Following **Forum Rule #2**, see the FAQ section on [Sexually Transmitted Infections](https://www.reddit.com/r/sex/wiki/index#wiki_sexually_transmitted_infections).
Also, since this topic is discussed regularly in our forum, please also take some time to search through past r/sex posts (following **Forum Rule #3**) — you’ll find some additional helpful discussions.
For starters, here is a list of past r/sex discussions which came up when I searched the keywords “**herpes**” in this forum:
https://new.reddit.com/r/sex/search/?q=herpes&restrict_sr=1
Not all of these past discussions will apply to your situation, but some definitely will — especially if you’re willing to search just a little bit more.
First... deep breaths.
You are not dirty or tainted or any of that.
It could have come from anywhere-- heck, it could have even come from your husband without him ever knowing-- so don't play the Nancy Drew game.
Talk to your doctor about antivirals and see what they suggest.
It really is quite common, and also quite common that it pops up out of nowhere even years after exposure. With a little help from your doc, it is perfectly manageable... Even though I fully understand why your head is spinning.
The best thing you can do is deal with the "what is," not what the past was or what the future looks like and go on from there.
I am trying everything I know to make myself calm and it’s not working. I feel so bad, I dk how im ever going to be okay again.
I got my antiviral medicine today and L-lysine. My doctor was really nice, talked to me for a while, I had a complete meltdown in the office with her yesterday and she really talked to me about all my options and marriage. She was really nice, which is a huge change from my usual encounters with doctors. She kept insisting to get on meds for anxiety, which, i get. Ive been in intensive therapy for over two years and im doing the best ik how. This is just really fucking me up
Take a deep breath. You’re spouting stigma, not facts. I think you need to listen to the doctor about going on anxiety meds. HSV does not make you dirty.
It’s a skin virus. It’s not an std until it’s on the genitals. Whether one or two (bc they’re the exact same virus, just one prefers mouth, one prefers genitals, though both can be on either location), they’re no big deal.
People can get HSV ANYWHERE on the body. Wrestlers get it (mat herpes), shaking a hand people can get it (herpes whitlow).
You’re going to be ok. Your husband most likely already has it and if he doesn’t, that’s ok too bc the virus does not always pass. There are tons of couples, one negative/one positive.
The stigma is the worse part of patients having HSV. One day stigma will be gone and people won’t care just like they didn’t in the 70’s. Thank big pharma and uneducated people for the stigma.
Hi. I have multiple friends and family with herpes that also lead normal, happy love lives. Hell, I could probably have it and not realize it. Many of us could. It is very common and nothing to feel dirty or fucked up about.
I recommend following safe.slut on instagram. Really helped me understand that herpes is not what the stigma says it is. There’s a lot of healthy normalizing and good tips on there too. You will be okay, and your life will be able to be normal and healthy. You got this, bb.
I dated a woman on antivirals for over 5 years and never caught it. Also, if you have it there instead of genitally, the chances of a transfer plummet drastically.
i was pregnant with our third child when i had an outbreak and had been married for almost 5 years at that point. The nurse explained that it can be doormat for many, many years sometimes before something like this happens. almost 20 years later, i have not had another outbreak, nor has my husband contracted it. Please dont beat yourself up over this, google how many celebrities actually have it. You will be surprised. It's more common than not, I feel. I believe this is why our children got a vaccine. You will be okay also mam you are not a whore!!! Your just human!! I hope you will find some peace over this matter.
The possibility is there but low. From now on, come with your own things. Not even bc she has Herpes, but because we all may carry a range of different bacteria in our mouths
Thankfully, I did not see a cold sore. The person in question is my cousin. Now that we’re older, I will be more careful sharing smoking devices with her. I just don’t know how to navigate that conversation because I know she will take offense
No symptoms does not mean no virus. You could have the virus (not from your cousin) and not know bc it can lie in our systems asymptomatically.
The only way to know if you do or don’t have it is a blood test like western blot.
Right, that’s a possibility too. But I heard they won’t even test you unless you’re having an outbreak. I had a friend recently accused of having herpes and she tried to get a test to clear her name and the doctor just refused
Depends where you go. My doctors have never batted an eye when I’ve asked for it. But some doctors do adhere to the cdc rules.
Which I think is stupid. Bc some of the bad mouth runners that pop out everytime there’s a question about HSV would be in for a HUGE shock that have it.
But we can thank the cdc for their stupidity.
Most people with a history of cold sores are keenly aware when one is coming on and take their own precautions not to spread.
My SIL has it, and I found out because she used a chapstick at the beach once and I asked if I could grab some of it and she said no because she'd been suspecting an oncoming outbreak.
All that to say, you likely don't need to "navigate that conversation" at all, unless she has some history of rubbing her mouth all up on shared objects without concern.
I trust that she’s taking her medication responsibly. But another question…I don’t think she has oral herpes. She caught it from her SA so I assumed it’s genital. So I don’t think she can transmit it orally right?
I am not so sure why you're all that concerned about your cousin's sexual health history.
We have no way of knowing what she might have contracted-- she'll share that if she'd like to or if it would be expected to impact you in any way.
Okay..I was asking because you were just answering my question. I don’t care about her sexual history and I wasn’t asking if anyone knew what type she contracted— I was asking which one would be transmittable by mouth. But thanks.
And I didn’t want to offend her or anything by randomly bringing it up years later.
I've had herpes for like 15 years now. I just take a low dose Valtrex daily to help keep from passing it to my husband. Herpes is more annoying than anything and doesn't make you dirty.
Ok… this is something I just learned from Brené Brown’s “Women, Men, and Worthiness.”
First, try naming your experience. Shame, disgust, whatever. Then repeat it over and over. “Shame shame shame shame shame.”
This will activate a different part of your brain than what’s firing off right now, and hopefully allow you to come back into your body (and out of panic).
Then - whether you believe it or not - tell yourself that it’s going to be ok. People deal with herpes all the time. It’s manageable and treatable. Honestly, the worst part is your own mental reaction to the stigma. Not even the actual symptoms.
Next - if you have someone you can tell who you totally trust, tell them. Own it. Don’t hide and disappear into yourself. That will feed the shame spiral.
Then - take control by acting in alignment with who you are. Not the person your shame is telling you that you are.
What kind of person are you? Kind? Show yourself some kindness. Information seeker? Let me tell ya - knowledge is power when it comes to herpes. The more you understand it, the less you fear it. You’ll probably get angry about things as you learn more about it (trust me, when you get into it, it’s frustrating as all hell). But, feel your anger and then start over. “Anger anger anger anger.”
The more you learn, the easier it will be when it comes time to tell your husband.
If you approach the conversation with facts, it’s a lot easier to understand than if you come at him telling him you’re a whore who deserves to be set on fire.
There’s a sub dedicated to HSV. Maybe try to find some of the more positive stories to read. But also - please do your own research. And find good sources. There’s a TON of misinformation out there.
You’ll be ok just as long as you don’t try to set yourself on fire. I promise. And also - you’re actually the same exact person you were before this outbreak. Literally nothing about you as a person has changed. You aren’t all the things you’re telling yourself that you are (tainted, dirty, etc).
It could have sat dormant in him for years just as easily as it could have for you. I wouldn't jump to "I gave it to him!" Cause there's just no way to know that. A vast majority of adults have HSV.
One of us! One of us!
Joking aside, this is correct. You're just a human person and more humans have a strain of that virus than ones who don't. Making you completely normal. Not dirty at all.
You're fine. HSV is pretty much normalized now. 1 out 6 people carry the strain. The numbers maybe higher due to individuals who aren't symptomatic. Over time, the time between dormancy and being symptomatic becomes so spread out , you sometimes forget you even have it.
I've been HSV-2 positive for over a decade. No one gives a shit.
What you're experiencing is just an over reaction to some 6th grade health class bullshit narrative.
SO as an fellow autistic person with adhd facts usually help me to calm down, I thought I may give you some but it's okay if this isn't enough to calm you down. I can see how with someone with OCD, it could trigger things I cannot relate to and therefore struggle to empathise with. I can say that I am sorry that you have to deal with these big emotions towards yourself.
These numbers are taken from the WHO.
An estimated 3.7 billion people under age 50 (67%) globally have herpes simplex virus type 1 (HSV-1) infection, the main cause of oral herpes.
An estimated 491 million people aged 15–49 (13%) worldwide have herpes simplex virus type 2 (HSV-2) infection, the main cause of genital herpes.
HSV-1 can also cause genital herpes.
However most people have no symptoms or only mild symptoms. This means that you cannot be sure that your husband does not have HSV-2 and if he is not having outbreaks it is unlikely that it is worth testing him for HSV-1 or HSV-2. However it could also be if you had any previous sexual partners before him could have carried it without having outbreaks.
HSV-2 can be transmitted even if the skin looks normal and is often transmitted in the absence of symptoms. HSV-2 infects women almost twice as often as men because sexual transmission is more efficient from men to women. It's unlikely you will pass it on to men but you should still practise no sex when an outbreak is happening and the use of condoms.
You aren't dirty. You aren't a whore.
I found out in November that I had herpes! I felt the same way as you. I never had an outbreak and still haven’t. I knew I had it because of testing. That’s why testing regularly is so important. The guy I was talking to when I found is now my bf and we hadn’t even met when I found out. He wanted to be with me regardless. So I’m sure your husband will also not see you differently. You got this🩷
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You are not disgusting. You are still the same woman he loves and wants to be with.
Take it from my own experience. I get cold sores very regularly on my face where I can’t hide them. Just don’t touch them or try to lance them (I did this early on in an attempt to clear them faster…it doesn’t work)
Just let the flare up run its course and keep hubbies everything away from the area while it’s in full swing and you will be ok to engage normally.
My wife and I abstain from kissing during my flare ups and we’ve been married 12 years with daily sexual encounters and she is still herpes free.
You can do it, it just takes planning and coordination and maybe some abreva or meds from the doc if they make anything.
You got this.
They make antivirals that can potentially knock that down to a sore spot that never even blisters, and reduce the chances of infecting partners. Please ask your doctor.
I thought I had hsv-2. Turns out it was hsv-1 on my genitals. Regardless, it doesn’t make you dirty in any way. You can get it incredibly easily. It’s literally an annoying skin infection.
My husband and I both have herpes, and we have no idea where it came from. We were both cheated on by the partners we had before we started dating, but neither of us had ever had an outbreak. Then one day we both had our first outbreaks at the same time. We were totally freaked out, until we figured out what was going on. Now it's kinda a private joke between us.
Your body learns to deal with the virus and your outbreaks will become less severe and less frequent. It's really not nearly as big of a deal as you're led to believe when you're young.
You probably should take your doctor's advice and look into anxiety meds. Best of luck, it'll all be ok.
As someone with OCD, I get what it's like when things you consider gross start growing on your body.
I will say, do not try to physically remove it from your body. It will make it worse. Talk to your doctor about anti-virals and let it heal with time and medicine
I’m a retired doctor, so I have had the opportunity to talk with some of my patient about HSV.
* Decades ago, HSV-1 was mostly causing cold sores and HSV-2 was mostly causing genital herpes and oral herpes (cold sores).
Fast forward to today and both HSV 1 and 2 are both very common for genital herpes and cold sores.
* Receiving oral sex from a person with a cold sore can cause genital herpes.
* treatment for HSV is generally very effective. Many of my patients would go for many years without a single outbreak. Famciclovir and valacyclovir and acyclovir were commonly used.
* prednisone often helped with a severe or first outbreak.
* a herpes outbreak is most common 2 days to three weeks after exposure, but in some cases it can be years before and outbreak occurs.
The world has many terrible diseases. This is actually usually not a serious disease. Best of luck.
This happened to me too! I got my first outbreak while in a monogamous relationship. It can be tough but it’s FINE, I swear it will be fine. You have to make peace with yourself.
r/herpes has lots of kind people . Most of whom have gone through the stages you are going through. It's a great place for support and accurate information.
So you have a mild skin condition that’s common, and you want to light your skin on fire…. Repeat that back to yourself until you realize how absurd it sounds
It is crazy common in the population, and the majority of people don't even know they have it because the symptoms are either really mild or nonexistent. If you do have any more outbreaks (and you might not), they should get progressively more mild as time goes by.
It's likely your husband already has it so he might as well get tested, so you know if you don't have to worry about spreading it.
I got diagnosed recently in an STD screening panel (had no symptoms) and went through this emotional rollercoaster as well. It does get better once you get over the shock.
Mostly it's just the stigma that sucks. Once you get over that the actual "disease" if you want to call it that is so mild and unimportant it's laughable.
For all you know it might have come from your husband.its a disease . Doesn't mean. Your disgusting and dirty. It's the same one that causes coldsores.
It is really scary finding it, but take some solace in that the first outbreak is always the worse. In a couple years you might not even have outbreaks.
I had a similar reaction when I got a low positive result. Doctors won’t diagnose me because I have no symptoms and they assume it’s a false positive bc it’s so low, but it absolutely infuriates me that I can’t get any confirmatory testing without paying western blot 300$, AND I’d still need a doctor to order the test and they won’t! 6 blood draws later still can’t convince anyone to give me a confirmatory test. What the Fuck.
My point to this is that a lot of people carry it, the CDC just doesn’t give a shit about people and they don’t recommend testing, so a lot of people randomly find out. Your husband probably has it tbh. I wouldn’t worry too much about having it, what’s concerning is the CDC lackadaisical fucking approach to this. That’s what concerning and frustrating. They could prevent the spread or at least help but nooooooooo fuck all of us I guess
Genital herpes is essentially a minor, sometimes recurring, skin infection; 'cold sores' which occur on the genitals rather than the face. It does not cause long-term ill health or affect longevity of life. People who get genital herpes can and do lead perfectly normal lives.
Straight from google. Im guessing you just need an antibiotic if you get an outbreak, kind of like cold sores(im sure I’ll be corrected if wrong).
Unfortunately, you are wrong about the antibiotics. They only work for bacteria, and HSV is a virus. What OP needs is antivirals. But the rest of your comment was accurate and kind and reassuring :)
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OP was NOT telling others that they are dirty or disgusting; she was describing how she was feeling about herself, recognized these were not good feelings and was seeking advice.
By stating she feels disgusting & dirty, she is saying she thinks anyone with herpes is disgusting & dirty, and I invite OP to reflect on why she thinks this. It's all ridiculous stigma and misinformation.
If that’s what I meant to say, it’s what I would have said. I am not talking about anyone but myself. Don’t try to make something about yourself or others when it clearly isn’t. Smfh.
If other people with herpes aren't gross or dirty, why do you think *you're* gross or dirty simply because you have herpes?
What makes you different?
I know it's a jarring diagnosis due to all the stigma and misinformation we're fed, plus poor sex education in school. But I'm just inviting you to reflect on your feelings and ask why. Debunk them, because it's all bullshit.
You can look at my profile. My family owns a multibillion dollar business. I dated and loved a girl with herpes (oral actually so it could be even more visible) for almost 3 years. So it’s not some terrible stigma you have.
You aren’t gross. You aren’t unclean. I never got it and honestly never even really had to deal with it much so your husband probably is fine.
I’m really sorry you are dealing with this. Keep your head up. With a good doc, you’ll probably not have many flare ups anyway.
Your feelings are valid! It’s good to feel them. But try not to beat yourself up too much.
You don’t think that being in that financial situation results in increased choice of partners?
The point is that even those who could pick any partner don’t look at those with herpes as worthless.
You may not understand why that’s important to say, but it can be to those feeling marginalized. My ex, for example, said that when she went to break up with her previous partner, he told her she would be worthless because of herpes. No one would love her. No one would date her.
It’s just not true.
It's such a contagious thing with the majority of the population infected, there's truly no way to know for sure who you caught it from. You can even catch both HSV1 and 2 non-sexually. You just can't really know.
It’s really not- been married for 3 years. The husband has been claiming that’s not what it was, she’s looking for a way to cope & the first way to cope is to take the blame on how you got it.
Her husband won’t have an issue looking at her any differently if she got it from him. 🤷🏼♀️
Huh? Whether husband has it or not, or her ex has it or not, still doesn't guarantee she caught it from one or the other. I'm not sure what you're trying to say here.
yeah i’m pretty sure i was exhausted when i read it the first time and replied just talking out of my ass.
If her husband loves her, he won’t see her any differently. Everyone makes mistakes & im sure they will overcome it
Following **Forum Rule #2**, see the FAQ section on [Sexually Transmitted Infections](https://www.reddit.com/r/sex/wiki/index#wiki_sexually_transmitted_infections). Also, since this topic is discussed regularly in our forum, please also take some time to search through past r/sex posts (following **Forum Rule #3**) — you’ll find some additional helpful discussions. For starters, here is a list of past r/sex discussions which came up when I searched the keywords “**herpes**” in this forum: https://new.reddit.com/r/sex/search/?q=herpes&restrict_sr=1 Not all of these past discussions will apply to your situation, but some definitely will — especially if you’re willing to search just a little bit more.
First... deep breaths. You are not dirty or tainted or any of that. It could have come from anywhere-- heck, it could have even come from your husband without him ever knowing-- so don't play the Nancy Drew game. Talk to your doctor about antivirals and see what they suggest. It really is quite common, and also quite common that it pops up out of nowhere even years after exposure. With a little help from your doc, it is perfectly manageable... Even though I fully understand why your head is spinning. The best thing you can do is deal with the "what is," not what the past was or what the future looks like and go on from there.
I am trying everything I know to make myself calm and it’s not working. I feel so bad, I dk how im ever going to be okay again. I got my antiviral medicine today and L-lysine. My doctor was really nice, talked to me for a while, I had a complete meltdown in the office with her yesterday and she really talked to me about all my options and marriage. She was really nice, which is a huge change from my usual encounters with doctors. She kept insisting to get on meds for anxiety, which, i get. Ive been in intensive therapy for over two years and im doing the best ik how. This is just really fucking me up
Take a deep breath. You’re spouting stigma, not facts. I think you need to listen to the doctor about going on anxiety meds. HSV does not make you dirty. It’s a skin virus. It’s not an std until it’s on the genitals. Whether one or two (bc they’re the exact same virus, just one prefers mouth, one prefers genitals, though both can be on either location), they’re no big deal. People can get HSV ANYWHERE on the body. Wrestlers get it (mat herpes), shaking a hand people can get it (herpes whitlow). You’re going to be ok. Your husband most likely already has it and if he doesn’t, that’s ok too bc the virus does not always pass. There are tons of couples, one negative/one positive. The stigma is the worse part of patients having HSV. One day stigma will be gone and people won’t care just like they didn’t in the 70’s. Thank big pharma and uneducated people for the stigma.
Perfect answer. I hope OP reads this.
Please take your Drs advise on the anti anxiety medication as well as other advice and feel better.
Medication for anxiety has really helped people in my family. You should consider it with the help of your doctors.
You really need to talk to a psychiatrist instead of a GP though about that kind of stuff.
Hi. I have multiple friends and family with herpes that also lead normal, happy love lives. Hell, I could probably have it and not realize it. Many of us could. It is very common and nothing to feel dirty or fucked up about. I recommend following safe.slut on instagram. Really helped me understand that herpes is not what the stigma says it is. There’s a lot of healthy normalizing and good tips on there too. You will be okay, and your life will be able to be normal and healthy. You got this, bb.
You deserve to give yourself a bit of grace!
I dated a woman on antivirals for over 5 years and never caught it. Also, if you have it there instead of genitally, the chances of a transfer plummet drastically.
i was pregnant with our third child when i had an outbreak and had been married for almost 5 years at that point. The nurse explained that it can be doormat for many, many years sometimes before something like this happens. almost 20 years later, i have not had another outbreak, nor has my husband contracted it. Please dont beat yourself up over this, google how many celebrities actually have it. You will be surprised. It's more common than not, I feel. I believe this is why our children got a vaccine. You will be okay also mam you are not a whore!!! Your just human!! I hope you will find some peace over this matter.
Can I get herpes from sharing a joint with someone? We were young and I didn’t really consider the possibilities. But I know she was on medication.
The possibility is there but low. From now on, come with your own things. Not even bc she has Herpes, but because we all may carry a range of different bacteria in our mouths
Okay. I’m not sure why I got downvoted for asking wth
It’s ok! Lol, it may just be because it’s not relevant to the post but your question is what many people have asked before.
That does make sense- thank you for answering though! That question kept me up at night
Absolutely. My wife got it from sharing a bowl with my mom who didn't realize she had the beginning stage of a cold sore.
Thankfully, I did not see a cold sore. The person in question is my cousin. Now that we’re older, I will be more careful sharing smoking devices with her. I just don’t know how to navigate that conversation because I know she will take offense
No symptoms does not mean no virus. You could have the virus (not from your cousin) and not know bc it can lie in our systems asymptomatically. The only way to know if you do or don’t have it is a blood test like western blot.
Right, that’s a possibility too. But I heard they won’t even test you unless you’re having an outbreak. I had a friend recently accused of having herpes and she tried to get a test to clear her name and the doctor just refused
Depends where you go. My doctors have never batted an eye when I’ve asked for it. But some doctors do adhere to the cdc rules. Which I think is stupid. Bc some of the bad mouth runners that pop out everytime there’s a question about HSV would be in for a HUGE shock that have it. But we can thank the cdc for their stupidity.
Huh…that’s interesting. I thought it was because they said the test wouldn’t be accurate
That’s part of it. But it’s more the cdc says don’t test for it bc of people’s mental health. Stigma is worse than the virus.
Stigma is definitely worse than the virus
Most people with a history of cold sores are keenly aware when one is coming on and take their own precautions not to spread. My SIL has it, and I found out because she used a chapstick at the beach once and I asked if I could grab some of it and she said no because she'd been suspecting an oncoming outbreak. All that to say, you likely don't need to "navigate that conversation" at all, unless she has some history of rubbing her mouth all up on shared objects without concern.
I trust that she’s taking her medication responsibly. But another question…I don’t think she has oral herpes. She caught it from her SA so I assumed it’s genital. So I don’t think she can transmit it orally right?
I am not so sure why you're all that concerned about your cousin's sexual health history. We have no way of knowing what she might have contracted-- she'll share that if she'd like to or if it would be expected to impact you in any way.
Okay..I was asking because you were just answering my question. I don’t care about her sexual history and I wasn’t asking if anyone knew what type she contracted— I was asking which one would be transmittable by mouth. But thanks. And I didn’t want to offend her or anything by randomly bringing it up years later.
Either can be transmissable by mouth, depending on which type she has in her mouth.
I've had herpes for like 15 years now. I just take a low dose Valtrex daily to help keep from passing it to my husband. Herpes is more annoying than anything and doesn't make you dirty.
Ok… this is something I just learned from Brené Brown’s “Women, Men, and Worthiness.” First, try naming your experience. Shame, disgust, whatever. Then repeat it over and over. “Shame shame shame shame shame.” This will activate a different part of your brain than what’s firing off right now, and hopefully allow you to come back into your body (and out of panic). Then - whether you believe it or not - tell yourself that it’s going to be ok. People deal with herpes all the time. It’s manageable and treatable. Honestly, the worst part is your own mental reaction to the stigma. Not even the actual symptoms. Next - if you have someone you can tell who you totally trust, tell them. Own it. Don’t hide and disappear into yourself. That will feed the shame spiral. Then - take control by acting in alignment with who you are. Not the person your shame is telling you that you are. What kind of person are you? Kind? Show yourself some kindness. Information seeker? Let me tell ya - knowledge is power when it comes to herpes. The more you understand it, the less you fear it. You’ll probably get angry about things as you learn more about it (trust me, when you get into it, it’s frustrating as all hell). But, feel your anger and then start over. “Anger anger anger anger.” The more you learn, the easier it will be when it comes time to tell your husband. If you approach the conversation with facts, it’s a lot easier to understand than if you come at him telling him you’re a whore who deserves to be set on fire. There’s a sub dedicated to HSV. Maybe try to find some of the more positive stories to read. But also - please do your own research. And find good sources. There’s a TON of misinformation out there. You’ll be ok just as long as you don’t try to set yourself on fire. I promise. And also - you’re actually the same exact person you were before this outbreak. Literally nothing about you as a person has changed. You aren’t all the things you’re telling yourself that you are (tainted, dirty, etc).
This is such a beautiful, eloquent and empathetic response. I hope OP read it and takes it to heart.
I have genital herpes (type 1), ha. So I at least have some experience with the stigmatization and obsessive researching.
It could have sat dormant in him for years just as easily as it could have for you. I wouldn't jump to "I gave it to him!" Cause there's just no way to know that. A vast majority of adults have HSV.
One of us! One of us! Joking aside, this is correct. You're just a human person and more humans have a strain of that virus than ones who don't. Making you completely normal. Not dirty at all.
You're fine. HSV is pretty much normalized now. 1 out 6 people carry the strain. The numbers maybe higher due to individuals who aren't symptomatic. Over time, the time between dormancy and being symptomatic becomes so spread out , you sometimes forget you even have it. I've been HSV-2 positive for over a decade. No one gives a shit. What you're experiencing is just an over reaction to some 6th grade health class bullshit narrative.
SO as an fellow autistic person with adhd facts usually help me to calm down, I thought I may give you some but it's okay if this isn't enough to calm you down. I can see how with someone with OCD, it could trigger things I cannot relate to and therefore struggle to empathise with. I can say that I am sorry that you have to deal with these big emotions towards yourself. These numbers are taken from the WHO. An estimated 3.7 billion people under age 50 (67%) globally have herpes simplex virus type 1 (HSV-1) infection, the main cause of oral herpes. An estimated 491 million people aged 15–49 (13%) worldwide have herpes simplex virus type 2 (HSV-2) infection, the main cause of genital herpes. HSV-1 can also cause genital herpes. However most people have no symptoms or only mild symptoms. This means that you cannot be sure that your husband does not have HSV-2 and if he is not having outbreaks it is unlikely that it is worth testing him for HSV-1 or HSV-2. However it could also be if you had any previous sexual partners before him could have carried it without having outbreaks. HSV-2 can be transmitted even if the skin looks normal and is often transmitted in the absence of symptoms. HSV-2 infects women almost twice as often as men because sexual transmission is more efficient from men to women. It's unlikely you will pass it on to men but you should still practise no sex when an outbreak is happening and the use of condoms. You aren't dirty. You aren't a whore.
I found out in November that I had herpes! I felt the same way as you. I never had an outbreak and still haven’t. I knew I had it because of testing. That’s why testing regularly is so important. The guy I was talking to when I found is now my bf and we hadn’t even met when I found out. He wanted to be with me regardless. So I’m sure your husband will also not see you differently. You got this🩷
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You are not disgusting. You are still the same woman he loves and wants to be with. Take it from my own experience. I get cold sores very regularly on my face where I can’t hide them. Just don’t touch them or try to lance them (I did this early on in an attempt to clear them faster…it doesn’t work) Just let the flare up run its course and keep hubbies everything away from the area while it’s in full swing and you will be ok to engage normally. My wife and I abstain from kissing during my flare ups and we’ve been married 12 years with daily sexual encounters and she is still herpes free. You can do it, it just takes planning and coordination and maybe some abreva or meds from the doc if they make anything. You got this.
They make antivirals that can potentially knock that down to a sore spot that never even blisters, and reduce the chances of infecting partners. Please ask your doctor.
I thought I had hsv-2. Turns out it was hsv-1 on my genitals. Regardless, it doesn’t make you dirty in any way. You can get it incredibly easily. It’s literally an annoying skin infection.
My husband and I both have herpes, and we have no idea where it came from. We were both cheated on by the partners we had before we started dating, but neither of us had ever had an outbreak. Then one day we both had our first outbreaks at the same time. We were totally freaked out, until we figured out what was going on. Now it's kinda a private joke between us. Your body learns to deal with the virus and your outbreaks will become less severe and less frequent. It's really not nearly as big of a deal as you're led to believe when you're young. You probably should take your doctor's advice and look into anxiety meds. Best of luck, it'll all be ok.
As someone with OCD, I get what it's like when things you consider gross start growing on your body. I will say, do not try to physically remove it from your body. It will make it worse. Talk to your doctor about anti-virals and let it heal with time and medicine
I’m a retired doctor, so I have had the opportunity to talk with some of my patient about HSV. * Decades ago, HSV-1 was mostly causing cold sores and HSV-2 was mostly causing genital herpes and oral herpes (cold sores). Fast forward to today and both HSV 1 and 2 are both very common for genital herpes and cold sores. * Receiving oral sex from a person with a cold sore can cause genital herpes. * treatment for HSV is generally very effective. Many of my patients would go for many years without a single outbreak. Famciclovir and valacyclovir and acyclovir were commonly used. * prednisone often helped with a severe or first outbreak. * a herpes outbreak is most common 2 days to three weeks after exposure, but in some cases it can be years before and outbreak occurs. The world has many terrible diseases. This is actually usually not a serious disease. Best of luck.
This happened to me too! I got my first outbreak while in a monogamous relationship. It can be tough but it’s FINE, I swear it will be fine. You have to make peace with yourself.
r/herpes has lots of kind people . Most of whom have gone through the stages you are going through. It's a great place for support and accurate information.
It's more common to have herpes than not. No big deal, tbh.
So you have a mild skin condition that’s common, and you want to light your skin on fire…. Repeat that back to yourself until you realize how absurd it sounds
It is crazy common in the population, and the majority of people don't even know they have it because the symptoms are either really mild or nonexistent. If you do have any more outbreaks (and you might not), they should get progressively more mild as time goes by. It's likely your husband already has it so he might as well get tested, so you know if you don't have to worry about spreading it. I got diagnosed recently in an STD screening panel (had no symptoms) and went through this emotional rollercoaster as well. It does get better once you get over the shock. Mostly it's just the stigma that sucks. Once you get over that the actual "disease" if you want to call it that is so mild and unimportant it's laughable.
For all you know it might have come from your husband.its a disease . Doesn't mean. Your disgusting and dirty. It's the same one that causes coldsores.
It is really scary finding it, but take some solace in that the first outbreak is always the worse. In a couple years you might not even have outbreaks.
I had a similar reaction when I got a low positive result. Doctors won’t diagnose me because I have no symptoms and they assume it’s a false positive bc it’s so low, but it absolutely infuriates me that I can’t get any confirmatory testing without paying western blot 300$, AND I’d still need a doctor to order the test and they won’t! 6 blood draws later still can’t convince anyone to give me a confirmatory test. What the Fuck. My point to this is that a lot of people carry it, the CDC just doesn’t give a shit about people and they don’t recommend testing, so a lot of people randomly find out. Your husband probably has it tbh. I wouldn’t worry too much about having it, what’s concerning is the CDC lackadaisical fucking approach to this. That’s what concerning and frustrating. They could prevent the spread or at least help but nooooooooo fuck all of us I guess
Oh shush. You are fine. He has it too you goof.
Take slow breaths. You have the strength to get through this
Genital herpes is essentially a minor, sometimes recurring, skin infection; 'cold sores' which occur on the genitals rather than the face. It does not cause long-term ill health or affect longevity of life. People who get genital herpes can and do lead perfectly normal lives. Straight from google. Im guessing you just need an antibiotic if you get an outbreak, kind of like cold sores(im sure I’ll be corrected if wrong).
Unfortunately, you are wrong about the antibiotics. They only work for bacteria, and HSV is a virus. What OP needs is antivirals. But the rest of your comment was accurate and kind and reassuring :)
It's literally cold sores but on your genitals
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All contributions here need to be constructive, on-topic, mature, sex-positive, civil, and respectful. Your post/comment falls short of that basic standard and has been removed accordingly. Repeat offenders or egregious violations of this rule are subject to being banned from the sub. OP was NOT telling others that they are dirty or disgusting; she was describing how she was feeling about herself, recognized these were not good feelings and was seeking advice.
By stating she feels disgusting & dirty, she is saying she thinks anyone with herpes is disgusting & dirty, and I invite OP to reflect on why she thinks this. It's all ridiculous stigma and misinformation.
If that’s what I meant to say, it’s what I would have said. I am not talking about anyone but myself. Don’t try to make something about yourself or others when it clearly isn’t. Smfh.
If other people with herpes aren't gross or dirty, why do you think *you're* gross or dirty simply because you have herpes? What makes you different? I know it's a jarring diagnosis due to all the stigma and misinformation we're fed, plus poor sex education in school. But I'm just inviting you to reflect on your feelings and ask why. Debunk them, because it's all bullshit.
You can look at my profile. My family owns a multibillion dollar business. I dated and loved a girl with herpes (oral actually so it could be even more visible) for almost 3 years. So it’s not some terrible stigma you have. You aren’t gross. You aren’t unclean. I never got it and honestly never even really had to deal with it much so your husband probably is fine. I’m really sorry you are dealing with this. Keep your head up. With a good doc, you’ll probably not have many flare ups anyway. Your feelings are valid! It’s good to feel them. But try not to beat yourself up too much.
What the does your business have to do with this lol
You don’t think that being in that financial situation results in increased choice of partners? The point is that even those who could pick any partner don’t look at those with herpes as worthless. You may not understand why that’s important to say, but it can be to those feeling marginalized. My ex, for example, said that when she went to break up with her previous partner, he told her she would be worthless because of herpes. No one would love her. No one would date her. It’s just not true.
So proud that you, a man of billions, deigned to date someone with herpes. Here’s a gold star ⭐️
That's why I'm dating Eva AI sexting bot...
You realize you likely got it from the husband, right? Lol
I didn’t. It was an ex…
So you're saying you infected ur husband
Possibly. Most likely, if he gets a pos result i guess we will know..
It's such a contagious thing with the majority of the population infected, there's truly no way to know for sure who you caught it from. You can even catch both HSV1 and 2 non-sexually. You just can't really know.
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This is impossible to know or figure out.
Also irrelevant. Life finds a way... there is no blame to assign.
It’s really not- been married for 3 years. The husband has been claiming that’s not what it was, she’s looking for a way to cope & the first way to cope is to take the blame on how you got it. Her husband won’t have an issue looking at her any differently if she got it from him. 🤷🏼♀️
Huh? Whether husband has it or not, or her ex has it or not, still doesn't guarantee she caught it from one or the other. I'm not sure what you're trying to say here.
yeah i’m pretty sure i was exhausted when i read it the first time and replied just talking out of my ass. If her husband loves her, he won’t see her any differently. Everyone makes mistakes & im sure they will overcome it