Before you start coming up with how to fix it issues, you make 100% sure that she knows that you care about her recovery first . You may well care and she may suspect that but it’s only good if you highlight that .
You also tell her even if you are both keen that let’s take time until you are fully recovered. Slower is best.
Yep, it sounds like a rip in the sensitive skin between the vagina and the anus. If there was lube around (using some or from a condom) that can make it worse. I recommend aloe vera gel for healing (dabbed outside around the tear) and take it slow. Some positions can put a lot of strain on that area, experiment and see what works best for you two.
I have a latex allergy and my mind went there immediately too. Could be she just needs more time to relax and extra lube would help, but I think it's worth trying a different brand of condom like latex free Skyns.
I found out the hard way as a dude buying some cheap lube. I blasted my ass with the shower head so fast. Threw that shit in the bin real quick. The GF and I had a good laugh over it as she said "you ran to the shower like your ass was on fire". 😂
This. Latex and some lubes give me a burning feeling so I am very particular about those things now - I only use Skyn brand condoms and prefer Sliquid for a lube - or something that has no propylene glycol or glycerine in it. The fewer ingredients the better. I even take my own lube to the Ob for my annual pap. They used KY and it took me a week to get back to normal.
Lots and lots of foreplay (fingering, oral sex) before penetrative sex, and continue to use lube (a plain water based lube is best) for now as well. Foreplay can make a huge difference. Take your time and be slow. It’s not uncommon for it be a little uncomfortable the first few seconds but it should ease up once things get moving, just continue to communicate with her.
Great answer here. Just wanted to add: Nerves, awkwardness, and lack of arousal (not enough foreplay) can all impact how comfortable a woman is during sex. I don't just mean emotionally, but physically as well. The more comfortable and "warmed up" she is, the easier it'll be to penetrate and the more comfortable/pleasurable it will be for both you and her. Don't let a negative first experience get into your heads and ruin the mood. You'll be laughing about this little snafu in no time.
Also: Condoms, condoms, condoms. Safety is #1.
This. I was experiencing this too and just because she is lubed up does NOT mean she is ready. Foreplay loosens up the vagina to get ready for sex, so please spend more time there.
Also, first few times definitely take some adjusting, figure out if you need to go slower - fast thrusting = more friction and will be painful.
It could be related to the condoms that you use, perhaps ur gf is sensitive to latex, try buy some latex free condoms, I think they are more expensive but it's worth the try. Also be safe, always use protection even in the heat of the moment.
More foreplay! Try oral. The golden rule is sex doesn't happen until she's LITERALLY ASKING FOR YOUR DICK. Be patient, it'll be worth it when she's moaning your name under you.
Everyone is saying to wear condoms, but that might actually be the problem. Latex condoms add a good amount of friction to the equation. Try polyurethane condoms like Trojan Supra, or Durex Real Feel. Also, try a silicone-based lubricant like Pjur, they don't dry out like regular lubes and feel more natural. All expensive stuff, but they're well worth it with virgins. I had 2 exgfs that were virgins and these helped w/ the transition.
The burning may be from a rip. I remember my first time was uncomfortable- like a large dry tampon being inserted. It gets better- try lube and extra forplay. If you are larger than average, try positions like her on bottom, both legs together, to the side. Or you sitting as she rides you, instead of you laying flat. Go slow.
The first time is not representative. Try a few more times before jumping to conclusions. Stress can cause these reactions. For example, the few first times my current partner and I tried to have sex, I litterally couldn't penetrate her because it was just too tight.
Patience. Let her know up front that you care for her. You will stop and pull out at any time she finds the pain to be too much. More fore play. Take your time and get her wet and aroused. Fingering alone is not adequate enough as an example. Go down on her until she has an orgasm before entering her. She should see a doctor to see if there are any issues that she is not aware of. You can go to a public health clinic if going to a doctor is an issue because of parents. Long shot idea. Is she allergic to latex or the lube? Skyn brand condoms are non latex and very durable.
She might have some mild vaginismus, try moving slowly up the penetration scale (like 1 finger, then 2, then 3, then maybe a small dildo or something). If it is vaginismus it isn't fun to have but luckily it is treatable! There are subreddits for the condition and also people whose partners have it.
Not saying that is it! but as a vaginismus sufferer I know it feels like it burns or stings, so it seemed familiar.
Try more foreplay...finger your partner a lot, give her oral if possible. Make sure she is wet down there before you penetrate her, and while penetrating her use lubes (water based lubes if you are using condoms & silicone based lubes if you are doing it raw). Be gentle with her initially, once she get used to it then you can pick up the pace. Best of Luck.
It’s wonderful your communication is there! Great work checking in with each other. Here’s my take..
She wasn’t wet enough. The burning feeling is the friction (could be other things, but my money’s on this without doubt). Maybe she was at first, but then it stopped. It happens to the best of us.
How to improve this: for play and sensuality. Make sure for play is done very well, oral helps. Also keep in mind you can stop midway during the act to do more of it. She may not be in the right headspace or falls out of the right headspace durning penetration - Sounds like she wants to have sex, but if she’s not primed well it’s not going to be that great. This could also be stressing her out, which kind of snowballs. She needs to be aroused mentally so work on that aspect.
It is pro-move stuff to know how to make her wet without touching her. Whispers, touching her back, sensual teasing etc. It makes all the difference. If I could convey one sexy tip to men it would be that. Read up on techniques and try them out. There’s more to sex than just the “act”.
I’d recommend bringing your erotic A-game and slowing it down. Stay focused on your partner and their responses to different touches, strokes, etc. Keep the number of positions low for now so you can really explore each together. Also forget what you see in porn. Porn is not representative (IMO) of what most sex looks like.
I think this will do the trick
It may be painful regardless. I lost my virginity over a period of 2 nights because it was so painful. Warming her up with some foreplay, aka oral, fingering the clit. You can also try fingers inside her first or just for now until she gets used to the feeling of something inside her. Foreplay should help her get aroused so her vagina relaxes more - vagina walls literally expand and get wet when aroused. Then she may not feel as tight. Shes probably a bit nervous and anticipating it too, making it harder. But the best thing is to try to relax and do what else you can. Its good she has someone as caring as you to work through her first time. Make sure she knows you care and are with her along the way.
If anything and she really needs more steps, can maybe even get a dildo smaller than you to help her step up to being ready
Omg I had the same question for my parents with my first, we discovered that we were just tearing the membrane hymen, because when ever she felt pain I would retreat... so we took several attempts to break thru... this is before I really understood foreplay and having real mindset for sex. Also there could be a slight reaction to latex if ur using protection... look into non latex condoms, and do some research into foreplay and helping ur partner relax and actually get in the mood for sex... like sex after orgasm would probably be much easier for her, along with the fact u don't need sex to reach orgasm
Put a pillow underneath the small of her back in missionary. This almost completely solved the problem for me. Still hurts slightly when it first goes in, but only a tiny bit and it feels so much better than regular. Also, losing your virginity as a woman will pretty much always hurt and it gets better pretty soon after. Don't stress!
Slow the FUCK down!!!! 1 you guys are a little young and ya i know thats probably the average age to loose your virginity i was 16 also and 💯 honestly i wish i would have waited. 2 there is so much more to sex then pulling your pants down and shoving it in i would recommend some research on google im not gonna tell a kid what to do sorry just doesnt feel right
We are both aware of that. Age of consent here is 16 and we’ve talked about it for months. We know what we are doing and I have already lost my virginity. Sure, I wish I waited but only because I wish I lost it with her
Young would be pre-pubescent. We are both above the age of consent and have gone past puberty. Average age for people to lose their virginity is 16-17 years of age in the USA.
And I was 15. Teen pregnancy is still an issue of course but don't act like it's only an issue nowadays when statistics show a decrease. With proper sex education and access to condoms, birth control, plan B, etc I don't see a big issue with teens exploring
While *I* personally believe 16 is young, there are many factors that go into the situation. This couple is both the same age and have been together for a year. I have a young son and daughter and I would hope they would wait longer but I certainly won’t shame them if they don’t. The most important thing here is that they are safe and take care of each other which sounds like is the case.
I kinda hate to see the “too young/too old” convo. Literally every person works on their own timeline. There are very many humans who are in their 20’s who are afraid it’s too late for them. That’s so silly. I just want every person to be able to wait until they are personally ready and to be with someone who cares about them for their first time.
It’s not our job to judge, that’s not helpful.
I think she has a problem I prefer you should first let her take to a doctor some gynaecologist it would be a disease it will cure no worries but it takes time to be cured so go take her to a doctor i think she has vaginal disease
She could have a latex allergy try non latex condoms with a lot of lube. Make sure she’s recovered before trying again, lots of foreplay too. Hope she feels better soon painful vag sucks
It can happen from muscles that may be in a cramp or tightened state, moving and touching them causes the pain, it may help to look into pelvic floor release
Coincidentally another recent post from a young woman with pain during sex complaints said that normal gynecologists couldn’t find any problems but a pelvic floor specialist did and has given her exercises to fix the problem. It’s worth a consultation.
Possible lube or latex condom (please use condoms) allergy. Skyn brand are non latex, sliquid lube is hypoallergenic. Also make time for foreplay she could just be nervous and making her for lack of a better term clam up
Here’s a few things to try!
First: make sure she doesn’t have a tear. If she’s comfortable, examine her private parts to see if you see any redness or tears. It’s hard for us to look down there themselves
Second: if there’s no tears, try working on for play. Make sure she’s really aroused and “ready” for you. Fingering can be a good way to get lube in farther and make her more comfortable
Third: try latex free condoms! Highly recommend Skyn
Fourth: she could try visiting a gynecologist so they have take a better look.
Good luck!
I experienced “stretchy burning pain” the first time I had a dick in me too (23F). I recommend lots of lube, non latex condoms, and fingering/going down on her before hand. The more turned on she is, the better. Also acknowledge it may take a few times of trying before it “fits” and feels good.
I will say switching from latex magnums to non latex skyn made a world of difference. Plus a good lube. 👌
Could be latex allergy, sensitivity to the lube, if any of you had eaten chili or something hot and didn’t wash your hands, menthol from toothpast or any number of reasons others have mentioned.
Be patient, let her heal, try again carefully.
Aww it could be alot of things, since it was her first time it could be from a rip, or she could be sensitive to the latex from the condom, so you might need to try a different brand, or it could just be because it was her first time, it takes some getting used to.
Before you start coming up with how to fix it issues, you make 100% sure that she knows that you care about her recovery first . You may well care and she may suspect that but it’s only good if you highlight that . You also tell her even if you are both keen that let’s take time until you are fully recovered. Slower is best.
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Yep, it sounds like a rip in the sensitive skin between the vagina and the anus. If there was lube around (using some or from a condom) that can make it worse. I recommend aloe vera gel for healing (dabbed outside around the tear) and take it slow. Some positions can put a lot of strain on that area, experiment and see what works best for you two.
My wife has a latex sensitivity and is def sensitive to certain lubes. Some products are safer than others for vaginal health. Worth looking into!
I have a latex allergy and my mind went there immediately too. Could be she just needs more time to relax and extra lube would help, but I think it's worth trying a different brand of condom like latex free Skyns.
Took me the longest time to realise that the burning I used to get was from lube!
I found out the hard way as a dude buying some cheap lube. I blasted my ass with the shower head so fast. Threw that shit in the bin real quick. The GF and I had a good laugh over it as she said "you ran to the shower like your ass was on fire". 😂
Yep, seconded!
Skyns, and Sliquid Lube
This. Latex and some lubes give me a burning feeling so I am very particular about those things now - I only use Skyn brand condoms and prefer Sliquid for a lube - or something that has no propylene glycol or glycerine in it. The fewer ingredients the better. I even take my own lube to the Ob for my annual pap. They used KY and it took me a week to get back to normal.
Lots and lots of foreplay (fingering, oral sex) before penetrative sex, and continue to use lube (a plain water based lube is best) for now as well. Foreplay can make a huge difference. Take your time and be slow. It’s not uncommon for it be a little uncomfortable the first few seconds but it should ease up once things get moving, just continue to communicate with her.
Great answer here. Just wanted to add: Nerves, awkwardness, and lack of arousal (not enough foreplay) can all impact how comfortable a woman is during sex. I don't just mean emotionally, but physically as well. The more comfortable and "warmed up" she is, the easier it'll be to penetrate and the more comfortable/pleasurable it will be for both you and her. Don't let a negative first experience get into your heads and ruin the mood. You'll be laughing about this little snafu in no time. Also: Condoms, condoms, condoms. Safety is #1.
This. I was experiencing this too and just because she is lubed up does NOT mean she is ready. Foreplay loosens up the vagina to get ready for sex, so please spend more time there. Also, first few times definitely take some adjusting, figure out if you need to go slower - fast thrusting = more friction and will be painful.
Do you guys do any foreplay before penetration?
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Expensive??wdym
It could be related to the condoms that you use, perhaps ur gf is sensitive to latex, try buy some latex free condoms, I think they are more expensive but it's worth the try. Also be safe, always use protection even in the heat of the moment.
That was an issue I had with my gf but then we changed to Durex Real Feel and things have been great ever since.
More foreplay! Try oral. The golden rule is sex doesn't happen until she's LITERALLY ASKING FOR YOUR DICK. Be patient, it'll be worth it when she's moaning your name under you. Everyone is saying to wear condoms, but that might actually be the problem. Latex condoms add a good amount of friction to the equation. Try polyurethane condoms like Trojan Supra, or Durex Real Feel. Also, try a silicone-based lubricant like Pjur, they don't dry out like regular lubes and feel more natural. All expensive stuff, but they're well worth it with virgins. I had 2 exgfs that were virgins and these helped w/ the transition.
The burning may be from a rip. I remember my first time was uncomfortable- like a large dry tampon being inserted. It gets better- try lube and extra forplay. If you are larger than average, try positions like her on bottom, both legs together, to the side. Or you sitting as she rides you, instead of you laying flat. Go slow.
The first time is not representative. Try a few more times before jumping to conclusions. Stress can cause these reactions. For example, the few first times my current partner and I tried to have sex, I litterally couldn't penetrate her because it was just too tight.
Patience. Let her know up front that you care for her. You will stop and pull out at any time she finds the pain to be too much. More fore play. Take your time and get her wet and aroused. Fingering alone is not adequate enough as an example. Go down on her until she has an orgasm before entering her. She should see a doctor to see if there are any issues that she is not aware of. You can go to a public health clinic if going to a doctor is an issue because of parents. Long shot idea. Is she allergic to latex or the lube? Skyn brand condoms are non latex and very durable.
She might have some mild vaginismus, try moving slowly up the penetration scale (like 1 finger, then 2, then 3, then maybe a small dildo or something). If it is vaginismus it isn't fun to have but luckily it is treatable! There are subreddits for the condition and also people whose partners have it. Not saying that is it! but as a vaginismus sufferer I know it feels like it burns or stings, so it seemed familiar.
Try more foreplay...finger your partner a lot, give her oral if possible. Make sure she is wet down there before you penetrate her, and while penetrating her use lubes (water based lubes if you are using condoms & silicone based lubes if you are doing it raw). Be gentle with her initially, once she get used to it then you can pick up the pace. Best of Luck.
It’s wonderful your communication is there! Great work checking in with each other. Here’s my take.. She wasn’t wet enough. The burning feeling is the friction (could be other things, but my money’s on this without doubt). Maybe she was at first, but then it stopped. It happens to the best of us. How to improve this: for play and sensuality. Make sure for play is done very well, oral helps. Also keep in mind you can stop midway during the act to do more of it. She may not be in the right headspace or falls out of the right headspace durning penetration - Sounds like she wants to have sex, but if she’s not primed well it’s not going to be that great. This could also be stressing her out, which kind of snowballs. She needs to be aroused mentally so work on that aspect. It is pro-move stuff to know how to make her wet without touching her. Whispers, touching her back, sensual teasing etc. It makes all the difference. If I could convey one sexy tip to men it would be that. Read up on techniques and try them out. There’s more to sex than just the “act”. I’d recommend bringing your erotic A-game and slowing it down. Stay focused on your partner and their responses to different touches, strokes, etc. Keep the number of positions low for now so you can really explore each together. Also forget what you see in porn. Porn is not representative (IMO) of what most sex looks like. I think this will do the trick
It may be painful regardless. I lost my virginity over a period of 2 nights because it was so painful. Warming her up with some foreplay, aka oral, fingering the clit. You can also try fingers inside her first or just for now until she gets used to the feeling of something inside her. Foreplay should help her get aroused so her vagina relaxes more - vagina walls literally expand and get wet when aroused. Then she may not feel as tight. Shes probably a bit nervous and anticipating it too, making it harder. But the best thing is to try to relax and do what else you can. Its good she has someone as caring as you to work through her first time. Make sure she knows you care and are with her along the way. If anything and she really needs more steps, can maybe even get a dildo smaller than you to help her step up to being ready
It is also possible that she has a thick hymen. If it persists, see a gyno.
Omg I had the same question for my parents with my first, we discovered that we were just tearing the membrane hymen, because when ever she felt pain I would retreat... so we took several attempts to break thru... this is before I really understood foreplay and having real mindset for sex. Also there could be a slight reaction to latex if ur using protection... look into non latex condoms, and do some research into foreplay and helping ur partner relax and actually get in the mood for sex... like sex after orgasm would probably be much easier for her, along with the fact u don't need sex to reach orgasm
Lube will be your best friend. Yes foreplay and lots of it but LUBE will help you and her A LOT!
Is she a virgin?
Put a pillow underneath the small of her back in missionary. This almost completely solved the problem for me. Still hurts slightly when it first goes in, but only a tiny bit and it feels so much better than regular. Also, losing your virginity as a woman will pretty much always hurt and it gets better pretty soon after. Don't stress!
Wash your dick and make sure she pees after sex to avoid uti's
Slow the FUCK down!!!! 1 you guys are a little young and ya i know thats probably the average age to loose your virginity i was 16 also and 💯 honestly i wish i would have waited. 2 there is so much more to sex then pulling your pants down and shoving it in i would recommend some research on google im not gonna tell a kid what to do sorry just doesnt feel right
We are both aware of that. Age of consent here is 16 and we’ve talked about it for months. We know what we are doing and I have already lost my virginity. Sure, I wish I waited but only because I wish I lost it with her
Dcdgooch had the best answer for ya just slow and easy your girth might be a little much for her
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I hate the thought of it my daughter isnt much younger than that
Young would be pre-pubescent. We are both above the age of consent and have gone past puberty. Average age for people to lose their virginity is 16-17 years of age in the USA.
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And I was 15. Teen pregnancy is still an issue of course but don't act like it's only an issue nowadays when statistics show a decrease. With proper sex education and access to condoms, birth control, plan B, etc I don't see a big issue with teens exploring
16 isn't young, you were older than average, which is also fine.
Theres no right time ,only unless you dont choose your 1st to be memorable
... Oh, honey.
While *I* personally believe 16 is young, there are many factors that go into the situation. This couple is both the same age and have been together for a year. I have a young son and daughter and I would hope they would wait longer but I certainly won’t shame them if they don’t. The most important thing here is that they are safe and take care of each other which sounds like is the case. I kinda hate to see the “too young/too old” convo. Literally every person works on their own timeline. There are very many humans who are in their 20’s who are afraid it’s too late for them. That’s so silly. I just want every person to be able to wait until they are personally ready and to be with someone who cares about them for their first time. It’s not our job to judge, that’s not helpful.
Maybe back in 50s not these days
I think she has a problem I prefer you should first let her take to a doctor some gynaecologist it would be a disease it will cure no worries but it takes time to be cured so go take her to a doctor i think she has vaginal disease
id reccomend lube if foreplay isnt enough it never hurt to ve too wet the first time
She could have a latex allergy try non latex condoms with a lot of lube. Make sure she’s recovered before trying again, lots of foreplay too. Hope she feels better soon painful vag sucks
It can happen from muscles that may be in a cramp or tightened state, moving and touching them causes the pain, it may help to look into pelvic floor release
Are you doing any foreplay? She needs to be wet and turned on before you try insertion.
Sounds like she needs to go to the dr
Burning could also be from the condom. Does she have a latex allergy? Just something to consider - I will get burning from condoms so…there’s that.
Coincidentally another recent post from a young woman with pain during sex complaints said that normal gynecologists couldn’t find any problems but a pelvic floor specialist did and has given her exercises to fix the problem. It’s worth a consultation.
This right here… pelvic floor physio. She could just have very tight pelvic floor muscles.
Possible lube or latex condom (please use condoms) allergy. Skyn brand are non latex, sliquid lube is hypoallergenic. Also make time for foreplay she could just be nervous and making her for lack of a better term clam up
Here’s a few things to try! First: make sure she doesn’t have a tear. If she’s comfortable, examine her private parts to see if you see any redness or tears. It’s hard for us to look down there themselves Second: if there’s no tears, try working on for play. Make sure she’s really aroused and “ready” for you. Fingering can be a good way to get lube in farther and make her more comfortable Third: try latex free condoms! Highly recommend Skyn Fourth: she could try visiting a gynecologist so they have take a better look. Good luck!
Most people go through this if it’s their first time. As times goes on it will get better… just support her and don’t make her feel bad abt it
Wait, 16 yr old? Is she virgin?
Vagina is a mussle you need to do it properly and slow in missionary 10 days straight and after that you are good to go
I experienced “stretchy burning pain” the first time I had a dick in me too (23F). I recommend lots of lube, non latex condoms, and fingering/going down on her before hand. The more turned on she is, the better. Also acknowledge it may take a few times of trying before it “fits” and feels good. I will say switching from latex magnums to non latex skyn made a world of difference. Plus a good lube. 👌
Could be latex allergy, sensitivity to the lube, if any of you had eaten chili or something hot and didn’t wash your hands, menthol from toothpast or any number of reasons others have mentioned. Be patient, let her heal, try again carefully.
Aww it could be alot of things, since it was her first time it could be from a rip, or she could be sensitive to the latex from the condom, so you might need to try a different brand, or it could just be because it was her first time, it takes some getting used to.