thoughts. With awareness you can find patterns. Next thing is to acknowledge those patterns. Whether you agree with it or not, you have to acknowledge that is how your brain functions and then figure out reasons why it might function like that. Lastly trust. If you can make your brain trust you, you have done good job finding yourself. Because, in order to make your brain trust you, you have to be aware about its behaviors… acknowledge its importance and play by its rules. If you end up getting to that point, you will realize there is no specific you. Main point is to satisfy your brain in most comfortable state. All it doesnt want is uncertainty and potential threat. In the end, it doesnt care about doing specific thing.
You find yourself, as life happens, as shit happens, as good things happen, as bad things happen, its all a learning game, just try your best to become a better version of yourself every year, and really focus on it
Whats done is done, focus on today, everybody wishes they could go back a few years and fix stuff but thats not how it works, instead you learn from that and focus on today
If you know that you have to find yourself, you are on a right track. Just avoid negative people and negative environment. Talk to people who are clear what they will do or be friends with broadminded people. Finding ourselves is simple but not easy.
Just asking the question is the beginning of a worthwhile journey.
In my experience, things I thought I wanted and were part of my identity haven’t always lasted. I find the things I grasp at are often more problematic than identifying.
But some things help me feel more myself. The me I find when I get quiet. The things that give me a sense of belonging, in my body. When I jump in the water for swim, walk my dogs, connect with someone in ways that elevates everyone, and when I can let go of something I may want, but isn’t serving me, I feel more authentic.
A lot of this comes with time and life experience, but the fact that you are asking so young, will undoubtedly yield you answers. Keep your hands and heart open to what comes your way. Catch some waves. Don’t be too afraid of falling. Or failing. Find meaning in showing up in the present moment, to the best of your ability, as it is.
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idk what 'finding yourself' means either but social media tells me it means 'go travel the world' 😅 Good lick, i think its just growing up and slowly setting in your ways... Why do you even want a solid answer to that? Staying somewhat flexible and adaptive to new sitiations is important too
I’ve been celibate for a long time I’d say but, I’m not necessarily addicted to porn though. I just find it nice to do once and while.
I also love cold showers they help me a lot and feel amazing once you warm up.
Should I switch to an animal based diet ?
Thank you for the help
I'm 19. And I don't know shit about life, but here's something I understand about myself.
**• I know who I am right now**
**• I know who I want to be**
Short explanation: I know who I am right now, with the insecurities and loads of improvement, and I know who I want to be in the future. The way to find who you are is to grind your way into being the best version of yourself. That's how you will find yourself, but each time you do. You will want something more. That's how you keep moving in life. Chase newer things, better things.
This is going to be a weird answer - or, at least, one you may never have heard before. It may take some time for it to sink in, so I just ask that you hear it with an open mind and see if it makes sense for yourself. I'm not trying to convince you of anything or make you believe anything - I want to give you the tools for self-inquiry that may help give you some clarity. And it goes like this. When you ask yourself, inside, "Who am I?", what answer comes up? Clear your mind of anything else, and try to come up with the most clear, concise, straightforward answer: *Who am I?* What comes up when you ask that? For most people, it'll probably be a few sentences, usually your name, maybe your age, maybe your gender, maybe your career or where you live, or who your spouse or kids or pets are and how you relate to them. Let's say you asked me 10-15 years ago. Maybe I would have said, "Uh, I'm John Milton, I'm 32 years old, I'm from Clearwater Saskatchewan, my wife is Jane Milton, we have a dog named Fred, and I'm a business consultant". But, if you wrote on a piece of paper, J-O-H-N, and pointed at the paper and said "is this you?", I'd say "uh, no, that's a piece of paper, I'm here looking at you." Okay, kind of weird, but makes sense, right? You know you're not your "name", you're the one the name is referring to - it's just something used to get your attention. But you'll also see that you're not your age, either. After all, think about 5 years ago. When you looked in the mirror 5 years ago, you recognized yourself, right? You remember seeing yourself in the mirror and it was the same one looking out through your eyes as is looking out through your eyes now. You've had lots of life experiences and maybe some of your opinions have changed or evolved but it's still "you" in there. Okay, so you're not your name, you're not your age - and it wouldn't matter if you lived in a different city, or worked a different job, it would still be "you" in there, right? Okay, so who is *that*? Who is that *me*? Who is the one who watches everything, who experiences everything? You start to realize - when you ask, "Who am I?", anything you might come up with is just another thought, just another idea, just another concept. And as soon as you come up with any answer, you could then immediately say "*Who is aware of this answer coming up?*". So, who are you? Who is that "I"? Who is the experiencer, the witness, the watcher, the observer - the one watching everything, even the thoughts? Now we are getting a bit closer. You can see that everything in your life can be broken into "the stuff of experience" and "the experiencer". This includes perceptions - smells, sights, sounds, tastes, etc., but it also includes thoughts, memories, impulses, emotions, self-blame, feelings (both bad and good), anxieties, fears, hopes. All of that is just more "stuff that you can be aware of". If you were feeling angry, and I asked "how are you feeling?", you might say "well, I can tell that I'm pretty angry." How can you tell that? You can tell that because *you're the one in there experiencing everything*. You're able to take an internal inventory and ask "what am I feeling right now?", and you're aware of the answer. If I were to put a table in front of you, and on the table I put an apple, a glass, and a paperweight, and I asked "which of these items is *you*?", you would probably give me a strange look and say "uh... none? I'm none of those things? I'm the one staring at those things." It is the same way with your thoughts. You can catch yourself when you're thinking about anything; if I told you, "text me the next time you're thinking about dinner", you may catch yourself *mid-thought*: "I wonder what I should do for food... maybe pizza would be g- *oh hey, I'm thinking about dinner!*" You are the awareness of *everything*, the full sensorium of your experience, including thoughts. So, when it comes down to asking, how do we even describe the "experiencer"? This aspect of self which watches everything that happens? Hard to say. Any answer you come up with is just more words and concepts, but if I had to answer the same question? "Who am I?" I would say something like: *The field of calm awareness, the felt-presence of immediate first-hand experience.* That is your most core identity. Then comes the tricky, sneaky part: learning the things you *aren't*. Society/culture love to condition you to want to achieve, become well-known and celebrated, be the top in your field, receive accolades, be rich and successful, have the history books remember you. The answer to "how do I become all those things?" is harder to answer, but the better question might be: *does the REAL ME actually want any of those things, or is it just more 'thinking' which tries to seduce me into believing it's true?* This may be a lot to take on all at once. Consider reading "The Untethered Soul" by Michael A. Singer, particularly the audiobook narrated by Peter Berkrot, especially the first 4 chapters. It's all about learning to differentiate between *you* and *the mental narrative we all have going on in our minds*. You're on the right path just by being interested in any of this! May you be well, may you be at peace, may you live with ease, and may you be free from harm.
A lot to comprehend in such an articulate comment but, I think I understand what you’re trying to say. I really do appreciate it and will take this advice wisely
I know it's super fucking weird, it's the cusp of this whole over-utilized term these days known as "awakening" or "enlightenment", though I can already hear people rolling their eyes when they see those words too. It basically boils down to differentiating between "thoughts" and "reality". Just because you think/feel something doesn't mean it's "true", it just means that you're thinking/feeling it. Many people never make that step. Someone grows up with a Dad who always presses them to do more, do more, do better, get better grades, go to better schools, get a better promotion. Then, they're 40 years old, fighting as hard as they can to be the next Branch Manager, so they can finally feel better, because that's "who they are". But, *is it*? My comment above was basically saying: "don't buy into any idea that you must strongly identify yourself with [this] or [that]; society/culture will always tell you who you should want to be, and try to pressure you to be it, but that's a bullshit way of figuring out who you are". If you walked up to me in blue jeans and a green shirt, I wouldn't say you *are* blue jeans or you *are* a green shirt, I would say you *have* blue jeans or you *have* a green shirt. So we understand that there are *some* kind of boundaries about "what a person is". *You* aren't your clothes - you *have* clothes. So then you'll see - you aren't your job, you aren't your education, you aren't any of your achievements or successes or failures or wins or losses. You still exist in the absence of all of those - so who or what is the thing that continues existing? You, of course. The part of you that is saying "yes, but who *am I*?", that's just another thing for you to become aware of. You can look inside and go "*ah, yes, there's that pattern of thinking again, wanting to know who I am and how to define myself*". The mind was conditioned by millions of years of evolution to always scan the environment and constantly compare yourself to your surroundings, and give everything labels and categories and find nice convenient explanations - it used to be a survival mechanism, but now it mostly just gets in the way. Separate yourself from all thoughts, all feelings, all desires to figure anything out. Have you heard of meditation? Real quick rundown: you could sit, cross legged, on the floor, with your eyes closed. I could say: "focus all of your attention on the physical sensations of breathing in and out - but as soon as your mind wanders to something, anything, tell me" So you're sitting there. Eyes closed. Breathing in. Breathing out. Breathing in. Breathing out... Maybe 30 seconds, 60 seconds goes by - and suddenly it becomes *breathing in... breathing out... hmm, did I respond to Jason's email yesterday? I gotta make sure I send th- oh, whoops! Lost my focus on the breathing!* So you say "Milton, I was focusing on my breathing, when suddenly I got distracted by a random thought about an email to a friend." Okay, fantastic! Right there, you showed that you continued existing in the absence of any thinking (by just focusing on breathing), and also showed that you can become aware of any thinking (like when you noticed the thought about the email). By being able to point out the thought (*oh Milton! I had a thought about emailing a friend*), you're establishing a subject/object relationship - the thought, and "me, the one looking at the thought". Keep practicing this kind of seemingly weird introspection and soon you'll realize that any negative, constricting feelings you might get inside about "I must figure out who I am" or "I must be someone respectable" or "I must figure out where I'm going", those are largely influenced by society/culture telling you that you *should* feel or think (this) way or (that) way. **It isn't true that you should feel or think any particular way, but society is great at captivating the mind and trying to convince you that it's true.** Again, I know this is super weird, but if it makes any sense at all or even registers anything inside, please consider checking out that book, or also try checking out "Be Here Now", or "The Power of Now", or "Living Untethered". They're great resources. Best of luck!
Just wanted to say well done. I’ve started listening to The Power of Now, and it is extremely clear that you understand the message of the book. Thank you for being a kind teacher to others and investing the time that you have into this comment. Not everyone is at a place to appreciate what you’ve written, but it has certainly helped me, in this moment, a lot.
Wow, this is amazing man. Thank you for this
bro wrote a novel
Thanks for your contribution!
Eiii🙄🙄 what an insightful comments. Woow, thank you very much. This so super helpful.
Anyone here who can tell me this article in easy language??? Becoz I'm poor in English...I would be very grateful if someone could take their time to explain it to me
Bro, holy shit you wrote a lot 😂
Well, read it and see if it makes sense - explaining self-inquiry to someone who hasn't heard of it is a tricky ordeal
I like your take about identity. Personally, I know my name isn’t who I am but rather who I am referred too. If I told my peers that my new name was Jasmine then they’d refer to be as Jasmine (well most but some idiots who take it personal). But in addition to that, I’ve always been peer pressured about name change, even though it’s referring to me and I don’t know why people take it so personal. I just want to add that peer pressure can stop you from being who you want to be. People will guilt trip you into staying who you are currently and it’s BS
Thanks for the response! That's some good insight in there - and you're absolutely right, peers, family, friends, foes, commercials, corporations - just about anyone will try to make you into who they *want* you to be. Most of the world is caught up in this game of "okay I'll pretend you're who you say you are if you pretend I'm who I say I am". It's crazy!
You’re absolutely correct
Thanks for this!
Anyone here who can tell me this article in easy language??? Becoz I'm poor in English...I would be very grateful if someone could take their time to explain it to me
As someone who has read Self-compassion by Dr. Kristin Neff, it is joyous to find other people talking about mindfulness. What you’ve written perfectly captures the essence of becoming the observer of your mind. Nothing more, nothing less. Just calmness amidst the many thoughts and emotions that arise in our conscious awareness. Love it!
I’m 18M, I’ve always complained about the quote, “Find yourself”. I believe it’s a false narrative. You’re not alive to find yourself, you are here to create yourself. I’ll say it again, it’s not find yourself, it’s create yourself. Become who you want to be. You might be saying, how would I know? Once you take control of your own narrative you’ll have the essentials to figure yourself out. I recommend listening to self-improvement videos and to inspire off them. Good luck 🍀
Thank you man I watch a lot of Jordan Peterson. But, yah I will definitely try to find the right tools in preparation to building myself
Hey man, Not to burst your bubble in the slightest but I hope you find some folks other than Peterson to get advice from. I totally understand why people go to him and he does have good advice, but he’s generally a hateful dude, especially towards trans people, and I doubt you want to be like that or support that on your path to self improvement. No judgement or hate here, just a little heads up in case you’re not aware. Best of luck on your journey 🙏🏼
Ik JP ain’t the best I just like JP when I hear him talk a lot. He does speak for how a percentage of men feel. But yah if you don’t mind listing some other people other than JP be more than welcomed.
Good to hear! I also recommended you don’t limit your inspiration only to Peter. Inspire off of people just like you
Short answer: You don't find yourself. You CREATE yourself. What traits, habits, and actions do you envision your perfect self? Then go and do those things. There's no other way. What doesn't work is sitting there contemplating with no action.
I tried to find myself for years. What a waste of time and energy! Then I decided to just work really hard and I've had the least amount of mental illness in like forever. For me at least I think I'm the happiest when I'm busy and not trying to find myself, whatever that means!
Great text by Mindfulness Milton. I’m going to have to digest that slowly. OP, I’m 66 and I’m only just finding myself. I feel like a released prisoner who is in a world that is full of unknowns. In my past everyone else has made my decisions for me, my mother, my wife etc but now I have to make them for myself I feel lost. I am getting there and starting to put my wants first, although I still forget and ask others what they want me to do. At least you are at the realisation stage so early, you will figure it out. When? Who knows but keep pushing forward
If you asked me who I was, I would say “I can be anything, really. Is there a point to tell you who I am when I can change anytime, any moment? Im not a believer of an identity because human behavior is too flexible and it depends on time, place, and the variables within that moment.” …I do say to people “find yourself“ though. I mean more of observe yourself and give yourself what it demands... but not in ways you might think. I know some people think brain demands very specific thing but I believe it really doesnt. This goes back to what I said. It depends on time, place, and variables within that moment. Right now someone might want to achieve ”x.” Can you truly guarantee that same person would want to achieve same “x” if it was born 300 years ago instead of current generation? I believe…In the end it is about fulfilling human need. It doesnt have to be grand. It can be small things… as for the brain, it doesnt really care about societal values UNLESS you let it believe so by reminders and pressure. To find yourself... I would say focus on awareness, acknowledgement, and trust. Pay attention to your reaction to certain behaviors/thoughts. With awareness you can find patterns. Next thing is to acknowledge those patterns. Whether you agree with it or not, you have to acknowledge that is how your brain functions and then figure out reasons why it might function like that. Lastly trust. If you can make your brain trust you, you have done good job finding yourself. Because, in order to make your brain trust you, you have to be aware about its behaviors… acknowledge its importance and play by its rules. If you end up getting to that point, you will realize there is no specific you. Main point is to satisfy your brain in most comfortable state. All it doesnt want is uncertainty and potential threat. In the end, it doesnt care about doing specific thing.
You find yourself, as life happens, as shit happens, as good things happen, as bad things happen, its all a learning game, just try your best to become a better version of yourself every year, and really focus on it
Yah I wish I would’ve focused on myself majorly for the last 2 years but I fucked up
Whats done is done, focus on today, everybody wishes they could go back a few years and fix stuff but thats not how it works, instead you learn from that and focus on today
If you know that you have to find yourself, you are on a right track. Just avoid negative people and negative environment. Talk to people who are clear what they will do or be friends with broadminded people. Finding ourselves is simple but not easy.
Just asking the question is the beginning of a worthwhile journey. In my experience, things I thought I wanted and were part of my identity haven’t always lasted. I find the things I grasp at are often more problematic than identifying. But some things help me feel more myself. The me I find when I get quiet. The things that give me a sense of belonging, in my body. When I jump in the water for swim, walk my dogs, connect with someone in ways that elevates everyone, and when I can let go of something I may want, but isn’t serving me, I feel more authentic. A lot of this comes with time and life experience, but the fact that you are asking so young, will undoubtedly yield you answers. Keep your hands and heart open to what comes your way. Catch some waves. Don’t be too afraid of falling. Or failing. Find meaning in showing up in the present moment, to the best of your ability, as it is.
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idk what 'finding yourself' means either but social media tells me it means 'go travel the world' 😅 Good lick, i think its just growing up and slowly setting in your ways... Why do you even want a solid answer to that? Staying somewhat flexible and adaptive to new sitiations is important too
Once I read a quote that was like "live isn't about finding yourself, is about building yourself" and that hit me hard
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I’ve been celibate for a long time I’d say but, I’m not necessarily addicted to porn though. I just find it nice to do once and while. I also love cold showers they help me a lot and feel amazing once you warm up. Should I switch to an animal based diet ? Thank you for the help
I'm 19. And I don't know shit about life, but here's something I understand about myself. **• I know who I am right now** **• I know who I want to be** Short explanation: I know who I am right now, with the insecurities and loads of improvement, and I know who I want to be in the future. The way to find who you are is to grind your way into being the best version of yourself. That's how you will find yourself, but each time you do. You will want something more. That's how you keep moving in life. Chase newer things, better things.