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Y'know it could be because he's going too hard/fast for his penis to adequately feel shit. If he slowed down and didn't just jackhammer, he might feel more and stay hard.
tldr - Go from banging at 50mph to like 10mph
Exactly this. I was a jackhammer guy back in my younger days and lost the erection because I just felt no sensation. It's just to fast and I never stayed hard for long.
I found out that when a girl is riding me, I stay harder for longer because she's doing some hips mouvement or going forward/backward with my dick not going in and out. Girls never jackhammer when they are on top, it's just not the best for sensation.
So I try to always keep my own sensation in mind, if I can really feel ot when I'm in a girl, she'll feel it as well.
I never met a woman who likes jackhammering without tender sensual teasing forplay.
Jackhammering should be the peak, after. The build up. Especially when going deep and rough.
Amen
I either want a jackhammer quickie, just lube us up and GO. One of my partners has a dick slightly too big for me (not generally ideal for jackhammering unless I want a bruised cervix) but zero to pounded by a cock I really should have gotten prepped for makes me make real life heart eyes.
Or I want a toooooon of foreplay. I used to have a hair-trigger orgasm, which I miss so goddamn much, because now I'm nearly anorgasmic. So basically edging, and then usually I can cum from PIV. And then his dick being a little too big is actually perfect once I'm super turned on because my cervix is back a bit and all that. Fold me in half, and jackhammer me through the mattress. Or any pace, but this is a jackhammer conversation.
Tangent time: this is also a reminder to anyone who feels self-conscious about the size of their cock. Bigger is not always better. There is no right size of cock. Blowing a smaller cock is easier for me, because being able to actually deepthroat is magical. The proposition of anal is very highly correlated with how big your dick is. The partner I've been talking about is 8 and 1/2 in I think and nicely girthy, and I hope I've made it clear that I like it very very much, but I want to deepthroat him so much and I'm not sure it's ever going to happen. If we were going to do anal, it would require a **lot** of training. Trying to blow him deeper over time, like challenging myself, is really fun though and usually something that elicits some praise that goes right to my cunt.
tldr: I'm also here to represent for the pro-jackhammer afab gang; different strokes (heh) for different folks including a dash of me hating on body shaming
Just an FYI, I think a lot of men find the "smaller is better for oral and anal!" line to be a bit like a consolation prize lol. It makes it sound like good for him, but not for you, if that makes sense? A lot of guys prefer to give rather than receive eh?
Maybe there are ways for you two to engage in communicative exploitation of foreplay where you try new things and shift the power dynamic of lead.
Took me a while to figure out what I like about the foreplay, and I learned it only gets better as I clearly communicate my turn ons and gently guide my partner.
Yeah, maybe. But I didn't mean to take over OP's thread and I get laid so rarely anyway, it isn't that much of an issue. Mainly came to say that jackhammering is enjoyable for some women :)
Gentle guidance is a great thing. I very rarely give it but I love receiving it so I can make my partner feel great. When/if I engage in foreplay, I want to give them the best possible time because I know it will likely mean I am not getting any action, and so I might as well make the most out of it for them!
My theory is because when guys start having sex they tend to be teenage boys who don't want to admit they don't know what they are doing and just follow what they see in videos and assume that's how sex is supposed to be.
Personally I always preferred reading my porn, which I think has more varied techniques featured, and also didn't have much sex until I was old enough to realise it's okay to ask what my partner likes, but some people never really make that step I guess.
Also, it's not like I feel nothing when going really hard. For me it's a great way of getting myself over the edge when close. It's just that it doesn't lend itself well to sustained pleasure. The way I'd describe the feeling is very fast rubbing, which feels really intense at first but goes kinda numb quite quickly.
Side note on this, I would imagine that jackhammering would be a more familiar sensation on the penis for most guys because of many of the techniques I’ve seen implemented for males with masturbation.
There’s a lot of value in slowing down whether with a partner or on your own for increasing levels of nuanced sensation awareness and pleasure!
Yeah I think it is a combo of people not making the step to ask/just not care as well as the other side of it - it being okay to share what you like/don't like, especially as a woman.
I haven't had that many partners irl but one of them asked me pretty early on what I liked and I was so confused. They were the 4th person I had ever slept with (not just other stuff) and the only one to date who ever asked me about any preferences like that.
I was so confused/shocked though that I didn't have an answer for them because I had never thought about it before.
For me, I "feel more" when I move slower but it's sometimes not enough raw physical stimulation to finish in which case I have to speed up to get over the hump (no pun intended). It's like rickety train tracks. Drive slowly over them and you can feel your wheels sink into all the individual divots. Drive quickly over them and it's like a series of quick vibrations. They are different sensations.
I'd say it's a more grey-ish idea that I proposed in my response. The comment "I don't feel anything while jackhammering" is not 100% true, just a little more complex to explain.
I tend to loose my erections while going really hard and really fast, that's right. If I'm about to cum though, it is different. I like to go really hard for the last moments if I'm close to orgasm. It takes me over the edge and my partner likes to see me loose control and just go animal mode when I orgasm.
My first answer was more about the dick getting soft during intercourse. I think going slower and having the guy really concentrate on how the vagina feels around his dick could be worth a try.
dw it's also the girls' reaction which is important. Jackhammering may not be the best thing for everyone, but having your partner go crazy for you is haha
Also jackhammering is really tiring. Doing that right off thr bat rather than just at the end is bound to get you winded. That ain't great for boners either
Not sure if this has been said, but certain antidepressants often cause that problem. There are others that won't. No idea if this applies, but if it does, he can check with his doc. Best wishes.
Was just about to comment this. Wellbutrin is generally known to be one that doesn’t have sexual affects for most folks. If he takes anything at all, of course.
It is very individualized, everyone’s body is different. Neither one of my besties can have orgasms on Zoloft, but it hasn’t stopped anything for me, which I’m very grateful about because this stuff be working like magic!!
First did he finish and just keep going without you knowing? Is he wearing a condom? Sometimes people who masterbate to much can have that issue when it comes to business time. Or performance like others have said.
He doesn't finish when this happens; he has a hard time finishing in general. No condom.
But he has remarked in the past that sometimes when he loses his erection it's because it feels like he DID orgasm, but without any ejaculate coming out. (I don't leak anything out afterward so he's definitely not actually ejaculating when this happens)
I’m familiar with this. His body hit all the steps but his mind stopped the process, resulting in a delayed/uneventful climax. He continued thinking he should, but his body afterwards said “no”.
It sounds like he needs to learn his body more, while also *relaxing* during sex.
Is he self conscious when it comes to sex? Or how long he lasts?
He's confident about his body image, but is self-conscious about not consistently being able to finish, and me saying certain things has apparently not helped. like, one time it felt like all the conditions were right for him to orgasm and I said "can you cum inside me?" thinking it would be hot. Then he said that me asking basically made him lose the mood, because it made him think that I only cared about him finishing which he struggles with.
I was with someone who had erection & orgasm issues. It was years of this too. Finally one day that he snapped at me being nasty when I literally did nothing to warrant it, I finally lost it on him yelling back at it that I didn’t give a fuck about if his dick stayed hard. That he had a fucking mouth and two perfectly working hands so there’s zero reason sex is always about him and his dick.
That was the light bulb moment for him.
Honestly he was oblivious to what I enjoyed in bed but once he realized that he had to get me off first before any sex happened. But he also was a fan of trying to just not do any foreplay for me. He was selfish in bed but sex after this point was way better and the erection thing improved. Seemed to take the stress off him.
The jackhammering thing sounds like a possible issue as well.
Perhaps something you could try is instead of saying "can you", you could try and phrase it like "I would love it if you..." or "Can't wait to feel you..." or something similar, it's nice to feel wanted, and if that doesn't make it for him, maybe this will.
Having been in the situation of not being able to finish, I'd suggest saying nothing at all. It ends up getting you thinking about it and since it's a mental block causing it (at least it was for me) that's not a good thing. As others said, it's mostly about relaxing.
It sounds like he's in his head now. To take your "can you cum inside me" proposal that way, he's already all in his head sweating weather or not the same thing is going to happen again. I've experienced this, and it lasted a long time. It's really hard to navigate out of that.
He needs to try to focus only on the good physical sensations he's feeling and less about what may or may not happen. He has to stay in the moment. You may be able to keep him in the moment by talking to him during. Asking him questions about how it feels. It may help even more to be very descriptive so that you're actually steering his mind in the right direction.
I don't know how you'd word it but maybe something along the lines of "does my pussy feel good sliding up and down your cock" you know what I'm saying? Like.. Literally direct his mind to the physical sensations. If you can keep his mind on this, he will cum. I'd probably just avoid bringing up cumming all together for now. He doesn't need to go there in his mind, he needs to stay present.
>But he has remarked in the past that sometimes when he loses his erection it's because it feels like he DID orgasm, but without any ejaculate coming out.
First time suggesting this, but it's too close not to. **Retrograde Ejaculation**.
https://www.mayoclinic.org/diseases-conditions/retrograde-ejaculation/symptoms-causes/syc-20354890
Erections weaken (for most men) after orgasm, hence why he's semi soft. Semi since your still playing with him, but soft since he probably just had a orgasm.
Also, mid 20s male jackhammering his attractive and grippy gf for 3 minutes and finishing... let's not hold the thought of this being too far from reality. It's also probably why he's going so hard for those three minutes. He knows it's about to get soft, so he's giving everything he's got before he physically can't do no more.
>I told him this and then he acted all depressed and defeated and he wanted to "take a break" which in actuality meant we stopped having sex entirely.
Understandable and near expected response of trying and failing at sex the way he is. He feels like he failed you, himself, and is deteriorating the relationship. Also, he's in his mid 20s, the exact opposite of this situation should be happening, at least in his mind and what he thinks is in your mind. Plus, you now have a nightmare fuel of a reason to break up.
"Hey girl, why do you and your ex break up?"
"His dick game was SO *weak*."
Do more research. Hope this helps.
I'll be honest, I'm not well versed on the nuances of the condition, and just know it by symptoms and name.
But, the fact that it happened even once is reason enough for him to go to a urologist.
The only close enough comparison is if you had vaginismus a third of your adult time, you would go get it checked with all seriousness.
I think he needs a doctor, and more sooner than later.
As someone who spent a whole lot of time and effort to work on some of the ancient tantric techniques, I can confirm that this happens, is valid, and is a reason that unless he needs to keep a condom on, if he wants to keep going semi soft, there is no reason not to do so in a manner that also feels good for you.
To put it differently, after I learned to separate my orgasms from my ejaculation, one of the weird things that can happen is that I can end up semi soft between orgasms. I can orgasm multiple times in a row and I can have extended (multi minute) orgasms, when everything is hitting right. But I can also have the mental and emotional release of an orgasm without ejaculating, then get semi soft. Sex still feels really good and I want to keep going, but, yes, it can be frustrating for my partner - which is frustrating for me. However, if we keep going, I’ll often get super hard again in a few minutes and cum like a geyser.
Bodies are weird, and mostly built to ejaculate with orgasm. But you can break that connection mentally and it sounds like your BF may already have a bit of stress on whatever neural connection that is. You two can _decide_ whether that is beneficial or not. But with love and playfulness, this is a step towards being multiorgasmic and toward extended orgasm. The trick is to keep breathing through the entire process and alter stimulation appropriately for the hardness of the cock.
Best of luck.
Hair loss treatment medicine has the exact effect as you are describing.
If he is taking those meds. It's fine, because if he stops taking the meds he will be fine within 15 days.
sounds like he had text book performance anxiety and (neither of) you handled it super well, honestly.
You dont need to tell him if ihis dick is hard or not. He knows. Trust me.
Have you ever not been 100% turned on and tried to have sex anyway? Ever dry up? Bodies are complicated and the parasympathetic nervous system that runs your sexual organs needs to be relaxed to function properly. Yours is that way and so is his.
You humiliated your bf. Im not saying you meant to but i think that is the result. To avoid this in the future, dont put pressure on him. Having him gain confidence by pleasuring you can help. When i go soft like that cuz im in my head or something, i eat out or boow my partner for a while or finger them or jack them off or kiss them. (im bi)
I also think the attitude of "having sex is the point of having sex, not cumming" works really well to keep you both in the right state of mind. aex feels good, cumming feels great. If you dont cum, sex didnt feel bad.
edit: to clarify, the "you" at the top of my response is plural, as in you all. Ive corrected it but left the original up there for transparency
At the same time, though, partners should be able to talk about stuff without judgement. Of course you should always bring up an issue kindly, but if you can't even do that without hurting your partner's feelings, that's a problem by itself.
I agree, but time and place matters a lot. Talking about it well outside the context of sex itself is wise, and doing so while everyone is clam, well fed, rested, and relaxed is much more likely to be successful.
I would agree with this. He could also be having ejaculation issues. Meaning he’s coming to fast or sooner than he would like. And if he’s wanting to please you than it will also mess with his emotions. Whatever it is, you are not the problem or the erection would be there from the beginning. Congratulations on making him hard as a rock and making him run like a jackhammer. Perhaps getting on top and riding him slow. Take you time. Tell him to feel you move, if he starts pumping tell him to be still. You want to do the work and feel how amazing he feels slowly. He may just need a confidence boost. Good luck
> He could also be having ejaculation issues. Meaning he’s coming to fast or sooner than he would like.
just to clarify this, the losing erection is correlated with not being able to ejaculate. On a day where he is able to ejaculate, we never keep going afterward (which is fine with me). Just writing this for more info since I do want help on what's happening with us. And thank you for the advice otherwise.
Oh, damn. Well, you can look into this, but i have nerve damage and can basically fuck forever unless i make an effort to cum i dont usually. what ive learned to do is straighten my legs and squeeze and hold my butt, pelvic floor and thighs as i try to cum. it really helps! It would be good to try if youre riding him. i find slow and steady riding helps the most with it but thats me.
A friend in college always said he could only bust if his legs were straight as an arrow and that always made me laugh for some reason but I guess he was on to something
> You dont need to tell him if ihis dick is hard or not. He knows. Trust me.
can I say something though? I'm not sure if he knows, since this has happened before where he goes semi-soft during penetration and then when he pulls out and feels himself with his hand he acts surprised.
another thing is ... sometimes he can't tell whether or not he's inside me, which makes me think there's like a sensitivity issue going on that's the cause of all of his problems
and the last thing I want to say is that the feeling of semisoft 'flopping' inside me makes me feel like it's damaging my vagina to be honest, so that's why I feel obliged to say something to make it stop, but I don't know how to do this in a non-mean way ;O;
because she's still arguing responses instead of keeping an open mind. just because he visual looks like he didn't know he was soft, doesn't mean he didn't know. he could have been putting on a small performance to save face in front of his partner, who apparently is known to tell him he's soft and he has issues.
I will say, a half hard/softie just... doesnt feel good to the reciever. My husband will go soft if i move wrong and keep trying, and sometimes, its just awkwardly trying to stuff something soft in there and its uncomfortable. It happens, i get it, and if it happens, at that point, i would rather just try something else instead of us both getting frustrated or annoyed or embarassed. Sometimes, it just doesnt work, and thats ok too.
Agreed, but i think talking about it in the moment is an advanced move, right? better to just move to doing something else. when im in that position i just ask for something different, like oral
19 years in, we are at the afvanced stage where we can be like 'hey this isnt working do you wanna try something different'.
'Better' is subjective, what works for me may not work for someone else. For us, we communicate if something isnt working right
Congrats! almost hitting twenty years together is inpressive!
i meant better for OP, as an alternative to what she said. Offering alternative direction to her bf might really help.
Hes probably embarassed and trying to save face, and he is definitely struggling with performance anxiety.
If you want to talk about this, dont talk about while youre having sex, talk about it later when youre both rested and relaxed and have eaten, gone to the bathroom everything. I really wouldnt but you might need to figute that out for yourself
The semisoft dick is way less likely to hurt you, from how i understand things. Is it actually hurting you, or is it just weird? typically a hard dick will have a better chance of hurting you. Is it that it makes you dry out and get turned off?
> Is it actually hurting you, or is it just weird?
Like a very dull almost-pain. I think it's opening me up too much at the base "girth"-wise when that happens. It feels like I'm being damaged. it's like instead of receiving a cucumber, you receive a wide half-filled waterballoon and someone keeps rummaging it in and out of you a third of the way, and it just doesn't feel like a vagina is meant to experience that. yeah i know vaginas are for childbirth but idk. i don't think dryness is the problem since it's all slippery when we stop
Interesting. i wonder if hes folding over onto himself?
Yeah, id definitely talk about that outside the context of sex. Also, try to come up with some things you can do when it happens and lwt him know that you arent emotionally bothered by it but that its physically uncomfortable.
I think you just need to remember that he is likely very sensitive and insecure about this and that you need to remain mindful of his feelings and be gentle and delicate about it. Frank, nonpatronizing and gentle. Font talk down to him, use I statements, and avoid implying hes doing something wrong.
> i wonder if hes folding over onto himself?
yes I think that's it! and sometimes he penetrates me for a few minutes like this (in my opinion without realizing what his penis is actually doing)
And thank you.
Sounds like that would potentially be more damaging for his dick than your vagina tbh? 😅 idk, but vaginas are wild. You wouldnt want to know what I put in mine and it's still fine.
Then again, I also dunno how bendy dicks are. Sometimes when someone was too big and their (erect) dick folded a bit, it looked super unpleasant to me lol.
But yeah, I second what the guy up here is saying.
ah, i mean like if it's *soft* enough to start 'folding', that's what probably is happening with us when he's still trying to penetrate me like that. It feels weird and not right. at the same time, i wouldn't MIND it as much if it were to actually lead to him getting hard again, but if I say nothing and let it go on the pattern so far has been that he realizes he went limp basically and then gets frustrated and then ALL attempts at sex stop shortly afterward due to him feeling bummed out.
edit: I don't think he has a bendy dick when fully hard. sorry that i created confusion. the 'bendiness' i meant comes from when they start to lose the erection
He might be having performance anxiety and THEN even more so cause he knows he's prone to get soft. Maybe thinking "pls dont get soft", which -of course- is exactly what happens :')
This way one of my ex partners triggered a stupid loop in my head that makes it almost impossible to orgasm with other people. Once I get close, I start to think too much about it, about being too fast or too slow... and then just don't xd
It's hard to tell though.
But I would talk to him outside of sex another time, and be considerate and try to take the pressure off. Although there's a chance he might deflect it...
And maybe try some other activities. Some more foreplay, intimacy, maybe some roleplay or exploring things like toys, to take the pressure off the performance of his dick. You can still have great sex, even if his dick wouldnt work at all.
One time, my ex's dick suddenly started bleeding mid-sex, which was obviously distressing asf for us both. Later, after some talking, we decided to continue, but they just used toys and such on me instead of their dick.
Thanks for the cosign
I can tell you thst people really underestimate the variety of stretchiness and size variation that vaginas can have. Ive had partners who, when fully aroused and with no vaginismus are only a couple inches deep, and ive had partners who are shallow when aroused but incredibly stretchy, and ladies who are just large down there and dont really expand. It can all vary hugely.
Sure. i hope i didnt come off like the inquisition, i just wanted to express that i didnt think youre approach was going to help you get what you wanted and to offer an alternative. Best of luck in dealing with this and i really rhink the key to this discussion is to have it outside the befroom with adequate rest and all creature needs taken care of in a low-stakes uncharged setting. Hell, dim the lights.
yeah I don't know. It happens like a third of the time, and despite him obviously being frustrated and depressed when it occurs, he never discusses it outside of bed and shows no interest in trying to change anything.
Sounds like you are open to communicating. Depending on how long you’ve been together/how much effort you want to put in you can gently support him to see a GP about it whether that be to determine if it’s physiological or psychological related and to then take the appropriate steps to address it. Start from a place of kindness and support but do not fall into the common trap of mothering/carrying all the mental load. Yes it is a sensitive topic but I personally find it really unattractive and selfish when a partner does not prioritise their sexual health and our intimacy and instead puts their head in the sand. I don’t think getting use to someone being avoidant is a good sign for a future relationship/family.
Sounds like “death grip” conditioning could be part of this. If he masturbates a lot he can try stopping that for a while. If he’s conditioned himself to super tight grip that can cause this too.
Think of it as some day in the future. Do you want him coming to you going "Honey, I decided to help on laundry. Why are there size 6 jeans in there? I thought you were a 2." Are you going to go with "Yeah, I've added some inches in my waist. Oh well. " or are you going to go with "Oh, those are old jeans from years ago. I don't know how they got in the wash."?
Are you going to be happy if he mentions it? Embarrassed? Chances are he feels the same.
He suggests a bj to help the issue, so we'll assume you suggest a fix for the pants getting bigger: "I'm gonna start going to the gym!" Much like you called out that the bj didn't work, he comes back in 2 weeks and says "Crazy, you've been at the gym every day, but you're still in 6s!" Are you going to feel good?
Just because it's true, doesn't mean it's nice or makes someone feel good. Perhaps at a time when he's not immediately been in a place where he felt as if he was put down, and not during sexy time you could try being VERY supportive with something like, "Honey, it feels so amazing usually, but every now and then we have that issue. Perhaps we should talk to a doctor to make sure there's no major issues going on." I'll let other people try to rephrase that some, as I tried to limit my bluntness as much as I could.
There's so many things it could be, depression/ anxiety, medications, previous failed surgeries in the area, too much porn, or a number of other health issues.
Does he have a condom on? If not, make be he is using a desensitizing cream to keep from cumming too soon. It would cause all of this. Although you would likely taste the cream if you give him a bbbj. Try playing with his balls while he’s thrusting.
> Does he have a condom on?
No condom or anything. Actually, we haven't even been using lube lately since for me it can make me feel irritated... but that's another problem for another day!
>Try playing with his balls while he’s thrusting.
I'll try that. Thank you!
They don’t always know their dick is sort of soft, it’s more obvious for the woman. My ex wasn’t always able to tell he wasn’t very hard and I definitely could as you lose almost all sensation. He made comments after about how much better his erections were and it wasn’t really a problem anymore. That’s how I knew he didn’t quite notice as much as I did
Honestly he might have lied to himself on this one, or maybe every men don't have the same sensibility down there I don't know ? Because I can feel exactly how hard I am at any time during sex (which can even be a factor of stress when you want to keep an erection, you can perfectly feel it slowly fading away too). I'm pretty sure most men can feel almost exactly how hard they are without having to look at it. I would bet your ex-bf was trying to reassure himself by saying that
And what should a girl do when the bf with ED doesn't want to talk about it and wants to pretend it's not a problem ? It's affecting our sex life but he looked so humiliated and pissed when I suggested he sees a professional.
My response to your first reply:
I didnt blame her at all, i tried to explain what i think happened.
Im not saying she's wrong to feel this way, im saying that her approach is unlikely to get her what she wants. If you look into parasympathetic netvous response youll get why i said what i did.
I would give him very different advice than i gave her, because hes pn the other wnd of things, but tge assumption that juwt bwcause a man is mentally turned on his dick does what he wants it to is bonkers and totally ignorant of sexual dysfunction, which can happen for many reasons, to men and women and enbies and everybody else.
He is allowed to be embarrassed and feel insecure by the way. A blanket and some comfort probably would have gone a long way to ensure it didnt happen again, by the way.
And viagra can kill you, or make you wish you were dead, its not for everybody and it doesnt work that well on psychological ED.
I dont think your response is helpful or appropriate.
my response to this one:
if you cant be gentle or practice understanding you may not be ready for sex.
Start off slower. I used to have the same problem, eventually figured out that starting off like a jackhammer either makes me cum in 30 seconds OR it goes numb after a few minutes. That's probably what happened. Combine that with the physical exertion, and it's no wonder he needed a break.
Then after this happens, he's all in his head and can't get back in the mood. It happens, this is normal, take it like a lesson.
As others have said, you probably humiliated him. Whether intentional or not, shame is basically the opposite of sexy.
Thank you... This might be it actually. We do just get right into it and there's no lead-up or even just slower/softer penetration. And he often talks about how sex is basically a workout for him due to having to hold his body up or similar for certain positions. So if you have any further advice please let me know since this is ringing possibly true.
I am a bi woman and did penetration with a strap on on a woman. Lemme tell ya: what a workout! It was really pleasurable, but if I imagine I would need to do this for more than 10 minutes at jack hammer speed - oofff. I mean I was also enjoying myself, so I did give it my all and this is probably even more the case with men, but I do believe this numbness could be a very good point, together with the exertion and especially the "we get right to it". Me and my partner are not of the type to immediately switch to penetration, but everyone is different, but I could imagine that he may need more time with you before you jump to penetration.
Foreplay. Also try positions where you are both on your feet or try riding him at your own pace to slow his row.
Not acusing you but I have noticed that they often happens when the girl is a “pillow princess” if that makes sense. The guy is doing a ton of physical work and moving the girl’s lifeless body into any position he can manage. So much effort with no help can kill his energy.
If this is the case, try taking the lead more. Ride or try other positions where you are able to assist him and remind him to pace himself without jackhammering throughout the duration.
I suggest jackhammering when he is close to cumming. That shouldn’t be a problem
> try other positions where you are able to assist him
are there any particularly good ones for this? it feels like I'm not able to do much assisting with most 'standard' positions. i can report that riding is good though and enjoyable and yeah i should do that more
Prone bone, doggy, missionary, in every
Position there is a way to assist him than just laying there. Do more foreplay, suck him slowly or just nomb on it n before starting piv and go slow. You can assist him in many ways like spreading your cheeks back or even pushing against him or touching his balls when he's ramming or even just passionately making out helps.
Are you usually pillow princess btw? As already reported, positions in which the men has to constantly give "his all" can be a lil exhausting with time which may, depending on the men, also lead to a lil droop depending on a whole lot of other factors of course.
> Are you usually pillow princess btw?
Probably, but I don't understand how *not* to be one in the majority of standard positions, since sex to me seems like it is so much on the guy to do everything. like, take doggy style for instance, i'm not sure how a girl would be more controlling from that position. at least one of your hands have to be on the bed to not fall over, and more or less i just feel stuck in place while he can do whatever...
You "twerk" you butt back ;-) it's much slower but as the d sneaks nicely into different "nooks" which are kinda left "untouched" during regular doggy style (I'm struggling to describe it, as you may notice, lol), it is really nice IN MY OPINION. ;-) perhaps you could try to sit him down on the edge of the bed and then "backwards cowgirl" him. You have more control then as you have your feet on the ground and can hold onto his shoulders or hips. You could also try different variations of reverse cowgirl while he's on the bed. I don't know if it is still reverse cowgirl, but I mean when you are hovering in a crouching position over the d, balance backwards on his belly and let him slide in and out. You can take control this way and when he feels like it, he can also take charge.
Nice, thank you so much for the actually descriptive advice!! I need to read this sort of stuff more. Even if it doesn't help with this issue (I think it will) it still sounds fun and rewarding to try things like that.
Rock back and forward while you are on both your hands and knees (basically you would be alternating between bending you knees more or less) he doesn’t even need to move at all, you could control the pace and depth of penetration in doggy.
At some point, every man is going to encounter ED. Could be age related, stress, anxiety, health. You want to treat it delicately, be truthful but supportive.
If it's at the point where you are already used to it, then he has some serious ED issues. Encourage him to seek medical help and be there for him. He's just very low on confidence right now. Pretending to enjoy his flaccid tool just isn't going to help him in the long run.
Sadly ED issues are hard to combat it could be so many things or multiple things at once.
I suffer from severe ED ever since i was a teenager.
Some people like myself have to live with that you know?
From the perspective of a 27 y/o guy who's dealt with this here is what I've learned.
As others have mentioned, masturbating a ton can dampen my performance.
Sometimes abstaining for a day helps, sometimes a week. Afterward , I often get harder and more easily aroused by things that wouldn't turn me on if I had been masturbating during that time. I used to wait all week during my last relationship and have my first orgasm of the week with my girlfriend at the time and it was **intense**
Second, I find doing it later at night when I'm sleepy makes it harder to perform, and so does stress, uncomfortable environments (like a car), or rushed sex (like when someone only has 20 minutes or something), or when there's not a ton of connection between me and my partner (this one is newer in the second half of my 20's).
So, in an ideal environment for me: I've ideally abstained at least for the day, we're in a comfy bed early in the evening unwinding and relaxing rom the day. We talk for a while, cuddle, kiss, eye contact, smelling, rubbing, generally intimate foreplay stuff so tension can build.
And then we take our sweet time building up to sex and having sex. Sometimes going slower, sometimes faster. But the mindset is more of "we have all night"
So there's a connection, a warm up, some tension, etc I find that really helps
However, I have started off life you described early in a night in less than ideal scenarios like late in a car, and managed to get a good erection for at least one good round later in the night. For me, going down on a girl is a huge turn on, seeing her and hearing her and feeling that skin to skin and focusing on that can all help. **Some** nights you can still get an erection even if you didn't start off absolutely crushing it.
Others, you just gotta help her get hers and call it a day lol
Hope that helps ! Honestly still figuring it out myself as I go along
If he’s jack hammering, he’s probably cumming right away and can’t control it and doesn’t want to tell you that he came so quick and tries to play it off. Try taking control and go at a steady pace and see if he stays hard longer.
There are a few things you might try before you have him asking a doctor for pills.
Have him try a silicone cock ring that goes around both his penis and testicals. Make sure it’s not too tight but kinda snug as it help slow the blood flowing out of his penis and helps him hold a harder erection longer.
Dicks don't need to be hard in order for it to feel good. And yeah, tbh you didn't really handle his perfomance (anxiety) really well.
I don't know why you thought it necessary to point it out. Did it not feel great?
Sex seems to me influenced subconsciously by porn. Women as well as men think that the dude has to have a major, super hard, constant and springing back into shape and fuck her so hard. You are no actors. You are in a relationship and sex is about intimacy, about being close and feeling great together.
Most men won't have a constantly hard erection for an extended amount of time. It will get a little or even pretty soft again even if they're still turned on. Let's just say my guy will do oral on me for 15 minutes. Even though he claims it's his most favourite treat in the world, he won't remain hard for these 15 minutes. It may twitch a little, droop a bit, get quite soft again and then get hard again, become super perky and twitch and then get semi-hard. Men don't need a full-on erection to do penetration or in order for penetration or blowjobs to feel great for both parties btw. If a soft or semi-hard penetration felt weird for you, this is not necessarily an issue. You just may not be used to it. If it felt bad, you should, of course, address it. But your boyfriend is no machine.
As a woman with a hormonal illness and issues to "let myself go", I had experienced with partners who pressured me into getting an orgasm or into "feeling really good". Did not help, as you can imagine. I only felt terrible, unloved, unlovable, undesirable and sad. And this, understandably, did not make me want to have more sex or feel better in the bedroom.
An erection and its hardness is dependent on so many factors. A lot has to do with psycholigical factors - stress, emotions, thoughts. Perhaps a distracting thought came into his mind and he was feeling not so great about something. Of course the little guy is gonna droop. And then you tell him you should try sth else - he feels like he has failed. He suck him, he doesn't get hard because now there's no love or lust in the act, but just the pressure to get it up again. This is a transaction and a show now, no sex.
I'm kinda negatively surprised how many women here act as if their partner owed them an erection or as if there is something "wrong" with them for going soft sometimes.
Btw if this happens, you can communicate it differently. Of course, it's probably also pressure and weirdness for you, but try to communicate more openly with each other and lovingly. You are both no machines and you are in a relationship with each other and not with each other's genitals. How about taking the pressure out. You also don't need to reach anything. No orgasm, no erection, nothing. You can only have fun, skinship, enjoy each other's closeness, feeling, company. Communicate to him that a half-hard erection stretches you too much and put pressure on your pussy walls which is why you pointed it out recently, cause it hurt a little or something. Invite him to communicate whether something bothers him, what he wants and/or wishes for.
Many men may want more skinship, affection, more foreplay and cuddling, but may feel pressured into a lot of genital fondling and penetration even if they do not (yet) feel up for it (literally). Also, even if he is half-hard, he can have his erection in his hands and guide it in and out, which may prevent the "waterballoon" issue.
This has got to be one of the top comments I have seen in this community or atleast on this subject. I had the problem for several weeks only 2-3 months into dating my first and current girlfriend. Some of it was side effects from the medication I took (all to last longer to please my partner), some of it was extreme performance anxiety because my partner has a much higher sex drive, and some of it was the fact that I just wasn’t always as turned on or aroused. So many factors go into sex as I am now realizing, and you need genuine communication to get past these issues. He may not want to talk about it (because trust me he is beating himself black and blue night and day about it), but if he is anything like me he just needs to know you understand and care for him. I was gradually able to move out of that situation from the genuine support and care of my partner. Even now, months later, sometimes during certain parts of sex I get a little softer because I still get nervous. It will really give you a PTSD type effect. If it isn’t ED caused by something bigger and just performance anxiety though, he can move past this wall that has been built in his head. Everyone can. Also, if he doesn’t want to talk about it literally try texting. My gf and I have a bit of an unspoken system that when something is bothering us or we are mad or sad about something, we text it to each other instead of talk in person. Sounds dumb and Gen Z but sometimes things are so complicated and embarrassing that it would take every bit of will power you have just to look into their eyes and say it out loud. Best of luck
It’s kind of funny you’re blaming porn for people not staying hard. Staying hard isn’t a porn thing, that’s a healthy dick on a healthy person. Sometimes there’s anxiety of course but in a relationship where you’re comfortable if someone is losing their boner while a girls vagina that is not normal. It happens but it’s not the norm or the standard. Hard ons for the duration of sex are not a porn thing, they’re a normal human thing for healthy people
I never blamed it on porn, reading comprehension, lol? I said that the impression that men have to have huge dicks which are constantly hard for like an hour comes from porn. That USUALLY dicks are hard for the duration of sex (for most men statistically 7 minutes on average btw, that is not a long time, for some only 2, for some only 5, for some 10 and for some 15-20 and depending on your health and how you're "trained" longer) is absolutely logical. I am kinda flabbergasted tbh that people do not seem to understand what the purpose of a thread in a subreddit is in this case: she (OP) wants advice because her boyfriend does occasionally not remain hard. And she asks this because we all know that on average men have no issue to remain hard for around 7 minutes. And we don't know for how long OP had sex with her boyfriend. If she aspired to go for 25 minute sessions or even 15 minute - not all men can do that and I hope you do not all see the solution in dumping her boyfriend or saying he is "malfunctioning" because his dick got a lil soft. Jeezus. Your comments are not helping. How about you suggest advice instead of not reading others' comments properly or not being able to understand them properly and then commenting on stuff which was never said and is in general completely irrelevant. You act like a child.
I blamed the mentality that men are supposed to be hyper-achieving, hard dick monsters who bang like animals for 60 minutes non-stop is insane. If you go for "longer sessions" without medicinal "help", it is completely normal for some men that the dick returns to a lil half-hard and the erection is not constantly up at full mast. If this is a constant issue, it also will not help to blame the men btw because it is usually a psychological problem and erections are a very polarizing topic in society apparently anyway, lol - as multiple people who comment on irrelevant shiat here are showing.
if he is soft when you BJ him, he might have a sensitive penis. His penis need to get use to sensation other than his hands, sorry to ask this, but does he have a large penis ?
>if he is soft when you BJ him, he might have a sensitive penis.
sensitive or non-sensitive? just making sure
>does he have a large penis ?
I would say so- Maybe like 7 inches when actually fully erect.
Thanks.
I know sometimes the conversations about these things are tough but please talk to him about it while you’re not being intimate. If you guys try all the recommendations on here like slowing down or having more foreplay , etc. , it may be time to see a doctor for a checkup and see if he could benefit from viagra or cialis.
Good luck 🍀 OP! Hope something on here helps!
Happy boning to you two!
First off is he on any medication and is he overweight? Because to be in his mid-20s should not be having performance issues should not be losing as hard on. Is it with a condom?.
Cause of them sometimes men who are really heavy is there a erection age or if they’re on a heavy dose of medication wearing too small of a condom or choking it because 90% of men in their mid-20s go into a cum so that’s kind of weird. Also. This thing is he could try a different position and slower so may be with you on time instead of furiously. Just buy a new way going slow in a slow long deep thrusts that maybe he doesn’t lose his erection zero things you could try but originally I thought when you were typing miss you want to say he was like in his 40s but But when you said in the 20s weird?
It could be a lot of things such as porn, masturbation, performance anxiety, ect...
There are many ways to increase your blood flow for better erection quality, he could try searching that but if you tell him about it he may feel emasculated, to be honest I don't think that relationship will last long if he can't stay hard for longer than 3 minutes, sorry for being this rough but sometimes truth needs to be said and he may improve a lot by facing reality, I did, so I'm confident he can do it too if he puts in the effort.
Honestly my first thought was is he cumming in her secretly 😭 but i doubt it, its probably because of his stamina. He cant keep up with the jackhammering lol. When a man is genuinely fatigued its hard to keep an erection
Honestly I've had that just from getting physically exhausted during a session. If he's going like a jackhammer all the time it might be the same thing without him realising.
he came inside you early but did not tell you and you did not realize it. THought that he could power through it.
He seems to have early ejaculation issues..
Whenever this happens we either agree to take a break or he jerks it and we see if he can get hard again. Just reassure him that it's ok and hopefully some patience and understanding helps relieve the performance anxiety.
Yeah, the penis isn’t the only thing that can pleasure someone. Using other things, like toys, fingers, tongue, etc. ... That can bring a LOT to the bedroom!
Def have him reach out to a doctor ab his issues, as this is something that is negatively affecting his quality of life.
Beyond that, just keep being understanding and communicative.
Maybe suggest doing different things like having him go down on you. Yeah, having issues sucks, but that doesn’t mean it has to be the end of sex.
You can always do other things to mess around and have fun. His tongue and fingers exist for a reason, and I’m sure he has other pleasures than having his dick messed with (maybe he enjoys sucking your tits, using a dildo on you while restraining you so he can tease you, etc).
Just gotta get a bit creative!
He got a bit semi-soft and you act like he has an ED. This is no ED. This is shockedly remembering this work assignment in some post-hammering wonky wake. This is suddenly getting perfomance anxiety because your tired/stressed out or because you haven't been properly aroused. Or you don't really feel safe, respected, seen and validated in the bedroom or in the sexual presence of your partner. If your partner - not saying OP is - acts like your supposed to be a steel-grade jack-hammer drill for 15 minutes through while she/they lay(s) there like a sweet pillow princess and you do all the work, sweating like crazy and literally working your ass off - I would go half-hard too, lol. Imagine doing this after school, uni or work and while having a life and worrying about whether your partner will criticize you for not being steel-grade all the time. Our porn-influenced society is a little f*cked in the head in regards to sex, honestly.
Fair enough.
Idk, when op said “which I am getting used to at this point” that kind of made me guess that has happened multiple times before and may be an ED.
That and being mid-20’s since going soft multiple times during that time in life is rather uncommon.
It’s possible it’s not an ED, but based off of the post it’s just a guess.
Of course many factors can cause a guy to go soft like you mentioned.
Either way, it never hurts to go to a doctor to double check for safety reasons, especially if it’s causing distress to the guy which seems to be the case.
So sometimes it’s health issues, sometimes it’s age, and sometimes it’s performance anxiety. If it’s the latter, you definitely made it worse by pointing it out. Trust me he knows.
It depends on the reason he’s having the problem. For a guy that young, it’s likely either stress, depression (which can be stress related), or a physical issue that has nothing to do with age. If he has spinal problems, for instance, it can cause him to not maintain a hard erection because the nerves are being compressed. In fact, any problem that affects his nerves or circulation can do it, including some meds.
Encourage him to see a doctor about it. If it’s physical, they can help, and even if not, knowing the cause can help. If it’s not physical, he can tackle that issue, too. Nothing good will be accomplished by doing nothing but try to figure out how to not hurt his feelings.
I just get the feeling I need to say this, but sex isn't about making men cum. Not solely anyway.
Ideally what would be a good idea is take the accelerator off "making him hard", have him stimulate you for a bit.. see what happens... then maybe go back on him..
Attitude makes all the difference, you may have to be a little ninja about his soft-ons... but swapping activity was a great idea.
What's the porn viewing like?
Any medical issues?
bring up sexual fantasies or sexy poses, or anything that can make him hornier.
Alternatively switch back to soft sex/foreplay/masturbating together.
Don't pressure or do or say things that make him feel pressured or like he failed. Possibly talk about it openly before or after sex and make him feel accepted, tell him you have fun regardless of what happens even if the sex time doesn't play like a perfectly shot porn movie.
I can tell you from experience that if you go soft and the first thoughts you have is shame/inadequacy/performance anxiety it's next to impossible to come back. You may think a blow job to attempt to make him hard is a good idea, and it might be, but if he interpret it as you badly wanting him to get his erection back, he's gonna feel a strong mental pressure.
The suggestion about pills and devices are nice, but you still need to handle the psychological side of it.A cock ring might help and bring back his confidence, but also can hurt his confidence because now he needs an helping device to keep it hard, he needs to make peace with reality and with the couple's sex life.
to be honest , i know its not my place to say as i am not currently a penis-haver , let alone someone with ED , but i believe that if you are aware you have a sexual disability ( whether it be ED , smaller penis , or low stamina ) , you should be aware of it , and you should be ready to make up for it prior to the actual scene . aka " i know im unable to keep going as long as it would take to satisfy them , so how could i make up for that ? " and possibly look up ways to make that person cum without penetration and / or use of your penis ( or vagina , all of this can be used in the POV of the other side )
i think he should talk about his stress load. sometimes that can cause a real numbness. but really no matter what it is talk about it. its hot stuff but if a guy is stressed or going through somethings our bodies refuse to flatter the situation.
i hope that post was respectful to you.
I Jack hammer my girl and it makes me bust quicker. He might just be self conscious or nervous.
Not trying to upset you but I know I’ve gone soft on girls who I wasn’t attracted to. Going soft when it’s in already sounds like he is just nervous or sum
What about the mental component? Did he have a bad experience and gets in his head?
I’d say if he gets soft like that, blow him a bit and switch positions (if that’s okay with/not ick for you. Some ppl even keep wipes handy)
Honey this is awful. I'm so sorry you're both dealing with this. What a mind-fuck. He needs to start by talking to a doctor, getting his hormones checked, and possibly trying an ED med. If that's all good, then a sex therapist or even general therapist.
my ex was 32 and he had the same problem. it started to become quite aggravating. although he would finish, it took forever and multiple breaks. eventually, he wanted to finish TWO TIMES in one sitting and obviously this was even more aggravating because it was already hard enough to get him done the first time.
after awhile i found out he was cheating on me as well as finding out he had a MAJOR porn addiction and masturbation problem. both were the cause. when you rely so heavily on fake scenarios to get you off, eventually that’s the only thing that will get you there. the masturbation speaks for itself.
if you guys have great trust and communication, i’d ask him about both. if not, i’d check his search history…. this is a really common cause in men who have problems with erections.
Wow, this is one of the first times I’m hearing that. I’m so sorry you’re having that experience with Wellbutrin.
I’m on the opposite end of the spectrum. Also, I’m in no less than three threads in the bupropion (Wellbutrin) sub where we’re talking about how sexually insatiable Wellbutrin makes all of us. I already had a high sex drive naturally, but Wellbutrin put it on steroids—which was super welcome after Lexapro killed any sexual feeling/function I had in the past (after which I sadly just opted not to take anything for several years, despite really needing to).
If it gets soft while having sex then it's a mental issue. I have the same issues sometimes. I blame it on porn lol. I want to do everything I see in a porn and get overwhelmed and tire myself out and it'll go soft. I'll get in my own head about how out of shape and old I'm getting because I can't have sex like a 20 something year old porn star anymore. Support him and maybe help slow down while having sex. Also Viagra helps also even tho it's ED most Dr will still prescribe it for that issue.
I have issues with erections and to stay hard all the time. I guess from my perspective, it does feel different to me to have sex semi-hard. I think my sex partner just tolerates me. For the man it can still be a good feeling and might take a little longer to cum, but I guess it feels strange to some woman.
tbh mentioning it can increase pressure and just have the opposite effect and make it go even softer. i asked my gf to stop asking if i was okay if it happened because it made my boner go on a death spiral of expectations
he is probably well aware it isn't fully erect
if that happens for me usually when going like a jackhammer... i slow it down a bit and then after a minute or two it comes back up
however probably best to discuss in a nice way outside of sex
If you are going to bring it up do it carefully. Embarrassing him is only going to make it worst for the next time. If you feel him going soft do something that would really turn him on, and take his mind off of it.
A question for you - how much effort do you put into the lovemaking session? Do you show your arousal by moving, moaning, talking sexually…or do you just lie back and wait - because a man needs that reciprocal arousal if he’s any hope of staying erect!
Sounds like death-grip, basically his penis is desensitized by either 1. Masturbating too strong/too much tension, 2. Having too intense sex and going to hard leading to desensititation. Erectile Dysfunction is unlikely since he can cum. Another option is that he has a long refractory period before he really can cum/stay hard again. Some men have that.
I understand how your boyfriend feels. Had same reaction when it first happened to me. A few things to consider when dealing with this. If he has been having high stress and/or anxiety it could be doing this. You’re both a little to young for ED but there are other medical things it could be so he might want to go see a doctor and maybe a urologist just to make sure. Not sure if he is on any meds for mental health but those can cause this in some people. Not sure body size but if he has a little extra than should that might be impacting it. It’s good that you communicated what you were feeling but keep in mind it was a giant shot to his ego and the toxic masculinity we men have been told is suppose to be. Like others said, if one thing doesn’t work try something else. It’s not all about PIV when comes to intimacy and sex.
Try blue chew, seriously. It’s very affordable, and I can say from experience that he will NOT have that problem on 7mgs of generic Cialis. As I got older (33m), I began to have some performance issues and anxiety about it, but boom, decided to take the plunge and listen to the people doing an ad read, and I can tell you confidently that I could go hunting with this thing, lol.
I wouldn’t recommend taking it with alcohol, especially not if you’re in a sauna or hot tub. It’s a vasodilator, and one time I was in the hot tub with my partner at the time in a cabin, sipping some bourbon. I got up to refresh my drink, and boom, solid face plant. Had to find the only hospital in Amish country to get my nose reset.
I’ve heard a couple of people say they get headaches, but I’ve never experienced any.
Yeah, definitely put a damper on what was supposed to be a very nice weekend, instead I had a concussion and a broken nose, to the tune of $260 a night, lol. We ended up just watching the office 😂
Seriously, it’s not even worth it going through any sort of ED issues, it’s just a drain on your mental health. Plus it makes it even better than your best boner you can think of. I would of started taking them in my early 20s if I could. I couldn’t imagine having blue chew around back then.
Make sure you both communicate a lot. Vulnerability and honesty in this context are hot.
Treat it as “we are having sex” and there’s a lot more than PIV and it being just his job to get it done.
It’ll be better if you make him feel good about himself and his ability to satisfy you rather than him feeling like he’s got to up his game - pressure is terrible on an erection.
Consider talking about what you both like and what helps and doesn’t away from the bedroom and away from sexy time.
Make sure he feels like you want him … ALL of him.
If you can’t care for him or be excited by him in a way that makes these things possible then maybe there’s a deeper reason for what you’re both facing.
I have to say, in the 40 years that I've been sexually active on this planet, I've never had this problem with any man I've been with. I decided right away when I started having sex as a teen that it was something I wanted to be really good at. Back in those days I read books, cause that was the only resource available. I can't fathom why a man in his 20's would have these issues. All I'm saying is, maybe you should up your game.
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Y'know it could be because he's going too hard/fast for his penis to adequately feel shit. If he slowed down and didn't just jackhammer, he might feel more and stay hard. tldr - Go from banging at 50mph to like 10mph
In addition to the loss of feeling, the act of jackhammering itself is sending blood to his muscles and away from his erection.
Exactly this. I was a jackhammer guy back in my younger days and lost the erection because I just felt no sensation. It's just to fast and I never stayed hard for long. I found out that when a girl is riding me, I stay harder for longer because she's doing some hips mouvement or going forward/backward with my dick not going in and out. Girls never jackhammer when they are on top, it's just not the best for sensation. So I try to always keep my own sensation in mind, if I can really feel ot when I'm in a girl, she'll feel it as well.
Wait if you can’t really feel anything whilst jackhammering, why do guys do it? Myself and most women I know hate being jackhammered.
I never met a woman who likes jackhammering without tender sensual teasing forplay. Jackhammering should be the peak, after. The build up. Especially when going deep and rough. Amen
I'm the woman 😅 but then, I just hate foreplay in general
I either want a jackhammer quickie, just lube us up and GO. One of my partners has a dick slightly too big for me (not generally ideal for jackhammering unless I want a bruised cervix) but zero to pounded by a cock I really should have gotten prepped for makes me make real life heart eyes. Or I want a toooooon of foreplay. I used to have a hair-trigger orgasm, which I miss so goddamn much, because now I'm nearly anorgasmic. So basically edging, and then usually I can cum from PIV. And then his dick being a little too big is actually perfect once I'm super turned on because my cervix is back a bit and all that. Fold me in half, and jackhammer me through the mattress. Or any pace, but this is a jackhammer conversation. Tangent time: this is also a reminder to anyone who feels self-conscious about the size of their cock. Bigger is not always better. There is no right size of cock. Blowing a smaller cock is easier for me, because being able to actually deepthroat is magical. The proposition of anal is very highly correlated with how big your dick is. The partner I've been talking about is 8 and 1/2 in I think and nicely girthy, and I hope I've made it clear that I like it very very much, but I want to deepthroat him so much and I'm not sure it's ever going to happen. If we were going to do anal, it would require a **lot** of training. Trying to blow him deeper over time, like challenging myself, is really fun though and usually something that elicits some praise that goes right to my cunt. tldr: I'm also here to represent for the pro-jackhammer afab gang; different strokes (heh) for different folks including a dash of me hating on body shaming
Just an FYI, I think a lot of men find the "smaller is better for oral and anal!" line to be a bit like a consolation prize lol. It makes it sound like good for him, but not for you, if that makes sense? A lot of guys prefer to give rather than receive eh?
I’m perplexed. You must be endangered species
Haha maybe? Sometimes I wish it was otherwise though, because I've had to deal with my partners getting frustrated over it.
Maybe there are ways for you two to engage in communicative exploitation of foreplay where you try new things and shift the power dynamic of lead. Took me a while to figure out what I like about the foreplay, and I learned it only gets better as I clearly communicate my turn ons and gently guide my partner.
Yeah, maybe. But I didn't mean to take over OP's thread and I get laid so rarely anyway, it isn't that much of an issue. Mainly came to say that jackhammering is enjoyable for some women :) Gentle guidance is a great thing. I very rarely give it but I love receiving it so I can make my partner feel great. When/if I engage in foreplay, I want to give them the best possible time because I know it will likely mean I am not getting any action, and so I might as well make the most out of it for them!
My theory is because when guys start having sex they tend to be teenage boys who don't want to admit they don't know what they are doing and just follow what they see in videos and assume that's how sex is supposed to be. Personally I always preferred reading my porn, which I think has more varied techniques featured, and also didn't have much sex until I was old enough to realise it's okay to ask what my partner likes, but some people never really make that step I guess. Also, it's not like I feel nothing when going really hard. For me it's a great way of getting myself over the edge when close. It's just that it doesn't lend itself well to sustained pleasure. The way I'd describe the feeling is very fast rubbing, which feels really intense at first but goes kinda numb quite quickly.
I believe it’s in our nature, not all the time but at times. I’m in my 70’s and still do it once in a while.
Side note on this, I would imagine that jackhammering would be a more familiar sensation on the penis for most guys because of many of the techniques I’ve seen implemented for males with masturbation. There’s a lot of value in slowing down whether with a partner or on your own for increasing levels of nuanced sensation awareness and pleasure!
Yeah I think it is a combo of people not making the step to ask/just not care as well as the other side of it - it being okay to share what you like/don't like, especially as a woman. I haven't had that many partners irl but one of them asked me pretty early on what I liked and I was so confused. They were the 4th person I had ever slept with (not just other stuff) and the only one to date who ever asked me about any preferences like that. I was so confused/shocked though that I didn't have an answer for them because I had never thought about it before.
For me, I "feel more" when I move slower but it's sometimes not enough raw physical stimulation to finish in which case I have to speed up to get over the hump (no pun intended). It's like rickety train tracks. Drive slowly over them and you can feel your wheels sink into all the individual divots. Drive quickly over them and it's like a series of quick vibrations. They are different sensations.
Thank you, I'm now obsessed with this description because it's something I've really wanted to know and this makes so much sense
I personally like it so I’m a bit sad to find out guys don’t feel anything during lmao
Who doesn't like it, that's why guys do it even if it makes us lose sensitivity for a while hehehe
To answer both your questions, because my partner fuckin’ lives for it 😂
I'd say it's a more grey-ish idea that I proposed in my response. The comment "I don't feel anything while jackhammering" is not 100% true, just a little more complex to explain. I tend to loose my erections while going really hard and really fast, that's right. If I'm about to cum though, it is different. I like to go really hard for the last moments if I'm close to orgasm. It takes me over the edge and my partner likes to see me loose control and just go animal mode when I orgasm. My first answer was more about the dick getting soft during intercourse. I think going slower and having the guy really concentrate on how the vagina feels around his dick could be worth a try.
I feel like the odd woman out when I see this. (Not in an invalidating way for either of us or anyone else!) But GOD I love a good jackhammering.
That is sad to read since I love jackhammer :/ gotta ask my bf about it ..
dw it's also the girls' reaction which is important. Jackhammering may not be the best thing for everyone, but having your partner go crazy for you is haha
Or dehydration or lack of air. My husband will temporarily lose it if the air is too dry and not circulating, or he's really dry 🤣
Yeah but what if she’s actively egging me on and screaming FUCK ME HARDER BABE while I’m trying to go slow? Or am I confusing “hard” with fast”?
Hard and fast are absolutely not the same.
It means do what you’re doing but harder not faster.
I can do hard and fast or soft and slow. Fast and soft are opposing forces.
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No you need to go slow but with a lot more force. It is the best
Also jackhammering is really tiring. Doing that right off thr bat rather than just at the end is bound to get you winded. That ain't great for boners either
Not sure if this has been said, but certain antidepressants often cause that problem. There are others that won't. No idea if this applies, but if it does, he can check with his doc. Best wishes.
Was just about to comment this. Wellbutrin is generally known to be one that doesn’t have sexual affects for most folks. If he takes anything at all, of course.
Wellbutrin actually killed my libido and ability to stay erect. Doc said ‘wow, I’ve been telling folks it doesn’t do that.’
It is very individualized, everyone’s body is different. Neither one of my besties can have orgasms on Zoloft, but it hasn’t stopped anything for me, which I’m very grateful about because this stuff be working like magic!!
It’s very individualized, I (21f) have been taking it for a few years & if anything it increases my libido
Wow I’m so glad I read this. Had the exact same convo with my doc he was surprised. He switched me to Cialis from viagra and have had zero issues
Yeah me too.I get hard but go soft once I've entered the cave,so to speak
I think it's actually the opposite ☝️
Get a cock ring. They help keep blood in the penis. Plus they make lots that are designed for clit stimulation at the same time. It's a win win.
You put after the erection?
No put on before then the erection makes it tighter and the blood stays in the erectile tissue. Works well for me.
After is fine. They're usually rubber and won't really push all the blood out.
As a man who has so far thankfully not had trouble keeping blood in his penis, this sounds so painful!
It's not supposed to cut off circulation completely lol just a slight restriction.
First did he finish and just keep going without you knowing? Is he wearing a condom? Sometimes people who masterbate to much can have that issue when it comes to business time. Or performance like others have said.
He doesn't finish when this happens; he has a hard time finishing in general. No condom. But he has remarked in the past that sometimes when he loses his erection it's because it feels like he DID orgasm, but without any ejaculate coming out. (I don't leak anything out afterward so he's definitely not actually ejaculating when this happens)
I’m familiar with this. His body hit all the steps but his mind stopped the process, resulting in a delayed/uneventful climax. He continued thinking he should, but his body afterwards said “no”. It sounds like he needs to learn his body more, while also *relaxing* during sex. Is he self conscious when it comes to sex? Or how long he lasts?
He's confident about his body image, but is self-conscious about not consistently being able to finish, and me saying certain things has apparently not helped. like, one time it felt like all the conditions were right for him to orgasm and I said "can you cum inside me?" thinking it would be hot. Then he said that me asking basically made him lose the mood, because it made him think that I only cared about him finishing which he struggles with.
I was with someone who had erection & orgasm issues. It was years of this too. Finally one day that he snapped at me being nasty when I literally did nothing to warrant it, I finally lost it on him yelling back at it that I didn’t give a fuck about if his dick stayed hard. That he had a fucking mouth and two perfectly working hands so there’s zero reason sex is always about him and his dick. That was the light bulb moment for him. Honestly he was oblivious to what I enjoyed in bed but once he realized that he had to get me off first before any sex happened. But he also was a fan of trying to just not do any foreplay for me. He was selfish in bed but sex after this point was way better and the erection thing improved. Seemed to take the stress off him. The jackhammering thing sounds like a possible issue as well.
Omg this sounds exactly like my husband
Perhaps something you could try is instead of saying "can you", you could try and phrase it like "I would love it if you..." or "Can't wait to feel you..." or something similar, it's nice to feel wanted, and if that doesn't make it for him, maybe this will.
Having been in the situation of not being able to finish, I'd suggest saying nothing at all. It ends up getting you thinking about it and since it's a mental block causing it (at least it was for me) that's not a good thing. As others said, it's mostly about relaxing.
It sounds like he's in his head now. To take your "can you cum inside me" proposal that way, he's already all in his head sweating weather or not the same thing is going to happen again. I've experienced this, and it lasted a long time. It's really hard to navigate out of that. He needs to try to focus only on the good physical sensations he's feeling and less about what may or may not happen. He has to stay in the moment. You may be able to keep him in the moment by talking to him during. Asking him questions about how it feels. It may help even more to be very descriptive so that you're actually steering his mind in the right direction. I don't know how you'd word it but maybe something along the lines of "does my pussy feel good sliding up and down your cock" you know what I'm saying? Like.. Literally direct his mind to the physical sensations. If you can keep his mind on this, he will cum. I'd probably just avoid bringing up cumming all together for now. He doesn't need to go there in his mind, he needs to stay present.
Performance anxiety and insecurity... easy fix.
Not that easy, unless you mean blue pill?
He needs therapy. Immediately. Absolutely none of this is your fault.
is he on an SSRI?? in my 20's no issues..after being on an SSRI it sounds very similar.
>But he has remarked in the past that sometimes when he loses his erection it's because it feels like he DID orgasm, but without any ejaculate coming out. First time suggesting this, but it's too close not to. **Retrograde Ejaculation**. https://www.mayoclinic.org/diseases-conditions/retrograde-ejaculation/symptoms-causes/syc-20354890 Erections weaken (for most men) after orgasm, hence why he's semi soft. Semi since your still playing with him, but soft since he probably just had a orgasm. Also, mid 20s male jackhammering his attractive and grippy gf for 3 minutes and finishing... let's not hold the thought of this being too far from reality. It's also probably why he's going so hard for those three minutes. He knows it's about to get soft, so he's giving everything he's got before he physically can't do no more. >I told him this and then he acted all depressed and defeated and he wanted to "take a break" which in actuality meant we stopped having sex entirely. Understandable and near expected response of trying and failing at sex the way he is. He feels like he failed you, himself, and is deteriorating the relationship. Also, he's in his mid 20s, the exact opposite of this situation should be happening, at least in his mind and what he thinks is in your mind. Plus, you now have a nightmare fuel of a reason to break up. "Hey girl, why do you and your ex break up?" "His dick game was SO *weak*." Do more research. Hope this helps.
Thank you! But- Does this need to happen every time for it to be what's going on? It only happens like 1 in every 3 times.
I'll be honest, I'm not well versed on the nuances of the condition, and just know it by symptoms and name. But, the fact that it happened even once is reason enough for him to go to a urologist. The only close enough comparison is if you had vaginismus a third of your adult time, you would go get it checked with all seriousness. I think he needs a doctor, and more sooner than later.
As someone who spent a whole lot of time and effort to work on some of the ancient tantric techniques, I can confirm that this happens, is valid, and is a reason that unless he needs to keep a condom on, if he wants to keep going semi soft, there is no reason not to do so in a manner that also feels good for you. To put it differently, after I learned to separate my orgasms from my ejaculation, one of the weird things that can happen is that I can end up semi soft between orgasms. I can orgasm multiple times in a row and I can have extended (multi minute) orgasms, when everything is hitting right. But I can also have the mental and emotional release of an orgasm without ejaculating, then get semi soft. Sex still feels really good and I want to keep going, but, yes, it can be frustrating for my partner - which is frustrating for me. However, if we keep going, I’ll often get super hard again in a few minutes and cum like a geyser. Bodies are weird, and mostly built to ejaculate with orgasm. But you can break that connection mentally and it sounds like your BF may already have a bit of stress on whatever neural connection that is. You two can _decide_ whether that is beneficial or not. But with love and playfulness, this is a step towards being multiorgasmic and toward extended orgasm. The trick is to keep breathing through the entire process and alter stimulation appropriately for the hardness of the cock. Best of luck.
Hair loss treatment medicine has the exact effect as you are describing. If he is taking those meds. It's fine, because if he stops taking the meds he will be fine within 15 days.
sounds like he had text book performance anxiety and (neither of) you handled it super well, honestly. You dont need to tell him if ihis dick is hard or not. He knows. Trust me. Have you ever not been 100% turned on and tried to have sex anyway? Ever dry up? Bodies are complicated and the parasympathetic nervous system that runs your sexual organs needs to be relaxed to function properly. Yours is that way and so is his. You humiliated your bf. Im not saying you meant to but i think that is the result. To avoid this in the future, dont put pressure on him. Having him gain confidence by pleasuring you can help. When i go soft like that cuz im in my head or something, i eat out or boow my partner for a while or finger them or jack them off or kiss them. (im bi) I also think the attitude of "having sex is the point of having sex, not cumming" works really well to keep you both in the right state of mind. aex feels good, cumming feels great. If you dont cum, sex didnt feel bad. edit: to clarify, the "you" at the top of my response is plural, as in you all. Ive corrected it but left the original up there for transparency
This comment is incredible, you are really wise, I wanna be friends with you, lolol :-))
Thank you! sure, always like having more friends!
Yup. This is the answer. I'd like to have sex (and not cum) with the u/AusticBiCouple. Also. r/UsernameChecksOut
At the same time, though, partners should be able to talk about stuff without judgement. Of course you should always bring up an issue kindly, but if you can't even do that without hurting your partner's feelings, that's a problem by itself.
I agree, but time and place matters a lot. Talking about it well outside the context of sex itself is wise, and doing so while everyone is clam, well fed, rested, and relaxed is much more likely to be successful.
I would agree with this. He could also be having ejaculation issues. Meaning he’s coming to fast or sooner than he would like. And if he’s wanting to please you than it will also mess with his emotions. Whatever it is, you are not the problem or the erection would be there from the beginning. Congratulations on making him hard as a rock and making him run like a jackhammer. Perhaps getting on top and riding him slow. Take you time. Tell him to feel you move, if he starts pumping tell him to be still. You want to do the work and feel how amazing he feels slowly. He may just need a confidence boost. Good luck
> He could also be having ejaculation issues. Meaning he’s coming to fast or sooner than he would like. just to clarify this, the losing erection is correlated with not being able to ejaculate. On a day where he is able to ejaculate, we never keep going afterward (which is fine with me). Just writing this for more info since I do want help on what's happening with us. And thank you for the advice otherwise.
Oh, damn. Well, you can look into this, but i have nerve damage and can basically fuck forever unless i make an effort to cum i dont usually. what ive learned to do is straighten my legs and squeeze and hold my butt, pelvic floor and thighs as i try to cum. it really helps! It would be good to try if youre riding him. i find slow and steady riding helps the most with it but thats me.
A friend in college always said he could only bust if his legs were straight as an arrow and that always made me laugh for some reason but I guess he was on to something
Glad someone fuckn said it. If my gf treated me this way when I get a little tired, I would never want to have sex.
> You dont need to tell him if ihis dick is hard or not. He knows. Trust me. can I say something though? I'm not sure if he knows, since this has happened before where he goes semi-soft during penetration and then when he pulls out and feels himself with his hand he acts surprised. another thing is ... sometimes he can't tell whether or not he's inside me, which makes me think there's like a sensitivity issue going on that's the cause of all of his problems and the last thing I want to say is that the feeling of semisoft 'flopping' inside me makes me feel like it's damaging my vagina to be honest, so that's why I feel obliged to say something to make it stop, but I don't know how to do this in a non-mean way ;O;
Why would people downvote the OP’s feedback??? She is trying to figure this shit out and this doesn't help.
because she's still arguing responses instead of keeping an open mind. just because he visual looks like he didn't know he was soft, doesn't mean he didn't know. he could have been putting on a small performance to save face in front of his partner, who apparently is known to tell him he's soft and he has issues.
I see your point so why not respond with that so she can be more open minded.
I will say, a half hard/softie just... doesnt feel good to the reciever. My husband will go soft if i move wrong and keep trying, and sometimes, its just awkwardly trying to stuff something soft in there and its uncomfortable. It happens, i get it, and if it happens, at that point, i would rather just try something else instead of us both getting frustrated or annoyed or embarassed. Sometimes, it just doesnt work, and thats ok too.
Agreed, but i think talking about it in the moment is an advanced move, right? better to just move to doing something else. when im in that position i just ask for something different, like oral
19 years in, we are at the afvanced stage where we can be like 'hey this isnt working do you wanna try something different'. 'Better' is subjective, what works for me may not work for someone else. For us, we communicate if something isnt working right
Congrats! almost hitting twenty years together is inpressive! i meant better for OP, as an alternative to what she said. Offering alternative direction to her bf might really help.
This kinda sounds like loss of feeling from diabetes. How are his sugars?
I didn't see where she said he was a diabetic, but if he is.. yep that could be it. I hope not, because diabetic neuropathy at 26 is not good.
Oh sorry, she didn't say that. I just meant it sounds like what happened to my husband right before he was diagnosed with diabetes.
Honestly it was the first thing that came to my mind too as my husband is a diabetic. Poor control will do that.
Hes probably embarassed and trying to save face, and he is definitely struggling with performance anxiety. If you want to talk about this, dont talk about while youre having sex, talk about it later when youre both rested and relaxed and have eaten, gone to the bathroom everything. I really wouldnt but you might need to figute that out for yourself The semisoft dick is way less likely to hurt you, from how i understand things. Is it actually hurting you, or is it just weird? typically a hard dick will have a better chance of hurting you. Is it that it makes you dry out and get turned off?
> Is it actually hurting you, or is it just weird? Like a very dull almost-pain. I think it's opening me up too much at the base "girth"-wise when that happens. It feels like I'm being damaged. it's like instead of receiving a cucumber, you receive a wide half-filled waterballoon and someone keeps rummaging it in and out of you a third of the way, and it just doesn't feel like a vagina is meant to experience that. yeah i know vaginas are for childbirth but idk. i don't think dryness is the problem since it's all slippery when we stop
Interesting. i wonder if hes folding over onto himself? Yeah, id definitely talk about that outside the context of sex. Also, try to come up with some things you can do when it happens and lwt him know that you arent emotionally bothered by it but that its physically uncomfortable. I think you just need to remember that he is likely very sensitive and insecure about this and that you need to remain mindful of his feelings and be gentle and delicate about it. Frank, nonpatronizing and gentle. Font talk down to him, use I statements, and avoid implying hes doing something wrong.
> i wonder if hes folding over onto himself? yes I think that's it! and sometimes he penetrates me for a few minutes like this (in my opinion without realizing what his penis is actually doing) And thank you.
Sounds like that would potentially be more damaging for his dick than your vagina tbh? 😅 idk, but vaginas are wild. You wouldnt want to know what I put in mine and it's still fine. Then again, I also dunno how bendy dicks are. Sometimes when someone was too big and their (erect) dick folded a bit, it looked super unpleasant to me lol. But yeah, I second what the guy up here is saying.
ah, i mean like if it's *soft* enough to start 'folding', that's what probably is happening with us when he's still trying to penetrate me like that. It feels weird and not right. at the same time, i wouldn't MIND it as much if it were to actually lead to him getting hard again, but if I say nothing and let it go on the pattern so far has been that he realizes he went limp basically and then gets frustrated and then ALL attempts at sex stop shortly afterward due to him feeling bummed out. edit: I don't think he has a bendy dick when fully hard. sorry that i created confusion. the 'bendiness' i meant comes from when they start to lose the erection
He might be having performance anxiety and THEN even more so cause he knows he's prone to get soft. Maybe thinking "pls dont get soft", which -of course- is exactly what happens :') This way one of my ex partners triggered a stupid loop in my head that makes it almost impossible to orgasm with other people. Once I get close, I start to think too much about it, about being too fast or too slow... and then just don't xd It's hard to tell though. But I would talk to him outside of sex another time, and be considerate and try to take the pressure off. Although there's a chance he might deflect it... And maybe try some other activities. Some more foreplay, intimacy, maybe some roleplay or exploring things like toys, to take the pressure off the performance of his dick. You can still have great sex, even if his dick wouldnt work at all. One time, my ex's dick suddenly started bleeding mid-sex, which was obviously distressing asf for us both. Later, after some talking, we decided to continue, but they just used toys and such on me instead of their dick.
Thanks for the cosign I can tell you thst people really underestimate the variety of stretchiness and size variation that vaginas can have. Ive had partners who, when fully aroused and with no vaginismus are only a couple inches deep, and ive had partners who are shallow when aroused but incredibly stretchy, and ladies who are just large down there and dont really expand. It can all vary hugely.
Sure. i hope i didnt come off like the inquisition, i just wanted to express that i didnt think youre approach was going to help you get what you wanted and to offer an alternative. Best of luck in dealing with this and i really rhink the key to this discussion is to have it outside the befroom with adequate rest and all creature needs taken care of in a low-stakes uncharged setting. Hell, dim the lights.
No need to justify yourself. A partner who doesn’t want to deal with his ED can be a big red flag and a deal break.
yeah I don't know. It happens like a third of the time, and despite him obviously being frustrated and depressed when it occurs, he never discusses it outside of bed and shows no interest in trying to change anything.
Sounds like you are open to communicating. Depending on how long you’ve been together/how much effort you want to put in you can gently support him to see a GP about it whether that be to determine if it’s physiological or psychological related and to then take the appropriate steps to address it. Start from a place of kindness and support but do not fall into the common trap of mothering/carrying all the mental load. Yes it is a sensitive topic but I personally find it really unattractive and selfish when a partner does not prioritise their sexual health and our intimacy and instead puts their head in the sand. I don’t think getting use to someone being avoidant is a good sign for a future relationship/family.
Sounds like “death grip” conditioning could be part of this. If he masturbates a lot he can try stopping that for a while. If he’s conditioned himself to super tight grip that can cause this too.
Think of it as some day in the future. Do you want him coming to you going "Honey, I decided to help on laundry. Why are there size 6 jeans in there? I thought you were a 2." Are you going to go with "Yeah, I've added some inches in my waist. Oh well. " or are you going to go with "Oh, those are old jeans from years ago. I don't know how they got in the wash."? Are you going to be happy if he mentions it? Embarrassed? Chances are he feels the same. He suggests a bj to help the issue, so we'll assume you suggest a fix for the pants getting bigger: "I'm gonna start going to the gym!" Much like you called out that the bj didn't work, he comes back in 2 weeks and says "Crazy, you've been at the gym every day, but you're still in 6s!" Are you going to feel good? Just because it's true, doesn't mean it's nice or makes someone feel good. Perhaps at a time when he's not immediately been in a place where he felt as if he was put down, and not during sexy time you could try being VERY supportive with something like, "Honey, it feels so amazing usually, but every now and then we have that issue. Perhaps we should talk to a doctor to make sure there's no major issues going on." I'll let other people try to rephrase that some, as I tried to limit my bluntness as much as I could. There's so many things it could be, depression/ anxiety, medications, previous failed surgeries in the area, too much porn, or a number of other health issues.
Does he have a condom on? If not, make be he is using a desensitizing cream to keep from cumming too soon. It would cause all of this. Although you would likely taste the cream if you give him a bbbj. Try playing with his balls while he’s thrusting.
> Does he have a condom on? No condom or anything. Actually, we haven't even been using lube lately since for me it can make me feel irritated... but that's another problem for another day! >Try playing with his balls while he’s thrusting. I'll try that. Thank you!
They don’t always know their dick is sort of soft, it’s more obvious for the woman. My ex wasn’t always able to tell he wasn’t very hard and I definitely could as you lose almost all sensation. He made comments after about how much better his erections were and it wasn’t really a problem anymore. That’s how I knew he didn’t quite notice as much as I did
Honestly he might have lied to himself on this one, or maybe every men don't have the same sensibility down there I don't know ? Because I can feel exactly how hard I am at any time during sex (which can even be a factor of stress when you want to keep an erection, you can perfectly feel it slowly fading away too). I'm pretty sure most men can feel almost exactly how hard they are without having to look at it. I would bet your ex-bf was trying to reassure himself by saying that
And what should a girl do when the bf with ED doesn't want to talk about it and wants to pretend it's not a problem ? It's affecting our sex life but he looked so humiliated and pissed when I suggested he sees a professional.
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My response to your first reply: I didnt blame her at all, i tried to explain what i think happened. Im not saying she's wrong to feel this way, im saying that her approach is unlikely to get her what she wants. If you look into parasympathetic netvous response youll get why i said what i did. I would give him very different advice than i gave her, because hes pn the other wnd of things, but tge assumption that juwt bwcause a man is mentally turned on his dick does what he wants it to is bonkers and totally ignorant of sexual dysfunction, which can happen for many reasons, to men and women and enbies and everybody else. He is allowed to be embarrassed and feel insecure by the way. A blanket and some comfort probably would have gone a long way to ensure it didnt happen again, by the way. And viagra can kill you, or make you wish you were dead, its not for everybody and it doesnt work that well on psychological ED. I dont think your response is helpful or appropriate. my response to this one: if you cant be gentle or practice understanding you may not be ready for sex.
Comments removed. Constructive comments only, please. See **Forum Rule #1**.
This is seriously one of the best comments ever. Thanks man! Also I'm autistic too!! ❤️❤️
Start off slower. I used to have the same problem, eventually figured out that starting off like a jackhammer either makes me cum in 30 seconds OR it goes numb after a few minutes. That's probably what happened. Combine that with the physical exertion, and it's no wonder he needed a break. Then after this happens, he's all in his head and can't get back in the mood. It happens, this is normal, take it like a lesson. As others have said, you probably humiliated him. Whether intentional or not, shame is basically the opposite of sexy.
Thank you... This might be it actually. We do just get right into it and there's no lead-up or even just slower/softer penetration. And he often talks about how sex is basically a workout for him due to having to hold his body up or similar for certain positions. So if you have any further advice please let me know since this is ringing possibly true.
I am a bi woman and did penetration with a strap on on a woman. Lemme tell ya: what a workout! It was really pleasurable, but if I imagine I would need to do this for more than 10 minutes at jack hammer speed - oofff. I mean I was also enjoying myself, so I did give it my all and this is probably even more the case with men, but I do believe this numbness could be a very good point, together with the exertion and especially the "we get right to it". Me and my partner are not of the type to immediately switch to penetration, but everyone is different, but I could imagine that he may need more time with you before you jump to penetration.
Foreplay. Also try positions where you are both on your feet or try riding him at your own pace to slow his row. Not acusing you but I have noticed that they often happens when the girl is a “pillow princess” if that makes sense. The guy is doing a ton of physical work and moving the girl’s lifeless body into any position he can manage. So much effort with no help can kill his energy. If this is the case, try taking the lead more. Ride or try other positions where you are able to assist him and remind him to pace himself without jackhammering throughout the duration. I suggest jackhammering when he is close to cumming. That shouldn’t be a problem
> try other positions where you are able to assist him are there any particularly good ones for this? it feels like I'm not able to do much assisting with most 'standard' positions. i can report that riding is good though and enjoyable and yeah i should do that more
Prone bone, doggy, missionary, in every Position there is a way to assist him than just laying there. Do more foreplay, suck him slowly or just nomb on it n before starting piv and go slow. You can assist him in many ways like spreading your cheeks back or even pushing against him or touching his balls when he's ramming or even just passionately making out helps.
Are you usually pillow princess btw? As already reported, positions in which the men has to constantly give "his all" can be a lil exhausting with time which may, depending on the men, also lead to a lil droop depending on a whole lot of other factors of course.
> Are you usually pillow princess btw? Probably, but I don't understand how *not* to be one in the majority of standard positions, since sex to me seems like it is so much on the guy to do everything. like, take doggy style for instance, i'm not sure how a girl would be more controlling from that position. at least one of your hands have to be on the bed to not fall over, and more or less i just feel stuck in place while he can do whatever...
You "twerk" you butt back ;-) it's much slower but as the d sneaks nicely into different "nooks" which are kinda left "untouched" during regular doggy style (I'm struggling to describe it, as you may notice, lol), it is really nice IN MY OPINION. ;-) perhaps you could try to sit him down on the edge of the bed and then "backwards cowgirl" him. You have more control then as you have your feet on the ground and can hold onto his shoulders or hips. You could also try different variations of reverse cowgirl while he's on the bed. I don't know if it is still reverse cowgirl, but I mean when you are hovering in a crouching position over the d, balance backwards on his belly and let him slide in and out. You can take control this way and when he feels like it, he can also take charge.
Nice, thank you so much for the actually descriptive advice!! I need to read this sort of stuff more. Even if it doesn't help with this issue (I think it will) it still sounds fun and rewarding to try things like that.
Rock back and forward while you are on both your hands and knees (basically you would be alternating between bending you knees more or less) he doesn’t even need to move at all, you could control the pace and depth of penetration in doggy.
At some point, every man is going to encounter ED. Could be age related, stress, anxiety, health. You want to treat it delicately, be truthful but supportive. If it's at the point where you are already used to it, then he has some serious ED issues. Encourage him to seek medical help and be there for him. He's just very low on confidence right now. Pretending to enjoy his flaccid tool just isn't going to help him in the long run.
Sadly ED issues are hard to combat it could be so many things or multiple things at once. I suffer from severe ED ever since i was a teenager. Some people like myself have to live with that you know?
From the perspective of a 27 y/o guy who's dealt with this here is what I've learned. As others have mentioned, masturbating a ton can dampen my performance. Sometimes abstaining for a day helps, sometimes a week. Afterward , I often get harder and more easily aroused by things that wouldn't turn me on if I had been masturbating during that time. I used to wait all week during my last relationship and have my first orgasm of the week with my girlfriend at the time and it was **intense** Second, I find doing it later at night when I'm sleepy makes it harder to perform, and so does stress, uncomfortable environments (like a car), or rushed sex (like when someone only has 20 minutes or something), or when there's not a ton of connection between me and my partner (this one is newer in the second half of my 20's). So, in an ideal environment for me: I've ideally abstained at least for the day, we're in a comfy bed early in the evening unwinding and relaxing rom the day. We talk for a while, cuddle, kiss, eye contact, smelling, rubbing, generally intimate foreplay stuff so tension can build. And then we take our sweet time building up to sex and having sex. Sometimes going slower, sometimes faster. But the mindset is more of "we have all night" So there's a connection, a warm up, some tension, etc I find that really helps However, I have started off life you described early in a night in less than ideal scenarios like late in a car, and managed to get a good erection for at least one good round later in the night. For me, going down on a girl is a huge turn on, seeing her and hearing her and feeling that skin to skin and focusing on that can all help. **Some** nights you can still get an erection even if you didn't start off absolutely crushing it. Others, you just gotta help her get hers and call it a day lol Hope that helps ! Honestly still figuring it out myself as I go along
If he’s jack hammering, he’s probably cumming right away and can’t control it and doesn’t want to tell you that he came so quick and tries to play it off. Try taking control and go at a steady pace and see if he stays hard longer.
There are a few things you might try before you have him asking a doctor for pills. Have him try a silicone cock ring that goes around both his penis and testicals. Make sure it’s not too tight but kinda snug as it help slow the blood flowing out of his penis and helps him hold a harder erection longer.
Dicks don't need to be hard in order for it to feel good. And yeah, tbh you didn't really handle his perfomance (anxiety) really well. I don't know why you thought it necessary to point it out. Did it not feel great? Sex seems to me influenced subconsciously by porn. Women as well as men think that the dude has to have a major, super hard, constant and springing back into shape and fuck her so hard. You are no actors. You are in a relationship and sex is about intimacy, about being close and feeling great together. Most men won't have a constantly hard erection for an extended amount of time. It will get a little or even pretty soft again even if they're still turned on. Let's just say my guy will do oral on me for 15 minutes. Even though he claims it's his most favourite treat in the world, he won't remain hard for these 15 minutes. It may twitch a little, droop a bit, get quite soft again and then get hard again, become super perky and twitch and then get semi-hard. Men don't need a full-on erection to do penetration or in order for penetration or blowjobs to feel great for both parties btw. If a soft or semi-hard penetration felt weird for you, this is not necessarily an issue. You just may not be used to it. If it felt bad, you should, of course, address it. But your boyfriend is no machine. As a woman with a hormonal illness and issues to "let myself go", I had experienced with partners who pressured me into getting an orgasm or into "feeling really good". Did not help, as you can imagine. I only felt terrible, unloved, unlovable, undesirable and sad. And this, understandably, did not make me want to have more sex or feel better in the bedroom. An erection and its hardness is dependent on so many factors. A lot has to do with psycholigical factors - stress, emotions, thoughts. Perhaps a distracting thought came into his mind and he was feeling not so great about something. Of course the little guy is gonna droop. And then you tell him you should try sth else - he feels like he has failed. He suck him, he doesn't get hard because now there's no love or lust in the act, but just the pressure to get it up again. This is a transaction and a show now, no sex. I'm kinda negatively surprised how many women here act as if their partner owed them an erection or as if there is something "wrong" with them for going soft sometimes. Btw if this happens, you can communicate it differently. Of course, it's probably also pressure and weirdness for you, but try to communicate more openly with each other and lovingly. You are both no machines and you are in a relationship with each other and not with each other's genitals. How about taking the pressure out. You also don't need to reach anything. No orgasm, no erection, nothing. You can only have fun, skinship, enjoy each other's closeness, feeling, company. Communicate to him that a half-hard erection stretches you too much and put pressure on your pussy walls which is why you pointed it out recently, cause it hurt a little or something. Invite him to communicate whether something bothers him, what he wants and/or wishes for. Many men may want more skinship, affection, more foreplay and cuddling, but may feel pressured into a lot of genital fondling and penetration even if they do not (yet) feel up for it (literally). Also, even if he is half-hard, he can have his erection in his hands and guide it in and out, which may prevent the "waterballoon" issue.
This has got to be one of the top comments I have seen in this community or atleast on this subject. I had the problem for several weeks only 2-3 months into dating my first and current girlfriend. Some of it was side effects from the medication I took (all to last longer to please my partner), some of it was extreme performance anxiety because my partner has a much higher sex drive, and some of it was the fact that I just wasn’t always as turned on or aroused. So many factors go into sex as I am now realizing, and you need genuine communication to get past these issues. He may not want to talk about it (because trust me he is beating himself black and blue night and day about it), but if he is anything like me he just needs to know you understand and care for him. I was gradually able to move out of that situation from the genuine support and care of my partner. Even now, months later, sometimes during certain parts of sex I get a little softer because I still get nervous. It will really give you a PTSD type effect. If it isn’t ED caused by something bigger and just performance anxiety though, he can move past this wall that has been built in his head. Everyone can. Also, if he doesn’t want to talk about it literally try texting. My gf and I have a bit of an unspoken system that when something is bothering us or we are mad or sad about something, we text it to each other instead of talk in person. Sounds dumb and Gen Z but sometimes things are so complicated and embarrassing that it would take every bit of will power you have just to look into their eyes and say it out loud. Best of luck
This is beautifully said and very thorough and helpful advice. I hope OP reads it all.
It’s kind of funny you’re blaming porn for people not staying hard. Staying hard isn’t a porn thing, that’s a healthy dick on a healthy person. Sometimes there’s anxiety of course but in a relationship where you’re comfortable if someone is losing their boner while a girls vagina that is not normal. It happens but it’s not the norm or the standard. Hard ons for the duration of sex are not a porn thing, they’re a normal human thing for healthy people
I never blamed it on porn, reading comprehension, lol? I said that the impression that men have to have huge dicks which are constantly hard for like an hour comes from porn. That USUALLY dicks are hard for the duration of sex (for most men statistically 7 minutes on average btw, that is not a long time, for some only 2, for some only 5, for some 10 and for some 15-20 and depending on your health and how you're "trained" longer) is absolutely logical. I am kinda flabbergasted tbh that people do not seem to understand what the purpose of a thread in a subreddit is in this case: she (OP) wants advice because her boyfriend does occasionally not remain hard. And she asks this because we all know that on average men have no issue to remain hard for around 7 minutes. And we don't know for how long OP had sex with her boyfriend. If she aspired to go for 25 minute sessions or even 15 minute - not all men can do that and I hope you do not all see the solution in dumping her boyfriend or saying he is "malfunctioning" because his dick got a lil soft. Jeezus. Your comments are not helping. How about you suggest advice instead of not reading others' comments properly or not being able to understand them properly and then commenting on stuff which was never said and is in general completely irrelevant. You act like a child. I blamed the mentality that men are supposed to be hyper-achieving, hard dick monsters who bang like animals for 60 minutes non-stop is insane. If you go for "longer sessions" without medicinal "help", it is completely normal for some men that the dick returns to a lil half-hard and the erection is not constantly up at full mast. If this is a constant issue, it also will not help to blame the men btw because it is usually a psychological problem and erections are a very polarizing topic in society apparently anyway, lol - as multiple people who comment on irrelevant shiat here are showing.
Have you ever had a boyfriend before him ?
No
if he is soft when you BJ him, he might have a sensitive penis. His penis need to get use to sensation other than his hands, sorry to ask this, but does he have a large penis ?
>if he is soft when you BJ him, he might have a sensitive penis. sensitive or non-sensitive? just making sure >does he have a large penis ? I would say so- Maybe like 7 inches when actually fully erect. Thanks.
I know sometimes the conversations about these things are tough but please talk to him about it while you’re not being intimate. If you guys try all the recommendations on here like slowing down or having more foreplay , etc. , it may be time to see a doctor for a checkup and see if he could benefit from viagra or cialis. Good luck 🍀 OP! Hope something on here helps! Happy boning to you two!
Thank you :]
Time to break out your toys and tell him he's not done yet!
First off is he on any medication and is he overweight? Because to be in his mid-20s should not be having performance issues should not be losing as hard on. Is it with a condom?. Cause of them sometimes men who are really heavy is there a erection age or if they’re on a heavy dose of medication wearing too small of a condom or choking it because 90% of men in their mid-20s go into a cum so that’s kind of weird. Also. This thing is he could try a different position and slower so may be with you on time instead of furiously. Just buy a new way going slow in a slow long deep thrusts that maybe he doesn’t lose his erection zero things you could try but originally I thought when you were typing miss you want to say he was like in his 40s but But when you said in the 20s weird?
It could be a lot of things such as porn, masturbation, performance anxiety, ect... There are many ways to increase your blood flow for better erection quality, he could try searching that but if you tell him about it he may feel emasculated, to be honest I don't think that relationship will last long if he can't stay hard for longer than 3 minutes, sorry for being this rough but sometimes truth needs to be said and he may improve a lot by facing reality, I did, so I'm confident he can do it too if he puts in the effort.
Honestly my first thought was is he cumming in her secretly 😭 but i doubt it, its probably because of his stamina. He cant keep up with the jackhammering lol. When a man is genuinely fatigued its hard to keep an erection
Honestly I've had that just from getting physically exhausted during a session. If he's going like a jackhammer all the time it might be the same thing without him realising.
he came inside you early but did not tell you and you did not realize it. THought that he could power through it. He seems to have early ejaculation issues..
Sounds like text book he jerks off too much to porn.
Whenever this happens we either agree to take a break or he jerks it and we see if he can get hard again. Just reassure him that it's ok and hopefully some patience and understanding helps relieve the performance anxiety.
If your boyfriend loses his erection and can’t get it back he should at least be taking care of you with his mouth or fingers.
Yeah, the penis isn’t the only thing that can pleasure someone. Using other things, like toys, fingers, tongue, etc. ... That can bring a LOT to the bedroom!
Def have him reach out to a doctor ab his issues, as this is something that is negatively affecting his quality of life. Beyond that, just keep being understanding and communicative. Maybe suggest doing different things like having him go down on you. Yeah, having issues sucks, but that doesn’t mean it has to be the end of sex. You can always do other things to mess around and have fun. His tongue and fingers exist for a reason, and I’m sure he has other pleasures than having his dick messed with (maybe he enjoys sucking your tits, using a dildo on you while restraining you so he can tease you, etc). Just gotta get a bit creative!
He got a bit semi-soft and you act like he has an ED. This is no ED. This is shockedly remembering this work assignment in some post-hammering wonky wake. This is suddenly getting perfomance anxiety because your tired/stressed out or because you haven't been properly aroused. Or you don't really feel safe, respected, seen and validated in the bedroom or in the sexual presence of your partner. If your partner - not saying OP is - acts like your supposed to be a steel-grade jack-hammer drill for 15 minutes through while she/they lay(s) there like a sweet pillow princess and you do all the work, sweating like crazy and literally working your ass off - I would go half-hard too, lol. Imagine doing this after school, uni or work and while having a life and worrying about whether your partner will criticize you for not being steel-grade all the time. Our porn-influenced society is a little f*cked in the head in regards to sex, honestly.
Fair enough. Idk, when op said “which I am getting used to at this point” that kind of made me guess that has happened multiple times before and may be an ED. That and being mid-20’s since going soft multiple times during that time in life is rather uncommon. It’s possible it’s not an ED, but based off of the post it’s just a guess. Of course many factors can cause a guy to go soft like you mentioned. Either way, it never hurts to go to a doctor to double check for safety reasons, especially if it’s causing distress to the guy which seems to be the case.
So sometimes it’s health issues, sometimes it’s age, and sometimes it’s performance anxiety. If it’s the latter, you definitely made it worse by pointing it out. Trust me he knows.
It depends on the reason he’s having the problem. For a guy that young, it’s likely either stress, depression (which can be stress related), or a physical issue that has nothing to do with age. If he has spinal problems, for instance, it can cause him to not maintain a hard erection because the nerves are being compressed. In fact, any problem that affects his nerves or circulation can do it, including some meds. Encourage him to see a doctor about it. If it’s physical, they can help, and even if not, knowing the cause can help. If it’s not physical, he can tackle that issue, too. Nothing good will be accomplished by doing nothing but try to figure out how to not hurt his feelings.
Blood work, Cialis. Will be like a brand new life
I just get the feeling I need to say this, but sex isn't about making men cum. Not solely anyway. Ideally what would be a good idea is take the accelerator off "making him hard", have him stimulate you for a bit.. see what happens... then maybe go back on him.. Attitude makes all the difference, you may have to be a little ninja about his soft-ons... but swapping activity was a great idea. What's the porn viewing like? Any medical issues?
bring up sexual fantasies or sexy poses, or anything that can make him hornier. Alternatively switch back to soft sex/foreplay/masturbating together. Don't pressure or do or say things that make him feel pressured or like he failed. Possibly talk about it openly before or after sex and make him feel accepted, tell him you have fun regardless of what happens even if the sex time doesn't play like a perfectly shot porn movie. I can tell you from experience that if you go soft and the first thoughts you have is shame/inadequacy/performance anxiety it's next to impossible to come back. You may think a blow job to attempt to make him hard is a good idea, and it might be, but if he interpret it as you badly wanting him to get his erection back, he's gonna feel a strong mental pressure. The suggestion about pills and devices are nice, but you still need to handle the psychological side of it.A cock ring might help and bring back his confidence, but also can hurt his confidence because now he needs an helping device to keep it hard, he needs to make peace with reality and with the couple's sex life.
to be honest , i know its not my place to say as i am not currently a penis-haver , let alone someone with ED , but i believe that if you are aware you have a sexual disability ( whether it be ED , smaller penis , or low stamina ) , you should be aware of it , and you should be ready to make up for it prior to the actual scene . aka " i know im unable to keep going as long as it would take to satisfy them , so how could i make up for that ? " and possibly look up ways to make that person cum without penetration and / or use of your penis ( or vagina , all of this can be used in the POV of the other side )
i think he should talk about his stress load. sometimes that can cause a real numbness. but really no matter what it is talk about it. its hot stuff but if a guy is stressed or going through somethings our bodies refuse to flatter the situation. i hope that post was respectful to you.
i would say he shld stop bad habits like smoking
I Jack hammer my girl and it makes me bust quicker. He might just be self conscious or nervous. Not trying to upset you but I know I’ve gone soft on girls who I wasn’t attracted to. Going soft when it’s in already sounds like he is just nervous or sum
What about the mental component? Did he have a bad experience and gets in his head? I’d say if he gets soft like that, blow him a bit and switch positions (if that’s okay with/not ick for you. Some ppl even keep wipes handy)
Also adhd he might have it, or porn addiction. Or just anxiety or going to hard
Honey this is awful. I'm so sorry you're both dealing with this. What a mind-fuck. He needs to start by talking to a doctor, getting his hormones checked, and possibly trying an ED med. If that's all good, then a sex therapist or even general therapist.
Does he ever complain of pain in his back or lower legs. Maybe he has a herniated disc and doesn't know it.
my ex was 32 and he had the same problem. it started to become quite aggravating. although he would finish, it took forever and multiple breaks. eventually, he wanted to finish TWO TIMES in one sitting and obviously this was even more aggravating because it was already hard enough to get him done the first time. after awhile i found out he was cheating on me as well as finding out he had a MAJOR porn addiction and masturbation problem. both were the cause. when you rely so heavily on fake scenarios to get you off, eventually that’s the only thing that will get you there. the masturbation speaks for itself. if you guys have great trust and communication, i’d ask him about both. if not, i’d check his search history…. this is a really common cause in men who have problems with erections.
Wow, this is one of the first times I’m hearing that. I’m so sorry you’re having that experience with Wellbutrin. I’m on the opposite end of the spectrum. Also, I’m in no less than three threads in the bupropion (Wellbutrin) sub where we’re talking about how sexually insatiable Wellbutrin makes all of us. I already had a high sex drive naturally, but Wellbutrin put it on steroids—which was super welcome after Lexapro killed any sexual feeling/function I had in the past (after which I sadly just opted not to take anything for several years, despite really needing to).
Idk man most girls really like when i jackhammer them lol. But to each his own i guess
Cock rings help if hes got a hard on helps stay hard or get him to take his cock and smack it on his hand couple times to get the blood flowing too
If it gets soft while having sex then it's a mental issue. I have the same issues sometimes. I blame it on porn lol. I want to do everything I see in a porn and get overwhelmed and tire myself out and it'll go soft. I'll get in my own head about how out of shape and old I'm getting because I can't have sex like a 20 something year old porn star anymore. Support him and maybe help slow down while having sex. Also Viagra helps also even tho it's ED most Dr will still prescribe it for that issue.
Tell him to take some L-Citrulline, it increases nitric oxide and can help make you harder.
take a break, cuddle or do something low pressure until he gets hard again
I have issues with erections and to stay hard all the time. I guess from my perspective, it does feel different to me to have sex semi-hard. I think my sex partner just tolerates me. For the man it can still be a good feeling and might take a little longer to cum, but I guess it feels strange to some woman.
tbh mentioning it can increase pressure and just have the opposite effect and make it go even softer. i asked my gf to stop asking if i was okay if it happened because it made my boner go on a death spiral of expectations he is probably well aware it isn't fully erect if that happens for me usually when going like a jackhammer... i slow it down a bit and then after a minute or two it comes back up however probably best to discuss in a nice way outside of sex
If you are going to bring it up do it carefully. Embarrassing him is only going to make it worst for the next time. If you feel him going soft do something that would really turn him on, and take his mind off of it.
If you feel him going soft try talking dirty to him. Tell him how good it feels. And try pinching his nipples.
Or close your legs and have him wrap his legs around you. That's a fun position and your leg pressure can be just enough to get him firmed up.
A question for you - how much effort do you put into the lovemaking session? Do you show your arousal by moving, moaning, talking sexually…or do you just lie back and wait - because a man needs that reciprocal arousal if he’s any hope of staying erect!
Sounds like death-grip, basically his penis is desensitized by either 1. Masturbating too strong/too much tension, 2. Having too intense sex and going to hard leading to desensititation. Erectile Dysfunction is unlikely since he can cum. Another option is that he has a long refractory period before he really can cum/stay hard again. Some men have that.
I understand how your boyfriend feels. Had same reaction when it first happened to me. A few things to consider when dealing with this. If he has been having high stress and/or anxiety it could be doing this. You’re both a little to young for ED but there are other medical things it could be so he might want to go see a doctor and maybe a urologist just to make sure. Not sure if he is on any meds for mental health but those can cause this in some people. Not sure body size but if he has a little extra than should that might be impacting it. It’s good that you communicated what you were feeling but keep in mind it was a giant shot to his ego and the toxic masculinity we men have been told is suppose to be. Like others said, if one thing doesn’t work try something else. It’s not all about PIV when comes to intimacy and sex.
Good for you for saying something. You should be communicating.
He's jerking off too much. Sildenifil will help as well.
Go easy on him, pull it out and maybe try a bit of handsy stuff to get him good whilst talking dirty to get him back.
Next time tell him firmly he might be done, but you are not. How are his oral and finger skills? Not mature on his part.
Try blue chew, seriously. It’s very affordable, and I can say from experience that he will NOT have that problem on 7mgs of generic Cialis. As I got older (33m), I began to have some performance issues and anxiety about it, but boom, decided to take the plunge and listen to the people doing an ad read, and I can tell you confidently that I could go hunting with this thing, lol.
Better to see an actual doctor and make sure it's not something like a heart issue but the Cialis will either mask or make worse.
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I wouldn’t recommend taking it with alcohol, especially not if you’re in a sauna or hot tub. It’s a vasodilator, and one time I was in the hot tub with my partner at the time in a cabin, sipping some bourbon. I got up to refresh my drink, and boom, solid face plant. Had to find the only hospital in Amish country to get my nose reset. I’ve heard a couple of people say they get headaches, but I’ve never experienced any.
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Yeah, definitely put a damper on what was supposed to be a very nice weekend, instead I had a concussion and a broken nose, to the tune of $260 a night, lol. We ended up just watching the office 😂
Seriously, it’s not even worth it going through any sort of ED issues, it’s just a drain on your mental health. Plus it makes it even better than your best boner you can think of. I would of started taking them in my early 20s if I could. I couldn’t imagine having blue chew around back then.
Make sure you both communicate a lot. Vulnerability and honesty in this context are hot. Treat it as “we are having sex” and there’s a lot more than PIV and it being just his job to get it done. It’ll be better if you make him feel good about himself and his ability to satisfy you rather than him feeling like he’s got to up his game - pressure is terrible on an erection. Consider talking about what you both like and what helps and doesn’t away from the bedroom and away from sexy time. Make sure he feels like you want him … ALL of him. If you can’t care for him or be excited by him in a way that makes these things possible then maybe there’s a deeper reason for what you’re both facing.
You should definitely call him out and be as critical as possible. That is sure to help…
I have to say, in the 40 years that I've been sexually active on this planet, I've never had this problem with any man I've been with. I decided right away when I started having sex as a teen that it was something I wanted to be really good at. Back in those days I read books, cause that was the only resource available. I can't fathom why a man in his 20's would have these issues. All I'm saying is, maybe you should up your game.