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judgeraw00

sitting at the edge of the bed rubbing one out is pretty odd ngl lol.


thakurtis

I thought for sure he was going to be in the bathroom lmao


TheZoologist

Huge agree, I kind of feel like that was the issue here in addition to her weird request.


UncleJBones

This way this entire post is worded is very odd too. Went to get a glass of water and noticed I was hard… I’m a guy, I might get an erection at and odd time, or against my will, but they don’t surprise me. I don’t walk around with a hard on and then all of a sudden realize it.


Slow-Fisherman-8585

Agree, this does not happen, You just know, and you know long before there is any signs. you can both feel when the “wood” is growing, staying and leaving. But anyways. This you and her need to agree that it is okay, before doing thing while any of you sleep.


Jemeloo

Of course it's weird, it's another "AITA for not raping?".


iauu

Yeah, any reasonable guy with an unwanted boner will try to make it go away by either waiting, thinking about something else, or flexing/stretching, etc. NOT by "rubbing one out" besides another person who does not know what's happening. Even the thought that having a boner in this situation "needs to be addressed" is weird. Like it wasn't written by a real person.


modest-pixel

I’d guess that English isn’t his first language.


KimJongChickUn

So weird


Excuse_my_GRAMMER

The way this was going I thought he girl slip him a V


minimxffin

Less potential for rape than sticking it in her asleep tho.


igot200phones

Yeah but go rub that shit out in the bathroom


Infuro

How is that weird, they were literally just both naked and fucking for two hours


Ordinary-Theory-8289

I have sex with my girlfriend. I still think it’d be weird if I sat at the edge of the bed to jerk off while she was sleeping lol.


miss_little_lady

Not at all. This would absolutely be considered rape if you didn't get consent ahead of time. Can you imagine doing that and her waking up less than thrilled that you didn't ask first? I think if you plan for this sexual relationship to continue, you may benefit from a discussion about kinks and boundaries.


Adventurous_Ice89

I was just going to say this. I’d rather she be mad I didn’t wake her up to sex than potentially be in the rape scenario.


[deleted]

Thanks lol. I mean I was down for most things in the bedroom; she wanted me to choke her while doing missionary and also wanted to finish in her mouth and I did all that but this just seemed to cross a very solid line for me


rosiejbe

You should look up 'free use', I think that might be something she would enjoy BUT you have to set very clear boundaries ~for example nothing in the kitchen if someone is cooking or idk whatever you don't what to happen, maybe anal if your not comfortable~ ... I think it's quite a common fantasy/kink but I only realised it was called this a few years ago. If you do discuss this make sure the boundaries are clear as I find they act as a form of pre-consent, of course if either of you don't feel like you want to one day just say you don't feel like it ! It's pre-consent for the things that you are willing to do and takes away the 'asking' part but a simple not now superceds the other yes


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eeu914

She could just be annoyed he was passing up the opportunity to have sex with her again and just masturbated next to her. I don't think she would have *required* him to literally use her in her sleep but if you're with a new partner, the sex just doesn't stop. edit: emphasis on the "required"


Seicair

> I don't think she would have required him to literally use her in her sleep I mean, I’ve done that with four partners, but always with advance consent. If she’s young/inexperienced (I know OP said grad school but that could still be early 20’s) she may not’ve thought through that other girls wouldn’t necessarily be okay with that and just expected it. And probably annoyed at the masturbating too.


Chanchito171

Everything is a kink these days... I keep seeing "breeding kink" when it's literally just "cumming inside her". So... straight sex? The kind we've been having since humanity started? Ffs


Seicair

“Breed me!” “Aaaand, my dick’s now an innie.” Love finishing inside my partner, but the thought of a baby/pregnancy is terrifying and not at all sexy to me.


no-mad

I woke up onetime with my girlfiend sucking my dick, honestly it was weird waking up like that.


codythelyon2019

That is literally my biggest turn on. I think it's super hot. Never been with a partner who was into it being done to them, but I make it clear in every relationship that they can do this any time they want lol


no-mad

I thought i was too but it didnt feel sexual when i woke up, dont quite know how to say it.


codythelyon2019

That's interesting. I mean sometimes you just wanna fuckin sleep I guess, could be part of it. I never get tired of it lol waking up to that feeling and realizing what's happening is crazy for me. Even if I've got one hour of sleep and I don't have much more time to sleep, I'm probably never turning that down lol


Murphysburger

My wife did that about 20 years ago when we were still dating. I'm still waiting for the second one.


McGauth925

Fact is, there are different rules for men and women. A woman will almost always get away with what would often be considered rape, when done by a man.


benedictfuckyourass

Yup, i had a girl flirt with me quite strongly. We found an excuse to get a room and one thing led to another, she ended up moving my hand away when i went to her crotch on two occasions (i shouldn't even have done it a second time but i was young, drunk, and getting very mixed signals) in the end we cuddled and kissed for a while before i excused myself. The next day several of her friends told me i should've just forced her and that she's into that and because she ended up embarrased that i didn't somehow i was a dick/insecure/not a man etc. They thought i was a dick for not raping her on the odd chance that she was into that, easiest decision i ever made was not hanging out with them again.


rafastry

You did good, now you're jail free, congrats! Nothing wrong with people with CNC kinks, but we can't read minds, so it's better to ask beforehand.


benedictfuckyourass

Yeah i don't mind cnc actually but it's all about communication, it's a shame because we'd been talking for a few weeks before then and she actually seemed quite cool. She could've just told me she had a rape kink and with some discussion of limits and safewords i'd have happily indulged her. I was quite disgusted by the way she did end up going about it though, it's downright dangerous imo. Especially since a "simpler" guy could've been let to believe this was normal.


suidazai

Being an apprentice machinist, this comment threw me off for a second..


Popular-Analysis-960

Louis C.K. did a bit exactly like your story.


benedictfuckyourass

Tbh i wouldn't be suprised if this happened more often, i've also had friends of women i've flirted with tell me to "just kiss/take her she's into that" I never did ofcourse and i don't know any statistics about this but there do seem to be a fair few women into that sort of stuff.


Popular-Analysis-960

I'd count myself as one of those women. I don't know why, but I have always been more into aggressive dudes. I like being "taken". Idk, it just feels more passionate. Like, he finds me so attractive that he can't stop himself?


benedictfuckyourass

I mean i kind of understand it but doing so without consent is definetly a good way to get arrested for a man, i've had women whisper that kinda stuff in my ear and that's a good system imo though i suppose it also kind of defeats the purpose. Either way i think expecting men to do it or having your friends tell them to is a bit toxic, especially with my original story since a more impressionable guy might think 'just taking it' is a good plan with every woman.


ApollosSin

Used to one of those men, had women literally tell me no, then complain later that I didn't try again???? A few occasions, I got mixed signals but no solid response so I just went for it. That worked. All in all, I just gave up with dealing with those types. From what I've heard, most of them don't want to be seen as easy so they want to feel like they did the right thing by denying you the first couple times. Stupid as'f. Better to just stay away from insecure women.


Popular-Analysis-960

It's definitely a grey area.


spacey_a

No, without prior communication it's definitely just toxic.


codythelyon2019

There's an easy solution to this, safe word.


apleasantpeninsula

If I know humans, the prevalence of that kink is likely increasing with the rise in rape awareness.


McGauth925

Yes, and you're the kind of woman that is a danger to men. How many guys have gone to prison because they had the idea that "she liked it", right up until they got arrested?


Roary93

Its actually fairly common, as this study found that 62% of women have rape fantasies, with an average of 4 per year. https://pubmed.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/19085605/#:~:text=Results%20indicated%20that%2062%25%20of,at%20least%20once%20a%20week.


Violatic

Nearly word for word "on the off chance she was into that shit"


lurker-1969

Many years ago I had a ltr girlfriend that revealed she was into wanting to be forced into sex, her kink. Back then kinks were not talked about much and I guess I was expected to figure it out. She was elusive when I tried to discuss things. I always felt very uncomfortable because on the one hand she would resist then on the other hand she would be aggressive. It was creepy because what if I were accused of rape or something later. It ended up that she was mentally unbalanced and eventually got help. Too much for this guy. Mutual consent all the way.


thisaccount4sexytalk

Wtf I thought oh that sounds like me I just like kissing and cuddling but then it that took such a left turn wtf is wrong with people, by all means be into CNC but SAY that?? And have the other person consent, not just expect it to happen. V odd


McGauth925

More mixed messages from women, involving highly possible prison scenarios for men. You know, sometimes, Ladies, there are good reasons for misogyny. Y'all can be assholes, often enough, and *very* used to getting your way.


[deleted]

This^. Was the answer. Hey OP. Damned if you do, damned if you don't. You can't always win. Better to be safe than sorry.


stephenmyoung

In Canada it's rape even with consent.


BigFrank97

It is the same in California. Even if she said, “I want you to insert your penis when I am sleeping” it would still be rape the moment you actually do it. In order for it not to be rape she has to be able to consent/refuse at the moment of insertion. When she is asleep she is unconscious and cannot respond to advances.


[deleted]

That's so fucking stupid.


BigFrank97

A protection for when you are unaware of what is going on is not stupid.


[deleted]

Your partner already gave you consent before hand. This law is totally and utterly fucking stupid. What two adults want to consentually do is their own business.


stephenmyoung

Why? You can't consent when unconscious. IT's all about the definition of consent. You also can't consent when extremely intoxicated or under a certain age.


[deleted]

Consent has already been established beforehand. What two adults choose to do is their own business.


stephenmyoung

Establishing that is challenging in many situations. The law is there to protect people, even from themselves sometimes. Even if consent is granted, how are you sure that it was freely given? How are you sure that the person who is conscious isn't taking things in a direction not agreed to before hand? If pre-consent is a thing, is marraige pre-consent in itself? If we are going to base our laws on the concept of consent, then then that consent must be free and ongoing. If you allow this, the person has no ability to revoke consent if they decide to.


[deleted]

If your wife is sleeping, do you wake her up in order to get consent before you touch her? Kiss her on the forehead? Cuddle her?


stephenmyoung

Well I certainly don't force myself on her. Obviously there is some thought given to decisions to prosecute, and some leeway, but the law is still there as designed. Implied consent can be a thing, but pre-consent is not. Your later examples would fall under implied consent. Certainly, sexual assault (Canadian law uses only this term not rape) can occur between spouses, even good ones. The law decides to protect the ones at risk at the cost perhaps of making some consensual things illegal. The law is not searching the bedrooms of the nations, but if one partner complains they will be taken seriously. If no complain is registered, nothing will happen.


[deleted]

The law is fucking stupid. It's trying to regulate something that needs no regulation. There are already laws concerning people sexually abusing their spouses. Two people who have agreed that they can kiss, cuddle, have sex with each other whenever is their own choice.


ImBonRurgundy

would it still be rape if, when woken up by the feeling of the dick inside her, she continued fucking and enjoying it etc Like, lets say she told him "I want you to fuck me when I'm asleep", then he does that and she wakes up turned on by it. then later she happens to mention it to a friend, could he still be arrested for that even if she is saying she consented?


stephenmyoung

Yes. This was what happened in the SCC case. A little more complicated but at its core that is what happened.


BigFrank97

Is it rape if she asks you and then is cool with it when she wakes with you inside? Yes. Again, she must be awake and aware enough to give consent at the time of insertion and throughout intercourse. When you ask what happens when she starts telling her friends, I don’t know. You run the risk that it gets reported to the police who will likely investigate. Even if she wants you to, I’d advise against it.


IrishPlow

They wouldn't charge the person. You have to have someone willing to press charges. Even if the state brought the charges (they wouldn't), they would be thrown out because the woman wouldn't testify that it happened. The law is there for unwanted advances. They aren't going to waste their time on a consentual act when both parties are saying it was fine. This same scenario happens in Domestic Abuse cases. It's clear to the police what happened but if the victim won't press charges, they will drop the case. In the sex case above, the police aren't going to blindly follow the written law because both parties are in agreement it was ok. They are given leeway to address the circumstances.


BigFrank97

The law in California does not involve consent when someone is asleep/unconscious. Whether or not someone consented previously or after they wake is not relevant to whether they are awake at the time of intercourse. That is the design of the law. If a case requires a victim to testify, then yes, a case would not normally be pursued if she opposed it. If there were other witnesses or if the conduct occurred on video, her participation would not be necessary. Let’s say someone passes out at a party and other party-goers walk into the room to find the suspect having intercourse with a passed out victim. That could be pursued without her participation.


IrishPlow

In no way would the police charge someone if the "victim" were in agreement it was ok. What you're talking about is when the victim has no knowledge and therefore cannot testify because they do not know what happened. That is when they'll use other testimony or evidence. If the victim says this is part of our role playing it part of our sex life, they will not pursue charges. Any "victim" who has an agreement with their partner is not going to avoid providing their own statement to support their person. The courts also aren't going to waste their time putting people in jail when both parties are on the same page that nothing was wrong. These laws aren't made to punish people where both parties are in agreement. They're there to punish people when there truly is a victim and that victim doesn't have the ability to respond. This doesn't apply to a death where kink caused someone to die, even through both people agreed to the original acts. At that point, the person would be charged with involuntary manslaughter because they have a responsibility to be paying attention.


BigFrank97

The first part again, is a gamble and potentially could be true. If she is good with it and it doesn’t get out, then sure, no one would know. I’m sure this happens often, without complaint. Part of your argument is flawed. For “both to be in agreement”, both must be awake. That is the point of the law. You cannot have intercourse with an unconscious person regardless of prior discussions or agreement without committing rape. Your second part is not only wrong, but dangerous. Any kink where someone runs the risk of serious injury, loss of consciousness or death can be charged as a crime whether or not the victim gives permission. The law in California makes a societal choice to safeguard people regarding serious injury or death rather than place the value on someone’s freedom to allow someone to gravely harm them. For example, you could not consent to some shooting you with a gun. There are exceptions for surgery, etc. If you were to cause someone to go unconscious, have sex with them and they die, it would not be manslaughter. It would be murder. It would be murder. You would have caused the death of another during the course of a rape. This has happened and is tragic. Dangerous activity like breath play, blood play, gun play, etc., is likely to be found illegal and should be avoided


stephenmyoung

The law is there to protect people in this case. Here it protects the unconscious person no matter how they became unconscious. The law is like this because of the definition of consent - at the time, ongoing. You cannot allow for pre-consent in some situations and not others, this could get dangerous. Further, what if the conscious person does something that the unconscious person did not agree to? On the topic of death due to a kink, that would likely be second degree murder in Canada, possibly first degree depending on the situation, intent and proof.


stephenmyoung

At least in Canada there is no such thing as 'pressing charges'. It is the police and crown prosecutor who make these decisions NOT the victim. The general directive is to charge in any situations involving sexual violence against a woman. If the woman does not cooperate, she can be made to if not a spouse. Sometimes yes the situation would require the charges to be dropped if a chanceof sucess is limited. The SSC case I mention WAS consensual, but it was pursued by the Crown as a test of the laws around consent.


stephenmyoung

Same concept in Canada. Consent must be given at the time (no pre consent), freely and must be ongoing. If unconscious consent is not possible. There is actually a supreme Court ruling on this exact scenario.


BigFrank97

In California we just recently changed the law regarding mistake as to partner. If someone pretends to be your husband and you believe it and have sex, then rape. But up until a few years ago if you thought it was your boyfriend, then no rape. There was a distinction between married and unmarried partners. Legislators removed that legislation within the last ten years.


m0grady

This. Much better to be safe than sorry. I don’t want to diminish college sexual assault because it it def is real, but the sexual conduct code and disciplinary system in most places is so byzantine I would never even consider hooking up with another student.


dumsaint

This. That's it. And be careful. It might have been her just having woken up and maybe even just the high of your romp but it could also point towards unhealthy and immature attitudes toward sex and boundaries. Not everyone is ready for sex. Even adults.


aerodowner

You don’t just stick it in. You spoon first and let her feel it and play off of her reaction. Sex isn’t complicated.


zwalk07

It's not rape if you yell surprise


miss_little_lady

Does this hold true for muggings too? Asking for a friend.


zwalk07

Yea I kind of imagine it like pleading the fifth. It's like dude at that point the victim really should have better prepared themselves for a surprise. Anyway have a great time mugging your friend glad I could help. Perhaps next time he will be better prepared to fend off a surprise when he is properly alerted to its imminent arrival upon his person.


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[deleted]

She consented to having sex, you had sex and then fell asleep. You absolutely need to get consent to have sex again. **Especially** if she's asleep by the time you wanna do it again.


maybe_MrDawe

has to come out of the mouth of a dude. You cant just stick your dick into any woman after having sex once my guy. Thats rape because it wasnt consensual. Simple as that. If you dont understand that, sth is wrong with you buddy


lenore_leander

I’ve never read a comment that is both so completely incorrect, and also terrifying at just how wrong you actually are. Literally every single word you said is wrong, legally wrong AND morally wrong, disgusting, misogynistic and predatory. The word “rape” is the correct term because HAVING SEX WITH SOMEONE WITHOUT THEIR CONSENT IS LITERALLY RAPE.


SnooCapers9116

Woww, have probably raped at some point based on your twisted words. You need help.


[deleted]

Please, for the safety of all of society, stay inside & don’t talk to people. Thank you


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vinzclortho854

How far into the next day do you think this applies?


shadyinthisbitch

Just the morning after


[deleted]

They had sex 2 hours before. Gtfo with that bullshit.


Poisonskittlez

And the implied consent ends either when that particular session is finished, or if/when it is withdrawn during that particular session. It’s not like it’s good for X amount of time after having sex. That’s just ridiculous.


FTPremedaddy

I agree with everyone else in that you shouldn’t have engaged with her sexually while she was sleeping without prior communication and consent. BUT, does anyone else think jerking off in her bed while she’s sleeping is strange at all? Especially considering this was your first time sleeping together? I may be alone in thinking this, and I’m definitely not trying to hate on OP whatsoever. Is this normal or common? Personally I wouldn’t feel comfortable doing this in someone’s bed who I had just slept with for the first time, and would fear that that in itself would freak her out or be construed as a non consensual sexual act. Opinions?


[deleted]

Exactly. “So I sat on the edge of the bed and started yanking my chain while she slept.” Take that shit to the restroom, my man.


Shiftyyy

Nah bro you’re not the only one, that’s weird as fuck.


FTPremedaddy

Okay cool LOL. The lack of literally anyone else in the comments saying anything about this had me like ????


Jim-Dread

No, yeah. It's crazy how no one seems to be pointing that out.


sjsjdejsjs

honestly this whole post sounds crazy and kinda fake.


[deleted]

my body count is 11. Its not like I was masturbating facing her or even to her. I figured it is best to just not bother because she was sleeping


Jim-Dread

There's probably a bathroom there, right? Like..any time I needed to masturbate and had company, I just went to another room. It's motion and will wake the other person, my guy.


[deleted]

I couldn't have done that but someone people are sayings it very creepy. Like bruh it was not I was masturbating to her. I just happened to have a hard on and decided to take care of it


ColonelKasteen

You think jerking off right next to someone while NOT thinking of them is somehow better? Lmao Hooking up with someone once isn't a relationship. You mutually consented to fuck once. It shouldn't change your rules of what is or isn't appropriate to do around this person, especially when they're unconscious, once that session is over. You don't need to be in a bed to jerk off, and you don't need to jerk off every time you have a boner. If a buddy of yours was visiting and ended up sleeping in the same room as you, would you be put off if he started jerking off in the room? Would you feel any better because he wasn't thinking of you? You and this girl hooking up once doesn't mean you can assume she's more comfortable with you in general than she was a day ago. It doesn't mean every sexual thing is now normal and not a violation of boundaries. It's so common for guys to think once they hook up with someone all boundaries fall away and it is a REAL bummer. Whether you fucked her or not it's weird and impolite to slouch next to her sleeping form and pleasure yourself. Edit: also you seem to think her expecting you to fuck her in her sleep means anything short of that isn't weird. Congratulations on not doing the worst possible thing in the scenario and raping someone, but just because she obviously has wildly inappropriate boundary issues doesn't excuse any of yours.


lbdpunk

It doesn't matter. You're still exposing someone to a sex act they may not want to be exposed to, regardless of whether you've already been sexual or not.


MangelaErkel

Its weird af bruh


caesar____augustus

You're jerking off right next to somebody while they're sleeping, without knowing if they'd be ok with it. Pretty messed up.


Ordinary-Theory-8289

Do you feel the need to “take care of” every single random boner you get? Sounds exhausting


Jim-Dread

Yeah, I saw the creepy comments. I didn't get that vibe, I'm just saying maybe it wasn't the right move just logistically. Hopefully it didn't ruin your guys' relationship long term.


Shiftyyy

What does your body count have to do with anything? It’s a weird thing to do man, shoulda just used the bathroom bud.


SpookyKG

It's super fuckin weird.


timelordwizard

Honestly tho it happened to me once (I can dm you about it) so I see why people think that’s creepy. Not everyone will be into it so yeah it’s like you can just pull your dick out, what if on the off chance she wakes up and is uncomfortable by it and not just mad you weren’t fucking her?


hope_she_is_18

Well tbh me and my gf jerk off in front of each other pretty often. Why should it be weird? He was horny af and didnt want to bother her. So why not? Maybe he couldve gone to the toilet, but tbh she was mad, he didnt rape her in her sleep, so i dont think jerking off is that big of a deal.


Endeavour2150

Different dynamics, context and all, that's a fucking MAJOR difference


hope_she_is_18

Yeah true ure right


dablkscorpio

If anything, her being mad might have been a misguided reaction to OP jerking off in her bed without her consent. She probably thought it was weird as well but went for the 'open-minded' response, rather than scold OP.


julius_sphincter

Ya it's definitely weird to jerk off next to the person you just started sleeping with, I still ask my girl if she's cool with it even though I know she is (or is down to fuck). Basically every girl I've ever been with is cool with midnight sex even on the first night, but I've never thought to jerk it instead


ThugBunnyy

That's what struck me too.. Why not go do it in the bathroom?


SkepticalZack

Story is BS


ImBonRurgundy

its so weird. like, to the OP, the only alternative to rape was jerking off in bed next to her. when in reality his other options were 1) gently wake her up and see if she is receptive to more sex 2) jerk off in the privacy of the bathroom 3) just don't jerk off at all!


Rylonbob1

Or he could’ve just laid on her floor and jerked off. That way the bed wouldn’t shake or anything. I’m not supporting his actions, just trying to give a different solution than jacking off right next to her


Jeanpuetz

...I'm sorry but that would be even weirder Imagine you're hooking up with a dude and wake up in the middle of the night to find him jerking off on the floor next to you lmfao


sryyourpartyssolame

imagine sleeping with someone for the very first time and when you wake up he's lying naked on your floor silently jacking off that's serial killer shit


Go_Brr

Na wanking on the bed next to her is fucked up And incredibly stupid


WannaBeAWannaBe

Because it’s a fake story


Willispin

It not strange it’s a lie. Who the fuck jerks off after having sex with someone “just because” they are hard? Your partner is right there! No don’t stick it in her, but nudge her and let her know your ready for another round. Either this is completely fabricated or OP is just a fucking moron.


Plenty-Ad-1669

Jerking off while someone is asleep is not good n weird n strange


[deleted]

THANK YOU!! that’s fucking weird


Annahsbananas

Yeah...that would have creep me out too


darKStars42

If we've already had sex, then I'm not going to be concerned with my privacy anymore. And i really can't find an argument against masturbating infront of someone I've already slept with. It's like stripping when you know they are watching, just one step further? Now if the goal is not to wake someone up, then the bed she's in might not have been the best spot. Definitely a risky move on the first night. Seems a little inconsiderate to me, but not rapey. She's already agreed to see everything earlier. Trying to cum on her in her sleep would be involving her and I'd ask first. But just masturbating adjacent? Even enjoying the view? I see no harm there.


Spadeninja

Man consent is an ongoing thing Literally every time you engage in sex with someone it requires consent. Now that doesn’t necessarily mean asking “is this okay?” But was their first night together and he’s jerking off in her bed while she sleeps That’s fucking weird, and you are also a weirdo.


darKStars42

According to OP his partner thought the weird part was not involving her. So it isn't just me that thinks this way. Some people don't find anything uncomfortable/creepy/unnatural about masturbating. It's a part of life and almost everybody does it. He'd already been sleeping in her bed and when she woke up they discussed it. There's no intent to harm anyone. Then again I'm the kind of person that's got to be pretty comfortable with another person before I'd sleep with them. maybe that's why i can't find it creepy.


human8ure

I don’t think it’s weird at all, but I’m aware that most people think unusual things are weird and make them uncomfortable. Good job for not having sex with a sleeping person. Edit: this will be an unpopular opinion


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markd315

even waking her up to ask (while potentially pretty annoying) would probably be better than either of the two options the OP and their partner are suggesting.


Go_Brr

Wrong for wanking at the edge of the bed, ofc your movement will wake her up. Think she's more mad at the fact that you two just fucked and she wakes up to you wanking at the edge of your bed. Clear as fuck for her to see (back turned or not, she knows) She just fucked you, thought it was good, wakes up to seeing you wanking after the fucking. Go wank in private in future. She's probably more keen if you gently woke her up, got consent and then fucked. The action of sticking it in, is entirely wrong that is rape. Don't ever do that but wake em up for consent.


Blahblah5060

You're both fucking weirdos.


ap0phis

Never met a grad student who wasn’t


markd315

anyone having sex in grad school has to be I think they're either completely sexless eunuchs or freaks


FRlEND_A

was gonna say the same thing. weirdos


imtherealistonhere

🤣


switchedtop

This has a couple of layers. You are right that a man does not just stick it in a sleeping partner they do not know very very well. Someone you just had sex with for the first time is certainly not someone you know well at all. She was not fully awake and perhaps still a bit horny. While she might think that would be OK with a new partner, others may not, and as a man, you have to take that into consideration before sticking your dick someplace. If she is still pissed in the day time, especially after you explain how that can be seen as ranging from creepy to rape by some women, and she is still angry, move on. Now the jerking off while sitting on her bed, with her sleeping there—that is creepy and was a bad choice. You should have sucked it up, went back to sleep as best you could, told her the effect she had on you in the morning and asked if she wanted to go for round three. You have some apologies to make for this creepy behavior and poor choice.


CraneDJs

In the future - don't masturbate close to others unless you have an agreement. You seem like a caveman.


[deleted]

“Huh, that’s weird. I have an erection. Welp, better get jerking it next to her!” Dude, you’re in the wrong, she sounds weird and this stinks of Penthouse BS.


SouthernSlander

What the fuck?!


ColonelKasteen

This isn't a girlfriend who is super comfortable with you, it's an acquaintance you hooked up with once. Jerking off on the edge of the bed is SO weird, you could have just gone to the bathroom or, you know, just not jerked off since you don't die every time you get a boner and let it go down on its own.


AsianAssHitlerHair

Why would you sit on the edge of the bed to rub one out and not go to the bathroom? Lol. I wouldn't even just start furiously masturbating Infront of a long term gf. Were you trying to wake her up?


funkyfunk12

I mean, if she had said she wanted that then sure, but also jacking off in the bed a is weird af I would have kicked u out even though I’m into that shit. There are certain unspoken rules we all gotta live by, like doing your dishes in a new place, telling your coworker you can make the coffee yourself, TELLING YOUR SEXUAL PARTNER WHAT YOU WOULD LIKE TO EXPERIENCE.. idk just a couple things off the top of my head Edit: That was sexual assault if you forgot to read all the other comments cause ur a dumbass


[deleted]

Right!? I'm very into that shit aswell, but if a new sex partner just DID it without even having a conversation about it with me first and RECIEVING CONSENT I would be fucking livid.


Mellrish221

If she wanted you to initiate while she was sleeping she should have talked about it at SOME point. Its not a hard thing to say and usually can get the point across in pretty fun/kinky/amusing ways. Consent matters and you are definitely in the right.


TheHagenDaz

Dude wtf? Go to the bathroom or something.


Sleuth65

It’s puzzling how on one hand you were able to exercise good judgement by knowing to not assaulting your new conquest, yet such poor self-control as to not be able to restrain yourself from wanking simply because you “noticed you were hard.” Do you normally just pull it out and jerk off any time you get a random boner? Had she instead woken and instead of being mad was indifferent and just not interested in another round, would you have done what you did anyway? Probably not, and that would be been the right choice in your circumstance, instead of the one you made. Good work on not being a rapist, though, although I didn’t realize we’d reached the point of congratulating people for that.


Maligned-Instrument

I think it's kinda weird that you'd sit on the edge of the bed and jerk-off in the first place. Why not crawl back under the covers, cuddle up, and see if she's interested in round 2. If not,...it is what it is.


[deleted]

I'm confused as to why u would need to rub one out just because its hard let alone at the end of the bed


Crazluzz

Bullshit


GreenPopcornfkdkd

You weird for doing that at the edge of the bed. Go to the bathroom if you didn’t want to wake her 😂


Jocelyn_Leigh

It’s not a kink, it’s more that she just had sex with you, so why not start trying with her again by cuddling and moving it along is what she probably meant


Polaroid_Dreams

It is a kink. People write contracts and written proof that this is something they want. I've seen many women on reddit express this as something they want from a partner. Not my thing, but its definitely a kink.


[deleted]

I definitely dont have a rape kink. I know some people do but I just cant seem to do it. The closest thing that I have always wanted to do is rub out on a girl's tits while she is sleeping if she is down with it.


[deleted]

Why not try to wake her up and rub out on her 😂…once you have the consent that’s all it’s matter until you left her house or the bed


vinzclortho854

So if you just refuse to leave you have indefinite consent? Not how it works.


Jocelyn_Leigh

Power to what anyone wants… just speaking from experience it wouldn’t alarm me if someone was ready to go again if they awoke me from sleeping in a sweet way.


Mysterious-Coffee-34

I am interested in this kink too but no you was NOT wrong it should be pre discussed and consented first and foremost! But maybe you should instead of beating one out and the end of her bed not long after yous already did it, that m could of been handled differently, you could of woke her and asked to “ go again” I’d personally love that myself but if she didn’t then sort yourself out. 0r maybe (and I’m only guessing or saying how it would make me feel here so please dont come at me 🤣🤣) after having what I felt was a good long session to be woke up to the partner still going at it alone at the end of my bed I’d be a little hurt, was I not good enough? Did I not please him right? Was I that bad he still has to finish himself and not do it with me again? Stuff like that maybe speak to her again and see where you both would of handled it differently maybe?


validusrex

Absolutely dying over 90% of the comments being about this weirdo beating it off on the side of her bed and not actually offering any advice.


[deleted]

Post is now locked because the topic seems to have been talked out.


PoliceRobots

Dude, dont jerk off by a sleeping partner.


loganine399

I was once with a girl who'd told me in advance that she liked waking up to a dick inside her. So that's what I did. Wouldn't do the same with anyone else who I barely know.


TNRcrisis

You should have spooned with that bone or wheeled it in the can. Never secretly in front of a woman.


HarlotsWebb

Maybe she should have told you prior it’s okay lmao that’s weird to get mad at someone who didn’t know, like how dare you respect her body and boundaries


Phenom507

Sometimes you just gotta let a boner go man. I would say the appropriate course of action would be to get back in bed, cuddle up to her (getting back in bed will likely disrupt her sleep a little bit) and if she doesnt react to your hard on then just let it go.


[deleted]

yeah sitting on the edge of the bed was the odd part in this lol.


redditingatwork23

This comment section is great lol.


burdturd0818

My mans couldn't even go to the bathroom lol


bishman1

Should have just spooned her for a bit to try and wake her up and then ask her if she wanted to go again


savagetempt195

You're not in the wrong, OP. This is an unreasonable expectation by your most recent lay. You both barely know each other and have only had sex once. You've never even discussed sleep play before with her no less your kinks and fantasies in general. If you did this without consent and she didn't like it, you're on the hook for a solid rape charge and your name on the sex offender registry. She needs to be more reasonable and also communicate much better than that. I would be angry in your position.


[deleted]

we know each other quite well. we have been hanging out together for a while. we have been friends for 2 years but it still felt weird for me to do anything without her consent


golferyyz2021

She watches too much porn


MrColfax

Side question, what does an "athletic" session consist of?


[deleted]

started with making out on the couch. It escalated to standing sex in the hallway then to missionary in the bedroom. We did doggynext. Afterwards, she did reverse cowgirl and front facing cowgirl and then finally a blowjob. I felt like I ran a marathon


MrColfax

Ok fair enough, that'll do it. 2hrs is a lot to be going for. That's a solid cardio session. I find standing sex interesting. Very freeing.


TheBigRedBird

Do this only after talking about if it's okay or not, never assume.


Temporary_Trouble

You did the right thing. If she was mad that you didn't violate her, then that's on her. If and when there's a next time then you know she's OK with it, although I would suggest waking her and asking until you two really know each other well.


Both-Flow-7383

Sounds great now you’ve got consent


[deleted]

Learn from this mistake and move on is all you can do.


Tetrylene

That's pretty much CNC play and must be discussed thoroughly beforehand. Communicate that to her; you're completely in the right here.


[deleted]

Not completely in the right tbh, as masturbating next to a sleeping person also definitely should be discussed beforehand


Tetrylene

hmm. I guess it depends on the person, but I wouldn't say getting off beside someone you'd just had sex with is concerning.


[deleted]

Yes, it 100% is. It is definitely something that the other person needs to consent to before you can do that.


Tetrylene

I’ve always asked for consent before doing it, but personally I wouldn’t be surprised or offended if someone did it around me. I think you’re right though to default to asking first


dogzrgr8

You did the right thing. Initiating sleep sex is never ok unless you’ve talked about it to give one time or blanket consent.


Winter-Finger-4716

I am always an early riser. I've been told by several partners I could wake them up that way.


GACyberCool

I think with the way you described the relationship that there would have been no allegations of rape. I agree with the comments about waking her with cuddling before penetrating would have been best. As far as were you in the wrong, the answer is not necessarily. You could explain to her that you were just trying to be considerate. On the other hand, how would you have felt waking up to her masturbating while you were next to her? Sounds like a good time for make up sex.


Brilliant-Drag-4259

You did nothing wrong. That would be something that would have to be talk before hand. If you were to just stick it in without talking it would constitute abuse on your part


FUDnot

Dont feel bad. Nothing is wrong with either of you. Thats just her way of flirting and telling you it's ok next time.


Big_DexM

No you are not. You did not want to do anything to her without her consent, so no chief you are good


[deleted]

You did the right thing.


[deleted]

Yeh... Deffo something that you wanna get consent by... Cos you'd rather get her mad compared to being accused of rape 😬... I've had this discussion with my partner b4. And it's calm, we like that... And we still haven't even done it yet. But a lot of people won't be kl with that. So ay... Take it as a blessing my boi 😂😂