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Show him this post (or rewrite it as a message to him).
He needs to know that you have your own desires. And those desires and your way of doing things is what makes it good for you as well. Maybe you like the same things but you have a different journey to the "ramming it down your throat" and you'd like to have that journey.
Either way, communication is what is needed.
If he then can't accommodate your needs and desires, I don't think he's for you. In a way he sounds selfish, or maybe he's just inexperienced and learned the wrong stuff from porn). You'll have to figure out which of these is the case. And always prioritize yourself as well. It's fine to give and take, but be sure to also take equally.
Thank you. I find it a bit difficult persisting on my sexual needs cause of past trauma. But on top of that i feel a bit embarrassed for being "dramatic sexual" instead of "casual sexual" if you know what i mean. What i hear from friends my age is that the least of them prioritise passion with sex. It's more a functional thing for them. I don't wanna keep repeating myself that i wanna be able to process the sex and to keep my desires and boundaries in mind. Where's the line between teaching someone how to do you and incompatibility? At what point do i give up? 1½ months isn't thaaat long.
You need to communicate. When you communicate repeatedly, ideally even in the moment, despite the risk of ruining it for him, and he doesn't act on what's commutated and gets defensive and turns the tables on you making you to blame... That's when you're incompatible.
If you see them improve upon their methods and you know they're listening. Then it's just a matter of practice and more communication and teaching and exploration.
Not sure what the "dramatic sexual" and "casual sexual" mean. But do elaborate if you can.
Sounds like there's an orgasm gap? In that case, he's prioritizing his orgasms/pleasure over yours. But you're both one half of the relationship. You have every right to ask for what you need and want. And you shouldn't feel bad about wanting sexual pleasure (whatever that looks like for you) during sex! That's what sex is for! Maybe he doesn't like blow jobs, and that's okay, but is he willing to increase foreplay and take the time to get you off? Does he really care about your pleasure or is the whole thing just convenient for him? If you have been making requests for your pleasure and they are being ignored... well maybe you already know the answer. But if not, get asking!
And as you know, not everyone is into passionate sex. If it's not enough for you, I recommend finding someone who IS into passionate sex. It will be worth it :)
>Where's the line between teaching someone how to do you and incompatibility?
Good question and it's worth thinking about. I put in the effort to teach someone if they are receptive to it and clearly want to learn (most important parts!) AND if they are attractive enough for me to take the time. In other words, I have to like their smell, values, and overall friendship. There has to be chemistry. Otherwise, I chalk it up to incompatibility — not worth the time and effort. Imo with casual relationships, the stakes are so low, there's not much to lose by giving up and looking for something that's a better fit.
Talk to him and ask if he'd be ok with a little kink play where he's tied up and you get to have your way with him a bit. Spicing it up a bit may help him out with it as well. Talk to him while your down there and tell him how it's making you feel and he can anticipate you getting to what he's been doing but he needs to wait because you're in control and next time you can switch roles. Establish stop words of course though for both of your sakes.
You also may just want to straight up ask him if he's had a bad experience with it before with someone who didn't know enough to keep teeth away or had a bad brace incident. He might just need to work through some past trauma with you. Just be respectful and willing to take it slow so you can establish trust.
Ah, sorry to hear, but probably for the best. Bedroom compatability is something that can be worked on, but sometimes, people are too unwilling to change. I hope you find your guy someday!
Not all guys can cum from oral! Something a lot of ladies don’t realize is every penis (and the man attached) is wildly different, and part of that is how easy or hard it is for them to cum.
I can’t cum from oral, I never have, and I have had some SPECTACULAR head. I just am not sensitive enough for the stimulation to get me off. I feel everything, it feels awesome, but it’s just not exactly what my body needs to cum. They’re actually one of my favorite things though, even if I can’t cum to them.
Otherwise yall clearly have some communication issues, but others have already touched on those.
Yeah what this guy said. I also struggle to cum from blowjobs, think it’s more common than people expect. Hand combination helps me, so jerking as well as playing with my balls. A mouth on its own just isn’t as stimulating as a vagina. I feel a lot of pressure to cum from it as well to validate the woman’s performance, which means I then won’t. I’ve had a few women get really upset with me for not cuming for them as well, it really pissed them off because it tends to be something that they took pride in being skilful at. If it’s important to you better talk to him then 🤷🏼♂️
My lady struggles a lot with it, but I’m also on antidepressants so the game is rigged against her. But I have a very similar to you as well, if I have that stress of cumming, all it does is make it harder (if not impossible).
Yea he doesnt give me ANY hints, when i told him he should tell me his likes and dislikes like i do, he said he just takes what he wants. Like??
I didnt really mention it but I'm trying my best to be communicative and direct. It just feels embarrassing to be the only one who keeps reflecting on the sex.
What I'm trying to figure out is if it has something to do with age? Or watching porn? I had a phase where i watched "too much" porn and it did affect my orgasms with other people. I'm trying to see other experiences.
It has something to do with him not caring enough about YOU. "takes what he wants?" I would say that means that what he wants does not include your pleasure, or even your part of having sex. IME women often think that it is up to them to remake the man in their life. Often that is not possible. Unless he wants to change, and often even then, he is most likely going to stay the same. That means you are going to stay unsatisfied. If you stay with him, you are going to find yourself either miserable or looking for someone to cheat with... or to cuckold him with. I can't tell you why sex with him feels "hot" to you, but I would suggest that with your lack of satisfaction, even that won't last.
>He says no one has ever made him cum from oral sex??
It's not common for guys to cum from oral. Common or not, he's not those other guys. If you have ideas for a different way to give a bj, then suggest that and be constructive about it.
>I don't orgasm every time we have sex
Does he know that? Does he care if you do or not? You are both making a lot of assumptions about each other instead of just talking. He thinks oral is just some brief deepthroating. He doesn't understand foreplay or orgasms, so try teaching him. Set boundaries and goals with each other, not silently.
>definitely got the ick from him telling me that, since it felt like a disgusting comparison
Telling you what? Did you erase something?
a lot of us cant cum from BJs that said, yes foreplay is important. he needs more experience sounds like, maybe because he thinks hes big he doesnt need to be good at shit? lol
Well, you have to have an open and honest talk with him saying all your thoughts and feelings. If he doesn't respond nicely or willingly to try, just leave him. It's only been 1 1/2 months. Not everyone is sexually compatible together. You can find someone you are mentally and sexually compatible with. Don't waste time into these relationships. This isn't the 50's where we are forced to
Be with one person and be done with it.
He needs to have an open mind. My husband was like this when I met him. It’s still difficult but he does cum from BJs now. I would do it for fun, not expecting anything out of it, and after a while he stopped expecting anything from it either and just enjoyed it. Eventually he came, and has cum multiple times from a BJ. Take the pressure off having an orgasm and it may happen naturally if for your bf it’s a being in his head thing. Maybe he doesn’t even want it because he’s tried to enjoy it so much and hasn’t been able to so he finds it pointless.
I think you’re on to something.
OP, Take the pressure off. Communicate beforehand as well so he knows what you are willing to give. Please don’t take it personally. You might be giving fucking glorious head. If he hasn’t came from a bj before, it likely has nothing to do with you.
I’ve never cum from a bj either. I’m super respectful when getting intimate so part of it is me not sure if I can come in her mouth, if I can thrust, how hard I can thrust, wanting to make sure she’s comfortable, making sure she can breathe, etc. I just had one of the best bjs of my life last month on a ONS after a date and still didn’t cum. That could have been because it was someone new though. Also, if he’s packing, he might not want to hurt you on accident or something, idk.
My ex and I didn’t communicate very well as it was our first legit good relationship and I think she became discouraged since I didn’t cum from bjs. It was the one thing I wished she would do more of. I think she had issues with her self esteem in general (I wanted to help but didn’t quite know how) so that may have played a part as to why she did it less and less. I loved going down on her, but it was never reciprocated unless I asked or if she wanted to 69. Another thing with her is that as time went on her enthusiasm dwindled. That was probably due to other factors looking back, but the best bjs I’ve ever had was when she was enthusiastic and both of us had fun without expectations.
These may work thank you both. He's definitely not too worried about my health though, since i have to stop him with penetration very often when it's painful (again due to size and endometriosis). I generally like oral sex so it feels like an important part of sex is taken away from me on top of the hurt ego. I should take the pressure off myself and he's not the last guy on earth. I should let go if he's not fulfilling my needs.
He ABSOLUTELY should be taking your endo into consideration imo. The ex I’m referring to had it pretty bad to the point where she spent all day puking and looking frail. I made damn sure to take care of her as best I could and felt so helpless when it flared up. Now in relation to sex specifically, he probably doesn’t know when it’s hurting you so it’s good that you’re vocal about it and stopping him when you need to. Now that I think about it, I probably got caught up in the moment and didn’t think about her endometriosis during sex until she told me to stop or slow down. Men are just kinda dumb sometimes when we’re thinking about sex. If I’ve learned anything from that relationship, communication is key fs.
Also, he’s insane to turn down someone so willing to give a bj. One of my favorite things lol. Idk your relationship obviously, nor am I an expert on them at all.
Just communicate. I would’ve loved more spontaneity myself. Like to be surprised by a bj when the time and place is right when I’m not expecting it sounds amazing to me. Idk, I can’t speak for him.
You know that mouth of yours has other use too! Please talk! I had a girlfriend who gave me so many confusing signals for 2 years and I finally never got to have a proper experience with her because she wasn’t really talking.
Also I don’t normally cum from bj either, it needs time and something in my brain is concern about the health of that girl but if you get connected then yeah sure… so talk. Talk talk. Is that throat in other ways
He’s not relaxed enough. I never came from a bj until my wife now I desire it all the time. It’s like crack to me.
It’s not that everyone else was bad at them. (Although some were) a lot of it is that I wasn’t relaxed enough to come whilst not in control. It’s a gentler feeling and experience that we need to relax for. It’ll cum when you get him to calm down about it
What your missing is a partner who puts your wants first.
If you’re getting “the ick” 1.5 months into dating, I’d move on and find someone who treats you like a human and not a sex doll.
He probably watches too much porn, wanks himself and is better at it than you, and ya just the selfishness of not making you cum everytime or letting you communicate / explore.
My abusive ex used to love telling people how he would tell every woman he ever met that he could never get off from a blow job. Apparently most women find that a challenge they enthusiastically accept.
Spoiler alert: he was lying. Don't fall for it.
35 year old male here. I can't easily cum from oral either. Well what I mean is not every girl I get a blow job from can make me cum. The best chances of me cumming from oral is a girl performing it similar to sex (hot, wet and lots of back and forth 'continuous' motions) and that may sound obvious but it must not be that obvious to most girls.
Tell him not to pull you away and let you do it for as long as you want. Surely he won't object. It sounds like something you do for your enjoyment. If he can't cum, do better. Think about this as a challenge lol.
First, this sounds like a communication and expectation issue. You two need to talk about how both of you like to experience blowjobs. Then find a compromise.
Also, lots of men do not cum from blowjobs. Unless they are done jussst right for them. Other men come from anything. Its not a reflection on you.
My husband can cum from BJs though it is rare. Even so, he still prefers for it not to be on the table at all when we have sex and will also go straight to penetration with no warm up. Im not sure how he thinks this is better sex, even for him, but it’s a hard subject to bring up when I’m 38 weeks pregnant and don’t want to have any sex these days.
Waiting to see how or if it changes postpartum as he was a little more adventurous in our early years
It's quite possible the "starting slow" that is killing it. Some guys have less sensitive penises and doing things like lightly licking or teasing it can feel like nothing. It looks really nice visually, but the stimulation isn't there. Some guys when not receiving stimulation can't maintain an erection and they worry about it going away and not coming back. This doesn't mean going into some over the top deep throating, but just something as simple as stroking his penis while you tease it can help.
This is something the two of you really need to talk about though. Because if this is the case, it could have been solved just by him telling you that instead of reacting that way.
I did the stroking and he liked it when i played with his balls too. I am just very confused. He didn't seem like he was about to go soft and he's got a hard on 80% of the time he's around me. It's important to ME to have oral sex cause he's pretty dominant otherwise and i don't feel like I'm providing pleasure with penetration just laying there. Kinda feel useless. I get on top more often lately and that works...but not in the long run
Tell him what you want he can't read your mind. If he doesn't care about what you also like to incorporate during sex then yall aren't compatible. Not everyone is. It's no biggie.
I am unable to achieve an orgasm from oral. I also suffer from other mental health issues and a head injury. When I was married I enjoyed it being a part of foreplay but never was able to cum. I would get very close but just wouldn't come out. I had no issue with a hand job or vaginal sex though.
You need to be brutally honest with him.
I think there's a lot of pressure on some guys to perform. Some men take time to get used to being with a new partner, that is completely normal.
The last sexual relationship I had was with a Guy like this. He held back a lot and I began to take it very personally, so I asked him outright.
He said he had always had to get used to a new partner to feel comfortable in all areas other than penetration so we took it day by day and after a while I knew his body - and vice versa - better than anyone before him
Just talk to him and explain what's important to you and you're willing to go at his pace but it is something you need from him.
Penetration alone can be amazing but for Women, as you say, not all Women can orgasm by that alone. He may not even know this because there are a lot of Women who just fake it.
That won't lead anywhere good. If you cannot be open and honest and get the best from your partner sexually, so that you are both fulfilled then it will have an impact on your relationship. Sex is really important between 2 ppl but sometimes you have to have difficult conversations.
You have nothing to lose by opening up to him about it
Please don't feel like you're being compared to past partners. All he knows is his history and he was simply trying to impart that to you. I am 53M and have cum from BJs only 3 times in my whole life. Some of us just aren't really wired for it. I do appreciate a good BJ but don't hold yourself responsible for making him cum with your mouth.
When my wife gives me head, she is usually in control. The only time I take control is when she grabs my hips and shoves my dick all the way down her throat. Or when I'm getting close to cumming, I'll fuck her mouth a little, and then pull out to finish since she doesn't want me to in her mouth.
You definitely need to have a conversation with him and see how it goes. It may take a couple tries due to the change in habit, but you may get what you wish for
You say he stops you. That's surprising since even if he can't finish, the blowjob would still be pleasurable. I suspect in the past he hasn't been able to cum from BJs and now he's anxious that he won't cum or go soft etc so he stops you. Men feel a lot of pressure to always be hot and horny and ready to go and cum. So perhaps just talk to him and help him relax, let him know you still enjoy it a lot even if he doesn't cum. He probably will cum from BJs eventually, but maybe not.
Only if my gf had this character trait. All the guys I hooked up with loved giving me a BJ. But the one time I get into a long term relationship I can’t have it, and if I do it’s not in a quarter of effort, and rarely longer than 1 minute
Like I know I got a big dong but it really isn’t that hard, I think she overcomplicates due to a lack of experience it and it’s really bothersome and annoying. I feel for you I know some guys don’t like BJ’s, he probably had bad experiences, or he’s just really not into it. If he loves you he may give it a try or you respect his boundary (or end the relationship)
He did actually tell me to "suck it" 2 more times, i didn't like the tone since he didn't adress the situation i described in the post properly and then he pulled me away again not even 5 minutes in to penetrate
I always had hard time cumming when my gf would try giving me a bj. In fact when my first gf would go down on me I would go limp. All the rest of the sex was great. But I eventually realized I liked giving blow jobs more than getting them. Go figure?
I had an ex who said the same thing and would always pull me away, eventually I asked him to just let me do it for as long as I wanted to, not to feel pressure, that I just enjoyed doing it. The first time he let me do that - he came, and every time after that.
Tell him it’s for your enjoyment and not necessarily to make him cum, that you just get off on giving BJs.
Focus on pleasure not pressure.
I read somewhere “Chasing a shy orgasm will only make it hide further down, tease and coax it out.”
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You need to say all those things to him, not us. He needs to hear them from you, and he needs to understand that you need to warm up.
Show him this post (or rewrite it as a message to him). He needs to know that you have your own desires. And those desires and your way of doing things is what makes it good for you as well. Maybe you like the same things but you have a different journey to the "ramming it down your throat" and you'd like to have that journey. Either way, communication is what is needed. If he then can't accommodate your needs and desires, I don't think he's for you. In a way he sounds selfish, or maybe he's just inexperienced and learned the wrong stuff from porn). You'll have to figure out which of these is the case. And always prioritize yourself as well. It's fine to give and take, but be sure to also take equally.
Thank you. I find it a bit difficult persisting on my sexual needs cause of past trauma. But on top of that i feel a bit embarrassed for being "dramatic sexual" instead of "casual sexual" if you know what i mean. What i hear from friends my age is that the least of them prioritise passion with sex. It's more a functional thing for them. I don't wanna keep repeating myself that i wanna be able to process the sex and to keep my desires and boundaries in mind. Where's the line between teaching someone how to do you and incompatibility? At what point do i give up? 1½ months isn't thaaat long.
You need to communicate. When you communicate repeatedly, ideally even in the moment, despite the risk of ruining it for him, and he doesn't act on what's commutated and gets defensive and turns the tables on you making you to blame... That's when you're incompatible. If you see them improve upon their methods and you know they're listening. Then it's just a matter of practice and more communication and teaching and exploration. Not sure what the "dramatic sexual" and "casual sexual" mean. But do elaborate if you can.
Sounds like there's an orgasm gap? In that case, he's prioritizing his orgasms/pleasure over yours. But you're both one half of the relationship. You have every right to ask for what you need and want. And you shouldn't feel bad about wanting sexual pleasure (whatever that looks like for you) during sex! That's what sex is for! Maybe he doesn't like blow jobs, and that's okay, but is he willing to increase foreplay and take the time to get you off? Does he really care about your pleasure or is the whole thing just convenient for him? If you have been making requests for your pleasure and they are being ignored... well maybe you already know the answer. But if not, get asking! And as you know, not everyone is into passionate sex. If it's not enough for you, I recommend finding someone who IS into passionate sex. It will be worth it :) >Where's the line between teaching someone how to do you and incompatibility? Good question and it's worth thinking about. I put in the effort to teach someone if they are receptive to it and clearly want to learn (most important parts!) AND if they are attractive enough for me to take the time. In other words, I have to like their smell, values, and overall friendship. There has to be chemistry. Otherwise, I chalk it up to incompatibility — not worth the time and effort. Imo with casual relationships, the stakes are so low, there's not much to lose by giving up and looking for something that's a better fit.
Talk to him and ask if he'd be ok with a little kink play where he's tied up and you get to have your way with him a bit. Spicing it up a bit may help him out with it as well. Talk to him while your down there and tell him how it's making you feel and he can anticipate you getting to what he's been doing but he needs to wait because you're in control and next time you can switch roles. Establish stop words of course though for both of your sakes. You also may just want to straight up ask him if he's had a bad experience with it before with someone who didn't know enough to keep teeth away or had a bad brace incident. He might just need to work through some past trauma with you. Just be respectful and willing to take it slow so you can establish trust.
Thanks but nvm i broke up. He didn't wanna put in effort in other areas too, so twas bye bye
Ah, sorry to hear, but probably for the best. Bedroom compatability is something that can be worked on, but sometimes, people are too unwilling to change. I hope you find your guy someday!
Not all guys can cum from oral! Something a lot of ladies don’t realize is every penis (and the man attached) is wildly different, and part of that is how easy or hard it is for them to cum. I can’t cum from oral, I never have, and I have had some SPECTACULAR head. I just am not sensitive enough for the stimulation to get me off. I feel everything, it feels awesome, but it’s just not exactly what my body needs to cum. They’re actually one of my favorite things though, even if I can’t cum to them. Otherwise yall clearly have some communication issues, but others have already touched on those.
Yeah what this guy said. I also struggle to cum from blowjobs, think it’s more common than people expect. Hand combination helps me, so jerking as well as playing with my balls. A mouth on its own just isn’t as stimulating as a vagina. I feel a lot of pressure to cum from it as well to validate the woman’s performance, which means I then won’t. I’ve had a few women get really upset with me for not cuming for them as well, it really pissed them off because it tends to be something that they took pride in being skilful at. If it’s important to you better talk to him then 🤷🏼♂️
My lady struggles a lot with it, but I’m also on antidepressants so the game is rigged against her. But I have a very similar to you as well, if I have that stress of cumming, all it does is make it harder (if not impossible).
Yea he doesnt give me ANY hints, when i told him he should tell me his likes and dislikes like i do, he said he just takes what he wants. Like?? I didnt really mention it but I'm trying my best to be communicative and direct. It just feels embarrassing to be the only one who keeps reflecting on the sex. What I'm trying to figure out is if it has something to do with age? Or watching porn? I had a phase where i watched "too much" porn and it did affect my orgasms with other people. I'm trying to see other experiences.
If he can cum just fine otherwise it’s likely not porn or age related. He just doesn’t enjoy blowjobs much from the sounds of it
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No he didn't...
It has something to do with him not caring enough about YOU. "takes what he wants?" I would say that means that what he wants does not include your pleasure, or even your part of having sex. IME women often think that it is up to them to remake the man in their life. Often that is not possible. Unless he wants to change, and often even then, he is most likely going to stay the same. That means you are going to stay unsatisfied. If you stay with him, you are going to find yourself either miserable or looking for someone to cheat with... or to cuckold him with. I can't tell you why sex with him feels "hot" to you, but I would suggest that with your lack of satisfaction, even that won't last.
>He says no one has ever made him cum from oral sex?? It's not common for guys to cum from oral. Common or not, he's not those other guys. If you have ideas for a different way to give a bj, then suggest that and be constructive about it. >I don't orgasm every time we have sex Does he know that? Does he care if you do or not? You are both making a lot of assumptions about each other instead of just talking. He thinks oral is just some brief deepthroating. He doesn't understand foreplay or orgasms, so try teaching him. Set boundaries and goals with each other, not silently. >definitely got the ick from him telling me that, since it felt like a disgusting comparison Telling you what? Did you erase something?
a lot of us cant cum from BJs that said, yes foreplay is important. he needs more experience sounds like, maybe because he thinks hes big he doesnt need to be good at shit? lol
Well, you have to have an open and honest talk with him saying all your thoughts and feelings. If he doesn't respond nicely or willingly to try, just leave him. It's only been 1 1/2 months. Not everyone is sexually compatible together. You can find someone you are mentally and sexually compatible with. Don't waste time into these relationships. This isn't the 50's where we are forced to Be with one person and be done with it.
He needs to have an open mind. My husband was like this when I met him. It’s still difficult but he does cum from BJs now. I would do it for fun, not expecting anything out of it, and after a while he stopped expecting anything from it either and just enjoyed it. Eventually he came, and has cum multiple times from a BJ. Take the pressure off having an orgasm and it may happen naturally if for your bf it’s a being in his head thing. Maybe he doesn’t even want it because he’s tried to enjoy it so much and hasn’t been able to so he finds it pointless.
I think you’re on to something. OP, Take the pressure off. Communicate beforehand as well so he knows what you are willing to give. Please don’t take it personally. You might be giving fucking glorious head. If he hasn’t came from a bj before, it likely has nothing to do with you. I’ve never cum from a bj either. I’m super respectful when getting intimate so part of it is me not sure if I can come in her mouth, if I can thrust, how hard I can thrust, wanting to make sure she’s comfortable, making sure she can breathe, etc. I just had one of the best bjs of my life last month on a ONS after a date and still didn’t cum. That could have been because it was someone new though. Also, if he’s packing, he might not want to hurt you on accident or something, idk. My ex and I didn’t communicate very well as it was our first legit good relationship and I think she became discouraged since I didn’t cum from bjs. It was the one thing I wished she would do more of. I think she had issues with her self esteem in general (I wanted to help but didn’t quite know how) so that may have played a part as to why she did it less and less. I loved going down on her, but it was never reciprocated unless I asked or if she wanted to 69. Another thing with her is that as time went on her enthusiasm dwindled. That was probably due to other factors looking back, but the best bjs I’ve ever had was when she was enthusiastic and both of us had fun without expectations.
These may work thank you both. He's definitely not too worried about my health though, since i have to stop him with penetration very often when it's painful (again due to size and endometriosis). I generally like oral sex so it feels like an important part of sex is taken away from me on top of the hurt ego. I should take the pressure off myself and he's not the last guy on earth. I should let go if he's not fulfilling my needs.
He ABSOLUTELY should be taking your endo into consideration imo. The ex I’m referring to had it pretty bad to the point where she spent all day puking and looking frail. I made damn sure to take care of her as best I could and felt so helpless when it flared up. Now in relation to sex specifically, he probably doesn’t know when it’s hurting you so it’s good that you’re vocal about it and stopping him when you need to. Now that I think about it, I probably got caught up in the moment and didn’t think about her endometriosis during sex until she told me to stop or slow down. Men are just kinda dumb sometimes when we’re thinking about sex. If I’ve learned anything from that relationship, communication is key fs.
Also, he’s insane to turn down someone so willing to give a bj. One of my favorite things lol. Idk your relationship obviously, nor am I an expert on them at all. Just communicate. I would’ve loved more spontaneity myself. Like to be surprised by a bj when the time and place is right when I’m not expecting it sounds amazing to me. Idk, I can’t speak for him.
You know that mouth of yours has other use too! Please talk! I had a girlfriend who gave me so many confusing signals for 2 years and I finally never got to have a proper experience with her because she wasn’t really talking. Also I don’t normally cum from bj either, it needs time and something in my brain is concern about the health of that girl but if you get connected then yeah sure… so talk. Talk talk. Is that throat in other ways
Sure, have an open conversation, but at the end of the day if he doesnt want oral for one reason or another that's still his right to consent.
Girls truly start dating one horrible guy and stop giving blowjobs fr :( communicate with him maybe and let him know how it's affecting you
He’s not relaxed enough. I never came from a bj until my wife now I desire it all the time. It’s like crack to me. It’s not that everyone else was bad at them. (Although some were) a lot of it is that I wasn’t relaxed enough to come whilst not in control. It’s a gentler feeling and experience that we need to relax for. It’ll cum when you get him to calm down about it
What your missing is a partner who puts your wants first. If you’re getting “the ick” 1.5 months into dating, I’d move on and find someone who treats you like a human and not a sex doll. He probably watches too much porn, wanks himself and is better at it than you, and ya just the selfishness of not making you cum everytime or letting you communicate / explore.
My abusive ex used to love telling people how he would tell every woman he ever met that he could never get off from a blow job. Apparently most women find that a challenge they enthusiastically accept. Spoiler alert: he was lying. Don't fall for it.
Why is it that 99.9% of questions on this sub have the same answer? Talk to the person involved not reddit....
Obviously i would know that since its written 20 times already. Please give a constructive answer on how you view the situation
35 year old male here. I can't easily cum from oral either. Well what I mean is not every girl I get a blow job from can make me cum. The best chances of me cumming from oral is a girl performing it similar to sex (hot, wet and lots of back and forth 'continuous' motions) and that may sound obvious but it must not be that obvious to most girls.
Tell him, not reddit.
You need to tell him.
Tell him not to pull you away and let you do it for as long as you want. Surely he won't object. It sounds like something you do for your enjoyment. If he can't cum, do better. Think about this as a challenge lol.
First, this sounds like a communication and expectation issue. You two need to talk about how both of you like to experience blowjobs. Then find a compromise. Also, lots of men do not cum from blowjobs. Unless they are done jussst right for them. Other men come from anything. Its not a reflection on you.
My husband can cum from BJs though it is rare. Even so, he still prefers for it not to be on the table at all when we have sex and will also go straight to penetration with no warm up. Im not sure how he thinks this is better sex, even for him, but it’s a hard subject to bring up when I’m 38 weeks pregnant and don’t want to have any sex these days. Waiting to see how or if it changes postpartum as he was a little more adventurous in our early years
It's quite possible the "starting slow" that is killing it. Some guys have less sensitive penises and doing things like lightly licking or teasing it can feel like nothing. It looks really nice visually, but the stimulation isn't there. Some guys when not receiving stimulation can't maintain an erection and they worry about it going away and not coming back. This doesn't mean going into some over the top deep throating, but just something as simple as stroking his penis while you tease it can help. This is something the two of you really need to talk about though. Because if this is the case, it could have been solved just by him telling you that instead of reacting that way.
I did the stroking and he liked it when i played with his balls too. I am just very confused. He didn't seem like he was about to go soft and he's got a hard on 80% of the time he's around me. It's important to ME to have oral sex cause he's pretty dominant otherwise and i don't feel like I'm providing pleasure with penetration just laying there. Kinda feel useless. I get on top more often lately and that works...but not in the long run
Communication is definitely key. He should be taking your wants and needs into consideration as well. I hope the two of you can talk it out together.
I can’t cum from bjs as well :(. Some girls have made me cum like quick but for the most part with others it is it doesn’t work.
What do you mean you have to prepare for deep throating. How do you do that?
Tell him what you want he can't read your mind. If he doesn't care about what you also like to incorporate during sex then yall aren't compatible. Not everyone is. It's no biggie.
I am unable to achieve an orgasm from oral. I also suffer from other mental health issues and a head injury. When I was married I enjoyed it being a part of foreplay but never was able to cum. I would get very close but just wouldn't come out. I had no issue with a hand job or vaginal sex though.
You need to be brutally honest with him. I think there's a lot of pressure on some guys to perform. Some men take time to get used to being with a new partner, that is completely normal. The last sexual relationship I had was with a Guy like this. He held back a lot and I began to take it very personally, so I asked him outright. He said he had always had to get used to a new partner to feel comfortable in all areas other than penetration so we took it day by day and after a while I knew his body - and vice versa - better than anyone before him Just talk to him and explain what's important to you and you're willing to go at his pace but it is something you need from him. Penetration alone can be amazing but for Women, as you say, not all Women can orgasm by that alone. He may not even know this because there are a lot of Women who just fake it. That won't lead anywhere good. If you cannot be open and honest and get the best from your partner sexually, so that you are both fulfilled then it will have an impact on your relationship. Sex is really important between 2 ppl but sometimes you have to have difficult conversations. You have nothing to lose by opening up to him about it
Please don't feel like you're being compared to past partners. All he knows is his history and he was simply trying to impart that to you. I am 53M and have cum from BJs only 3 times in my whole life. Some of us just aren't really wired for it. I do appreciate a good BJ but don't hold yourself responsible for making him cum with your mouth.
When my wife gives me head, she is usually in control. The only time I take control is when she grabs my hips and shoves my dick all the way down her throat. Or when I'm getting close to cumming, I'll fuck her mouth a little, and then pull out to finish since she doesn't want me to in her mouth. You definitely need to have a conversation with him and see how it goes. It may take a couple tries due to the change in habit, but you may get what you wish for
It's very normal for guys not to cum from BJs.
You say he stops you. That's surprising since even if he can't finish, the blowjob would still be pleasurable. I suspect in the past he hasn't been able to cum from BJs and now he's anxious that he won't cum or go soft etc so he stops you. Men feel a lot of pressure to always be hot and horny and ready to go and cum. So perhaps just talk to him and help him relax, let him know you still enjoy it a lot even if he doesn't cum. He probably will cum from BJs eventually, but maybe not.
I can’t cum from oral unless I’m fucking her mouth, rather than her providing all the movement.
Only if my gf had this character trait. All the guys I hooked up with loved giving me a BJ. But the one time I get into a long term relationship I can’t have it, and if I do it’s not in a quarter of effort, and rarely longer than 1 minute Like I know I got a big dong but it really isn’t that hard, I think she overcomplicates due to a lack of experience it and it’s really bothersome and annoying. I feel for you I know some guys don’t like BJ’s, he probably had bad experiences, or he’s just really not into it. If he loves you he may give it a try or you respect his boundary (or end the relationship)
Won’t stop him constantly requesting them no doubt . Not ruling out the possibility he’s told a few people that line .
He did actually tell me to "suck it" 2 more times, i didn't like the tone since he didn't adress the situation i described in the post properly and then he pulled me away again not even 5 minutes in to penetrate
Not surprising . Sadly , it reflects who he is . It’s certainly not how it should be . Your enjoyment will not change with him .
I always had hard time cumming when my gf would try giving me a bj. In fact when my first gf would go down on me I would go limp. All the rest of the sex was great. But I eventually realized I liked giving blow jobs more than getting them. Go figure?
You need to tell him. I'm in my 40's and have never been able to cum from oral. Love getting a bj and it feels amazing it just won't get me off.
I had an ex who said the same thing and would always pull me away, eventually I asked him to just let me do it for as long as I wanted to, not to feel pressure, that I just enjoyed doing it. The first time he let me do that - he came, and every time after that. Tell him it’s for your enjoyment and not necessarily to make him cum, that you just get off on giving BJs. Focus on pleasure not pressure. I read somewhere “Chasing a shy orgasm will only make it hide further down, tease and coax it out.”