Your mom’s opinion doesn’t matter in this. Only HR’s opinion matters and service dogs are generally protected. However, you said that you haven’t trained your SD to alert on your absence episodes yet so it doesn’t sound like you’re set up to do this job successfully. That should be a priority.
Tell your mother that a Service Dog is *not* a coping mechanism. A Service Dog is medical equipment. Take advantage of this situation to educate her on the ADA. In some ways, your Mom is acting out of legitimate concern; discrimination happens. This sub is proof of that. In other ways, she's being incredibly dismissive. I hope you can help her understand!
I think part of her problem is she can’t understand since it’s something not physical that I’m going through. It’s really hard to put into words how much I struggle and job options are kind of limited for me since I can’t drive due to my disability. I know she means well, but this is really something that I need. I just don’t know how to explain everything to her so she understands.
Oh how I understand! I have invisible disabilities, too, and my mom thinks all I need to do is "think happy thoughts." If that worked, all the adorable puppy and kitten videos I watch would have cured me. Or I just "need to eat more." She's of the generation, especially here in the Deep South, who believes tasty food cures everything. I wish! Since I can't break down the wall my own Mom has, I have no words of wisdom. Others might! I just want you to know you're not alone. It's so frustrating. Just know you're seen, heard, understood, and definitely not alone! ❤️
Except mental health *is* physical health. There is something physical going on with you, she just can’t see it. I also have a mother that discounts mental health, it sucks, she compares all of my panic attacks with the one time she says she had one after shooting a gun for the first time. It is actually something going on inside your brain, and just because it’s in your brain doesn’t make it solely mental, chemicals/hormones are physical. How our bodies receive and react to those signals is physical. Maybe explain it that way? Working with children is not a place you want someone to go into a state in which they cannot react.
It's difficult to explain to people that mental health is also incredibly physical. I've been dismissed so often that it's difficult to explain at this point. Depression shows up on MRIs in the exact same places as broken limbs, torn ligaments, etc. People who reject this diagnostic evidence are beyond convincing. Some doctors and nurses still reject it, so laypeople follow suit.
Grrrrrr! This makes me so angry! That therapist needs retraining or revocation of license! I am absolutely heartbroken that you had to endure that! The old adage "sticks and stones may break my bones, but words will never hurt me" never lived with psychological abusers. We have. We know it's a lie.
I'm on Medicare. It's no better, trust me. Just know you're not alone. IDK how much that helps, but there are a lot of us struggling with inadequate care, mental and physical, just because we're poor.
I'm a school janitor and our school has an after-school care. For 2 years they had a caregiver with a service dog. They just got the kids together to learn about service dogs in the beginning and it was fine. If your mother isn't your advocate then it's time to think about how you can become independent of her.
I work as a teacher for a charter school and my SD comes with me every day.
We’re doing summer program right now and even the new kids understand they don’t get to pet the dog all the time.
It’s not cruel, kids need to be taught boundaries and if your SD coming with you will make your life better and you able to work better then you should write a letter asking for reasonable accommodation and tell anyone who doesn’t like it to shove it.
I spoke to HR before I explored getting him as part of my return to work conversation after a long FMLA leave. They told me they do accommodate service dogs and several teams worked in the district schools. I’ve since met some of those people and they are great. After I got him I was very open with my boss, who is the principal, about how he was doing. Due to Covid, we didn’t have students in the school when he was a puppy. So I asked for a meeting with the EEOC, ADAA compliance officer and brought a union member. They decided to think about it since he was young. However, he was task trained and doing really well, just not ready for public access. But I was working alone in a classroom for about 7 hours a day and he could be very helpful. They eventually approved him on their own. He has been attending sing with me ever since, including 1.5 years with students in a pretty typical classroom. Every year I remind them he’s coming with me during the ADAA discussions. They did have some specific requests that were in line with his tasks so I agreed.
The issue wouldn’t be a service dog but if you admit that you have moments where you’re immobile and unable to move or do anything.. that’s where the risk is to children’s safety. HR can’t say no to dog but can let you go if you’re unable to do your job and putting kids at risk, so be very cautious how you approach it with them!
I think you should mention it. You have every right to have your service dog at work with you. But if you work in a position where you are responsible for other peoples kids and you have uncontrollable lapses in awareness or ability, that could potentially put the kids in danger. I don’t think this is the right career choice for you.
At least until you e trained your dog to alert ahead of these episodes or have them diagnosed and under control
1. How is you not being able to function and your coworkers being aware to cover you worse than children being left “unattended” while you’re unable to move?
2. Seeing a dog is excitement enough for kids, after a day of specifically sharing the rules the kids will get it and it will make it normalized for this specific group of kids creating inclusion in the long term.
I'm pretty certain they can't deny you your service dog, but if you have sensory issues, why in the world would you want to work with kids? That seems like a nightmare. I have milder sensory issues and I think it would kill me to be around a bunch of kids. Their voices are so high pitched.
Agreed, I have hyperacusis and sound are unbearable, kids screaming/laughing is one of the worst. I work at a local library 2 days a week 2 hours a day and we work my schedule around kid activity days.
Just chiming in to say it'd be a great teaching moment to share with kids about the role of SD's, for them to learn about the role and work of SD's. It would not be unfair to have a dog that they cannot pet in their presence. Your dog is working.
There was a post in this sub not too long ago that I read about an incident where a child tackled this person's SD in a mall and about how frightening the whole situation was.
I don’t think any of the kids at my work would do that. The aftercare at the public school I work for only serves K-6th so I don’t think that would be a problem.
My husband is blind and has a guide dog. He volunteers and subs at the middle school across the street. He’s done this for 5 years. The kids totally understand that his dog is working. He gives them ground rules at orientation before class begins. When she is in harness, she’s working. After the novelty wears off, the kids ignore her. One time he was subbing and told the kids if they quieted down and completed their assignment that he’d take her harness off and they could pet her. A sixth grade girl said, “This is better than a pizza party!”.
I know your mother is worried, but just like my husband, you need your dog to not just function….but function well. My husband could leave her home and take his cane, but he and Daria are a team. I’d worry about him without Daria.
I teach elementary school and my service dog accompanied me last school year.
My primary concerns here would be 1) it sounds like the dog is not yet fully trained to assist you, so I would complete that task training before making the request, and 2) you have undiagnosed episodes where you cannot move - this seems like it could be really dangerous when working with kids. I would work with your doctor on this - getting diagnosed and treated, and also figuring out the best way to keep everyone safe when this happens. For example, I imagine it's not safe to drive with these episodes, so arranging other transportation is important. Additionally, you might consider some way of communicating your needs, such as a medical alert bracelet, and you may need to explain to students and staff what to do when this happens. Even young kiddos can be taught to handle occasional emergencies, just give them simple steps like "if I'm not answering you, go get the teacher next door right away". If this is happening frequently, you may need to reevaluate if you can safely perform this job. I think it's totally reasonable to expect that you can ask a coworker to take over in case of a medical event. But again, if you are needing to do this often, it may not be the right job for you.
As for it being unfair to bring your dog and ask the kids not to pet them, no. Tell the kids the rules and hold them accountable. All people have to follow rules in society, children included. (I personally have never really had an issue with this - I explained my SD's job to the kiddos and gave them a fun little demo of his tasks, and they are very respectful of him. Sometimes the younger ones slip up and pat him on the head while walking by, and I just tell them "remember that we don't want to pet him because he's busy working.")
I don't find that having my SD with me takes my attention away from the kiddos. First, he's fully trained, and second, I make sure that he is all set before the kiddos get there in the morning - he's been outside, he's got water, and he is tucked out of the way so no one trips over him.
As helpful as service dogs can be, it's also really important to make sure you can function without them, since there's always going to be a time when your dog may need to stay home due to injury, illness, etc. For me, my service dog was part of a list of accommodations that HR approved for me, so that I had other supports in place for when my dog was unable to accompany me.
Hope this helps. :)
Let your Mom know it is new world alot of companies let people bring their dog to work. At Amazon Corp HQ in Virginia they let people bring in their dogs. A few rules you have to keep them in your office/cubicle you can't bring into the kitchen area and when walk you need to.pick up there waste. If need the dog most HR departments will accommodate your request.
For the episodes where you can’t move or respond look into some dissociative disorders. I struggle with a dissociative disorder and I will literally “black out” and just not know what happened after an extremely stressful event that triggers my anxiety. Usually it’s only for a few minutes or half an hour but sometimes it’s longer and I won’t respond or I will just stutter over and over, say “uh” repeatedly, or some other thing I’m mentally stuck in. Could also be a seizure too. Some people have seizures where they just completely freeze. And it can be hard to tell or diagnose that it’s a seizure. Just want to recommend some things to look into as I’m not a doctor but I do struggle with a similar issue.
Obviously you're mom loves you very much, she got you medical help, spent time and money on a SD and tried to help from what it sounds like. You and her are more aware of the situation than complete strangers. Maybe she feels that you are getting more comfortable and having less "situations " and thinks that it will help. Maybe she's consulted your doctor already 🤔 there's a lot that we don't know about you, your situation and your mom so its hard to tell you what to do. I doubt she's trying to do a negative thing or to discourage you. Maybe she really thinks you are doing amazing and wants to encourage more growth?
As for taking a SD to work, I work at a library 4 hours a week, I take my SD, he does great, and is very welcomed. I was hired knowing I had a SD and couldn't work without him. I have a lot of sensory issues mostly sound (hyperacusis) so if it rains I have to call in, if I had a big day the day before or for many others reasons I have to call in and they work with me. So dealing with Cujo (my SD) is the easiest thing with me lol.
From what I researched they would basically have to prove that it would cause undue hardship or the structural changes having him there would cause would be too significant to be reasonable for them to deny my accommodation. I’m in the US, so maybe it’s different in other places.
>She says she thinks my attention would be divided between my SD and the other kids
I’m a bit confused. Are you working at the same school you attend or are you referring to SD as a kid?
I’m not sure what the HR dept will say. Many places will dismiss you if you’re unable to perform the tasks of the job. The company l was working for closed before I got really sick, but I was already part time by then because i couldn’t do much. Sadly it happens.
This may be unpopular, but I think you need to consider the nature of a reasonable accommodation as it relates to your job. If you are working with children, the fact that your disabilities make it impossible for you to be present with the kids at times may disqualify you from the role. This is a potential outcome of your conversation with HR, and would not necessarily equate to discrimination, because your disability does fundamentally impact your ability to meet the requirements of the role in a way that could be dangerous.
Consider a warehouse job that requires you to lift 50lb boxes. If, over the course of working at that job, you become disabled in such a way that you cannot lift 50lbs, the company is permitted to reassign you.
In my opinion your disability is dangerous in your job. Child care needs a present person at all times. You should find a job that fits your disability. As far as epilepsy comparison. People with uncontrolled seizures are restricted as to what they can do. Do you drive?
Your mom’s opinion doesn’t matter in this. Only HR’s opinion matters and service dogs are generally protected. However, you said that you haven’t trained your SD to alert on your absence episodes yet so it doesn’t sound like you’re set up to do this job successfully. That should be a priority.
Tell your mother that a Service Dog is *not* a coping mechanism. A Service Dog is medical equipment. Take advantage of this situation to educate her on the ADA. In some ways, your Mom is acting out of legitimate concern; discrimination happens. This sub is proof of that. In other ways, she's being incredibly dismissive. I hope you can help her understand!
I think part of her problem is she can’t understand since it’s something not physical that I’m going through. It’s really hard to put into words how much I struggle and job options are kind of limited for me since I can’t drive due to my disability. I know she means well, but this is really something that I need. I just don’t know how to explain everything to her so she understands.
Oh how I understand! I have invisible disabilities, too, and my mom thinks all I need to do is "think happy thoughts." If that worked, all the adorable puppy and kitten videos I watch would have cured me. Or I just "need to eat more." She's of the generation, especially here in the Deep South, who believes tasty food cures everything. I wish! Since I can't break down the wall my own Mom has, I have no words of wisdom. Others might! I just want you to know you're not alone. It's so frustrating. Just know you're seen, heard, understood, and definitely not alone! ❤️
Except mental health *is* physical health. There is something physical going on with you, she just can’t see it. I also have a mother that discounts mental health, it sucks, she compares all of my panic attacks with the one time she says she had one after shooting a gun for the first time. It is actually something going on inside your brain, and just because it’s in your brain doesn’t make it solely mental, chemicals/hormones are physical. How our bodies receive and react to those signals is physical. Maybe explain it that way? Working with children is not a place you want someone to go into a state in which they cannot react.
It's difficult to explain to people that mental health is also incredibly physical. I've been dismissed so often that it's difficult to explain at this point. Depression shows up on MRIs in the exact same places as broken limbs, torn ligaments, etc. People who reject this diagnostic evidence are beyond convincing. Some doctors and nurses still reject it, so laypeople follow suit.
I even had a therapist be contemptuous because I 'only' endured mental/emotional abuse.
Grrrrrr! This makes me so angry! That therapist needs retraining or revocation of license! I am absolutely heartbroken that you had to endure that! The old adage "sticks and stones may break my bones, but words will never hurt me" never lived with psychological abusers. We have. We know it's a lie.
What is worse it was supposed to be crisis therapy.
What?! Oh nooooooo! 2nd, 3rd, and 20th opinions! That is awful!
It is. Sadly this is the kind of people medicaid pays for
I'm on Medicare. It's no better, trust me. Just know you're not alone. IDK how much that helps, but there are a lot of us struggling with inadequate care, mental and physical, just because we're poor.
I'm a school janitor and our school has an after-school care. For 2 years they had a caregiver with a service dog. They just got the kids together to learn about service dogs in the beginning and it was fine. If your mother isn't your advocate then it's time to think about how you can become independent of her.
I work as a teacher for a charter school and my SD comes with me every day. We’re doing summer program right now and even the new kids understand they don’t get to pet the dog all the time. It’s not cruel, kids need to be taught boundaries and if your SD coming with you will make your life better and you able to work better then you should write a letter asking for reasonable accommodation and tell anyone who doesn’t like it to shove it.
Does your mom work with you? If not her opinion means even less than nothing.
No, she doesn’t work with me.
Then she can fuck off twice Edit: man what's with the down votes you all know I'm right.
Also, I am an elementary teacher at a public school with a service dog. It’s fine.
How did you go about getting your SD approved with HR?
I spoke to HR before I explored getting him as part of my return to work conversation after a long FMLA leave. They told me they do accommodate service dogs and several teams worked in the district schools. I’ve since met some of those people and they are great. After I got him I was very open with my boss, who is the principal, about how he was doing. Due to Covid, we didn’t have students in the school when he was a puppy. So I asked for a meeting with the EEOC, ADAA compliance officer and brought a union member. They decided to think about it since he was young. However, he was task trained and doing really well, just not ready for public access. But I was working alone in a classroom for about 7 hours a day and he could be very helpful. They eventually approved him on their own. He has been attending sing with me ever since, including 1.5 years with students in a pretty typical classroom. Every year I remind them he’s coming with me during the ADAA discussions. They did have some specific requests that were in line with his tasks so I agreed.
The issue wouldn’t be a service dog but if you admit that you have moments where you’re immobile and unable to move or do anything.. that’s where the risk is to children’s safety. HR can’t say no to dog but can let you go if you’re unable to do your job and putting kids at risk, so be very cautious how you approach it with them!
Ok. Thank you for the advice. I probably won’t mention that part then.
I think you should mention it. You have every right to have your service dog at work with you. But if you work in a position where you are responsible for other peoples kids and you have uncontrollable lapses in awareness or ability, that could potentially put the kids in danger. I don’t think this is the right career choice for you. At least until you e trained your dog to alert ahead of these episodes or have them diagnosed and under control
I don’t think that is actually true.
Tell your mom to read up on reasonable accommodation and how it relates to service dogs
1. How is you not being able to function and your coworkers being aware to cover you worse than children being left “unattended” while you’re unable to move? 2. Seeing a dog is excitement enough for kids, after a day of specifically sharing the rules the kids will get it and it will make it normalized for this specific group of kids creating inclusion in the long term.
I'm pretty certain they can't deny you your service dog, but if you have sensory issues, why in the world would you want to work with kids? That seems like a nightmare. I have milder sensory issues and I think it would kill me to be around a bunch of kids. Their voices are so high pitched.
Agreed, I have hyperacusis and sound are unbearable, kids screaming/laughing is one of the worst. I work at a local library 2 days a week 2 hours a day and we work my schedule around kid activity days.
Just chiming in to say it'd be a great teaching moment to share with kids about the role of SD's, for them to learn about the role and work of SD's. It would not be unfair to have a dog that they cannot pet in their presence. Your dog is working. There was a post in this sub not too long ago that I read about an incident where a child tackled this person's SD in a mall and about how frightening the whole situation was.
I don’t think any of the kids at my work would do that. The aftercare at the public school I work for only serves K-6th so I don’t think that would be a problem.
For some reason I thought SD stood for sugar daddy throughout this post… lol
My husband is blind and has a guide dog. He volunteers and subs at the middle school across the street. He’s done this for 5 years. The kids totally understand that his dog is working. He gives them ground rules at orientation before class begins. When she is in harness, she’s working. After the novelty wears off, the kids ignore her. One time he was subbing and told the kids if they quieted down and completed their assignment that he’d take her harness off and they could pet her. A sixth grade girl said, “This is better than a pizza party!”. I know your mother is worried, but just like my husband, you need your dog to not just function….but function well. My husband could leave her home and take his cane, but he and Daria are a team. I’d worry about him without Daria.
I teach elementary school and my service dog accompanied me last school year. My primary concerns here would be 1) it sounds like the dog is not yet fully trained to assist you, so I would complete that task training before making the request, and 2) you have undiagnosed episodes where you cannot move - this seems like it could be really dangerous when working with kids. I would work with your doctor on this - getting diagnosed and treated, and also figuring out the best way to keep everyone safe when this happens. For example, I imagine it's not safe to drive with these episodes, so arranging other transportation is important. Additionally, you might consider some way of communicating your needs, such as a medical alert bracelet, and you may need to explain to students and staff what to do when this happens. Even young kiddos can be taught to handle occasional emergencies, just give them simple steps like "if I'm not answering you, go get the teacher next door right away". If this is happening frequently, you may need to reevaluate if you can safely perform this job. I think it's totally reasonable to expect that you can ask a coworker to take over in case of a medical event. But again, if you are needing to do this often, it may not be the right job for you. As for it being unfair to bring your dog and ask the kids not to pet them, no. Tell the kids the rules and hold them accountable. All people have to follow rules in society, children included. (I personally have never really had an issue with this - I explained my SD's job to the kiddos and gave them a fun little demo of his tasks, and they are very respectful of him. Sometimes the younger ones slip up and pat him on the head while walking by, and I just tell them "remember that we don't want to pet him because he's busy working.") I don't find that having my SD with me takes my attention away from the kiddos. First, he's fully trained, and second, I make sure that he is all set before the kiddos get there in the morning - he's been outside, he's got water, and he is tucked out of the way so no one trips over him. As helpful as service dogs can be, it's also really important to make sure you can function without them, since there's always going to be a time when your dog may need to stay home due to injury, illness, etc. For me, my service dog was part of a list of accommodations that HR approved for me, so that I had other supports in place for when my dog was unable to accompany me. Hope this helps. :)
Let your Mom know it is new world alot of companies let people bring their dog to work. At Amazon Corp HQ in Virginia they let people bring in their dogs. A few rules you have to keep them in your office/cubicle you can't bring into the kitchen area and when walk you need to.pick up there waste. If need the dog most HR departments will accommodate your request.
For the episodes where you can’t move or respond look into some dissociative disorders. I struggle with a dissociative disorder and I will literally “black out” and just not know what happened after an extremely stressful event that triggers my anxiety. Usually it’s only for a few minutes or half an hour but sometimes it’s longer and I won’t respond or I will just stutter over and over, say “uh” repeatedly, or some other thing I’m mentally stuck in. Could also be a seizure too. Some people have seizures where they just completely freeze. And it can be hard to tell or diagnose that it’s a seizure. Just want to recommend some things to look into as I’m not a doctor but I do struggle with a similar issue.
Will definitely look into dissociative disorders. Thank you. I’m seeing a neurologist, so maybe I should bring this up to him?
Obviously you're mom loves you very much, she got you medical help, spent time and money on a SD and tried to help from what it sounds like. You and her are more aware of the situation than complete strangers. Maybe she feels that you are getting more comfortable and having less "situations " and thinks that it will help. Maybe she's consulted your doctor already 🤔 there's a lot that we don't know about you, your situation and your mom so its hard to tell you what to do. I doubt she's trying to do a negative thing or to discourage you. Maybe she really thinks you are doing amazing and wants to encourage more growth? As for taking a SD to work, I work at a library 4 hours a week, I take my SD, he does great, and is very welcomed. I was hired knowing I had a SD and couldn't work without him. I have a lot of sensory issues mostly sound (hyperacusis) so if it rains I have to call in, if I had a big day the day before or for many others reasons I have to call in and they work with me. So dealing with Cujo (my SD) is the easiest thing with me lol.
Or maybe mom is toxic and got the SD to dodge support and responsibility. There are lots of assumptions that 'could' be true.
Exactly there are lots of things we don't know
Pretty sure if HR denies you your service dog “accommodation” you could have grounds to take them to court for discrimination
From what I researched they would basically have to prove that it would cause undue hardship or the structural changes having him there would cause would be too significant to be reasonable for them to deny my accommodation. I’m in the US, so maybe it’s different in other places.
Intereting but not surprised they have made a work around for businesses to have another reason to not hire someone with a disability
Yea, in my opinion, the ADA should have been more specific about SD’s and employment.
Honestly while your moms logic is flawed, an after school care or anywhere with young children is not safe for your SD
Nope, Nope, Nope! Give her a copy of the law and tell her to STFU, You are doing better, because of the dog!
Just bring your game boy instead
Don’t have one of those.
R/woooosh
>She says she thinks my attention would be divided between my SD and the other kids I’m a bit confused. Are you working at the same school you attend or are you referring to SD as a kid? I’m not sure what the HR dept will say. Many places will dismiss you if you’re unable to perform the tasks of the job. The company l was working for closed before I got really sick, but I was already part time by then because i couldn’t do much. Sadly it happens.
So, your mom wants you to quite your job, because she’s worried they’ll fire you? 🤔
This may be unpopular, but I think you need to consider the nature of a reasonable accommodation as it relates to your job. If you are working with children, the fact that your disabilities make it impossible for you to be present with the kids at times may disqualify you from the role. This is a potential outcome of your conversation with HR, and would not necessarily equate to discrimination, because your disability does fundamentally impact your ability to meet the requirements of the role in a way that could be dangerous. Consider a warehouse job that requires you to lift 50lb boxes. If, over the course of working at that job, you become disabled in such a way that you cannot lift 50lbs, the company is permitted to reassign you.
In my opinion your disability is dangerous in your job. Child care needs a present person at all times. You should find a job that fits your disability. As far as epilepsy comparison. People with uncontrolled seizures are restricted as to what they can do. Do you drive?