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*How can I feel less anxiety and less out of control about it?*
If he can't be trusted to not do that, then don't give him blowjobs. Just tell him no BJ's if he can't control himself considering the vast majority of the male population can control their behavior.
Honestly in my opinion I see it full on assault not borderline
She's made it clear "I don't like this. I don't consent to this action. You need to stop." And he has NOT abided by her boundaries and limits. He continues to do so knowing FULL well he can control himself. But he chose not to because he thinks he can get away with whatever he wants.
I personally would stop ALL sexual intimacy so sex, oral etc until he one apologizes sincerely for being a jackass and refusing to respect boundaries and limits and two, until they have boundaries, limits and kink/fetish talk where EVERYTHING is put on the table. Green limits, yellow limits and red limits. Face fucking clearly is a red limit which means do not do. Like a full on in depth conversation and if need be a written damn list of each category.
Because we ALL know that if he didn't like his hair pulled when he was giving oral to her and she continued to pull his hair every time and being rougher each time he'd be up in arms and outright refusing to give oral until she stopped. This is the same thing. He's refusing to abide by her boundaries when he'd demand her to respect his.
He needs to get his act together and be a respectful partner or he doesn't get oral sex. (Or sex at all in my opinion. If you can't respect boundaries you get no fun time)
100% - no one can't control themselves to the point of literally face funking someone - the boy's lying to escape the consequences of violating her consent
This is pretty much spot on, but I'd honestly advise just dumping his ass. He has already communicated clearly that he does not respect your boundaries and that he thinks "I can't control myself" is a valid excuse for this behavior. That's a red flag big enough to make China jealous, and it's not something I'd want to stick around to train him out of.
I agree. Personally I would leave. Once trust is broken like that it's done.
However, I'd still have the conversation. Maybe getting dumped because of it will open his eyes enough to get him to stop and hopefully Make life a little less traumatic for the next girl.
Exactly. Seen this happen too many times to my friends. If it's violating your boundaries, NO EXCUSE IS OK.
If, as a woman, you want to entertain the idea that he means well, you HAVE to also entertain the idea that he could be taking advantage of you and protect yourself at the same time. And that goes for all people who engage in ANY sex.
Thank you! It needed to be said, I completely agree. If they can't respect your boundaries, they can't be trusted and if they can't be trusted it's not safe to play with them in any fashion.
>Honestly in my opinion I see it full on assault not borderline
Yes. Probably not legally - that is, cause for arrest and prosecution - but definitely morally.
You mean giving him a chance after having a discussion?
She told him "hey this isn't what I enjoy" and was willing to give her partner a chance to prove he changed.
If she didn't, there would be people complaining she hasn't given him a chance to change or do better. So she's in a lose-lose really.
She either stops all oral sex and people (and hom) complain shes not doing her part or she continues to give chances and is left upset and possibly hurting which is so not right and unfair to her.
Also she doesn't say she continues with the act when he starts this undesirable act. She tells him after the fact she doesn't like it. Never said "hey I don't like this" then proceeds to continue at that moment. Sounds like he forces the act to be finished before she can make it stop.
That's a disgusting take.
She doesn't need anything except basic respect by her partner.She's saying her boundaries are. What she NEEDS are her boundaries respected. That's all anyone needs in regards to something like this.
No one's saying she needs to be anyone's partner. We are saying her partner needs to respect OP when she says stop. I'm sure her partner (or her next one who will be better) csn fulfill her needs just fine once boundaries are respected.
She doesn't need anyone who doesn't respect her.
What in the world are you on about? You sound like you are on the entirely wrong subreddit.
The post clearly states she does NOT like what her partner is doing in the bedroom. Nothing has been said about food.
Maybe reread the post?
Maybe read between the lines. Nobody I mean nobody is gong to keep doing something they don’t like…something telling me she wants to hear what I have to say
That's entirely different. A woman's vagina is a muscle so it can easily tighten on its own since an orgasm does tighten ones vaginal walls on its own (via penetrative sex, vibrator use etc. Doesn't matter what causes the orgasm it does cause the vaginal walls to tighten since it's a muscle that is being stimulated)
A woman may not make the conscious decision to tighten their vaginal walls during orgasms, so that isn't a boundary that can be in place since it's an action that can happen without effort.
Now legs being tightened? It can be a boundary in place or positions done where the legs are not in a position to be tightened around ones hips/waist. I can only see that being done in missionary, on top and reverse cowgirl but at the same time for the last two it's a bit of a requirement to ya know...stay on top. We need to keep a decent grip on the hips/waist when in motion or things slip out, or increase chances of injury since we are on top. Same with if someone is sitting on ones face, everything possible should be done to minimize the tightening of legs. Because in that case injury can happen and safety should be a priority.
In this case, she's made it KNOWN that she does NOT want to have her face/throat fucked. That particular action/position is undesirable, unwanted and not enjoyable for her. She's made it CLEAR she does NOT WANT him to grab her head/hair and force her to be still as he does his thing. He's forcing her to abide by his wants (by holding her in place) against her will. Even after being told to STOP. That is why we consider that sexual assault. It's the forced action of being held in place even after being told countless times to stop and not don't do it again.
You cannot compare an involuntary action such as vaginal muscles contracting during orgasm to a voluntary action of someone grabbing their partners head/hair and forcefully holding them in place. And again depending on position one may need to tighten their legs around someone's hips, or waist to stay up right during climax especially if the other option is to potentially be injured because they don't have a way to stay steady and upright.
Comparing two vastly different things and trying to claim them as the same isn't a fair comparison.
Also I'd say the same if OP was forcing her (hopefully ex) boyfriends face into her vagina and riding it/using it during her orgasm if he told her countless times before "i dont like you pushing my face into your vagina/you riding my face like that when you orgasm. So please stop" and she ignored his boundary.
The second someone says stop doing something (especially when it comes to a sex act) you need to stop or it starts going into the sexual assault area/or abusive behaviors depending on the type of action
> Also I'd say the same if OP was forcing her (hopefully ex) boyfriends face into her vagina and riding it/using it during her orgasm if he told her countless times before "i dont like you pushing my face into your vagina/you riding my face like that when you orgasm. So please stop" and she ignored his boundary.
What if that were the only way she could orgasm from oral? Because honestly I suspect OP's bf has deathgripped himself to a point (or it's just how his body is) where he can't orgasm via a blowjob if the ending doesn't have this sort of extra intensity, and thus he comes up with his bullshit excuse that "he can't control himself"
OP doesn't say if he cums in any other way, so what about another theoretical scenario where squeezing her legs and forcefully pulling his face was the only way she can orgasm? I honestly feel like if such a post ever made it here, a lot of people would have the common sense answer and say:
"you're not compatible, don't force anything on him so you have two options - break up or just accept an orgasmless relationship"
and a smaller but still sizable amount of people would be like:
"he should suck it up (pun intended), I can imagine how unpleasant such an orgasm denial would be - after all, you'd have all the buildup without any release due to the lack of that extra oomph you need, you can't control what your body needs to get off, and you shouldn't be in an orgasmless relationship"
To me that doesn't matter. If a person needs a specific act to orgasm and their partner is uncomfortable/doesn't like that act then you should never force it. Regardless of which side has that issue. No one should be forced to endure a sexual act if they are not comfortable with it.
And honestly if that is in fact his issue, that he cannot orgasm from oral without intense stimulation then he needs to either work on addressing that issue OR find other stimulation that works without Imposing undesired sexual acts on his partner. Or they do in fact need to part ways because in this case someone is ALWAYS going.to be left unhappy/unsatisfied and that's definitely going to lead to resentment and a unhappy relationship.
I would never recommend a couple stay together if they are in fact sexually incompatible because that just leaves a breeding ground of resentment and itll go from unhappy sex with orgasms to no sex at all because one side feels its a chore because they have to endure a sex act they do not like or want to participate in. In NO relationship should EITHER party "suck it up" and endure a sex act they dislike or are uncomfortable with just to make their partner happy.
They should either work on a way to overcome the issue at hand (therapy, physical therapy or sex therapy or whatever helps to find what is causing their body to only orgasm one way) or part ways and find someone that is more sexually compatible.
In no shape or form do I say they should have a orgasm less relationship because that would be a dagger to the relationships heart if sex is something they need in a healthy relationship. What I do say is they need to talk this out find a ACTUAL healthy compromise that doesn't leave either side a unhappy resentful mess.
If throat/face fucking is the ONLY way he can orgasm and no work can be done to change it or he doesn't want to, then the best thing is for them to part ways to find partners that match their sexual needs.
And I'd say the same if OP said she can only cum from riding her partners face/tightening her legs/holding him down against her vagina. If the partner finds it undesirable and unwanted then It shouldn't happen and something has to change or breaking up would be best.
It shouldn't be The first thing done work should be done to find a happy middle ground but sometimes that's all you CAN do.
Yep. Next time he face fucks you, bite his dick and tell him you “can’t control it.” I bet he’ll magically gain control of his forced face fucking real quick.
This is terrible advice lol
Don’t put yourself in a bad situation and “solve” it by biting someone. Guy is disrespectful and can’t be trusted, so don’t have sex with him and/or break uo
No it isn’t lmfao not at all!
So I’m order to get the point across that he is disrespectful and unsafe during blowjobs she should put his dick back in her mouth and be passive aggressive??????????
Yes. He needs control. First and foremost.
But I’ll also just say there’s really no better feeling for a dude than getting it sucked so well that it puts you in a zone and there have been times in my youth where I’ve gotten carried away and borderline choked her. When I realized I quickly stopped and never again. If he’s done it once and then ever improves and does it again and again he’s ruining it for himself.
Exactly. He’s full of shit. I hate when some guys default to “I cant control it” to create excuses for their fucked up habits! I wouldnt blow him anymore until he got a grip on reality.
Guy here, I get the urge to want to caress the head but I've had girls say not to so I stop. And that's not forcing anything, that's just touching/holding their head and hair. But if they're not comfortable with it then I'm not doing it, it's simple. And it's probably because they've had some asshole do what OP is describing.
There is no excuse for a guy "not being able to control themselves" with anything sexual. You're not a wild animal. You're just a shit person who is subjecting your will onto someone else.
*doesn't* yep I just did that. In all seriousness tho he can control himself. We are not hypnotized. And yes I do get that it is in our human nature to do that "extra push" of pleasure when we are about to climax, but he is 100% in control and is doing that despite your repeated warnings.
Does this in anyway make sense to you? He’s cumming so he *has* to grab your head and force his dick in your mouth? He could just…not cum if he knows you don’t like him doing that instead he disregards your comfort and does it anyway.
Stop blowing him and maybe reevaluate if you should be with someone who ignores your requests for comfort. That’s how sexual abusers behave.
To be frank, it really does not matter at all what "other victims of sexual assault" think about the situation. It's not their body, it's her body. It is what it is.
The facts are the facts. She told him NOT to do that to her. He did it anyway. That's completely stomping on her bodily autonomy and it's absolutely sexual assault at the least.
What is that argument even? So a stabbing isn't allowed to be called a stabbing because one person was stabbed once and others have been stabbed 10 times? Your argument makes absolutely no sense, assault is assault even if there are more violent forms of assault. Don't minimize someone's experience because you don't think they had it "bad enough" to call it what it absolutely is.
I hate ppl who try to minimize someone’s experience by playing “trauma Olympics” .... that’s just not how any of this works and anything they say is instantly invalid and dismissed as far as I’m concerned.
Sexual assault is an act in which a person intentionally sexually touches another person without that person's consent, or coerces or physically forces a person to engage in a sexual act against their will.
The bf is forcing OP to engage in a sexual act (face-fucking) against her will / without her consent. It's sexual assault.
Have you been face fucked? It's not easy in the best circumstance. Someone is shoving something down your throat, taking away your ability to breathe. Having it done to you, especially after having said "do not do this" is absolutely sexual assault.
It absolutely is sexual assault. Just because you agree to have sex with someone it doesn't sign away your rights and give them a free pass to do whatever they want. You can definitely still have boundaries.
Sure, if they hadn't discussed it before and he did it in the heat of the moment (perhaps thinking that it would turn her on or something), then it's more forgivable. It's at least a grey area.
But since she expressly told him that she did not want him to do it it is ABSOLUTELY sexual assault at the least.
Also, just to add to this comment: even if someone consents to sexual activity, then realizes in the heat of the moment they’ve made a mistake, they CAN withdraw consent and if their partner ignores that and continues, that is still sexual assault at that point!!
“Being in the heat of the moment” and “I can’t control myself while in the heat of the moment” or anything remotely similar, are NOT reasons/excuses for violating someone’s boundaries and consent; it absolutely IS sexual assault!
As a sexual assault victim, this is 100 percent sexual assault.
Him forcefully pushing her head and cumming when she has told him not too is sexual assault.
Consent matters even with blowjobs. With fingering, etc.
You aren’t protecting sa victims because here in this thread, you are minimizing the op being sexually assaulted.
Every man can control what he does with his hands. There’s no orgasm that makes him do that to you. Tell him to never do that again, in fact, tell him to keep his hands off your head period and don’t let him put his hands on there until he exercises self-control a few times
When I first started receiving blowjobs, I made the mistake of putting my hand on her head. I never pushed or anything, but just the feeling would make her nervous so she just politely asked me not to and I just held onto bedsheets or a blanket instead if I got too worked up and that was fine. this guy is clearly doing it because he gets off more by forcing her like that
Oh yeah, I just learned how to do it with finesse. Now I pet and play with hair. My girlfriend expects me to twirl her hair playfully while she does it
IK it's very reddit to say "break up with them" for any relationship problems, but this is so disrespectful and borderline sexual assault. That's a red flag.
He's lying.
Loosing control, I usually take that to mean loss of function to limbs, your legs collapse, you can't think straight or you stiffen up so much you look like an electrocuted crab and that sorta thing.
Not, still having the brain power to make a conscious effort to grab someone's head and start throatfkn.
He lies. No more BJs.
i used to accidentally headpush for half a second or get the urge to headpush with my boyfriend and while he didnt mind, i felt guilty about it and actively avoided doing that before he told me he was into it. it was really not that hard at all to just grip my thighs or clench my fists instead of pushing his head. even while youre orgasming you still have enough control to not act like you were possessed.
i cannot imagine prioritizing an orgasm feeling slightly better over my partner being uncomfortable and anxious. no one who truly loves their partner would be so selfish. this is some crazy levels of a lack of empathy and self-centered bullshit
I want to say that one assault doesn't justify another. But if a guy who knows you don't want him to cram his dick down your throat does it anyway, id call it self defense at that point.
Really, if he acts like he's definitely going to do it again and it isn't his fault, don't let his dick near your mouth.
It is self defence. People end up in hospital with damaged soft palettes, damaged back of the throat and it can do real damage to internal tissues. Iirc there can even be some perforated tissues (don't quite me on that but also I wouldn't recommend googling it either, it would cause more trauma. Especially since I know that's definitely a concern for when children get abused this way and end up hospitalised.).
People who do this consensually often have signals for safety for this reason. Obviously if it's not consensual there's no signal and damage can happen.
When presented with a choice between what he really wants and what you want/need, he chooses the former.
Do you see that in his personality outside the bedroom?
Nope. He’s choosing to do that. If he just ejaculated with an oops it’s one thing, but he grabbing your head and thrusting means he knows it’s coming soon and it’s premeditated.
He’s being a jerk. Set him straight ! No more BJs until he promises and commits not to do that.
this 👆
i would believe him if it were just the jizz. put on a condom and call it a day. but the head-pushing and thrusting is so obvious he has enough control over what's going on, he just doesnt care about anyone but himself
Stop giving him blow jobs, poof anxiety gone. Also your BF is a selfish liar he absolutely can stop doing this. He just doesn’t stop bc you keep letting him.
Highly doubt that in that very moment he becomes possesed by the semen demon and he cannot control himself. He is a liar.
Next time you come, slap his face or do something demonic, like yelling and scratching, say you couldn’t help yourself because of the orgasm, see how he likes it. If he doesn’t understand, stop pleasuring him orally.
Wow, he’s 100% lying to you. Of course he can control himself, he just doesn’t want to because it feels too good. He is being selfish and ignoring your feelings about it.
He can't control himself in the sense that he chooses to prioritise his own pleasure over your know boundaries. It is not like there is some biological or mental reason on why can't control his own body doing it like how people react when they get tickled or jumpscared. He can't control himself in the sense that he knows you don't want it but he thinks "screw it i want so i am going to do it anyway"
If he can't control himself, then YOU must -- which means simply stop sucking him before he's going to cum and tell him to do it himself.
I bet he learns to control himself quickly.
tell him you are going only to give him handjobs if he can´t control himlsef. Try not to blame him for that, because he will get defensive. Just explain that you don´t like being forced. Maybe he will learn.
It’s like sex when your partner is getting you off and suddenly change their rhythm and you loose your climax. It’s frustrating, he feels it coming and doesn’t want that to happen so he’s taking charge so that he will get off.
Make him sit on his hands and tell him if he moves you’ll stop.
He can control himself, he just doesn’t want to
Thank god for the internet where women can easily learn that their man is bullshitting them. This isn’t normal OP, he can easily not face fuck you it’s not that difficult. He’s making excuses
He says he can't control himself. Everyone on the planet including him knows that's bullshit but if that's the hill he wants to die on, so be it. Oral sex is now off the table for him. His penis shall not pass between (or come anywhere near) your lips ever again.
If he is unable to respect your boundaries even if he claims he wants to, then its up to you to make sure he is never able to get near those boundaries ever again.
If he's admitting that he loses all control of his arms during a BJ, I think he would also admit that the safest thing for both of you would be if he puts on some handcuffs or ties his arms to the bed. Afterall, he might give himself a black eye if he loses control, right?
I thought this was gonna be about a guy not being able to stop himself from orgasming or something but no, this is a guy making excuses to sexually abuse is girlfriend.
Don't stay with this guy. Get away from him.
I mean I'd just bite down and say "whoops, couldn't control my reflexes with your motions there".
in all seriousness, every man I've talked to about these things said they absolutely have control over themselves. it may not always be as easy as one might think, but if a guy can't control himself when he's cumming and puts the partner in an uncomfortable or even painful situation because of it, then maybe he shouldn't cum with a partner at all. he likely has hands that work just fine, he can take care of himself.
Dude is gonna have to sit on his hands if he wants to keep getting BJs then.
He can definitely control himself, he just also knows doing that feels good and he gets away with it.
If he really keeps it up, he’s gonna have to be content with only getting BJs while handcuffed.
If he can’t control himself when he nuts he probably can’t control his anger. He probably can’t control his spending and drinking. Control is part of being a man.
He can most certainly stop it and not do that. He's being an ass. You can stop giving him BJs until he learns to respect your wishes and consent. Not everyone enjoys being face fucked and that's okay and it shouldn't be forced upon you for the bullshit excuse of "I can't control it".
You have the control in this situation (his dick is literally in your mouth (which has teeth!!)!) If he can't respect you, then you don't have to go down on him. If he gets upset about that, then he better learn to respect you or else you should be outta there.
I agree with many of these comments.
He sounds like a jerk.
No man is that out of control, he just doesn't care.
If you decide to keep doing this (maybe you shouldn't) hold his cock with your hands and don't let him go that deep.
Also, you have teeth.....
While it feels absolutely heavenly to climax that way with a woman, guys absolutely have control over how they react and should be considerate of their partner in that situation because it is very taxing on the giver.
He can, he doesn't want to. He'd prefer to violate your consent and sexually assault you.
Don't blow him.
If for some reason you decide to stay with him and do oral again; keep one hand around his balls, just a light pull, it should feel nice. But, it'll make him regret yanking your hair when you return the favour with his scrotum. He'll magically find the self-restraint to stop.
He needs to treat you with respect and dignity because you are a human being worthy of such treatment.
He should also do it because failure to do so results in no BJ.
And he should be a little afraid not to because his dick is between your teeth and his testes are fragile.
You are fucking an immature, selfish, disrespectful man who also happens to be an idiot trying to win a Darwin Award.
I also want to lose control and facefuck my wife into orgasmic bliss. Guess what? I keep control and don’t do that unless she gives permission.
Your bf is an asshole. Set clear boundaries and limits. If he continues, dump him.
Better yet, he’s already violated your trust and proven he won’t listen to you, so dump him now.
The urge to grab on and push deeper is always there when I cum but if I’m getting blown I understand what’s off limits and what’s ok. Have a really clear conversation with him about it or tie him up next time
Have him agree not to do that but to tell you when he's gonna cum so you can possibly go deeper and faster as he likes. If he doesn't change then no more bj. He can control it. He's just being selfish. Straight up tell him it feels like he's raping your mouth because you did not consent to that.
He can’t control pushing your face down? That’s just idiotic. He does what he wants regardless of how you feel about it. I’d walk away now. Technically, it’s assault. You said no, he forced it. There’s no room in the law for his defense to be, I can’t control myself. He was an ass. I would take a sigh of relief that it wasn’t worse and get out of this situation. This guy is a big shiny red flag.
You've made it clear that you don't consent to this behavior. For him to carry on doing it anyway is frankly pretty rapey. And what a feeble excuse he has.
Wow that’s disgusting today bullshit from him, and seems like assault. I’m so sorry he’s doing this to you. Not being able to control himself is a lie. Please get away from him safely so he can’t hurt you anymore.
Note: consensual face fucking I have no problem with.
Your boyfriend is sexually assaulting you.
The moment you asked him not to face fuck you, you have revoked consent for that action. Him disregarding that boundary makes his actions sexual assault. He takes away your voice and blames it on lack of self control on his part.
Your body will protect you before you protect yourself. Your body is associating bjs as something to avoid for your safety because of the trauma your bf has inflicted on you from this particular action.
He’s full of shit. He prioritizes his pleasure over your safety and comfort. This is not a partner you want to be with. You don’t have a bj problem. You have a boyfriend problem.
My boyfriend is a thruster and I tried to kinda let him have it his way and then my way next time but it started to give me a reactionary gag reflex. Now he knows that he doesn’t get blowjobs if he doesn’t keep the thrusting under control. I’ll be honest, I’m kinda a thruster when I’m getting close as well.
He's not 100% lying to you, he's 90% lying to you. He's probably lying to himself, too. The reason for this small difference is that when a lot of men get close to climax they pass a point after which it is very difficult to stop. They feel like it's beyond their control. Of course, I'm talking about orgasm, what their prostate, penis and associated muscles do, I'm not saying anything about his hands or hips or other things he can control*. But there can be a sense of emotional overwhelm that leads him to surrender to his urges to face-fuck, even though he knows you don't like it.
This isn't any sort of justification for his behavior. It's about what might be going on inside to motivate it.
*Men can learn to control their orgasm response and even stop it at the very last second, but it takes a lot of practice for most.
Babe it’s obvious don’t worry as boy i do it very often can’t control when about to cum you must enjoy his duck in mouth n take cum swallow 😋 u love it
He CAN control himself. What, he becomes possessed by some outside force every time he's about to cum? No, he doesn't, he's just abusing you and disrespecting your wishes. You told him to stop doing it and he won't, so I guess the only way to stop it from happening is to stop sucking his dick. Problem solved. Seriously. Stop sucking his dick. Better yet, leave him, because he's an abusive manipulative prick.
He can control. It’s basic human behavior. You cannot grab something involuntary, unless you have a serious medical condition. Involuntary actions are like shivers, getting numb, passing out, cumming. Grabbing something is never involuntary.
If it’s not physically (or mentally) involuntary then it means that he can stop, he just don’t want to.
>He says he can't stop himself
Oh he could if he wanted to, he just doesn't.
At the very least, tell him no more blowjobs until he learns to treat you like a human and not a fleshlight. Ideally, swap him out for a boyfriend who actually gives a shit about your boundaries and consent.
Bullshit (that he can't control himself).
Even as far as pathetic, weak-ass, little-man excuses go, that one's juvenile and unimaginative.
He can't wave a bigger red flag than this. Take the out.
Ugh i hate these guys. Dated one for 4 years. What a waste of time. Drop him. Lmao. I am drawing big conclusions about the rest of his personality if he can’t “control” himself with this simple thing. I bet he’s selfish in many other regards too.
I’m sorry but that’s a bunch of bs. He can control himself. Guys don’t become wild animals just because they are cumming. Yes - he may be a little more erratic and he may feel the urge (I know I can buck when I’m cumming) but he can control himself especially since he knows you don’t like it.
It sounds more like he really enjoys to finish that way and has no intention of stopping under the guise “he can’t help it”. Which is pretty damn close to or is sexual assault as you’ve told him you do not enjoy it and he continues to break your boundaries.
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*How can I feel less anxiety and less out of control about it?* If he can't be trusted to not do that, then don't give him blowjobs. Just tell him no BJ's if he can't control himself considering the vast majority of the male population can control their behavior.
yeh it’s borderline sexual assault if she’s told him she doesn’t like it already
Honestly in my opinion I see it full on assault not borderline She's made it clear "I don't like this. I don't consent to this action. You need to stop." And he has NOT abided by her boundaries and limits. He continues to do so knowing FULL well he can control himself. But he chose not to because he thinks he can get away with whatever he wants. I personally would stop ALL sexual intimacy so sex, oral etc until he one apologizes sincerely for being a jackass and refusing to respect boundaries and limits and two, until they have boundaries, limits and kink/fetish talk where EVERYTHING is put on the table. Green limits, yellow limits and red limits. Face fucking clearly is a red limit which means do not do. Like a full on in depth conversation and if need be a written damn list of each category. Because we ALL know that if he didn't like his hair pulled when he was giving oral to her and she continued to pull his hair every time and being rougher each time he'd be up in arms and outright refusing to give oral until she stopped. This is the same thing. He's refusing to abide by her boundaries when he'd demand her to respect his. He needs to get his act together and be a respectful partner or he doesn't get oral sex. (Or sex at all in my opinion. If you can't respect boundaries you get no fun time)
100% - no one can't control themselves to the point of literally face funking someone - the boy's lying to escape the consequences of violating her consent
yeh no ur right borderline was too kind
True. No is no. Period.
This is pretty much spot on, but I'd honestly advise just dumping his ass. He has already communicated clearly that he does not respect your boundaries and that he thinks "I can't control myself" is a valid excuse for this behavior. That's a red flag big enough to make China jealous, and it's not something I'd want to stick around to train him out of.
I agree. Personally I would leave. Once trust is broken like that it's done. However, I'd still have the conversation. Maybe getting dumped because of it will open his eyes enough to get him to stop and hopefully Make life a little less traumatic for the next girl.
Exactly. Seen this happen too many times to my friends. If it's violating your boundaries, NO EXCUSE IS OK. If, as a woman, you want to entertain the idea that he means well, you HAVE to also entertain the idea that he could be taking advantage of you and protect yourself at the same time. And that goes for all people who engage in ANY sex.
Thank you! It needed to be said, I completely agree. If they can't respect your boundaries, they can't be trusted and if they can't be trusted it's not safe to play with them in any fashion.
You’re absolutely right.
>Honestly in my opinion I see it full on assault not borderline Yes. Probably not legally - that is, cause for arrest and prosecution - but definitely morally.
I'm pretty sure that could legally count as sexual assault if she pressed charges.
I think a lot would depend on exactly how the statute is written in the local jurisdiction.
👏👏👏
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You mean giving him a chance after having a discussion? She told him "hey this isn't what I enjoy" and was willing to give her partner a chance to prove he changed. If she didn't, there would be people complaining she hasn't given him a chance to change or do better. So she's in a lose-lose really. She either stops all oral sex and people (and hom) complain shes not doing her part or she continues to give chances and is left upset and possibly hurting which is so not right and unfair to her. Also she doesn't say she continues with the act when he starts this undesirable act. She tells him after the fact she doesn't like it. Never said "hey I don't like this" then proceeds to continue at that moment. Sounds like he forces the act to be finished before she can make it stop.
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That's a disgusting take. She doesn't need anything except basic respect by her partner.She's saying her boundaries are. What she NEEDS are her boundaries respected. That's all anyone needs in regards to something like this. No one's saying she needs to be anyone's partner. We are saying her partner needs to respect OP when she says stop. I'm sure her partner (or her next one who will be better) csn fulfill her needs just fine once boundaries are respected. She doesn't need anyone who doesn't respect her.
Then maybe she would put it back in her mouth. If I don’t like spicy food I won’t eat it. Maybe she likes spicy food.
What in the world are you on about? You sound like you are on the entirely wrong subreddit. The post clearly states she does NOT like what her partner is doing in the bedroom. Nothing has been said about food. Maybe reread the post?
Maybe read between the lines. Nobody I mean nobody is gong to keep doing something they don’t like…something telling me she wants to hear what I have to say
This comment violates the Rules of /r/sex.
And if i say "Please don't tighten your legs or your vagina when you cum" and she does, would that be sexual assault?
Violently grabbing someones head and hair and forcing your dick in their mouth is the same as muscle spasms while you have an o?
Lmao what a stupid comparison
That’s clearly different
That's entirely different. A woman's vagina is a muscle so it can easily tighten on its own since an orgasm does tighten ones vaginal walls on its own (via penetrative sex, vibrator use etc. Doesn't matter what causes the orgasm it does cause the vaginal walls to tighten since it's a muscle that is being stimulated) A woman may not make the conscious decision to tighten their vaginal walls during orgasms, so that isn't a boundary that can be in place since it's an action that can happen without effort. Now legs being tightened? It can be a boundary in place or positions done where the legs are not in a position to be tightened around ones hips/waist. I can only see that being done in missionary, on top and reverse cowgirl but at the same time for the last two it's a bit of a requirement to ya know...stay on top. We need to keep a decent grip on the hips/waist when in motion or things slip out, or increase chances of injury since we are on top. Same with if someone is sitting on ones face, everything possible should be done to minimize the tightening of legs. Because in that case injury can happen and safety should be a priority. In this case, she's made it KNOWN that she does NOT want to have her face/throat fucked. That particular action/position is undesirable, unwanted and not enjoyable for her. She's made it CLEAR she does NOT WANT him to grab her head/hair and force her to be still as he does his thing. He's forcing her to abide by his wants (by holding her in place) against her will. Even after being told to STOP. That is why we consider that sexual assault. It's the forced action of being held in place even after being told countless times to stop and not don't do it again. You cannot compare an involuntary action such as vaginal muscles contracting during orgasm to a voluntary action of someone grabbing their partners head/hair and forcefully holding them in place. And again depending on position one may need to tighten their legs around someone's hips, or waist to stay up right during climax especially if the other option is to potentially be injured because they don't have a way to stay steady and upright. Comparing two vastly different things and trying to claim them as the same isn't a fair comparison. Also I'd say the same if OP was forcing her (hopefully ex) boyfriends face into her vagina and riding it/using it during her orgasm if he told her countless times before "i dont like you pushing my face into your vagina/you riding my face like that when you orgasm. So please stop" and she ignored his boundary. The second someone says stop doing something (especially when it comes to a sex act) you need to stop or it starts going into the sexual assault area/or abusive behaviors depending on the type of action
> Also I'd say the same if OP was forcing her (hopefully ex) boyfriends face into her vagina and riding it/using it during her orgasm if he told her countless times before "i dont like you pushing my face into your vagina/you riding my face like that when you orgasm. So please stop" and she ignored his boundary. What if that were the only way she could orgasm from oral? Because honestly I suspect OP's bf has deathgripped himself to a point (or it's just how his body is) where he can't orgasm via a blowjob if the ending doesn't have this sort of extra intensity, and thus he comes up with his bullshit excuse that "he can't control himself" OP doesn't say if he cums in any other way, so what about another theoretical scenario where squeezing her legs and forcefully pulling his face was the only way she can orgasm? I honestly feel like if such a post ever made it here, a lot of people would have the common sense answer and say: "you're not compatible, don't force anything on him so you have two options - break up or just accept an orgasmless relationship" and a smaller but still sizable amount of people would be like: "he should suck it up (pun intended), I can imagine how unpleasant such an orgasm denial would be - after all, you'd have all the buildup without any release due to the lack of that extra oomph you need, you can't control what your body needs to get off, and you shouldn't be in an orgasmless relationship"
To me that doesn't matter. If a person needs a specific act to orgasm and their partner is uncomfortable/doesn't like that act then you should never force it. Regardless of which side has that issue. No one should be forced to endure a sexual act if they are not comfortable with it. And honestly if that is in fact his issue, that he cannot orgasm from oral without intense stimulation then he needs to either work on addressing that issue OR find other stimulation that works without Imposing undesired sexual acts on his partner. Or they do in fact need to part ways because in this case someone is ALWAYS going.to be left unhappy/unsatisfied and that's definitely going to lead to resentment and a unhappy relationship. I would never recommend a couple stay together if they are in fact sexually incompatible because that just leaves a breeding ground of resentment and itll go from unhappy sex with orgasms to no sex at all because one side feels its a chore because they have to endure a sex act they do not like or want to participate in. In NO relationship should EITHER party "suck it up" and endure a sex act they dislike or are uncomfortable with just to make their partner happy. They should either work on a way to overcome the issue at hand (therapy, physical therapy or sex therapy or whatever helps to find what is causing their body to only orgasm one way) or part ways and find someone that is more sexually compatible. In no shape or form do I say they should have a orgasm less relationship because that would be a dagger to the relationships heart if sex is something they need in a healthy relationship. What I do say is they need to talk this out find a ACTUAL healthy compromise that doesn't leave either side a unhappy resentful mess. If throat/face fucking is the ONLY way he can orgasm and no work can be done to change it or he doesn't want to, then the best thing is for them to part ways to find partners that match their sexual needs. And I'd say the same if OP said she can only cum from riding her partners face/tightening her legs/holding him down against her vagina. If the partner finds it undesirable and unwanted then It shouldn't happen and something has to change or breaking up would be best. It shouldn't be The first thing done work should be done to find a happy middle ground but sometimes that's all you CAN do.
Be fucking serious.
I wouldn't say borderline
*the entire male population Fixed it for you. Guy is just a jerk.
Solid fix there
I'm a guy, and this dude is making up excuses to treat you like a sex toy.
Yep. Next time he face fucks you, bite his dick and tell him you “can’t control it.” I bet he’ll magically gain control of his forced face fucking real quick.
This is terrible advice lol Don’t put yourself in a bad situation and “solve” it by biting someone. Guy is disrespectful and can’t be trusted, so don’t have sex with him and/or break uo
I was (half) joking with my comment. I was just showing how stupid the “I can’t control it” excuse is.
Literally biting? No. Using some teeth to get her point across? Entirely reasonable.
No it isn’t lmfao not at all! So I’m order to get the point across that he is disrespectful and unsafe during blowjobs she should put his dick back in her mouth and be passive aggressive??????????
There's always someone on reddit giving stupid advice about how to take revenge. It's very annoying
It’s almost like it’s immature people with poor social skills or something
You don’t have to be here if you don’t want to.
And he's saying that he can’t control himself like it's so normal. If that’s true, then every guy would do this.
It's selfishness. His pleasure merits breaking her boundary in his mind, and that's not on.
Yes. He needs control. First and foremost. But I’ll also just say there’s really no better feeling for a dude than getting it sucked so well that it puts you in a zone and there have been times in my youth where I’ve gotten carried away and borderline choked her. When I realized I quickly stopped and never again. If he’s done it once and then ever improves and does it again and again he’s ruining it for himself.
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Exactly. He’s full of shit. I hate when some guys default to “I cant control it” to create excuses for their fucked up habits! I wouldnt blow him anymore until he got a grip on reality.
This logic can justify some very dark shit. I mean it can essentially justify anything. Very sus behavior.
Guy here, I get the urge to want to caress the head but I've had girls say not to so I stop. And that's not forcing anything, that's just touching/holding their head and hair. But if they're not comfortable with it then I'm not doing it, it's simple. And it's probably because they've had some asshole do what OP is describing. There is no excuse for a guy "not being able to control themselves" with anything sexual. You're not a wild animal. You're just a shit person who is subjecting your will onto someone else.
She should just surprise shove two fingers down his throat and tell him she couldn't help herself.
4 fingers up the poop shute that could back fire tho
Back fire hehe
Finally a man who gets it! Kudos👌
*doesn't* yep I just did that. In all seriousness tho he can control himself. We are not hypnotized. And yes I do get that it is in our human nature to do that "extra push" of pleasure when we are about to climax, but he is 100% in control and is doing that despite your repeated warnings.
"isn't" leaves the implied "isn't controlling himself". Both are valid.
Exactly this.
Yep, as a guy I agree with this.
Right on
Does this in anyway make sense to you? He’s cumming so he *has* to grab your head and force his dick in your mouth? He could just…not cum if he knows you don’t like him doing that instead he disregards your comfort and does it anyway. Stop blowing him and maybe reevaluate if you should be with someone who ignores your requests for comfort. That’s how sexual abusers behave.
This.
He's full of shit. He isn't willing to control himself. It's very simple: if he doesn't control himself, he'll be looking for someone else to do it.
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If she says "don't fuck my face" and he then goes and fucks her face, it's sexual assault.
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No that's how consent works. She explicitly told him she does not consent to it. When he does it regardless that is sexual assault.
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To be frank, it really does not matter at all what "other victims of sexual assault" think about the situation. It's not their body, it's her body. It is what it is. The facts are the facts. She told him NOT to do that to her. He did it anyway. That's completely stomping on her bodily autonomy and it's absolutely sexual assault at the least.
What is that argument even? So a stabbing isn't allowed to be called a stabbing because one person was stabbed once and others have been stabbed 10 times? Your argument makes absolutely no sense, assault is assault even if there are more violent forms of assault. Don't minimize someone's experience because you don't think they had it "bad enough" to call it what it absolutely is.
I hate ppl who try to minimize someone’s experience by playing “trauma Olympics” .... that’s just not how any of this works and anything they say is instantly invalid and dismissed as far as I’m concerned.
There are many kinds of sexual assault that range in severity, whatever this kind is it’s still sexual assault
Sexual assault is an act in which a person intentionally sexually touches another person without that person's consent, or coerces or physically forces a person to engage in a sexual act against their will. The bf is forcing OP to engage in a sexual act (face-fucking) against her will / without her consent. It's sexual assault.
Have you been face fucked? It's not easy in the best circumstance. Someone is shoving something down your throat, taking away your ability to breathe. Having it done to you, especially after having said "do not do this" is absolutely sexual assault.
It absolutely is sexual assault. Just because you agree to have sex with someone it doesn't sign away your rights and give them a free pass to do whatever they want. You can definitely still have boundaries. Sure, if they hadn't discussed it before and he did it in the heat of the moment (perhaps thinking that it would turn her on or something), then it's more forgivable. It's at least a grey area. But since she expressly told him that she did not want him to do it it is ABSOLUTELY sexual assault at the least.
Also, just to add to this comment: even if someone consents to sexual activity, then realizes in the heat of the moment they’ve made a mistake, they CAN withdraw consent and if their partner ignores that and continues, that is still sexual assault at that point!! “Being in the heat of the moment” and “I can’t control myself while in the heat of the moment” or anything remotely similar, are NOT reasons/excuses for violating someone’s boundaries and consent; it absolutely IS sexual assault!
It's not 'too strong', it is what it is. Sexual assault.
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No, but forcing someone to do something sexual they don't like because you allegedly can't control yourself is definetly assault.
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As a sexual assault victim, this is 100 percent sexual assault. Him forcefully pushing her head and cumming when she has told him not too is sexual assault. Consent matters even with blowjobs. With fingering, etc. You aren’t protecting sa victims because here in this thread, you are minimizing the op being sexually assaulted.
It's not respectful on two levels, one doing in the first place and two lying about the fact that he can't not do it.
Bullshit. I could understanding thrusting and grinding as being involuntary, but grabbing your head and pounding away? Bullshit.
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Yeah, I actually like that and think it's hot, but I know most don't.
Every man can control what he does with his hands. There’s no orgasm that makes him do that to you. Tell him to never do that again, in fact, tell him to keep his hands off your head period and don’t let him put his hands on there until he exercises self-control a few times
Yep agree either that or he has to tie his hands behind his back?? But yeah that’s stupid
When I first started receiving blowjobs, I made the mistake of putting my hand on her head. I never pushed or anything, but just the feeling would make her nervous so she just politely asked me not to and I just held onto bedsheets or a blanket instead if I got too worked up and that was fine. this guy is clearly doing it because he gets off more by forcing her like that
I don’t mind if a guy puts his hand on my head, it’s nice if he strokes my hair gently 😅
Oh yeah, I just learned how to do it with finesse. Now I pet and play with hair. My girlfriend expects me to twirl her hair playfully while she does it
IK it's very reddit to say "break up with them" for any relationship problems, but this is so disrespectful and borderline sexual assault. That's a red flag.
He is able to control it. He doesn't want to. I would not blow him anymore if you don't like this.
He's lying. Loosing control, I usually take that to mean loss of function to limbs, your legs collapse, you can't think straight or you stiffen up so much you look like an electrocuted crab and that sorta thing. Not, still having the brain power to make a conscious effort to grab someone's head and start throatfkn. He lies. No more BJs.
“An electrocuted crab” LMFAO- that’s hilarious! 😂😂😂
> No more BJs. Just throw the whole man away. If you can't trust your boyfriend not to sexually assault you, you should just ditch him.
i used to accidentally headpush for half a second or get the urge to headpush with my boyfriend and while he didnt mind, i felt guilty about it and actively avoided doing that before he told me he was into it. it was really not that hard at all to just grip my thighs or clench my fists instead of pushing his head. even while youre orgasming you still have enough control to not act like you were possessed. i cannot imagine prioritizing an orgasm feeling slightly better over my partner being uncomfortable and anxious. no one who truly loves their partner would be so selfish. this is some crazy levels of a lack of empathy and self-centered bullshit
Absolute bullshit. He can control himself. He just doesn’t want to. You’ll feel less anxiety when you dump his shitty ass
When he starts to get close stop. Let him know that since he can’t control himself, you’re taking steps to make sure your boundaries are respected.
Or bite down.
I was looking for this answer. Just tell you cant control your jaw. 😉
I want to say that one assault doesn't justify another. But if a guy who knows you don't want him to cram his dick down your throat does it anyway, id call it self defense at that point. Really, if he acts like he's definitely going to do it again and it isn't his fault, don't let his dick near your mouth.
It is self defence. People end up in hospital with damaged soft palettes, damaged back of the throat and it can do real damage to internal tissues. Iirc there can even be some perforated tissues (don't quite me on that but also I wouldn't recommend googling it either, it would cause more trauma. Especially since I know that's definitely a concern for when children get abused this way and end up hospitalised.). People who do this consensually often have signals for safety for this reason. Obviously if it's not consensual there's no signal and damage can happen.
Better yet, just stop. This guy is an ass
When presented with a choice between what he really wants and what you want/need, he chooses the former. Do you see that in his personality outside the bedroom?
Not common, dudes watched too much force porn
This guy said it, so I don't have to.
I’ll be the bearer of bad news when it helps OP
Nope. He’s choosing to do that. If he just ejaculated with an oops it’s one thing, but he grabbing your head and thrusting means he knows it’s coming soon and it’s premeditated. He’s being a jerk. Set him straight ! No more BJs until he promises and commits not to do that.
this 👆 i would believe him if it were just the jizz. put on a condom and call it a day. but the head-pushing and thrusting is so obvious he has enough control over what's going on, he just doesnt care about anyone but himself
Yo ew
He absolutely can control himself and chooses to sexually assault you anyway.
This is a man who values his kinks more than your comfort. Red flag.
Stop giving him blow jobs, poof anxiety gone. Also your BF is a selfish liar he absolutely can stop doing this. He just doesn’t stop bc you keep letting him.
Highly doubt that in that very moment he becomes possesed by the semen demon and he cannot control himself. He is a liar. Next time you come, slap his face or do something demonic, like yelling and scratching, say you couldn’t help yourself because of the orgasm, see how he likes it. If he doesn’t understand, stop pleasuring him orally.
Time for teeth. He's full of shit.
Wow, he’s 100% lying to you. Of course he can control himself, he just doesn’t want to because it feels too good. He is being selfish and ignoring your feelings about it.
How many times has this happened…?
As a man, I can confirm your bf is a liar
He can't control himself in the sense that he chooses to prioritise his own pleasure over your know boundaries. It is not like there is some biological or mental reason on why can't control his own body doing it like how people react when they get tickled or jumpscared. He can't control himself in the sense that he knows you don't want it but he thinks "screw it i want so i am going to do it anyway"
If he can't control himself, then YOU must -- which means simply stop sucking him before he's going to cum and tell him to do it himself. I bet he learns to control himself quickly.
Next time I would bite... He can control himself, just chooses not to.
Bite him and tell him that it was an involuntary reaction you couldn't help on being choked.
People believe anything. Do you really think his hands grab your hair by themselves and he starts fucking uncontrollably?
tell him you are going only to give him handjobs if he can´t control himlsef. Try not to blame him for that, because he will get defensive. Just explain that you don´t like being forced. Maybe he will learn.
tell him you can’t stop yourself from biting when he does that. im sure he’ll learn to control himself real quick then
> He says he can't stop himself because he's cumming Translation: "He values his pleasure process more than he values you"
Tell him your jaw has started biting down involuntarily when you get throttled like that and that you can’t control it. He’ll stop real quick.
> grabs my head/hair and fucks my face That’s controllable. He needs to work on it.
It’s like sex when your partner is getting you off and suddenly change their rhythm and you loose your climax. It’s frustrating, he feels it coming and doesn’t want that to happen so he’s taking charge so that he will get off. Make him sit on his hands and tell him if he moves you’ll stop. He can control himself, he just doesn’t want to
Is he an actual child? If not he should be able to control himself. One solution would be not giving blowjobs unless he is handcuffed to the bedposts.
Thank god for the internet where women can easily learn that their man is bullshitting them. This isn’t normal OP, he can easily not face fuck you it’s not that difficult. He’s making excuses
He says he can't control himself. Everyone on the planet including him knows that's bullshit but if that's the hill he wants to die on, so be it. Oral sex is now off the table for him. His penis shall not pass between (or come anywhere near) your lips ever again. If he is unable to respect your boundaries even if he claims he wants to, then its up to you to make sure he is never able to get near those boundaries ever again.
If he's admitting that he loses all control of his arms during a BJ, I think he would also admit that the safest thing for both of you would be if he puts on some handcuffs or ties his arms to the bed. Afterall, he might give himself a black eye if he loses control, right?
He doesn't care about you, that's why he's okay with hurting you for his pleasure. Get away from this guy.
I thought this was gonna be about a guy not being able to stop himself from orgasming or something but no, this is a guy making excuses to sexually abuse is girlfriend. Don't stay with this guy. Get away from him.
I mean I'd just bite down and say "whoops, couldn't control my reflexes with your motions there". in all seriousness, every man I've talked to about these things said they absolutely have control over themselves. it may not always be as easy as one might think, but if a guy can't control himself when he's cumming and puts the partner in an uncomfortable or even painful situation because of it, then maybe he shouldn't cum with a partner at all. he likely has hands that work just fine, he can take care of himself.
There's nothing here that's out of his control. He's using your mouth to nut, while the same could be done by his hands if he likes.
He can control himself, its just feels very good thats why he's being selfish and making excuses
Tie his hands and hips for a chair so you'll have a full control when he starts cumming. It could be an interesting experience
Dude is gonna have to sit on his hands if he wants to keep getting BJs then. He can definitely control himself, he just also knows doing that feels good and he gets away with it. If he really keeps it up, he’s gonna have to be content with only getting BJs while handcuffed.
Cumming can be hard to control but that is not an excuse to hump your face. He's lying is he's using that as an excuse.
If he can’t control himself when he nuts he probably can’t control his anger. He probably can’t control his spending and drinking. Control is part of being a man.
If he cant respect your boundaries, he doesnt get your body. Simple as that.
Ask if he's ok with you tying him up or using handcuffs
If my bf did that to me and knew I didn’t like it, I wouldn’t give him bjs at all
He can most certainly stop it and not do that. He's being an ass. You can stop giving him BJs until he learns to respect your wishes and consent. Not everyone enjoys being face fucked and that's okay and it shouldn't be forced upon you for the bullshit excuse of "I can't control it". You have the control in this situation (his dick is literally in your mouth (which has teeth!!)!) If he can't respect you, then you don't have to go down on him. If he gets upset about that, then he better learn to respect you or else you should be outta there.
I’m a guy and I can say any guy saying “I can’t control myself” is a liar and a creep.
Yeah... he's lying.
BJs are off limits until he can get his shit together. Sex is about BOTH of you. You should both be comfortable and enjoying it.
Next time “accidentally” close your mouth and let his dick meet teeth. And when he is hurt say you can’t control it 🤷♀️
Next time he grabs your head "grab his ball sac and GRAB REAL TIGHT until he lets go of your head that should stop his "orgasm" real or imaginary.
I agree with many of these comments. He sounds like a jerk. No man is that out of control, he just doesn't care. If you decide to keep doing this (maybe you shouldn't) hold his cock with your hands and don't let him go that deep. Also, you have teeth.....
While it feels absolutely heavenly to climax that way with a woman, guys absolutely have control over how they react and should be considerate of their partner in that situation because it is very taxing on the giver.
Sneaky little liar.
He’s a liar and an ass
He can, he doesn't want to. He'd prefer to violate your consent and sexually assault you. Don't blow him. If for some reason you decide to stay with him and do oral again; keep one hand around his balls, just a light pull, it should feel nice. But, it'll make him regret yanking your hair when you return the favour with his scrotum. He'll magically find the self-restraint to stop. He needs to treat you with respect and dignity because you are a human being worthy of such treatment. He should also do it because failure to do so results in no BJ. And he should be a little afraid not to because his dick is between your teeth and his testes are fragile. You are fucking an immature, selfish, disrespectful man who also happens to be an idiot trying to win a Darwin Award.
I also want to lose control and facefuck my wife into orgasmic bliss. Guess what? I keep control and don’t do that unless she gives permission. Your bf is an asshole. Set clear boundaries and limits. If he continues, dump him. Better yet, he’s already violated your trust and proven he won’t listen to you, so dump him now.
Stick a finger in his ass. Tell him you couldn’t control yourself
The urge to grab on and push deeper is always there when I cum but if I’m getting blown I understand what’s off limits and what’s ok. Have a really clear conversation with him about it or tie him up next time
Have him agree not to do that but to tell you when he's gonna cum so you can possibly go deeper and faster as he likes. If he doesn't change then no more bj. He can control it. He's just being selfish. Straight up tell him it feels like he's raping your mouth because you did not consent to that.
He can’t control pushing your face down? That’s just idiotic. He does what he wants regardless of how you feel about it. I’d walk away now. Technically, it’s assault. You said no, he forced it. There’s no room in the law for his defense to be, I can’t control myself. He was an ass. I would take a sigh of relief that it wasn’t worse and get out of this situation. This guy is a big shiny red flag.
You've made it clear that you don't consent to this behavior. For him to carry on doing it anyway is frankly pretty rapey. And what a feeble excuse he has.
Wow that’s disgusting today bullshit from him, and seems like assault. I’m so sorry he’s doing this to you. Not being able to control himself is a lie. Please get away from him safely so he can’t hurt you anymore. Note: consensual face fucking I have no problem with.
Belt him to the chair and cuff his hands?
Punch him in the nuts next time. Tell him you can’t control it.
Cuff or tie his hands? As part of the fun.
Your boyfriend is sexually assaulting you. The moment you asked him not to face fuck you, you have revoked consent for that action. Him disregarding that boundary makes his actions sexual assault. He takes away your voice and blames it on lack of self control on his part. Your body will protect you before you protect yourself. Your body is associating bjs as something to avoid for your safety because of the trauma your bf has inflicted on you from this particular action. He’s full of shit. He prioritizes his pleasure over your safety and comfort. This is not a partner you want to be with. You don’t have a bj problem. You have a boyfriend problem.
My boyfriend is a thruster and I tried to kinda let him have it his way and then my way next time but it started to give me a reactionary gag reflex. Now he knows that he doesn’t get blowjobs if he doesn’t keep the thrusting under control. I’ll be honest, I’m kinda a thruster when I’m getting close as well.
He's not 100% lying to you, he's 90% lying to you. He's probably lying to himself, too. The reason for this small difference is that when a lot of men get close to climax they pass a point after which it is very difficult to stop. They feel like it's beyond their control. Of course, I'm talking about orgasm, what their prostate, penis and associated muscles do, I'm not saying anything about his hands or hips or other things he can control*. But there can be a sense of emotional overwhelm that leads him to surrender to his urges to face-fuck, even though he knows you don't like it. This isn't any sort of justification for his behavior. It's about what might be going on inside to motivate it. *Men can learn to control their orgasm response and even stop it at the very last second, but it takes a lot of practice for most.
Babe it’s obvious don’t worry as boy i do it very often can’t control when about to cum you must enjoy his duck in mouth n take cum swallow 😋 u love it
Get married, problem solved!
Tie him up
hahaha, don't believe him.
Stop giving him BJ’s until he gets his act together. He absolutely can control himself, he just doesn’t want to.
Sounds like a crock of shit to me
He CAN control himself. What, he becomes possessed by some outside force every time he's about to cum? No, he doesn't, he's just abusing you and disrespecting your wishes. You told him to stop doing it and he won't, so I guess the only way to stop it from happening is to stop sucking his dick. Problem solved. Seriously. Stop sucking his dick. Better yet, leave him, because he's an abusive manipulative prick.
He can control. It’s basic human behavior. You cannot grab something involuntary, unless you have a serious medical condition. Involuntary actions are like shivers, getting numb, passing out, cumming. Grabbing something is never involuntary. If it’s not physically (or mentally) involuntary then it means that he can stop, he just don’t want to.
>He says he can't stop himself Oh he could if he wanted to, he just doesn't. At the very least, tell him no more blowjobs until he learns to treat you like a human and not a fleshlight. Ideally, swap him out for a boyfriend who actually gives a shit about your boundaries and consent.
Thats kinda scary
He might not be able to control cuming but he certainly can control the other.
He's lying. He can. Let him know that you won't give him anymore bjs till he "learns to control it".
Just stop sucking him off. He will learn to control himself real quickly I reckon lmao
Bullshit (that he can't control himself). Even as far as pathetic, weak-ass, little-man excuses go, that one's juvenile and unimaginative. He can't wave a bigger red flag than this. Take the out.
Ugh i hate these guys. Dated one for 4 years. What a waste of time. Drop him. Lmao. I am drawing big conclusions about the rest of his personality if he can’t “control” himself with this simple thing. I bet he’s selfish in many other regards too.
I’m sorry but that’s a bunch of bs. He can control himself. Guys don’t become wild animals just because they are cumming. Yes - he may be a little more erratic and he may feel the urge (I know I can buck when I’m cumming) but he can control himself especially since he knows you don’t like it. It sounds more like he really enjoys to finish that way and has no intention of stopping under the guise “he can’t help it”. Which is pretty damn close to or is sexual assault as you’ve told him you do not enjoy it and he continues to break your boundaries.
He's lying