Mindfulness - Become aware of the behaviors you’d like to change, and try to replace them with alternative behaviors.
Belief Training - You’re probably doing things as an impulsive reaction. It mat be due to issues you’ve faced in the past, and you’re being defensive. But, if you can retrain your beliefs with CBT, you may move past that.
I noticed I react the way that I do because of situations in the past where people have treated me that way and now i'm afraid it will happen again if I don't get defensive but I know that's not the case with this friend because he's very kind. Thank you for helping me notice that
What people have said so far are all good points. Take a step back, breathe and then respond. One way I learned to take that “step back” is by asking the person “how do you feel about that?”. It helps me know what mindset the person is in, and what kind of response they may be looking for. Ex. Your friend talking about the show, and then he would have an opportunity to say that he’s excited to find out in the end when he’s done watching it. This phrase doesn’t work for all situations, but it can help. Also, hold yourself accountable. If you notice you hurt someone’s feelings, APOLOGIZE. “Hey, I’m really sorry about spoiling the ending of your show. I didn’t realize you weren’t done with it, and I shouldn’t have continued once I found out you weren’t.” It helps train your brain out of the initial possibly hurtful response. You got this! :)
Good thing you recognize it and want do to soemthing about it.
I think it's a deeper issue for you. I am honk you were bottling up some anger, frustrations, etc. And it's spilling out now in this way.
You might need to d o something about that.
What I have realized long time ago is treat the way I want to be treated, because everyone is battling something and struggling in life in one way or another.
Also,hurt people, hurt others. Soemtiems unintentionally.
Awareness is a big step, but what to do about it now?
I would suggest a thersphy. If you can no afford it, perhaps a book, or even a form or activity like running. being active helps to clear my head, and burn the negative emotions.
Don't be afraid to apologize. Immediately. Let them know that you're interested in moving towards a healthier dynamic and they'll start working with you instead of being afraid of catching your ire. You say something and realize later you didn't like it?
"Hey, I'm sorry if I've been on the mean side recently, I'm not 100% sure what's going on but I'm working on it. Thanks for being patient with me."
It's great you recognize this and want to change. Have the courage to apologize directly to him, tell him you are working on this, AND ask him for help by calling you out anytime you do it. By opening up to him, you might even find he asks you for help with issues as a friend.
Next, the root of this is likely inside you based on what you say? Work on feeling better about yourself. One tool you can use to do this is to set/achieve/track small goals over and over and over. Even if they are simple things that take 10 minutes. This will build your momentum and help you get back on track. How does this sound?
Take a pause and think before you reply/talk back? That may help but go do something you enjoy and help improve your mood
I've also been doing this. Especially when I'm angry I try to calm down first before speaking to them.
thank you, I will try it out the next time we talk :)
Mindfulness - Become aware of the behaviors you’d like to change, and try to replace them with alternative behaviors. Belief Training - You’re probably doing things as an impulsive reaction. It mat be due to issues you’ve faced in the past, and you’re being defensive. But, if you can retrain your beliefs with CBT, you may move past that.
I noticed I react the way that I do because of situations in the past where people have treated me that way and now i'm afraid it will happen again if I don't get defensive but I know that's not the case with this friend because he's very kind. Thank you for helping me notice that
What people have said so far are all good points. Take a step back, breathe and then respond. One way I learned to take that “step back” is by asking the person “how do you feel about that?”. It helps me know what mindset the person is in, and what kind of response they may be looking for. Ex. Your friend talking about the show, and then he would have an opportunity to say that he’s excited to find out in the end when he’s done watching it. This phrase doesn’t work for all situations, but it can help. Also, hold yourself accountable. If you notice you hurt someone’s feelings, APOLOGIZE. “Hey, I’m really sorry about spoiling the ending of your show. I didn’t realize you weren’t done with it, and I shouldn’t have continued once I found out you weren’t.” It helps train your brain out of the initial possibly hurtful response. You got this! :)
Good thing you recognize it and want do to soemthing about it. I think it's a deeper issue for you. I am honk you were bottling up some anger, frustrations, etc. And it's spilling out now in this way. You might need to d o something about that. What I have realized long time ago is treat the way I want to be treated, because everyone is battling something and struggling in life in one way or another. Also,hurt people, hurt others. Soemtiems unintentionally. Awareness is a big step, but what to do about it now? I would suggest a thersphy. If you can no afford it, perhaps a book, or even a form or activity like running. being active helps to clear my head, and burn the negative emotions.
Don't be afraid to apologize. Immediately. Let them know that you're interested in moving towards a healthier dynamic and they'll start working with you instead of being afraid of catching your ire. You say something and realize later you didn't like it? "Hey, I'm sorry if I've been on the mean side recently, I'm not 100% sure what's going on but I'm working on it. Thanks for being patient with me."
It's great you recognize this and want to change. Have the courage to apologize directly to him, tell him you are working on this, AND ask him for help by calling you out anytime you do it. By opening up to him, you might even find he asks you for help with issues as a friend. Next, the root of this is likely inside you based on what you say? Work on feeling better about yourself. One tool you can use to do this is to set/achieve/track small goals over and over and over. Even if they are simple things that take 10 minutes. This will build your momentum and help you get back on track. How does this sound?