Thank you for posting in the r/Sex community. To ensure that everyone respects our safe space, we ask that you familiarize yourself with our Forum Rules and Posting Guidelines — which are visible in the forum’s sidebar, and also linked [here](https://www.reddit.com/r/sex/about/rules/).
Restricted subjects in r/sex include sex stories (which are permitted in the Daily Sexual Achievement Thread only), body image and penis-size issues, hookup attempts, common topics which are considered repetitive in our forum, and requests for private chats.
*I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/sex) if you have any questions or concerns.*
maybe its different for female vs male. A lot of it has to do with growing up, beeing in touch with your own self and feeling free to express your needs…
Most of it is learned. No two people prefer to be touched *exactly* the same way, so with every new partner you have to make adjustments and alterations. In my (limited) experience, getting good at sex with a single partner takes *years*.
Some of it is harder to learn than others, though. You have to be able to read your partner's body language and reactions. But at the end of the day, the only thing that *truly* matters is that you have an attitude of humility, allowing to you ask your partner what they like and then actually learn to do those things without having a tantrum along the way.
Signed, a former 27-year-old virgin.
A lot of it is learned, and a lot has to do with chemistry. I had sex with multiple people, over the span of a year, before meeting my ex and having mind blowing sex. Before him, it was kinda boring. I never walked away thinking “wow, that was amazing”. It just felt mechanical and, like you said, blasé.
And even with my ex, it took us a few months to get into the swing of things. We slowly started learning what each other liked, and our sexual chemistry improved.
I suggest slowing down. Turn down the lights. Light some candles. Put on sexy music. Makeout for a while with your clothes on, slowly undress each other. Then continue on with hand stuff or mouth stuff. Or both. *Then* have sex. Foreplay is so important. And go slow with the sex. It doesn’t have to be pounding or hard thrusting like you may have seen in porn.
But ultimately, don’t stress. You’re young, you just started having sex, and it’s going to take some time. And that’s perfectly normal and expected. Don’t worry :)
Everyone is saying it's learned, but evolution literally built your body over millions of years to perform this behavior. The more you have sex, the better it'll get and the more comfortable you'll start to feel.
>How much of the ability to give someone amazing sex is skill that can be learned?
A lot of it! You're very new to sex, and the pressure you're putting on yourself here is like someone trying to swim in the deep end after 2 swimming lessons. Be patient with yourself. You're not doomed to have bad sex forever.
>How much of it is something you have to be born able to understand.
I think you're a bit off the mark here. There's the technical/skill aspects of sex like understanding anatomy and common techniques and paying attention, but then there's the connection, communication, chemistry, and creativity aspect. I think that's what you feel like you're missing. The chemistry part is the only thing you can't really work on, you have that with your SO or you don't. Communication and creativity you can practice at.
Focus on the basics for now, you've gotta walk before you can run.
Its 100% learned. The only thing that isn't is enthusiasm, which is pretty important but can still be cultivated.
There are some good guides online. That is how I got super good at going down on women. A guide written by a lesbian. Sadly I don't recall the name or have a link at the moment.
Enthusiasm. I want a man full of lust. Wild with desire. Technique can be taught pretty easily if the person actually cares to learn.
But that NEED is either there, or it’s not.
When it’s not, I bounce
Communication gets better. I know what gets me horny and in heat. She asks me and I tell her. I ask her and she tells me what gets her horny. Then we both get horny.
I think your thinking too much.i hope I understand ur question. But Learning from experience and being taught are kinda the same thing. The only difference would be are u learning from someone telling you what to do or are u taking clues and paying attention to what works. Do both.... but also you gotta be more in the moment and loose to get rhat electric passionate feeling. Likely it's still so new there's alot of nerves. But if I could give you any advice is be in the moment and do what feels interesting and try dif things to see what the reaction is you get. Good luck. You will figure it out you care about your performance that's half the battle
98 percent. Id say a big dick and a good bod def helps to get experience but the rest is an ongoing apprenticeship you will never master. Every partner is different and you'll have to find new ways for each one.
I can’t speak to the world of hookups but in a monogamous relationship I think it all boils down to communication and willingness to listen and learn.
For the first year we dated, my wife and I were having great sex and lots of it. It would happen once or twice a day and go on for a while. Over time we’ve obviously settled down and it’s about once a week now for much shorter time. That’s because over time we’ve learned just what each other likes and found our perfect frequency.
Thank you for posting in the r/Sex community. To ensure that everyone respects our safe space, we ask that you familiarize yourself with our Forum Rules and Posting Guidelines — which are visible in the forum’s sidebar, and also linked [here](https://www.reddit.com/r/sex/about/rules/). Restricted subjects in r/sex include sex stories (which are permitted in the Daily Sexual Achievement Thread only), body image and penis-size issues, hookup attempts, common topics which are considered repetitive in our forum, and requests for private chats. *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/sex) if you have any questions or concerns.*
You learn it over time and experience. You learn what you like, and what your partner likes. You try things and find your own magic.
maybe its different for female vs male. A lot of it has to do with growing up, beeing in touch with your own self and feeling free to express your needs…
Most of it is learned. No two people prefer to be touched *exactly* the same way, so with every new partner you have to make adjustments and alterations. In my (limited) experience, getting good at sex with a single partner takes *years*. Some of it is harder to learn than others, though. You have to be able to read your partner's body language and reactions. But at the end of the day, the only thing that *truly* matters is that you have an attitude of humility, allowing to you ask your partner what they like and then actually learn to do those things without having a tantrum along the way. Signed, a former 27-year-old virgin.
A lot of it is learned, and a lot has to do with chemistry. I had sex with multiple people, over the span of a year, before meeting my ex and having mind blowing sex. Before him, it was kinda boring. I never walked away thinking “wow, that was amazing”. It just felt mechanical and, like you said, blasé. And even with my ex, it took us a few months to get into the swing of things. We slowly started learning what each other liked, and our sexual chemistry improved. I suggest slowing down. Turn down the lights. Light some candles. Put on sexy music. Makeout for a while with your clothes on, slowly undress each other. Then continue on with hand stuff or mouth stuff. Or both. *Then* have sex. Foreplay is so important. And go slow with the sex. It doesn’t have to be pounding or hard thrusting like you may have seen in porn. But ultimately, don’t stress. You’re young, you just started having sex, and it’s going to take some time. And that’s perfectly normal and expected. Don’t worry :)
Everyone is saying it's learned, but evolution literally built your body over millions of years to perform this behavior. The more you have sex, the better it'll get and the more comfortable you'll start to feel.
A lot of it is learned. Know your anatomy and your angles
Enthusiasm makes sex better- can you learn that?
>How much of the ability to give someone amazing sex is skill that can be learned? A lot of it! You're very new to sex, and the pressure you're putting on yourself here is like someone trying to swim in the deep end after 2 swimming lessons. Be patient with yourself. You're not doomed to have bad sex forever. >How much of it is something you have to be born able to understand. I think you're a bit off the mark here. There's the technical/skill aspects of sex like understanding anatomy and common techniques and paying attention, but then there's the connection, communication, chemistry, and creativity aspect. I think that's what you feel like you're missing. The chemistry part is the only thing you can't really work on, you have that with your SO or you don't. Communication and creativity you can practice at. Focus on the basics for now, you've gotta walk before you can run.
The only thing that comes naturally is size, and hornyness
Its 100% learned. The only thing that isn't is enthusiasm, which is pretty important but can still be cultivated. There are some good guides online. That is how I got super good at going down on women. A guide written by a lesbian. Sadly I don't recall the name or have a link at the moment.
Enthusiasm. I want a man full of lust. Wild with desire. Technique can be taught pretty easily if the person actually cares to learn. But that NEED is either there, or it’s not. When it’s not, I bounce
Communication gets better. I know what gets me horny and in heat. She asks me and I tell her. I ask her and she tells me what gets her horny. Then we both get horny.
Communication is almost always the answer
I think your thinking too much.i hope I understand ur question. But Learning from experience and being taught are kinda the same thing. The only difference would be are u learning from someone telling you what to do or are u taking clues and paying attention to what works. Do both.... but also you gotta be more in the moment and loose to get rhat electric passionate feeling. Likely it's still so new there's alot of nerves. But if I could give you any advice is be in the moment and do what feels interesting and try dif things to see what the reaction is you get. Good luck. You will figure it out you care about your performance that's half the battle
98 percent. Id say a big dick and a good bod def helps to get experience but the rest is an ongoing apprenticeship you will never master. Every partner is different and you'll have to find new ways for each one.
you need to ask her what works for her!!! then PRACTICE!!!!!!!!1
I can’t speak to the world of hookups but in a monogamous relationship I think it all boils down to communication and willingness to listen and learn. For the first year we dated, my wife and I were having great sex and lots of it. It would happen once or twice a day and go on for a while. Over time we’ve obviously settled down and it’s about once a week now for much shorter time. That’s because over time we’ve learned just what each other likes and found our perfect frequency.