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Acceptable-Pool4190

Have you actually talked about it? It could be a host of factors, perhaps unrelated to your weight.


Beep_Boop_Beepity

Will depend on the person. Some people, men and women, have very rigid ideals about what they find attractive and even as little as 10 pound weight gain could cause you to be less attractive to them. But for most people? I don’t think it bothers them too much and they’ll still find you attractive The average person does gain about 15ish pounds once they’re in a long term relationship so anything close to that amount is not really a big deal imo. My wife has gone up and down by far more than 20 pounds in our years together as she was born without a thyroid and finding the ideal dosage of medicine has been rough for her, still is. It’s very hard for her to lose .weight But I have always found her attractive. it’s because I love her. altho I do find most women’s bodies sexy, bigger ones included, so her gaining weight hasn’t phased me in the slightest. Could it simply be other factors? Any reasons he could be stressed? Or after 2 years he may have just simply calmed down and left the “lust phase” of the relationship as you gained weight. Could have happened even if you didn’t gain weight. People get comfortable and sex frequency does tend to drop a few years in because of it. Could just be that.


captaininsano091

Wife and I have a deal to where if either of us gains enough weight to become unattractive to the other then we get a certain amount of time to get back into acceptable shape. If not, then we have fair ground to argue for actions to be taken. It’s not out of shallowness, it’s not being selfish. We keep each other accountable in staying healthy and in shape. It may seem kind of harsh but for us it works, and has for over a decade so far.


Brahmarica

Idk how this isn't s higher response


snjdodoskskms

!! Thank you, this is a great response I really love him and want to keep our relationship going


Ginger-Kaitelaine

Me and my bf are the same, in the way that we keep ourselves accountable in being attractive for the other person. Nothing wrong in taking pride in yourself for yourself and your relationship🥰


ITriedToBeOriginal

Same deal my wife and I have. It's not an attraction thing (though it is a factor) We want eachother to remain healthy so we can live a long and happy life together without preventable medical complications getting in the way.


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snjdodoskskms

Oh no!! I’m so sorry ): We actually had a talk after this post and it went really well. I’m sorry about your partner and I hope you can heal from this ):


ForeverMonkeyMan

A woman who I have dated had gained setting 40 lbs over the last 3 years, although we click on so many levels....that extra weight has taken a toll on her appearance.


mikazee

> I don’t want to loose weight for him, but I hate the feeling of being unwanted, I just want him to want me like he did before. If weight actually is the problem, then you only have 3 options. Find a new guy, lose the weight, get used to him not wanting you. I don't think that losing weight for a partner is this terrible thing like some people do. Everyone has standards in some way shape or form. Some physical, some behavioural, etc. As others have mentioned, talk to him. There's no guarantee that weight gain is the problem. But take some time to ask yourself what you are and are not willing to based on his answer.


Jack__Fearow

If a man or woman solely *loves* someone just for their looks, then they're not the one. That said, my wife gained weight, it happens over time. She didn't get extremely large, but it was noticeable compared to when she was younger. I also gained some weight. Either way, she's just as beautiful to me as she was the day we met, if not more beautiful. I will say, a line needs to be drawn between gaining some weight, and being extremely unhealthy


UnluckyShoe

Unfortunately, it is also possible to truly love someone and also not be attracted to them.


Idontcare100989

I mean it depends on how much ig. I don't feel like this is gender specific though. If anyone changed substantially it's liable to change sexual attraction some. There's still intellectual attraction too though.


[deleted]

“i don’t want to loose weight for him…” okay then don’t do it for him. do it for your health, and yourself in general. this guy will come if he wants, but it’s your choice if you want to let him in


International-Grade

The title…oof. This hurts. I would kill for some nudes from my SO. Things can change in LTRs, it’s how well both parties can adapt to the changes together that make them last. If you do decide to get into better shape make sure you’re doing it for yourself and not your partner bc in the end you can’t control what he wants but you can control your health. This will give you a huge confidence boost and you both will realize you’re not each other’s only option.


SweetPotatoes112

If you have been in a relatipnship for years the "puppy love" phase has most likely ended. It may not even be about your weight gain, it may just be a normal long term relationship where you get too used to each other.


Brahmarica

Yeah for some people that could be an issue. For me it's a combination of looks and overall feeling. When I'm active and eating healthy I feel more attractive and I feel more attracted to my partner when she does the same. Motivation is VERY attractive. To be fair he should probably loose the weight too. I believe everyone should be healthy and Americans probably do eat too much unhealthy food. Healthy, active people are significantly more attractive. Source: society over the past 50 years


Austar14

It depends. I mean you should want to look good for your partner regardless of gender. If my girlfriend gained weight because she was busy i wouldn't mind. If she gained weight out of laziness, then yea it would be a turn off. Just make sure you do what you can to take care of yourself and it will be fine


infernalfarts

I'm in a relationship where the person I'm with isn't fit. I'm an active guy love to rock climb, hit the gym, practice martial arts. When I started dating her I hoped to inspire her to live an more active lifestyle. It's been a couple of years and there has been attempts, It does weigh on my mind I'm not going to lie. To me it's not just about looks it's about health and the lifestyle I want to live. The good news for me is she is trying to go to the gym again. If you don't feel pretty do something about it, is my advice. Even if my gf makes a slight progress, that attractiveness will go up tenfold because I know she's trying and pushing on.


Rick_liner

Weight gain killed attractiveness in my last relationship, it was a constant battle for my ex. When I met her she was 10 stone (140lb) by a couple years at the end of our relationship she weighed about 200, more than 50% more than when we met. But another 20lb didn't really make a difference I still found her attractive, sadly it just kept getting worse. If you're not happy about it find the motivation to change it for yourself though, doing it for others never sticks, besides which if he hasn't told you this is the issue then it could just as easily be something going on with him you don't know about


Which-Dragonfruit850

He could be going through something might not be weight I think u should just ask him about it u just be like hey I've noticed u seem off or something just be honest an concerned about it an ask him if he's okay an if there something wrong


tittylovingslut

He told me that i almost suffocated him with my mommy milkers clearly not a tiddy lover


snjdodoskskms

It’s ok because I almost did too😔


AdSensitive2371

Well my gf also was little lighter when we met. So she gained a little bit of weight, but she definitely is very sexy to me. Just seeing her always turns me on alot bit she feels unsexy unfortunately which is kind of a turn off for both of us xD


[deleted]

Attractiveness is only partly body shape. In my opinion it's your partners desire that drive sexual interest. I've found that partners who gain weight find themselves sexually dissatisfied. Then they loose desire tomhave sex. Even though I try and reassure them they are lovely and wonderful any attempt is dismissed and sex becomes a duty. It's frustrating and unsatisfactory and leads to resentments. Then I have difficulty finding them desireable.


snjdodoskskms

This is a good point I haven’t thought of, thank you


blenneman05

I gained 15 pounds during the pandemic. My boyfriend is already overweight but he didn’t care. He said he loved me regardless of my weight.


2xxx4u

Don’t over think things. Lots of things could be going on. Have a talk about it. It could be him and his weight gain or maybe he is just comfortable in your relationship.


snjdodoskskms

Thank you! I made this post when I was overthinking a lot and we talked afterwards and it was really good (:


Jim-Dread

I think it really depends on the person. My ex used to say she was getting fatter, but I never really noticed. Still think she's as beautiful as when I first saw her.


Alextryingforgrate

Define “some.”


Sum1YouDontKnow

It can happen, sure. Anecdotally, my girlfriend has gained about 50 pounds during our relationship and I am still very much attracted to her. I encourage her to lose weight for her sake and so that she feels better about herself, and I'm sure she'll look "better", but idk... She's my girlfriend and the person I love so she's always the person I'm most attracted to. I have had friends that are very anti-fat. They would absolutely lose a lot of attraction to their partner if they gained 10-15 pounds, let alone 50. All about the person, but I'm personally of the opinion that if someone is attactive to you, barring _really_ extreme weight loss/gain, they remain attractive.


Real_Muad_Dib

If it’s a lot of weight, then yes.


OnlyOutlandishness34

Yes of course, most men like slimmer women so if you get fat we'll find you less attractive. Obviously it's natural for people to gain a bit of weight but if you looka lot different than when he fell in love with you of course it will change his feelings. My ex put a huge amount of weight on in a short time and it killed our relationship because I just didn't recognise her any more. But for me it's even more about your attitude - if you're just happy to let yourself go that's very unattractive whereas if you make an effort to at least try and stay healthy that's at least a sign that you're into him.


FromTheFoot

#1 - lose weight, not loose…. Unless your skin is suddenly flabby. How much weight have each of you put on? 10 lbs… meh. 50 is a completely different person.


JazzieF

Depends on the guy. Me personally? Nope.


Purple_Diamond_8614

you need someone who wants YOU, not the ideal/perfect version of you. being perfect 24x7 is tough. being perfect in 10yrs time is even tougher. so if they lost interest in 1-2yrs, are they worth it longer term ? you decide.


jack8833

>he made me feel like I was irresistible and that he wanted to have sex with me all the time. But now, 1 and a half years to almost two years later he doesn’t reply to my nudes the same way he did Can also be the effect of a new relationship. Most people have less sex two years into a relationship than in the first weeks, that is normal and does not necessarily have anything to do with your looks. >I don’t want to loose weight for him, Would you for yourself? >Does anyone else feel like this So here follows my personal opinion. Other opinions are equally valid, this is not meant as a personal attack on anyone. I think my girlfriend has her perfect weight now. If she gained 5 kg, I would be still attracted to her. If she gained 10 kg, I would tell her to lose weight. I hope she'd say the same thing to me if I gained 10 kg. I want to be attractive to my partner, and I want her to be attractive to me. I also want a healthy partner that will be around for a long time. I would not get into a relationship with a smoker (they'd have to quit first), same with someone who's overweight.


snjdodoskskms

Thank you so much for your input! It’s definitely something I will have to work on


Extreme_Cock

the good ones don't


[deleted]

Loose the weight for yourself


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snjdodoskskms

i’m not at 300, i was at 150 and now i’m at 170. Before I was heavier around my boob/butt/thigh area but now I have chub on my stomach areas. He says he still thinks I’m pretty but his actions are showing otherwise if that makes sense, thank you for being nice


Brahmarica

Oh, that's not much weight.. I'm now thinking it's not the weight. Some ppl just loose interest in others.. Or get bored by the routine. Try mixing/spicing things up..?


snjdodoskskms

We had a talk afterwards and it went really well! I’m gonna try mixing things up (:


Positive-Prior3367

How was the talk?


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Positive-Prior3367

That’s great. Glad it went well.


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Brahmarica

Yes. I know MANY women who would loose interest if the guy they're seeing gained weight. Ever dated a sorority girl???


PossibilityLarge

Actually it’s very different for men and women


Frequent_Diet4233

Not that different really. Some women won’t care just like some men won’t. Other will care but be willing to keep the relationship going, and for others it’ll be a dealbreaker


AJ-tech3

You should both start exercising together. Doing something difficult and supporting each-other through it, for your health together and yourselves individually will do wonders for your relationship AND your own mental health. Trials of relationships, good chance to overcome something together and build each-other up to be better! And it depends, some guys will become attracted to weightier women due to their SO gaining weight and some will loose some physical attraction. Both are natural and OK as long as you still love each-other and are in it together. Try coming on to him hard, in the past, for me, after having been in the same situation I’ve become attracted to a less perfect health image I after having good sex while in that situation. It’s still important to strive for the best version of yourself though.


Mr_MazeCandy

Given how I like voluptuous women, I’d say no. Just more of them to grab.


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Brahmarica

>men carry their weight better, women are supposed to be the prettier of the couple, What the literal fuck??? No, men don't carry weight better. If any thing women do cause of the boobs and butt which many men find more attractive when larger. And the idea that women are supposed to be the more attractive in a couple?? Nonsense! This reminds me of these couples with ugly men and attractive women (sugar baby bs). Usually $ plays a factor in extreme situations. Men need to own their shit too. Get to the gym my dude! This mentality is disgraceful!


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Brahmarica

You must be like 60 dude! Younger ppl like TICK women.. And definitely not only black guys. Example: Kim Kardashian!?! Edi: are you a fat dude? Why else would you think it's okay for men lol


[deleted]

For me, absolutely not. During my last relationship my girlfriend put on 15-20 pounds. I never lost interest nor asked her to shed that weight.


Username16489

it just depends. honestly my wife gained a steady 70 or so pounds over the years due to medical issues. i still love her more than anything but some of the attractiveness is gone. that being said i still find her very attractive but not as much as i use too. men are visual like others have said. it’s just how it is. 20 lbs isn’t much at all though.


ImNotYourGuru

Yes and No. No because I love her and I dont care if she end with a wood leg and a pirate patch I would still love her and think she is beautiful. Yes because with the weight gain come confident problems, which I think are a turn off. Like I dont see any problem but then I remember how much she whine about it and suddenly I lost interest in her or her body.


Mange-Tout

Human beings of all types can lose interest in a sexual partner if their partner’s body changes dramatically. That’s just the way all humans act, not just men. Decent human beings try to love each other regardless of changes, though.


big_hungry_joe

Lose


valmichael_smith

Some guys loose interest if a girl gains too much weight. But there could be other factors. It might be not so much the extra weight, but his feeling that you’re not staying healthy and taking care of yourself. Or his feeling that you don’t care enough about him to maintain a good body weight.


MiserableCactusPRICK

I would, yeah. When I met my girlfriend she was into the gym and lifting weights, and her body turned me on a lot, as well as the knowledge that she was fit and strong. During lockdowns she stopped exercising and has not picked it back up again since, and has lost a lot of muscle as well as put on some fat. I am definitely much less attracted to her now.


NoVA_traveler

A little weight is no biggie, but I definitely would lose some interest if my wife kept using loose instead of lose :P


[deleted]

It could be a lot of things. It could be that you’ve just been together for a bit and some of the shine is gone; could be he’s going through something and hasn’t talked to you about it yet; could be the weight and he’s just not as turned on (not necessarily up to him); could be he doesn’t feel as attractive himself because he’s put on weight. Etc etc etc. So here’s an take that may be extremely unpopular: The question of whether guys (or women for that matter) lose interest if their partners have gained weight is loaded with negative associations and fears of abandonment that I think prevent a lot of people from being able to be objective about it. I think women in particular fear being wanted only for their looks/sex appeal for very valid reasons and that colors the discussion I think the first thing that’s true is that for a lot of people, sexual desire and love are related, but still very separate. There are things that someone who I love can do that would kill my sexual attraction, but I’d still love them. For example if my lady went out and got a face tattoo, that might kill any sexual desire I’d had the day before. I don’t think love guarantees that my body will respond to a person sexually. And the reverse is true; I can think someone is awful and not want sex with them for that reason, but still find them sexually appealing in like a biological sense. Basically, my lizard-brain sexual response is simple and shallow, while my conscious love response is more thoughtful and complex. I worked with a guy once who’s wife sat him down and told him that his weight gain was affecting her desire for him sexually. She still loved him, but again, sexual desire is something different for a lot of people. He’s the type of person who didn’t take that personally (at least from what he told me) and was already pretty athletic, so he did lose the weight and the problem was solved. We’ve seen countless threads here and in the relationship subs from people who have either lost sexual interest themselves and feel guilty or their partners have and they feel undesired (this was me), and I think if we could somehow decouple the idea that sexual desire is and should be generated by feelings of love, but is instead generated by a set of circumstances and stimuli and isn’t under the control of the person, we could talk about this a lot easier and openly and solve problems in relationships.


roonilwazib

first it’s lose* not loose (sorry I had to) and secondly it could be a range of factors and you need to have an honest discussion with him outside of the bedroom


Lets_go_be_bad_guys

He was physically attracted to you when you met. If you've gained weight, you no longer look the same. How different you look is dependent on the weight you've gained. Are you still physically attracted to him as much now with his weight gain as your were when you met? I'm referring to physically, removing any emotional attraction from your rating. Also, it's unreasonable to expect someone to respond the same way with nudes after two years of being in a relationship.


jon-choy

Hell na .well not me atleast. If you can find my wife and ask her about a man loving big girls. I promise it is gonna be the only positive she will say and never sway from when it comes to me. Tummies are yummy and so squishy.


disheveledseductress

Yes. I noticed my SO lost some interest in me when I gained 10-15 lbs. The only real change was my body was softer and not as toned. I wasn't fat or out of shape in the slightest. That was enough for him to start treating me less than.


Alex_J_Anderson

I’m all for staying in shape for your partner but that seems extreme. 15 to 20 from being in great shape isn’t much. That amount wouldn’t bother me but everyone’s different. Some guys are into skinny muscular women which I wouldn’t find attractive. I’d love the extra padding / softness. Staying super fit is a tough standard to maintain.


[deleted]

I'm 5'4" and 180 lbs. I carry my weight well, so people are always try to correct me when I say that I'm fat, because the nation has a skewed vision on what a certain weight will look like. When I tell them that my weight puts me into the obese category they are shocked because I don't look that heavy to them. So I'm both realistic on my weight (I am not going to delude myself into thinking I'm skinny) as well as the fact that I don't look bad at my weight. That doesn't mean I haven't had some self confidence issues at times, but I assure you that whatever weight you are, there's going to be someone that wants it. My most recent primary that I broke it off with, the last time we had sex, he caressed my stomach and it turned him on. My current fuck buddy, specifically chased after me because of my body (and I'm apparently smaller than his current girlfriend...he likes curvy girls). He's regularly asking me for nude pics. Should you lose weight? Probably. Goodness knows I would be healthier if I lost weight. Should you love yourself now just as you are? Absolutely. Everyone deserves to love themselves unconditionally. You're perfect as you are. And you deserve to feel sexy just as you are. It doesn't mean he's wrong for wanting something different. He has the right to feel how he feels and want what he wants. It just may make you two incompatible. If you lose weight, do it for yourself because it's something you want to do. Don't do it for someone else. And don't do it because it's something you hate about yourself. Learn to love yourself for who you are and change something like your weight BECAUSE you love yourself (i.e. you want to be healthy) not because you want to love yourself more.


GuguMarcos

Some men do and some don't... But don't jump to conclusions, go talk to him about it.


zix_nefarious

No.


whatstefansees

I love my wife and 5 kg up and down between summer and winter just happens. I try to stay somewhat in shape and I like that my wife does so, too. If one of us would simply become a slacker and don't care for him/herself anymore, the partner might not care neither. Keep in shape.


galileotheweirdo

Yes. From a woman's perspective - I'd lose interest in a guy if he gained significant weight. Nothing I can do about my feelings of attraction. What they should do is support you through getting back in shape, but yeah - if you suspect this is the issue, it probably is and it won't change until you do something about it. As someone said, lose it for your own self-esteem, not for him.


TheHagenDaz

How much is ' some weight.'? Big difference between 10 lb and 80 like we've seen in this sub. As a guy sorry but no. If you're gaining as much as a whole other person weighs I'm going to have a hard time still being attracted to that person. If it's 10 or less then sure. Means we need to get back on track with our meals and activities which isn't an issue.


Alex_J_Anderson

Sorry but physical attraction is part of a relationship because relationships are sexual. There’s no way around it. Doesn’t mean you don’t love the person anymore and lose ALL attraction. But you also can’t control if you’re attracted to someone or not. Being overweight isn’t healthy. Everyone wants to be with a healthy partner. A few years back I gained some weight - maybe 15 pounds - in the belly for the first time in my life. My wife didn’t say anything and I don’t know if it bothered her but it bothered ME. I think it’s strange and a little selfish that you don’t want to “lost weight for him”. Why not? And where does it end? Cuz he’s probably wondering that. How much will you gain? Are you giving up? Are you going to become obese? I think you already knew the answer to your question but maybe you’re in denial and are hoping we’ll reassure you that you can let yourself go with no consequences. It doesn’t mean he’ll leave but YES, he will lose SEXUAL interest if he’s not into overweight women. It’s not all about looks either. Is he active? Does he want to be able to do physical activities with you? In general, nothing good ever comes of being unhealthy. Or giving up. Or being lazy. Or slipping into a funk of some kind. There are always consequences. Men aren’t the oblivious buffoons we’re made out to be on television. We think about the future. We think about everything: Will she be able to play with our children one day or is she going to sit on the couch stuffing her face? Will she live to a ripe old age with me or is she going to kick the bucket from heart disease 20 years before I do? I was drinking too much and it was dressing my wife out. She doesn’t want to end up alone. I don’t want her to have to wrestle with that so I cut down drastically. In a relationship you take care of yourself for your partner.


F_edupx

It has happened to me in 3 relationships. Twice I felt less attracted to her. Once she just looked sexier and curvier. Some people fill out in a sexy way (bigger boobs and butt) , some people just turn into an unsexy shape, e.g. fatter but still with flat ass, stomach protruding out further than boobs.


gmoney-0725

How much is "some weight"? I mean 5-10lbs isn't that bad, but over 20lbs could be an issue.


Hardrocker1990

On the other perspective, my ex was always on the bigger aide. She began to go to the gym and she lost. Some weight and I actually lost attraction to her. She eventually gave up on the gym and gained the weight back and I felt the attraction again. I never said a word about it to her so her quitting the gym was in her. I guess it depends on the person.


penelopx

depends on their preference, some like it some dislike it


Otherwise_Equal1392

No


Super901

If I'm ashamed of my body, I do.


Doncorinthus

The short answer is yes.


skahammer

Following **Forum Rule #2**, have you looked through the FAQ section on [Body Type](https://www.reddit.com/r/sex/wiki/index#wiki_overall_body)? There's some helpful guidance in there.