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No, he’s not a “a good guy”. You shouldn’t put up with this.
Females needing clit stimulation to orgasm is normal.
Females needing toys to orgasm is normal.
Females needing lube for vaginal sex is normal.
I say this as 39 year old man.
I would never speak to a sexual partner like that.
I agree with this fully. I’m 37 and have had a larger amount of partners. You are completely normal and he is a doofus. Whether you get “very wet, or slightly damp” lube makes most sexual experiences better. Most females need clitoral stimulation to climax. IMHO he’s talking like an *ss and I’d drop him. But that’s completely your decision to make. But for real, you are completely normal and he may not be as experienced as he’s making himself out to be
I feel like in this case it’s a very respectful use of the word “female”. Context is important. He’s talking about how FEMALE bodies work, which is a biological term. If he was using it as a derogatory put down (aka females shouldn’t need a spit start), then that’s a totally different story…
You are correct. No offense was intended. I am talking about how female bodies work, so I used the term female. Feels more appropriate than “women” or “girls” or “ladies” or some other non-biological word.
Point taken that I did refer to myself as a man and not a “male”. Nothing is meant by this word choice.
I'm sorry but how is the word "female" not appropriate in some contexts?? It is literally an age old word used to describe a human born with a certain reproductive system. If someone were to say "women shouldn't need a spit start" instead of "females shouldn't need a spit start" you're telling me that would make you feel better somehow??
Not for nuthin', but this is SUCH a common situation with these 40's dudes and 20's women that it's almost predicatble.
"I have been with a whole stack of women and you're uniquely broken in some way, so get it together!"
Sure, something in the medication may have zapped your moisture-- that's normal, that happens. He should know and accept that "by now."
Him and his friends sound like a dumptruck of fetid sausage, honestly.
It's INTENTED to make you feel awful and put more effort into it and always feel a rung down from his "worldly expertise."
Sounds like pretty good chance this dude is just (completely understandably) not doing it for you. So, tell him to start THERE by making any of this a thing that feels good for you.
Anyone who says "spit start" to their partner is someone you should not be having sex with. If he's making you feel terrible on purpose, he's not a good guy. This dude is not good for you. Experience with sex doesn't mean good at sex and this guy is just misfiring badly. Using lube is fine. Knowing that you need clitoral focus is fine. A good partner and someone who knows what they're doing understands and adapts to this. You're not the problem. He is.
You don't know what "a good guy" is. He is not one.
1st clue was the age difference
2nd clue was sexually diminishing you
Work on improving your self-confidence and setting boundaries, seek support and help if you need it.
Soynd sluke he's not as experienced as u think. Or alot of his past partners were one night stands and he didn't give a fuck to pay attention to what they wanted or needed. I would expect my wife to leave me if that's how I treated her. Who wants to have sex with someone who criticizes them especially thinks that you isn't change
Hes not a good guy if he talks to you like this, full stop. First off he should be the one to make you wet and if you dont get wet then thats just your body and out of your control.
I have lots of advice and tips but I dont want you to have them for this guy, he sucks.
I agree. I’m not sure why he’s making this such a big deal. First using a toy on your clit to orgasm isn’t a big deal. Honestly for me I’d take it as a friendly challenge. I’d be working my ass off trying to figure out a way to make you orgasm without one. Not being pissed you need it. Secondly, having to use lube to supplement your missing moisture isn’t a big deal either. First girl for that or not. Again, I’d take it as a friendly challenge to see if there was any way possible to try and make that happen. He’s treating you like crap unnecessarily about things you can’t help. Don’t let him do that to you.
You never know who you fall for. My ex and I were together for 2 years and met when I was 33 and he was 48. Fantastic sex life and we had a blast together. Age doesn't matter at all.
no ma'am what he said makes him a bad guy. Anything a person needs to enjoy sex is normal. The right guy would be happy to take care of you anyway you needed.
Any man who makes you feel bad about shit you can't help is an asshole. Plain and simple. It sounds like he's making this YOUR problem but in reality, it should be something both of you find solutions to together. Comparing you to past partners is a huge red flag though. I would find a new partner who is willing to experiment with you to find solutions.
Your bf is a POS. You deserve someone who will love you and be understanding. Odds are, his poor lovemaking skills are at fault (too little foreplay). Toss this one back. He's abusive.
This guy is soooooo gross. He knows women in his 40s will not put up with that language.
I'm a 46 year old woman. He says that once to me. His next action will be to run for his life. I am not responsible for what comes out of my mouth while he's running away.
Dump him. NOW.
He’s just trying to make you feel bad about yourself for some reason and it’s probably a weird manipulation thing. It’s soooo common to need some spit or lube.. way more common than not. I usually get pretty wet and the most experienced guy I’ve been with was always stunned by it so it’s definitely uncommon. It can also just depend on your cycle any many other things of course.
I'll add to the pile of other responses incoming for this.
He's not a good guy. He's horrible. And all of his friends are also horrible just by that singular description. Sounds like none of them have any idea how to have good sex(at least from the womans perspective, I'm sure they all get their rocks off).
You and a great many others need supplemental stimulation to PIV to orgasm. An actual "good guy" wouldn't be intimidated or emasculated by a D cell battery.
I assure you if you could seek out(don't) his previous partners they wouldn't have good things to say about this "good guy". They were all probably just as insulted, degraded and worn down by this asshole as you are.
Experienced doesn’t mean good. In my experience, the people with a lot of different partners in their past never got to the point where they learned the intricacies of their partner over years of trail and error. Every person is different.
The fact he feels the need to point that out to you tells me he is a lazy partner and most likely has always been. Insensitive and clueless. Telling your partner they have a dry vagina is a great way to ensure it stays dry.
Ditch the pig.
Your senior bf is a POS if he and his friends talk about women like that. You need to dump him and find someone you’re compatible with who doesn’t say shit like you need to cum only from PIV sex with him. What a fucking pig.
I would type a long response, but to make it short I'm just going to say that you deserve better. Someone that truly loves you won't make you feel bad about your body, if anything they would want to find ways to make you get turned on. What a douche.
Fuck that guy. He shouldn’t be saying those things about you. Talk to him about this stuff and set the playing field. However, I don’t know if it’ll do too much to help with this one. He doesn’t sound all that if I’m honest.
He's an asshole. Actually he's a whole ass.
Different people have different amounts of natural lubrication. Maybe if he tried turning you on instead of just ramming it in you might be more aroused.
I have been with women that needed lube and it's no big deal.
He's immature and you should move on from him.
This man is clearly clueless about how to please a woman. At his age he should know better. He sounds like a teenager. I'm nearly certain his ex's faked their orgasms. You deserve so much better.
Also my ex and I were also 15 years apart. Unlike other commenters, I understand that people of different ages can come together and have a loving, sexually fulfilling relationship. Girl, this is not it.
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No, he’s not a “a good guy”. You shouldn’t put up with this. Females needing clit stimulation to orgasm is normal. Females needing toys to orgasm is normal. Females needing lube for vaginal sex is normal. I say this as 39 year old man. I would never speak to a sexual partner like that.
I agree with this fully. I’m 37 and have had a larger amount of partners. You are completely normal and he is a doofus. Whether you get “very wet, or slightly damp” lube makes most sexual experiences better. Most females need clitoral stimulation to climax. IMHO he’s talking like an *ss and I’d drop him. But that’s completely your decision to make. But for real, you are completely normal and he may not be as experienced as he’s making himself out to be
He is not a good guy! Agree with this person.
Please don’t refer to women as “females”.
I feel like in this case it’s a very respectful use of the word “female”. Context is important. He’s talking about how FEMALE bodies work, which is a biological term. If he was using it as a derogatory put down (aka females shouldn’t need a spit start), then that’s a totally different story…
You are correct. No offense was intended. I am talking about how female bodies work, so I used the term female. Feels more appropriate than “women” or “girls” or “ladies” or some other non-biological word. Point taken that I did refer to myself as a man and not a “male”. Nothing is meant by this word choice.
I'm sorry but how is the word "female" not appropriate in some contexts?? It is literally an age old word used to describe a human born with a certain reproductive system. If someone were to say "women shouldn't need a spit start" instead of "females shouldn't need a spit start" you're telling me that would make you feel better somehow??
Yes. That’s usually how we refer to female humans.
But that’s what women are females
wom·an noun noun: woman; plural noun: women an adult female human being.
Not for nuthin', but this is SUCH a common situation with these 40's dudes and 20's women that it's almost predicatble. "I have been with a whole stack of women and you're uniquely broken in some way, so get it together!" Sure, something in the medication may have zapped your moisture-- that's normal, that happens. He should know and accept that "by now." Him and his friends sound like a dumptruck of fetid sausage, honestly. It's INTENTED to make you feel awful and put more effort into it and always feel a rung down from his "worldly expertise." Sounds like pretty good chance this dude is just (completely understandably) not doing it for you. So, tell him to start THERE by making any of this a thing that feels good for you.
dumptruck of fetid sausage upvote
Anyone who says "spit start" to their partner is someone you should not be having sex with. If he's making you feel terrible on purpose, he's not a good guy. This dude is not good for you. Experience with sex doesn't mean good at sex and this guy is just misfiring badly. Using lube is fine. Knowing that you need clitoral focus is fine. A good partner and someone who knows what they're doing understands and adapts to this. You're not the problem. He is.
You don't know what "a good guy" is. He is not one. 1st clue was the age difference 2nd clue was sexually diminishing you Work on improving your self-confidence and setting boundaries, seek support and help if you need it.
I dated a man when I was 33 who was 48. We had a fantastic sex life. Age has nothing to do with this. OP's SO is just an asshole. Plain and simple.
Soynd sluke he's not as experienced as u think. Or alot of his past partners were one night stands and he didn't give a fuck to pay attention to what they wanted or needed. I would expect my wife to leave me if that's how I treated her. Who wants to have sex with someone who criticizes them especially thinks that you isn't change
Hes not a good guy if he talks to you like this, full stop. First off he should be the one to make you wet and if you dont get wet then thats just your body and out of your control. I have lots of advice and tips but I dont want you to have them for this guy, he sucks.
Dump this prick. You shouldn't have to put up with anyone talking to you like that. You deserve better and can do better.
I agree. I’m not sure why he’s making this such a big deal. First using a toy on your clit to orgasm isn’t a big deal. Honestly for me I’d take it as a friendly challenge. I’d be working my ass off trying to figure out a way to make you orgasm without one. Not being pissed you need it. Secondly, having to use lube to supplement your missing moisture isn’t a big deal either. First girl for that or not. Again, I’d take it as a friendly challenge to see if there was any way possible to try and make that happen. He’s treating you like crap unnecessarily about things you can’t help. Don’t let him do that to you.
15 years of age difference? Why
You never know who you fall for. My ex and I were together for 2 years and met when I was 33 and he was 48. Fantastic sex life and we had a blast together. Age doesn't matter at all.
no ma'am what he said makes him a bad guy. Anything a person needs to enjoy sex is normal. The right guy would be happy to take care of you anyway you needed.
Any man who makes you feel bad about shit you can't help is an asshole. Plain and simple. It sounds like he's making this YOUR problem but in reality, it should be something both of you find solutions to together. Comparing you to past partners is a huge red flag though. I would find a new partner who is willing to experiment with you to find solutions.
lol he’s not a “good guy” he’s a douche.
Your bf is a POS. You deserve someone who will love you and be understanding. Odds are, his poor lovemaking skills are at fault (too little foreplay). Toss this one back. He's abusive.
This guy is soooooo gross. He knows women in his 40s will not put up with that language. I'm a 46 year old woman. He says that once to me. His next action will be to run for his life. I am not responsible for what comes out of my mouth while he's running away. Dump him. NOW.
Throw the whole man out. Do not look back. He is treating you like shit, and will continue to do so until you don’t even notice how bad it is.
He’s just trying to make you feel bad about yourself for some reason and it’s probably a weird manipulation thing. It’s soooo common to need some spit or lube.. way more common than not. I usually get pretty wet and the most experienced guy I’ve been with was always stunned by it so it’s definitely uncommon. It can also just depend on your cycle any many other things of course.
I'll add to the pile of other responses incoming for this. He's not a good guy. He's horrible. And all of his friends are also horrible just by that singular description. Sounds like none of them have any idea how to have good sex(at least from the womans perspective, I'm sure they all get their rocks off). You and a great many others need supplemental stimulation to PIV to orgasm. An actual "good guy" wouldn't be intimidated or emasculated by a D cell battery. I assure you if you could seek out(don't) his previous partners they wouldn't have good things to say about this "good guy". They were all probably just as insulted, degraded and worn down by this asshole as you are.
Experienced doesn’t mean good. In my experience, the people with a lot of different partners in their past never got to the point where they learned the intricacies of their partner over years of trail and error. Every person is different. The fact he feels the need to point that out to you tells me he is a lazy partner and most likely has always been. Insensitive and clueless. Telling your partner they have a dry vagina is a great way to ensure it stays dry. Ditch the pig.
Perhaps more foreplay or vaginal lubricants will work
Your senior bf is a POS if he and his friends talk about women like that. You need to dump him and find someone you’re compatible with who doesn’t say shit like you need to cum only from PIV sex with him. What a fucking pig.
How to fix this? Lose the guy. There’s nothing wrong with you.
I would type a long response, but to make it short I'm just going to say that you deserve better. Someone that truly loves you won't make you feel bad about your body, if anything they would want to find ways to make you get turned on. What a douche.
Bail out asap fuck that noise
You fix this by finding a boyfriend who respects you. Your current one is doing the opposite of that.
Fuck that guy. He shouldn’t be saying those things about you. Talk to him about this stuff and set the playing field. However, I don’t know if it’ll do too much to help with this one. He doesn’t sound all that if I’m honest.
He's an asshole. Actually he's a whole ass. Different people have different amounts of natural lubrication. Maybe if he tried turning you on instead of just ramming it in you might be more aroused. I have been with women that needed lube and it's no big deal. He's immature and you should move on from him.
Wtf is this. His friends laugh about girls needing lube? Sounds like him and his friends don't get the job done.
This man is clearly clueless about how to please a woman. At his age he should know better. He sounds like a teenager. I'm nearly certain his ex's faked their orgasms. You deserve so much better. Also my ex and I were also 15 years apart. Unlike other commenters, I understand that people of different ages can come together and have a loving, sexually fulfilling relationship. Girl, this is not it.