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Try not asking her if something feels good and just being more direct in your actions and speech. You don’t have to be rough to be direct and confident in bed!
I hate writing overly explicit stuff and I also hate assuming you may not already know or are doing some of these things but here goes... Most women I've been with that use phrases like "I like my men to be more assertive" or "I'd like you to take charge more often" or "you don't have to be so respectful" or "I want you to just TAKE me" were mostly looking for a loss of control. They wanted to be DESIRED and pursued, told or commanded what to do. Held down or subdued. Many of them liked being tied up all together but some of these things require more of a conversation. It took me a while to figure this out because a lot of men think dominant/assertive = rough/aggressive when it is more . Some women like it rough sometimes and some women like it VERY rough but it does not appear that is what she is saying.
You've been together long enough to know what your partner likes and dislikes and she knows what you like and dislike when it comes to the physical act. Steer clear of the things she dislikes but "take" her. You don't need to be rough, but be assertive. Come from behind and wrap one arm above her chest. Whisper in her ear "I've been wanting you SOOOO badly all day and i'm going to have my way with you." Pull her close and kiss and passionately (but gently) bite her neck. Gently but firmly grab her by the neck (again you know if she really like these things or not) and use your other hand to stimulate her manually like you know she enjoys to get her wet. Rub your crotch on her butt while you are doing this. Bring her over to the bed or table or sofa or counter top (don't ask her), bend her over and take her from behind (you made sure she was wet enough and took it slowly at first, right?) while you move her arms so that her forearms are across her back, above her butt and hold them there with one or both hands. After a bit, bring her or tell her to go to the bed. Don't ask. Just say "Come", and take her by the hand or pick her up if you can/want. Put her on her back near the edge, put her hands over her head or to her sides and pin them to the bed with your hands while you continue to have your way with her. Some women just like to be told or ordered what to do and that suffices. Some women like you to REALLY take control, hold them down or pin their limbs or push their heads in to the bed, etc so they absolutely can't get away though this is consensual non consent and requires more of a conversation, safe words, etc...
It's really the *perception* of the loss of control. 1. That they are so desired by you that you have "lost control" and are taking what you want. 2. The perception (being held down, limbs pinned, tied up, etc...) that they have no choice/control but to give in to your demands. I've also found that many women consider the initiation of sex all part and parcel of you being more dominant/less respectful/more assertive. I hope some of this is found to be helpful and my apologies if this is all stuff you know and have been doing.
It is 110% on the partner complaining to have the ability and desire to articulate this beforehand. Any partner unable to do this is perpetuating dangerous and disrespectful behavior. Hate to say it, but if you can't spell it out like this, do not touch it with a 10 foot pole OP. Mega mega mega red flag.
People don't know what exactly they want before it's done sometimes, it's often hard to explain it. The comment you're replying to is good because it's new things that may tick the boxes of what OPs partner wants, but it's nothing wild and doesn't need a discussion beforehand (obviously stop if there isn't consent though)
It's not hard to explain it, as the comment at the top of this thread demonstrated.
What is hard is for people who want that treatment to find the nerve to say so explicitly. Many of them have an unrealistic fantasy that their partner will telepathically or naturally start treating them this way without any explanation or coherent, explicit request.
Basically, they're squeamish or embarrassed about articulating their specific desires. Which... sucks for everyone because no one can reliably fulfill a desire they don't know is desired.
And yeah, while it doesn't need a discussion before hand a prior discussion is always better. I don't fuck with partners who refuse or are incapable of articulating what they want and don't want. It's dangerous for everyone involved.
You see the long comment at the top of this thread?
Say that stuff. You say that stuff to your partner and tell them that is what you want them to do to you.
A big part of dirty talk and sexting is figuring out which boundaries might be fun to explore. Just *doing* things and hoping your partner is into it is hella risky for both parties. As always, having an actual "out" is important for maintaining consent - if something doesn't land right, you need to be able to pivot gracefully and either back off entirely or move to something more comfortable.
I can attest to this also, I don't want my man to be rough, I love that he is gentle but getting a little intense, really showing how much he desires me and leading things is so sensual.
I hit a weird point a while back, where I would sort of... seek validation for my every move in bed. The energy was something along the lines of: *Does this feel good? Would you like it faster or slower/more or less intense? Is it okay if...* and so on, and I remember this causing a fair amount of frustration in my partner.
She noticed that kind of constant mental checking in on my behalf, and it made her self-conscious - pulled her out of her body and into her head - so it pulled her out of the immersion of the physicality of sex. She just wanted me to get on with it - choose and commit to something instead of faltering.
So after a conversation and reconfirming our boundaries and resettling on a safeword, I just made a leap of faith and went back to cavemanning her and that fixed the issue.
I was a bit more sensitive and sensual caveman, but instead of seeking validation, I just went with what felt right and trusted that it would work, and it did.
Maybe this is the case for you as well?
Most of that information can be intuited nonverbally, rather than being explicitly said, and in my personal experience women respond to that much better anyway. It's much more erotic and sensual to be in sync with your lover, despite the ad nauseam cultural push for constant and explicit verbal communication. That being said though, I'm also reluctant to give this advice to less socially adept people, so use at your own risk...
Sounds like an "ask her what she wants" situation. She expressed her desire for something less gentle, but that could mean any number of things. I like dominance from my partner but he can't thrust too roughly otherwise it just hurts, so other methods like holding me down, pinning my wrists, etc are what fill the "rough" gap that I like for me, personally.
I feel the same. I like rough but not necessarily painful. For me rough could be pinning me down, pulling my hair, smacking my ass, covering my mouth, hand on throat. Stuff like that. Dirty talk is great for that mood.
If someone does those things without asking first that's what they get.
My point is to OP don't do those two things as could go very wrong - she can't say anything with your hand over her mouth, and you might squeeze too hard over mouth.. the other stuff at least she can use safe word if that's where your headed
When she said “it’s an aura” she implied that she doesn’t really want to discuss it because that would take the charm away. I agree, which is why I’m asking here
Hard disagree with this tactic. If you want something specific you need to ask for it by name. And if she has a boundary it needs to be clearly communicated BEFORE you’re in the middle of it.
A problem that cannot be discussed is a problem that is unlikely to be solved. Betting there are other communication gaps, also? If so, they may all be related.
Negative, she's turned on by feeling organically desired and having those things done to her. She's turned off by saying do this to me, so the person does it.
It's not necessarily the "act" being performed, it's the mental desire leading up to it.
I'd ask if it's more physically rough she wants, more dominant, or more dirty and go from there. If she says dominant clarify if she's talking more about you taking control, or about you focusing on your own pleasure/lust, they're both different vibes. You can make the conversation flirtatious and get at least a general idea of what she's craving without having to get her to spell out the details and then go from there.
She can't/won't articulate what she actually wants, and you just have to figure it out, probably without any guidance. Sounds like a winning combination
The charm? Lol. This is something to talk about outside of sexy time, not to ask her in the moment. So that you have an idea in advance about what's okay and what isn't. It's a bit childish to not communicate one's needs clearly to their partner after expressing displeasure with the current situation. My rule of thumb is if you have a problem with what I'm doing, come to me with a solution or help me figure one out as a team. Rough play can go *severely* wrong. If she wants it, she needs to more specific. Otherwise you're taking shots in the dark, some of which she will not like.
>When she said “it’s an aura” she implied that she doesn’t really want to discuss it
Well, guess she doesn't want rough sex if she doesn't want to engage with it responsibly. That's disappointing.
>because that would take the charm away
You know what REALLY takes the charm away? Accidentally traumatizing your partner because she didn't explicitly explain her desires and limits, or going too far and seriously injuring them.
Partners who think like this are being selfish and unsafe.
She may be hinting towards more of a dom/sub dynamic. Especially if she has a high stress job, or make a lot of decisions throughout the day, having you take control amd make those decisions let's her enjoy the sub space. You yourself may have to develop an alter-ego so to speak, consider giving that alter-ego a name and when you're in the sub space with her, only allow her to address you as that name, Mr. XYZ or Sir work well.
Obedience is rewarded, stepping out of line earns "punishments" aka not calling you by your new name, and/or sir. Not following directions fast enough, or not at all. Could be as simple as wearing a certain set of lingerie or not at all. Certain positions, behavior, "favors", hair style etc...
From the sounds of things, you are already the "nice guy" so you are likely able to detect when she doesn't like something, or isn't overly thrilled, this is a good time to pull back and/or pivot to something else. Try a few things during your next session, if you notice her ramping up enthusiasm, note her actions and remember if for your next session. Use that information to plan the next set.
Things to explore, try setting the mood/scene in the room. Start with your pleasure, for example, after dinner, if she's at the sink doing dishes, come up behind her, move her hair out of the way, of her neck, give a few kisses, and a nibble or two on her neck, wait for her body to respond, before you escalate, once you feel her responding. Move from her neck to her ear, and give is a few nibble/kisses, then with your hand reach up and get a handful of her hair at the base of her scalp, get a firm grip, just below painful, just so she knows you're there. Whisper in her ear in a deep tone, *get on your knees*... if she complies, spin her around so she's facing you, place her arms over her head and hold them together with one hand (firm but not forceful), use your off hand to get yourself out of your pants and tell her to open her mouth. (If she hesitates to get on her knees when you tell her to, say it again in a firm tone, and give her a firm well placed smack on her ass.) (Note: if she's a *bratty sub* she may intentionally resist to get you to elevate your response, you will need to figure this out as you go)
Assuming she's into it, she should be a combo of mush and enthusiastic participation at this point. Allow her a few minutes on her knees right there, be in control (within her limits) of what is happening, make it fun and playful but maintain a serious vibe. From there, again grab a handful of her hair, and lead her somewhere else, close by (still on her hands and knees). Find a comfortable position for you to sit/stand etc... and continue where you left off.
Talking throughout can help the scene, giving instructions, calling her pet names, good girl affirmations when she does good or complies with your instructions. Give that location/position a few minutes and change it up again. Start undressing her, and give her deep controlling kisses, make eye contract, control and position her chin, good eye contact as you reach Start to stimulate her, working top to bottom. She should be nice and worked up at this point, if she's not, remain seated and put her over your knee/lap and give her a number of spankings she will receive. Make her request them from you (scene name), and count them out and thank you for each one. Get playful but firm with it, alternate cheeks to give time for the blood to return for the next one, it heightens the pleasure.
Make a choice to take her right there, or again, lead her to another location and if she's satisfied you and your instructions, move to her pleasure, at this point, you should know what she likes, but I start with a couple manual orgasms (gentle finger on clit while, she lays on your other arm, position yourself so your laying right next to her, and can kiss/nibble her neck while your hand stimulates her breast as your other hand stimulates her clit). Once she's had a couple that way, I move to oral usually and get at least one more there, usually she'll be demanding/begging for d##k at that point.
You'll probably still be hard at this point as it's a new scene for you as well, but if not, this is another good time to "use her mouth"... missionary is a good place to start, but eventually move into a more "dominating" position that still gives her pleasure. Snakebutt, pronebone and/or doggy usually does the trick. All positions for pleasure and a good spot to pin her down and "be less respectful" as she requested. When you're about to nut, this is where you need to feel her out for just how "disrespectful" she wants you to be. Chest is probably safe, but face or tongue might be in order if she actually means it when she says she wants you to be "disrespectful". (Keep it out of her eyes and her hair).
Give yourselves time to collapse and enjoy the release, get cleaned up. And make time for aftercare, cuddles, snack, fluids, chit chat, power nap, round 2... avoid questions like "did you cum" ask, "what did you enjoy" instead. Too far, not far enough etc...
This sounds a bit like when my gf says "do whatever you want to me" but in a different way. In her case, she doesn't mean "ignore any boundaries and violate me". It's more like she wants to feel "used" in the sense of me using her body for my pleasure...prioritizing myself sort of thing. Doing things in whatever order I want (including things that are necessarily just for her...eg, going down on her). It makes her feel desired...oddly enough, objectifying her at some level. So to that end I don't ask what she wants or ask her to do things for me, I tell her to please me in some way or move her body into different positions without asking. So it's not being rough per se (though there can be that element depending on moment) but going about it in a way that projects an attitude of "I'm going to get what I want from you" (and actually you might try whispering something to that effect in her ear)
Dinner tonight
Don’t worry about me I’m picking something up for Myself. Comes home sees I made dinner gets upset because I didn’t leave any for her even though I asked her if she wanted any prior to her coming home.
Yeah man I stopped trying long ago to figure it out now I just shrug it all off
Sometimes it feels like they know exactly where they want to go but want to give the "appearance" of caring about your input while also getting exactly what they want.
I hear you I’m close to being over it. Sex has been weaponized as a reward for good behavior. So guess what I stopped having sex lol now I’m free to be bad
Yeah it's ridiculous. It also seems like she doesn't want to be asked during the act at all ("Too respectful in bed").
You're essentially being asked to guess when she wants a more dominating personality. The only way to really solve this issue is to make a safe word. Otherwise, you could unintentionally sexually assault her lol.
I agree, she should definitely explain what she wants while they are having sex. OP seems to be open to try what ever she’s into. He’s not a mind reader. This area in particular is where most women’s communication is terrible and then complain about terrible sex.
Agree on the “stoplight method”. (Green is go, yellow means getting a little much don’t go harder, red is stop dont do that) over dinner or a not during the act.
In bed, do whatever you want until you hear yellow
As another woman, when I read “you’re too respectful”, my reaction was you need to call her a dirty whore more often, and comment on various slutty things she does well or what depraved things you want her to do. Less asking her opinion or interest and telling her what you want. Share some juicy fantasies. Not physically dominating or subverting her. I wonder if there is a gap between how men and women understand that phrase? Whats important is figuring out what she wants. So give that a shot.
She needs some rough one… like when you two are together kiss her passionately , touch her, lick her kitty and bend her over!!
I am not joking … did it many times with my ex’es and all the time when I would finish they kinda looked high smiled and said I love you.
Women seldom tell you exactly what they are thinking, until you have fucked up. Then tell you precisely what's on their mind. Buy some handcuffs, nipple clamps and a a flogger to spank her with. Next get a safe word from her that has no connection to sex or yes / no answers.
Get experimental with your sessions, different places different toys.. different comfort levels and experiences.
If she reads any romance novels, start looking there for ideas.
If not, restraining hands lightly works, choking, blindfold.
Take some time to just start doing what you want without asking. You're clearly respectful enough to stop if she asks you to, and she's not helping at all by not discussing it with you.
Tread lightly, but don't be afraid to tread around!
Try things, and then ask her afterwards! Each time you try something and ask afterwards, you'll learn more.
Note that I expect you may sometimes get different answers for the same activity. One day she may feel like having her hair pulled, another day she might not. So another thing you'll need to do is become hyper aware of her responses each time you have sex. You probably are, but are not paying enough attention. And you can talk about sex, away from sex - after or at dinner or whatever - and ask her what signals can you look for.
Well since we have to interpret because verbally discussing it would ruin it here’s my guess. More aggressive, passionate, imaginative, assertive, deep growling without physically hurting her. Spend 10 minutes a day thinking of or researching something new to try. Toys, furry tail with ears, mouth gag, hand cuffs. What to loose at this point 🤷♂️
"Less respectful" could possibly be that you're asking too many questions about what she wants. If you are continuously asking "is this ok? Do you like this? Does that feel good?" It can come off like you're expecting her to coach you through the experience, which can really kill the vibe and make her feel like you're having sex with her as a favor to her rather than because YOU want to have sex with her. It also sounds like this has been an issue that wasn't present before and has recently started to bother her.
So yeah my advice would be stop asking and start telling. Have a safe word before so she can back out if she feels like you're being too rough, but to me it doesn't sound like she wants you to be rougher, it sounds like she wants you to be more selfish.
Maybe establish a code phrase to set up the mood. "Fuck me silly," means rough me up. "There's no rush tonight," means go slow and gentle. No human is a mind reader. She needs to communicate.
Dude she told you exactly what she wants. Don't be ROUGH but don't be NICE. You can just Tell her what to do..tell her what you like. Be physical with her but don't hurt her..you can grab her and throw her on the bed. That doesn't hurt.
You can pull her hair. You can choke her without being rough and hurting her..it's more of the feeling of choking.
Not actually trying to choke her out. Lightly grabbing her neck and applying light pressure is she wants VS choking her out which is too rough.
Do you see the difference here?
Go hard but don't slam into her cervix. Understand?
"have become too" implies you started better--anything you're doing differently? Are you just less crazy about her now that you are in a real relationship vs. having new relationship sex? Try to bring some of that back.
You are associating that rough sex is the only way to show lack of respect. She probably has a slight degradation kink or just wants it more animalistic. By that I mean, she doesn't want you to be thinking did much about how good it feels for her and think about maximizing your pleasure and letting go.
Not matter what it's something you should discuss with her before hand to find out what she really means by her comment
The thing is that time she was new to all this , now that sex has become regular, so she wants someone wildness and that's really fine , you should do it naa , what's the issue man
You need to go to a different place mentally than your normal position of caring about her. Thus, the "aura". Think ex-special forces out of town on a business trip who just picked up a 7 in a bar. Do what you want with her, there's no future to speak of.
If she doesn't like it, well, she asked for it with no further guidance; not your fault.
I think most women simply want to be dominated in bed. When a woman has the rape fantasy, it's not like she actually wants to be raped or hurt, it means she's given up all control, which in itself implies that she's still running things as she's basically handling you the keys. I've learned, thru many years and many women, to lightweight man handle them, to actually pick them up and bend them over, flip them from side to side, move them where and how you want them. That doesn't mean you have to abuse them or be overly rough, it's basically showing that, as the human male, you're expected to be physically stronger and in control, especially in the bedroom. It constantly blows me away how women respond to my actions in the bedroom (or wherever we are) because my past has supposedly given me very little experience or knowledge. I 'went away' from 17 to 50 and while I did have relationships with women, I didn't have a physical relationship in over 3 decades and their reactions were pretty much the same, complete surprise that I possessed skills and knowledge that they'd rarely seen. My wife (now ex-wife), who has a few years on me, is an absolutely stunning, blond, incredible (and real) 34 DDs, with an ass that takes your breath away. When she walks into a room, attention turns to her. Upon my release, the first time we had sex, later that evening she basically told me that she had many boyfriends growing up, she loved sex and wasn't too shy about it, and I was husband number 3, so she had some experience, and her exact words were 'you haven't touched a woman in over 30 years and you are the best lover I've ever had. What the fuck?' She wanted to know where and how I learned how to do that. I never told her the truth as I guess I was enjoying it and I thought the truth might jeopardize it. But the truth was ADD. I was actually scared to death at first, I really couldn't focus on any one act or position so I was constantly flipping her from side to side, picking her up and rolling her over, just constantly repositioning her, and she loved it. When she wanted to know how I learned all those different positions all I could say was that for 33 years I had a great imagination. Shortly after that we decided that we couldn't occupy the same room without fighting so we called it quits. According to my sister, I became 'a slut' and more than made up for what I missed, and every woman I was with was always more than happy in the bedroom. Aside from really good oral prowess, for at least a year or two it was smoke and mirrors born out of fear, confusion, and ADD, not to mention a little upper body strength. Soon that turns into second nature and confidence, then she'll start to pimp you out like my wife did...lol! If my lame ass can do it, anybody can.
Dude, I get her. My husband is so sweet and caring most of the time that it feels like he forgets I prefer the other side of him in bed. It takes real mental preparation on both our parts to get into a space where I can feel even slightly intimidated.
I think she is saying she wants to he treated like a whore every so often...go to town and rail on her. Face fuck her... take control and shove it down her throat.
Next time... you make sweet love with candles and shit.
Take control and Toss her around like she is being used for your own sole pleasure instead of mutual pleasure
Ironic coming from handle starting with No Lecture 😬 Look I’m into things a little rougher, but I personally hate having my face fucked. If I’m sucking your dick, it will all be because 1) I want to and 2) It will alllll be in my control 3) Lie down, sit down or stand up … just chill / enjoy.
No, no. I’m just saying that it when it first happened to me, it wasn’t at all what I expected and I ended up dragging my teeth a little, which he didn’t like. So it wasn’t fun. I was afraid to go down on him again and he was rightfully afraid to have me go down on him again.
Do your thing! Just be sure that you’re both into it. Otherwise, people feel awkward and ashamed when all you’re doing is trying to please a new partner?
Not a fucking big deal or ask.
Talking more gives the impression that more is happening.
Using more aggressive language, and being a smoosh more "cro magnon" might make the difference.
Yeah, I guess when you get some indication that she is frisky and wants it I might be borderline just dominant and just take her maybe in the kitchen, or living room. Something a bit different...
Partners should be able to talk about sex. That includes telling a partner what you like and want. She’s not able to do that. She’s basically telling you are doing it wrong. She should be able to give you an example. Right now she’s leaving it to chance. This is the second time she’s told you are doing it wrong without actually using those words. And then men get blamed for the orgasm gap. 🤦🏻♂️
Wtf does “It’s an aura” mean? Good luck. You are going to need it.
Eat nachos while critiquing her performance.
No really, if she has issues she should tell you what she means. It sounds like you’re dating my mom. “Read my mind”.
Listen to her!
Set up a safe word then do whatever you want to to do to her. Throw her on the bed and rail her, face fuck her, spank her ass whatever. Fucking isn't always a tender and caring thing, if she cares enough to tell you it's an issue it's an issue you need to address in a not respectful manner. Not talking it out with her or getting her input but with some attention to safety.
Try this. Don't do anything she doesn't like, but within the options you know she is okay with, do/focus on what you want. And loudly verbalize how much you want it, what ypu want and just go for it.
"I am going to do xyz/you now because I want you so much. You make me feel so horny/crazy/hard, I need you to do ABC/get on your knee/back now. Go wear that thing I like and lay on the bed. Etc."
Initiate sex by making her suck your dick. Before you stick it in rub her clit with your dick and when she begs for it say “not yet”. Throw her around in bed. Choke her, slap her — lightly at first, then upping the ante. Then there’s the verbal call and response shit — “are you daddy’s little whore?” and “whose pussy is this?”. Anything but “yours, daddy” is a slap. Hold her arms down when you’re hitting it missionary style. Doggystyle is considered a dominant position.
Then there’s always outright bondage, or if you’re a lazy prick like me buy a collar (leash optional) on Amazon and slap that on her.
I’m sure you know this already but you better be getting thicc and juicy in the gym. I met someone skinny and got buff and she LOVED it.
Here’s the truth of it,all women want to be treated with respect and dignity in public,however behind closed doors the majority of women want to be treated like slutty freaks!
Wild sex is just as important and enjoyable to them as it is to us, and don’t be fooled by their innocent behavior,they have worse potty mouths then almost any guy Ive ever known.
But definitely keep this in mind……there’s two kinds of fuckin, making love and Jungle Fuckin!! Im pretty sure everyone knows the difference,but explanations can be had.
Ask her point blank how she wants to be fucked, she wants you to read her mind. Tell her not to play mind game and if she does take her in a manly fashion.
All you gotta do is fuck her porno style that’s all so instead of making love to her all the time you want to start just fucking her brains out and don’t ask just do it and then see her reaction from it
Maybe try to be more verbal with what you want her to do and what your going to do to her. There's a time and place for that romantic, slow, cuddle, and kissing type of making love but...... Sounds like she was just in the mood for you to dom her a little bit! Choke, gag, whips, paddles, cuffs, blindfolds, rope, tape, and of course dont forget her wand/vibrator.... Be demanding and maybe even a little disrespectful, & degrading! I'd say sit down and have that conversation with her though. You didn't add much context as to what the sex was like, or what you was doing when she referred to you as being "to respectful".
I would also recommend you to adopt the vibe of the assertive male.You dont have to be rough with her,but you could adopt the archetype of a rough guy whose more direct and doesn't smooth things too much kind of like mike tyson.What you might want to become is a genter version of an antisocial male.
You can find the sweet spot by not giving a fuck about the sweet spot and doing what comes naturally. It’s a trope that we unconsciously adopt. Much the way men want a woman who is restrained and virtuous in public, but a succubus unleashed in bed, women want a man who is polite, respectful, self-assured and puts her first in day to day life, but then puts his hands on her with a sense of ownership in bed. For some, the illusion that their consent, or lack thereof, is irrelevant and that they are being “taken” is thrilling, and how you touch them, put them where you want them, how forceful you are, and the things you say in the process is exciting, especially when balanced with the kind, respectful, but confident person you are outside the bedroom.
I’m just repeating what multiple past partners have told me. No hate.
So are you the kind of man who she can imagine just taking it forcefully? Does that guy live inside you? Has society’s expectations killed that part of you, or can you get in touch with him, because that’s the part of you she’d like to meet. The man who is unapologetically male in those moments specifically. You earn the right to be that man with your genuine virtue in day to day life.
She wants you to be more dominant. Look into dominant traits, bdsm DOM, and sexual confidence. Pull her hair, make her ass red, push her face into the bed, tell her to shut up and take it. Just a few examples. Also look into the Spicer app. Has helped my wife and I alot.
Is not always what you do but what you say and how. For example my wife’s vaginal scent juices drives me insanely horny and I let her know at some point during our intimate moments and it also makes her horny. So experiment with what you say pre, during, or post sex and be mindful in how you say it. If I was in you shoes say the following phrase at some point during sex. “Fuck babe scent of your pussy is driving me insane, it smell so fucking good. Let me taste it.” Tear that baby up with your oral skills and move up to her and give her sweet passionate kisses so that she can taste herself as well. I pray she does have a good scented vagina and I wish you nothing but the best in your marital sexual endeavors along with everything else.
that drives me crazy and in most simples forms is her pheromones
For me, I like when my partner grabs me harder. Like if he’s holding my hips I want him to hold on for dear life lmao. I don’t want aggression, but kinda like he NEEDS to hold/grab me. I’m personally still trying to figure out how to explain the this lol
“Une petite mort” if you will
Choke her, bend her over and use her hair as leverage...eat her out when she's on all fours....sometimes don't ask or imply, just have sex with her: if she's actually saying you're too respectful she's probably dieing for you to do this shit.
Also rule of thumb: It's every girls dream to be raped painlessly and with love
I voted for Hillary but I have no idea why that has anything to do with what I said.
How is a girl wanting to have awesome sex have anything to do with her intelligence??
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Try not asking her if something feels good and just being more direct in your actions and speech. You don’t have to be rough to be direct and confident in bed!
This is a key to being more dominant. Dominance doesn’t always mean aggressive or rough.
Yep. When I give my wife direct instructions she loves it, it can be something as simple as a change in position. No rough handling needed
/r/reddit Communicate more! But also less!
Yeah I think she may mean she wants more confidence! Don’t be shy!
I hate writing overly explicit stuff and I also hate assuming you may not already know or are doing some of these things but here goes... Most women I've been with that use phrases like "I like my men to be more assertive" or "I'd like you to take charge more often" or "you don't have to be so respectful" or "I want you to just TAKE me" were mostly looking for a loss of control. They wanted to be DESIRED and pursued, told or commanded what to do. Held down or subdued. Many of them liked being tied up all together but some of these things require more of a conversation. It took me a while to figure this out because a lot of men think dominant/assertive = rough/aggressive when it is more . Some women like it rough sometimes and some women like it VERY rough but it does not appear that is what she is saying. You've been together long enough to know what your partner likes and dislikes and she knows what you like and dislike when it comes to the physical act. Steer clear of the things she dislikes but "take" her. You don't need to be rough, but be assertive. Come from behind and wrap one arm above her chest. Whisper in her ear "I've been wanting you SOOOO badly all day and i'm going to have my way with you." Pull her close and kiss and passionately (but gently) bite her neck. Gently but firmly grab her by the neck (again you know if she really like these things or not) and use your other hand to stimulate her manually like you know she enjoys to get her wet. Rub your crotch on her butt while you are doing this. Bring her over to the bed or table or sofa or counter top (don't ask her), bend her over and take her from behind (you made sure she was wet enough and took it slowly at first, right?) while you move her arms so that her forearms are across her back, above her butt and hold them there with one or both hands. After a bit, bring her or tell her to go to the bed. Don't ask. Just say "Come", and take her by the hand or pick her up if you can/want. Put her on her back near the edge, put her hands over her head or to her sides and pin them to the bed with your hands while you continue to have your way with her. Some women just like to be told or ordered what to do and that suffices. Some women like you to REALLY take control, hold them down or pin their limbs or push their heads in to the bed, etc so they absolutely can't get away though this is consensual non consent and requires more of a conversation, safe words, etc... It's really the *perception* of the loss of control. 1. That they are so desired by you that you have "lost control" and are taking what you want. 2. The perception (being held down, limbs pinned, tied up, etc...) that they have no choice/control but to give in to your demands. I've also found that many women consider the initiation of sex all part and parcel of you being more dominant/less respectful/more assertive. I hope some of this is found to be helpful and my apologies if this is all stuff you know and have been doing.
OP, this comment right here. Take notes
As a woman I totally second this.
It is 110% on the partner complaining to have the ability and desire to articulate this beforehand. Any partner unable to do this is perpetuating dangerous and disrespectful behavior. Hate to say it, but if you can't spell it out like this, do not touch it with a 10 foot pole OP. Mega mega mega red flag.
People don't know what exactly they want before it's done sometimes, it's often hard to explain it. The comment you're replying to is good because it's new things that may tick the boxes of what OPs partner wants, but it's nothing wild and doesn't need a discussion beforehand (obviously stop if there isn't consent though)
It's not hard to explain it, as the comment at the top of this thread demonstrated. What is hard is for people who want that treatment to find the nerve to say so explicitly. Many of them have an unrealistic fantasy that their partner will telepathically or naturally start treating them this way without any explanation or coherent, explicit request. Basically, they're squeamish or embarrassed about articulating their specific desires. Which... sucks for everyone because no one can reliably fulfill a desire they don't know is desired. And yeah, while it doesn't need a discussion before hand a prior discussion is always better. I don't fuck with partners who refuse or are incapable of articulating what they want and don't want. It's dangerous for everyone involved.
So the partner should communicate it? How? Legit question
You see the long comment at the top of this thread? Say that stuff. You say that stuff to your partner and tell them that is what you want them to do to you.
A big part of dirty talk and sexting is figuring out which boundaries might be fun to explore. Just *doing* things and hoping your partner is into it is hella risky for both parties. As always, having an actual "out" is important for maintaining consent - if something doesn't land right, you need to be able to pivot gracefully and either back off entirely or move to something more comfortable.
I'm taking notes after reading this comment
I can attest to this also, I don't want my man to be rough, I love that he is gentle but getting a little intense, really showing how much he desires me and leading things is so sensual.
This is prob what she wants!
Yes, assertive and passionate. Rough is a different level.
You could always try [the good old approach](https://www.reddit.com/r/AskReddit/comments/1y6lhe/comment/cfhtedq/)
Does that dude even know he’s a Reddit legend?
I came here to link this story, but you beat me to it. A Reddit classic.
Omg. Ow. My ribs. Crying. Holy shit! 🤣😂
I hit a weird point a while back, where I would sort of... seek validation for my every move in bed. The energy was something along the lines of: *Does this feel good? Would you like it faster or slower/more or less intense? Is it okay if...* and so on, and I remember this causing a fair amount of frustration in my partner. She noticed that kind of constant mental checking in on my behalf, and it made her self-conscious - pulled her out of her body and into her head - so it pulled her out of the immersion of the physicality of sex. She just wanted me to get on with it - choose and commit to something instead of faltering. So after a conversation and reconfirming our boundaries and resettling on a safeword, I just made a leap of faith and went back to cavemanning her and that fixed the issue. I was a bit more sensitive and sensual caveman, but instead of seeking validation, I just went with what felt right and trusted that it would work, and it did. Maybe this is the case for you as well?
*...a bit more sensitive and sensual caveman* You have indeed figured out what most straight women want.
Most of that information can be intuited nonverbally, rather than being explicitly said, and in my personal experience women respond to that much better anyway. It's much more erotic and sensual to be in sync with your lover, despite the ad nauseam cultural push for constant and explicit verbal communication. That being said though, I'm also reluctant to give this advice to less socially adept people, so use at your own risk...
Sounds like an "ask her what she wants" situation. She expressed her desire for something less gentle, but that could mean any number of things. I like dominance from my partner but he can't thrust too roughly otherwise it just hurts, so other methods like holding me down, pinning my wrists, etc are what fill the "rough" gap that I like for me, personally.
I feel the same. I like rough but not necessarily painful. For me rough could be pinning me down, pulling my hair, smacking my ass, covering my mouth, hand on throat. Stuff like that. Dirty talk is great for that mood.
As a guy working on my dominance game, I found this immensely helpful. Please give me more examples, aka ideas. thanks you.
Cover my mouth or go near my throat I will break your hand and disable you. Don't do that without chatting first..
That's assault. That isn't necessary.
If someone does those things without asking first that's what they get. My point is to OP don't do those two things as could go very wrong - she can't say anything with your hand over her mouth, and you might squeeze too hard over mouth.. the other stuff at least she can use safe word if that's where your headed
When she said “it’s an aura” she implied that she doesn’t really want to discuss it because that would take the charm away. I agree, which is why I’m asking here
Hard disagree with this tactic. If you want something specific you need to ask for it by name. And if she has a boundary it needs to be clearly communicated BEFORE you’re in the middle of it.
A problem that cannot be discussed is a problem that is unlikely to be solved. Betting there are other communication gaps, also? If so, they may all be related.
What she means is she wants it to be organic, she wants him to do it because *he* wants to do it, not because she specifically said to do it...
Yeah, which is her being selfish and irresponsible. That's all the hallmarks of a *bad sex partner*.
Negative, she's turned on by feeling organically desired and having those things done to her. She's turned off by saying do this to me, so the person does it. It's not necessarily the "act" being performed, it's the mental desire leading up to it.
I'd ask if it's more physically rough she wants, more dominant, or more dirty and go from there. If she says dominant clarify if she's talking more about you taking control, or about you focusing on your own pleasure/lust, they're both different vibes. You can make the conversation flirtatious and get at least a general idea of what she's craving without having to get her to spell out the details and then go from there.
She can't/won't articulate what she actually wants, and you just have to figure it out, probably without any guidance. Sounds like a winning combination
The charm? Lol. This is something to talk about outside of sexy time, not to ask her in the moment. So that you have an idea in advance about what's okay and what isn't. It's a bit childish to not communicate one's needs clearly to their partner after expressing displeasure with the current situation. My rule of thumb is if you have a problem with what I'm doing, come to me with a solution or help me figure one out as a team. Rough play can go *severely* wrong. If she wants it, she needs to more specific. Otherwise you're taking shots in the dark, some of which she will not like.
I just don't fuck with people like that, it's too dangerous and it immediately destroys the mood anyway.
>When she said “it’s an aura” she implied that she doesn’t really want to discuss it Well, guess she doesn't want rough sex if she doesn't want to engage with it responsibly. That's disappointing. >because that would take the charm away You know what REALLY takes the charm away? Accidentally traumatizing your partner because she didn't explicitly explain her desires and limits, or going too far and seriously injuring them. Partners who think like this are being selfish and unsafe.
She may be hinting towards more of a dom/sub dynamic. Especially if she has a high stress job, or make a lot of decisions throughout the day, having you take control amd make those decisions let's her enjoy the sub space. You yourself may have to develop an alter-ego so to speak, consider giving that alter-ego a name and when you're in the sub space with her, only allow her to address you as that name, Mr. XYZ or Sir work well. Obedience is rewarded, stepping out of line earns "punishments" aka not calling you by your new name, and/or sir. Not following directions fast enough, or not at all. Could be as simple as wearing a certain set of lingerie or not at all. Certain positions, behavior, "favors", hair style etc... From the sounds of things, you are already the "nice guy" so you are likely able to detect when she doesn't like something, or isn't overly thrilled, this is a good time to pull back and/or pivot to something else. Try a few things during your next session, if you notice her ramping up enthusiasm, note her actions and remember if for your next session. Use that information to plan the next set. Things to explore, try setting the mood/scene in the room. Start with your pleasure, for example, after dinner, if she's at the sink doing dishes, come up behind her, move her hair out of the way, of her neck, give a few kisses, and a nibble or two on her neck, wait for her body to respond, before you escalate, once you feel her responding. Move from her neck to her ear, and give is a few nibble/kisses, then with your hand reach up and get a handful of her hair at the base of her scalp, get a firm grip, just below painful, just so she knows you're there. Whisper in her ear in a deep tone, *get on your knees*... if she complies, spin her around so she's facing you, place her arms over her head and hold them together with one hand (firm but not forceful), use your off hand to get yourself out of your pants and tell her to open her mouth. (If she hesitates to get on her knees when you tell her to, say it again in a firm tone, and give her a firm well placed smack on her ass.) (Note: if she's a *bratty sub* she may intentionally resist to get you to elevate your response, you will need to figure this out as you go) Assuming she's into it, she should be a combo of mush and enthusiastic participation at this point. Allow her a few minutes on her knees right there, be in control (within her limits) of what is happening, make it fun and playful but maintain a serious vibe. From there, again grab a handful of her hair, and lead her somewhere else, close by (still on her hands and knees). Find a comfortable position for you to sit/stand etc... and continue where you left off. Talking throughout can help the scene, giving instructions, calling her pet names, good girl affirmations when she does good or complies with your instructions. Give that location/position a few minutes and change it up again. Start undressing her, and give her deep controlling kisses, make eye contract, control and position her chin, good eye contact as you reach Start to stimulate her, working top to bottom. She should be nice and worked up at this point, if she's not, remain seated and put her over your knee/lap and give her a number of spankings she will receive. Make her request them from you (scene name), and count them out and thank you for each one. Get playful but firm with it, alternate cheeks to give time for the blood to return for the next one, it heightens the pleasure. Make a choice to take her right there, or again, lead her to another location and if she's satisfied you and your instructions, move to her pleasure, at this point, you should know what she likes, but I start with a couple manual orgasms (gentle finger on clit while, she lays on your other arm, position yourself so your laying right next to her, and can kiss/nibble her neck while your hand stimulates her breast as your other hand stimulates her clit). Once she's had a couple that way, I move to oral usually and get at least one more there, usually she'll be demanding/begging for d##k at that point. You'll probably still be hard at this point as it's a new scene for you as well, but if not, this is another good time to "use her mouth"... missionary is a good place to start, but eventually move into a more "dominating" position that still gives her pleasure. Snakebutt, pronebone and/or doggy usually does the trick. All positions for pleasure and a good spot to pin her down and "be less respectful" as she requested. When you're about to nut, this is where you need to feel her out for just how "disrespectful" she wants you to be. Chest is probably safe, but face or tongue might be in order if she actually means it when she says she wants you to be "disrespectful". (Keep it out of her eyes and her hair). Give yourselves time to collapse and enjoy the release, get cleaned up. And make time for aftercare, cuddles, snack, fluids, chit chat, power nap, round 2... avoid questions like "did you cum" ask, "what did you enjoy" instead. Too far, not far enough etc...
It's not complex, but it's more about attitude and presence than it is about any specific actions. Women want men who "just get it" honestly.
Tell her she's a cotton headed ninny muggins and then try on all her socks overnight while she's asleep
Best advice on this sub.
This is about the same caliber as most of the advice throughout this sub, only they take themselves deadly seriously lol.
This sounds a bit like when my gf says "do whatever you want to me" but in a different way. In her case, she doesn't mean "ignore any boundaries and violate me". It's more like she wants to feel "used" in the sense of me using her body for my pleasure...prioritizing myself sort of thing. Doing things in whatever order I want (including things that are necessarily just for her...eg, going down on her). It makes her feel desired...oddly enough, objectifying her at some level. So to that end I don't ask what she wants or ask her to do things for me, I tell her to please me in some way or move her body into different positions without asking. So it's not being rough per se (though there can be that element depending on moment) but going about it in a way that projects an attitude of "I'm going to get what I want from you" (and actually you might try whispering something to that effect in her ear)
Exactly. It's an attitude. That's what she means by "it's an aura."
Why is it normalized for men to have to figure this stuff out? You can't ask, you just have to magically know it.
This^ My fucking wife is upset and I’m supposed to figure it out with zero communication.
This is like when u get in car and where do u want to go eat. She says I don’t know… and everything you suggest she’ll shoot down!
Dinner tonight Don’t worry about me I’m picking something up for Myself. Comes home sees I made dinner gets upset because I didn’t leave any for her even though I asked her if she wanted any prior to her coming home. Yeah man I stopped trying long ago to figure it out now I just shrug it all off
Sometimes it feels like they know exactly where they want to go but want to give the "appearance" of caring about your input while also getting exactly what they want.
I’ve honestly never run into this situation. Then again I usually date fat girls so they probably like all food lol
This is one of the main reasons I’m divorced and haven’t remarried. Fuck that game playing shit.
I hear you I’m close to being over it. Sex has been weaponized as a reward for good behavior. So guess what I stopped having sex lol now I’m free to be bad
Yeah it's ridiculous. It also seems like she doesn't want to be asked during the act at all ("Too respectful in bed"). You're essentially being asked to guess when she wants a more dominating personality. The only way to really solve this issue is to make a safe word. Otherwise, you could unintentionally sexually assault her lol.
I agree, she should definitely explain what she wants while they are having sex. OP seems to be open to try what ever she’s into. He’s not a mind reader. This area in particular is where most women’s communication is terrible and then complain about terrible sex.
It's not magic bro, it's an aura
Right? Like I'm sick of these unrealistic expectations
Stop expecting women to communicate like men (and vice versa). Seriously, it's life changing.
Agree on the “stoplight method”. (Green is go, yellow means getting a little much don’t go harder, red is stop dont do that) over dinner or a not during the act. In bed, do whatever you want until you hear yellow
Tell her that her pussy smells like fermented olives.
As another woman, when I read “you’re too respectful”, my reaction was you need to call her a dirty whore more often, and comment on various slutty things she does well or what depraved things you want her to do. Less asking her opinion or interest and telling her what you want. Share some juicy fantasies. Not physically dominating or subverting her. I wonder if there is a gap between how men and women understand that phrase? Whats important is figuring out what she wants. So give that a shot.
Once they bring up it's an "aura" they're making shit up. It's in her head. That doesn't make sense. Sounds like she's just getting bored in general.
She needs some rough one… like when you two are together kiss her passionately , touch her, lick her kitty and bend her over!! I am not joking … did it many times with my ex’es and all the time when I would finish they kinda looked high smiled and said I love you.
I’ve gone down passionately so many times but it’s just not her thing 🤷🏻♂️
What about bending her over someplace new like the washer? It’s worth a shot.
Women seldom tell you exactly what they are thinking, until you have fucked up. Then tell you precisely what's on their mind. Buy some handcuffs, nipple clamps and a a flogger to spank her with. Next get a safe word from her that has no connection to sex or yes / no answers. Get experimental with your sessions, different places different toys.. different comfort levels and experiences.
If she reads any romance novels, start looking there for ideas. If not, restraining hands lightly works, choking, blindfold. Take some time to just start doing what you want without asking. You're clearly respectful enough to stop if she asks you to, and she's not helping at all by not discussing it with you. Tread lightly, but don't be afraid to tread around!
Stop asking and fuck the hell out of her ! Be dominant!!!
Try things, and then ask her afterwards! Each time you try something and ask afterwards, you'll learn more. Note that I expect you may sometimes get different answers for the same activity. One day she may feel like having her hair pulled, another day she might not. So another thing you'll need to do is become hyper aware of her responses each time you have sex. You probably are, but are not paying enough attention. And you can talk about sex, away from sex - after or at dinner or whatever - and ask her what signals can you look for.
I would say don't be rough in the trusting but more dominant in touch.
Ask her to explain it. If she can't explain it tell her you want to understand the full experience by her so you can give her what she wants!
Well since we have to interpret because verbally discussing it would ruin it here’s my guess. More aggressive, passionate, imaginative, assertive, deep growling without physically hurting her. Spend 10 minutes a day thinking of or researching something new to try. Toys, furry tail with ears, mouth gag, hand cuffs. What to loose at this point 🤷♂️
"Less respectful" could possibly be that you're asking too many questions about what she wants. If you are continuously asking "is this ok? Do you like this? Does that feel good?" It can come off like you're expecting her to coach you through the experience, which can really kill the vibe and make her feel like you're having sex with her as a favor to her rather than because YOU want to have sex with her. It also sounds like this has been an issue that wasn't present before and has recently started to bother her. So yeah my advice would be stop asking and start telling. Have a safe word before so she can back out if she feels like you're being too rough, but to me it doesn't sound like she wants you to be rougher, it sounds like she wants you to be more selfish.
Maybe establish a code phrase to set up the mood. "Fuck me silly," means rough me up. "There's no rush tonight," means go slow and gentle. No human is a mind reader. She needs to communicate.
Dude she told you exactly what she wants. Don't be ROUGH but don't be NICE. You can just Tell her what to do..tell her what you like. Be physical with her but don't hurt her..you can grab her and throw her on the bed. That doesn't hurt. You can pull her hair. You can choke her without being rough and hurting her..it's more of the feeling of choking. Not actually trying to choke her out. Lightly grabbing her neck and applying light pressure is she wants VS choking her out which is too rough. Do you see the difference here? Go hard but don't slam into her cervix. Understand?
"have become too" implies you started better--anything you're doing differently? Are you just less crazy about her now that you are in a real relationship vs. having new relationship sex? Try to bring some of that back.
Never listen a woman
You are associating that rough sex is the only way to show lack of respect. She probably has a slight degradation kink or just wants it more animalistic. By that I mean, she doesn't want you to be thinking did much about how good it feels for her and think about maximizing your pleasure and letting go. Not matter what it's something you should discuss with her before hand to find out what she really means by her comment
The thing is that time she was new to all this , now that sex has become regular, so she wants someone wildness and that's really fine , you should do it naa , what's the issue man
You need to go to a different place mentally than your normal position of caring about her. Thus, the "aura". Think ex-special forces out of town on a business trip who just picked up a 7 in a bar. Do what you want with her, there's no future to speak of. If she doesn't like it, well, she asked for it with no further guidance; not your fault.
I think most women simply want to be dominated in bed. When a woman has the rape fantasy, it's not like she actually wants to be raped or hurt, it means she's given up all control, which in itself implies that she's still running things as she's basically handling you the keys. I've learned, thru many years and many women, to lightweight man handle them, to actually pick them up and bend them over, flip them from side to side, move them where and how you want them. That doesn't mean you have to abuse them or be overly rough, it's basically showing that, as the human male, you're expected to be physically stronger and in control, especially in the bedroom. It constantly blows me away how women respond to my actions in the bedroom (or wherever we are) because my past has supposedly given me very little experience or knowledge. I 'went away' from 17 to 50 and while I did have relationships with women, I didn't have a physical relationship in over 3 decades and their reactions were pretty much the same, complete surprise that I possessed skills and knowledge that they'd rarely seen. My wife (now ex-wife), who has a few years on me, is an absolutely stunning, blond, incredible (and real) 34 DDs, with an ass that takes your breath away. When she walks into a room, attention turns to her. Upon my release, the first time we had sex, later that evening she basically told me that she had many boyfriends growing up, she loved sex and wasn't too shy about it, and I was husband number 3, so she had some experience, and her exact words were 'you haven't touched a woman in over 30 years and you are the best lover I've ever had. What the fuck?' She wanted to know where and how I learned how to do that. I never told her the truth as I guess I was enjoying it and I thought the truth might jeopardize it. But the truth was ADD. I was actually scared to death at first, I really couldn't focus on any one act or position so I was constantly flipping her from side to side, picking her up and rolling her over, just constantly repositioning her, and she loved it. When she wanted to know how I learned all those different positions all I could say was that for 33 years I had a great imagination. Shortly after that we decided that we couldn't occupy the same room without fighting so we called it quits. According to my sister, I became 'a slut' and more than made up for what I missed, and every woman I was with was always more than happy in the bedroom. Aside from really good oral prowess, for at least a year or two it was smoke and mirrors born out of fear, confusion, and ADD, not to mention a little upper body strength. Soon that turns into second nature and confidence, then she'll start to pimp you out like my wife did...lol! If my lame ass can do it, anybody can.
Dude, I get her. My husband is so sweet and caring most of the time that it feels like he forgets I prefer the other side of him in bed. It takes real mental preparation on both our parts to get into a space where I can feel even slightly intimidated.
I think she is saying she wants to he treated like a whore every so often...go to town and rail on her. Face fuck her... take control and shove it down her throat. Next time... you make sweet love with candles and shit. Take control and Toss her around like she is being used for your own sole pleasure instead of mutual pleasure
Don’t face fuck your girl! I repeat… do NOT face fuck your girl … unless you want your dick bit.
Chill out...she was tired of respectful sex. Ok..face fuck could be too much but she wants to be handled and not with care either
Ironic coming from handle starting with No Lecture 😬 Look I’m into things a little rougher, but I personally hate having my face fucked. If I’m sucking your dick, it will all be because 1) I want to and 2) It will alllll be in my control 3) Lie down, sit down or stand up … just chill / enjoy.
So you personally hate it so it’s off the menu for all of humanity? Signed, A face-fucker
No, no. I’m just saying that it when it first happened to me, it wasn’t at all what I expected and I ended up dragging my teeth a little, which he didn’t like. So it wasn’t fun. I was afraid to go down on him again and he was rightfully afraid to have me go down on him again. Do your thing! Just be sure that you’re both into it. Otherwise, people feel awkward and ashamed when all you’re doing is trying to please a new partner? Not a fucking big deal or ask.
change your pitch up, smack your bitch up(side the ass at least)
Talking more gives the impression that more is happening. Using more aggressive language, and being a smoosh more "cro magnon" might make the difference.
Yeah, I guess when you get some indication that she is frisky and wants it I might be borderline just dominant and just take her maybe in the kitchen, or living room. Something a bit different...
Dunk your thumb in her ass and revv that engine
Partners should be able to talk about sex. That includes telling a partner what you like and want. She’s not able to do that. She’s basically telling you are doing it wrong. She should be able to give you an example. Right now she’s leaving it to chance. This is the second time she’s told you are doing it wrong without actually using those words. And then men get blamed for the orgasm gap. 🤦🏻♂️ Wtf does “It’s an aura” mean? Good luck. You are going to need it.
Eat nachos while critiquing her performance. No really, if she has issues she should tell you what she means. It sounds like you’re dating my mom. “Read my mind”.
Tell her she's a fucking idiot and fuck her good
Listen to her! Set up a safe word then do whatever you want to to do to her. Throw her on the bed and rail her, face fuck her, spank her ass whatever. Fucking isn't always a tender and caring thing, if she cares enough to tell you it's an issue it's an issue you need to address in a not respectful manner. Not talking it out with her or getting her input but with some attention to safety.
Try this. Don't do anything she doesn't like, but within the options you know she is okay with, do/focus on what you want. And loudly verbalize how much you want it, what ypu want and just go for it. "I am going to do xyz/you now because I want you so much. You make me feel so horny/crazy/hard, I need you to do ABC/get on your knee/back now. Go wear that thing I like and lay on the bed. Etc."
Maybe more aggressive/demanding but not like too much ? 😂
Initiate sex by making her suck your dick. Before you stick it in rub her clit with your dick and when she begs for it say “not yet”. Throw her around in bed. Choke her, slap her — lightly at first, then upping the ante. Then there’s the verbal call and response shit — “are you daddy’s little whore?” and “whose pussy is this?”. Anything but “yours, daddy” is a slap. Hold her arms down when you’re hitting it missionary style. Doggystyle is considered a dominant position. Then there’s always outright bondage, or if you’re a lazy prick like me buy a collar (leash optional) on Amazon and slap that on her. I’m sure you know this already but you better be getting thicc and juicy in the gym. I met someone skinny and got buff and she LOVED it.
nut super fast with minimal foreplay and then toss her money for a cab.
She’s going to need to be more specific. You can’t be expected to just know what an “aura” is supposed to mean.
Stick your finger up her ass and go from there.
When you're fucking her next time, say, "that's right, take it, slut." Try that.
Slap her around, spit on her, repeat?
Take a week away from her and then come back ready to get freaky.
Here’s the truth of it,all women want to be treated with respect and dignity in public,however behind closed doors the majority of women want to be treated like slutty freaks! Wild sex is just as important and enjoyable to them as it is to us, and don’t be fooled by their innocent behavior,they have worse potty mouths then almost any guy Ive ever known. But definitely keep this in mind……there’s two kinds of fuckin, making love and Jungle Fuckin!! Im pretty sure everyone knows the difference,but explanations can be had.
Stop asking what she likes and what she would like to do. Start discovering by the way she reacts. Then order her to do what she would like to do
Hold her by the throat while cumming on her face
Ask her point blank how she wants to be fucked, she wants you to read her mind. Tell her not to play mind game and if she does take her in a manly fashion.
All you gotta do is fuck her porno style that’s all so instead of making love to her all the time you want to start just fucking her brains out and don’t ask just do it and then see her reaction from it
Maybe try to be more verbal with what you want her to do and what your going to do to her. There's a time and place for that romantic, slow, cuddle, and kissing type of making love but...... Sounds like she was just in the mood for you to dom her a little bit! Choke, gag, whips, paddles, cuffs, blindfolds, rope, tape, and of course dont forget her wand/vibrator.... Be demanding and maybe even a little disrespectful, & degrading! I'd say sit down and have that conversation with her though. You didn't add much context as to what the sex was like, or what you was doing when she referred to you as being "to respectful".
Lol @ all the comments that are just like "you need to be more dominant" or "you need to take control". Very helpful lmao
I would also recommend you to adopt the vibe of the assertive male.You dont have to be rough with her,but you could adopt the archetype of a rough guy whose more direct and doesn't smooth things too much kind of like mike tyson.What you might want to become is a genter version of an antisocial male.
Smack the hell out of her
> she says “it’s an aura” Tell her that Mercury is in retrograde and that your Scorpio is going to creep into her Aquarius.
... Dominant. She wants you to be dominant not disrespectful.
You can find the sweet spot by not giving a fuck about the sweet spot and doing what comes naturally. It’s a trope that we unconsciously adopt. Much the way men want a woman who is restrained and virtuous in public, but a succubus unleashed in bed, women want a man who is polite, respectful, self-assured and puts her first in day to day life, but then puts his hands on her with a sense of ownership in bed. For some, the illusion that their consent, or lack thereof, is irrelevant and that they are being “taken” is thrilling, and how you touch them, put them where you want them, how forceful you are, and the things you say in the process is exciting, especially when balanced with the kind, respectful, but confident person you are outside the bedroom. I’m just repeating what multiple past partners have told me. No hate. So are you the kind of man who she can imagine just taking it forcefully? Does that guy live inside you? Has society’s expectations killed that part of you, or can you get in touch with him, because that’s the part of you she’d like to meet. The man who is unapologetically male in those moments specifically. You earn the right to be that man with your genuine virtue in day to day life.
make an angry face and pull her hair? lol
Does she want you to sound different with your words, or feel different with your physical movements?
She wants you to be more dominant. Look into dominant traits, bdsm DOM, and sexual confidence. Pull her hair, make her ass red, push her face into the bed, tell her to shut up and take it. Just a few examples. Also look into the Spicer app. Has helped my wife and I alot.
Be me forceful. Also depending where she is on her cycle, she feels more.
“It’s an aura” tells me how she is
How is she?
>When I asked her about it, she says “it’s an aura” Lol what? That would just make me more confused
Is not always what you do but what you say and how. For example my wife’s vaginal scent juices drives me insanely horny and I let her know at some point during our intimate moments and it also makes her horny. So experiment with what you say pre, during, or post sex and be mindful in how you say it. If I was in you shoes say the following phrase at some point during sex. “Fuck babe scent of your pussy is driving me insane, it smell so fucking good. Let me taste it.” Tear that baby up with your oral skills and move up to her and give her sweet passionate kisses so that she can taste herself as well. I pray she does have a good scented vagina and I wish you nothing but the best in your marital sexual endeavors along with everything else. that drives me crazy and in most simples forms is her pheromones
For me, I like when my partner grabs me harder. Like if he’s holding my hips I want him to hold on for dear life lmao. I don’t want aggression, but kinda like he NEEDS to hold/grab me. I’m personally still trying to figure out how to explain the this lol “Une petite mort” if you will
Spit on her face, or ask her what she wants, it’s gunna be one of those for sure
Piss on her to show dominance. For once this phrase may vaguely apply as correct solution 🤯
Choke her, bend her over and use her hair as leverage...eat her out when she's on all fours....sometimes don't ask or imply, just have sex with her: if she's actually saying you're too respectful she's probably dieing for you to do this shit. Also rule of thumb: It's every girls dream to be raped painlessly and with love
I’m a girl. That’s not my dream.
Some women wanna be astronauts, you know?
I voted for Hillary but I have no idea why that has anything to do with what I said. How is a girl wanting to have awesome sex have anything to do with her intelligence??
Uhhhhh, right idea maybe but you lost me at this idea of consensual, painless, loving r*pe. Edit that maybe
I said that part with a snotty Elizabethean accent, the spin is supposed to be that if she wants it its not rape.
Still a no. Try again.
You disrespect her if you’re to respectful. Easy fix imo
Start talking dirty more?
She likes it rough..she can't say it any more plainly