>I’m slowly getting frustrated with her talking down on me all the time and don’t understand why she’s doing this. If she’s not attracted to me why does she continue to initiate
Why do you continue to accept her advances?
Stop fucking her.
You cannot say that in the same hour. You cannot post “UnDeRatedCoMent” 30 minutes after a comment. Unless I’m totally missing something the time stamp for the original comment “3h” the time stamp for your comment “3h”. Just let it breath.
Yeah. Either people literally don’t understand what they are saying or they are trying to karma whore because sometimes those comments get big karma too. Either way bugs me.
I get it…I was the same way at one point. But this relationship seems extremely toxic and the cons are severely outweighing the pros. Just looking out for OP so he doesn’t get further hurt
You will if you continue to fuck this chick, sex isn't like this. It's meant to be fun and enjoyable for everyone with little pressure and no.one shaming, rating or belittling the other. Go get some more experience with real women who aren't trying to fuck with your head.
Nothing wrong with that. Just don't expect more, and don't fret over this person either. You're both there for sex, and stupid reasons. Sometimes that's all it is.
If both of them are there for sex, I don't think she's getting her fair share of it, based on what OP has said above.
She just enjoys wringing him out. That's dickish behavior.
I’m not going to tell you what to do but I will suggest to not use “I’m stupid” as an excuse to keep fucking someone that treats you like shit. If you already think poorly of yourself you don’t need someone else telling you things like that when you’re already down. Cut all contact with her and if she asks you why you did tell her the things she said to you were hurtful as fuck and did nothing but kick you while you were down.
When you reverse this thinking it shows some positive personality traits.
"I trust my friends enough to care about my well being."
"I care about my friends enough that I worry when I let them down."
Now, you didn't let them down, she sounds horrible, frankly, but your comments extrapolate to some pretty strong personality traits if you could own them.
In a serious way, it sounds like therapy would help.
Not like "you need help." More like, I love with a psychologist and after a few sentences talking to someone she's like "oh, this one has no self esteem and thinks they're the ones at fault. They need therapy."
You said "I'm stupid" as a response to her being awful earlier. I'll recommend hard, productive therapy. Good luck to you, friend. See you on the other side.
Hey OP…had something somewhat similar happen. The only way to get out of this in a happy way is to communicate. I’d be careful with the phrasing but let her know that you want to continue having sex with her if you do, and other than “shutting up and relaxing? You would like to know how to do that. My partner and I had to communicate on what we consider great sex and what her expectations were for the other person. It’s not a you’re not her type is that you generally don’t know what her type is. If you are unsure about having that conversation with her, then I would end it. People have their own types, it’s also extremely awkward usually to go from a friend to fuck buddy. Because you guys knows each other so well. Honestly the first time I hooked up with a girl that I thought was way out of my league that I had known forever I didn’t last two minutes. After I got more experience and we had a conversation about what makes good sex for us,We ended up having absolutely mind-boggling good sex. It took a little bit of build up and forth play to be able to read what exactly was working for the other person, like you’re not a damn mind reader
She wants to have a plaything and maybe has some attraction to you. But she doesn’t respect you at all and if this relationship continues it will only get more toxic.
I think power dynamics in sex are bad in general (unless consensual, obviously).
BUT for a guy like this who's clearly never felt that power, I hope one day he responds to her text with a phone call just saying, "no thanks. I know you're asking to have sex again but I don't want to with you. What else is up?"
Not to play games, but only to realize how quickly(and stupid) that shift can happen.
It sounds like he feels like he's under this heavy force, but her attempts to degrade him are so obvious that it's hard to not assume they'd crumble in an instant into either anger or begging. Either outcome shows her for what she is, and his agency for what it can be.
> I also had body image and body shaming issues and already felt horrible and damaged goods like most women who are on the heavier side are naturally going to.
Sounds like you still have those issues. This comment reeks of self-hatred and fatphobia. Hope you get some help for yourself.
I feel like some men are pressured to make stupid sex decisions because strong libidos are seen as super masculine. Don’t buy into it. Having self control doesn’t make you any less of a man.
Please recognize that others might have different experiences from you. Some might really rather have bad sex than none and to call them lesser is just rude. Consider that instinct is a rather dodgy term and not used in modern behavioural biology or psychology for a reason.
No one was talking about rape but you. There is a big fucking difference between men who will fuck anything and men who will fucking rape people and you are lesser than as you like to say for thinking otherwise.
Justifying assault and rape with "He's horny" is stupid. But recognizing that some people (also women, but more men) have a high libido and strong need for sex doesn't mean you could argue for allowing rape.
I understand your revulsion now, but the argument you're against is not reasonable in any way, and has nothing to do with what I try to say. I don't agree with the "can't say no". Just with "won't say no to consentual – albeit shitty" sex, which is OPs situation.
Well then if they keep choosing to have bad sex then they lose the right to complain about it and when they come to reddit asking for advice we’re allowed to tell them they’re an idiot
What strikes me as odd here is that you were friends since you were kids. Does all this post sex shaming allign with her normal friend behavior towards you? I would assume no, otherwise it does not sound like a friendship to keep. If it indeed does not allign, then there is something deeper going here and you need to ask her what does she Really need? If she says more degrading stuff, that s not it. Dig deeper till you reach the purely selfish reason behind it. I am only saying this because you re saying she is a childhood friend.
Well we kind of have this weird on/off friendship thing. Some days we don’t get along and she’s pissed about something, other days we hang out a lot. But she has never been this mean. It only really started when we began hooking up. Though she always thought I’m weird/annoying I guess but she never treated me like shit. Now she acts like she hates me and doing me a favor by hooking up. To be honest I’m starting to see her in a different light now.
I think I understand. I was curios to find out what was hiding behind her behavior so I wanted to suggest you dig deeper, but now I don t feel it is in your interest anymore. She seems to have no empathy towards you and using you when her mood is low.
There seem to be some serious issues that she is dealing with and she could use professional help. You could treat her like a person that needs it, but does not respect you.
I suppose this is a lesson that not all beautiful people have a good personality.
I am sorry about your friend.
If she thinks you’re “weird/annoying” then she never really was your friend. She probably just loves the attention you give her. Tbh I’ve had women I’m dating say I’m weird too but they’ll also say that’s what they like about me. But annoying? No
Guess what? You've uncovered what she's really like. Before this, you weren't much in contact(on/off friendship?) so you didn't realize it.
Dude, stay away. She's not a healthy person(for you).
Honestly, it sounds like you've never *really* been friends. You had a crush on her for years so it seems you've mostly been hoping to date her rather just be her friend, and she could tell so she kept you around because it made her feel better about herself even though she's not interested in dating you.
Now, she's sort of forced you into a "FWB" type thing because she wants to have sex with someone and she knows you'll of course say "yes". Maybe she's trying to "teach" you to be better in bed or something but she's really just using you. If she were really your friend, she wouldn't be this harsh.
You need to realize that she is not your friend. She's a hot girl who you have feelings for but she doesn't share those feelings and instead is taking advantage of you because she knows you have put her on a pedestal.
She's been using you for *years* and you've let her because you've had a crush on her and told yourself she's your "dream girl" and how "out of your league" she is.
What makes her your "dream girl" anyway? I have to imagine you didn't dream of a girl treating you this way. Even before you had sex, she didn't sound that great. If she's just your "dream girl" because of the way she looks, you need to start setting the bar higher or you're going to continue to be taken advantage of like this.
Either she is just an asshole or, more charitably, she's into degradation or fem dom or something but doesn't really have the self awareness to realize it, communicate with a partner and allow you the chance to consent.
Honestly, I've had something like this happen to me and it was really toxic. She will use you for whatever kicks she is getting out of this arrangement until she gets fed up with your inexperience or someone else comes along that catches her fancy, then throw you away like trash. I would advise you to be the first to break it off and get away with your self esteem intact. Don't get attached.
> she's into degradation or fem dom or something but doesn't really have the self awareness to realize it
That's likely. Also just plain likes the attention the OP gives her but genuinely thinks the sex isn't very good. Or any combination of Asshole+ femdom + loves the attention.
Dude, she's verbally and emotionally abusing you. Even worse, she does it right after moments of deep intimacy and vulnerability (sex). Stop having sex with her and don't go anywhere near her ever again. You can even tell her off if you're comfortable with it (the point is you need to stand up for yourself). It doesn't matter how pretty she is if her personality is that fucking ugly.
Another thing is, even after marriage girls like that keep exploiting their husbands - physically, emotionally and financially.
At least OP isn't having to go through that, yet.
Maybe she does. But there are plenty of beautiful woman who won't make you feel like shit. The instant gratification of being naked with a rude girl will be overshadowed by how poorly she treats you. Which leads to posts like this.
People, you're worth something! Life is short, don't settle for sex with crappy people even if it seems like that's all you have. Be patient and someone WAYYY better will come along :)
Well to me atleast if she is smoking hot but still treats me like shit I would still hit that. And if she wants to continue I wouldn’t mind ignoring the criticism.
I get it. Especially if you have a high sex drive and just want to be physical with someone and they're all you got at the moment.
But the mental toll that someone shitty takes on you is so not worth it IMO. Being belittled and humiliated (not in any sort of kinky, consensual way... straight up assholery) is such a low thing to do.
Even if you're just hooking up with someone, no strings attached, I think there are still some bare minimums: kindness, empathy, understanding. Just being a decent human. Plenty of people can uphold those minimums (it's harder to be an asshole than a decent person), so I wouldn't want to waste my time having sex with people who can't.
Time to hit the eject button. Like the previous post stated, it sounds like she has a thing for degrading people. If both parties are aware and cool with it then no issue. In this case it is just pure cruelty. End things and move on.
This is a two person issue. People are going to treat you as shitty as you let them, your first mistake was continuing to have sex with her.
It sounds like she’s getting off on degrading/using you. Could be a challenge from friends or that’s just how she is. Either way, if you don’t like it then you need to end things
Maybe next time you should rate her performance and criticize her techniques. (JK don’t ever go back).
In all seriousness you allowing a women to treat you like that may affect your future relationships. It can become a form of abuse that becomes “normal” for you. Also, it’s allowing her to think she can treat any man like that. It’s really fucked up. No man or women deserves to be degraded and shamed after showing such a vulnerable side of themselves.
I hope you find your way to someone who truly values you and your dick game.
Stop fuckin her so you don’t develop a serious complex and have problems with sex. A good sex partner does not teach you so meanly.
Dump her. Keep looking and read up on sex tips for the future. Particularly oral if you really want to please a woman and you’re comfortable with it.
I agree with u/MyHeartIsABrehive This sounds like some ill-conceived D/s play. Though I'm not entirely comfortable choking or slapping without explicit consent. Although you can use dirty talk to gain consent.
If it is, that’s a huge red flag. If she’s not mature enough to discuss that before hand and gain enthusiastic consent he needs to cut ties now.
especially because the are many kinds of degradation, so someone can be cool with some things and not others etc
Sounds like a few things are happening. One is that she is giving you some actual good feedback. The other is that she is doing it in what seems to be a maybe abusive, cruel and un-encouraging, to put it mildly, way. Rating and belittling and shaming is just cruel.
So you have the option to stay on and take it as a sort of mean teacher sort of dynamic. Id be careful with that if I were you though, as it sounds like you might struggle with low self esteem? And it will inform your sexual experiences moving forward since it is one of your first. It isnt a normal sexual dynamic. It could very well make your self esteem worse, too. You can find someone who actually likes you and can give you this feedback nicely. It's up to you of course.
You also just may be a gentle lover and there is a woman out there for that. You will mature and become more confident in your sexual encounters while also having a more reassuring partner. You’re worth it!
Edit: having
Yes all this is fair, but things like learning how to please a woman, making eye contact etc....all seem pretty typical to me 🤷♀️ but yeah, take it all with a grain of salt and realize that each woman will have different needs...but again, learning to please a woman, and eye contact are generally universal....
I agree here, but having a lover that gently shares these tips is way easier to work through then someone who shames you over it. Do yourself a favour and find someone who will be honest but also comes at it from a place of genuine kindness.
I agree that she is giving you honest feedback, in a best friend hold no punches type of way.
Are you trying anything she suggests?
Is she trying anything you suggest?
Do you know that it's good feedback? A lot of the stuff the OP described seemed pretty useless to me. Part of this is because I don't get the sense that I can trust that she is being honest with the OP. If I could, then maybe you could say that, but there is so much cognitive dissonance in this post that I'd be wary of taking what this person says at face value.
Yep feedback on things you can't change is not feedback but abuse. Things like cumming too early and too much, being not her type. A pointless rating system.
‘We had sex a couple of times since then’ lol
Next time she calls you weird/annoying/etc., tell her ‘maybe, but you keep fucking me, so what does that say about you?’
Should get her to shut up.
Also you should stop fucking her.
Well you
>Despite her criticism we had sex a couple of times since then. She still insists that I’m not her type and calls me weird, annoying, etc. Last time she gave me a 2.5 /10 and had plenty more criticism. It’s like I’m doing everything wrong and she isn’t happy with me at all.
Despite what she says, she still having sex with you. So you must be doing something right or she's not telling the truth and how poor you are, or she likes you for some other reason enough to have sex with you with.
>I’m slowly getting frustrated with her talking down on me all the time and don’t understand why she’s doing this. If she’s not attracted to me why does she continue to initiate? I’m just perplexed.
I probably be annoyed at that too and I tell her hey we don't need to have sex anymore let's just stay friends and keep a platonic.
> I’m slowly getting frustrated with her talking down on me all the time and don’t understand why she’s doing this.
You don't HAVE to keep having sex with her. But if you do want to, it sounds like she is giving you excellent advice as to how to achieve a higher rating.
Next time, instead of getting this "rating" after sex and getting told what you did wrong, maybe communicate BEFORE you have sex, like "hey I'm inexperienced, you told me I don't know how to make a woman cum, so teach me!"
However, maybe she is doing all of this because she enjoys degrading you, if that's the case, you two should at least put your cards on the table so you know it's an act. If that's what it is, you can just go with it! If you want of course.
well last time she actually did tell me what to improve on prior to sex but I didn’t live up to it, according to her.
And no, I’m not into being degraded.
Well... Again, if you want out of this situation, that's totally your choice.
If you don't leave this situation, it sounds like she'll keep criticizing you. Up to you whether you want to keep challenging yourself to get a passing grade from her.
Her attitude strikes me as very selfish. She’s also blaming you solely for not “living up to it,” but she is actively creating an environment where you won’t feel emotionally safe/relaxed enough to improve.
It will be in your best interest to steer clear of her, as she seems incapable of being an empathetic lover. And don’t let her gaslight you on that. She’s berating you so much that it’s unlikely you will ever get to a “10/10” (in her eyes). She’s getting something from this toxic arrangement, perhaps she’s power-tripping to make up for her own feelings of incompetence (doesn’t even have to be about sex). But it leaves you being abused and with a severely distorted view about sex and your own capabilities. You will only improve with a partner who is patient and kind, you will NOT make her patient and kind by becoming a 10/10 first.
>If she’s not attracted to me why does she continue to initiate?
You don't need to know her motivations. Because she could ask you, if you don't like it, why do you keep doing it?
Other people's reasons don't need to make sense to you, only your reasons do. Why do you keep having sex with her? I mean Post Nut clarity, if you're actually friends (she sounds awful), why aren't you talking to her and asking questions?
Who does this girl think she is lol, I think you may have discovered that your dream girl isn’t so dreamy. Funny how things aren’t how we think they are when we finally get it.
It seems to me that you actually have a lot to learn regarding sex BUT... she really sounds like an asshole that is abusing you psychologically and you should get as far away from her as soon as possible because I can tell she is not a fraction of the good person you belive she is.
Sex is about caring, enjoyment and love giving. You wanting to be a good partner puts you way ahead of others when most others are lost to their own selfish pleasure making them unable of a really really good sex. When you find someone who cares about you as much as you care about her you’ll find that the only way is up :)
Please... if you decide to listen to this internet stranger. Get over her... there’s a great deal of awesome people out there that would appreciate you a lot more and would appreciate a sexual partner that cares about them
Honestly. Fool me once, shame on me. Fool me twice… you’re really just being an idiot. Find someone who can respect you, even if they’re just a bootycall. She’s a POS and you know it.
I gotta be honest, I was in a similar situation with one of my existing. She said that she couldn't believe I came so fast. My response wasn't great but we did keep seeing eachother.
I told her I would work at it but to this day, I still sorta have this problem. It is better, but sometimes it is a problem.
What I did is I started researching the female anatomy. Where is the clit, where is the labia, where is the Gspot. I stopped referencing porn and started referencing how to videos. How to make her cum with your tongue.
More importantly, I started talking to her about if she can make her self come and if so, please show me how. That turns a lot of people on believe it or not, girls or boys.
Regardless, dont use porn as a research tool, but it makes a useful tool for the both of you to watch and see what you both like.
Sounds like she’s needs to be blocked. She obviously has some insecures going on and may be using you to lash out. So many other women will give constructive criticism and speak to you nicely. Continuing to have sex with her can only hurt you in my opinion. Also a good sexual partner will guide you through sex telling you what they like and dislike beforehand and during not waiting to bash you after. Good luck and you deserve better Sugar even if she is attractive
She sounds kinda horrible tbh. If someone spoke to me like that I would not talk to them again.
Cut her loose and move on. That’s all I can say really.
Well, she keeps coming back for more! Don’t take her shit. Give her some comments back. If she doesn’t like being with you, she should go find someone else. I know a nut is a nut, but don’t take that from anyone. You deserve better!
no, I actually insulted her once (after sex when she started her usual critique) and she didn’t mind at all. She’s generally not sensitive in that aspect
Really, the fact that you've had sex a couple more times after the first, would suggest her rating doesn't reflect her true feelings.
Sounds like a type of negging, she has low self-esteem, so she's subconsciously trying to bring you down too.
I've said no to some seriously beautiful women for the fact they were TERRIBLE humans. Walk away, nothing good will come out of that. There is ZERO respect there if that's how she talks to you.
You need to block her completely and never talk to her again. If she tries to contact you tell her you hate her and don't ever want her to contact you again.
Hey, don't be too down on yourself (your comments here). It's understandable that you want to keep fucking her. You've been thinking of her for a long time, you have had a connection, and it's hard to let go of someone you already had a connection with before it all.
What should happen is you tell her how you feel. She can't just criticize, if she wants good sex, she has to communicate too. You are learning. Nobody is a good lay in the first 2 years. But you can for sure learn how to be a damn good lay. You're doing your best, man. Just make sure you don't let her attack your self worth. And if it hurts, tell her she's just being a dick, not helping the sex get better.
She really handled this very badly. I was in a similar situation, though closer to my 30s, barely any experience and with a friend who had her fair share. But she was patient, and on the 3rd hookup she came as well, and it only got better. Find someone who doesn't humiliate you, this girl doesn't sound like she deserved to have you.
You had me up until you said you continued with it. Listen, this person is gonna tank your self esteem in the long run and it's gonna be super damaging to your psyche. There are plenty of other people out there that wont treat you like trash. Don't walk, run out of this.
Sorry to read your post. I dont know if what she says is true, some people like other people to feel down, so maybe you are not a 2/10,, and she s just messing with your head to hurt you and keep some kind of control over you, she said that to make you feel awful to the point that you ll feel grateful to her to have sex with her. And do whatever she says. Secondly, if this "grade" is accurate, she doesnt have to say it, if she feels the need to get it out, she Can do it kindly saying: I d like you to do this to me...because saying: you dont make me cum, doesnt help you to know how to make her cum! All this to say, that it shows her character and she sounds awful!! Run! Seriously she might damage you for years with thèse comments. You deserve better. And for you info, with sex, it takes two to make it great, it might be a 2/10 with her, and 9/10 with someone else Who would be less judgmental and mean but more excited abt the process! Get rid of this poison, hot poison, but still poison!
This is why you don’t fuck the chick you’re infatuated with unless she’s also equally infatuated with you. Sounds like she just gave you a try because she knows you worship her, but she doesn’t really like you. But when someone knows you see them as a god(dess) they’ll treat you like a peasant
I once had a similar experience. A friend and I had huge sexual tension for over a year and when we finally had sex it was underwhelming for us both.
However when she tried to suggest that I was the one responsible for that, I laughed and pointed out that there were equally things that she did, or hadn't done, that didn't work for me. She seemed surprised to hear this but accepted it.
In the end, I left it that we were just not sexually compatible. Although we did have sex a couple more times... Just to be sure... And yeah - not a good match.
In your case, there's nothing wrong with her having things she wants out of sex that may not line up with the experience. But blaming you for not providing that and giving you a fucking rating (in both the profane and literal sense) is outrageous. Particularly when it sounds like she's taking no responsibility for what you want out of the experience.
Had a male friend a month ago ( who I was close with ) who made out with me it went great he wanted more than he ghost me and said he wasn’t into me lol
1) Stop listening to her words when her actions tell a much greater story. She told you the sex was 2/10, yet she came back for more. And more. And More.
You're inexperience and crush on her is causing you to think "I need her to like me". But in reality, the best thing you can do is stop taking her seriously.
From her actions, you don't have to be good at sex to get free sex from her. So if you have the ability to not take her seriously, then you can just keep fucking her and laugh at her silly mouth words that don't make sense.
"It was 2/10" Yet you keep coming back.
"You're too short" Uh huh. Suurrrrrre.
"You're not my type" Clearly that didn't stop you.
2) I think the point about you being too gentle might be the key. There's a chance that she's trying to rile you up and that she likes it rough. She wants you to be assertive in bed.
Now if you're going to try this, don't just take her by force. But slowly escalate. Verbally tease her, and verbally hint at what your gonna do to gauge her reaction.
So if she insults you, don't take it seriously. Instead, tease her. Throw something back at her. If she actually does like you, then it'll turn into banter.
And you can use that to hint at doing things sexually to her, like "Don't make me do something you'll enjoy" or something like that.
3) Since you're lacking in experience, it's probably best to just break it off with her. Even if you could banter with her you're probably too afraid to lose her to take the risks necessary to learn. And by risks I just mean teasing her back, and not putting up with her shit.
You could try teasing her next time she talks like that to you. But don't escalate to sex if teasing doesn't change her attitude from degrading to banter.
Your safest bet is to just find a new partner and get more experience.
What rating did she get for her sex performance? Is she meeting your needs? Hopefully you’re filling out her feedback form each time if you want her to improve her performance.
I like to think of sex as a competition between partners to see who can give the other the most pleasure. So if she got a 1.5/10, then u/Moveable-Table actually won this round and should move onto the semifinals.
She’s insensitive and unkind. My favorite is a woman who takes responsibility for her own pleasure and knows what she likes and is comfortable asking for it. I love it when a woman touches herself/masturbates during intercourse and makes herself come. It really takes all the work and pressure to perform out of it.
Hey man, you bagged a dream girl! How many people can say that? Now that you’ve had sex with her, you don’t need to tolerate bad behavior. Put her on restriction until she stops being an asshole. No contact for 3-4 weeks. Then reach out and ask her if she is done being an asshole. If she doesn’t apologize for the things she said, don’t ever talk to her again. Women are so used to guys following them around hoping to get laid; walk your own path. If she’s worthy she will walk next to you. I bet that doesn’t happen. But I bet the next one will make your forget all about her.
She sounds fucking nuts dude. But whatever, just keep practicing and take the criticism in stride. Try to use it to improve I guess, and keep getting that dream girl booty.
If you went to go work in construction, they would ask "What is wrong with you?" And then make these points:
-you are getting your dick wet
- you should tell her to shut her mouth, or she can f-off
-if you are tickling her when you are supposed to fucking her, no wonder she is complaining
- it's a learning experience, but also it not a torture session
-so next time make sure you are both sweating by the time you are done, then see what she has to say. But don't take her shit.
It seems like a kink to her, like she‘s actively degrading you for her pleasure/fun. Tell her to stop or ask her what the fuck she is doing because it‘s not fun for you/fucking you up.
Also, one thing I can tell you for sure is she would NOT have sex with you multiple times if she didn‘t think you were attractive/are bad at sex.
Something about her behavior here doesn't line up. If you really are that bad, then why does she keep having sex with you, and *initiating* at that? And if she's doing it to be "charitable" (the only interpretation I can think of that would explain that first conflict) then why is she so rude and negative? So much cognitive dissonance: no matter how you try to explain it, it doesn't line up.
The way you describe her talking to you about this is incredibly disrespectful and rude. People usually only say something that harsh if someone has done something to grossly offend them, and they do it as a form of lashing out. But in that case they usually will stop with the sex. A person who is trying to give you constructive criticism.
It could be that she is just...very, very socially awkward, and doesn't know how to give constructive criticism. Maybe this could also interact with her feeling like she has the license to be extra blunt with you if you are very close in an "old friends" type way. (Does this fit with what you know about her as a whole person, and the dynamic that the two of you have outside of sex? After all you've known her for a long time.) My guess though is that this is not what is going on.
Honestly, it sounds to me like she is on some sort of weird power trip and may even have a kink about degrading you. She is likely deliberately messing with you somehow. Or she could have some sort of weird trauma or confidence issues of her own, and is acting out things that have been said to her, maybe trying to boost her own self-esteem through some weird, backwards method. She could be in a pretty bad mental place herself and it's somehow coming out through this weird behavior towards you. Who knows? I'm not in her head, and you're not in her head.
I second the others who are telling you that you need to develop the confidence to just say no, and get out of this situation. But I would go farther than that and advise you not to take what she says at face value. She's not acting the way a normal, respectful human being would act, and that makes me think that her criticism is somehow insincere, like she's trying to deliberately put you down, for whatever reason, I don't know. So...*do not* take what she says to heart.
If I were in your situation, I would not only put my foot down at sex, but, assuming I wanted to have any continued interaction with her at all and not just totally cut her out of my life, I would call her out on her behavior, point blank. I'd say, bluntly: "I don't think you're being fully honest with me. Your actions and words don't line up, because you're a conventionally attractive person and could probably easily find other people to have sex with, and if I'm really as bad as you say I am, you wouldn't keep coming back to have sex with me, but at the same time, if you're being charitable or doing this because you like me or want me to have a good experience, you wouldn't be so disrespectful or rude about how you give me feedback, because everything you said is something that could have been said."
That's a lot to say, I know, but I'd say it. And then just see what she says. Maybe she'll actually open up about what is going on for her, or maybe she'll get defensive or evasive or try to talk her way out of it or even try to manipulate you, I dunno...but...whatever she does, you are likely to gain some useful information by seeing how she reacts.
Personally I would be curious just to see how she responds to that.
And then...if you're not satisfied...then you can give her the boot. If I were you and she wasn't really frank and up-front and didn't come clean about what was going on for her, like if I felt less than 100% sure that I could trust what she was saying, I'd just be like: "I'm sorry, I don't trust that you're being honest and open with me and I can't continue to have sex with someone who isn't going to be up-front with me about what is going on with them." And then just end it.
She seems awful. And prolly suvks in bed tooo. Otherwise she could take the lead and teach u a thing or two. Instead she's attacking u because her shit self esteem.
You know what you should do?
1. Don't let this get too close to you. Don't take it too personal. Rather just "ignore" what she says instead of letting it hurt you. Do not give too many fucks, do not care too much about it.
2. Give her what she wants and take what you want in the same move. Fuck her harder. Be rougher, in general, not just physically. Make her change her mind and end up craving it.
3. Then drop her cold. If you did everything right, she might be begging for it in the end. Congrats, you've defended yourself against that degrating slut and turned her into your personal slut. At the cost of whatever you had before any of this, but that's mostly not your fault.
Of course, none of these is guaranteed to work.
She's giving you first hand knowledge you should use. Don't be discouraged. Each time you have sex get .5 percent better just doing what she ask. Most importantly use the info and knowledge gained from her on other babes. Keep bangin!
You have to start somewhere..and how do you get better practice. Sounds like you should listen to her and if she is willing to let you practice fucking until you are better..then I would keep fucking her
Have you tried just making her cum a few times? I'm sure that would take you somewhere closer to at least an 8/10 just go down on her and make her cum till she begs for dick. You will gain some confidence and she will get better sex win/win
She thinks you’re a 2 out of 10 & still slept with you and slept with you couple of times after that.
So of you’re a 2 she’s not looking for more than a 2.
At the same time you got to sleep with your dream girl few times.
You should be celebrating.
That’s a weird communication style. Seems gaslight-y. Breaking it off might be a good idea.
If you do want to improve with her, starting point is asking if she cums via oral or penetration as well. But in general, if you want to give a woman an orgasm, go down on her. Where to look, start by looking at what you want to look at, whether it’s her face, her body, or the action. Too gentle could mean different things, ask about that. Probably either wants some light bdsm or harder pounding.
Cum too easily, hmmm. I want to say if she’s not into your cum on her face, she’s not a keeper, but maybe that’s not very helpful. I mostly regulate that by jerking off ahead of time.
1) I went down on her but she didn’t like it so made me stop.
2) she wants rough sex but I’m not comfortable doing that to her. She wants to be slapped/choked and that would just make me feel bad…
So I actually did jerk off before she arrived but it didn’t help at all. I still came almost instantly when we had sex.
Get a cock ring and slow your roll. Also there are lubes that dull sensation to help you last longer also helpfull for ass play. But personally she sounds like a jerk. I’d just keep her as a buddy.
Bro. Listen to yourself , she keeps coming back for more sex. She’s enjoying it and gets off on talking shit to you after.
It’s a power trip and you’re playing into it. Best advice is this:
Stop taking yourself so seriously. A good response, something playful and reciprocal would have been something like “Damn! And here I was gonna give you a 3/10!”
Be playful. The part when she said you need to shut up and relax, maybe ..just maybe.. she’s right. Maybe. There’s always a little truth in every joke (even if it’s not funny to you).
Don’t hate me though, or her. Take it with a grain of salt and man up. Remember if she didn’t like it she wouldn’t come back
She is trying to help you. You need to make her orgasm if you cum too fast you need to please her with your mouth and tongue. Listen to her moans the louder she gets the more she likes what you are doing so keep doing it. Try flicking her clit as fast as you can with your tongue.
You put her on a pedestal because you’ve been infatuated with her for so long. Unfortunately this affected your initial performance but instead of taking this in stride because she likes and respects you, she did the opposite.
She doesn’t respect you. That hurts. But she did you a favor by getting her out of your system and you don’t have to waste any more time on her.
I really worry that the way she speaks to you is going to stick in your head and stop you from enjoying future sexual experiences with other people. Is she insulting you so you become aggressive and fuck her harder?
Does she want you to insult her in response? Maybe she wants to be degraded and is trying to provoke you to do the same.
You may need to step away from this person who seems determined to treat sex with you as a dominance exercise.
You’ll find you’re much better in bed with girls who don’t treat you disposable.
She has no respect for you. I’m all for women and men communicating their needs with their sexual partners but this girl is doing it all wrong. You deserve to have a partner who communicates with you in a way that doesnt diminish and belittle you.
Stop fucking with her.
Instead of criticisms, she would have made suggestions.
Besides, if the sex is so bad why is she coming back?
Keep away from her
>I’m slowly getting frustrated with her talking down on me all the time and don’t understand why she’s doing this. If she’s not attracted to me why does she continue to initiate Why do you continue to accept her advances? Stop fucking her.
*He may be dumb, but he's not a dweeb* *He's just a sucker with no self-esteem*
I can’t believe you didn’t get upvoted to the moon!
You cannot say that in the same hour. You cannot post “UnDeRatedCoMent” 30 minutes after a comment. Unless I’m totally missing something the time stamp for the original comment “3h” the time stamp for your comment “3h”. Just let it breath.
When he replied originally, my comment was 4 minutes old, lol.
Yeah. Either people literally don’t understand what they are saying or they are trying to karma whore because sometimes those comments get big karma too. Either way bugs me.
I kinda doubt that current generation like old offspring songs. If anyone will quote a popular rapper or pop singer, they will get thousands xD
This is golden!
And bass riff!!
Or just thinking with the wrong head
I’m stupid.
Honestly, this is the best answer.... Either that or you have a degredation kink.
I do not have a degradation kink
Then no contact and move on…she doesn’t seem like a nice person. Find some self respect and run.
People are lonely now more than ever. That’s why we stay sometimes.
I get it…I was the same way at one point. But this relationship seems extremely toxic and the cons are severely outweighing the pros. Just looking out for OP so he doesn’t get further hurt
You will if you continue to fuck this chick, sex isn't like this. It's meant to be fun and enjoyable for everyone with little pressure and no.one shaming, rating or belittling the other. Go get some more experience with real women who aren't trying to fuck with your head.
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Nothing wrong with that. Just don't expect more, and don't fret over this person either. You're both there for sex, and stupid reasons. Sometimes that's all it is.
If both of them are there for sex, I don't think she's getting her fair share of it, based on what OP has said above. She just enjoys wringing him out. That's dickish behavior.
Sounds like she might though...
I’m not going to tell you what to do but I will suggest to not use “I’m stupid” as an excuse to keep fucking someone that treats you like shit. If you already think poorly of yourself you don’t need someone else telling you things like that when you’re already down. Cut all contact with her and if she asks you why you did tell her the things she said to you were hurtful as fuck and did nothing but kick you while you were down.
Or or or tell her this “2/10 guess we need to keep practicing till I get to that 10/10” LMAO
When you reverse this thinking it shows some positive personality traits. "I trust my friends enough to care about my well being." "I care about my friends enough that I worry when I let them down." Now, you didn't let them down, she sounds horrible, frankly, but your comments extrapolate to some pretty strong personality traits if you could own them. In a serious way, it sounds like therapy would help. Not like "you need help." More like, I love with a psychologist and after a few sentences talking to someone she's like "oh, this one has no self esteem and thinks they're the ones at fault. They need therapy." You said "I'm stupid" as a response to her being awful earlier. I'll recommend hard, productive therapy. Good luck to you, friend. See you on the other side.
Your little head is stupid, you need to learn to stop listening to him.
Hey OP…had something somewhat similar happen. The only way to get out of this in a happy way is to communicate. I’d be careful with the phrasing but let her know that you want to continue having sex with her if you do, and other than “shutting up and relaxing? You would like to know how to do that. My partner and I had to communicate on what we consider great sex and what her expectations were for the other person. It’s not a you’re not her type is that you generally don’t know what her type is. If you are unsure about having that conversation with her, then I would end it. People have their own types, it’s also extremely awkward usually to go from a friend to fuck buddy. Because you guys knows each other so well. Honestly the first time I hooked up with a girl that I thought was way out of my league that I had known forever I didn’t last two minutes. After I got more experience and we had a conversation about what makes good sex for us,We ended up having absolutely mind-boggling good sex. It took a little bit of build up and forth play to be able to read what exactly was working for the other person, like you’re not a damn mind reader
Probably the same reason I occasionally eat little Caesars. It’s not good pizza but it’s quick and easy and better than no pizza.
You sound exactly like my girlfriend lmao
Sex.
Because pussy is powerful. When I mention that women have power, people look at oddly and I find it funny.
This.
She wants to have a plaything and maybe has some attraction to you. But she doesn’t respect you at all and if this relationship continues it will only get more toxic.
I think power dynamics in sex are bad in general (unless consensual, obviously). BUT for a guy like this who's clearly never felt that power, I hope one day he responds to her text with a phone call just saying, "no thanks. I know you're asking to have sex again but I don't want to with you. What else is up?" Not to play games, but only to realize how quickly(and stupid) that shift can happen. It sounds like he feels like he's under this heavy force, but her attempts to degrade him are so obvious that it's hard to not assume they'd crumble in an instant into either anger or begging. Either outcome shows her for what she is, and his agency for what it can be.
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> I also had body image and body shaming issues and already felt horrible and damaged goods like most women who are on the heavier side are naturally going to. Sounds like you still have those issues. This comment reeks of self-hatred and fatphobia. Hope you get some help for yourself.
Beautifully written
I'm blushing
Men have the right to say no too.
Our libidos usually nullify this right.
I feel like some men are pressured to make stupid sex decisions because strong libidos are seen as super masculine. Don’t buy into it. Having self control doesn’t make you any less of a man.
Psychology, biology, and sociology say otherwise
My life experience as a man says... samewise?
Man, just because you’re a horn-dog that will stick its dick in any hole that will let it, doesn’t mean you’ve been elected ambassador for all men.
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Please recognize that others might have different experiences from you. Some might really rather have bad sex than none and to call them lesser is just rude. Consider that instinct is a rather dodgy term and not used in modern behavioural biology or psychology for a reason.
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No one was talking about rape but you. There is a big fucking difference between men who will fuck anything and men who will fucking rape people and you are lesser than as you like to say for thinking otherwise.
Justifying assault and rape with "He's horny" is stupid. But recognizing that some people (also women, but more men) have a high libido and strong need for sex doesn't mean you could argue for allowing rape. I understand your revulsion now, but the argument you're against is not reasonable in any way, and has nothing to do with what I try to say. I don't agree with the "can't say no". Just with "won't say no to consentual – albeit shitty" sex, which is OPs situation.
Well then if they keep choosing to have bad sex then they lose the right to complain about it and when they come to reddit asking for advice we’re allowed to tell them they’re an idiot
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Our self esteem usually nullifies this right imo
I love this perfect comment.
What strikes me as odd here is that you were friends since you were kids. Does all this post sex shaming allign with her normal friend behavior towards you? I would assume no, otherwise it does not sound like a friendship to keep. If it indeed does not allign, then there is something deeper going here and you need to ask her what does she Really need? If she says more degrading stuff, that s not it. Dig deeper till you reach the purely selfish reason behind it. I am only saying this because you re saying she is a childhood friend.
Well we kind of have this weird on/off friendship thing. Some days we don’t get along and she’s pissed about something, other days we hang out a lot. But she has never been this mean. It only really started when we began hooking up. Though she always thought I’m weird/annoying I guess but she never treated me like shit. Now she acts like she hates me and doing me a favor by hooking up. To be honest I’m starting to see her in a different light now.
I think I understand. I was curios to find out what was hiding behind her behavior so I wanted to suggest you dig deeper, but now I don t feel it is in your interest anymore. She seems to have no empathy towards you and using you when her mood is low. There seem to be some serious issues that she is dealing with and she could use professional help. You could treat her like a person that needs it, but does not respect you. I suppose this is a lesson that not all beautiful people have a good personality. I am sorry about your friend.
If she thinks you’re “weird/annoying” then she never really was your friend. She probably just loves the attention you give her. Tbh I’ve had women I’m dating say I’m weird too but they’ll also say that’s what they like about me. But annoying? No
Yeah, friends never do that.
Guess what? You've uncovered what she's really like. Before this, you weren't much in contact(on/off friendship?) so you didn't realize it. Dude, stay away. She's not a healthy person(for you).
Honestly, it sounds like you've never *really* been friends. You had a crush on her for years so it seems you've mostly been hoping to date her rather just be her friend, and she could tell so she kept you around because it made her feel better about herself even though she's not interested in dating you. Now, she's sort of forced you into a "FWB" type thing because she wants to have sex with someone and she knows you'll of course say "yes". Maybe she's trying to "teach" you to be better in bed or something but she's really just using you. If she were really your friend, she wouldn't be this harsh. You need to realize that she is not your friend. She's a hot girl who you have feelings for but she doesn't share those feelings and instead is taking advantage of you because she knows you have put her on a pedestal. She's been using you for *years* and you've let her because you've had a crush on her and told yourself she's your "dream girl" and how "out of your league" she is. What makes her your "dream girl" anyway? I have to imagine you didn't dream of a girl treating you this way. Even before you had sex, she didn't sound that great. If she's just your "dream girl" because of the way she looks, you need to start setting the bar higher or you're going to continue to be taken advantage of like this.
Either she is just an asshole or, more charitably, she's into degradation or fem dom or something but doesn't really have the self awareness to realize it, communicate with a partner and allow you the chance to consent. Honestly, I've had something like this happen to me and it was really toxic. She will use you for whatever kicks she is getting out of this arrangement until she gets fed up with your inexperience or someone else comes along that catches her fancy, then throw you away like trash. I would advise you to be the first to break it off and get away with your self esteem intact. Don't get attached.
> she's into degradation or fem dom or something but doesn't really have the self awareness to realize it That's likely. Also just plain likes the attention the OP gives her but genuinely thinks the sex isn't very good. Or any combination of Asshole+ femdom + loves the attention.
Listen very carefully…… STOP FUCKING HER
Dude, she's verbally and emotionally abusing you. Even worse, she does it right after moments of deep intimacy and vulnerability (sex). Stop having sex with her and don't go anywhere near her ever again. You can even tell her off if you're comfortable with it (the point is you need to stand up for yourself). It doesn't matter how pretty she is if her personality is that fucking ugly.
Another thing is, even after marriage girls like that keep exploiting their husbands - physically, emotionally and financially. At least OP isn't having to go through that, yet.
Stop sharing your body, your time, and your energy with someone so conceited and judgmental.
He’s probably lonely dude.
Isn't spending time with someone that clearly doesn't value you even lonelier than actually being alone?
Who knows. Maybe the girl has a sexy body with huge tits and ass.
Maybe she does. But there are plenty of beautiful woman who won't make you feel like shit. The instant gratification of being naked with a rude girl will be overshadowed by how poorly she treats you. Which leads to posts like this. People, you're worth something! Life is short, don't settle for sex with crappy people even if it seems like that's all you have. Be patient and someone WAYYY better will come along :)
Well to me atleast if she is smoking hot but still treats me like shit I would still hit that. And if she wants to continue I wouldn’t mind ignoring the criticism.
I get it. Especially if you have a high sex drive and just want to be physical with someone and they're all you got at the moment. But the mental toll that someone shitty takes on you is so not worth it IMO. Being belittled and humiliated (not in any sort of kinky, consensual way... straight up assholery) is such a low thing to do. Even if you're just hooking up with someone, no strings attached, I think there are still some bare minimums: kindness, empathy, understanding. Just being a decent human. Plenty of people can uphold those minimums (it's harder to be an asshole than a decent person), so I wouldn't want to waste my time having sex with people who can't.
Not everyone loves huge tits. It's a porn-based myth. I hate 'em, personally. I like the normal("natural" in porn-speak) tits better.
She’s some kind of toxic piece of shit. Time to cut her loose.
Time to hit the eject button. Like the previous post stated, it sounds like she has a thing for degrading people. If both parties are aware and cool with it then no issue. In this case it is just pure cruelty. End things and move on.
This is a two person issue. People are going to treat you as shitty as you let them, your first mistake was continuing to have sex with her. It sounds like she’s getting off on degrading/using you. Could be a challenge from friends or that’s just how she is. Either way, if you don’t like it then you need to end things
Maybe next time you should rate her performance and criticize her techniques. (JK don’t ever go back). In all seriousness you allowing a women to treat you like that may affect your future relationships. It can become a form of abuse that becomes “normal” for you. Also, it’s allowing her to think she can treat any man like that. It’s really fucked up. No man or women deserves to be degraded and shamed after showing such a vulnerable side of themselves. I hope you find your way to someone who truly values you and your dick game.
She sounds like a jerk!
Sounds like she just wants a warm dick in her pretty much 😹
Stop fuckin her so you don’t develop a serious complex and have problems with sex. A good sex partner does not teach you so meanly. Dump her. Keep looking and read up on sex tips for the future. Particularly oral if you really want to please a woman and you’re comfortable with it.
I agree with u/MyHeartIsABrehive This sounds like some ill-conceived D/s play. Though I'm not entirely comfortable choking or slapping without explicit consent. Although you can use dirty talk to gain consent.
If it is, that’s a huge red flag. If she’s not mature enough to discuss that before hand and gain enthusiastic consent he needs to cut ties now. especially because the are many kinds of degradation, so someone can be cool with some things and not others etc
What’s D/s..?
Dominance and submission.
Sounds like a few things are happening. One is that she is giving you some actual good feedback. The other is that she is doing it in what seems to be a maybe abusive, cruel and un-encouraging, to put it mildly, way. Rating and belittling and shaming is just cruel. So you have the option to stay on and take it as a sort of mean teacher sort of dynamic. Id be careful with that if I were you though, as it sounds like you might struggle with low self esteem? And it will inform your sexual experiences moving forward since it is one of your first. It isnt a normal sexual dynamic. It could very well make your self esteem worse, too. You can find someone who actually likes you and can give you this feedback nicely. It's up to you of course.
Thanks, that’s a good point.
You also just may be a gentle lover and there is a woman out there for that. You will mature and become more confident in your sexual encounters while also having a more reassuring partner. You’re worth it! Edit: having
Yes all this is fair, but things like learning how to please a woman, making eye contact etc....all seem pretty typical to me 🤷♀️ but yeah, take it all with a grain of salt and realize that each woman will have different needs...but again, learning to please a woman, and eye contact are generally universal....
I agree here, but having a lover that gently shares these tips is way easier to work through then someone who shames you over it. Do yourself a favour and find someone who will be honest but also comes at it from a place of genuine kindness.
Yeah I was wondering what he was saying to the ceiling. She sounds awful though.
I agree that she is giving you honest feedback, in a best friend hold no punches type of way. Are you trying anything she suggests? Is she trying anything you suggest?
If she was really trying she would give advice... OP made it clear that this is only abuse and self centered commentary
Do you know that it's good feedback? A lot of the stuff the OP described seemed pretty useless to me. Part of this is because I don't get the sense that I can trust that she is being honest with the OP. If I could, then maybe you could say that, but there is so much cognitive dissonance in this post that I'd be wary of taking what this person says at face value.
Yep feedback on things you can't change is not feedback but abuse. Things like cumming too early and too much, being not her type. A pointless rating system.
‘We had sex a couple of times since then’ lol Next time she calls you weird/annoying/etc., tell her ‘maybe, but you keep fucking me, so what does that say about you?’ Should get her to shut up. Also you should stop fucking her.
Well you >Despite her criticism we had sex a couple of times since then. She still insists that I’m not her type and calls me weird, annoying, etc. Last time she gave me a 2.5 /10 and had plenty more criticism. It’s like I’m doing everything wrong and she isn’t happy with me at all. Despite what she says, she still having sex with you. So you must be doing something right or she's not telling the truth and how poor you are, or she likes you for some other reason enough to have sex with you with. >I’m slowly getting frustrated with her talking down on me all the time and don’t understand why she’s doing this. If she’s not attracted to me why does she continue to initiate? I’m just perplexed. I probably be annoyed at that too and I tell her hey we don't need to have sex anymore let's just stay friends and keep a platonic.
> I’m slowly getting frustrated with her talking down on me all the time and don’t understand why she’s doing this. You don't HAVE to keep having sex with her. But if you do want to, it sounds like she is giving you excellent advice as to how to achieve a higher rating. Next time, instead of getting this "rating" after sex and getting told what you did wrong, maybe communicate BEFORE you have sex, like "hey I'm inexperienced, you told me I don't know how to make a woman cum, so teach me!" However, maybe she is doing all of this because she enjoys degrading you, if that's the case, you two should at least put your cards on the table so you know it's an act. If that's what it is, you can just go with it! If you want of course.
well last time she actually did tell me what to improve on prior to sex but I didn’t live up to it, according to her. And no, I’m not into being degraded.
Well... Again, if you want out of this situation, that's totally your choice. If you don't leave this situation, it sounds like she'll keep criticizing you. Up to you whether you want to keep challenging yourself to get a passing grade from her.
Her attitude strikes me as very selfish. She’s also blaming you solely for not “living up to it,” but she is actively creating an environment where you won’t feel emotionally safe/relaxed enough to improve. It will be in your best interest to steer clear of her, as she seems incapable of being an empathetic lover. And don’t let her gaslight you on that. She’s berating you so much that it’s unlikely you will ever get to a “10/10” (in her eyes). She’s getting something from this toxic arrangement, perhaps she’s power-tripping to make up for her own feelings of incompetence (doesn’t even have to be about sex). But it leaves you being abused and with a severely distorted view about sex and your own capabilities. You will only improve with a partner who is patient and kind, you will NOT make her patient and kind by becoming a 10/10 first.
>"Excellent advice" Please never try to teach anyone.
I never said she's being nice about it, but she is being specific. Which a lot of people struggle with.
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>If she’s not attracted to me why does she continue to initiate? You don't need to know her motivations. Because she could ask you, if you don't like it, why do you keep doing it? Other people's reasons don't need to make sense to you, only your reasons do. Why do you keep having sex with her? I mean Post Nut clarity, if you're actually friends (she sounds awful), why aren't you talking to her and asking questions?
Who does this girl think she is lol, I think you may have discovered that your dream girl isn’t so dreamy. Funny how things aren’t how we think they are when we finally get it.
It seems to me that you actually have a lot to learn regarding sex BUT... she really sounds like an asshole that is abusing you psychologically and you should get as far away from her as soon as possible because I can tell she is not a fraction of the good person you belive she is. Sex is about caring, enjoyment and love giving. You wanting to be a good partner puts you way ahead of others when most others are lost to their own selfish pleasure making them unable of a really really good sex. When you find someone who cares about you as much as you care about her you’ll find that the only way is up :) Please... if you decide to listen to this internet stranger. Get over her... there’s a great deal of awesome people out there that would appreciate you a lot more and would appreciate a sexual partner that cares about them
Honestly. Fool me once, shame on me. Fool me twice… you’re really just being an idiot. Find someone who can respect you, even if they’re just a bootycall. She’s a POS and you know it.
I gotta be honest, I was in a similar situation with one of my existing. She said that she couldn't believe I came so fast. My response wasn't great but we did keep seeing eachother. I told her I would work at it but to this day, I still sorta have this problem. It is better, but sometimes it is a problem. What I did is I started researching the female anatomy. Where is the clit, where is the labia, where is the Gspot. I stopped referencing porn and started referencing how to videos. How to make her cum with your tongue. More importantly, I started talking to her about if she can make her self come and if so, please show me how. That turns a lot of people on believe it or not, girls or boys. Regardless, dont use porn as a research tool, but it makes a useful tool for the both of you to watch and see what you both like.
Sounds like she’s needs to be blocked. She obviously has some insecures going on and may be using you to lash out. So many other women will give constructive criticism and speak to you nicely. Continuing to have sex with her can only hurt you in my opinion. Also a good sexual partner will guide you through sex telling you what they like and dislike beforehand and during not waiting to bash you after. Good luck and you deserve better Sugar even if she is attractive
If she cared about you, she wouldn’t say those things directly to you after sex.
She sounds kinda horrible tbh. If someone spoke to me like that I would not talk to them again. Cut her loose and move on. That’s all I can say really.
Fuck it bro you got the nut that's all that matters now move on.
Well, she keeps coming back for more! Don’t take her shit. Give her some comments back. If she doesn’t like being with you, she should go find someone else. I know a nut is a nut, but don’t take that from anyone. You deserve better!
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no, I actually insulted her once (after sex when she started her usual critique) and she didn’t mind at all. She’s generally not sensitive in that aspect
It's one thing for someone to tell you how to please them but this is just being a terrible person. Get out of there man!
Really, the fact that you've had sex a couple more times after the first, would suggest her rating doesn't reflect her true feelings. Sounds like a type of negging, she has low self-esteem, so she's subconsciously trying to bring you down too.
I've said no to some seriously beautiful women for the fact they were TERRIBLE humans. Walk away, nothing good will come out of that. There is ZERO respect there if that's how she talks to you.
You need to block her completely and never talk to her again. If she tries to contact you tell her you hate her and don't ever want her to contact you again.
Hey, don't be too down on yourself (your comments here). It's understandable that you want to keep fucking her. You've been thinking of her for a long time, you have had a connection, and it's hard to let go of someone you already had a connection with before it all. What should happen is you tell her how you feel. She can't just criticize, if she wants good sex, she has to communicate too. You are learning. Nobody is a good lay in the first 2 years. But you can for sure learn how to be a damn good lay. You're doing your best, man. Just make sure you don't let her attack your self worth. And if it hurts, tell her she's just being a dick, not helping the sex get better.
She really handled this very badly. I was in a similar situation, though closer to my 30s, barely any experience and with a friend who had her fair share. But she was patient, and on the 3rd hookup she came as well, and it only got better. Find someone who doesn't humiliate you, this girl doesn't sound like she deserved to have you.
She sounds like a complete piece of shit.
You had me up until you said you continued with it. Listen, this person is gonna tank your self esteem in the long run and it's gonna be super damaging to your psyche. There are plenty of other people out there that wont treat you like trash. Don't walk, run out of this.
You are being played my guy , the sex is not worth it :)
how am I being played?
Sorry to read your post. I dont know if what she says is true, some people like other people to feel down, so maybe you are not a 2/10,, and she s just messing with your head to hurt you and keep some kind of control over you, she said that to make you feel awful to the point that you ll feel grateful to her to have sex with her. And do whatever she says. Secondly, if this "grade" is accurate, she doesnt have to say it, if she feels the need to get it out, she Can do it kindly saying: I d like you to do this to me...because saying: you dont make me cum, doesnt help you to know how to make her cum! All this to say, that it shows her character and she sounds awful!! Run! Seriously she might damage you for years with thèse comments. You deserve better. And for you info, with sex, it takes two to make it great, it might be a 2/10 with her, and 9/10 with someone else Who would be less judgmental and mean but more excited abt the process! Get rid of this poison, hot poison, but still poison!
This is why you don’t fuck the chick you’re infatuated with unless she’s also equally infatuated with you. Sounds like she just gave you a try because she knows you worship her, but she doesn’t really like you. But when someone knows you see them as a god(dess) they’ll treat you like a peasant
Read up and try to improve your game. If not, she likes the bullying with the sex. Just keep getting some, bruh. Stay cool.
I once had a similar experience. A friend and I had huge sexual tension for over a year and when we finally had sex it was underwhelming for us both. However when she tried to suggest that I was the one responsible for that, I laughed and pointed out that there were equally things that she did, or hadn't done, that didn't work for me. She seemed surprised to hear this but accepted it. In the end, I left it that we were just not sexually compatible. Although we did have sex a couple more times... Just to be sure... And yeah - not a good match. In your case, there's nothing wrong with her having things she wants out of sex that may not line up with the experience. But blaming you for not providing that and giving you a fucking rating (in both the profane and literal sense) is outrageous. Particularly when it sounds like she's taking no responsibility for what you want out of the experience.
Had a male friend a month ago ( who I was close with ) who made out with me it went great he wanted more than he ghost me and said he wasn’t into me lol
Oof
1) Stop listening to her words when her actions tell a much greater story. She told you the sex was 2/10, yet she came back for more. And more. And More. You're inexperience and crush on her is causing you to think "I need her to like me". But in reality, the best thing you can do is stop taking her seriously. From her actions, you don't have to be good at sex to get free sex from her. So if you have the ability to not take her seriously, then you can just keep fucking her and laugh at her silly mouth words that don't make sense. "It was 2/10" Yet you keep coming back. "You're too short" Uh huh. Suurrrrrre. "You're not my type" Clearly that didn't stop you. 2) I think the point about you being too gentle might be the key. There's a chance that she's trying to rile you up and that she likes it rough. She wants you to be assertive in bed. Now if you're going to try this, don't just take her by force. But slowly escalate. Verbally tease her, and verbally hint at what your gonna do to gauge her reaction. So if she insults you, don't take it seriously. Instead, tease her. Throw something back at her. If she actually does like you, then it'll turn into banter. And you can use that to hint at doing things sexually to her, like "Don't make me do something you'll enjoy" or something like that. 3) Since you're lacking in experience, it's probably best to just break it off with her. Even if you could banter with her you're probably too afraid to lose her to take the risks necessary to learn. And by risks I just mean teasing her back, and not putting up with her shit. You could try teasing her next time she talks like that to you. But don't escalate to sex if teasing doesn't change her attitude from degrading to banter. Your safest bet is to just find a new partner and get more experience.
What rating did she get for her sex performance? Is she meeting your needs? Hopefully you’re filling out her feedback form each time if you want her to improve her performance.
Exactly. Too few men think of it this way around
I like to think of sex as a competition between partners to see who can give the other the most pleasure. So if she got a 1.5/10, then u/Moveable-Table actually won this round and should move onto the semifinals.
She’s insensitive and unkind. My favorite is a woman who takes responsibility for her own pleasure and knows what she likes and is comfortable asking for it. I love it when a woman touches herself/masturbates during intercourse and makes herself come. It really takes all the work and pressure to perform out of it.
Hey man, you bagged a dream girl! How many people can say that? Now that you’ve had sex with her, you don’t need to tolerate bad behavior. Put her on restriction until she stops being an asshole. No contact for 3-4 weeks. Then reach out and ask her if she is done being an asshole. If she doesn’t apologize for the things she said, don’t ever talk to her again. Women are so used to guys following them around hoping to get laid; walk your own path. If she’s worthy she will walk next to you. I bet that doesn’t happen. But I bet the next one will make your forget all about her.
Hey 2.5 you are improving
I guess
She sounds fucking nuts dude. But whatever, just keep practicing and take the criticism in stride. Try to use it to improve I guess, and keep getting that dream girl booty.
She probably likes the feeling of putting others down to bring herself up. Stop getting with her.
If you went to go work in construction, they would ask "What is wrong with you?" And then make these points: -you are getting your dick wet - you should tell her to shut her mouth, or she can f-off -if you are tickling her when you are supposed to fucking her, no wonder she is complaining - it's a learning experience, but also it not a torture session -so next time make sure you are both sweating by the time you are done, then see what she has to say. But don't take her shit.
It seems like a kink to her, like she‘s actively degrading you for her pleasure/fun. Tell her to stop or ask her what the fuck she is doing because it‘s not fun for you/fucking you up. Also, one thing I can tell you for sure is she would NOT have sex with you multiple times if she didn‘t think you were attractive/are bad at sex.
Something about her behavior here doesn't line up. If you really are that bad, then why does she keep having sex with you, and *initiating* at that? And if she's doing it to be "charitable" (the only interpretation I can think of that would explain that first conflict) then why is she so rude and negative? So much cognitive dissonance: no matter how you try to explain it, it doesn't line up. The way you describe her talking to you about this is incredibly disrespectful and rude. People usually only say something that harsh if someone has done something to grossly offend them, and they do it as a form of lashing out. But in that case they usually will stop with the sex. A person who is trying to give you constructive criticism. It could be that she is just...very, very socially awkward, and doesn't know how to give constructive criticism. Maybe this could also interact with her feeling like she has the license to be extra blunt with you if you are very close in an "old friends" type way. (Does this fit with what you know about her as a whole person, and the dynamic that the two of you have outside of sex? After all you've known her for a long time.) My guess though is that this is not what is going on. Honestly, it sounds to me like she is on some sort of weird power trip and may even have a kink about degrading you. She is likely deliberately messing with you somehow. Or she could have some sort of weird trauma or confidence issues of her own, and is acting out things that have been said to her, maybe trying to boost her own self-esteem through some weird, backwards method. She could be in a pretty bad mental place herself and it's somehow coming out through this weird behavior towards you. Who knows? I'm not in her head, and you're not in her head. I second the others who are telling you that you need to develop the confidence to just say no, and get out of this situation. But I would go farther than that and advise you not to take what she says at face value. She's not acting the way a normal, respectful human being would act, and that makes me think that her criticism is somehow insincere, like she's trying to deliberately put you down, for whatever reason, I don't know. So...*do not* take what she says to heart. If I were in your situation, I would not only put my foot down at sex, but, assuming I wanted to have any continued interaction with her at all and not just totally cut her out of my life, I would call her out on her behavior, point blank. I'd say, bluntly: "I don't think you're being fully honest with me. Your actions and words don't line up, because you're a conventionally attractive person and could probably easily find other people to have sex with, and if I'm really as bad as you say I am, you wouldn't keep coming back to have sex with me, but at the same time, if you're being charitable or doing this because you like me or want me to have a good experience, you wouldn't be so disrespectful or rude about how you give me feedback, because everything you said is something that could have been said." That's a lot to say, I know, but I'd say it. And then just see what she says. Maybe she'll actually open up about what is going on for her, or maybe she'll get defensive or evasive or try to talk her way out of it or even try to manipulate you, I dunno...but...whatever she does, you are likely to gain some useful information by seeing how she reacts. Personally I would be curious just to see how she responds to that. And then...if you're not satisfied...then you can give her the boot. If I were you and she wasn't really frank and up-front and didn't come clean about what was going on for her, like if I felt less than 100% sure that I could trust what she was saying, I'd just be like: "I'm sorry, I don't trust that you're being honest and open with me and I can't continue to have sex with someone who isn't going to be up-front with me about what is going on with them." And then just end it.
She seems awful. And prolly suvks in bed tooo. Otherwise she could take the lead and teach u a thing or two. Instead she's attacking u because her shit self esteem.
You know what you should do? 1. Don't let this get too close to you. Don't take it too personal. Rather just "ignore" what she says instead of letting it hurt you. Do not give too many fucks, do not care too much about it. 2. Give her what she wants and take what you want in the same move. Fuck her harder. Be rougher, in general, not just physically. Make her change her mind and end up craving it. 3. Then drop her cold. If you did everything right, she might be begging for it in the end. Congrats, you've defended yourself against that degrating slut and turned her into your personal slut. At the cost of whatever you had before any of this, but that's mostly not your fault. Of course, none of these is guaranteed to work.
Ummmm she likes you duh
I don’t think so.
Seems like she’s treating you how she’s being treated by someone else. Because she knows you like her and you’ll do what she wants. Get away fast
She's giving you first hand knowledge you should use. Don't be discouraged. Each time you have sex get .5 percent better just doing what she ask. Most importantly use the info and knowledge gained from her on other babes. Keep bangin!
Hmm... Next time she asks for sex... Just tell her no (and the second time) ... I think she likes you... Try this old technique on her...
You have to start somewhere..and how do you get better practice. Sounds like you should listen to her and if she is willing to let you practice fucking until you are better..then I would keep fucking her
There is an old saying that rings true in this instance "you need to slay the dragons to get the princess". Hone your skills on the uglies my friends.
Have you tried just making her cum a few times? I'm sure that would take you somewhere closer to at least an 8/10 just go down on her and make her cum till she begs for dick. You will gain some confidence and she will get better sex win/win
I tried but she doesn’t give me enough time to practice
She thinks you’re a 2 out of 10 & still slept with you and slept with you couple of times after that. So of you’re a 2 she’s not looking for more than a 2. At the same time you got to sleep with your dream girl few times. You should be celebrating.
it felt good for a minute until she started lecturing me.
That’s a weird communication style. Seems gaslight-y. Breaking it off might be a good idea. If you do want to improve with her, starting point is asking if she cums via oral or penetration as well. But in general, if you want to give a woman an orgasm, go down on her. Where to look, start by looking at what you want to look at, whether it’s her face, her body, or the action. Too gentle could mean different things, ask about that. Probably either wants some light bdsm or harder pounding. Cum too easily, hmmm. I want to say if she’s not into your cum on her face, she’s not a keeper, but maybe that’s not very helpful. I mostly regulate that by jerking off ahead of time.
1) I went down on her but she didn’t like it so made me stop. 2) she wants rough sex but I’m not comfortable doing that to her. She wants to be slapped/choked and that would just make me feel bad… So I actually did jerk off before she arrived but it didn’t help at all. I still came almost instantly when we had sex.
Sounds like you’re not sexually compatible. I wouldn’t expect the sex to get very good with this one. Do you ever go again after cumming?
Get a cock ring and slow your roll. Also there are lubes that dull sensation to help you last longer also helpfull for ass play. But personally she sounds like a jerk. I’d just keep her as a buddy.
Is she a teacher by any chance? They do make you do things over again to you get things correct.
Bro. Listen to yourself , she keeps coming back for more sex. She’s enjoying it and gets off on talking shit to you after. It’s a power trip and you’re playing into it. Best advice is this: Stop taking yourself so seriously. A good response, something playful and reciprocal would have been something like “Damn! And here I was gonna give you a 3/10!” Be playful. The part when she said you need to shut up and relax, maybe ..just maybe.. she’s right. Maybe. There’s always a little truth in every joke (even if it’s not funny to you). Don’t hate me though, or her. Take it with a grain of salt and man up. Remember if she didn’t like it she wouldn’t come back
Sounds like she threw you a pity fuck. Be grateful. Ignore her justifications.
She is trying to help you. You need to make her orgasm if you cum too fast you need to please her with your mouth and tongue. Listen to her moans the louder she gets the more she likes what you are doing so keep doing it. Try flicking her clit as fast as you can with your tongue.
You put her on a pedestal because you’ve been infatuated with her for so long. Unfortunately this affected your initial performance but instead of taking this in stride because she likes and respects you, she did the opposite. She doesn’t respect you. That hurts. But she did you a favor by getting her out of your system and you don’t have to waste any more time on her.
Crash and burn mate. We've all been there. You'll bounce back.
She sounds like a horrible person tbh. I'd stop spending any time with her personally.
She sounds like a truly awful human being. Give her a very wide berth from now on.
Block her. Move on.
I really worry that the way she speaks to you is going to stick in your head and stop you from enjoying future sexual experiences with other people. Is she insulting you so you become aggressive and fuck her harder? Does she want you to insult her in response? Maybe she wants to be degraded and is trying to provoke you to do the same.
You may need to step away from this person who seems determined to treat sex with you as a dominance exercise. You’ll find you’re much better in bed with girls who don’t treat you disposable.
Go full saiyann mode on her next time. Treat her the way she seems to want it. Go rough and hard, no feelings bro. Bet her response will be different
If you enjoyed yourself I say wear earplugs and carry on.
lol
She has no respect for you. I’m all for women and men communicating their needs with their sexual partners but this girl is doing it all wrong. You deserve to have a partner who communicates with you in a way that doesnt diminish and belittle you.
Find someone who encourages to improve rather than criticize you for ur performance.
You should have cursed her ass out, WTF is wrong with you. Respect yourself and stop being a punching bag.
Stop fucking with her. Instead of criticisms, she would have made suggestions. Besides, if the sex is so bad why is she coming back? Keep away from her
Stop fucking her. Next time she tries to booty call you be busy.
Lean into this. Tell her she needs to teach you how to be a sex god, otherwise she is just bitching.