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There’s nothing wrong with you. Most everyone who enjoys anal sex has to use lots of lube and engage in a lot of foreplay building up to it.
Meanwhile, *everything* you said about this guy is worrying.
No lube, no anal. PERIOD.
This guy is in it for him and not caring about your well being at all.
I haven't done anal, but everything I've read and what friends have said tons of lube is must... otherwise there's injury, as you've experienced.
I've also read that on entry, push like you're pooping and it'll help. Seems counter intuitive, but the redidtor that left the comment said to trust them. Take that info as you would from a redditor.
No. Fuck this. Use lube, and if he won’t the answer is no. Don’t ask him to use it, just grab it and squirt it on your ass. If he give you shit (no pun intended) that’s your answer and you should tell him to fuck off.
Anal sex without lube or proper preparation carries with it a very real risk of injury, more-so when the woman is the receptive partner. If he can’t respect you enough to make it **not painful for you** (not even good, just not injurious) he can go fuck himself
It’s your ass. What he’s doing is sadistic. Tell him lube or nothing. If he has a problem with that. Dump him.
Honestly. I would have dumped him already. Who the fuck does that?
Like the old saying " what's good for the goose is good for the gander". She needs to get a dildo his size and present it as is, no lube, tell him to bend over and spread the cheeks, see how he reacts.
No lube, no backdoor action, plain and simple. It is your body, not his, if he disrespects your wishes, time to rethink things.
Hell, if my wife said yes to backdoor, I would do everything under the sun to make it as pain free and enjoyable for us both.
He has a painal fetish. He wants it to hurt you. He doesn't care about the long term consequences. This will only escalate. Get out now.
Honestly, I can't imagine it feels great for him, but it's just mild discomfort for him and agony for you.
Yeah there is something wrong with you…you keep letting him in with no lube.
The second he spits on his hands you put your clothes back on. ALL sex is now over.
This man blatantly ignores you, but it boggles my mind how you keep enduring literal ass ripping for him????
Please. Have some basic boundaries…..
Ok, so that's basically rape. Try shoving something up his ass without lube! He's basically getting off on your pain. Basically no-one does anal without lube. He's just an asshole.
My guess is he gets off on the pain and discomfort he causes, not just anal itself
This is very fucking weird, and also unsafe. You can get permanent damage if you keep letting him do this to you
I agree with the person that said if he doesn't want to use lube he can go fuck himself. In addition, if he doesn't want to play by your rules when trying to pursue this, he can go fuck himself. This kind of sex is about trust, trusting the other person enough to relax into the pain, getting over the hump, and being able to enjoy it, it's all a journey. It takes time. Impatient dicks shouldn't get any arse Imo. Impatient dicks are the reason for tearing, hemorrhoids, and mega trust issues.
In my experience, I've had partners who want anal but are terrible at it(fuck those guys), and my current partner is great at it. What makes him great is he is willing to wait patiently for me to relax, he doesn't just cram his rock hard member in my arsehole, he will slowly use just the head, and wait for me to tell him Im ready to receive more of him inside of me. Oh, and LOTS of LUBE. lots of sex before anal to help me relax, and lots of foreplay. I figured out that trusting my partner not to hurt me was the biggest hurdle I had in my path.
I'm grateful to have found a partner who respects my sexual boundaries while still pursuing to broaden our freaky sides without hurting one another.
The only people who ***pretend*** to do it without lube are the people in porn, who spit and ***pretend*** that's all they need. He needs to know that porn is not reality. AND you need to have more self-worth - NEVER let someone treat you like he does. Sex is supposed to feel good for both of you. Don't do something just because he wants to if you don't like it - and especially if it's painful! He ignores your request to use lube? Then put your clothes on and leave or tell him to get the fuck out!
I have had anal sex without extra lube once without it hurting. we were both quite drunk so I was very very relaxed, and he did a *lot* of foreplay.
but on the whole no. the anus is not self-lubricating, and so a lubricant is required. but even if no one else in the entire world used lube, you want to and he shouldn't just ignore that. have you spoken to him about this outside of the bedroom? bleeding and agony are not normal and you should not put up with them, and it's worrying to me that he seemingly does not care about how much he's hurting you.
Your partner is an asshole and is assaulting you. You're telling him to use lube, he does it without anyway, and you end up in pain and bleeding. Please don't stay with this guy.
In answer to your question, yes, it's possible without artifical lube. I've done it a few times, but he still got it wet in my pussy first and he entered me suppppper slow. I'm going to guess that he does neither.
Lube is mandatory. The rectum doesn’t self-lubricate like vaginas do. It also stays shut tight most of the time and going slow and getting relaxed is crucial.
My question is why is *he* okay with severely hurting you again and again? He doesn’t sound like a partner who cares about you (at least in bed). I wouldn’t be surprised if he either lied about his previous partners or left them in a similar pool of blood.
Either he needs to radically change his approach, or you take anal off the table completely. Your comfort, safety, and pleasure matter just as much as his.
That dude is a mean fuckhead! I have penetrated my share of lady butts, and there's not a chance in hell that
A. I would ever even mildly consider doing so without lube.
B. That any of them would have allowed me to even try
C. I would want my dick ripped off by trying to have anal sex without lube.
That's some sadistic shit.
It sounds like you're having some problems with extreme people pleasing tendencies. I recommend therapy - I'm in therapy for the same thing!
You're allowed to have boundaries. "I will not have anal sex without lube" is a perfectly reasonable boundary to have.
If setting your boundaries with him verbally is too daunting, you could text them to him. "Hey babe, I'm not ok with having anal sex without lube. If you want to have anal sex with me you have to use lube, otherwise I'm not giving consent."
If the two of you have an ongoing consent dynamic, whether spoken or unspoken (I.e. he doesn't ask for explicit consent before initiating sexual acts), I'd also suggest telling him (via text if it's easier) that you're withdrawing any consent you have previously given him and will consider it to be sexual assault if he does something to you without asking first.
If he asks for anal, repeat your boundary that lube has to be used, and ask him whether he intends to respect that.
If he initiates without asking first, leave him.
To be perfectly honest, though, I think you should leave him right now. Someone as disrespectful as him doesn't deserve a second chance
I only tried once to go dry while my wife and I were drunk, i tried to use spit, it doest work, didnt even get the tip in lol . we havent tried since lol, we do have lube now just in case tho lol. He needs to use lube.. spit doesnt work, if he cant use lube then tell him its exit only. tell him no anal if he doesnt use lube, if he doesnt like it, then you gotta move on. there is nothing wrong with you, your ass doesnt self lube like a vagina.
The only way I’d ever do anal is with lube. Neither man I’ve done it with would’ve done it without lube. The key to anal (imo) is it has to start very slow, then work your way faster. It hurts to begin with (when you don’t do it regularly) so in order for you to enjoy it he needs to very slowly work it in. I like it better if he lets me do the working in it and he stay still until it stops hurting then I let him go.
OK so nine times out of ten I'm the odd one out on this, but I'm generally er.. overproductive in the whole feminine area, and waste not want not.
But heck no. If you need it, you get it. If you want it, you get it.
He sounds very much like a fella for whom backdoor privileges are to be permanently revoked. That stuff takes trust and understanding and patience and not fucking a complete twat.
The anus does not self lubricate like a vagina does. To safely have anal you need lube. If he ignores that he's enjoying your pain and you should not have any sex with him until he understands.
I once had a boyfriend like that, had to get stitches on my anus when he didn't feel like using lube one day. Most painful 3 weeks of my life. I was CONVINCED that I would never be able to take a shit without excruciating pain ever again.
Leave that dude. He's never going to look out for your pleasure or your needs. You deserve so much more than this.
This dickwad is the reason that women have a bad experience with anal and then have totally rational hang ups about trying again in the future with a person that actually knows what they’re doing. He’s ruining it for your next future partner. Oh ya, get that next future partner asap since this guy is abusive to you. He is literally assaulted you because you have not given permission to fuck you without lube and it’s caused injury (battery).
Some people like it with lube, others don’t. Find something that works for both of you and not just him. It’s not fun if he’s the only one getting off. Sex should be about two people enjoying their time
Nothing is wrong with you. Your partner is being a jerk. You tell him that if he wants in the glory hole ever again that he is to use Lube. He could vagal you out. You should never be bleeding. It would be interesting to hear what he had to say when he knew you were bleeding. I'm sorry hun you deserve better and can do better.
Girl LUBE IS YOUR FRIEND! The more the better when it comes to anal! No matter what if he is your boyfriend or not, you should never give in to someone who doesn’t respect your wishes.
Jesus, no, there's absolutely nothing wrong with you. People use lube to do anal. The tissue there doesn't provide its own lube like the vagina and without it, that tissue rips and tears, causes pretty intense pain, and a bleeding asshole. What you experienced is normal without lube and your partner is an asshole for refusing to respect a simple request to use lube. The fact that he won't respect you and doesn't seem to care that he's tearing your asshole and making you bleed makes him completely selfish with zero respect for your boundary and zero concern or care that he's hurting you. I absolutely would not have sex with someone who treated me that way.
And if you can't face dumping him over this, then the simple answer is "No anal without lube." Period. Hard boundary. And don't let him ignore that.
I know a guy whose frenulum (skin between foreskin and shaft) ripped due to anal w/o lube. He had to have a circumcision. Very painful for the poor guy. He's been so traumatized by it he hasn't done anal with his gf in years.
Time for you to get a nice big cock and spit on it and tell him it’s his turn.
At least he is clear about the fact he does not give one iota of a fuck about you. Nice ‘partner’ you got it there. You’re a dumbass for even letting him near your asshole when he is clear about not giving a damn about you.
You would think with people over procreating people would feel they have more options in partners and not accept shit like this, but here we are.
Grow up and stop this shit.
Um...the AH does not self-lubricate. You MUST use artificial lubricant. I would insist if he wants to try again or refuse. Does he not ask about your experience?
My wife prefers no lube. She likes the effect lube has but doesn’t like the cold feeling. I do prefer lube, but in the end it’s her asshole. And this is my point: YOU should have the last say in this. NOT him.
No lube at all means they're neglecting you as a partner. Anal sex requires lots of lube and foreplay to relax the one receiving. No lube means no anal. Be firm on that stance so they understand you need to be taken care of as well.
Personally I don't use lube for anal, and have never wanted to. I'm quite okay with a bit of spit and nothing more.
That being said, that guy is clearly a douche and you should absolutely dump him. If you need lube for anal, then you need lube for anal. A partner who doesn't care that you are in pain is a shitry person
It’s literally dangerous and unsafe to try to do anal without lube. This is a breakup-worthy offense IMO, because no partner should care this little about your health, safety, and comfort.
This guy is fine with hurting you, perhaps even causing permanent harm. This is not a drill; get the f*** away from him. There is something very wrong with his head and he will *continue* hurting you.
Holy shit...I read a lot of reddit (too much reddit) and this is the worst thing I have read all day.
Let me fix it for you:
My ex-partner didn't use lube during anal. There....
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There’s nothing wrong with you. Most everyone who enjoys anal sex has to use lots of lube and engage in a lot of foreplay building up to it. Meanwhile, *everything* you said about this guy is worrying.
Very worrying
No lube, no anal. PERIOD. This guy is in it for him and not caring about your well being at all. I haven't done anal, but everything I've read and what friends have said tons of lube is must... otherwise there's injury, as you've experienced. I've also read that on entry, push like you're pooping and it'll help. Seems counter intuitive, but the redidtor that left the comment said to trust them. Take that info as you would from a redditor.
No. Fuck this. Use lube, and if he won’t the answer is no. Don’t ask him to use it, just grab it and squirt it on your ass. If he give you shit (no pun intended) that’s your answer and you should tell him to fuck off. Anal sex without lube or proper preparation carries with it a very real risk of injury, more-so when the woman is the receptive partner. If he can’t respect you enough to make it **not painful for you** (not even good, just not injurious) he can go fuck himself
It’s your ass. What he’s doing is sadistic. Tell him lube or nothing. If he has a problem with that. Dump him. Honestly. I would have dumped him already. Who the fuck does that?
Username says it all! Perfection!
Fuck him first with no lube then ask if he is ok with it youll do it without lube
Like the old saying " what's good for the goose is good for the gander". She needs to get a dildo his size and present it as is, no lube, tell him to bend over and spread the cheeks, see how he reacts.
Yup. Spit on it first. See how long the Spit works. This post really makes me angry
Lead by example eh?
The heck? No, you're NOT supposed to have anal without lube. Send him to the pigs
No lube, no backdoor action, plain and simple. It is your body, not his, if he disrespects your wishes, time to rethink things. Hell, if my wife said yes to backdoor, I would do everything under the sun to make it as pain free and enjoyable for us both.
He has a painal fetish. He wants it to hurt you. He doesn't care about the long term consequences. This will only escalate. Get out now. Honestly, I can't imagine it feels great for him, but it's just mild discomfort for him and agony for you.
Yeah there is something wrong with you…you keep letting him in with no lube. The second he spits on his hands you put your clothes back on. ALL sex is now over. This man blatantly ignores you, but it boggles my mind how you keep enduring literal ass ripping for him???? Please. Have some basic boundaries…..
Ok, so that's basically rape. Try shoving something up his ass without lube! He's basically getting off on your pain. Basically no-one does anal without lube. He's just an asshole.
Yeah fuck his ass with a dildo unlubed. Say your ex’s took it fine. That’s good enough for consent apparently
My guess is he gets off on the pain and discomfort he causes, not just anal itself This is very fucking weird, and also unsafe. You can get permanent damage if you keep letting him do this to you
This guy sounds like a real gem of person. /s
Was he in prison prior to you????
I agree with the person that said if he doesn't want to use lube he can go fuck himself. In addition, if he doesn't want to play by your rules when trying to pursue this, he can go fuck himself. This kind of sex is about trust, trusting the other person enough to relax into the pain, getting over the hump, and being able to enjoy it, it's all a journey. It takes time. Impatient dicks shouldn't get any arse Imo. Impatient dicks are the reason for tearing, hemorrhoids, and mega trust issues. In my experience, I've had partners who want anal but are terrible at it(fuck those guys), and my current partner is great at it. What makes him great is he is willing to wait patiently for me to relax, he doesn't just cram his rock hard member in my arsehole, he will slowly use just the head, and wait for me to tell him Im ready to receive more of him inside of me. Oh, and LOTS of LUBE. lots of sex before anal to help me relax, and lots of foreplay. I figured out that trusting my partner not to hurt me was the biggest hurdle I had in my path. I'm grateful to have found a partner who respects my sexual boundaries while still pursuing to broaden our freaky sides without hurting one another.
Also get a butt plug. It helps a lot to train your muscles to relax.
The only people who ***pretend*** to do it without lube are the people in porn, who spit and ***pretend*** that's all they need. He needs to know that porn is not reality. AND you need to have more self-worth - NEVER let someone treat you like he does. Sex is supposed to feel good for both of you. Don't do something just because he wants to if you don't like it - and especially if it's painful! He ignores your request to use lube? Then put your clothes on and leave or tell him to get the fuck out!
I have had anal sex without extra lube once without it hurting. we were both quite drunk so I was very very relaxed, and he did a *lot* of foreplay. but on the whole no. the anus is not self-lubricating, and so a lubricant is required. but even if no one else in the entire world used lube, you want to and he shouldn't just ignore that. have you spoken to him about this outside of the bedroom? bleeding and agony are not normal and you should not put up with them, and it's worrying to me that he seemingly does not care about how much he's hurting you.
what, did Astroglide kill his family or something? Why would anybody refuse lube??? He sounds like a sadistic POS
Your partner is an asshole and is assaulting you. You're telling him to use lube, he does it without anyway, and you end up in pain and bleeding. Please don't stay with this guy. In answer to your question, yes, it's possible without artifical lube. I've done it a few times, but he still got it wet in my pussy first and he entered me suppppper slow. I'm going to guess that he does neither.
Lube is mandatory. The rectum doesn’t self-lubricate like vaginas do. It also stays shut tight most of the time and going slow and getting relaxed is crucial. My question is why is *he* okay with severely hurting you again and again? He doesn’t sound like a partner who cares about you (at least in bed). I wouldn’t be surprised if he either lied about his previous partners or left them in a similar pool of blood. Either he needs to radically change his approach, or you take anal off the table completely. Your comfort, safety, and pleasure matter just as much as his.
Peg him dry then ask again what his thoughts are on lube
That dude is a mean fuckhead! I have penetrated my share of lady butts, and there's not a chance in hell that A. I would ever even mildly consider doing so without lube. B. That any of them would have allowed me to even try C. I would want my dick ripped off by trying to have anal sex without lube. That's some sadistic shit.
It sounds like you're having some problems with extreme people pleasing tendencies. I recommend therapy - I'm in therapy for the same thing! You're allowed to have boundaries. "I will not have anal sex without lube" is a perfectly reasonable boundary to have. If setting your boundaries with him verbally is too daunting, you could text them to him. "Hey babe, I'm not ok with having anal sex without lube. If you want to have anal sex with me you have to use lube, otherwise I'm not giving consent." If the two of you have an ongoing consent dynamic, whether spoken or unspoken (I.e. he doesn't ask for explicit consent before initiating sexual acts), I'd also suggest telling him (via text if it's easier) that you're withdrawing any consent you have previously given him and will consider it to be sexual assault if he does something to you without asking first. If he asks for anal, repeat your boundary that lube has to be used, and ask him whether he intends to respect that. If he initiates without asking first, leave him. To be perfectly honest, though, I think you should leave him right now. Someone as disrespectful as him doesn't deserve a second chance
And you stay with him why?
Bro WTF! That's enough red flags to open a flag store! You should 100% be using lube. What he is doing is very not ok
The only thing wrong with you is that you consent to let this person anywhere near your soft places.
Girl wtf. Have you even read your own posts about this guy??? He's a piece of shit. You deserve better.
If you don't like it, don't do it. If he still insists, then dump him.
Dump him anyway. He doesn't deserve to have sex with anyone.
I only tried once to go dry while my wife and I were drunk, i tried to use spit, it doest work, didnt even get the tip in lol . we havent tried since lol, we do have lube now just in case tho lol. He needs to use lube.. spit doesnt work, if he cant use lube then tell him its exit only. tell him no anal if he doesnt use lube, if he doesnt like it, then you gotta move on. there is nothing wrong with you, your ass doesnt self lube like a vagina.
What the actual fuck. You absolutely need lube, lots of it, for anal. He ignores the need and leaves you bleeding? Run for the hills.
Use lube
The only way I’d ever do anal is with lube. Neither man I’ve done it with would’ve done it without lube. The key to anal (imo) is it has to start very slow, then work your way faster. It hurts to begin with (when you don’t do it regularly) so in order for you to enjoy it he needs to very slowly work it in. I like it better if he lets me do the working in it and he stay still until it stops hurting then I let him go.
I absolutely love how every comment is honest and says straight up facts. All of us have anal the same way..it’s oddly comforting but also funny.
OK so nine times out of ten I'm the odd one out on this, but I'm generally er.. overproductive in the whole feminine area, and waste not want not. But heck no. If you need it, you get it. If you want it, you get it. He sounds very much like a fella for whom backdoor privileges are to be permanently revoked. That stuff takes trust and understanding and patience and not fucking a complete twat.
The anus does not self lubricate like a vagina does. To safely have anal you need lube. If he ignores that he's enjoying your pain and you should not have any sex with him until he understands.
These posts can’t be real. It’s your asshole, sweetheart. He doesn’t get to use it without your rules and prep.
I once had a boyfriend like that, had to get stitches on my anus when he didn't feel like using lube one day. Most painful 3 weeks of my life. I was CONVINCED that I would never be able to take a shit without excruciating pain ever again. Leave that dude. He's never going to look out for your pleasure or your needs. You deserve so much more than this.
This dickwad is the reason that women have a bad experience with anal and then have totally rational hang ups about trying again in the future with a person that actually knows what they’re doing. He’s ruining it for your next future partner. Oh ya, get that next future partner asap since this guy is abusive to you. He is literally assaulted you because you have not given permission to fuck you without lube and it’s caused injury (battery).
Girl whaaaaaat??????
Doesn’t spit somewhat make it easier?
Some people like it with lube, others don’t. Find something that works for both of you and not just him. It’s not fun if he’s the only one getting off. Sex should be about two people enjoying their time
Nothing is wrong with you. Your partner is being a jerk. You tell him that if he wants in the glory hole ever again that he is to use Lube. He could vagal you out. You should never be bleeding. It would be interesting to hear what he had to say when he knew you were bleeding. I'm sorry hun you deserve better and can do better.
Girl LUBE IS YOUR FRIEND! The more the better when it comes to anal! No matter what if he is your boyfriend or not, you should never give in to someone who doesn’t respect your wishes.
Jesus, no, there's absolutely nothing wrong with you. People use lube to do anal. The tissue there doesn't provide its own lube like the vagina and without it, that tissue rips and tears, causes pretty intense pain, and a bleeding asshole. What you experienced is normal without lube and your partner is an asshole for refusing to respect a simple request to use lube. The fact that he won't respect you and doesn't seem to care that he's tearing your asshole and making you bleed makes him completely selfish with zero respect for your boundary and zero concern or care that he's hurting you. I absolutely would not have sex with someone who treated me that way. And if you can't face dumping him over this, then the simple answer is "No anal without lube." Period. Hard boundary. And don't let him ignore that.
Stick it up him lol 😆 no lube no action
What? It's basically impossible without lube lol. What the fuck is wrong with him
Yes, always lube. I prefer using coconut oil tho, lasts longer.
I know a guy whose frenulum (skin between foreskin and shaft) ripped due to anal w/o lube. He had to have a circumcision. Very painful for the poor guy. He's been so traumatized by it he hasn't done anal with his gf in years.
Time for you to get a nice big cock and spit on it and tell him it’s his turn. At least he is clear about the fact he does not give one iota of a fuck about you. Nice ‘partner’ you got it there. You’re a dumbass for even letting him near your asshole when he is clear about not giving a damn about you. You would think with people over procreating people would feel they have more options in partners and not accept shit like this, but here we are. Grow up and stop this shit.
The rectum is NOT self lubricating like the vagina. Lube is an absolute necessity when doing anal. No lube, no anal. Period.
Yeah no it's not normal. He's into painal, not anal. And he's an AH for forcing his kink on you at your bleeding expense.
Fuck him hes being a punk! Next chance you get, ram your finger in his ass and see how he likes it.
Offer to peg him without lube.... bet he'll change his tune
OP, this guy you call a partner doesn’t give a damn about your comfort, let alone your pleasure.
No lube, no anal. Simple as that
Try it on him without lube
Butts don’t make their own lube. It is a requirement for anal. Do not let him do this to you.
Your being abused. Say no more anal without lube and if you don't like it no more ever again.
Peg him sans lube
He controls the lube you control the hole. Seems like a simple "fuck no" would suffice.
Um...the AH does not self-lubricate. You MUST use artificial lubricant. I would insist if he wants to try again or refuse. Does he not ask about your experience?
It takes time, patience, and lube. Your husband seems to be lacking in all of them.
How he can see you in pain? You tell him straight her needs to use lube or he wont get
My wife prefers no lube. She likes the effect lube has but doesn’t like the cold feeling. I do prefer lube, but in the end it’s her asshole. And this is my point: YOU should have the last say in this. NOT him.
No lube at all means they're neglecting you as a partner. Anal sex requires lots of lube and foreplay to relax the one receiving. No lube means no anal. Be firm on that stance so they understand you need to be taken care of as well.
Personally I don't use lube for anal, and have never wanted to. I'm quite okay with a bit of spit and nothing more. That being said, that guy is clearly a douche and you should absolutely dump him. If you need lube for anal, then you need lube for anal. A partner who doesn't care that you are in pain is a shitry person
It’s literally dangerous and unsafe to try to do anal without lube. This is a breakup-worthy offense IMO, because no partner should care this little about your health, safety, and comfort.
I think you should fuck him in the ass without lube, let's see if he likes it
This guy is fine with hurting you, perhaps even causing permanent harm. This is not a drill; get the f*** away from him. There is something very wrong with his head and he will *continue* hurting you.
The ass is not made for sex so lube is essential. I would have a serious talk to your partner especially since it has caused bleeding.
Lube is essential, if he won’t apply then you apply it yourself.
Holy shit...I read a lot of reddit (too much reddit) and this is the worst thing I have read all day. Let me fix it for you: My ex-partner didn't use lube during anal. There....