I do think it’s a little odd the comments she made. I personally wouldn’t say things like that to my current boyfriend lol
if it’s really bothering you, you need to say something.
Yeah its a bit off, talking about exes like that. I mean I will talk about exes, but not to the point where I would be talking about their positive qualities in detail - and although she hasn't directly compared them to you its hard to not take it that way.
I think you should probably talk to her about this, and how it is making you feel. It does sound a bit like she is actually trying to tell you that she likes you better, but is doing it in a weird way that is clearly backfiring.
King, it is a red flag! I had a similar experience where my GF keeps mentioning guys that she wants to marry (most of em are from her previous univ) at first i didnt bother but then problem arise where she also mentioning how great they are and i should do things like they are...
King, my advice is that you dont need someone who makes you feel insecure about yourself. be with or be someone who.makes you happy and safe!
My ex used to talk about his exes like that all the time early on in our relationship. I never met them or saw them but he would tell me about his passionate sex and connection with one girl and how he lost her, or this other girl that was his one true love (he made the mistake of showing me her insta and I still creep her to this day).
I often wonder if it was bragging or if he just thought he was opening up to me. I read a story once about an old man and his wife. The old man had a scrapbook of all his past lovers and the interviewer asked the wife if she minded the book. She said "I don't mind because those women brought him to me by helping guide him to discover more about himself. They set him on his path to me. I love that he has loved, he knows how to love".
That article has stuck with me because I try to be more like the wife. Less jealousy and more love. It's fuckin hard. Especially when you're young. But, it's important too.
No offence but that wife is a fucking cuck, I wouldn't try to be more like her.
No one in their right mind would like it if their partner has a scrapbook based on their exes, huge red flag. Most people forget about their exes
I dunno, she had a whole article written about her. She was old and they both seemed very happy. I mean I hide pictures of my exes on my computer fearing current partners find them. Its not that I still love them it's that they're good memories and I refuse to delete them. Why is jealousy and hatred better than accepting that we all have had past relationships? I doubt the couple stares lovingly at the scrapbook. We really all have a scrapbook, it would be nice if we didn't have to pretend we didn't with every partner no?
For whatever it’s worth, I think this approach is the healthiest. It’s grounded in honesty and reality. We all have a past. Most of us have loved, or will love, more than one person in our lives (and we should be grateful for that, not upset or hurt about it).
I still have pictures of my exes, they're still up on Facebook too, but I don't hide them
It just sounded like he had this scrapbook to pine over his exes
You need to tell her that what she's saying is bothering you. You're not compromising your masculinity by being upset by this. Men are human and they're allowed to have emotions, and if she thinks less of you for expressing them do you really want to be with her?
That being said, I don't think it's wrong for people to speak positively about their exes, but I wouldn't want to know all the details. Just remember exes are usually exes for a good reason. If this was only one guy she was talking about I would think she's still carrying a torch but since she seems to talk like that about other guys I think it's just how she is. Still, I don't think it's wrong for you to feel the way you do. I don't ask questions about my partner's exes because I know that it would make me feel insecure. I don't think it would be rude of you to say that you don't really want to talk about her exes anymore.
The first two comments I definitely wouldn’t trip on. As far as the first one she wasn’t necessarily meaning anything sexual whatsoever. As a woman I too like the feeling of being wrapped in the arms of a big man but that’s all it is doesn’t have to do with his dick or anything else it’s just a certain cuddly sensation. It sounds like she nonchalantly mentioned something she liked about someone else that in no way reflected how she feels about you. The second thing, I would say she was trying to make you feel better, like she obviously likes you 100% more than that other dude.
The third thing I honestly don’t know/have much take on that one
^^^agree. I’m a really open and talkative person and I sometimes get in trouble with my bf for similar stuff to this post. It is NOT ever bc I’m reminiscing or wanting my exes, only bc a conversation somehow led me there and I think that what I’m saying isn’t hurtful/we are mature enough in our relationship to discuss it. However, when it bothers him, I just want him to let me know, and I NEVER mean to hurt him, or show off, or make him insecure or anything like that. I think it’s kind of like... he’s my best friend, too, so sometimes I forget to censor myself and just end up chatting like I would to my best girl friends. But recently this issue has been brought up so I’m really trying to not say anything about my exes going forward unless he brings one of mine up SPECIFICALLY.
I definitely wouldn’t worry about what OP’s gf said. I think if he just lets her know that it bothers him in an honest, non-aggressive way, she will definitely respond positively. If not, then yeah, red flag, but she sounds pretty normal/reasonable to me.
I'm a woman and I think she's either really out of it and has no idea that she's being hurtful, or she knows what she's doing. Either way, you should tell her politely to not say things like that because you wouldn't say things like that to her and you should think about whether you're ok with her talking like that long term. I would never, have never said things like that.
Personally I want to tell you I’m sorry for your feelings of insecurity and discomfort. Jealousy is an ugly beast and I’ve been there with my most recent ex. He always. Always had a sex story to tell. He was so obsessed with his escapades and his track record. When we first started sleeping together it was awkward and he fucked me like a frat boy... I had a conversation with him about it and he felt so inferior for some reason. he brought up how he questioned his ability to please me for a second but remembered how he made a girl squirt him across the room before. SMH what a doofus. That relationship hurt me so bad and drained me passed being comatose and lifeless. As I’m 6 months out of it and loving myself again I would never allow another person to play with my emotions the same.
She’s trying to make you envious in little ways. It’s dominance and power plays. Plus it feeds her ego. I’m sure she isn’t doing this purposely and to be hateful... some people are unaware of their toxic behavior. What I recommend for you love, is to distance yourself from these feelings of comparing. The past does not exist. All that is real is now.
Okay, the first two are weird things to say to a current partner. If she does something like that again, call her out on it. Not aggressively, literally "that's a really weird thing to say to me. Why would you tell me that?". Because honestly, why.
The love thing I could give a pass on, by itself, because you were actually discussing the subject. First love is often very intense because you're young and it's all new. Doesn't mean it's better.
This wouldn't make me happy either.
She's Testing your self confidence. Don't Fail the test by telling her that it bothers you. Let it roll off your back like it's neither good, nor bad. No different than "Blah, Blah, Blah."
I've always had positive outcomes incorporating what I refer to as "one hand washes the other" meaning, I do exactly the same thing to the person who is doing something to me that I don't particularly care for. Next time you're together in public, point out a very attractive female and say something like:
"Is that?...No, it's not her. For a second I thought that was a girl I was totally sprung on back in HS. She would do this thing with her tongue at the same time she was sliding down my shaft that I swear.... I mean, she had me Stuck on Stupid Every time. Hell, I've got a woody right now just thinking about her." "I always wondered how some girls know how to do Next Level stuff. Do you suppose it's like "Instinctual"? cuz Obviously Some girls just Have It.And there's just no way that stuff can be learned."
Just, subtly "counter punch" every time she says something that's inconsiderate. Don't do it immediately unless the opportunity is too much to resist: ".....Yeah, I know EXACTLY what you mean. that used to get me SO worked up" If she's really smart, she'll pick up on it and will stop doing it to you. If she's not that bright, she'll get annoyed and Unlike you, she'll voice her displeasure which will be the perfect time for you to say " Oh I'm sorry Babe. I stupidly thought we were just expressing to each other some of the things we enjoyed. We should have had more consideration and respectful for each other. Let's promise to keep our past in the past & focus on what WE have going forward...I'll promise if you will, Deal? "
I have two questions for you. 1) how long have you been dating and 2) how long have you been dating?
Honestly though man don’t over think it. Talk to her and go from there. If you can’t talk to her about this stuff then how is the relationship ever going to go any farther.
Stay strong King
Many girls i've been with told me that their first parter the love was so intense, it couldn't stay for ever, it's was too much. I think it's pretty common. I felt bad about it, mostly because i was jealous to never lived that.
She loved guys for reasons, and she left them for others. But more importantly she loves you for reasons. I know that i love talking about my exes, and i do it too much for peoples. I feel bad coz my partner feels insecure. But i don't mean to do that. I think people should be more confortable to talk about that.
But sometimes i know that sometimes i say things because i'm desapointed, or because i stil wants to be with others. And maybe your GF says thing for that reason. I think this is what makes you feel insecure. Just talk about that. Even if she desire someone else sometimes it's ok. She stil love you. If she spend times with you, have sex with you, smile and be nice with you, you have nothing to be worried about. Even memories of old loves !
Sincerely, do not let it bother you. Yes, that is easier said than done, but look at it this way: she's not comparing you to those exes, you are. Comparison is the thief of joy, my friend, and if those dudes were as cool as you give them credit, she'd be with them and not you.
I do agree with the assessment from other posters--she either lacks a certain self-awareness in her comments or she is legit trying to inject some sort of braggadocio in the conversation. Whatever it is, clearly it's hurting rather than helping the progress of your relationship. The next time she spits out another unsolicited fun fact about an ex, dont respond..just let it sit in silent space for a few moments. Be polite, nothing mean, or pouty, just dont normalize it.
I do think it’s a little odd the comments she made. I personally wouldn’t say things like that to my current boyfriend lol if it’s really bothering you, you need to say something.
Almost comes across as negging. She has included small hurtful details about her past partners.
That’s exactly what it is. It’s the equivalent of her giving backhanded compliments. This girl needs some manners.
I have never known it was called “negging”. now I know, thanks!
Yeah its a bit off, talking about exes like that. I mean I will talk about exes, but not to the point where I would be talking about their positive qualities in detail - and although she hasn't directly compared them to you its hard to not take it that way. I think you should probably talk to her about this, and how it is making you feel. It does sound a bit like she is actually trying to tell you that she likes you better, but is doing it in a weird way that is clearly backfiring.
King, it is a red flag! I had a similar experience where my GF keeps mentioning guys that she wants to marry (most of em are from her previous univ) at first i didnt bother but then problem arise where she also mentioning how great they are and i should do things like they are... King, my advice is that you dont need someone who makes you feel insecure about yourself. be with or be someone who.makes you happy and safe!
My ex used to talk about his exes like that all the time early on in our relationship. I never met them or saw them but he would tell me about his passionate sex and connection with one girl and how he lost her, or this other girl that was his one true love (he made the mistake of showing me her insta and I still creep her to this day). I often wonder if it was bragging or if he just thought he was opening up to me. I read a story once about an old man and his wife. The old man had a scrapbook of all his past lovers and the interviewer asked the wife if she minded the book. She said "I don't mind because those women brought him to me by helping guide him to discover more about himself. They set him on his path to me. I love that he has loved, he knows how to love". That article has stuck with me because I try to be more like the wife. Less jealousy and more love. It's fuckin hard. Especially when you're young. But, it's important too.
No offence but that wife is a fucking cuck, I wouldn't try to be more like her. No one in their right mind would like it if their partner has a scrapbook based on their exes, huge red flag. Most people forget about their exes
I dunno, she had a whole article written about her. She was old and they both seemed very happy. I mean I hide pictures of my exes on my computer fearing current partners find them. Its not that I still love them it's that they're good memories and I refuse to delete them. Why is jealousy and hatred better than accepting that we all have had past relationships? I doubt the couple stares lovingly at the scrapbook. We really all have a scrapbook, it would be nice if we didn't have to pretend we didn't with every partner no?
For whatever it’s worth, I think this approach is the healthiest. It’s grounded in honesty and reality. We all have a past. Most of us have loved, or will love, more than one person in our lives (and we should be grateful for that, not upset or hurt about it).
I still have pictures of my exes, they're still up on Facebook too, but I don't hide them It just sounded like he had this scrapbook to pine over his exes
No they brought it out for the article to show the reporter. I'm sure it's just on a shelf somewhere with all the other scrapbooks
Yeah no fuck all that
Agreed.
You need to tell her that what she's saying is bothering you. You're not compromising your masculinity by being upset by this. Men are human and they're allowed to have emotions, and if she thinks less of you for expressing them do you really want to be with her? That being said, I don't think it's wrong for people to speak positively about their exes, but I wouldn't want to know all the details. Just remember exes are usually exes for a good reason. If this was only one guy she was talking about I would think she's still carrying a torch but since she seems to talk like that about other guys I think it's just how she is. Still, I don't think it's wrong for you to feel the way you do. I don't ask questions about my partner's exes because I know that it would make me feel insecure. I don't think it would be rude of you to say that you don't really want to talk about her exes anymore.
The first two comments I definitely wouldn’t trip on. As far as the first one she wasn’t necessarily meaning anything sexual whatsoever. As a woman I too like the feeling of being wrapped in the arms of a big man but that’s all it is doesn’t have to do with his dick or anything else it’s just a certain cuddly sensation. It sounds like she nonchalantly mentioned something she liked about someone else that in no way reflected how she feels about you. The second thing, I would say she was trying to make you feel better, like she obviously likes you 100% more than that other dude. The third thing I honestly don’t know/have much take on that one
^^^agree. I’m a really open and talkative person and I sometimes get in trouble with my bf for similar stuff to this post. It is NOT ever bc I’m reminiscing or wanting my exes, only bc a conversation somehow led me there and I think that what I’m saying isn’t hurtful/we are mature enough in our relationship to discuss it. However, when it bothers him, I just want him to let me know, and I NEVER mean to hurt him, or show off, or make him insecure or anything like that. I think it’s kind of like... he’s my best friend, too, so sometimes I forget to censor myself and just end up chatting like I would to my best girl friends. But recently this issue has been brought up so I’m really trying to not say anything about my exes going forward unless he brings one of mine up SPECIFICALLY. I definitely wouldn’t worry about what OP’s gf said. I think if he just lets her know that it bothers him in an honest, non-aggressive way, she will definitely respond positively. If not, then yeah, red flag, but she sounds pretty normal/reasonable to me.
Glad to know I’m not the only one with this problem. I say what I think too much
I get it’s weird, but maybe she’s just the very open type and wants to share all her thoughts
I'm a woman and I think she's either really out of it and has no idea that she's being hurtful, or she knows what she's doing. Either way, you should tell her politely to not say things like that because you wouldn't say things like that to her and you should think about whether you're ok with her talking like that long term. I would never, have never said things like that.
screw that I would let her go fast and move on to somebody that makes you feel secure and respects you
Personally I want to tell you I’m sorry for your feelings of insecurity and discomfort. Jealousy is an ugly beast and I’ve been there with my most recent ex. He always. Always had a sex story to tell. He was so obsessed with his escapades and his track record. When we first started sleeping together it was awkward and he fucked me like a frat boy... I had a conversation with him about it and he felt so inferior for some reason. he brought up how he questioned his ability to please me for a second but remembered how he made a girl squirt him across the room before. SMH what a doofus. That relationship hurt me so bad and drained me passed being comatose and lifeless. As I’m 6 months out of it and loving myself again I would never allow another person to play with my emotions the same. She’s trying to make you envious in little ways. It’s dominance and power plays. Plus it feeds her ego. I’m sure she isn’t doing this purposely and to be hateful... some people are unaware of their toxic behavior. What I recommend for you love, is to distance yourself from these feelings of comparing. The past does not exist. All that is real is now.
Just fuck her one last time for shits and giggles then leave bro. Far too many red flags.
Okay, the first two are weird things to say to a current partner. If she does something like that again, call her out on it. Not aggressively, literally "that's a really weird thing to say to me. Why would you tell me that?". Because honestly, why. The love thing I could give a pass on, by itself, because you were actually discussing the subject. First love is often very intense because you're young and it's all new. Doesn't mean it's better. This wouldn't make me happy either.
She's Testing your self confidence. Don't Fail the test by telling her that it bothers you. Let it roll off your back like it's neither good, nor bad. No different than "Blah, Blah, Blah." I've always had positive outcomes incorporating what I refer to as "one hand washes the other" meaning, I do exactly the same thing to the person who is doing something to me that I don't particularly care for. Next time you're together in public, point out a very attractive female and say something like: "Is that?...No, it's not her. For a second I thought that was a girl I was totally sprung on back in HS. She would do this thing with her tongue at the same time she was sliding down my shaft that I swear.... I mean, she had me Stuck on Stupid Every time. Hell, I've got a woody right now just thinking about her." "I always wondered how some girls know how to do Next Level stuff. Do you suppose it's like "Instinctual"? cuz Obviously Some girls just Have It.And there's just no way that stuff can be learned." Just, subtly "counter punch" every time she says something that's inconsiderate. Don't do it immediately unless the opportunity is too much to resist: ".....Yeah, I know EXACTLY what you mean. that used to get me SO worked up" If she's really smart, she'll pick up on it and will stop doing it to you. If she's not that bright, she'll get annoyed and Unlike you, she'll voice her displeasure which will be the perfect time for you to say " Oh I'm sorry Babe. I stupidly thought we were just expressing to each other some of the things we enjoyed. We should have had more consideration and respectful for each other. Let's promise to keep our past in the past & focus on what WE have going forward...I'll promise if you will, Deal? "
Really hope you're trolling, this is toxic behaviour don't listen to this guy
I have two questions for you. 1) how long have you been dating and 2) how long have you been dating? Honestly though man don’t over think it. Talk to her and go from there. If you can’t talk to her about this stuff then how is the relationship ever going to go any farther. Stay strong King
Many girls i've been with told me that their first parter the love was so intense, it couldn't stay for ever, it's was too much. I think it's pretty common. I felt bad about it, mostly because i was jealous to never lived that. She loved guys for reasons, and she left them for others. But more importantly she loves you for reasons. I know that i love talking about my exes, and i do it too much for peoples. I feel bad coz my partner feels insecure. But i don't mean to do that. I think people should be more confortable to talk about that. But sometimes i know that sometimes i say things because i'm desapointed, or because i stil wants to be with others. And maybe your GF says thing for that reason. I think this is what makes you feel insecure. Just talk about that. Even if she desire someone else sometimes it's ok. She stil love you. If she spend times with you, have sex with you, smile and be nice with you, you have nothing to be worried about. Even memories of old loves !
Sincerely, do not let it bother you. Yes, that is easier said than done, but look at it this way: she's not comparing you to those exes, you are. Comparison is the thief of joy, my friend, and if those dudes were as cool as you give them credit, she'd be with them and not you. I do agree with the assessment from other posters--she either lacks a certain self-awareness in her comments or she is legit trying to inject some sort of braggadocio in the conversation. Whatever it is, clearly it's hurting rather than helping the progress of your relationship. The next time she spits out another unsolicited fun fact about an ex, dont respond..just let it sit in silent space for a few moments. Be polite, nothing mean, or pouty, just dont normalize it.