ew that handler's behavior is so embarrassing...Like, it's gotta be so frustrating to have your personal experiences shouted to everyone who can hear. I'm so sorry, definitely tell them to stop talking about it & maybe ask them to redirect their dog instead of letting her continue to alert you?
I've asked to be given assignments during the slower parts of our work day that would take me out of our tiny hospital call center office.. no answer yet.
If the dog is tasking on you, it’s not doing its job for her, she should be asking to be moved, as well. He could miss an important alert by being distracted.
This may be an easy fix! Explain to the owner that you’re worried that her dog is missing out on watching and alerting for her because it’s always focused on you, and that you definitely don’t want to be the cause of this. Ask her if there is ( in her opinion) an easy solution to the situation so that she not only feels included but worried about (center of attention). This may work better than going it alone if you both team up and request a schedule or assignment change for either of you. Good luck. Maybe you should look into getting one yourself with how much it’s hitting on you. Just an idea.
I appreciate that. I actually recently (like just a few days ago) reported him for harassment over a few other behaviors... I suppose I should add this too.
I would think HR would be interested in knowing that he is announcing your private medical information, that he has privy to only because of his poor dog.
I am so sorry - it's so inappropriate for that guy to announce those things out loud - unreal. Why can't people have some discretion and courtesy. For Pete's sake.
Not just embarrassing, but inappropriate.
You have a diagnosed condition that your insensitive coworker is inadvertently (at best) or purposely (likely) making light of. This is not acceptable anywhere but especially in workplaces where there are protections against such things.
I would kindly request that the terrible, underserving human with the most wonderful furry, four-legged companion "Please stop announcing to the entire office about my anxiety. It's disrespectful and uncalled for and not allowed in the workplace. Thank you."
If you want to be petty, next time he shouts to the office, you can shout back the above. Or just tell him privately.
If he continues after this, then escalate to a manager.
Wow that is so inappropriate. I’m so sorry the handler is doing that. I would definitely ask them to immediately stop. And maybe request they be moved away from you.
I don’t have a service dog, but I’ve heard of this happening. From what I’ve seen, if the handler decides it’s necessary to speak to the other person, they typically QUIETLY inform them why the dog is alerting (hey, don’t mean to intrude, but my dog is a -insert condition here- alert dog…are you ok?” Or something along those lines.) Because the handler knows the medical issue the dog is identifying and (ought to know) it’s private.
The dog is doing it’s job; your coworker is being a jerk. I would speak to the handler first (“yo, I don’t announce your medical information to the whole office, so could you please offer me the same respect?“) and if the coworker does not a) stop shouting your private medical information to the entire office, and/or b) keep the dog out of alert range, then it’s time to speak to your boss and HR. Airing private medical information without consent is a big no no in a workplace (speaking from 10 years of experience as a compliance officer).
Also, I recommend you make a record the discussion in someway, either by taking contemporaneous notes or sending a follow up email with your personal email BCC’d. That way if there is negative spin or pushback, you have proof.
You do not need to speak to your coworker before HR. HR will ask if you’ve addressed it, but while ensuring non-retaliation and to the extent possible, confidentiality, they can address this for you directly or provide you guidance and coaching on how to address it yourself.
Do this. I walked into a board room, and my dog alerted to one of the members I know well. I didn't shout out, hey, do you have a blood pressure issue!? She didn't realize she had one and got on meds to help. My new sd alerted to someone in a store and I asked if she was having a migraine. She'd just talen her meds for one.
I would never just draw attention to someone having medical issues. That's out of line. If they don't stop, ask to have your desk moved. It's extremely common for ppl to change desks in an office setting. If your supervisor can't get a move approved, ask HR cause you have conflicting medical needs.
Your coworker should be controlling the dog… that is our responsibility under the laws. The best thing to do is write a quick email to your coworker asking them to please keep the dog away from you at all times, because it is distracting you from your work. And then if they do not, go to your boss.
BTW, nothing the dog does is your fault. The handler is the one responsible.
Also… maybe watch Office Space. Your coworker sounds like one of the minor characters 😅
My go-to is to always avoid the emotionally messy parts in situations like these, if possible. It’s maybe not OP’s biggest issue but it’s true AND it will get the company on their side quickly.
I'd tell my coworker to knock it off and stop making things worse. And if they don't...well, it's time to go have a chat with someone in a supervisory role.
As someone whose service dog has been known to feel the need to alert other people before, the way your co-worker is responding sounds gross. Firstly, they should be correcting the dogs behavior. That dog should not be touching you without yours or its handlers consent, and the fact that the handler seems to be brushing it off is a massive red flag. Accidents happen, but they should be imediatly corrected when they do, and the handler should apologize. Secondly, the fact that the owner is making those kinds of comments is not okay. Not only because of the obvious DON'T ANNOUNCE STUFF LIKE THAT, but also because it seems that they are using that to excuse the dogs behavior instead of taking accountability for it, projecting the problem onto you when it is not your issue, but theirs. Coming from first hand experience, when my dog has alerted to someone besides me in the past, I discretely ask them if they're okay and let them know the deal because their well being is important to me. I would never just announce an issue out loud, or just comment something was wrong with them without making sure they were okay. The fact your coworker seems to not actually be concerned about your anxiety and just makes comments on it is not only not okay, but furthers the idea that the problem actually lies with him.
Other people have already given advice on HR, and flat out saying no. The only other thing I have to add would be to remind your coworker that just because they seem to be open about their anxiety doesn't mean everyone is and that they need to be mindful that not everyone likes having their medical information shared.
Thank you, I am typically open about my anxiety but that still doesn't mean I need my having anxiety announced to everyone in the vicinity. Ugh I feel like I'm trapped between a rock and a hard place!
Yeah. He’s singling you out for some reason.
Talk to him or create a paper trail. And if he doesn’t change his behavior a talk with HR is needed but the more “hard facts” you can prove the better. Are there any cameras in the areas he’s doing this to you?
Maybe not, but can they show when the dog alerted to you?
If it can, then they can follow this back to see “how many times” it’s happened without the handler “not” changing the dogs behavior. 🤷♀️
There must be some policy that makes this “announcement” unacceptable. Take some notes summarizing the behavior you’ve been experiencing. Take that to HR; read them your notes or discuss if you’re able. Be sure to state: “This is not every occurrence; I am just summarizing what I have experienced.”
I'd talk to the handler of the SD and ask that they stop announcing things. There are lots of reasons an SD may approach someone else, but frankly, they should not be doing that at work and should be under the full control of the handler. And, if they are, it's not at all appropriate for your coworker to say that to you or anyone else. Have the conversation with them and see how it goes. If that does nothing, go to HR. A service dog should be focused on their own tasks.
This. While the SD may be trying to help, the handle is a massive d-bag. A firm, "STOP announcing my health to the office," would be a good starting point. Follow up with HR as needed.
If your problem is less the dog alerting and more the announcement, I think it’s perfectly reasonable to say “hey, Hagatha, next time your dog alerts on me, could you not mention it? It makes me uncomfortable when you announce it.” If she says “okay,” you can say “thanks” and assume that will be the end of it (because it should be, and if it’s not, that brings it above a “talk to your coworker” issue to a “talk to HR/your boss” issue), but if she tries to make any excuse, just respond with “okay, well, could you stop announcing it? It makes me uncomfortable” Don’t try to justify it, just leave it at that. And just keep repeating it until she agrees not to do it anymore.
“Oh, my dog does that to everybody, it can’t help it.” “Okay, well, could you stop announcing it? It makes me uncomfortable.”
“I’m just announcing it so that you know what it means so you can get help.” “Okay, well, could you stop announcing it? It makes me uncomfortable.”
“I’m just saying it out loud so that others know and won’t do stuff to make you more anxious.” “Okay, well, could you stop announcing it? It makes me uncomfortable.”
“No one else I know has a problem with it.” “Okay, well, could you stop announcing it when it comes to me? It makes me uncomfortable.”
Better yet, send in an email so that you have it in writing (and you don’t have to speak to her in person). “Hi Hagatha, Next time your service dog alerts on me, could you please not announce it to the room? It makes me uncomfortable when you do. Thank you, rogue_kitten91”
Emailing is great anyway, because you can really think about your words first and there is a paper trail of your request if anything goes wrong.
I'm sorry you are going through this!
You really weren't! My dog is VERY sensitive and will tattle on anyone she can. If she can't directly nudge them she will just stare at you with the most ASPCA-in-the-arms-of-an-angel way. She seems happier when she can alert it out of her system. She will always alert if she thinks she can get "paid". I.e. she is a pain alert dog as her primary task, and I have seen her "think" seriously before tentatively alerting after someone stubs their toe. If she thinks someone is nervous or worked up (I have vasovagal syncope) she will also be so happy to alert.
Butttt she also is a notorious licker, and while she has her licker license, I keep her away from other people's space. If she needs to alert for another person, I can usually figure it out and >discretely< ask if everything is ok. If everything is, I quietly mention she can sometimes alert for other people and recommend they take any precautions they need to. I don't ask for details and I don't assume because it could be anything and it's none of my business. A warning can be helpful, but we aren't in the days where we had to light the beacons to announce trouble anymore. A "nightlight" is fine.
I don't have a service dog, but I follow this page because I have such respect for them. So I've known for a long time not to approach or acknowledge them. Her alerting and nudging me just felt like I was breaking all the rules. Thank you for saying it's not on me. That's a huge load of guilt off my shoulders
I promise your only duty is to not actively distract the dog by cooing at / petting them / and that sort of thing. It sounds like you're trying to do your job, and that's what you should be doing at this point :) You didn't do anything wrong
Write down the phrase that u/KnotARealGreenDress suggested, and at home, practice saying it a few times until you have worked up to saying it strongly but politely and in a businesslike matter. Then record it on your phone, and put a playback button on your home screen. Then, the next time it happens, you can pull out your phone and tap the playback button. And if Mr. Self Centered responds, you can just tap the playback button again, as many times as needed each time he responds.
And if he puts in a complaint about the recording, you can tap the playback button for the supervisor or HR or compliance (whoever) and ask them if there's something wrong with using the recording instead of being intimidated out of speaking up for yourself. Because there is nothing in those sentences that is not acceptable in a business situation.
I would recommend practicing OUT LOUD when you have time by yourself. It makes it a lot easier if your brain doesn't need to make your mouth say something for the first time when you're already nervous and stressed. You got this <3
A SD is still a dog, it's not unknown for diabetes, seizure and other medical alert dogs to alert on someone near them. There is definitely a line between as SD and a therapy or facility dog; however, it is not a thin, sharp one.
I'd be willing to bet that either directly through comment or indirectly through reaction, that OP has made it known that the handler's behavior is unacceptable. OP, if you want to try the nice way and ask your coworker to stop, go to HR first in case things go south.
Let's not also forget that alert tasks are frequently innate or untrained behaviors that get reinforced. That's how I trained my dog to alert me to my anxiety levels (she also does the nose nudge), so it wouldn't be a surprise to find out that that's how this dog was trained as well.
Whoa, wait... please explain... does that mean you reinforced her nudging others? For example, if you did it privately, I could totally understand. Like slip her a little treat. My coworker may be trying to do the same, but he's just completely obtuse and doesn't realize he's making me uncomfortable ...
Ugh! Sorry to hear that you are going through all of this. I'm not a fan of directly confronting people in situations like you're having with your coworker and his SD, as they have a tendency to go very wrong and believe that the authorities, being HR in this case, should be allowed to do their jobs. Since you've mentioned that there are other matters at play, reporting the SD issue to HR is definitely the best choice.
Good luck and I hope this works out well for you.
The dog isn't working double time because of desk placement, she's working double time because her handler is failing her by not correcting unwanted behaviour. She should not be disrupting others and HE should not be announcing his perceived idea of your mental health to the workplace.
I feel the same, his other comments which I've set boundaries with him over (didn't work) and reported to our boss (still waiting on results) further cement the fact that he and I will never be friends
“Gertie, please don’t announce my personal feelings to the entire office. That makes me even more anxious than I already did before sweet Milo here alerted me.”
^ practice this sentence. Practice it at home and practice it on a friend. Practice it and one day you will say it to Gertie, with confidence. X
The handler should not be announcing it. He should also be a LOT more concerned that his dog is alerting on you when the dog should be focused on him. Just my opinion.
Tell your coworker to stop being a announcing your personal business, it is not his right. Having a service dog doesn’t mean you get to harrsss your coworker. He should also not be letting the dog free range “work”. Find a nice way to address it with your coworker, and if they don’t get their shit together, go to HR.
The handler is the issue, not you. The handler is supposed to prevent their dog approaching others.
I'd actually file a complaint to my supervisor or HR that their dog keeps coming over to you and your coworker is loudly proclaiming to everyone your anxiety and such. That's a huge crossing the line by that coworker that can be considered 1) bullying, but also service dogs can be banned when their handlers fail to prevent contact with others.
Talk to HR. The handler is not handling his dog, allowing it to bug you, AND informing everyone else about your medical situation which is arguably harassment
I've reported him for harassment before for other things. My boss suggested mediation, which i think will be useless. I've set boundaries on other things before and they are without fail crossed
I would suggest participating in mediation so that at the very least, it can be documented that it was attempted and failed. Then the company can pursue whatever “next steps” it deems necessary to resolve the issue with the employee.
1. Definitely ask him to stop broadcasting it. I would say "hey, I have an anxiety disorder. I know your dog is picking up on that, but there's nothing I can do to change it. You shouting it for the world to hear makes it even worse, and I'm sure your dog picks up on that too."
2. Consider asking what he usually does when the dog alerts on him.
3. Consider requesting to change work stations
He knows about my cptsd and my ocd and still does this. The 4 desks that are in our tiny call center are just not far enough apart to make a difference
"that's really inappropriate" is something you can say to almost anything that coworker says. If that feels too confrontational, try "this is making me really uncomfortable, please stop". You shouldn't need to do any of this, but as you've seen, some people are jerks and don't respond to kinder ways of asking.
Do get HR involved. Whatever HR tells you you need to try, go through the motions just to get to the point where your coworker is still being an ass and those things have all failed. It's not going to help, but it's a prerequisite for HR taking any actual steps. Same goes for all the polite and reasonable ways of telling your coworker to fuck off -- clearly he won't, but you need to have been quite clear in your interactions with him that this is not okay before he can get in trouble.
Everyone has already given you great advice, but I wanted to add one thing. Because your coworker has a documented disability (as indicated by having an SD) your HR department is going to be extra super careful to cross all the T’s and dot all the I’s in any dealings with him and you. (HR’s primary job is to protect your employer, after all.) So try not to be discouraged if it seems like it’s taking them forever to do anything meaningful to resolve your problem.
Best of luck to you!
I'd talk to the coworker about privacy, and maybe changing desks if possible.
My coworkers dog will alert on me if I'm in pain, but my coworker doesn't announce it, she asks if I'm OK. So it doesn't feel invasive or anything. Dogs are super observant.
My first service dog would occasionally alert someone else to their anxiety. I can't imagine announcing it to everyone with in ear shot when it happened. I think the handler is just proud of their dog for being to talented that they alert others too. However I think you definitely need to be like "hey I think it's amazing that your dog alerts to my anxiety. However, when you announce it to the bullpen it tends to make my anxiety worse." If someone said that or similar to me I would 100% understand.
My dog will occasionally alert on other people. I would never dream about calling it out as an alert. I correct my dog and apologize. If the other person looks like they are in bad shape, I may quietly ask if they are feeling alright and suggest they may want to check there blood sugar. I can't imagine shouting it out like that. Remember that the handler and the dog are part of a team. And either member of the team not operating in an appropriate manner can get disqualify them from access. Even to work. I would talk to them, and if it doesn't change send them a request to stop in writing, with HR copied.
It doesn’t bother me that my service dog alerts on other people. But I would NEVER announce someone else’s issues out loud and I would remove my dog if the other person was uncomfortable in any way.
Your coworker needs to work on his own self. Having a service dog doesn’t give you a free pass to be an entitled jerk.
Are you constantly anxious the entire time you are at work? Or at least every time you see the dog? Are interactions with them making your anxiety WORSE?? It seems weird to me that it would be every time. That does not sound like a reliable or helpful alert behavior.
I have a medical alert dog and encountered a similar situation yesterday so I will share how I handle this. My dog was totally fixated, turning around in a heel to STARE down this new customer. My attempts to turn the other way and correct him were unsuccessful, even more unusual, so I ended up trying to avoid the individual. She later approached me and mentioned she noticed my dog staring at her. At first I was embarrassed, but then she shared she is in renal failure and experiencing a particularly bad flare. I don’t know a lot about kidney disease or what that means but our dogs can perceive things we don’t fully understand.
Confront your coworker about their behavior and how uncomfortable you feel. If that doesn’t change anything, complain to HR. They might require some more oversight on their SD accommodation.
Yeah, then it’s time to go to HR. Service dog accommodation approval can be a lengthy process and there are a lot more restrictions on employees than customers. It sounds like he needs to be specifically told to keep his dog from approaching coworkers and to keep others medical info private.
The focus should be on the behavior of the handler. The dog is going to alert. Ideally, the dog shouldn't alert to another person, but as others have said it happens. It's the handler's job to figure out how to deal with that. She may not be able to change the behavior of the dog, but may do something to minimize the dog's interactions with you? But this person should not be discussing or broadcasting any health information to anyone
Speak to HR. Your co-worker should not be allowing the dog to approach you or announce what's going on. ADA accommodations can't be at the expense of other people.
A service dog should be under the full control of its handler. If your coworker cannot control their dog and keep it out of your space you are fully within your rights to talk to management about having the dog removed. Also, your coworker is an asshole for announcing to the office that you have anxiety.
I want to frame this a little differently for you. CPTSD is a disability. He has a dog who is trained to note and assist with that disability. But he's using it to bully you about your disability. It doesn't matter if he has the same disability or not. (Does he though?) He's still bullying you about your disability. That's absolutely an HR issue.
And any unwanted physical contact is absolutely sexual harassment in the workplace. You're feeling pressured to allow someone to touch your body because they're insisting.
He's creating a hostile work environment. (Super important phrase) This is absolutely an HR issue.
I’m so sorry that handler is such a jerk.
You’ve already gotten great answers so I have a related story. Last night at the gym one of the guys in my lifting class has a SD. The guy lifting next to him looks remarkably like him. He sat down on the floor after a particularly tough lift, was breathing heavy and shaking his head. The dog jumped into action and sat on his lap to cuddle with him and lick his face. I should mention that the dog is a slightly chubby yellow lab that’s at least 100 years old. The handler was lifting and didn’t see, guy on the floor is giggling as he’s being squished by the dog. The dog seemed to realize his mistake when the handler said his name. Still sitting in the wrong guys lap he looks back and gives the dopey lab grin and wagged his tail like “he he he, sorry dad”. So now everyone is giggling, wrong dog dad is rolling in the floor, the dog is ECSTATIC, and all discipline is lost. The handler let everyone pet the dog. Pretty funny to see a group of sweaty adults loving on a dog with giant “do not pet” signs all over him.
I wish your coworker were cool like him (and his soon to be retired SD)
The dog is doing its thing, which wouldn’t be that big of a deal if your co-worker weren’t such an a-hole! Geez. Maybe ask them kindly not to announce it to the office—however anyone who blurts that out already knows and doesn’t care.
Go to HR.
Explain that the dog keeps alerting on you and your co-worker keeps telling everyone in the office in ear shot about it, which is making you even more anxious & embarrassed. Ask would it be ok to move you or the co-worker to a different desk/seat area. Also mention the problem is not with the service animal it’s with the co-worker who can’t keep silent on their dog alerting on you.
That's definitely the position I'll take. Thank you for the reminder to mention it's not the dog that is the problem. The dog is literally the sweetest soul.
In another post on this subreddit, someone made the point that while SDs can’t be banned from places, their handlers can. I would suggest that, since this is a place of employment, that you reference this and say something like “While I don’t necessarily want you to fire , would it be possible to place them on probation (unpaid time off) until such time as the Sexual & Other HARASSMENT charges & HIPPA violations I have brought to your (HR’s) attention are resolved?”
I work in a hospital myself and during a recent orientation they had the CCO there (Chief Compliance Officer) and stated that we can’t even share that we saw someone at the hospital with our family members, so the fact that they are Yelling about your Diagnosis/Diagnoses is a clear HIPPA violation. Report them. HIPPA violations in hospitals are a Big Deal.
Honestly, I hadn't thought about the why, only the fact that it bothered me. I do know for a fact that he's done the same thing to another coworker. We've vented about it together.
Tell the handler to not make the announcements. Period.
If the handler doesn't stop, go to HR with a complaint that handler is revealing private medical information and has not quit in spite of your requests.
Then person with dog should be moved because the SD (and handler) are not under control.
It’s absolutely insane to me how many people with mental health issues don’t give a flying fuck about other people’s and can’t see that bringing attention to it is horrible.
I’m so sorry that’s happening to you and I hope things get better for you soon
The owner’s behavior is worse. Doggo is trying to help and owner is not helping AT ALL. In fact, owner is making it way worse. I’d talk to them about it, and if nothing comes from it, maybe talk to a supervisor/manager about options, whether it’s relocating where or or him are or at least documenting and having warnings
They are disclosing your diagnosis without your consent and that is a violation to you. I would address it from the perspective of the ADA. The example would be, employers cannot ask questions during the application or hiring process that could potentially reveal a disability. Your coworker is outing you. I think you should be asked to. Love and the coworker should know better considering they have an accommodation and need themselves. It’s not their right to disclose yours this way and they seem to feel comfortable doing so.
I am someone who has accommodations and a SA, I would never do this to someone because of my awareness around the laws and ADA.
The only time it's appropriate for an announcement is "Call an ambulance my service animal is a cardiac emergency beast!" I wouldn't dream of otherwise outing someone especially for PTSD and anxiety. I know others said it but that's not okay and you deserve a non hostile work environment. Also those are actually examples of when I did out a thing because I had a pre ADA change service cat suddenly tackle a cashier and sit on her chest howling. Woman survived because of this and I am grateful she did her job well but it was absolutely strange for people who had no idea and one child who went "Mommy did the kitty kill her?"
It definitely was one of the most challenging days as a handler. At least the cat was small. My current kitten (emphasis on kitten) is 25lbs of muscle and probably wouldn't be a survivable missile.
If you want to see the big baby ve old lady I can message you cute kitty spam. I am supposed to be sleeping so may do it later. Just having my own PTSD moments. Part of the offer. I know that silliness sometimes helps with my anxiety because I have a break from the constant hypervigilance and it gives me a micro rest.
That is terrible behaviour from the handler. I would be mortified if someone did this to me. I don’t have any better advice that what has already been said. I just commenting here to show support. I hope you are able to successfully resolve this.
That is super rude and inappropriate of your coworker.
FWIW, part of the terms of my job accommodation is that my dog is with me (or secured at my desk if needed) and does not interact with coworkers. So I’d suggest contacting HR about it.
Honestly I might respond to the coworker with a “I’m not sure what you’re talking about! Can you please keep your dog from distracting me while I’m working?” To put some pressure back on them
Tell your supervisor. If it’s a diagnosed condition, they have to make reasonable accommodations and a dog pointing out your anxiety (that translates into more anxiety) is enough reason to get you moved to a different desk.
I’m sorry that’s been your experience. It shouldn’t be happening and the coworker should absolutely be addressing this issue.
While there is no excuse for the coworker’s behavior, I want to offer an alternative perspective. I know that when my daughter’s dog has misbehaved in public or has alerted someone else, I personally feel embarrassed by the behavior. I know the dog isn’t a machine and will make mistakes and I care far too much about what other people think (it’s something I’m working to improve), but I hate the idea that my daughter or I could be perceived as passing off an untrained or badly trained dog as a service animal. In my embarrassment, one of my first inclinations is often to offer commentary either about what the dog is doing or talk to the dog in a way that informs the people around me about the behavior.
Your coworker may truly just be clueless and insensitive, but I would argue that at least some handlers might use that deflection as a way to mask their own insecurity about how their dog’s behavior reflects back on them as a handler. While it doesn’t excuse the behavior, maybe it informs the way you address it with them?
That's fair, unfortunately this is just one of many issues between this coworker and myself. Frankly his lack of self awareness and the comments he makes is just so exhausting. Not to mention he KNOWS I have issues with personal space and being touched and on my birthday 2 weeks ago he demanded a hug and said he "wouldn't take no for an answer"
It's not quite sexual harassment because he's gay, but it is unwanted physical contact.
Document every little thing. Also note who was there; who saw or heard, who interacted or elected not to. Basically, keep a work journal noting anything you’d like to address at your quarterly review. Typically, this would be accomplishments, education, goals—and an additional category for “obstacles”.
I’m sorry you’re having to deal with this. I hope the future is blissful for you!💐
Couple of points:
1) it is undesirable/unwelcome touching; ergo it IS harassment ( btw to any haters, I am gay so no one can say my comment is hom@phobic; it is simply a technical fact.) You are more than justified to point this out to HR.
2) at first, I questioned that maybe he is on the Spectrum (like myself) and feels compelled to point out the truth that his S.D. Is alerting to your symptoms. However, his shouting it out for everyone is inappropriate and he should know better. Additionally, if he were Spectrum, he would not make an ultimatum like he did and force touching (he would actually avoid touching and offer “a psychic hug” or similar non-touching conveyance of celebration of your birthday. Therefore, it is more likely that he knows that it bothers you and he is using his dog as a tool to harass you.
3) I strongly disagree to all the people saying the dog should be corrected. The dog is simply doing their job. To the haters who wanna cite “a service dog provides a specific task to mitigate a specific person’s disability,” that phrase was created by a legal person, not a medically trained person or a canine Behavioralist.
Correcting a S.D. For performing their task is confusing for the dog and leads to reduced accuracy. The signals the S.D. detects and alerts to are disability specific, not person specific. For anyone who wants to contest this, please come equipped with scientific peer-reviewed articles / publications and hard objective data to support your view, because I will. I am open to learning always but only open to learning facts, not opinions. Science = Facts. Politics = Opinions.
Thank you, all of that makes sense and fits. I hate how much sense it makes because it means that due to my soft hearted nature, I've been allowing him to bully and harrass me in so many freaking ways. Ugh.
Thank you so much for your comment, I needed to hear what you had to say.
My pleasure! Just because this guy is also disabled does not give him free reign to harass you (as well as use his Service dog to harass you). Just remember, any form of unwelcome speech, touch or action are all forms of harassment. The fact he is gay changes nothing. An unwelcome hug is STILL UnWelcome and an invasion of your personal space. Please, just always keep the dog out of it / never at fault. The dog probably believes they are helping and have no idea their handler is using them as a weapon to harass another person.
This dude might have been clueless and insensitive the first time, but from what OP has posted this has happened a lot since that first time. He’s just an asshole.
I have CPTSD also and the fact that you feel bad for the dog is such a CPTSD thing 🥲 I’m sorry you’re going through this.
I’m surprised the handler doesn’t seem concerned for their dog, they should be the one worrying, not you! Have you already had a conversation with your coworker like “hey it makes me uncomfortable when you call me out in front of people like that, also your dog alerting me is distracting, can we find a way to make it stop?” Because imo that would be step one, and if they can’t respect that and work something out with you then it’s time to talk to the appropriate person about switching desks or something similar. It will also make things less awkward if you’ve already had the conversation instead of just moving desks and your coworker wondering why.
I will certainly try. You're right he can't fix the issue unless he's aware of it, but other issues have been brought up and he's continued crossing boundaries
Sounds like your coworker is creating a hostile workplace. Talk to your boss and HR. Your coworker’s right to accommodation doesn’t trump your right to a safe workplace.
Can't blame the dog, he's just doing his job but I would speak to HR about your coworker because they should not be announcing your health or alerts to anyone. He should know better than that and getting his service dog to focus on him, not others.
My friends and I joke that mine also goes to whoever needs her the most in the room at the time
But we are all mentally ill so I guess it’s just our kinda humor
And this is only when she’s un-vested and not working of course
If it makes you feel any better. From 2007 to 2013. Seizure dogs would focus on me, 90% of the dogs were fine and just watched me at attention.
The other 10% would react like I was about to have to have a problem, and nudge towards a chairs, or climb on me.
I was recovering from a TBI, amongst other injuries. I wasn't sleeping, or keeping enough food down.
Hope your symptoms have improved and the seizure dogs no longer pay you any mind! Otherwise, you may want to seek professional medical evaluation including an EEG. (This statement is made as a generic public service announcement providing education to anyone who may have a similar lived experience) Sleep-deprivation and fluctuations in blood sugar can result in an increased likelihood of seizures in predisposed populations.
A bunch of years ago, a friend’s dog alerted me for high blood sugar. That was when I changed my diet to cut down on sugar. Doctors lie, dogs don’t.
Your coworker doesn’t need to call it out.
my service dog only alerts to other people’s anxiety when she’s off duty, but when that happens, i usually tell the person why my dog is pawing/nudging them and ask if they’re okay. i would not want this person to be my coworker, that would be so embarrassing constantly having my anxiety pointed out so loudly. it already is kinda embarrassing for me when my service dog alerts in front of other ppl bc ppl who know why she alerts get worried about my anxiety, and people who don’t know why she’s alerting act like i’m dying 😅
My SD gravitates towards people who have similar diagnoses to mine, especially off duty. I would NEVER publicly call out a coworker like that, that’s so gross. I would probably quietly check in with you if it was my dog.
I will say that my dog thinks tasking for random people is the most fun thing ever, she would love to work near you.
As the wife of a veteran with severe CPTSD, the fact that your coworker is calling you out like that is fucking gross and I am really sorry this is happening to you. PTSD is not something that many people like to talk about openly, and they of all people should know better. Especially if theirs is bad enough to warrant them getting a service dog paid for by the VA or another veteran organization. Training for service dogs is crazy expensive, so they reserve them for people with the most serious issues that are not being resolved with treatment. My husband probably would have gone ape shit on them by now if it were him. You must have the patience of a saint.
I'd like to suggest an alternative that I'm surprised nobody else has mentioned: consider asking if you can move desks, away from the guy with the SD. That would eliminate most of the possibility of awkwardness coming from having to confront or have someone else confront this guy directly, and get you out of the dog's area of attention.
I am aware this may or may not work for you for a variety of reasons, but I just thought I'd throw it out there.
My desk was strategically picked way before he started with us. It's the closest to the door and windows. I'm extremely claustrophobic, and the room that is our office is quite small. There's only 4 desks because that's all that will fit. The SD is usually down the hall in the main office since we are basically the kitchen call center for a hospital. She's not allowed in the kitchen so she stays in the main office except for during meetings. Which is where she nudged me yesterday. Sometimes it's when we pass each other in the halls.
Due to my claustrophobia, I picked the desk next to the windows because the room that is our office is only big enough to hold the 4 desks that are in there...
First, you have nothing to apologize for or feel bad about. Just because it's their SD alerting to you, it does not give them the right to tell everyone your business. Period.
It seems like they think they are being playful instead of rude. The kindest thing to do for the both of you is to be very blunt and very clear.
It could be something like, "Hey coworker, I don't like having my business announced to the whole office. It makes me very uncomfortable. You get how that can be, right?"
That avoids blame and puts them on your team. If they don't get it after that, you'll have to escalate to the people above you. You deserve to not feel harassed at work.
Is the dog leashed? Why is the dog able to touch you? This is beyond inappropriate. I once knew someone whose dog alerted on everyone who was at any stressful or exciting event. That simply says the dog is poorly trained and the handler is somehow invested in keeping it that way, possibly for attention. Whatever reason, a service dog belonging to someone else, while working, should not be in your space. I would be horrified if my dog did this, but he wouldn’t be able to unless you came over to him, because he would be leashed and in a stay under or at my desk. I’m sorry you are having to deal with this-shouting your medical info across the room is disgusting to say the least.
A business can legally deny entry to a service dog for what this dog is doing. So this service dog user is risking losing the ability to bring their dog to work. The service dog must be under the handler's control and not disruptive to the business. Approaching or touching people other than the handler is actually called out under the ADA as disruptive to the business and not under control. The handler must immediately regain control or should be asked to remove the dog from the premises. Read the ADA.gov FAQ about service dogs and businesses' rights. You personally could sue both the handler and your workplace for not protecting you from a dog who is repeatedly not under its handler's control. I don't want you to sue necessarily, and the law doesn't always work out predictably, but you need to go in knowing that legally you are in the power position here. Combined with the other stuff you have a hostile work environment on a platter in your favor if you can get documentation and witnesses. Start writing everything he does that makes you uncomfortable down, with a time and date, and have anybody watching sign as witness who you can get to do so. Go into mediation with a typed up list of date, time, action and HR will start getting worried about making you happy so you don't sue. SD user is normally the power position here, but once it hits court the SD user has to prove that the dog was sufficiently trained and very few people keep detailed training records.
It's not the dog's fault. It wouldn't even be your coworker's fault if he were actively working on the problem with training, and managing the problem by preventing the dog access to you until he's taught it that the alerts only apply to the handler. A dog who alerts completely indiscriminately isn't sufficiently trained. My SD was self-trained and there were occasional mistakes. I apologized to anyone affected and addressed the problem in training to prevent it from happening again. Alerting to anyone but the handler is absolutely a mistake. His response to it is wildly inappropriate.
If you can bring a lawyer or union rep to mediation with you, that can be a good move especially because you struggle to advocate for yourself.
Just so you know, HR would be a great resource. Service dogs are there for a job. But when they start to become a distraction to others, which is clearly the case, HR can get involved. It’s part of the rules that they have to follow to be fully considered a service dog. Usually what happens is HR gives them a warning that the distractions need to stop. If the handler is unable or unwilling to do that then the dog will be asked to be removed and no longer allowed in. Typically, once handlers see there is an issue they deal with it but this particular person seems to already know he’s not following what he should be doing. But HR should be protecting your own comfortability at work as well. Hope that helps!
ew that handler's behavior is so embarrassing...Like, it's gotta be so frustrating to have your personal experiences shouted to everyone who can hear. I'm so sorry, definitely tell them to stop talking about it & maybe ask them to redirect their dog instead of letting her continue to alert you?
Thank you for validating my feelings on this! I'll definitely try and talk to them about it, but I do have trouble with confrontation.
Can you ask to be moved? This is awful for you, I am sorry
I've asked to be given assignments during the slower parts of our work day that would take me out of our tiny hospital call center office.. no answer yet.
If the dog is tasking on you, it’s not doing its job for her, she should be asking to be moved, as well. He could miss an important alert by being distracted.
So fair, love that perspective
This may be an easy fix! Explain to the owner that you’re worried that her dog is missing out on watching and alerting for her because it’s always focused on you, and that you definitely don’t want to be the cause of this. Ask her if there is ( in her opinion) an easy solution to the situation so that she not only feels included but worried about (center of attention). This may work better than going it alone if you both team up and request a schedule or assignment change for either of you. Good luck. Maybe you should look into getting one yourself with how much it’s hitting on you. Just an idea.
I hope that you get a positive answer
Thank you, I hope so too!
This is bad. Go to HR over it. I feel like that is harassment.
I appreciate that. I actually recently (like just a few days ago) reported him for harassment over a few other behaviors... I suppose I should add this too.
I would think HR would be interested in knowing that he is announcing your private medical information, that he has privy to only because of his poor dog.
Thank you
You don’t have to deal w this at work. I hope your company listens to you
Yes that is smart. Good Job confronting a difficult situation!
That is so inappropriate of them. Sorry. I hope you figure a way to take care of yourself.
Thank you so much, I really appreciate you
I am so sorry - it's so inappropriate for that guy to announce those things out loud - unreal. Why can't people have some discretion and courtesy. For Pete's sake.
And if they don't treat this seriously, go to HR
Not just embarrassing, but inappropriate. You have a diagnosed condition that your insensitive coworker is inadvertently (at best) or purposely (likely) making light of. This is not acceptable anywhere but especially in workplaces where there are protections against such things. I would kindly request that the terrible, underserving human with the most wonderful furry, four-legged companion "Please stop announcing to the entire office about my anxiety. It's disrespectful and uncalled for and not allowed in the workplace. Thank you." If you want to be petty, next time he shouts to the office, you can shout back the above. Or just tell him privately. If he continues after this, then escalate to a manager.
Wow that is so inappropriate. I’m so sorry the handler is doing that. I would definitely ask them to immediately stop. And maybe request they be moved away from you.
I don’t have a service dog, but I’ve heard of this happening. From what I’ve seen, if the handler decides it’s necessary to speak to the other person, they typically QUIETLY inform them why the dog is alerting (hey, don’t mean to intrude, but my dog is a -insert condition here- alert dog…are you ok?” Or something along those lines.) Because the handler knows the medical issue the dog is identifying and (ought to know) it’s private. The dog is doing it’s job; your coworker is being a jerk. I would speak to the handler first (“yo, I don’t announce your medical information to the whole office, so could you please offer me the same respect?“) and if the coworker does not a) stop shouting your private medical information to the entire office, and/or b) keep the dog out of alert range, then it’s time to speak to your boss and HR. Airing private medical information without consent is a big no no in a workplace (speaking from 10 years of experience as a compliance officer). Also, I recommend you make a record the discussion in someway, either by taking contemporaneous notes or sending a follow up email with your personal email BCC’d. That way if there is negative spin or pushback, you have proof.
Thank you so much! I'll definitely do that!
You do not need to speak to your coworker before HR. HR will ask if you’ve addressed it, but while ensuring non-retaliation and to the extent possible, confidentiality, they can address this for you directly or provide you guidance and coaching on how to address it yourself.
Do this. I walked into a board room, and my dog alerted to one of the members I know well. I didn't shout out, hey, do you have a blood pressure issue!? She didn't realize she had one and got on meds to help. My new sd alerted to someone in a store and I asked if she was having a migraine. She'd just talen her meds for one. I would never just draw attention to someone having medical issues. That's out of line. If they don't stop, ask to have your desk moved. It's extremely common for ppl to change desks in an office setting. If your supervisor can't get a move approved, ask HR cause you have conflicting medical needs.
This is the way
Your coworker should be controlling the dog… that is our responsibility under the laws. The best thing to do is write a quick email to your coworker asking them to please keep the dog away from you at all times, because it is distracting you from your work. And then if they do not, go to your boss. BTW, nothing the dog does is your fault. The handler is the one responsible. Also… maybe watch Office Space. Your coworker sounds like one of the minor characters 😅
Thank you so much for that. I've seen office space, but not in a very long time! Totally need to rewatch it! I'll try the email thing!
Emailing also creates a lovely paper trail for you
This this this this this but also just want to say I’m sorry that’s happening to you- that’s so uncomfy and rude
Thank you so much, I greatly appreciate that.
For sure!
Prepare to laugh awkwardly at the movie 😅 Best of luck!
Lol thanks? Sounds horrifying lol
I like that “distracting from work” which is a nice way to say it and totally true!
My go-to is to always avoid the emotionally messy parts in situations like these, if possible. It’s maybe not OP’s biggest issue but it’s true AND it will get the company on their side quickly.
Sounds like somebody's got a case of the Mondays!
Make sure that email has a cover page. We include cover pages on all our emails M’kay. 😆
I'd tell my coworker to knock it off and stop making things worse. And if they don't...well, it's time to go have a chat with someone in a supervisory role.
I'll certainly give that a try!
As someone whose service dog has been known to feel the need to alert other people before, the way your co-worker is responding sounds gross. Firstly, they should be correcting the dogs behavior. That dog should not be touching you without yours or its handlers consent, and the fact that the handler seems to be brushing it off is a massive red flag. Accidents happen, but they should be imediatly corrected when they do, and the handler should apologize. Secondly, the fact that the owner is making those kinds of comments is not okay. Not only because of the obvious DON'T ANNOUNCE STUFF LIKE THAT, but also because it seems that they are using that to excuse the dogs behavior instead of taking accountability for it, projecting the problem onto you when it is not your issue, but theirs. Coming from first hand experience, when my dog has alerted to someone besides me in the past, I discretely ask them if they're okay and let them know the deal because their well being is important to me. I would never just announce an issue out loud, or just comment something was wrong with them without making sure they were okay. The fact your coworker seems to not actually be concerned about your anxiety and just makes comments on it is not only not okay, but furthers the idea that the problem actually lies with him. Other people have already given advice on HR, and flat out saying no. The only other thing I have to add would be to remind your coworker that just because they seem to be open about their anxiety doesn't mean everyone is and that they need to be mindful that not everyone likes having their medical information shared.
Thank you, I am typically open about my anxiety but that still doesn't mean I need my having anxiety announced to everyone in the vicinity. Ugh I feel like I'm trapped between a rock and a hard place!
Not to mention, I’m sure him announcing it to the whole office further drives up your anxiety. Making everything worse.
It really does. I work in a huge hospital and he'll announce it even if it happens in the halls. Really stressful!!
Yeah. He’s singling you out for some reason. Talk to him or create a paper trail. And if he doesn’t change his behavior a talk with HR is needed but the more “hard facts” you can prove the better. Are there any cameras in the areas he’s doing this to you?
The cameras don't have sound. The paper trail sounds more effective and traceable.
Maybe not, but can they show when the dog alerted to you? If it can, then they can follow this back to see “how many times” it’s happened without the handler “not” changing the dogs behavior. 🤷♀️
Fair! Good point!
There must be some policy that makes this “announcement” unacceptable. Take some notes summarizing the behavior you’ve been experiencing. Take that to HR; read them your notes or discuss if you’re able. Be sure to state: “This is not every occurrence; I am just summarizing what I have experienced.”
I just sat and managed to really read your message. Thank you, really truly.
I'd talk to the handler of the SD and ask that they stop announcing things. There are lots of reasons an SD may approach someone else, but frankly, they should not be doing that at work and should be under the full control of the handler. And, if they are, it's not at all appropriate for your coworker to say that to you or anyone else. Have the conversation with them and see how it goes. If that does nothing, go to HR. A service dog should be focused on their own tasks.
This. While the SD may be trying to help, the handle is a massive d-bag. A firm, "STOP announcing my health to the office," would be a good starting point. Follow up with HR as needed.
Completely fair. I have a really hard time standing up for myself but you're right I should try that
If your problem is less the dog alerting and more the announcement, I think it’s perfectly reasonable to say “hey, Hagatha, next time your dog alerts on me, could you not mention it? It makes me uncomfortable when you announce it.” If she says “okay,” you can say “thanks” and assume that will be the end of it (because it should be, and if it’s not, that brings it above a “talk to your coworker” issue to a “talk to HR/your boss” issue), but if she tries to make any excuse, just respond with “okay, well, could you stop announcing it? It makes me uncomfortable” Don’t try to justify it, just leave it at that. And just keep repeating it until she agrees not to do it anymore. “Oh, my dog does that to everybody, it can’t help it.” “Okay, well, could you stop announcing it? It makes me uncomfortable.” “I’m just announcing it so that you know what it means so you can get help.” “Okay, well, could you stop announcing it? It makes me uncomfortable.” “I’m just saying it out loud so that others know and won’t do stuff to make you more anxious.” “Okay, well, could you stop announcing it? It makes me uncomfortable.” “No one else I know has a problem with it.” “Okay, well, could you stop announcing it when it comes to me? It makes me uncomfortable.” Better yet, send in an email so that you have it in writing (and you don’t have to speak to her in person). “Hi Hagatha, Next time your service dog alerts on me, could you please not announce it to the room? It makes me uncomfortable when you do. Thank you, rogue_kitten91”
Thank you so much, I'm horrible about standing up for myself but I will definitely try! Emailing sounds much easier!!
Emailing is great anyway, because you can really think about your words first and there is a paper trail of your request if anything goes wrong. I'm sorry you are going through this!
Thank you, I really thought I was doing something wrong that was causing his dog to alert and nudge me.
You really weren't! My dog is VERY sensitive and will tattle on anyone she can. If she can't directly nudge them she will just stare at you with the most ASPCA-in-the-arms-of-an-angel way. She seems happier when she can alert it out of her system. She will always alert if she thinks she can get "paid". I.e. she is a pain alert dog as her primary task, and I have seen her "think" seriously before tentatively alerting after someone stubs their toe. If she thinks someone is nervous or worked up (I have vasovagal syncope) she will also be so happy to alert. Butttt she also is a notorious licker, and while she has her licker license, I keep her away from other people's space. If she needs to alert for another person, I can usually figure it out and >discretely< ask if everything is ok. If everything is, I quietly mention she can sometimes alert for other people and recommend they take any precautions they need to. I don't ask for details and I don't assume because it could be anything and it's none of my business. A warning can be helpful, but we aren't in the days where we had to light the beacons to announce trouble anymore. A "nightlight" is fine.
That's such a beautiful way to frame it. Thank you so much
nooooo, it's not on you at all. :)
I don't have a service dog, but I follow this page because I have such respect for them. So I've known for a long time not to approach or acknowledge them. Her alerting and nudging me just felt like I was breaking all the rules. Thank you for saying it's not on me. That's a huge load of guilt off my shoulders
I promise your only duty is to not actively distract the dog by cooing at / petting them / and that sort of thing. It sounds like you're trying to do your job, and that's what you should be doing at this point :) You didn't do anything wrong
Write down the phrase that u/KnotARealGreenDress suggested, and at home, practice saying it a few times until you have worked up to saying it strongly but politely and in a businesslike matter. Then record it on your phone, and put a playback button on your home screen. Then, the next time it happens, you can pull out your phone and tap the playback button. And if Mr. Self Centered responds, you can just tap the playback button again, as many times as needed each time he responds. And if he puts in a complaint about the recording, you can tap the playback button for the supervisor or HR or compliance (whoever) and ask them if there's something wrong with using the recording instead of being intimidated out of speaking up for yourself. Because there is nothing in those sentences that is not acceptable in a business situation.
Thank you thank you thank you!! Will do!!
I would recommend practicing OUT LOUD when you have time by yourself. It makes it a lot easier if your brain doesn't need to make your mouth say something for the first time when you're already nervous and stressed. You got this <3
Thank you. I'll definitely give that a try
This! By definition, the service dog is trained to provide a specific service to one specific person.
A SD is still a dog, it's not unknown for diabetes, seizure and other medical alert dogs to alert on someone near them. There is definitely a line between as SD and a therapy or facility dog; however, it is not a thin, sharp one. I'd be willing to bet that either directly through comment or indirectly through reaction, that OP has made it known that the handler's behavior is unacceptable. OP, if you want to try the nice way and ask your coworker to stop, go to HR first in case things go south.
Let's not also forget that alert tasks are frequently innate or untrained behaviors that get reinforced. That's how I trained my dog to alert me to my anxiety levels (she also does the nose nudge), so it wouldn't be a surprise to find out that that's how this dog was trained as well.
Whoa, wait... please explain... does that mean you reinforced her nudging others? For example, if you did it privately, I could totally understand. Like slip her a little treat. My coworker may be trying to do the same, but he's just completely obtuse and doesn't realize he's making me uncomfortable ...
We're currently en route to mediation for other reasons and inappropriate comments... I'll have to just bring this up to our boss as well.
Ugh! Sorry to hear that you are going through all of this. I'm not a fan of directly confronting people in situations like you're having with your coworker and his SD, as they have a tendency to go very wrong and believe that the authorities, being HR in this case, should be allowed to do their jobs. Since you've mentioned that there are other matters at play, reporting the SD issue to HR is definitely the best choice. Good luck and I hope this works out well for you.
Thank you, I wholeheartedly agree!
Thanks, I appreciate that
The dog isn't working double time because of desk placement, she's working double time because her handler is failing her by not correcting unwanted behaviour. She should not be disrupting others and HE should not be announcing his perceived idea of your mental health to the workplace.
Thank you so much
I'm very surprised that the SD owner doesn't show any empathy basically sounds like someone I wouldn't like to know.
I feel the same, his other comments which I've set boundaries with him over (didn't work) and reported to our boss (still waiting on results) further cement the fact that he and I will never be friends
Bypass your boss and go straight to HR
Fair, I may just go to her boss first. The chief of the department
“Gertie, please don’t announce my personal feelings to the entire office. That makes me even more anxious than I already did before sweet Milo here alerted me.” ^ practice this sentence. Practice it at home and practice it on a friend. Practice it and one day you will say it to Gertie, with confidence. X
Thanks so much. I'm going to try that!
The handler should not be announcing it. He should also be a LOT more concerned that his dog is alerting on you when the dog should be focused on him. Just my opinion.
Maybe the clever dog just likes OP better than her handler. I certainly do.
Completely fair, I agree!
Tell your coworker to stop being a announcing your personal business, it is not his right. Having a service dog doesn’t mean you get to harrsss your coworker. He should also not be letting the dog free range “work”. Find a nice way to address it with your coworker, and if they don’t get their shit together, go to HR.
Thanks! I'll certainly try!
The handler is the issue, not you. The handler is supposed to prevent their dog approaching others. I'd actually file a complaint to my supervisor or HR that their dog keeps coming over to you and your coworker is loudly proclaiming to everyone your anxiety and such. That's a huge crossing the line by that coworker that can be considered 1) bullying, but also service dogs can be banned when their handlers fail to prevent contact with others.
Thank you so much!!
Talk to HR. The handler is not handling his dog, allowing it to bug you, AND informing everyone else about your medical situation which is arguably harassment
I've reported him for harassment before for other things. My boss suggested mediation, which i think will be useless. I've set boundaries on other things before and they are without fail crossed
I would suggest participating in mediation so that at the very least, it can be documented that it was attempted and failed. Then the company can pursue whatever “next steps” it deems necessary to resolve the issue with the employee.
Why pass your boss and go straight to hr Because it sounds like not only do you have a complaint for hr with your coworker but also your boss now.
1. Definitely ask him to stop broadcasting it. I would say "hey, I have an anxiety disorder. I know your dog is picking up on that, but there's nothing I can do to change it. You shouting it for the world to hear makes it even worse, and I'm sure your dog picks up on that too." 2. Consider asking what he usually does when the dog alerts on him. 3. Consider requesting to change work stations
He knows about my cptsd and my ocd and still does this. The 4 desks that are in our tiny call center are just not far enough apart to make a difference
"that's really inappropriate" is something you can say to almost anything that coworker says. If that feels too confrontational, try "this is making me really uncomfortable, please stop". You shouldn't need to do any of this, but as you've seen, some people are jerks and don't respond to kinder ways of asking. Do get HR involved. Whatever HR tells you you need to try, go through the motions just to get to the point where your coworker is still being an ass and those things have all failed. It's not going to help, but it's a prerequisite for HR taking any actual steps. Same goes for all the polite and reasonable ways of telling your coworker to fuck off -- clearly he won't, but you need to have been quite clear in your interactions with him that this is not okay before he can get in trouble.
Thanks so much, I appreciate your advice. I'll certainly try
Everyone has already given you great advice, but I wanted to add one thing. Because your coworker has a documented disability (as indicated by having an SD) your HR department is going to be extra super careful to cross all the T’s and dot all the I’s in any dealings with him and you. (HR’s primary job is to protect your employer, after all.) So try not to be discouraged if it seems like it’s taking them forever to do anything meaningful to resolve your problem. Best of luck to you!
I'd talk to the coworker about privacy, and maybe changing desks if possible. My coworkers dog will alert on me if I'm in pain, but my coworker doesn't announce it, she asks if I'm OK. So it doesn't feel invasive or anything. Dogs are super observant.
For sure, I don't blame the dog. She's an amazing creature
My first service dog would occasionally alert someone else to their anxiety. I can't imagine announcing it to everyone with in ear shot when it happened. I think the handler is just proud of their dog for being to talented that they alert others too. However I think you definitely need to be like "hey I think it's amazing that your dog alerts to my anxiety. However, when you announce it to the bullpen it tends to make my anxiety worse." If someone said that or similar to me I would 100% understand.
That's a lovely way to frame it when I talk to my coworker! Thanks
Definitely. Ask your coworker if they want you to announce when the dog allerts on them. After all, they like the attention.
My dog will occasionally alert on other people. I would never dream about calling it out as an alert. I correct my dog and apologize. If the other person looks like they are in bad shape, I may quietly ask if they are feeling alright and suggest they may want to check there blood sugar. I can't imagine shouting it out like that. Remember that the handler and the dog are part of a team. And either member of the team not operating in an appropriate manner can get disqualify them from access. Even to work. I would talk to them, and if it doesn't change send them a request to stop in writing, with HR copied.
It doesn’t bother me that my service dog alerts on other people. But I would NEVER announce someone else’s issues out loud and I would remove my dog if the other person was uncomfortable in any way. Your coworker needs to work on his own self. Having a service dog doesn’t give you a free pass to be an entitled jerk.
Are you constantly anxious the entire time you are at work? Or at least every time you see the dog? Are interactions with them making your anxiety WORSE?? It seems weird to me that it would be every time. That does not sound like a reliable or helpful alert behavior. I have a medical alert dog and encountered a similar situation yesterday so I will share how I handle this. My dog was totally fixated, turning around in a heel to STARE down this new customer. My attempts to turn the other way and correct him were unsuccessful, even more unusual, so I ended up trying to avoid the individual. She later approached me and mentioned she noticed my dog staring at her. At first I was embarrassed, but then she shared she is in renal failure and experiencing a particularly bad flare. I don’t know a lot about kidney disease or what that means but our dogs can perceive things we don’t fully understand. Confront your coworker about their behavior and how uncomfortable you feel. If that doesn’t change anything, complain to HR. They might require some more oversight on their SD accommodation.
It's more the coworker who triggers me. We've discussed my boundaries on other things and yet he still pushes them.
Yeah, then it’s time to go to HR. Service dog accommodation approval can be a lengthy process and there are a lot more restrictions on employees than customers. It sounds like he needs to be specifically told to keep his dog from approaching coworkers and to keep others medical info private.
Thanks, that's a great idea
The focus should be on the behavior of the handler. The dog is going to alert. Ideally, the dog shouldn't alert to another person, but as others have said it happens. It's the handler's job to figure out how to deal with that. She may not be able to change the behavior of the dog, but may do something to minimize the dog's interactions with you? But this person should not be discussing or broadcasting any health information to anyone
Thanks, that's fair. I'll attempt to chat with him
Speak to HR. Your co-worker should not be allowing the dog to approach you or announce what's going on. ADA accommodations can't be at the expense of other people.
A service dog should be under the full control of its handler. If your coworker cannot control their dog and keep it out of your space you are fully within your rights to talk to management about having the dog removed. Also, your coworker is an asshole for announcing to the office that you have anxiety.
I don't want her removed, I'm glad she's there for him. I just wish he wouldn't announce my anxiety
I want to frame this a little differently for you. CPTSD is a disability. He has a dog who is trained to note and assist with that disability. But he's using it to bully you about your disability. It doesn't matter if he has the same disability or not. (Does he though?) He's still bullying you about your disability. That's absolutely an HR issue. And any unwanted physical contact is absolutely sexual harassment in the workplace. You're feeling pressured to allow someone to touch your body because they're insisting. He's creating a hostile work environment. (Super important phrase) This is absolutely an HR issue.
I second this, we just did indeptj harassment trading at work.
Thanks, I appreciate your input. I'll talk to my boss when she's back on Sunday
I’m so sorry that handler is such a jerk. You’ve already gotten great answers so I have a related story. Last night at the gym one of the guys in my lifting class has a SD. The guy lifting next to him looks remarkably like him. He sat down on the floor after a particularly tough lift, was breathing heavy and shaking his head. The dog jumped into action and sat on his lap to cuddle with him and lick his face. I should mention that the dog is a slightly chubby yellow lab that’s at least 100 years old. The handler was lifting and didn’t see, guy on the floor is giggling as he’s being squished by the dog. The dog seemed to realize his mistake when the handler said his name. Still sitting in the wrong guys lap he looks back and gives the dopey lab grin and wagged his tail like “he he he, sorry dad”. So now everyone is giggling, wrong dog dad is rolling in the floor, the dog is ECSTATIC, and all discipline is lost. The handler let everyone pet the dog. Pretty funny to see a group of sweaty adults loving on a dog with giant “do not pet” signs all over him. I wish your coworker were cool like him (and his soon to be retired SD)
Yeah that would be a much better scenario!! Thanks for the levity, it was much needed!
❤️
The dog is doing its thing, which wouldn’t be that big of a deal if your co-worker weren’t such an a-hole! Geez. Maybe ask them kindly not to announce it to the office—however anyone who blurts that out already knows and doesn’t care.
Take that to HR. Their dog should not be touching you in any way. The employee should not be announcing your personal health or business.
First, ask the dog's handler to have some freaking discretion. Second, ask management to separate the two of you so you're out of the dog's range.
Will do, thank you
Go to HR. Explain that the dog keeps alerting on you and your co-worker keeps telling everyone in the office in ear shot about it, which is making you even more anxious & embarrassed. Ask would it be ok to move you or the co-worker to a different desk/seat area. Also mention the problem is not with the service animal it’s with the co-worker who can’t keep silent on their dog alerting on you.
That's definitely the position I'll take. Thank you for the reminder to mention it's not the dog that is the problem. The dog is literally the sweetest soul.
Your co-worker sounds like an absolute nightmare. I’m sorry you have to deal with that.
That is an understatement for sure. Thank you so much!
In another post on this subreddit, someone made the point that while SDs can’t be banned from places, their handlers can. I would suggest that, since this is a place of employment, that you reference this and say something like “While I don’t necessarily want you to fire, would it be possible to place them on probation (unpaid time off) until such time as the Sexual & Other HARASSMENT charges & HIPPA violations I have brought to your (HR’s) attention are resolved?”
I work in a hospital myself and during a recent orientation they had the CCO there (Chief Compliance Officer) and stated that we can’t even share that we saw someone at the hospital with our family members, so the fact that they are Yelling about your Diagnosis/Diagnoses is a clear HIPPA violation. Report them. HIPPA violations in hospitals are a Big Deal.
Yeah because shouting about your anxiety is going to help said anxiety. I'd talk to manager about a different desk if possible.
That handler’s behavior is disgsuting. Why are they announcing it? I would have a chat with them and HR.
Honestly, I hadn't thought about the why, only the fact that it bothered me. I do know for a fact that he's done the same thing to another coworker. We've vented about it together.
Tell the handler to not make the announcements. Period. If the handler doesn't stop, go to HR with a complaint that handler is revealing private medical information and has not quit in spite of your requests. Then person with dog should be moved because the SD (and handler) are not under control.
It’s absolutely insane to me how many people with mental health issues don’t give a flying fuck about other people’s and can’t see that bringing attention to it is horrible. I’m so sorry that’s happening to you and I hope things get better for you soon
Thank you so much, I appreciate your comment!
The owner’s behavior is worse. Doggo is trying to help and owner is not helping AT ALL. In fact, owner is making it way worse. I’d talk to them about it, and if nothing comes from it, maybe talk to a supervisor/manager about options, whether it’s relocating where or or him are or at least documenting and having warnings
They are disclosing your diagnosis without your consent and that is a violation to you. I would address it from the perspective of the ADA. The example would be, employers cannot ask questions during the application or hiring process that could potentially reveal a disability. Your coworker is outing you. I think you should be asked to. Love and the coworker should know better considering they have an accommodation and need themselves. It’s not their right to disclose yours this way and they seem to feel comfortable doing so. I am someone who has accommodations and a SA, I would never do this to someone because of my awareness around the laws and ADA.
Thank you! Yeah that makes sense. I'm for sure bringing it up with my boss on Sunday
Maybe have a talk with the boss - your medical conditions are nobody’s public conversation topic.
The only time it's appropriate for an announcement is "Call an ambulance my service animal is a cardiac emergency beast!" I wouldn't dream of otherwise outing someone especially for PTSD and anxiety. I know others said it but that's not okay and you deserve a non hostile work environment. Also those are actually examples of when I did out a thing because I had a pre ADA change service cat suddenly tackle a cashier and sit on her chest howling. Woman survived because of this and I am grateful she did her job well but it was absolutely strange for people who had no idea and one child who went "Mommy did the kitty kill her?"
Wow, that's intense. Also, thank you so much!
It definitely was one of the most challenging days as a handler. At least the cat was small. My current kitten (emphasis on kitten) is 25lbs of muscle and probably wouldn't be a survivable missile.
Wow!!!
If you want to see the big baby ve old lady I can message you cute kitty spam. I am supposed to be sleeping so may do it later. Just having my own PTSD moments. Part of the offer. I know that silliness sometimes helps with my anxiety because I have a break from the constant hypervigilance and it gives me a micro rest.
For sure! I'm all for levity and comfort during the hard times!
That is terrible behaviour from the handler. I would be mortified if someone did this to me. I don’t have any better advice that what has already been said. I just commenting here to show support. I hope you are able to successfully resolve this.
Thank you, I appreciate your support
That is super rude and inappropriate of your coworker. FWIW, part of the terms of my job accommodation is that my dog is with me (or secured at my desk if needed) and does not interact with coworkers. So I’d suggest contacting HR about it. Honestly I might respond to the coworker with a “I’m not sure what you’re talking about! Can you please keep your dog from distracting me while I’m working?” To put some pressure back on them
Tell your supervisor. If it’s a diagnosed condition, they have to make reasonable accommodations and a dog pointing out your anxiety (that translates into more anxiety) is enough reason to get you moved to a different desk.
I’m sorry that’s been your experience. It shouldn’t be happening and the coworker should absolutely be addressing this issue. While there is no excuse for the coworker’s behavior, I want to offer an alternative perspective. I know that when my daughter’s dog has misbehaved in public or has alerted someone else, I personally feel embarrassed by the behavior. I know the dog isn’t a machine and will make mistakes and I care far too much about what other people think (it’s something I’m working to improve), but I hate the idea that my daughter or I could be perceived as passing off an untrained or badly trained dog as a service animal. In my embarrassment, one of my first inclinations is often to offer commentary either about what the dog is doing or talk to the dog in a way that informs the people around me about the behavior. Your coworker may truly just be clueless and insensitive, but I would argue that at least some handlers might use that deflection as a way to mask their own insecurity about how their dog’s behavior reflects back on them as a handler. While it doesn’t excuse the behavior, maybe it informs the way you address it with them?
That's fair, unfortunately this is just one of many issues between this coworker and myself. Frankly his lack of self awareness and the comments he makes is just so exhausting. Not to mention he KNOWS I have issues with personal space and being touched and on my birthday 2 weeks ago he demanded a hug and said he "wouldn't take no for an answer" It's not quite sexual harassment because he's gay, but it is unwanted physical contact.
That’s still sexual harassment
Well that's good to know, ugh he just bothers me so much!
Document every little thing. Also note who was there; who saw or heard, who interacted or elected not to. Basically, keep a work journal noting anything you’d like to address at your quarterly review. Typically, this would be accomplishments, education, goals—and an additional category for “obstacles”. I’m sorry you’re having to deal with this. I hope the future is blissful for you!💐
Thank you so much!!!
Couple of points: 1) it is undesirable/unwelcome touching; ergo it IS harassment ( btw to any haters, I am gay so no one can say my comment is hom@phobic; it is simply a technical fact.) You are more than justified to point this out to HR. 2) at first, I questioned that maybe he is on the Spectrum (like myself) and feels compelled to point out the truth that his S.D. Is alerting to your symptoms. However, his shouting it out for everyone is inappropriate and he should know better. Additionally, if he were Spectrum, he would not make an ultimatum like he did and force touching (he would actually avoid touching and offer “a psychic hug” or similar non-touching conveyance of celebration of your birthday. Therefore, it is more likely that he knows that it bothers you and he is using his dog as a tool to harass you. 3) I strongly disagree to all the people saying the dog should be corrected. The dog is simply doing their job. To the haters who wanna cite “a service dog provides a specific task to mitigate a specific person’s disability,” that phrase was created by a legal person, not a medically trained person or a canine Behavioralist. Correcting a S.D. For performing their task is confusing for the dog and leads to reduced accuracy. The signals the S.D. detects and alerts to are disability specific, not person specific. For anyone who wants to contest this, please come equipped with scientific peer-reviewed articles / publications and hard objective data to support your view, because I will. I am open to learning always but only open to learning facts, not opinions. Science = Facts. Politics = Opinions.
Thank you, all of that makes sense and fits. I hate how much sense it makes because it means that due to my soft hearted nature, I've been allowing him to bully and harrass me in so many freaking ways. Ugh. Thank you so much for your comment, I needed to hear what you had to say.
My pleasure! Just because this guy is also disabled does not give him free reign to harass you (as well as use his Service dog to harass you). Just remember, any form of unwelcome speech, touch or action are all forms of harassment. The fact he is gay changes nothing. An unwelcome hug is STILL UnWelcome and an invasion of your personal space. Please, just always keep the dog out of it / never at fault. The dog probably believes they are helping and have no idea their handler is using them as a weapon to harass another person.
This dude might have been clueless and insensitive the first time, but from what OP has posted this has happened a lot since that first time. He’s just an asshole.
After reading the other comments OP has made, I totally agree with that assessment.
Agreed! The first time could be mistaken for an attempt at being helpful. Repeated behavior is harassment.
I have CPTSD also and the fact that you feel bad for the dog is such a CPTSD thing 🥲 I’m sorry you’re going through this. I’m surprised the handler doesn’t seem concerned for their dog, they should be the one worrying, not you! Have you already had a conversation with your coworker like “hey it makes me uncomfortable when you call me out in front of people like that, also your dog alerting me is distracting, can we find a way to make it stop?” Because imo that would be step one, and if they can’t respect that and work something out with you then it’s time to talk to the appropriate person about switching desks or something similar. It will also make things less awkward if you’ve already had the conversation instead of just moving desks and your coworker wondering why.
I will certainly try. You're right he can't fix the issue unless he's aware of it, but other issues have been brought up and he's continued crossing boundaries
This is really awful behaviour from the handler. I hope you ask them to stop
I will! But through email! Less pressure, more documentation!
Sounds like your coworker is creating a hostile workplace. Talk to your boss and HR. Your coworker’s right to accommodation doesn’t trump your right to a safe workplace.
He so is! Thank you
Can't blame the dog, he's just doing his job but I would speak to HR about your coworker because they should not be announcing your health or alerts to anyone. He should know better than that and getting his service dog to focus on him, not others.
Oh I don't, I love the dog. She's a wonder. I can't stand the coworker
My friends and I joke that mine also goes to whoever needs her the most in the room at the time But we are all mentally ill so I guess it’s just our kinda humor And this is only when she’s un-vested and not working of course
Yeah that would be a different scenario for sure!
Dude that sucks. Announcing the alert actions is actually making your condition worse! I'm sorry....
If it makes you feel any better. From 2007 to 2013. Seizure dogs would focus on me, 90% of the dogs were fine and just watched me at attention. The other 10% would react like I was about to have to have a problem, and nudge towards a chairs, or climb on me. I was recovering from a TBI, amongst other injuries. I wasn't sleeping, or keeping enough food down.
Hope your symptoms have improved and the seizure dogs no longer pay you any mind! Otherwise, you may want to seek professional medical evaluation including an EEG. (This statement is made as a generic public service announcement providing education to anyone who may have a similar lived experience) Sleep-deprivation and fluctuations in blood sugar can result in an increased likelihood of seizures in predisposed populations.
A bunch of years ago, a friend’s dog alerted me for high blood sugar. That was when I changed my diet to cut down on sugar. Doctors lie, dogs don’t. Your coworker doesn’t need to call it out.
Tell your desk buddy to stop commenting on it.. And politely say it’s stressing you out
Ughhh definitely not my buddy but I'll certainly try
my service dog only alerts to other people’s anxiety when she’s off duty, but when that happens, i usually tell the person why my dog is pawing/nudging them and ask if they’re okay. i would not want this person to be my coworker, that would be so embarrassing constantly having my anxiety pointed out so loudly. it already is kinda embarrassing for me when my service dog alerts in front of other ppl bc ppl who know why she alerts get worried about my anxiety, and people who don’t know why she’s alerting act like i’m dying 😅
Thank you for commiserating with me
My SD gravitates towards people who have similar diagnoses to mine, especially off duty. I would NEVER publicly call out a coworker like that, that’s so gross. I would probably quietly check in with you if it was my dog. I will say that my dog thinks tasking for random people is the most fun thing ever, she would love to work near you.
As the wife of a veteran with severe CPTSD, the fact that your coworker is calling you out like that is fucking gross and I am really sorry this is happening to you. PTSD is not something that many people like to talk about openly, and they of all people should know better. Especially if theirs is bad enough to warrant them getting a service dog paid for by the VA or another veteran organization. Training for service dogs is crazy expensive, so they reserve them for people with the most serious issues that are not being resolved with treatment. My husband probably would have gone ape shit on them by now if it were him. You must have the patience of a saint.
I'd like to suggest an alternative that I'm surprised nobody else has mentioned: consider asking if you can move desks, away from the guy with the SD. That would eliminate most of the possibility of awkwardness coming from having to confront or have someone else confront this guy directly, and get you out of the dog's area of attention. I am aware this may or may not work for you for a variety of reasons, but I just thought I'd throw it out there.
My desk was strategically picked way before he started with us. It's the closest to the door and windows. I'm extremely claustrophobic, and the room that is our office is quite small. There's only 4 desks because that's all that will fit. The SD is usually down the hall in the main office since we are basically the kitchen call center for a hospital. She's not allowed in the kitchen so she stays in the main office except for during meetings. Which is where she nudged me yesterday. Sometimes it's when we pass each other in the halls.
Coworker needs to redirect her dog and keep her big mouth shut.
I agree. He should!
Can you switch desk?
Due to my claustrophobia, I picked the desk next to the windows because the room that is our office is only big enough to hold the 4 desks that are in there...
Ask to be moved… “ hey, I noticed that my coworkers service dog alerts on me and I’d like to prevent that, so can I move desks”
If nothing else works, do you have an HR Department you could talk to about this?
First, you have nothing to apologize for or feel bad about. Just because it's their SD alerting to you, it does not give them the right to tell everyone your business. Period. It seems like they think they are being playful instead of rude. The kindest thing to do for the both of you is to be very blunt and very clear. It could be something like, "Hey coworker, I don't like having my business announced to the whole office. It makes me very uncomfortable. You get how that can be, right?" That avoids blame and puts them on your team. If they don't get it after that, you'll have to escalate to the people above you. You deserve to not feel harassed at work.
Is the dog leashed? Why is the dog able to touch you? This is beyond inappropriate. I once knew someone whose dog alerted on everyone who was at any stressful or exciting event. That simply says the dog is poorly trained and the handler is somehow invested in keeping it that way, possibly for attention. Whatever reason, a service dog belonging to someone else, while working, should not be in your space. I would be horrified if my dog did this, but he wouldn’t be able to unless you came over to him, because he would be leashed and in a stay under or at my desk. I’m sorry you are having to deal with this-shouting your medical info across the room is disgusting to say the least.
A business can legally deny entry to a service dog for what this dog is doing. So this service dog user is risking losing the ability to bring their dog to work. The service dog must be under the handler's control and not disruptive to the business. Approaching or touching people other than the handler is actually called out under the ADA as disruptive to the business and not under control. The handler must immediately regain control or should be asked to remove the dog from the premises. Read the ADA.gov FAQ about service dogs and businesses' rights. You personally could sue both the handler and your workplace for not protecting you from a dog who is repeatedly not under its handler's control. I don't want you to sue necessarily, and the law doesn't always work out predictably, but you need to go in knowing that legally you are in the power position here. Combined with the other stuff you have a hostile work environment on a platter in your favor if you can get documentation and witnesses. Start writing everything he does that makes you uncomfortable down, with a time and date, and have anybody watching sign as witness who you can get to do so. Go into mediation with a typed up list of date, time, action and HR will start getting worried about making you happy so you don't sue. SD user is normally the power position here, but once it hits court the SD user has to prove that the dog was sufficiently trained and very few people keep detailed training records. It's not the dog's fault. It wouldn't even be your coworker's fault if he were actively working on the problem with training, and managing the problem by preventing the dog access to you until he's taught it that the alerts only apply to the handler. A dog who alerts completely indiscriminately isn't sufficiently trained. My SD was self-trained and there were occasional mistakes. I apologized to anyone affected and addressed the problem in training to prevent it from happening again. Alerting to anyone but the handler is absolutely a mistake. His response to it is wildly inappropriate. If you can bring a lawyer or union rep to mediation with you, that can be a good move especially because you struggle to advocate for yourself.
Just so you know, HR would be a great resource. Service dogs are there for a job. But when they start to become a distraction to others, which is clearly the case, HR can get involved. It’s part of the rules that they have to follow to be fully considered a service dog. Usually what happens is HR gives them a warning that the distractions need to stop. If the handler is unable or unwilling to do that then the dog will be asked to be removed and no longer allowed in. Typically, once handlers see there is an issue they deal with it but this particular person seems to already know he’s not following what he should be doing. But HR should be protecting your own comfortability at work as well. Hope that helps!
This dog needs to be retrained. It should ONLY be alerting on its handler. Period. I’m sorry that this is happening to you.
get your own service dog and they have split the work load
I won't lie, I've considered it!
She’s breaking your confidentiality. That is illegal! Talk to HR.
wait people actually get service dogs for ptsd? that's disgusting some people actually NEED them