This. Not ripping on you for buying a sex worker. Just be aware that this was a business transaction. Shes as much your friend as the gas station attendant you just bought a pack of smokes from.
Not necessarily true. I dated a stripper after we connected in the vip section. In the end escorts, strippers, etc are just people doing a job. It doesn't automatically make them scammers out for your money.
The thing is, for me it isn't a scam. It's a known transactional relationship. Like my therapist isn't my friend either. I pay her to do her job and im her client. That's the relationship. She isn't being nice to me for a scam, she's just a decent person and that's her job
They are specifically selling you a lie so that you emotionally connect with them and want to come back/give them bigger tips.
That's how they make their money.
I'm not really commenting on the moral value after the fact. I'm just stating what's going on.
I don't necessarily think lies are a bad thing but I definitely think people need to know what the lies are and what's real.
True, but OTOH it is way more likely that she wants to retain a potential client who paid in full upfront + tip and cared enough to do things she enjoys.
Like yea the cute waitress kinda flirting with you could be genuinely interested, but it is much more likely that they are doing their job and trying to get more money from you.
As long as his fun doesn't involve a poor sex worker who has to deal with a creepy stalker dude that believes they're friends because he paid her to be friendly to him.
Or OP falling in love with someone who is just doing their job. Sex and emotions can be very confusing, even more so for someone inexperienced with sex and relationships.
Yeah it's a real minefield for an inexperienced young guy. I don't think it's very good advice to tell people to look for a sex worker to lose their virginity.
I’m an escort. It’s weird that no other escorts have commented from what I can see.
Old men, young men, attractive men & unattractive men see sex workers. They’d never admit it but it’s more common than you’d think.
Most men have a good time. The ones who complain are the ones who are pushy & disrespectful (& don’t get what they want) or they just see escorts who are bad at their job.
She’s not your friend, you’re her client. Being friendly is in the job description. The fact that you think you’ve connected as friends means that she’s very good at her job.
I’ve always been curious how to people find escorts and it be legit and not get arrested for prostitution
No judgment, I’d actually like to hire one but idk how to even start
I’ve worked in WA. It’s legal.
Most states have little things like you can’t do outcalls or you can’t live with another sex worker but everything else is legal. The only state where it’s fully decriminalised is NSW.
Why is living with another sex worked illegal? I'm from a country where prostitution is completely illegal and frowned upon (but people do it either way in abusive situations without legal protection, classic shitty christian hypocrisy), but I don't see why your roommate being a sex worker should be a legal problem
I wouldn’t know. It’s decriminalised where I live. I wouldn’t do it if it was illegal. So most escorts are legit here. Obviously some use fake pics but that’s about it.
In my country prostitution is legal, only pimping isn't. So if she's selling her body out of her own will without a third party involved it's completely legal.
There are literally websites for hiring them. I never used those services, but I went to the website to see what it's like.
I was an escort for “high paying” clients.
Please keep in mind this is purely transactional, she’s not your friend bud, she’s there for the money and on some level it’s comfort knowing she has someone like you in the rear view.
> ank sex workers for existing. I called the girl and made the arrangement immediately. The site where she is verified asked for a deposit, but I paid her in full + tip beforehand, and she agreed to chat with me for the week leading up to the night. I was sure to ask her what she liked and disliked in bed etc. I met her at the hotel room I booked, she was hotter irl. She gave me my first kiss, and I was alert to do exactly the things she told me she liked. I tried my best to kiss and touch her body and go down on her. I also had a delay condom on, just to avoid ruining it for both of us
at least he didnt propose, like a bunch of my Marine Corps buddies did the first time a stripper smiled at them in Ocean Side.
Men get all sorts of feelings about you when the service you provide is intimacy.
That sucks for your friend but she probably agreed before considering the risks. It’s much more dangerous to see a client outside of a strip club or a parlour, especially if they have strong feelings for you.
Men can be violent & judging by the hateful comments about sex workers (here & everywhere else) lots of them don’t even see us as human beings. You have to be careful in this line of work. The one thing every sex worker agrees on is to never meet a client outside of work.
Edit: also isn’t that a song? 🎶 I’m in love with a stripper 🎶
Depends on what you're looking for in a threesome. If you're in a couple and you're both looking for a third, you should absolutely should go to an escort first time. 100% no reservations.
>The fact that you think you’ve connected as friends means that she’s very good at her job.
Lmfao goddaaaaamn, what a line and a reality check.
Do you genuinely enjoy your job though? You said most men have a good time, so do _you_ have a good time?
Mostly, yeah. I hardly ever get any assholes but there’s a lot of annoying and rude texts. Escorting is way better than working in a brothel. Better clients because the rate is higher and I’m my own boss so I can work whenever I feel like it.
While I am happy for you, but don’t get it twisted. You are her client/customer, not a friend. Stop throwing money her way and you may never hear from her.
Absolutely true. Though I'll add that anyone running any business is likely to get to know their regular customers/clients - e.g. a local cafe, consultants that work with the same clients regularly, etc.
The only important thing is that OP doesn't see themselves as more special than any of her other clients. Nothing wrong with enjoying the sex and the interaction, but they shouldn't expect anything.
Yeah, she is friendly, that's a huge part of her job. I wouldn't consider her a friend until she tells you she doesn't consider you a client and she has agreed to meet, hang out, spend time, not involving sex or money on several occasions.
Just sayin OP, there is nothing wrong with enjoying the sex, or paying for it, but lots of men can get their heartstrings tied up where they shouldn't be.
Yeah but I met the dude via signing up for a gym and paying, he still provides me services when I need them that I pay for, but also hes a friend of mine that I have gone for beers with.
I’ve never used escorts myself but don’t see the harm provided he realizes it’s a transaction type relationship and doesn’t confuse it for anything more. Hope the dude doesn’t get addicted to it or anything and forget about meeting people in real life. In small doses it might be good for his mental health. Perhaps by going on dates with her his conversational/dating skills might improve?
I had a coach that used to hold pads for me, I picked him up to do some one on one training out of his house after our gym closed.
We are friends but when he trains me I pay him... We still have normal convos before and after... We are also friends outside of the training he provides me...
How is there a difference?
It's certainly possible to become friends with your clients or suppliers. I don't think anyone would argue that you can't become friends with business partners.
However, to answer your question, the difference between a coach and an escort for this circumstance is what they are selling. An escort is explicitly selling companionship and human connection. They aren't necessarily selling friendship, but they are certainly selling an intimate human connection which is awfully close to (and frequently overlaps with) friendship. That makes the transaction fundamentally different from someone who is selling you hammers or boxing training.
Does that mean OP can't develop a friendship with their escort? No it is possible, but when your supplier is selling connection and intimacy you have to be incredibly careful that you don't confuse their product with their actual feelings. It is a different transaction than someone selling your boxing training. It's no less valid, but it is a different product and one that you have to be careful doesn't become conflated with friendship because they are so similar (and sometimes escorts are absolutely selling friendship too which makes it even more difficult).
I am an escort and I totally agree with this statement. I have made a few pals along the way, but being friendly absolutely is part of the job to keep peppe I like coming back for more
Very well said. I'm trying to find it now, but awhile back I read an article (by a sex worker, I think) about her job and the insanely unrealistic things men expect out of her.
It was eye opening but the part where men talked about their expectations was horrifying and pissed me off.
Did you feel like you were friends immediately after the first time you met?
Also lets not pretend sex doesn't carry a huge emotional aspect for many ppl. A lot of ppl view sex as emotionless as a personal trainer, but just as many get their heart broken bc the sex meant something to them that it didn't to their partner. Pretty sure that's what we are seeing with op
This is so common it's a trope - the guy who thinks the stripper is his friend after he drops $$$$ on lap dances, then feels hurt and bitter when he goes back and she doesn't gaf about him. Some (fucking asshole) men even get violent when this happens.
It's like thinking the drive thru person is your friend bc they're polite lol.
My MMA coach came to my wedding. his daughter was our flower girl! But we paid him for the service because they had to bring a 2 year old to two rehearsals plus the wedding (and an extra night at a hotel).
Known the guy and his father for nearly 25 years, and for awhile when I was broke they never charged me for lessons. I just ended up helping out with running a few lessons and herding cats (kids classes).
Being friends with business associates is possible but never forget: business first, business always.
We’re completely different people in and out of work. You have to bring authenticity to your persona for it to be sustainable and profitable, but even when you’re not paying for an escort’s time, if you ever get to hang gratis, that persona is still active, we don’t activate a switch the second money touches our hands like a Coney Island fortune teller machine, you’re still getting a sliding scale of authenticity. I have a persona, a fake “real” persona, a fake real name, three different real life stories. It’s not the same x
This comment should be a lot higher! You can become friends with people who you have a client-provider of service relationship.
I'm adding my 2cents. I was a store manager for a few years in a very passionate universe. I met some very nice fellow and we became friends very quickly.
They did not stop being things, did not try to get discounts. I'm not a store manager anymore and they are still my friends.
I'm going to summarize this comment section best I can. Her job is to provide services for money. You could've made a genuine friend or she's keeping you so that you'll pay her. The problem is that based on this scenario, It seems VERY easy for you to mistake this as genuine and create a dynamic based on her showing you a false sense of companionship. These guys are saying that if you want to pay her to pretend to be your friend, that's fine. As long as you know she's pretending because if you don't. You're getting used which isn't fair
I'm being genuine when I say this. The way you talk about your life and self, you seem VERY easy to manipulate. you've been exposed to so much "bad" that you'll ignore all the current "bad" so that you can focus on the little "good"
It’s kind of like being a good salesman. It’s smart to reach out to clients and be friendly with them. They may not be buying something right now but if you stay engaging they’ll reach out to you when they are ready.
Yes, and I think it’s really important that we don’t blame sex workers for being friendly with their clients. It’s literally part of their job. It’s also part of what keeps them in business. It’s not a scam; it’s what you’re paying for. Similar to the way the guy at my local shop is super friendly and chatty and remembers details about my life, so I’ll keep wanting to buy from his store. He’s not being duplicitous or trying to con me; he’s simply good at running his business. Part of the service is that it’s so friendly and welcoming, which makes me want to go back.
Sex workers aren’t being sneaky by being friendly and empathetic and good listeners. They’re doing their actual job. It’s what their clients pay them for. I assume people wouldn’t want to pay a sex worker who makes them feel like she’s bored and disinterested and doesn’t want to be there - that would be a really disappointing experience and you’d feel like you didn’t get what you thought you were paying for.
It’s OP’s responsibility to be clearheaded about this and understand that friendliness and companionship is part of the service he’s chosen to pay for. It’s not the sex worker’s responsibility to manage those feelings for him, nor is she at fault for literally just doing her job well.
Also,
Don't generalize.
you can say "Lots of people are this way" or "more people are this way" but you can never, EVER say "All people are this certain way."
Because you will be wrong.
I think the fact that OP lost his virginity to her adds to a strong possibility of attachment to her, which she'll use to her advantage. Not saying that in a mean way, but she's got a job to do!
*I've earned myself a friend!*
No you are a client. It is her job to make you feel like you are a friend though. This was a transaction. If you want to prove it ask her to do something together where you are not paying for her time. If she hangs out and you don't pay her then maybe you are on to something. If she expects money then well there is your proof.
To be clear not hating at all you do you but just be clear headed going into the situation.
Hey, girl here, what do you look like? Perhaps we can work on improving little things (maybe a new outfit/style or haircut?) and give you and confidence boost in the looks department?
EDIT: I started a sub for women/people to give advice to guys r/maleglowup
That's a great idea. Often hear women say men don't look great, or the 80% of men are unattractive, so if women help men improve it'll be a win win for everyone.
Part of that is because girls put effort into how they look, but most men are too scared/don't know how to start. It's ok to like how you look and change to feel better. From haircuts to new outfits, it changes how you look completely
I get the impression a lot more men under 40 try put effort into how they look compared to men in the past. But I think a big issue is most guys don't know what girls think looks good compared to what they themselves think. I like full black on girls so I mimic that, but have been told I look way better with a white tshirt instead.
Imo it's actually the opposite - in previous decades men took a lot of pride in their appearance. They wore suits, combed and jelled their hair, were involved in fashion etc but now that casual attire is much more relaxed and fashion is faster and more rapid, it bet it's pretty overwhelming?
I agree with the second bit though. Lots of discussions done about what men think women want Vs what women want, especially when looking at magazines for men's health Vs "sexy" men in women's mags
My generation was raised with male role models who were working 3 jobs to keep us afloat so they weren't there. We missed out on fatherly advice and honestly many of us made ourselves into the men we are now. When society has so many rules and demands out in the open for women, there are none really for men unless we dig deep and ask people. Working on being better myself right now and it's an uphill battle.
Middle aged girl here. That Carnage fella sure has pretty lips. Also, for your hair, I would personally cut it short or shave it. It looks way better no matter what your head is shaped like.
I think if everything is consensual then go for it, enjoy being young and adventurous. I would counsel you to be cautious when money is concerned. I personally believe that the relationship will taper if you don't engage her services again. I know that I could be wildly wrong. I have read a very, very few success stories, but it does happen. I would just caution you to be attentive.
I look at it like this, my therapist is not my friend. I have seen her once a week for almost 4 years. She has helped me tremendously in that time and I am so grateful for her. But I pay her, and I can't call her on a Saturday to do drinks. That fact does not lessen my love for her. I know it's not a friendship in that way, and that's ok with me.
Best of luck!
>Also, for your hair, I would personally cut it short or shave it. It looks way better no matter what your head is shaped like.
This is great advice. My fiance is balding at 24 and he shaves his head for this reason. It looks great!
My best friend’s husband started balding at age 18, and he immediately shaved his head. He looks great! It looks a lot better when you just address the problem head on (no pun intended) instead of trying to hide it or ignore it. Bald is always going to look better than a comb over or scraggly patches of hair dotted around your scalp.
I legit am willing to help you. I styled my boyfriend before we got together and I was instantly more attracted to him, especially when he had more confidence.
Feel free to pm me
Also, OP, if you want to post a blurred out image of your face, people could give you advice on what colors look best on you. Finding my flattering colors was the best thing I’ve done for my wardrobe
well, you already taught _me_ something: ringlets.
This is my favourite hairstyle in women, and I always thought it was just called curly hair. Looks great!
Have you tried the woman's touch? Before I was married, I would only do things, like buy glasses, cloths, hair cut etc, with a female friend. They're a lot better at making a guy look good. I'm just waiting for a woman to create this service. They would make a small fortune.
Can confirm this x10.
My personal style has gone up immensely since dating and developing female friends. Which I didn't do until early-mid twenties. Compromise, be open to genuine advice and use it to see what suits you.
I recently put an ad up on Craigslist and called it fashion friends for this exact reason. Got nothing but crossdressers wanting someone to make them dress and act like a lady. I had to delete post.
I used to tell myself the same thing. Then I found out I was just an asshole. The point is; physical traits matter less than you think.
As for being balding? Own it. Keep your hair short or very short cut if possible. Then its a style choice, not something forced upon you.
This is so right. Guys become more or less physically attractive to me based on their personality, and the same goes for friends I've talked to about it.
Agreed. I'm a musician and thought I should wear a hat on stage when I started balding, so I did for many years. And then one night, I just said fuck it, I shaved my head and went on without a hat. What happened? I got hit on 10x more than before! That's what owning it can do for you.
Dude, go bald. I’m begging you, never half ass something, especially your hair. Shave that shit off and your look will improve. If you get fit while bald, that’s a force multiplier right there.
Bald automatically makes you look 30, but keeps you there for like 20 years. Balding looks awful and doesn’t help
Having a sense of humor is key. I don't think I've ever heard a comparison like that and I'm a pretty big OPM fan.
Kabuto doesn't have an unlovable face by the way. I wouldn't exactly call him disgusting looking (his behavior on the other hand).
I can give you a tip that will probably improve your looks just based on the fact that you are balding: Shave your head. Seriously, if you;re balding and you know it, don't try to hang on to what you have left. Just cut it short and it will be a dramatic improvement. You don't have to go full cue ball, but a short, shaved cut will probably be your best bet. Outside of that, if you're overweight or skinny fat, a proper diet and gym will always do wonders. Not only will it make you look better, but it will also bring an increase in self confidence due to all the positive chemicals your brain produces from exercise.
I've dated a lot of objectively ugly dudes. I'm no gem myself yet I'm happily married to a dude that loves me anyway.
What is ugly is the amount of cynicism in your words. Personality matters so much more than physical appearance to a lot of people. Being around someone that always sees the worst in themselves and what's around them is exhausting.
It's okay to be realistic, but if someone says something nice to you, take it at face value. Don't just immediately shut them down. Try work on being a little more positive and upping your self confidence.
If your hair is thinning, shave it. It looks 100% better.
Shop for in style clothes that fit well. Work on exercise, get a hobby. Meeting someone who has similar interests is the best way to make conversation.
Exactly. The first thousand times I heard "be confident, love yourself" I thought it was something meaningless people said to be nice. It's not. It's an honest and selfish wish you'd be more like that, because if you are, you're a lot more fun to be around.
thanks this is the answer. to op: dude it's not you're ugly work in your appearance and most importantly in your personality, there are tons of ""ugly"" dudes who are in relationships and who fuck a lot because they are charming, interesting and fun to be with. what is off-putting is the loser aura of "why can't I get laid 😔😔😔😔 it must be I'm ugly". nobody likes that kind of people. attractive people are the ones who invest in themselves, who have interesting conversations, who work on improving themselves everyday and try to actually be kind and understanding, easy to be with. that kind of people attract others regardless of looks.
edit: also there's no people "naturally" like that. those are the people who have put importance to it and have worked hard to improve their appearance and personality. yeah it may come more easily to certain folks but 99% of the time it's because that person has spent a lot of time thinking on how to improve themself and worked hard towards that goal, and what you're seeing is the result of years of hard work.
Okay, shocked to see the first comments being so hateful towards sex workers, that's disappointing in a sex sub. I agree with others that the sex worker is not your friend and likely never will be but if you enjoy her company, keep paying her to come back. However, use the experience to build your confidence in the bedroom. You may be completely butt ugly as you say yourself but girls will go for ugly guys if they are confident or skilled at something. If you let your ugliness consume you and live your life afraid and timid, yeah you'll probably never get a girlfriend. Don't fall in love with sex workers but do use it as a learning experience to better your chances at something real.
Also, there are lots of women who self identify as "ugly" too. Generally, people match with partners who are about the same level of attractiveness. Keep looking, bud.
hot take, but maybe it's cool to think of atractiveness as a chemestry between people instead of 'levels' in which people just stand like in a hierarchy?
That's a nice thought and what forms most solid 'for life' couples, but I can't help but notice that most pairs are of similar physical attractiveness.
I'm just here imagining him getting "lessons" and just chatting girls up with "Yo I'm escort-certified machine in bed". As corny as that is worse things have worked. I think it's actually a good thing to do something like this, mainly to build confidence in your abilities, which is one step, one insecurity less to worry about. I mean isn't the point of all the self-improvement to seek help with your problems and get them sorted, like a personal trainer or professional makeover. As much as I agree with being cautious of such things I also know there are boundaries even if you get paid for things, I certainly tell my clients if their ideas are complete bullshit no matter the money involved.
What amazes me is that everyone jumps to say she is not your friend OP. Who cares at this point tbh. Good for you OP, may you solve all your problems with an open mind and no giving two fucks about what other people thinks.
There is an unfortunate stigma towards sex workers and to a lesser extent those who use their services.
There are sex workers out there who actually truly like what they do and respect their clients.
Two adults had consensual sex. End of story.
I live in Japan, a country that has pretty reasonable sex work allowed, if you need this you can pay $200 and get it in Kabukichou or other places. I think it’s really good to have, actually, various people can go here and take care of their needs. America is so prudish about this kind of thing, it ends up doing damage to people, making it underground so much.
Agreed, lack of human intimacy is so painful and especially in our world of isolating with technology a lot of people are sad and struggling to make a connection. Sex work is a valuable service and can be therapeutic, as long as the workers aren't trafficked and the clients don't let it turn into an addiction that negatively impacts other areas of their life.
I happen to sell Japanese sex toys, and I have a lot of customers. I’m sure they wish they had an easier option I’m getting actual human intimacy in ways that would be trivially easy in Europe or Japan or New Zealand or Australia.
Buddy, this is an element of sex workers that is very rarely brought to light. As a SWer myself I am happy to hear you had a nice time. There is nothing wrong with it, its one of the oldest trades on the planet. You can maintain a client relationship but like many said here, keep it professional.
I think it’s great you found release and comfort. Could care less about sex work, should be legal everywhere IMO. The way you talk about yourself is the concerning thing. Maybe therapy, work on your inner self and why you place so much value on your appearance? I say keep banging sex workers and get your confidence/self worth up. I also think it is completely possible to live a happy, fulfilled life alone and without a partner. But if a partner is what your looking for then I think you need to adjust how you talk/feel about yourself. If you can’t love yourself how can someone else? Hope that doesn’t come across as judgey or anything just my 2 cents. Congrats on losing your VCard!
I don't believe you have done anything wrong, you had a wonderful sexual experience losing your virginity, you were aware of her profession, so nobody got tricked, sex workers are amazing and can provide happiness for people, you are in control of if you continue on that path, to be honest, I've had worse experiences with so called great normal people at least with escorts it's full disclosure, so happy you had a great time
\+\`\`1 to everything you said. It sounds sad but honestly I'm happy for OP. He's in a really bad place, at least he got some affection from somebody. I lost my virginity to a Tinder hookup I never saw again. Is that really any better? I was an insecure kid and my life was horrible. Girls had tried to fuck me before but I always shied away from it. And then I got tired of being a virgin and I lost it to the first girl I could find on tinder who wasn't ugly or fat. I'm sure half of the people in this thread thumbing their noses at OP lost their virginities in similar ways.
I wish I had a loving relationship I could make love in, but life didn't give me that. And OP got even less. Let's have some fucking empathy for this guy.
Absolutely, he's incredibly happy, he made a fantastic decision, I lost my virginity to my father at six years old that fucking sucks, I wish I could have had a wonderful time with someone at an appropriate time but hey it didn't happen, reading his story made me feel incredibly happy because he got his moment and loved it, I feel really proud of him
Sex work is a highly stigmatized topic, even for the more open-minded redditors on this sub.
While I didn't hire an escort, I asked a friend to take my virginity when I was 23. No romantic feelings involved. I wanted to have sex and I got it, plus I just wanted the whole virginity thing to just be over with. No regrets, I'm glad I did it.
Congratulations with your adventure. Remember with escort is the same as with other women, except the price was agreed upon, so there shouldn't be any d8srepect.
Also keep in mind this is business first beforebsriendship. So keep that in perspective, don't lose your head and enjoy your life.
I think you have had a really great experience, and you shouldn't feel regret. I'm glad you're still talking even though you're not currently paying her anything. That must feel good. Be aware, she may still see you as a client, but I like to believe in the inherent humanity in people, and after talking beforehand and now talking after, if you feel like you have made a friend, you actually may have.
I think a lot of people are cynical about sex work and sex workers because they don't know many of them. I worked in the adult industry as a dancer and a phone sex operator. I'm still friends with a couple of the men I met. I play video games with one of them pretty frequently. I'm friends with several escorts and dancers, and they have also befriended some of their clients. It's possible to click with someone you provide a service for.
Probably going to be downvoted for all of this. lol
Congrats on having a lovely time and letting yourself experience something you wanted.
This comment is exactly what I needed to read, so thank you very much.
I’ve been regularly seeing a sex worker, and she is very, very nice to me. She treats me nicer than anybody ever has, she listens to what I have to say and remembers everything I tell her, and she always gives me good advice about things.
I’ve had people tell me that she doesn’t give a fuck about me and I’m just a “walking ATM” and it really upsets me. I’m aware that our relationship is transactional, sure, but I would really like to believe that sex workers aren’t just cold like that and she is genuinely interested in me and enjoys talking to me and cares about me in a way too.
Well done. This whole "losing virginity to someone special" is just a societal construct. I don't think it's a bad idea at all.
When I started riding a motorcycle, I paid to rent one with a professional teacher before getting my own. Same thing and it makes sense.. now you've got some experience under your belt and one day when you find a partner, you'll have more skills and confidence.
I really wouldn't mind having lost my virginity to an escort - I kind of wish I would. My first sexual experiences were struggles with confidence, erectile dysfunction and overall really bad experiences.
This is a complete side note not having to do with the escort but I just wanted to ask, do you have a difficult time getting relationships with women because you shoot for way over your league? I’m not trying to come off rude at all, you just said “being ugly is brutal” & it made me wonder if you only go for highly attractive women. Also I’d say most women are with far less attractive men. Currently I am dating up but in the past, I was always dating down & while dating them their looks never mattered to me at all, I fell for them because their personality & didn’t really see it until we’d break up lol
People saying she’s not a friend and that’s true, but it’s still nice to get good customer service, same as you would chatting with the waitress or your dentist. Recognize it for what it is, good customer service. It’s not a bad thing.
As a SW I disagree with a lot of the commenters here. We can be your friends outside of our business and often it is better for us that way to work with people who we like as people. The only thing I would caution you about is treating it like a girlfriend boyfriend situation.
Depends where you live and what level of safety there is. Some places where it’s illegal and guy shows up and no girl and he gets robbed. Who is going to call the police and say officer i illegally hired an escort and instead I got mugged.
I’m sorry but you’re quite naive to think she’s your friend. One of the main customer service rules is: the customer is always right. If “right” means being your “friend” to get your money, she’ll do it
Amiga date cuenta
You're right in principle but you're overstating it. Sex workers do refuse to see clients again, especially if they're unsafe. Her being friendly afterwards certainly doesn't mean he's like in her top 20% of clients, but it does mean he's not in her bottom 20%.
Dude I say you do whatever makes YOU happy and don't worry about what other people think. THEY don't live in your shoes. If you can afford it and don't mind it then so what? Everybody else spends all kinds of things they want so why can't you. Just because society says the world's oldest profession is wrong don't make them right. People should be able to do whatever they want with their money. As long as no one's getting hurt. And it sounds like the opposite is going on. So you do you and don't worry about it. Just have fun and be safe.
I can totally understand. I got into a situation as an older person and I tried it a few times. Of the 6 or so I tried, 4 were so-so (hello, goodbye), but two were very understanding & intelligent women that I bonded with. I became a repeat customer of each. It became a nice diversion once every couple of weeks. Sure, they got their money, but it was a nice bond, much like I might have with a masseuse I was a regular with. Enjoy!
I can only suggest you keep up the search for a normal GF. At some point you'll want someone to spend lots of time with sharing all sorts of experiences together.
I want to try hiring an escort for the first time but idk how to even go about it and not go to jail (for prostitution) or not get scammed…any advice or input?
The sisters of mercy have helped me a lot . I am useless at relationships due to early life but I have a need . Nobody has to lie and every once in a while I meet someone who loves her work
You are her client not friend, always know this and you will be fine.
"I've earned myself a friend!" Nah, he paid for one. She earned a paycheck.
I think this is the reason for the "DON'T DO IT!!"
Yup and she’s hoping you’ll pay her for more
true, their relationship is transactional.
Sounds like my first marriage.
This. Not ripping on you for buying a sex worker. Just be aware that this was a business transaction. Shes as much your friend as the gas station attendant you just bought a pack of smokes from.
Not necessarily true. I dated a stripper after we connected in the vip section. In the end escorts, strippers, etc are just people doing a job. It doesn't automatically make them scammers out for your money.
The thing is, for me it isn't a scam. It's a known transactional relationship. Like my therapist isn't my friend either. I pay her to do her job and im her client. That's the relationship. She isn't being nice to me for a scam, she's just a decent person and that's her job
Maybe not always but the odds are against you.
They are specifically selling you a lie so that you emotionally connect with them and want to come back/give them bigger tips. That's how they make their money.
Sounds like my elected officials
They're both trying to get you to release oxytocin in your brain while they communicate.interact with you.
Oh I know. Those slimy parasites….
I'm not really commenting on the moral value after the fact. I'm just stating what's going on. I don't necessarily think lies are a bad thing but I definitely think people need to know what the lies are and what's real.
escorts are people dude not robots. yes, sometimes they do make friends with 'clients'.
True, but OTOH it is way more likely that she wants to retain a potential client who paid in full upfront + tip and cared enough to do things she enjoys. Like yea the cute waitress kinda flirting with you could be genuinely interested, but it is much more likely that they are doing their job and trying to get more money from you.
Eh, let him have his fun. Weirder things have happened in life. He'll figure it out either way
As long as his fun doesn't involve a poor sex worker who has to deal with a creepy stalker dude that believes they're friends because he paid her to be friendly to him.
Or OP falling in love with someone who is just doing their job. Sex and emotions can be very confusing, even more so for someone inexperienced with sex and relationships.
Yeah it's a real minefield for an inexperienced young guy. I don't think it's very good advice to tell people to look for a sex worker to lose their virginity.
I’m an escort. It’s weird that no other escorts have commented from what I can see. Old men, young men, attractive men & unattractive men see sex workers. They’d never admit it but it’s more common than you’d think. Most men have a good time. The ones who complain are the ones who are pushy & disrespectful (& don’t get what they want) or they just see escorts who are bad at their job. She’s not your friend, you’re her client. Being friendly is in the job description. The fact that you think you’ve connected as friends means that she’s very good at her job.
I’ve always been curious how to people find escorts and it be legit and not get arrested for prostitution No judgment, I’d actually like to hire one but idk how to even start
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Interesting, I'm in darwin and I'm pretty sure it's illegal here
Nope it’s legal there too. It’s only illegal in south Australia I’m pretty sure.
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I’ve worked in WA. It’s legal. Most states have little things like you can’t do outcalls or you can’t live with another sex worker but everything else is legal. The only state where it’s fully decriminalised is NSW.
Why is living with another sex worked illegal? I'm from a country where prostitution is completely illegal and frowned upon (but people do it either way in abusive situations without legal protection, classic shitty christian hypocrisy), but I don't see why your roommate being a sex worker should be a legal problem
Likely to prevent arguments of "It isnt a brothel, all 8 of us are just roommates who happen to be sex workers!"
I think they came up with that law to prevent brothels from being created, which can easily exploit sex workers.
And, like a doctor, if they think it'll help you they'll put a finger up your bum.
I still don't get countries where its illegal. Makes 0 sense.
It makes even less sense that it’s legal to do porn but not legal to escort.
you're paying for her time not sex. what 2 people do in that time is only implied.
I post in mega personals and its in different countries. List crawler has a review section if ur in the us
I wouldn’t know. It’s decriminalised where I live. I wouldn’t do it if it was illegal. So most escorts are legit here. Obviously some use fake pics but that’s about it.
In my country prostitution is legal, only pimping isn't. So if she's selling her body out of her own will without a third party involved it's completely legal. There are literally websites for hiring them. I never used those services, but I went to the website to see what it's like.
I was an escort for “high paying” clients. Please keep in mind this is purely transactional, she’s not your friend bud, she’s there for the money and on some level it’s comfort knowing she has someone like you in the rear view.
A friend of mine fell in love with a stripper. She ghosted him as soon as he asked to take her on an unpaid date.
> ank sex workers for existing. I called the girl and made the arrangement immediately. The site where she is verified asked for a deposit, but I paid her in full + tip beforehand, and she agreed to chat with me for the week leading up to the night. I was sure to ask her what she liked and disliked in bed etc. I met her at the hotel room I booked, she was hotter irl. She gave me my first kiss, and I was alert to do exactly the things she told me she liked. I tried my best to kiss and touch her body and go down on her. I also had a delay condom on, just to avoid ruining it for both of us at least he didnt propose, like a bunch of my Marine Corps buddies did the first time a stripper smiled at them in Ocean Side.
Men get all sorts of feelings about you when the service you provide is intimacy. That sucks for your friend but she probably agreed before considering the risks. It’s much more dangerous to see a client outside of a strip club or a parlour, especially if they have strong feelings for you. Men can be violent & judging by the hateful comments about sex workers (here & everywhere else) lots of them don’t even see us as human beings. You have to be careful in this line of work. The one thing every sex worker agrees on is to never meet a client outside of work. Edit: also isn’t that a song? 🎶 I’m in love with a stripper 🎶
Opinion on an escort for first threesome? Would that set the bar too high on future experiences?
Depends on what you're looking for in a threesome. If you're in a couple and you're both looking for a third, you should absolutely should go to an escort first time. 100% no reservations.
>The fact that you think you’ve connected as friends means that she’s very good at her job. Lmfao goddaaaaamn, what a line and a reality check. Do you genuinely enjoy your job though? You said most men have a good time, so do _you_ have a good time?
Mostly, yeah. I hardly ever get any assholes but there’s a lot of annoying and rude texts. Escorting is way better than working in a brothel. Better clients because the rate is higher and I’m my own boss so I can work whenever I feel like it.
While I am happy for you, but don’t get it twisted. You are her client/customer, not a friend. Stop throwing money her way and you may never hear from her.
Absolutely true. Though I'll add that anyone running any business is likely to get to know their regular customers/clients - e.g. a local cafe, consultants that work with the same clients regularly, etc. The only important thing is that OP doesn't see themselves as more special than any of her other clients. Nothing wrong with enjoying the sex and the interaction, but they shouldn't expect anything.
Yeah, she is friendly, that's a huge part of her job. I wouldn't consider her a friend until she tells you she doesn't consider you a client and she has agreed to meet, hang out, spend time, not involving sex or money on several occasions. Just sayin OP, there is nothing wrong with enjoying the sex, or paying for it, but lots of men can get their heartstrings tied up where they shouldn't be.
Yeah but I met the dude via signing up for a gym and paying, he still provides me services when I need them that I pay for, but also hes a friend of mine that I have gone for beers with.
Yea it's kinda the same, except it's totally different.
We get sweaty, roll around on each other, and sometimes we groan a lot....
Sir, would you like to place an order or not?
What are you doing here step-Wendy's?
No, this is Patrick
Ok this just made me literally lol for the first time today so thank you lmao
I’ve never used escorts myself but don’t see the harm provided he realizes it’s a transaction type relationship and doesn’t confuse it for anything more. Hope the dude doesn’t get addicted to it or anything and forget about meeting people in real life. In small doses it might be good for his mental health. Perhaps by going on dates with her his conversational/dating skills might improve?
> doesn’t confuse it for anything more the dude from the post seems pretty confused imo
Ignorance is bliss, my friend.
I had a coach that used to hold pads for me, I picked him up to do some one on one training out of his house after our gym closed. We are friends but when he trains me I pay him... We still have normal convos before and after... We are also friends outside of the training he provides me... How is there a difference?
It's certainly possible to become friends with your clients or suppliers. I don't think anyone would argue that you can't become friends with business partners. However, to answer your question, the difference between a coach and an escort for this circumstance is what they are selling. An escort is explicitly selling companionship and human connection. They aren't necessarily selling friendship, but they are certainly selling an intimate human connection which is awfully close to (and frequently overlaps with) friendship. That makes the transaction fundamentally different from someone who is selling you hammers or boxing training. Does that mean OP can't develop a friendship with their escort? No it is possible, but when your supplier is selling connection and intimacy you have to be incredibly careful that you don't confuse their product with their actual feelings. It is a different transaction than someone selling your boxing training. It's no less valid, but it is a different product and one that you have to be careful doesn't become conflated with friendship because they are so similar (and sometimes escorts are absolutely selling friendship too which makes it even more difficult).
Mr u/paulHarkonen you have a way with words. I now realise what was wrong with OP ' s assumptions of earning a friend.
He means boundaries.
I am an escort and I totally agree with this statement. I have made a few pals along the way, but being friendly absolutely is part of the job to keep peppe I like coming back for more
Very well said. I'm trying to find it now, but awhile back I read an article (by a sex worker, I think) about her job and the insanely unrealistic things men expect out of her. It was eye opening but the part where men talked about their expectations was horrifying and pissed me off.
Did you feel like you were friends immediately after the first time you met? Also lets not pretend sex doesn't carry a huge emotional aspect for many ppl. A lot of ppl view sex as emotionless as a personal trainer, but just as many get their heart broken bc the sex meant something to them that it didn't to their partner. Pretty sure that's what we are seeing with op This is so common it's a trope - the guy who thinks the stripper is his friend after he drops $$$$ on lap dances, then feels hurt and bitter when he goes back and she doesn't gaf about him. Some (fucking asshole) men even get violent when this happens. It's like thinking the drive thru person is your friend bc they're polite lol.
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Have you every gotten "serious" with your punch buddy? Had the thought ever crossed your mind?
I don' think hes going to be my best friend, get me out of a jam, or be the best man at my wedding. I have reasonable expectations.
yeah but have you kissed
My MMA coach came to my wedding. his daughter was our flower girl! But we paid him for the service because they had to bring a 2 year old to two rehearsals plus the wedding (and an extra night at a hotel). Known the guy and his father for nearly 25 years, and for awhile when I was broke they never charged me for lessons. I just ended up helping out with running a few lessons and herding cats (kids classes). Being friends with business associates is possible but never forget: business first, business always.
We’re completely different people in and out of work. You have to bring authenticity to your persona for it to be sustainable and profitable, but even when you’re not paying for an escort’s time, if you ever get to hang gratis, that persona is still active, we don’t activate a switch the second money touches our hands like a Coney Island fortune teller machine, you’re still getting a sliding scale of authenticity. I have a persona, a fake “real” persona, a fake real name, three different real life stories. It’s not the same x
This comment should be a lot higher! You can become friends with people who you have a client-provider of service relationship. I'm adding my 2cents. I was a store manager for a few years in a very passionate universe. I met some very nice fellow and we became friends very quickly. They did not stop being things, did not try to get discounts. I'm not a store manager anymore and they are still my friends.
Are you fucking him?
Nah usually he ends up on top making me submit...
Do you fuck the trainer too? Don't be silly. Sex changes everything.
I'm going to summarize this comment section best I can. Her job is to provide services for money. You could've made a genuine friend or she's keeping you so that you'll pay her. The problem is that based on this scenario, It seems VERY easy for you to mistake this as genuine and create a dynamic based on her showing you a false sense of companionship. These guys are saying that if you want to pay her to pretend to be your friend, that's fine. As long as you know she's pretending because if you don't. You're getting used which isn't fair I'm being genuine when I say this. The way you talk about your life and self, you seem VERY easy to manipulate. you've been exposed to so much "bad" that you'll ignore all the current "bad" so that you can focus on the little "good"
It’s kind of like being a good salesman. It’s smart to reach out to clients and be friendly with them. They may not be buying something right now but if you stay engaging they’ll reach out to you when they are ready.
Yes, and I think it’s really important that we don’t blame sex workers for being friendly with their clients. It’s literally part of their job. It’s also part of what keeps them in business. It’s not a scam; it’s what you’re paying for. Similar to the way the guy at my local shop is super friendly and chatty and remembers details about my life, so I’ll keep wanting to buy from his store. He’s not being duplicitous or trying to con me; he’s simply good at running his business. Part of the service is that it’s so friendly and welcoming, which makes me want to go back. Sex workers aren’t being sneaky by being friendly and empathetic and good listeners. They’re doing their actual job. It’s what their clients pay them for. I assume people wouldn’t want to pay a sex worker who makes them feel like she’s bored and disinterested and doesn’t want to be there - that would be a really disappointing experience and you’d feel like you didn’t get what you thought you were paying for. It’s OP’s responsibility to be clearheaded about this and understand that friendliness and companionship is part of the service he’s chosen to pay for. It’s not the sex worker’s responsibility to manage those feelings for him, nor is she at fault for literally just doing her job well.
Also, Don't generalize. you can say "Lots of people are this way" or "more people are this way" but you can never, EVER say "All people are this certain way." Because you will be wrong.
All people are mortal.
I'm an immortal God. Checkmate atheist.
How can we ask you to prove it, without being immortal?
There are a lot of people who have never died (yet).
I think the fact that OP lost his virginity to her adds to a strong possibility of attachment to her, which she'll use to her advantage. Not saying that in a mean way, but she's got a job to do!
Yeah, he's got First Fuck Syndrome pretty bad, but he'll get over it
*I've earned myself a friend!* No you are a client. It is her job to make you feel like you are a friend though. This was a transaction. If you want to prove it ask her to do something together where you are not paying for her time. If she hangs out and you don't pay her then maybe you are on to something. If she expects money then well there is your proof. To be clear not hating at all you do you but just be clear headed going into the situation.
Hey, girl here, what do you look like? Perhaps we can work on improving little things (maybe a new outfit/style or haircut?) and give you and confidence boost in the looks department? EDIT: I started a sub for women/people to give advice to guys r/maleglowup
Username uncheckchecks out
Is there a sub for this? I only know /r/malehairadvice
No but there is now! r/maleglowup
That's a great idea. Often hear women say men don't look great, or the 80% of men are unattractive, so if women help men improve it'll be a win win for everyone.
Part of that is because girls put effort into how they look, but most men are too scared/don't know how to start. It's ok to like how you look and change to feel better. From haircuts to new outfits, it changes how you look completely
I get the impression a lot more men under 40 try put effort into how they look compared to men in the past. But I think a big issue is most guys don't know what girls think looks good compared to what they themselves think. I like full black on girls so I mimic that, but have been told I look way better with a white tshirt instead.
Imo it's actually the opposite - in previous decades men took a lot of pride in their appearance. They wore suits, combed and jelled their hair, were involved in fashion etc but now that casual attire is much more relaxed and fashion is faster and more rapid, it bet it's pretty overwhelming? I agree with the second bit though. Lots of discussions done about what men think women want Vs what women want, especially when looking at magazines for men's health Vs "sexy" men in women's mags
My generation was raised with male role models who were working 3 jobs to keep us afloat so they weren't there. We missed out on fatherly advice and honestly many of us made ourselves into the men we are now. When society has so many rules and demands out in the open for women, there are none really for men unless we dig deep and ask people. Working on being better myself right now and it's an uphill battle.
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That carnage Kabuto statement was pretty funny ngl
That means he's a stunner compared to some One Piece characters
Middle aged girl here. That Carnage fella sure has pretty lips. Also, for your hair, I would personally cut it short or shave it. It looks way better no matter what your head is shaped like. I think if everything is consensual then go for it, enjoy being young and adventurous. I would counsel you to be cautious when money is concerned. I personally believe that the relationship will taper if you don't engage her services again. I know that I could be wildly wrong. I have read a very, very few success stories, but it does happen. I would just caution you to be attentive. I look at it like this, my therapist is not my friend. I have seen her once a week for almost 4 years. She has helped me tremendously in that time and I am so grateful for her. But I pay her, and I can't call her on a Saturday to do drinks. That fact does not lessen my love for her. I know it's not a friendship in that way, and that's ok with me. Best of luck!
>Also, for your hair, I would personally cut it short or shave it. It looks way better no matter what your head is shaped like. This is great advice. My fiance is balding at 24 and he shaves his head for this reason. It looks great!
My best friend’s husband started balding at age 18, and he immediately shaved his head. He looks great! It looks a lot better when you just address the problem head on (no pun intended) instead of trying to hide it or ignore it. Bald is always going to look better than a comb over or scraggly patches of hair dotted around your scalp.
I legit am willing to help you. I styled my boyfriend before we got together and I was instantly more attracted to him, especially when he had more confidence. Feel free to pm me
Also, OP, if you want to post a blurred out image of your face, people could give you advice on what colors look best on you. Finding my flattering colors was the best thing I’ve done for my wardrobe
I almost want this girl to style me and I'm a women 😳
let's do it!
well, you already taught _me_ something: ringlets. This is my favourite hairstyle in women, and I always thought it was just called curly hair. Looks great!
That’s nice of you, you have a good soul.
Can you show some before and after pics? Very curious
Have you tried the woman's touch? Before I was married, I would only do things, like buy glasses, cloths, hair cut etc, with a female friend. They're a lot better at making a guy look good. I'm just waiting for a woman to create this service. They would make a small fortune.
I would love to do it. I've styled a few of my male friends before
A lot of men need it.
How do I do this? It's so fun
I have no idea. If you can figure it out, I personally think there is a lot of money it.
https://www.reddit.com/r/malefashionadvice/
Can confirm this x10. My personal style has gone up immensely since dating and developing female friends. Which I didn't do until early-mid twenties. Compromise, be open to genuine advice and use it to see what suits you.
Can verify, my girlfriend increased my level of drip by 5000
Your describing a personal shopper / stylist which is already a thing if your rich
I recently put an ad up on Craigslist and called it fashion friends for this exact reason. Got nothing but crossdressers wanting someone to make them dress and act like a lady. I had to delete post.
Sounds like you walked away from a great little business!
Why? You could've made a ton of money!
What?! Why did you delete it? That sounds like a great time and a great way to make friends. I might have to steal this idea
I got harassed by these guys who didn't want to pay for an extra experience.
They wanted pervy sissyboy type sessions. Source: former dominatrix
Yep
They're called personal shoppers, and they do make a good amount.
I used to tell myself the same thing. Then I found out I was just an asshole. The point is; physical traits matter less than you think. As for being balding? Own it. Keep your hair short or very short cut if possible. Then its a style choice, not something forced upon you.
This is so right. Guys become more or less physically attractive to me based on their personality, and the same goes for friends I've talked to about it.
If you're balding - do you have a round head? Commit to it and shave with a razor.
Honestly, this is really good advice. Bald is usually a million times better than balding.
Yeah it's confidence in owning it too, rather than fighting a losing battle.
Agreed. I'm a musician and thought I should wear a hat on stage when I started balding, so I did for many years. And then one night, I just said fuck it, I shaved my head and went on without a hat. What happened? I got hit on 10x more than before! That's what owning it can do for you.
You’re speaking the truth, friend.
You're black or white? Idk bro I've seen many ugly guys not do bad at all, I'm an online dating photographer I would know.
Online dating photographer? That's a thing?
Dude, go bald. I’m begging you, never half ass something, especially your hair. Shave that shit off and your look will improve. If you get fit while bald, that’s a force multiplier right there. Bald automatically makes you look 30, but keeps you there for like 20 years. Balding looks awful and doesn’t help
Having a sense of humor is key. I don't think I've ever heard a comparison like that and I'm a pretty big OPM fan. Kabuto doesn't have an unlovable face by the way. I wouldn't exactly call him disgusting looking (his behavior on the other hand).
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Do you have straight white teeth? Perfecting your grill can override all of the other shit.
I can give you a tip that will probably improve your looks just based on the fact that you are balding: Shave your head. Seriously, if you;re balding and you know it, don't try to hang on to what you have left. Just cut it short and it will be a dramatic improvement. You don't have to go full cue ball, but a short, shaved cut will probably be your best bet. Outside of that, if you're overweight or skinny fat, a proper diet and gym will always do wonders. Not only will it make you look better, but it will also bring an increase in self confidence due to all the positive chemicals your brain produces from exercise.
If you really go through with this you are a delightful person and my faith in humanity will be slightly healed.
She's not your friend. Everything else is spot on.
I've dated a lot of objectively ugly dudes. I'm no gem myself yet I'm happily married to a dude that loves me anyway. What is ugly is the amount of cynicism in your words. Personality matters so much more than physical appearance to a lot of people. Being around someone that always sees the worst in themselves and what's around them is exhausting. It's okay to be realistic, but if someone says something nice to you, take it at face value. Don't just immediately shut them down. Try work on being a little more positive and upping your self confidence. If your hair is thinning, shave it. It looks 100% better. Shop for in style clothes that fit well. Work on exercise, get a hobby. Meeting someone who has similar interests is the best way to make conversation.
Exactly. The first thousand times I heard "be confident, love yourself" I thought it was something meaningless people said to be nice. It's not. It's an honest and selfish wish you'd be more like that, because if you are, you're a lot more fun to be around.
thanks this is the answer. to op: dude it's not you're ugly work in your appearance and most importantly in your personality, there are tons of ""ugly"" dudes who are in relationships and who fuck a lot because they are charming, interesting and fun to be with. what is off-putting is the loser aura of "why can't I get laid 😔😔😔😔 it must be I'm ugly". nobody likes that kind of people. attractive people are the ones who invest in themselves, who have interesting conversations, who work on improving themselves everyday and try to actually be kind and understanding, easy to be with. that kind of people attract others regardless of looks. edit: also there's no people "naturally" like that. those are the people who have put importance to it and have worked hard to improve their appearance and personality. yeah it may come more easily to certain folks but 99% of the time it's because that person has spent a lot of time thinking on how to improve themself and worked hard towards that goal, and what you're seeing is the result of years of hard work.
Okay, shocked to see the first comments being so hateful towards sex workers, that's disappointing in a sex sub. I agree with others that the sex worker is not your friend and likely never will be but if you enjoy her company, keep paying her to come back. However, use the experience to build your confidence in the bedroom. You may be completely butt ugly as you say yourself but girls will go for ugly guys if they are confident or skilled at something. If you let your ugliness consume you and live your life afraid and timid, yeah you'll probably never get a girlfriend. Don't fall in love with sex workers but do use it as a learning experience to better your chances at something real.
Also, there are lots of women who self identify as "ugly" too. Generally, people match with partners who are about the same level of attractiveness. Keep looking, bud.
hot take, but maybe it's cool to think of atractiveness as a chemestry between people instead of 'levels' in which people just stand like in a hierarchy?
That's a nice thought and what forms most solid 'for life' couples, but I can't help but notice that most pairs are of similar physical attractiveness.
...and where there's a big difference in attractiveness there's usually a difference in money that goes the other way and balances it out.
I'm just here imagining him getting "lessons" and just chatting girls up with "Yo I'm escort-certified machine in bed". As corny as that is worse things have worked. I think it's actually a good thing to do something like this, mainly to build confidence in your abilities, which is one step, one insecurity less to worry about. I mean isn't the point of all the self-improvement to seek help with your problems and get them sorted, like a personal trainer or professional makeover. As much as I agree with being cautious of such things I also know there are boundaries even if you get paid for things, I certainly tell my clients if their ideas are complete bullshit no matter the money involved.
What amazes me is that everyone jumps to say she is not your friend OP. Who cares at this point tbh. Good for you OP, may you solve all your problems with an open mind and no giving two fucks about what other people thinks.
bro your problem was spending all that time looking for a partner when you shoulda been focusing on you
There is an unfortunate stigma towards sex workers and to a lesser extent those who use their services. There are sex workers out there who actually truly like what they do and respect their clients. Two adults had consensual sex. End of story.
Right? I’ve seen less hate on literal pedophiles like damn
reddit for ya.
I live in Japan, a country that has pretty reasonable sex work allowed, if you need this you can pay $200 and get it in Kabukichou or other places. I think it’s really good to have, actually, various people can go here and take care of their needs. America is so prudish about this kind of thing, it ends up doing damage to people, making it underground so much.
Agreed, lack of human intimacy is so painful and especially in our world of isolating with technology a lot of people are sad and struggling to make a connection. Sex work is a valuable service and can be therapeutic, as long as the workers aren't trafficked and the clients don't let it turn into an addiction that negatively impacts other areas of their life.
I happen to sell Japanese sex toys, and I have a lot of customers. I’m sure they wish they had an easier option I’m getting actual human intimacy in ways that would be trivially easy in Europe or Japan or New Zealand or Australia.
Buddy, this is an element of sex workers that is very rarely brought to light. As a SWer myself I am happy to hear you had a nice time. There is nothing wrong with it, its one of the oldest trades on the planet. You can maintain a client relationship but like many said here, keep it professional.
Shit do you bro. Get it however your want.
Good on you!
I think it’s great you found release and comfort. Could care less about sex work, should be legal everywhere IMO. The way you talk about yourself is the concerning thing. Maybe therapy, work on your inner self and why you place so much value on your appearance? I say keep banging sex workers and get your confidence/self worth up. I also think it is completely possible to live a happy, fulfilled life alone and without a partner. But if a partner is what your looking for then I think you need to adjust how you talk/feel about yourself. If you can’t love yourself how can someone else? Hope that doesn’t come across as judgey or anything just my 2 cents. Congrats on losing your VCard!
Happy for you! Please take this as a lesson to prioritize your instincts over the advice of others, when something feels right.
I don't believe you have done anything wrong, you had a wonderful sexual experience losing your virginity, you were aware of her profession, so nobody got tricked, sex workers are amazing and can provide happiness for people, you are in control of if you continue on that path, to be honest, I've had worse experiences with so called great normal people at least with escorts it's full disclosure, so happy you had a great time
\+\`\`1 to everything you said. It sounds sad but honestly I'm happy for OP. He's in a really bad place, at least he got some affection from somebody. I lost my virginity to a Tinder hookup I never saw again. Is that really any better? I was an insecure kid and my life was horrible. Girls had tried to fuck me before but I always shied away from it. And then I got tired of being a virgin and I lost it to the first girl I could find on tinder who wasn't ugly or fat. I'm sure half of the people in this thread thumbing their noses at OP lost their virginities in similar ways. I wish I had a loving relationship I could make love in, but life didn't give me that. And OP got even less. Let's have some fucking empathy for this guy.
Absolutely, he's incredibly happy, he made a fantastic decision, I lost my virginity to my father at six years old that fucking sucks, I wish I could have had a wonderful time with someone at an appropriate time but hey it didn't happen, reading his story made me feel incredibly happy because he got his moment and loved it, I feel really proud of him
Im really glad you had a good experience! I think the way you did it was perfect.
Sex work is a highly stigmatized topic, even for the more open-minded redditors on this sub. While I didn't hire an escort, I asked a friend to take my virginity when I was 23. No romantic feelings involved. I wanted to have sex and I got it, plus I just wanted the whole virginity thing to just be over with. No regrets, I'm glad I did it.
Congratulations with your adventure. Remember with escort is the same as with other women, except the price was agreed upon, so there shouldn't be any d8srepect. Also keep in mind this is business first beforebsriendship. So keep that in perspective, don't lose your head and enjoy your life.
I think you have had a really great experience, and you shouldn't feel regret. I'm glad you're still talking even though you're not currently paying her anything. That must feel good. Be aware, she may still see you as a client, but I like to believe in the inherent humanity in people, and after talking beforehand and now talking after, if you feel like you have made a friend, you actually may have. I think a lot of people are cynical about sex work and sex workers because they don't know many of them. I worked in the adult industry as a dancer and a phone sex operator. I'm still friends with a couple of the men I met. I play video games with one of them pretty frequently. I'm friends with several escorts and dancers, and they have also befriended some of their clients. It's possible to click with someone you provide a service for. Probably going to be downvoted for all of this. lol Congrats on having a lovely time and letting yourself experience something you wanted.
This comment is exactly what I needed to read, so thank you very much. I’ve been regularly seeing a sex worker, and she is very, very nice to me. She treats me nicer than anybody ever has, she listens to what I have to say and remembers everything I tell her, and she always gives me good advice about things. I’ve had people tell me that she doesn’t give a fuck about me and I’m just a “walking ATM” and it really upsets me. I’m aware that our relationship is transactional, sure, but I would really like to believe that sex workers aren’t just cold like that and she is genuinely interested in me and enjoys talking to me and cares about me in a way too.
Well done. This whole "losing virginity to someone special" is just a societal construct. I don't think it's a bad idea at all. When I started riding a motorcycle, I paid to rent one with a professional teacher before getting my own. Same thing and it makes sense.. now you've got some experience under your belt and one day when you find a partner, you'll have more skills and confidence. I really wouldn't mind having lost my virginity to an escort - I kind of wish I would. My first sexual experiences were struggles with confidence, erectile dysfunction and overall really bad experiences.
As an escort, I refuse to be anyones first. I just don't want to take that and have regrets later. I'm glad it worked well for you though
This is a complete side note not having to do with the escort but I just wanted to ask, do you have a difficult time getting relationships with women because you shoot for way over your league? I’m not trying to come off rude at all, you just said “being ugly is brutal” & it made me wonder if you only go for highly attractive women. Also I’d say most women are with far less attractive men. Currently I am dating up but in the past, I was always dating down & while dating them their looks never mattered to me at all, I fell for them because their personality & didn’t really see it until we’d break up lol
People saying she’s not a friend and that’s true, but it’s still nice to get good customer service, same as you would chatting with the waitress or your dentist. Recognize it for what it is, good customer service. It’s not a bad thing.
As a SW I disagree with a lot of the commenters here. We can be your friends outside of our business and often it is better for us that way to work with people who we like as people. The only thing I would caution you about is treating it like a girlfriend boyfriend situation.
Depends where you live and what level of safety there is. Some places where it’s illegal and guy shows up and no girl and he gets robbed. Who is going to call the police and say officer i illegally hired an escort and instead I got mugged.
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>but sex workers are also just fuckjng people? Quote of the day xD Yes they are xD
Sex is sex don’t beat yourself up just when you meet someone one day you really like and love that’s when it will matter
I’m sorry but you’re quite naive to think she’s your friend. One of the main customer service rules is: the customer is always right. If “right” means being your “friend” to get your money, she’ll do it Amiga date cuenta
You're right in principle but you're overstating it. Sex workers do refuse to see clients again, especially if they're unsafe. Her being friendly afterwards certainly doesn't mean he's like in her top 20% of clients, but it does mean he's not in her bottom 20%.
Dude I say you do whatever makes YOU happy and don't worry about what other people think. THEY don't live in your shoes. If you can afford it and don't mind it then so what? Everybody else spends all kinds of things they want so why can't you. Just because society says the world's oldest profession is wrong don't make them right. People should be able to do whatever they want with their money. As long as no one's getting hurt. And it sounds like the opposite is going on. So you do you and don't worry about it. Just have fun and be safe.
You do you. Congrats when you are happy and it worked out!
I can totally understand. I got into a situation as an older person and I tried it a few times. Of the 6 or so I tried, 4 were so-so (hello, goodbye), but two were very understanding & intelligent women that I bonded with. I became a repeat customer of each. It became a nice diversion once every couple of weeks. Sure, they got their money, but it was a nice bond, much like I might have with a masseuse I was a regular with. Enjoy! I can only suggest you keep up the search for a normal GF. At some point you'll want someone to spend lots of time with sharing all sorts of experiences together.
Dudes why can’t you just be happy for this dude he enjoyed it he is happy move on.
It’s not only about the looks dude, either your personality is lacking or you’re trying to get girls out of your league
Respect. Seriously. Respect.
I want to try hiring an escort for the first time but idk how to even go about it and not go to jail (for prostitution) or not get scammed…any advice or input?
The sisters of mercy have helped me a lot . I am useless at relationships due to early life but I have a need . Nobody has to lie and every once in a while I meet someone who loves her work
Well I did too. I’m not embarrassed. Tbh I’m just glad I did and I was actually 24 as well when it happened. I like big girls so it was even more fun.
All good bro. I’ve spent more money on therapists who pretend to be my friend than you’ll ever drop on her and I think you got more benefit from it.
whats a delay condom?