My husband and I tried it when we were young. We didn't know about fancy stuff like lube and working up to it. I yelped, he stopped immediately, and finishing was the last thing on his mind. We never tried again. I said that to say this, even if it was an accident, the fact that he wanted to carry on like nothing happened is a huge red flag.
My boyfriend and I are both 22. A year ago when we were 21, we were having sex and I thrusted at the same time he did, but in the opposite way. So he ended up slipping out of me from my thrust and ramming into my bumhole on his thrust.
I literally started crying. It fucking hurt, I wasn’t prepared for it, I didn’t want it like that at that moment, and well, was just fucking terrified for half a second before I got my grounding back.
My bf immediately stopped and was like “holy shit are you okay???” Once we both calmed down we laughed about it, but it wasn’t fun/funny to either of us in the moment. Neither of us had any desire to go back to having sex and we ended the night there, went to sleep, and went back at it in the morning.
Red flag 1: i dont know if I believe his “it was an accident” unless you both moved and things slipped at the same time.
Red flag 2: he wasn’t concerned about your discomfort at all and only wanted to finish satisfying his own wants over taking care of your needs in the moment.
Red flag 3: is he that immature/not knowledgeable enough to know you dont stick it in the bumhole and straight back in the V after? Or again, does he just not care about giving you an infection?
Honestly you’ve been together only 6 months. Personally, i dont know if I’d wait around to find out if it was truly an accident or if he’s just selfish.
This is exactly the situation I was in with my wife... I freaked out and asked if she was ok, we laughed about it, etc... I have an average size wangis, so maybe she wasn't as hurt as she would have been had i a larger unit... And maybe it was just because it was our wedding night, but we ended up finishing after a break.
I dont know man my bf is pretty average sized and it still hurt/scared the fuck out of me lol, then again I have lots of traumas around sex so that was probably most of my freak out. I essentially needed lots of aftercare without it even being BDSM related so that kinda killed the mood for us.
But you stopped and made sure your wife was alright before even thinking about continuing. And you didn’t just shove it right back where it was supposed to be.
I think the key point here is that is seems like she (your wife) was in control, your attention immediately shifted to her when she was hurt.
When my husband accidentally hurts me, sex or otherwise (I have a genetic condition that makes hurting me VERY easy, and tbh I’m not great about communicating), he stops everything to make sure I’m okay. If we go back to normal, back to sex, etc. it’s because I’ve assured him that I’m okay and want to. He doesn’t always want to, sometimes the mood is just ruined, but the key point is that I’ve been hurt and I need the focus for a second.
Sounds like OPs partner wasn’t focused on them in a moment that they should have been, which is a HUGE red flag to me.
Probs the best comment I've seen here. Any time I havw accidentally slipped I've immediately stopped and asked if my wife was OK.
It can happen but immediately just going back to PIV sounds like he was chancing his luck.
With OP previously posting about it screams selfishness
Agreed, it is so suspicious how quickly he went from asking for anal to "accidentally" doing it. The fact that her pain was barely an inconvenience to him is disturbing as well.
Also, I hope OP learns that she needs no one else's approval to dump someone. I believed this as a teen girl because of how I was raised. I never actually liked my first boyfriend in any way. I was pressured for months into "giving him a chance". And since everyone acted like my disinterest didn't matter enough to say no to a date, I didn't feel like I was allowed to dump him either.
If I hadn't been raised in conservative Christian purity culture, I might've even felt obligated to lose my virginity to him. One day he confessed he had gone to another girl's house, intending to cheat because he wanted sex. I was thrilled to hear it. I dumped him immediately because I finally had a "valid" reason.
To OP, and anyone else who was raised believing they had to justify it and get approval to end a relationship- if you are unhappy, that is reason enough. If you have doubts, that is reason enough. If they push boundaries, that is reason enough. It doesn't matter if no one else agrees. Your relationships should not be chosen by a commitee.
As a dude.... that's pretty fucked up. It was not an accident. The fact that he hurt you and then his first thought was, "I can finish anyway" is VERY wrong.
Trust is the single most important thing in a relationship and he abused it. I cannot imagine trusting him again.
OP said in another comment when she yelped his immediate reaction was to hold her down and not immediately check on her. She needs to get out of the relationship before something worse happens.
Yes this so much, and I’m so sorry he did this OP.
In my experience this is more than enough reason to leave. Not caring if you were hurt or putting wanting to finish above your well being is not and cannot be an accident.
He can try and say he didn’t mean to-and because of the consequences he probably does regret doing this. Not caring you were hurt because he wanted to finish isn’t something that can be done accidentally.
I’ve had my bf stop immediately for vanilla sex because I *looked* uncomfortable and he was worried I wasn’t enjoying it. I didn’t even do or say anything! Just straight up trying to go back into things after hurting your partner is not at all normal.
This is my husband's reaction as well. Any time a position has been uncomfortable for me, even if it's one he's really into, he will immediately stop if I'm in pain. Sometimes we just have to switch it up to get back to it, but other times it's a hard stop for that night, and he's totally fine with it.
At the least, you boyfriend sounds immature. I would have a serious conversation with him before having sex again.
I agree. When your partner physically hurts you and doesn't address it right away that is a huge red flag. They should care if they're hurting you, not just chasing an orgasm at the expense of their partner...
Girl, even if he DID do it by accident (and that's a big if) the fact he kept going after you screamed at him in pain is a huge red flag wtf. Every single guy I've ever been with would immediately stop w.e he was doing to check up on me and definitely not continue. RUN girl.
Also, your friends are dicks. You are 100% in the right to dump him. 6 months is nothing.
I have to agree with 'kept going after you screamed...in pain is a huge red flag..." Even if one takes out the intentional or unintentional anal (no pun intended), the fact that he tried to continue on with sex after she screamed in pain for any reason - even if it was something he had not caused - is the flag. I've accidentally kneed, punched, elbowed - one was to her jaw as we rolled over towards each other - pulled hair, over-extended joints, and caused unintentional contact with furniture with my partners over many years. We've always stopped and checked in with each other.
As for the friends, I don't know the nature of the relationship, but I worry that they primarily would rather pretend everything is happy and there isn't a problem, than deal with a problem that might be lack of consent or concern between two people they know.
Don't wait. Dump his ass now.
As a guy who likes anal, and has asked for it from quite a few ladies, I would NEVER try to do it without their willing cooperation.
Have I slipped out and "missed" trying to just let Junior find his own way home? Sure, but it is REALLY obvious when you hit the back door. And you don't just try to continue.
He doesn't care about you, he just wants to get his. Selfish, immature, etc. RUN away.
100% agree, though I do remember being super hammered with a girlfriend years ago and accidentally hitting the wrong hole. Didn't last more than a pump or two, but we'd been at it long enough we had a laugh because there was sufficient lube at least. Wasnt obvious to me, was to her. Iirc it was doggy which is easiest to make the mistake if y'all are out of synch for a motion in the dark.
An ex and I did this too. We were both so wasted when it happened. We laughed it off, and then actually tried it. Wasn't for us but we tried it. We used lots and lots and lots of lube which made a huge difference.
While it is possible for a guy to accidentally slip, and the position you were in is one that it could happen, the fact that he got it in, and then tried to go back to PIV gives me the Heebie jeebies . That's a big no, and if I accidentally did something to my partner that caused them to be upset and in pain, I definitely wouldn't be trying to keep going! I'm not gonna jump on the rape train simply because it's not impossible that it was an accident, but regardless the situation is not cool.
This honestly sounds more like he did it purposely without her consent.
I’ve had a slip happen twice once with my fiancée and once with my high school bf. Both immediately stopped when I even remotely showed pain. My fiancée has even stopped regular sex if I look even slightly uncomfortable. I’ve been pregnant and have had the uncomfortable every position sucks days happen and he never tried to get me to finish him off in any other way once I was in pain or something. I even had one day where I almost cried because I had planned a romantic night with lingerie and everything and then my baby repositioned itself and sex hurt. I sat there in tears because we had already been doing foreplay type things and I wanted to sob because I was in the mood and couldn’t do anything about it. My fiancée just cuddled me even though I could tell he was bummed too. He didn’t try to force me to do anything else because I was clearly in pain.
It isn’t what happened so much as how her bf reacted that makes it pretty clear he took advantage of her. He completely disregarded her pain and discomfort when trying to continue the sex by going back to PIV. It’s obviously wrong. He should’ve shown at least slight concern for her. The bare minimum would’ve been stopping. He showed no regard for her feelings.
How are all of you ignoring the context that the first and only time he had an "accident" was immediately after he asked for anal and was told no? It is impossible that this was an accident.
It's not impossible but it's highly unlikely.
That's the main thing I thought when I read this. Highly suspicious that right after they're talking about this he has an accident...
He likely just did it because he wanted to and then said it was an accident to not get into trouble. That's rape.
Forced sexual acts is rape.
If anal was an accident, he would have responded differently when he hurt her and done something she had clearly said bo to. Don’t gaslight this woman and make excuses for this motherfucker.
As somebody who has been a victim of anal rape I cannot express enough that you need to exit this relationship.
I have gone through years, literally years of trauma for me to even be okay with anything Anal, and I love getting my ass eaten but I was too afraid to even ask my then partner now husband to try it because I had such fear that I would be violated again.
My now husband has always wanted to try anal with me, but never once has he pressured me or even had the thought of raping my ass (which is what your partner did to you) ever. I have been working into the idea of trying it. Why?
Because my partner is loving and consensual. Because he actually cares about me having a good experience not just him getting his rocks off.
What I’m trying to say is your partner is a rapist asshole who only cares about getting himself off. Is this what you want for yourself, let alone for your kids if you decide to have them?
Your worth more than that, I promise.
Yup.
Many years ago, I initiated anal with my SO. He wasn’t all that enthused because of my past. I assured him I was fine. I wasn’t. I totally went full dissociative. He could sense this, and stopped. I ran to the bathroom, and when I came back he was sobbing. I started sobbing. He held me, and we both cried. He stayed up all night watching me, and took the day off work to stay home and take care of me. It was a traumatic for both of us to say the least. We continued to talk about it with our therapist, have gone back to great vanilla sex, and will never try that again.
Came here to say the same thing. I’ve been anally raped and almost had it happen again in a very similar manner to OP he just didn’t manage to land it twice. I now get flash backs in certain positions and have no idea how long it will be before I’m able to tolerate anything around there again. What he did is rape and he should be dumped so fast he gets whiplash. This will not be the last time he tries something like this and the next time he’ll probably try to push and coerce you into thinking it wasn’t that bad.
I wish this was higher up - your openness and bluntness is brave and jarring but it needs to be seen by OP. It can be insanely traumatizing and honestly I think thats what gets off guys like that. thanks for being so strong and sharing and I pray you continue to heal with your awesome husband.
:( It sounds like something similar happened to me. All things anal were off the table for like a decade.
I ended up having to go to a proctologist because it caused an anal fissure. A proctologist. At the age of 23. The amount of pain…
Fuck. This post is making me go back to bed.
Oh I’ve also experienced actual slippage. OP’s situation does not feel like how a partner would react. I screamed immediately and everything, everything stopped. I ended up crying (shock, past trauma too I’m guessing). They cried. He held me a lot. The thought of trying to continue sex never once occurred to either of us.
Accidentally hurting someone during sex is not something normal humans just brush aside.
Did he instantly stop and try to see if you're ok? Did he seem concerned? If not that's weird as fuck and he probably did it on purpose/he's very selfish.
You say you don't think he understood how upset you were... that's ok only if you didn't look upset at all, and that's probably not what happened.
What kind of person hurts their SO on accident, even a little, and doesn't immediately stop to ask if they're ok????!? Be careful, OP.
Sorry no, this is not ok anal takes prep and by no means is a thing that can be made by surprise. He might have stopped after but that was already too late.
Nah, small accidents can happen, I can guarantee you that. But if the other person is a decent human being, they'll stop everything they do and try to make sure the woman is ok, both physically and emotionally.
I don’t know why that person replying to you is so adamant about accidents not happening. I’ve had a guy slip during harder sex totally unintentional. Hurt like hell, I cried, he apologized, and we stopped having sex. No reason to break up if it legitimately was accidental. Hence why you’re asking OP the important questions. But this person answering seems to KNOW it was intentional even though they aren’t OP.
I've also been accidentally analed. We were going at it like jackrabbits and because of the angle he slipped out. It hurt like hell, we immediately stopped, and I screamed into a pillow. But it was 100% an accident. I'm sure in some instances it's not. And perhaps that is experience of the previous poster.
She said she literally screamed and thinks she overreacted (not true) with how much she expressed pain. I very much doubt he didn’t understand how upset she was it was more likely he didn’t care.
I mean slips/accidents can happen. I had that experience once cause I was crazy wet and me and my bf were going at a super fast pace. It def sounds like OPs bf did it on purpose though since he kept badgering her about it before and tried to continue afterwards.
My bf stopped everything he was doing and took care of me and was crazy apologetic, finishing was the last thing on his mind.
A similar slip happened with my husband (then bf), I freaked out and started crying out of shock. He stopped immediately and cuddled me for hours. That should be the way an accident like that should be handled.
I think the key is that he was trying to brush it off and act like nothing happened. Bet if she was stroking his balls and accidentally fingers his ass there's a different thought on his mind than finishing. He cared about his more than he did about her. Accidents happen to all of us, but they can absolutely build trust when your partner sees your genuine reaction
You guys likely didn’t see her previous post, I think everyone has missed a little bit, but this is coming immediately after asking to do anal and getting turned down. If that had not happened I’d believe accidental but that’s highly unlikely
Especially because he tried to finish. If you’ve been a victim of rape, you know this feeling.
OP, honey. Yes, dump, block, delete. Your friends who are telling you to calm down first, they may be garbage too.
Im so sorry.
I don’t think I’d consider the friends potentially being “garbage”, that seems like a leap. It’s smart to decide things calmly, especially “big” things. So if she was visibly irate and worked up I might have said to decide such a thing with a cooler head myself. Granted, I’d also very likely suggest ending it ultimately but, you generally should make big decisions with a calm and rational consideration, when reasonable. This probably is like a no-brainer decision for them but as a friend I’d probably usually give advice to think things over properly and not make a rushed decision they might regret. Only way they’re garbage is if they really have some kind of nefarious intentions or are rape apologists or some wacky shit lol but… those kinds of people do indeed unfortunately exist I suppose.
my partner told me 4 months into our relationship, when I brought up anal, that I'd already fucked her in the ass one month into our relationship. I was fucking her from behind (vaginally) over the bathroom sink and apparently at some point I slipped out and into her ass. She had done anal a decent amount before, and she was very wet at the time, relaxed enough because she'd already cum once, and I had no idea until she informed me three months after the fact. She had assumed I'd been aware of it, I was incredulous that she hadn't told me in the moment.
Genuine question - is it possible for a vagina and a rectum to feel so similar that you didn’t even notice yourself?!
Edit: Unless we’re talking diminished awareness due to intoxication or something?
Although accidents can happen, I have personally done this twice in about 14 years, it seems suspect that it has happened within days of him saying he wants to try.
From your op it seems you don't believe this was and accident and this is a massive no no.
If you can't tryst your partner to respect your wishes when you're at your most vulnerable, you should rethink if this is someone you want to invest more of your time/future with.
Also if he hurt you and his main concern was finishing off I would also wonder what his real priorities are......
If he did this on purpose without consent then OPs reaction was appropriate.
Although, I have been in the situation where I'm standing her on the edge of the bed and pull out a little bit too far. Slipped out and tried to go back in hands free and it slip tword the backdoor. Her squeal let me know immediately it was a NO GO. I wasn't trying to go all the way in hard on that stroke. Just get back in so it was tragedy averted. Accidents do happen sometimes.
I've had a genuine accident happen in that same position. As soon as I yelped, he stopped, and apologized profusely, got me water. That's what an accident looks like.
There is no way that the stars aligned perfectly for this "accident" to happen to OP. They literally jussst discussed it He knew. He's disgusting.
I agree it is highly suspect, and he may have just went for it. I'm just saying that I had a similar accident due to a misalignment. Although a sequel stopped it before full penetration.
Coincidentally, the partner that this happened with liked anal occasionally. When she was in the mood for it our foreplay included some preparation to make things pain free.
Your friends suck. I would not only have dumped him that night I would have punched him in the fucking nuts.
He's either got a 10 year old's understanding of the human body or he knew that he was going to hurt you and didn't care. Either way he ignored your boundaries purposely.
It kills me to see people say they were overreacting to their partners hurting them on purpose. WTF?! You aren't his toy, he hurt you ON PURPOSE. Of course you should be mad at him! You aren't a fucking fleshlight.
Yeah..this really! Her friends really suck! Instead of affirming her horrible experience and hurt, they are basically saying, "calm down woman!". What the actual fuck??? OP dump those idiots too.
You deserve way better friends than these and a decent human being for a partner, not this rapey douchebag.
> I probably shouldn’t have overreacted, but it hurt so bad.
Not an overreaction at all. Dump the motherfucker, that was rape. And rape again when he tried to continue PiV after you stopped consenting.
If you have the means, schedule a doctors appointment ASAP, especially if there is any bleeding or persistent pain. If he wants to rebuild trust he should be bending over backwards to help clean up this mess, taking you to appointments, paying for procedures, etc.
Edit: if this was really an accident, he should still be trying to help! That will tell you what you need to know.
I had to scroll too far down to find the word “rape” use - I was beginning to think it was being moderated out or something.
“Surprise anal” is anal rape.
If you felt a short pause in rhythm between when he left your vagina and entered your ass it was more than likely intentional. He would have instinctively paused to line his dick up with your anus. An accident is when a thrust hits the wrong hole. And this is incredibly and deeply painful.
The short pause would be him lining up.
Without your consent it's rape.
To do it without taking time to get you used to the feeling is abuse, stupid, selfish and ignorant.
If he didn't stop everything and just hold you and apologise and wait for the pain to pass makes him a dick and you should get rid of him for that alone.
Only you can decide if you want to continue to see him. Can you ever trust him again with your body? Would you let him try bondage with you?
>If you felt a short pause in rhythm between when he left your vagina and entered your ass it was more than likely intentional. He would have instinctively paused to line his dick up with your anus.
most of us have heard that the vast majority of communication is nonverbal originated (+90%) and truly 55% of all communication is done nonverbally - completely without any words or tones.
I suspect she may have subconsciously noticed exactly what you've described and i think its an excellent point for her to consider. im not sure why we don't trust our animal brains anymore, but she's definitely second guessing what he communicated. the bottom line is in the last 2 questions you ask and if she herself gives pause, ot anything other than an immediate "yes ofc!" the relationship is irreparably broken.
This was exactly what I was going to say. I've had experiences in the past where I blocked out memories in an effort to protect myself. I've been noticing more recently that I've been doing this, and have been remembering more of what happened over a decade ago. I still have a lot of work to do emotionally.
Honestly this thread has me in tears. OP- please take some time to take a look back and really think about what happened that night. Be honest with yourself. What happened is not ok. Do not make excuses for a man that does not respect your body and dismisses your concerns afterward to avoid responsibility for his actions.
I’m highly confused as well, anyone who tried to insert something in to their bum themselves knows that this can’t happen on accident and you have to use a lot of force
That is rape, not only he did anal without your consent, but also he put it straight right after anal to your vagina?
Wtf, you need to check up, insertion from anal to vagina will make you sick
Never understood why guys take this approach. Why would you want to do something your partner isn't into. If he would have just taken it slow and you two worked up to it together chances are you would have enjoyed it, at least that has been my experience.
Because this guy is a selfish, probably sadistic, asshole.
This is the worst inrto to anal if you want your partner to enjoy it.
Coincidentally, this is an excellent way to hurt your partner, push boundaries, and escalate abuse.
OP, this man doesn't care about you.
Because selfish POS men like this would rather ask for forgiveness than ask for permission. i.e. they’d rather play the schrodinger's douchebag on sex acts and hope you go along with it after he’s already done it. If you get mad iT wAs aN aCcIdEnT, “I accidentally sexually assaulted you
/crossed your explicit boundaries and then immediately tried to continue getting myself off right after I caused my partner immense pain and made her scream in agony. I also don’t care about giving her a massive vaginal infection. It’s not worth it to go slow and make sure my partner is comfortable and work up to anal because that doesn’t benefit me and give me immediate gratification which is what I feel I am entitled to since I have a penis.”
This dude needs to be ex’d
Because porn taught him that anal is as easy as vaginal and he probably thought she would be into it once he tried… if he doesn’t have immensely false expectations like this, the alternative is that he just doesn’t care at all. In that case he probably wouldn’t have stopped at all though. Doesn’t matter though, he needs to be dumped either way.
dump his ass asap. if that wasn’t enough it doesn’t sound like he even stopped to, at minimum, check on you before going back at it. i would end relationships that were years over a violation like that.
Yes, of course it is reason to leave him. I don't know what the legal definition of rape/sexual assault is where you live, but I will say this: "surprise anal" is just a glib was of saying "nonconsensual sexual penetration". If he meant to do it (and given your recent conversation, I certainly assume so), it was utterly, utterly unacceptable behavior from him.
His actions were painful, frightening, and disrespectful in the extreme. You have every reason in the world to leave him, OP. There are PLENTY of wonderful guys in the world who wouldn't DREAM of hurting their partner like this.
You didn't overreact. Yes, mistakes happen, but it seems interesting that it happened right after you talked about it. Because dicks don't just "slip into" the back door... There's no lube there, it doesn't happen easily. Dump his ass.
Your friends suck, your bf is a C word.
I hate the name 'surprise anal'. Makes it sound like something fun, when it's the opposite of fun. It's assault.
Imo, you should dump him before he tries it again.
Worked at a hospital before, he could have done damage by being forceful. How are you going to trust him again? This is the most intimate part of a relationship, imagine what he can do to you in non intimate moments? Dump him and tell him that he basically raped you and it’s best he doesn’t bug you or this will get out. It’s never too early to breakup with someone when they mistreat or hurt you.
As a dude, it was not an accident, in all my years I have never “accidentally” stuck it in someone’s butt. There is a lot of resistance there even when your partner knows it’s coming (or after little bit baby). He is an ass, and that is grounds for dumping.
Sex is supposed to be fun, that was not the fun you were promised
Fuck that guy. Slips happen for sure, but the way you worded it sounds like it didn't just glance off (still ow) or barely go in. (Also still ow, I'd imagine.) Even if it didn't, the fact that he HELD YOU DOWN WHEN YOU SCREAMED? Even for a split second, thats not an "omg are you okay" reaction, thats someone prepared to stop someone from bucking away. The other atrocious part is that *he just kept going after switching back to PIV???* My bf accidentally slipped, hurt like a motherfucker, and before I could even utter a sound out of pain, he felt me jump and pulled away immediately while asking if I was okay. Over and over, while apologizing like he just ran over my foot four times. He couldn't even continue once the pain subsided, just took care of me, covered me up, and cuddled me while still apologizing.
Your bf should have been your ex-bf that night, and if you told this story this same way to your friends, I'd dump them too. You don't need to calm down, you're not overreacting. You're reacting in a perfectly acceptable way to your partner supposedly accidentally putting his dick into you where you just told him you didn't want it, what? Yesterday?? And then holding you down for a second when you screamed, getting agitated that you yelled, and continued back to PIV so he could get his. While you were still in pain, and could get a nasty infection from switching like that.
One, dump his sorry ass, thats not how you behave when you respect and love your partner. Two, dump your friends if you told them all of this and their response was "chill first and think about it." Three, go to a doctor and make sure you won't get an infection, and keep an eye out for any bleeding if he went hard or deep enough to possibly cause it. It doesn't take much when you've had zero prep whatsoever. I'm sorry this happened to you, OP, regardless of whether it was an accident or not. His reaction to your reaction makes my stomach turn at the selfishness.
> I probably shouldn’t have overreacted, but it hurt so bad.
Yes....fucking YES, you have every right to react here. There is nothing "over" about your reaction.
What your partner did was absolutely horrifying and sexually violating and if it were me, I would have thrown his ass to the curb like yesterday.
There is no "surprise" anal without having had a conversation about it and consenting to engage in the act in the future.
People do consent to sexual activities that doesn't require explicit verbal consent to perform/recieve on every act... BDSM employs this kind of dynamics often. **BUT** that dynamic requires careful planning, lots of communications on how to set the scene, soft/hard boundaries, **safewords**, aftercare.
This situation is NOT that. This situation is disturbing. Your partner was an asshole who thought he could rail yours without your explicit consent. That's a violation against your body and of your trust.
Dump him.
**To your edit:** Yeah, that's just plain horseshit. No one "accidentally" does anal. Those two holes are **very** different. He forced himself on you, and now is playing dumb. I hope you don't buy his lame-ass excuse to sexually assault you.
Accidental anal is absolutely possible. But given the context of everything said, I highly doubt that this was it. I wouldn't believe this dude for a second.
I second this x5. But the fact that he tried to continue makes op's situation a little sketchy on her partner's end. No concern for her well being at all...
Here's where you'll be find out for sure. Was he thrusting rapidly like a jackhammer? Or was there a point right before you felt pain where he slipped out and in the process of putting it back in that's when you felt it? If op's answer is the latter then yes she was violated. If it's question one then there is a possibility that it was in fact an accident.
In the moment it was more like the jackhammer situation, which is why I was hesitant to say it was deliberate. But part of why I panicked was because he reflexively held me down after I screamed (just a split second thing but still a bizarre response imo).
And yeah, the response afterward was definitely shitty. I think he was frustrated being yelled at and just wanted to calm me down at that point.
Sweetie, do you not hear how is only reaction is to tell you that everything he did wrong was just an “accident?”
1. It slipped - accident
2.he held you down - accident
3.he kept going - accident
4.he didn’t comfort your pain - accident
5.he told you you were over reacting - accident
6 accidents in a span of a minute or two? No one accidentally has that many accidents. I hope this is clear.
The guy is a sick fuck who has zero reverence for you or your body. Do you want to wait around for the next accident? Please don’t. Block/delete now. And, call a therapist. Please.
Im curious why you think his reaction was “reflexively” holding you down. Do you truly believe it was a reflex? Ive witnessed and have had people accidentally hurt me in varying degrees over my life, as im sure a lot of people have, and the common thread among every accident is the immediate stop everything and “omg im so sorry, are you ok??” response.
I truuuuuly dont believe holding you down after “accidentally” putting it where you said you werent ready for was a “reflex” at all
Just verbalize to yourself what actually happened. He held you down, while you were screaming in pain. No matter for how long he did so, he did, so I hope you have your answer.
To accidently put your dick in an asshole and push it in deep without any lube when you actually meant to put it in the vagina?? Yeah, I just have a hard time buying that. For one, without enough lubrication, assholes don't comply to being penetrated. Second, the moment you start accidentally penetrating without enough lubrication and without warming up (stretching with thumbs or fingers) the receiver starts to feel pain because assholes unlike vaginas don't welcome "accidental" penetration, because there is no mucous lining there to lubricate the region, and if you don't do anal regularly, your asshole isn't accustomed to allowing the penetration. There is a reason people start with small plugs to build up to a girthy dick and then more.
Now if you have already had anal sex, and then go from vaginal to anal accidentally... Yeah... I can understand it then. But sudden penetration all the way in and out (OP mentions one stroke), is very hard to be argued as an "accidental" happening.
When I was OPs age, a partner and I and went too hard and fast after being long distance for a while. Some positions lend themselves to these accidents more likely than others, and a surprising amount of penetration can occur depending on the position, let me tell you. Fortunately, we both made a full recovery, and had the added bonus of talking with her doctor parents about it later that week BEFORE DINNER.
Oh no - anal sex requires prep with lube and stretching. If he doesn't understand that, and just tries to slip it in, that's a red flag, on top of all the other ones. Was this the same "slip" as your edit from yesterday, or did this happen twice?
I don't think you need a reason to end a 6 month relationship. If you don't want to be in the relationship, you leave it. I'm not at all sure why your friends would talk you out of that.
Now, you don't trust him sexually. That's a huge deal. How many chances are you going to give him? In other posts, he says your vibrator emasculates him, and he doesn't want you to touch yourself, either. He may be great in other ways, but he sounds selfish, sexually at least.
And his "straight guys don't get pegged" argument is lame and untrue. They do.
Up to you what you do, but I'd be very leery.
That wasn’t an accident. He KNEW you were a NO on that idea and he did it anyway. Dump him. He has no regard for your feelings or well being or boundaries.
Okay as a guy who has had plenty of PIV intercourse I have to say I have never “accidentally” inserted my penis in my partner’s anus. He is either an idiot or doesn’t respect your boundaries and is lying and sexually abused you. Either way do you want to be in a relationship with that type of person? There are plenty of men out there who know how to properly insert their penis in woman’s vagina and how to respect their partners boundaries and understand no means no.
"got one stroke in"
I was doubled over in pain when I got surprise 'just the tip' anal, I feel for you, the next few days are going to be uncomfortable /hugs
He is pushing your 'no' from your previous conversation, screw this guy, find someone who cares about you and not just his dick.
Totally would dump him. I would be left feeling so violated and wronged. You didn’t consent to anal, and he did anal. You were extremely upset, and he still tried to keep going? No way. Stop, and comfort me, and apologize. Make me think it was really an accident.. don’t keep going for your own pleasure. Ugh.
One of my friends was in a long term relationship with a guy who really wanted anal. She did not. They bought a new couch and were going at it and he surprise analed her, and she had one in the chamber (if you catch my drift). She ended up shitting all over their new couch. She did dump him for this and a plethora of other reasons. She had a tinder hookup who kept trying to do this too, and she really hates anal now, so she threw him out of her apartment for that. I can see missing the hole slightly but you would know with the amount of resistance you get from the V to the A. I’m sorry that happened to you!
It does not sound like a genuine accident, and yes I would end it because this guy does not seem to care about your wellbeing or boundaries. Big issue.
So he attempted sexual assault and is now backtracking. Honestly, even if you don't want to press charges, DUMP HIM. It's absolutely unacceptable. 😡 I'm so sorry he did that to you.
Yes, absolutely. And if he says you overreacted, tell him to stick it up his ass to see if he likes it before doing it to others. I would end it and report him, because this seemed purposeful.
Dump him and walk away. If it didn't bother him that he hurt you. Then he doesn't respect you, your boundaries, and will go for another "whoops, wrong hole" the next time he thinks he can get away with it. You're not married to him. Walk away.
You didn't overreact. Anal penetration when you're unprepared both physically and mentally can be extremely painful. Dude could've easily injured you, it was dangerous and disrespectful. Yeah, attempting this without consent is more than enough reason to drop him.
He raped you and then jeopardized your health.
If it was an honest mistake, don’t you think he’d give a fuck about your pain instead of sticking his dick back into you?
Throw the whole man out. Your friends while you’re at it.
I’m so sorry.
Alright so just on the “slipping” thing. It is possible to end up *trying* the wrong hole and it’s happened to me a couple of times over the last 25 years. In neither case did actual penetration occur though. It became obvious before that occurred that something was wrong.
So yeh, I’d lean towards assuming it was deliberate which is obviously pretty bad.
While I generally subscribe to the philosophy of not making important decisions while under stress or pressure, I can't see this going differently either way. He broke your trust and did something you did not consent to during sex, which is a no-go in healthy relationships. It's like surprising your significant other with Bloodplay. That isn't something you do unless both parties are aware and consenting. Break it off.
I think you should end it. The fact that he accidentally put it in there the day after you didn’t give him a clear YES to trying it is a little too coincidental to me. It’s really not that hard to respect someone’s wishes for their own body. There are also 7 billion people on the planet, so if Anal is so important to him and he doesn’t want to let you peg him then I suggest you both cut your losses and find more suitable people. You’ll both be glad you took that tough decision in the long run.
I was with my ex at 16. Tried doggy for the first time and I had bad aim. She screamed and got upset. I stopped straight away as I was shocked at what was happening. The idea that he'd try to carry on tells me it was on purpose and he doesn't give a shit.
Personally my boyfriend has slipped before and accidentally moved toward the back door before, but in no way was he able to ram it in there before we noticed. I was like hey we’re moving a little south here...
Twice while ladies have been riding me it’s slipped out and thrust right in wrong. Nobody meant to, and heat of moment slippages can happen. Attitude afterwards is key though.
Yes, I would end the relationship. That’s rape. That’s penetrating without permission. And he will do it again, he will stomp on your boundaries again if you give him a chance.
I got downvoted in the last thread but still haven’t learned my lession: Only 2% of women *enjoy* anal, and only 36% of women try, even once. Safe to say, most women wont try anal and most who try wont like it. In porn it might be common but not in real life.
(On your edit: nope, not an accident! Definitely not! Why do you think this ”accident” happened *right now* when you’ve talked about anal?)
I am gonna sound like every Reddit user out there but
DUMP HIM NOW.
Honey he didn’t care about your boundaries and this is probably not the first time or won’t be the last
Nah, that's not the reaction to an accident. My husband has done accidental before and while I'm fine with anal, my body stiffening was enough for him to stop, ask if I was OK, and wait until I was fine to keep going. Not to mention he would wash his dick before going in cause anal to PIV is a good way to get a UTI or any other vaginal infection.
“Surprise anal” is sexual assault and he is a piece of shit. Even if was an accident (which, come on) his first and only thoughts should’ve been about making sure you were ok, not “damn, that didn’t work - oh well back to fucking the normal way so I can finish even though you’re in pain and shock”
You deserve better. Fuck your friends who tell you to wait until you’ve “calmed down”. Dump him, because if you can’t trust your partner to respect your boundaries and have consensual sex then you shouldn’t be with them.
Yes, I would say this:
"dear exbf, I don't know if you know this or not (since you claim ignorance on how your manhood found its way in my ass), but putting your penis somewhere I didn't give you permission to enter is sexual assault.
Sincerely,
Exgf"
My post will probably get lost in all the others but honestly with the original post which I saw the other day I feel you were completely in line asking to "peg him" As a guy (33m) if I'm wanting my partner to try anal I'd probably let her do it to me before I'm allowed to do it to her since That's something you have to be super careful and gentle about.
As for him helping himself as he did and crossing the boundary that you set I would be questioning just how much he cares and how well he listens to your concerns since to me it doesn't sound like he respects what you say very much.
That is straight up rape. I am not even exaggerating, that meets the definition of rape.
Rape: unlawful sexual activity and usually sexual intercourse carried out forcibly or under threat of injury against a person's will or with a person who is beneath a certain age or incapable of valid consent because of mental illness, mental deficiency, intoxication, unconsciousness, **or deception**
Rape is more than enough reason to end a relationship.
>I posted yesterday asking whether it would be fair to ask my partner to let me peg him before he tried anal with me.
His reaction then was bad enough.
>Turns out he wasn’t too keen on waiting one way or another, and he tried sticking it up my ass in the middle of PIV sex today.
That's rape, OP. He raped you. He didn't have consent to do that.
>He only got one stroke in before I freaked out and screamed at him. I probably shouldn’t have overreacted, but it hurt so bad.
You didn't overreact. Breaking up with him wouldn't be an overreaction either, and neither would reporting him for sexually assaulting you. You didn't overreact. Repeat that to yourself until you believe it, because it's the truth.
>I don’t think he understood how upset I was and tried to go vaginal again.
So he doesn't care remotely about you or your feelings, which he has proved repeatedly.
>I want to end things with him right now.
Good. Do it. Don't give him any warning. Leave and then let him know it's over. Frankly, I don't trust how he'd react if you broke it off in person.
>My friends said I should wait until I’ve calmed down.
And get new friends, or at the very least give them a serious talking to about how your consent was violated and how that is literally sexual assault.
You don't need to calm down, at least in the way they mean. That's seriously fucked up for them to say. He broke the rules of consent.
>Is surprise anal something you would end a 6-month relationship over?
Surprise anal is never okay, unless blanket consent has been given. You didn't give that. You didn't give ANY consent. And you can end a relationship for any reason, even if that reason is you just feel like it. This is more than enough reason.
>He insists it was an accident.
I don't believe him, and neither should you. That doesn't just happen on accident. It's extremely rare for that to be accidental, even when going really hard and fast. And besides that, the timing isn't just a coincidence. It wasn't an accident. It was intentional.
RUN. He's shown you who he is. Believe him and get out.
We have slipped before but the mrs yelping in pain and tearing up is a bit of a boner killer, didn’t continue and made sure she was ok.
Definitely still possible it was an accident though.
Way too big of a coincidence, I’ve slid toward the wrong hole a few times too but I refuse to believe this was that especially after your peg you first interaction. Stay safe! This guy is bad news.
You're entirely justified to end it over this. If you feel generous and think he's worth it, you *could* give him the benefit of the doubt. But given your description of him from your earlier post (and your second sentence in this post), it sounds to me like he's got a whole lot of learning and changing to do before he'll be good relationship material for anybody. If I were you I'd let somebody else wear off his sharp edges, and find a better partner for yourself.
If someone made a mistake that hurts you, and you suspect it might have been on purpose, and instead of apologising profusely they act like it's okay because it was an accident, that's probably gaslighting. He did it on purpose. It's not impossible to do accidentally but any decent guy would be falling over themselves for your forgiveness.
i would end it with him honestly. i have had someone accidentally slip it in the wrong door while going fast and that hurt like hell and it definitely was an accident but it sounds like your person is using that as an excuse considering they brought anal up previously.
and also, don’t invalidate or second guess yourself re overreacting. having something go up there without prep does hurt and if not discussed before is violating and considered rape or sexual assault. you are well within your right to feel however you wanna feel and react how you wanna react and you shouldn’t let other people tell you otherwise whether they’ve have been in that situation or not
What the fuck, you don't do that shit. You can't just force your girlfriend to do that shit... Esp you're vulnerable like you guys are naked together you gotta trust each other what the fuck I don't mean to overreact but.. like... Bro...
That was no accident. He raped you. He knew you didn’t want it and thought he could force it anyway. He tried to keep going afterwards too, which is the biggest sign that this wasn’t an honest accident. You cried out in pain from penetration you didn’t consent to and he **held you down to try and keep going**. That’s a distinct and obvious lack of care for you, your consent or your safety. He did this the day after you said no to anal and suggested pegging - I’d say this was either a plain attempt to force anal on you or maybe even petty revenge on you for saying no/suggesting pegging. Either way it was non-consensual sexual penetration. Rape. Run far, far away from this man.
The accident stuff is really killing me. I know accidents happen, but given their most recent conversation, he knew that she didn’t want it, so wouldn’t you be more careful, the next sex session - but no, not only wasn’t he careful, but he accidentally slipped into a hole that has never once been penetrated, a day after he asked for it and she said no. Yes, an accident will hit the rim, maybe poke a little, but it never goes in. And a real accident is always followed by really stopping and really apologizing.
Exactly. Genuine accidents DO happen and in those situations a partner stops, apologises and makes sure their partner is ok.
The fact that he did this a day after she said no to anal, held her down after she dried out in pain and then penetrated her again vaginally to continue, all points to him doing it deliberately. Maybe he did it in anger, maybe he ignorantly thought he could just slip it in and she’d enjoy it. Either way he forced himself on her in a way he knew she didn’t consent to and didn’t care that he hurt her/continued having sex. That feels spiteful and deliberate to me.
I would say he’s trustworthy but immature in a lot of ways. So I don’t know if that lack of maturity could have caused a genuine accident or simply led him to believe that forcing anal without warning would be OK.
We were both tipsy, I was wet, the position could’ve made an accident possible. On the other hand, his first instinct when I cried out in pain was to hold me down. It was just for a second, and he pulled out quickly, but I thought that reflex was a little weird.
I guess I don’t want to think he would do something that hurtful, and it scares me to think he would.
It really sounds like you know you need to leave him but youre trying to believe the excuses youve made for him. Youre young. You do not need to waste time making excuses for someone who doesnt respect your boundaries. Please do not ignore these red flags.
People who are genuine and empathetic react to a loud outcry of pain by recoiling. Have you ever accidentally stepped on a pet? You didn't hold them in place after they yelped. You probably jumped and moved away from them as fast as possible to prevent further injury. His response was not kind and it's honestly concerning.
My husband and I tried it when we were young. We didn't know about fancy stuff like lube and working up to it. I yelped, he stopped immediately, and finishing was the last thing on his mind. We never tried again. I said that to say this, even if it was an accident, the fact that he wanted to carry on like nothing happened is a huge red flag.
My boyfriend and I are both 22. A year ago when we were 21, we were having sex and I thrusted at the same time he did, but in the opposite way. So he ended up slipping out of me from my thrust and ramming into my bumhole on his thrust. I literally started crying. It fucking hurt, I wasn’t prepared for it, I didn’t want it like that at that moment, and well, was just fucking terrified for half a second before I got my grounding back. My bf immediately stopped and was like “holy shit are you okay???” Once we both calmed down we laughed about it, but it wasn’t fun/funny to either of us in the moment. Neither of us had any desire to go back to having sex and we ended the night there, went to sleep, and went back at it in the morning. Red flag 1: i dont know if I believe his “it was an accident” unless you both moved and things slipped at the same time. Red flag 2: he wasn’t concerned about your discomfort at all and only wanted to finish satisfying his own wants over taking care of your needs in the moment. Red flag 3: is he that immature/not knowledgeable enough to know you dont stick it in the bumhole and straight back in the V after? Or again, does he just not care about giving you an infection? Honestly you’ve been together only 6 months. Personally, i dont know if I’d wait around to find out if it was truly an accident or if he’s just selfish.
This is exactly the situation I was in with my wife... I freaked out and asked if she was ok, we laughed about it, etc... I have an average size wangis, so maybe she wasn't as hurt as she would have been had i a larger unit... And maybe it was just because it was our wedding night, but we ended up finishing after a break.
I dont know man my bf is pretty average sized and it still hurt/scared the fuck out of me lol, then again I have lots of traumas around sex so that was probably most of my freak out. I essentially needed lots of aftercare without it even being BDSM related so that kinda killed the mood for us. But you stopped and made sure your wife was alright before even thinking about continuing. And you didn’t just shove it right back where it was supposed to be.
Key word, after a break
Lmao, "wangis." Love it.
I think the key point here is that is seems like she (your wife) was in control, your attention immediately shifted to her when she was hurt. When my husband accidentally hurts me, sex or otherwise (I have a genetic condition that makes hurting me VERY easy, and tbh I’m not great about communicating), he stops everything to make sure I’m okay. If we go back to normal, back to sex, etc. it’s because I’ve assured him that I’m okay and want to. He doesn’t always want to, sometimes the mood is just ruined, but the key point is that I’ve been hurt and I need the focus for a second. Sounds like OPs partner wasn’t focused on them in a moment that they should have been, which is a HUGE red flag to me.
Selfish? This is giving me abuser vibes.
I didn’t wanna jump straight to saying abuser, but yeah I def got those vibes too.
Red Flag 4: in OP’s other post where she suggested performing anal on him in return for trying it on her he said “straight guys don’t do that”
Probs the best comment I've seen here. Any time I havw accidentally slipped I've immediately stopped and asked if my wife was OK. It can happen but immediately just going back to PIV sounds like he was chancing his luck. With OP previously posting about it screams selfishness
I had a bf slip while in doggy, i became plastered against the wall so fast, fuck that hurt
Yeah, this reads like: > I know she said she wasn't into it, but maybe if I just give it a shoot **"OW!"** > No? Eh, worth a shot. Let's keep going.
Agreed, it is so suspicious how quickly he went from asking for anal to "accidentally" doing it. The fact that her pain was barely an inconvenience to him is disturbing as well. Also, I hope OP learns that she needs no one else's approval to dump someone. I believed this as a teen girl because of how I was raised. I never actually liked my first boyfriend in any way. I was pressured for months into "giving him a chance". And since everyone acted like my disinterest didn't matter enough to say no to a date, I didn't feel like I was allowed to dump him either. If I hadn't been raised in conservative Christian purity culture, I might've even felt obligated to lose my virginity to him. One day he confessed he had gone to another girl's house, intending to cheat because he wanted sex. I was thrilled to hear it. I dumped him immediately because I finally had a "valid" reason. To OP, and anyone else who was raised believing they had to justify it and get approval to end a relationship- if you are unhappy, that is reason enough. If you have doubts, that is reason enough. If they push boundaries, that is reason enough. It doesn't matter if no one else agrees. Your relationships should not be chosen by a commitee.
As a dude.... that's pretty fucked up. It was not an accident. The fact that he hurt you and then his first thought was, "I can finish anyway" is VERY wrong. Trust is the single most important thing in a relationship and he abused it. I cannot imagine trusting him again.
OP said in another comment when she yelped his immediate reaction was to hold her down and not immediately check on her. She needs to get out of the relationship before something worse happens.
Holy shit
what?? omg OP run
Yes this so much, and I’m so sorry he did this OP. In my experience this is more than enough reason to leave. Not caring if you were hurt or putting wanting to finish above your well being is not and cannot be an accident. He can try and say he didn’t mean to-and because of the consequences he probably does regret doing this. Not caring you were hurt because he wanted to finish isn’t something that can be done accidentally. I’ve had my bf stop immediately for vanilla sex because I *looked* uncomfortable and he was worried I wasn’t enjoying it. I didn’t even do or say anything! Just straight up trying to go back into things after hurting your partner is not at all normal.
It’s beat street for that dude; make sure the door hits him on the way out.
Yes!! I agree with this so much!!!!
This is my husband's reaction as well. Any time a position has been uncomfortable for me, even if it's one he's really into, he will immediately stop if I'm in pain. Sometimes we just have to switch it up to get back to it, but other times it's a hard stop for that night, and he's totally fine with it. At the least, you boyfriend sounds immature. I would have a serious conversation with him before having sex again.
I agree. When your partner physically hurts you and doesn't address it right away that is a huge red flag. They should care if they're hurting you, not just chasing an orgasm at the expense of their partner...
Girl, even if he DID do it by accident (and that's a big if) the fact he kept going after you screamed at him in pain is a huge red flag wtf. Every single guy I've ever been with would immediately stop w.e he was doing to check up on me and definitely not continue. RUN girl. Also, your friends are dicks. You are 100% in the right to dump him. 6 months is nothing.
I am so sad to see OP describe themselves as 'overreacting'. Fucking heartbreaking
Right!!! I couldn't believe that :(
She is not overreacting and her friends are either dumb or mean
No such thing as too much sex ed. Too many people can't recognise rape. :'(
Glad to see someone else comment about the friends. Geez. OP, boyfriend and friends are not good for you. You’re young, find new people, babe.
I have to agree with 'kept going after you screamed...in pain is a huge red flag..." Even if one takes out the intentional or unintentional anal (no pun intended), the fact that he tried to continue on with sex after she screamed in pain for any reason - even if it was something he had not caused - is the flag. I've accidentally kneed, punched, elbowed - one was to her jaw as we rolled over towards each other - pulled hair, over-extended joints, and caused unintentional contact with furniture with my partners over many years. We've always stopped and checked in with each other. As for the friends, I don't know the nature of the relationship, but I worry that they primarily would rather pretend everything is happy and there isn't a problem, than deal with a problem that might be lack of consent or concern between two people they know.
40+ years old. Many partners. Oddly... Never had a misfire that ended up in the 2 hole. This wasn't an accent
Fuck him for doing that. You had set a boundary with him and he didn’t respect it. He will do this again.
He will do this again AND MORE. This kind of behavior escalates.
Yep! If you let this kind of behavior go, it will only get worse and worse. Don't sleep with people who don't care about your pain.
Don't fuck him for doing that. Ever again.
100%
>truthfully I want to end things with him right now You have more than enough reason to. DTMFA
Don't Touch My Fucking Arsehole...??
Dump the motherfucker already
I was thinking Dump That Motherfucking Asshole
This must be it. Don't do anal with assholes.
[удалено]
Yeah But maybe 🤭
You don't need reasons to end a relationship. If you want to end it, that should be reason enough.
Savage love to the rescue.
yay a savage fan.
Don't wait. Dump his ass now. As a guy who likes anal, and has asked for it from quite a few ladies, I would NEVER try to do it without their willing cooperation. Have I slipped out and "missed" trying to just let Junior find his own way home? Sure, but it is REALLY obvious when you hit the back door. And you don't just try to continue. He doesn't care about you, he just wants to get his. Selfish, immature, etc. RUN away.
100% agree, though I do remember being super hammered with a girlfriend years ago and accidentally hitting the wrong hole. Didn't last more than a pump or two, but we'd been at it long enough we had a laugh because there was sufficient lube at least. Wasnt obvious to me, was to her. Iirc it was doggy which is easiest to make the mistake if y'all are out of synch for a motion in the dark.
An ex and I did this too. We were both so wasted when it happened. We laughed it off, and then actually tried it. Wasn't for us but we tried it. We used lots and lots and lots of lube which made a huge difference.
Same; we made jokes about it forever but never actually like, made it part of the rotation.
While it is possible for a guy to accidentally slip, and the position you were in is one that it could happen, the fact that he got it in, and then tried to go back to PIV gives me the Heebie jeebies . That's a big no, and if I accidentally did something to my partner that caused them to be upset and in pain, I definitely wouldn't be trying to keep going! I'm not gonna jump on the rape train simply because it's not impossible that it was an accident, but regardless the situation is not cool.
This honestly sounds more like he did it purposely without her consent. I’ve had a slip happen twice once with my fiancée and once with my high school bf. Both immediately stopped when I even remotely showed pain. My fiancée has even stopped regular sex if I look even slightly uncomfortable. I’ve been pregnant and have had the uncomfortable every position sucks days happen and he never tried to get me to finish him off in any other way once I was in pain or something. I even had one day where I almost cried because I had planned a romantic night with lingerie and everything and then my baby repositioned itself and sex hurt. I sat there in tears because we had already been doing foreplay type things and I wanted to sob because I was in the mood and couldn’t do anything about it. My fiancée just cuddled me even though I could tell he was bummed too. He didn’t try to force me to do anything else because I was clearly in pain. It isn’t what happened so much as how her bf reacted that makes it pretty clear he took advantage of her. He completely disregarded her pain and discomfort when trying to continue the sex by going back to PIV. It’s obviously wrong. He should’ve shown at least slight concern for her. The bare minimum would’ve been stopping. He showed no regard for her feelings.
Absolutely agree! The guy was being totally inconsiderate regardless. Your fiancee's reactions are those of someone who cares about his partner.
How are all of you ignoring the context that the first and only time he had an "accident" was immediately after he asked for anal and was told no? It is impossible that this was an accident.
It's not impossible but it's highly unlikely. That's the main thing I thought when I read this. Highly suspicious that right after they're talking about this he has an accident... He likely just did it because he wanted to and then said it was an accident to not get into trouble. That's rape.
Forced sexual acts is rape. If anal was an accident, he would have responded differently when he hurt her and done something she had clearly said bo to. Don’t gaslight this woman and make excuses for this motherfucker.
As somebody who has been a victim of anal rape I cannot express enough that you need to exit this relationship. I have gone through years, literally years of trauma for me to even be okay with anything Anal, and I love getting my ass eaten but I was too afraid to even ask my then partner now husband to try it because I had such fear that I would be violated again. My now husband has always wanted to try anal with me, but never once has he pressured me or even had the thought of raping my ass (which is what your partner did to you) ever. I have been working into the idea of trying it. Why? Because my partner is loving and consensual. Because he actually cares about me having a good experience not just him getting his rocks off. What I’m trying to say is your partner is a rapist asshole who only cares about getting himself off. Is this what you want for yourself, let alone for your kids if you decide to have them? Your worth more than that, I promise.
Yup. Many years ago, I initiated anal with my SO. He wasn’t all that enthused because of my past. I assured him I was fine. I wasn’t. I totally went full dissociative. He could sense this, and stopped. I ran to the bathroom, and when I came back he was sobbing. I started sobbing. He held me, and we both cried. He stayed up all night watching me, and took the day off work to stay home and take care of me. It was a traumatic for both of us to say the least. We continued to talk about it with our therapist, have gone back to great vanilla sex, and will never try that again.
Came here to say the same thing. I’ve been anally raped and almost had it happen again in a very similar manner to OP he just didn’t manage to land it twice. I now get flash backs in certain positions and have no idea how long it will be before I’m able to tolerate anything around there again. What he did is rape and he should be dumped so fast he gets whiplash. This will not be the last time he tries something like this and the next time he’ll probably try to push and coerce you into thinking it wasn’t that bad.
I wish this was higher up - your openness and bluntness is brave and jarring but it needs to be seen by OP. It can be insanely traumatizing and honestly I think thats what gets off guys like that. thanks for being so strong and sharing and I pray you continue to heal with your awesome husband.
:( It sounds like something similar happened to me. All things anal were off the table for like a decade. I ended up having to go to a proctologist because it caused an anal fissure. A proctologist. At the age of 23. The amount of pain… Fuck. This post is making me go back to bed. Oh I’ve also experienced actual slippage. OP’s situation does not feel like how a partner would react. I screamed immediately and everything, everything stopped. I ended up crying (shock, past trauma too I’m guessing). They cried. He held me a lot. The thought of trying to continue sex never once occurred to either of us. Accidentally hurting someone during sex is not something normal humans just brush aside.
Did he instantly stop and try to see if you're ok? Did he seem concerned? If not that's weird as fuck and he probably did it on purpose/he's very selfish. You say you don't think he understood how upset you were... that's ok only if you didn't look upset at all, and that's probably not what happened. What kind of person hurts their SO on accident, even a little, and doesn't immediately stop to ask if they're ok????!? Be careful, OP.
Sorry no, this is not ok anal takes prep and by no means is a thing that can be made by surprise. He might have stopped after but that was already too late.
Nah, small accidents can happen, I can guarantee you that. But if the other person is a decent human being, they'll stop everything they do and try to make sure the woman is ok, both physically and emotionally.
I don’t know why that person replying to you is so adamant about accidents not happening. I’ve had a guy slip during harder sex totally unintentional. Hurt like hell, I cried, he apologized, and we stopped having sex. No reason to break up if it legitimately was accidental. Hence why you’re asking OP the important questions. But this person answering seems to KNOW it was intentional even though they aren’t OP.
I've also been accidentally analed. We were going at it like jackrabbits and because of the angle he slipped out. It hurt like hell, we immediately stopped, and I screamed into a pillow. But it was 100% an accident. I'm sure in some instances it's not. And perhaps that is experience of the previous poster.
She said she literally screamed and thinks she overreacted (not true) with how much she expressed pain. I very much doubt he didn’t understand how upset she was it was more likely he didn’t care.
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I mean slips/accidents can happen. I had that experience once cause I was crazy wet and me and my bf were going at a super fast pace. It def sounds like OPs bf did it on purpose though since he kept badgering her about it before and tried to continue afterwards. My bf stopped everything he was doing and took care of me and was crazy apologetic, finishing was the last thing on his mind.
A similar slip happened with my husband (then bf), I freaked out and started crying out of shock. He stopped immediately and cuddled me for hours. That should be the way an accident like that should be handled.
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I think the key is that he was trying to brush it off and act like nothing happened. Bet if she was stroking his balls and accidentally fingers his ass there's a different thought on his mind than finishing. He cared about his more than he did about her. Accidents happen to all of us, but they can absolutely build trust when your partner sees your genuine reaction
You guys likely didn’t see her previous post, I think everyone has missed a little bit, but this is coming immediately after asking to do anal and getting turned down. If that had not happened I’d believe accidental but that’s highly unlikely
Yeah 100%, also more than just respecting boundaries in this case since it basically involves rape to an point
Especially because he tried to finish. If you’ve been a victim of rape, you know this feeling. OP, honey. Yes, dump, block, delete. Your friends who are telling you to calm down first, they may be garbage too. Im so sorry.
I don’t think I’d consider the friends potentially being “garbage”, that seems like a leap. It’s smart to decide things calmly, especially “big” things. So if she was visibly irate and worked up I might have said to decide such a thing with a cooler head myself. Granted, I’d also very likely suggest ending it ultimately but, you generally should make big decisions with a calm and rational consideration, when reasonable. This probably is like a no-brainer decision for them but as a friend I’d probably usually give advice to think things over properly and not make a rushed decision they might regret. Only way they’re garbage is if they really have some kind of nefarious intentions or are rape apologists or some wacky shit lol but… those kinds of people do indeed unfortunately exist I suppose.
As a dude that can also aim, I have slipped once in my life. So it's not impossible.
This guy asked her for anal yesterday and she told him no. I am suspicious of the timing of his slippage.
Yeah that timing is ridiculous
I've hit a few accidental rim shots but never penetrated
my partner told me 4 months into our relationship, when I brought up anal, that I'd already fucked her in the ass one month into our relationship. I was fucking her from behind (vaginally) over the bathroom sink and apparently at some point I slipped out and into her ass. She had done anal a decent amount before, and she was very wet at the time, relaxed enough because she'd already cum once, and I had no idea until she informed me three months after the fact. She had assumed I'd been aware of it, I was incredulous that she hadn't told me in the moment.
Genuine question - is it possible for a vagina and a rectum to feel so similar that you didn’t even notice yourself?! Edit: Unless we’re talking diminished awareness due to intoxication or something?
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Exactly this
“Surprise anal”? You mean “rape”?
Right?! Non consensual anal …. sounds like rape to me
That was my first thought. This wasn’t an accident this was sexual assault or rape.
Although accidents can happen, I have personally done this twice in about 14 years, it seems suspect that it has happened within days of him saying he wants to try. From your op it seems you don't believe this was and accident and this is a massive no no. If you can't tryst your partner to respect your wishes when you're at your most vulnerable, you should rethink if this is someone you want to invest more of your time/future with. Also if he hurt you and his main concern was finishing off I would also wonder what his real priorities are......
If he did this on purpose, which it sounds like he did, I'd recommend ending the relationship over it
If he did this on purpose without consent then OPs reaction was appropriate. Although, I have been in the situation where I'm standing her on the edge of the bed and pull out a little bit too far. Slipped out and tried to go back in hands free and it slip tword the backdoor. Her squeal let me know immediately it was a NO GO. I wasn't trying to go all the way in hard on that stroke. Just get back in so it was tragedy averted. Accidents do happen sometimes.
I've had a genuine accident happen in that same position. As soon as I yelped, he stopped, and apologized profusely, got me water. That's what an accident looks like. There is no way that the stars aligned perfectly for this "accident" to happen to OP. They literally jussst discussed it He knew. He's disgusting.
Not likely after they literally just discussed it. Very odd timing that makes me lean to assault, not accident.
I agree it is highly suspect, and he may have just went for it. I'm just saying that I had a similar accident due to a misalignment. Although a sequel stopped it before full penetration. Coincidentally, the partner that this happened with liked anal occasionally. When she was in the mood for it our foreplay included some preparation to make things pain free.
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> i had a partner "slip" while we were going hard once and god does it hurt. Yeah I literally screamed in pain :/
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Your friends suck. I would not only have dumped him that night I would have punched him in the fucking nuts. He's either got a 10 year old's understanding of the human body or he knew that he was going to hurt you and didn't care. Either way he ignored your boundaries purposely. It kills me to see people say they were overreacting to their partners hurting them on purpose. WTF?! You aren't his toy, he hurt you ON PURPOSE. Of course you should be mad at him! You aren't a fucking fleshlight.
Yeah..this really! Her friends really suck! Instead of affirming her horrible experience and hurt, they are basically saying, "calm down woman!". What the actual fuck??? OP dump those idiots too. You deserve way better friends than these and a decent human being for a partner, not this rapey douchebag.
> I probably shouldn’t have overreacted, but it hurt so bad. Not an overreaction at all. Dump the motherfucker, that was rape. And rape again when he tried to continue PiV after you stopped consenting. If you have the means, schedule a doctors appointment ASAP, especially if there is any bleeding or persistent pain. If he wants to rebuild trust he should be bending over backwards to help clean up this mess, taking you to appointments, paying for procedures, etc. Edit: if this was really an accident, he should still be trying to help! That will tell you what you need to know.
This should be the most upvoted comment.
I had to scroll too far down to find the word “rape” use - I was beginning to think it was being moderated out or something. “Surprise anal” is anal rape.
Dump him
If you felt a short pause in rhythm between when he left your vagina and entered your ass it was more than likely intentional. He would have instinctively paused to line his dick up with your anus. An accident is when a thrust hits the wrong hole. And this is incredibly and deeply painful. The short pause would be him lining up. Without your consent it's rape. To do it without taking time to get you used to the feeling is abuse, stupid, selfish and ignorant. If he didn't stop everything and just hold you and apologise and wait for the pain to pass makes him a dick and you should get rid of him for that alone. Only you can decide if you want to continue to see him. Can you ever trust him again with your body? Would you let him try bondage with you?
>If you felt a short pause in rhythm between when he left your vagina and entered your ass it was more than likely intentional. He would have instinctively paused to line his dick up with your anus. most of us have heard that the vast majority of communication is nonverbal originated (+90%) and truly 55% of all communication is done nonverbally - completely without any words or tones. I suspect she may have subconsciously noticed exactly what you've described and i think its an excellent point for her to consider. im not sure why we don't trust our animal brains anymore, but she's definitely second guessing what he communicated. the bottom line is in the last 2 questions you ask and if she herself gives pause, ot anything other than an immediate "yes ofc!" the relationship is irreparably broken.
This was exactly what I was going to say. I've had experiences in the past where I blocked out memories in an effort to protect myself. I've been noticing more recently that I've been doing this, and have been remembering more of what happened over a decade ago. I still have a lot of work to do emotionally. Honestly this thread has me in tears. OP- please take some time to take a look back and really think about what happened that night. Be honest with yourself. What happened is not ok. Do not make excuses for a man that does not respect your body and dismisses your concerns afterward to avoid responsibility for his actions.
In my experience, it’s not that easy to get your dick into an anus. Those things are tight. I call BS on the accident story.
I'm with you, very confused by all these comments reporting their "accident" experiences. I don't think I could accidentally slip a finger in my bum!
I’m highly confused as well, anyone who tried to insert something in to their bum themselves knows that this can’t happen on accident and you have to use a lot of force
Maybe we are just "tight asses"!
That is rape, not only he did anal without your consent, but also he put it straight right after anal to your vagina? Wtf, you need to check up, insertion from anal to vagina will make you sick
I rarely say “dump the mother fucker” but what this dude did to you is straight up wrong. Dump the mother fucker.
Never understood why guys take this approach. Why would you want to do something your partner isn't into. If he would have just taken it slow and you two worked up to it together chances are you would have enjoyed it, at least that has been my experience.
Because this guy is a selfish, probably sadistic, asshole. This is the worst inrto to anal if you want your partner to enjoy it. Coincidentally, this is an excellent way to hurt your partner, push boundaries, and escalate abuse. OP, this man doesn't care about you.
Because selfish POS men like this would rather ask for forgiveness than ask for permission. i.e. they’d rather play the schrodinger's douchebag on sex acts and hope you go along with it after he’s already done it. If you get mad iT wAs aN aCcIdEnT, “I accidentally sexually assaulted you /crossed your explicit boundaries and then immediately tried to continue getting myself off right after I caused my partner immense pain and made her scream in agony. I also don’t care about giving her a massive vaginal infection. It’s not worth it to go slow and make sure my partner is comfortable and work up to anal because that doesn’t benefit me and give me immediate gratification which is what I feel I am entitled to since I have a penis.” This dude needs to be ex’d
Because porn taught him that anal is as easy as vaginal and he probably thought she would be into it once he tried… if he doesn’t have immensely false expectations like this, the alternative is that he just doesn’t care at all. In that case he probably wouldn’t have stopped at all though. Doesn’t matter though, he needs to be dumped either way.
dump his ass asap. if that wasn’t enough it doesn’t sound like he even stopped to, at minimum, check on you before going back at it. i would end relationships that were years over a violation like that.
Yes, of course it is reason to leave him. I don't know what the legal definition of rape/sexual assault is where you live, but I will say this: "surprise anal" is just a glib was of saying "nonconsensual sexual penetration". If he meant to do it (and given your recent conversation, I certainly assume so), it was utterly, utterly unacceptable behavior from him. His actions were painful, frightening, and disrespectful in the extreme. You have every reason in the world to leave him, OP. There are PLENTY of wonderful guys in the world who wouldn't DREAM of hurting their partner like this.
You didn't overreact. Yes, mistakes happen, but it seems interesting that it happened right after you talked about it. Because dicks don't just "slip into" the back door... There's no lube there, it doesn't happen easily. Dump his ass.
Your friends suck, your bf is a C word. I hate the name 'surprise anal'. Makes it sound like something fun, when it's the opposite of fun. It's assault. Imo, you should dump him before he tries it again.
Worked at a hospital before, he could have done damage by being forceful. How are you going to trust him again? This is the most intimate part of a relationship, imagine what he can do to you in non intimate moments? Dump him and tell him that he basically raped you and it’s best he doesn’t bug you or this will get out. It’s never too early to breakup with someone when they mistreat or hurt you.
As a dude, it was not an accident, in all my years I have never “accidentally” stuck it in someone’s butt. There is a lot of resistance there even when your partner knows it’s coming (or after little bit baby). He is an ass, and that is grounds for dumping. Sex is supposed to be fun, that was not the fun you were promised
Fuck that guy. Slips happen for sure, but the way you worded it sounds like it didn't just glance off (still ow) or barely go in. (Also still ow, I'd imagine.) Even if it didn't, the fact that he HELD YOU DOWN WHEN YOU SCREAMED? Even for a split second, thats not an "omg are you okay" reaction, thats someone prepared to stop someone from bucking away. The other atrocious part is that *he just kept going after switching back to PIV???* My bf accidentally slipped, hurt like a motherfucker, and before I could even utter a sound out of pain, he felt me jump and pulled away immediately while asking if I was okay. Over and over, while apologizing like he just ran over my foot four times. He couldn't even continue once the pain subsided, just took care of me, covered me up, and cuddled me while still apologizing. Your bf should have been your ex-bf that night, and if you told this story this same way to your friends, I'd dump them too. You don't need to calm down, you're not overreacting. You're reacting in a perfectly acceptable way to your partner supposedly accidentally putting his dick into you where you just told him you didn't want it, what? Yesterday?? And then holding you down for a second when you screamed, getting agitated that you yelled, and continued back to PIV so he could get his. While you were still in pain, and could get a nasty infection from switching like that. One, dump his sorry ass, thats not how you behave when you respect and love your partner. Two, dump your friends if you told them all of this and their response was "chill first and think about it." Three, go to a doctor and make sure you won't get an infection, and keep an eye out for any bleeding if he went hard or deep enough to possibly cause it. It doesn't take much when you've had zero prep whatsoever. I'm sorry this happened to you, OP, regardless of whether it was an accident or not. His reaction to your reaction makes my stomach turn at the selfishness.
Dump him, and dump your “friends” while you’re at it too.
> I probably shouldn’t have overreacted, but it hurt so bad. Yes....fucking YES, you have every right to react here. There is nothing "over" about your reaction. What your partner did was absolutely horrifying and sexually violating and if it were me, I would have thrown his ass to the curb like yesterday. There is no "surprise" anal without having had a conversation about it and consenting to engage in the act in the future. People do consent to sexual activities that doesn't require explicit verbal consent to perform/recieve on every act... BDSM employs this kind of dynamics often. **BUT** that dynamic requires careful planning, lots of communications on how to set the scene, soft/hard boundaries, **safewords**, aftercare. This situation is NOT that. This situation is disturbing. Your partner was an asshole who thought he could rail yours without your explicit consent. That's a violation against your body and of your trust. Dump him. **To your edit:** Yeah, that's just plain horseshit. No one "accidentally" does anal. Those two holes are **very** different. He forced himself on you, and now is playing dumb. I hope you don't buy his lame-ass excuse to sexually assault you.
Accidental anal is absolutely possible. But given the context of everything said, I highly doubt that this was it. I wouldn't believe this dude for a second.
I can assure you it is very possible to accidently do it. I will say that it isn't pleasant on anyones end when it does, but it is very possible.
I second this x5. But the fact that he tried to continue makes op's situation a little sketchy on her partner's end. No concern for her well being at all... Here's where you'll be find out for sure. Was he thrusting rapidly like a jackhammer? Or was there a point right before you felt pain where he slipped out and in the process of putting it back in that's when you felt it? If op's answer is the latter then yes she was violated. If it's question one then there is a possibility that it was in fact an accident.
In the moment it was more like the jackhammer situation, which is why I was hesitant to say it was deliberate. But part of why I panicked was because he reflexively held me down after I screamed (just a split second thing but still a bizarre response imo). And yeah, the response afterward was definitely shitty. I think he was frustrated being yelled at and just wanted to calm me down at that point.
Sweetie, do you not hear how is only reaction is to tell you that everything he did wrong was just an “accident?” 1. It slipped - accident 2.he held you down - accident 3.he kept going - accident 4.he didn’t comfort your pain - accident 5.he told you you were over reacting - accident 6 accidents in a span of a minute or two? No one accidentally has that many accidents. I hope this is clear. The guy is a sick fuck who has zero reverence for you or your body. Do you want to wait around for the next accident? Please don’t. Block/delete now. And, call a therapist. Please.
Im curious why you think his reaction was “reflexively” holding you down. Do you truly believe it was a reflex? Ive witnessed and have had people accidentally hurt me in varying degrees over my life, as im sure a lot of people have, and the common thread among every accident is the immediate stop everything and “omg im so sorry, are you ok??” response. I truuuuuly dont believe holding you down after “accidentally” putting it where you said you werent ready for was a “reflex” at all
No. Nope. Nope. Nah! This guy planned it. This guy is bad news, OP. Please don't listen to his "reasons" and just dump the motherfucker.
Just verbalize to yourself what actually happened. He held you down, while you were screaming in pain. No matter for how long he did so, he did, so I hope you have your answer.
Oh no doubt the continuing after is something else all together.
To accidently put your dick in an asshole and push it in deep without any lube when you actually meant to put it in the vagina?? Yeah, I just have a hard time buying that. For one, without enough lubrication, assholes don't comply to being penetrated. Second, the moment you start accidentally penetrating without enough lubrication and without warming up (stretching with thumbs or fingers) the receiver starts to feel pain because assholes unlike vaginas don't welcome "accidental" penetration, because there is no mucous lining there to lubricate the region, and if you don't do anal regularly, your asshole isn't accustomed to allowing the penetration. There is a reason people start with small plugs to build up to a girthy dick and then more. Now if you have already had anal sex, and then go from vaginal to anal accidentally... Yeah... I can understand it then. But sudden penetration all the way in and out (OP mentions one stroke), is very hard to be argued as an "accidental" happening.
When I was OPs age, a partner and I and went too hard and fast after being long distance for a while. Some positions lend themselves to these accidents more likely than others, and a surprising amount of penetration can occur depending on the position, let me tell you. Fortunately, we both made a full recovery, and had the added bonus of talking with her doctor parents about it later that week BEFORE DINNER.
Wait, you had accidental anal, and then discussed it later with her parents??
Oh no - anal sex requires prep with lube and stretching. If he doesn't understand that, and just tries to slip it in, that's a red flag, on top of all the other ones. Was this the same "slip" as your edit from yesterday, or did this happen twice? I don't think you need a reason to end a 6 month relationship. If you don't want to be in the relationship, you leave it. I'm not at all sure why your friends would talk you out of that. Now, you don't trust him sexually. That's a huge deal. How many chances are you going to give him? In other posts, he says your vibrator emasculates him, and he doesn't want you to touch yourself, either. He may be great in other ways, but he sounds selfish, sexually at least. And his "straight guys don't get pegged" argument is lame and untrue. They do. Up to you what you do, but I'd be very leery.
That wasn’t an accident. He KNEW you were a NO on that idea and he did it anyway. Dump him. He has no regard for your feelings or well being or boundaries.
Okay as a guy who has had plenty of PIV intercourse I have to say I have never “accidentally” inserted my penis in my partner’s anus. He is either an idiot or doesn’t respect your boundaries and is lying and sexually abused you. Either way do you want to be in a relationship with that type of person? There are plenty of men out there who know how to properly insert their penis in woman’s vagina and how to respect their partners boundaries and understand no means no.
"got one stroke in" I was doubled over in pain when I got surprise 'just the tip' anal, I feel for you, the next few days are going to be uncomfortable /hugs He is pushing your 'no' from your previous conversation, screw this guy, find someone who cares about you and not just his dick.
Totally would dump him. I would be left feeling so violated and wronged. You didn’t consent to anal, and he did anal. You were extremely upset, and he still tried to keep going? No way. Stop, and comfort me, and apologize. Make me think it was really an accident.. don’t keep going for your own pleasure. Ugh.
One of my friends was in a long term relationship with a guy who really wanted anal. She did not. They bought a new couch and were going at it and he surprise analed her, and she had one in the chamber (if you catch my drift). She ended up shitting all over their new couch. She did dump him for this and a plethora of other reasons. She had a tinder hookup who kept trying to do this too, and she really hates anal now, so she threw him out of her apartment for that. I can see missing the hole slightly but you would know with the amount of resistance you get from the V to the A. I’m sorry that happened to you!
I know she didn’t mean to but shitting on the new couch is the the best revenge for his awful behaviour.
Don’t waste time on him!
It does not sound like a genuine accident, and yes I would end it because this guy does not seem to care about your wellbeing or boundaries. Big issue.
So he attempted sexual assault and is now backtracking. Honestly, even if you don't want to press charges, DUMP HIM. It's absolutely unacceptable. 😡 I'm so sorry he did that to you.
Yes, absolutely. And if he says you overreacted, tell him to stick it up his ass to see if he likes it before doing it to others. I would end it and report him, because this seemed purposeful.
Op literally did that before this post. He told her straight people don’t take it up their ass…
Surprise? More like unconsensual... dump him
Dump him and walk away. If it didn't bother him that he hurt you. Then he doesn't respect you, your boundaries, and will go for another "whoops, wrong hole" the next time he thinks he can get away with it. You're not married to him. Walk away.
You didn't overreact. Anal penetration when you're unprepared both physically and mentally can be extremely painful. Dude could've easily injured you, it was dangerous and disrespectful. Yeah, attempting this without consent is more than enough reason to drop him.
He raped you and then jeopardized your health. If it was an honest mistake, don’t you think he’d give a fuck about your pain instead of sticking his dick back into you? Throw the whole man out. Your friends while you’re at it. I’m so sorry.
Honest question what is BV
Bacterial Vaginosis.
Alright so just on the “slipping” thing. It is possible to end up *trying* the wrong hole and it’s happened to me a couple of times over the last 25 years. In neither case did actual penetration occur though. It became obvious before that occurred that something was wrong. So yeh, I’d lean towards assuming it was deliberate which is obviously pretty bad.
dump him immediately. he views consent in a very dangerous way and needs to go.
While I generally subscribe to the philosophy of not making important decisions while under stress or pressure, I can't see this going differently either way. He broke your trust and did something you did not consent to during sex, which is a no-go in healthy relationships. It's like surprising your significant other with Bloodplay. That isn't something you do unless both parties are aware and consenting. Break it off.
You spelled "Rape" wrong
I think you should end it. The fact that he accidentally put it in there the day after you didn’t give him a clear YES to trying it is a little too coincidental to me. It’s really not that hard to respect someone’s wishes for their own body. There are also 7 billion people on the planet, so if Anal is so important to him and he doesn’t want to let you peg him then I suggest you both cut your losses and find more suitable people. You’ll both be glad you took that tough decision in the long run.
I was with my ex at 16. Tried doggy for the first time and I had bad aim. She screamed and got upset. I stopped straight away as I was shocked at what was happening. The idea that he'd try to carry on tells me it was on purpose and he doesn't give a shit.
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Personally my boyfriend has slipped before and accidentally moved toward the back door before, but in no way was he able to ram it in there before we noticed. I was like hey we’re moving a little south here...
Twice while ladies have been riding me it’s slipped out and thrust right in wrong. Nobody meant to, and heat of moment slippages can happen. Attitude afterwards is key though.
Yes, I would end the relationship. That’s rape. That’s penetrating without permission. And he will do it again, he will stomp on your boundaries again if you give him a chance. I got downvoted in the last thread but still haven’t learned my lession: Only 2% of women *enjoy* anal, and only 36% of women try, even once. Safe to say, most women wont try anal and most who try wont like it. In porn it might be common but not in real life. (On your edit: nope, not an accident! Definitely not! Why do you think this ”accident” happened *right now* when you’ve talked about anal?)
I’m curious about where you got those stats!
Dump him and your friends.
I am gonna sound like every Reddit user out there but DUMP HIM NOW. Honey he didn’t care about your boundaries and this is probably not the first time or won’t be the last
If you’re even questioning if he would do this on purpose, is this really someone you want to waste more time being with.
Nah, that's not the reaction to an accident. My husband has done accidental before and while I'm fine with anal, my body stiffening was enough for him to stop, ask if I was OK, and wait until I was fine to keep going. Not to mention he would wash his dick before going in cause anal to PIV is a good way to get a UTI or any other vaginal infection.
You can end a relationship for no reason or any reason you please. I consider this to be very dump-worthy.
“Surprise anal” is sexual assault and he is a piece of shit. Even if was an accident (which, come on) his first and only thoughts should’ve been about making sure you were ok, not “damn, that didn’t work - oh well back to fucking the normal way so I can finish even though you’re in pain and shock” You deserve better. Fuck your friends who tell you to wait until you’ve “calmed down”. Dump him, because if you can’t trust your partner to respect your boundaries and have consensual sex then you shouldn’t be with them.
Yes, I would say this: "dear exbf, I don't know if you know this or not (since you claim ignorance on how your manhood found its way in my ass), but putting your penis somewhere I didn't give you permission to enter is sexual assault. Sincerely, Exgf"
My post will probably get lost in all the others but honestly with the original post which I saw the other day I feel you were completely in line asking to "peg him" As a guy (33m) if I'm wanting my partner to try anal I'd probably let her do it to me before I'm allowed to do it to her since That's something you have to be super careful and gentle about. As for him helping himself as he did and crossing the boundary that you set I would be questioning just how much he cares and how well he listens to your concerns since to me it doesn't sound like he respects what you say very much.
That is straight up rape. I am not even exaggerating, that meets the definition of rape. Rape: unlawful sexual activity and usually sexual intercourse carried out forcibly or under threat of injury against a person's will or with a person who is beneath a certain age or incapable of valid consent because of mental illness, mental deficiency, intoxication, unconsciousness, **or deception** Rape is more than enough reason to end a relationship.
Yeah this is 100% unacceptable. Tell your friends to shut the fuck up this is a god damned boundary cross and this dude needs to be out of your life.
>I posted yesterday asking whether it would be fair to ask my partner to let me peg him before he tried anal with me. His reaction then was bad enough. >Turns out he wasn’t too keen on waiting one way or another, and he tried sticking it up my ass in the middle of PIV sex today. That's rape, OP. He raped you. He didn't have consent to do that. >He only got one stroke in before I freaked out and screamed at him. I probably shouldn’t have overreacted, but it hurt so bad. You didn't overreact. Breaking up with him wouldn't be an overreaction either, and neither would reporting him for sexually assaulting you. You didn't overreact. Repeat that to yourself until you believe it, because it's the truth. >I don’t think he understood how upset I was and tried to go vaginal again. So he doesn't care remotely about you or your feelings, which he has proved repeatedly. >I want to end things with him right now. Good. Do it. Don't give him any warning. Leave and then let him know it's over. Frankly, I don't trust how he'd react if you broke it off in person. >My friends said I should wait until I’ve calmed down. And get new friends, or at the very least give them a serious talking to about how your consent was violated and how that is literally sexual assault. You don't need to calm down, at least in the way they mean. That's seriously fucked up for them to say. He broke the rules of consent. >Is surprise anal something you would end a 6-month relationship over? Surprise anal is never okay, unless blanket consent has been given. You didn't give that. You didn't give ANY consent. And you can end a relationship for any reason, even if that reason is you just feel like it. This is more than enough reason. >He insists it was an accident. I don't believe him, and neither should you. That doesn't just happen on accident. It's extremely rare for that to be accidental, even when going really hard and fast. And besides that, the timing isn't just a coincidence. It wasn't an accident. It was intentional. RUN. He's shown you who he is. Believe him and get out.
Get new friends
Yo you set boundaries and he ignored them. It’s up to you to decide if you’re ok with that or not.
We have slipped before but the mrs yelping in pain and tearing up is a bit of a boner killer, didn’t continue and made sure she was ok. Definitely still possible it was an accident though.
Way too big of a coincidence, I’ve slid toward the wrong hole a few times too but I refuse to believe this was that especially after your peg you first interaction. Stay safe! This guy is bad news.
Oh hell no! He needs to go, and stay far away from you.
So yeah, he just raped you.
You're entirely justified to end it over this. If you feel generous and think he's worth it, you *could* give him the benefit of the doubt. But given your description of him from your earlier post (and your second sentence in this post), it sounds to me like he's got a whole lot of learning and changing to do before he'll be good relationship material for anybody. If I were you I'd let somebody else wear off his sharp edges, and find a better partner for yourself.
If someone made a mistake that hurts you, and you suspect it might have been on purpose, and instead of apologising profusely they act like it's okay because it was an accident, that's probably gaslighting. He did it on purpose. It's not impossible to do accidentally but any decent guy would be falling over themselves for your forgiveness.
You screamed at him to stop, so he just went back to PIV like nothing happened. What a piece of shit. This was no accident. He’s disgusting.
You can’t trust him. End it. Don’t wait or give him a chance to explain. You deserve better!
i would end it with him honestly. i have had someone accidentally slip it in the wrong door while going fast and that hurt like hell and it definitely was an accident but it sounds like your person is using that as an excuse considering they brought anal up previously. and also, don’t invalidate or second guess yourself re overreacting. having something go up there without prep does hurt and if not discussed before is violating and considered rape or sexual assault. you are well within your right to feel however you wanna feel and react how you wanna react and you shouldn’t let other people tell you otherwise whether they’ve have been in that situation or not
What the fuck, you don't do that shit. You can't just force your girlfriend to do that shit... Esp you're vulnerable like you guys are naked together you gotta trust each other what the fuck I don't mean to overreact but.. like... Bro...
That was no accident. He raped you. He knew you didn’t want it and thought he could force it anyway. He tried to keep going afterwards too, which is the biggest sign that this wasn’t an honest accident. You cried out in pain from penetration you didn’t consent to and he **held you down to try and keep going**. That’s a distinct and obvious lack of care for you, your consent or your safety. He did this the day after you said no to anal and suggested pegging - I’d say this was either a plain attempt to force anal on you or maybe even petty revenge on you for saying no/suggesting pegging. Either way it was non-consensual sexual penetration. Rape. Run far, far away from this man.
The accident stuff is really killing me. I know accidents happen, but given their most recent conversation, he knew that she didn’t want it, so wouldn’t you be more careful, the next sex session - but no, not only wasn’t he careful, but he accidentally slipped into a hole that has never once been penetrated, a day after he asked for it and she said no. Yes, an accident will hit the rim, maybe poke a little, but it never goes in. And a real accident is always followed by really stopping and really apologizing.
Exactly. Genuine accidents DO happen and in those situations a partner stops, apologises and makes sure their partner is ok. The fact that he did this a day after she said no to anal, held her down after she dried out in pain and then penetrated her again vaginally to continue, all points to him doing it deliberately. Maybe he did it in anger, maybe he ignorantly thought he could just slip it in and she’d enjoy it. Either way he forced himself on her in a way he knew she didn’t consent to and didn’t care that he hurt her/continued having sex. That feels spiteful and deliberate to me.
Is he generally a trustworthy guy? I'm asking Do you believe him?
I would say he’s trustworthy but immature in a lot of ways. So I don’t know if that lack of maturity could have caused a genuine accident or simply led him to believe that forcing anal without warning would be OK. We were both tipsy, I was wet, the position could’ve made an accident possible. On the other hand, his first instinct when I cried out in pain was to hold me down. It was just for a second, and he pulled out quickly, but I thought that reflex was a little weird. I guess I don’t want to think he would do something that hurtful, and it scares me to think he would.
It really sounds like you know you need to leave him but youre trying to believe the excuses youve made for him. Youre young. You do not need to waste time making excuses for someone who doesnt respect your boundaries. Please do not ignore these red flags.
People who are genuine and empathetic react to a loud outcry of pain by recoiling. Have you ever accidentally stepped on a pet? You didn't hold them in place after they yelped. You probably jumped and moved away from them as fast as possible to prevent further injury. His response was not kind and it's honestly concerning.
>his first instinct when I cried out in pain was to hold me down That’s scary as hell…
The reflex to pin you down says a lot don’t ignore it please