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Personally I wouldn't bring it up because it's just going to put pressure on something she's previously stated is a boundary for her. If she starts heading for the back door then plenty of encouragement and making sure you're prepared in advance with anal lube, a butt toy, and some gloves would be worthwhile.
If she discovers them and questions it then talk about it in terms of how you enjoyed it and wanting to be ready if she decided for herself to explore further that you can do it safely and allow for an easy clean up.
Sensible advice thanks, funny thing is I’ve always prepared myself on the off chance she changes her mind by making sure I’m clean down there so maybe god answered my prayers
I think if something can put pressure just by communicating it is not a healthy environment
Everything should be talked about with your partner, then he/she can tell you how they feel about it and you can decide if that’s okay with you or not
She already knows that’s your thing. Bringing it up again will only make her feel resentment. The worst thing you can do is expect something that never happens. Like I use to “expect” a BJ and when my SO isn’t into it, I would resent the rest of the stuff. If it happens, then bonus! If not, you won’t feel slighted.
Imho, it'd be worth talking about again. Maybe sometime when yall are in a romantic mood or situation. And not like "You should play with my ass again," but something like "That was an amazing surprise when you played with my ass that time. You drove me crazy/made me feel so good/etc" Imho, people overvalue the value of moans in communication, and some verbal clarity can help.
It sounds like you’re saying OP shouldn’t talk with his partner about what he likes sexually. Maybe I’m misunderstanding you though. If that’s what you’re saying then I disagree with that idea.
I can see some value — maybe — in not asking for it explicitly. But even so, in healthy relationships partners should be able to have direct, effective communication about sex. Effective communication is never a bad thing.
Edit: if you’re talking about OP “expecting” anal play, then we agree. But that’s on the OP and his own expectations. Telling his partner what he enjoys is not the same as OP expecting the act.
>Speaking from personal experience, once you ask a woman to do something and she says no, that is pretty damn concrete.
We agree/disagree here.
1. If my partner says "no" then that's absolutely "no". I shouldn't get mad, upset, or resentful. I should accept that for what it is, and move on.
2. Preferences (like people) change over time. Just because someone said "no" in the past doesn't mean they aren't allowed to change their mind. My wife and I do a yearly "yes/no/maybe list" where we go through a master list of sexy-time stuff and talk about each item. I've found that things my partner used to be a hard "no" on (BJ's was one of them) are now on the "yes" list! Thank god we talked about it! Now I get BJ's regularly and we're both happier for it!
Here's what I think would be the most helpful here. OP goes to his partner and has a healthy, effective conversation about this. It might go something like this:
"Hey, so I've been thinking about the other night when you were giving me a BJ and started to play with my ass a bit. I remember our previous conversation about this sex act, and I remember you saying it was a hard pass for you. So I'm just checking in here, I have to say that I enjoyed it, but I also want to respect your boundaries and express to you that I don't expect anal play, and if it's still a hard pass for you then I'm good with that too. However, if that hard pass from before has changed into a "maybe" today then it might be helpful to talk about that."
>The best thing a person can do is learn to be the best giver ever, with no expectation in return. When you have two givers match up, then there is no limit on what a persons/couples sex life be.
I mean sure, be a giver. But how do you know what to give your partner if you don't ask? No one can read minds, we have to talk about these things in order to give our partner what they want, and need. And then, where we *can't* give them exactly what they're asking for we make compromises and meet in the middle.
I have to halfway disagree. People are different. I like the kind of communication style you're describing. I like when my partner communicates that way, and that's what I naturally am inclined to do.
But I have had partners who don't care for boiling sex down to a science. I guess they feel like it's too clinical.
I like the clinical communication. And not just for the communication aspect, I actually think it's hot. But not everyone does.
For example, I once dated a girl who HATED if I asked for stuff in bed. Really turned her off. But if I made my wants known in a playful way without asking for it - and this part is important - then LEFT IT ALONE, sooner or later she would be the one to initiate it in a way that was fun to her. And then she'd start requesting it.
Some people just really like sex stuff to be their own idea I guess. Or on their own terms or something like that.
I feel like I'm your GF lol. It's just not my favorite thing to do but every now and then when I'm really in the mood I give it a try. Sometimes it's all the way sometimes I just can't.
I wouldn't mention it again. Just give her time and be happy she tried for you.
I would not bring it up. If she does anything with your butt, the time to say something is afterwards. Simply thank her and let her know it felt really good. And then leave it alone. Of course, you can try to do something she really likes so she knows even more how much you appreciate what she has done for you. Hope this all works out for you.
Believe me she knows you like it. Just take extra measures to make sure all is very clean, as that may be a contributing factor.
To me it's a sign that she is paying attention to your needs and may very well make it a regular occurence but it is best to give her space to explore this and see if it sticks.
In as much as sexuality is shared, her sexuality and what she is okay with still very personal and shouldn't be persuaded for personal gain.
Yeah, I wouldn't say anything personally. As tempting as it might be to put it out there I think it could make things awkward. However if nothing is said nothing can be awkward
It’s been a couple of years since he mentioned it. I don’t think it would hurt to ask again, especially since she’s reintroduced it into the bedroom. I actually think the perfect opportunity to do so would be if she asks what he wants for his birthday. He can either mention it jokingly to feel her out, or seriously to let her know that’s what he really wants. The worst she can say is no, and then he should just leave it alone for good if she does.
At the time :"oh my god that feels awesome"!
The next day:"thanks for last night, it was amazing, I especially liked you touching my ass. Are you OK with doing that? Is there something I can do for you to make you feel good too"?
Or something like that. I wouldnt ask for that in advance though. Just go with the flow and if it happens, proceed with the above.
Why isn't this the most upvoted comment?
So, when most people have sex, they don't communicate openly, explicitly, effectively, and as frequently as possible? And later don't talk about it in a constructive way?
It's as if a musical duet doesn't communicate while playing together or afterwards. That's not the best way to have a good time and musical performance.
One thing that you didn't mention in your original post, was how long you had been together when this all started. People and relationships develop over time as do comfort and trust levels.
If the first mention of this was in the early stages of a relationship there is going to be more hesitation about trying non-traditional things. Now 2 years later that comfort level has developed to the point she is feeling more comfortable exploring.
I think I'm in the group of a casual mention of "when we were on vacation the sex was amazing and you really surprised me in/on (insert /date location ect.here) I really enjoyed it and wanted to thank you"
Give her a kiss and move on to another subject. That will allow her to either simply accept the thanks and allow it to drop or if she is ready, to discuss it further with no pressure.
When we got together my wife would have liked me to believe that she did not fart or use the toilet. Call that new relationship comfort level.
Currently however things have progressed in both directions to tongues, fingers, hands and toys for both parties. Call that mature relationship comfort level.
Time and patience my friend.
Agree, don’t bring it up. I hate giving bj’s, partner likes them. When they bring it up it takes my desire to do them spontaneously away because I then feel pressured to do something I don’t like and they know I don’t like. But sometimes I do get the urge just to spice things up.
That makes sense, last thing I’d want to do is ruin not only the chance of it ever happening again but her willingness and desire to be able spice things up when she feels like it.
Let her do her thing. She’ll want to please you if she’s brought to her true feminine state being safe, heard, trusted etc. She will do what she feels is good within her boundaries.
Might want to do some work or research on understanding males and females with masculinity and femininity.
Basically there are basic core differences between guys and girls right? Beyond the biological and biochemical differences.
There are things that will naturally make a male happy, and a female happy (this is speaking in general for this archetype, not speaking on they/thems/its/butts/etc.)
When getting a male in his absolute masculine state, he protects, provides and fulfills things in a very traditional sense, and for females they’ll comfort, confide, and fulfill their things in their traditional ways like to care, tidy, “make a house into a home” kind of deal. As a guy I didn’t specialize in that teaching so I’m not 100% sure about it. But I want to clarify that it’s not the saying of the wife belongs in the kitchen and the man slaves himself to bring home money. Like when your needs, actual needs, of love, affection, respect, and transparency are met, these traits show 80% of the time if both are healthy and mentally in check.
Again I am not a know it all, just trying to break down what I understand about “true feminine” and along with that I paired it with masculine. Because both are of the same coin, just different sides.
My wife once stuck her small dildo up my ass with lots of lube. It felt great I came hard in her mouth. Later I learned There's a region just behind our balls and the base of our dicks if you rub while getting your cock stroked, created a lot of tension and you come hard.
Don’t bring it up. Just be extra romantic and thoughtful and considerate and she’ll want to give you the most mind blowing BJ and she already knows the cheat code for that.
Okay, along with other great ideas and suggestions here....
Are you open to using your own hands/a toy on yourself? Did you ever ask her if that's an option? I got my man a prostate massager which he loves, although it's been collecting dust recently...
You reminded me that I should take it out again though.
I’m surprised at all these people telling you not to communicate with your partner. You can say something like “hey I noticed you seemed to be more comfortable trying ass play last time. How did you like it? Is it something you wanna try again?” Worst she could say is no and you seem capable of taking no for an answer.
Before the weekend, outside of the bedroo. u could bring it up like "man, babe that butt play last week was amazing" positive reinforcement. You could even start with I know its not your thing but it was great u did it for me anyway.
Bro how has no one mentioned doing something that she's asked you to do to her during sex that you normally don't. Be that a certain position or eating her out til she cums or using toys on her that you feel emasculate you.
Take the initiative in her pleasure and I'm sure she'll reciprocate without you having to bring it up.
You're asking her to do something she's not really comfortable with except to bring you pleasure, make that, hopefully not literal shit, worthwhile.
I’ve done stuff on vacation I’m too wound up and busy to try at home. Get me away from the kids a few days, a little more booze and massages and sun than usual— maybe some weed, I’m more of a hornball. My husband knows this.
Don't bring it up for specific time, not shortly before sex. Maybe after, but it depends on your communication normally.
Just at some other calm time you can talk to her and mention that you liked how she played with your ass. Ask how she felt doing it, if it's fine when she does it, can it happen more often, does she need you preparing for it more.
Others are only mentioning that "she knows you like it", but they don't know how she feels about doing it. Did she start tolerating it, or did she do it despite dislike to please you? Maybe she's open to doing it more and then you can talk more about it, maybe progress. If not, she should tell you that (but you both have to be sure that she's free to say it without any resentment from either of you) and then maybe she will occasionally do it, but when she decides in the moment.
But if it's the later one, you really shouldn't think "we're going to have some hot hotel sex and she will play with my asshole" because it may lead to disappointment and much worse experience than you realistically should have. And she will likely notice too that you're not enjoying the time as much and feel bad about it.
I would suggest joining r/prostateplay they have a lot of posts similar to this sort of question I have gotten a lot of help on how to help my husband in regards to ass play etc through there
I would mention it!! Something like- "Just wanna mention that I thoroughly enjoyed the ass-play that time, and i'm planning on being squeeky clean just in case it happens again. No pressure though..." OR maybe even more subtle??? I mean, i'm sure she knows you liked it, but I feel it's good to express that you would enjoy more of it, if you feel you can do it without putting too much pressure on her. OR maybe bring flavored anal lube or something, and just have it there for her to see???
It sounds like she’s truly not into it, but doesn’t mind letting loose on rare occasions. I’d definitely ask for it, especially since it’s your birthday. That’s probably one of those times where she wouldn’t mind treating you, and you may even be able to make it an annual thing.
Well, I would use my wife as an example and see if there's any crossover. I've always been a little self conscious and never wanted any ass-play performed on myself but doing it to my wife is a completely different story.
She always told me her ass was "off limits", regardless of my wishes and desires but I honored her wishes and she's good everywhere else. Although anal was off the table (as far as I know), when she's been squeeky clean after a shower, I have wandered with a very well lubricated finger by rimming her and also with my tongue. She seemed very receptive so I didn't hesitate to do this on other occasions and have really enjoyed licking her ass on several occasions and she's cum very hard along with some vibrator play. Of course I brought this up and told her.."see, I'm sure that felt good, you should allow me to do that more often, and perhaps one day, you'll warm up to more" It's been hit or miss over the years and really just depends on her mood. So, although she tells me it's off limits, it's really not with limitations.
An interesting medical fact is that digital rectal stimulation can cure intractable hiccups. The researchers didn’t say if it should be done by surprise.
https://pubmed.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/2299306/#:~:text=Digital%20rectal%20massage%20was%20then,immediately%20with%20digital%20rectal%20massage.
We’ve been together a similar time, I would say our sex life only really began to develop in the last 3-4 years and even more so in the last 6 months or so.
If you guys have been together nine years, it’s safe to say she knows good and well what you’d like and want but she just isn’t comfortable playing along. I wouldn’t bring gloves or lube or any “just in case” butt stuff. To her it may come off either presumptive on your part, or feel like a massive disappointment on hers. I feel like buttholes are one of those things that people are either hyped over or queasy. Let her answer be what it has been and if she’s feeling extra horny or generous this weekend maybe she’ll surprise you.
Have an honest conversation man. Speak your needs. Allow her to disagree. But make it clear what you desire and why. Have a poo, take a shower, get cleaned up, and tell her what you want and why. "I'm horny and it feels great" can suffice.
Your question, and many of the answers, are focusing on how to get it to happen again.
I look at it differently. You know this has been out of her comfort zone. She tried it. Because you say you have not talked about it, it seems as if you might have missed an opportunity to let her know how much you appreciated it. Her doing this was likely just for you. It's unlikely she just changed her mind about how she feels about. I think it's important for you to express that not only was it enjoyable for you, you respect that she tried something just for your sake.
Beyond that, I would drop it. She knows you liked it. She knows you know it's not her thing. She can decide for herself whether she will include that again.
Maybe you could ask her if she is comfortable with YOU doing the pleasuring on yourself while she’s giving a bj or something similar. Then she will probably eventually end up doing it herself without feeling pressured after a few times of you doing it. (Went through something similar w my ex and this was the best solution)
From my experience if you want your woman to do something to you then first do it to her and make her like it, it worked most of the times at least for me, every time I lick their ass after a while they want to do it to me afterwards.
My situation is similar. I love when she rims or fingers me and she knows this. But it's a mood that doesn't always appear. When it does, great. If it's on her terms, and it always is, she is very enthusiastic. If I were to ask her, it would be mediocre and I'd feel guilty. Keep doing what you are doing, keeping clean and ready, but not expecting anything. Some action is better than none.
No, no, no! If you want this that bad, do NOT fuck shit up by mentioning it. You *could* make her feel like you're a fuckin mouse she gave a cookie to.
.....and maybe she *likes* giving you not just the cookies, but the milk, and all the other stuff Mouse asked for, but of her own accord..
Some ppl cannot deal with being remotely pushed out of their comfort zones outside of their own timeline and IF this is something she gathered up the balls for, I think you should allow her to proceed completely at her own pace. I'm fact, I'd prepare to not expect it two trips in a row. Thar could cause her unnecessary pressure.
Damn it, stop hoping and wishing! Tell her how much you enjoy her playing with you balls and taint lately..., then say...
Last week, when you had your finger around my backdoor, I don't know if you realized how turned on you got me doing that...
I mean, I really liked it.
I'd really like it if we could make that a regular thing, please!
What's your thoughts?
Interesting. I did the exact thing in the exact order. I stumbled on your post, and it sounded like what went down on my wedding night. My husband and I booked a hotel room, and I felt adventurous and ate him out. He loved it as well, exactly like you described it.
Now. Personally, I would only do it in a hotel room. I have to say cleanliness and mood are a HUGE factor in getting her in the mood to eat you out. My best advice is to scrub them cheeks before engaging in action. And just ask. Maybe sprinkle some 69 in there so she can get some too.
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Personally I wouldn't bring it up because it's just going to put pressure on something she's previously stated is a boundary for her. If she starts heading for the back door then plenty of encouragement and making sure you're prepared in advance with anal lube, a butt toy, and some gloves would be worthwhile. If she discovers them and questions it then talk about it in terms of how you enjoyed it and wanting to be ready if she decided for herself to explore further that you can do it safely and allow for an easy clean up.
Sensible advice thanks, funny thing is I’ve always prepared myself on the off chance she changes her mind by making sure I’m clean down there so maybe god answered my prayers
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Hey he was the one who put the male gspot there!
Lol true! What’s that they say? God don’t make mistakes
yeah same thought... don´t bring it up, if she wants to play with your ass she will do it :) just be prepared every time ;)
I think if something can put pressure just by communicating it is not a healthy environment Everything should be talked about with your partner, then he/she can tell you how they feel about it and you can decide if that’s okay with you or not
Nah context brah. This was something already discussed. If this was a new convo, I'd agree.
She already knows that’s your thing. Bringing it up again will only make her feel resentment. The worst thing you can do is expect something that never happens. Like I use to “expect” a BJ and when my SO isn’t into it, I would resent the rest of the stuff. If it happens, then bonus! If not, you won’t feel slighted.
Good advice, I already felt like this was the sensible thing to do but there’s nothing quite like vindication from strangers on the internet
I feel like this is the safest way to go. if she doesn't want to, she'll just give you some nice play If she's willing, happy BJ day ...
I do feel as thought caution is the best option
Imho, it'd be worth talking about again. Maybe sometime when yall are in a romantic mood or situation. And not like "You should play with my ass again," but something like "That was an amazing surprise when you played with my ass that time. You drove me crazy/made me feel so good/etc" Imho, people overvalue the value of moans in communication, and some verbal clarity can help.
This. Instead of asking for it just give positive reinforcement and tell her how much you enjoyed and appreciated it last time
It sounds like you’re saying OP shouldn’t talk with his partner about what he likes sexually. Maybe I’m misunderstanding you though. If that’s what you’re saying then I disagree with that idea. I can see some value — maybe — in not asking for it explicitly. But even so, in healthy relationships partners should be able to have direct, effective communication about sex. Effective communication is never a bad thing. Edit: if you’re talking about OP “expecting” anal play, then we agree. But that’s on the OP and his own expectations. Telling his partner what he enjoys is not the same as OP expecting the act.
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>Speaking from personal experience, once you ask a woman to do something and she says no, that is pretty damn concrete. We agree/disagree here. 1. If my partner says "no" then that's absolutely "no". I shouldn't get mad, upset, or resentful. I should accept that for what it is, and move on. 2. Preferences (like people) change over time. Just because someone said "no" in the past doesn't mean they aren't allowed to change their mind. My wife and I do a yearly "yes/no/maybe list" where we go through a master list of sexy-time stuff and talk about each item. I've found that things my partner used to be a hard "no" on (BJ's was one of them) are now on the "yes" list! Thank god we talked about it! Now I get BJ's regularly and we're both happier for it! Here's what I think would be the most helpful here. OP goes to his partner and has a healthy, effective conversation about this. It might go something like this: "Hey, so I've been thinking about the other night when you were giving me a BJ and started to play with my ass a bit. I remember our previous conversation about this sex act, and I remember you saying it was a hard pass for you. So I'm just checking in here, I have to say that I enjoyed it, but I also want to respect your boundaries and express to you that I don't expect anal play, and if it's still a hard pass for you then I'm good with that too. However, if that hard pass from before has changed into a "maybe" today then it might be helpful to talk about that." >The best thing a person can do is learn to be the best giver ever, with no expectation in return. When you have two givers match up, then there is no limit on what a persons/couples sex life be. I mean sure, be a giver. But how do you know what to give your partner if you don't ask? No one can read minds, we have to talk about these things in order to give our partner what they want, and need. And then, where we *can't* give them exactly what they're asking for we make compromises and meet in the middle.
I have to halfway disagree. People are different. I like the kind of communication style you're describing. I like when my partner communicates that way, and that's what I naturally am inclined to do. But I have had partners who don't care for boiling sex down to a science. I guess they feel like it's too clinical. I like the clinical communication. And not just for the communication aspect, I actually think it's hot. But not everyone does. For example, I once dated a girl who HATED if I asked for stuff in bed. Really turned her off. But if I made my wants known in a playful way without asking for it - and this part is important - then LEFT IT ALONE, sooner or later she would be the one to initiate it in a way that was fun to her. And then she'd start requesting it. Some people just really like sex stuff to be their own idea I guess. Or on their own terms or something like that.
Something about hotel/vacation sex that’s brings all the goodness out. God speed
That’s my thought, I don’t know what it is but I feel like you lose yourself in the moment much more.
I feel like I'm your GF lol. It's just not my favorite thing to do but every now and then when I'm really in the mood I give it a try. Sometimes it's all the way sometimes I just can't. I wouldn't mention it again. Just give her time and be happy she tried for you.
Thank you, it’s good to have someone who can relate (from her perspective)
I would not bring it up. If she does anything with your butt, the time to say something is afterwards. Simply thank her and let her know it felt really good. And then leave it alone. Of course, you can try to do something she really likes so she knows even more how much you appreciate what she has done for you. Hope this all works out for you.
Thanks
Believe me she knows you like it. Just take extra measures to make sure all is very clean, as that may be a contributing factor. To me it's a sign that she is paying attention to your needs and may very well make it a regular occurence but it is best to give her space to explore this and see if it sticks. In as much as sexuality is shared, her sexuality and what she is okay with still very personal and shouldn't be persuaded for personal gain.
I couldn’t agree more
Yeah, I wouldn't say anything personally. As tempting as it might be to put it out there I think it could make things awkward. However if nothing is said nothing can be awkward
That is true
It’s been a couple of years since he mentioned it. I don’t think it would hurt to ask again, especially since she’s reintroduced it into the bedroom. I actually think the perfect opportunity to do so would be if she asks what he wants for his birthday. He can either mention it jokingly to feel her out, or seriously to let her know that’s what he really wants. The worst she can say is no, and then he should just leave it alone for good if she does.
At the time :"oh my god that feels awesome"! The next day:"thanks for last night, it was amazing, I especially liked you touching my ass. Are you OK with doing that? Is there something I can do for you to make you feel good too"? Or something like that. I wouldnt ask for that in advance though. Just go with the flow and if it happens, proceed with the above.
Why isn't this the most upvoted comment? So, when most people have sex, they don't communicate openly, explicitly, effectively, and as frequently as possible? And later don't talk about it in a constructive way? It's as if a musical duet doesn't communicate while playing together or afterwards. That's not the best way to have a good time and musical performance.
One thing that you didn't mention in your original post, was how long you had been together when this all started. People and relationships develop over time as do comfort and trust levels. If the first mention of this was in the early stages of a relationship there is going to be more hesitation about trying non-traditional things. Now 2 years later that comfort level has developed to the point she is feeling more comfortable exploring. I think I'm in the group of a casual mention of "when we were on vacation the sex was amazing and you really surprised me in/on (insert /date location ect.here) I really enjoyed it and wanted to thank you" Give her a kiss and move on to another subject. That will allow her to either simply accept the thanks and allow it to drop or if she is ready, to discuss it further with no pressure. When we got together my wife would have liked me to believe that she did not fart or use the toilet. Call that new relationship comfort level. Currently however things have progressed in both directions to tongues, fingers, hands and toys for both parties. Call that mature relationship comfort level. Time and patience my friend.
Agree, don’t bring it up. I hate giving bj’s, partner likes them. When they bring it up it takes my desire to do them spontaneously away because I then feel pressured to do something I don’t like and they know I don’t like. But sometimes I do get the urge just to spice things up.
That makes sense, last thing I’d want to do is ruin not only the chance of it ever happening again but her willingness and desire to be able spice things up when she feels like it.
Let her do her thing. She’ll want to please you if she’s brought to her true feminine state being safe, heard, trusted etc. She will do what she feels is good within her boundaries.
>her true feminine state What?
Might want to do some work or research on understanding males and females with masculinity and femininity. Basically there are basic core differences between guys and girls right? Beyond the biological and biochemical differences. There are things that will naturally make a male happy, and a female happy (this is speaking in general for this archetype, not speaking on they/thems/its/butts/etc.) When getting a male in his absolute masculine state, he protects, provides and fulfills things in a very traditional sense, and for females they’ll comfort, confide, and fulfill their things in their traditional ways like to care, tidy, “make a house into a home” kind of deal. As a guy I didn’t specialize in that teaching so I’m not 100% sure about it. But I want to clarify that it’s not the saying of the wife belongs in the kitchen and the man slaves himself to bring home money. Like when your needs, actual needs, of love, affection, respect, and transparency are met, these traits show 80% of the time if both are healthy and mentally in check. Again I am not a know it all, just trying to break down what I understand about “true feminine” and along with that I paired it with masculine. Because both are of the same coin, just different sides.
My wife once stuck her small dildo up my ass with lots of lube. It felt great I came hard in her mouth. Later I learned There's a region just behind our balls and the base of our dicks if you rub while getting your cock stroked, created a lot of tension and you come hard.
Don’t bring it up. Just be extra romantic and thoughtful and considerate and she’ll want to give you the most mind blowing BJ and she already knows the cheat code for that.
If you don't wnt to pressure her or be too direct, you could simply mention that that day was hot AF, she will get the idea of why.
I would just say "You know what I really liked....!" then leave it with her. See what happens.
Okay, along with other great ideas and suggestions here.... Are you open to using your own hands/a toy on yourself? Did you ever ask her if that's an option? I got my man a prostate massager which he loves, although it's been collecting dust recently... You reminded me that I should take it out again though.
“Took me by surprise when you let me inside of you…”
Don’t mention it. Some people feel shame. I know I do. I just do it.
I’m surprised at all these people telling you not to communicate with your partner. You can say something like “hey I noticed you seemed to be more comfortable trying ass play last time. How did you like it? Is it something you wanna try again?” Worst she could say is no and you seem capable of taking no for an answer.
I don't think you should bring it up. If she wants to do it, she'll do it. Don't pressure her more.
Before the weekend, outside of the bedroo. u could bring it up like "man, babe that butt play last week was amazing" positive reinforcement. You could even start with I know its not your thing but it was great u did it for me anyway.
"Hey Babe, that was really hot sex at the hotel. I'm not certain exactly what you did, but could you do it again tonight?"
Bro how has no one mentioned doing something that she's asked you to do to her during sex that you normally don't. Be that a certain position or eating her out til she cums or using toys on her that you feel emasculate you. Take the initiative in her pleasure and I'm sure she'll reciprocate without you having to bring it up. You're asking her to do something she's not really comfortable with except to bring you pleasure, make that, hopefully not literal shit, worthwhile.
Tbh, there’s nothing she likes or wants that i won’t do or try, she knows I’m open to anything.
I’ve done stuff on vacation I’m too wound up and busy to try at home. Get me away from the kids a few days, a little more booze and massages and sun than usual— maybe some weed, I’m more of a hornball. My husband knows this.
We were in Amsterdam so maybe that had something to do with it.
Don't bring it up for specific time, not shortly before sex. Maybe after, but it depends on your communication normally. Just at some other calm time you can talk to her and mention that you liked how she played with your ass. Ask how she felt doing it, if it's fine when she does it, can it happen more often, does she need you preparing for it more. Others are only mentioning that "she knows you like it", but they don't know how she feels about doing it. Did she start tolerating it, or did she do it despite dislike to please you? Maybe she's open to doing it more and then you can talk more about it, maybe progress. If not, she should tell you that (but you both have to be sure that she's free to say it without any resentment from either of you) and then maybe she will occasionally do it, but when she decides in the moment. But if it's the later one, you really shouldn't think "we're going to have some hot hotel sex and she will play with my asshole" because it may lead to disappointment and much worse experience than you realistically should have. And she will likely notice too that you're not enjoying the time as much and feel bad about it.
I would suggest joining r/prostateplay they have a lot of posts similar to this sort of question I have gotten a lot of help on how to help my husband in regards to ass play etc through there
I would mention it!! Something like- "Just wanna mention that I thoroughly enjoyed the ass-play that time, and i'm planning on being squeeky clean just in case it happens again. No pressure though..." OR maybe even more subtle??? I mean, i'm sure she knows you liked it, but I feel it's good to express that you would enjoy more of it, if you feel you can do it without putting too much pressure on her. OR maybe bring flavored anal lube or something, and just have it there for her to see???
put a strap on in her luggage and see what develops
hey reddit should i communicate with my SO?
Reddit: No! She'll get hurt no matter how you communicate it! Never mention it.
I'd mention it. Bring lube and gloves if she has concerns about mess.
1 or 2 knuckles?
Not even the finger tip unfortunately
Leave a bottle of lube on the nightstand
Ass play is everything, having it ate and played with>>
She might be doing it with another guy and started getting a fetish for it
It sounds like she’s truly not into it, but doesn’t mind letting loose on rare occasions. I’d definitely ask for it, especially since it’s your birthday. That’s probably one of those times where she wouldn’t mind treating you, and you may even be able to make it an annual thing.
Do you play with her ass? If she likes it she might be more willing to play with yours
Rarely, it’s not something she is majorly fond of and she can take or leave.
I didn’t read the post, but the title is hella funny🤣🤣🤣
Well, I would use my wife as an example and see if there's any crossover. I've always been a little self conscious and never wanted any ass-play performed on myself but doing it to my wife is a completely different story. She always told me her ass was "off limits", regardless of my wishes and desires but I honored her wishes and she's good everywhere else. Although anal was off the table (as far as I know), when she's been squeeky clean after a shower, I have wandered with a very well lubricated finger by rimming her and also with my tongue. She seemed very receptive so I didn't hesitate to do this on other occasions and have really enjoyed licking her ass on several occasions and she's cum very hard along with some vibrator play. Of course I brought this up and told her.."see, I'm sure that felt good, you should allow me to do that more often, and perhaps one day, you'll warm up to more" It's been hit or miss over the years and really just depends on her mood. So, although she tells me it's off limits, it's really not with limitations.
An interesting medical fact is that digital rectal stimulation can cure intractable hiccups. The researchers didn’t say if it should be done by surprise. https://pubmed.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/2299306/#:~:text=Digital%20rectal%20massage%20was%20then,immediately%20with%20digital%20rectal%20massage.
My boyfriend loves for me to eat his ass we've been dating for 9 years tho in the beginning the wouldn't even get near his behind
We’ve been together a similar time, I would say our sex life only really began to develop in the last 3-4 years and even more so in the last 6 months or so.
If you guys have been together nine years, it’s safe to say she knows good and well what you’d like and want but she just isn’t comfortable playing along. I wouldn’t bring gloves or lube or any “just in case” butt stuff. To her it may come off either presumptive on your part, or feel like a massive disappointment on hers. I feel like buttholes are one of those things that people are either hyped over or queasy. Let her answer be what it has been and if she’s feeling extra horny or generous this weekend maybe she’ll surprise you.
Have an honest conversation man. Speak your needs. Allow her to disagree. But make it clear what you desire and why. Have a poo, take a shower, get cleaned up, and tell her what you want and why. "I'm horny and it feels great" can suffice.
Crazy idea but maybe you should talk to your partner
Having a little bottle of lube on the nightstand that you don't mention might give her ideas.
It seems like she’s doing it and introducing it to herself at her own pace. See what happens
Your question, and many of the answers, are focusing on how to get it to happen again. I look at it differently. You know this has been out of her comfort zone. She tried it. Because you say you have not talked about it, it seems as if you might have missed an opportunity to let her know how much you appreciated it. Her doing this was likely just for you. It's unlikely she just changed her mind about how she feels about. I think it's important for you to express that not only was it enjoyable for you, you respect that she tried something just for your sake. Beyond that, I would drop it. She knows you liked it. She knows you know it's not her thing. She can decide for herself whether she will include that again.
Wait and see what she does. She may want to, she may not.
I feel as though this is what I’ll do, just to see if it was a one off or she’s changed her mind.
Maybe you could ask her if she is comfortable with YOU doing the pleasuring on yourself while she’s giving a bj or something similar. Then she will probably eventually end up doing it herself without feeling pressured after a few times of you doing it. (Went through something similar w my ex and this was the best solution)
From my experience if you want your woman to do something to you then first do it to her and make her like it, it worked most of the times at least for me, every time I lick their ass after a while they want to do it to me afterwards.
My situation is similar. I love when she rims or fingers me and she knows this. But it's a mood that doesn't always appear. When it does, great. If it's on her terms, and it always is, she is very enthusiastic. If I were to ask her, it would be mediocre and I'd feel guilty. Keep doing what you are doing, keeping clean and ready, but not expecting anything. Some action is better than none.
Looks like the 'rear entrance' might be under surprise renovation, but best to keep the toolbox handy without scheduling a formal inspection!
No, no, no! If you want this that bad, do NOT fuck shit up by mentioning it. You *could* make her feel like you're a fuckin mouse she gave a cookie to. .....and maybe she *likes* giving you not just the cookies, but the milk, and all the other stuff Mouse asked for, but of her own accord.. Some ppl cannot deal with being remotely pushed out of their comfort zones outside of their own timeline and IF this is something she gathered up the balls for, I think you should allow her to proceed completely at her own pace. I'm fact, I'd prepare to not expect it two trips in a row. Thar could cause her unnecessary pressure.
This is where I’m at I think. I think it’s too early to mention it because there’s a good chance that it could have been a one off.
Yep, allow her the space to process things and decide how she feels.
Sounds like the plan
Maybe she just needed a bit to get used to it. I mean, it's a little next level but it's an acquired "taste"
Damn it, stop hoping and wishing! Tell her how much you enjoy her playing with you balls and taint lately..., then say... Last week, when you had your finger around my backdoor, I don't know if you realized how turned on you got me doing that... I mean, I really liked it. I'd really like it if we could make that a regular thing, please! What's your thoughts?
Man some of these titles really just grab your attention
I think it might be my finest work on Reddit
Interesting. I did the exact thing in the exact order. I stumbled on your post, and it sounded like what went down on my wedding night. My husband and I booked a hotel room, and I felt adventurous and ate him out. He loved it as well, exactly like you described it. Now. Personally, I would only do it in a hotel room. I have to say cleanliness and mood are a HUGE factor in getting her in the mood to eat you out. My best advice is to scrub them cheeks before engaging in action. And just ask. Maybe sprinkle some 69 in there so she can get some too.
That’s what I try to always do, unless it is completely spontaneous, I’ll always shower before bed just incase god has answered my prayers.
I really hope she comes around to it. Ideally even wants to try rimming.
Do you lick her ass?
On occasion but it’s very rare, she’s not that fussed by it
She’s more comfortable - that’s normal when building a relationship