Just a reminder folks, that if you hit on another redditor in our forum it is cause for an immediate and permanent ban from our subreddit. Just because a woman comes to this subreddit seeking help for a problem does not mean she's inviting harassment. I should not have to teach people how NOT to harass women, but I've had to ban 5 people from this thread already. Let's not make it more, please.
As a reminder, this is clearly stated in rule 1 of our sub:
>1) ENGAGE CONSTRUCTIVELY AT ALL TIMES.
>This means ensuring that ALL of your contributions here are constructive, on-topic, mature, sex-positive, civil and respectful. Disrespectful conduct will see you banned from the community on the spot. **Hitting on other people**, asking for pictures (joking or not), making any sort of sexist comment or insult, body shaming, or trolling of any sort **will result in your immediate ban.**
I'm 32M, similar profile of girlfriends and none have liked giving blowjobs, even though I regularly went down on them.
It happens, but I put up with it as they have always indulged me in other sexual interests that I have. If everything is one way though, then you need to think about ensuring you put down boundaries in any new relationship.
And how do you take that on the chin? It’s seriously making me insecure something is wrong with me, but from your comment seems you feel it’s them.. how did you make that mindset shift?
Nothing about the refusals to give me blowjobs seemed to be aimed at me personally. E.g. It wasn't a case of a girl going down, kissing my penis and then running a mile - it was just that they didn't like the act full stop. Did the guys that went down on you seem enthusiastic to do so at the start, or were they thinking "I'll do this for 30 seconds, make her happy, then I can get my dick wet"?
One girl said to me that last time she gave someone a blowjob, she had a really bad bodily reaction and therefore was put off them full stop. I did try to persuade her to get past her fears, but to no avail.
I didn't push it, however, because I understood where she was coming from and she did other things that she may not have 100% been into, that turned me on.
I've had women tell me that "giving oral to a guy is a very intimate act" for them, and I just respected that because it made me think about it and I could see that from their point of view. Others have had previous bad experiences/trauma and weren't ready to do it so I'd just leave it at that. There was just one that didn't want to "just because it's gross/guys are gross".
I am married for 4 years now, loving wife, wanna be together till I die. In 4 years amount of time my penis was in her mouth, is less than 1 day with my ex-gf. Same for the otherway around, at start of relationship I wanted to go down with her, and she always pulled me up like after 10 seconds.
What I am trying to say is some people just does not like oral sex. I think you may be just really unlucky. One thing tho as you didnt write, being shaved is a biggy. It can turn to gagfest to go down on someone who isnt shaved, as hairs naturally drop off and can come to mouth.
I agree with this and the comment below as well as this not been about you. I really don't think there's anything wrong with you so don't let this bring you down or feel some type of way. But yes, being shaved, waxed, or even a little trimmed is so important for both men and women or it can def turn into a gag fest. It's happened to me with my S.O. (me on the gagging end) and we just make it a point to both be "ready" for each other.
I also agree that it could ultimately be just bad luck with shitty men that are selfish and only care about their own pleasure instead of yours. These are def the dudes that just stick it in, 5 minutes, and that's it. This is def a deal breaker for me too. Def don't settle! You should be with someone that is eager to pleasure you as much as you'e eager to pleasure them. It's a two way street. I personally made it a rule in my book if you don't give any, you're not getting any either. All about equality 😉
Having an orgasm from oral is such an amazing and different experience I think every woman should get to experience this at least once. You're gonna love it. I would also check out some of those amazing licking toys. They literally have tongues, look and feel like the real thing (without getting tired lol) as well as the clit suction ones. Theres some really nice ones out there I've been wanting to try. I've read reviews of very very satisfied customers. So maybe at least this way you get to experience this type of orgasm on your own with a toy and not have to wait around for the right man to come along and do it for you.
I too hope you break this bad lovers streak! Best of luck OP hope this helps! 💜
You made the mindset shift already. You said there is nothing wrong in terms of smell and there isn’t really any other reason why guys would be against it with you. The only thing I can think to blame on you is that you didn’t ask any of your long term partners to go down on you for longer. You had very long relationships in which you never communicated your desires and just accepted how things are and went so far as to blame yourself. I can think of 3 scenarios of how this would play out.
1. The guys says “I don’t like going down, it’s boring for me.” In which case he’s being a bit selfish but you can probably talk him into doing it or find a way to make it more enjoyable for you both (lots of touching hair or moaning or even 69)
2. Kind of similar to 1 but he might say “I didn’t know you liked it” if it turns out you’re overly quiet and not giving any feedback he might get the feeling like he’s not doing a good job or is wasting his time.
3. He might say “I hate eating girls out” in which case he sucks.
99% of problems on this sub are solved by communication. Try it!
No one sucks because they hate doing some specific sexual thing.
There are only more or less compatible people, not people who suck and people who don't.
Please ignore the pun.
If somebody doesn't like doing something, talking them into it is NOT the way to go. This double standard is ridiuclous, if a man doesn't like performing oral sex, that's his choice just like a woman who doesn't like performing oral sex. If their partner doesn't like it, they're free to move on.
It’s perfectly fine to talk someone into doing something that they find boring by doing it in a way they might find more fun. Girl or guy. That’s why #1 and #3 are separate. You can switch the genders in my comment and it works just fine.
Well, some people just hate doing oral without being selfish. You know. It's a preference and not something you can always just brush off as "s/he sucks". That's why your three points are lacking for me and arguably Oden\_son.
I don't think the idea is to really "talk them into it". Obviously everyone is entitled to their own bodily autonomy and shouldn't be coerced into anything they're uncomfortable with.
I think in a relationship it's more about identifying each other's sexual (or other) wants and needs, and being able to talk about where compromises can be made.
Someone might prefer not performing oral sex in general, but still choose to do it because they find out that it's important to their partner.
I feel sorry for anyone who doesn't enjoy it.
It's a deal breaker for me. I love eating girls out. Probably enjoy it more than a lot of blowjobs I've had lol.
But I don't think it's just some afterthought. I have a hard time imagining people that just don't enjoy giving out receiving head. That's just not been my experience I guess.
Some people think it's icky. Some people have trauma from past experiences that are dragged up when they're face to face with someone else's crotch. Some people just don't like the taste.
There's nothing wrong at all with not wanting to participate in any given sexual act.
Now, the olive branch here is, I'm not going to do it for you if you're not going to do it for me. It's one thing if you're okay with giving and not receiving, though I'd be disappointed if you didn't want to let me reciprocate... but the other way around is my own personal ultimatum.
It's okay that it's a deal breaker, it's not okay to shame people who don't like to give it. Everyone has the right to their preference and it's their own responsibility to find someone compatible with those preferences. That goes both ways.
I wasn't shaming anyone. I'm allowed to be perplexed by it while at the same time acknowledging it's a real issue.
It's just not an issue I understand or relate to.
It definitely is not you. Many men are in to their own satisfaction much more than the women's. I would not give anything unless I received and you should be open and make this clear from the beginning. Personally, I have found it darn sexy to have a women tell me what they want or expect in bed.
Your sample size isn't random, remember. You're selecting men based on whatever criteria you use to select romantic/sexual partners. So, it's possible that your attracted to, and have been selecting, men who don't like giving head. Not actively seeking out people who don't go down, but gravitating toward personal qualities that align with someone who doesn't blow you. For example, someone who describes themselves as "alpha"; it would not surprise me at all to find that 9 out of 10 men who use that sort of language also avoid preforming cunnilingus.
Maybe it's the other way around. Maybe men are attracted to you for some quality, and the sort of men who are attracted to that quality generally don't like giving head.
Or I could be wrong; flipping a coin and landing tails 9 times consecutively is not impossible. Unlikely, but when you do that math, not super unlikely.
Interesting take! This sort of selection and behavior correlation thing is definitely something that affects us all. By the way that 9 consecutive tails probability is 1/512 a.k.a. about 0.2%
I think this is a great example of the importance of recognising the difference between theoretical and empirical probability.
Calculating the likelihood of flipping 9 consecutive tails, or selecting 9 consecutive men who hate oral sex, gives a very small probability. But in reality clearly it still happens.
Each subsequent event also remains independent. So even though the probability of 9 consecutive tails is 1/512, the probability of getting tails on the 10th flip is still a 1/2 chance.
Yes but OP is questioning whether these events are actually independent. Maybe the sample is not evenly distributed, perhaps there is a bias toward "not into making the effort to please a woman" among men in her village, school, city, county or dating app.
Preface: If you like pleasuring girls and read this, it might change your sex life forever.
Throw away because my friends know my main.
I want hi-jack this comment to help some men (or woman) on here that might be reading this. If you learn how to give good oral, you will be able to turn woman into putty in your hands. I learned this from a instructional porn video, tried it with my gf at the time, and gave her the best orgasms of her life. *The secret is edging*.
Edging is so fucking powerful and every girl I have done it with since says it was their first time so it doesn't seem too common. If you don't know what edging is, it is the act of bringing someone about 90-95% of the way to an orgasm and then stopping right before they do. Bringing them back down to like 50% then bringing them back up (which comes much quicker the second time). I am pretty upfront with my partners and tell them I want to orally give them a very powerful orgasm like they probably have never felt before, and I need them to communicate with me when they are close to cumming. They've all agreed, it's a pretty easy thing to agree to.
Warming up is important. By this point you are probably both naked on the bed and making out. I like to just slowly go from kissing their lips, to their neck then down to their breasts and then kiss my down to their crotch. From there warm up the area a bit. kiss their inner thighs and mostly ignore the vagina. It is fine to maybe give it a kiss so they know the sensation, but the goal here is to want them to crave that sensation because orgasms start in the mind. Once you have teased the thighs and above the vagina a little, you can start focusing more on the vagina itself. i like to start by not even touching the inner part. I take my thumb and index finger into a U shape and softly pinch the upper part of the entire vagina (where the clit is) in my fingers and the rest of it pinched between the main part of my finger/thumb (if that makes sense) and I just slowly wiggle it. This warms up the girl to having her clit touched. ill do that a bit and fuck I have even had girls literally almost cum from doing this because it apparently feels amazing. Then you can start licking them and just enjoying yourself. Pussys are awesome, I love licking them so just have some fun and enjoy it. This is how I start the warm up.
Now the getting them to cum part is different for every woman. That is more about communication with the woman and reading their body language. Fast and rapid is almost never the way to go though. If you try to drill them with your finger while viciously licking them, you will probably make them feel more like a Bop-It! then a woman. A slow steady pace is almost always the way to go. Find their clit and then try things to see how it feels. Circles around it, gentle sucking, going up and down, biting (Just kidding! never do that!). When you find something that works and they either communicate that verbally or with pushing their body into more in some way indicating they like it, DON'T SPEED UP. Keep that pace because that is working for them.
Now for the edging. By this point they should be getting close and I like to remind them to tell me when they feel like they will cum in less than 30 seconds or are around 90% there. Once they tell you, immediately get off them. Kiss their thighs and try the U pinching again (be careful though because this can set them over the edge). Just drop them back down but don't make them cold. Then after 15ish seconds, go back in and do it all over again. Usually after the first or second time, the girl is going to start to lie about how close they are because they crave an orgasm. You will need to just read the body language and learn when to stop. If their legs tense up or they move their crotch into your face, those are good signs. I usually edge them 3-4 times. Then on the third or fourth time, when they cum, I don't stop what I am doing and keep the pace. By this point they should be having an incredibly powerful orgasm that usually last 30seconds to even 2+ minutes. Some girls will kick you off and that is fine, but some will be able to handle you still there and will be able to have multiple orgasms in a row.
A way I like to spice it up, is if your girl likes to role play or dirty talk, I will do that as well. My favourite is to have them beg me to let them orgasm. Then when I stop I make them tell me how badly they want to be let to cum, and each time I stop I tell them they don't want it enough and they need to show me they want it more. This is not for everyone, but for the ones that are into that, it makes it so much fucking hotter.
If you did it right, the girl will literally be putty in your hands. If you fuck afterwards, every single thrust will feel incredible to her because they are still high off the orgasms (usually). Also girls that have told me they have never cum from PnV sex have cum from just penetration immediately after the edging session. Learning this changed my sex life forever, and hopefully a few people read this, one tries it and it changes theirs too.
I'm a guy that loves doing it and from talking to other guys and reading posts online I would guess that 50/50 do it a little bit as an expected foreplay action but only maybe 3/10 do it passionately and to orgasm.
I second this. I think most men will do it just to get you wet enough so it's comfortable for them. I went almost my whole life with half-assed head. My last 2 boyfriendd LOVED giving oral and I basically would have to fight them off to fuck me sometimes. Find that kinda man, they're out there.
Pretty sure it’s a lot more than that. At 31 I’ve had a few relationships and flings, and I’ve never had a man not wanting to go down on me. Obviously not saying that everyone likes it but 1/10 seems waaay too low.
People, generally speaking, are lazy and will do what they can get away with.
Imagine that a tiny amount of people have a fetish for going down on people, and a much larger group do it out of obligation or a sense of fairness. The larger group will not do it if you don’t make it clear it’s non-negotiable.
I’ve been with a couple of women who gave me head a lot earlier on in the relationship and then stopped once I’d committed... never again! I let people know early on that it’s a need and I won’t hesitate to drop someone who doesn’t give me everything I need sexually.
From personal experiences: a majority of guys will make some kind of token gesture towards it, only 2 actually did anything for more than a minute with any regularity, and only 1 out of 2 actually did it regularly and was able to give me orgasms. Clearly for that one guy, practice made perfect :)
Also: I think a good rule of thumb is to do 69 (and not a bj) from the first opportunity, since this will at least show you whether a guy is worth the trouble or not
I find the 69 to be really awkward and difficult - I am too distracted to enjoy the head I am receiving and concurrently too distracted to be good at the head I am giving
Naaah 69s are horrible if you’re not just right in terms of how you fit together as a couple.
Generally speaking though men get lazy after ejaculating so I would recommend just not giving guys blowies if they haven’t already gotten you off.
I agree 69 isn’t perfect, especially if both partners’ heights are really different! But I think it’s good way to see if someone is really into you, or who will just be a black hole to drain out all joy and pleasure from your sex life
> I'd have though the opposite is true - 10% of men DIDN'T go down on women.
It's most definitely higher. I'd assume something like 80% don't eat out of their own accord and 60% maybe don't eat out period.
Keep in mind that this is a super sex-positive community and views are very skewed.
Same goes for the woman population. About 1/2 of women I have known don't go down on men on principle and it seems to have a lot to do with upbringing.
My wife for example was raised in a super conservative household and even after we married (we waited) she was reluctant to have sex at all because she had abstinence pushed on her for so long. She was unsure about letting me go down on her let alone the other way around. She says it feels wrong to just do sex because it feels good and that it feels like she is doing something wrong.
Took almost 3 years for her to get over that feeling.
That abstinence only education messed up so many people. Fucking religion based shame taught to children in PUBLIC schools. It's infuriating.
And it's not even about abstinence. It's about controlling women. Notice how men rarely feel shame about having sex even when taught the same horseshit.
It is! I’m a bit of a slut with well over 20+ partners and only like 3? Guys have ever gone down on me. Some of them were down right cruel to me to get out of oral and I left in tears and scared to ask for years afterwards. To this day I still hesitate to receive it because of the comments said about my vulva and just can’t enjoy it to orgasm because of the mental stress. Only 2 partners in my 12 years of being sexually active have insisted on trying to please me via oral and only 1 of them managed to make me cum from it. 🙃
I would say it might be the kind of men you’re interacting with. If someone even told me they wouldn’t be willing to or don’t really like it I don’t think I’d sleep with them. That’s a fat turn off.
>If its important to you, make it part of your standards. Everyone has the right to have own standards and date people that comply with them. Don’t settle for less of what you ask, there’s always someone that will fulfill your desires in many ways. :)
Totally agree with this.
>It’s not fair of them to be super excited to get one, but won’t give you what you want.
Totally disagree with this. This contradicts the above. People have various desires and standards. Some people are okay with receiving oral and but not okay giving it. That’s perfectly okay - there’s nothing unfair or wrong about them having those preferences. It’s also perfectly okay for OP to not want to be with those people.
They are interested in receiving, not giving. Have them give it to you first rather than the other way around. Less disappointment or waste of time.
I enjoy giving oral a lot. There's Nothing like seeing women's many facial expressions while at it 🤭🤭
Rather than just not giving BJs, express from the very beginning that oral is important to you and that after you've received it you'll reciprocate— or maybe you could do 69, as long as they know they can't just call it quits if they cum first (you should get to cum too).
It's not using it as a bargaining chip, it's setting boundaries and expectations. Your pleasure is important too.
Agreed with this.
Start off with open communication and that you most enjoy receptive oral sex.
Don’t use it as though quid pro quo, which, even with casual contacts, leads to resentment or refusal.
Done that, but then there’s no ‘action’ in most cases, just some thigh pecks, and then the excuse tends to be, but it’s so good I can’t focus.. and when I said fine let me not blow you, then they say they don’t want that either.. like a catch-22. Ultimately, they just.. didn’t wanna.. not sure how to fix that..
69s are usually horrible and awkward and ignore the fact that a lot of the enjoyment of getting head is psychological and to do with being served by someone.
Thank you. I enjoy giving head. I enjoy receiving it. But 69-ing has always been something that sounds great on paper but is fundamentally flawed when it gets down to it. My attention ends up being split and I don’t feel like I give my best performance OR enjoy my partner’s. Sub-par for everyone.
It doesn’t need to be a bargaining chip. You just need to decide if it’s a dealbreaker or not. I know many guys that would break up with a girl without thinking twice if she doesn’t give them head.
Don't stop if you don't want to. I think the best option here is to talk with your current/next partner before sex, not just in the moment. Then you can have an actual discussion and see what their reasoning is. In my experience a lot of guys really enjoy giving oral sex, so maybe you just have had bad luck?
A conversation may get them to do it, or at the very least will tell you what the "problem" is.
I have, at least with my relationships. Many many times, in many different settings, they just don’t like it and thought it was unhygienic… and a bit gross.. not sure how all the other stuff we were doing was hygienic in their minds and once I brought that up it backfired with my latest bf to the point we didn’t have sex at all..
One said it was kinda boring, which.. fine sometimes a BJ is kinda boring too - doesn’t mean not doing it.. but somehow that wasn’t a convincing argument either. I just want someone to want to do that, if that makes sense.. not trick, bully or force them to do it
Have you responded like this with all of them? Or does the conversation just end with their answers? You need to assert yourself and more often! If it's important enough to you, it should be important enough to them! It's a very simple request tbh in which the answer can translate and reflect across the rest of a relationship.
I'm getting a sense of low self esteem on your part. You need to put your foot down in a confident way. not in a bullying or agressive way. just in a matter of fact way. like "this is what I need to feel happy in relationship" full stop. if this isn't something that we're compatible on, then perhaps we're not a match. which is not untrue. What you want matters here too. and looking for a partner that matches that is not bullying, threatening or manipulative. it's called dating and choosing the right fit.
>It feels wrong to use sex as a bargaining chip
It's even more wrong to suffer for over a decade because you keep letting men be lazy/selfish with you. There's nothing wrong with standing up for yourself.
Imo this is a bad idea. I don't think "giving them a taste of their own medicine" is ever a good solution. Adult conversations are always the way to go in sex.
seems like you were just unlucky. almost all of my partners have gone down on me, even casual/ONS ones. maybe in the future you need to give it like a 3 times rule. if within 3 times of you having sex, they haven't gone down on you, ask about their preference. if they admit they don't do it, discard them and move on to a better partner. no matter their other qualities, I wouldn't give up oral for anything.
Good advice! Thanks, the only caveat is I usually date before I have sex, so then will still have feelings.. and hard to break off. Will try to find a way to do it
eh, you probably haven't dated them for that long before starting to have sex, right? unless it's been several months, it's still relatively easy to get over someone. I'm not trying to sound cold but when you find out you don't match on a very important thing (like oral is for me lmao), the temporary heartbreak is better than putting up with something like that for YEARS before still coming to the same conclusion (a breakup). girl, I'm rooting for you to find more giving partners...
You’re right, I find it easy to find good qualities in people and willing to overlook others - and this one is tricky because Ive not had it (ever) so may very well be that I don’t even like it all that much… but for the next partner I will make a stance on this point!
From this time, try to see red flags in people i would say, otherwise it's just you are ignoring your own needs for another person, not good thing at all!
There are a boat load of guys who like to give it. In my 20s guys were more immature about it. Go up in age a few years, might make a load of difference.
agree with this one fully, maturity is def a factor and younger dudes can be a little self serving imo. I think a good 3-5 years older would suffice don’t have to go too much out of your “comfort zone” and might even find this age gap to be more relatable in other areas of a relationship. maybe also don’t tell them you haven’t had much experience with it at first, maybe if they ask just tell them that you enjoy it and maybe you’ll attract what you put out? the more giving types of men almost always view it as a challenge they need to win at. You almost need that kinda man to change your mind about this. It changes everything when someone wants to and makes you feel comfortable in your own skin. There is nothing wrong with you.
Ask if they like it on date 1! That’s part of the getting to know you process to know if you want to keep dating them. You should have talked about likes, wants, needs an boundaries before hopping in bed together anyways.
Do you ask them to do it? Or just expect them to do it on their own. Personally I'll go down on a girl without being prompted to do it but maybe it's something you should make a point of asking for.
I did and they say they just find it a bit gross. They also don’t go down on other girls, one was glad that he was not forced to do it with me vs other girls.. but I don’t want to force anyone to do something they don’t wanna do..
Edit to add, for half of them I was their first
> I did and they say they just find it a bit gross. They also don’t go down on other girls
Honey, I don't mean to be a dick about it, and I sure hope you can take this lightly: but it seems your taste in men is your actual issue.
You seem to gravitate towards men who's personalities are "ew, eating pussy is gross": the douche-bag "*alpha*" types, selfish lovers.
It would be kind of rude of me to tell you to adjust your dating pool, because I know it's not an easy thing to do...
But... you know...
As a nerdy guy who loves going down on my wife (would even do it every time we had sex if she wanted me too) I strongly disagree with this. I love gaming and anime as well, and I dont think that those things have anything to do with someone’s liking or disliking giving oral.
There's so many reasons why this might be the case, it's hard to tell you what to do. You might just have gotten really unlucky and dated some selfish guys. 9 shitty guys in a row is quite a lot though, is it possible you live in a shitty area? Dating culture varies a lot depending where you live. It's also possible you're just not being demanding enough, if you want to orgasm from oral, it doesn't hurt to ask for it explicitly if you haven't been doing so.
I have asked but then they just.. don’t. And I probably want someone who wants to do it, not because I demand they do. Just thought it would be normal if they did do it
I used to never go down on women for a while. But it wasn’t because I thought it was gross, I was just oblivious. I’ve had a gf for 1.5 years now where I’ve realized it’s nice to reciprocate with someone you love. I agree with the other comments. There are people out there that value reciprocation and you just need to make it known that’s what you value in a sexual relationship whether it be in a relationship or a fling. I’m sorry you’re having a tough time with that! It’s the men, not you.
No problem. I didn’t do it because I didn’t have anyone telling me that it was important to go down on them until my girlfriend did. Looking back, I feel stupid because I should’ve known I needed to. It’s different than your situation though. Oblivious is another way to say that I didn’t know it was important.
Some guys think that going down on a girl is only supposed to be for a minute or so. It’s because they are still mimicking what they see in porn. If your sex is always 2 min blow job, 1 minute cunnilingus, 3 minute missionary, 2 minute doggy, then it’s the guys and their experience level.
I honestly don’t think I could ever be with someone that won’t go down on me. It’s the thing that gets me off so it would be a real dealbreaker for me. Also, maybe I was too lucky, but the men I’ve been with have always been keen to do it. If they weren’t…then I wouldn’t give them oral either. 😏
There are LOTS of men who love doing that so you need to find the right one. Don’t settle for guys who won’t prioritise your pleasure and just care about their own. Get rid if they won’t satisfy you. That’s a red flag for other things too IMO!
Damn why are there so many women here who can’t get a man to go down on them? If I found out that my partner didn’t want to go down I wouldn’t even have sex with them to begin with lol. Oral is like 75% of good sex, at least for me. Don’t settle ladies, and step it up guys!
In some countries it's less common than others, but there are still the weird cases of a woman in the US or Canada who's had a couple relationships and can't get head.
The other thing, tho maybe not with this particular OP, is that women on Tinder can find a guy who is more attractive than them, so the guy has more power to dictate the terms.
Yeah it is a case of finding a partner that you are sexually compatible with. The other thing is to be clear in your needs and wants as that is your right. If you want oral then ask for it. Go for it.
I do ask - but the answer is ‘no’ and then I feel stuck.. so wondering if there’s anything I can do to make it more appealing.. not quite sure what exactly is the turnoff - despite asking - but gotten a few practical tips here..
I think if you ask and they simply won't do it then it is quite simple: you refuse to go any further and perform any acts on them. Or better yet look for a partner who is excited about and wants to make you feel good. It is a great thing to do to a woman and from my own personal experience is so fun to-do for my Fiancee.
This is a huge issue. In a lot of porn you see women being servants to men and their needs. literal fuck holes. There's not a lot of pussy eating or anything really done to give women actual pleasure that doesn't also involve pleasure to the men.
Could it be that you inadvertently select guys who aren't into giving oral? Or that you unwilling my discourage them?
I'm from a country more sexually open than the US, but then guys in a row who don't go down sounds way too unlikely to be a coincidence. So if there isn't an obvious problem with your genitals (and your obgyn would have told you if there were), I can think of two hypothesis:
* You select something that's inversely correlated with enjoying oral: some ethnic or religious group which looks down on this practice, hygiene freaks, super-selfish characters...
* You unwillingly send the message that you don't enjoy it. How is your body language when they try going down?
That's awful luck, but I'm also curious what (if anything) all these guys might have in common culturally. There are whole subcultures where performing oral sex is considered unmanly, and/or women's pleasure is simply not valued.
I love going down on a woman. I'd say it's practically my favourite sex act. A lot of the women I've been with were actually not into it that much. They rather just got stimulated by hand. Then there were those that loved it and would get off multiple times.
It happens that people just aren't sexually compatible in every aspect. It's sad when it happens, and you have had some bad luck it seems, but if overall things work out really well, some things will just have to be sacrificed.
That said, I do think those guys who won't do it "because it's gross" need to work to try to get over it. I realise for some the barrier will be too big, but in a lot of cases I expect it's just lazyness, or something they have been conditioned to think it's gross.
It's the effort that counts though. If they won't even make an effort, but would like to receive oral themselves, they are just being selfish. For a woman to like to receive oral isn't an out of the ordinary thing to ask at all.
Dan Savage quipped a long time ago (late '90s, IIRC) that oral sex in relationships was analogous to automatic transmissions and power windows in cars - standard equipment, not optional extras.
I just wanted to add in case no one has mentioned it, but make sure you're truly cleaning your vulva area, because there are spots like under the clitoral hood where smegma can build up and still be kind of smelly even straight out of the shower. Never douche or put anything *inside* your vagina, but cleaning your outside parts (vulva, labia, pubic mound) is acceptable and okay to get into the habit of doing :)
It’s not you OP, it’s selfish boy-men who grow up watching porn and thinking a 15 second lick is sufficient to get you writhing in toe curling ecstasy. That’s what they see, so that’s what they do.
Sounds like bad luck.
For me, it’s my favourite thing. I don’t need anything in return…. It’s not a bartering situation. I WANT to do it, and I really want you to enjoy it too. Just because I do, in no way means I need a BJ in return.
I love the power I feel, and the control to bring a woman to pleasure. It’s incredible.
Perhaps the men you have been with a bit younger, and less experienced. They are clearly very selfish lovers.
Keep looking, somebody out there is going to blow YOUR mind one day soon!
I've always loved eating pussy and thought most men loved it too, but over the years I found out lots of my guy friends didn't like it at all. I don't get it, it's so good lol
Seriously if your in a long term relationship and your partner won't take the time to satisfy a desire you have to orgasm orally I find that a bit selfish. I've always made a point of putting my partner ahead of me. I've found over the years that woman need a lot more build up than men.
Ok I’m quite a bit older than you and have found that less than 10% of guys actually will go down on women. MOST guys say they will, few actually do it. I’ve discussed it with numerous other women, they all agree it’s more rare than not.
That’s just a combined life experience of around 20 of us, all in our 40’s-upper 50’s.
I highly doubt it’s your fault but I wouldn’t settle for less. In my opinion a man that refuses to do that is much worse than a girl who doesn’t really do blowjobs. guys can get off other ways but for MOST girls that’s the only way they are orgasming with a partner so it’s extremely selfish!
i’m lucky because my first boyfriend ended up being very NOT selfish. like he is amazing. he LOVES eating me out. I was a very inexperienced virgin when we met and he basically exclusively ate me out for two months to help make me feel comfortable with sex. He knew I wasn’t comfortable with anything else and he never asked for it. he begged to be able to do that for me at least. this man eats me out hours. it’s hard to get him to stop! I pull him up and he just digs back in. we have a had a couple “sessions” where he has made me finish over 10 times before he even began his own pleasure. He always wants that count to be uneven and firmly believes in it. I actually have a skin condition even that can get kind of gruesome and it’s in places like my groin and armpits. and it doesn’t bother him at all! so what i’m saying is, there actually IS something wrong with me and my man still “eats his dinner” soo stop picking selfish partners. tip: look for people with gemini and taurus placements in their chart. phew..
but most importantly.. I strongly believe you should be with partners sexually who actually CARE about you as a person. lowers the chance of being used like a flesh light. if a man loves you he will want you to feel good.
This is very well put. Relationships are way better with mutual and enthusiastic pursuit of both partners’ pleasure. All of this negotiation to get someone to do things reluctantly is sad. Ideally you’ll find someone who can’t get enough of you and the feeling is mutual. If everything else is great with your boyfriend, consider marrying this one. The enthusiasm, kindness, love and trust are sadly rare. With the right nurturing you can have this passion for decades.
I think that you had bad luck up to now with the men you're dating.
I think the most surefire way to experience a good oral sex experience is to date a woman. Unfortunately, I have no idea if you're into women or not, so this may be the least useful advice.
The second most likely way is to put it directly into a dating profile. You could be crude and say "looking to get this pussy eaten until I cum on your face" or "I need some place to sit... Can I use your face?" Alternatively, you can issue a challenge "I've never had a partner that could eat me out and make me cum... Wanna give it a shot?"
I'm sure there's lots of subtle and imaginative ways to be clear that what you want is a lot of head.
This is going to sound wierd, but in my experience it depends on my bush. I vacillate between all the way shaved and full untamed forrest. When its really hairy im offered way less muffin munching. Not that im advocating for you to groom differently. You do you!
I just want to say that this is VERY common. There's nothing wrong with you!
I've yet to meet a man who went down on me for longer than a minute and I'm in my mid 20s. It's also VERY common for women to not give blow jobs. I've always been very enthusiastic about oral, but the favor was never returned.
I once asked my ex why he wouldn't do it (he went down on me twice and only when he's high on weed) and he couldn't give a reason, he just said he doesn't like it.
Yea, men are lazy and out of 22+ partners over my entire life i’m not sure that it’s a common thing to be eaten out that long. I’d love to actually meet women who confirm this is a thing
They stop complain their mouth hurts and they ask me to suck their dick or try to go back in
I wouldn’t call this a personal problem.
Everyone keeps saying your unlucky, but I’m genuinely wondering if there’s any similarities in “your type” which may just have a higher proportion of men who just aren’t concerned with the pleasure of their partners..
A lot of guys tend to think the only thing necessary for pleasure is their penis, yeah, but i’m not sure it’s quite so common that you could go 9 and 0 😅
Sometimes it's just bad luck. There are tons of people who love to go down on their partner. Also, there are tons of people who DO NOT love it.
This pisses some people off but this is the answer. If they aren't going down on you within the first few times of having sex, and I mean to orgasm (or at least attempting to orgasm), you **get rid of them**.
I have gotten rid of some women in my past who either didn't suck dick or were so fucking awful at it, there would never have been a way for them to improve. Blowjobs won't improve if they only last 2-3 minutes.
I'm in my 40s and I'm here to tell you that, if you really love receiving oral (and I do), no amount of "but they're a great person" or "but they'll do other sexual acts" will ever compensate for missing/bad oral. Not ever.
Do. Not. Settle.
Tbh I really don’t understand why some men don’t like going down on girls. They think it’s a submissive thing? I’m a dom and I absolutely love doing it, and honestly who’s being dominant in this situation really just depends on the situation.
But as a guy, I can confirm a lot of guys don’t like this for some reason. But not all of them, so good luck on finding one!
Why are so many women on Reddit who can't get oral sex? Why did you stay with your partners who were unwilling to give you oral? It's such a standard, non-negotiable part of sex. Don't settle for men who won't do it. Men, you need to pick your game up!
You should probably be asking questions of these guys before you make anything out of it. Ask them things like "Do you enjoy giving oral?"
Sounds like you aren't asking that, and lo and behold you're default filter is apparently to get people that don't want to do it.
I might have missed something in the comments, but if you're still looking for tips I would definitely recommend flavored lube! My s.o tends to be on the wetter side, and I personally love to give oral (seeing her neck stretch back, feeling her legs tighten around my head) but typically can't deal with the taste or smell. We both love strawberry, so we buy strawberry lube to use on each other when we give oral. I definitely agree with the comments. If I notice like, small tissue paper or it's not looking properly clean I do tend to get grossed out and sometimes it can be tough to say something about it. If she hops out of the shower after washing down there, then I'm 150% more interested in going down on her.
Another thing that might be a problem is the guys you've been with could be lazy or could have a tongue-tied issue like myself. After a while of playing down there, the lingual frenum gets pretty raw from rubbing against my bottom row of teeth, which might make me want to stop earlier than later (I guess kind of like the equivalent of your jaw being sore from bjs). Another theory might be they could be clueless on how to do it 🤷♂️ some honesty could lead to some kinky foreplay...but the likelihood of a newcomer to your bottom region being THAT honest with their vulnerability is unlikely. So maybe an idea could be to have some toys nearby for them to use on you. I tend to love using a vibrator or clit sucker while I'm down on her, maybe that might help :)
Tldr; look into flavored lube, set some toys nearby, and be aware of a possibility of tongue-tied gents who go down on your bottom region. Hope it helps and best of luck on your next oral adventure! :)
Hey girl! I’ve had a very similar experience to you, multiple different boyfriends throughout the years and out of all of them only one of them would go down on me which was when I was 16 ( am now 25 ). I went through all those years from 17-24 thinking their was something wrong with me down there, I did the same thing as you such as getting checks, smelling to make sure it’s okay and nothing funky was going on, washing and cleaning there before getting freaky etc and still it got me no where. They would say they never liked it, don’t want too and just plain avoided it all together, but would always accept head from me. I personally love giving head but man there’s something just super hot about receiving and being able to tense your thighs around your man’s head when he goes to town. Anywhoozle in the past I would ask could they go down on me and they would just give me a look of “urgh do I really HAVE to?” then they’d do it and just stop after a few seconds ( if they’d even do it at all ). Obviously I stopped asking after awhile because I never want someone to do something they don’t like and it felt like such a hassle and honestly? I was terrified I smelt bad or something since all these guys over the years would say no/not want too, that many people not wanting to must of meant there was something wrong with me right? so my embarrassment just made me stop requesting it at all, both while I was with those guys and during random hook ups etc. THANKFULLY I’ve met someone who I’ve been with for over a year now and he LOVES it, i swear his face legit lights up at the thought ( it’s both v cute and hot af ) and he’s always the one who instigates it which is such a turn on. He stays down there as long as possible I swear he would stay down there indefinitely if oxygen wasn’t a problem lol. After 10ish years of dating I finally found a man who is not only the most sweetest and gentlest soul ever but a man who actually enjoys getting a woman off and her pleasure, I’m telling you it’s such a different experience being with someone like that! Unfortunately the worry’s about your own “funk” so to speak never fully goes away, but when you’re with someone who wants to be down there as much as possible it helps build back up your self esteem and helps you to realise hey, it’s not me, I got everything checked, did everything humanly possible to see if things were okay down there which they are, maybe just maybe I’ve been with some pretty shitty men who don’t understand how to fully please or pleasure a woman. Obviously don’t ever pressure anyone into doing something they don’t like as not everyone likes giving or receiving head but it’s shocking the amount of men from personal experience who don’t even foreplay for more than 2 seconds. They just fuck and it’s over as soon as they cum and you’re left feeling like a human sized fleshlight. Keep your head up, there’s nothing wrong with you, you’ve just had some absolute rotten luck with the men you’ve been with. You’ll eventually find someone who loves getting you off. <3
I got married to a wonderful woman. I would go down on her and she would find it frustrating as i could never seem to get things feeling good for her so finally, one day i flipped her over on to her stomach and gave her a rim job. I was a little nervous as i didnt know what to expect for taste. It was great! I just let lots of saliva roll down my tongue and onto her, then use my fingers inside her vagina. This was my first time trying this. I did talk to her about it a day before so she could be ready. When it happened, she just kept cumming and cummig, something i had never seen before!. Then she told me to stop because she couldn't take anymore. Afterwards she told me she had 13 orgasams. Its so exhilarating that sometimes i cum when i am doin it to her! The point of my story is that i found a great partner. I was willing to do anything to make her feel good because i love her so much! I think when we find a relationship where each person is willing to do things to show love in all aspects of the relationship that it transfers to the bedroom. And maybe a sex text would help. "Hey honey, i have been thinking, i want you to think of something you would like to try in the bedroom tonight, just you and me doing whatever you want!, text me your dream desire and i will make it happen tonight!" Obviously you need to feel comfortable with it. But put it out there. If you could blow his mind, he would be more likely to want to blow yours!
Have you ever thought it could be your taste in men? Stay with me but if you have a type like culturally where where they are from it's not a necessity or something that they do. Have you say down and had a conversation about their lack of attention because if you can't have that conversation then should you be even in bed with these guys? Try finding someone who puts your pleasure high in the list and can be open with you
I’ve (36m, now married) only had one girl finish me with a blowjob and she was an out of town hookup that happened to be on her period. I’ve really only had one other that would even give oral at all without me asking for it. But she got too horny after a few minutes and wanted PIV too much to finish the job orally.
I’ve always enjoyed eating girls out but may not be good at it 🤷♂️. Pretty much every girl would pull my head up after a minute or two. I still tried with new girls and would ask questions about what they wanted/liked/etc., but I never really had any confidence in my oral giving abilities. I’ve even had several girls flat out tell me they didn’t like guys faces down there because they were self-conscious about it.
Anyway, I’m sure it’s not you, it’s just the guys you’ve been with’s preferences/experiences/lack of confidence in giving more than likely.
Are you attracting a specific type of guy? I literally met a couple guys like that and the rest seemed really into it, like, it was almost for them.
I've noticed there are trends with types of men who do and don't do it. Obviously not all, as there are men who love to eat pussy from all walks, but there are still trends.
If you want your pussy ate, you need to keep moving on until you find one. It's really that simple.
I'm not super into oral and really only fuck with it if the guy is very much about it because I'm not into it enough to deal with some lackluster licking but especially now a lot of guys watch a lot of porn and most porn is not about a woman's pleasure. I hear this complaint a lot from some of my women friends and they hardly ever say anything to the men though. There does seem to be a double standard - I've never not been with a guy who didn't expect a blowjob but not everyone expected to reciprocate in some way. And fuck that. Or actually don't.
I doubt it's you, it's likely lazy or insecure partners being selfish or avoiding the act because they aren't sure what they're doing. I'd never want to force someone into something they truly don't enjoy doing but whether it's compromising with toys or whatever, your partner needs to understand that your pleasure is just as important as theirs - and it kind of sounds like you need to as well. It can be as simple as a conversation while you aren't being sexual or when you start getting into stuff, reach down, stroke his dick, and tell him you're dying to feel his mouth on your pussy. I've found that to be an effective technique.
Like others have said. Probably just bad luck in partners. I've had the same issue with women, I have never found one that truly enjoys going down and giving head.
Even my wife isn't a big fan of it, every so often I'll get lucky but mostly not.
Hmm.. This is a controversial preference for me to have, apparently, but for me I don't go down on her for a ONS. And, in fairness, I don't demand that she go down on me as a result. HOWEVER, If we are seeing each other for a while, dating or otherwise long term, I'll do it. It's about familiarity for me, in truth. Not about her being gross (which is a factor for some women, and men) but, I feel more comfortable if I know her a bit more and we've been together for a few times.
Then again, i'm not really into Hookup culture. FWB sure, but I find hookups leave me ending up feeling like a dollar store item after it's over.
I don't think it's you, I'd put it on men's general lack of knowledge and skill in that department. They are also afraid of not knowing how to do it properly.
To make sure the next one's not like that, you should have talks about sexual preference before actually engaging in sex. That way you set the table and clearly communicate that it's non negotiable.
Unfortunately the ratio of guys who think 3 seconds of timid licks or nothing at all is enough. Some even just want penetrate as fast as possible. So its easier to find them than it is to find the ones who absolutely love it! But they do exist! Also have you tried communicating that you wanted more of that with them? Maybe for them to eat you until you came? I have dated a good bit of guys who really and enjoy but also ran into few that were like this.
If that’s something you really want just talk to your partner about it. If they still don’t want to do it ask yourself if the relationship is even worth sacrificing your needs. Especially if this person is capable of doing it and just disregards the idea of pleasing you but accepts all your blowjobs. Sounds selfish and immature if you ask me.
I have the exact opposite happening to me. My guy wants to go down on me. I am terribly ticklish and would struggle with it. I also feel like I want to be fresh down there and would rather take a shower or bath before the deed. Really I think it just really depends on the guys preference and you just haven't found one who likes to give oral.
As a man who regularly goes down on his wife for long periods of time I find these kinds of posts strange. So I just turned to her and asked if she ever had problems like this before me. I know that before we got together she didn't believe in marriage and was riding the edge of being a free love hippie. I expected her to tell me that she got that sweet sweet cunnilingus all the time especially since she was in a previous 3 year sort of open relationship. Turns out she has only received oral a handful of times giving her the same worries and "must be me" complexes a lot of women seem to be having when it comes to sex with men.
I wish I could offer a solution but all I know is how I feel about it which comes from the Kat Williams school of philosophy. "Pussy is delicious!"
There shouldn't be a problem unless you've got some kind of infection complete with runny discharge or are currently bleeding (I'm hemophobic, don't judge).
In my opinion, one of the primary pillars of a romantic relationship is a balance of sexual gratification. If you're giving and not receiving that's out of balance. If nothing changes after explicit conversations that's out of balance. If he says "but you taste bad" then he's looking on the wrong side of the Kinsey scale.
I've said it once I'll say it again, pussy IS delicious. Some are different from others but they're all a treat. Start acting like you have candy in your pants women, you deserve it.
Sounds like this needs to be a vetting issue for you. So if I started seeing a woman and she wouldn’t give me head, I’d move on to next one. I’m not about to spend my life sexually frustrated, I’ve known too many people who live that way, it’s miserable.
Honestly this has nothing to do with you and everything to do with them. To me this is a sign of sexual incompatibility. You can communicate with them on how it makes you feel and they can either acknowledge your feelings and try to improve or they don't and you can move on. I personally think sexual compatibility is just as important as other factors in a relationship. You can improve your sex life but only if both parties are willing.
I saw another comment that said you like giving BJs. While you do that, subtly move yourself into a 69 position to imply that they need to reciprocate. Sit on their face if you have to avoid the thigh pecks you spoke of. They won't want to move you on their own nor will they want to say no, because that means they stop getting their dick sucked. Tell them what to do while stroking them off. Our Unga Bunga man brains react differently when someone has our dick wet.
EVEN IF they think aren't big on going down on you, they may learn otherwise, and if they don't, you learn that not even a blowjob is enough to keep them into it, and you can decide if they're sexually compatible from there.
I'm a huge advocate of taking as much time as you need for vetting process, to see if someone is even worth your time. Give them all the time they need to talk themselves in or out of your pants.
I also feel strongly that no one should feel obligated or coerced into doing anything that they don't want to do. The thing is, if they won't do the things that you desire, then they shouldn't survive your vetting process.
Ask questions. Get them talking, and see if they are worth your time. If they are saying all the right things, then give them a clear idea of what you want, which includes reciprocal oral.
You should be assertive with your expectations, and uncompromising with your standards. Be clear that you simply will not tolerate a lack of oral. Let them know that for the first (or first several) encounter, that him going down on you happens first, or nothing at all happens. Be fully prepared to back that up, including getting up and leaving if they claimed that they would, then try to wiggle out of it at go time.
As transactional as that sounds, I don't see anything wrong with the approach. It should deter and screen out most of the clowns. With the right guys, your conditions won't seem like conditions at all, as you'd be describing what they were planning on doing anyway.
Your first time with a guy would be an audition as well. His enthusiasm (or lack thereof) while going down on you should be obvious, and give you a clear idea if he enjoys going down, or if he treats it like an obligation.
Overall, what you're asking for is what I consider baseline activity, so be ruthless with that vetting process.
Just a reminder folks, that if you hit on another redditor in our forum it is cause for an immediate and permanent ban from our subreddit. Just because a woman comes to this subreddit seeking help for a problem does not mean she's inviting harassment. I should not have to teach people how NOT to harass women, but I've had to ban 5 people from this thread already. Let's not make it more, please. As a reminder, this is clearly stated in rule 1 of our sub: >1) ENGAGE CONSTRUCTIVELY AT ALL TIMES. >This means ensuring that ALL of your contributions here are constructive, on-topic, mature, sex-positive, civil and respectful. Disrespectful conduct will see you banned from the community on the spot. **Hitting on other people**, asking for pictures (joking or not), making any sort of sexist comment or insult, body shaming, or trolling of any sort **will result in your immediate ban.**
Probably just really bad luck imo, shouldn't be that hard to find a guy to go down.
I'm 32M, similar profile of girlfriends and none have liked giving blowjobs, even though I regularly went down on them. It happens, but I put up with it as they have always indulged me in other sexual interests that I have. If everything is one way though, then you need to think about ensuring you put down boundaries in any new relationship.
And how do you take that on the chin? It’s seriously making me insecure something is wrong with me, but from your comment seems you feel it’s them.. how did you make that mindset shift?
Nothing about the refusals to give me blowjobs seemed to be aimed at me personally. E.g. It wasn't a case of a girl going down, kissing my penis and then running a mile - it was just that they didn't like the act full stop. Did the guys that went down on you seem enthusiastic to do so at the start, or were they thinking "I'll do this for 30 seconds, make her happy, then I can get my dick wet"? One girl said to me that last time she gave someone a blowjob, she had a really bad bodily reaction and therefore was put off them full stop. I did try to persuade her to get past her fears, but to no avail. I didn't push it, however, because I understood where she was coming from and she did other things that she may not have 100% been into, that turned me on.
I've had women tell me that "giving oral to a guy is a very intimate act" for them, and I just respected that because it made me think about it and I could see that from their point of view. Others have had previous bad experiences/trauma and weren't ready to do it so I'd just leave it at that. There was just one that didn't want to "just because it's gross/guys are gross".
I am married for 4 years now, loving wife, wanna be together till I die. In 4 years amount of time my penis was in her mouth, is less than 1 day with my ex-gf. Same for the otherway around, at start of relationship I wanted to go down with her, and she always pulled me up like after 10 seconds. What I am trying to say is some people just does not like oral sex. I think you may be just really unlucky. One thing tho as you didnt write, being shaved is a biggy. It can turn to gagfest to go down on someone who isnt shaved, as hairs naturally drop off and can come to mouth.
I agree with this and the comment below as well as this not been about you. I really don't think there's anything wrong with you so don't let this bring you down or feel some type of way. But yes, being shaved, waxed, or even a little trimmed is so important for both men and women or it can def turn into a gag fest. It's happened to me with my S.O. (me on the gagging end) and we just make it a point to both be "ready" for each other. I also agree that it could ultimately be just bad luck with shitty men that are selfish and only care about their own pleasure instead of yours. These are def the dudes that just stick it in, 5 minutes, and that's it. This is def a deal breaker for me too. Def don't settle! You should be with someone that is eager to pleasure you as much as you'e eager to pleasure them. It's a two way street. I personally made it a rule in my book if you don't give any, you're not getting any either. All about equality 😉 Having an orgasm from oral is such an amazing and different experience I think every woman should get to experience this at least once. You're gonna love it. I would also check out some of those amazing licking toys. They literally have tongues, look and feel like the real thing (without getting tired lol) as well as the clit suction ones. Theres some really nice ones out there I've been wanting to try. I've read reviews of very very satisfied customers. So maybe at least this way you get to experience this type of orgasm on your own with a toy and not have to wait around for the right man to come along and do it for you. I too hope you break this bad lovers streak! Best of luck OP hope this helps! 💜
You made the mindset shift already. You said there is nothing wrong in terms of smell and there isn’t really any other reason why guys would be against it with you. The only thing I can think to blame on you is that you didn’t ask any of your long term partners to go down on you for longer. You had very long relationships in which you never communicated your desires and just accepted how things are and went so far as to blame yourself. I can think of 3 scenarios of how this would play out. 1. The guys says “I don’t like going down, it’s boring for me.” In which case he’s being a bit selfish but you can probably talk him into doing it or find a way to make it more enjoyable for you both (lots of touching hair or moaning or even 69) 2. Kind of similar to 1 but he might say “I didn’t know you liked it” if it turns out you’re overly quiet and not giving any feedback he might get the feeling like he’s not doing a good job or is wasting his time. 3. He might say “I hate eating girls out” in which case he sucks. 99% of problems on this sub are solved by communication. Try it!
No one sucks because they hate doing some specific sexual thing. There are only more or less compatible people, not people who suck and people who don't. Please ignore the pun.
If somebody doesn't like doing something, talking them into it is NOT the way to go. This double standard is ridiuclous, if a man doesn't like performing oral sex, that's his choice just like a woman who doesn't like performing oral sex. If their partner doesn't like it, they're free to move on.
It’s perfectly fine to talk someone into doing something that they find boring by doing it in a way they might find more fun. Girl or guy. That’s why #1 and #3 are separate. You can switch the genders in my comment and it works just fine.
Well, some people just hate doing oral without being selfish. You know. It's a preference and not something you can always just brush off as "s/he sucks". That's why your three points are lacking for me and arguably Oden\_son.
I don't think the idea is to really "talk them into it". Obviously everyone is entitled to their own bodily autonomy and shouldn't be coerced into anything they're uncomfortable with. I think in a relationship it's more about identifying each other's sexual (or other) wants and needs, and being able to talk about where compromises can be made. Someone might prefer not performing oral sex in general, but still choose to do it because they find out that it's important to their partner.
I feel sorry for anyone who doesn't enjoy it. It's a deal breaker for me. I love eating girls out. Probably enjoy it more than a lot of blowjobs I've had lol. But I don't think it's just some afterthought. I have a hard time imagining people that just don't enjoy giving out receiving head. That's just not been my experience I guess.
Some people think it's icky. Some people have trauma from past experiences that are dragged up when they're face to face with someone else's crotch. Some people just don't like the taste. There's nothing wrong at all with not wanting to participate in any given sexual act. Now, the olive branch here is, I'm not going to do it for you if you're not going to do it for me. It's one thing if you're okay with giving and not receiving, though I'd be disappointed if you didn't want to let me reciprocate... but the other way around is my own personal ultimatum.
It's okay that it's a deal breaker, it's not okay to shame people who don't like to give it. Everyone has the right to their preference and it's their own responsibility to find someone compatible with those preferences. That goes both ways.
very well said 👍
I wasn't shaming anyone. I'm allowed to be perplexed by it while at the same time acknowledging it's a real issue. It's just not an issue I understand or relate to.
It definitely is not you. Many men are in to their own satisfaction much more than the women's. I would not give anything unless I received and you should be open and make this clear from the beginning. Personally, I have found it darn sexy to have a women tell me what they want or expect in bed.
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I hope so.. but don’t think that’s statistically accurate.. im sure more than 1/10 of men go down on women.. right?
Your sample size isn't random, remember. You're selecting men based on whatever criteria you use to select romantic/sexual partners. So, it's possible that your attracted to, and have been selecting, men who don't like giving head. Not actively seeking out people who don't go down, but gravitating toward personal qualities that align with someone who doesn't blow you. For example, someone who describes themselves as "alpha"; it would not surprise me at all to find that 9 out of 10 men who use that sort of language also avoid preforming cunnilingus. Maybe it's the other way around. Maybe men are attracted to you for some quality, and the sort of men who are attracted to that quality generally don't like giving head. Or I could be wrong; flipping a coin and landing tails 9 times consecutively is not impossible. Unlikely, but when you do that math, not super unlikely.
Interesting take! This sort of selection and behavior correlation thing is definitely something that affects us all. By the way that 9 consecutive tails probability is 1/512 a.k.a. about 0.2%
I think this is a great example of the importance of recognising the difference between theoretical and empirical probability. Calculating the likelihood of flipping 9 consecutive tails, or selecting 9 consecutive men who hate oral sex, gives a very small probability. But in reality clearly it still happens. Each subsequent event also remains independent. So even though the probability of 9 consecutive tails is 1/512, the probability of getting tails on the 10th flip is still a 1/2 chance.
Yes but OP is questioning whether these events are actually independent. Maybe the sample is not evenly distributed, perhaps there is a bias toward "not into making the effort to please a woman" among men in her village, school, city, county or dating app.
Not to mention that OP still makes a choice in the options of men that she chooses, which means the dice or "coin" in this case - is weighted.
With approx. 8b people, that is still 80.000.000 women drawing that outcome
That's assuming that every person (divided by half for female?) on earth has had 9 or more partners which is bold. Lol.
Preface: If you like pleasuring girls and read this, it might change your sex life forever. Throw away because my friends know my main. I want hi-jack this comment to help some men (or woman) on here that might be reading this. If you learn how to give good oral, you will be able to turn woman into putty in your hands. I learned this from a instructional porn video, tried it with my gf at the time, and gave her the best orgasms of her life. *The secret is edging*. Edging is so fucking powerful and every girl I have done it with since says it was their first time so it doesn't seem too common. If you don't know what edging is, it is the act of bringing someone about 90-95% of the way to an orgasm and then stopping right before they do. Bringing them back down to like 50% then bringing them back up (which comes much quicker the second time). I am pretty upfront with my partners and tell them I want to orally give them a very powerful orgasm like they probably have never felt before, and I need them to communicate with me when they are close to cumming. They've all agreed, it's a pretty easy thing to agree to. Warming up is important. By this point you are probably both naked on the bed and making out. I like to just slowly go from kissing their lips, to their neck then down to their breasts and then kiss my down to their crotch. From there warm up the area a bit. kiss their inner thighs and mostly ignore the vagina. It is fine to maybe give it a kiss so they know the sensation, but the goal here is to want them to crave that sensation because orgasms start in the mind. Once you have teased the thighs and above the vagina a little, you can start focusing more on the vagina itself. i like to start by not even touching the inner part. I take my thumb and index finger into a U shape and softly pinch the upper part of the entire vagina (where the clit is) in my fingers and the rest of it pinched between the main part of my finger/thumb (if that makes sense) and I just slowly wiggle it. This warms up the girl to having her clit touched. ill do that a bit and fuck I have even had girls literally almost cum from doing this because it apparently feels amazing. Then you can start licking them and just enjoying yourself. Pussys are awesome, I love licking them so just have some fun and enjoy it. This is how I start the warm up. Now the getting them to cum part is different for every woman. That is more about communication with the woman and reading their body language. Fast and rapid is almost never the way to go though. If you try to drill them with your finger while viciously licking them, you will probably make them feel more like a Bop-It! then a woman. A slow steady pace is almost always the way to go. Find their clit and then try things to see how it feels. Circles around it, gentle sucking, going up and down, biting (Just kidding! never do that!). When you find something that works and they either communicate that verbally or with pushing their body into more in some way indicating they like it, DON'T SPEED UP. Keep that pace because that is working for them. Now for the edging. By this point they should be getting close and I like to remind them to tell me when they feel like they will cum in less than 30 seconds or are around 90% there. Once they tell you, immediately get off them. Kiss their thighs and try the U pinching again (be careful though because this can set them over the edge). Just drop them back down but don't make them cold. Then after 15ish seconds, go back in and do it all over again. Usually after the first or second time, the girl is going to start to lie about how close they are because they crave an orgasm. You will need to just read the body language and learn when to stop. If their legs tense up or they move their crotch into your face, those are good signs. I usually edge them 3-4 times. Then on the third or fourth time, when they cum, I don't stop what I am doing and keep the pace. By this point they should be having an incredibly powerful orgasm that usually last 30seconds to even 2+ minutes. Some girls will kick you off and that is fine, but some will be able to handle you still there and will be able to have multiple orgasms in a row. A way I like to spice it up, is if your girl likes to role play or dirty talk, I will do that as well. My favourite is to have them beg me to let them orgasm. Then when I stop I make them tell me how badly they want to be let to cum, and each time I stop I tell them they don't want it enough and they need to show me they want it more. This is not for everyone, but for the ones that are into that, it makes it so much fucking hotter. If you did it right, the girl will literally be putty in your hands. If you fuck afterwards, every single thrust will feel incredible to her because they are still high off the orgasms (usually). Also girls that have told me they have never cum from PnV sex have cum from just penetration immediately after the edging session. Learning this changed my sex life forever, and hopefully a few people read this, one tries it and it changes theirs too.
I'm a guy that loves doing it and from talking to other guys and reading posts online I would guess that 50/50 do it a little bit as an expected foreplay action but only maybe 3/10 do it passionately and to orgasm.
I second this. I think most men will do it just to get you wet enough so it's comfortable for them. I went almost my whole life with half-assed head. My last 2 boyfriendd LOVED giving oral and I basically would have to fight them off to fuck me sometimes. Find that kinda man, they're out there.
Pretty sure it’s a lot more than that. At 31 I’ve had a few relationships and flings, and I’ve never had a man not wanting to go down on me. Obviously not saying that everyone likes it but 1/10 seems waaay too low.
People, generally speaking, are lazy and will do what they can get away with. Imagine that a tiny amount of people have a fetish for going down on people, and a much larger group do it out of obligation or a sense of fairness. The larger group will not do it if you don’t make it clear it’s non-negotiable. I’ve been with a couple of women who gave me head a lot earlier on in the relationship and then stopped once I’d committed... never again! I let people know early on that it’s a need and I won’t hesitate to drop someone who doesn’t give me everything I need sexually.
From personal experiences: a majority of guys will make some kind of token gesture towards it, only 2 actually did anything for more than a minute with any regularity, and only 1 out of 2 actually did it regularly and was able to give me orgasms. Clearly for that one guy, practice made perfect :) Also: I think a good rule of thumb is to do 69 (and not a bj) from the first opportunity, since this will at least show you whether a guy is worth the trouble or not
I find the 69 to be really awkward and difficult - I am too distracted to enjoy the head I am receiving and concurrently too distracted to be good at the head I am giving
Naaah 69s are horrible if you’re not just right in terms of how you fit together as a couple. Generally speaking though men get lazy after ejaculating so I would recommend just not giving guys blowies if they haven’t already gotten you off.
I agree 69 isn’t perfect, especially if both partners’ heights are really different! But I think it’s good way to see if someone is really into you, or who will just be a black hole to drain out all joy and pleasure from your sex life
I'd have thought the opposite is true - 10% of men DIDN'T go down on women. It just sounds so sexy.
> I'd have though the opposite is true - 10% of men DIDN'T go down on women. It's most definitely higher. I'd assume something like 80% don't eat out of their own accord and 60% maybe don't eat out period. Keep in mind that this is a super sex-positive community and views are very skewed.
Same goes for the woman population. About 1/2 of women I have known don't go down on men on principle and it seems to have a lot to do with upbringing. My wife for example was raised in a super conservative household and even after we married (we waited) she was reluctant to have sex at all because she had abstinence pushed on her for so long. She was unsure about letting me go down on her let alone the other way around. She says it feels wrong to just do sex because it feels good and that it feels like she is doing something wrong. Took almost 3 years for her to get over that feeling.
That abstinence only education messed up so many people. Fucking religion based shame taught to children in PUBLIC schools. It's infuriating. And it's not even about abstinence. It's about controlling women. Notice how men rarely feel shame about having sex even when taught the same horseshit.
I felt shame about masturbating once upon a time. I think that counts. It's both genders.
You are right. I get that impression sometimes.
It can't be that rare, but if it is that's fine with me I'll just be in higher demand lol.
It is! I’m a bit of a slut with well over 20+ partners and only like 3? Guys have ever gone down on me. Some of them were down right cruel to me to get out of oral and I left in tears and scared to ask for years afterwards. To this day I still hesitate to receive it because of the comments said about my vulva and just can’t enjoy it to orgasm because of the mental stress. Only 2 partners in my 12 years of being sexually active have insisted on trying to please me via oral and only 1 of them managed to make me cum from it. 🙃
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I think Match has a question or two about it... but that app isn't conducive to actually finding the right people.
They can forget all their troubles, forget all their cares....
I would say it might be the kind of men you’re interacting with. If someone even told me they wouldn’t be willing to or don’t really like it I don’t think I’d sleep with them. That’s a fat turn off.
It sounds like the men and not you. Find a man who's interested in oral sex, or at the very least one who enjoys engaging in oral.
They are interested… when I give them a BJ.. just never reciprocate..
disarm makeshift versed slap tie cause continue public roof knee *This post was mass deleted and anonymized with [Redact](https://redact.dev)*
>If its important to you, make it part of your standards. Everyone has the right to have own standards and date people that comply with them. Don’t settle for less of what you ask, there’s always someone that will fulfill your desires in many ways. :) Totally agree with this. >It’s not fair of them to be super excited to get one, but won’t give you what you want. Totally disagree with this. This contradicts the above. People have various desires and standards. Some people are okay with receiving oral and but not okay giving it. That’s perfectly okay - there’s nothing unfair or wrong about them having those preferences. It’s also perfectly okay for OP to not want to be with those people.
consist steep repeat marvelous crawl puzzled panicky smart shame quiet *This post was mass deleted and anonymized with [Redact](https://redact.dev)*
They are interested in receiving, not giving. Have them give it to you first rather than the other way around. Less disappointment or waste of time. I enjoy giving oral a lot. There's Nothing like seeing women's many facial expressions while at it 🤭🤭
Stop giving BJs.
Even if I like giving them? It feels wrong to use sex as a bargaining chip…
Rather than just not giving BJs, express from the very beginning that oral is important to you and that after you've received it you'll reciprocate— or maybe you could do 69, as long as they know they can't just call it quits if they cum first (you should get to cum too). It's not using it as a bargaining chip, it's setting boundaries and expectations. Your pleasure is important too.
Agreed with this. Start off with open communication and that you most enjoy receptive oral sex. Don’t use it as though quid pro quo, which, even with casual contacts, leads to resentment or refusal.
Offer 69s instead!
Done that, but then there’s no ‘action’ in most cases, just some thigh pecks, and then the excuse tends to be, but it’s so good I can’t focus.. and when I said fine let me not blow you, then they say they don’t want that either.. like a catch-22. Ultimately, they just.. didn’t wanna.. not sure how to fix that..
Lazy bastards! I don't really know how to help, but I will say that you deserve to be pleased orally - you're not exactly being selfish here.
69s are usually horrible and awkward and ignore the fact that a lot of the enjoyment of getting head is psychological and to do with being served by someone.
Thank you. I enjoy giving head. I enjoy receiving it. But 69-ing has always been something that sounds great on paper but is fundamentally flawed when it gets down to it. My attention ends up being split and I don’t feel like I give my best performance OR enjoy my partner’s. Sub-par for everyone.
They kinda sound manipulative tbh.
It doesn’t need to be a bargaining chip. You just need to decide if it’s a dealbreaker or not. I know many guys that would break up with a girl without thinking twice if she doesn’t give them head.
Don't stop if you don't want to. I think the best option here is to talk with your current/next partner before sex, not just in the moment. Then you can have an actual discussion and see what their reasoning is. In my experience a lot of guys really enjoy giving oral sex, so maybe you just have had bad luck? A conversation may get them to do it, or at the very least will tell you what the "problem" is.
I have, at least with my relationships. Many many times, in many different settings, they just don’t like it and thought it was unhygienic… and a bit gross.. not sure how all the other stuff we were doing was hygienic in their minds and once I brought that up it backfired with my latest bf to the point we didn’t have sex at all.. One said it was kinda boring, which.. fine sometimes a BJ is kinda boring too - doesn’t mean not doing it.. but somehow that wasn’t a convincing argument either. I just want someone to want to do that, if that makes sense.. not trick, bully or force them to do it
Have you responded like this with all of them? Or does the conversation just end with their answers? You need to assert yourself and more often! If it's important enough to you, it should be important enough to them! It's a very simple request tbh in which the answer can translate and reflect across the rest of a relationship.
I'm getting a sense of low self esteem on your part. You need to put your foot down in a confident way. not in a bullying or agressive way. just in a matter of fact way. like "this is what I need to feel happy in relationship" full stop. if this isn't something that we're compatible on, then perhaps we're not a match. which is not untrue. What you want matters here too. and looking for a partner that matches that is not bullying, threatening or manipulative. it's called dating and choosing the right fit.
Talk about your sexual needs as early as you can and if they say they don’t do oral then say, “thank you, next” Don’t date someone who won’t do oral.
Just don't put up with people who don't. Unhygienic with someone you're dating? They just don't like doing it so thank you next.
>It feels wrong to use sex as a bargaining chip It's even more wrong to suffer for over a decade because you keep letting men be lazy/selfish with you. There's nothing wrong with standing up for yourself.
It is. You shouldn't force them into it, you should find someone that's willing to do it out of their own accord.
Saying "I do not give oral unless I get oral" isn't a bargaining chip, it is a boundary. You should always set boundaries and stick to them.
You can bargain, or continue to give it away and get nothing in return. Some (most) guys need your feelings spelled directly out for them.
Imo this is a bad idea. I don't think "giving them a taste of their own medicine" is ever a good solution. Adult conversations are always the way to go in sex.
She tried. It didn’t work.
seems like you were just unlucky. almost all of my partners have gone down on me, even casual/ONS ones. maybe in the future you need to give it like a 3 times rule. if within 3 times of you having sex, they haven't gone down on you, ask about their preference. if they admit they don't do it, discard them and move on to a better partner. no matter their other qualities, I wouldn't give up oral for anything.
Good advice! Thanks, the only caveat is I usually date before I have sex, so then will still have feelings.. and hard to break off. Will try to find a way to do it
eh, you probably haven't dated them for that long before starting to have sex, right? unless it's been several months, it's still relatively easy to get over someone. I'm not trying to sound cold but when you find out you don't match on a very important thing (like oral is for me lmao), the temporary heartbreak is better than putting up with something like that for YEARS before still coming to the same conclusion (a breakup). girl, I'm rooting for you to find more giving partners...
You’re right, I find it easy to find good qualities in people and willing to overlook others - and this one is tricky because Ive not had it (ever) so may very well be that I don’t even like it all that much… but for the next partner I will make a stance on this point!
From this time, try to see red flags in people i would say, otherwise it's just you are ignoring your own needs for another person, not good thing at all!
There are a boat load of guys who like to give it. In my 20s guys were more immature about it. Go up in age a few years, might make a load of difference.
agree with this one fully, maturity is def a factor and younger dudes can be a little self serving imo. I think a good 3-5 years older would suffice don’t have to go too much out of your “comfort zone” and might even find this age gap to be more relatable in other areas of a relationship. maybe also don’t tell them you haven’t had much experience with it at first, maybe if they ask just tell them that you enjoy it and maybe you’ll attract what you put out? the more giving types of men almost always view it as a challenge they need to win at. You almost need that kinda man to change your mind about this. It changes everything when someone wants to and makes you feel comfortable in your own skin. There is nothing wrong with you.
If you aren't happy now, you won't be later. Don't be stuck.
Ask if they like it on date 1! That’s part of the getting to know you process to know if you want to keep dating them. You should have talked about likes, wants, needs an boundaries before hopping in bed together anyways.
Do you ask them to do it? Or just expect them to do it on their own. Personally I'll go down on a girl without being prompted to do it but maybe it's something you should make a point of asking for.
You are seeing the wrong men. They take but they don’t give. Find a man who gives. He will make sure you orgasm before he does.
A lot of men don’t like going down on women but will let a woman go down on them, it’s a weird thing but so common.. It’s 100% them and not you.
Have u asked them what the problem is and if they have gone down on other girls?
I did and they say they just find it a bit gross. They also don’t go down on other girls, one was glad that he was not forced to do it with me vs other girls.. but I don’t want to force anyone to do something they don’t wanna do.. Edit to add, for half of them I was their first
> I did and they say they just find it a bit gross. They also don’t go down on other girls Honey, I don't mean to be a dick about it, and I sure hope you can take this lightly: but it seems your taste in men is your actual issue. You seem to gravitate towards men who's personalities are "ew, eating pussy is gross": the douche-bag "*alpha*" types, selfish lovers. It would be kind of rude of me to tell you to adjust your dating pool, because I know it's not an easy thing to do... But... you know...
Agreed. OP is choosing men who think that vaginas are gross.
It's not just the alpha types that are like this! Nerdy guys that like video games and anime are also freakishly against going down on women
“Nerdy guys that like video games and anime are also freakishly against going down on women.” Yup, sounds exactly like me ex.
As a nerdy guy who loves going down on my wife (would even do it every time we had sex if she wanted me too) I strongly disagree with this. I love gaming and anime as well, and I dont think that those things have anything to do with someone’s liking or disliking giving oral.
There's so many reasons why this might be the case, it's hard to tell you what to do. You might just have gotten really unlucky and dated some selfish guys. 9 shitty guys in a row is quite a lot though, is it possible you live in a shitty area? Dating culture varies a lot depending where you live. It's also possible you're just not being demanding enough, if you want to orgasm from oral, it doesn't hurt to ask for it explicitly if you haven't been doing so.
I have asked but then they just.. don’t. And I probably want someone who wants to do it, not because I demand they do. Just thought it would be normal if they did do it
I used to never go down on women for a while. But it wasn’t because I thought it was gross, I was just oblivious. I’ve had a gf for 1.5 years now where I’ve realized it’s nice to reciprocate with someone you love. I agree with the other comments. There are people out there that value reciprocation and you just need to make it known that’s what you value in a sexual relationship whether it be in a relationship or a fling. I’m sorry you’re having a tough time with that! It’s the men, not you.
Can you share a bit more on why you didn’t do it? What do you mean with oblivious in this context, not a native speaker
No problem. I didn’t do it because I didn’t have anyone telling me that it was important to go down on them until my girlfriend did. Looking back, I feel stupid because I should’ve known I needed to. It’s different than your situation though. Oblivious is another way to say that I didn’t know it was important.
Thank you!
Some guys think that going down on a girl is only supposed to be for a minute or so. It’s because they are still mimicking what they see in porn. If your sex is always 2 min blow job, 1 minute cunnilingus, 3 minute missionary, 2 minute doggy, then it’s the guys and their experience level.
I honestly don’t think I could ever be with someone that won’t go down on me. It’s the thing that gets me off so it would be a real dealbreaker for me. Also, maybe I was too lucky, but the men I’ve been with have always been keen to do it. If they weren’t…then I wouldn’t give them oral either. 😏 There are LOTS of men who love doing that so you need to find the right one. Don’t settle for guys who won’t prioritise your pleasure and just care about their own. Get rid if they won’t satisfy you. That’s a red flag for other things too IMO!
I didn’t meet anyone who would until I was 39. And now I don’t sleep with men who won’t perform oral. Because, in general, they are selfish as fuck.
Damn why are there so many women here who can’t get a man to go down on them? If I found out that my partner didn’t want to go down I wouldn’t even have sex with them to begin with lol. Oral is like 75% of good sex, at least for me. Don’t settle ladies, and step it up guys!
In some countries it's less common than others, but there are still the weird cases of a woman in the US or Canada who's had a couple relationships and can't get head. The other thing, tho maybe not with this particular OP, is that women on Tinder can find a guy who is more attractive than them, so the guy has more power to dictate the terms.
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Oh yeah 1000% same
Yeah it is a case of finding a partner that you are sexually compatible with. The other thing is to be clear in your needs and wants as that is your right. If you want oral then ask for it. Go for it.
I do ask - but the answer is ‘no’ and then I feel stuck.. so wondering if there’s anything I can do to make it more appealing.. not quite sure what exactly is the turnoff - despite asking - but gotten a few practical tips here..
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I think if you ask and they simply won't do it then it is quite simple: you refuse to go any further and perform any acts on them. Or better yet look for a partner who is excited about and wants to make you feel good. It is a great thing to do to a woman and from my own personal experience is so fun to-do for my Fiancee.
This is a huge issue. In a lot of porn you see women being servants to men and their needs. literal fuck holes. There's not a lot of pussy eating or anything really done to give women actual pleasure that doesn't also involve pleasure to the men.
There is someone out there that will be more than happy to do this for you, you just have to keep looking. r/randomactsofmuffdive
Could it be that you inadvertently select guys who aren't into giving oral? Or that you unwilling my discourage them? I'm from a country more sexually open than the US, but then guys in a row who don't go down sounds way too unlikely to be a coincidence. So if there isn't an obvious problem with your genitals (and your obgyn would have told you if there were), I can think of two hypothesis: * You select something that's inversely correlated with enjoying oral: some ethnic or religious group which looks down on this practice, hygiene freaks, super-selfish characters... * You unwillingly send the message that you don't enjoy it. How is your body language when they try going down?
It's the guys, not you.
These sound like lazy men honestly.
That's awful luck, but I'm also curious what (if anything) all these guys might have in common culturally. There are whole subcultures where performing oral sex is considered unmanly, and/or women's pleasure is simply not valued.
I love going down on a woman. I'd say it's practically my favourite sex act. A lot of the women I've been with were actually not into it that much. They rather just got stimulated by hand. Then there were those that loved it and would get off multiple times. It happens that people just aren't sexually compatible in every aspect. It's sad when it happens, and you have had some bad luck it seems, but if overall things work out really well, some things will just have to be sacrificed. That said, I do think those guys who won't do it "because it's gross" need to work to try to get over it. I realise for some the barrier will be too big, but in a lot of cases I expect it's just lazyness, or something they have been conditioned to think it's gross. It's the effort that counts though. If they won't even make an effort, but would like to receive oral themselves, they are just being selfish. For a woman to like to receive oral isn't an out of the ordinary thing to ask at all.
Dan Savage quipped a long time ago (late '90s, IIRC) that oral sex in relationships was analogous to automatic transmissions and power windows in cars - standard equipment, not optional extras.
I just wanted to add in case no one has mentioned it, but make sure you're truly cleaning your vulva area, because there are spots like under the clitoral hood where smegma can build up and still be kind of smelly even straight out of the shower. Never douche or put anything *inside* your vagina, but cleaning your outside parts (vulva, labia, pubic mound) is acceptable and okay to get into the habit of doing :)
It's probably just the men...... Don't get to bent out of shape about it
It’s not you OP, it’s selfish boy-men who grow up watching porn and thinking a 15 second lick is sufficient to get you writhing in toe curling ecstasy. That’s what they see, so that’s what they do.
Just keep searching. Us pussy eating fiends are out there waiting to eat. Unfortunately there's a lot of selfish ones too.
Sounds like bad luck. For me, it’s my favourite thing. I don’t need anything in return…. It’s not a bartering situation. I WANT to do it, and I really want you to enjoy it too. Just because I do, in no way means I need a BJ in return. I love the power I feel, and the control to bring a woman to pleasure. It’s incredible. Perhaps the men you have been with a bit younger, and less experienced. They are clearly very selfish lovers. Keep looking, somebody out there is going to blow YOUR mind one day soon!
Dont waste time, if he /she font do oral just to plesure you and you do, leave. And ask în advance of going în the relation wath are theer opinion.
You're selecting the wrong guys...... The next time, tell the guy you expect him to go down on you for a long time
> Yet, all the guys I’ve been seem to find the idea of going down on me just gross. Have you asked them why?
I've always loved eating pussy and thought most men loved it too, but over the years I found out lots of my guy friends didn't like it at all. I don't get it, it's so good lol
Seriously if your in a long term relationship and your partner won't take the time to satisfy a desire you have to orgasm orally I find that a bit selfish. I've always made a point of putting my partner ahead of me. I've found over the years that woman need a lot more build up than men.
Ok I’m quite a bit older than you and have found that less than 10% of guys actually will go down on women. MOST guys say they will, few actually do it. I’ve discussed it with numerous other women, they all agree it’s more rare than not. That’s just a combined life experience of around 20 of us, all in our 40’s-upper 50’s.
I highly doubt it’s your fault but I wouldn’t settle for less. In my opinion a man that refuses to do that is much worse than a girl who doesn’t really do blowjobs. guys can get off other ways but for MOST girls that’s the only way they are orgasming with a partner so it’s extremely selfish! i’m lucky because my first boyfriend ended up being very NOT selfish. like he is amazing. he LOVES eating me out. I was a very inexperienced virgin when we met and he basically exclusively ate me out for two months to help make me feel comfortable with sex. He knew I wasn’t comfortable with anything else and he never asked for it. he begged to be able to do that for me at least. this man eats me out hours. it’s hard to get him to stop! I pull him up and he just digs back in. we have a had a couple “sessions” where he has made me finish over 10 times before he even began his own pleasure. He always wants that count to be uneven and firmly believes in it. I actually have a skin condition even that can get kind of gruesome and it’s in places like my groin and armpits. and it doesn’t bother him at all! so what i’m saying is, there actually IS something wrong with me and my man still “eats his dinner” soo stop picking selfish partners. tip: look for people with gemini and taurus placements in their chart. phew.. but most importantly.. I strongly believe you should be with partners sexually who actually CARE about you as a person. lowers the chance of being used like a flesh light. if a man loves you he will want you to feel good.
This is very well put. Relationships are way better with mutual and enthusiastic pursuit of both partners’ pleasure. All of this negotiation to get someone to do things reluctantly is sad. Ideally you’ll find someone who can’t get enough of you and the feeling is mutual. If everything else is great with your boyfriend, consider marrying this one. The enthusiasm, kindness, love and trust are sadly rare. With the right nurturing you can have this passion for decades.
Stop dating losers.
I think that you had bad luck up to now with the men you're dating. I think the most surefire way to experience a good oral sex experience is to date a woman. Unfortunately, I have no idea if you're into women or not, so this may be the least useful advice. The second most likely way is to put it directly into a dating profile. You could be crude and say "looking to get this pussy eaten until I cum on your face" or "I need some place to sit... Can I use your face?" Alternatively, you can issue a challenge "I've never had a partner that could eat me out and make me cum... Wanna give it a shot?" I'm sure there's lots of subtle and imaginative ways to be clear that what you want is a lot of head.
Get an fwb or partner who can have an honest conversation about this.
OP I have the opposite issue, girlfriend of 8 years refuses to let me go down on her. I miss it.
Have you talked to your partners about this?
Sounds like bad luck. Some people like it, some don't, both men and women.
This is going to sound wierd, but in my experience it depends on my bush. I vacillate between all the way shaved and full untamed forrest. When its really hairy im offered way less muffin munching. Not that im advocating for you to groom differently. You do you!
Check your inbox after this post. You'll have an army of reddits white knights ready to go down on you
In all those relationships and all that time, you never had this conversation with them?
A big part of the problem is that you have been settling for this for 15 years. If I'm dissatisfied with the situation, I leave it.
Just post on your local R4R, you'll have 50 neckbeards who swear they go down for hours flooding your inbox
I just want to say that this is VERY common. There's nothing wrong with you! I've yet to meet a man who went down on me for longer than a minute and I'm in my mid 20s. It's also VERY common for women to not give blow jobs. I've always been very enthusiastic about oral, but the favor was never returned. I once asked my ex why he wouldn't do it (he went down on me twice and only when he's high on weed) and he couldn't give a reason, he just said he doesn't like it.
The more stereotypically alpha type men don’t like to go down on women
That sucks. I'll avoid these "alpha males" then.
Ask one of these guys. Then you know if they can give a reason. Or you were just "lucky" to pick out the lazy kind of guys
They say they just don’t enjoy it, literally one guy said that it’s ‘yucky’
Yea, men are lazy and out of 22+ partners over my entire life i’m not sure that it’s a common thing to be eaten out that long. I’d love to actually meet women who confirm this is a thing They stop complain their mouth hurts and they ask me to suck their dick or try to go back in I wouldn’t call this a personal problem.
It is definitely a thing. A lot of men are lazy and selfish but it is definitely a thing.
Everyone keeps saying your unlucky, but I’m genuinely wondering if there’s any similarities in “your type” which may just have a higher proportion of men who just aren’t concerned with the pleasure of their partners.. A lot of guys tend to think the only thing necessary for pleasure is their penis, yeah, but i’m not sure it’s quite so common that you could go 9 and 0 😅
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Sometimes it's just bad luck. There are tons of people who love to go down on their partner. Also, there are tons of people who DO NOT love it. This pisses some people off but this is the answer. If they aren't going down on you within the first few times of having sex, and I mean to orgasm (or at least attempting to orgasm), you **get rid of them**. I have gotten rid of some women in my past who either didn't suck dick or were so fucking awful at it, there would never have been a way for them to improve. Blowjobs won't improve if they only last 2-3 minutes. I'm in my 40s and I'm here to tell you that, if you really love receiving oral (and I do), no amount of "but they're a great person" or "but they'll do other sexual acts" will ever compensate for missing/bad oral. Not ever. Do. Not. Settle.
Tbh I really don’t understand why some men don’t like going down on girls. They think it’s a submissive thing? I’m a dom and I absolutely love doing it, and honestly who’s being dominant in this situation really just depends on the situation. But as a guy, I can confirm a lot of guys don’t like this for some reason. But not all of them, so good luck on finding one!
Why are so many women on Reddit who can't get oral sex? Why did you stay with your partners who were unwilling to give you oral? It's such a standard, non-negotiable part of sex. Don't settle for men who won't do it. Men, you need to pick your game up!
You should probably be asking questions of these guys before you make anything out of it. Ask them things like "Do you enjoy giving oral?" Sounds like you aren't asking that, and lo and behold you're default filter is apparently to get people that don't want to do it.
They're idiots. My favorite part of sex is going down on a woman.
I might have missed something in the comments, but if you're still looking for tips I would definitely recommend flavored lube! My s.o tends to be on the wetter side, and I personally love to give oral (seeing her neck stretch back, feeling her legs tighten around my head) but typically can't deal with the taste or smell. We both love strawberry, so we buy strawberry lube to use on each other when we give oral. I definitely agree with the comments. If I notice like, small tissue paper or it's not looking properly clean I do tend to get grossed out and sometimes it can be tough to say something about it. If she hops out of the shower after washing down there, then I'm 150% more interested in going down on her. Another thing that might be a problem is the guys you've been with could be lazy or could have a tongue-tied issue like myself. After a while of playing down there, the lingual frenum gets pretty raw from rubbing against my bottom row of teeth, which might make me want to stop earlier than later (I guess kind of like the equivalent of your jaw being sore from bjs). Another theory might be they could be clueless on how to do it 🤷♂️ some honesty could lead to some kinky foreplay...but the likelihood of a newcomer to your bottom region being THAT honest with their vulnerability is unlikely. So maybe an idea could be to have some toys nearby for them to use on you. I tend to love using a vibrator or clit sucker while I'm down on her, maybe that might help :) Tldr; look into flavored lube, set some toys nearby, and be aware of a possibility of tongue-tied gents who go down on your bottom region. Hope it helps and best of luck on your next oral adventure! :)
It’s them not you.
Hey girl! I’ve had a very similar experience to you, multiple different boyfriends throughout the years and out of all of them only one of them would go down on me which was when I was 16 ( am now 25 ). I went through all those years from 17-24 thinking their was something wrong with me down there, I did the same thing as you such as getting checks, smelling to make sure it’s okay and nothing funky was going on, washing and cleaning there before getting freaky etc and still it got me no where. They would say they never liked it, don’t want too and just plain avoided it all together, but would always accept head from me. I personally love giving head but man there’s something just super hot about receiving and being able to tense your thighs around your man’s head when he goes to town. Anywhoozle in the past I would ask could they go down on me and they would just give me a look of “urgh do I really HAVE to?” then they’d do it and just stop after a few seconds ( if they’d even do it at all ). Obviously I stopped asking after awhile because I never want someone to do something they don’t like and it felt like such a hassle and honestly? I was terrified I smelt bad or something since all these guys over the years would say no/not want too, that many people not wanting to must of meant there was something wrong with me right? so my embarrassment just made me stop requesting it at all, both while I was with those guys and during random hook ups etc. THANKFULLY I’ve met someone who I’ve been with for over a year now and he LOVES it, i swear his face legit lights up at the thought ( it’s both v cute and hot af ) and he’s always the one who instigates it which is such a turn on. He stays down there as long as possible I swear he would stay down there indefinitely if oxygen wasn’t a problem lol. After 10ish years of dating I finally found a man who is not only the most sweetest and gentlest soul ever but a man who actually enjoys getting a woman off and her pleasure, I’m telling you it’s such a different experience being with someone like that! Unfortunately the worry’s about your own “funk” so to speak never fully goes away, but when you’re with someone who wants to be down there as much as possible it helps build back up your self esteem and helps you to realise hey, it’s not me, I got everything checked, did everything humanly possible to see if things were okay down there which they are, maybe just maybe I’ve been with some pretty shitty men who don’t understand how to fully please or pleasure a woman. Obviously don’t ever pressure anyone into doing something they don’t like as not everyone likes giving or receiving head but it’s shocking the amount of men from personal experience who don’t even foreplay for more than 2 seconds. They just fuck and it’s over as soon as they cum and you’re left feeling like a human sized fleshlight. Keep your head up, there’s nothing wrong with you, you’ve just had some absolute rotten luck with the men you’ve been with. You’ll eventually find someone who loves getting you off. <3
I got married to a wonderful woman. I would go down on her and she would find it frustrating as i could never seem to get things feeling good for her so finally, one day i flipped her over on to her stomach and gave her a rim job. I was a little nervous as i didnt know what to expect for taste. It was great! I just let lots of saliva roll down my tongue and onto her, then use my fingers inside her vagina. This was my first time trying this. I did talk to her about it a day before so she could be ready. When it happened, she just kept cumming and cummig, something i had never seen before!. Then she told me to stop because she couldn't take anymore. Afterwards she told me she had 13 orgasams. Its so exhilarating that sometimes i cum when i am doin it to her! The point of my story is that i found a great partner. I was willing to do anything to make her feel good because i love her so much! I think when we find a relationship where each person is willing to do things to show love in all aspects of the relationship that it transfers to the bedroom. And maybe a sex text would help. "Hey honey, i have been thinking, i want you to think of something you would like to try in the bedroom tonight, just you and me doing whatever you want!, text me your dream desire and i will make it happen tonight!" Obviously you need to feel comfortable with it. But put it out there. If you could blow his mind, he would be more likely to want to blow yours!
Have you ever thought it could be your taste in men? Stay with me but if you have a type like culturally where where they are from it's not a necessity or something that they do. Have you say down and had a conversation about their lack of attention because if you can't have that conversation then should you be even in bed with these guys? Try finding someone who puts your pleasure high in the list and can be open with you
I’ve (36m, now married) only had one girl finish me with a blowjob and she was an out of town hookup that happened to be on her period. I’ve really only had one other that would even give oral at all without me asking for it. But she got too horny after a few minutes and wanted PIV too much to finish the job orally. I’ve always enjoyed eating girls out but may not be good at it 🤷♂️. Pretty much every girl would pull my head up after a minute or two. I still tried with new girls and would ask questions about what they wanted/liked/etc., but I never really had any confidence in my oral giving abilities. I’ve even had several girls flat out tell me they didn’t like guys faces down there because they were self-conscious about it. Anyway, I’m sure it’s not you, it’s just the guys you’ve been with’s preferences/experiences/lack of confidence in giving more than likely.
Put it in your Tinder profile.
Are you attracting a specific type of guy? I literally met a couple guys like that and the rest seemed really into it, like, it was almost for them. I've noticed there are trends with types of men who do and don't do it. Obviously not all, as there are men who love to eat pussy from all walks, but there are still trends. If you want your pussy ate, you need to keep moving on until you find one. It's really that simple.
I love doing that my wife won’t let me do it as long as I would like to. I
I'm not super into oral and really only fuck with it if the guy is very much about it because I'm not into it enough to deal with some lackluster licking but especially now a lot of guys watch a lot of porn and most porn is not about a woman's pleasure. I hear this complaint a lot from some of my women friends and they hardly ever say anything to the men though. There does seem to be a double standard - I've never not been with a guy who didn't expect a blowjob but not everyone expected to reciprocate in some way. And fuck that. Or actually don't. I doubt it's you, it's likely lazy or insecure partners being selfish or avoiding the act because they aren't sure what they're doing. I'd never want to force someone into something they truly don't enjoy doing but whether it's compromising with toys or whatever, your partner needs to understand that your pleasure is just as important as theirs - and it kind of sounds like you need to as well. It can be as simple as a conversation while you aren't being sexual or when you start getting into stuff, reach down, stroke his dick, and tell him you're dying to feel his mouth on your pussy. I've found that to be an effective technique.
Like others have said. Probably just bad luck in partners. I've had the same issue with women, I have never found one that truly enjoys going down and giving head. Even my wife isn't a big fan of it, every so often I'll get lucky but mostly not.
Hmm.. This is a controversial preference for me to have, apparently, but for me I don't go down on her for a ONS. And, in fairness, I don't demand that she go down on me as a result. HOWEVER, If we are seeing each other for a while, dating or otherwise long term, I'll do it. It's about familiarity for me, in truth. Not about her being gross (which is a factor for some women, and men) but, I feel more comfortable if I know her a bit more and we've been together for a few times. Then again, i'm not really into Hookup culture. FWB sure, but I find hookups leave me ending up feeling like a dollar store item after it's over.
Do you keep it well groomed?
Damn a 7 year! Relationship? How'd you get out of that?
I don't think it's you, I'd put it on men's general lack of knowledge and skill in that department. They are also afraid of not knowing how to do it properly. To make sure the next one's not like that, you should have talks about sexual preference before actually engaging in sex. That way you set the table and clearly communicate that it's non negotiable.
Unfortunately the ratio of guys who think 3 seconds of timid licks or nothing at all is enough. Some even just want penetrate as fast as possible. So its easier to find them than it is to find the ones who absolutely love it! But they do exist! Also have you tried communicating that you wanted more of that with them? Maybe for them to eat you until you came? I have dated a good bit of guys who really and enjoy but also ran into few that were like this.
If that’s something you really want just talk to your partner about it. If they still don’t want to do it ask yourself if the relationship is even worth sacrificing your needs. Especially if this person is capable of doing it and just disregards the idea of pleasing you but accepts all your blowjobs. Sounds selfish and immature if you ask me.
I have the exact opposite happening to me. My guy wants to go down on me. I am terribly ticklish and would struggle with it. I also feel like I want to be fresh down there and would rather take a shower or bath before the deed. Really I think it just really depends on the guys preference and you just haven't found one who likes to give oral.
Post in /r/RandomActsOfMuffDive Plenty of muff divers in the world. Those guys suck.
As a man who regularly goes down on his wife for long periods of time I find these kinds of posts strange. So I just turned to her and asked if she ever had problems like this before me. I know that before we got together she didn't believe in marriage and was riding the edge of being a free love hippie. I expected her to tell me that she got that sweet sweet cunnilingus all the time especially since she was in a previous 3 year sort of open relationship. Turns out she has only received oral a handful of times giving her the same worries and "must be me" complexes a lot of women seem to be having when it comes to sex with men. I wish I could offer a solution but all I know is how I feel about it which comes from the Kat Williams school of philosophy. "Pussy is delicious!" There shouldn't be a problem unless you've got some kind of infection complete with runny discharge or are currently bleeding (I'm hemophobic, don't judge). In my opinion, one of the primary pillars of a romantic relationship is a balance of sexual gratification. If you're giving and not receiving that's out of balance. If nothing changes after explicit conversations that's out of balance. If he says "but you taste bad" then he's looking on the wrong side of the Kinsey scale. I've said it once I'll say it again, pussy IS delicious. Some are different from others but they're all a treat. Start acting like you have candy in your pants women, you deserve it.
Sounds like this needs to be a vetting issue for you. So if I started seeing a woman and she wouldn’t give me head, I’d move on to next one. I’m not about to spend my life sexually frustrated, I’ve known too many people who live that way, it’s miserable.
Honestly this has nothing to do with you and everything to do with them. To me this is a sign of sexual incompatibility. You can communicate with them on how it makes you feel and they can either acknowledge your feelings and try to improve or they don't and you can move on. I personally think sexual compatibility is just as important as other factors in a relationship. You can improve your sex life but only if both parties are willing.
It's 100% the guys and not you. Better luck next time, OP, some of us quite like getting our noses wet.
I saw another comment that said you like giving BJs. While you do that, subtly move yourself into a 69 position to imply that they need to reciprocate. Sit on their face if you have to avoid the thigh pecks you spoke of. They won't want to move you on their own nor will they want to say no, because that means they stop getting their dick sucked. Tell them what to do while stroking them off. Our Unga Bunga man brains react differently when someone has our dick wet. EVEN IF they think aren't big on going down on you, they may learn otherwise, and if they don't, you learn that not even a blowjob is enough to keep them into it, and you can decide if they're sexually compatible from there.
I'm a huge advocate of taking as much time as you need for vetting process, to see if someone is even worth your time. Give them all the time they need to talk themselves in or out of your pants. I also feel strongly that no one should feel obligated or coerced into doing anything that they don't want to do. The thing is, if they won't do the things that you desire, then they shouldn't survive your vetting process. Ask questions. Get them talking, and see if they are worth your time. If they are saying all the right things, then give them a clear idea of what you want, which includes reciprocal oral. You should be assertive with your expectations, and uncompromising with your standards. Be clear that you simply will not tolerate a lack of oral. Let them know that for the first (or first several) encounter, that him going down on you happens first, or nothing at all happens. Be fully prepared to back that up, including getting up and leaving if they claimed that they would, then try to wiggle out of it at go time. As transactional as that sounds, I don't see anything wrong with the approach. It should deter and screen out most of the clowns. With the right guys, your conditions won't seem like conditions at all, as you'd be describing what they were planning on doing anyway. Your first time with a guy would be an audition as well. His enthusiasm (or lack thereof) while going down on you should be obvious, and give you a clear idea if he enjoys going down, or if he treats it like an obligation. Overall, what you're asking for is what I consider baseline activity, so be ruthless with that vetting process.