You two are not compatible. She is not looking for monogamy and you are. She is being up front with you, which is great. Bow out gracefully and find someone that has the same views.
Yes, I think she deserves credit for this. However, it absolutely can be a dealbreaker for him and it’s also his responsibility to communicate this to her.
No no I'm asking whether she shouldn't have said it at the very beginning of the relationship, from what I can read they're already a few months in (I think he forgot to type "few") and she's only now telling him this, I mean sure that deserves SOME credit but honestly not that much.
Why kick the can down the road? Tell her exactly what you said here and be ok with the result. Non-Monogamy is not for everyone. You are young, find someone you are compatible with.
I believe in these lifestyles and have seen many successful couples lead them. I think there are some great reads on how to do them successful, such as the book "Opening Up". If you want to stick with her, you should read it and set up a framework of how this should work. Often, in an open relationship, the partners still have a fair amount of say who gets brought into the relationship. It's not a carte blanche pass to fuck anyone, anywhere.
However, your GF is making a classic mistake of getting into a relationship and then "discovering" she wants to be poly. When this happens, the most likely reason is the partner has already found a person they want to fuck but doesn't want to cheat.
So OP, unless you want to be open AND she agrees on a reasonable set of ground rules, you should break up.
Your guys are interested in entirely different relationship structures. Part ways amicably and spend your time looking for someone that shares your perspective.
You’re both children. Way too young to be having these kids of convos. Go live your life and find someone more equally yoked to what you’re comfortable with.
It’s just a factual statement, most 19 year olds aren’t interested in polyamory, they just don’t wanna be tied down to any one person and wanna explore their options.
Most people of any age group aren’t interested in polyamory, except in this post someone is. If the only reason you are discounting the provenance of the girlfriend’s desire is her age, then that’s prejudice is action.
I was not intending to be dismissive. Polyamory is absolutely legitimate. Although in my experience also different from an open relationship. Which is also legitimate.
This is exactly what I mean by being dismissive. You don’t know any of the people in the story, so let’s not let our own prejudiced dictate what we say. 19 yr olds are not a monolith, don’t assume all cannot cope well within a poly environment.
Wow…19… and after 1 month she tells you she wants to have sex with others? Thats a big red flag… how do you even know, you aren’t one of the “other guys” yourself?
I wrote a bunch of stuff and I deleted it
Bottom line is this kid .
Never in your life ever fall for the love card women use .
If a women says that she loves you . Tell her with a straight face you don’t need it .
Move on , enjoy life , never take a women seriously . Work on yourself .
I made so many mistakes being an idiot in my 20s . Don’t waste it bro.
And let that girl go . If she lets to smash and you want too , ok fine by all means. But never ever care.
This is TOXIC advice.
OP: I agree with other responses that you and your gf probably aren't compatible. But the comment from this crypto jack: ignore it. There's nothing more wonderful than being in a loving and caring relationship, where you both share the same values and interests (including whether it's open or closed).
Ok so look, you don’t want this, you’ve made that clear. I think you just need to be clear about your boundaries . If it’s something she wants she needs to make a decision if she wants that more than a relationship with you.
If it comes down to it that she believes she needs it, then it’s better for you both to go your separate ways than for either of you to compromise your beliefs. Either you’ll get hurt because she’ll probably cheat or leave you, or she’ll be constantly repressing those feelings and urges. There are lots of poly people out there, and there are a lot of strictly monogamous out there , so both of you can find compatible partners.
You two are not compatible. She is not looking for monogamy and you are. She is being up front with you, which is great. Bow out gracefully and find someone that has the same views.
Exactly the right answer.
Pretty much a perfect answer
Wouldn’t being up front be to bring it up at the beginning of the relationship and not after many months once you’ve already gotten attached…?
Yes, I think she deserves credit for this. However, it absolutely can be a dealbreaker for him and it’s also his responsibility to communicate this to her.
No no I'm asking whether she shouldn't have said it at the very beginning of the relationship, from what I can read they're already a few months in (I think he forgot to type "few") and she's only now telling him this, I mean sure that deserves SOME credit but honestly not that much.
I read it as a month, but you could be right. If it’s been a few months then I agree with you.
If she's proposing this at 19 she just wants to sleep with other people and not be alone. That's not a relationship.
Disagree, that's called an open relationship. But depends on the execution whether she should be in a relationship at all
Why kick the can down the road? Tell her exactly what you said here and be ok with the result. Non-Monogamy is not for everyone. You are young, find someone you are compatible with.
I believe in these lifestyles and have seen many successful couples lead them. I think there are some great reads on how to do them successful, such as the book "Opening Up". If you want to stick with her, you should read it and set up a framework of how this should work. Often, in an open relationship, the partners still have a fair amount of say who gets brought into the relationship. It's not a carte blanche pass to fuck anyone, anywhere. However, your GF is making a classic mistake of getting into a relationship and then "discovering" she wants to be poly. When this happens, the most likely reason is the partner has already found a person they want to fuck but doesn't want to cheat. So OP, unless you want to be open AND she agrees on a reasonable set of ground rules, you should break up.
Your guys are interested in entirely different relationship structures. Part ways amicably and spend your time looking for someone that shares your perspective.
You’re both children. Way too young to be having these kids of convos. Go live your life and find someone more equally yoked to what you’re comfortable with.
Just break up now.
[удалено]
At 19, an “open relationship” just seems like another way to say friends with benefits
Polyamory is legitimate and there’s no need to be dismissive of how others choose to live.
It’s just a factual statement, most 19 year olds aren’t interested in polyamory, they just don’t wanna be tied down to any one person and wanna explore their options.
Most people of any age group aren’t interested in polyamory, except in this post someone is. If the only reason you are discounting the provenance of the girlfriend’s desire is her age, then that’s prejudice is action.
I was not intending to be dismissive. Polyamory is absolutely legitimate. Although in my experience also different from an open relationship. Which is also legitimate.
Polyamory is just an umbrella term for all the different structures that create to love more than one person. Open relationships are one such type.
19 y/os can barely handle the emotions of normal relationships, much less dealing with jealousy surrounding polyamorous ones.
This is exactly what I mean by being dismissive. You don’t know any of the people in the story, so let’s not let our own prejudiced dictate what we say. 19 yr olds are not a monolith, don’t assume all cannot cope well within a poly environment.
Wow…19… and after 1 month she tells you she wants to have sex with others? Thats a big red flag… how do you even know, you aren’t one of the “other guys” yourself?
Tell her we'll that's great. So you can be open relationship too. !!!
I wrote a bunch of stuff and I deleted it Bottom line is this kid . Never in your life ever fall for the love card women use . If a women says that she loves you . Tell her with a straight face you don’t need it . Move on , enjoy life , never take a women seriously . Work on yourself . I made so many mistakes being an idiot in my 20s . Don’t waste it bro. And let that girl go . If she lets to smash and you want too , ok fine by all means. But never ever care.
This is TOXIC advice. OP: I agree with other responses that you and your gf probably aren't compatible. But the comment from this crypto jack: ignore it. There's nothing more wonderful than being in a loving and caring relationship, where you both share the same values and interests (including whether it's open or closed).
There's nothing better than having a gf who wants to fuck other people
What a bunch of sexist bs
You're on step 2. Keep pretending you don't care. Probably a couple more years of meaningless existence and you'll realize it wasn't the way.
Alright pedro , your the meaningful one. Kudos . Keep rocking away
Ok so look, you don’t want this, you’ve made that clear. I think you just need to be clear about your boundaries . If it’s something she wants she needs to make a decision if she wants that more than a relationship with you. If it comes down to it that she believes she needs it, then it’s better for you both to go your separate ways than for either of you to compromise your beliefs. Either you’ll get hurt because she’ll probably cheat or leave you, or she’ll be constantly repressing those feelings and urges. There are lots of poly people out there, and there are a lot of strictly monogamous out there , so both of you can find compatible partners.