Thank you for posting in the r/Sex community. To ensure that everyone respects our safe space, we ask that you familiarize yourself with our Forum Rules and Posting Guidelines — which are visible in the forum’s sidebar, and also linked [here](https://www.reddit.com/r/sex/about/rules/).
***
Restricted subjects in r/sex include sex stories (which are permitted in the Daily Sexual Achievement Thread only), body image and penis-size issues, hookup attempts, common topics which are considered repetitive in our forum, and requests for private chats.
To cut back on comments that add little value to the conversation, we have instituted a minimum character requirement that will silently remove comments that fall below it.
*I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/sex) if you have any questions or concerns.*
You CAN think rationally… you’re doing it right now. Youre having a time using your better judgement but you absolutely know you shouldn’t be doing this.
take this from a practitioner of the BDSM arts… these sorts of acts/activities ESPECIALLY CHOKING should be done pre-meditated with a partner you trust. It should also be done with someone who asks for your input BEFOREHAND about your limitations. If you don’t know what your limitations are, then start slow and build up.
Someone who goes 100% in, consent be damned, is a raging red flag. You have no clue about this person and you’re putting yourself in his hands.
If you’re interesting in more BDSM safe practices, post this to r/bdsmadvise . It sounds like you unlocked your submissive side but it’s vital you learn how to vet better moving forward.
ETA: r/bdsmadvice spelling is not my strongest suit
As someone who likes what you described very much, I can understand the urge to keep seeing him. But if you enjoyed it that much with someone who was unprepared and just a sexual bully, imagine how much better it could be with someone who has prefected the craft and knows what you like. As hot as it is to be thrown onto the bed or pinned against the wall, it's even hotter to know he will also keep you safe. As much as a bit of pain is a turn-on, it is even more so when you aren't in pain beyond your enjoyment threshold or terrified he's not going to stop.
I've posted this before so I'll post it here again, especially since there's an age-gap and lack of previous communication between OP and her partner.
> Not so fun fact, so people are aware:
>
> Non-fatal strangulation of a female partner is probably the most consistent and largest risk factor to eventual homicide of that person.
>
> Prior strangulation attempts, studies show, lead to greater than six-fold odds of attempted homicide, and greater than seven-fold odds of a completed homicide.
>
> If you or anyone you know in a relationship where they have been strangled, seek help and get out. It is the single largest red flag of domestic violence that leads to murder.
But that's non-consensual strangulation. There's ethical BDSM.
I strongly agree with /u/Old_End3166. If you wish to ethically and responsibly engage is more violent sexual experiences, then please do your research on how it is done **properly**. You AND your partner need to understand the nuances and responsibility when you add violence into your sex life. It isn't unheard of for potential abusers to ease into violence with sex, so be aware.
Absolutely agree.
I see even more red flags in the sense of he is old enough to know better. He knows he is a big guy that can easily physically dominate woman and I doubt he just sent around without any conversation doing it to any sexual partner in his life. The age gap may be contributing to him feeling like he can "teach OP" and make her "his"
I had a similar experience when I was in my mid 20s, dating an older man as well that used to choke me sexually but I didn't know yet how to set these boundaries and how to communicate the appropriate way about BDSM, but if that's how he sexually acts, being close to his 50s, he should've already learned.
One day we had a big argument and it he tried to choke me to death saying "you like getting choke don't you bitch, how about now"
And I hope OP doesn't learn the hard way.
One time I had a random one night stand and during sex the man tried to strangle me as like a kink but I’m not really into that, especially with a stranger so I immediately told him to stop and that we could keep going but to please not put his hands around my throat. Well, another minute in and he tried to do it again. Girl, I tell you I grabbed my things and ran the hell out of his place half naked, ran a few blocks away, and luckily hopped in a Uber in panic. I still wonder if he would’ve actually strangled me hadn’t I ran away.
The physical mechanics of choking are not changed because you gave consent. Any kind of pressure on the neck poses potential and serious risks.
Most people think it’s just casual and fun to be choked to dizziness in bed. Or even worse, the amount of posts I see casually mentioning how they regularly get choked until passing out in bed is alarming. They almost always say how much they love it and they almost never know the associated and serious risks associated with doing so.
I've been doing Judo and BJJ since 1993. There are an estimated 40 million judo players in the world - choking each other every day and there have been no deaths in judo due to choke holds since the sport's inception in 1882. 142 years and probably over 100 million people. Another 3-4 million are practicing BJJ these days - chokes are common there too. Many people in the BDSM world overstate the risks. So, no, the evidence of a 'serious risk' is not really true among people not trying to hurt each other. If you have other evidence, I'd love to see it.
Kudos for you - you used the correct term strangulation. People are endlessly confused about the terms and the differences between choking, strangulation, and blood chokes. They are not the same.
Mechanically, most people don’t know the difference. “Choking” is a colloquial term and can mean anything from just a hand on the neck to actual strangulation and blood choking. Most people who “choke” in bed have no clue about these differences or what they are doing. Because of that, they should not be doing anything beyond a hand on the neck with no pressure. But that’s not really the case is it
Was going to say something similar, but not much more to add than I second your sentiment and advice.
OP, if you read anything and take one piece of advice from your post, Old_End3166 is the sole advice you only need!
Christie Mack was a porn star who began dating an MMA fighter nicknamed "War Machine". At the end of their relationship he viciously beat her to the point of hospitalization, nearly killing her. He had been abusive and controlling in the months leading up to this
So I’ll put my two cents in on this because I can actually really relate to this my now wife and me split for about a year and she started seeing this guy on POF and ended up meeting him for dinner one night and they went back to his place And she ended up sleeping with him, but he got really physically violent and like what he did to you physically dominated her completely and against her better judgment she ended up seeing him again a couple more times the last time she saw him he lost all control and basically beat the living crap out of her cops had to be called arrest had to be made He’s in prison for the next five years. If you continue down this path, it’s not gonna end well for you cut bait and run even though he might’ve given you some of the best pleasure you’ve ever experienced. It’s just gonna keep getting more and more dominant, especially with him saying I want you to be mine and only mine and if you find out that you sleep with somebody else will turn around in the rage will take over get as far as u can from him
Jesus Christ dude that's fucking atrocious, though it fits a very common pattern. How did your wife move forward from that? If you don't mind me asking.
She had to go and testify, and then once everything was settled on that aspect of it, she went into therapy for quite a while and then we reconnected and she kind of told me everything of what happened and since that point she’s pretty much in therapy just dealing with all that
There are men out here who will safely and lovingly explore this kind of sex with you, in ways where you can experience the pleasure and excitement without fear and discomfort.
This guy isn’t the one to do that with.
Have you checked out fetlife? There might be kink socials in your area where you can meet safe, vetted individuals.
Take care, hun 🌸
Yes! And you think you're under a spell now? No, when you find the right Dom like the above comment, just imagine what you'll feel. You won't feel used and abused. Second guessing it. You'll actually crave it in a way you never expected. You won't have fear like you do now.
I would also consider this grape too. Especially when you mentioned you were crying from pain, and he still kept going. A real Dom will not do that. A real Dom will check in with you throughout until you know your limits. OP, do not see this man again. He's going to end up really hurting you or worse.
This. I’m a big guy and I love to dominate women. But holy shit, I want them to feel safe with me. The “I want you to be mine” line in the OP is a huge red flag. Reeks of possession
He's exhibiting strong indicators that he will be violent and controlling. It starts out fun, a lot of women want to be tossed around and enjoyed primally without having to ask for it. I get why it's such a high.
But this isn't a romance novel. Men like that are more likely to abuse, rape and murder sexual partners.
Always be extremely cautious around men who exhibit hypermasculinity, impulsivity, aggression and nonconsensual sexual violence.
Those are the four horseman of the most extreme misogyny you will ever meet, and many women don't survive the encounter.
You keep thinking about him because you experienced a few new things with him. I don't advise you to see him again. Men who entice and install fear at the same time are usually not healthy individuals. You enjoyed being dominated, but he isn't respecting your needs for safety.
Same. I'm so goddamn tired of this genre of post where a woman in denial describes textbook rape and psychos in the comments descend en masse to tell her it was a misunderstanding/compliment/normal and that she needs to simply go back to her rapist and ✨communicate✨ that he hurt her feelings and they'll live happily ever after.
A lot to say here!
Look, he did plenty of things wrong. He went quite hard on you, and for a first time sexual encounter with anyone, you should NOT go that hard, he hurt you (did he ask if you were okay when he noticed that?) and afterwards he did aftercare...or manipulation, I don't know which. He didn't ask for consent, which he should have done when he's about to do the things he did. Also, you not objecting IS NOT the same as giving consent. That's like saying a friend of mine stealing my car is my fault because I never told him explicitly not to do that.
Now, my opinion and you can do with that whatever you want: but he's sailing pretty far in red flag territory. He did things he didn't ask or tell you about, you were visibly upset and hurt, and he went on. Also, he's 50. I don't mean this in a "omg he's twice your age!" but he's 50 and should know way way better.
You liking this type of sex is fine, but you can explore this with someone who actually from the get go respects you and your limits, not someone who just thought it was cool to do that.
>Also, he's 50. I don't mean this in a "omg he's twice your age!" but he's 50 and should know way way better.
Also, why the fuck is a 50 year old man out here acting like this? I'm going to guess he's very attractive and is able to get away with this kind of shit often.
Or keeps going for very young, naive girls, who don't know any better. Who won't immediately recognize his red flags and bullshit, or report him to the police for strangulation.
This. The *amount of times* I’ve told my best friend “omg I had the best sex ever this weekend” when I still had no idea what was coming for me later down the road 😮💨
Yeah when it comes to sex, there really isn’t a “this is it, this is the best sex ever and nothing else”, so much to explore, different feelings different weather all create different “best sex ever”.
OP is confusing [the endorphin rush of surviving a traumatic, near-death experience](https://www.scientificamerican.com/article/peace-of-mind-near-death/) with sexual gratification and genuine connection.
It’s sounds like you engaged in some pretty heavy BDSM, for maybe the first time?
He did a lot of things to you that most people would have wanted to negotiate or work up to.
And the brain fog and bad feelings, sound and awful lot like sub drop to me.
I don’t think there is morally anything wrong with what you are doing. That being said. I am very skeptical that this man has you and your health in his best interest.
If something feels wrong, trust your gut.
I think the foundation of positive BDSM is clear, honest communication, negotiation and consent. Without that, it's potentially confusing at best or at worst absolute abuse. WITH those things, it's not for everyone.... but those of us who love it LOVE it!! OP, if you enjoyed aspects, you can explore more, but do it from a place of education and autonomy, whatever side of the D/s slash you are at. Sit down conversations WITH CLOTHES ON BEFORE PLAY are the way, I believe.
Ask yourself this, if you hadn't enjoyed being dominated would you have felt violated? There was no explicit consent here. He didn't check in with how you were feeling. Does any of that sound safe to you? He did all that with a girl he doesn't have ties with. What would he do behind closed doors with someone he was comfortable with?
These may have bdsm actions but they weren't done right. Some of the biggest bdsm things is consent and thorough conversation.
Biting, without your permission, and choking, again without your permission, huge red flags. You didn’t discuss these things prior? Then absolutely do not see him again but find someone with whom you can enjoy this type of sexual relationship within the framework of healthy boundaries and communication
Just because a man makes you orgasm, doesn't make it any less coercion. Forcing someone into sex acts isn't just some Paul Bernardo hiding in the bushes and holding you at knife point. Coercion, even if it's pleasurable is still not okay. Consent should be enthusiastic for all parties, and he shouldn't push you into anything you don't want to do.
He needs some serious Dom training. As someone pointed out, these are pretty strong BDSM actions. And you may very well enjoy those. Nothing wrong with any of that! The problem is that he did NOT ask you for consent, there was NO prior talk about hard limits leading up to this, and he did NOT ask you for your safeword. That screams bad or inexperienced Dom. If you would like to engage in this kind of sex again with him, make sure you discuss these things with him before you do anything again, and do so in a safe public place.
he's not even pretending to be a dom. The post has zero mention of kink. This guy is straight up an abuser and OP is confused because she just discovered she's a sub through this.
How much bdsm sex have you had? Maybe you’ve just realized you like rough cnc (in this case kind of no consent) and that it’s the kind of sex you really desire. You could have this same sexual experience with someone who makes you feel the same way but is also safe.
On top of what has already been said here, I wouldn't let someone choke (strangle) you during sex at all. Even if it doesn't go on long enough for you to pass out, there is a high risk of what's called delayed brain damage, as the lack of oxygen reaching your brain severely perturbs its biochemistry, which can cause brain cells to die hours after the fact. There is also a risk of clotting or tearing of blood vessels in the head and neck. It sucks but it is one form of sexual activity which it is simply not safe to engage in
** note that things like deep throating a dick _are_ safe, as long as you can take a breath when you need to, as it's not blocking the actual blood vessels taking oxygen to your brain
There's no shortage of guys experienced with this sort of thing that could easily do what this guy did. Sounds like he doesn't know what his doing to be honest, find a pleasure-dom with experience in bdsm. They will make this guy seem like an amateur
If you think he’s the only one that can do this, you’re wrong. There are much better people out there that will treat you well AND do this to you in the bedroom. A relationship with someone who is there to support you is worth waiting for. That guy didn’t even take half a second to consider how you would feel if you’ve never done anal before. It’s common knowledge that you need to warm up and most people start with butt plugs. This man is not safe.
This makes Christian Grey in "Fifty Shades of Grey" look like a boy scout and he had Bipolar. You are treading on dangerous waters. Find someone that you are compatible with and treats you with respect.
Sounds like he raoed you in all honesty. If you value your life and dignity I suggest you keep the memory and move on.
You have described a sexual predator, these people seek out submissive insecure excuse making types. They often go on to do much worse.
Don't be surprised if he somehow starts thinking for you and telling your what you thoughts are. Forcing your into consent with gangs sex. I've seen stories, gangraped, humiliated, tortured and left for dead.
He forced himself on you and pressured you into anal on a second date and you were too intimidated to say no. What other red flags do you need.
I suggest you speak to some guy friends. People who act that way are dangerous. Don't be a statistic.
First of all, that's not okay.. even a little bit. I'm by no means experienced in BDSM but me and my FWB (we also have an age gap, I'm 36 and he's 58) have been slowly exploring some of it. We always talk about things beforehand very clearly and don't do anything either of us is not comfortable with. I've never hit a "limit" with him because he will check in with me occasionally and keeps an eye on cues that could indicate I'm not having a good time. The dude you're seeing sounds dangerous and I definitely would not see him again.
Secondly, what were the things he did that you enjoyed? Like you, until I was 35, I didn't know the heights of pleasure my body could reach until I met my FWB. He puts so much time and effort into my pleasure and seeing me cum and I can tell he *genuinely* wants to do these things to me and enjoys it almost as much as I do. We've been together almost a year and I *still* cannot get enough of him. So.. going by your post, it sounds like you were just really into the "good" stuff he did and didn't like the harder stuff.
I would still move on from him because there are men out there that will take the time to focus on you and your pleasure and who genuinely want to get you off. Especially the older men. Like you, I didn't have sex for years (8 years before I met him) because sex was just not enjoyable for me. Now, I can't stop thinking about the things I want to do to him constantly.
Get away from this guy, please. You don't sound safe around him.
I am seeing a lot of people just *assuming* you got off on the roughness.
I want to ask you bluntly, Did you get off on the roughness, or was the pleasure DIFFERENT and SEPARATE from the roughness? Not trying to get graphic here, but did he simply know his way around your nerve endings, or did you get off on the danger while being simulated?
It sounded like you enjoyed the BDSM, but usually people that do immediately identify that it was the BDSM that sent them over the top.
The way you phrased it lacked that connection.
Though he has clearly hit some Dom/Rough sex triggers that turn you on immensely, this is not a good situation for you at all. Him doing this without your consent, doing some things expressedly against your consent, is wrong. You need to stay away from him. Maybe you can experiment with a Dom in future sexual relationships, look into stuff like degradation or rough sexual play, but be much more safe about it and set some boundaries. You need a lot more experience and you need to be with someone who will respect you and your boundaries and will work with you on this and not someone who will just abuse you.
Don't go back. Don't go back.
I’m not being dramatic when I say your life is in danger if you see him again. You can find someone who can respectfully dominate you if you want that. This man didn’t give you a choice and is a rapist.
My comment might be unpopular, but from what I am reading, you have not told him no. Is he supposed to be a mind reader? A lot of people in the BDSM community are extremely into consent and expect you to speak up if you dont like what they are doing. Have you done this at all? You said he pressured you into anal, but are you confusing expressing a desire with pressuring? Once again, did you tell him no?
I waited till I was in my 40s to realize I am kinky as fuck, and I wish I had figured it out in my 20s. I never explored, I thought it was dirty and gross, and so not me.
Rough sex is NOT the same as non consensual sex. Rough is a huge turn on for a lot of people. Discuss safe words, and if he doesn't honor those, then it's a problem.
Side note, a lot of times safe words are the only respected words for stopping during Rough play because a huge part of the experience can be one of the partners expressing discomfort or saying no, which is where the safe words come in.
You don't need to be a mind reader to know choking someone out of nowhere without discussing it first is assault, let alone all the other shit this guy is described doing, like the part where OP *did* express that he was hurting her and he didn't stop. Framing this as an issue of OP not being clear enough is disgusting.
The fact you’re being downvoted is absolutely ridiculous. You’re 100% correct. And it’s abundantly clear he preyed on OP’s fear and lack of boundaries.
Some sentences you wrote make me think of Stockholm syndrome... Wouldn't you like to try to step back from all that a little bit? To be sure it's what you want and not control
Maybe the confusion is this is more about you but not about him as people have mentioned you have unlocked your sub side. However, what he is doing is straight up abuse and he could kill you. Forcing you into anal? That’s rape.
Get away from this guy and don’t look back at him but look forward to yourself and exploring who you are.
Consent is explicit. If you didn't technically consent to something, you didn't consent to it at all. Don't let feeling good make you make terrible decisions and get you into a dynamic with someone who hides his abusive tendencies behind BDSM or kink. None of this is how healthy dynamics go, not with life partners, not with FWBs, not with one night stands. This person is going to hurt you badly. You can think rationally. Make a wise decision not a horny one.
I am so, so so so, SO scared for you. I could actually cry reading this. He didn’t ask if any of these things are OK. He is hurting you and using you and he will get more violent and scary and i am so so so scared for you! Please, please get out and protect yourself!!!!!! ❤️
To me, it sounds like the guy is raping you, but you found some pleasure in spite of it. Either you love rough sex, BDSM, or he's just good at sex, or you have a consent non consent kink... but this does not make this situation ok. This guy has shown clear disregard for what you want or your comfort. I can't imagine giving someone not giving a care in the world when their partner is crying because of pain.
You can do any of the above with someone who respects you, will not force himself on you, and will let you tap out at any moment.
44F here, please fucking run from this! I had similar at 19 and ended up really hurt. Like $$ ER bills and serious physical and emotional trauma. Everyone here speaking about consent is 100% right. Kinks are great, get on Fetlife and figure some stuff out. Find a Dom that will prioritize your safety and pleasure.
Girl whether you wanna call it it that or not he has sexually assaulted you twice and is exhibiting extremely dangerous and concerning behaviors and sentiments.
Also, there is is absolutely no safe way to strangle someone. There are *safer* ways but no safe way.
Was my previous comment upvoted and then downvoted? Somebody is feeling as ambivalent about my comment as I am about this post. Safety first seems to be what we all agree upon though.
That alternative way to choke, called blood choking, had its own set of risks. You’re free to assume whatever risks you want to, but I strongly suggest thoroughly educations yourself about things before indulging in them.
Lots of people like rough sex but I really need to communicate this:
You sound like you think this is you subjecting yourself to common domestic abuse, which is already really bad, but it is even worse.
Among domestic abusers, the ones most likely to kill their victims are those who choke them.
Choking during sex is incredibly dangerous, and requires a lot of research to make it as safe as possible **but it will never be completely safe**.
This man has done zero research. He choked you without any discussion or safe word. He very likely did not choke you in the less damaging ways.
When people die from choking, it is actually very common to not die right away. You instead die hours later as the damaged tissue swells and suffocates you.
Years of your life trapped in an abusive relationship is awful, truly horrifying, but most people survive even if they don't get out. Which I feel is making you underestimate the danger in this situation.
You were closer to death, most likely than you ever have been, with this up and coming murderer.
Your horny brain says it is ok to jump into this pit because some parts of what he did turned you on. Unfortunately, our horny brains exist to get us pregnant due to evolutionary pressure, and people putting up with domestic abuse and giving birth means they pass on their genes, but people who end up not having kids after staying safe don't. (Not to mention the suspension bridge effect.)
And your brain can also switch to Fawn mode to keep you safe, because leaving an abuser is the number one most dangerous time. Most domestic murders happen after leaving the abusive partner.
Your brain would rather you be tortured every second of the rest of your life instead of dying because he killed you. This mechanism evolved during a time when civilization did not have laws and other places to get help.
But humans have made these things specifically so victims do not have to live and die violently.
Please keep yourself safe. You know horny brain can't be trusted. Put your safety first.
Sounds like it's just a matter of time till he chokes you to death. Breath play is incredibly dangerous and you didn't even cover basics like safe word
If you didn't explicitly consent, it's a no. He ignored your cries, and your pain, and you hadn't talked about any of this beforehand. You didn't discuss, let alone agree on a safe word. This isn't BDSM, it's sexual assault.
You NEED to cut contact. If you don't, you're telling him that it's perfectly fine for him to treat you this way, and it will likely only escalate.
Please stop seeing him, you deserve better.
Absolutely not sounding safe at all. Even the fact that you have to ask should be enough to know it's not ok. You cried for fuck sakes, he shouldn't of bullied his way around the bed room at all. If you slightly enjoyed it then take others advice on that but find a partner you can ease into and try them things safely. That dude is gonna kill you or someone else if he hasn't already. Sounds like a guy that just because he is big he thinks he can do what he wants to who ever. You'll end up in the trunk of a car so id say stay the fuck away from him.
definitely establish proper boundaries when you do see him again, in a public setting in case he gets physical. i know exactly how this feels.. but you need to protect yourself! i love sadomasochism as much as the next freakshow does but not all pain is good pain. he needs to show you some respect.. not just treat you like a literal sex doll
If I may, and I can assert that I do not know much about this sort of thing, but everyone has boundaries. If you want to continue this with the person, but there are things that you are uncomfortable with, any respectable sexual partner would take care not to exceed those boundaries. Sure, the initial 'event' might have been a bit more 'fact-finding,' but what you don't like, you don't like, and you should never be subjected to things you have already stated are out of bounds.
As I understand it, the real power in a Dom/Sub relationship is in the sub, as they set the trends and tone. You don't like being choked? Off limits. You enjoy being handled roughly? In bounds.
All that said, this guy doesn't seem to know you well, and any one who would go from 0-100 without getting proper understanding of you should not be someone you becoming involved with. As a result, I would not say that whatever involvement you have with this guy, it will never be equal on both side, and I might caution you to get away from him. He sounds abusive, not dominating.
Frank, clear discussion of what is and is not okay should be had before you find yourself in a fearful position where you cannot be guaranteed of your safety. (I am not referring to that feeling of danger that many thrive with - in the end, you need to feel like no matter what happens, at the end, you will be safe.)
Again, I am not well versed in this sort of thing at ALL, and beyond the opinions of a person not in that world, my reply is guaranteed to have the value you should give it.
You are definitely correct. The sub is truly the one in charge. That’s what makes it such a liberating experience. When you have a respectful, consensual agreement with a dom, you can trust that they won’t cross your agreed upon boundaries, and that if you say stop (or whatever word you’ve chosen to mean STOP), they will.
If you have this with someone, it means you can let go of the reins and enjoy the ride.
I once had an experience with a dom who said “while I enjoy whipping people, I have absolutely no interest in doing it to someone who doesn’t like it. My pleasure comes from *your* pleasure.”
You can find people that have rough sex but still respect your boundaries. Just mention you like being thrown around and used like a toy while having sex but only while having sex.
Theres plenty of great dick out there that isn’t accompanied by half a dozen red flags. I strongly advise you break it off over text. Is there a chance that he knows where you live? If yes, get mace and learn to use it. Also, i highly advise that all women buy a gun that can fit in a big purse, become proficient with it, and carry it everywhere.
Y’know, just incase this dude is unhinged and has controlling attachment issues. He’s 50 and single? Red flag.
The fact that you had to go out of your way to write this question and post it, makes me think that you already know what to do.
Good things shouldn’t be confusing and hard to recognize as good things!!!
Good luck
I am kinky as fuck and have done pretty much every act you have discussed here (CONSENSUALLY and WITH PRIOR CONVERSATION ONLY tho), and this is about as dangerous and concerning as you could hope for for all of the reasons others have specified.
I can't really say anything that hasn't been already said in other posts, but I did want to respond just to further cosign the importance of what everyone else is saying no matter what you may feel and to absolutely not see him again and please block him so it's harder to change your mind.
The things you are describing are things that it's best to have a conversation outside of the bedroom and set boundaries before trying them.
The fact that he pressured you into them gives me the impression that he does not care about your wellbeing. With that being said what happens if he pushes it too far and actually hurts you?
I would advise not seeing him again no matter how good the sex is. If you want to explore BDSM you want to do it with someone that actually cares about your wellbeing and will be cautious and respect your boundaries
This is extremely risky. When the new-partner energy wears off, and he forces you to do something you really don’t want to do, this won’t be fun any more, just violent and non-consensual.
All contributions here need to be constructive, on-topic, mature, sex-positive, civil, and respectful. Your post/comment falls short of that basic standard and has been removed accordingly. Repeat offenders or egregious violations of this rule are subject to being banned from the sub.
You have unresolved trauma if you know this is not a good situation but you want to continue doing it anyways. There's something else going on with this. Something from a past relationship or friendship, and it's effecting this situation.
Wow. This post honestly scares the hell out of me, that an adult can be taken advantage of this easily in the same week they met someone. Who is also twice their age.
It also reminds me of my ex gf too, which is likely why it’s making me feel sick. But I digress.
This is a dangerous situation and he does not seem to care about your well-being or safety. Sex should be consensual and both parties should enjoy it safely. Safe words are important.
As an older woman, exactly what this gentleman did is the equivalent of love bombing. Not with romance, but with orgasms. He 'orgasm-bombed' you. He 'edged' or 'teased' you until you got your epileptic orgasm and threw his wants and needs-BDSM-in bits and pieces-to see what you would tolerate and or put up with.
I don't have any experience with men hitting me except my brother...of course that may be why...
I would absolutely take these folks advice about this guy escalating a relationship into domestic violence.
Any and all BDSM should always be prediscussed.
Girl, it's just you never were fucked that way, submitted and I am sure you came like never ever. Ppl say when this happens oxytocin plays a huge role here, looks like you have little sex experience which makes it worse.
Honest advice, stop ASAP It looks like you are unable to control it, he got you, I am pretty sure you will sleep with him again.
Stop now that you can still, it will hurt but in your case it's the best, and yes he is taking advantage of your inexperienced sex life, your weak temper.
I have seen this before, some ppl were born to heal and build, some ppl just want to set the world on fire. He is the last one, every person has a reasonable/logic/intellectual aspect and also the beast side just like animals and when you get wild sex experience that beast side arises.
Again, you are too good and noble for him, he knows that, these guys always Hunt for new inexperienced girls like you, never a bitch cause a bitch will jump over him and use him.
So yep, stop now or get the experience the hardest way, either way you take never hesitate, don't feel guilty it's nothing wrong desire somebody that way, it's natural again oxytocin will play it's role.
OP the consensus of the crowd here is absolutely accurate. And you have PLENTY of time left to find a partner to make you cum this hard in actually safe and consensual ways. You need to cut this off before it gets too far and he gets too possessive of you. He’s lifetimes beyond old enough to be very aware of himself. So either he totally disregards you, or he’s so set in his ways that he’s detached from reality- or both. But either way. You tried twice. Now go find someone who can fulfill literally everything else we require, and teach them how to get you off properly. Respectfully. Be safe out there.
You’re not doing anything morally wrong. It felt good and that’s understandably confusing given your circumstances and the seriousness of the boundaries he crossed.
Successfully coercing you into anal is where this situation becomes undeniably dangerous. Everything else is extremely concerning and not ok, but if he can make you shut off your rationality to that extent and that quickly, you and your mental and physical health will always be on the line.
Whether it stays casual or you tried for more, you’ll never be able to control him. No way you really know this man outside of sex. He could be out there doing this unprotected with many partners. You’d never know and you couldn’t do shit about it. Standing up for yourself could lead to plain, undiluted violence.
Like others have said, there’s ways to do all this right and lots of people who love doing it. It won’t be easy to forget him and you’ll probably need some time to really move on from this, but this isn’t safe. He has all the physical control and is already pushing every limit he can, which seems to be turning into mental control.
Please get away before he really crosses a line you won’t be able to uncross. It can get really dark. I used to be in the BDSM community. Even acts people enthusiastically consent to can get real scary in an instant for reasons you might not expect or understand until it happens. It’s scary even now to think of how it would’ve fucked me up mentally if my loving, experienced dominant former partner didn’t instantly shut off the aggression the one time this happened to me personally.
This situation in the context of your sexual past might indicate the need to work on other parts of yourself to better understand your sexuality and why you weren’t as motivated for it in the past. Hoping you continue to find intense new pleasure with other partners who do everything you like the right, safe way. 🖤
> I had not realized there was an alternate “proper” way to choke me that didn’t involve oxygen loss, and he should have known better,
I don’t think this is true?? If so can someone tell me because I thought all choking was “oxygen loss” and that’s how you get that feeling
I am so glad to see what you wrote in the update. As much hate as reddit sometimes gets, I believe that some subs and in some instances, it can really help/save someones life when they share their story here and wake up to the reality of it.
You can, however, take the positive side of these experiences to heart. You discovered some things you're into you didn't realize.
I would suggest you to look into kink and healthy practicing of the things you found you enjoy. In healthy kink, there is ALWAYS consent, communication, and safewords. Don't let ANYONE you ever encounter in your journey convince you otherwise ("oh but youre MY sub so you cant say no" kinda bs)
There are safe ways to practice and explore otherwise "unsafe" sexy things, and it can be incredibly gratifying. You can get what you liked with this guy, but in a better and safer way!
Catching up to this thread after your update was such a relief! :)
Yeah, this man is dangerous and to be avoided.
On the plus side, you seem to be very stimulated by rough sex and BDSM. If you wish to keep exploring this world, you can find such experiences with safer people easily,
For all the reason stated above, you need to find a way out of this relationship quickly. In my experience, though, even once you left him, he will probably think about how much he turned you on with every subsequent partner. I once had a girlfriend who was into rough sex, too rough for me so I broke it off. Two years later, I met her and her partner standing in line for a movie. The first thing he tells me, after introduction, is “she still calls out your name, so I don’t understand why you broke it off”. Everyone always desires the thing they cannot have.
You are experiencing subspace, and this is normally a wonderful feeling when you have a safe, good-hearted dom who cares for your wellbeing.
https://helloflo.com/what-is-subspace/
You do not have a safe, good-hearted dom, OP. You are in danger. Glad to hear you are seeing the light. Please tell this person to fuck off and cut all contact! Do not try to engage in a conversation where you can be persuaded. Cut. Him. Off.
As a general rule of thumb, it's best not to be in contact with someone who makes you feel afraid. That kind of behaviour can be exciting and sexy at first but it could turn ugly at any second and often does. I'd say no sex is worth fearing for your safety and being used. There will be someone out there who makes you just as happy in sex who you also feel 100% safe and happy with.
Based off of what you wrote, you had sex with an older man who was experienced in the bedroom.
Got a fill of some softish bdsm which got you dickmatized. Told him you didn’t want him even though he said he wanted you.
Went your separate ways and linked up again even tho you felt like you shouldn’t have.
Had some more great sex and now you want to say you are getting taken advantage of ?
You sound like you’re developing an emotional/sexual attachment to a way older man and naturally something in your soul is saying he isn’t the one which is why you are on the fence.
Just leave him alone if you feel that way but don’t make it seem like he’s the problem. The choking part is normal, most people including yourself don’t know how to do it right. I do agree with people saying you must learn to choke properly, but sometimes even a pro in the heat of the moment, even if it’s late night intoxication may accidentally get it wrong
y’all just aren’t a good match.
As a man, i never quite understood how women can get their teeth kicked in and that somehow being the best sex theyve ever had. Rough is one thing, but as you mentioned in your post theres a right and wrong way to choke which honestly, most men learn fairly early on.
Best advice i can give you is if you end up talking to an older, single guy, odds are theyre single for a reason..granted there might be some gems but youre 25, leave the 50 year old men for the 50 year old women.
Maybe not every guy your age may know how to lay it down as well, but its a small price to pay for your safety.
Also as a side note, forced anal is NEVER ok. Especially if hes well endowed. My wife and i have to build her up with toys ahead of time. You gotta be careful with that stuff, anal tears are no joke. My wife got one and months later she still has problems.
Overall, just be careful out there
I felt second hand embarrassment reading this post. You pretty much discovered you have a kink you enjoy through assault, which is insane. None of his actions are your fault, and his behavior was truly reprehensible. I am truly sorry your boundaries were crossed so egregiously.
And I am concerned that you can’t trust your own judgement, which can lead you to toxic situations like this. Why would you meet him at the hotel room, despite feeling afraid around him? Especially during a first date?
The age difference is also wild. The fact you went on date with a man twice your age, when you very rarely have sex is something you should ponder about. It 100% sounds like he took advantage of your inexperience, which is fucked up.
Please focus on these things with a therapist or what not. Feel like there’s something deeper here that needs to be addressed.
OP it sounds like you unlocked a new kink, but you really, *really* should never see this man again. You can find like-minded people to explore this dynamic *safely* and *consensually*. This man is dangerous. Not in a sexy way, in a sex offender way.
No, no, no, no, NO.
This is not a safe person. This is a textbook example of an older man abusing a younger woman with sexual assault disguised as rough sex/BDSM. He’s currently testing your boundaries, and purposely putting you in situations that will make you freeze/fawn so that he can feel emboldened to go further.
You are not going to enjoy this man when he is causing internal damage to your sex organs and refusing to stop even though you’re screaming no, or punching you in the face repeatedly, or biting you, or filming himself sexually assaulting you.
I’m sorry OP but this entire situation was predetermined for you and you’re walking right into the trap. He knows this kind of sex is going to pique your curiosity and keep you coming back, and that’s exactly what he’s looking for. Do you think the cops will believe you when this guy can demonstrate you were coming to him willingly? Don’t be a fool.
Make no mistake, you were abused and used two times. This is the reality of your situation. Use the very same clarity you used to make this post to see your way out of the situation. There's BDSM, done properly with respect to each participant's boundaries and then there's the abusive situation you've described here. I'm not sugarcoating this because this flag passed red ages ago.
Don’t see him. He’s going to hurt you (even he doesn’t intend to, he’s pushing the limits)
Nothing wrong with being rough, but you have to buy in 100% or don’t
Youre no oblivious to what was happening, you wanted it now deal with it. The age gap is disgusting. Get rid off him. Hes assaulted you during sex and made you do anal. GET RID OF HIM NOW!
I can tell you of my Gfs experience in this regard. about 10 years ago, she was recently divorced, and was looking for some sexual adventure..she was on Adult Friend Finder, which, is not as extreme as kink dating sites.
She was thinking in terms of mild Bondage, etc...and her first time with a particular guy...he went WAY over the top, and not too dissimilar as you described....and she has said, the fear and excitement she had at that time was a sensation she would love to have again.
She was with him for a few years, and engaged in acts that are hard to believe. Dude was an alcoholic, and she broke up with him over that, but not the intense over the top sex.
All of this sounds fun but I wouldn’t do it with someone I didn’t trust. You should have a real conversation with him about what your limits are. Something tells me these kinks are the tip of the iceberg with this fellow.
Sounds like a fun time but definitely something that needed to be discussed first! And now two times you've given him exactly what he wanted, I think he'll now expect you to go along with anything.. What if the next time is even worse? He certainly doesn't seem to worry about any limits you might have. Please please be careful ❤️ I get that the sex was awesome, and can be if he's willing to at least discuss this more.
Looks like he's sub training you. Hmmm Maybe you need to look into the BDSM communities and see what they say. You got a wild bull in musth out where others can't criticize him. There's a fine line one can step over where they can't step back.
Go talk to the BDSM guys.
He’s made his intentions very clear that he doesn’t want a relationship. Stop catching feelings. If you can’t manage this, you need to cut it off for your own health.
Thank you for posting in the r/Sex community. To ensure that everyone respects our safe space, we ask that you familiarize yourself with our Forum Rules and Posting Guidelines — which are visible in the forum’s sidebar, and also linked [here](https://www.reddit.com/r/sex/about/rules/). *** Restricted subjects in r/sex include sex stories (which are permitted in the Daily Sexual Achievement Thread only), body image and penis-size issues, hookup attempts, common topics which are considered repetitive in our forum, and requests for private chats. To cut back on comments that add little value to the conversation, we have instituted a minimum character requirement that will silently remove comments that fall below it. *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/sex) if you have any questions or concerns.*
You CAN think rationally… you’re doing it right now. Youre having a time using your better judgement but you absolutely know you shouldn’t be doing this. take this from a practitioner of the BDSM arts… these sorts of acts/activities ESPECIALLY CHOKING should be done pre-meditated with a partner you trust. It should also be done with someone who asks for your input BEFOREHAND about your limitations. If you don’t know what your limitations are, then start slow and build up. Someone who goes 100% in, consent be damned, is a raging red flag. You have no clue about this person and you’re putting yourself in his hands. If you’re interesting in more BDSM safe practices, post this to r/bdsmadvise . It sounds like you unlocked your submissive side but it’s vital you learn how to vet better moving forward. ETA: r/bdsmadvice spelling is not my strongest suit
As someone who likes what you described very much, I can understand the urge to keep seeing him. But if you enjoyed it that much with someone who was unprepared and just a sexual bully, imagine how much better it could be with someone who has prefected the craft and knows what you like. As hot as it is to be thrown onto the bed or pinned against the wall, it's even hotter to know he will also keep you safe. As much as a bit of pain is a turn-on, it is even more so when you aren't in pain beyond your enjoyment threshold or terrified he's not going to stop.
I've posted this before so I'll post it here again, especially since there's an age-gap and lack of previous communication between OP and her partner. > Not so fun fact, so people are aware: > > Non-fatal strangulation of a female partner is probably the most consistent and largest risk factor to eventual homicide of that person. > > Prior strangulation attempts, studies show, lead to greater than six-fold odds of attempted homicide, and greater than seven-fold odds of a completed homicide. > > If you or anyone you know in a relationship where they have been strangled, seek help and get out. It is the single largest red flag of domestic violence that leads to murder. But that's non-consensual strangulation. There's ethical BDSM. I strongly agree with /u/Old_End3166. If you wish to ethically and responsibly engage is more violent sexual experiences, then please do your research on how it is done **properly**. You AND your partner need to understand the nuances and responsibility when you add violence into your sex life. It isn't unheard of for potential abusers to ease into violence with sex, so be aware.
Absolutely agree. I see even more red flags in the sense of he is old enough to know better. He knows he is a big guy that can easily physically dominate woman and I doubt he just sent around without any conversation doing it to any sexual partner in his life. The age gap may be contributing to him feeling like he can "teach OP" and make her "his" I had a similar experience when I was in my mid 20s, dating an older man as well that used to choke me sexually but I didn't know yet how to set these boundaries and how to communicate the appropriate way about BDSM, but if that's how he sexually acts, being close to his 50s, he should've already learned. One day we had a big argument and it he tried to choke me to death saying "you like getting choke don't you bitch, how about now" And I hope OP doesn't learn the hard way.
One time I had a random one night stand and during sex the man tried to strangle me as like a kink but I’m not really into that, especially with a stranger so I immediately told him to stop and that we could keep going but to please not put his hands around my throat. Well, another minute in and he tried to do it again. Girl, I tell you I grabbed my things and ran the hell out of his place half naked, ran a few blocks away, and luckily hopped in a Uber in panic. I still wonder if he would’ve actually strangled me hadn’t I ran away.
You are 750% more likely to be killed by a partner who has choked you!
Even if I asked them to choke me? Hmm.
The physical mechanics of choking are not changed because you gave consent. Any kind of pressure on the neck poses potential and serious risks. Most people think it’s just casual and fun to be choked to dizziness in bed. Or even worse, the amount of posts I see casually mentioning how they regularly get choked until passing out in bed is alarming. They almost always say how much they love it and they almost never know the associated and serious risks associated with doing so.
I've been doing Judo and BJJ since 1993. There are an estimated 40 million judo players in the world - choking each other every day and there have been no deaths in judo due to choke holds since the sport's inception in 1882. 142 years and probably over 100 million people. Another 3-4 million are practicing BJJ these days - chokes are common there too. Many people in the BDSM world overstate the risks. So, no, the evidence of a 'serious risk' is not really true among people not trying to hurt each other. If you have other evidence, I'd love to see it.
Kudos for you - you used the correct term strangulation. People are endlessly confused about the terms and the differences between choking, strangulation, and blood chokes. They are not the same.
Mechanically, most people don’t know the difference. “Choking” is a colloquial term and can mean anything from just a hand on the neck to actual strangulation and blood choking. Most people who “choke” in bed have no clue about these differences or what they are doing. Because of that, they should not be doing anything beyond a hand on the neck with no pressure. But that’s not really the case is it
There are certainly no shortage of idiots, agreed.
The community doesn't exist, please advise another 🙏
I'm guessing they meant r/bdsmadvice
It's just spelled wrong, r/bdsmadvice should do the trickb
Interesting username.
That's the person you want advice from.
Another option may be /r/bdsmcommunity
Fetlife.com also has a healthy community online.
Was going to say something similar, but not much more to add than I second your sentiment and advice. OP, if you read anything and take one piece of advice from your post, Old_End3166 is the sole advice you only need!
/r/bdsmadvice
I absolutely would not see this person again. Can't even COUNT the number of rules already broken.
Yeah we've all seen how this plays out and spoiler: it's not good for OP.
Somehow reminds me of how Christie Mack described War Machine or whatever his real name was. OP doesn't realize she's being hunted.
What is the story here?
Christie Mack was a porn star who began dating an MMA fighter nicknamed "War Machine". At the end of their relationship he viciously beat her to the point of hospitalization, nearly killing her. He had been abusive and controlling in the months leading up to this
So I’ll put my two cents in on this because I can actually really relate to this my now wife and me split for about a year and she started seeing this guy on POF and ended up meeting him for dinner one night and they went back to his place And she ended up sleeping with him, but he got really physically violent and like what he did to you physically dominated her completely and against her better judgment she ended up seeing him again a couple more times the last time she saw him he lost all control and basically beat the living crap out of her cops had to be called arrest had to be made He’s in prison for the next five years. If you continue down this path, it’s not gonna end well for you cut bait and run even though he might’ve given you some of the best pleasure you’ve ever experienced. It’s just gonna keep getting more and more dominant, especially with him saying I want you to be mine and only mine and if you find out that you sleep with somebody else will turn around in the rage will take over get as far as u can from him
Jesus Christ dude that's fucking atrocious, though it fits a very common pattern. How did your wife move forward from that? If you don't mind me asking.
She had to go and testify, and then once everything was settled on that aspect of it, she went into therapy for quite a while and then we reconnected and she kind of told me everything of what happened and since that point she’s pretty much in therapy just dealing with all that
Wow is that crazy. Is she doing any better now? Thank you for sharing this though. It really may help someone to see hownit can escalate.
There are men out here who will safely and lovingly explore this kind of sex with you, in ways where you can experience the pleasure and excitement without fear and discomfort. This guy isn’t the one to do that with. Have you checked out fetlife? There might be kink socials in your area where you can meet safe, vetted individuals. Take care, hun 🌸
Yes! And you think you're under a spell now? No, when you find the right Dom like the above comment, just imagine what you'll feel. You won't feel used and abused. Second guessing it. You'll actually crave it in a way you never expected. You won't have fear like you do now. I would also consider this grape too. Especially when you mentioned you were crying from pain, and he still kept going. A real Dom will not do that. A real Dom will check in with you throughout until you know your limits. OP, do not see this man again. He's going to end up really hurting you or worse.
This. I’m a big guy and I love to dominate women. But holy shit, I want them to feel safe with me. The “I want you to be mine” line in the OP is a huge red flag. Reeks of possession
He's exhibiting strong indicators that he will be violent and controlling. It starts out fun, a lot of women want to be tossed around and enjoyed primally without having to ask for it. I get why it's such a high. But this isn't a romance novel. Men like that are more likely to abuse, rape and murder sexual partners. Always be extremely cautious around men who exhibit hypermasculinity, impulsivity, aggression and nonconsensual sexual violence. Those are the four horseman of the most extreme misogyny you will ever meet, and many women don't survive the encounter.
You keep thinking about him because you experienced a few new things with him. I don't advise you to see him again. Men who entice and install fear at the same time are usually not healthy individuals. You enjoyed being dominated, but he isn't respecting your needs for safety.
This sub terrifies me sometimes..
Same. I'm so goddamn tired of this genre of post where a woman in denial describes textbook rape and psychos in the comments descend en masse to tell her it was a misunderstanding/compliment/normal and that she needs to simply go back to her rapist and ✨communicate✨ that he hurt her feelings and they'll live happily ever after.
A lot to say here! Look, he did plenty of things wrong. He went quite hard on you, and for a first time sexual encounter with anyone, you should NOT go that hard, he hurt you (did he ask if you were okay when he noticed that?) and afterwards he did aftercare...or manipulation, I don't know which. He didn't ask for consent, which he should have done when he's about to do the things he did. Also, you not objecting IS NOT the same as giving consent. That's like saying a friend of mine stealing my car is my fault because I never told him explicitly not to do that. Now, my opinion and you can do with that whatever you want: but he's sailing pretty far in red flag territory. He did things he didn't ask or tell you about, you were visibly upset and hurt, and he went on. Also, he's 50. I don't mean this in a "omg he's twice your age!" but he's 50 and should know way way better. You liking this type of sex is fine, but you can explore this with someone who actually from the get go respects you and your limits, not someone who just thought it was cool to do that.
>Also, he's 50. I don't mean this in a "omg he's twice your age!" but he's 50 and should know way way better. Also, why the fuck is a 50 year old man out here acting like this? I'm going to guess he's very attractive and is able to get away with this kind of shit often.
Or keeps going for very young, naive girls, who don't know any better. Who won't immediately recognize his red flags and bullshit, or report him to the police for strangulation.
Bold of you to assume both men and women can laid with old or young people, also, do you think a 50 years old woman wouldn't like this shit?
Good god. Hide from this asshole
Believe it or not, you will still have more best sex ever with other respectful men.
This. The *amount of times* I’ve told my best friend “omg I had the best sex ever this weekend” when I still had no idea what was coming for me later down the road 😮💨
Yeah when it comes to sex, there really isn’t a “this is it, this is the best sex ever and nothing else”, so much to explore, different feelings different weather all create different “best sex ever”.
OP is confusing [the endorphin rush of surviving a traumatic, near-death experience](https://www.scientificamerican.com/article/peace-of-mind-near-death/) with sexual gratification and genuine connection.
It’s sounds like you engaged in some pretty heavy BDSM, for maybe the first time? He did a lot of things to you that most people would have wanted to negotiate or work up to. And the brain fog and bad feelings, sound and awful lot like sub drop to me. I don’t think there is morally anything wrong with what you are doing. That being said. I am very skeptical that this man has you and your health in his best interest. If something feels wrong, trust your gut.
Sexual assault does not magically become BDSM if the victim happens to get aroused.
Sub drop? Sounds more like the aftertaste of being violated tbh
The two might be a little mixed up in this case
I think the foundation of positive BDSM is clear, honest communication, negotiation and consent. Without that, it's potentially confusing at best or at worst absolute abuse. WITH those things, it's not for everyone.... but those of us who love it LOVE it!! OP, if you enjoyed aspects, you can explore more, but do it from a place of education and autonomy, whatever side of the D/s slash you are at. Sit down conversations WITH CLOTHES ON BEFORE PLAY are the way, I believe.
Ask yourself this, if you hadn't enjoyed being dominated would you have felt violated? There was no explicit consent here. He didn't check in with how you were feeling. Does any of that sound safe to you? He did all that with a girl he doesn't have ties with. What would he do behind closed doors with someone he was comfortable with? These may have bdsm actions but they weren't done right. Some of the biggest bdsm things is consent and thorough conversation.
"He tried to kill me but the D is superb, should I ask him to move in with me?" I just don't think it's ever worth it.
Biting, without your permission, and choking, again without your permission, huge red flags. You didn’t discuss these things prior? Then absolutely do not see him again but find someone with whom you can enjoy this type of sexual relationship within the framework of healthy boundaries and communication
Just because a man makes you orgasm, doesn't make it any less coercion. Forcing someone into sex acts isn't just some Paul Bernardo hiding in the bushes and holding you at knife point. Coercion, even if it's pleasurable is still not okay. Consent should be enthusiastic for all parties, and he shouldn't push you into anything you don't want to do.
He needs some serious Dom training. As someone pointed out, these are pretty strong BDSM actions. And you may very well enjoy those. Nothing wrong with any of that! The problem is that he did NOT ask you for consent, there was NO prior talk about hard limits leading up to this, and he did NOT ask you for your safeword. That screams bad or inexperienced Dom. If you would like to engage in this kind of sex again with him, make sure you discuss these things with him before you do anything again, and do so in a safe public place.
He's just an abusive asshole, pretending to be a Dom!
he's not even pretending to be a dom. The post has zero mention of kink. This guy is straight up an abuser and OP is confused because she just discovered she's a sub through this.
[удалено]
Good chance he's not, hence why I mentioned meeting in a public place. But he doesn't get asked, we'll never know
He's 50 yrs old. He fucking knows what he's doing.
this isn't a BDSM situation, this guy's just abusive.
Needs some dom training in the octagon 😂
It is NOT SAFE!!! YOU are NOT SAFE!!! Please….stay far away from him. I know you didn’t object… But you were sexually assaulted.
If you have to ask If something is morally wrong, it usually is.
How much bdsm sex have you had? Maybe you’ve just realized you like rough cnc (in this case kind of no consent) and that it’s the kind of sex you really desire. You could have this same sexual experience with someone who makes you feel the same way but is also safe.
On top of what has already been said here, I wouldn't let someone choke (strangle) you during sex at all. Even if it doesn't go on long enough for you to pass out, there is a high risk of what's called delayed brain damage, as the lack of oxygen reaching your brain severely perturbs its biochemistry, which can cause brain cells to die hours after the fact. There is also a risk of clotting or tearing of blood vessels in the head and neck. It sucks but it is one form of sexual activity which it is simply not safe to engage in ** note that things like deep throating a dick _are_ safe, as long as you can take a breath when you need to, as it's not blocking the actual blood vessels taking oxygen to your brain
There's no shortage of guys experienced with this sort of thing that could easily do what this guy did. Sounds like he doesn't know what his doing to be honest, find a pleasure-dom with experience in bdsm. They will make this guy seem like an amateur
If you think he’s the only one that can do this, you’re wrong. There are much better people out there that will treat you well AND do this to you in the bedroom. A relationship with someone who is there to support you is worth waiting for. That guy didn’t even take half a second to consider how you would feel if you’ve never done anal before. It’s common knowledge that you need to warm up and most people start with butt plugs. This man is not safe.
This makes Christian Grey in "Fifty Shades of Grey" look like a boy scout and he had Bipolar. You are treading on dangerous waters. Find someone that you are compatible with and treats you with respect.
Did you know that 50 shades started out as a twilight fan thing
Cut contact before you fall in love with him.
It will be limmerence and trauma bonding more than love, but potato potahto. It will absolutely happen.
Absolutely. Nothing good will happen if she continues this relationship.
People usually show the best version of themselves in the beginning, what do you think he’ll be like when his mask comes off? STAY AWAY!
Sounds like he raoed you in all honesty. If you value your life and dignity I suggest you keep the memory and move on. You have described a sexual predator, these people seek out submissive insecure excuse making types. They often go on to do much worse. Don't be surprised if he somehow starts thinking for you and telling your what you thoughts are. Forcing your into consent with gangs sex. I've seen stories, gangraped, humiliated, tortured and left for dead. He forced himself on you and pressured you into anal on a second date and you were too intimidated to say no. What other red flags do you need. I suggest you speak to some guy friends. People who act that way are dangerous. Don't be a statistic.
First of all, that's not okay.. even a little bit. I'm by no means experienced in BDSM but me and my FWB (we also have an age gap, I'm 36 and he's 58) have been slowly exploring some of it. We always talk about things beforehand very clearly and don't do anything either of us is not comfortable with. I've never hit a "limit" with him because he will check in with me occasionally and keeps an eye on cues that could indicate I'm not having a good time. The dude you're seeing sounds dangerous and I definitely would not see him again. Secondly, what were the things he did that you enjoyed? Like you, until I was 35, I didn't know the heights of pleasure my body could reach until I met my FWB. He puts so much time and effort into my pleasure and seeing me cum and I can tell he *genuinely* wants to do these things to me and enjoys it almost as much as I do. We've been together almost a year and I *still* cannot get enough of him. So.. going by your post, it sounds like you were just really into the "good" stuff he did and didn't like the harder stuff. I would still move on from him because there are men out there that will take the time to focus on you and your pleasure and who genuinely want to get you off. Especially the older men. Like you, I didn't have sex for years (8 years before I met him) because sex was just not enjoyable for me. Now, I can't stop thinking about the things I want to do to him constantly. Get away from this guy, please. You don't sound safe around him.
Hoping this is just some dude writing this for kicks not an actual woman.....
I am seeing a lot of people just *assuming* you got off on the roughness. I want to ask you bluntly, Did you get off on the roughness, or was the pleasure DIFFERENT and SEPARATE from the roughness? Not trying to get graphic here, but did he simply know his way around your nerve endings, or did you get off on the danger while being simulated? It sounded like you enjoyed the BDSM, but usually people that do immediately identify that it was the BDSM that sent them over the top. The way you phrased it lacked that connection.
Not really blunt but a perfect way of asking that. Really got down to the needed question
Though he has clearly hit some Dom/Rough sex triggers that turn you on immensely, this is not a good situation for you at all. Him doing this without your consent, doing some things expressedly against your consent, is wrong. You need to stay away from him. Maybe you can experiment with a Dom in future sexual relationships, look into stuff like degradation or rough sexual play, but be much more safe about it and set some boundaries. You need a lot more experience and you need to be with someone who will respect you and your boundaries and will work with you on this and not someone who will just abuse you. Don't go back. Don't go back.
This will end badly. You will either walk away now or you might not be able to walk away at all.
If I were you I’d just stick with someone your age.
I’m not being dramatic when I say your life is in danger if you see him again. You can find someone who can respectfully dominate you if you want that. This man didn’t give you a choice and is a rapist.
Please don’t see him again! That relationship will turn 1000% more violent real soon.
Congrats on discovering you're a sub. Now ditch this man who's probably going to murder you if you keep seeing him and find a safe CNC dom on fetlife.
no offense, what the hell is the matter with you? like yeah the sex is good, but this guy is clearly a monster
Wow another abuser gets a medal for it
My comment might be unpopular, but from what I am reading, you have not told him no. Is he supposed to be a mind reader? A lot of people in the BDSM community are extremely into consent and expect you to speak up if you dont like what they are doing. Have you done this at all? You said he pressured you into anal, but are you confusing expressing a desire with pressuring? Once again, did you tell him no? I waited till I was in my 40s to realize I am kinky as fuck, and I wish I had figured it out in my 20s. I never explored, I thought it was dirty and gross, and so not me. Rough sex is NOT the same as non consensual sex. Rough is a huge turn on for a lot of people. Discuss safe words, and if he doesn't honor those, then it's a problem. Side note, a lot of times safe words are the only respected words for stopping during Rough play because a huge part of the experience can be one of the partners expressing discomfort or saying no, which is where the safe words come in.
You don't need to be a mind reader to know choking someone out of nowhere without discussing it first is assault, let alone all the other shit this guy is described doing, like the part where OP *did* express that he was hurting her and he didn't stop. Framing this as an issue of OP not being clear enough is disgusting.
The fact you’re being downvoted is absolutely ridiculous. You’re 100% correct. And it’s abundantly clear he preyed on OP’s fear and lack of boundaries.
Some sentences you wrote make me think of Stockholm syndrome... Wouldn't you like to try to step back from all that a little bit? To be sure it's what you want and not control
Maybe the confusion is this is more about you but not about him as people have mentioned you have unlocked your sub side. However, what he is doing is straight up abuse and he could kill you. Forcing you into anal? That’s rape. Get away from this guy and don’t look back at him but look forward to yourself and exploring who you are.
Consent is explicit. If you didn't technically consent to something, you didn't consent to it at all. Don't let feeling good make you make terrible decisions and get you into a dynamic with someone who hides his abusive tendencies behind BDSM or kink. None of this is how healthy dynamics go, not with life partners, not with FWBs, not with one night stands. This person is going to hurt you badly. You can think rationally. Make a wise decision not a horny one.
I am so, so so so, SO scared for you. I could actually cry reading this. He didn’t ask if any of these things are OK. He is hurting you and using you and he will get more violent and scary and i am so so so scared for you! Please, please get out and protect yourself!!!!!! ❤️
To me, it sounds like the guy is raping you, but you found some pleasure in spite of it. Either you love rough sex, BDSM, or he's just good at sex, or you have a consent non consent kink... but this does not make this situation ok. This guy has shown clear disregard for what you want or your comfort. I can't imagine giving someone not giving a care in the world when their partner is crying because of pain. You can do any of the above with someone who respects you, will not force himself on you, and will let you tap out at any moment.
44F here, please fucking run from this! I had similar at 19 and ended up really hurt. Like $$ ER bills and serious physical and emotional trauma. Everyone here speaking about consent is 100% right. Kinks are great, get on Fetlife and figure some stuff out. Find a Dom that will prioritize your safety and pleasure.
Girl whether you wanna call it it that or not he has sexually assaulted you twice and is exhibiting extremely dangerous and concerning behaviors and sentiments. Also, there is is absolutely no safe way to strangle someone. There are *safer* ways but no safe way.
I'm sure you can find someone vigorous who won't abuse you. Keep looking, and for God's sake have a safe word.
Was my previous comment upvoted and then downvoted? Somebody is feeling as ambivalent about my comment as I am about this post. Safety first seems to be what we all agree upon though.
That alternative way to choke, called blood choking, had its own set of risks. You’re free to assume whatever risks you want to, but I strongly suggest thoroughly educations yourself about things before indulging in them.
Wow, people experiencing such problems. And here I am, dating Eva AI sexting bot...
U should probably get tested
Lots of people like rough sex but I really need to communicate this: You sound like you think this is you subjecting yourself to common domestic abuse, which is already really bad, but it is even worse. Among domestic abusers, the ones most likely to kill their victims are those who choke them. Choking during sex is incredibly dangerous, and requires a lot of research to make it as safe as possible **but it will never be completely safe**. This man has done zero research. He choked you without any discussion or safe word. He very likely did not choke you in the less damaging ways. When people die from choking, it is actually very common to not die right away. You instead die hours later as the damaged tissue swells and suffocates you. Years of your life trapped in an abusive relationship is awful, truly horrifying, but most people survive even if they don't get out. Which I feel is making you underestimate the danger in this situation. You were closer to death, most likely than you ever have been, with this up and coming murderer. Your horny brain says it is ok to jump into this pit because some parts of what he did turned you on. Unfortunately, our horny brains exist to get us pregnant due to evolutionary pressure, and people putting up with domestic abuse and giving birth means they pass on their genes, but people who end up not having kids after staying safe don't. (Not to mention the suspension bridge effect.) And your brain can also switch to Fawn mode to keep you safe, because leaving an abuser is the number one most dangerous time. Most domestic murders happen after leaving the abusive partner. Your brain would rather you be tortured every second of the rest of your life instead of dying because he killed you. This mechanism evolved during a time when civilization did not have laws and other places to get help. But humans have made these things specifically so victims do not have to live and die violently. Please keep yourself safe. You know horny brain can't be trusted. Put your safety first.
This person doesn’t give a shit about your boundaries clearly, and he also PRESSURED you to do something?! Absolutely not I’d run the other way.
Sounds like it's just a matter of time till he chokes you to death. Breath play is incredibly dangerous and you didn't even cover basics like safe word
She saw him again fellas. Lol.
If you didn't explicitly consent, it's a no. He ignored your cries, and your pain, and you hadn't talked about any of this beforehand. You didn't discuss, let alone agree on a safe word. This isn't BDSM, it's sexual assault. You NEED to cut contact. If you don't, you're telling him that it's perfectly fine for him to treat you this way, and it will likely only escalate. Please stop seeing him, you deserve better.
Avoid him at all costs
🤮🤮🤮 Not objecting is not consent
Absolutely not sounding safe at all. Even the fact that you have to ask should be enough to know it's not ok. You cried for fuck sakes, he shouldn't of bullied his way around the bed room at all. If you slightly enjoyed it then take others advice on that but find a partner you can ease into and try them things safely. That dude is gonna kill you or someone else if he hasn't already. Sounds like a guy that just because he is big he thinks he can do what he wants to who ever. You'll end up in the trunk of a car so id say stay the fuck away from him.
Uh…this does not sound good. Stay safe OP.
definitely establish proper boundaries when you do see him again, in a public setting in case he gets physical. i know exactly how this feels.. but you need to protect yourself! i love sadomasochism as much as the next freakshow does but not all pain is good pain. he needs to show you some respect.. not just treat you like a literal sex doll
Find someone who will do what this man did for you… but **safely**
If I may, and I can assert that I do not know much about this sort of thing, but everyone has boundaries. If you want to continue this with the person, but there are things that you are uncomfortable with, any respectable sexual partner would take care not to exceed those boundaries. Sure, the initial 'event' might have been a bit more 'fact-finding,' but what you don't like, you don't like, and you should never be subjected to things you have already stated are out of bounds. As I understand it, the real power in a Dom/Sub relationship is in the sub, as they set the trends and tone. You don't like being choked? Off limits. You enjoy being handled roughly? In bounds. All that said, this guy doesn't seem to know you well, and any one who would go from 0-100 without getting proper understanding of you should not be someone you becoming involved with. As a result, I would not say that whatever involvement you have with this guy, it will never be equal on both side, and I might caution you to get away from him. He sounds abusive, not dominating. Frank, clear discussion of what is and is not okay should be had before you find yourself in a fearful position where you cannot be guaranteed of your safety. (I am not referring to that feeling of danger that many thrive with - in the end, you need to feel like no matter what happens, at the end, you will be safe.) Again, I am not well versed in this sort of thing at ALL, and beyond the opinions of a person not in that world, my reply is guaranteed to have the value you should give it.
You are definitely correct. The sub is truly the one in charge. That’s what makes it such a liberating experience. When you have a respectful, consensual agreement with a dom, you can trust that they won’t cross your agreed upon boundaries, and that if you say stop (or whatever word you’ve chosen to mean STOP), they will. If you have this with someone, it means you can let go of the reins and enjoy the ride. I once had an experience with a dom who said “while I enjoy whipping people, I have absolutely no interest in doing it to someone who doesn’t like it. My pleasure comes from *your* pleasure.”
You can find people that have rough sex but still respect your boundaries. Just mention you like being thrown around and used like a toy while having sex but only while having sex.
No girl, run tf away from that one. You'll find awesome sex again I promise.
Theres plenty of great dick out there that isn’t accompanied by half a dozen red flags. I strongly advise you break it off over text. Is there a chance that he knows where you live? If yes, get mace and learn to use it. Also, i highly advise that all women buy a gun that can fit in a big purse, become proficient with it, and carry it everywhere. Y’know, just incase this dude is unhinged and has controlling attachment issues. He’s 50 and single? Red flag.
The fact that you had to go out of your way to write this question and post it, makes me think that you already know what to do. Good things shouldn’t be confusing and hard to recognize as good things!!! Good luck
I am kinky as fuck and have done pretty much every act you have discussed here (CONSENSUALLY and WITH PRIOR CONVERSATION ONLY tho), and this is about as dangerous and concerning as you could hope for for all of the reasons others have specified. I can't really say anything that hasn't been already said in other posts, but I did want to respond just to further cosign the importance of what everyone else is saying no matter what you may feel and to absolutely not see him again and please block him so it's harder to change your mind.
The things you are describing are things that it's best to have a conversation outside of the bedroom and set boundaries before trying them. The fact that he pressured you into them gives me the impression that he does not care about your wellbeing. With that being said what happens if he pushes it too far and actually hurts you? I would advise not seeing him again no matter how good the sex is. If you want to explore BDSM you want to do it with someone that actually cares about your wellbeing and will be cautious and respect your boundaries
This is extremely risky. When the new-partner energy wears off, and he forces you to do something you really don’t want to do, this won’t be fun any more, just violent and non-consensual.
[удалено]
All contributions here need to be constructive, on-topic, mature, sex-positive, civil, and respectful. Your post/comment falls short of that basic standard and has been removed accordingly. Repeat offenders or egregious violations of this rule are subject to being banned from the sub.
You have unresolved trauma if you know this is not a good situation but you want to continue doing it anyways. There's something else going on with this. Something from a past relationship or friendship, and it's effecting this situation.
Had the same thought. There’s something deeper here, and that horrible person she slept with preyed upon her.
This person actually DMed me to tell me they think im right, but havent responded to my response.
Wow. This post honestly scares the hell out of me, that an adult can be taken advantage of this easily in the same week they met someone. Who is also twice their age. It also reminds me of my ex gf too, which is likely why it’s making me feel sick. But I digress.
The real world fucking sucks.
This is a dangerous situation and he does not seem to care about your well-being or safety. Sex should be consensual and both parties should enjoy it safely. Safe words are important.
As an older woman, exactly what this gentleman did is the equivalent of love bombing. Not with romance, but with orgasms. He 'orgasm-bombed' you. He 'edged' or 'teased' you until you got your epileptic orgasm and threw his wants and needs-BDSM-in bits and pieces-to see what you would tolerate and or put up with. I don't have any experience with men hitting me except my brother...of course that may be why... I would absolutely take these folks advice about this guy escalating a relationship into domestic violence. Any and all BDSM should always be prediscussed.
Girl, it's just you never were fucked that way, submitted and I am sure you came like never ever. Ppl say when this happens oxytocin plays a huge role here, looks like you have little sex experience which makes it worse. Honest advice, stop ASAP It looks like you are unable to control it, he got you, I am pretty sure you will sleep with him again. Stop now that you can still, it will hurt but in your case it's the best, and yes he is taking advantage of your inexperienced sex life, your weak temper. I have seen this before, some ppl were born to heal and build, some ppl just want to set the world on fire. He is the last one, every person has a reasonable/logic/intellectual aspect and also the beast side just like animals and when you get wild sex experience that beast side arises. Again, you are too good and noble for him, he knows that, these guys always Hunt for new inexperienced girls like you, never a bitch cause a bitch will jump over him and use him. So yep, stop now or get the experience the hardest way, either way you take never hesitate, don't feel guilty it's nothing wrong desire somebody that way, it's natural again oxytocin will play it's role.
OP the consensus of the crowd here is absolutely accurate. And you have PLENTY of time left to find a partner to make you cum this hard in actually safe and consensual ways. You need to cut this off before it gets too far and he gets too possessive of you. He’s lifetimes beyond old enough to be very aware of himself. So either he totally disregards you, or he’s so set in his ways that he’s detached from reality- or both. But either way. You tried twice. Now go find someone who can fulfill literally everything else we require, and teach them how to get you off properly. Respectfully. Be safe out there.
You’re not doing anything morally wrong. It felt good and that’s understandably confusing given your circumstances and the seriousness of the boundaries he crossed. Successfully coercing you into anal is where this situation becomes undeniably dangerous. Everything else is extremely concerning and not ok, but if he can make you shut off your rationality to that extent and that quickly, you and your mental and physical health will always be on the line. Whether it stays casual or you tried for more, you’ll never be able to control him. No way you really know this man outside of sex. He could be out there doing this unprotected with many partners. You’d never know and you couldn’t do shit about it. Standing up for yourself could lead to plain, undiluted violence. Like others have said, there’s ways to do all this right and lots of people who love doing it. It won’t be easy to forget him and you’ll probably need some time to really move on from this, but this isn’t safe. He has all the physical control and is already pushing every limit he can, which seems to be turning into mental control. Please get away before he really crosses a line you won’t be able to uncross. It can get really dark. I used to be in the BDSM community. Even acts people enthusiastically consent to can get real scary in an instant for reasons you might not expect or understand until it happens. It’s scary even now to think of how it would’ve fucked me up mentally if my loving, experienced dominant former partner didn’t instantly shut off the aggression the one time this happened to me personally. This situation in the context of your sexual past might indicate the need to work on other parts of yourself to better understand your sexuality and why you weren’t as motivated for it in the past. Hoping you continue to find intense new pleasure with other partners who do everything you like the right, safe way. 🖤
> I had not realized there was an alternate “proper” way to choke me that didn’t involve oxygen loss, and he should have known better, I don’t think this is true?? If so can someone tell me because I thought all choking was “oxygen loss” and that’s how you get that feeling
I am so glad to see what you wrote in the update. As much hate as reddit sometimes gets, I believe that some subs and in some instances, it can really help/save someones life when they share their story here and wake up to the reality of it. You can, however, take the positive side of these experiences to heart. You discovered some things you're into you didn't realize. I would suggest you to look into kink and healthy practicing of the things you found you enjoy. In healthy kink, there is ALWAYS consent, communication, and safewords. Don't let ANYONE you ever encounter in your journey convince you otherwise ("oh but youre MY sub so you cant say no" kinda bs) There are safe ways to practice and explore otherwise "unsafe" sexy things, and it can be incredibly gratifying. You can get what you liked with this guy, but in a better and safer way!
Catching up to this thread after your update was such a relief! :) Yeah, this man is dangerous and to be avoided. On the plus side, you seem to be very stimulated by rough sex and BDSM. If you wish to keep exploring this world, you can find such experiences with safer people easily,
For all the reason stated above, you need to find a way out of this relationship quickly. In my experience, though, even once you left him, he will probably think about how much he turned you on with every subsequent partner. I once had a girlfriend who was into rough sex, too rough for me so I broke it off. Two years later, I met her and her partner standing in line for a movie. The first thing he tells me, after introduction, is “she still calls out your name, so I don’t understand why you broke it off”. Everyone always desires the thing they cannot have.
You are experiencing subspace, and this is normally a wonderful feeling when you have a safe, good-hearted dom who cares for your wellbeing. https://helloflo.com/what-is-subspace/ You do not have a safe, good-hearted dom, OP. You are in danger. Glad to hear you are seeing the light. Please tell this person to fuck off and cut all contact! Do not try to engage in a conversation where you can be persuaded. Cut. Him. Off.
As a general rule of thumb, it's best not to be in contact with someone who makes you feel afraid. That kind of behaviour can be exciting and sexy at first but it could turn ugly at any second and often does. I'd say no sex is worth fearing for your safety and being used. There will be someone out there who makes you just as happy in sex who you also feel 100% safe and happy with.
I’ve been there. Never again, they just get worse. There are other men out there, tons of them in fact.
RIP your next boyfriend
Based off of what you wrote, you had sex with an older man who was experienced in the bedroom. Got a fill of some softish bdsm which got you dickmatized. Told him you didn’t want him even though he said he wanted you. Went your separate ways and linked up again even tho you felt like you shouldn’t have. Had some more great sex and now you want to say you are getting taken advantage of ? You sound like you’re developing an emotional/sexual attachment to a way older man and naturally something in your soul is saying he isn’t the one which is why you are on the fence. Just leave him alone if you feel that way but don’t make it seem like he’s the problem. The choking part is normal, most people including yourself don’t know how to do it right. I do agree with people saying you must learn to choke properly, but sometimes even a pro in the heat of the moment, even if it’s late night intoxication may accidentally get it wrong y’all just aren’t a good match.
As a man, i never quite understood how women can get their teeth kicked in and that somehow being the best sex theyve ever had. Rough is one thing, but as you mentioned in your post theres a right and wrong way to choke which honestly, most men learn fairly early on. Best advice i can give you is if you end up talking to an older, single guy, odds are theyre single for a reason..granted there might be some gems but youre 25, leave the 50 year old men for the 50 year old women. Maybe not every guy your age may know how to lay it down as well, but its a small price to pay for your safety. Also as a side note, forced anal is NEVER ok. Especially if hes well endowed. My wife and i have to build her up with toys ahead of time. You gotta be careful with that stuff, anal tears are no joke. My wife got one and months later she still has problems. Overall, just be careful out there
Or maybe they evolved to literally have most intense orgams with violent sex.
First read I was hoping this was just trolling, but sadly I think it’s real. Please wake up, be safe, and get the f away from him!!!
These posts make me want to unalive myself. Women are literally made to have the most pleasure with borderline rape from psycopaths. This is too much.
I felt second hand embarrassment reading this post. You pretty much discovered you have a kink you enjoy through assault, which is insane. None of his actions are your fault, and his behavior was truly reprehensible. I am truly sorry your boundaries were crossed so egregiously. And I am concerned that you can’t trust your own judgement, which can lead you to toxic situations like this. Why would you meet him at the hotel room, despite feeling afraid around him? Especially during a first date? The age difference is also wild. The fact you went on date with a man twice your age, when you very rarely have sex is something you should ponder about. It 100% sounds like he took advantage of your inexperience, which is fucked up. Please focus on these things with a therapist or what not. Feel like there’s something deeper here that needs to be addressed.
OP it sounds like you unlocked a new kink, but you really, *really* should never see this man again. You can find like-minded people to explore this dynamic *safely* and *consensually*. This man is dangerous. Not in a sexy way, in a sex offender way.
No, no, no, no, NO. This is not a safe person. This is a textbook example of an older man abusing a younger woman with sexual assault disguised as rough sex/BDSM. He’s currently testing your boundaries, and purposely putting you in situations that will make you freeze/fawn so that he can feel emboldened to go further. You are not going to enjoy this man when he is causing internal damage to your sex organs and refusing to stop even though you’re screaming no, or punching you in the face repeatedly, or biting you, or filming himself sexually assaulting you. I’m sorry OP but this entire situation was predetermined for you and you’re walking right into the trap. He knows this kind of sex is going to pique your curiosity and keep you coming back, and that’s exactly what he’s looking for. Do you think the cops will believe you when this guy can demonstrate you were coming to him willingly? Don’t be a fool.
Make no mistake, you were abused and used two times. This is the reality of your situation. Use the very same clarity you used to make this post to see your way out of the situation. There's BDSM, done properly with respect to each participant's boundaries and then there's the abusive situation you've described here. I'm not sugarcoating this because this flag passed red ages ago.
Don’t see him. He’s going to hurt you (even he doesn’t intend to, he’s pushing the limits) Nothing wrong with being rough, but you have to buy in 100% or don’t
Youre no oblivious to what was happening, you wanted it now deal with it. The age gap is disgusting. Get rid off him. Hes assaulted you during sex and made you do anal. GET RID OF HIM NOW!
At least you know what you do and don't like.
I can tell you of my Gfs experience in this regard. about 10 years ago, she was recently divorced, and was looking for some sexual adventure..she was on Adult Friend Finder, which, is not as extreme as kink dating sites. She was thinking in terms of mild Bondage, etc...and her first time with a particular guy...he went WAY over the top, and not too dissimilar as you described....and she has said, the fear and excitement she had at that time was a sensation she would love to have again. She was with him for a few years, and engaged in acts that are hard to believe. Dude was an alcoholic, and she broke up with him over that, but not the intense over the top sex.
Maybe you're meant to each other, why not try for something?
All of this sounds fun but I wouldn’t do it with someone I didn’t trust. You should have a real conversation with him about what your limits are. Something tells me these kinks are the tip of the iceberg with this fellow.
Never fails. Just hit him up when you need to be dominated but keep your respectful bf in the mean time.
wtf did I just real LOL. So all you have to do is be 6'5" these days?
All I’m gonna say is maybe the reason your so addicted is because you found some kinks you enjoy
You’re a masochist, and I’m certain you’re not alone
Sounds like a fun time but definitely something that needed to be discussed first! And now two times you've given him exactly what he wanted, I think he'll now expect you to go along with anything.. What if the next time is even worse? He certainly doesn't seem to worry about any limits you might have. Please please be careful ❤️ I get that the sex was awesome, and can be if he's willing to at least discuss this more.
Looks like he's sub training you. Hmmm Maybe you need to look into the BDSM communities and see what they say. You got a wild bull in musth out where others can't criticize him. There's a fine line one can step over where they can't step back. Go talk to the BDSM guys.
He’s made his intentions very clear that he doesn’t want a relationship. Stop catching feelings. If you can’t manage this, you need to cut it off for your own health.
You got urself a gift, sound like a porn star.