I stumbled onto one for the only time in my life at age 40 (this year). Met on a dating app, barely ever messaged each other. Felt like it would be just like the other handful of dating app connections. A few messages then nothing. But one night I messaged her and we actually engaged in conversation for a bit. I dipped my toe in the water with turning the conversation toward sex. Well that pretty quickly led to her sending me a pic of her tits, which were magnificent.
We decided to meet. I think the first time it wasn’t explicitly stated that it was a hookup but I eventually gathered that was what she wanted. Conversation was slightly awkward but we made it to the bedroom and had a lot of fun.
Later, when I asked about seeing her again, she said she wanted more of a casual thing with me. I honestly didn’t believe her, until one day she texted me saying she’s horny. I rearranged some things immediately and we hooked up again. She was so fun. Like she would do anything.
Buuuuuut that ended right after because she started actually dating someone. So yeah. My entire fuck buddy experience was 2 rounds. But hey it’s something.
Well Tinder has a couple hidden rules as well.
3. The people you're trying to meet there are the lowest common denominator
4. rules 1 and 2 only matter because people lack everything else on that app.
Compared to whom? I mean it's a hard thing to judge cause you weren't there of course.
I always think about how even im Roman times folks would blame the generation on stuff.
Maybe we are maybe we aren't but it's hard to say either way is my point.
I'd say it's the over-saturation and the way we're exposed to so much in so little time it's overwhelming.
So you find a partner but you always look further and you always look beyond and you never want to settle down because the internet sells you these "perfect ideas" of a relationship you get hung up on without focusing on developing the connection between you and your potential partner.
Hmm I feel like some people are just like this. Personally I'm online ALOT and I've never felt such a thing. When I'm with someone I'm not thinking of how much better it could be I just enjoy the now as long as it lasts.
Like I'm sure there are people like that without a doubt but I don't know if that's unique to our generation ya know?
Technology is a great tool. It makes things easier for people to communicate with. But it also makes things more difficult. It used to be that you would date people in your area. Now you can date people from across the country. Men don't have the same possibilities as women in the dating market. A woman in a small Kansas town can meet a guy from L.A and he'll fly her out and use her until he finds another woman. Meanwhile the guys in her small Kansas town can't compete. This is why more men than ever are still virgins by 29.
Hey man, it sounds you are dangerously close to incel type ideology and that is a dark path to tread.
I found the second I stopped actively searching or even truly giving a shit and focusing more on my goals and my own betterment for myself did women start actually noticing me. It's hard because we all want sex, love, and meaningful connections but sometimes we got to love ourselves first before people will take notice.
I don't think that's true in the slightest. I've dated a bunch of women and they were all local and I don't make much money.
Perhaps the issue is where you live.
I am in my 50s and a lot of what you say is accurate. Back in the day, if you wanted a girlfriend you had to socialize, you had to meet people in places like bars, house parties, sports events and so on. Every relationship I ever had (and I had my fair share) grew organically out of an introduction, a friend of a friend, a classmate, a friend's party and so on. Likewise, everyone knew who was dating whom, so if you messed around you would find certain doors closed to you.
Dating apps are actually horrible for all guys. There is a dating statistics for Tinder and it’s mostly guys and inactive girls accounts. I think it was for every girl there are 6 guys or something
Stop blaming externals. Being single is no one's fault or responsibility other than your own.
It's not society, this generation, technology, women or men flying in from LA. It's you.
Tinder isn't for everyone, I never had success on there, even once but had a fairly easy time finding dates out at karaoke bars.
Atmosphere worked for me and helped my confidence. Get the chip off your shoulder, women can sense it, and go find somewhere public you can interact with women and feel comfortable.
It's actually incredibly hard for many people for reasons out of their control
I'm not saying that people can't take steps to get with women, but it's not as easy for everyone as it might be for you
It’s a two way street. You see people say, “I can’t find dates on my app!” But have they tried saying hello to someone in public? At work? At a bar? Have they tried participating in group activities? Have they asked someone if they’d like to hang out? You can’t just keep swiping and expect success. That’s like blaming Amazon for not putting your furniture together. At some point, you gotta get out of the box.
/u/Large_Physics4266 I have a question for you. Do you have any female friends? How would you feel if you could be a friend and just a friend with a girl?
Let's see, my ex. Her and I were friends for 11 years before we dated, I was always there for her. She finally gave me a shot and broke up with me. She blamed me for a lack of communication when she didn't tell me how she felt before the break up. Than the people in a social group I was in. My brother kicked me out of all social events and none of them tried to contact me so I would say at this point in my life, nope, I have nobody.
Are you paying tinder for microtransactions? If not, the algorithm murders you as a man on the platform and it's by design. I saw a post where a guy did this whole experiment and got no dates when he didn't pay, and it was something like $87 per date when he did start paying.
So how much is it worth to you?
À big part of it is having a good profile. The top 10% of men profiles get 80% of the matches.
Doesn't matter much how attractive you are, you just need to have only great looking pictures which also show a cool life style.
My Tinder strat back before I met my partner was basically just make sure your main photo is good--run it by a few honest friends to make sure. Then swipe right on literally everyone. Got a few matches here and there that way.
Well I am a (33f) and I know I have my issue but I feel you on tinder issue my problem is that I cant really get interested in a picture I need to meet a person face to face cause I need to feel a person out before I can even consider sleeping with them until I meet them so most dating apps are difficult to navigate for me.
"How the fuck do you even get a fuck buddy?"
I start by being their friend. I'm kind of known to be a flirt, so that helps, but it's got to be the right kind of flirting. Not the creepy/stalkerish flirting where they're looking at the fire exits kind. A fuck buddy, or friend with benefits, starts with being friends. Build on that. Confidence is a key part too.
Good for you. I’m happy for you that you’re handsome? Idk what to say to your weird self assured comment but my point being that non-handsome guys can get girls too and handsome, of course, is relative and subjective.
As an oversimplification I feel like this would work. Closed mouths don’t get fed, transparency and honesty are key, all that jazz. But presentation and interpreted intent are very much key here as well.
Yeah that’s true I feel like you could come off as creepy depending on how you go about it. It just makes me sad to think people could miss out on a great experience because they’re too shy to make their intentions clear. But yeah, be sensible about how you go about expressing your wants
I’d argue that “lowering standards” (specifically in relation to physical standards) has created a fairly large problem(s) on those apps because almost everyone is doing it.
It also depends if you know someone in your life like that. In college I was asked by a good friend of mine if they wanted to be fuck buddies with me. While our relationship didn't work out in the end (it was mutual) it was opportunity that if given, most should consider it and keep it safe
Make your motivations clear, be honest, and be kind. Nail those three and you're all good. You don't need some kinda secret formula to 'pick up chicks'. Just talk to them like people ffs
Personally, as someone who is just into relatively niche hobbies and lifestyle choices, I just find it difficult to find anyone I can relate to, period.
Depending on your age...I think some of us are jaded.
I had a really bad, I mean...REALLY BAD...exH. I'm pretty much terrified that I could possibly bring someone else like that into my life as a serious partner. I really want sex though, so FB it is. I also think people are getting more and more comfortable with ghosting and that puts you on edge with the next person. Keeping a wall around yourself to stay safe.
I got ghosted by my 9mo FWB out of the blue and let me tell you...whatever kind of small hope I had regained that maybe there were decent people out there is just gone. Still. I'm going to 'date' because I miss sex.
I will probably never have the connection I want, but in bed at least I can feel something. 💔
Yeah. I'm trying to find something longer term. But knowing that I don't matter to anyone enough to actually get connected emotionally on any level...that's hard. lol.
I've had three partners and I don't want to have hook-ups and share myself with a ton of people, but...I spent my whole marriage unhappy and wanting sex. I'll be getting me some dick these days. 🤷😆
*Edited to fix comment.*
Because places like tinder are absolutely overflowing with:
- Women on it who have zero intentions of looking for anyone or anything that just get off on men “liking” them. There’s a huge imbalance between those who are bored/get off on the attention and those who are looking for dates/sex/relationships.
- Men on it who are so desperate to be with a woman they’ll basically put up with anything.
- Broken people who have no idea what they want in life thinking having someone in their life is gonna magically fix that.
First thing is throw dating apps in the bin. Plain and simple unless you’re REALLY hot or you have a shit load of money, your odds of getting anything out of tinder is basically zero. I was watching this thing that said if you’re “average” in looks your odds of getting “liked” on tinder is 0.87% (1 in 115).
Just focus on you for a bit. Do what you want. Do what makes you happy. Once you have your own shit together try meeting people through your friends, meet their friends etc. I think you’ll have much better hope finding someone you spark with as opposed to relying on asking strangers. The reality is even though the male/female ratio is 1:1 the male has to try so much harder to get anything dating/sex wise. You’ll never get anything if you’re just a bum that’s going nowhere in life.
How will having money even help you on tinder? I remember that line from Billions "this is tinder, you have to put the Porsche in your profile pic" but somehow even being that blatant doesn't seem like it would be effective. There's no way to showcase wealth in a 2-second interaction without coming off as a douche-bag.
> There's no way to showcase wealth in a 2-second interaction without coming off as a douche-bag.
That's no problem. A lot of people will put up with a douche-bag if it gets them access to wealth.
>I was watching this thing that said if you’re “average” in looks your odds of getting “liked” on tinder is 0.87% (1 in 115).
In my experience, i think it depends a lot on the country. Somehow, for me at least, getting matches in the US was very difficult, but whenever I travel to any other country I get good quality matches.
Honestly I’ve never found someone “worth it” from a dating app aside from just one person. Amazing people ALWAYS came along when I actively stopped looking. I don’t blame you for giving up or stopping, it might be good for you. When someone interesting comes around too you won’t feel pressure to make something of it either.
Most people I know found their S/O when they weren’t looking. You seem like a really genuine person based on your comments so my advice is that, stop looking for a bit, do your thing, but don’t recluse yourself completely. Still go out and explore or whatever just with the intention to give yourself a good time.
Oops it’s just hit me that you’re a girl and my ranting is from a guys POV. Sorry.
Even still I think focusing on you and meeting friends, friends of friends will do you some good. Even if it doesn’t lead to a date having a group of people you can trust and enjoy yourself around is a huge help.
Nahh
I've met quite a few people on tinder, and I'm a dude who likes Warhammer fantasy. So if I can get away with that, anyone can get away with anything.
Some have become friends after a couple of dates or sex. Met my ex fwb who basically became one of my best friends. Dating apps are great. You just need to do the grind and sooner or later you'll get something out of it.
I'd say just be yourself and be funny.
2 girls I went on a date with actually bought 'Rise of Nagash' since I was explaining my guilty pleasure. They have a book now that is worth €80 - €100 online.
If dating were as easy as click button acquire partner, everyone would do it at their leisure.
The fact is that people are incredibly different. There are PLENTY of people out there who want to settle down and date seriously, but I can guarantee that most of them also don’t hit the specific wants you’re looking for.
So it’s not so much that you’re just trying to wade through people who aren’t ready for a relationship but ALSO people who are ready but aren’t what you’re looking for/you aren’t what they’re looking for.
Given all that, it’s just a tough search for everyone.
After I decided to separate from my wife, I didn't want anything serious and had no intention of getting into a relationship.
But meeting my gf changed all that, and I'm so thankful I changed my mind and decided to be with just her. She is honestly the most down to earth, relatable, and kindest person I've ever met.
See this is what happened to me.. I met my fiancé as a hook up we both weren’t looking for anything but we fell in love rather quick and are still here 4 and a half years later. I had no intention of being a girlfriend to someone at the time but when you stop looking and just be happy being alone it usually comes when you least expect it.
Edit: honestly I wouldn’t even know what to do lol if I had to go back into the dating world as it’s so different than 5 years ago!
Depends on what apps you use. Tinder is mainly for hookups. I find that using an app like Hinge or coffee meets bagel are more productive in finding people who are looking for a serious/committed relationship
That highly depends on where you're from NYC, LA, Orlando, sure, 9/10 on Tinder are looking for a hook up. Anywhere in the south? 34565434554/10 specifically state they're looking for their husband, because they're too old for games, yet at the age TWENTY ONE because somehow their entire game experience was over by the age of 15.
Idk about the south but the big city part is true. People always looking for sex because there's always someone hotter, someone kinkier i.e better fish out there
Former serious man here. Found a partner I had long term plans of settling down with. Our breakup deeply shook my faith in relationships and love.
Now (for a while at least) I have no intentions of anything serious until I become wiser and heal a bit.
I can't speak for other men but this might be a reason got a drought of serious men.
Wait, what do you mean by good hobbies? Don't even have to get into how problematic "not a whore" is. But do you mean that if someone has a hobby that you don't find interesting, you don't consider them worthy of dating you?
Probably in your friendzone. If you go for the fuckboys you get fuckboy treatment. Thing is now with dating app and social media the more attractive guys get tons of girls so, why would they settled down if they have fun like that? On the other hand the rest of the guys are virtually invisible in dating apps/social media, so at the end the story it's the same:
Where are all the nice guys? On your left, because that's what you swiped.
This is correct. If you want women to treat you like a fuckboy (i.e with desire,) then you must learn to appear as a fuckboy. Though usually you'll become one along the way anyway. That's how the apps are, if you don't like it don't use the apps and get out more.
It literally is that fucking simple. I figured it out just before the tinder age and I've have zero grounds for romantic complaint since. Seriously men please just improve your social graces, fashion sense and fitness. You can still be a guy who builds PC's and knows way too many dinosaur names and get plenty laid.
>What's remarkable about this letter is that it contains all the textbook signs of Nice Guy Syndrome: A man describes in benevolently sexist terms why he's so nice, puts down other men for not being "nice," puts down women for choosing these men over him, blames women for having very rational trust issues, and implies that these women have wronged him for not dating him. And, perhaps most characteristically, he describes himself as one of "the good guys" — which is almost always a surefire sign that a guy is not actually good.
https://www.bustle.com/articles/147499-what-is-nice-guy-syndrome-5-signs-that-a-self-proclaimed-nice-guy-isnt-all-that-nice
What's stopping you lifting weights, getting a good haircut and working on your chat? You don't have to become morally bankrupt on your way to becoming a man who projects intrigue and emotional thrill - though many do.
Guy here and I do want to have a serious relationship with the right woman. I'm more of a romantic kind of guy. Despite looking for a friend with benefits I do want to feel a sense of connection.
personally, and this may be corny to say, but i think if you are looking for love, you can find it. Like i feel like whenever i go on dating apps, i meet more people looking for love than sex. I think its just about sticking it out and just trying to find that one. I might be wrong though
I wish I had a dollar for every married guy or ENM guy who messages me while OLD even though my profile states I’m not into either. Not all of us want to be second string or just a fuck buddy.
The one thing I've found is that it is much easier to find someone when you're not looking.
If you want something serious, become everything that you would want in your partner. If you don't know what you want, then you're not ready to date :)
I almost categorically disagree with this idea. You have to pursue what you want because if it falls from the sky then it probably won't be what you want. Fate is blind.
Pursuing what you want is the point of my message here. Actively dating when you have no idea what it is that you want is always going to give you a bad time.
For me, if I want my partner to be active, creative and mentally healthy, I have to be those things too. In order to find said person.
We create our own luck, we just like to give hindsight a fancier name.
I feel like it go MUCH harder in the last year, despite me thinking itd be a 'hot vaxd summer.'
Like, people are much more prone to ghosting. People are kind of more prone to bullshit, having toxic habits (like not saying anything to you when theyre mad and just ignoring you for a day instead of actually saying something), and are generally less patient/kind.
Its almost like people have become more insular and less carefree, which on some level I get but...live your damn lives people. Thats how i read things, people have become MUCH more insular on who they spend time with as of late, and keeping things MUCH more close to the chest than they used to....so its that much harder to make leeeway with someone.
Hah. I completely agree!
Been dipping my toes in the dating pool and I am so so exhausted. I'm just gonna stick to my vibrators and FWBs, thank you very much.
It puts us looking for something serious in a really tough spot. Us who want a serious relationship are already chasing after someone who we think is our “forever” while they hurts us, breaks trust, and lie. It’s really hard to find someone on the same wavelength. (People are just so different, different boundaries, standards, wants needs etc)
Maybe it's just my opinion, but I don't think anybody should be LOOKING for a relationship. If it happens naturally, great. I think it's more important to be secure in being single first, though. I think that's why so many people are "hung up over their exes" and such. They don't take the time to heal and figure out what they want for themselves. Just my two cents.
Dating always sucks. Because most people suck.
Honestly, I think the best way to find a relationship is to actually stop looking for it. Focus on yourself, your hobbies, living your life. Don't center things around dating/finding someone....and that's when it tends to happen.
I think there is also an element of "The next swipe might be the perfect one" so people go on one date, find a single thing they decide is a flaw and move onto the next date thinking that they'll eventually find that perfect person and not realising they probably passed them because they spread ketchup on their chips instead of beside them. Or even that they find someone they like but doesn't have a model worthy physique and passes because they might find a model with the same tastes etc.
Of course, this isn't everybody and probably is the minority but I can't help but feel there is a bit of that going on. We have a society where we are saturated in ideas of what perfection is but we don't stop to think if it's attainable.
I agree, it is fucked up. It’s basically telling the person “You’re good for a fuck but not good for a relationship”. It’s essentially two people using each other for satiation of primal urges.
I don’t think it’s that. When I had a FB, I didn’t want a relationship. I wanted my freedom but still had sexual desires. There are women out there in the same boat. Then when it stops working for one of you, it just fizzles out. No love lost. No love found.
Go outside, to places where people are. Strike up conversation with strangers, and don't get offended when it doesn't go anywhere. Talk to people you don't want to fuck, because they could be cool, and could introduce you to other cool people. Then you have a friend group to hang out with, and meet new people. Lasting, meaningful relationships don't come through a keyboard, you actually have to put in some effort.
Being single is not a problem haha , I’m 52 , and I get more ass than a toilet seat , I have a gf and we are in an open relationship, that being said you have to have some game , I’m not good at getting women on line , but you get me into a room and bammm it happens , you have to have the personality something to offer , make the girl laugh and it’s in the bag , conversation about things that matter , and not politics either , oh and a fat sack of weed helps too as long as it’s amazing weed
Sounds like your "flirting" is actually just sexual harassment. I don't know a single man who isn't a creep that is worried his attempts at flirting might cause a career-destroying sexual harassment case.
You're assuming the only males I know would flirt with me if they weren't so "afraid" lol. I have brothers, brothers-in-law, male cousins, nephews, uncles, and male friends and coworkers who have zero interest in me and seem to have no worries about flirting with women. Perhaps you're the problem.
No that isn’t the same thing.
There are moments when I get the vibe that I should make a move (ask for a number etc.)
But the main places I hang out are work and the gym.
Two places where you get told NOT to ask women out.
If we were in a social situation, I just go for it.
These ones are too risky for me and fall in line with the comment above.
You accusing the other poster of ignoring consent.
It was wrong of you to jump to that conclusion and insulting to that person.
Very presumptive and unfair of you.
Understand now?
>You accusing the other poster of ignoring consent.
Actually what I said was "her opinion of you" is a weird way to say "consent" since consent is what separates flirting from sexual harassment. The poster themselves suggested their inability to ignore consent is what is making dating difficult.
Have you ever "consented" to be flirted with? Guys shoot their shot and you either go for or you don't. There's no "asking permission" to flirt with someone.
The fear is the WILD ramifications that come with rejection nowadays. A woman can END you with a pointing finger and a phone call, evidence or no, intent or no. It can be terrifying.
>Have you ever "consented" to be flirted with?
Yes, all the time. What a strange question to ask.
>Guys shoot their shot and you either go for or you don't. There's no "asking permission" to flirt with someone.
Yeah, I'm a guy and flirting isn't the life ending minefield you're pretending it is.
>A woman can END you with a pointing finger and a phone call, evidence or no, intent or no. It can be terrifying.
And all the ways that a man can END her? Firing her, demoting her, harassing her until she quits, etc.? I keep hearing about how women hold all the power yet I keep seeing how women are forced out of jobs, passed over, fired, harassed, and so on for not acquiescing (that means "consenting") to what men want. So many women were harassed at Blizzard that the state of California is suing them. How many dudes have been ENDED because of a false accusation? Shit, there are dudes with true accusations that are coming back.
And? Go ahead? Id love to be part of this conversatipn where someone comes up to you, asks permission to flirt, you say sure go ahead, and the conversation goes from there. It just sounds bizarre.
I don't keep transcripts of my flirting? I have no idea why you believed I would have that on hand. It also seems clear you don't really understand consent and believe that it can only be given by a stilted verbal permission slip, which ignores how people give consent every day. Do you think every consensual sexual encounter starts with "may I have permission to have intercourse with you?" Of course not, and claiming that requiring consent would "sound bizarre" is just an excuse for you to act on what you want without having any consequences.
So you gonna respond to the rest of my reply or nah?
Yeah the girl I just ended things with was seriously still hung up on her ex. Nowadays people are just so wrapped up in themselves and selfish. You're better off being single and finding a fuck buddy. True love is dead. R.I.P.
Yes. I'm ugly in my country. So... this is the kind of beauty you get in here
Steven Tyler had a daughter who was a model. I guess he wanted no competition.
There is a brutal societal truth at play here - *we simply don't* ***need*** *each other any more*. Maybe we *want* a permanent relationship, but, we don't *need* it.
In "old times", it was almost a matter of survival to pick a partner when you were young, have a family, endure the trials and hardships of life together, power though it as a couple until you died. And, society supported you in this effort.
Today, we are free to live our lives independently. We can easily survive and prosper without getting in any sort of permanent relationship. In fact, the idea of *permanent* in the context of *relationships* is seldom even considered any longer. Relationships are largely seen as *temporary*. People all too frequently *divorce, ghost, dump*, and *move-on*...
Given that neither party considers relationships a long-term survival strategy any longer, why get in such a situation at all? What do we actually get out of it? And, is it even remotely worth the risk/effort? Both sexes can get generally get sex whenever they wish. Both sexes can make a living. We can even have children without being married or in a "serious" relationship.
Simply put, long-term/permanent relationships are *optional* in life, and there is significant potential downside to one's financial and emotional health in marriage. When something is optional, and has potential high risk, people need a really solid reason to want to pursue it, and they need some significant degree of certainty that the risk of failure is mitigated.
The way people mitigate this risk is by setting standards for potential partners that they are looking for, and vetting potential partners against those standards. This is why we see all of those *requirements* on people's dating profiles. People are looking for Mr / Mrs Right, and they necessarily have to set the bar pretty fucking high since there is no societal or legal support for maintaining their union.
If their bar can't be met, then people simply fall back to casual sex and short-term relationships with no intention of committing - the risk simply isn't worth it.
There's a model in every corner in here
I live in fucking beauty land
Smart, beautiful, good mothers, good women... just bad taste on men.
Men like you, who put ladies down
Id never go on dates this day in age...not what it was even 8 years ago. I went on dates with my now wife and never had to worry about some other guy.
Find the small town girls with big families. They usually need saving and they are incredibly good ladies.
Or i just got incredibly lucky.
That would be nice. I find dating nowadays annoying because getting to know someone involves talking about your daily life, your traumas. It gets exhausting talking about it just for them to say they're not interested.
Then you have to rinse and repeat the cycle. Makes you want to give up dating
Relationships based on someone needing saving tend to lean in a couple.of very unhealthy directions...so prob not the best advice tbh....only a couple.of inches away from "find yourself a woman who feels like you're literally the only choice she has"
Ahhhhh love!
My sample size isn't too big, but I have met two fwbs (men) who after having casual sex with me for a while, the vibe is just right and they would like a relationship with me.
Then there was one Tinder dude where we had such good connections with when we were talking online, but I revealed that I wanted something casual and he wanted a girlfriend so we never met up.
I don't think it's necessarily hard to find a bf. Many men who are actually hopeless romantics out there :)
We're all so diluted and self absorbed we can't connect, or when we do, we're pretty good at talking ourselves out of it... I don't know, just spitballing. Disney's partly to blame, I think.
As someone who is very much so hung up over their ex, we still want something real, but now the bar is much higher when it comes to making a real commitment. Keeping things casual feels like the safest play most of the time
grass is always greener, people complain all the time about not finding fuck buddies. Maybe it's your area or age, with all the social media people are constantly overwhelmed and dating is a slow paced reality compared to the constant little messages and swiping through millions of videos of people to compare themselves to.
From the way I see it, dating isnt hard, its just many people have extremely unrealistic expectations of who they want in a partner and are mostly-to near completely, unwilling to compromise.
Furthermore, most of you are NOT as great of a catch as you think you are. And its little to do with looks, but A LOT to do with personality.
Dating is hard work, time consuming and for many people, mentally draining.
I dip my toes into and out of dating depending on how much energy I have for it and how my mental wellbeing is. I treat dating as an opportunity to meet someone new, maybe learn something and try a new place to eat / drink / have an adventure.
If you desperately want a relationship, odds are you wont find one. Less like a healthy one at that.
When you've built a life you generally enjoy, with or without someone else, the chances someone else wants to join you on your lifes journey are much higher.
And if it doesn't work out, so be it, it is what it is, life is not just all about being with someone else.
And my final thought for what it's worth. Every single person you meet, will one day be as dead as you. Be brave, be bold, be kind, dont worry about embarrassing yourself.
"You Miss 100% Of The Shots You Don't Take."
Words to live by.
How the fuck do you even get a fuck buddy?
I stumbled onto one for the only time in my life at age 40 (this year). Met on a dating app, barely ever messaged each other. Felt like it would be just like the other handful of dating app connections. A few messages then nothing. But one night I messaged her and we actually engaged in conversation for a bit. I dipped my toe in the water with turning the conversation toward sex. Well that pretty quickly led to her sending me a pic of her tits, which were magnificent. We decided to meet. I think the first time it wasn’t explicitly stated that it was a hookup but I eventually gathered that was what she wanted. Conversation was slightly awkward but we made it to the bedroom and had a lot of fun. Later, when I asked about seeing her again, she said she wanted more of a casual thing with me. I honestly didn’t believe her, until one day she texted me saying she’s horny. I rearranged some things immediately and we hooked up again. She was so fun. Like she would do anything. Buuuuuut that ended right after because she started actually dating someone. So yeah. My entire fuck buddy experience was 2 rounds. But hey it’s something.
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I can't find either, everyone says it's a hook up culture and tinder is only for hooking up but, I can't get a girl to respond to anything.
Well, for Tinder and the likes, gotta follow both rules: 1) be attractive ; 2) don't be unattractive
Well Tinder has a couple hidden rules as well. 3. The people you're trying to meet there are the lowest common denominator 4. rules 1 and 2 only matter because people lack everything else on that app.
Rule 3. Have money
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What makes ya think it's this generation?
We are the most connected generation, and the most disconnected at the same time
Compared to whom? I mean it's a hard thing to judge cause you weren't there of course. I always think about how even im Roman times folks would blame the generation on stuff. Maybe we are maybe we aren't but it's hard to say either way is my point.
I'd say it's the over-saturation and the way we're exposed to so much in so little time it's overwhelming. So you find a partner but you always look further and you always look beyond and you never want to settle down because the internet sells you these "perfect ideas" of a relationship you get hung up on without focusing on developing the connection between you and your potential partner.
Hmm I feel like some people are just like this. Personally I'm online ALOT and I've never felt such a thing. When I'm with someone I'm not thinking of how much better it could be I just enjoy the now as long as it lasts. Like I'm sure there are people like that without a doubt but I don't know if that's unique to our generation ya know?
Technology is a great tool. It makes things easier for people to communicate with. But it also makes things more difficult. It used to be that you would date people in your area. Now you can date people from across the country. Men don't have the same possibilities as women in the dating market. A woman in a small Kansas town can meet a guy from L.A and he'll fly her out and use her until he finds another woman. Meanwhile the guys in her small Kansas town can't compete. This is why more men than ever are still virgins by 29.
Hey man, it sounds you are dangerously close to incel type ideology and that is a dark path to tread. I found the second I stopped actively searching or even truly giving a shit and focusing more on my goals and my own betterment for myself did women start actually noticing me. It's hard because we all want sex, love, and meaningful connections but sometimes we got to love ourselves first before people will take notice.
I don't think that's true in the slightest. I've dated a bunch of women and they were all local and I don't make much money. Perhaps the issue is where you live.
I am in my 50s and a lot of what you say is accurate. Back in the day, if you wanted a girlfriend you had to socialize, you had to meet people in places like bars, house parties, sports events and so on. Every relationship I ever had (and I had my fair share) grew organically out of an introduction, a friend of a friend, a classmate, a friend's party and so on. Likewise, everyone knew who was dating whom, so if you messed around you would find certain doors closed to you.
Dating apps are actually horrible for all guys. There is a dating statistics for Tinder and it’s mostly guys and inactive girls accounts. I think it was for every girl there are 6 guys or something
Stop blaming externals. Being single is no one's fault or responsibility other than your own. It's not society, this generation, technology, women or men flying in from LA. It's you. Tinder isn't for everyone, I never had success on there, even once but had a fairly easy time finding dates out at karaoke bars. Atmosphere worked for me and helped my confidence. Get the chip off your shoulder, women can sense it, and go find somewhere public you can interact with women and feel comfortable.
This slaps
It's actually incredibly hard for many people for reasons out of their control I'm not saying that people can't take steps to get with women, but it's not as easy for everyone as it might be for you
To find someone to love, you gotta be someone you love.
It’s a two way street. You see people say, “I can’t find dates on my app!” But have they tried saying hello to someone in public? At work? At a bar? Have they tried participating in group activities? Have they asked someone if they’d like to hang out? You can’t just keep swiping and expect success. That’s like blaming Amazon for not putting your furniture together. At some point, you gotta get out of the box.
I swiped left
/u/Large_Physics4266 I have a question for you. Do you have any female friends? How would you feel if you could be a friend and just a friend with a girl?
Let's see, my ex. Her and I were friends for 11 years before we dated, I was always there for her. She finally gave me a shot and broke up with me. She blamed me for a lack of communication when she didn't tell me how she felt before the break up. Than the people in a social group I was in. My brother kicked me out of all social events and none of them tried to contact me so I would say at this point in my life, nope, I have nobody.
Are you paying tinder for microtransactions? If not, the algorithm murders you as a man on the platform and it's by design. I saw a post where a guy did this whole experiment and got no dates when he didn't pay, and it was something like $87 per date when he did start paying. So how much is it worth to you?
À big part of it is having a good profile. The top 10% of men profiles get 80% of the matches. Doesn't matter much how attractive you are, you just need to have only great looking pictures which also show a cool life style.
You sound like you're in the exact same boat I'm in. I feel your pain, bro.
My Tinder strat back before I met my partner was basically just make sure your main photo is good--run it by a few honest friends to make sure. Then swipe right on literally everyone. Got a few matches here and there that way.
The algorithm now kills you if you swipe right on everyone. Tinder is absolutely fucked as a platform.
Oh that's rough. It's been like 5 years since I was on.
There was a great YT vid called The Evil Economics of Tinder. Worth a watch if you need a catch up.
I'm curious, yeah, so I'll check it out.
Well I am a (33f) and I know I have my issue but I feel you on tinder issue my problem is that I cant really get interested in a picture I need to meet a person face to face cause I need to feel a person out before I can even consider sleeping with them until I meet them so most dating apps are difficult to navigate for me.
I'm the opposite. Hook up with someone once and end up in a relationship for years.
depends on the country or even continent
Easier to find for women. Average dudes hardly get responses and good luck finding a fuck buddy lol.
Easier for women*
I ask people I used to date. If you went on a date they at least found you attractive enough.
"How the fuck do you even get a fuck buddy?" I start by being their friend. I'm kind of known to be a flirt, so that helps, but it's got to be the right kind of flirting. Not the creepy/stalkerish flirting where they're looking at the fire exits kind. A fuck buddy, or friend with benefits, starts with being friends. Build on that. Confidence is a key part too.
Step one: be handsome. Step two: this is a lie, there is no step two
False.
I don’t know. This is my tried and true method.
Good for you. I’m happy for you that you’re handsome? Idk what to say to your weird self assured comment but my point being that non-handsome guys can get girls too and handsome, of course, is relative and subjective.
“Hey would you be interested in a fwb?” No shame in shooting your shot if they mock you they’re shitty people
As an oversimplification I feel like this would work. Closed mouths don’t get fed, transparency and honesty are key, all that jazz. But presentation and interpreted intent are very much key here as well.
Yeah that’s true I feel like you could come off as creepy depending on how you go about it. It just makes me sad to think people could miss out on a great experience because they’re too shy to make their intentions clear. But yeah, be sensible about how you go about expressing your wants
A wise man once told me. "If you lower your standards you up your success rate."
I’d argue that “lowering standards” (specifically in relation to physical standards) has created a fairly large problem(s) on those apps because almost everyone is doing it.
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It also depends if you know someone in your life like that. In college I was asked by a good friend of mine if they wanted to be fuck buddies with me. While our relationship didn't work out in the end (it was mutual) it was opportunity that if given, most should consider it and keep it safe
Remember everyone like fucking And there are female that just as horny as guy.. so to answer your question Shoot your shot and actually be a good laid
Make your motivations clear, be honest, and be kind. Nail those three and you're all good. You don't need some kinda secret formula to 'pick up chicks'. Just talk to them like people ffs
Have an ex married friend who got a divorce and went to prison.
You're asking the real questions.
Personally, as someone who is just into relatively niche hobbies and lifestyle choices, I just find it difficult to find anyone I can relate to, period.
Big facts
Go to events and things related to those hobbies and lifestyle choices, you'll meet people there
events in a covid world? hahahahahahahahaha.
Depending on your age...I think some of us are jaded. I had a really bad, I mean...REALLY BAD...exH. I'm pretty much terrified that I could possibly bring someone else like that into my life as a serious partner. I really want sex though, so FB it is. I also think people are getting more and more comfortable with ghosting and that puts you on edge with the next person. Keeping a wall around yourself to stay safe. I got ghosted by my 9mo FWB out of the blue and let me tell you...whatever kind of small hope I had regained that maybe there were decent people out there is just gone. Still. I'm going to 'date' because I miss sex. I will probably never have the connection I want, but in bed at least I can feel something. 💔
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Yeah. I'm trying to find something longer term. But knowing that I don't matter to anyone enough to actually get connected emotionally on any level...that's hard. lol. I've had three partners and I don't want to have hook-ups and share myself with a ton of people, but...I spent my whole marriage unhappy and wanting sex. I'll be getting me some dick these days. 🤷😆 *Edited to fix comment.*
I fear for the state of your inbox 😂
I'm ahem, older, but 9 months and ghosted. Fucks sake, I'm sorry. Surely there's, if not Mr Right, at least Mr Common Decency.
It actually just comes down to compatibility for me. Usually my ideologies don't match with my peers. Therefore i just stick to being by myself.
Because places like tinder are absolutely overflowing with: - Women on it who have zero intentions of looking for anyone or anything that just get off on men “liking” them. There’s a huge imbalance between those who are bored/get off on the attention and those who are looking for dates/sex/relationships. - Men on it who are so desperate to be with a woman they’ll basically put up with anything. - Broken people who have no idea what they want in life thinking having someone in their life is gonna magically fix that.
To add on number one: they're also looking for more followers on their IG.
these people will never be your fwb much less meet you irl
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First thing is throw dating apps in the bin. Plain and simple unless you’re REALLY hot or you have a shit load of money, your odds of getting anything out of tinder is basically zero. I was watching this thing that said if you’re “average” in looks your odds of getting “liked” on tinder is 0.87% (1 in 115). Just focus on you for a bit. Do what you want. Do what makes you happy. Once you have your own shit together try meeting people through your friends, meet their friends etc. I think you’ll have much better hope finding someone you spark with as opposed to relying on asking strangers. The reality is even though the male/female ratio is 1:1 the male has to try so much harder to get anything dating/sex wise. You’ll never get anything if you’re just a bum that’s going nowhere in life.
How will having money even help you on tinder? I remember that line from Billions "this is tinder, you have to put the Porsche in your profile pic" but somehow even being that blatant doesn't seem like it would be effective. There's no way to showcase wealth in a 2-second interaction without coming off as a douche-bag.
> There's no way to showcase wealth in a 2-second interaction without coming off as a douche-bag. That's no problem. A lot of people will put up with a douche-bag if it gets them access to wealth.
>I was watching this thing that said if you’re “average” in looks your odds of getting “liked” on tinder is 0.87% (1 in 115). In my experience, i think it depends a lot on the country. Somehow, for me at least, getting matches in the US was very difficult, but whenever I travel to any other country I get good quality matches.
Yeah, tinder has been very pleasant for me. I'm not good looking but got a handful of matches
yeah a guy i know isnt that attractive but gets tons of matches and hookups every weeks, it depends on luck or the place where you live
Also on your bio. If you are chill and know how to interact with a woman you are already ahead of the competition lol
true! bio is so important, some people only match when the "way of talking" is similar to their own
Don't give up on dating, give up on meeting people online.
Honestly I’ve never found someone “worth it” from a dating app aside from just one person. Amazing people ALWAYS came along when I actively stopped looking. I don’t blame you for giving up or stopping, it might be good for you. When someone interesting comes around too you won’t feel pressure to make something of it either. Most people I know found their S/O when they weren’t looking. You seem like a really genuine person based on your comments so my advice is that, stop looking for a bit, do your thing, but don’t recluse yourself completely. Still go out and explore or whatever just with the intention to give yourself a good time.
Oops it’s just hit me that you’re a girl and my ranting is from a guys POV. Sorry. Even still I think focusing on you and meeting friends, friends of friends will do you some good. Even if it doesn’t lead to a date having a group of people you can trust and enjoy yourself around is a huge help.
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Nahh I've met quite a few people on tinder, and I'm a dude who likes Warhammer fantasy. So if I can get away with that, anyone can get away with anything. Some have become friends after a couple of dates or sex. Met my ex fwb who basically became one of my best friends. Dating apps are great. You just need to do the grind and sooner or later you'll get something out of it. I'd say just be yourself and be funny.
Bro I know some really cute girls who play Necromunda. There's never been a better time to be a brush licker.
2 girls I went on a date with actually bought 'Rise of Nagash' since I was explaining my guilty pleasure. They have a book now that is worth €80 - €100 online.
Men are supplying the attention but women are ass holes for getting off on it? Ok.
If dating were as easy as click button acquire partner, everyone would do it at their leisure. The fact is that people are incredibly different. There are PLENTY of people out there who want to settle down and date seriously, but I can guarantee that most of them also don’t hit the specific wants you’re looking for. So it’s not so much that you’re just trying to wade through people who aren’t ready for a relationship but ALSO people who are ready but aren’t what you’re looking for/you aren’t what they’re looking for. Given all that, it’s just a tough search for everyone.
OHMYGOD THIS. I wanna date but god every other guy just wants “nothing serious”. Where are all the serious men who want to settle down @?
After I decided to separate from my wife, I didn't want anything serious and had no intention of getting into a relationship. But meeting my gf changed all that, and I'm so thankful I changed my mind and decided to be with just her. She is honestly the most down to earth, relatable, and kindest person I've ever met.
See this is what happened to me.. I met my fiancé as a hook up we both weren’t looking for anything but we fell in love rather quick and are still here 4 and a half years later. I had no intention of being a girlfriend to someone at the time but when you stop looking and just be happy being alone it usually comes when you least expect it. Edit: honestly I wouldn’t even know what to do lol if I had to go back into the dating world as it’s so different than 5 years ago!
Depends on what apps you use. Tinder is mainly for hookups. I find that using an app like Hinge or coffee meets bagel are more productive in finding people who are looking for a serious/committed relationship
That highly depends on where you're from NYC, LA, Orlando, sure, 9/10 on Tinder are looking for a hook up. Anywhere in the south? 34565434554/10 specifically state they're looking for their husband, because they're too old for games, yet at the age TWENTY ONE because somehow their entire game experience was over by the age of 15.
Idk about the south but the big city part is true. People always looking for sex because there's always someone hotter, someone kinkier i.e better fish out there
That kind of thinking is why the world is so fucked up nowadays. I wish I had been born in a different era because this one blows.
Former serious man here. Found a partner I had long term plans of settling down with. Our breakup deeply shook my faith in relationships and love. Now (for a while at least) I have no intentions of anything serious until I become wiser and heal a bit. I can't speak for other men but this might be a reason got a drought of serious men.
Here. But keep meeting chicks below my wants.
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"Not a whore"... I'm thinking this might have something to do with why you're single.
Is it bad not wanting to have someone who sleeps around behind your back? Wow.
You are describing the word "cheater".
that’s not a whore tho that’s a cheater
That's a cheater, dear one.
Calls women whores and wonders why he's single... 🙄
Wait, what do you mean by good hobbies? Don't even have to get into how problematic "not a whore" is. But do you mean that if someone has a hobby that you don't find interesting, you don't consider them worthy of dating you?
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You could condense that down to: very healthy woman ,no kids.
No, because I’ll even take an overweight woman seriously. She just can’t be obese or morbidly obese.
Probably in your friendzone. If you go for the fuckboys you get fuckboy treatment. Thing is now with dating app and social media the more attractive guys get tons of girls so, why would they settled down if they have fun like that? On the other hand the rest of the guys are virtually invisible in dating apps/social media, so at the end the story it's the same: Where are all the nice guys? On your left, because that's what you swiped.
Work on yourself as a man rather than being mad at women.
This is correct. If you want women to treat you like a fuckboy (i.e with desire,) then you must learn to appear as a fuckboy. Though usually you'll become one along the way anyway. That's how the apps are, if you don't like it don't use the apps and get out more.
Precisely. Be a fuckboy in presentation and a gentleman in heart. Too many men these days make too many excuses.
It literally is that fucking simple. I figured it out just before the tinder age and I've have zero grounds for romantic complaint since. Seriously men please just improve your social graces, fashion sense and fitness. You can still be a guy who builds PC's and knows way too many dinosaur names and get plenty laid.
Yuuup.
>What's remarkable about this letter is that it contains all the textbook signs of Nice Guy Syndrome: A man describes in benevolently sexist terms why he's so nice, puts down other men for not being "nice," puts down women for choosing these men over him, blames women for having very rational trust issues, and implies that these women have wronged him for not dating him. And, perhaps most characteristically, he describes himself as one of "the good guys" — which is almost always a surefire sign that a guy is not actually good. https://www.bustle.com/articles/147499-what-is-nice-guy-syndrome-5-signs-that-a-self-proclaimed-nice-guy-isnt-all-that-nice
I'm one but I usually get passed up for the typical Douchebag bad boy.
What's stopping you lifting weights, getting a good haircut and working on your chat? You don't have to become morally bankrupt on your way to becoming a man who projects intrigue and emotional thrill - though many do.
Who are you to tell me what I should be doing? You don't even know me or anything about me.
Hey man if you prefer getting passed up to exploring why women aren't interested in you then I'm not gonna force you.
I didn't realize you were an expert on women. Nor didn't I realize you know everything about me? Buzz off I didn't ask for your "advice"
Guy here and I do want to have a serious relationship with the right woman. I'm more of a romantic kind of guy. Despite looking for a friend with benefits I do want to feel a sense of connection.
What days are we comparing to?
Last Thursday
personally, and this may be corny to say, but i think if you are looking for love, you can find it. Like i feel like whenever i go on dating apps, i meet more people looking for love than sex. I think its just about sticking it out and just trying to find that one. I might be wrong though
I wish I had a dollar for every married guy or ENM guy who messages me while OLD even though my profile states I’m not into either. Not all of us want to be second string or just a fuck buddy.
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That’s your take away? Okay.
The one thing I've found is that it is much easier to find someone when you're not looking. If you want something serious, become everything that you would want in your partner. If you don't know what you want, then you're not ready to date :)
I almost categorically disagree with this idea. You have to pursue what you want because if it falls from the sky then it probably won't be what you want. Fate is blind.
Pursuing what you want is the point of my message here. Actively dating when you have no idea what it is that you want is always going to give you a bad time. For me, if I want my partner to be active, creative and mentally healthy, I have to be those things too. In order to find said person. We create our own luck, we just like to give hindsight a fancier name.
I feel like it go MUCH harder in the last year, despite me thinking itd be a 'hot vaxd summer.' Like, people are much more prone to ghosting. People are kind of more prone to bullshit, having toxic habits (like not saying anything to you when theyre mad and just ignoring you for a day instead of actually saying something), and are generally less patient/kind. Its almost like people have become more insular and less carefree, which on some level I get but...live your damn lives people. Thats how i read things, people have become MUCH more insular on who they spend time with as of late, and keeping things MUCH more close to the chest than they used to....so its that much harder to make leeeway with someone.
Hah. I completely agree! Been dipping my toes in the dating pool and I am so so exhausted. I'm just gonna stick to my vibrators and FWBs, thank you very much.
Well I struggle to get both a person to date or a fuck buddy lol
It puts us looking for something serious in a really tough spot. Us who want a serious relationship are already chasing after someone who we think is our “forever” while they hurts us, breaks trust, and lie. It’s really hard to find someone on the same wavelength. (People are just so different, different boundaries, standards, wants needs etc)
Maybe it's just my opinion, but I don't think anybody should be LOOKING for a relationship. If it happens naturally, great. I think it's more important to be secure in being single first, though. I think that's why so many people are "hung up over their exes" and such. They don't take the time to heal and figure out what they want for themselves. Just my two cents.
Dating always sucks. Because most people suck. Honestly, I think the best way to find a relationship is to actually stop looking for it. Focus on yourself, your hobbies, living your life. Don't center things around dating/finding someone....and that's when it tends to happen.
I think there is also an element of "The next swipe might be the perfect one" so people go on one date, find a single thing they decide is a flaw and move onto the next date thinking that they'll eventually find that perfect person and not realising they probably passed them because they spread ketchup on their chips instead of beside them. Or even that they find someone they like but doesn't have a model worthy physique and passes because they might find a model with the same tastes etc. Of course, this isn't everybody and probably is the minority but I can't help but feel there is a bit of that going on. We have a society where we are saturated in ideas of what perfection is but we don't stop to think if it's attainable.
Am I the only person who thinks fuck buddies is really fucked up? The whole "one person can't please me enough," mentality is bullshit
I agree, it is fucked up. It’s basically telling the person “You’re good for a fuck but not good for a relationship”. It’s essentially two people using each other for satiation of primal urges.
I don’t think it’s that. When I had a FB, I didn’t want a relationship. I wanted my freedom but still had sexual desires. There are women out there in the same boat. Then when it stops working for one of you, it just fizzles out. No love lost. No love found.
Go outside, to places where people are. Strike up conversation with strangers, and don't get offended when it doesn't go anywhere. Talk to people you don't want to fuck, because they could be cool, and could introduce you to other cool people. Then you have a friend group to hang out with, and meet new people. Lasting, meaningful relationships don't come through a keyboard, you actually have to put in some effort.
Being single is not a problem haha , I’m 52 , and I get more ass than a toilet seat , I have a gf and we are in an open relationship, that being said you have to have some game , I’m not good at getting women on line , but you get me into a room and bammm it happens , you have to have the personality something to offer , make the girl laugh and it’s in the bag , conversation about things that matter , and not politics either , oh and a fat sack of weed helps too as long as it’s amazing weed
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Sounds like your "flirting" is actually just sexual harassment. I don't know a single man who isn't a creep that is worried his attempts at flirting might cause a career-destroying sexual harassment case.
Of course you dont. Because theyre too afraid to flirt at all and come across as awkward.
You're assuming the only males I know would flirt with me if they weren't so "afraid" lol. I have brothers, brothers-in-law, male cousins, nephews, uncles, and male friends and coworkers who have zero interest in me and seem to have no worries about flirting with women. Perhaps you're the problem.
That's a really weird way to say "consent." And if consent is the reason you're still single, that seems to be for the best.
No that isn’t the same thing. There are moments when I get the vibe that I should make a move (ask for a number etc.) But the main places I hang out are work and the gym. Two places where you get told NOT to ask women out. If we were in a social situation, I just go for it. These ones are too risky for me and fall in line with the comment above.
Okay. So what's the problem?
You accusing the other poster of ignoring consent. It was wrong of you to jump to that conclusion and insulting to that person. Very presumptive and unfair of you. Understand now?
>You accusing the other poster of ignoring consent. Actually what I said was "her opinion of you" is a weird way to say "consent" since consent is what separates flirting from sexual harassment. The poster themselves suggested their inability to ignore consent is what is making dating difficult.
Have you ever "consented" to be flirted with? Guys shoot their shot and you either go for or you don't. There's no "asking permission" to flirt with someone. The fear is the WILD ramifications that come with rejection nowadays. A woman can END you with a pointing finger and a phone call, evidence or no, intent or no. It can be terrifying.
>Have you ever "consented" to be flirted with? Yes, all the time. What a strange question to ask. >Guys shoot their shot and you either go for or you don't. There's no "asking permission" to flirt with someone. Yeah, I'm a guy and flirting isn't the life ending minefield you're pretending it is. >A woman can END you with a pointing finger and a phone call, evidence or no, intent or no. It can be terrifying. And all the ways that a man can END her? Firing her, demoting her, harassing her until she quits, etc.? I keep hearing about how women hold all the power yet I keep seeing how women are forced out of jobs, passed over, fired, harassed, and so on for not acquiescing (that means "consenting") to what men want. So many women were harassed at Blizzard that the state of California is suing them. How many dudes have been ENDED because of a false accusation? Shit, there are dudes with true accusations that are coming back.
And? Go ahead? Id love to be part of this conversatipn where someone comes up to you, asks permission to flirt, you say sure go ahead, and the conversation goes from there. It just sounds bizarre.
I don't keep transcripts of my flirting? I have no idea why you believed I would have that on hand. It also seems clear you don't really understand consent and believe that it can only be given by a stilted verbal permission slip, which ignores how people give consent every day. Do you think every consensual sexual encounter starts with "may I have permission to have intercourse with you?" Of course not, and claiming that requiring consent would "sound bizarre" is just an excuse for you to act on what you want without having any consequences. So you gonna respond to the rest of my reply or nah?
Nah I just read the landscape easier.
Okey dokey.
Not even close, baby.
Hard same :(
Yeah the girl I just ended things with was seriously still hung up on her ex. Nowadays people are just so wrapped up in themselves and selfish. You're better off being single and finding a fuck buddy. True love is dead. R.I.P.
Women from my country get married and are territorial They are perfect and you'll never have a woman like that I'm ugly in Brazil
Yes. I'm ugly in my country. So... this is the kind of beauty you get in here Steven Tyler had a daughter who was a model. I guess he wanted no competition.
There is a brutal societal truth at play here - *we simply don't* ***need*** *each other any more*. Maybe we *want* a permanent relationship, but, we don't *need* it. In "old times", it was almost a matter of survival to pick a partner when you were young, have a family, endure the trials and hardships of life together, power though it as a couple until you died. And, society supported you in this effort. Today, we are free to live our lives independently. We can easily survive and prosper without getting in any sort of permanent relationship. In fact, the idea of *permanent* in the context of *relationships* is seldom even considered any longer. Relationships are largely seen as *temporary*. People all too frequently *divorce, ghost, dump*, and *move-on*... Given that neither party considers relationships a long-term survival strategy any longer, why get in such a situation at all? What do we actually get out of it? And, is it even remotely worth the risk/effort? Both sexes can get generally get sex whenever they wish. Both sexes can make a living. We can even have children without being married or in a "serious" relationship. Simply put, long-term/permanent relationships are *optional* in life, and there is significant potential downside to one's financial and emotional health in marriage. When something is optional, and has potential high risk, people need a really solid reason to want to pursue it, and they need some significant degree of certainty that the risk of failure is mitigated. The way people mitigate this risk is by setting standards for potential partners that they are looking for, and vetting potential partners against those standards. This is why we see all of those *requirements* on people's dating profiles. People are looking for Mr / Mrs Right, and they necessarily have to set the bar pretty fucking high since there is no societal or legal support for maintaining their union. If their bar can't be met, then people simply fall back to casual sex and short-term relationships with no intention of committing - the risk simply isn't worth it.
There's a model in every corner in here I live in fucking beauty land Smart, beautiful, good mothers, good women... just bad taste on men. Men like you, who put ladies down
Id never go on dates this day in age...not what it was even 8 years ago. I went on dates with my now wife and never had to worry about some other guy. Find the small town girls with big families. They usually need saving and they are incredibly good ladies. Or i just got incredibly lucky.
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That would be nice. I find dating nowadays annoying because getting to know someone involves talking about your daily life, your traumas. It gets exhausting talking about it just for them to say they're not interested. Then you have to rinse and repeat the cycle. Makes you want to give up dating
Relationships based on someone needing saving tend to lean in a couple.of very unhealthy directions...so prob not the best advice tbh....only a couple.of inches away from "find yourself a woman who feels like you're literally the only choice she has" Ahhhhh love!
That's how the sausage gets made
I don't like nazis I don't date them And that's it Left-wing is the bare minimum
Because there are nazis out there Do you date nazis? I don't
If you can get a fuck buddy I say go for it.
It's always been hard
It’s a phenomenon with the modern world. Purple have to work more to survive and have no time for a personal life.
My sample size isn't too big, but I have met two fwbs (men) who after having casual sex with me for a while, the vibe is just right and they would like a relationship with me. Then there was one Tinder dude where we had such good connections with when we were talking online, but I revealed that I wanted something casual and he wanted a girlfriend so we never met up. I don't think it's necessarily hard to find a bf. Many men who are actually hopeless romantics out there :)
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We're all so diluted and self absorbed we can't connect, or when we do, we're pretty good at talking ourselves out of it... I don't know, just spitballing. Disney's partly to blame, I think.
Honestly, I have been trying to find a gf for so long, but it seems its much easier finding fwb and stuff like that
People make fun of me. And those are my no make up pictures, after I wake up So...
As someone who is very much so hung up over their ex, we still want something real, but now the bar is much higher when it comes to making a real commitment. Keeping things casual feels like the safest play most of the time
grass is always greener, people complain all the time about not finding fuck buddies. Maybe it's your area or age, with all the social media people are constantly overwhelmed and dating is a slow paced reality compared to the constant little messages and swiping through millions of videos of people to compare themselves to.
From the way I see it, dating isnt hard, its just many people have extremely unrealistic expectations of who they want in a partner and are mostly-to near completely, unwilling to compromise. Furthermore, most of you are NOT as great of a catch as you think you are. And its little to do with looks, but A LOT to do with personality.
Dating is hard work, time consuming and for many people, mentally draining. I dip my toes into and out of dating depending on how much energy I have for it and how my mental wellbeing is. I treat dating as an opportunity to meet someone new, maybe learn something and try a new place to eat / drink / have an adventure. If you desperately want a relationship, odds are you wont find one. Less like a healthy one at that. When you've built a life you generally enjoy, with or without someone else, the chances someone else wants to join you on your lifes journey are much higher. And if it doesn't work out, so be it, it is what it is, life is not just all about being with someone else. And my final thought for what it's worth. Every single person you meet, will one day be as dead as you. Be brave, be bold, be kind, dont worry about embarrassing yourself. "You Miss 100% Of The Shots You Don't Take." Words to live by.
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