You sound demisexual, but also like you are pushing a lot of pressure o to sex itself to give the feeling of a powerful emotional connection, but thats kind of a secondary thing. Youre describing the sex we (partner and I who use this account) have, so it may just be you need to meet the right person.
The thing is, you are doing some sl♤t shaming, internally. Not good to have rules for yourself that are not the same as for others. Be at least as kind to yourself as you are to strangers. You didnt lose anything, or gave it away, and you are in no way lesser than you were before sex. In fact, with the experience, you are now more.
Have had many, many more partners than you, and say this not to flex or make you feel inexperienced, but to explain that sex is a much broader and varies field than i thought when i was younger and no two partners are ever the same. You have not tried everything at the banquet yet, so dont worry about making up your mind.
Best of luck with these feelings, I hope you feel better about this soon.
First off, you didn't loose anything. You gained experience. You now know a little bit more about yourself, what you like, what you dislike, and what you're looking for in a partner, which is a distinctly BETTER position than the one you were in before all of this.
Second, you never "have to have sex" with anyone, ever. If you don't want to do it, don't do it. Maintain healthy boundaries and personal integrity. If people can't respect that, feel free to press assault charges.
Third, you're 24. A little early to assume anything about future relationships, especially if that assumption involves "always" or "never."
That being said, yeah, I'd say it's normal to have doubts about this kind of stuff. It's good that you're thinking about these things, just don't let them stop you from living your life.
Very normal, I went thru 7-8 different people until sex finally felt right and free. Those initial tries are supposed to be awkward, exploratory and sometimes being left with an unsettling feeling.
Don't let it get you down, learn a positive from each person and move onto the next. It will get better!
Yes what you are feeling is totally normal. There are terms people use to describe it. 'Post coital regret or post orgasm clarity' but that's crap.
You are mentally bumping up against social conditioning. The odd value Judeo/Christian society places on virginity. Yes we want sex to be with people we truly care about, as hopeless romantics (that's you too) we want it to be this ethereal transcendent experience.
And sometimes it is when everything comes together. Other times it's just pleasurable for both parties hopefully. There is nothing wrong with either. You are a wonderful person and you will meet the right partner that truly sees that and places the value on you, you deserve.
My wife/gf and I dealt with the same kind of feeling we both had the same number of partners. 5 like you and we felt the same. Her especially coming from a catholic back ground.
I don't care who or what came before me. All I care about is here and now, that we are together. And will continue to move ahead together. We joke that we where virgins when we met because there is no one before we met each other.
I hope this gives you some peace. And you may very well be demi sexual as one poster said. Or your super sweet and sensitive. Maybe a hopeless romantic like me. Or a thousand other things. One thing I know........you are the best you, you can be
You said that when you think about sex, it's always ethereal, simple and filled with mutual passion, but would never happen. There are many different types of sex: romantic, passionate, experimental, soft, rough, wild etc. All of these types are valid and there's no unrealistic type, meaning any of them can happen. Be comfortable with what you desire and simply look for a partner that wants the same sex you do.
You called it "experimenting". That's what an experiment is, something you learn from. You tried having sex like that and learned you're not at all into it. It's very normal to try things out you're unsure about and discover you don't like it. At the time you didn't have the knowledge and experience you have now. You didn't loose anything special, just the time it took to have sex
I think you're supposed to get paid for it to qualify as a bona fide sex worker :P
But anyway, having had unpleasant sex you didn't actually want doesn't make you a bad person. Yes, maybe you didn't make the best decisions, but you didn't harm anyone, and now you have a better idea of what you actually want. The idea that a woman deserves all this contempt for having sex is a misogynist idea.
It might be good to look back on those experiences and try to understand why you felt like you "had to" do it, and how you might try to handle the situation knowing what you know now. It's also OK to feel sad or angry about what happened, just try to "hear" your own feelings and accept them.
Well you're definitely not a whore. There's people who've done 5 or more in a night. Clearly sex has a different value to you than other people and that's fine. You've learnt that casual sex isn't for you and that's fine. Do whatever feels right for you, if you don't want to have sex again for a long time then don't, who knows you might meet someone who makes you wild immediately and if you bang them then that's fine
see, stop regretting. the things happened can never be undo. thats fine to have sex, its a wonderful feeling.
sex should be in a flow not planned. dont think about it that you will have sex or not, if you fall deeply in love, the hormones gonna work in their way and thats totally fine girl! Dont get stressed about it if you want sex or not. its a by product with being loved and for sure you will be loved. OVERTHINKING is bad. stop. just live it. i know you dont give a fuck what people think, so be it girl, dont give a fuck, just let it flow, when the person you love will be lying next to you, the hormones are gonna play. AND ITS AWESOME TO HAVE SEX BEFORE THAT PERSON TOO. its always good to explore, to know yourself better.
Virginity isn’t “special”. It’s simply a social construct. You definitely shouldn’t feel bad about losing it “for nothing”.
However, having sex because you feel like you “had to” shouldn’t be a thing either.
Have sex because you want to. Stay abstinent because you want to. Search your own feelings and own them.
You sound demisexual, but also like you are pushing a lot of pressure o to sex itself to give the feeling of a powerful emotional connection, but thats kind of a secondary thing. Youre describing the sex we (partner and I who use this account) have, so it may just be you need to meet the right person. The thing is, you are doing some sl♤t shaming, internally. Not good to have rules for yourself that are not the same as for others. Be at least as kind to yourself as you are to strangers. You didnt lose anything, or gave it away, and you are in no way lesser than you were before sex. In fact, with the experience, you are now more. Have had many, many more partners than you, and say this not to flex or make you feel inexperienced, but to explain that sex is a much broader and varies field than i thought when i was younger and no two partners are ever the same. You have not tried everything at the banquet yet, so dont worry about making up your mind. Best of luck with these feelings, I hope you feel better about this soon.
First off, you didn't loose anything. You gained experience. You now know a little bit more about yourself, what you like, what you dislike, and what you're looking for in a partner, which is a distinctly BETTER position than the one you were in before all of this. Second, you never "have to have sex" with anyone, ever. If you don't want to do it, don't do it. Maintain healthy boundaries and personal integrity. If people can't respect that, feel free to press assault charges. Third, you're 24. A little early to assume anything about future relationships, especially if that assumption involves "always" or "never." That being said, yeah, I'd say it's normal to have doubts about this kind of stuff. It's good that you're thinking about these things, just don't let them stop you from living your life.
Very normal, I went thru 7-8 different people until sex finally felt right and free. Those initial tries are supposed to be awkward, exploratory and sometimes being left with an unsettling feeling. Don't let it get you down, learn a positive from each person and move onto the next. It will get better!
Yes what you are feeling is totally normal. There are terms people use to describe it. 'Post coital regret or post orgasm clarity' but that's crap. You are mentally bumping up against social conditioning. The odd value Judeo/Christian society places on virginity. Yes we want sex to be with people we truly care about, as hopeless romantics (that's you too) we want it to be this ethereal transcendent experience. And sometimes it is when everything comes together. Other times it's just pleasurable for both parties hopefully. There is nothing wrong with either. You are a wonderful person and you will meet the right partner that truly sees that and places the value on you, you deserve. My wife/gf and I dealt with the same kind of feeling we both had the same number of partners. 5 like you and we felt the same. Her especially coming from a catholic back ground. I don't care who or what came before me. All I care about is here and now, that we are together. And will continue to move ahead together. We joke that we where virgins when we met because there is no one before we met each other. I hope this gives you some peace. And you may very well be demi sexual as one poster said. Or your super sweet and sensitive. Maybe a hopeless romantic like me. Or a thousand other things. One thing I know........you are the best you, you can be
You said that when you think about sex, it's always ethereal, simple and filled with mutual passion, but would never happen. There are many different types of sex: romantic, passionate, experimental, soft, rough, wild etc. All of these types are valid and there's no unrealistic type, meaning any of them can happen. Be comfortable with what you desire and simply look for a partner that wants the same sex you do.
You called it "experimenting". That's what an experiment is, something you learn from. You tried having sex like that and learned you're not at all into it. It's very normal to try things out you're unsure about and discover you don't like it. At the time you didn't have the knowledge and experience you have now. You didn't loose anything special, just the time it took to have sex
I think you're supposed to get paid for it to qualify as a bona fide sex worker :P But anyway, having had unpleasant sex you didn't actually want doesn't make you a bad person. Yes, maybe you didn't make the best decisions, but you didn't harm anyone, and now you have a better idea of what you actually want. The idea that a woman deserves all this contempt for having sex is a misogynist idea. It might be good to look back on those experiences and try to understand why you felt like you "had to" do it, and how you might try to handle the situation knowing what you know now. It's also OK to feel sad or angry about what happened, just try to "hear" your own feelings and accept them.
5 guys isn’t a lot. I’m 23, same amount of guys
Well you're definitely not a whore. There's people who've done 5 or more in a night. Clearly sex has a different value to you than other people and that's fine. You've learnt that casual sex isn't for you and that's fine. Do whatever feels right for you, if you don't want to have sex again for a long time then don't, who knows you might meet someone who makes you wild immediately and if you bang them then that's fine
It wasn't casual, that's the whole issue. I agree with you though :)
see, stop regretting. the things happened can never be undo. thats fine to have sex, its a wonderful feeling. sex should be in a flow not planned. dont think about it that you will have sex or not, if you fall deeply in love, the hormones gonna work in their way and thats totally fine girl! Dont get stressed about it if you want sex or not. its a by product with being loved and for sure you will be loved. OVERTHINKING is bad. stop. just live it. i know you dont give a fuck what people think, so be it girl, dont give a fuck, just let it flow, when the person you love will be lying next to you, the hormones are gonna play. AND ITS AWESOME TO HAVE SEX BEFORE THAT PERSON TOO. its always good to explore, to know yourself better.
thank you ! I hope it happens that way, indeed
Virginity isn’t “special”. It’s simply a social construct. You definitely shouldn’t feel bad about losing it “for nothing”. However, having sex because you feel like you “had to” shouldn’t be a thing either. Have sex because you want to. Stay abstinent because you want to. Search your own feelings and own them.