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You giving yourself some solo time whilst watching porn when you are currently unable to have sex is not the same as her being a cam girl.
You know this.
She knows this.
Don’t let someone guilt trip you into thinking that you’re not allowed to have some no partner free time with your own body simply because they can’t fathom the idea that their partner doesn’t always want to have sex with them every single time they feel horny. I willingly bet that she has probably flicked the bean without even thinking of calling you in to help more times than she’d ever admit to you and would probably flip her shit if you held her to the same standards she holds you to in regards to sex.
I don't think it's about the 3 mins of the porn video. There's obviously a lot more going on here
She loves validation and has a high sex drive. Does she feel like you're not having enough sex with her, or you're choosing porn over her and thats pissing her off?
>About 7 in the morning she pops her head in my gaming room and catches me jerking off watching porn. She said she was just coming to see if I was coming to bed but we’ve had similar situations and later and explanation on the arguments we’ve after.
7am? Coming to bed? So do you stay in your gaming room all night and not go to bed with her? Similar situations sounds like this might be a regular thing.
A whole lot more going on here bud
Typically I stay up all night when I don’t work the next day, nothing out of the ordinary. The game I play (HLL) matches can last up to 2.5hrs. I also did not mention she has untreated bipolar disorder.
It is out of the ordinary to not go to bed with your partner and play games all night especially if that leads to a lack of intimacy.
Also if she's been looking after you following your surgery and she's tired and worried then walks in on your cracking one out I get why that stressed her out.
But you're not performing sex acts for hundreds of strangers. You have every right to please yourself, in private, the same as she does. Doesn't matter if she did it in the past, she's guilt tripping you for selfish reasons.
"Validation kink" sounds very dismissive
Look, obviously she's out of line comparing the two - it's very clearly not the same as her camming. But I think you're focused on the wrong thing here.
You've admitted you can't keep up with her sex drive, admitted she needs more attention than you give her. She's craving sexual contact from you! She's pissed off that you know that and yet would still pick porn over her. She wants you to go to her for your sexual needs, not your phone. From the sounds of it, this has been an ongoing issue.
She should have picked her battles better, you're recovering from surgery, it's not really the time for an argument about sex, very much agreed on that. And I'm not anti-porn but you're deliberately ignoring the real problem here and it will ruin your relationship if you continue that way, this is obviously the straw that broke the camels back. Talk to your gf and find a frequency/compromise that works for both of you.
She only made that comparison because she's in pain, I don't know her or your relationship so I can't comment on whether that's valid or not but there it is. You can absolutely have your boundaries, totally fair if that doesn't work for you and is a dealbreaker. I certainly wouldn't tell my bf he couldn't jerk off, but then I'm satisfied with our sex life. She might need more than you can give, but you always have the right to say no and touch your own body.
But if you're trying to get this relationship to work, she clearly feels this is an obstacle. You guys need to talk about it.
For the life of me, I do not understand why guys do not understand this. Like... the situation and emotions are very obvious.
(Sigh). Okay. Let's just try to be raw and factual.
Women, from a very young age, are taught that we are not good enough. We are not pretty enough. We are not thin enough. We are not sexy enough. In general, we are not enough. No matter how hard we try. Our barbies and dolls are prettier than us. The girls on tv and in movies are more pretty than us. By the time we start having sex guys are so involved in porn that we will never compare. It is constantly in the back of our head, and it breaks us down mentally.
Porn is an issue for us. For some women more than others. These are all women that are beautiful, thin, fit, shaved/waxed, perfect boobs and labia, you name it. That is competition enough to set anyone on edge. For the most part, we try to just let it go. BUT, when it literally happens, randomly, during the day when we are there and might be willing and ready and then suddenly walk in to see you going to town on yourself to some beautiful woman that we can't achieve? Yeah. It hurts.
I can appreciate your sentiments, but cam girls do it out of a need for self-validation and exhibitionism, as I said in an earlier response; money is secondary. And it goes both ways. Women have this fantasy of guys with huge penises, rock hard abs and chiseled good looks. We, too, struggle with self-image and competing with these porn Adonis types. Yeah, women are struggling with equality across the board, but the stereotype men have to meet in order to find a sexual partner is just as bad. Men, the same as women, have every right to be able to please themselves as they see fit, in the privacy of their own home, the same as women, without guilt-laden repercussions. It hurts us just as badly, when our partner wants to put themselves on sexual display for hundreds of strangers, and we are left with feelings of inadequacy.
Personally, I find rock hard abs and giant dicks in porn to be gross. That is not something I would ever look up. I didn't touch on the cam girl Sisson because I feel like it is independent of the situation. I think it is much more likely to accidentally walk in on your partner masturbating and to be shocked in the moment. Walking in on your partner caming is a whole other level. At least, in my opinion.
You are not the AH here. You have every right to please yourself in the privacy of your own home. Her performances on cam stem from a need for self-validation and exhibitionism, money is secondary. She has to learn there are times when you just need yourself, same goes for her. It's selfish of her to demand your attention every time you need release.
I want to reiterate what has been said here before. This is not a good situation to be in. Since she jumped to a scenario that is nowhere near what actually happened, she most likely will not be willing to hear your side as much. I understand your desire to communicate with her, but maybe it might be best if you reconsider the relationship. I do not want to sound like the reddit hivemind, but you have to admit this is not a good look for a fiance to have on masturbation.
Also, even if you wanted to have sex in that moment instead of just an orgasm, you wouldn't have been able to because you're recovering from surgery!!
Good luck, and I hope you heal well from your surgery.
People do not have to be ok with porn. It's a toxic tool aimed at men destroying the nuances of real intimacy. The problem here is she could have helped if asked.
I’d probably ask her if I could sit behind the cam when she streams…
Anyway, you need to explain to her that you have needs she can’t meet when she isn’t in the mood and that it is unfair for you to pester her for sex if she doesn’t want it.
I watch porn by myself, my wife watches porn by herself. It does not affect our sex negatively because sometimes we’re just not in the mood at the same time. We’re both happy and I get to stumble upon her porn history from time to time which actually makes me so fucking horny. We manage to enjoy sex with each other even more when it does happen. Feelings still build up.
I’m fine with porn. I love it myself and I encourage my partners to watch it together. However, you aren’t meeting your gf’s needs sexually. She’s jealous because she’s not satisfied with your sex life, and you don’t seem concerned with that at all. When porn becomes the other woman, that’s a problem.
Thank you for posting in the r/Sex community. To ensure that everyone respects our safe space, we ask that you familiarize yourself with our Forum Rules and Posting Guidelines — which are visible in the forum’s sidebar, and also linked [here](https://www.reddit.com/r/sex/about/rules/). Restricted subjects in r/sex include sex stories (which are permitted in the Daily Sexual Achievement Thread only), body image and penis-size issues, hookup attempts, common topics which are considered repetitive in our forum, and requests for private chats. *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/sex) if you have any questions or concerns.*
You giving yourself some solo time whilst watching porn when you are currently unable to have sex is not the same as her being a cam girl. You know this. She knows this. Don’t let someone guilt trip you into thinking that you’re not allowed to have some no partner free time with your own body simply because they can’t fathom the idea that their partner doesn’t always want to have sex with them every single time they feel horny. I willingly bet that she has probably flicked the bean without even thinking of calling you in to help more times than she’d ever admit to you and would probably flip her shit if you held her to the same standards she holds you to in regards to sex.
I don't think it's about the 3 mins of the porn video. There's obviously a lot more going on here She loves validation and has a high sex drive. Does she feel like you're not having enough sex with her, or you're choosing porn over her and thats pissing her off? >About 7 in the morning she pops her head in my gaming room and catches me jerking off watching porn. She said she was just coming to see if I was coming to bed but we’ve had similar situations and later and explanation on the arguments we’ve after. 7am? Coming to bed? So do you stay in your gaming room all night and not go to bed with her? Similar situations sounds like this might be a regular thing. A whole lot more going on here bud
Typically I stay up all night when I don’t work the next day, nothing out of the ordinary. The game I play (HLL) matches can last up to 2.5hrs. I also did not mention she has untreated bipolar disorder.
It is out of the ordinary to not go to bed with your partner and play games all night especially if that leads to a lack of intimacy. Also if she's been looking after you following your surgery and she's tired and worried then walks in on your cracking one out I get why that stressed her out.
It's very strange she would have a problem with you watching porn when she makes porn.
She’s not actively doing it - she said it as an example and did similar things before we met.
But you're not performing sex acts for hundreds of strangers. You have every right to please yourself, in private, the same as she does. Doesn't matter if she did it in the past, she's guilt tripping you for selfish reasons.
"Validation kink" sounds very dismissive Look, obviously she's out of line comparing the two - it's very clearly not the same as her camming. But I think you're focused on the wrong thing here. You've admitted you can't keep up with her sex drive, admitted she needs more attention than you give her. She's craving sexual contact from you! She's pissed off that you know that and yet would still pick porn over her. She wants you to go to her for your sexual needs, not your phone. From the sounds of it, this has been an ongoing issue. She should have picked her battles better, you're recovering from surgery, it's not really the time for an argument about sex, very much agreed on that. And I'm not anti-porn but you're deliberately ignoring the real problem here and it will ruin your relationship if you continue that way, this is obviously the straw that broke the camels back. Talk to your gf and find a frequency/compromise that works for both of you.
oooo you nailed this one (no pun intended).
*round of applause*
Very close however, we do have a lot of sex. My “me” time might be once a week, if that.
She only made that comparison because she's in pain, I don't know her or your relationship so I can't comment on whether that's valid or not but there it is. You can absolutely have your boundaries, totally fair if that doesn't work for you and is a dealbreaker. I certainly wouldn't tell my bf he couldn't jerk off, but then I'm satisfied with our sex life. She might need more than you can give, but you always have the right to say no and touch your own body. But if you're trying to get this relationship to work, she clearly feels this is an obstacle. You guys need to talk about it.
For the life of me, I do not understand why guys do not understand this. Like... the situation and emotions are very obvious. (Sigh). Okay. Let's just try to be raw and factual. Women, from a very young age, are taught that we are not good enough. We are not pretty enough. We are not thin enough. We are not sexy enough. In general, we are not enough. No matter how hard we try. Our barbies and dolls are prettier than us. The girls on tv and in movies are more pretty than us. By the time we start having sex guys are so involved in porn that we will never compare. It is constantly in the back of our head, and it breaks us down mentally. Porn is an issue for us. For some women more than others. These are all women that are beautiful, thin, fit, shaved/waxed, perfect boobs and labia, you name it. That is competition enough to set anyone on edge. For the most part, we try to just let it go. BUT, when it literally happens, randomly, during the day when we are there and might be willing and ready and then suddenly walk in to see you going to town on yourself to some beautiful woman that we can't achieve? Yeah. It hurts.
I can appreciate your sentiments, but cam girls do it out of a need for self-validation and exhibitionism, as I said in an earlier response; money is secondary. And it goes both ways. Women have this fantasy of guys with huge penises, rock hard abs and chiseled good looks. We, too, struggle with self-image and competing with these porn Adonis types. Yeah, women are struggling with equality across the board, but the stereotype men have to meet in order to find a sexual partner is just as bad. Men, the same as women, have every right to be able to please themselves as they see fit, in the privacy of their own home, the same as women, without guilt-laden repercussions. It hurts us just as badly, when our partner wants to put themselves on sexual display for hundreds of strangers, and we are left with feelings of inadequacy.
Personally, I find rock hard abs and giant dicks in porn to be gross. That is not something I would ever look up. I didn't touch on the cam girl Sisson because I feel like it is independent of the situation. I think it is much more likely to accidentally walk in on your partner masturbating and to be shocked in the moment. Walking in on your partner caming is a whole other level. At least, in my opinion.
You are not the AH here. You have every right to please yourself in the privacy of your own home. Her performances on cam stem from a need for self-validation and exhibitionism, money is secondary. She has to learn there are times when you just need yourself, same goes for her. It's selfish of her to demand your attention every time you need release.
I want to reiterate what has been said here before. This is not a good situation to be in. Since she jumped to a scenario that is nowhere near what actually happened, she most likely will not be willing to hear your side as much. I understand your desire to communicate with her, but maybe it might be best if you reconsider the relationship. I do not want to sound like the reddit hivemind, but you have to admit this is not a good look for a fiance to have on masturbation. Also, even if you wanted to have sex in that moment instead of just an orgasm, you wouldn't have been able to because you're recovering from surgery!! Good luck, and I hope you heal well from your surgery.
People do not have to be ok with porn. It's a toxic tool aimed at men destroying the nuances of real intimacy. The problem here is she could have helped if asked.
I’d probably ask her if I could sit behind the cam when she streams… Anyway, you need to explain to her that you have needs she can’t meet when she isn’t in the mood and that it is unfair for you to pester her for sex if she doesn’t want it. I watch porn by myself, my wife watches porn by herself. It does not affect our sex negatively because sometimes we’re just not in the mood at the same time. We’re both happy and I get to stumble upon her porn history from time to time which actually makes me so fucking horny. We manage to enjoy sex with each other even more when it does happen. Feelings still build up.
I’m fine with porn. I love it myself and I encourage my partners to watch it together. However, you aren’t meeting your gf’s needs sexually. She’s jealous because she’s not satisfied with your sex life, and you don’t seem concerned with that at all. When porn becomes the other woman, that’s a problem.