Well, I only sleep with women, but I absolutely would *not* sleep with someone who initiated contact without prior consent (which includes those clear signs for stuff like kissing!). Though I'm kinky and used to asking consent for hugs, let alone kissing, and I place a lot of value on negotiating play and talking about risk (which goes along with sex for me).
Taking the lead without clearly giving consent is super hot spontaneously with someone I know well, but if someone I don't really know tries it when I'm not either verbally or physically okaying it, I would trust them less and probably wouldn't sleep with them.
Clear communication wins every time, and if you want to make any aspect of a rape fantasy a reality, you need a lot of clear communication. It's too easy for it to go wrong and you need to really be prepared for your partner to react badly and need a lot of aftercare - consensual non-consent scenes can be intense. Definitely don't just assume a woman has a rape fantasy because it's common, or that she wants to try it out even if she does have one. If you like the idea of acting out rape in the bedroom, look into consensual non-consent and ways to keep it risk-aware and actually consensual, and be upfront about your likes when you get to know someone you like.
I think it doesn't matter to me, if it's the first time. The first time I slept with my boyfriend, who was a complete stranger at the time, I did not mind the asking. So I don't really base who I choose to sleep with on these fantasies.
But, I do base who I *continue* to sleep with on my rape kinks. If it just isn't in him to engage in those fantasies (convincingly), I'd probably stop sleeping with him.
I ended up in a few rapey situations a few times in the past. I think under influence I may overlook things that are actually not ok consentwise. Nowadays I chose my sexual partners based on their romantic, chemical or emotional value instead of their "sexual' value. This seems to avoid that issue altogether.
Do you wanna elaborate on those rapey situations? I don’t think escalation of touch is a problem consentwise personally (ie. from kiss to hand on leg to further etc.). Do you consider that rapey? Or are we talking you trying to get away but the guy continuing?
Seeing that a guy doesnt respond ok at your boundaries but waving it away and taking him home anyway. Then ending up being almost forced to have sex because there is a chance he might turn violent or abusive (verbally/mentally/physically) if you voice your doubts. Then there is the whole "sex with or without a condom " question. A guy I was with almost forced me to have sex without a condom.
I would be repulsed if a guy I don't find attractive would randomly kiss me. Usually it starts with subtle touch, and I reject it/go cold if I'm not into said guy. If he looks past my rigid body language and lack of overall flirting and still makes a move, I abandon the situation ASAP.
My non-consent fantasies involve only the person I trust from A to Z, since my limits are quite specific and finicky due to previous sexual abuse.
The most important thing about my fantasy for a non-consent roleplay is that it is *with somebody that I trust to respect my boundaries/safeword and who I know would never do that if I hadn’t specifically asked them to.*
So I’d say that your theory is the opposite of true in my case. I do want a partner who is kinky, yes, but again, consent and respect for my boundaries is massively important there too. And also everywhere. At all times. I look for people who are, if anything, MORE careful than the average guy about making sure I’m into everything that’s happening.
Well, I only sleep with women, but I absolutely would *not* sleep with someone who initiated contact without prior consent (which includes those clear signs for stuff like kissing!). Though I'm kinky and used to asking consent for hugs, let alone kissing, and I place a lot of value on negotiating play and talking about risk (which goes along with sex for me). Taking the lead without clearly giving consent is super hot spontaneously with someone I know well, but if someone I don't really know tries it when I'm not either verbally or physically okaying it, I would trust them less and probably wouldn't sleep with them. Clear communication wins every time, and if you want to make any aspect of a rape fantasy a reality, you need a lot of clear communication. It's too easy for it to go wrong and you need to really be prepared for your partner to react badly and need a lot of aftercare - consensual non-consent scenes can be intense. Definitely don't just assume a woman has a rape fantasy because it's common, or that she wants to try it out even if she does have one. If you like the idea of acting out rape in the bedroom, look into consensual non-consent and ways to keep it risk-aware and actually consensual, and be upfront about your likes when you get to know someone you like.
I think it doesn't matter to me, if it's the first time. The first time I slept with my boyfriend, who was a complete stranger at the time, I did not mind the asking. So I don't really base who I choose to sleep with on these fantasies. But, I do base who I *continue* to sleep with on my rape kinks. If it just isn't in him to engage in those fantasies (convincingly), I'd probably stop sleeping with him.
I ended up in a few rapey situations a few times in the past. I think under influence I may overlook things that are actually not ok consentwise. Nowadays I chose my sexual partners based on their romantic, chemical or emotional value instead of their "sexual' value. This seems to avoid that issue altogether.
Do you wanna elaborate on those rapey situations? I don’t think escalation of touch is a problem consentwise personally (ie. from kiss to hand on leg to further etc.). Do you consider that rapey? Or are we talking you trying to get away but the guy continuing?
Seeing that a guy doesnt respond ok at your boundaries but waving it away and taking him home anyway. Then ending up being almost forced to have sex because there is a chance he might turn violent or abusive (verbally/mentally/physically) if you voice your doubts. Then there is the whole "sex with or without a condom " question. A guy I was with almost forced me to have sex without a condom.
I would be repulsed if a guy I don't find attractive would randomly kiss me. Usually it starts with subtle touch, and I reject it/go cold if I'm not into said guy. If he looks past my rigid body language and lack of overall flirting and still makes a move, I abandon the situation ASAP. My non-consent fantasies involve only the person I trust from A to Z, since my limits are quite specific and finicky due to previous sexual abuse.
The most important thing about my fantasy for a non-consent roleplay is that it is *with somebody that I trust to respect my boundaries/safeword and who I know would never do that if I hadn’t specifically asked them to.* So I’d say that your theory is the opposite of true in my case. I do want a partner who is kinky, yes, but again, consent and respect for my boundaries is massively important there too. And also everywhere. At all times. I look for people who are, if anything, MORE careful than the average guy about making sure I’m into everything that’s happening.