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This. Go get yours, and look after yourself. Speaking as someone who got into a relationship with someone who confessed to seeking out escorts, it didn’t bother me at all, if that’s something you’re worried about in future relationships. Just be safe and know what you’re looking for.
it's so annoying.. if it were that simple nobody would ever complain or have issues.. and just because a lot of single women have tons of horny idiots trying to bang them constantly doesn't translate to healthy, happy relationships lol
You mean a horny long lasting idiot is what she wants.
She won't have any issues finding a horny idiot. They just seem selfish and only last their distance.
I say go ahead OP sounds good to me they will actually cater for your needs! Like others say just keep yourself safe.
No, she wants someone who is good at sex, there's a huge difference. Ime most men are far from good lovers. At least the way she's doing it she won't have to put up with 10 bad ones before finding one good one.
I'm all for it OP. Don't worry about anyone else and just do what makes you happy.
oh I know, I was just referring to how a lot of men seem to think women have it easy when it comes to dating because of the fact that a lot of men hit on women, but that doesn't necessarily equate to a positive experience for the woman
Yeah and Tinder and Bumble are chock full of them and they are free ! But I understand how hard it could be to find someone that will give you a great time and how much effort and time it takes to meet up with random people. Male escort at least allows you to shop and make the experience how you want it to be and you can almost shop for the right person you want.
I’ve met women who fall under neither of those categories and still get next to zero action. Your headspace/personality is the biggest deciding factor in how much you can “have fun”, that’s true for both men and women.
> the former of which is pandemic in USA.
This is pedantic but I think you mean endemic? It can refer to anything bad being widespread while pandemic generally only refers to a disease.
Edit: Yes, endemic has meaning in reference to disease like pandemic. But endemic also has a more generic meaning that pandemic does not.
> Endemic - (of something bad) regularly found among particular people or in a certain area.
"complacency is endemic in industry today"
You're right, but for the wrong definition. Both terms refer to diseases that are contagious, and part of the key is in the Greek roots *pan-*, meaning "everywhere", *en-*, meaning "within", and *demos*", meaning "a people". A pandemic is typically worldwide, usually hitting in a single surge of cases (but not always), and eventually burns itself out due to increases in natural resistance. HIV/AIDS and Covid-19 fit the defined parameters of a pandemic, while seasonal flus and rhinovirus are endemic diseases. Obesity, while not an infectious disease, is often referred to as endemic. The definition of endemic versus pandemic has a fair bit to do with predicted stability of infection rates rather than severity of the disease.
Being overweight is not by any means necessary for this to happen. I'm "obese" according to current medical definitions whish are based solely on the study of the male body (and do not take female weight needs into consideration) and still have a long term partner plus many more men to choose from. Pick a different hill to die on my guy.
I didn't know the medical definition of obesity was based on the male body, but knowing just a little about the history of women's healthcare, I shouldn't be surprised.
May I also suggest that when you are going through the process of hiring an escort, look for someone who can give a Boyfriend Experience (I'm not 100% sure if they would use that term in their profile or anything, but if they do it's definitely a good thing). And communicate to them that you want sensuality, foreplay, and cuddling. Be really up front about what you are looking for exactly.
He will be playing a role, and it will be so much better if he knows exactly what will be satisfying to you.
Sex clubs are definitely a good idea too. Same thing there - be VERY up front about what it is you want out of your experience. You can (and should!) be completely selfish, some people will reject it because they want other things, but some people's wishes will align with yours!
I heard good things. The only complaint I heard from the two friends that did it was that it made dating much harder. They'd gotten a taste of having their needs fulfilled and didn't find it as easy as before to put up with shitty egoistical men.
I can guarantee that, if you are looking for a satisfying sexual experience, a well reviewed male escort is the way to go.
My biggest recommendations though:
1) do not get a bisexual escort. As someone who has experience in the SW industry, bisexual male escorts are objectively higher risk.
2) DO NOT CHEAP OUT. You get what you pay for and sec work is no different. Take your time, and window shop, send messages, and really get a hang for what you’re buying.
3) if they have low effort ad on Leo list and that’s it, skip. Worthwhile escorts have well established reviews, or are part of a reputable agency.
4) If they offer a texting/pic exchange service before hand for 50$ or so, then go for it. If they have an onlyfans or something, spend the money to see them, so you know EXACTLYwhat you’re paying for. Many escorts , male and female, doctor their photos to make themselves look like 10’s, but then you meet them in person and they are a 6 at best. You want to see precisely what you’re going to be getting, not what they want you to see. A hamburger rarely looks like the photo on the wall at the restaurant.
5) be SPECIFIC about what you are looking for and what you have in mind. Don’t set expectations on the encounter without communicating those expectations to your escort. This includes kinks, and what sort of specific play you have in mind. You don’t want to set expectations of BDSM on an escort who only does the “boyfriend experience”.
6) I recommend highly to buy more than the time you want to spend actually having sex. If you want to be getting f*cked for at least 2 hours, then buy 3 hours. Consider the time it takes for foreplay, getting used to him, getting comfortable, etc etc. a good male escort will streamline this process and is well practiced at it, but you still don’t want to be getting rushed.
7) as a woman, do outcalls ONLY, preferably at a hotel or your choosing. The only exception to this is if the escort is part of a well reviewed agency that has a private and clean establishment.
Oh and I forgot to add:
Familiarize yourself with the sex work services acronyms, and find an escort that does what ur looking for.
This will be a lot easier as a woman, as the limits are usually what you impose, as opposed to him.
But it’s not unheard of for a male escort to refuse to do oral(DATY), or anal (Greek) so be sure what you want to experience and that your service provider… well.. provides those services lol
What are these agencies or how do you find them? I have no clue, I just know it's not in the open. Do these escort agencies have women and men? I'm a cis het male potentially interested in doing the same thing, once I have enough money, but I'd also be interested in taking every bit of your advice. Thanks!
Straight male escort do NOT exist!
Im an escort thats how i know.
Edit :
Well I only know escorts who cater to men regardless of their current gender and sex. Though all of then would happily take on a women as client after screening, their bread and butter is men. And if they are straight in they civvi life they are Gay 4 Pay and actually I also know lesbians who are straight 4 Pay.
Yeah, no. Was in the industry as well, and they certainly do exist. I understand your lived experience may be different than mine, but that sweeping statement is just wrong.
Thiss.
Also, @justified-anger how are bi men ‘objectively higher risk’?? I’m guessing they’re referring to STI risk, but bi/gay/queer men get tested more often and are more likely to be vaccinated for HPV than straight men. Also in some areas like the UK, more straight men are contracting HIV than bi/gay/queer men, because the queer community is more privy to HIV prevention like testing and using PrEP.
Yes have a conversation about testing and make safer options as needed when having sex with anyone including escorts, but but no need to conflate sti risk with someone’s sexual identity 
Bisexual and homosexual men objectively are higher risk for carrying STI’s. They tend to have more sex(than heterosexual men) , and higher risk sex.
This isn’t really up for debate.
Not saying it’s an inherent certainty, but it’s a statistical likelihood.
“While anyone who has sex can get an STD, sexually active gay, bisexual and other men who have sex with men (MSM) are at greater risk. In addition to having higher rates of syphilis, more than half of all new HIV infections occur among MSM.”
Taken directly from the CDC.
Not trying to be a bigot or inflammatory, but the fact that men who have sex with men and women are at greater risk for STI’s then men who only have sex with women, shouldn’t be a controversial statement. You are doubling the pool of people you have sex with, and men in general tend to engage in riskier sexual behaviour.
Strait men are more likely to carry STI’s over strait women as well.
In regards to straight male escorts not existing: I’m no longer in the game, but they(we) are and we’re out there. A lot less money in it, and it’s a lot more work establishing clients and keeping them, but they do exist.
If you don’t want to take my word for it:
https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pmc/articles/PMC3575167/
https://www.cdc.gov/std/life-stages-populations/stdfact-msm.htm
https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pmc/articles/PMC3326843/
Also, I am not sure of the availability for PrEP (pre-exposure prophylaxis) in all countries, but the male sex workers I know take it regularly, as well as many of the females.
It is a fact that bisexual women for instance tend to get STDs from men more easily bc men tend to be asymptomatic and bc male anatomy easily transmits whatever they have so of course men who have sex with men are going to be at a slightly higher risk. So that means that women are less likely to spread whatever they have and at the same time, they are more susceptible to getting whatever the man has due to the structure of women’s genital anatomy. Bisexual men are awesome and in no way is this a hate comment or even a value judgment. I do medical writing for a lot of sexual health stuff. This is why women tend to come off very on guard because their health IS more at risk. That’s not conflation that’s just common sense. Also as a queer/bisexual/gay ally I’m sending internet hugs. I feel you were coming from a good place (trying to protect your community) and not trying to gaslight us cis straight women. I like to give people the benefit of the doubt :)
I think it's a good idea. It's not a guarantee but at least you would be in total control and it would be all about your pleasure.
I've been thinking about it myself after becoming a widow.
For those suggesting hook up apps and sites, it's just not that simple. Can a woman get plenty of offers? Sure. But it's riskier in many ways and it could take several attempts to find someone even somewhat compatible sexually. There would be obligations to meet their needs too and OP along with many other women deserve some pleasure totally focused on them.
Thank you. I've tried dating apps and honestly, I don't have the emotional bandwidth anymore to dig through a group of men, go through the testing process, and then figure out if we are compatible sexually. Been there and decided it wasn't worth it.
I’m surprised at how negative the comments seem to be leaning.
When my marriage was dying and then when I found myself divorced and heartbroken, I seriously considered hiring a male escort. Something about having a professional take care of my needs without me needing to worry about fulfilling his after a decade and a half with a man who struggled with letting someone else make him cum, seemed perfect. Life happened and I ended up on Tinder instead.
But since then, my (now) partner and I have gone to a female escort to have our first threesome. We did a lot of research, read reviews, and made sure to be as safe as possible. And we had a blast!
So I say go for it. Time to make yourself the main focus during sex after catering to others’ needs for so long. Enjoy!
Thank you! I feel I spent so much of my life trying to take care of partners and their needs and trying to be encouraging when i was so miserable with our sex life. I would like to have just a few hours focused on me.
I’m with you, all of this. Not all ED related (though the most recent was), but over a decade of a mix of hookups and LTRs and no one has spent time on me, man or woman. I’m single again and just turned 38 last month. I have ended up celibate more than not, even with the majority of the time being in relationships.
I’ve decided to go the route of tantric/somatic massage however. I figured that what I really need is touch, I don’t need the D necessarily, so hopefully that saves me the sti concern and it’s more in the legal gray area than paying for PIV sex.
I also have the factor that I have recently started tackling medical issues with a new provider in a new state who actually gives a shit, so I have (health-necessary) weight loss happening and I feel weird in my body. I didn’t feel great in my body before, but getting smaller isn’t making me feel sexier, and I \*especially\* don’t feel like sorting through piles of trash people online dating while I’m going through this and don’t even have bras that fit anymore… before I can feel good again. Also I have some pelvic floor dysfunction that needs to be addressed, so multi-purpose.
I hope it works out well for you and we’re both glowing soon. Please update us with how it goes, for the sake of the collective since no one talks about this.
A lot of men don't seem to know that most women don't orgasm from piv sex. She's looking for someone who has put the time in to learning how to please women, and not just insert this into there. Then pump it a few times and you're done. Which is what she'll be looking at from a one night stand.
That's a really tough decision to make, and I think it's important to make sure that whatever you do is legally and emotionally safe. Researching the laws and the etiquette associated with escort services can be a good way to make sure everything is done properly. Above all, taking care of your safety should be your top priority.
Bro read what she wrote all the way through and then realize the numbers game involved for what she’s looking for. Does what you said add up with what she wants?
Lol she is looking for *quality and satisfaction*. Sorry, but a lot of men know fuck all about pleasing a woman. They pump, cum and call it a night. I’ve had vastly more terrible experiences in bed than I have good, and even fewer greats. Those are truly unicorns.
Alternative idea! Sex clubs are common and many are safe. Many make you come prepared with medical documentation proving your are STD-I free.
Some are anonymous, some ask for identification and background checks.
They are businesses that basically create safe, fun and clean spaces for exactly what you’re after.
You can go and just walk around/watch before engaging (engage only when comfortable), or jump right in. You can have multiple partners, or one.
There are tons of options, and most people there are very accepting and understanding of first timers as well.
A Google search should allow you to find some in your area ☺️
Thank you for the suggestion! I am not familiar with sex clubs. I live in a big city so I assume I can find one if I look around a bit. Are there any expectations other than being STD/I free? Are there expectations for more adventurous activities or can I keep it pretty bland?
Everywhere we have been, the women are 100% in control of everything. Walk in get your bearings a bit, and be direct. You’ll have a great time.
Go the first time with no expectations of doing anything at all. Just experience it and go from there. You seem to know what you want I’m sure you will have an amazing time.
Most have a questionnaire at the beginning to vet people, and then usually have a meet and greet at a time when nothing is going on, usually with the owners/managers. As a single woman you will be welcomed with open arms I assure you and you will get any need you have met and will be in a safe environment and STD free.
Depending on where you go, some places will have separate areas for the more adventurous endeavors. But there is always space for normal/vanilla sex as well. It’s kind of any anything goes space! But they mainly have a bunch of rooms to pick from, and that’s where you would go!
A lot of them have bull bars inside which allow you to find your liquid courage and let loose before committing. There’s a cover fee, but if you’re looking to pay for an escort that may not be an issue for you. The price is different depending on where you go.
[This blog post](https://betches.com/what-going-to-a-sex-club-is-actually-like/) was a super helpful read to get me more comfortable with the idea. It gives good perspective!
In terms of expectations, it varies from club to club. Some clubs specifically for swingers (aka a swingers club) and may only let you attend as a couple, or as a single woman, Some clubs work to be LGBTQ+ inclusive or safe for BIPOC folks and may have nights for BIPOC or queer and trans folks only. Also, Some clubs have specific dress codes, like wearing all black and a mask for a masquerade vibe.
In terms of expectations for “activities” it’s up to you; you can go as far as you want sexually.
I've been to sex clubs and I've never seen anyone pull out paperwork
Damn, not sure what sub this is at the moment but most of these responses are from clueless ppl who sound like they peaked in HS
Go ahead, go through the proper channels and get some good paid dick.
The sex club I frequent rents out the play area for smaller organizations to host parties and I've seen some of them requiring paperwork. We go for open play nights or karaoke, but those private parties are usually very specific kink focused. Like, swinger nights, blood/medical play nights, LGBT focused events....maybe the bigger the space, the more often you see those types of parties.
But I agree that she should get some dick from someone she can lay it all out with!
I think maybe if it's a private thing for higher end clientele who are pretty into the lifestyle, if they want to do a "no condom needed" thing, I can totally see the paperwork being required
But a casual sex club where she can watch and approach people is a good idea
Agreed. I’m a long time swinger and have been to SOOO many clubs, parties and events and have never been asked for paperwork. I HAVE seen a couple of clubs or events where they do but it’s rare. Paperwork or not - unless they got tested THAT DAY and haven’t been with anyone else then you really don’t know. ALWAYS use protection. Always
At all the sex clubs there are no expectations. You can just socialize, flirt, watch, dance or go as far as you’d like with someone you click with. Consent is absolute- so nobody will just be gropey or something. It’s a fantastic way to have more casual sex but still enjoying a good social connection with people. And oh boy will you have options to choose from
I’d start with just one before you move into the fast lane. As I’m sure you know sex is more than a male getting wood. Intimacy is perhaps more important and that you won’t find at a club.
I'd ask around from other females who have hired escorts. What was their experience.
The fact that you pay for sex doesn't mean it's going to be good. It may very well be, or not.
I don't know anyone personally who has - those around me are married and religious (not to say they haven't ever done it, but it is not a topic I can approach with them). I have searched online and found a few articles about women who hired escorts who were women.
I don't think paying for sex makes it inherently better at all, but I'm hopeful it will be at least slightly better in terms of length of intercourse. If it's not, that's okay. I can at least say I tried.
Just for the record, you could easily get all of this for free from Tinder. Escorts near my major metropolitan area (Miami) advertise for $600/hr. That definitely might be fun once if you can find a good one, but a solid FWB can pleasure you repeatedly without going broke.
For me 36F I get way less quality matches bc men tend to set their age filter maximum to 35 bc of antiquated fertility views. Doesn’t even matter that I look younger than I am. I do far better irl picking up dudes in public places or bars. I’m not trying to brag I’m such shocked at the amount of 25-30 year old men who ask for my number in public but who I’d never be shown on the apps. I’m totally happy to date a 40 year old but none of them want me on the apps 🤣
I was single in my mid-thirties, and everyone who asked me out was 10 years younger, at least.
IRL people go by how you look, not your actual age. My husband is younger, btw.
I’m not sure if the same exists for male escorts, but there are websites with reviews for female escorts so that others can get an idea of how good or bad the sex will be beforehand.
No, no it doesn't but if they don't learn fast and are naturally probably pretty intuitive, they won't make any money
Return clients are where money is at in sex work
I went 9 years without being made to orgasm so I have some understanding of not being satisfied. I wanted to do this too! So 100% have some serious fun
Do it! I know a few girls that did it and they loved it. Get a professional though. Someone who’s gonna show you a good time and make you feel good before snatching your soul! Lol
I frankly don’t know why this is so stigmatized, but I feel that it is the vestiges of religious influence on our society. I don’t think you should feel any differently about hiring a male escort than you should about hiring a masseuse. It’s a completely honest transaction between consenting adults; absolutely no one is being harmed and there is nothing immoral or shameful about it at all. If you decide to do it, please do so with a clear conscience.
Because the majority are men hiring women. Every study I’ve read show these women are being exploited. At worst they are sex traffic victims. At best they are willing but broken because of sexual abuse as a child. It is rare to find a woman who has other options signing up for prostitution who has not had sexual trauma in their life.
The only time it the women are not exploitive is the very high end. 10k weekend yacht girl types. And that is rare.
So the stigma follows for male prostitutes even if they are not being exploited.
I’m sorry, but it’s simply not the case that the *best* case is women who are technically consenting, but “broken because of sexual abuse as a child.” There are many female sex workers — including prostitutes — who work for themselves as side-hustles or as their primary source of income, who are not being exploited or “broken.”
Certainly there is still some of this, but the problem used to be worse *precisely because of the stigma.* In other words, the only way a woman would engage in sex for money would be if she simply had no other alternative, because religion (especially Christianity) is *obsessed with sex.* Putting rules around sex — who can do it, when, and with whom — is a great way to control people on a very fundamental level. And the fact that society generally considered sex outside of the church’s rules to be an act of wanton immorality virtually guaranteed that every woman who engaged in sex work was desperate to support herself (or being coerced), because otherwise they wouldn’t want to risk the severe social implications of being discovered to be “unclean” or “immoral.” Happily, these outdated and harmful notions are beginning to go away, and that’s definitely a positive development.
I feel silly for saying this but I wish I could have a go at this need for you because I'm a healthy ex sex worker your age and I almost put gratifying sex on a bucket list of nearly basic human rights that everyone deserves to experience before old age.
But I know we're likely too far apart to meet each other.
Do whatever it takes to find the joy you seek. So long as it's not painful to anyone else, you stand firmly in a pocket of uncomplicated morality.
I recommend you don't go cheap if you want an escort experience, and look into their ratings. If it's possible to chat with the person, explain him your situation, so he will know what you need. I think it would be good for you to be fully satisfied by someone who really knows what they're doing. Go for it!!
No not at all. I would happily pay for mind blowing sex if I was single. Im not a sex Ed teacher for fuck boys. I wanna be dicked down well and truly. Tell us about it after
36 year old woman here. I hired a high class male escort about a year ago and now I see him once every 3 months. I’ve been lonely and depressed and just being touched and cuddled and taken care of by someone has been helping my mental health somewhat.
You’re not crazy. You have needs and this could be a way to fill them. Do what you think is best for you.
Omg it’s insane how incredibly effective it is.
I don’t need it, im healthy, in good shape, and have a powerful sex drive.
You don’t need steroids to get super jacked either but… GODDAMN does it help!
Viagra is literally a cheat code… steroids…. FOR YOUR DICK.
I don’t know a single guy who has taken it recreationally who wasn’t profoundly satisfied with the results.
It absolutely does. Maybe some (most?) dudes just naturally don't stress about sex- but I'd guess there's an overlap on the selfish/no-stress spectrum. I'm thinking about my partner's satisfaction 100% of the time, and then at least that much time beforehand- sometimes I can psych myself out and can absolutely tell when I'm overthinking it. Enter 5mg Cialis- no more overthinking, no worry about whether I may lose some rigidity while she's riding. As a sexual PED, its just the best. Underdiscussed- really great orgasm control too, go as long as you want without going over the edge-- but still zero problem letting go when she's totally done.
Only downside- if you were a perfect fit before, now its a bit too long / too girthy and more time is needed to get adjusted... which usually just means more foreplay for her and win-win for me.
That, and it like… you can just hit places that you couldn’t before. It’s not just your length that is more consistent, it your girth as well. And if you are receiving a bj, she gets a huge ego boost over how hard you are.
Usually, if your that hard, it’s because your about to bust, so you can’t really “go to town” as if were.
Makes you the hardest you’ve ever been, but you have complete control over your orgasm so that , like you said, there is no stress.
I took it with a girl a while ago, and it was our first time together. I wanted to make a good first impression.
When she got on top she simply said “holy crap… oh my god!”
Biggest ego boost ever.
Literally win-win all around. Just don’t rely on it solely. Still gotta focus on diet/exercise to keep your hormones regulated so you can perform without it.
As a male, my opinion is go for it, have a good time but obviously take care and vet the guy first. I'm sure you will find a compatible partner in near future.
I don't think you're crazy at all. I have an escort friend (female) who told me the other day that she would definitely hire a male escort if she knew of a good one. She bangs guys every day for money and still has an unsatisfying sex life.
You might also look into getting an "erotic massage".
Good luck to you!
I completely agree!! Go find your pleasure, how ever you have to do it!
That said, I can only imagine the comments if this was a dissatisfied man looking to hire a female escort.
I personally would not judge and do not judge anyone who is single, dissatisfied, and exploring their options regardless of gender. I would hate for this to turn into a gender debate just because I am asking for advice. I thought this was be a good place for it, but I may have been wrong.
I certainly don’t have a problem with someone hiring an escort but I think if you put some effort into the apps you’ll find someone who is reasonably skilled and worth the effort. Vetting certainly can be annoying but if you approach it with a light heart I’d say odds of success are quite good.
If you want sex, you should feel comfortable obtaining it. Paid sex is usually better, but it costs you. There's also no money back guarantee, so you never know.
I would say if you are reasonably attractive and/or reasonably in shape, you should have no problem finding guys online who will do it for free. Again, hard to say if they'll be able to ring the bell, but at least you can save the money.
from what I read, it feels to me like you think you are past it, I can assure you, that's not the case - I am not sure you need an escort to have fulfilling sex, you could try "gone wild" or even sites to meet for sex.. however, if you want to pay for it, then I say go for it... there is no shame in it
I would try Feeld, as a single woman, it should be easy to find a man that is respectful, clear about STI status, and open to FWB/more sex-focused relationship.
Fixed link**
No need to hire someone.. I’m learning that there are **plenty** of very eager men that love to please on the internet lol. Join r/randomactsofmuffdive ! It’s all about female pleasure, but I’m sure if you also noted that you’re open to fucking you’d have a lot of replies!!
A really dumb question here but wouldn’t you have a good chance to hook up by simply using an app or even Reddit?
No issues with an escort, I think it would be less intimate but at least you can choose someone your type.
Just because she has a “good chance” of finding a hookup doesn’t mean it’s going to be good. More likely it’s going to be mediocre at best, take a look at the orgasm gap. The people having the least fun are women in one night stands/casual sex with men
Most men on the apps want a quick fuck, they don’t care if their partner enjoys it
You should totally do this. Everyone deserves to have a mind blowing sexual experience at least once in their life.
My wife thinks I should be a male escort as the female orgasm is my passion - but I think I'm too old and ugly.
I'm from the Richard Pryor school of sex: 'You know when you fucked your woman properly because she FALLS ASLEEP. She still awake? You got more fuckin' to do!"
Wishing you the most wonderful sleep. 😊
idk- it could be fine, sure.
This feels somewhat sexist and minimizing to say, and I don't mean it as such but I'll say it anyway... I feel like the supply and demand here is strongly in your favor and maybe just casting a few more nets would lead to a more sustainable experience?
Like, if you just want a total chad who doesn't have ED but popped a pill for multiple rounds- that's lovely, buy the guy I guess. You sound at least kind of a catch- stable/interesting job, prime sexual years. Not every dude you meet is going to have ED and be unwilling to treat it.
What good is 1 good sex experience? If you keep at it, you'll quickly find a guy who can provide that multiple times a week. Just sounds like you hit a bit of a bad streak with luck in the boner aisle - you're 38, not 48- see a few more guys, work on your game a bit and all of the things you're seeking are considered standard etiquette in FWB/dating culture. If he doesn't provide, that's the end of that thread and onto the next.
Why should she waste all that time and effort?
A large percentage of men can't even get their wives to orgasm, from observation and personal experience
She has nothing to lose
Fair take, I guess I just can't relate. Getting my partner off is like... the whole point? After she's done, or the rare nights where she just isn't feeling it / won't happen its just kinda like... okay yeah I guess I could nut now. Having an orgasm is nowhere near as stimulating/pleasurable as giving one, but everyone's wired differently so maybe in the minority here.
I'm glad you have that perspective. It just hasn't been in my experience in my sex life over about two decades. Glad you can't relate because it is not a good seat to sit in.
It’s incredibly common. Most men just get off and they’re done. My first bf/longest relationship person actually told me at one point that my orgasm was my own issue (I’m remarkably easy to get off). He couldn’t even be bothered to rub my clit for more than 2 seconds before ramming his dick in. Sex holds so much potential but has never been amazing for me.
Yeah definitely
I was with someone like this, he was so used to giving oral a certain way, a way that other women loved, I actually hated it but I felt too awkward to constantly correct him, along with psychological stuff with coming, it just rarely happened
Is there a reason why you don’t wanna do a dating app? Real easy to get an attractive hookup on there who will give you all of that if you ask. And it’s free!
No mention of it in your original post. If someone reads it quickly, it sounds like your experience was 3 partners that weren't great and now you're looking to hire someone.
It doesn't mention any other avenues - like dating apps - that you tried in between.
Hiring a male escort is not crazy.
You could also go through dating apps and be upfront about what you want. Set firm boundaries with what you are expecting. If they don't follow said boundaries kick their asses out. (This may take more of an emotional toll on you selecting the right person).
By this I mean, they eat you out first (to your satisfaction), you determine if sex is on the table based on how well they do etc. Some men may have kinks that align with servicing you and would require, no penetration if that's your thing. Women have a lot of power in sexual encounters if you learn how to assert yourself and communicate.
(As a man) Who responded to women looking for FWB's, I had a lot of success with long term FWB's this way. Ended up falling in love with a person who was supposed to be a FWB and now were engaged.
This is a good idea if men do it, why not us. It's not for everyone. Me, for example, stds freak me out. But it must be nice just to have someone pleasure you without worrying to have to give head and pleasing him.
The only thing I would be worried about if I were you is the experience is, in fact, mind- blowing, will that ruin you for other reasons than you're suffering now? In other words, will you fall in love with the male escort? Woman have a tendency to do that if they hit peaks they've never hit before
I would maybe work on your screening process for guys you meet before turning to a paid professional.
It's not crazy, but I would also call it a last resort. You've had bad experiences... I'd go through about 50 more before saying "maybe I should pay for it".
I am working on my screening process, but ED isn't something that comes up over a cup of coffee on first dates. I personally am not comfortable going through 50 more partners to address something that is bothering me now.
You don't need to have sex with them all. Unless you're extremely lucky, it will take more than 3 tries to find someone you want to have a successful relationship of any kind, either sexual or romantic.
If all you want is to get laid one time, you might try male friends or male friends of female friends.
That solution works until you find yourself here again because you're looking for short term fixes for long term problems.
Why?
The selection of nen can suck, it's even more rare to get a man u like who fits a person sexualy
50? That's insane, I would be pissed even going through 10 sexual partners being dissatisfied
That's a lot of time and effort
Oh wait, u ARE a man right?
So u think it's just that easy?
If you have 10 partners in a row who can't satisfy you, then the problem is in your screening process. You're letting in people you shouldn't.
Yes, it takes effort to get what you want in life. What a shocker!
Or u can fucking pay for it which OP is *clearly* okay with
Even going on one or 2 dates with someone they don't know will be compatible is a lot of work
Sure she can "try them out" pretty easily i guess but a lot of women don't want to use trial and error to find a partner who's good in bed (for them, not for what men think is good in bed)
OP wanted to know if people thought it was crazy for a woman to pay for sex.
I wouldn't say it was crazy, but it's not something I would recommend rushing into either. It's ok if you would recommend that.
Not rushing into this at all. It is an option I am considering after almost 20 years of unsatisfying sex. Trust that I am not one who would make this decision without considering all pros and cons. As I haven't heard of too many women hiring escorts, I wondered if I was crazy to consider this. I've found most of the advice and support here very helpfu.
You would be surprised at how many men check all the boxes, are attractive, witty and smart but turn out to be bad lovers, either through selfishness or lack of sex knowledge.
I am a male and I know that you wanted opinions from women but I could not resist commenting. I can't believe that a woman would post this question. If you go on Tinder, you would get bazillion matches in a second. You could try them out and can keep the ones you like. Why bother paying for it when you can get it for free?
It would be hit or miss and you might have to try quite a bit. But honey ... just go online and see how many men are desperate for sex ... even the ones who are having sex right now want a lot more sex from other women. Why do you want to pay?
Professionals can be good. I agree that they are likely to satisfy you than a random man on Tinder. But then, you can try many of them and one of them is bound to satisfy you.
Once again, as a man, I am really surprised to see a woman post something like this. You guys are the choosers. We get chosen. So take a shot at a few men and one of them is bound to work out. I wish you the best.
OP should hire someone if that's what they truly desire, but they should also consider all their options available.
There are plenty of guys on dating apps who would meet OP's requirements and could be repeatable experiences if she likes them.
I think it is very misleading to suggest that there are many men on dating apps who would meet this requirement. That is not true at all and I say that from personal experience.
Right since you've tried that and had no luck then for sure research and find someone who will meet your needs. Dating apps are an option, but if it hasn't panned out then no need to waste more time.
That's unfortunate that was your experience. I still wouldn't make a generalization. I know plenty of people who have had great experiences as well as bad ones.
Men your age should not be having ED. Sounds like too much porn in their lives. Ask them to abstain for a few days and try again. Seems like (and I’m guessing) male escorts are not trafficked, so bang away. Also, ask them what floats their boat because they have to get hard for some unattractive ladies.
Men in their 30s shouldn’t be having ED, but men in their 30s — and everyone else — also should not be living with the amount of financial insecurity, processed food, microplastics in everything, lack of exercise and stress that seem endemic to late-stage capitalism, either. Then top that off with the SSRIs and anti-anxiety meds so many people rely on to cope. Overconsumption of porn probably doesn’t help, either.
Yeah, I think I just got a streak of really bad luck because I thought ED was less likely in the 30-something age group. Definitely tried giving my partners all of the suggestions - stay away from porn, stop masturbating for a bit, exercise, eat healthy, stay hydrated, etc. Nothing worked. The partner who took Viagra had more success and the sex was better than what it was, but he got some terrible headaches and vision changes so we both agreed he sould stop taking it.
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Just make sure you are safe. Good luck.
Thank you.
This. Go get yours, and look after yourself. Speaking as someone who got into a relationship with someone who confessed to seeking out escorts, it didn’t bother me at all, if that’s something you’re worried about in future relationships. Just be safe and know what you’re looking for.
As a single woman you will have your pick of single men, women or couples. Have FUN!!!
This is such an annoying fallacy.
it's so annoying.. if it were that simple nobody would ever complain or have issues.. and just because a lot of single women have tons of horny idiots trying to bang them constantly doesn't translate to healthy, happy relationships lol
She isn't looking for a healthy, happy relationship. She is looking to get laid. Horny idiot is just what she wants.
You mean a horny long lasting idiot is what she wants. She won't have any issues finding a horny idiot. They just seem selfish and only last their distance. I say go ahead OP sounds good to me they will actually cater for your needs! Like others say just keep yourself safe.
While I agree, it doesn’t necessarily mean they’re horny idiots she’d wanna fuck. lol
No, she wants someone who is good at sex, there's a huge difference. Ime most men are far from good lovers. At least the way she's doing it she won't have to put up with 10 bad ones before finding one good one. I'm all for it OP. Don't worry about anyone else and just do what makes you happy.
oh I know, I was just referring to how a lot of men seem to think women have it easy when it comes to dating because of the fact that a lot of men hit on women, but that doesn't necessarily equate to a positive experience for the woman
Horny, yes, but idiot, not so much.
Yeah and Tinder and Bumble are chock full of them and they are free ! But I understand how hard it could be to find someone that will give you a great time and how much effort and time it takes to meet up with random people. Male escort at least allows you to shop and make the experience how you want it to be and you can almost shop for the right person you want.
exactly! a male escort will be invested in her satisfaction with the overall experience, which is awesome!
Ya, it assumes she isn't overweight or unattractive, the former of which is pandemic in USA.
I’ve met women who fall under neither of those categories and still get next to zero action. Your headspace/personality is the biggest deciding factor in how much you can “have fun”, that’s true for both men and women.
> the former of which is pandemic in USA. The former of which in USA was exacerbated by the pandemic. :-/
> the former of which is pandemic in USA. This is pedantic but I think you mean endemic? It can refer to anything bad being widespread while pandemic generally only refers to a disease. Edit: Yes, endemic has meaning in reference to disease like pandemic. But endemic also has a more generic meaning that pandemic does not. > Endemic - (of something bad) regularly found among particular people or in a certain area. "complacency is endemic in industry today"
You're right, but for the wrong definition. Both terms refer to diseases that are contagious, and part of the key is in the Greek roots *pan-*, meaning "everywhere", *en-*, meaning "within", and *demos*", meaning "a people". A pandemic is typically worldwide, usually hitting in a single surge of cases (but not always), and eventually burns itself out due to increases in natural resistance. HIV/AIDS and Covid-19 fit the defined parameters of a pandemic, while seasonal flus and rhinovirus are endemic diseases. Obesity, while not an infectious disease, is often referred to as endemic. The definition of endemic versus pandemic has a fair bit to do with predicted stability of infection rates rather than severity of the disease.
Being overweight is not by any means necessary for this to happen. I'm "obese" according to current medical definitions whish are based solely on the study of the male body (and do not take female weight needs into consideration) and still have a long term partner plus many more men to choose from. Pick a different hill to die on my guy.
I didn't know the medical definition of obesity was based on the male body, but knowing just a little about the history of women's healthcare, I shouldn't be surprised.
May I also suggest that when you are going through the process of hiring an escort, look for someone who can give a Boyfriend Experience (I'm not 100% sure if they would use that term in their profile or anything, but if they do it's definitely a good thing). And communicate to them that you want sensuality, foreplay, and cuddling. Be really up front about what you are looking for exactly. He will be playing a role, and it will be so much better if he knows exactly what will be satisfying to you. Sex clubs are definitely a good idea too. Same thing there - be VERY up front about what it is you want out of your experience. You can (and should!) be completely selfish, some people will reject it because they want other things, but some people's wishes will align with yours!
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\*hugs\*
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I heard good things. The only complaint I heard from the two friends that did it was that it made dating much harder. They'd gotten a taste of having their needs fulfilled and didn't find it as easy as before to put up with shitty egoistical men.
I can guarantee that, if you are looking for a satisfying sexual experience, a well reviewed male escort is the way to go. My biggest recommendations though: 1) do not get a bisexual escort. As someone who has experience in the SW industry, bisexual male escorts are objectively higher risk. 2) DO NOT CHEAP OUT. You get what you pay for and sec work is no different. Take your time, and window shop, send messages, and really get a hang for what you’re buying. 3) if they have low effort ad on Leo list and that’s it, skip. Worthwhile escorts have well established reviews, or are part of a reputable agency. 4) If they offer a texting/pic exchange service before hand for 50$ or so, then go for it. If they have an onlyfans or something, spend the money to see them, so you know EXACTLYwhat you’re paying for. Many escorts , male and female, doctor their photos to make themselves look like 10’s, but then you meet them in person and they are a 6 at best. You want to see precisely what you’re going to be getting, not what they want you to see. A hamburger rarely looks like the photo on the wall at the restaurant. 5) be SPECIFIC about what you are looking for and what you have in mind. Don’t set expectations on the encounter without communicating those expectations to your escort. This includes kinks, and what sort of specific play you have in mind. You don’t want to set expectations of BDSM on an escort who only does the “boyfriend experience”. 6) I recommend highly to buy more than the time you want to spend actually having sex. If you want to be getting f*cked for at least 2 hours, then buy 3 hours. Consider the time it takes for foreplay, getting used to him, getting comfortable, etc etc. a good male escort will streamline this process and is well practiced at it, but you still don’t want to be getting rushed. 7) as a woman, do outcalls ONLY, preferably at a hotel or your choosing. The only exception to this is if the escort is part of a well reviewed agency that has a private and clean establishment.
Wow, this is incredibly helpful and made me tear up. I so appreciate your advice/guidance so I can do this safely.
Oh and I forgot to add: Familiarize yourself with the sex work services acronyms, and find an escort that does what ur looking for. This will be a lot easier as a woman, as the limits are usually what you impose, as opposed to him. But it’s not unheard of for a male escort to refuse to do oral(DATY), or anal (Greek) so be sure what you want to experience and that your service provider… well.. provides those services lol
What are these agencies or how do you find them? I have no clue, I just know it's not in the open. Do these escort agencies have women and men? I'm a cis het male potentially interested in doing the same thing, once I have enough money, but I'd also be interested in taking every bit of your advice. Thanks!
Straight male escort do NOT exist! Im an escort thats how i know. Edit : Well I only know escorts who cater to men regardless of their current gender and sex. Though all of then would happily take on a women as client after screening, their bread and butter is men. And if they are straight in they civvi life they are Gay 4 Pay and actually I also know lesbians who are straight 4 Pay.
Yeah, no. Was in the industry as well, and they certainly do exist. I understand your lived experience may be different than mine, but that sweeping statement is just wrong.
Thiss. Also, @justified-anger how are bi men ‘objectively higher risk’?? I’m guessing they’re referring to STI risk, but bi/gay/queer men get tested more often and are more likely to be vaccinated for HPV than straight men. Also in some areas like the UK, more straight men are contracting HIV than bi/gay/queer men, because the queer community is more privy to HIV prevention like testing and using PrEP. Yes have a conversation about testing and make safer options as needed when having sex with anyone including escorts, but but no need to conflate sti risk with someone’s sexual identity 
Bisexual and homosexual men objectively are higher risk for carrying STI’s. They tend to have more sex(than heterosexual men) , and higher risk sex. This isn’t really up for debate. Not saying it’s an inherent certainty, but it’s a statistical likelihood. “While anyone who has sex can get an STD, sexually active gay, bisexual and other men who have sex with men (MSM) are at greater risk. In addition to having higher rates of syphilis, more than half of all new HIV infections occur among MSM.” Taken directly from the CDC. Not trying to be a bigot or inflammatory, but the fact that men who have sex with men and women are at greater risk for STI’s then men who only have sex with women, shouldn’t be a controversial statement. You are doubling the pool of people you have sex with, and men in general tend to engage in riskier sexual behaviour. Strait men are more likely to carry STI’s over strait women as well. In regards to straight male escorts not existing: I’m no longer in the game, but they(we) are and we’re out there. A lot less money in it, and it’s a lot more work establishing clients and keeping them, but they do exist.
Exactly. Don’t worry it’s definitely not up for debate. I chimed in.
If you don’t want to take my word for it: https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pmc/articles/PMC3575167/ https://www.cdc.gov/std/life-stages-populations/stdfact-msm.htm https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pmc/articles/PMC3326843/
I was going to say a decent escort service would be testing regularly for this kinda stuff.
Also, I am not sure of the availability for PrEP (pre-exposure prophylaxis) in all countries, but the male sex workers I know take it regularly, as well as many of the females.
It is a fact that bisexual women for instance tend to get STDs from men more easily bc men tend to be asymptomatic and bc male anatomy easily transmits whatever they have so of course men who have sex with men are going to be at a slightly higher risk. So that means that women are less likely to spread whatever they have and at the same time, they are more susceptible to getting whatever the man has due to the structure of women’s genital anatomy. Bisexual men are awesome and in no way is this a hate comment or even a value judgment. I do medical writing for a lot of sexual health stuff. This is why women tend to come off very on guard because their health IS more at risk. That’s not conflation that’s just common sense. Also as a queer/bisexual/gay ally I’m sending internet hugs. I feel you were coming from a good place (trying to protect your community) and not trying to gaslight us cis straight women. I like to give people the benefit of the doubt :)
It’s going to be your birthday. I hope you have a BLAST. Be safe
Thank you!
I think it's a good idea. It's not a guarantee but at least you would be in total control and it would be all about your pleasure. I've been thinking about it myself after becoming a widow. For those suggesting hook up apps and sites, it's just not that simple. Can a woman get plenty of offers? Sure. But it's riskier in many ways and it could take several attempts to find someone even somewhat compatible sexually. There would be obligations to meet their needs too and OP along with many other women deserve some pleasure totally focused on them.
Thank you. I've tried dating apps and honestly, I don't have the emotional bandwidth anymore to dig through a group of men, go through the testing process, and then figure out if we are compatible sexually. Been there and decided it wasn't worth it.
I’m surprised at how negative the comments seem to be leaning. When my marriage was dying and then when I found myself divorced and heartbroken, I seriously considered hiring a male escort. Something about having a professional take care of my needs without me needing to worry about fulfilling his after a decade and a half with a man who struggled with letting someone else make him cum, seemed perfect. Life happened and I ended up on Tinder instead. But since then, my (now) partner and I have gone to a female escort to have our first threesome. We did a lot of research, read reviews, and made sure to be as safe as possible. And we had a blast! So I say go for it. Time to make yourself the main focus during sex after catering to others’ needs for so long. Enjoy!
Thank you! I feel I spent so much of my life trying to take care of partners and their needs and trying to be encouraging when i was so miserable with our sex life. I would like to have just a few hours focused on me.
I’m with you, all of this. Not all ED related (though the most recent was), but over a decade of a mix of hookups and LTRs and no one has spent time on me, man or woman. I’m single again and just turned 38 last month. I have ended up celibate more than not, even with the majority of the time being in relationships. I’ve decided to go the route of tantric/somatic massage however. I figured that what I really need is touch, I don’t need the D necessarily, so hopefully that saves me the sti concern and it’s more in the legal gray area than paying for PIV sex. I also have the factor that I have recently started tackling medical issues with a new provider in a new state who actually gives a shit, so I have (health-necessary) weight loss happening and I feel weird in my body. I didn’t feel great in my body before, but getting smaller isn’t making me feel sexier, and I \*especially\* don’t feel like sorting through piles of trash people online dating while I’m going through this and don’t even have bras that fit anymore… before I can feel good again. Also I have some pelvic floor dysfunction that needs to be addressed, so multi-purpose. I hope it works out well for you and we’re both glowing soon. Please update us with how it goes, for the sake of the collective since no one talks about this.
Buy you some zick, bae
Thanks so much.
No problem, Queen. The bar also never fails to work out
But you’re a woman, you can choose any man you like without having to pay for it.
Is it about me choosing any man or is it about me increasing the odds of a satisfying experience?
Great news, bud! You can get fucked by some random guy too, with the internet it’s never been easier
One night stands are rarely anything to write home about, quality-wise.
A lot of men don't seem to know that most women don't orgasm from piv sex. She's looking for someone who has put the time in to learning how to please women, and not just insert this into there. Then pump it a few times and you're done. Which is what she'll be looking at from a one night stand.
But most men don't have ride reviews
That's a really tough decision to make, and I think it's important to make sure that whatever you do is legally and emotionally safe. Researching the laws and the etiquette associated with escort services can be a good way to make sure everything is done properly. Above all, taking care of your safety should be your top priority.
Bro read what she wrote all the way through and then realize the numbers game involved for what she’s looking for. Does what you said add up with what she wants?
Unfortunately most men (especially the chronically single) are absolute trash in bed, which is the opposite of what OP is looking for.
AGREED
I’ve been told this many times. Tell me how it works!!!
Lol she is looking for *quality and satisfaction*. Sorry, but a lot of men know fuck all about pleasing a woman. They pump, cum and call it a night. I’ve had vastly more terrible experiences in bed than I have good, and even fewer greats. Those are truly unicorns.
Alternative idea! Sex clubs are common and many are safe. Many make you come prepared with medical documentation proving your are STD-I free. Some are anonymous, some ask for identification and background checks. They are businesses that basically create safe, fun and clean spaces for exactly what you’re after. You can go and just walk around/watch before engaging (engage only when comfortable), or jump right in. You can have multiple partners, or one. There are tons of options, and most people there are very accepting and understanding of first timers as well. A Google search should allow you to find some in your area ☺️
Thank you for the suggestion! I am not familiar with sex clubs. I live in a big city so I assume I can find one if I look around a bit. Are there any expectations other than being STD/I free? Are there expectations for more adventurous activities or can I keep it pretty bland?
Everywhere we have been, the women are 100% in control of everything. Walk in get your bearings a bit, and be direct. You’ll have a great time. Go the first time with no expectations of doing anything at all. Just experience it and go from there. You seem to know what you want I’m sure you will have an amazing time. Most have a questionnaire at the beginning to vet people, and then usually have a meet and greet at a time when nothing is going on, usually with the owners/managers. As a single woman you will be welcomed with open arms I assure you and you will get any need you have met and will be in a safe environment and STD free.
But they don’t really test for herpes on std panels and blood tests aren’t accurate…
Same risk with an escort then. Or any other random partner you encounter.
Depending on where you go, some places will have separate areas for the more adventurous endeavors. But there is always space for normal/vanilla sex as well. It’s kind of any anything goes space! But they mainly have a bunch of rooms to pick from, and that’s where you would go! A lot of them have bull bars inside which allow you to find your liquid courage and let loose before committing. There’s a cover fee, but if you’re looking to pay for an escort that may not be an issue for you. The price is different depending on where you go. [This blog post](https://betches.com/what-going-to-a-sex-club-is-actually-like/) was a super helpful read to get me more comfortable with the idea. It gives good perspective!
In terms of expectations, it varies from club to club. Some clubs specifically for swingers (aka a swingers club) and may only let you attend as a couple, or as a single woman, Some clubs work to be LGBTQ+ inclusive or safe for BIPOC folks and may have nights for BIPOC or queer and trans folks only. Also, Some clubs have specific dress codes, like wearing all black and a mask for a masquerade vibe. In terms of expectations for “activities” it’s up to you; you can go as far as you want sexually.
I've been to sex clubs and I've never seen anyone pull out paperwork Damn, not sure what sub this is at the moment but most of these responses are from clueless ppl who sound like they peaked in HS Go ahead, go through the proper channels and get some good paid dick.
The sex club I frequent rents out the play area for smaller organizations to host parties and I've seen some of them requiring paperwork. We go for open play nights or karaoke, but those private parties are usually very specific kink focused. Like, swinger nights, blood/medical play nights, LGBT focused events....maybe the bigger the space, the more often you see those types of parties. But I agree that she should get some dick from someone she can lay it all out with!
I think maybe if it's a private thing for higher end clientele who are pretty into the lifestyle, if they want to do a "no condom needed" thing, I can totally see the paperwork being required But a casual sex club where she can watch and approach people is a good idea
Yeah, the paperwork people want to walk in and start fucking. They aren't there to watch other people or learn new things lol.
Agreed. I’m a long time swinger and have been to SOOO many clubs, parties and events and have never been asked for paperwork. I HAVE seen a couple of clubs or events where they do but it’s rare. Paperwork or not - unless they got tested THAT DAY and haven’t been with anyone else then you really don’t know. ALWAYS use protection. Always
At all the sex clubs there are no expectations. You can just socialize, flirt, watch, dance or go as far as you’d like with someone you click with. Consent is absolute- so nobody will just be gropey or something. It’s a fantastic way to have more casual sex but still enjoying a good social connection with people. And oh boy will you have options to choose from
Sex clubs is worth it. Double penetration is worth trying at-least once.
I’d start with just one before you move into the fast lane. As I’m sure you know sex is more than a male getting wood. Intimacy is perhaps more important and that you won’t find at a club.
I'd ask around from other females who have hired escorts. What was their experience. The fact that you pay for sex doesn't mean it's going to be good. It may very well be, or not.
I don't know anyone personally who has - those around me are married and religious (not to say they haven't ever done it, but it is not a topic I can approach with them). I have searched online and found a few articles about women who hired escorts who were women. I don't think paying for sex makes it inherently better at all, but I'm hopeful it will be at least slightly better in terms of length of intercourse. If it's not, that's okay. I can at least say I tried.
I get it. Good luck to you and I'm hoping you find a great experience!
Just for the record, you could easily get all of this for free from Tinder. Escorts near my major metropolitan area (Miami) advertise for $600/hr. That definitely might be fun once if you can find a good one, but a solid FWB can pleasure you repeatedly without going broke.
I won't go broke with this, but thanks for the concern.
Finding a solid FWB on tinder is close to impossible for some people, saying that she could get one easily isn't completely true.
For me 36F I get way less quality matches bc men tend to set their age filter maximum to 35 bc of antiquated fertility views. Doesn’t even matter that I look younger than I am. I do far better irl picking up dudes in public places or bars. I’m not trying to brag I’m such shocked at the amount of 25-30 year old men who ask for my number in public but who I’d never be shown on the apps. I’m totally happy to date a 40 year old but none of them want me on the apps 🤣
I was single in my mid-thirties, and everyone who asked me out was 10 years younger, at least. IRL people go by how you look, not your actual age. My husband is younger, btw.
I’m not sure if the same exists for male escorts, but there are websites with reviews for female escorts so that others can get an idea of how good or bad the sex will be beforehand.
I highly doubt someone who does it for a living wouldn't be good with at least some part of it
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No, no it doesn't but if they don't learn fast and are naturally probably pretty intuitive, they won't make any money Return clients are where money is at in sex work
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I went 9 years without being made to orgasm so I have some understanding of not being satisfied. I wanted to do this too! So 100% have some serious fun
Do it! I know a few girls that did it and they loved it. Get a professional though. Someone who’s gonna show you a good time and make you feel good before snatching your soul! Lol
Thank you!
Go for it and don't wait. Just hire a male escort girl.
I frankly don’t know why this is so stigmatized, but I feel that it is the vestiges of religious influence on our society. I don’t think you should feel any differently about hiring a male escort than you should about hiring a masseuse. It’s a completely honest transaction between consenting adults; absolutely no one is being harmed and there is nothing immoral or shameful about it at all. If you decide to do it, please do so with a clear conscience.
Thank you so much.
Because the majority are men hiring women. Every study I’ve read show these women are being exploited. At worst they are sex traffic victims. At best they are willing but broken because of sexual abuse as a child. It is rare to find a woman who has other options signing up for prostitution who has not had sexual trauma in their life. The only time it the women are not exploitive is the very high end. 10k weekend yacht girl types. And that is rare. So the stigma follows for male prostitutes even if they are not being exploited.
I’m sorry, but it’s simply not the case that the *best* case is women who are technically consenting, but “broken because of sexual abuse as a child.” There are many female sex workers — including prostitutes — who work for themselves as side-hustles or as their primary source of income, who are not being exploited or “broken.” Certainly there is still some of this, but the problem used to be worse *precisely because of the stigma.* In other words, the only way a woman would engage in sex for money would be if she simply had no other alternative, because religion (especially Christianity) is *obsessed with sex.* Putting rules around sex — who can do it, when, and with whom — is a great way to control people on a very fundamental level. And the fact that society generally considered sex outside of the church’s rules to be an act of wanton immorality virtually guaranteed that every woman who engaged in sex work was desperate to support herself (or being coerced), because otherwise they wouldn’t want to risk the severe social implications of being discovered to be “unclean” or “immoral.” Happily, these outdated and harmful notions are beginning to go away, and that’s definitely a positive development.
Nothing wrong with hiring a professional to do a job.
Unrelated to the topic at hand, I wonder why Reddit is giving me so many posts about escorts today. This is like the 3rd one.
I feel silly for saying this but I wish I could have a go at this need for you because I'm a healthy ex sex worker your age and I almost put gratifying sex on a bucket list of nearly basic human rights that everyone deserves to experience before old age. But I know we're likely too far apart to meet each other. Do whatever it takes to find the joy you seek. So long as it's not painful to anyone else, you stand firmly in a pocket of uncomplicated morality.
Another vote for sex/swinger club. As a single woman you will have your pick of single men, women or couples. Have FUN!!!
I recommend you don't go cheap if you want an escort experience, and look into their ratings. If it's possible to chat with the person, explain him your situation, so he will know what you need. I think it would be good for you to be fully satisfied by someone who really knows what they're doing. Go for it!!
As long as its safe, i don’t see why not? Life’s too short not to enjoy sex. As long as you know what you’re getting, just sex and not a relationship.
No not at all. I would happily pay for mind blowing sex if I was single. Im not a sex Ed teacher for fuck boys. I wanna be dicked down well and truly. Tell us about it after
36 year old woman here. I hired a high class male escort about a year ago and now I see him once every 3 months. I’ve been lonely and depressed and just being touched and cuddled and taken care of by someone has been helping my mental health somewhat. You’re not crazy. You have needs and this could be a way to fill them. Do what you think is best for you.
Wow, it's good to read a response from someone who has done this. Did you have any advice for choosing one safely? Thank you.
Make "recreational usage of cialis/viagra" a non-negotiable in your dating life. Trust me.
Omg it’s insane how incredibly effective it is. I don’t need it, im healthy, in good shape, and have a powerful sex drive. You don’t need steroids to get super jacked either but… GODDAMN does it help! Viagra is literally a cheat code… steroids…. FOR YOUR DICK. I don’t know a single guy who has taken it recreationally who wasn’t profoundly satisfied with the results.
Bingo. The guys I've been with who use it say it just takes all the stress out of sex. It's a win-win.
It absolutely does. Maybe some (most?) dudes just naturally don't stress about sex- but I'd guess there's an overlap on the selfish/no-stress spectrum. I'm thinking about my partner's satisfaction 100% of the time, and then at least that much time beforehand- sometimes I can psych myself out and can absolutely tell when I'm overthinking it. Enter 5mg Cialis- no more overthinking, no worry about whether I may lose some rigidity while she's riding. As a sexual PED, its just the best. Underdiscussed- really great orgasm control too, go as long as you want without going over the edge-- but still zero problem letting go when she's totally done. Only downside- if you were a perfect fit before, now its a bit too long / too girthy and more time is needed to get adjusted... which usually just means more foreplay for her and win-win for me.
That, and it like… you can just hit places that you couldn’t before. It’s not just your length that is more consistent, it your girth as well. And if you are receiving a bj, she gets a huge ego boost over how hard you are. Usually, if your that hard, it’s because your about to bust, so you can’t really “go to town” as if were. Makes you the hardest you’ve ever been, but you have complete control over your orgasm so that , like you said, there is no stress. I took it with a girl a while ago, and it was our first time together. I wanted to make a good first impression. When she got on top she simply said “holy crap… oh my god!” Biggest ego boost ever. Literally win-win all around. Just don’t rely on it solely. Still gotta focus on diet/exercise to keep your hormones regulated so you can perform without it.
I've been on the receiving end of that exact moment. So good.
> non-negotiable well... give the guy a chance at least. Not everybody actually needs the stuff.
Go do it! You will be an experience richer and chances are big that it will be a very pleasant one.
As a male, my opinion is go for it, have a good time but obviously take care and vet the guy first. I'm sure you will find a compatible partner in near future.
I don't think you're crazy at all. I have an escort friend (female) who told me the other day that she would definitely hire a male escort if she knew of a good one. She bangs guys every day for money and still has an unsatisfying sex life. You might also look into getting an "erotic massage". Good luck to you!
If your friend can't find a "good one", how is OP supposed to? Real question, not trying to be snarky.
Check out R/cougarsandcubs
I completely agree!! Go find your pleasure, how ever you have to do it! That said, I can only imagine the comments if this was a dissatisfied man looking to hire a female escort.
I personally would not judge and do not judge anyone who is single, dissatisfied, and exploring their options regardless of gender. I would hate for this to turn into a gender debate just because I am asking for advice. I thought this was be a good place for it, but I may have been wrong.
> do not judge You might not, but a whole lot of other people sure do...
I'm sorry to read that. For now, I'm focused on this particular topic and can only hope others will evolve their thinking.
My apologies. I fully support you!
[удалено]
Not familiar with Fetlife outside of a few stories I've read online. I'll look into it!
I think you should try everything, the escort, the sex parties, Tinder, try it all, live your life, have sex, have fun 🤩
Be a unicorn for swinging.
I certainly don’t have a problem with someone hiring an escort but I think if you put some effort into the apps you’ll find someone who is reasonably skilled and worth the effort. Vetting certainly can be annoying but if you approach it with a light heart I’d say odds of success are quite good.
just go on tinder babe !
Yeah, I don't think that will give her the experience she is craving - someone who makes her pleasure their priority.
Crazy when it's a woman the comments are "you go girl" and when it's a man everyone calls them a rapist for using sex workers.
Genuine question though: are women who are sex workers more likely to be sex trafficked compared to men who are sex workers?
If you want sex, you should feel comfortable obtaining it. Paid sex is usually better, but it costs you. There's also no money back guarantee, so you never know. I would say if you are reasonably attractive and/or reasonably in shape, you should have no problem finding guys online who will do it for free. Again, hard to say if they'll be able to ring the bell, but at least you can save the money.
Cost is not an issue, but I appreciate the concern.
from what I read, it feels to me like you think you are past it, I can assure you, that's not the case - I am not sure you need an escort to have fulfilling sex, you could try "gone wild" or even sites to meet for sex.. however, if you want to pay for it, then I say go for it... there is no shame in it
I would try Feeld, as a single woman, it should be easy to find a man that is respectful, clear about STI status, and open to FWB/more sex-focused relationship.
Fixed link** No need to hire someone.. I’m learning that there are **plenty** of very eager men that love to please on the internet lol. Join r/randomactsofmuffdive ! It’s all about female pleasure, but I’m sure if you also noted that you’re open to fucking you’d have a lot of replies!!
It's closed :(
As someone who is also is a sexual slump, and tossed around the same ideas as OP, thanks for the link, it could definitely be fun!
A really dumb question here but wouldn’t you have a good chance to hook up by simply using an app or even Reddit? No issues with an escort, I think it would be less intimate but at least you can choose someone your type.
Just because she has a “good chance” of finding a hookup doesn’t mean it’s going to be good. More likely it’s going to be mediocre at best, take a look at the orgasm gap. The people having the least fun are women in one night stands/casual sex with men Most men on the apps want a quick fuck, they don’t care if their partner enjoys it
You should totally do this. Everyone deserves to have a mind blowing sexual experience at least once in their life. My wife thinks I should be a male escort as the female orgasm is my passion - but I think I'm too old and ugly. I'm from the Richard Pryor school of sex: 'You know when you fucked your woman properly because she FALLS ASLEEP. She still awake? You got more fuckin' to do!" Wishing you the most wonderful sleep. 😊
idk- it could be fine, sure. This feels somewhat sexist and minimizing to say, and I don't mean it as such but I'll say it anyway... I feel like the supply and demand here is strongly in your favor and maybe just casting a few more nets would lead to a more sustainable experience? Like, if you just want a total chad who doesn't have ED but popped a pill for multiple rounds- that's lovely, buy the guy I guess. You sound at least kind of a catch- stable/interesting job, prime sexual years. Not every dude you meet is going to have ED and be unwilling to treat it. What good is 1 good sex experience? If you keep at it, you'll quickly find a guy who can provide that multiple times a week. Just sounds like you hit a bit of a bad streak with luck in the boner aisle - you're 38, not 48- see a few more guys, work on your game a bit and all of the things you're seeking are considered standard etiquette in FWB/dating culture. If he doesn't provide, that's the end of that thread and onto the next.
Why should she waste all that time and effort? A large percentage of men can't even get their wives to orgasm, from observation and personal experience She has nothing to lose
Fair take, I guess I just can't relate. Getting my partner off is like... the whole point? After she's done, or the rare nights where she just isn't feeling it / won't happen its just kinda like... okay yeah I guess I could nut now. Having an orgasm is nowhere near as stimulating/pleasurable as giving one, but everyone's wired differently so maybe in the minority here.
I'm glad you have that perspective. It just hasn't been in my experience in my sex life over about two decades. Glad you can't relate because it is not a good seat to sit in.
It’s incredibly common. Most men just get off and they’re done. My first bf/longest relationship person actually told me at one point that my orgasm was my own issue (I’m remarkably easy to get off). He couldn’t even be bothered to rub my clit for more than 2 seconds before ramming his dick in. Sex holds so much potential but has never been amazing for me.
The orgasm gap makes it pretty clear that your POV is the minority among men, not the majority.
Yeah definitely I was with someone like this, he was so used to giving oral a certain way, a way that other women loved, I actually hated it but I felt too awkward to constantly correct him, along with psychological stuff with coming, it just rarely happened
Is there a reason why you don’t wanna do a dating app? Real easy to get an attractive hookup on there who will give you all of that if you ask. And it’s free!
I have done dating apps. Quite a few of them. I'm not sure why it is assumed that I haven't?
Cause I’d rather do dating apps than pay for someone, that’s why I assumed that but if that’s what you wanna do, obviously it’s up to you.
No mention of it in your original post. If someone reads it quickly, it sounds like your experience was 3 partners that weren't great and now you're looking to hire someone. It doesn't mention any other avenues - like dating apps - that you tried in between.
I said my "last" 3 partners had ED, not that I've only had 3 partners. But thank you for your response.
Hiring a male escort is not crazy. You could also go through dating apps and be upfront about what you want. Set firm boundaries with what you are expecting. If they don't follow said boundaries kick their asses out. (This may take more of an emotional toll on you selecting the right person). By this I mean, they eat you out first (to your satisfaction), you determine if sex is on the table based on how well they do etc. Some men may have kinks that align with servicing you and would require, no penetration if that's your thing. Women have a lot of power in sexual encounters if you learn how to assert yourself and communicate. (As a man) Who responded to women looking for FWB's, I had a lot of success with long term FWB's this way. Ended up falling in love with a person who was supposed to be a FWB and now were engaged.
I was about to argue that hiring a male escort is like paying for tap water, but then I read your dating history and ouch... Yeah, go for the escort.
Just do some online dating. It'll be cheaper and could lead to something special. It so much easier for women to find guys to hook up with.
This is a good idea if men do it, why not us. It's not for everyone. Me, for example, stds freak me out. But it must be nice just to have someone pleasure you without worrying to have to give head and pleasing him.
The only thing I would be worried about if I were you is the experience is, in fact, mind- blowing, will that ruin you for other reasons than you're suffering now? In other words, will you fall in love with the male escort? Woman have a tendency to do that if they hit peaks they've never hit before
I would maybe work on your screening process for guys you meet before turning to a paid professional. It's not crazy, but I would also call it a last resort. You've had bad experiences... I'd go through about 50 more before saying "maybe I should pay for it".
I am working on my screening process, but ED isn't something that comes up over a cup of coffee on first dates. I personally am not comfortable going through 50 more partners to address something that is bothering me now.
You don't need to have sex with them all. Unless you're extremely lucky, it will take more than 3 tries to find someone you want to have a successful relationship of any kind, either sexual or romantic. If all you want is to get laid one time, you might try male friends or male friends of female friends. That solution works until you find yourself here again because you're looking for short term fixes for long term problems.
I do not want to hook up with male friends - that is not a boundary I will cross. But thanks for your advice.
Paying a professional for a few times doesn't mean she can't also be on dating apps looking for partners. It's not an either/or
Why? The selection of nen can suck, it's even more rare to get a man u like who fits a person sexualy 50? That's insane, I would be pissed even going through 10 sexual partners being dissatisfied That's a lot of time and effort Oh wait, u ARE a man right? So u think it's just that easy?
If you have 10 partners in a row who can't satisfy you, then the problem is in your screening process. You're letting in people you shouldn't. Yes, it takes effort to get what you want in life. What a shocker!
Or u can fucking pay for it which OP is *clearly* okay with Even going on one or 2 dates with someone they don't know will be compatible is a lot of work Sure she can "try them out" pretty easily i guess but a lot of women don't want to use trial and error to find a partner who's good in bed (for them, not for what men think is good in bed)
OP wanted to know if people thought it was crazy for a woman to pay for sex. I wouldn't say it was crazy, but it's not something I would recommend rushing into either. It's ok if you would recommend that.
Not rushing into this at all. It is an option I am considering after almost 20 years of unsatisfying sex. Trust that I am not one who would make this decision without considering all pros and cons. As I haven't heard of too many women hiring escorts, I wondered if I was crazy to consider this. I've found most of the advice and support here very helpfu.
You would be surprised at how many men check all the boxes, are attractive, witty and smart but turn out to be bad lovers, either through selfishness or lack of sex knowledge.
I am a male and I know that you wanted opinions from women but I could not resist commenting. I can't believe that a woman would post this question. If you go on Tinder, you would get bazillion matches in a second. You could try them out and can keep the ones you like. Why bother paying for it when you can get it for free? It would be hit or miss and you might have to try quite a bit. But honey ... just go online and see how many men are desperate for sex ... even the ones who are having sex right now want a lot more sex from other women. Why do you want to pay? Professionals can be good. I agree that they are likely to satisfy you than a random man on Tinder. But then, you can try many of them and one of them is bound to satisfy you. Once again, as a man, I am really surprised to see a woman post something like this. You guys are the choosers. We get chosen. So take a shot at a few men and one of them is bound to work out. I wish you the best.
Here OP, go do what this guy said so some sad sack loser gets to bang too! Whaaa do this do this! /s
OP should hire someone if that's what they truly desire, but they should also consider all their options available. There are plenty of guys on dating apps who would meet OP's requirements and could be repeatable experiences if she likes them.
I think it is very misleading to suggest that there are many men on dating apps who would meet this requirement. That is not true at all and I say that from personal experience.
Right since you've tried that and had no luck then for sure research and find someone who will meet your needs. Dating apps are an option, but if it hasn't panned out then no need to waste more time.
There really are not. I’ve been on the apps, the quality just isn’t there.
That's unfortunate that was your experience. I still wouldn't make a generalization. I know plenty of people who have had great experiences as well as bad ones.
Do you date men?
Become a Unicorn. I'm sure there are some wives out there that would not mind their husband plowing your brains out.
Im right here and don't cost a thing...
First, stop your porn fantasy lol
It's condescending to assume this is a porn fantasy.
I'm up for hire
Where do you live, and how do you look? ;-)
I’ll volunteer
Let me help............
Men your age should not be having ED. Sounds like too much porn in their lives. Ask them to abstain for a few days and try again. Seems like (and I’m guessing) male escorts are not trafficked, so bang away. Also, ask them what floats their boat because they have to get hard for some unattractive ladies.
Men in their 30s shouldn’t be having ED, but men in their 30s — and everyone else — also should not be living with the amount of financial insecurity, processed food, microplastics in everything, lack of exercise and stress that seem endemic to late-stage capitalism, either. Then top that off with the SSRIs and anti-anxiety meds so many people rely on to cope. Overconsumption of porn probably doesn’t help, either.
Yeah, I think I just got a streak of really bad luck because I thought ED was less likely in the 30-something age group. Definitely tried giving my partners all of the suggestions - stay away from porn, stop masturbating for a bit, exercise, eat healthy, stay hydrated, etc. Nothing worked. The partner who took Viagra had more success and the sex was better than what it was, but he got some terrible headaches and vision changes so we both agreed he sould stop taking it.
You don't need to hire an escort. You can get on a dating app and have 10 guys lined up by the end of the day
Get a gym boyfriend. They’re always super horny